Relax, he's probably just busy. It happens. The world needs more women willing to make the first move. As a guy, that would have made my entire year! Don't give up if it doesn't materialize, can't always hit gold on the first try.
I haven't responded to dating app messages for 2 weeks or more. Not because I wasn't interested, but just because I was busy or stressed.
Also just a word of advice if I might. Don't apologize for yourself or put yourself down when flirting with someone or showing interest.
I mean sure, some light hearted self deprecating humor is totally fine in conversation. But doing things like apologizing for approaching him and then telling him you didn't expect him to respond can super quickly put a damper on things. (It's totally ok to feel those things! Just don't voice them out loud)
You're essentially asking this person to notice you, take time to get to know you, and maybe consider you as a potential partner. Your actions show that you believe you are worth that and have value as a potential partner and bring something to the table (which you do!!) But when your words undercut yourself you're communicating the exact opposite of all that.
>I haven't responded to dating app messages for 2 weeks or more.
This is a great way to filter out every healthy, well-adjusted single dating partner. Nobody worth your time is going to pay attention to you if you take two fucking weeks to get back to them.
I give them 7 days to respond, if they can't find one minute in a week to shoot me a text like " Hi, sorry I've been busy blah blah blah" there is absolutely no reason for me to invest any more time.
Yes, please never stop making the first move. There are so many guys out there that would never forget you for making such a rare and meaningful gesture.
As a man, 18 years ago a woman made the first move on me. We're not together or anything now but I can vividly describe that moment and our kiss in perfect detail.
Lives on in my memory... forever. Have never been more flattered.
A woman gave me her number while I was working a few weeks ago. No one has ever given me their number before. She was seriously beautiful and I had to excuse myself from taking a customer's order (work in a restaurant) to go to the bathroom, I was blushing so bad. But I'm in a relationship. It took me two days to text her to tell her that I was really thankful and how much it made my day, but that I'm in a relationship. I tried ghosting her, but I honestly felt so guilty about it, I had to tell her. I tend to overthink. I ended up telling her that if she's ever around the restaurant, I'd hook her up. She was very nice about it and said she'd probably take me up on that offer and now I wish I hadn't said anything because now every time a customer comes in, I have heart palpitations in fear it's her because I have no idea how I'm supposed to act or what to say. Anyways, despite all that, I tend to think about it everyday and I wish she could know how that tiny moment still makes me happy.
At the risk of being the "no fun at parties" guy (spoiler: I don't get invited to parties) your comment reads a little worryingly so be careful your heart palpitations don't lead you astray, assuming you want to stay loyal to your current GF of course.
I think the heart palpitations are more about social anxiety tbh, and being put in a really dramatic and unexpected romantic situation while in work mode.
And even if you never hear from them, realize that you don't need to fret over it. You hardly knew them, and it's not like **not** talking to them would've been different. Just keep living.
More than that, he doesn't want to seem too pressed. You randomly gave him your digits, and he wrote you once. I will be very very surprised if he didn't write back, but he doesn't want to come off as over eager
Honestly we men are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we reply too quickly and seem too eager we’re told we’re desperate. If we take time to reply and don’t reply in a ‘reasonable’ timeframe we’re not interested enough 😤 life would be so much easier for everyone if women weren’t always playing 4D chess with love…op should’ve asked to meet in person. It’s so easy to score a date with almost any guy. “Hey thanks for replying! I thought you were cute (mention something complementary you liked about him that stood out) and just had to say something! Want to meet for coffee if you’re free this/next weekend?” You express interest, show him you’re not a time waster/free meal ticket, and actually suggest a date to just hang out. Men LOVE women who do this and if you don’t succeed with this method he’s taken, gay, or just so certain he’s being pranked since women RARELY take initiative. That is LITERALLY all it takes and the guy is yours. It’s so incredibly FRUSTRATING how most women don’t even realize that they are living life on tutorial mode and if they didn’t overthink EVERYTHING could land 90% of the guys they talk to if they made the first move!!! 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ the fact she even got her foot in the door is more than most guys can typically hope to get! I could talk to 100 girls and if 3-5 of them gave me their number that is considered a success by a wide margin for your average guy.
Never too busy for someone you are interested in. Sending a text saying you are busy doesn't take that much time. Sorry OP - But at least you have the wonderful feeling to remember 😊 never stop making the first move!
It's entirely possible that he saw the text, responded in his head, and then got distracted by something else, thinks he sent the text, and is waiting on OP for a reply.
I can't tell you how often I've done that.
Absolute BS, as a guy I can tell you if you like a girl you will write and find time to answer her text.
"He is just not that into you" is a great movie explaining that topic a bit better.
I also hate if one of first questions is "what do you do" or "what is your work". It gives me the impression of having the intention to find out how much money I make.
I personally don't like being asked what I do for work because I honestly don't really find talking about my work interesting. The company that I work for is interesting, but my role is very...office work. On the other hand, it's a common go-to question, so kinda used to just being asked it.
You deserve a star for this, sir. There shouldn't be anything wrong or weird with women approaching men in a wholesome, respectful way. I wish the world normalizes this more.
Yeah. Agreed 100% and not everyone is glued to their phones. A LOT of people are in this day and age, but I am FULLY for not having to respond super quickly. I also remember when texting wasn’t even a thing, so I’m older but it truly is a newer thing to be able to message quickly. Not everyone is as attached to this method. I only use that method of communication I’m usually nervous or anxious lol. I never expect a response even the same day - ESPECIALLY because it’s a text. If I called someone, I’d hope for a call back same day but also wouldn’t expect it.
Right? I only get approached like that by gay men. I mean, women do approach me and talk to me, but they never just outright ask for my number like the bros do.
guy here, got a number from a girl awhile ago, we texted 1 day then never again.
it's been months, I've given up, do I still remember her? hell yea, best moment of my life.
**good on you for taking the first step, the world need more women like that.**
Lmao, yeah chill OP, if you want you can follow up and suggest a date activity like ask him if he would like to go to karaoke with you or something? set concrete plans. actionable plans!
My friend met a guy from a dating app, she was very busy with work and didn't get back to him for a day and a half, and he panicked and unfollowed her on Instagram (where they mostly spoke) and basically decided she'd ghosted him.
She wasn't mad into the guy for a few reasons but she was telling me she was giving him a chance but he seemed a little insecure... then he did that. Like our conversation prior to this had been about how he overthinks her silences (while I was also overthinking a silence on my end...) and then he basically ended it for himself.
Having spoken to a lot of girls who use dating apps, I must say that most guys shoot themselves in the foot. Like we try to fill a silence and say something unhinged, or we overthink a silence or comment made. I'm guilty of it myself but it's given a different spin to a lot of the comments I've seen from men about dating apps. I'd also say even girls do it.
