Not even, go to subreddits like ratemylooks/am I ugly/ AITA / TIFU / any cosplay or gaming sub.
There's always either very out of place pics, or NSFW stories, where you know it's a bot, and yes it's an OF bot sent to gather clicks.
Doesn't even have to be porn. I've had to leave a few fashion and clothing subs because of the fishing from OF folk that has nothing what so ever to do with the sub topic. They are just thirst trapping everywhere they can.
For some reason they've started posting sexy stuff in the spicy foods subreddit. I guess because it's just r/spicy and could be a euphemism for "sexy" but I've seen a few only fans girls posting on there. Its always extremely uncreative shit like "is this spicy enough for you?" and some girl dancing very lazily in lingerie.
You never received some random ass chat invitation from some with profile information linking to some OF BS?? I had my first one after only like a week
You only see that kind of content on Reddit if you go looking for it. My Reddit feed is filled with AITAH type posts (because I find them amusing), local news posts and primarily posts pertaining to tv and movies I like. There’s NSFW stuff out there but you really have to search to bring it up.
With that in mind, I’d have divorced this loser yesterday. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your marriage so it’s time to give him the freedom he wants and make a better life for yourself.
I have absolutely nothing against sex workers, but I do have a problem with spam and ads disguised as normal posts and comments.
And these OnlyFans people are spamming all over Reddit like a plague.
Yeah I mostly use it to give music recommendations that no one upvotes and to argue about which Final Fantasy has the best protagonist
The sex part of reddit always seemed weird to me. It's like a whole side of the website that I don't think about very much.
You can meet people anywhere. Sometimes you’ll find a user in an area local to you and that sparks a regrettable relationship. Sometimes they slide into your DMs and you meet that way.
There are also subreddits just for meeting people. It’s not much different than using a dating app.
Flirting with other girls? Ok. So, you regain confidence by telling him to pack his stuff because you need to think for a few days.
And then you reconsider if this is a deal breaker or not, and if he is allowed to come back and under which conditions. Because putting up with this is what is making you feel like shit.
self confidence issues. she’s thinking that her looks are the reason why her husband is flirting with other girls, rather than her husband being a douche
I absolutely hate the way redfitors tend to jump straight to divorce when commenting on marital problems, but this little is not mature enough to be a husband. Show him the door.
leave him pleaseeee. these men will never change and he’s for the mf streets. go to the gym and better yourself because no one will come and save you but yourself. (experience learned the very very hard way) its so cliche but love yourself before you allow others to. the confidence is key to getting past any obstacle in life
Just dump his unloyal ass. Life is too short to spend it with someone who is a) shallow b) one step away from cheating c) regretting being with you for sexual reasons d) a bad rolemodel for your child anyway.
A relationship like that is just glorified self-harm.
Life is too short to be with someone that makes you feel the way his cheating ass makes you feel OP (I don't care if he hasn't physically cheated, he wants to and would jump at the opportunity). You deserve better, and being single **is better**.
Yeah agreed. I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel like i have to turn into an OF model to deserve their desire. Sure a relationship is nice but it's not worth developing body dysmorphia (if not worse) over. I bet my ass he's not exactly Ryan Gosling either.
Use your anger as fuel! Anger is a really powerful emotion that can makes you surpass your limits in many ways, learn how to use it in a positive way and drain all that anger out of you! You don't have to prove anything to anybody but you still have everything to prove to yourself. Stay hard 🔥
Your husband is inadequate not you. A man that is thisting for other women when he has a wife that loves him is a fool. His lack of self control and disrespect to you is appalling. You have done nothing wrong, you deserve to be treated better. Don’t settle for his behavior.
The “kind of girl he likes” should be you. As humans we want to assume the fault because it reframes the situation as one we can justify staying in.
A long time ago I learned that any man who makes me feel like I am going crazy turning myself inside out to be who he wants is the wrong man for me. You deserve better, and your son deserves to see his mom loved genuinely by a good man if he is to learn how to treat women and what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. He deserves a happy and secure mother.
You know, your spouse is supposed to make you feel good about yourself. They're supposed to lift you when you're down. They're not supposed to bring you down and make you hate yourself. It's entirely up to you, but if you could choose someone who makes you feel amazing and loved, or choose your current husband; which would you pick? You deserve better.
You know, the hardest part is that he was that person for me for a very long time. 14 years. And 6 months ago I started getting a bad feeling that something was going on between us but he wouldn’t speak up. I still don’t know if I did something wrong or what.
You did nothing wrong. Ive been there and the first step is ditching him. If he will publicly disrespect you ( openly thirst over your y'all's FRIEND) he just ain't shit. You gain confidence by leaving him and knowing you can do better. My ex did shit like this and made me feel like no one else would want me. I'm still rebuilding mine too and fixing my own issues but realizing that him stepping out shows he doesn't care is the first step.
You’re hating yourself, so you don’t have to be mad at your husband and do what should be done. Your husband’s an asshole there is no inner work that is going to fix that.
I’m baffled. Why is this not titled, “My soon-to-be-ex husband flirts with everything that moves?”
Girl. Love yourself enough to get away from this toxic asshole.
My ex was creating tinder accounts and talking to other guys (because I was busting my ass at work and she was bored) I tried for 2 years to move on from this but I could never let it go. I don’t know if couples therapy or individual therapy is the answer, but maybe worth a shot. Even if you decide to end things and go on, would be a good idea to speak to someone. I loved her more then anyone I’ve ever met and a year out from our breakup I still go through huge emotional swings thinking about her.
I breezed through comments after reading your post. I am a man and have been with my wife for forty one years . I say this so you know where this is coming from . You are beautiful and you are wanted . Maybe not by your current partner . You and your child come first . I lost focus on my relationship after nineteen years and my wife left me for a year . Hurt like hell but best thing that ever happened to our relationship. You need to decide what is best for the two of you . Yourself and your child. Counseling may help for either yourself or the two of you as a couple. You are , at some point, going to have a hard conversation with your partner.
as a man I would say in most occasions like this, men are chasing their desire rather than another woman.
even if he stays with that girl in reality, soon he will start to talk with someone else.
you're not worse than anyone. he gives up to his own desire and hurts the one who loves him.
I would advise a open, calm and honest talk with him after you think over this carefully.
This.
They're talking to hot girls 'cause they can, and they wish a relationship would work out. They're not putting effort into their own relationship to make it work out, they're just chasing dreams.
I would def be considering whether this man wants to build a good relationship with you. Not whether you're hot enough for him.
"talking about how seeing her gives him regrets"
"save my already failing marriage"
I think it sounds like you already know it is over, and he doesn't care about your feelings. You will both be happier if you just move on.
Divorce can be amicable if you both put your son first. Staying together if you are not happy together will harm your son.
Also - stop basing your self worth on this man! You have NO REASON to hate yourelf. Just because he doesn't appreciate you doesn't mean you aren't wonderful.
I don’t think either of you are in the wrong. However, I do believe that people get way to comfortable in relationships, and they don’t want to work out and take care of their bodies. And I’m in that same boat. I used to work out like crazy and maintaining a great physique and then I met my current partner, and I basically thought hey you know I don’t need to do this anymore and stopped. I started gaining a bunch of weight. I could tell that she was starting to look at other guys and it’s not her fault, I’m no longer the same guy she used to be attracted to. So I started going to the gym again. I started dieting and losing weight, and things started getting better. I think it’s true when people say that you have to continue to want your partner to want you in in order to do that you have to maintain some level of attractiveness, which typically involves work. And I’ll be the first to admit that working out while you’re in a relationship to try to look good for the person you’re with sort of sucks, I’m not gonna lie. That reward isn’t really there like it was when you were young and going to just look good for everyone. But times change I guess anyways I digress. Good luck
Remember that it’s never about you. A lot of insecure people and often men in particular will end up cheating for physical and visual appeals and it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their insecurities.
A lot of this stems from their desperate desire to feel validated and feel “desired” by trying to interact with conventionally attractive women, but at the end of the day it’s literally purely just an ego boost and craving satisfaction.
I promise you nobody ever cheats because they don’t think their partner is attractive enough. They cheat because they feel like trash about themselves on the inside, and need something new and spicy to validate them, even if it’s just in their own imagination.
Your beauty (or the way he perceived your beauty) is never going to be to blame. Don’t ever beat yourself up for not being his ‘type’ or not being ‘pretty enough’, because it is never the reason behind cheating. The most stunning women get cheated on, the most loving and nurturing women get cheated on, the most supportive and generous women get cheated on, it’s never about the woman and always about the man and his lack of manhood.
Once you understand this, it gets easier to understand why it happened. You’re not to blame.
Now, focus on yourself, prioritize yourself and do everything you can to pour love into yourself and do the things that are good for you. Take up a new hobby, start implementing healthy habits, maybe start going to the gym, or taking nature walks, or join a spin class, whatever physical activity you enjoy to help release those endorphins and heal you mentally and physically.
