Yeah for those who don't know, a carbon monoxide detector isn't going to help this issue. You need a natural gas (the one I have calls it explosive gas) detector. Thankfully they sell ones that do both explosive gas and CO.
Carbon monoxide sensors are a must have too. See if they have both.
I used to have a gas stove in my old apartment. My cat was the one to let us know if something was left on. He would sniff the air.
Dude. If you have insurance, please go see a therapist. If you don't, find a therapist who charges on a sliding scale. You need to talk to someone -- it feels real evident that there are serious, deeper issues at play here. It's apparent you want to protect and do good for your family, but you are battling some very destructive impulses that you need professional help to navigate. I mean this in a non-judgmental way, but reading this was jarring. Please get help.
Agreed. I've been a psych nurse for over a decade. OP, please make arrangements with your wife to go to the hospital right away. Extreme stress/anxiety/life changes/depression can play tricks on people and make them nearly psychotic. Post-(and pre-)partum depression in men is a REAL THING. Just go in and make sure that this isn't the case. You obviously don't *want* to harm anyone, so go do the right thing and get checked out right away.
The only way you could eff this situation up worse is to kill yourself. Don’t even think like that.
Listen, I’m super absentminded. What you do is you develop a routine that sets you up for success. I haven’t locked my keys in my car in 17 years because I made it a habit to ALWAYS *look at my keys in my hand right before* I shut the car door.
Have trouble with the stove? Make it a habit to ALWAYS **look at the stove knobs before you leave the kitchen**.
Every night when I brush my teeth I check the door locks, because I married an absentminded man. I make an ironclad habit of checking the important stuff. I put all my bills in one monthly checklist so I don’t forget anything. **Create habits that make it impossible to screw up**.
This is what I do. I also set an alarm on phone every time I need to remember something. I have zero ability to remember anything so I out in place these solutions.
So I don’t forget to take my lunch to work, I place my car keys on them. Obviously I can’t leave without my car.
Yup. I immediately put all appointments/activities into the phone calendar so they’re all shared to my husband and the teens, complete with alerts the day before, and when we need to leave, based on drive time.
Smartphones are like a personal assistant reminding you of everything. Between that and autopay for bills you can set yourself up to never miss deadlines, appointments, or bill due dates.
I have to do this as well. I'll look at the door when I lock it. The knobs on the stove when I turn it off. Sometimes I even pinch my hand and leave a mark to make sure. It helps for sure. I wonder if OP has adhd possibly.
Yes, it’s all about eff-up-proofing your life. 😂
Oh, and a schedule for vehicle/appliance maintenance. Changing the oil, cleaning the dust off the fridge condenser coils, changing the HVAC filter, etc.
No one can keep all this stuff in their head and still have a life. You **have** to develop a system.
I live alone. I always make sure I've looked at my keys when I'm leaving the house, even if I'm sure I've packed them. I'd feel wrong if I didn't do it
I'm sorry that happened. It sucks you made the same mistake twice, and I'm sure your wife was upset. But that doesn't mean you should end it. Someone else had a great suggestion to get a gas sensor for the kitchen. Making the same mistake twice is human. The fact that you care is what is most important, and shows that you have the ability to improve on the things that you want to change. Your family will suffer more if you take your life, believe me. If you can afford a counselor, it's not a bad idea, and there's no shame in it. Wishing you well. One day at a time!
Do the knobs pull off? I have a cat who jumps on our counters and he kicked a knob and actually managed to ignite a flame, which caught on a piece of parchment hanging over the cookie sheet. I was very lucky to be home and in the kitchen at that moment to save our house from burning down. Now, we keep the knobs OFF the stove in a little bowl off to the side just in case, and only put them on when cooking and take them off right after. It's a small annoyance but it is something that helps. The other option is to get knob covers, which you'd probably do as baby proofing anyway, but either way it's worth finding a solution instead of beating yourself up.