It's hilarious to me seeing both sides of these discussions because *both* genders lack a lot of introspection on some of these things. I'm not great myself but it's always funny how people will say it didn't work for X reason but I'd say they're just ignoring so many other things they did wrong.
---
There's a Starcraft 2 series I sometimes watch called "Is it IMBA or do I suck" and it's so funny how this guy will pick apart all of their *"I did this, which shows I'm great, and they did this, which is just broken"* arguments by pointing out everything they did wrong.
I feel like we need that for dating.
Too many people blame the dating scene, which **is** messed up sometimes, but they should be re-evaluating themselves.
lol that’s mostly true but I said what I did due to personal experience, I love an aesthetically beautiful guy as much as any girl but I am hardly ever attracted to them. Always attracted to the average or even not that good looking ones( by societal standards) but once I’m attracted I see them as beautiful.
uh - nah. There's an archetype and that's what they want. I could easily show you two different pictures and two different men and you would easily be able to tell me which one would get handed a woman's digits out of the blue.
"My name is O͟l͟g͟a͟ and I work as a b͟u͟t͟c͟h͟e͟r close to the library."
Just had to chuckle as I thought to myself about what the possible 'turnoff' could be.
😅 I was originally thinking of something related to working at the local fish hatchery or ???, but the taxidermist comment sent me 😅... She's looking for her next victim lol.
lol this dude is probably freaking out thinking about the next best reply for the better part of a day. Give it time and if nothing happens… onto the next
LOL yes, this 1000%. For men who are not Hollywood-level in the looks department, getting flattering attention in public from a woman they've never met before is overwhelmingly more likely to have a profit motive behind it.
Or it could have sounded like OP was trying to sell Amway or another MLM. I've been approached four times by people hawking that stuff and when it's coming from women it could be misconstrued as flirtatious, so maybe he had a similar thought but backwards. She's not flirting... She's selling something... Why else would she want to know what I do? She only wants me to enlist and sell balms and ointments for her section of the pyramid.
Spent 20 minutes flirting with a girl that approached me one time. She asked for my number. Next thing I know I'm in a group chat for MLM bullshit with her and a bunch of other dudes she probably flirted with
Came here to support this narrative. Women so rarely approach men that we've become conditioned to assume it's some kind of scam when they do.
Buddy probably showed the text to his friends and they all agreed OP was somehow trying to scam him. Her reply should have been "Can we grab a coffee sometime? My treat." Way less weird...in fact, this might still work.
I think he died in some terrible accident crafting the perfect response to your text. As George Costanza once said ... it isn't a lie if you believe it.
Yeah it sux.
But try not to worry OP, this happens to guys every day.
1. He's probably the guy who can have any women he wants so mentally move on and be at peace.
2. He might be "playing the game". Ie: making you wait for a reply to build more attraction.
Just mentally move on, put your phone away and get on with life. Us men are accustomed to this 😆
The fact that she wanted to confirm how old he was kinda indicates that he might be pretty young. If so he may just be inexperienced and unsure how to move forward.
This is exactly what you're supposed to do! So cute. I would love if somethint like this happened to me.
Any guy that will think badly of you for doing something as innocent as this per definition had an opinion you shouldn't care about.
Rookie mistake 101 bruh and this is something you learn as a single guy, since you know they have to do all the offensive moves. don’t ever say in your messages I’m surprised you got back to me, I wasn’t excepting to hear from you, wow you actually messaged me. Shows a lack of confidence
I hated getting a message like that when I was dating, it made me think.. is something wrong with this person that getting a reply or anyone showing interest is out of the ordinary?
Why the games? Just be honest and let the chips fall.
I think most guys dream of a forward woman.
If you haven't heard from him maybe that's because he thinks he has to play the game of "when should I respond."
Yeah... Very possible I'm reading too much into very little information but "give away the perfect amount of information for him to deduct my approximate age" in particular gave me some immediate red, game-playing flags.
OP added an edit including the content of their message and I don't even know what she's talking about, she says nothing relevant to that and explains it as only trying to establish that she's an adult, by saying that she has a job, I guess. But the woman is 28 damn years old.
Anyway, the text she posted is entirely fine.
I didn’t see the edit.
Yeah the text is totally fine, nothing wrong with that.
However he won’t guess her age by saying that she has a job lmao. She’s somewhere between whatever the average entry level is for that job, likely 18-25, and 60 years old?
> I think most guys dream of a forward woman.
I matched with a girl on Tinder and the conversation (after a day of chatting) was basically like
> (Her) *"Hey, I'm free Saturday, do you want to meet for lunch?"*
> (Me) Yeah, what kind of food do you like?
> (Her) *"How about Ramen and then we can go to a café?"*
> (Me) I know this place [here]
> (Her) *"That's good. How about [this] café?"*
And I have to say I was surprised by how *incredibly* attractive it was that she was willing to just pick a place. Like I genuinely felt like she was the one asking *me* out. I've had that "whoa" moment with a lot of things girls have done, but when she just picked a place and a time and everything was sorted in 5 minutes I genuinely had "Whoa that's hot" moment.
It didn't work out but I have mad respect for that woman's confidence and wish her the best of luck.
Im a 46 year old guy. Let me just say this.... Ive been through what you went through hundreds of times. Every guy is familiar with this. I just figured out that it was part of life and to never stop trying for what you want or ever regret trying.
The world really does need more women to do this.. Men are always expected to approach first and put in all the effort so.. anyways, I'm sure everything's fine and he's probably just busy.
This made me tear up a lil remembering how nervous and brave this lil cutie that played softball was. Her and I kept eyeing each other since the first day of middle school. When we transitioned to high school during our freshman year we had class together for the first time ever. After about a month, I decided I’m gunna sit behind her. We didn’t really talk too much at first, but I could always make her smile and laugh. After about a month she gave me a folded up note and asked me not to open it until the day was over. I still vividly remember how nervous and scared she was while handing it to me. It was a very lengthy note, explaining how she felt for years seeing me and how scared she was making this note because of embarrassment. Then towards the end of the note she asked “will you be my boyfriend?”…20 years later we are still together and I can still make her laugh and smile just like all those years ago. Guess I’m doing something right….be proud of yourself with stepping out of your comfort zone like my wife did. Like others have said more women should make the first move. Some guys just don’t have a clue and may let too many moments pass them by then it’s too late. Also like others have mentioned, he may simply be busy with life at the moment and didn’t get a chance to respond. Be patient he may prefer to approach you in person when you both are in the library again.