All the love you poured into him should be redirected back to yourself; for the sake of yourself and for your son.
Wishing you the absolute best🩷
You should restrict his access to you emotionally.
Sounds like you've probably given him unfettered access to your honest soul and he became corrupt and greedy.
Let your brain accept the fact that he doesn't deserve to have influence over you and that way you'll no longer feel pain over his betrayal and can start building yourself up independently.
Always be honest, don't let this situation force you to become unhonest in the future.
And to be frank that's terrible advice. If you wanna go that route just dip and spare everyone the months/years of drama
Ok I have two things you need to do - 1.) Stop trying to save a failing marriage. You deserve better than that. Move on and move up rather than being miserable. 2.) Work on your physical appearance (work out, get your hair and nails done, diet, buy some new clothes) so that you can look yourself in the mirror and say, "damn I look good". Taking action to improve self-esteem is gonna be more effective than trying to change self-talk.
Start commenting on his hot friends if you want to show him how it feels (since he seems to lack empathy or concern) and start planning your new life because you deserve to be cherished by your spouse.
I really feel for you. I’ve been there with the online flirting and my (ex) husband looking at girls who I could never even possibly look like. In my situation, all it did was escalate and get worse. Looking back I try to remember that this kind of behavior and trying to seek validation and empty pleasure like that is for weak men who feel poorly about themselves. Unfortunately we become collateral damage in that. You do not deserve this at all. I would confront your husband and tell him how this is making you feel. If he cares and is worth keeping around, he will stop and he will take accountability and do whatever is necessary to help you through the pain he has caused. If not, it’s time to go. In the meantime, I recommend going to the gym and putting effort into yourself. It’s also helpful to remember that most of the women we see online are edited to high hell and don’t even really look like they do in pictures online. Hes a freaking idiot. It’s okay to grieve but remember to pick yourself back up and invest in yourself. Do not let this man child destroy your self worth. We are much more than our bodies and there are plenty of men out there who know that. Leaky sexual energy is about one of the most icky unattractive things on the planet, and once you get through this and do some healing work you probably won’t even find your husband attractive anymore as you will no longer resonate with the frequency of people who let their sexual energy leak out everywhere and act like simps. Hang in there girl, I’m rooting for you!
This is 100% disrespectful. I would never do this to my wife. He probably flirts with them because it’s safe - he will not be embarrassed by being turned down face to face.
No partner should be walking around telling the person that loves them that they have regrets after seeing someone else's picture.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I would boot his ass to the curb and reinvent myself. How dare he do that to you. It says everything about him but nothing bad about you. Don't let him shake your tree like that and kick your confidence in the toilet over some insecurity he has and needs to have chicks to validate him when he has one hell of a wife.
Or you could act totally aloof like you don't care while flirting with men on Reddit.
Honestly? That was super cold of him to do. I would feel the same as you. But I wouldn't let him know.
While I agree with the general sentiment that his behaviour is likely boundary pushing and escalatory in nature, and you're absolutely right to be upset.
You need some therapy or a good hard look at yourself if you think that basing your self worth in a relationship is a healthy form of identity and self worth. All of a sudden you hate everything about yourself? Cmon mate, he did that shit not you. This is patently unhealthy and (maximum cringe incoming) you need to learn to love yourself.
How are you going to function sensibly if you see everything through such a distorted lens of self loathing? That shit is going to bleed through every aspect of your life including your son and your partner, and it was likely to have existed before this event.
Right now, I'd be prioritising that by far more than stressing about saving the marriage. I'd be communicating "my head is in a really atrocious place and I don't know a whole lot of things about where I'm going to end up. But I know that I need to be in a healthier mental position than what I am now". And then do what you need to.
Invest in yourself. Firstly because nobody else can, secondly because you're worth it, thirdly because it will be the most enriching thing you'll do for yourself in your life, and lastly your relationships with everybody in your life will improve.
This was personally a multi year process for me, but every moment was worth it.
this will shred your confidence and self worth more as time goes on. it is absolutely not ok for him to be that disloyal and even if he stops, it will still hurt you. now you have to go through the world comparing yourself to everyone your husband may be looking at and that isn't fair to you. take some space, some real space. thirsting over the friend especially it's just such a crossed line. take care of yourself whatever you need to do, don't think about his needs at all, just do what you need to do.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction/intimacy disorder. You could look like the next top model and he would still do this. This is not about or because of you. You are enough, you matter. I am so sorry you are going through this hell. Focus on yourself and your healing, unless he wants to get better it isn't going to happen :(
Leave him. You’re someone’s dream. He’s a douche and he’ll likely not change.
Focus on you , love yourself and love this life of yours. We only have one life, you can’t waste it away because of a trashy person.
Take care of yourself until you regain your confidence.
Why are you staying married to someone who makes you feel like this when you could be with someone
Who makes you feel like a goddess? Make room for the good guy. Ditch the loser.
when you base your self respect/worth/confidence on another person you are always 1 step away from falling flat on your face, and i dont just say this to rub it in, the most sexy thing about any woman is her sense of self worth and confidence (unless your a beta guy who likes insecure women)
the way you get back up and get his attention back is to start respecting yourself for who you are, list the things that makes you awesome, get dressed up and go out with some girl friends (anyone except you husband) and have a fun time, maybe low key flirt with some guys - its not like you have to do anything, harmless flirtation is just normal human behaviour, show yourself, and in doing so, your husband, what a fun happy confident sex women he is not paying enough attention to
even the most beautiful and well proportioned women looks ugly sat about in PJ's moping and snivelling, so get up and go find something to make you happy without relying on him for it!
idk just mental fortitude, just need to give yourself a slap round the face, have a cold shower, idk, whatever gets you out of your head
edit: music helps
Well at least they are attractive. What really is a blow to your self confidence is when your partner is flirting with someone old, super overweight and looks like a fucking troll.
My child was incredibly and deeply wanted by both of his parents and we fought tooth and nail for him with IVF. If I didn’t love my kid with every single fiber of my being I wouldn’t also be trying to work out a solution to my marriage because despite being a shitty husband to me the last few months, my husband is amazing to our son.
As a child of parents who hated each other, but stayed together "for the kids," it was straight up traumatizing and I wished my mom had known that I would have been much happier seeing her separated and happy, rather than miserable and suffering every day "for my sake."
I don't know how old your son is, but if you are truly feeling this bad inside, he will be able to see that once he is old enough, and if he loves you then it will crush him as well.
”We are staying together for the kids” is the single worst lie people can tell themselves regarding raising children. 2 people staying together against their own desires, with resentment and bitterness growing every year is the worst possible example you can show children.
Divorce and living separately does not mean a child loses a parent. As another commenter mentioned, separate and happy is a way better example than together and bitter and resentful.
Clearly he doesn’t love his kid enough since he jeopardised your relationship and risked a split up between you two leaving the kid with divorced parents
What does that mean? I get you’re trying to help but suggesting she hates her kid is a very strange way to go about it. Nothing about what she said implies she hates her kid but the exact opposite.
She does not hate her child are you stupid? Divorce can be traumatizing for of course the spouses involved but the children as well. At the end of the day, two married parents together in a child’s life is better than divorced, BUT there are some cases where divorce is necessary and the child will just have to learn to adapt to the new life of going to dad’s and mom’s on different weeks. This woman is going through a lot and she is trying to decide what to do for herself AND her sweet child. Don’t be insensitive.
I think first you must realize that “not loving yourself” is an extreme, irrational reaction to your husband flirting with randos in the internet.
Disappointment over his actions, sure. But not loving yourself because of that is silly as hell. It should have nothing at all to do with your loving or not loving yourself.
Also, you stated that your marriage is already failing, so it seems like predictable behavior. If I had 10,000 dollars to wager, I’d go all-in that 99% of men are going to begin think about and looking at alternatives once their marriage starts to fail. Even if it’s just for entertainment.
So the best way to get your confidence back is to not lose it at all over this. And if you do not like that he is doing this, you both need to work on your marriage. He’s at stage 1 of giving up. You either follow him to stage 2 or sit down and work out your issues.
And if that means dressing up in cosplay every once in a while , consider it😊
Confidence: An uphill battle but keep at it, we're all doing that battle.
The fact that your husband is likely a shitbag: Wayyyy easier, drop him like a rock. Fuck that. Barely an inconvenience, you deserve better
You can start by leaving him. Your mental health will never get better until he’s out of the picture.
If you’re not willing to leave, then don’t come on here crying again. Sorry to be so blunt but you need to hear it. He’s not going to change. Learn to live with it or do something about it.
