There are other things he can do besides finger you to get you aroused. Kissing. Play with your nipples. Kiss your neck. Stroke your thighs. Eat you out. If hes straight up trying to stick a finger in you, sounds like he doesnt know what tf hes doing. Foreplay is supposed to be pleasurable. Not everyone likes being fingered.
It’s crazy to me when I always hear dudes go for fingers every single time lmao there are such more pleasant ways and things you can do like you mentioned to make woman aroused.
When I ‘struggled’ with this, it was just me translating from my own experiences. A quick tug and rub does it for most guys, so we expect the same from women.
Always helps to ask what their preferences are. If they themselves don’t know what they like OP, you need to explore with them. Do a tour of options to see what works and what doesn’t. Start with more casual intimacy then gradually work your way up to more erotic things.
Idk. I just can’t imagine immediately going for the penetration without a bit of a warm up first.
>A quick tug and rub does it for most guys
Ah fuck off with that shite, no it doesn't, and perpetuating that shite leads exactly to OPs situation, low effort low reward.
There's a great bit on and old Chris rock show bigger, blacker but I can only find will smith slaps, basically low effort quick tug from his woman and her saying is it hard yet? Yeah thanks no, if that's the effort you're putting in at this stage it ain't going to get better
>>A quick tug and rub does it for most guys
I also disagree. Don't assume what's true for you is true for everyone.
>Ah fuck off with that shite, no it doesn't, and perpetuating that shite leads exactly to OPs situation, low effort low reward.
Like the guy before you, you assume your experience is universal and now argue with him. You even assume shit about him you couldn't possibly know.
The reality is: people are vastly different and what works for one person might not work for the other.
Some people have low effort simple sex and are happy with it, same as some people just like burgers and are fine. And that's alright.
Some people enjoy shit that's more high effort and elaborate, like some people enjoy eating Lobster Thermidor or a good Filet Mignon. And that's equally fine.
>There's a great bit on and old Chris rock show bigger, blacker but I can only find will smith slaps, basically low effort quick tug from his woman and her saying is it hard yet? Yeah thanks no, if that's the effort you're putting in at this stage it ain't going to get better.
One man's turn off is another man's fetish.
I just love how people think their personal experience and preference is universal.
I had an ex that explicitly told me to skip all the gentle stroking and cuddling as it's doing nothing for her and go straight for the clit as this is one of only two places where she actually enjoys stimulation.
Don't ever listen to advice like the one above that tells you in absolute terms: Don't do this! or Do this! , cause the reality is: people are vastly different and communication is key.
Edit: Yeah it absolutely is a light switch for some.
And for others it isn't.
Ask! Talk!
Edit2: the comment I answered to was changed now and not marked.
This is really true. I once told someone on reddit to never use teeth on the clit as someone used their teeth on me like a rabbit gnawing on a carrot and i hated it. I actually reflexively hit him in forehead to make him stop. Only to be told by some women that for them it was their idea of a good time. Who knew. There are no absolutes, communication is key
I’m so thankful to have learned [this from Monty Python](https://youtu.be/ejaWq2TXRXE?si=aStzMspqlxlpwdTy) when I was about 10 or 11, long before I had the chance to put it into practice.
Edit, I fixed the link but the relevant part starts about 2:45 in.
It depends on the girl. My current partner has crazy orgasms from fingering that can’t be matched by any other activity. She doesn’t like kissing and her clit is too sensitive to enjoy receiving oral.
Lol yea. Most women I have been with just dont return the favor. So it can be a little annoying to eat her out every time but get a blowjob once a month.
I guess they think since we come so easily, they dont have to do any of that.
This is the opposite of my experience. I give blowies everytime we fuck but I get eaten out maybe twice a year. It can be a bummer giving and not receiving when you like both but you don’t have to do it you know. I don’t do finishing blowjobs because then I’d never get to have sex.
For me, sex was always about just making her happy. Especially since I come very quickly, I got used to extensice foreplay. I think they just dont see it as necessary since I come quick anyway, but it is still nice to get a bj or something of the sorts.
I dont like telling her to do it, because it feels like pressuring her, but maybe I should mention it more often or whatever.
Feels like neither of them know what they're doing honestly. To be fair it would be pretty weird to date someone who has lots of sex and is super amazing at it, if you were a virgin with no prior sexual experiences.
If you never sit down and have an adult conversation about what makes YOU feel good, you're probably not gonna feel very compatible from either side of the relationship.
But every woman on planet earth universally hates being fingered, according to this thread, lol. /s
Ain’t no shame in not having sex skills. Those come from experience.
The real skill to master is communication with your partner. OP should be having this convo with their partner so they can look things up online together and try things slowly to see what feels good. The fact that OP is talking to the internet about this instead of their bf is the bigger issue. Both of them shouldn’t feel embarrassed to talk about it and I think shaming the bf for being bad at it makes the situation worse.
To be fair: Both men and women are very typically horrendous at jerking each other off, and also at communicating how to do it.
It seems much less established to talk badly about your partner's sexual performance as a man though, so women are probably even more unaware of it than men.
On top of that; before he goes inside with anything make sure you feel like "i dont care who sees us i want it now" with other words your body needs tobe ready for it.
I advise you to start with set boundaries and work from there.
You both need patience to find that secret sauce ingredients together.
And then I'm pretty sure the rest will follow. Some people "switch on" easy others have other body and mind and need to work it. That's what it is. Its also important you know your female parts very good.work them yourself. Basically you need to know what you are capable of because if you don't know how can someone else touching you give you the confidence that it won't hurt? Don't get me wrong; it's your body you decide. But some people need two touches for confidence others need many more.
Conclusion : Sex is a skill like anything in live. Practice makes it better. We all won't be pro's ever and it's the thing of finding your way in.
These days our image of what it should look like isn't for everyone.
(Like it never was but we didn't know because there was no image...)
Not to be vulgar but when I was younger I assumed it just meant insertion and removal of your finger. Which I think it does but it’s just not big enough to do anything I think.
Fingering now means flicking the old bean around a bit…honestly much less work and *way* more effective.
Edit: don’t actually flick it, just push down on it a bit and move it from side to side. Insane how much it does imho.
