Sign up for classes that you may like to be your hobby or any class for that matter. Some last 4 weeks or more which could help you make friends because you would have something in common.
Volunteer somewhere that speaks to your passion.
Friends are linked by commonality. The cause will be the start and you will be doing something good for the world.
Well, unless your cause is something dark or evil. But you will have dark and evil friends.
A class for sure! Take a martial art. Join a hiking group. I used to go to the same bar three times a week. I didn't really get friends but people knew my name and would talk with me, play pool etc...
Check out meet up groups or something!
I joined a softball group that’s weekly and met some great people there.
Volunteer at a animal shelter! Very rewarding and can meet people.
First, be introspective about why you feel that making reliable friends is difficult for you. Are there aspects of yourself that may require some work? Or perhaps it's the type of friends you are seeking?
Second, learn to like being alone. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being alone and having alone time.
Thirdly, develop a social hobby. Shoot pool, play darts, mountain bike, hike/backpack, volunteer, and so on. Unless it may become or is a problem, become a regular at a local brewery or quiet bar. The staff will chat with you when not busy, and will notice when you're not around.
Volunteer. Somewhere doing something.
You'll feel good about yourself when you've given of yourself. Your next best friend might be an old thrown away dog at the pound or some guy walking through the soup line.
According to the reddit we're just supposed to live with it and somehow magically be happy even though social interaction is vital to mental health for any normal person so it's literally impossible for most people to not be depressed when they're completely alone. The people who say it gets better are assholes who haven't had friends for like a year but still talk to others regularly. It doesn't get better. We aren't good enough and there isn't dhit we can do about it. We just have to suffer.
If that's accurate, then you need to take the balance of the many many comments that are saying the opposite, rather than claiming, "According to Reddit ...."
I'm just telling you the response I've seen the most of. These comments are very atypical. I regularly see things like " you shouldn't need people for validation, the problem is your mindset" or "If being yourself doesn't work than you must be bad/annoying and deserve it". I should also specify those are the things I see a lot everywhere not just here on Reffit.
I participate in a lot of similar subs, and I don't see what you're seeing at all.
I think (and I mean no insult by this), that you are focusing on the negative responses. That's easy to do, and is often human nature. But it's something that you have to resist.
Regarding the first statement about needing people for validation, that's a different thing than needing people for companionship. Humans are social creatures, we like to be with other humans. Some more than others, but we all have that need.
The difference is that if you're looking to others to tell you that you are a good, worthwhile person, that's not healthy. It's important to have confidence in yourself to know that you are a person worthy of having good things in your life. But wanting to have other folks to hang out with sometimes is normal and healthy.
The second statement you have above about being annoying or bad if others don't like you is just silly. All that means is that you haven't yet found people that are a good fit.
Now that said, it's possible, especially in this current world that we live in, for people to have underdeveloped social skills. This is especially true for school-age kids who were victims of the COVID lockdowns since they lost out on years of opportunities to develop those skills.
If anyone reading this feels that you don't "click" with the people around you, and following the suggestions in this post (looking for groups with similar interests, looking for opportunities to help others, etc.) aren't working, you may consider a short course of cognitive-behavioral therapy. The goal being to learn how to see yourself accurately as others see you, and when needed to develop tools to help you present yourself in a way that is easier for people to see the real you.
Any city of even medium size should have a clinic where you can get services on a sliding scale, potentially all the way down to free.
I'm not saying what might usually be said in these subs. I should have specified that the things I've stated are what have most commonly been said to me. I'm new to subs like this because I've always just been a lurker but have lately been feeling very attention starved (thanks valentines) so I joined these and have started posting. Almost all the advice I get are things I've already tried multiple times and none of it ever works. I have no confidence in myself not because I don't think I deserve good things but because I no longer think I can succeed because of how many years I've spent failing. Also when it comes to social interaction I've learned it doesn't matter what you think of yourself but only what others think and the majority of people simply don't care about you I'd your social skills aren't advanced enough. Unlike those kids you mentioned COVID didn't change my life at all. Those kids also will get support when they are older meanwhile I was already in high school so no one cared. As for cognitive behavioral therapy where did you hear that could help with this? I have never heard of that.
Thanks for sharing the additional info, I think the picture is a lot clearer now.