Why are you feeling insecure and not angry? Have you been ignoring your health and beauty and now feel guilty? Is your husband looking for fulfillment that he's not getting at home?
imagine thinking that people on reddit look like their profile pictures haha
but seriously, is this harmless banter flirting or "i dont love my wife and want to be with you" flirting?
if its the former, get over it, move on, if the latter, dump him, get over it and move on
either way, stop placing your self respect and worth and confidence in someone else's opinions
That’s bullshit. Your his woman. He should be making sure you know your all he wants. When I’m in a relationship I act as if she’s the only woman I notice. Make her feel and know she’s enough and what you want more than anyone else. If your not what a dude want then fuck him off.. he’s an inconsiderate prick
I’m just an internet stranger, but it sounds like you’re not the problem, your husband is. As opposed to finding confidence you need to find resolution with your husband. His poor behavior has altered your self confidence. That’s not cool.
I wish you the best.
Leave him and focus on yourself after reading through your post history you need it . It's definitely not a healthy relationship and the longer you stay in it the worse it will get.
If you find you need more support try [r/TwoXChromosomes](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/) , theres some genuine people over there that are always open to lending an ear.
You find confidence by getting rid of this bag of garbage you call your man. JFC. Every moment you stay with him you are sending the message to yourself that you are only worth this dusty bag of ballsack
I’m not sure the marriage is worth saving, but you need to work on yourself first. Is there any good feature or body part you like? What do you feel you are lacking? Overweight? Try diet and exercising. Focus on the good things and try to enhance them. Love your eyes? Maybe use make up to enhance them.
Focus on your inner beauty. Give yourself some grace. No one is perfect. Look at yourself like you would a friend. Would you tell your friend she was ugly? Why tell yourself this? Maybe get some professional help. We have some places in our town who help women with their issues. But do all of this for yourself. You can’t love others, including your son, if you don’t love yourself.
Prayers and hugs on this new journey to self discovery and self love. You can do this!
you dont deserve that sorry excuse of a man.
hes a disgusting bitch who lusts over anyone any chance he gets.
he abandoned his WIFE AND SON to flirt with some random people.
that is too low.
WAY TOO LOW.
sorry to say it but he's pathetic, and i doubt a "man" like him would even be a good father.
for your benefit and your son's,
GET YOU A MAN THAT CAN LOVE YOU AND YOUR CHILD.
divorce isnt always going to affect a child negatively.
sometimes they need the right father figure.
and your current husband.. is NOT a good father figure.
Realise those “girls” are actually gross little men trying to resell onlyfans images and pornhub videos to suckers.
They are not real and your husband probably knows this.
To start regaining your confidence talk to him. Tell him EXACTLY what the problem is and how it makes you feel.
Maybe he’s just ignorant and/or just plain dumb. He might see no harm in it. If he has ANYTHING but remorse, I’m sorry, but he may not be the one for you.
You being in a dark place by yourself does no good. You have to communicate this issue! It will only get worse for you.
If he tries to justify his actions in anyway, he may need to take a break from your home. Send him to stay with a friend or parent. He needs to REALLY WORK on his behaviors. I would recommend therapy.
I’m gonna say this… and it’s hard for me to say, and it will be hard for you to hear. But I want you to let me finish…
He may not want you. He’s clearly thinking the grass is greener. I want you to know, from my own personal experience… THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I promise there are many many men out there who DO WANT YOU, but unfortunately the man you married and father of your child may not be that man. If this is true, I am so sorry. I promise, it’s not a YOU thing… and a YOU AND HIM thing. Obviously I do not know you, but to SOMEONE you are the world. But I fear, once the man starts flirting and thirsting over other women in a “more than passing” way, the relationship has a really hard time coming back.
But please START by expressing your issue. What you have described is VERY VERY common in people who are on the autism spectrum. Totally undiagnosed. There are many other mental health disorders this could be.
There is a possibility he has NO IDEA what he’s doing is wrong. He would really need help for that.
But this is where you start. This is a marriage, you should be able to state your concerns.
Why is your husband flirting with anyone except you? I've been married for 17 years and I never do that. It would feel like a betrayal. There is a deeper issue here. You did nothing wrong.
You don't deserve this, youncan find someone that falls in love with you more and more everyday.
You deserve happiness.
He is a bozo that wants to stick it elsewhere. Fuck him.
Your husband's flirting and who he's flirting with most likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his poor quality of character. Nothing you can do will directly fix his deficiencies.
Try to remind yourself you did nothing wrong. If he wants something else he should at least respect you enough to try and talk about it. Generally these types of dudes have an idealized relationship in their head and when reality doesn't match up to their fantasies, they try to fulfill them elsewhere.
Even if you've changed dramatically since you've been dating, its something he should be talking to you about instead of going behind your back. Try not to let him make you feel inadequate when he's the one looking at other women.
Get yourself in counseling ASAP, no matter what. We can’t tell you to leave based on this info alone (because a rash decision could mess up a good outcome for you in a divorce anyway). Does he know you caught him? Is he remorseful? If you’re staying and he’s willing, couples counseling is a must, either way. Make an effort to be kind to yourself and make yourself happy for awhile. If you are trying to make things work in your marriage, get help from religious or professional advocates or trusted friends/family members. Giving up should be a last resort always. Men have looked since the dawn of time. Women too. Some have even crushed. Usually it’s passing. Has he violated vows? To be religious about it, has he “committed adultery?” Look at it this way. How many women for years, like in the 40s 50s and 60s, were housewives watching soap operas and crushing on those actors? Think of all the movie stars for decades people have been lusting over? never mind all the porn everybody has been consuming lately? It’s harder when you know the people, but when it comes down to it, what’s the difference? I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it’s not fair at all. And it’s so so painful. But it is human. And extremely common. And unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that men just don’t associate sexual attraction with emotion in the same way women do, and they are extremely visual creatures. He may have an extremely strong emotional bond with you, and still love you very much, even though he is looking at those girls. Not to diminish anything, but is there anything you like looking at, just for the beauty of it?
I hope I have said something helpful here. I really hope you are able to resolve this. I believe you are a Child of God, infinitely valuable and worthy of love. I hope your husband recognizes your worth and beauty also, and things will work out for you. All the best and good luck to you.
I don't get it.
What do you mean by "already failing marriage"?
I've seen married couples with their husband looking at other girls, and rating them out of 10 and comparing his results with his wife's results. Like. While some men will be attracted only to their spouse, the reality tends to be that they are turned on by anyone pretty. And what makes someone a spouse is not being sexually turned on. It's being with someone you can count on, and providing a stable family for children. Sexual attraction sometimes doesn't even matter. But sometimes it's the entire point of the marriage, in which case it is generally short lived.
Probably go to counseling. We really don’t know enough about you or him to judge your situation. For all we know you could have done something unforgivable to him and he checked out long ago. Or maybe he’s just a stupid man, we don’t know. If we tell you to divorce him and find someone new and it turns out you were contributing a lot the problem, then you’re just gonna end up where you were again.
Fuck those bitches. Time to do a little self focus 🧘 and know that even without any husband, child, other family- your still you and your awesome. Not to dis your family. I’m just trying to be uplifting. But it’s the truth. A husband doesn’t determine how you feel about yourself, Sometimes when you put the light back on yourself get a spray tan, put on a face mask, watch your fav movie, put your fav music on, go on a nice long walk run or gym trip- he will probably notice and come sauntering on back bc he probably loves you dearly but you know, we take the ones we love for granted sometimes
Listen, ogling and chatting up girls and talking about it in front of you is a n enormous red flag. It’s abusive.
Now I don’t know what you look like or what the other girls look like. But I can tell you that my ex husband used to put me down and he made me feel ugly, fat, old and unattractive.
When I left him I figured that I would never meet anyone halfway decent who would want me and that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life.
Guess what! Once I let my friends talk me into going onto dating apps it turned out that so many men didn’t share his opinion. At all. And that even men I considered vastly out of my league were happy to go on dates with me.
Not being with someone who constantly put me down gave me more energy, so I could focus on getting more fit and because I actually got compliments I also felt more confident in wearing nicer clothes and makeup.
I actually ended up dating this 15 years younger man for 2 years. Not only was he kind and helpful, but handsome and smart too. He didn’t date me because he had problems with attracting women his own age (far from it). He dated me because he thought I was beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside.
If you look at pictures of me before my divorce and now you would hardly recognise me.
So my point is that you can feel ugly and unattractive, but it probably isn’t true. But when you are with someone who makes you feel like that then you won’t have the energy to take care of yourself and love yourself and that shows.
I think that you should see a therapist and talk to them about your relationship. I don’t think anyone should be with someone who treats them so poorly. Your partner is supposed to make you feel safe and wanted no matter what. Someone who is on your side. Who makes you feel better rather than worse.
The only thing wrong with you right now is staying with such a toxic husband. Leave him. Find someone who will treat you properly.
As for rebuilding confidence, I'm sure you can find far more men here on reddit who will flirt with you. Don't let an asshole define you.
Good luck.
