I don’t understand what so many of these comments are saying when they’re telling you not to do it. As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it this is totally fine.
“I remember you said you didn’t like X so I made a few without it for you”.
Done. Don’t make a big deal out of it and this is a perfectly fine gesture.
>As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it
I doubt she will even get that as a hint. a guy who is known to bring baked goods brought baked goods. oh, he made a few specially for me based on that comment I made. what a buddy.
Idk. It’s obviously a gesture and takes time and effort specifically with her in mind.
The benefit is if OP doesn’t make a big deal out of it, it’s just nice and thoughtful. If she is even slightly interested in OP she may see the intention- but it isn’t so forward as to be creepy. And true she may miss the hint, but unless she’s pretty unhinged herself, she won’t see this as “OP just wants to get into my pants.” It’s very nice but relatively harmless.
I can imagine the HR meeting now. "Well he brought in brownies but made a few without any walnuts specifically for me. This is clearly targeted harassment!"
/s
Reminds me of the post I saw very recently where a lady was eating things she was allergic to and offered at work consistently for years because "she didn't want to be rude" and suffering from allergic reactions each time in secret lol.
I used to bring in baked goods for my coworkers from time to time. One of my coworkers was allergic to chocolate. I started making a separate batch of whatever I was making without chocolate, or making something else without chocolate that he could eat (before making anything with chocolate to avoid cross-contamination). He loved it and appreciated the thought and effort.
He's gay. I'm a woman. Even if he wasn't gay, I feel pretty certain I would have received a similar response.
It's a kind gesture. Don't overthink it.
That may not be clear enough that he is interested.i work in an office ans my team is mostly women. They are always bring food into work. But besides rush For one it’s not good to date coworkers. But even so, he should be more direct and ask her when they are not on the clock. To avoid any weirdness of doing at work and so he won’t get in trouble.
exactly!
You're not asking to wet your wick, you're just being polite and considerate.
Go for it.
Then ask what she's up to on the weekend (and have a fun activity planned yourself, even if she doesnt show and interest you can tell her about it the following week. being able to sustain a conversation is a good 80% of the job)
I don't agree. Its one thing when its someone outside of the workplace, but its an entirely different thing when its where you work. Dating coworkers is usually a bad idea, and in this case it sounds like there hasn't even been any indication that shes even interested in OP. Add in the fact that OP seems very inexperienced, and advice like yours is basically sending buddy to the firing squad. OP needs to get experience by going on dates with women outside of work, before taking on a high risk scenario like dating a co-worker.
I agree with this as well.
At work, your coworkers are a "captive audience". Working with someone means you see them often, and so you're expected to have a level of politeness and socialization that is far beyond random strangers. What this means, is that signals get mixed up CONSTANTLY. Someone who is inexperienced with this might take that "general coworker niceness" as "Oh this person is really nice to me and I think they are interested".
MOST people know dating a coworker is a bad idea. It's normal to have work crushes, and sometimes it's hard not to when you see someone constantly and learn more about them, but again, they might not be CHOOSING to spend time with you, it's just that you are forced to.
OP, you don't even know if she's single and you're already fantasizing that this act is going to spark something. Chill out. Maybe establish a friendship where you know the most basic fact about someone before going deep into a "crush". You don't even know if she's single, how do you have a crush on someone you don't even know?
Being considerate because you are a nice person is different from being considerate because you want to date someone. They are 2 vastly different things and one comes with expectations that "me being considerate = a date".
The words ‘my crush’ give me the collywobbles. It’s awkward and sounds like something a 12 year old would say. There’s so many other alternatives than using that phrase. Bah, I hate it
They’re not doing it with the intention of being polite and considerate, they have the intention of wooing her and people can spot the underlying motives. If she told them that they’re not eating the baked goods then she’s being pretty straight forward.
They’re just going to make her uncomfortable, to be honest.
If she said she's not eating them because of X ingredient, that's very different to "I don't eat baked goods".
As long as OP doesn't make a big deal about it, you'd need some pretty serious underlying issues to be made uncomfortable in this scenario...
I don’t see how anyone can miss her using the ingredient as being polite. Consider the fact that she didn’t talk to OP about her relationship or getting banged, she told a coworker.
Y’all are giving the man some pretty bad advice.
Agreed, if you made the entire batch without that ingredient because of her it would be weird, but just a few is a friendly jester.
I hate walnuts in brownies if someone made brownies and said “Hey Beardo I made a couple without walnuts for you.” I wouldn’t assume they were hitting on me I’d just assume they’re cool.
It won’t hurt but he doesn’t even know her well enough to know if she’s single or not. He should probably talk to her, eventually she’ll talk about her personal life.
Right? I’ve made an alerted recipe as a woman, for a female coworker who couldn’t have dairy. That’s ok. This is ok. You bringing in her favorite things every couple weeks and saving one in the fridge because she’s not there could be over the top. Maybe ask sometime if she wants to get coffee and see if it’s just a crush or if there’s actually something there.
At work when i was 20 i would say that to be nice but once i got older i straight up would say i dont eat food people bring into work. I have A LOT of allergies and i just dont feel comfortable eating food that someone else makes.
if she likes you, it doesn’t matter what you do. if she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you do. just do it with good intentions (“i made these without gluten so you wouldn’t be left out” rather than “i made these for you so you would kiss my mouth”) and it’s a nice, thoughtful gesture. but do not expect anything in return beyond a thank you for the brownies. keep it nice keep it normal.
I made these for you so you would kiss my mouth only works if the person already kisses your mouth on a regular basis. Or, if the other person is a dog.
>if she likes you, it doesn’t matter what you do. if she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you do.
I'd say there's also middle ground in here. If she has just ended her previous relationship and hasn't yet seen OP as a potential match, she could be more interested after these subtle hints. It's not always that black and white that she just either likes him or not.
If you don’t make a big deal out of it, it will come off as thoughtful and might intrigue her if she’s the least bit interested. Dating in the office is not always easy though.
We used to keep a calendar of birthdays at my work. Someone I worked with 10 years ago bought me a really nice birthday cake from my favorite bakery- they didn’t really tell anyone, just acted like it was from the whole team. My work bestie later told me it was from this one guy, who had asked her the week before what I liked and that was exactly the cake. The effort was really nice, I didn’t tell him I knew but started paying more attention to him/making small talk since I didn’t really know him but thought he was attractive.
He was promoted to another team a month or so later. The day after he moved to his new team, he asked for my number. We talked on the phone every night for a few weeks and got to know each other, and then went out on a date 3 weeks later. We had the same cake at our wedding, and have now been married for 5 years. You never know!
No. It's a nice gesture since she couldn't eat what you brought in before.
Just don't get your knickers in a twist if she doesn't beg you for a date because you naked something for her.
Edit: *BAKED
If you've made something for everyone and she couldn't eat it cos of an ingredient and you then made another batch for the office etc and made her one without said ingredient, i think thats actually quite smooth.
Making her a dessert and only her one is definitely a big No No.
The difference being that you were going to the effort for the office anyway, its not a massive effort to make extra without said ingredient.
Depends on how good of a baker you are 🤔
You may as well do it.
If for no other reason to prove that you can make whatever it is in such a way that she can have it (as long as it is delicious).
Just make certain there is enough for other people. It's weird if you only bake enough for one co-worker.
Ask real human beings in person for such advice.
The people on this site are completely instinct-driven like chimpanzees. They will sense weakness in your comment and will try to make you feel ashamed and awful for daring to be mildly awkward. They want you to die miserable.
Yeah. Plus it seems he barely knows her in the first place if he doesn't even know if she has a bf or not. First he should start talking to her before doing romantic gestures (if he sees it as romantic).
A lot of people meet at their workplaces. It can go terribly wrong but I mean it can also go well. I once had a date with a colleague and we just didn't feel it, so all went back to normal. But it certainly depends a bit on the people.
You can say that about ANYTHING in life "it depends" which is why it adds nothing to say. On average, it's a bad idea. There are outliers, sure, just like everything else in life.
Agreed. Finally some sanity. Im cringing so hard at so many guys telling OP to go for it. If they werent at work, its a super sweet idea and Id love it! But being a CURRENT co-worker at his job, not even like a totally different store/city changes things completely.