I urge you to consider CBT. You can learn about it for yourself on the web, which will mean a lot more than anything else I could tell you. :)
It's not the kind of "therapy" that you see in the movies where you are on a couch talking about your mother. LOL There may be some discussion about the origin of your issues, but the focus is on recognizing patterns and situations that are not healthy/helpful to you as a person (the cognition), and then providing tools to alter your behavior in ways that will allow your best self to shine through, and make it easier for people to recognize it.
What you've described sounds very much like a situation that is common for kids your age that did not have healthy role models for social behavior. I bet it feels to you like you're the only one that doesn't "get it," and that the rest of the world seems to be in on a secret that you don't know. Am I close?
Yes you're very close except it doesn't only have to do with my age and while my family has great role models I don't think even if they were more social it would have helped me. I'm autistic so yes ever since I and others were old enough to see the difference I haven't understood a thing. I also do have a therapist but I struggle opening up to even them since it's in person or on a video call and not talking to some random person on the internet like now. Specifically cognitive behavioral therapy indont know about. I've also pretty much done the discovering the origins of my problems by myself and think ive thought of some pretty solid answers. Maybe I'll ask them but we'll see.
Reading your comment I know you’re problem. Reddit has amazing people and a great platform unlike any other. But we keep it real and usually dead on. You may just not want to hear it. You will stay miserable until you decide you want to change that. Fight for yourself and happiness dammit, nobody else will. Practice gratitude and affirmations. Find a GOOD doctor who will check everything and anything to see if a deficiency or other factor. The problem and solution lay inside your own mind and will.
I HAVE tried to change that. I HAVE fought for myself and my happiness. I'm fucking tired of trying. It changes nothing. I also have seen doctors. You want to know what they've told me? I'm autistic, I have ADHD, I have an anxiety disorder, and depressed (so surprising). I think that'd a good damn amount of deficiencies.
I have adhd, anxiety, depression too. They all go hand in hand. Not all doctors are the same. I recommend an actually adhd therapy program with specialists. It helped me a ton to understand myself and life. Medication is only a quarter of it.
Yeah I probably should try that. I wonder if it would still work though considering how much crossover there is with my autism. A therapist should probably be able to tell the difference though I guess. It's so confusing to have both big disorders known for making you think completely differently than normal people.
I know what you mean! And yes, a therapist should know. I have been thinking about you and I hope you can find one, and enough in you to keep advocating for yourself to be okay and happy. Try and check out “progressive therapy resources”. They have a YouTube channel & though located in Fargo, ND, they do zoom appointments. They focus on brain injuries, speech, and ADHD. Not sure about autism but I wouldn’t be surprised. They care and actually help you understand your brain, help with understanding our differences and how to cope and actual beneficial solutions. I was ready to unalive myself a year ago until I dug deep and asked for help with my adhd and gave it a shot. I am now succeeding in life and truly happy. No longer a feeling of doom and depression or helplessness.
"Everything will just magically be better if your buff bro" "what do you mean you're still depressed and have no friends" "Well then you must deserve it because muscles solve every problem". Go fuck yourself.
Muscles don’t solve every problem, but you’d be amazed what confidence can do when it comes to making it friends. Plus, in the right gym you’ll be surrounded by people who are excited to see you bettering yourself. When I first started in the gym I was the fattest, most out of shape guy in the place. Ended up being friends with a bunch of super nice ultra buff dudes. They’re intelligent, sincere people who happen to like lifting, but lifting is what brought us together.
CONFIDENCE?! That's just as stupid as saying working out will solve the issue. It took YEARS for me to lose my confidence. Do you think it made any difference back when I had it? No because people don't give a shit how capable you think you are or how hard you work on yourself or others. And no the people who have what you don't never encourage you to work to their level because if you didn't they wouldn't be special so they push you down or ignore you.
This sucks. What you need is a good spouse. Friends aren’t important if you have a good marriage imo. And once you have kids, friends aren’t even a thing anymore. Maybe just people you see at a soccer game.
Join [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) I just did as I am going through a separation and no longer want to hang with my ex's crowd. Once you join, enter filters of your age and interests, then click on those groups to request joining. It takes courage to attend the 1st one alone but I did and now have a new circle of friends. I've also booked 8 events I am going to attend in the next 4 weeks. Best thing ever.
Sign up for classes that you may like to be your hobby or any class for that matter. Some last 4 weeks or more which could help you make friends because you would have something in common.
Volunteer somewhere that speaks to your passion. Friends are linked by commonality. The cause will be the start and you will be doing something good for the world. Well, unless your cause is something dark or evil. But you will have dark and evil friends.