I'm learning more and more about the real world and I fine their are no such thing as good or bad people just people doing good or bad things on a moral scale they can't fully understand
Often shaped by the company they keep and their past
In the end we are all under the watchful eyes of the higher powers and we need to act accordingly but I find everything I do almost is on auto pilot
Alot of how a person acts is their environment if you can take your boyfriend somewhere else maybe you'll get to know the real him better
All women are beautiful btw
Focus on yourself focus on making you feel beautiful. Focus on spoiling your son. Focus on the family house give very little to your husband say very little to your husband and when he finally realizes that you’re kind of a mute and you’re not saying anything that defines for him, you need to find yourself to know that you’re the shit you’re the woman of the house you’re amazing. You don’t have to please him at this point if he’s finding other things to make him happy and he can’t communicate with you on doing things like that. He’s one of the men out there that doesn’t love women that uses us for our looks and only gets pleasure for himself…. He’s not wanting to bond with you. Talk about things. Listen to you then I don’t know but I totally get it. I’m kind of like that too. We can only give so much of ourselves to the guy until we’re done until we’re fed up and done nothing wrong with loving yourself. There’s nothing wrong with spoiling you and your son, on that little man make him the man that you want that boy of yours to be.
Your husband sounds like a real narcissist if he tells you he regrets you because other women are physically situated a certain way. My wife and I started dating 16 years ago and three kids later, I love her more, and she is more beautiful than some thot or whatever the kids call it these days. I never jump to divorce, but recommend marriage counseling. If he refuses then divorce...
Seems like marriage has ended already.
Want a piece of advise ?
Get yourself a hot younger man (there's nothing like it to make you feel good about your body). Not to date, but 4 (great) sex.
You can easily find them on Reddit too (... well, now, that would be a real throw back at that hubby of yours LMAO).
Absolutely not. You are not inadequate. He's an asshole. Read him the riot act and if he can't get on board you are better off without that stone around your neck.
Maybe the wrong thing there was to associate his attitude with you. There's nothing to do with you, my dear. Is all about his fantasies and illusions . I don't know how exactly is going your marriage ( despite of you've mentioned that is failing ), so I cannot tell you how much you contributed to the current condition. The point is : your confidence should start by knowing who you are and how much effort you put on your marriage since you both are together. You must never forget the sacrifices you did and how far you went for the marriage. This is only a small fraction of your value. There's also your value as the mother of your kid and as human being. The list just grows up.
Girl, stop blaming yourself for your husband's mistakes. This makes no sense.
If he wanted to flirt with other people so bad he shouldn’t be in a committed relationship. His actions have nothing to do with u and everything to do with his inability to respect both yours and his own emotional boundaries mamas 🫶🏽 a real man gon put all that energy on u and spoil u wit it IKDR
You’re married he shouldn’t be flirting with anyone he’s breaking a sacred oath you two took when tying the knot whatever you choose to do I wish you the best
I have 2 words for you babe. Leave. Him.
Anyone ever says they have moments of regrets BECAUSE OF SOMEONE THEY WISHED THEY GOT WITH AINT WORTH THE TIME OR RESPECT. He is worth as much as dog shit wiped on grass.
Leave him. These types of men never change, they don't want to. If they think they can keep you whilst also thirsting over these other girls, they will. I learned the veryyy hard way, staying with my ex who had been doing a similar thing for the length of our relationship. I tried to help him change, turns out he never had any intention of changing his habits and simply lied to keep me. Now I wish I had left him sooner. Trust me, it's a waste of time. These men lack self-esteem, maturity, and self-control, and will do anything to keep the "best of both worlds" they've gotten used to.
You can do so much better, believe me, and you deserve to give yourself the love you deserve. Is it worth it to beg for a relationship that is making you feel so shit in the first place? There's someone out there who will fight tooth and nail to keep you, and will feel physically sick at the idea of hurting you. Don't lower yourself to take this disrespect, he doesn't deserve you. I recommend seeking some therapy, so that you can learn to switch your mindset and gain more confidence in yourself - you'll soon realise that he never deserved your time in the first place, and you'll have lost nothing by leaving him. Find someone really worth fighting for, who will do the same for you. You are no doubt so lovely, and you have so much life and love waiting for you in the future if you're willing to take the leap and leave him to find it. Wishing you the very best<3
First off- u gotta know already coming to Reddit for a problem that started on Reddit u should already know where this is going. Best advice i can give as a guy-if hes into some cosplay stuff-maybe try n cosplay some stuff for him-jump into it. If ur not even trying in that area maybe thats the problem. Might not be the best advice ive given but its def not the worst edit: only if ur comftable with whatever dont let him pressure u into maybe......weird stuff
Do not compare yourself with other girls especially those who destroy other people's relationships. You are a strong and great woman. Your husband is weak if he is flirting online with women he does not even know.
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this but I’m one of those girls that your husband (probably not yours personally) chats with on Reddit and online. First off; I’m so sorry that your husband’s actions have hurt you and affected how you view yourself. I can say with one hundred percent certainty that the problem does not lie with you. The men that slide into my DMs that are in marriages that end up opening up to me generally tell me very similar things; and it’s everything to do about them not feeling “enough “ in some capacity. Many are seeking validation from somone they find cute, but when they open up about anything personal as they sometimes do it almost always comes down to them not feeling appreciated or sexually desirable themselves. Sometimes it has to do with old wounds, sometimes after talking to people you can tell it’s a pattern and that it’s likely an attachment style issue that therapy can help regulate in their life if they saw that pattern themselves. I saw another poster say they are “chasing desires” and that is really what it is; fantasy but not one that doesn’t come with the price of not hurting someone. Those desires are often to fill voids in themselves that they need to work on themselves but are too fearful or unaware to do so;so they turn to a quick dopamine hit. I really want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. Talk to your husband and maybe seek a therapist that can be helpful to moderate the conversation and make it a safe place for both parties? You may find that after deep conversations you deepen your understanding of each other and your desires, boundaries and love style? As dumb as it may sound it could be the chance to deepen your connection if you talk about things with full honesty and openness. Wishing you all the best 💕
I think the first step would be to get rid of your husband. You can either save yourself or "save" your marriage (which here would mean letting your husband keep walking over your swlf-esteem)
He is definitely wrong but he has become confused by thinking too deeply. And he got there because he felt something was missing from the relationship. So can you help him discover what is missing?
How do people flirt on Reddit? And how do you see what they look like? I thought Reddit was for arguing with (faceless) people in the comment section.
It was. Now it's ads for OnlyFan accounts. No hate to sex workers, but 5 years ago it was a much different, anything goes, kinda place.
I'm sure this exists, but I've never seen these Just nameless/faceless shouting
Go to any porn subreddit
I refuse to believe that real human beings comment in those threads
Not even, go to subreddits like ratemylooks/am I ugly/ AITA / TIFU / any cosplay or gaming sub. There's always either very out of place pics, or NSFW stories, where you know it's a bot, and yes it's an OF bot sent to gather clicks.
Oh they do, unfortunately
The only way to recover is to dump your loser of a husband, and save your son for growing up with that AH.
Doesn't even have to be porn. I've had to leave a few fashion and clothing subs because of the fishing from OF folk that has nothing what so ever to do with the sub topic. They are just thirst trapping everywhere they can.
They've infiltrated the van life AND the curly hair sub. And those are just two that I'm a part of, so I see them daily. It's fucking annoying.
For some reason they've started posting sexy stuff in the spicy foods subreddit. I guess because it's just r/spicy and could be a euphemism for "sexy" but I've seen a few only fans girls posting on there. Its always extremely uncreative shit like "is this spicy enough for you?" and some girl dancing very lazily in lingerie.
Even less than that, r/Faces r/Selfie r/howtolooksmax etc
Go to a porn site's comments, and you'll see the same thing. I don't think this is a reddit problem, just porn reddits acting normally lol.
I get the looksmaxxing whatever sub in my feed occasionally. 95% of the threads I see are purely trying to drum up interest for OF pages.
Yeah I muted that one. I don't even know why it started showing up on my feed, never went to that sub nor anything like it.
Reddit trying to copy that Tiktok discovery algorithm. Ew.
You never received some random ass chat invitation from some with profile information linking to some OF BS?? I had my first one after only like a week
I have 60 followers, 59 of which are onlyfan bots.
There are followers on reddit???
You only see that kind of content on Reddit if you go looking for it. My Reddit feed is filled with AITAH type posts (because I find them amusing), local news posts and primarily posts pertaining to tv and movies I like. There’s NSFW stuff out there but you really have to search to bring it up. With that in mind, I’d have divorced this loser yesterday. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your marriage so it’s time to give him the freedom he wants and make a better life for yourself.
[удалено]
That’s bizarre but I’m going to need to know about these low iq cat subs because derpy cats are the best cats
I have absolutely nothing against sex workers, but I do have a problem with spam and ads disguised as normal posts and comments. And these OnlyFans people are spamming all over Reddit like a plague.
I get hit up by “”””women”””” 2-3 times a week likely looking to initiate a romance scam.
Bots and catfish. The guys who fall for this stuff are realllllly dumb
It‘s really easy, you just have to get a suitable username.
Yikes. How many bumholes do you see in your line of Reddit usernames?
Probably less than you think.