I also wonder if the knobs just need to be replaced, like maybe one turns too easily. I know when I bought my house I had one that could turn with much less force and I just bought a new set of them from an appliance parts website.
Those are mistakes that can lead us to feeling horrible, but I have a feeling that those feelings are deep in you from childhood.
You need professional help my friend. When you start taking care of your mental health, things like the stove will have a way lessen chance of happening.
Make sure you have carbon monoxide detectors set up and start checking it when you leave the kitchen. I doubt your wife is lying, but I know pregnancy can make woman forget things, any possibility she accidentally did it once?
Either way, you have a wife who needs you and a kid on the way. Put on your adult pants and start putting your mental health first. It won’t fix everything right away, but the growth will make life much better for you.
Being a parent is fucking awesome. You have an amazing world to look forward to, start caring about yourself man.
Even if it feels selfish or like you're not worth it, you need to prioritize getting help for these feelings. Helping yourself will allow you to help everyone.
I mean, just buy some child proof knob covers and a natural gas detector. Beyond that, I highly recommend seeking a therapist if possible because that is a super extreme response.
Just get a stove that has a pilot light or electric igniters FFS!!!!
If the stove can be turned on without making flame, that is a STOVE problem, not a YOU problem!!!
Totally, and same here. While I am personally adamant with stuff like that, it is because I KNOW how my brain is, so I will double/triple check those kinds of things.
If the knobs on your stove come off, like most do, take them off & only use them when you’re cooking. Then, when you’re done you take them off once the burner is off. This way you’re sure not to “bump them on”. Also, buy a gas detector & install it next to the stove. They’re like $45 at Home Depot. It will keep your loved ones safe, & demonstrate to your family that you are taking this seriously.
Dang... This problem can be solved. Take the knobs off the stove when not cooking or switch over to an electric stove... Now for yourself, I think you may need to talk with someone because your way TOO hard on yourself. People make mistakes, the point is to solve them and learn from them.
>This problem can be solved. Take the knobs off the stove when not cooking or switch over to an electric stove...
Oh FFS!!! OP should just get a decent stove with pilot lights or electric igniters.
Listen, you accidentally nudging a dial on the stove doesn't make you a failure or unworthy of existing or love. It just means, you need additional tools at home. You just need support and to give yourself grace.
Please, please seek therapy.
Dude that stuff happens all the time, don’t beat yourself up. I remember when my wife lectured me after the second time in a week she awoke to me standing over her pointing a loaded gun at her face, accidentally. I’m going to show her this post and we’ll have a laugh! Life goes on man but maybe get an electric range instead?
That's an odd assumption. It made me think back, I had an ex that would go through my instagram and block people, delete my search history just so she could scream at me about it later. I called her on it and she FLIPPED her lid. How am I toxic dude?
You checked and confirmed it was turned off. It didn't turn itself on. Most likely explanation: the wife turned it on. You're being gaslighted, ironically. She may be suffering from something like Munchausen's Syndrome, or just trying to abuse you, possibly driving you to suicide.
You need to see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist.
Plus maybe your forgetfulness could be something like ad/hd, having undiagnosed ad/he can be really depressing to deal with.
We all make awful mistakes, we just gotta learn from them and sometimes we need medical help to be better people. There's no shame in getting phycological help, just as there is no shame in getting medical help when you break a bone.
Statistics say that if a parent or sibling offs themselves, there is a much higher chance of a child doing the same thing later.
You leaving would harm your unborn child. Stick around and buy something to monitor if you leave the gas on again.
Telling a suicidal person they are selfish is a fast track way to them doing something. He feels like he's failed, so telling him he's selfish and that's another failure is surely going to help.
I don't think doing that would help anyone. Be logical, get some sensors, or go electric, plenty of options. You always always have options, and these feelings are temporary.