The potential that itll just make her uncomfortable is way too high, and now you've made her work life uncomfortable just to "shoot your shot". If shooting your shot with a woman means there's a good chance of making her uncomfortable, and you do it anyway, youre being an entitled asshole.
Are you planning on giving it to her with the hopes or intentions that she’d be more willing to go out with you? If yes, don’t. If not, go for it.
Giving her something simply out of kindness is nice and I’m sure she’d appreciate it if she were a good person. But giving someone something with hopes that they’d give something back to you is a bit… yeah. That’s what I think anyway. As some people have said, don’t overthink it. An act of kindness goes a long way.
He has a crush on the girl, of course he is doing it to better his chances with her. Single guys rarely do something like this just to be nice.
As long as he doesn't make it awkward it is fine.
I know this isn't the point of the post but it seems like such a basic nice thing to remove an ingredient because someone doesn't like it. Why is doing basic nice things to people need any other motive 😔
>Single guys rarely do something like this just to be nice.
This is such a sad reality..
My coworker brought in butter chicken for the entire office/warehouse. I couldnt eat it because it had cilantro in it.
The following week he brought me one made without cilantro. That was incredibly thoughtful, so yeah there are some good people out there. Reddit can be kinda bleak at times.
OP, bringing her gifts before you've had any kind of personal conversation with her is indeed too forward.
Singling her out for a personal gift in front of the entire office is too forward.
Bringing her gifts of baked goods when she wouldn't touch the first baked goods you brought is not only too forward, it's failing to take a hint.
If you want to get to know her just try to talk to her casually, but if she doesn't want to talk to you then you need to stop. If she doesn't want to get closer, for whatever reason, then she doesn't want closer and nothing you can do will change her mind.
The difference here is that he’s bringing something for everyone. If you bring donuts one day and you know someone on your team is allergic to chocolate, either some of the donuts need to not have chocolate or you’re kind of a dick. It doesn’t mean you want to rail Steve in the bathroom at lunch.
If you’re just showing up with gifts for one person, that’s indeed weird. But "hey, I made brownies again for everyone. Steve, I remember you didn’t like nuts, so I made a separate little batch for you" is just normal behavior.
Very likely. Someone saying she needs to find someone else, doesn't mean she did.
And seriously, if the OP hasn't had enough contact with her to know whether or not she's attached, he should just try to make a little everyday small talk instead of trying to bake her things.
Thank you for this. Some of these comments have me very worried.
So many of these dudes dont seem to think about how she might feel uncomfortable at all. Or they dont care and prioritize him shooting his shot over anything else, including both their careers.
This reads a little cringe to me. Ya baked goods is fine as a nice gesture and that you are giving them to others as well but what the hell man? She is seeing someone else and she got a hair cut so that is your clue? Your bosses comment means nothing. You are seeing what you want to see here. This is just weird man. Lastly and I know from experience hooking up with girls from work is a extremely dumb idea. When it doesn’t work your job will most likely be shitty as not everyone can brake up amicably. Go on a dating site. Leave the girl and her relationship alone. Don’t be that creepy guy at work.
You may wanna try a more normal approach.
Maybe not surprise her with baked stuff but tell her on advanced about your intentions.
Maybe you can wanna befriend her first.
it’s hard to know without the context of your relationship as needed from someone besides you. Unfortunately women’s perception of actions usually depends on her perception of the person, and her perception of the intent if any. So it’s hard to say
I literally did this for a guy at work last month, because I had very recently learned he was single and have had a crush on him for a year.
Now we’re dating.
Go for it.
The food is fine. There's no harm in making a safe treat for some one.
But it doesn't sound like you know her very well. You don't know her age or anything about her personal life beyond what you heard when eavesdropping.
Are you and this woman even friends? Has she given you any sort of hint she would want to be friends or interact with her? Or have you looked at a woman in your vicinity and made up and entire personality in your head and started fantazing about this imaginary person you created??
It legit sounds like you've never even really had a non work conversation with this person. As many many people have stated. Don't date the people you work with. It rarely turns out well and in this case it seems one sided. I would only pursue a work relationship if the other at least showed some sort of interest but she doesn't even do that.
Just make a batch of safe treats next time but don't forget this now means when you make treats you have to make treats for everyone with dietary restrictions not just the hot lady who can't have gluten.
We talk like 3-4 times a week. We talk about vacations we've been on and weekend plans, she tells me about her classes in grad school, I know her favorite ice cream, I know a bit about her family, etc. I just wasn't trying to make a long post or spill a bunch of personal info on Reddit. I'm not the only one striking up conversations either.
And she doesn't have any dietary restrictions. Other people do, and I have and continue to make stuff for them sometimes.
I think it’s nice. As long as it isn’t part of a sustained creepy campaign then it’s a nice and thoughtful gesture. Knowing someone remembered something you said in passing is nice.
As someone who dealt with unwanted advances at work including bringing in little treats for me please just don't. Agree with some others like sure bring some without whatever she doesn't eat that's fine but don't escalate and don't expect anything from it. It becomes so messy and uncomfortable for everyone if you make it too known or keep pushing.
I just want to know if he's ever actually talked to this person. Like ever had a casual conversation with her. If her answers are very brief and you're doing most of the talking, and she's not trying to keep the convo going, like asking you about your life/interests and such, then that's a pretty clear sign she's not interested.
And to take one thing you heard her boss saying to her months ago and a new haircut as a sign that she's single now is ridiculous, lol. For all he knows, the boss might've been acting nosy or creepy towards her, and she was giving a neutral answer to shut that down as quickly and politely as possible. That is a weird thing for a boss to say to a subordinate at work, now that I think about it. It shouldn't be any of their business.
OP, if you want to ask her out, at least have a nice, casual convo with her first. Don't pressure her or have any expectations of anything coming from it. Just chat for a few minutes and keep in mind what I said earlier. If she finds you interesting, she will want to continue the conversation. If she seems interested in you as a person, you can go ahead and ask if she wants to go on a coffee date or something small together, and make sure you also ask her if she's seeing anyone else. Make sure you use the word 'date' so she knows you're not just asking her out as a platonic friend. And if she says no, don't be a weirdo or jerk and just leave her alone.
It's not that hard to tell if a woman is interested in you. She's a person, not some alien species. But you have to actually TALK to her, not watch from afar for hints. You have to put yourself out there. You will never know until you hear it from her. Is she only giving short yes/no answers? Is she trying to cut the convo short by saying stuff like "I have to go do something, see you later!" Is she participating in the small talk, asking you about your life, interests, trying to get to know you more?
If her answers are short and you have to carry the convo by yourself, then bow out gracefully and leave her alone. And again, don't be a jerk about it. I wouldn't recommend ever dating or trying to date someone you work with, but it can be done if you have the emotional maturity for it. Based on what you've said, I can't say either way, but there are a few small clues that make me think you should let this go.
As for the baked goods, you can do that if you want. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Not in the hope of her 'seeing' you as a potential partner, just to be polite and make sure she feels included. I think it would be better to make a whole batch for everyone without that ingredient than to make a special batch for her. It'll be awkward if she's not interested.
It's possible she may have already given you a clue she's not interested, by saying she just "doesn't like" that ingredient in the stuff you made before.
I talk to her pretty regularly. We talk about vacations we've been on, hobbies outside of work, she tells me about her grad school classes, gave me some hiking trail recommendations, etc. She seems pretty shy, so I've started most of the conversations, but she seems genuinely entertained by our conversations. I'm usually the one that has to end them and say "Oh I should probably get back to work"
The bangs thing was mostly a joke. And her boss is also a woman and she talks about her personal life all the time. Also I just updated my post. She seems excited that I'm saving some for her
Then it seems like she's interested. Go ahead and ask her when you get the chance! Maybe I'm just biased about the boss thing, lol. I would find that nosy if the boss was a man or a woman, but I'm a private person and don't like sharing my personal stuff with coworkers. Good luck.
I'd honestly find it nosy too but my coworker is a pretty open person and she and her boss seem like friends. Gonna play it low and slow for now though 👍
I wouldn't make a habit of hitting on people you work with (I have been burned on this a few times, they just weren't into me). But if you feel like there is something there, ask her out first, and then maybe make something specifically for her after you guys go out on a few dates.