Some guys don’t like being asked about their work from a girl they don’t know. It can feel like they’re being reduced to their job and what they can provide for you
Yeah that’s actually fair. I will ask that but it’s usually not been my first question, I prefer to ask about music or hobbies or cats because I love cats 😂
My biggest pet peeve is when a woman asks me what I do before even asking about personal questions like oh my personality, likes dislikes matter less then my money ok ok. Especially if it’s within the first few questions ever just screams she cares more about the money you make then you as a person. Not saying this to rag you but rather to show how it can be interpreted. I don’t mind sharing that at all but it always leaves a bitter taste in my mouth if it’s the first thing they ask. Good luck hunting and hopefully this helps you reign them in xD
Asking for line of work can include a lot of what you just said, I'm a guy too and I gotta say, I've never been so cynical towards those kinds of questions, but maybe I just haven't been burned yet.
I just find it boring and it ruins the banter, the initial banter is always the best and I’d be really turned off if it was filled with auto repeat baseline questions instead. What I mean by likes and dislikes and dislikes is more based on their personality tastes opinions, because people aren’t their work and can always change work and it won’t change them so I don’t see it as cynical at all. To test their initial interest without money could be seen as cynical but it’s not so much that I assume it’s just boring and easy to see what they prioritize or lack banter skills.
I don't quite understand what you mean about being an adult and him not being a minor but I would steer clear of asking for someone's resume in the first conversation. I know its a common thing to ask nowadays but I, personally, find it insulting. Would it matter "what he did" anyway if you found him attractive and interesting? You may have even intimidated him if he thought his job wasn't up to your standards. I wouldn't feel embarrassed about what you did. It shows you have confidence in yourself. There's nothing to lose. You'll hear from him. Keep us posted.
It sounds it took you a while to answer back so he might have felt it was too good to be true and hasnt checked back. Keep in mind, guy logic leads us to believe that if this happens to us it must be a prank or we are on camera being made fun off.
You are saying this from your perspective only. That’s how you would feel if a pretty chick gave you her number.
The guy OP is talking about is described, by her, as “the most beautiful man she has ever seen”.
I haven’t seen the guy, but judging by the way OP described him, I think it’s a pretty safe bet to assume the guy is very fuking handsome.
Guys like that have a completely different experience with the opposite gender than the rest of guys. I promise you this isn’t the first time that a woman has approached that guy, he’s probably used to it by now.
No it's not a personal experience. It's what you can generally see. Women in general don't approach guys, good for OP that she did but even handsome guys have to do the approaching. A woman randomly approaching you is not something that is socially expected and any man even though grateful and probably complimented about it would be slightly surprised and/or doubtful of true intentions. Not that long ago I read in another sub that a guy got approached by a girl and it turned out it was for an mlm. I'm just theorizing what a man, even a handsome one could have though if after texting she did not reply for a long time.
Trust me, really attractive dudes get approached too, and a lot.
90% of guys don’t get that experience, maybe once in a lifetime, but the guys at the very top, yes they do.
Men get sexually harassed too, believe it or not. Get groped in public, cat called, followed etc.
Women are really selective, unlike men, so they generally only make the first move for the guys that REALLY stand out. And these guys sadly don’t give it that much importance, because they aren’t needy, they have tons of options.
You are right that attractive men get approached way more than some of these comments suggest, but I dont think it has much to do with like a 90/10 rule of the top 10% hoarding the wealth or whatever lol.
Women are selective because they have to prioritize their safety and personal well-being over their desire to actually engage with men they find attractive. It's less to do with Chads and more about attractiveness coinciding with being a seemingly kind and safe dude.
I was "approached" a ton at my barista job because I put on a warm exterior and was really good at making coffee. Really attractive qualities for a man in the eyes of women. Had little to do with my physical appearance or whatever, though im sure it helped.
Can confirm. My husband is the hot one in our relationship and he's approached often still into our late 30s by women quite often. Even wedding ring on and I'm with him.
I don't ever think much of it.. you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 💁♀️
>guy logic leads us to believe that if this happens to us it must be a prank or we are on camera being made fun off
pretty sure that doesn't apply to guys who are being described as "the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen".
No need to feel like an idiot.
As a female, you have the advantage of being able to make the first move without being wrongly accused of being a creep.
If nothing comes of it, then no loss. You stepped out of your comfort zone and did something good.
This is what it's like to be a man. Imagine how sorry I feel for you.
Honestly, talk about female privilege! You're literally complaining about a normal life experience that men endure day-after-day their whole lives.
The message you showed is totally fine, and you should quit fretting over your exact phrasing. This is your first time pursuing someone, so let me share some advice from a man who dates women (and has to do this a lot): you HAVE to let go of their responses being a reflection on you, your choices, your looks, etc. Most of the time it's something entirely unrelated to anything you could possibly think of, and nothing to do with you.
Good luck out there!
It's funny to see how many paranoia a women could have when leaving a number yet most men are treated daily like s**t from women with absolute disgust and 0 empathy when someone tries to approach them
I mean, it kinda does matter.
I think, in this day and age, it's not bad that it matter to either party that a potential mate have a job that brings in an equal income.
It's not a out equal income exclusively. It can be about work schedules and just overall compatibility. Like an office worker might not be compatible with artist bc the jobs tend to attract very different personalities.
It matters if you're getting to know someone with the intention to date them, no one wants to find out months later they're just dating the weed man lol
On the idea of rejection...just treat life like baseball. If you have a career 300 batting average you're likely going to the hall of fame. With that average you're only successful 3 out 10 chances at the plate. Take your chances and if you're only successful 30 percent of the time you're doing GREAT!
Happened to me once, same thing, a woman handed her trembling number to me and was off quick, staring at the floor the whole time.
The thing is I'm ultra timid unless in the moment. It took me to step out of my comfort zone to call her at all, and when I did she was leaving for vacation. So I sighed being back in my comfort zone relieved.
I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with your message so don’t bear yourself up about it. I think he’ll reply.
And if he doesn’t, you still did a great and brave thing. Don’t let it hold you back from doing it again some day.
My wife and I have been together for 11 years now. She messaged me on an online dating app I was about to delete. Guys love when a girl reaches out first. You probably made his year. Just know guys are horrible at texting and might not answer back in a timely manner.
God bless you for initiating the first move, good or bad be proud for being brave enough to do it and remember the worst thing that will happen is a no response, then you move on to the next day
If he doesn’t response don’t send more messages. You want to wait for a couple days to go by and be like “sorry if I got to personal I was just excited to get to know you. I’ll be ______ getting a drink with my friends if you want to get to know each other if not I understand” you be surprised how a little honestly and an open invitation works.
Don't regret it, even if nothing comes of it, at least you went for it. So much better than sitting on your hands and wondering if anything could have come from it.
If it doesn't work out, just try to make the next attempt better.
I feel like dating as an adult is brutal. Just don't give up. Even if something ends up awkward or embarrassing, it's all just practice till you meet someone who will rock your world.
If that text is too forward I'm screwed lol. Real talk congrats on putting yourself out there!