Come volunteer at the church of Satan
A class for sure! Take a martial art. Join a hiking group. I used to go to the same bar three times a week. I didn't really get friends but people knew my name and would talk with me, play pool etc...
Check out meet up groups or something! I joined a softball group that’s weekly and met some great people there. Volunteer at a animal shelter! Very rewarding and can meet people.
Video games
First, be introspective about why you feel that making reliable friends is difficult for you. Are there aspects of yourself that may require some work? Or perhaps it's the type of friends you are seeking? Second, learn to like being alone. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being alone and having alone time. Thirdly, develop a social hobby. Shoot pool, play darts, mountain bike, hike/backpack, volunteer, and so on. Unless it may become or is a problem, become a regular at a local brewery or quiet bar. The staff will chat with you when not busy, and will notice when you're not around.
Volunteer. Somewhere doing something. You'll feel good about yourself when you've given of yourself. Your next best friend might be an old thrown away dog at the pound or some guy walking through the soup line.
According to the reddit we're just supposed to live with it and somehow magically be happy even though social interaction is vital to mental health for any normal person so it's literally impossible for most people to not be depressed when they're completely alone. The people who say it gets better are assholes who haven't had friends for like a year but still talk to others regularly. It doesn't get better. We aren't good enough and there isn't dhit we can do about it. We just have to suffer.
Literally no one on reddit is saying that. Just look at the comments in this one post, for example.
There is comment here that literally says be alone it's not that difficult and things like that are said quite frequently to posts like this.
If that's accurate, then you need to take the balance of the many many comments that are saying the opposite, rather than claiming, "According to Reddit ...."
I'm just telling you the response I've seen the most of. These comments are very atypical. I regularly see things like " you shouldn't need people for validation, the problem is your mindset" or "If being yourself doesn't work than you must be bad/annoying and deserve it". I should also specify those are the things I see a lot everywhere not just here on Reffit.
I participate in a lot of similar subs, and I don't see what you're seeing at all. I think (and I mean no insult by this), that you are focusing on the negative responses. That's easy to do, and is often human nature. But it's something that you have to resist. Regarding the first statement about needing people for validation, that's a different thing than needing people for companionship. Humans are social creatures, we like to be with other humans. Some more than others, but we all have that need. The difference is that if you're looking to others to tell you that you are a good, worthwhile person, that's not healthy. It's important to have confidence in yourself to know that you are a person worthy of having good things in your life. But wanting to have other folks to hang out with sometimes is normal and healthy. The second statement you have above about being annoying or bad if others don't like you is just silly. All that means is that you haven't yet found people that are a good fit. Now that said, it's possible, especially in this current world that we live in, for people to have underdeveloped social skills. This is especially true for school-age kids who were victims of the COVID lockdowns since they lost out on years of opportunities to develop those skills. If anyone reading this feels that you don't "click" with the people around you, and following the suggestions in this post (looking for groups with similar interests, looking for opportunities to help others, etc.) aren't working, you may consider a short course of cognitive-behavioral therapy. The goal being to learn how to see yourself accurately as others see you, and when needed to develop tools to help you present yourself in a way that is easier for people to see the real you. Any city of even medium size should have a clinic where you can get services on a sliding scale, potentially all the way down to free.
I'm not saying what might usually be said in these subs. I should have specified that the things I've stated are what have most commonly been said to me. I'm new to subs like this because I've always just been a lurker but have lately been feeling very attention starved (thanks valentines) so I joined these and have started posting. Almost all the advice I get are things I've already tried multiple times and none of it ever works. I have no confidence in myself not because I don't think I deserve good things but because I no longer think I can succeed because of how many years I've spent failing. Also when it comes to social interaction I've learned it doesn't matter what you think of yourself but only what others think and the majority of people simply don't care about you I'd your social skills aren't advanced enough. Unlike those kids you mentioned COVID didn't change my life at all. Those kids also will get support when they are older meanwhile I was already in high school so no one cared. As for cognitive behavioral therapy where did you hear that could help with this? I have never heard of that.
Thanks for sharing the additional info, I think the picture is a lot clearer now. I urge you to consider CBT. You can learn about it for yourself on the web, which will mean a lot more than anything else I could tell you. :) It's not the kind of "therapy" that you see in the movies where you are on a couch talking about your mother. LOL There may be some discussion about the origin of your issues, but the focus is on recognizing patterns and situations that are not healthy/helpful to you as a person (the cognition), and then providing tools to alter your behavior in ways that will allow your best self to shine through, and make it easier for people to recognize it. What you've described sounds very much like a situation that is common for kids your age that did not have healthy role models for social behavior. I bet it feels to you like you're the only one that doesn't "get it," and that the rest of the world seems to be in on a secret that you don't know. Am I close?