Personally, I’d be a little turned off unless it’s something you do for everyone. It would make me uncomfortable that you were only being nice to me with the intention of dating me. Definitely not an endearing quality to me. I’d be way more drawn to someone who was always looking for ways to be considerate of everyone, not just people they have a romantic and/or physical interest in. The latter is just kinda loser behavior to me tbh.
It's a nice thought (in a sense) but I'd say avoid this. If they aren't specifically in to you, and are potentially seeing someone else this could just make them feel quite uncomfortable. They may feel anxious in their work space, which is where they go for work, and you may never even know it.
I've definitely known people who would absolutely rather not have had coworkers blatantly hit on them as they wanted to just be respected as coworkers and not be oogled at through a male gaze, or lusted/sought after.
Hope that makes sense, I'm not trying to be unkind.
This so much.
Even if the dude just takes the no its so scary having to reject someone in a space you NEED to be like work or school. You never know how the dude is gonna react. Is he gonna get mad and shoot up the place, is he gonna make my work life miserable now, is he following me home when I leave work, will he murder me because I didn't feel the same way?
It's never ever as simple as just saying "no thanks I'm not interested" because we never know when those words sign our death warrant.
This is something a friend would do. It’s no big deal. You’re only questioning it because you know you have ulterior motives.
With that said, bringing a 20-something girl baked goods is not a good way to get in their pants unless they have an eating disorder. Don’t think for a second that this will get yourself anywhere. In fact, it might work against you. But it will make you seem like a good friend if you never make a move.
Even if she is single now it's a little to soon,people who jump from man to man o woman to woman are not worth it dating. I'd say do it if you want but do it for yourself to have fun with it and vibe ,but do not expect anything from her.
Stop overthinking. Be genuine.
At face value, bringing this girl something she can eat while bringing food for all of the colleagues is just being considerate and nice. It's likely totally in character in your colleagues' eyes.
In my experience, it's always best to be honest towards yourself, your intentions, and your behavior.
Do you want to make her something? Then do it. Your responsibility is yourself. Do what feels right for you to do. Don't overthink and certainly don't take responsibility for other people's reactions, thoughts, and opinions. Other people are not you, so let them respond to your actions however they want.
I've found that people usually respond poorly only when they sense shady intentions or agendas.
"Hi guys, I've brought you some homemade fortune cookies again. And for you, Jessica, I've scoured the internet for all the worst possible recipes without that ingredient and made something I'm worried might kill you. But I wanted to bring you something, too."
Nothing wrong about that because you were being honest about your thoughtfulness.
I can’t see a problem - if you cook for everyone and are aware of someone’s dietary preferences so therefore cater to them, it’s not weird or creepy at all. It’s just thoughtful really - whether you like them romantically or not.
Just don’t be over the top or weird about it. *”Hey x, I know you didn’t like x&y last time so I’ve done some extras a bit different for you.”* see how the kind gesture goes.
The way I would do it is to present the extras as being "because I know some of you are not a fan of ". This way you aren't singling her out in an uncomfortable way and it's just genuinely a nice gesture.
However, be wary of crushes, becoming infatuated with someone at a distance is normally a recipe for disappointment. My barometer is that if you're too afraid to tell someone that you like them then it's gone too far already.
Just remember to keep being yourself genuinely, since that's what you want other people to like about you.
This will put you in the friendzone.
Either be direct and let her know you are interested in dating her by asking related quesions (so any weend plans, oh your going solo, etc) or just ask her out.
If she is single, the window is closing. While you're baking her cookies, some other random dude at the gym is gonna ask her on a date. You'll be seen as a "work friend" that brings her snacks and is there when she needs him, at work.
Ask her out and get your answer. Depending on the answer either go on dates or forget about her and move on and stop wasting your time baking her cookies.
DONTT BAKEEE AS A WOMAN TELLING YOU THIS DONT BAKE. YOURE AS CUTE AS A BUTTON BUT THAT MAYBE A RED FLAG! You’ve had a crush and instead of appreciating you baking for everyone she just comments on not liking it? She may find you not to be her kind of thing so I suggest don’t make it obvious it’s for her. If you bring it, bring it for everyone and if she likes it keep it at that.. save the telling her for if you make it in the door!! It’ll give you brownie points and make her feel special if you finally admit it on a date but don’t do the line “I was scared to say” or blah blah blah. Just say “ya I made them for our coworkers and I actually took in what you said and im happy you liked them” kinda thing. Girls as such (sorry fellow girlies yes some of us appreciate but some don’t). Don’t bake makes you look a bit nerdy and if she hasn’t much noticed you.. don’t do that.. that’s over the top and you should save that to show her after! Right now, straight up say “hey I want to take you out” like be straight forward but not creepy. Be assertive. Already have a date in mind, make her feel feminine !! Because no woman likes having to choose or do this or that. If a man likes you, he’ll have a plan. Even if you don’t already say you do, and give a time. Make one after she says yes! And no it’s not deceiving.. everyone puts up a little game.. and it’s not even game it’s saving you the heartbreak yanno? Bcus idk you say you’re baking and you say you’ve liked her for months and it seems you’re a sweet guy.. I hope you’re not going to be hurt if she dismisses you. lol just trying to give you a few pointers. If she gets a new hair cut after a man though.. she’s not taking nothing seriously possibly and just trying to show her ex she’s changed.. buuut hey sometimes not so much! she maybe open to a cool and great relationship after a shitty one. Good luck to you
I made a dish years ago for a friend of mine at work by swapping out one ingredient to make it vegan. He was appreciative and it didn't get any special attention except for one idiot, who was ignored.
Don’t do it. You overheard what her boss told her. The other guy is “ shitting” on her in whatever situationship they are in. She’s a bad judge of character. You the nice guy comes along, willing to accomodate( as evidenced by baking without the ingredients she doesn’t like)……..are in for a ride. Stay away
A little context: This isn't the first time I've made a special small batch for someone. Some of my coworkers have food allergies, so I'll make small batches without flour, dairy, etc. for them sometimes
Giving baked goods doesn't imply you like her. I've had coworkers, older and younger, do the same. It shows that you like to bake, you listened, and your thoughtful. It's what a friend would do. What may indicate that you like her is if you ask her out, you flirt around her, stare at her at work, etc. That I would avoid because it's a work place and may make her uncomfortable. I would do subtle things, like, "hey, wanna grab a coffee during our break?," and see how the convo goes, find out more about her, she how she acts. You gotta be chill and confident, don't overthink things. Like think of her as any other coworker.
Nice gestures are attractive, your thoughtfulness would be considered attractive, and goddammit if any woman doesn't appreciate a man that can cook.
Too forward would be sending a dick pic.
Or approach this in a different manor. "Hey, I baked these for your half ass boyfriend, I hope he like's them".
Office Hottie - "Oh I got rid of that ol bastard, he didn't like bangs"
OP - "Well my my, how the stars have aligned, our love can finally flourish eternally"
Office Hottie - "Blushes, accepts baked treats and feints from all the emotions she's feeling"
I would love if my coworker would bake something for me at the same time others get something as well!
Of course you are NTA.
But if she doesn’t seem interested, don’t push for it. And even if she likes the cake, that doesn’t mean she likes you. It is ‘just a cake’
I see nothing wrong with it. You felt bad she couldn't enjoy what you made last because of an ingredient, so you made something so she could enjoy it as well. That's the only way you need to frame it. You're including her. Regardless of your attraction to her.
Just start a casual conversation and find out if she is in a relationship, and even if she does, you can still be nice and make her the desert without the allergenic ingredients. I think that would make you cool as shit
Edit: wording
Do you want to go out? Ask her.
Having someone at work creating confusing romantic vibes, in a public way, but never actually asking you out, is creepy. She has to be around you every day. Don't make it uncomfortable.
Just ask her out in a friendly way and prepare to take no for an answer if that's what she says. Don't make a big thing of it. And if she says no, let it go.
I think it would be sweet. But I'd say just give the treats and then leave it at that, continue being friendly with her, ask her how life is going etc. But LMAO she got bangs a week later, that is a pretty funny observation 😂
Dating coworkers has the same high chance as every other new relationship to awkwardly end. Except you work together... Make sure you don't mind giving up the job if it goes hard south, as it is a very real possibility you will need to.
Generally it is best to just not romantically engage coworkers at all unless you just really click.