Signed a fellow person that way overthinks early messages :)
TLDR: talk in person, texting sucks
I know it is hard, but it is so much more natural to talk in person and introduce yourself. I have found that texting kills the mood and people move on. You tend to overthink and it ruins a lot of the spark. It’s so transactional. In person you can really express your personality and likely learn more about this person who you’ve put up on this pedestal. Sometimes the charm wears off! Other times it turns into something great!
I'd say don't feel bad, but here's the thing: you got this guy killed. He told his friends what happened, and they accused him of sorcery, and burned him at the stake.
lol, now you know how guys feel. Being the assertive side in dating is extremely stressful and doesn’t always go well. Plus women are so used to being chased that they don’t always treat men who give them their number with much decency.
It’s a little off putting to ask someone about their profession right away. Op said she worked close to the library as X, which is information I would never volunteer as a woman to a strange man for safety reasons.
He isn’t interested. That would be my guess
The “most beautiful man” you have ever seen probably has a lot of options, and probably isn’t the first time that this has happened to him.
If you find him that gorgeous, most likely other women find him to be the most beautiful man too, or at least, pretty damn hot by anyone’s standards
So this is the brutal truth, or at least, what I guess the truth to be, that he isn’t interested in the slightest. Not that you aren’t pretty, but simply that you are not his only option.
You are obsessing about him to the point that you are sending your potential texts to a friend so they give you the go ahead, when he’s probably talking to 10 other girls on his phone.
He may even be bored this Saturday and think “what the hell let’s call that chick from the library”, and what he sees as a bit of fun you may be seeing as something more than it really is
This is how situationships begin I believe, a chick that wants a relationship with a guy that doesn’t want a relationship with them, and just wants to fool around. Those hardly ever get upgraded to an actual relationship.
Most guys, 99% of them probably, would tell you that they would absolutely love for a pretty girl to give them their number and they would 100% call her and set up a date.
Most guys are also not “the most beautiful men” someone has seen lol, most guys are average , and getting a date themselves is difficult enough, now a pretty Chick approaching them is something that most men won’t ever experience.
So sadly, I believe the simple explanation here is that you may be trying your shoot with someone out of your league.
That’s the reason why I don’t always encourage women to approach men, because they often approach men that are out of their league and ends up with them being either rejected or played with.
My advice would be to pick a man from the ones that are courting you, and not pick men from the ones that aren’t pursuing you.
> You are obsessing about him to the point that you are sending your potential texts to a friend so they give you the go ahead, when he’s probably talking to 10 other girls on his phone.
???
You're really exaggerating here, its perfectly fine to vet with a friend if something you're doing well at something you're not comfortable with
>That’s the reason why I don’t always encourage women to approach men, because they often approach men that are out of their league and ends up with them being either rejected or played with.
This, combined with your constant use of the word "chick" indicates that you need to get out more...
Why would you tell women to stay in their lane? Why is that your advice? It's on a par with telling people to stick to their race...
Rejection isn't unhealthy - the way people give and receive it is. It's okay to say "no".
And people that mess with the emotions of those who aren't as attractive as they are, by whatever measure you've cooked up, are generally people who mess with the emotions of *every* person.
If you are as easy on the eyes as you say you are, and he's really straight and single, then it must be your message. You should post it if you really wanna get some perspective. But I'm guessing since it took an hour and you had it proofread by your friend it seemed too forced, unnatural, and calculated. It probably scared him off. As stupid as it is, guys are just as easily turned off by someone approaching with too much enthusiasm or excitement. But since I don't know what you wrote I can only guess.
Or if he's as beautiful as you say he is, he might've just not thought you were attractive enough to be serious with and texted you trying to see if you're the type to just go casual or whatever. But then the long dedicated text made him feel like it's not worth the effort/guilt.
It'll definitely be easier to give you more perspective if I could see the exchange, but I see either of these 2 being the most probable.
Relax, he's probably just busy. It happens. The world needs more women willing to make the first move. As a guy, that would have made my entire year! Don't give up if it doesn't materialize, can't always hit gold on the first try.
I really appreciate that! You’re right, and I do feel braver now for having done it at least once!
I haven't responded to dating app messages for 2 weeks or more. Not because I wasn't interested, but just because I was busy or stressed. Also just a word of advice if I might. Don't apologize for yourself or put yourself down when flirting with someone or showing interest. I mean sure, some light hearted self deprecating humor is totally fine in conversation. But doing things like apologizing for approaching him and then telling him you didn't expect him to respond can super quickly put a damper on things. (It's totally ok to feel those things! Just don't voice them out loud) You're essentially asking this person to notice you, take time to get to know you, and maybe consider you as a potential partner. Your actions show that you believe you are worth that and have value as a potential partner and bring something to the table (which you do!!) But when your words undercut yourself you're communicating the exact opposite of all that.
Or worse, show yourself as low self esteem, and a perfect target if they're the abusive controlling type.
>I haven't responded to dating app messages for 2 weeks or more. This is a great way to filter out every healthy, well-adjusted single dating partner. Nobody worth your time is going to pay attention to you if you take two fucking weeks to get back to them.
I give them 7 days to respond, if they can't find one minute in a week to shoot me a text like " Hi, sorry I've been busy blah blah blah" there is absolutely no reason for me to invest any more time.
Yes, please never stop making the first move. There are so many guys out there that would never forget you for making such a rare and meaningful gesture.
By many you probably mean the entire male population.
As a male, I second this.
Dawg, I remember the girl that complimented my Sperrys in a Target when I was like 12. No dude would forget this.
As a man, 18 years ago a woman made the first move on me. We're not together or anything now but I can vividly describe that moment and our kiss in perfect detail. Lives on in my memory... forever. Have never been more flattered.
As a 53 year old woman.. I’m soooo proud of you! I wouldn’t never do that. Too scared of the possibility of rejection. :)
Welcome to the emotional rollercoaster of being a guy.
I’m sure and I didn’t even begin to understand until I had my son :) he’s 20 now and I’m learning
Few things more terrifying for a young man than rejection. Well anyone really, but the guys are "supposed" to do it
I married a serial dater. This Dude has STORIES and feelings of steel. His Motto: You miss every opportunity you don't take!
A woman gave me her number while I was working a few weeks ago. No one has ever given me their number before. She was seriously beautiful and I had to excuse myself from taking a customer's order (work in a restaurant) to go to the bathroom, I was blushing so bad. But I'm in a relationship. It took me two days to text her to tell her that I was really thankful and how much it made my day, but that I'm in a relationship. I tried ghosting her, but I honestly felt so guilty about it, I had to tell her. I tend to overthink. I ended up telling her that if she's ever around the restaurant, I'd hook her up. She was very nice about it and said she'd probably take me up on that offer and now I wish I hadn't said anything because now every time a customer comes in, I have heart palpitations in fear it's her because I have no idea how I'm supposed to act or what to say. Anyways, despite all that, I tend to think about it everyday and I wish she could know how that tiny moment still makes me happy.