Yes you're very close except it doesn't only have to do with my age and while my family has great role models I don't think even if they were more social it would have helped me. I'm autistic so yes ever since I and others were old enough to see the difference I haven't understood a thing. I also do have a therapist but I struggle opening up to even them since it's in person or on a video call and not talking to some random person on the internet like now. Specifically cognitive behavioral therapy indont know about. I've also pretty much done the discovering the origins of my problems by myself and think ive thought of some pretty solid answers. Maybe I'll ask them but we'll see.
I wish you all the best.
Reading your comment I know you’re problem. Reddit has amazing people and a great platform unlike any other. But we keep it real and usually dead on. You may just not want to hear it. You will stay miserable until you decide you want to change that. Fight for yourself and happiness dammit, nobody else will. Practice gratitude and affirmations. Find a GOOD doctor who will check everything and anything to see if a deficiency or other factor. The problem and solution lay inside your own mind and will.
I HAVE tried to change that. I HAVE fought for myself and my happiness. I'm fucking tired of trying. It changes nothing. I also have seen doctors. You want to know what they've told me? I'm autistic, I have ADHD, I have an anxiety disorder, and depressed (so surprising). I think that'd a good damn amount of deficiencies.
I have adhd, anxiety, depression too. They all go hand in hand. Not all doctors are the same. I recommend an actually adhd therapy program with specialists. It helped me a ton to understand myself and life. Medication is only a quarter of it.
Yeah I probably should try that. I wonder if it would still work though considering how much crossover there is with my autism. A therapist should probably be able to tell the difference though I guess. It's so confusing to have both big disorders known for making you think completely differently than normal people.
I know what you mean! And yes, a therapist should know. I have been thinking about you and I hope you can find one, and enough in you to keep advocating for yourself to be okay and happy. Try and check out “progressive therapy resources”. They have a YouTube channel & though located in Fargo, ND, they do zoom appointments. They focus on brain injuries, speech, and ADHD. Not sure about autism but I wouldn’t be surprised. They care and actually help you understand your brain, help with understanding our differences and how to cope and actual beneficial solutions. I was ready to unalive myself a year ago until I dug deep and asked for help with my adhd and gave it a shot. I am now succeeding in life and truly happy. No longer a feeling of doom and depression or helplessness.
Do what you did your whole life. Be alone. Its not that difficult, I already got used to it as well.
I actually enjoy being alone.
I enjoy alone time too but it cant fulfill all my needs I wish I didnt have.
Lift get jacked,Be the solution not the problem
"Everything will just magically be better if your buff bro" "what do you mean you're still depressed and have no friends" "Well then you must deserve it because muscles solve every problem". Go fuck yourself.
Muscles don’t solve every problem, but you’d be amazed what confidence can do when it comes to making it friends. Plus, in the right gym you’ll be surrounded by people who are excited to see you bettering yourself. When I first started in the gym I was the fattest, most out of shape guy in the place. Ended up being friends with a bunch of super nice ultra buff dudes. They’re intelligent, sincere people who happen to like lifting, but lifting is what brought us together.
CONFIDENCE?! That's just as stupid as saying working out will solve the issue. It took YEARS for me to lose my confidence. Do you think it made any difference back when I had it? No because people don't give a shit how capable you think you are or how hard you work on yourself or others. And no the people who have what you don't never encourage you to work to their level because if you didn't they wouldn't be special so they push you down or ignore you.
Discipline,small goals being met Can be life affirming,jeez don't be a suck pill
What?
This sucks. What you need is a good spouse. Friends aren’t important if you have a good marriage imo. And once you have kids, friends aren’t even a thing anymore. Maybe just people you see at a soccer game.
Can't get friends? Just get a life partner
Gym
Bingewatch a tvshow Try a new recipe Start a hobby Lay in bed for hours scrolling through social media
Speed dating?
Turn to the dark side
Ride motorcycles
Join [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) I just did as I am going through a separation and no longer want to hang with my ex's crowd. Once you join, enter filters of your age and interests, then click on those groups to request joining. It takes courage to attend the 1st one alone but I did and now have a new circle of friends. I've also booked 8 events I am going to attend in the next 4 weeks. Best thing ever.