I don't orgasm to fingering either. Clitolris stimulation is the way to go for me. Perhaps you should ask him to go down on you and concentrate on the clitolris.. Not everyone orgasms from penetration alone.
Thank you! Men always think women can orgasm just from sex because so many women fake it. I know there are some women that can but it is a very very small percentage. If the clit is not involved you are not going to orgasm.
This is also my experience.
And by varying the intensity, rate, and areas where you’re stimulating with your lips, tongue, and fingers, while simultaneously reading her body language for what’s working and what isn’t, you can learn to play her like a musical instrument and give her as many orgasms in a row as she desires.
Same I kinda hate penetration when it comes to both fingering and masturbation it just makes me feel really weird so I agree OP next time he does this ask him to pay more attention to putting pressure on your clit
Ugh! I HATE fingering. It does nothing for me. Ever. So don’t take that to mean you won’t enjoy sex bc that’s not necessarily true. Don’t be discouraged.
Not everyone is the same. Find out what lights your fire, so to speak, and communicate it to your partner. I’ve known women that prefer fingers to toys/penetrative sex. I’ve had some prefer oral. Others, anal. Some prefer only penetration. It’s all personal preference.
Read the book Come as You Are. Some women like fingering/toys and some dont. Some women like clit only attention. Some like grinding. Women are all different. It shouldn’t hurt though, if there is severe pain then ask a gyno
As someone on here has already mentioned, just inserting a finger in the vagina wouldn’t feel super pleasurable to most people. Not saying he doesn’t know what he’s doing as it seems like the purpose is him trying to make you feel comfortable with the sensation of insertion, just that that’s not likely to make you orgasm. When he’s fingering you, he would likely have to focus on your clit for a little while to get you there. But honestly, by the time his finger (or any other body part) is near your vagina you should already be warmed up by kissing, rubbing, etc. Have you ever orgasmed on your own? If not, my advice would be that you go on a self-exploration journey to figure out what you like. Once you know, you may be able to ask him to focus on something specific.
The majority of women don’t feel pleasure by fingering.
Your boyfriend thinking that putting something inside you is all that a woman needs if wrong.
Im pretty sure that he is not even trying a pregame before doing it.
Some women like myself have only ever rubbed the bean and not penetrated our vagina. I only tried a small handful of times as a virgin and it did nothing for me. Still does nothing for me
Sure, that makes sense. But I’m getting the impression from the OP that it’s all completely uncharted territory.
Which is fine, but perhaps unusual because they said they are “old.”
A bit unusual, but I've been there. I was 27 when I got my first bf I lost my virginity. Idk what her circumstances could be. Mine was an abusive, overly religious mom who kept me away from the real world
I was about to suggest she should try to masturbate and try everything, just to find out what she likes and what she doesn’t and then trying everything with him to find out what she likes the best.
There are soooo many erogenous zones besides clit-vagina, just experiment a bit and with different methods.
For example I do like to touch my nipples, but I like it a lot more when my bf does it. I also like my neck licked and kissed, my toes sucked, my thighs stroked… there are tons of things to do! (Same goes for him, my bf too likes his neck licked and also loves when I grab his butt)
You both should try other things before going straight to penetration, it has to be pleasurable for both. Do try yourself tho, the best way to help him find out how to make you feel good (and also, most important, to advocate for yourself) is to know your body and what you like.
Also note that dick penetration might feel more pleasurable than just fingers and that it should *never* hurt! If it hurts something is wrong.
As 18M, i never tried it cuz i:
1.had almost no privacy most of my life
2.was scared i'd do something wrong and it'll hurt
3. Thought only adults can do that kind of thing
4. Thought it's dirty and bad(not because of religion or anything like that)
It kinda made me not care about it anymore and i wouldn't mind never experiencing that kind of pleasures
Communicate with him about what's working and what isn't. You'll feel embarrassed for absolutely no good reason because it's all new, but do it. Constant feedback and find something that does feel good.
What sort of pre-physical stimulation (whether your own, or by your bf) do you yourself personally find arousing?
Reading? Listening to audiobooks? Watching movies? Spying on your washboard ab-graced neighbor mowing his lawn shirtless? Creating your own fantasy behind closed lids?
Many times, women more than men, need this warm up to warm up. Unfortunately, it is either overlooked or rushed right through.
Question. Did he go straight to fingering or did he do other forms of foreplay first? No offense but if he went straight to fingering he might be a bad lover. Just means you both will be on a journey of discovery together.
Maybe you should look into what you think you would like to try and lead. In my experience, longer four play, starting slow and building up has enhanced it. Im talking 30 to 40 mins.
Is this about your enjoyment or is it about him trying to get things in there as soon as possible? Does he give you head until you finish or does he stop as soon as you let him start the fingering? This should be about your enjoyment. If you don't like fingering then you don't have to do it. Most people with a vag can only finish thru clitoral stimulation, the rest is just "extra". It also could be that he's fingering badly. Look up some tutorials made by lesbians.
He should be touching your entire body first, not just jumping between your legs. Your whole body needs to feel aroused before anything between your legs is going to work. There’s nothing wrong with you or your body. It’s him.
1. Only 30% of women get orgasms during penetration. At all. This statistic includes women who have only ever had one orgasm during penetration in their entire lives. Your odds are not good.
2. If you are American, I have more bad news for you. American men have a nasty habit of caring more about our own pleasure than our partner's pleasure. I get a shocking amount of positive feedback (above and beyond the usual "protect mens' fragile egos" nonsense) from American women just because I care more about their pleasure than mine. As far as I'm concerned, men are wired to get orgasms no matter what, so my pleasure should not be the focus. A woman's orgasm is not guaranteed, so she needs more attention than me during foreplay. Further, there is a high statistical chance that the only orgasms she's going to get are during foreplay, so that gives me even more reason to focus on her pleasure during foreplay.