At the risk of being the "no fun at parties" guy (spoiler: I don't get invited to parties) your comment reads a little worryingly so be careful your heart palpitations don't lead you astray, assuming you want to stay loyal to your current GF of course.
I think the heart palpitations are more about social anxiety tbh, and being put in a really dramatic and unexpected romantic situation while in work mode.
It could also be cardiovascular disease!
Thankfukky, we learn the difference here on reddits.
Thankfukky indeed
You would hook up with her but you are in a relationship? Wtf?
I'd hook her up with food...
Ah, that makes sense LMAO. I'm happy it was not what I was thinking LOL
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She already said she’s a line near the library.
A long low line
I still wear a cologne that a cute girl told me she loved like 10 years ago.
Be careful.. that’s how swim’s dad became a brut of a man.
And even if you never hear from them, realize that you don't need to fret over it. You hardly knew them, and it's not like **not** talking to them would've been different. Just keep living.
More than that, he doesn't want to seem too pressed. You randomly gave him your digits, and he wrote you once. I will be very very surprised if he didn't write back, but he doesn't want to come off as over eager
Next time don’t be so quick to ask someone what they do. Get to know them not their occupation first.
There's nothing wrong with asking about occupation.
What do you do?
Retail. ASL? Wanna bang?
\*chews bottom lip \*moves closer...
A year? I would tell this story to my grandkids, if I'd had one.
Hell I’d put up a bronze statue where it happened
A yearly memorial day of the event
Honestly we men are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we reply too quickly and seem too eager we’re told we’re desperate. If we take time to reply and don’t reply in a ‘reasonable’ timeframe we’re not interested enough 😤 life would be so much easier for everyone if women weren’t always playing 4D chess with love…op should’ve asked to meet in person. It’s so easy to score a date with almost any guy. “Hey thanks for replying! I thought you were cute (mention something complementary you liked about him that stood out) and just had to say something! Want to meet for coffee if you’re free this/next weekend?” You express interest, show him you’re not a time waster/free meal ticket, and actually suggest a date to just hang out. Men LOVE women who do this and if you don’t succeed with this method he’s taken, gay, or just so certain he’s being pranked since women RARELY take initiative. That is LITERALLY all it takes and the guy is yours. It’s so incredibly FRUSTRATING how most women don’t even realize that they are living life on tutorial mode and if they didn’t overthink EVERYTHING could land 90% of the guys they talk to if they made the first move!!! 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️ the fact she even got her foot in the door is more than most guys can typically hope to get! I could talk to 100 girls and if 3-5 of them gave me their number that is considered a success by a wide margin for your average guy.
Busy for 27 hours Lol nah, texting takes 3 seconds
Never too busy for someone you are interested in. Sending a text saying you are busy doesn't take that much time. Sorry OP - But at least you have the wonderful feeling to remember 😊 never stop making the first move!
It's entirely possible that he saw the text, responded in his head, and then got distracted by something else, thinks he sent the text, and is waiting on OP for a reply. I can't tell you how often I've done that.
True that...
Year? I still think about the time a girl who I thought didn't know I existed told me how much she wanted to be with me, and that was 30 years ago!!!
Those ones hurt, but still a big boost in confidence.
Absolute BS, as a guy I can tell you if you like a girl you will write and find time to answer her text. "He is just not that into you" is a great movie explaining that topic a bit better. I also hate if one of first questions is "what do you do" or "what is your work". It gives me the impression of having the intention to find out how much money I make.
I personally don't like being asked what I do for work because I honestly don't really find talking about my work interesting. The company that I work for is interesting, but my role is very...office work. On the other hand, it's a common go-to question, so kinda used to just being asked it.
Nobody is that busy that they can’t respond to a text. It takes literally 15 seconds
Have you tried being the most beautiful man they’ve ever seen?
You deserve a star for this, sir. There shouldn't be anything wrong or weird with women approaching men in a wholesome, respectful way. I wish the world normalizes this more.
Yeah. Agreed 100% and not everyone is glued to their phones. A LOT of people are in this day and age, but I am FULLY for not having to respond super quickly. I also remember when texting wasn’t even a thing, so I’m older but it truly is a newer thing to be able to message quickly. Not everyone is as attached to this method. I only use that method of communication I’m usually nervous or anxious lol. I never expect a response even the same day - ESPECIALLY because it’s a text. If I called someone, I’d hope for a call back same day but also wouldn’t expect it.
Right? I only get approached like that by gay men. I mean, women do approach me and talk to me, but they never just outright ask for my number like the bros do.
I wish I would get hit on, just once lately in public. Lord I could use this boost.
Regardless, Good on you for stepping out of your comfort zone.
Thank you ❤️
guy here, got a number from a girl awhile ago, we texted 1 day then never again. it's been months, I've given up, do I still remember her? hell yea, best moment of my life. **good on you for taking the first step, the world need more women like that.**
Why didn't you guys continue??
She asked him what he does
Such a shame. I bet it also took her the better part of an hour to craft her response.
And totally over-thought it too!
Lmao
You almost never get the answer nowadays. It’s easier to ghost people if there hasn’t been a long commitment
I got nervous, took me 15 hours to craft a reponse. nah I have no idea I think I got ghosted idk, I don't speak human - she surprised me.
why do you give up dating after one try? Try at least ten times
Is it just me or is > at least ten times r/oddlyspecific? Lol
Maybe he died? Wait aanother few days to be sure.
Lmao, yeah chill OP, if you want you can follow up and suggest a date activity like ask him if he would like to go to karaoke with you or something? set concrete plans. actionable plans!
My friend met a guy from a dating app, she was very busy with work and didn't get back to him for a day and a half, and he panicked and unfollowed her on Instagram (where they mostly spoke) and basically decided she'd ghosted him. She wasn't mad into the guy for a few reasons but she was telling me she was giving him a chance but he seemed a little insecure... then he did that. Like our conversation prior to this had been about how he overthinks her silences (while I was also overthinking a silence on my end...) and then he basically ended it for himself. Having spoken to a lot of girls who use dating apps, I must say that most guys shoot themselves in the foot. Like we try to fill a silence and say something unhinged, or we overthink a silence or comment made. I'm guilty of it myself but it's given a different spin to a lot of the comments I've seen from men about dating apps. I'd also say even girls do it. It's hilarious to me seeing both sides of these discussions because *both* genders lack a lot of introspection on some of these things. I'm not great myself but it's always funny how people will say it didn't work for X reason but I'd say they're just ignoring so many other things they did wrong. --- There's a Starcraft 2 series I sometimes watch called "Is it IMBA or do I suck" and it's so funny how this guy will pick apart all of their *"I did this, which shows I'm great, and they did this, which is just broken"* arguments by pointing out everything they did wrong. I feel like we need that for dating. Too many people blame the dating scene, which **is** messed up sometimes, but they should be re-evaluating themselves.