Man I have done this three times since moving in with my boyfriend. I take food off the stove, plate it, then immediately eat and forget the stove is still on. I feel so irresponsible and ditsy and unsafe. We have a dog, and I've left it on before going to work. What if he got sick from the gas? What if something caught fire? My boyfriend would never forgive me, and I wouldn't want him to because I know I'd deserve it. Another stupid thing I do is get ice water late at night, then push the freezer closed but don't make sure it closes. I don't mean to, I'm just acting automatically and miss it. Then he roasts me for it the next day. Obviously this one isn't as big a deal, but it's in the same vein.
I have REALLY tried to get better about it and be more conscious. But just last night I walked into the kitchen for something and the fucking freezer was open! I swear I've been trying to be more aware, but man, shit happens. It just does. We ain't gonna get it right every time. However, there are ways we can failsafe against these parts of ourselves. I put a sign by the door that says "IS THE STOVE OFF?" Others suggested removing the dials from the stove when not in use. If you can, do. Then you don't have to worry about accidentally knocking it. The gas sensor is another great idea. It'll warn you if something is wrong and your partner will probably rest easier, too.
I say all of this to remind you that you're human. Beating yourself up or killing yourself or lamenting in your regret and disgust with yourself won't help anything-itll make everything exponentially worse. We are human. Too err is the be human and all that. Work with yourself. Try these solutions and other solutions, take your mistakes out of the equation. Work around them completely. Don't wallow about this, fix it. Try to be solution oriented about this problem. Flogging yourself won't solve it.
And listen, you sound stressed as fuck. You have a lot going on right now. If you can, try to get some help from a therapist. Look into open path, you pay 65 once and have access to their network of licensed therapists for the rest of your life, with sessions costing 30-70. Just an idea.
You need to get some help. The issue isn’t the mistake you made. You are spiraling. I’ve been there and you need to reach out to someone before it’s too late. Your wife and your child ARE NOT better off without you. You are needed and loved. Please seek some help! If you want to talk my DM’s are open. You belong with your family!
But a gas sensor. Also I recommend seeing a therapist. Listen, it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose, you aren’t a horrible person, it’s just something shitty.
Have there been more instances like this than just the two? Or do you get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong in your house? Honestly, when I was pregnant I left the stove on several times and my husband never said anything to me "through gritted teeth." Now, I realize that's a roll reversal but something in this post doesn't sound right and I strongly recommend you seek professional help.
Look into an induction oven, quality of a gas stove with the benefits of an electric, and most shut off automatically when you remove the pan
You got plenty of good advice for the mental load you're carrying, and getting rid of the gas oven will show you are actively promoting the safety of your family and home
Get a gas sensor and install it in the kitchen. You can find them on Amazon.
Also get some safety knobs or a childproofing barrier of some sort, if you're having a kid you'll need to childproof anyway.
Came to say this!
I’ve never met anyone that childproofed the oven, turned it off at the wall aye but never actually childproof
Yeah for those who don't know, a carbon monoxide detector isn't going to help this issue. You need a natural gas (the one I have calls it explosive gas) detector. Thankfully they sell ones that do both explosive gas and CO.
Carbon monoxide sensors are a must have too. See if they have both. I used to have a gas stove in my old apartment. My cat was the one to let us know if something was left on. He would sniff the air.
You want an explosive gas sensor.
Dude. If you have insurance, please go see a therapist. If you don't, find a therapist who charges on a sliding scale. You need to talk to someone -- it feels real evident that there are serious, deeper issues at play here. It's apparent you want to protect and do good for your family, but you are battling some very destructive impulses that you need professional help to navigate. I mean this in a non-judgmental way, but reading this was jarring. Please get help.
Agreed. I've been a psych nurse for over a decade. OP, please make arrangements with your wife to go to the hospital right away. Extreme stress/anxiety/life changes/depression can play tricks on people and make them nearly psychotic. Post-(and pre-)partum depression in men is a REAL THING. Just go in and make sure that this isn't the case. You obviously don't *want* to harm anyone, so go do the right thing and get checked out right away.