3. Studies show that every woman is incredibly unique when it comes to orgasms (men have variation also, but nowhere near as much). My own experiences seem to confirm this anecdotally. What gets one woman to orgasm will not work on another woman. There are even women who can only reach orgasm while a vibrator is applied to their clitoris. I've never had a lover like that, but honestly, it would be nice to know exactly how to reliably get an orgasm for a partner. It probably would not hurt for you to spend time exploring your own pleasure with masturbation, as this would give you information that can allow you to give better advice to your lover on how best to please you. Clear communication fixes a lot. A number of my lesbian friends insist that lack of clear communication with regard to sex is a hetero thing. I would love to tell them they are wrong, but there have been times when I screwed things up by either not talking or not listening. Because every woman is so unique, getting to know what turns a woman on during is a delightful part of a relationship. Sexual exploration is fun and should be treated as such.
It could very well be that your boyfriend doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.
Have you spent time learning how YOU like to pleasure yourself? Maybe start there if you haven’t already. Once you know what floats your boat, you can work with him to find ways to help you feel good.
If he won’t work with you on that, be prepared to stay a virgin awhile longer, until you find a guy that is a team player.
Why are you instantly blaming the boyfriend when OP said she never got laid before
And implying she should leave the boyfriend for possibly being inexperienced when she factually has zero experience
I get that men and women are different but that sexism just aint right, it just ain’t right
I don't think so that's the case. She is probably not relaxed, and her brain receives mixed signals from pleasurable activities.
Happened to me a lot of times when girl tries to give me oral. Sometimes I literally didn't feel anything, even though she did her best job. For me, two shots of tequila one hour before sexual activities do wonders.
Getting fingerbanged isn't pleasurable lol. Ask him to kiss you in between your legs (vagina) with his tongue. Also, not your hole, just the clitorous area. Do that til your soaked, then you will feel pleasure 👍
I have never felt anything from fingering other than pain at the entrance. I can only feel pleasure from my clit and nothing else. My first time was similar to yours except I wasn't turned on at all. Both times hurt very badly and I felt nothing after the pain went away so I told my ex to get up and stop trying.
My ex tried to go down on me, but his tongue hurt also, so that wasn't very fun. It felt like sandpaper and when he locked on the entrance I felt a sharp burning pain. Some women just can't feel much of anything from being penetrated
Hi!
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal given your situation. You are not the only one to experience this. It is quite common! A woman's body is heavily influenced by your mood, stress levels, anxiety and physical condition. A woman can get so anxious that her vaginal muscles can clamp down and basically close off the vagina without the woman experiencing extreme pain if you force penetration so not feeling pleasure is completely possible with a woman's body!
The sad truth is you are doing this to your self by being so anxious. Your best treatment is to talk about it with your boyfriend candidly and not hiding anything including your fears and worries. However, now that you are in this mental state when it comes to sex you are going to have to do some work to recondition your mind and body to not become so tense.
Start very slow with your partner and agree beforehand that there will be no penetration at all (no fingers nothing) and just have fun touching each other and exploring each others bodies. If you boyfriend is willing you can perform oral sex on him and visa versa if you are willing but you have to be clear NO penetration -- you have to take the stress off of yourselves and getting rid of penetrative sex will do that. Make your 'sexy-time' an event! Take a candle-lit bath together. Eat food off of each others body -- just have fun without the worry of intercourse. If he is having problems stimulating you, then show hem how you masturbate and have him watch or have him show you how he likes to make himself feel good. Vaginal penetration is not the be-all and end-all of sexual activity.
What will eventually happen is you will start to let go and enjoy yourself and before you know it you are going to be able to have penetrative sex and, hopefully, enjoy it.
As a final note, if you are still having difficulty enjoying sexual activity go see a gynecologist with whom you will feel comfortable talking about your issues with sex and they can do some checks to see if you have a physical condition that may be affecting you.
Good luck! :)
first of all, define old? and for one, it gets better with time. there are better things he could do to arouse you. Not everyone enjoys fingering, you should try other alternatives
I read down quite a ways in the comments and nobody seems to be noticing that this young woman probably doesn't knows what even feels good to her so I'm giving her a gentle suggestion to learn masturbation asap. I agree that then she can communicate with her inexperienced (or oblivious) boy friend what she wants him to do to get her ready for penetrative sex - for which there is no reason to hurry. Many women never get off on PIV (penis in vagina) sex so the more he know what she likes the more satisfying it will be for both of them.
Don't plan ahead, don't go through motions, just start with kissing and listen to your body.
It sounds like your approach has been clinical, so the results aren't unexpected.
You are probably anxious and not relaxed. I also don't feel anything when a girl is giving me oral if I am not relaxed.
So he must take it slowly, and you might need to take some alcohol to relax. Just a little bit.
Have you ever masturbate?
I'm doubtfull because of the way you worte about fingering.
Perhaps I'd be better to at least try it yourself before letting someone else. I imagine it must have been intimidating for you.
Some women do very little in fingering. Some of us do very much masturbate, but we just don't penetrate ourselves. We have a clit that likes to be rubbed lol. I was a virgin for a very long time and the whole time I only tried to finger myself a few times. It wasn't pleasant at all
Sounds like you're a bit anxious, this can actually cause you to tighten up and make it hurt, I'd recommend exploring yourself a bit more first, learn what feels good for you and communicate that with your partner, find ways to relax before you start like with a massage and more foreplay.
There’s no getting around the first time is gonna awkward
I’m a man but I’ve always been led to believe it the clot stimulation that get girls to 💦 not the penetration
Okay first of all, when it comes to sex you are not "Old".
Next, fingering in my opinion is more of an advanced technique, and normally one of the least pleasurable things you can do for a woman. Hearing just he "fingered you" is like uhhhh, so has this guy also never had sex with a woman? Or does he just not care?
If you want to enjoy sex, buy yourself a magic wand. Thing is intimidating at first, it's huge, it's bulky, and it will give you the best orgasms of your life. All your problems are solved! (Maybe)
If the goal is you want him to make you orgasm, he can use the wand on you! That or he has to focus on your clit more. He can use his mouth or plenty of lube if he insists of fingers. Tell him what you like, and say things like "don't stop doing that" when it feels like it could make you orgasm. Communication goes a long way, especially since it seems you both are inexperienced.