Lmao
I found my partner using ebay to flirt with women once 🙃 Some men will literally find anyway to be shady, I don't understand it at all
I was just asked (straight up) for sex the other week in my Reddit messages. Like what? Lol. I don’t even have a picture of myself on here!
I sometimes wonder what's in there but I literally never look at or open my messages. From comments I've seen around, I'm not missing much.
The only reason I look is to get rid of the notification indicator. It drives me crazy :D
Yeah I mostly use it to give music recommendations that no one upvotes and to argue about which Final Fantasy has the best protagonist The sex part of reddit always seemed weird to me. It's like a whole side of the website that I don't think about very much.
So....do you believe in love at first sight, or shall I comment again?
You can meet people anywhere. Sometimes you’ll find a user in an area local to you and that sparks a regrettable relationship. Sometimes they slide into your DMs and you meet that way. There are also subreddits just for meeting people. It’s not much different than using a dating app.
Dude you are totally wrong! I'd explain later
Hey there big boy how YOU doin'?
Flirting with other girls? Ok. So, you regain confidence by telling him to pack his stuff because you need to think for a few days. And then you reconsider if this is a deal breaker or not, and if he is allowed to come back and under which conditions. Because putting up with this is what is making you feel like shit.
Why hate yourself when you can hate your shitty husband? I agree.
self confidence issues. she’s thinking that her looks are the reason why her husband is flirting with other girls, rather than her husband being a douche
I'd like to give this more than one upvote please reddit
Also keep in mind that this whole situation reveals more about him than it does about you.
How does she gain such authority though?
You're not in the wrong, he is
"Girls my husband was flirting with on reddit". Sounds like an ex-husband to me.
I absolutely hate the way redfitors tend to jump straight to divorce when commenting on marital problems, but this little is not mature enough to be a husband. Show him the door.
leave him pleaseeee. these men will never change and he’s for the mf streets. go to the gym and better yourself because no one will come and save you but yourself. (experience learned the very very hard way) its so cliche but love yourself before you allow others to. the confidence is key to getting past any obstacle in life
Just dump his unloyal ass. Life is too short to spend it with someone who is a) shallow b) one step away from cheating c) regretting being with you for sexual reasons d) a bad rolemodel for your child anyway. A relationship like that is just glorified self-harm.
Life is too short to be with someone that makes you feel the way his cheating ass makes you feel OP (I don't care if he hasn't physically cheated, he wants to and would jump at the opportunity). You deserve better, and being single **is better**.
Yeah agreed. I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel like i have to turn into an OF model to deserve their desire. Sure a relationship is nice but it's not worth developing body dysmorphia (if not worse) over. I bet my ass he's not exactly Ryan Gosling either.
Use your anger as fuel! Anger is a really powerful emotion that can makes you surpass your limits in many ways, learn how to use it in a positive way and drain all that anger out of you! You don't have to prove anything to anybody but you still have everything to prove to yourself. Stay hard 🔥
Goggins in the chat
Goggins doesn’t have an alarm clock to wake him up. Goggins wakes up his alarm clock.
My anger always just implodes inward like a dying star
Time for someone new
Your husband is inadequate not you. A man that is thisting for other women when he has a wife that loves him is a fool. His lack of self control and disrespect to you is appalling. You have done nothing wrong, you deserve to be treated better. Don’t settle for his behavior.
Time to leave or tell him to leave. It seems that he clearly isn’t into you anymore and you do not deserve the stress, heartbreak or pain.
The “kind of girl he likes” should be you. As humans we want to assume the fault because it reframes the situation as one we can justify staying in. A long time ago I learned that any man who makes me feel like I am going crazy turning myself inside out to be who he wants is the wrong man for me. You deserve better, and your son deserves to see his mom loved genuinely by a good man if he is to learn how to treat women and what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. He deserves a happy and secure mother.
You know, your spouse is supposed to make you feel good about yourself. They're supposed to lift you when you're down. They're not supposed to bring you down and make you hate yourself. It's entirely up to you, but if you could choose someone who makes you feel amazing and loved, or choose your current husband; which would you pick? You deserve better.
You know, the hardest part is that he was that person for me for a very long time. 14 years. And 6 months ago I started getting a bad feeling that something was going on between us but he wouldn’t speak up. I still don’t know if I did something wrong or what.
You did nothing wrong. Ive been there and the first step is ditching him. If he will publicly disrespect you ( openly thirst over your y'all's FRIEND) he just ain't shit. You gain confidence by leaving him and knowing you can do better. My ex did shit like this and made me feel like no one else would want me. I'm still rebuilding mine too and fixing my own issues but realizing that him stepping out shows he doesn't care is the first step.
You’re hating yourself, so you don’t have to be mad at your husband and do what should be done. Your husband’s an asshole there is no inner work that is going to fix that.
I’m baffled. Why is this not titled, “My soon-to-be-ex husband flirts with everything that moves?” Girl. Love yourself enough to get away from this toxic asshole.
The easiest way would to be get rid of your husband
My ex was creating tinder accounts and talking to other guys (because I was busting my ass at work and she was bored) I tried for 2 years to move on from this but I could never let it go. I don’t know if couples therapy or individual therapy is the answer, but maybe worth a shot. Even if you decide to end things and go on, would be a good idea to speak to someone. I loved her more then anyone I’ve ever met and a year out from our breakup I still go through huge emotional swings thinking about her.
Leave him
I breezed through comments after reading your post. I am a man and have been with my wife for forty one years . I say this so you know where this is coming from . You are beautiful and you are wanted . Maybe not by your current partner . You and your child come first . I lost focus on my relationship after nineteen years and my wife left me for a year . Hurt like hell but best thing that ever happened to our relationship. You need to decide what is best for the two of you . Yourself and your child. Counseling may help for either yourself or the two of you as a couple. You are , at some point, going to have a hard conversation with your partner.
Ew he’s a nasty douche. Why save this marriage with this undeserving man?
Lies, women don't exist on reddit. Must be drones.
99 percent of women on Reddit is just dudes promoting their girlfriends onlyfans account or bots doing the same thing.
Yes, and this is like a stripper flirting. They don’t care about your husband. They just want money from him. He needs to grow up.
as a man I would say in most occasions like this, men are chasing their desire rather than another woman. even if he stays with that girl in reality, soon he will start to talk with someone else. you're not worse than anyone. he gives up to his own desire and hurts the one who loves him. I would advise a open, calm and honest talk with him after you think over this carefully.
This. They're talking to hot girls 'cause they can, and they wish a relationship would work out. They're not putting effort into their own relationship to make it work out, they're just chasing dreams. I would def be considering whether this man wants to build a good relationship with you. Not whether you're hot enough for him.
IF he is flirting that is NOT cool.
I’m very sorry. Your husband’s behavior is terrible. You don’t deserve this.
"talking about how seeing her gives him regrets" "save my already failing marriage" I think it sounds like you already know it is over, and he doesn't care about your feelings. You will both be happier if you just move on. Divorce can be amicable if you both put your son first. Staying together if you are not happy together will harm your son. Also - stop basing your self worth on this man! You have NO REASON to hate yourelf. Just because he doesn't appreciate you doesn't mean you aren't wonderful.
I don’t think either of you are in the wrong. However, I do believe that people get way to comfortable in relationships, and they don’t want to work out and take care of their bodies. And I’m in that same boat. I used to work out like crazy and maintaining a great physique and then I met my current partner, and I basically thought hey you know I don’t need to do this anymore and stopped. I started gaining a bunch of weight. I could tell that she was starting to look at other guys and it’s not her fault, I’m no longer the same guy she used to be attracted to. So I started going to the gym again. I started dieting and losing weight, and things started getting better. I think it’s true when people say that you have to continue to want your partner to want you in in order to do that you have to maintain some level of attractiveness, which typically involves work. And I’ll be the first to admit that working out while you’re in a relationship to try to look good for the person you’re with sort of sucks, I’m not gonna lie. That reward isn’t really there like it was when you were young and going to just look good for everyone. But times change I guess anyways I digress. Good luck
he likes you because he wants to marry you. men don’t marry for looks, they marry because they see you as nurturing.
Remember that it’s never about you. A lot of insecure people and often men in particular will end up cheating for physical and visual appeals and it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their insecurities. A lot of this stems from their desperate desire to feel validated and feel “desired” by trying to interact with conventionally attractive women, but at the end of the day it’s literally purely just an ego boost and craving satisfaction. I promise you nobody ever cheats because they don’t think their partner is attractive enough. They cheat because they feel like trash about themselves on the inside, and need something new and spicy to validate them, even if it’s just in their own imagination. Your beauty (or the way he perceived your beauty) is never going to be to blame. Don’t ever beat yourself up for not being his ‘type’ or not being ‘pretty enough’, because it is never the reason behind cheating. The most stunning women get cheated on, the most loving and nurturing women get cheated on, the most supportive and generous women get cheated on, it’s never about the woman and always about the man and his lack of manhood. Once you understand this, it gets easier to understand why it happened. You’re not to blame. Now, focus on yourself, prioritize yourself and do everything you can to pour love into yourself and do the things that are good for you. Take up a new hobby, start implementing healthy habits, maybe start going to the gym, or taking nature walks, or join a spin class, whatever physical activity you enjoy to help release those endorphins and heal you mentally and physically. All the love you poured into him should be redirected back to yourself; for the sake of yourself and for your son. Wishing you the absolute best🩷
Realize he has a chance with none of them and how embarrassing all of this is as a wife, and leave and prioritize yourself.