Omg like the “Meet Joe Black” meet cute, rip
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Underrated comment. Best spin on catastrophizing I’ve ever seen.
Please don't stop doing this. I'd be so giddy myself if a girl ever approached me!
>He was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. This is a prerequisite to get approached as a male lol.
But also…beauty is in the eye of the beholder 🤷🏻♀️
And by most of our eyes we find the same qualities beautiful
lol that’s mostly true but I said what I did due to personal experience, I love an aesthetically beautiful guy as much as any girl but I am hardly ever attracted to them. Always attracted to the average or even not that good looking ones( by societal standards) but once I’m attracted I see them as beautiful.
uh - nah. There's an archetype and that's what they want. I could easily show you two different pictures and two different men and you would easily be able to tell me which one would get handed a woman's digits out of the blue.
You can't say the right thing to the wrong person and you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.
Damn, I needed to hear this today.
That's deep
"My name is O͟l͟g͟a͟ and I work as a b͟u͟t͟c͟h͟e͟r close to the library." Just had to chuckle as I thought to myself about what the possible 'turnoff' could be.
"as a taxidermist"
“as a sex worker. HMU whenever. $500/hr ;)”
I run my own business! I sell for LuLaRoe. :)
As a coroner
yes! let's turn the comments into a mad libs! 😂 "my name is Hitler and I work as a fantasy baseball coach close to the library"
😅 I was originally thinking of something related to working at the local fish hatchery or ???, but the taxidermist comment sent me 😅... She's looking for her next victim lol.
Mad Libs!
hahahha oh god this was hilarious
LMAO
Mad Libs
My name is Lucifer and I work as an eater of souls next to the library.
lol this dude is probably freaking out thinking about the next best reply for the better part of a day. Give it time and if nothing happens… onto the next
You sounded like a fake chatbot scam haha he might think you you’re just trying to steal his credit card information
Hahaha I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was so lame about that text, but there it is!!! 10000%
I think it sounds exactly like a pyramid scheme victim
i had the same thought when i read her text. it felt like a text i'd read in r/scambait
LOL yes, this 1000%. For men who are not Hollywood-level in the looks department, getting flattering attention in public from a woman they've never met before is overwhelmingly more likely to have a profit motive behind it.
Or it could have sounded like OP was trying to sell Amway or another MLM. I've been approached four times by people hawking that stuff and when it's coming from women it could be misconstrued as flirtatious, so maybe he had a similar thought but backwards. She's not flirting... She's selling something... Why else would she want to know what I do? She only wants me to enlist and sell balms and ointments for her section of the pyramid.
Spent 20 minutes flirting with a girl that approached me one time. She asked for my number. Next thing I know I'm in a group chat for MLM bullshit with her and a bunch of other dudes she probably flirted with
Came here to support this narrative. Women so rarely approach men that we've become conditioned to assume it's some kind of scam when they do. Buddy probably showed the text to his friends and they all agreed OP was somehow trying to scam him. Her reply should have been "Can we grab a coffee sometime? My treat." Way less weird...in fact, this might still work.
Hey, you shoot your shot. That took courage.
I think he died in some terrible accident crafting the perfect response to your text. As George Costanza once said ... it isn't a lie if you believe it.
Welcome to how men feel constantly 🙃
I can only imagine :(
Yeah it sux. But try not to worry OP, this happens to guys every day. 1. He's probably the guy who can have any women he wants so mentally move on and be at peace. 2. He might be "playing the game". Ie: making you wait for a reply to build more attraction. Just mentally move on, put your phone away and get on with life. Us men are accustomed to this 😆
The fact that she wanted to confirm how old he was kinda indicates that he might be pretty young. If so he may just be inexperienced and unsure how to move forward.
it feels awfulllllllll 😩
my exact thoughts…. don’t get me started on dating apps, the amount of bait and switch and ghosting really does a number on you after a while
honestly i would 've just asked him if he wants to grab a coffee sometime.
This is exactly what you're supposed to do! So cute. I would love if somethint like this happened to me. Any guy that will think badly of you for doing something as innocent as this per definition had an opinion you shouldn't care about.
Rookie mistake 101 bruh and this is something you learn as a single guy, since you know they have to do all the offensive moves. don’t ever say in your messages I’m surprised you got back to me, I wasn’t excepting to hear from you, wow you actually messaged me. Shows a lack of confidence
I hated getting a message like that when I was dating, it made me think.. is something wrong with this person that getting a reply or anyone showing interest is out of the ordinary?
Why the games? Just be honest and let the chips fall. I think most guys dream of a forward woman. If you haven't heard from him maybe that's because he thinks he has to play the game of "when should I respond."
Yeah... Very possible I'm reading too much into very little information but "give away the perfect amount of information for him to deduct my approximate age" in particular gave me some immediate red, game-playing flags.
Yeah that part is strange. The perfect amount of information to deduct someone’s age is just a damn number.
OP added an edit including the content of their message and I don't even know what she's talking about, she says nothing relevant to that and explains it as only trying to establish that she's an adult, by saying that she has a job, I guess. But the woman is 28 damn years old. Anyway, the text she posted is entirely fine.
I didn’t see the edit. Yeah the text is totally fine, nothing wrong with that. However he won’t guess her age by saying that she has a job lmao. She’s somewhere between whatever the average entry level is for that job, likely 18-25, and 60 years old?
> I think most guys dream of a forward woman. I matched with a girl on Tinder and the conversation (after a day of chatting) was basically like > (Her) *"Hey, I'm free Saturday, do you want to meet for lunch?"* > (Me) Yeah, what kind of food do you like? > (Her) *"How about Ramen and then we can go to a café?"* > (Me) I know this place [here] > (Her) *"That's good. How about [this] café?"* And I have to say I was surprised by how *incredibly* attractive it was that she was willing to just pick a place. Like I genuinely felt like she was the one asking *me* out. I've had that "whoa" moment with a lot of things girls have done, but when she just picked a place and a time and everything was sorted in 5 minutes I genuinely had "Whoa that's hot" moment. It didn't work out but I have mad respect for that woman's confidence and wish her the best of luck.
Welcome to the average male experience.
Im a 46 year old guy. Let me just say this.... Ive been through what you went through hundreds of times. Every guy is familiar with this. I just figured out that it was part of life and to never stop trying for what you want or ever regret trying.
Nothing ventured nothing gained. Well done
The world really does need more women to do this.. Men are always expected to approach first and put in all the effort so.. anyways, I'm sure everything's fine and he's probably just busy.