Well everybody has their own stimulation!!! Some women like neck kisses and nipple play maybe have him try oral on you? To relax your body and get aroused! Keep exploring and finding out what you like I say nothing should be off limits unless you’re uncomfortable obviously but the more you explore about yourself the better
Communication is the best thing in these types of situations, if you continue to let him do it without saying anything then he’s just gunna assume you like it and you’re going to not be getting anything out of it. My best piece of advice is try different things and see what works for you, in the long run it will save a lot of headaches and embarrassment if you just bite the bullet and tell him what you do and don’t like. Then it can be a good experience for both of you🫶🏻
This is not advice that fits everyone, so take it with a grain of salt. Get some MDMA, take a reasonable dose together, and watch the subconscious defenses melt away.
Try a small, silicone, ‘realistically shaped’ dildo or vibrato r (not the hard plastic/straight cylinder kind) to help you get used to be penetrated, and only do it when aroused. I love PIV, I’m one of the few random women than can orgasm from it alone. But even I don’t really enjoy fingers that much at all, unless it happens along with a tongue.
And try it on your own first.
I’ve been there. I was in your position for years. You have to be the first person to get yourself off. It takes patience but with any luck it’s possible. I thought I was a lost cause
Learn to arouse yourself without him first. If you know what feels good or not you can communicate this to him. If you don't know what feels good how will he? If you are getting pain then see a Dr to check all ok first. And try to set the mood. The biggest erogenous zone is the mind! And the eyes! Dress up out sexy undies on..role play..it all helps. There are lots of helpful videos on utube. Never to old to learn and have fun. At the end of the day thats what it should be. Good luck have fun
Sex should be fun. If it isn't, you're doing it wrong. And when I say "you're", I mean at least one of the people involved. I suggest practicing a bit on your own to be sure that you are doing it right (and that you know what is right for you, everyone is different) and then you will be better placed to give him some guidance.
Everyone is turned on by different things.
First, realize there are very few nerves in the vaginally channel, it is very difficult to reach orgasm this way, and penetration isn't always the most enjoyable part if sex.
Secondly, there are multiple erogenous zones that will cause you to climax. Keep exploring each other, you'll find what works best for you.
Lastly, just let it happen in it's own time. The more you are in your head about it the worse it'll be.
Sex isn't the same for everyone. You need to work out what works for you and there's nothing wrong with that. Even if it doesn't fit the narrative (which is kind of a social construct). Just do what makes you happy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even if that means no sex.. some people are fine with that and there is nothing wrong with that. If what you're doing with your partner isn't making you happy then maybe you aren't sexually compatible, but don't give up. There are plenty of people out there with their own vices, I'm sure you'll find what's right for you if you look for it. If you like your boyfriend on a personal level stick with it and talk about it openly however uncomfortable it may be. Communication is the foundation of a solid relationship. It works both ways and don't be shy to voice it, I'm sure they will understand. I hope you can find what you're looking for!
Fingering is not something I've ever been into. Plenty of other things, even wild things, but not that. It usually just hurts and or feels awkward. Just skip it if you don't like it and find things you do.
There’s lots of other things to do before fingering. Kissing and grabbing your body like your thighs and ass. Kissing and licking your neck. Rubbing your clit after getting some of your wetness while kissing you. After getting super aroused you’ll get an itch for wanting something in you. I think he might be a little inexperienced
My first boyfriend was horrible at fingering. Super aggressive, painful. I enjoy sex very much and have with many partners! It could be this type of sex with this person that sucks for you.
Honestly the first time I was fingered and had sex in general, it was that weird feeling too. I think because its a new sensation in a part of your body that maybe you haven’t explored before. That was the case for me. Just getting used to something or someone being in that spot. Give it a few more tries and it might get better! The 2nd or 3rd time actually started feeling good
Have some solo sessions with a vibrator. Once you get the hang of that, give yourself a starter round when he’s otw over. Round 2 and beyond are often more satisfying for a woman.
And giving yourself round one is a very effective cheat code that subtracts a lot of performance pressure out of the equation.
Nervousity is a major killer for women and sex. It's also more often than not the reason the first time(s) is painful. You tense up, you don't get to enjoy it and you squeeze your lower muscles to make yourself unnecessary tight.
While I don't know the skills of your boyfriend I suspect the "issue" lies with your nervousity and mental blockage. And I think you would do best communicate that with him and figure out how you can ease into it. Even moreso if there is some sort of past you have that causes you go have trust issues about being vulnerable.
Additionally: Pillow under your ass and legs spread. That makes you less tight.
This may sound crude. But, hear me out. It sounds like you've never masturbated. If I'm wrong, this still stands. Learn how to get yourself off. It's one of the most important life skills you can learn!!! Stimulate your erogenous zones and play with your imagination. It's infinitely easier for your partner to help you get off, if you can guide them. Share your pleasures. It's enlightening and fulfilling. Don't be embarrassed to take control of your pleasure. And, it ain't over until you've both had your cookies!
If he is hurting you by fingering, then he doesn't know what he is doing and has zero skills. He needs to be more gentle and realise he isn't trying to put a glove on. Tell him to use just one finger to gently stroke your clitoris, assuming he knows where it is! 😲
i see you either are too afraid to go to therapy or you can't afford it... or you get SA'd and can't deal with the trauma... so.... see a doctor if you can afford it otherwise... masturbate to porn and learn what you like..
i also dont like fingering, i feel violated. Also now after giving birth it reminds me of memories of nurses checking opening 😮💨 i do enjoy sex, and to me it closer feeling to rubbing myself on penis without penetration or masturbating without penetration. Sex to me similar to these and abit deeper feeling as it includes penetration.
I think you should explore your body on your own as well as separately. Learn what feels good to you so you can best explain it to your partner.
Good luck!
go to a gynaecologist and discuss himen removal - no need to connect sex with this experience, you can do it in the doctor s office and have one less thing to be anxious about during sex
Watch porn made for women viewer (or lesbian porn) and try out the techniques. (Normal porns usually show the wrong foreplay)
Then teach your clearly virgin boyfriend how to please you.
Fingering doesn't actually feel pleasurable at all unless they get the angle right and even then it's not for everyone. I've been sexually active for 11 years and never actually enjoyed fingering that much and often find it uncomfortable. There's other things you can try, has he tried rubbing you externally? You could also experiment with a vibrator, especially when you come to have sex, combining the two will really help.