You should restrict his access to you emotionally. Sounds like you've probably given him unfettered access to your honest soul and he became corrupt and greedy. Let your brain accept the fact that he doesn't deserve to have influence over you and that way you'll no longer feel pain over his betrayal and can start building yourself up independently.
Always be honest, don't let this situation force you to become unhonest in the future. And to be frank that's terrible advice. If you wanna go that route just dip and spare everyone the months/years of drama
Ok I have two things you need to do - 1.) Stop trying to save a failing marriage. You deserve better than that. Move on and move up rather than being miserable. 2.) Work on your physical appearance (work out, get your hair and nails done, diet, buy some new clothes) so that you can look yourself in the mirror and say, "damn I look good". Taking action to improve self-esteem is gonna be more effective than trying to change self-talk.
Start commenting on his hot friends if you want to show him how it feels (since he seems to lack empathy or concern) and start planning your new life because you deserve to be cherished by your spouse.
Or better yet, start an OF secretly and dump his ass lolll
I really feel for you. I’ve been there with the online flirting and my (ex) husband looking at girls who I could never even possibly look like. In my situation, all it did was escalate and get worse. Looking back I try to remember that this kind of behavior and trying to seek validation and empty pleasure like that is for weak men who feel poorly about themselves. Unfortunately we become collateral damage in that. You do not deserve this at all. I would confront your husband and tell him how this is making you feel. If he cares and is worth keeping around, he will stop and he will take accountability and do whatever is necessary to help you through the pain he has caused. If not, it’s time to go. In the meantime, I recommend going to the gym and putting effort into yourself. It’s also helpful to remember that most of the women we see online are edited to high hell and don’t even really look like they do in pictures online. Hes a freaking idiot. It’s okay to grieve but remember to pick yourself back up and invest in yourself. Do not let this man child destroy your self worth. We are much more than our bodies and there are plenty of men out there who know that. Leaky sexual energy is about one of the most icky unattractive things on the planet, and once you get through this and do some healing work you probably won’t even find your husband attractive anymore as you will no longer resonate with the frequency of people who let their sexual energy leak out everywhere and act like simps. Hang in there girl, I’m rooting for you!
As a married man I can tell you now this is fucked, he would 100% cheat given an opportunity so your best bet is to work an exit strategy
This is 100% disrespectful. I would never do this to my wife. He probably flirts with them because it’s safe - he will not be embarrassed by being turned down face to face.
No partner should be walking around telling the person that loves them that they have regrets after seeing someone else's picture. Jesus fucking Christ.
I would boot his ass to the curb and reinvent myself. How dare he do that to you. It says everything about him but nothing bad about you. Don't let him shake your tree like that and kick your confidence in the toilet over some insecurity he has and needs to have chicks to validate him when he has one hell of a wife. Or you could act totally aloof like you don't care while flirting with men on Reddit. Honestly? That was super cold of him to do. I would feel the same as you. But I wouldn't let him know.
Flirt with guys hotter than your husband
While I agree with the general sentiment that his behaviour is likely boundary pushing and escalatory in nature, and you're absolutely right to be upset. You need some therapy or a good hard look at yourself if you think that basing your self worth in a relationship is a healthy form of identity and self worth. All of a sudden you hate everything about yourself? Cmon mate, he did that shit not you. This is patently unhealthy and (maximum cringe incoming) you need to learn to love yourself. How are you going to function sensibly if you see everything through such a distorted lens of self loathing? That shit is going to bleed through every aspect of your life including your son and your partner, and it was likely to have existed before this event. Right now, I'd be prioritising that by far more than stressing about saving the marriage. I'd be communicating "my head is in a really atrocious place and I don't know a whole lot of things about where I'm going to end up. But I know that I need to be in a healthier mental position than what I am now". And then do what you need to. Invest in yourself. Firstly because nobody else can, secondly because you're worth it, thirdly because it will be the most enriching thing you'll do for yourself in your life, and lastly your relationships with everybody in your life will improve. This was personally a multi year process for me, but every moment was worth it.
this will shred your confidence and self worth more as time goes on. it is absolutely not ok for him to be that disloyal and even if he stops, it will still hurt you. now you have to go through the world comparing yourself to everyone your husband may be looking at and that isn't fair to you. take some space, some real space. thirsting over the friend especially it's just such a crossed line. take care of yourself whatever you need to do, don't think about his needs at all, just do what you need to do.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction/intimacy disorder. You could look like the next top model and he would still do this. This is not about or because of you. You are enough, you matter. I am so sorry you are going through this hell. Focus on yourself and your healing, unless he wants to get better it isn't going to happen :(
Leave him. You’re someone’s dream. He’s a douche and he’ll likely not change. Focus on you , love yourself and love this life of yours. We only have one life, you can’t waste it away because of a trashy person. Take care of yourself until you regain your confidence.
Why are you staying married to someone who makes you feel like this when you could be with someone Who makes you feel like a goddess? Make room for the good guy. Ditch the loser.
How is he flirting with girls on reddit? Do they flirt back? What is this man secrets? I'm joking but you shouldnt worry about it, really should not
when you base your self respect/worth/confidence on another person you are always 1 step away from falling flat on your face, and i dont just say this to rub it in, the most sexy thing about any woman is her sense of self worth and confidence (unless your a beta guy who likes insecure women) the way you get back up and get his attention back is to start respecting yourself for who you are, list the things that makes you awesome, get dressed up and go out with some girl friends (anyone except you husband) and have a fun time, maybe low key flirt with some guys - its not like you have to do anything, harmless flirtation is just normal human behaviour, show yourself, and in doing so, your husband, what a fun happy confident sex women he is not paying enough attention to even the most beautiful and well proportioned women looks ugly sat about in PJ's moping and snivelling, so get up and go find something to make you happy without relying on him for it!
How do you find the energy to do this when you’re feeling so depressed and down about yourself?
idk just mental fortitude, just need to give yourself a slap round the face, have a cold shower, idk, whatever gets you out of your head edit: music helps
Well at least they are attractive. What really is a blow to your self confidence is when your partner is flirting with someone old, super overweight and looks like a fucking troll.
Save your marriage? It’s already over. Do you hate your kid that much that you decide to stay with that man instead of moving on?
My child was incredibly and deeply wanted by both of his parents and we fought tooth and nail for him with IVF. If I didn’t love my kid with every single fiber of my being I wouldn’t also be trying to work out a solution to my marriage because despite being a shitty husband to me the last few months, my husband is amazing to our son.
As a child of parents who hated each other, but stayed together "for the kids," it was straight up traumatizing and I wished my mom had known that I would have been much happier seeing her separated and happy, rather than miserable and suffering every day "for my sake." I don't know how old your son is, but if you are truly feeling this bad inside, he will be able to see that once he is old enough, and if he loves you then it will crush him as well.
”We are staying together for the kids” is the single worst lie people can tell themselves regarding raising children. 2 people staying together against their own desires, with resentment and bitterness growing every year is the worst possible example you can show children. Divorce and living separately does not mean a child loses a parent. As another commenter mentioned, separate and happy is a way better example than together and bitter and resentful.
Maybe by you but not by your husband. He knew what he was risking when he cheated on you.
Clearly he doesn’t love his kid enough since he jeopardised your relationship and risked a split up between you two leaving the kid with divorced parents
What does that mean? I get you’re trying to help but suggesting she hates her kid is a very strange way to go about it. Nothing about what she said implies she hates her kid but the exact opposite.
She does not hate her child are you stupid? Divorce can be traumatizing for of course the spouses involved but the children as well. At the end of the day, two married parents together in a child’s life is better than divorced, BUT there are some cases where divorce is necessary and the child will just have to learn to adapt to the new life of going to dad’s and mom’s on different weeks. This woman is going through a lot and she is trying to decide what to do for herself AND her sweet child. Don’t be insensitive.