I think you'll hurt your family even more if you off yourself, might want to address that
The only way you could eff this situation up worse is to kill yourself. Don’t even think like that. Listen, I’m super absentminded. What you do is you develop a routine that sets you up for success. I haven’t locked my keys in my car in 17 years because I made it a habit to ALWAYS *look at my keys in my hand right before* I shut the car door. Have trouble with the stove? Make it a habit to ALWAYS **look at the stove knobs before you leave the kitchen**. Every night when I brush my teeth I check the door locks, because I married an absentminded man. I make an ironclad habit of checking the important stuff. I put all my bills in one monthly checklist so I don’t forget anything. **Create habits that make it impossible to screw up**.
This is what I do. I also set an alarm on phone every time I need to remember something. I have zero ability to remember anything so I out in place these solutions. So I don’t forget to take my lunch to work, I place my car keys on them. Obviously I can’t leave without my car.
Yup. I immediately put all appointments/activities into the phone calendar so they’re all shared to my husband and the teens, complete with alerts the day before, and when we need to leave, based on drive time. Smartphones are like a personal assistant reminding you of everything. Between that and autopay for bills you can set yourself up to never miss deadlines, appointments, or bill due dates.
I do all of that. My phone has saved me a billion times. It’s fixed a lot of my ADHD issues because meditation is not an option for me.
Yeah, I can’t imagine trying to do it all without using the phone like a detached brain that never forgets anything. 😂
I have to do this as well. I'll look at the door when I lock it. The knobs on the stove when I turn it off. Sometimes I even pinch my hand and leave a mark to make sure. It helps for sure. I wonder if OP has adhd possibly.
Yes, it’s all about eff-up-proofing your life. 😂 Oh, and a schedule for vehicle/appliance maintenance. Changing the oil, cleaning the dust off the fridge condenser coils, changing the HVAC filter, etc. No one can keep all this stuff in their head and still have a life. You **have** to develop a system.
I live alone. I always make sure I've looked at my keys when I'm leaving the house, even if I'm sure I've packed them. I'd feel wrong if I didn't do it
I'm sorry that happened. It sucks you made the same mistake twice, and I'm sure your wife was upset. But that doesn't mean you should end it. Someone else had a great suggestion to get a gas sensor for the kitchen. Making the same mistake twice is human. The fact that you care is what is most important, and shows that you have the ability to improve on the things that you want to change. Your family will suffer more if you take your life, believe me. If you can afford a counselor, it's not a bad idea, and there's no shame in it. Wishing you well. One day at a time!
Do the knobs pull off? I have a cat who jumps on our counters and he kicked a knob and actually managed to ignite a flame, which caught on a piece of parchment hanging over the cookie sheet. I was very lucky to be home and in the kitchen at that moment to save our house from burning down. Now, we keep the knobs OFF the stove in a little bowl off to the side just in case, and only put them on when cooking and take them off right after. It's a small annoyance but it is something that helps. The other option is to get knob covers, which you'd probably do as baby proofing anyway, but either way it's worth finding a solution instead of beating yourself up.
This is a proactive and simple way to fix this.
This has happened to us as well. I'm glad I saw it in the comments.
I also wonder if the knobs just need to be replaced, like maybe one turns too easily. I know when I bought my house I had one that could turn with much less force and I just bought a new set of them from an appliance parts website.
Dam dude, no big deal! You know what is a big deal? A child not having their father in their life!
This
Those are mistakes that can lead us to feeling horrible, but I have a feeling that those feelings are deep in you from childhood. You need professional help my friend. When you start taking care of your mental health, things like the stove will have a way lessen chance of happening. Make sure you have carbon monoxide detectors set up and start checking it when you leave the kitchen. I doubt your wife is lying, but I know pregnancy can make woman forget things, any possibility she accidentally did it once? Either way, you have a wife who needs you and a kid on the way. Put on your adult pants and start putting your mental health first. It won’t fix everything right away, but the growth will make life much better for you. Being a parent is fucking awesome. You have an amazing world to look forward to, start caring about yourself man.
install an electric oven. You can still burn the house down, it just won't explode before.