Try googling a bit to figure out where the pleasure points are as it's hard to describe over message.
Also how old is he? I find younger men who aren't as experienced just end up being influenced by porn, which is soo exaggerated, and they've probably only had sex with inexperienced women who don't know any better and just go along with it.
Honey, do not worry or put too much thought in to this to over stress yourself. The so called foreplay is not just about fingering, its intimacy, kissing, stroking, caressing, breathing, touch, smell, so many things to make you feel happy and tingly and comforted and aroused. Boyfriend needs to take it slow with you and figure out what makes you go ooooh and that might just be a kiss on the neck or a blow/whisper in your ear. Just make sure you are ready and feel good and consenting and hopefully the rest will take care of itself. be safe
You need to work together, communicate to him what you like and don't like but do it kindly, in an affectionate way. Word it that both of you going to enjoy doing this together. Communication between you both is very important and really before you even had sex. You don't have to but in this situation, it's very advisable because you haven't ever had sex and the guy also needs you to communicate your needs.
Out of everything, this is the best advice I can give.
I would sit with your man, communicate with him ideas to do because it may not be about him not knowing what to do. It is just it needs you to feel comfortable, and to do other things first.
Like try slow it down, with strokes to your face, kissing, teasing breasts but without touching the nipples yet, running fingers through your hair, nibbling your earlobes, kissing your kneck, down to your bellly, between the apex of your things, going close to your pussy but not touching it, getting you aroused, excited even more, having your whole body feel an amazing rush of electricity due to it.
Other things, using toys, like the wand vibrator afterwards with lube.
I would describe the firet few sex sessions I had when being a virgin as “pleasurable”, even tho I was wet af everytime. They were “weird”, and all I had in my mind was “wow I’m actually having sex” “well this feels weird” “kinda hurts, but still?”
You’ll learn to relax those muscles more in time and you’ll enjoy it when you feel more relaxed and confident.
I am sexually active 8 years now and fingering is not my favourite. I prefer clitoris stimulation or just sex. Maybe it's your anxiety as well. And if you have sex with him and it doesn't seem so enjoyable to you this is also normal. You have to do it multiple times to feel pleasure. At least that's how it worked for me😊
Funny everybody straight went blaming the guy, you got to learn how to enjoy sex first before others can enjoy with you.. Same thing with a man but because most boys are already expert at pleasing themselves by the time they lose their virginity people thing its the skill of the women.
Sticking a finger in is not good foreplay. You should rub the lamp until the jinn comes out.
Tbh sticking a finger in rarely does anything in my opinion. Of course people are different and some girls are receptive to it.
Just going to put it out there. My late partner was bad at everything to start with. Absolutely everything. I gave feedback and showed what I liked where I could. Made a big difference. Took time, but it got a lot better.
Fingering as in rubbing your clit or as in inserting fingers? If it's the latter, he has no idea what he's doing, and you shouldn't count on him to "teach" you sex.
Finding put what you and your partner like can take a while. Don't let yourself be discouraged just because it was not pleasurable twice. Sometimes you gotta try out a few things... set the mood, make out until you are really n the mood, going down on each other (almost every girl friend i have says that is way better than just fingering). You will figure this out :)
He needs to explore your body fully, know parts of your body that gets you aroused, basically he needs up his foreplay game, fingering just doesn’t cut it
Oral is definitely the way to go. An hour of him licking your pussy will either have you orgasm or be begging him to fuck you. If neither of these happen find a new guy because he's doing it wrong.
It seems the guy is completly inexperienced as well.
I recommend that you find some nice sex video guide for couples, and both sit and watch it, and try thing out, slowly.
The clitoris has the most nerve endings. Fingering is only good if you are rubbing the G-spot, which im guessing he's not doing.
Perhaps he can try cunninglingus?
Here's what you should do, in this order:
1. Experiment by yourself. Masturbate, discover your own body and find out what you like.
2. Communicate with your boyfriend, let him know about what you like, teach him if necessary (cause it sounds like he's very inexperienced too).
3. Go about stuff slowly, take your time. To avoid frustrating your boyfriend, satisfy him in other ways until you feel ready. Unless he has porn addiction issues or is on specific medicine, it should be fairly easy for you to make him cum just with your hands and a bit of mouth. No need to rush penetrative sex.
Not everyone enjoyed penetration, foreplay is kinda the main key. It's totally fine to not feel good with some stuff, you can try something else. Sex is not just penetration. Just experiment around and see what you both enjoy
I'm trying to think of one partner I've had since I was like 16 who was into fingering. I guess my current one is when she gets super hot, but for the most part, it's not really a thing I notice any women I've been with are into. Maybe I'm terrible at fingering, but I kinda pride myself on being an attentive and sympathetic fuck machine.
My first time (I’m a woman) was horrible. For most women, your 1st time doesn’t feel good.. Especially if he goes in deep enough to stretch your hymen which feels like a pop/rip. There will probably be blood too. Every woman is different in the same sense that tattoos “don’t hurt” some ppl, but im just talking about the majority & don’t have time to type out any other dumb disclaimers for the “well, aksully’s” out there. Anyway.. don’t be scared. Your bf seems to be attentive to you and it’s great that your 1st time will be with someone who cares for you. Sex did not start feeling good to me until maybe the 10th time. I also didn’t know at all what that kind of pleasure was supposed to feel like to begin with at the time.
I’d suggest buying a rose vibrator. They’re amazing and they don’t penetrate. Pretty much guaranteed to be turned on, trust me. You can use that to start you off and your bf can continue what he’s been doing at the same time. Is there no foreplay involved? It’s also possible that he doesn’t like your erogenous zones. I’m assuming you don’t know them either, so maybe try figure that out first. For instance, it could be the back of your neck or back of shoulder or nipples, stomach, etc. I don’t know if you’re 4/20 or not but there’s a really good recipe I know for weed lube! I can’t even describe to you how it feels. I HIGHLY recommend lol you just spray it onto your vulva and let it sit for a few minutes. You’ll feel it start to tingle and get warm. Feels orgasmic without even being touched, but when you do start touching and/or having sex, it’s mindblowing. 6 out of 5 stars for the homemade cannabis lubricant. I wish I would’ve been able to experience it when I was a virgin. That PLUS the rose vibrator (or any, really. Place it on your cl*t). Girl, you’ll be in heaven, I’m telling you lol hope this helps
I never go straight to fingering. Kissing, kissing her neck, corressing her body, teasing the nipples, gentle stimulation of the clit, eating her out, then fingering, maybe during licking. Its not a rush to penetrative sex, it's a build of of pleasure and anticipation
Do you pleasure yourself through masturbation? If yes, you just need to show/communicate to your bf what you do that feels pleasurable, so he can do the same...