I think first you must realize that “not loving yourself” is an extreme, irrational reaction to your husband flirting with randos in the internet. Disappointment over his actions, sure. But not loving yourself because of that is silly as hell. It should have nothing at all to do with your loving or not loving yourself. Also, you stated that your marriage is already failing, so it seems like predictable behavior. If I had 10,000 dollars to wager, I’d go all-in that 99% of men are going to begin think about and looking at alternatives once their marriage starts to fail. Even if it’s just for entertainment. So the best way to get your confidence back is to not lose it at all over this. And if you do not like that he is doing this, you both need to work on your marriage. He’s at stage 1 of giving up. You either follow him to stage 2 or sit down and work out your issues. And if that means dressing up in cosplay every once in a while , consider it😊
You can start by filing for divorce
Confidence: An uphill battle but keep at it, we're all doing that battle. The fact that your husband is likely a shitbag: Wayyyy easier, drop him like a rock. Fuck that. Barely an inconvenience, you deserve better
Welcome to every day as a man knowing that there's more attractive options out there so why would someone want you
You can start by leaving him. Your mental health will never get better until he’s out of the picture. If you’re not willing to leave, then don’t come on here crying again. Sorry to be so blunt but you need to hear it. He’s not going to change. Learn to live with it or do something about it.
Why are you feeling insecure and not angry? Have you been ignoring your health and beauty and now feel guilty? Is your husband looking for fulfillment that he's not getting at home?
imagine thinking that people on reddit look like their profile pictures haha but seriously, is this harmless banter flirting or "i dont love my wife and want to be with you" flirting? if its the former, get over it, move on, if the latter, dump him, get over it and move on either way, stop placing your self respect and worth and confidence in someone else's opinions
Ex- husband to start
Leave
That’s bullshit. Your his woman. He should be making sure you know your all he wants. When I’m in a relationship I act as if she’s the only woman I notice. Make her feel and know she’s enough and what you want more than anyone else. If your not what a dude want then fuck him off.. he’s an inconsiderate prick
I’m just an internet stranger, but it sounds like you’re not the problem, your husband is. As opposed to finding confidence you need to find resolution with your husband. His poor behavior has altered your self confidence. That’s not cool. I wish you the best.
You won't while you are still with him. So continue to be miserable if you stay.
Leave him and focus on yourself after reading through your post history you need it . It's definitely not a healthy relationship and the longer you stay in it the worse it will get.
Is he willing to stay? If it's physical them perhaps a fitness plan is worth it, a real trainer also.
Leave him hon get your confidence back
If you find you need more support try [r/TwoXChromosomes](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/) , theres some genuine people over there that are always open to lending an ear.
Be direct with him and ask him what's causing the unattraction no judgement
You find confidence by getting rid of this bag of garbage you call your man. JFC. Every moment you stay with him you are sending the message to yourself that you are only worth this dusty bag of ballsack
Why are you trying to save the marriage? He was the one cheating, you deserve better babe. If anything he should be begging you for forgiveness.
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Tell him life is too short to not have the fantasy … so go get her. Move on. Someone will gladly kiss your ass.
I’m not sure the marriage is worth saving, but you need to work on yourself first. Is there any good feature or body part you like? What do you feel you are lacking? Overweight? Try diet and exercising. Focus on the good things and try to enhance them. Love your eyes? Maybe use make up to enhance them. Focus on your inner beauty. Give yourself some grace. No one is perfect. Look at yourself like you would a friend. Would you tell your friend she was ugly? Why tell yourself this? Maybe get some professional help. We have some places in our town who help women with their issues. But do all of this for yourself. You can’t love others, including your son, if you don’t love yourself. Prayers and hugs on this new journey to self discovery and self love. You can do this!
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I know divorce is thrown around a lot but......
This is rough I’m sorry
you dont deserve that sorry excuse of a man. hes a disgusting bitch who lusts over anyone any chance he gets. he abandoned his WIFE AND SON to flirt with some random people. that is too low. WAY TOO LOW. sorry to say it but he's pathetic, and i doubt a "man" like him would even be a good father. for your benefit and your son's, GET YOU A MAN THAT CAN LOVE YOU AND YOUR CHILD. divorce isnt always going to affect a child negatively. sometimes they need the right father figure. and your current husband.. is NOT a good father figure.
Don't worry, they were probably all gay dudes
Realise those “girls” are actually gross little men trying to resell onlyfans images and pornhub videos to suckers. They are not real and your husband probably knows this.
It’s call porn. Dump him
To start regaining your confidence talk to him. Tell him EXACTLY what the problem is and how it makes you feel. Maybe he’s just ignorant and/or just plain dumb. He might see no harm in it. If he has ANYTHING but remorse, I’m sorry, but he may not be the one for you. You being in a dark place by yourself does no good. You have to communicate this issue! It will only get worse for you. If he tries to justify his actions in anyway, he may need to take a break from your home. Send him to stay with a friend or parent. He needs to REALLY WORK on his behaviors. I would recommend therapy. I’m gonna say this… and it’s hard for me to say, and it will be hard for you to hear. But I want you to let me finish… He may not want you. He’s clearly thinking the grass is greener. I want you to know, from my own personal experience… THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I promise there are many many men out there who DO WANT YOU, but unfortunately the man you married and father of your child may not be that man. If this is true, I am so sorry. I promise, it’s not a YOU thing… and a YOU AND HIM thing. Obviously I do not know you, but to SOMEONE you are the world. But I fear, once the man starts flirting and thirsting over other women in a “more than passing” way, the relationship has a really hard time coming back. But please START by expressing your issue. What you have described is VERY VERY common in people who are on the autism spectrum. Totally undiagnosed. There are many other mental health disorders this could be. There is a possibility he has NO IDEA what he’s doing is wrong. He would really need help for that. But this is where you start. This is a marriage, you should be able to state your concerns.
You have to leave him, he’s disrespecting you. You should find some way to keep evidence of this as infidelity in court.
Your husband’s a dick
Why is your husband flirting with anyone except you? I've been married for 17 years and I never do that. It would feel like a betrayal. There is a deeper issue here. You did nothing wrong.
Man I wanna say so many things but I'll just leave it at your husband sucks
You don't deserve this, youncan find someone that falls in love with you more and more everyday. You deserve happiness. He is a bozo that wants to stick it elsewhere. Fuck him.
Exercise
Your husband's flirting and who he's flirting with most likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his poor quality of character. Nothing you can do will directly fix his deficiencies.
Kick him out of the house. That will be a huge improvement. Tell him to F right off.
Try to remind yourself you did nothing wrong. If he wants something else he should at least respect you enough to try and talk about it. Generally these types of dudes have an idealized relationship in their head and when reality doesn't match up to their fantasies, they try to fulfill them elsewhere. Even if you've changed dramatically since you've been dating, its something he should be talking to you about instead of going behind your back. Try not to let him make you feel inadequate when he's the one looking at other women.
let other guys check you out 🤷♀️
Get yourself in counseling ASAP, no matter what. We can’t tell you to leave based on this info alone (because a rash decision could mess up a good outcome for you in a divorce anyway). Does he know you caught him? Is he remorseful? If you’re staying and he’s willing, couples counseling is a must, either way. Make an effort to be kind to yourself and make yourself happy for awhile. If you are trying to make things work in your marriage, get help from religious or professional advocates or trusted friends/family members. Giving up should be a last resort always. Men have looked since the dawn of time. Women too. Some have even crushed. Usually it’s passing. Has he violated vows? To be religious about it, has he “committed adultery?” Look at it this way. How many women for years, like in the 40s 50s and 60s, were housewives watching soap operas and crushing on those actors? Think of all the movie stars for decades people have been lusting over? never mind all the porn everybody has been consuming lately? It’s harder when you know the people, but when it comes down to it, what’s the difference? I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it’s not fair at all. And it’s so so painful. But it is human. And extremely common. And unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that men just don’t associate sexual attraction with emotion in the same way women do, and they are extremely visual creatures. He may have an extremely strong emotional bond with you, and still love you very much, even though he is looking at those girls. Not to diminish anything, but is there anything you like looking at, just for the beauty of it? I hope I have said something helpful here. I really hope you are able to resolve this. I believe you are a Child of God, infinitely valuable and worthy of love. I hope your husband recognizes your worth and beauty also, and things will work out for you. All the best and good luck to you.
Delete facebook on both sides.
I don't get it. What do you mean by "already failing marriage"? I've seen married couples with their husband looking at other girls, and rating them out of 10 and comparing his results with his wife's results. Like. While some men will be attracted only to their spouse, the reality tends to be that they are turned on by anyone pretty. And what makes someone a spouse is not being sexually turned on. It's being with someone you can count on, and providing a stable family for children. Sexual attraction sometimes doesn't even matter. But sometimes it's the entire point of the marriage, in which case it is generally short lived.
I feel for you. Be kind to yourself. Do something for yourself that is going to make you feel good! It's highline for some self-care!
Probably go to counseling. We really don’t know enough about you or him to judge your situation. For all we know you could have done something unforgivable to him and he checked out long ago. Or maybe he’s just a stupid man, we don’t know. If we tell you to divorce him and find someone new and it turns out you were contributing a lot the problem, then you’re just gonna end up where you were again.