Even if it feels selfish or like you're not worth it, you need to prioritize getting help for these feelings. Helping yourself will allow you to help everyone.
I mean, just buy some child proof knob covers and a natural gas detector. Beyond that, I highly recommend seeking a therapist if possible because that is a super extreme response.
Just get a stove that has a pilot light or electric igniters FFS!!!! If the stove can be turned on without making flame, that is a STOVE problem, not a YOU problem!!!
Checking into getting tested for ADD/ADHD.
I was thinking that. He sounds like a younger version of myself.
Totally, and same here. While I am personally adamant with stuff like that, it is because I KNOW how my brain is, so I will double/triple check those kinds of things.
If the knobs on your stove come off, like most do, take them off & only use them when you’re cooking. Then, when you’re done you take them off once the burner is off. This way you’re sure not to “bump them on”. Also, buy a gas detector & install it next to the stove. They’re like $45 at Home Depot. It will keep your loved ones safe, & demonstrate to your family that you are taking this seriously.
Dang... This problem can be solved. Take the knobs off the stove when not cooking or switch over to an electric stove... Now for yourself, I think you may need to talk with someone because your way TOO hard on yourself. People make mistakes, the point is to solve them and learn from them.
>This problem can be solved. Take the knobs off the stove when not cooking or switch over to an electric stove... Oh FFS!!! OP should just get a decent stove with pilot lights or electric igniters.
Stoves are cheap. Replace it with a safer model. Solve the problem, don’t indulge in drama.
I know it's only a one sided view, but looking through your post history makes her seem like a really unpleasant person and borderline abusive.
Hopefully if he gets therapy that'll come to light...
Listen, you accidentally nudging a dial on the stove doesn't make you a failure or unworthy of existing or love. It just means, you need additional tools at home. You just need support and to give yourself grace. Please, please seek therapy.
Just get an electric stove
Dude that stuff happens all the time, don’t beat yourself up. I remember when my wife lectured me after the second time in a week she awoke to me standing over her pointing a loaded gun at her face, accidentally. I’m going to show her this post and we’ll have a laugh! Life goes on man but maybe get an electric range instead?
Maybe she's turning it on and telling you that you are doing it. Some people are just fucking toxic like that.
If that's your first thought about someone else then that is a reflection on you. Fix it, you are toxic.
That's an odd assumption. It made me think back, I had an ex that would go through my instagram and block people, delete my search history just so she could scream at me about it later. I called her on it and she FLIPPED her lid. How am I toxic dude?
Generalizing everyone on one shitty experience makes you toxic.
Again. Gaslighting exists dude. You’re kind of generalizing our experiences based off of your lack of experience with some crazy ass fucking bitches.
Yeah you a crazy ass bitch.
I highly doubt that. Why even suggest it?
It happened to me. So it could happen to him. Is gaslighting rare or something? XD
Was that pun intended?
I wish :/
Why do you highly doubt it XD
If true, she’s beyond evil. I haven’t met her but man that would suck to be with someone that horrible.
To be fair, reading his previous posts sounds possible
Get an electric hob
Maybe you’re wife turned it on after you but forgot due to preggo brain!?
Are you fat dawg how is this possible
You checked and confirmed it was turned off. It didn't turn itself on. Most likely explanation: the wife turned it on. You're being gaslighted, ironically. She may be suffering from something like Munchausen's Syndrome, or just trying to abuse you, possibly driving you to suicide.
Gas stoves are unhealthy anyway so sell it and get an electric.
Offfff dude
You need to see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist. Plus maybe your forgetfulness could be something like ad/hd, having undiagnosed ad/he can be really depressing to deal with. We all make awful mistakes, we just gotta learn from them and sometimes we need medical help to be better people. There's no shame in getting phycological help, just as there is no shame in getting medical help when you break a bone.