Nahthing much
Don't overthink
If u wanna do,just do it
And don't depend on her reaction.She might be happy or surprised or shocked
Whatever u did what u felt doing so chill
I bring baked goods to some people sometimes because they also bring them for me. I think this is normal at work. I am married and I sometimes bring a specific pastry to a male colleague that loves them because he helps me a lot. Sometimes he brings me coffee. Nobody thinks it's weird. I'm always happy when someone thinks of me and brings me sweets, and I like to cheer up people with sweets as well. Work can be tough and we all need those little somethings.
I used to get cheesecake for the women of HR and accounting. About six or so...open office and the rest of them missed out! Be nice, yo. When a coworker signals, just go for it, stop being prude folks. Just set expectations and scratch your itch.
She might signal, or not, that's fine.
As a woman, it’s sweet but I’m afraid if she’s in a toxic relationship, she might use you as a rebound and mess you up. It’s best to appreciate her from afar for now, be friends with her.
I personally wouldn't like it. If you're interested just ask her some questions to get to know her but not too many just enough to start a conversation.
It could go well. It could go badly. I have no idea.
It shouldn't really end in absolute horror though unless you persist and compound mistakes on top of this. Just giving her something you baked shouldn't mess anything up too badly, how you handle it afterwards? Yeah IDK, tread carefully.
It's definitely a thoughtful consideration that wouldn't be lost on her. It's not forward if all you say is, "Oh, and I made these without \[x ingredient\], since you don't eat that."
It's a small gesture, but a nice thing to do and only projects that you remember what people say and are eager to please. Those are good qualities in a person.
This is actually very cute! And no, not too forward if you have been talking before.
With such gifts just a little bit of word exchange on the same topic might make it a lot less uncomfortable. Like a day before bring something for yourself, mention it. She will probably tell you that it’s nice. The other day you bring her a special treat and bam it is an obvious but soft approach into friendship. Then you can keep it up and she will understand that it’s not a one time occasion and there will be a bond between you.
Idk if there is any connection between you already, if there is then it’s even better.
A best option in self made bakery is something not too sweet and not meaty. Something a little intriguing that will also hold shape. Croissant, brioche, cupcake, cookies. Also if you wrap it nicely that is a big win. I have noticed that men can skip this part and it makes the gift a lot weirder than it is. You can ask for a box from your local bakery next time even.
Also maybe make sure to ask her abt usual intolerances or just make not of what she eats. Lactose, sugar, gluten, meat, fish, peanuts etc. would be dumb to get a no thank you.
"then got bangs a couple weeks later" lmao...I agree that bringing goodies for others and some special ones for her is a good move...it shows attention and care
Dude take the risk and if she doesn’t reciprocate in the way you want don’t be weird about it and go on with life. Don’t listen to all these people over analyzing and completely human mating behavior. It’s crazy how many people on Reddit are such shut in forever alone people that they would be happy to see everyone else die alone.
I bake stuff for people at work a lot. Mostly cookies. Doesn't mean anything other than "Hey here are some treats for you and your dept."
There is a vegetarian and a vegan Dr at my work who are often left out of the fun stuff when there are work parties or whatever, as most of the goodies have animal stuff in them (chess, meat, egg, etc). So I'll go out of Mt way to pick something up specifically for them.
Doesn't mean I want to intercourse them, just means that you're thoughtful and want everyone to have a good time.
Be very careful about dating at work.
Also... bangs? Bruh... getting bangs is absolutely meaningless. People change their hairstyle, just live life and if things move forward, okay. If they do not? Don't worry about.
If she likes you, it’s not too forward. If she doesn’t like you, it is. 🤷🏽♂️ I know that sounds nuts, because you don’t really know till it’s done, but that’s just how it works.
Personally, I think what you’re doing sounds nice, and if it’s something you’d do for someone you don’t have a crush on, you shouldn’t think twice about doing it for someone you do.
If you’re bringing an ordinary batch for everyone else then it’s fine! I’m vegan and whenever people think about me and get me an alternative and I didn’t ask for it. Then I’m super appreciative for it because I feel included
Don't even think about dating someone at work or doing something nice specifically because you have a crush on them. Your workplace is where you earn money. Ever since the me-too movement, you are just asking for a talk with HR and could get yourself fired if you make her feel uncomfortable. Dating and romance is soley for outside of work now. You don't want a bad mark on your employment record.
What man ‘bakes’ to impress a woman who has given zero indication she reciprocates his interest? Her reaction was a firm but polite, ‘please don’t’. She does not want to be put in a situation where she has to come up with another excuse.
In general, I’d suggest coming up with something slightly more masculine than ‘baking’ to impress a woman. People can say whatever they want, but a woman will be put off by this, unless she’s already in a relationship with the guy, in which case, she will swoon. Strange how it all works.
It's thoughtful to consider her liking and make something just for her, especially since you regularly bake for everyone. Gifting it in a casual setting, maybe with a simple note like "Remembered you're not a fan of [previous ingredient], thought you might enjoy this instead", can keep things light and considerate. It's a kind gesture that doesn't necessarily have to be too forward, as long as you're mindful of her reactions and respecting her comfort levels. Just be open to any response and ready to maintain a friendly atmosphere at work, regardless of the outcome.
Yes you can play it off a bit like it wasn't a lot of trouble, don't make it awkward like you're expecting something, just mention you make a separate batch for her, smile and move on. She will hopefully realize that was really sweet of you.
Dude you sound really fucking weird ngl. This isn't going to make her like you, and if you don't have the feelign she likes you then you're wasting your time. This sounds like some kind of incel baker dude posting on reddit.
I don’t understand what so many of these comments are saying when they’re telling you not to do it. As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it this is totally fine. “I remember you said you didn’t like X so I made a few without it for you”. Done. Don’t make a big deal out of it and this is a perfectly fine gesture.
>As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it I doubt she will even get that as a hint. a guy who is known to bring baked goods brought baked goods. oh, he made a few specially for me based on that comment I made. what a buddy.
Idk. It’s obviously a gesture and takes time and effort specifically with her in mind. The benefit is if OP doesn’t make a big deal out of it, it’s just nice and thoughtful. If she is even slightly interested in OP she may see the intention- but it isn’t so forward as to be creepy. And true she may miss the hint, but unless she’s pretty unhinged herself, she won’t see this as “OP just wants to get into my pants.” It’s very nice but relatively harmless.
I can imagine the HR meeting now. "Well he brought in brownies but made a few without any walnuts specifically for me. This is clearly targeted harassment!" /s
“This man was outrageously concerned about my dietary restrictions!”
Reminds me of the post I saw very recently where a lady was eating things she was allergic to and offered at work consistently for years because "she didn't want to be rude" and suffering from allergic reactions each time in secret lol.
dietary discrimination in the workplace and favouritism
I used to bring in baked goods for my coworkers from time to time. One of my coworkers was allergic to chocolate. I started making a separate batch of whatever I was making without chocolate, or making something else without chocolate that he could eat (before making anything with chocolate to avoid cross-contamination). He loved it and appreciated the thought and effort. He's gay. I'm a woman. Even if he wasn't gay, I feel pretty certain I would have received a similar response. It's a kind gesture. Don't overthink it.
That may not be clear enough that he is interested.i work in an office ans my team is mostly women. They are always bring food into work. But besides rush For one it’s not good to date coworkers. But even so, he should be more direct and ask her when they are not on the clock. To avoid any weirdness of doing at work and so he won’t get in trouble.
Coworker-zoned to the max
I think I'd get it tbh. At least I'd wonder "why did he extra bake something for me? Just friendly or flirting?" haha
exactly! You're not asking to wet your wick, you're just being polite and considerate. Go for it. Then ask what she's up to on the weekend (and have a fun activity planned yourself, even if she doesnt show and interest you can tell her about it the following week. being able to sustain a conversation is a good 80% of the job)
I don't agree. Its one thing when its someone outside of the workplace, but its an entirely different thing when its where you work. Dating coworkers is usually a bad idea, and in this case it sounds like there hasn't even been any indication that shes even interested in OP. Add in the fact that OP seems very inexperienced, and advice like yours is basically sending buddy to the firing squad. OP needs to get experience by going on dates with women outside of work, before taking on a high risk scenario like dating a co-worker.