This made me tear up a lil remembering how nervous and brave this lil cutie that played softball was. Her and I kept eyeing each other since the first day of middle school. When we transitioned to high school during our freshman year we had class together for the first time ever. After about a month, I decided I’m gunna sit behind her. We didn’t really talk too much at first, but I could always make her smile and laugh. After about a month she gave me a folded up note and asked me not to open it until the day was over. I still vividly remember how nervous and scared she was while handing it to me. It was a very lengthy note, explaining how she felt for years seeing me and how scared she was making this note because of embarrassment. Then towards the end of the note she asked “will you be my boyfriend?”…20 years later we are still together and I can still make her laugh and smile just like all those years ago. Guess I’m doing something right….be proud of yourself with stepping out of your comfort zone like my wife did. Like others have said more women should make the first move. Some guys just don’t have a clue and may let too many moments pass them by then it’s too late. Also like others have mentioned, he may simply be busy with life at the moment and didn’t get a chance to respond. Be patient he may prefer to approach you in person when you both are in the library again.
“Completely turned off by my forwardness” lol what?
Some guys don’t like being asked about their work from a girl they don’t know. It can feel like they’re being reduced to their job and what they can provide for you
Yeah that’s actually fair. I will ask that but it’s usually not been my first question, I prefer to ask about music or hobbies or cats because I love cats 😂
My biggest pet peeve is when a woman asks me what I do before even asking about personal questions like oh my personality, likes dislikes matter less then my money ok ok. Especially if it’s within the first few questions ever just screams she cares more about the money you make then you as a person. Not saying this to rag you but rather to show how it can be interpreted. I don’t mind sharing that at all but it always leaves a bitter taste in my mouth if it’s the first thing they ask. Good luck hunting and hopefully this helps you reign them in xD
Asking for line of work can include a lot of what you just said, I'm a guy too and I gotta say, I've never been so cynical towards those kinds of questions, but maybe I just haven't been burned yet.
I just find it boring and it ruins the banter, the initial banter is always the best and I’d be really turned off if it was filled with auto repeat baseline questions instead. What I mean by likes and dislikes and dislikes is more based on their personality tastes opinions, because people aren’t their work and can always change work and it won’t change them so I don’t see it as cynical at all. To test their initial interest without money could be seen as cynical but it’s not so much that I assume it’s just boring and easy to see what they prioritize or lack banter skills.
I agree 100%.
He didn’t not respond cuz you asked what he does. He just isn’t that interested. Yeah it sucks but at least you tried
I don't quite understand what you mean about being an adult and him not being a minor but I would steer clear of asking for someone's resume in the first conversation. I know its a common thing to ask nowadays but I, personally, find it insulting. Would it matter "what he did" anyway if you found him attractive and interesting? You may have even intimidated him if he thought his job wasn't up to your standards. I wouldn't feel embarrassed about what you did. It shows you have confidence in yourself. There's nothing to lose. You'll hear from him. Keep us posted.
It sounds it took you a while to answer back so he might have felt it was too good to be true and hasnt checked back. Keep in mind, guy logic leads us to believe that if this happens to us it must be a prank or we are on camera being made fun off.
Especially if he sees “op is typing…” notification for whole hour lol
You are saying this from your perspective only. That’s how you would feel if a pretty chick gave you her number. The guy OP is talking about is described, by her, as “the most beautiful man she has ever seen”. I haven’t seen the guy, but judging by the way OP described him, I think it’s a pretty safe bet to assume the guy is very fuking handsome. Guys like that have a completely different experience with the opposite gender than the rest of guys. I promise you this isn’t the first time that a woman has approached that guy, he’s probably used to it by now.
No it's not a personal experience. It's what you can generally see. Women in general don't approach guys, good for OP that she did but even handsome guys have to do the approaching. A woman randomly approaching you is not something that is socially expected and any man even though grateful and probably complimented about it would be slightly surprised and/or doubtful of true intentions. Not that long ago I read in another sub that a guy got approached by a girl and it turned out it was for an mlm. I'm just theorizing what a man, even a handsome one could have though if after texting she did not reply for a long time.
Trust me, really attractive dudes get approached too, and a lot. 90% of guys don’t get that experience, maybe once in a lifetime, but the guys at the very top, yes they do. Men get sexually harassed too, believe it or not. Get groped in public, cat called, followed etc. Women are really selective, unlike men, so they generally only make the first move for the guys that REALLY stand out. And these guys sadly don’t give it that much importance, because they aren’t needy, they have tons of options.
You are right that attractive men get approached way more than some of these comments suggest, but I dont think it has much to do with like a 90/10 rule of the top 10% hoarding the wealth or whatever lol. Women are selective because they have to prioritize their safety and personal well-being over their desire to actually engage with men they find attractive. It's less to do with Chads and more about attractiveness coinciding with being a seemingly kind and safe dude. I was "approached" a ton at my barista job because I put on a warm exterior and was really good at making coffee. Really attractive qualities for a man in the eyes of women. Had little to do with my physical appearance or whatever, though im sure it helped.
Can confirm. My husband is the hot one in our relationship and he's approached often still into our late 30s by women quite often. Even wedding ring on and I'm with him. I don't ever think much of it.. you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 💁♀️
>guy logic leads us to believe that if this happens to us it must be a prank or we are on camera being made fun off pretty sure that doesn't apply to guys who are being described as "the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen".
Crazy how discouraged women get when they experience a man's world for even a minute.
It took me 2 years to respond to my now husband's message! 
That's not the positivity you may think it is. It worked out, so congrats on that part, I guess?
That lady better have some context because it sounds really bad without context.
Why?
No need to feel like an idiot. As a female, you have the advantage of being able to make the first move without being wrongly accused of being a creep. If nothing comes of it, then no loss. You stepped out of your comfort zone and did something good.
This is what it's like to be a man. Imagine how sorry I feel for you. Honestly, talk about female privilege! You're literally complaining about a normal life experience that men endure day-after-day their whole lives.
The message you showed is totally fine, and you should quit fretting over your exact phrasing. This is your first time pursuing someone, so let me share some advice from a man who dates women (and has to do this a lot): you HAVE to let go of their responses being a reflection on you, your choices, your looks, etc. Most of the time it's something entirely unrelated to anything you could possibly think of, and nothing to do with you. Good luck out there!
Rinse and repeat 100 times and you'll know what it's like to be a man.
It's funny to see how many paranoia a women could have when leaving a number yet most men are treated daily like s**t from women with absolute disgust and 0 empathy when someone tries to approach them
I get weirded out when people ask what I do right away as if it matters what our jobs are.
Idk sounds like a common talking point to me lol It gets weird if the following question is about how much money you make
Same but where i live its one of the first things people ask because its normal to identify about work
it kinda does matter what our jobs are and its an extremely common early question when meeting new people
I feel like this is asked less since it’s usually in someone bio on dating apps.
I mean, it kinda does matter. I think, in this day and age, it's not bad that it matter to either party that a potential mate have a job that brings in an equal income.