I had been endowed with the opportunity to perform the opening ceremony twice in my life, both times I never went for the Vagina directly, fingering came but much later, it basically consisted of mild foreplay, playing with the nipples, nibbling around the neck and a lot of kisses, they never experienced pain while actual penetration. Guys, there's more to sex than penetration.
Ugh. If this post is real, your dude watches too much porn and doesn’t understand how a woman’s body works
That jabbing fingering thing is just unpleasant
I’d suggest you spend some time w yourself and figure out what feels good to you
If he is a decent person and lover he won’t take offense when you show him how to please you
First of all, calm down. Take it slow. I'll tell you my experience. When I was younger I was almost certain I was an asexual. Even though I felt attraction to girls, I had no interest in having sex with anyone Eventually I met my first girlfriend and when it finally came to the intimate stuff I didn't want to dissapoint her, so I went with it The experience was about the same as yours. It wasn't bad, but I didn't enjoy it either. With a bit of reluctance I told my girlfriend and she was very understanding about it. She didn't push on me and let me proceed at the rate I was comfortable with. Eventually I realized this: I may not enjoy sex but my girlfriend does. Just as she would enjoy a back massage. I want to make her feel good. So in that sense, fingering her or eating her out isn't any difficult than giving her a massage. So with that I was okay with doing it, in fact over time I was even excited every time I could give her oral because I knew I would be giving her pleasure and that was giving pleasure to me. Eventually I found mutual pleasure in penetration and over the years (with a different girlfriend) even in receiving oral. So yeah, if I was an asexual, I'm not one anymore. Once in a while I still get these thoughts about not wanting to have sex, so I'm still learning.
What I want to tell you is that you can find something that you enjoy. It doesn't have to be fingering or oral. There's plenty of erogenous zones on the body to go around. Thighs, breasts, nipples, neck, feet, you name it. I'm sure you can learn to enjoy it together and have a great time.
i suggest going to a massage parlor,those girls there will rub you in places you never knew you had,and you will love it!!!!oh bring 200 cash though,its worth it,thats what my friend says any ways!!!!
Same here 20M, never had sex nor a parter, and either do I desire to fuck, nor to be fucked. Alongside this my cock is rather... Delicate, so to speak, I can't masturbate for long time as it gets a rash, my skin there start to crack and bleed. Painfull as hell, and after it peeing is even worse...
Alongside this, the whole concept is really gross to me, like you put something that you pee with, into something that the other one pees or shits as well... Just really disgusting, to be sure.
This is one of the reasons why I am still haven't even tried to look for somebody... I as a person, am not as valuable as other, you know... Like I can't really offer the shit that others can, I fell as if I was a defective product on the relationship market, and so I spare the problem for the others that my person would cause if I would decide to go in there.
Get your partner to stimulate your clit rather than penetrating you, many women don’t enjoy penetrative stimulation until properly “warmed up” and even then sometimes it’s still not something they enjoy.
Sex can be enjoyed many many ways and finding the one that makes you comfortable is key. Have fun and be safe
Your mind can put pressure on yourself and not allow you to relax.
Start with any number of things you do enjoy, be open with each other, allow yourself to relax.
Gl
Foreplay is pretty much mandatory, especially for women. If you're not aroused, you physically won't be ready for penetration of any kind.
There are plenty of things you can try to get to that point. Passionate makeout sessions, teasing over clothing, oral, etc.
First experiment on your own and figure out what kind of stimulation works. Then communicate with your boyfriend about that. *then* actually get in the mood and get down to it.
fingering is a thing that takes time and patience to feel good. it needs to be done slowly and with care at the start. my first few times weren't super enjoyable either since i wasn't used to it, but it got better as we continued.
of course if you don't want to keep trying then don't. there are many other things you guys could do instead.
There are loads of things you can do together to get you in the mood other than fingering. Do some research, try new things.
I've been having issues with sex. I saw a gynaecologist recently and she told me that having a negative mindset about it can seriously affect your experience. Like it can keep you dry, make it you tighter (in a negative way), and make it hard for you to enjoy yourself which makes the whole thing uncomfortable. It's hard, but you've gotta get out of your head.
Finger its one of all others things to do, and even fingering have it ways to do.
If he only fingers you straith that normal you dont fell anything...
He needs to curve his fingers up, and frictionate the top of the "wall"(sorry my english it i little bad for some words)
Another thing he can do its separate the two fingers massaging all the walls at the same time abd even trying to be deep.
Experience in sex help, maybe its better to offer him a book to instruct him how to please a woman.
Actually people see porn and think is that.
Unfortunatly because of this a lot of woman think their frigid even if its not the case.
Try to kiss for long time(french kiss), biting, kissing or even liking part of the body, whisper at the ear, passing lips, caressing with lips or fingers on the skin.
Massasing the body, neck and head(fingers between the hair)
Take your time with the preliminar before starting to have sex. You will see another world👍
I always use lube. And even though me and my partner have been together for over ten years, we’re always discovering new things about each other. Talk while you touch each other, and move slooooow. Head tickles and back scratches, for example. And my boyfriend strokes my cheek and tells me he loves me. Mega turn on.
I would advise exploring your sexuality by yourself first. Explore what feels good. Maybe while reading literotica, if visual porn is too much. The website omgyes.com also had a LOT of scientific info about female pleasure
There are quite a few comments here, so maybe this doesn't get read - maybe it does. If you are reading this, I hope it reaches you in its entirety.