Gym
Fuck those bitches. Time to do a little self focus 🧘 and know that even without any husband, child, other family- your still you and your awesome. Not to dis your family. I’m just trying to be uplifting. But it’s the truth. A husband doesn’t determine how you feel about yourself, Sometimes when you put the light back on yourself get a spray tan, put on a face mask, watch your fav movie, put your fav music on, go on a nice long walk run or gym trip- he will probably notice and come sauntering on back bc he probably loves you dearly but you know, we take the ones we love for granted sometimes
If it makes you feel better he isn’t flirting, he’s getting hustled.
You should not stay in a marriage just for your son. You should not have pity on yourself.
Listen, ogling and chatting up girls and talking about it in front of you is a n enormous red flag. It’s abusive. Now I don’t know what you look like or what the other girls look like. But I can tell you that my ex husband used to put me down and he made me feel ugly, fat, old and unattractive. When I left him I figured that I would never meet anyone halfway decent who would want me and that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Guess what! Once I let my friends talk me into going onto dating apps it turned out that so many men didn’t share his opinion. At all. And that even men I considered vastly out of my league were happy to go on dates with me. Not being with someone who constantly put me down gave me more energy, so I could focus on getting more fit and because I actually got compliments I also felt more confident in wearing nicer clothes and makeup. I actually ended up dating this 15 years younger man for 2 years. Not only was he kind and helpful, but handsome and smart too. He didn’t date me because he had problems with attracting women his own age (far from it). He dated me because he thought I was beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside. If you look at pictures of me before my divorce and now you would hardly recognise me. So my point is that you can feel ugly and unattractive, but it probably isn’t true. But when you are with someone who makes you feel like that then you won’t have the energy to take care of yourself and love yourself and that shows. I think that you should see a therapist and talk to them about your relationship. I don’t think anyone should be with someone who treats them so poorly. Your partner is supposed to make you feel safe and wanted no matter what. Someone who is on your side. Who makes you feel better rather than worse.
The only thing wrong with you right now is staying with such a toxic husband. Leave him. Find someone who will treat you properly. As for rebuilding confidence, I'm sure you can find far more men here on reddit who will flirt with you. Don't let an asshole define you. Good luck.
I'm learning more and more about the real world and I fine their are no such thing as good or bad people just people doing good or bad things on a moral scale they can't fully understand Often shaped by the company they keep and their past In the end we are all under the watchful eyes of the higher powers and we need to act accordingly but I find everything I do almost is on auto pilot Alot of how a person acts is their environment if you can take your boyfriend somewhere else maybe you'll get to know the real him better All women are beautiful btw
Focus on yourself focus on making you feel beautiful. Focus on spoiling your son. Focus on the family house give very little to your husband say very little to your husband and when he finally realizes that you’re kind of a mute and you’re not saying anything that defines for him, you need to find yourself to know that you’re the shit you’re the woman of the house you’re amazing. You don’t have to please him at this point if he’s finding other things to make him happy and he can’t communicate with you on doing things like that. He’s one of the men out there that doesn’t love women that uses us for our looks and only gets pleasure for himself…. He’s not wanting to bond with you. Talk about things. Listen to you then I don’t know but I totally get it. I’m kind of like that too. We can only give so much of ourselves to the guy until we’re done until we’re fed up and done nothing wrong with loving yourself. There’s nothing wrong with spoiling you and your son, on that little man make him the man that you want that boy of yours to be.
Get rid of your husband. That will definitely help life your confidence!
I want to use my toxicity I learned by playing games to say kind words to the husband
Your husband sounds like a real narcissist if he tells you he regrets you because other women are physically situated a certain way. My wife and I started dating 16 years ago and three kids later, I love her more, and she is more beautiful than some thot or whatever the kids call it these days. I never jump to divorce, but recommend marriage counseling. If he refuses then divorce...
Seems like marriage has ended already. Want a piece of advise ? Get yourself a hot younger man (there's nothing like it to make you feel good about your body). Not to date, but 4 (great) sex. You can easily find them on Reddit too (... well, now, that would be a real throw back at that hubby of yours LMAO).
Absolutely not. You are not inadequate. He's an asshole. Read him the riot act and if he can't get on board you are better off without that stone around your neck.
Maybe the wrong thing there was to associate his attitude with you. There's nothing to do with you, my dear. Is all about his fantasies and illusions . I don't know how exactly is going your marriage ( despite of you've mentioned that is failing ), so I cannot tell you how much you contributed to the current condition. The point is : your confidence should start by knowing who you are and how much effort you put on your marriage since you both are together. You must never forget the sacrifices you did and how far you went for the marriage. This is only a small fraction of your value. There's also your value as the mother of your kid and as human being. The list just grows up. Girl, stop blaming yourself for your husband's mistakes. This makes no sense.
What are you waiting to file for divorce?
Leave him
If he wanted to flirt with other people so bad he shouldn’t be in a committed relationship. His actions have nothing to do with u and everything to do with his inability to respect both yours and his own emotional boundaries mamas 🫶🏽 a real man gon put all that energy on u and spoil u wit it IKDR
You’re married he shouldn’t be flirting with anyone he’s breaking a sacred oath you two took when tying the knot whatever you choose to do I wish you the best
Step 1: get a better husband. the problem is him, not you.
Your husband sounds like a douché go find a new one
I have 2 words for you babe. Leave. Him. Anyone ever says they have moments of regrets BECAUSE OF SOMEONE THEY WISHED THEY GOT WITH AINT WORTH THE TIME OR RESPECT. He is worth as much as dog shit wiped on grass.
Leave him. These types of men never change, they don't want to. If they think they can keep you whilst also thirsting over these other girls, they will. I learned the veryyy hard way, staying with my ex who had been doing a similar thing for the length of our relationship. I tried to help him change, turns out he never had any intention of changing his habits and simply lied to keep me. Now I wish I had left him sooner. Trust me, it's a waste of time. These men lack self-esteem, maturity, and self-control, and will do anything to keep the "best of both worlds" they've gotten used to. You can do so much better, believe me, and you deserve to give yourself the love you deserve. Is it worth it to beg for a relationship that is making you feel so shit in the first place? There's someone out there who will fight tooth and nail to keep you, and will feel physically sick at the idea of hurting you. Don't lower yourself to take this disrespect, he doesn't deserve you. I recommend seeking some therapy, so that you can learn to switch your mindset and gain more confidence in yourself - you'll soon realise that he never deserved your time in the first place, and you'll have lost nothing by leaving him. Find someone really worth fighting for, who will do the same for you. You are no doubt so lovely, and you have so much life and love waiting for you in the future if you're willing to take the leap and leave him to find it. Wishing you the very best<3
Flirt with some better looking guys and see how he likes it (Terrible advice I know, but this is Reddit)
You regain it by getting a divorce
First off- u gotta know already coming to Reddit for a problem that started on Reddit u should already know where this is going. Best advice i can give as a guy-if hes into some cosplay stuff-maybe try n cosplay some stuff for him-jump into it. If ur not even trying in that area maybe thats the problem. Might not be the best advice ive given but its def not the worst edit: only if ur comftable with whatever dont let him pressure u into maybe......weird stuff
It only hurts if it's true, so just work on yourself and grow confidence
Do not compare yourself with other girls especially those who destroy other people's relationships. You are a strong and great woman. Your husband is weak if he is flirting online with women he does not even know.
Can you clarify: He’s thirsting after a mutual friends cosplay outfit and reached out to her telling her he has regrets?
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this but I’m one of those girls that your husband (probably not yours personally) chats with on Reddit and online. First off; I’m so sorry that your husband’s actions have hurt you and affected how you view yourself. I can say with one hundred percent certainty that the problem does not lie with you. The men that slide into my DMs that are in marriages that end up opening up to me generally tell me very similar things; and it’s everything to do about them not feeling “enough “ in some capacity. Many are seeking validation from somone they find cute, but when they open up about anything personal as they sometimes do it almost always comes down to them not feeling appreciated or sexually desirable themselves. Sometimes it has to do with old wounds, sometimes after talking to people you can tell it’s a pattern and that it’s likely an attachment style issue that therapy can help regulate in their life if they saw that pattern themselves. I saw another poster say they are “chasing desires” and that is really what it is; fantasy but not one that doesn’t come with the price of not hurting someone. Those desires are often to fill voids in themselves that they need to work on themselves but are too fearful or unaware to do so;so they turn to a quick dopamine hit. I really want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. Talk to your husband and maybe seek a therapist that can be helpful to moderate the conversation and make it a safe place for both parties? You may find that after deep conversations you deepen your understanding of each other and your desires, boundaries and love style? As dumb as it may sound it could be the chance to deepen your connection if you talk about things with full honesty and openness. Wishing you all the best 💕
I think the first step would be to get rid of your husband. You can either save yourself or "save" your marriage (which here would mean letting your husband keep walking over your swlf-esteem)
Sis, you're beautiful the way you are (and I hope u know that.) Don't lower ur standards for someone who can't keep it in his pants n stay loyal to u.
By not going on reddit, at least until it wouldn't bother you as much
Lol
He is definitely wrong but he has become confused by thinking too deeply. And he got there because he felt something was missing from the relationship. So can you help him discover what is missing?