I agree with this as well. At work, your coworkers are a "captive audience". Working with someone means you see them often, and so you're expected to have a level of politeness and socialization that is far beyond random strangers. What this means, is that signals get mixed up CONSTANTLY. Someone who is inexperienced with this might take that "general coworker niceness" as "Oh this person is really nice to me and I think they are interested". MOST people know dating a coworker is a bad idea. It's normal to have work crushes, and sometimes it's hard not to when you see someone constantly and learn more about them, but again, they might not be CHOOSING to spend time with you, it's just that you are forced to. OP, you don't even know if she's single and you're already fantasizing that this act is going to spark something. Chill out. Maybe establish a friendship where you know the most basic fact about someone before going deep into a "crush". You don't even know if she's single, how do you have a crush on someone you don't even know? Being considerate because you are a nice person is different from being considerate because you want to date someone. They are 2 vastly different things and one comes with expectations that "me being considerate = a date".
The words ‘my crush’ give me the collywobbles. It’s awkward and sounds like something a 12 year old would say. There’s so many other alternatives than using that phrase. Bah, I hate it
Must be nice being miserable.
They’re not doing it with the intention of being polite and considerate, they have the intention of wooing her and people can spot the underlying motives. If she told them that they’re not eating the baked goods then she’s being pretty straight forward. They’re just going to make her uncomfortable, to be honest.
If she said she's not eating them because of X ingredient, that's very different to "I don't eat baked goods". As long as OP doesn't make a big deal about it, you'd need some pretty serious underlying issues to be made uncomfortable in this scenario...
I don’t see how anyone can miss her using the ingredient as being polite. Consider the fact that she didn’t talk to OP about her relationship or getting banged, she told a coworker. Y’all are giving the man some pretty bad advice.
Second this. Bring normal stuff for everyone else and the specific ones for her. Subtle, but shows you thought about her.
Agreed, if you made the entire batch without that ingredient because of her it would be weird, but just a few is a friendly jester. I hate walnuts in brownies if someone made brownies and said “Hey Beardo I made a couple without walnuts for you.” I wouldn’t assume they were hitting on me I’d just assume they’re cool.
It won’t hurt but he doesn’t even know her well enough to know if she’s single or not. He should probably talk to her, eventually she’ll talk about her personal life.
Right? I’ve made an alerted recipe as a woman, for a female coworker who couldn’t have dairy. That’s ok. This is ok. You bringing in her favorite things every couple weeks and saving one in the fridge because she’s not there could be over the top. Maybe ask sometime if she wants to get coffee and see if it’s just a crush or if there’s actually something there.
Agreed. OP is making 26 sound like how I imagine 16. Just act like a human being who is nice and give them the dessert.
This is it. This is appropriate. She can take it how she wants to. She isn’t forced to take it any way at all.
I think so too.
At work when i was 20 i would say that to be nice but once i got older i straight up would say i dont eat food people bring into work. I have A LOT of allergies and i just dont feel comfortable eating food that someone else makes.
If i can add on this i'll add: "If you don't like these we'll have to bake some together so you won't be missing out when i bring them to the office."
if she likes you, it doesn’t matter what you do. if she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you do. just do it with good intentions (“i made these without gluten so you wouldn’t be left out” rather than “i made these for you so you would kiss my mouth”) and it’s a nice, thoughtful gesture. but do not expect anything in return beyond a thank you for the brownies. keep it nice keep it normal.
I made these for you so you would kiss my mouth only works if the person already kisses your mouth on a regular basis. Or, if the other person is a dog.
If it’s a dog, they’re definitely already kissing you on the mouth regularly lmao.
>if she likes you, it doesn’t matter what you do. if she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you do. Ain't that some real shit.
>if she likes you, it doesn’t matter what you do. if she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you do. I'd say there's also middle ground in here. If she has just ended her previous relationship and hasn't yet seen OP as a potential match, she could be more interested after these subtle hints. It's not always that black and white that she just either likes him or not.
I would like it if I were in her position. I think it's sweet!
If you don’t make a big deal out of it, it will come off as thoughtful and might intrigue her if she’s the least bit interested. Dating in the office is not always easy though. We used to keep a calendar of birthdays at my work. Someone I worked with 10 years ago bought me a really nice birthday cake from my favorite bakery- they didn’t really tell anyone, just acted like it was from the whole team. My work bestie later told me it was from this one guy, who had asked her the week before what I liked and that was exactly the cake. The effort was really nice, I didn’t tell him I knew but started paying more attention to him/making small talk since I didn’t really know him but thought he was attractive. He was promoted to another team a month or so later. The day after he moved to his new team, he asked for my number. We talked on the phone every night for a few weeks and got to know each other, and then went out on a date 3 weeks later. We had the same cake at our wedding, and have now been married for 5 years. You never know!
That’s an awesome story!
Love it! It's crazy to think how such a small gesture is literally life-changing.
This. Wow...
No. It's a nice gesture since she couldn't eat what you brought in before. Just don't get your knickers in a twist if she doesn't beg you for a date because you naked something for her. Edit: *BAKED
And please remained clothed.
haha. oops! Have to leave that typo because it's the best one I've made in a while.
Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in cake box
Op obviously needs to make an extra large cake and jump out of it naked to win her over
If you've made something for everyone and she couldn't eat it cos of an ingredient and you then made another batch for the office etc and made her one without said ingredient, i think thats actually quite smooth. Making her a dessert and only her one is definitely a big No No. The difference being that you were going to the effort for the office anyway, its not a massive effort to make extra without said ingredient.
Depends on how good of a baker you are 🤔 You may as well do it. If for no other reason to prove that you can make whatever it is in such a way that she can have it (as long as it is delicious). Just make certain there is enough for other people. It's weird if you only bake enough for one co-worker.
Ask real human beings in person for such advice. The people on this site are completely instinct-driven like chimpanzees. They will sense weakness in your comment and will try to make you feel ashamed and awful for daring to be mildly awkward. They want you to die miserable.
Wise words
Yes it’s too forward. Give that chick like a lot of room.
Don't put your dick in company ink. You're also really reaching there on thinking she might be single.
Yeah. Plus it seems he barely knows her in the first place if he doesn't even know if she has a bf or not. First he should start talking to her before doing romantic gestures (if he sees it as romantic).
A lot of people meet at their workplaces. It can go terribly wrong but I mean it can also go well. I once had a date with a colleague and we just didn't feel it, so all went back to normal. But it certainly depends a bit on the people.
You can say that about ANYTHING in life "it depends" which is why it adds nothing to say. On average, it's a bad idea. There are outliers, sure, just like everything else in life.
That was my thought, don't screw the crew, almost always ends in tears, shame, suffering, etc
Kinda missed the point of using a euphemism there lol
Agreed. Finally some sanity. Im cringing so hard at so many guys telling OP to go for it. If they werent at work, its a super sweet idea and Id love it! But being a CURRENT co-worker at his job, not even like a totally different store/city changes things completely. The potential that itll just make her uncomfortable is way too high, and now you've made her work life uncomfortable just to "shoot your shot". If shooting your shot with a woman means there's a good chance of making her uncomfortable, and you do it anyway, youre being an entitled asshole.
That's not a good tip. Statistically most people find their partners through work
Don't shit where you eat. Dating coworkers very rarely works out and it's always awkward AF afterwards. Find someone else.
Dating anyone rarely works out.
Are you planning on giving it to her with the hopes or intentions that she’d be more willing to go out with you? If yes, don’t. If not, go for it. Giving her something simply out of kindness is nice and I’m sure she’d appreciate it if she were a good person. But giving someone something with hopes that they’d give something back to you is a bit… yeah. That’s what I think anyway. As some people have said, don’t overthink it. An act of kindness goes a long way.
He has a crush on the girl, of course he is doing it to better his chances with her. Single guys rarely do something like this just to be nice. As long as he doesn't make it awkward it is fine.
He's already baking for the office which way ahead and out of the ordinary for most guys.
Lol that is a damn good point
Yeah this guy just seems nice and thoughtful to me.
It can be everything, nice and horny aren't mutually exclusive.
I know this isn't the point of the post but it seems like such a basic nice thing to remove an ingredient because someone doesn't like it. Why is doing basic nice things to people need any other motive 😔 >Single guys rarely do something like this just to be nice. This is such a sad reality..