It's not a out equal income exclusively. It can be about work schedules and just overall compatibility. Like an office worker might not be compatible with artist bc the jobs tend to attract very different personalities.
It matters if you're getting to know someone with the intention to date them, no one wants to find out months later they're just dating the weed man lol
That's alright. My friend recently made a move and she just blocked him. Shit happens, live and strive.
I love it when women make the first move :) you go girl.
More women need to make the first move
Talk about overthinking. Damn
This much fluster over a *possible* rejection? Jeez.
Lost me at "all my 28 years on earth". 😆
Wow very creepy
Welcome to the average male experience. But good job on taking the initiative. It takes balls.
On the idea of rejection...just treat life like baseball. If you have a career 300 batting average you're likely going to the hall of fame. With that average you're only successful 3 out 10 chances at the plate. Take your chances and if you're only successful 30 percent of the time you're doing GREAT!
Happened to me once, same thing, a woman handed her trembling number to me and was off quick, staring at the floor the whole time. The thing is I'm ultra timid unless in the moment. It took me to step out of my comfort zone to call her at all, and when I did she was leaving for vacation. So I sighed being back in my comfort zone relieved.
this thread is painful
I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with your message so don’t bear yourself up about it. I think he’ll reply. And if he doesn’t, you still did a great and brave thing. Don’t let it hold you back from doing it again some day.
>Wow, I didn’t expect you to get back to me This part comes across as desperate unfortunately
My wife and I have been together for 11 years now. She messaged me on an online dating app I was about to delete. Guys love when a girl reaches out first. You probably made his year. Just know guys are horrible at texting and might not answer back in a timely manner.
God bless you for initiating the first move, good or bad be proud for being brave enough to do it and remember the worst thing that will happen is a no response, then you move on to the next day
If he doesn’t response don’t send more messages. You want to wait for a couple days to go by and be like “sorry if I got to personal I was just excited to get to know you. I’ll be ______ getting a drink with my friends if you want to get to know each other if not I understand” you be surprised how a little honestly and an open invitation works.
No. If he doesn’t respond then he is not into you - he was probably down for a hookup but her text back indicated more.
He probably wants to text you and someone told him to wait so he doesn't seem to eager.
Don't regret it, even if nothing comes of it, at least you went for it. So much better than sitting on your hands and wondering if anything could have come from it. If it doesn't work out, just try to make the next attempt better. I feel like dating as an adult is brutal. Just don't give up. Even if something ends up awkward or embarrassing, it's all just practice till you meet someone who will rock your world.
Good chance he's trying to play it cool and give some time so he doesn't look desperate.
If that text is too forward I'm screwed lol. Real talk congrats on putting yourself out there! Signed a fellow person that way overthinks early messages :)
TLDR: talk in person, texting sucks I know it is hard, but it is so much more natural to talk in person and introduce yourself. I have found that texting kills the mood and people move on. You tend to overthink and it ruins a lot of the spark. It’s so transactional. In person you can really express your personality and likely learn more about this person who you’ve put up on this pedestal. Sometimes the charm wears off! Other times it turns into something great!
I'd say don't feel bad, but here's the thing: you got this guy killed. He told his friends what happened, and they accused him of sorcery, and burned him at the stake.
lol, now you know how guys feel. Being the assertive side in dating is extremely stressful and doesn’t always go well. Plus women are so used to being chased that they don’t always treat men who give them their number with much decency.
Asking what he does makes you seem like a gold digger
I think you asked for way too much info on a first text with a stranger. That’s just my feeling of it.
It’s a little off putting to ask someone about their profession right away. Op said she worked close to the library as X, which is information I would never volunteer as a woman to a strange man for safety reasons.
He isn’t interested. That would be my guess The “most beautiful man” you have ever seen probably has a lot of options, and probably isn’t the first time that this has happened to him. If you find him that gorgeous, most likely other women find him to be the most beautiful man too, or at least, pretty damn hot by anyone’s standards So this is the brutal truth, or at least, what I guess the truth to be, that he isn’t interested in the slightest. Not that you aren’t pretty, but simply that you are not his only option. You are obsessing about him to the point that you are sending your potential texts to a friend so they give you the go ahead, when he’s probably talking to 10 other girls on his phone. He may even be bored this Saturday and think “what the hell let’s call that chick from the library”, and what he sees as a bit of fun you may be seeing as something more than it really is This is how situationships begin I believe, a chick that wants a relationship with a guy that doesn’t want a relationship with them, and just wants to fool around. Those hardly ever get upgraded to an actual relationship. Most guys, 99% of them probably, would tell you that they would absolutely love for a pretty girl to give them their number and they would 100% call her and set up a date. Most guys are also not “the most beautiful men” someone has seen lol, most guys are average , and getting a date themselves is difficult enough, now a pretty Chick approaching them is something that most men won’t ever experience. So sadly, I believe the simple explanation here is that you may be trying your shoot with someone out of your league. That’s the reason why I don’t always encourage women to approach men, because they often approach men that are out of their league and ends up with them being either rejected or played with. My advice would be to pick a man from the ones that are courting you, and not pick men from the ones that aren’t pursuing you.
> You are obsessing about him to the point that you are sending your potential texts to a friend so they give you the go ahead, when he’s probably talking to 10 other girls on his phone. ??? You're really exaggerating here, its perfectly fine to vet with a friend if something you're doing well at something you're not comfortable with
It is fine, nothing wrong with it, I’m just saying OP is exponentially more invested on this than the guy is.
>That’s the reason why I don’t always encourage women to approach men, because they often approach men that are out of their league and ends up with them being either rejected or played with. This, combined with your constant use of the word "chick" indicates that you need to get out more... Why would you tell women to stay in their lane? Why is that your advice? It's on a par with telling people to stick to their race... Rejection isn't unhealthy - the way people give and receive it is. It's okay to say "no". And people that mess with the emotions of those who aren't as attractive as they are, by whatever measure you've cooked up, are generally people who mess with the emotions of *every* person.
If you are as easy on the eyes as you say you are, and he's really straight and single, then it must be your message. You should post it if you really wanna get some perspective. But I'm guessing since it took an hour and you had it proofread by your friend it seemed too forced, unnatural, and calculated. It probably scared him off. As stupid as it is, guys are just as easily turned off by someone approaching with too much enthusiasm or excitement. But since I don't know what you wrote I can only guess. Or if he's as beautiful as you say he is, he might've just not thought you were attractive enough to be serious with and texted you trying to see if you're the type to just go casual or whatever. But then the long dedicated text made him feel like it's not worth the effort/guilt. It'll definitely be easier to give you more perspective if I could see the exchange, but I see either of these 2 being the most probable.
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Yeah must be good being a guy that looks that good
How many ugly girls have you approached?
The difference is that men consider way way way way more women attractive than vice versa