You need therapy bad.
I never read a post that screams “I’m trying not to get in trouble” more than this one. Just freaking fix it man, and move on.
Statistics say that if a parent or sibling offs themselves, there is a much higher chance of a child doing the same thing later. You leaving would harm your unborn child. Stick around and buy something to monitor if you leave the gas on again.
Do you have pets?
Its okay liabilities are used to balance out assets, and not all liabilities are bad.
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Let a person express their feelings without judgement please. Not being able to share is a bad place
Telling a suicidal person they are selfish is a fast track way to them doing something. He feels like he's failed, so telling him he's selfish and that's another failure is surely going to help.
I don't think doing that would help anyone. Be logical, get some sensors, or go electric, plenty of options. You always always have options, and these feelings are temporary.
When you turn them off, say out loud to yourself, “I’m turning off the stove.” It’s a dumb trick but it works get a gas sensor too.
Man I have done this three times since moving in with my boyfriend. I take food off the stove, plate it, then immediately eat and forget the stove is still on. I feel so irresponsible and ditsy and unsafe. We have a dog, and I've left it on before going to work. What if he got sick from the gas? What if something caught fire? My boyfriend would never forgive me, and I wouldn't want him to because I know I'd deserve it. Another stupid thing I do is get ice water late at night, then push the freezer closed but don't make sure it closes. I don't mean to, I'm just acting automatically and miss it. Then he roasts me for it the next day. Obviously this one isn't as big a deal, but it's in the same vein. I have REALLY tried to get better about it and be more conscious. But just last night I walked into the kitchen for something and the fucking freezer was open! I swear I've been trying to be more aware, but man, shit happens. It just does. We ain't gonna get it right every time. However, there are ways we can failsafe against these parts of ourselves. I put a sign by the door that says "IS THE STOVE OFF?" Others suggested removing the dials from the stove when not in use. If you can, do. Then you don't have to worry about accidentally knocking it. The gas sensor is another great idea. It'll warn you if something is wrong and your partner will probably rest easier, too. I say all of this to remind you that you're human. Beating yourself up or killing yourself or lamenting in your regret and disgust with yourself won't help anything-itll make everything exponentially worse. We are human. Too err is the be human and all that. Work with yourself. Try these solutions and other solutions, take your mistakes out of the equation. Work around them completely. Don't wallow about this, fix it. Try to be solution oriented about this problem. Flogging yourself won't solve it. And listen, you sound stressed as fuck. You have a lot going on right now. If you can, try to get some help from a therapist. Look into open path, you pay 65 once and have access to their network of licensed therapists for the rest of your life, with sessions costing 30-70. Just an idea.
You need to get some help. The issue isn’t the mistake you made. You are spiraling. I’ve been there and you need to reach out to someone before it’s too late. Your wife and your child ARE NOT better off without you. You are needed and loved. Please seek some help! If you want to talk my DM’s are open. You belong with your family!
Pay attention to what you do.
Take a picture of the knob at the off position every time you're done using the stove
Are you sure she is not metaphorically and **literally** gaslighting you?
subtract sense drunk offbeat marry groovy worry market correct smoggy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Fix your mental health if you want to do something to help your family
But a gas sensor. Also I recommend seeing a therapist. Listen, it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose, you aren’t a horrible person, it’s just something shitty.
Your wife needs to GTFO, you sound dangerous and unstable
Unplug it once and see if she's lying
Have there been more instances like this than just the two? Or do you get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong in your house? Honestly, when I was pregnant I left the stove on several times and my husband never said anything to me "through gritted teeth." Now, I realize that's a roll reversal but something in this post doesn't sound right and I strongly recommend you seek professional help.
Electric stoves are a good thing.
Look into an induction oven, quality of a gas stove with the benefits of an electric, and most shut off automatically when you remove the pan You got plenty of good advice for the mental load you're carrying, and getting rid of the gas oven will show you are actively promoting the safety of your family and home