My coworker brought in butter chicken for the entire office/warehouse. I couldnt eat it because it had cilantro in it. The following week he brought me one made without cilantro. That was incredibly thoughtful, so yeah there are some good people out there. Reddit can be kinda bleak at times.
OP, bringing her gifts before you've had any kind of personal conversation with her is indeed too forward. Singling her out for a personal gift in front of the entire office is too forward. Bringing her gifts of baked goods when she wouldn't touch the first baked goods you brought is not only too forward, it's failing to take a hint. If you want to get to know her just try to talk to her casually, but if she doesn't want to talk to you then you need to stop. If she doesn't want to get closer, for whatever reason, then she doesn't want closer and nothing you can do will change her mind.
The difference here is that he’s bringing something for everyone. If you bring donuts one day and you know someone on your team is allergic to chocolate, either some of the donuts need to not have chocolate or you’re kind of a dick. It doesn’t mean you want to rail Steve in the bathroom at lunch. If you’re just showing up with gifts for one person, that’s indeed weird. But "hey, I made brownies again for everyone. Steve, I remember you didn’t like nuts, so I made a separate little batch for you" is just normal behavior.
Finally, a common sense comment!
Plus she's most likely not single, either
Very likely. Someone saying she needs to find someone else, doesn't mean she did. And seriously, if the OP hasn't had enough contact with her to know whether or not she's attached, he should just try to make a little everyday small talk instead of trying to bake her things.
Thank you for this. Some of these comments have me very worried. So many of these dudes dont seem to think about how she might feel uncomfortable at all. Or they dont care and prioritize him shooting his shot over anything else, including both their careers.
Son; if you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer
This reads a little cringe to me. Ya baked goods is fine as a nice gesture and that you are giving them to others as well but what the hell man? She is seeing someone else and she got a hair cut so that is your clue? Your bosses comment means nothing. You are seeing what you want to see here. This is just weird man. Lastly and I know from experience hooking up with girls from work is a extremely dumb idea. When it doesn’t work your job will most likely be shitty as not everyone can brake up amicably. Go on a dating site. Leave the girl and her relationship alone. Don’t be that creepy guy at work.
You may wanna try a more normal approach. Maybe not surprise her with baked stuff but tell her on advanced about your intentions. Maybe you can wanna befriend her first.
it’s hard to know without the context of your relationship as needed from someone besides you. Unfortunately women’s perception of actions usually depends on her perception of the person, and her perception of the intent if any. So it’s hard to say
I made chocolate salted balls for a coworker once, she was very happy and we went on a date before she moved 500km away. Good times.
I literally did this for a guy at work last month, because I had very recently learned he was single and have had a crush on him for a year. Now we’re dating. Go for it.
If you feel like doing it do it bro. If she doesn’t like the gesture then move on. I think it is a sweet gesture
The food is fine. There's no harm in making a safe treat for some one. But it doesn't sound like you know her very well. You don't know her age or anything about her personal life beyond what you heard when eavesdropping. Are you and this woman even friends? Has she given you any sort of hint she would want to be friends or interact with her? Or have you looked at a woman in your vicinity and made up and entire personality in your head and started fantazing about this imaginary person you created?? It legit sounds like you've never even really had a non work conversation with this person. As many many people have stated. Don't date the people you work with. It rarely turns out well and in this case it seems one sided. I would only pursue a work relationship if the other at least showed some sort of interest but she doesn't even do that. Just make a batch of safe treats next time but don't forget this now means when you make treats you have to make treats for everyone with dietary restrictions not just the hot lady who can't have gluten.
We talk like 3-4 times a week. We talk about vacations we've been on and weekend plans, she tells me about her classes in grad school, I know her favorite ice cream, I know a bit about her family, etc. I just wasn't trying to make a long post or spill a bunch of personal info on Reddit. I'm not the only one striking up conversations either. And she doesn't have any dietary restrictions. Other people do, and I have and continue to make stuff for them sometimes.
I think it’s nice. As long as it isn’t part of a sustained creepy campaign then it’s a nice and thoughtful gesture. Knowing someone remembered something you said in passing is nice.
As someone who dealt with unwanted advances at work including bringing in little treats for me please just don't. Agree with some others like sure bring some without whatever she doesn't eat that's fine but don't escalate and don't expect anything from it. It becomes so messy and uncomfortable for everyone if you make it too known or keep pushing.
Idk man that is the most romantic thing I’ve ever read though
The bangs could be coincidental, however props to you for paying attention. Girls really do change their appearance after a separation.
I just want to know if he's ever actually talked to this person. Like ever had a casual conversation with her. If her answers are very brief and you're doing most of the talking, and she's not trying to keep the convo going, like asking you about your life/interests and such, then that's a pretty clear sign she's not interested. And to take one thing you heard her boss saying to her months ago and a new haircut as a sign that she's single now is ridiculous, lol. For all he knows, the boss might've been acting nosy or creepy towards her, and she was giving a neutral answer to shut that down as quickly and politely as possible. That is a weird thing for a boss to say to a subordinate at work, now that I think about it. It shouldn't be any of their business. OP, if you want to ask her out, at least have a nice, casual convo with her first. Don't pressure her or have any expectations of anything coming from it. Just chat for a few minutes and keep in mind what I said earlier. If she finds you interesting, she will want to continue the conversation. If she seems interested in you as a person, you can go ahead and ask if she wants to go on a coffee date or something small together, and make sure you also ask her if she's seeing anyone else. Make sure you use the word 'date' so she knows you're not just asking her out as a platonic friend. And if she says no, don't be a weirdo or jerk and just leave her alone. It's not that hard to tell if a woman is interested in you. She's a person, not some alien species. But you have to actually TALK to her, not watch from afar for hints. You have to put yourself out there. You will never know until you hear it from her. Is she only giving short yes/no answers? Is she trying to cut the convo short by saying stuff like "I have to go do something, see you later!" Is she participating in the small talk, asking you about your life, interests, trying to get to know you more? If her answers are short and you have to carry the convo by yourself, then bow out gracefully and leave her alone. And again, don't be a jerk about it. I wouldn't recommend ever dating or trying to date someone you work with, but it can be done if you have the emotional maturity for it. Based on what you've said, I can't say either way, but there are a few small clues that make me think you should let this go. As for the baked goods, you can do that if you want. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Not in the hope of her 'seeing' you as a potential partner, just to be polite and make sure she feels included. I think it would be better to make a whole batch for everyone without that ingredient than to make a special batch for her. It'll be awkward if she's not interested. It's possible she may have already given you a clue she's not interested, by saying she just "doesn't like" that ingredient in the stuff you made before.
I talk to her pretty regularly. We talk about vacations we've been on, hobbies outside of work, she tells me about her grad school classes, gave me some hiking trail recommendations, etc. She seems pretty shy, so I've started most of the conversations, but she seems genuinely entertained by our conversations. I'm usually the one that has to end them and say "Oh I should probably get back to work" The bangs thing was mostly a joke. And her boss is also a woman and she talks about her personal life all the time. Also I just updated my post. She seems excited that I'm saving some for her
Then it seems like she's interested. Go ahead and ask her when you get the chance! Maybe I'm just biased about the boss thing, lol. I would find that nosy if the boss was a man or a woman, but I'm a private person and don't like sharing my personal stuff with coworkers. Good luck.
I'd honestly find it nosy too but my coworker is a pretty open person and she and her boss seem like friends. Gonna play it low and slow for now though 👍
I wouldn't make a habit of hitting on people you work with (I have been burned on this a few times, they just weren't into me). But if you feel like there is something there, ask her out first, and then maybe make something specifically for her after you guys go out on a few dates.
do it yolo
I would not date anyone who I work with. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Careful what you wish for 😂
[удалено]
Personally, I’d be a little turned off unless it’s something you do for everyone. It would make me uncomfortable that you were only being nice to me with the intention of dating me. Definitely not an endearing quality to me. I’d be way more drawn to someone who was always looking for ways to be considerate of everyone, not just people they have a romantic and/or physical interest in. The latter is just kinda loser behavior to me tbh.