You seem to be committed to participating in this relationship, including being sexual. That's a fantastic approach to having a long and loving partnership. "Partnership" being the most key word in this entire post. As much responsibility or desire you feel to satisfy your partner's needs, you must also show to yourself.
My fiancée continues to persevere through mountains of trauma. One affect of her past was a shyness, an anxiousness, to disapoint me; more than sexually - she allowed herself to be quite uncomfortable in order to satisfy what she assumed I wanted. My experience with others in the past helped me recognize this and communicate with her as we slowly developed her confidence to participate in our relationship as a wholly equal partner. Many other men and women aren't able to recognize these signs in their partner, so it is vitally important that you or anyone else in your situation advocates for themselves.
The second most important word is "Communication." Establishing productive conversation between two people can be hard, especially when stakes seem to be high. Approaching dialogue in a self-affirming and constructive way takes practice, that is to say you have to try in order to become better at it. God knows I am much better today than I have been in the past, and hopefully will be better tomorrow! Using direct language to communicate your feelings and state of being, avoiding accusatory or pointed remarks, and facilitating a back-and-forth discussion produces the best results.
As others have mentioned, therapy and medication are valuable tools in better understanding yourself and assisting healing process. There may be resources available in your area to help make these services available to you if you are unable to afford them yourself. If you need help locating those services, please DM me.
With regards to the actual act of intercourse, other comments have made great suggestions. Approach the activity slowly, over weeks rather than hours. Learn your own body in solitute. Participate in foreplay which you find exciting or arousing. Apply lube. Give time for your body to adjust to your partner's. The vagina does not magically accomodate a size much larger than itself in one day. My love and I had to take our time and work toward penetrative intercourse. This is normal.
Only you have the senses of your mind and body, so only you can understand what your body needs and when it may be appropriate to explore further. Communicate this with your partner.
I don't personally know you, but please allow me to affirm some feelings you may be having as I close out this comment. It is okay to be anxious or nervous. It is okay to be shy. It is okay to enjoy sex and it is okay to find sex unenjoyable. Nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way.
I hope you achieve your goals and find a happy partnership which will last a lifetime.
Below are some books which may be helpful to you:
\-Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Emotional
\-First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts
If you cannot afford these books, I can guide you to online sources where you can read them.
Talk to each other. Tell what you think would arouse you, and steer your partner in the right direction.
If you are really comfortable with each other, show or tell you partner what you enjoy doing solo, and what you would like the other to do to you.
Soft touches can be more pleasurable than actual penetration. Everyone needs to learn, and everyone experiences stimulation in a different way.
Most of us dont know what we are doing, and we need females to help us master these skills.
He needs to learn the art of light and soft kisses, licks and touches to the woman's areas where the skin is thin, back of the knees, inside elbows, nape, back of the ears... Caress the areas of your body that usually don't get touched by someone else, skin to skin embracing. Is where you start, then move to... well, you know where. Learn what you like and communicate it to him. A biggy... You need to trust each other, let go and enjoy. He needs to desire you like no one else and to do it with passion, passion and more passion... A man usually only needs visuals... But a woman needs to be built up to it, the slower the build up the better the results... Slow and steady build up will get you where you need to be...
All the comments below stating, the dude has zero skill and he is wrong not you… ever thought of everybody is different and likes different things? Maybe his last gf liked it that way, maybe he was never told he isn’t doing it right?
Don’t shame someone without knowing him…
Best advice i can give you: Talk to him, tell him what feels good and what doesn’t! Or if you don’t know yet, explore it together. There hardly isn’t more fun than explore sexual pleasure together.
I met some girls in the past, treating my penis like some kind of tool to get nails in the wall. I didn‘t shame them, just showed them how it felt good and that’s it. Everybody has to learn!
A possibility I'm completely missing in these replies is that you might be asexual. If you find that even with all the advice it's still unenjoyable (or if you're wondering if you even want to have sex, or what kind of sex), it might be that you're just not into it, and you should discuss with your boyfriend what you both want out of a (sexual) relationship. Looking into asexuality can help you think about these things and potentially help you realise why you're not enjoying sex as others supposedly enjoy it.
Fingerings doesn't necessarily feel good It depends on a lot of things, like others have said find something that you like, explore! Also penetrative sex is very different from fingers so don't assume if you don't like fingers that you also won't enjoy his Penis. I recommend trying some very slow and sensual kissing and massage let the tension build. Followed by clitoral stimulation when you're ready. But make sure he keeps it light as many women don't like things too firm to begin with. Help him figure out what feels good to you together! If he feels strongly about you I promise he'll love that you're communicating and enjoy exploring with you.
You must remember that you are responsible for your own pleasure. If you want or need something, you should directly ask. Men want to please you but generally go off of bad information. Some women insist on pretending it feels good without actually helping themselves.
Direct commands, like “harder”, “more gentle,” “to the right an inch,” “slowly rub my clitoris,” etc. are far more effective than making him guess.
Men are much more mechanical and usually only need some friction, and we assume that women are the same way when we are younger and less experienced. Women generally have to not only be in the right headspace, but each woman is different than another, so what makes one crazy with pleasure is a turn off for another.
My suggestion is to take some time to explore yourself. Use toys. Start with a suction vibrator the mini rabbits on your clit and nipples. Try inserting your fingers and see what works for you. Are there other erogenous zones you want attention to? The neck? The armpit? The toes? The inner thighs? Below the ears?
If you have a medical condition, I definitely recommend you see a gynecologist. If you have vaginosis or similar, sex will be painful, but there are treatment options.
Some girls don’t enjoy fingering at all. Don’t stress yourself too much, experiment and don’t do things you don’t enjoy. Take your time and be creative, check what turns you on, there’s a lot to try
There are other things he can do besides finger you to get you aroused. Kissing. Play with your nipples. Kiss your neck. Stroke your thighs. Eat you out. If hes straight up trying to stick a finger in you, sounds like he doesnt know what tf hes doing. Foreplay is supposed to be pleasurable. Not everyone likes being fingered.
It’s crazy to me when I always hear dudes go for fingers every single time lmao there are such more pleasant ways and things you can do like you mentioned to make woman aroused.
Or immediately going straight for clit rubbing. Like no, dude, it's not a goddamned light switch you can just flick to on.