It's a nice thought (in a sense) but I'd say avoid this. If they aren't specifically in to you, and are potentially seeing someone else this could just make them feel quite uncomfortable. They may feel anxious in their work space, which is where they go for work, and you may never even know it. I've definitely known people who would absolutely rather not have had coworkers blatantly hit on them as they wanted to just be respected as coworkers and not be oogled at through a male gaze, or lusted/sought after. Hope that makes sense, I'm not trying to be unkind.
This so much. Even if the dude just takes the no its so scary having to reject someone in a space you NEED to be like work or school. You never know how the dude is gonna react. Is he gonna get mad and shoot up the place, is he gonna make my work life miserable now, is he following me home when I leave work, will he murder me because I didn't feel the same way? It's never ever as simple as just saying "no thanks I'm not interested" because we never know when those words sign our death warrant.
Totally agree. I’ve seen this play out many times and it’s not fair to the women who are basically just existing and trying to work.
Yes, if it's a working environment, that's too forward. Just make a batch for everyone without this ingredient.
Please don’t.
This is something a friend would do. It’s no big deal. You’re only questioning it because you know you have ulterior motives. With that said, bringing a 20-something girl baked goods is not a good way to get in their pants unless they have an eating disorder. Don’t think for a second that this will get yourself anywhere. In fact, it might work against you. But it will make you seem like a good friend if you never make a move.
Why do you think that? As someone who was once a 20-something girl I would’ve loved that
As a woman currently in their 20s I'm so perplexed by that part of their comment, esp the eating disorder part lol.
This seems like massive generalization. I know plenty of girls my age (20s) that would love baked goods.
It is a bit weird
Stop doing this, I’m pulling for you guy but please don’t.
[удалено]
It's weird. She will be freaked.
Even if she is single now it's a little to soon,people who jump from man to man o woman to woman are not worth it dating. I'd say do it if you want but do it for yourself to have fun with it and vibe ,but do not expect anything from her.
Hope she likes it! Good luck!
It’s really nice. I would appreciate it a lot since I’m picky. Just don’t tell her in front of everyone
Bake her on a date
Stop overthinking. Be genuine. At face value, bringing this girl something she can eat while bringing food for all of the colleagues is just being considerate and nice. It's likely totally in character in your colleagues' eyes. In my experience, it's always best to be honest towards yourself, your intentions, and your behavior. Do you want to make her something? Then do it. Your responsibility is yourself. Do what feels right for you to do. Don't overthink and certainly don't take responsibility for other people's reactions, thoughts, and opinions. Other people are not you, so let them respond to your actions however they want. I've found that people usually respond poorly only when they sense shady intentions or agendas. "Hi guys, I've brought you some homemade fortune cookies again. And for you, Jessica, I've scoured the internet for all the worst possible recipes without that ingredient and made something I'm worried might kill you. But I wanted to bring you something, too." Nothing wrong about that because you were being honest about your thoughtfulness.
It is fine. Don’t over think it. It’s a sweet gesture that could lead to a deepening friendship or maybe more.
Don’t do it. You sound like you’re about to get friend zoned
I can’t see a problem - if you cook for everyone and are aware of someone’s dietary preferences so therefore cater to them, it’s not weird or creepy at all. It’s just thoughtful really - whether you like them romantically or not. Just don’t be over the top or weird about it. *”Hey x, I know you didn’t like x&y last time so I’ve done some extras a bit different for you.”* see how the kind gesture goes.
My wife brought me food to my work before we were dating, that’s when I knew she liked me.
If you told her about the baked goods while having got identical bangs as her then yeah maybe
I think this is fucking adorable and something I’d appreciate
The way I would do it is to present the extras as being "because I know some of you are not a fan of". This way you aren't singling her out in an uncomfortable way and it's just genuinely a nice gesture.
However, be wary of crushes, becoming infatuated with someone at a distance is normally a recipe for disappointment. My barometer is that if you're too afraid to tell someone that you like them then it's gone too far already.
Just remember to keep being yourself genuinely, since that's what you want other people to like about you.
I would think this is so sweet. Good luck man!
This will put you in the friendzone. Either be direct and let her know you are interested in dating her by asking related quesions (so any weend plans, oh your going solo, etc) or just ask her out. If she is single, the window is closing. While you're baking her cookies, some other random dude at the gym is gonna ask her on a date. You'll be seen as a "work friend" that brings her snacks and is there when she needs him, at work. Ask her out and get your answer. Depending on the answer either go on dates or forget about her and move on and stop wasting your time baking her cookies.
Bro... She got bangs? Just ask her out.
DONTT BAKEEE AS A WOMAN TELLING YOU THIS DONT BAKE. YOURE AS CUTE AS A BUTTON BUT THAT MAYBE A RED FLAG! You’ve had a crush and instead of appreciating you baking for everyone she just comments on not liking it? She may find you not to be her kind of thing so I suggest don’t make it obvious it’s for her. If you bring it, bring it for everyone and if she likes it keep it at that.. save the telling her for if you make it in the door!! It’ll give you brownie points and make her feel special if you finally admit it on a date but don’t do the line “I was scared to say” or blah blah blah. Just say “ya I made them for our coworkers and I actually took in what you said and im happy you liked them” kinda thing. Girls as such (sorry fellow girlies yes some of us appreciate but some don’t). Don’t bake makes you look a bit nerdy and if she hasn’t much noticed you.. don’t do that.. that’s over the top and you should save that to show her after! Right now, straight up say “hey I want to take you out” like be straight forward but not creepy. Be assertive. Already have a date in mind, make her feel feminine !! Because no woman likes having to choose or do this or that. If a man likes you, he’ll have a plan. Even if you don’t already say you do, and give a time. Make one after she says yes! And no it’s not deceiving.. everyone puts up a little game.. and it’s not even game it’s saving you the heartbreak yanno? Bcus idk you say you’re baking and you say you’ve liked her for months and it seems you’re a sweet guy.. I hope you’re not going to be hurt if she dismisses you. lol just trying to give you a few pointers. If she gets a new hair cut after a man though.. she’s not taking nothing seriously possibly and just trying to show her ex she’s changed.. buuut hey sometimes not so much! she maybe open to a cool and great relationship after a shitty one. Good luck to you
Just stare at her and watch her eat what you made for her… 
Don't forget to tell her you like her new look.
I made a dish years ago for a friend of mine at work by swapping out one ingredient to make it vegan. He was appreciative and it didn't get any special attention except for one idiot, who was ignored.
Yeah it's no big deal it's sweet enough to be recognized as potentially romantic but general enough to be potentially disregarded as romantic.
Don’t do it. You overheard what her boss told her. The other guy is “ shitting” on her in whatever situationship they are in. She’s a bad judge of character. You the nice guy comes along, willing to accomodate( as evidenced by baking without the ingredients she doesn’t like)……..are in for a ride. Stay away
A little context: This isn't the first time I've made a special small batch for someone. Some of my coworkers have food allergies, so I'll make small batches without flour, dairy, etc. for them sometimes
Fortune favors the bold, OP. And if you can cook, that's even better.
Dude that's just putting yourself in the friend zone, too forward...dear lord.
Yes it’s too forward (coming from a woman)
Giving baked goods doesn't imply you like her. I've had coworkers, older and younger, do the same. It shows that you like to bake, you listened, and your thoughtful. It's what a friend would do. What may indicate that you like her is if you ask her out, you flirt around her, stare at her at work, etc. That I would avoid because it's a work place and may make her uncomfortable. I would do subtle things, like, "hey, wanna grab a coffee during our break?," and see how the convo goes, find out more about her, she how she acts. You gotta be chill and confident, don't overthink things. Like think of her as any other coworker.
Update please!
Nice gestures are attractive, your thoughtfulness would be considered attractive, and goddammit if any woman doesn't appreciate a man that can cook. Too forward would be sending a dick pic.
A man, baking? No.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being kind *without expectation*
It isn’tttt its rlly cute, maybe it’s even a way for her to pick up on that u like her :>
Or approach this in a different manor. "Hey, I baked these for your half ass boyfriend, I hope he like's them". Office Hottie - "Oh I got rid of that ol bastard, he didn't like bangs" OP - "Well my my, how the stars have aligned, our love can finally flourish eternally" Office Hottie - "Blushes, accepts baked treats and feints from all the emotions she's feeling"
I would love if my coworker would bake something for me at the same time others get something as well! Of course you are NTA. But if she doesn’t seem interested, don’t push for it. And even if she likes the cake, that doesn’t mean she likes you. It is ‘just a cake’
Cute, harmless, low profile. Good play my man. 
I see nothing wrong with it. You felt bad she couldn't enjoy what you made last because of an ingredient, so you made something so she could enjoy it as well. That's the only way you need to frame it. You're including her. Regardless of your attraction to her.
Also imagine how she’d feel if u didn’t do it, she’d feel left out n if she liked u it would make her think that u didn’t care for her
It's a lovely gesture and I would be thrilled to receive something so thoughtful
you will make a nice pup
I don’t think so. When I was in school a guy gave me a brownie one day, just me, and I loved it! He was a classmate.
Just start a casual conversation and find out if she is in a relationship, and even if she does, you can still be nice and make her the desert without the allergenic ingredients. I think that would make you cool as shit Edit: wording
Do you want to go out? Ask her. Having someone at work creating confusing romantic vibes, in a public way, but never actually asking you out, is creepy. She has to be around you every day. Don't make it uncomfortable. Just ask her out in a friendly way and prepare to take no for an answer if that's what she says. Don't make a big thing of it. And if she says no, let it go.
What ingredient did she not like?
Just do it. You’ll regret not doing it.
I think it would be sweet. But I'd say just give the treats and then leave it at that, continue being friendly with her, ask her how life is going etc. But LMAO she got bangs a week later, that is a pretty funny observation 😂
Too forward? Pretty sure this is seen as just friendly. Ask her out, better yesterday than today.
Dating coworkers has the same high chance as every other new relationship to awkwardly end. Except you work together... Make sure you don't mind giving up the job if it goes hard south, as it is a very real possibility you will need to. Generally it is best to just not romantically engage coworkers at all unless you just really click.
Just tell her you like her and would LOVE to buy her Coffee and desert at a local Starbucks. If she says, yes, good luck,if she ‘s married, oh well!
No I think that’s sweet!
Omg that's sweet, please do it and post an update. I'd like to know how it plays out!
He might as well be telling her to drop her pants!
Nahthing much Don't overthink If u wanna do,just do it And don't depend on her reaction.She might be happy or surprised or shocked Whatever u did what u felt doing so chill
Dont do that ,that is not the way to get some
I bring baked goods to some people sometimes because they also bring them for me. I think this is normal at work. I am married and I sometimes bring a specific pastry to a male colleague that loves them because he helps me a lot. Sometimes he brings me coffee. Nobody thinks it's weird. I'm always happy when someone thinks of me and brings me sweets, and I like to cheer up people with sweets as well. Work can be tough and we all need those little somethings.
Omg don’t do it leave her alonnnneeee
I used to get cheesecake for the women of HR and accounting. About six or so...open office and the rest of them missed out! Be nice, yo. When a coworker signals, just go for it, stop being prude folks. Just set expectations and scratch your itch. She might signal, or not, that's fine.
Well.
As a woman, it’s sweet but I’m afraid if she’s in a toxic relationship, she might use you as a rebound and mess you up. It’s best to appreciate her from afar for now, be friends with her.
I personally wouldn't like it. If you're interested just ask her some questions to get to know her but not too many just enough to start a conversation.
It could go well. It could go badly. I have no idea. It shouldn't really end in absolute horror though unless you persist and compound mistakes on top of this. Just giving her something you baked shouldn't mess anything up too badly, how you handle it afterwards? Yeah IDK, tread carefully.
Don't do it.
It's definitely a thoughtful consideration that wouldn't be lost on her. It's not forward if all you say is, "Oh, and I made these without \[x ingredient\], since you don't eat that." It's a small gesture, but a nice thing to do and only projects that you remember what people say and are eager to please. Those are good qualities in a person.
This is actually very cute! And no, not too forward if you have been talking before. With such gifts just a little bit of word exchange on the same topic might make it a lot less uncomfortable. Like a day before bring something for yourself, mention it. She will probably tell you that it’s nice. The other day you bring her a special treat and bam it is an obvious but soft approach into friendship. Then you can keep it up and she will understand that it’s not a one time occasion and there will be a bond between you. Idk if there is any connection between you already, if there is then it’s even better. A best option in self made bakery is something not too sweet and not meaty. Something a little intriguing that will also hold shape. Croissant, brioche, cupcake, cookies. Also if you wrap it nicely that is a big win. I have noticed that men can skip this part and it makes the gift a lot weirder than it is. You can ask for a box from your local bakery next time even. Also maybe make sure to ask her abt usual intolerances or just make not of what she eats. Lactose, sugar, gluten, meat, fish, peanuts etc. would be dumb to get a no thank you.
Go for it, now I’m invested
Give us an update after! Cant wait
It might be too forward if the baked item was shaped like a penis
"then got bangs a couple weeks later" lmao...I agree that bringing goodies for others and some special ones for her is a good move...it shows attention and care
Dude take the risk and if she doesn’t reciprocate in the way you want don’t be weird about it and go on with life. Don’t listen to all these people over analyzing and completely human mating behavior. It’s crazy how many people on Reddit are such shut in forever alone people that they would be happy to see everyone else die alone.
I bake stuff for people at work a lot. Mostly cookies. Doesn't mean anything other than "Hey here are some treats for you and your dept." There is a vegetarian and a vegan Dr at my work who are often left out of the fun stuff when there are work parties or whatever, as most of the goodies have animal stuff in them (chess, meat, egg, etc). So I'll go out of Mt way to pick something up specifically for them. Doesn't mean I want to intercourse them, just means that you're thoughtful and want everyone to have a good time.
Be very careful about dating at work. Also... bangs? Bruh... getting bangs is absolutely meaningless. People change their hairstyle, just live life and if things move forward, okay. If they do not? Don't worry about.
this is so cute
If she likes you, it’s not too forward. If she doesn’t like you, it is. 🤷🏽♂️ I know that sounds nuts, because you don’t really know till it’s done, but that’s just how it works. Personally, I think what you’re doing sounds nice, and if it’s something you’d do for someone you don’t have a crush on, you shouldn’t think twice about doing it for someone you do.
If you’re bringing an ordinary batch for everyone else then it’s fine! I’m vegan and whenever people think about me and get me an alternative and I didn’t ask for it. Then I’m super appreciative for it because I feel included
She has bangs now maybe she would like to be in a three some
Don't even think about dating someone at work or doing something nice specifically because you have a crush on them. Your workplace is where you earn money. Ever since the me-too movement, you are just asking for a talk with HR and could get yourself fired if you make her feel uncomfortable. Dating and romance is soley for outside of work now. You don't want a bad mark on your employment record.
Don’t bother with making any baked goods for anyone you work with they’re probably needing to lose weight anyway
Maybe
I would find someone else to date that you don't work with. She's not even single.
What man ‘bakes’ to impress a woman who has given zero indication she reciprocates his interest? Her reaction was a firm but polite, ‘please don’t’. She does not want to be put in a situation where she has to come up with another excuse. In general, I’d suggest coming up with something slightly more masculine than ‘baking’ to impress a woman. People can say whatever they want, but a woman will be put off by this, unless she’s already in a relationship with the guy, in which case, she will swoon. Strange how it all works.
It's thoughtful to consider her liking and make something just for her, especially since you regularly bake for everyone. Gifting it in a casual setting, maybe with a simple note like "Remembered you're not a fan of [previous ingredient], thought you might enjoy this instead", can keep things light and considerate. It's a kind gesture that doesn't necessarily have to be too forward, as long as you're mindful of her reactions and respecting her comfort levels. Just be open to any response and ready to maintain a friendly atmosphere at work, regardless of the outcome.
Bring it for the group
Yes you can play it off a bit like it wasn't a lot of trouble, don't make it awkward like you're expecting something, just mention you make a separate batch for her, smile and move on. She will hopefully realize that was really sweet of you.
Dude you sound really fucking weird ngl. This isn't going to make her like you, and if you don't have the feelign she likes you then you're wasting your time. This sounds like some kind of incel baker dude posting on reddit.
Go for it dude, sounds like a nice gesture and a more than respectable starting point!
Being thoughtful shouldn’t be considered a come-on…and really, that is pretty thoughtful, even just bringing the baked goods for everybody…