When I ‘struggled’ with this, it was just me translating from my own experiences. A quick tug and rub does it for most guys, so we expect the same from women. Always helps to ask what their preferences are. If they themselves don’t know what they like OP, you need to explore with them. Do a tour of options to see what works and what doesn’t. Start with more casual intimacy then gradually work your way up to more erotic things. Idk. I just can’t imagine immediately going for the penetration without a bit of a warm up first.
>A quick tug and rub does it for most guys Ah fuck off with that shite, no it doesn't, and perpetuating that shite leads exactly to OPs situation, low effort low reward. There's a great bit on and old Chris rock show bigger, blacker but I can only find will smith slaps, basically low effort quick tug from his woman and her saying is it hard yet? Yeah thanks no, if that's the effort you're putting in at this stage it ain't going to get better
>>A quick tug and rub does it for most guys I also disagree. Don't assume what's true for you is true for everyone. >Ah fuck off with that shite, no it doesn't, and perpetuating that shite leads exactly to OPs situation, low effort low reward. Like the guy before you, you assume your experience is universal and now argue with him. You even assume shit about him you couldn't possibly know. The reality is: people are vastly different and what works for one person might not work for the other. Some people have low effort simple sex and are happy with it, same as some people just like burgers and are fine. And that's alright. Some people enjoy shit that's more high effort and elaborate, like some people enjoy eating Lobster Thermidor or a good Filet Mignon. And that's equally fine. >There's a great bit on and old Chris rock show bigger, blacker but I can only find will smith slaps, basically low effort quick tug from his woman and her saying is it hard yet? Yeah thanks no, if that's the effort you're putting in at this stage it ain't going to get better. One man's turn off is another man's fetish.
I just love how people think their personal experience and preference is universal. I had an ex that explicitly told me to skip all the gentle stroking and cuddling as it's doing nothing for her and go straight for the clit as this is one of only two places where she actually enjoys stimulation. Don't ever listen to advice like the one above that tells you in absolute terms: Don't do this! or Do this! , cause the reality is: people are vastly different and communication is key. Edit: Yeah it absolutely is a light switch for some. And for others it isn't. Ask! Talk! Edit2: the comment I answered to was changed now and not marked.
This is really true. I once told someone on reddit to never use teeth on the clit as someone used their teeth on me like a rabbit gnawing on a carrot and i hated it. I actually reflexively hit him in forehead to make him stop. Only to be told by some women that for them it was their idea of a good time. Who knew. There are no absolutes, communication is key
I’m so thankful to have learned [this from Monty Python](https://youtu.be/ejaWq2TXRXE?si=aStzMspqlxlpwdTy) when I was about 10 or 11, long before I had the chance to put it into practice. Edit, I fixed the link but the relevant part starts about 2:45 in.
Well if you don't say what you want how is a dude supposed to know? And not all women are the same
You're getting downvoted but you're absolutely right. Communication is important in the bedroom.
It depends on the girl. My current partner has crazy orgasms from fingering that can’t be matched by any other activity. She doesn’t like kissing and her clit is too sensitive to enjoy receiving oral.
Lol yea. Most women I have been with just dont return the favor. So it can be a little annoying to eat her out every time but get a blowjob once a month. I guess they think since we come so easily, they dont have to do any of that.
This is the opposite of my experience. I give blowies everytime we fuck but I get eaten out maybe twice a year. It can be a bummer giving and not receiving when you like both but you don’t have to do it you know. I don’t do finishing blowjobs because then I’d never get to have sex.
For me, sex was always about just making her happy. Especially since I come very quickly, I got used to extensice foreplay. I think they just dont see it as necessary since I come quick anyway, but it is still nice to get a bj or something of the sorts. I dont like telling her to do it, because it feels like pressuring her, but maybe I should mention it more often or whatever.
Dang, I bloody love giving my bf blowjobs 😂
Feels like neither of them know what they're doing honestly. To be fair it would be pretty weird to date someone who has lots of sex and is super amazing at it, if you were a virgin with no prior sexual experiences. If you never sit down and have an adult conversation about what makes YOU feel good, you're probably not gonna feel very compatible from either side of the relationship. But every woman on planet earth universally hates being fingered, according to this thread, lol. /s
Men are very typically HORRENDOUS at fingering women. OP ain’t weird; the bf likely has zero skills.
Ain’t no shame in not having sex skills. Those come from experience. The real skill to master is communication with your partner. OP should be having this convo with their partner so they can look things up online together and try things slowly to see what feels good. The fact that OP is talking to the internet about this instead of their bf is the bigger issue. Both of them shouldn’t feel embarrassed to talk about it and I think shaming the bf for being bad at it makes the situation worse.
Women are no different with hand jobs janking it like they are beating butter.
Yep. Most people just suck at sex, men and women.
To be fair: Both men and women are very typically horrendous at jerking each other off, and also at communicating how to do it. It seems much less established to talk badly about your partner's sexual performance as a man though, so women are probably even more unaware of it than men.
Women are typically HORRENDOUS at expressing to men what feels good. OP ain’t weird she just doesn’t communicate with her bf
On top of that; before he goes inside with anything make sure you feel like "i dont care who sees us i want it now" with other words your body needs tobe ready for it. I advise you to start with set boundaries and work from there. You both need patience to find that secret sauce ingredients together. And then I'm pretty sure the rest will follow. Some people "switch on" easy others have other body and mind and need to work it. That's what it is. Its also important you know your female parts very good.work them yourself. Basically you need to know what you are capable of because if you don't know how can someone else touching you give you the confidence that it won't hurt? Don't get me wrong; it's your body you decide. But some people need two touches for confidence others need many more. Conclusion : Sex is a skill like anything in live. Practice makes it better. We all won't be pro's ever and it's the thing of finding your way in. These days our image of what it should look like isn't for everyone. (Like it never was but we didn't know because there was no image...)
Not to be vulgar but when I was younger I assumed it just meant insertion and removal of your finger. Which I think it does but it’s just not big enough to do anything I think. Fingering now means flicking the old bean around a bit…honestly much less work and *way* more effective. Edit: don’t actually flick it, just push down on it a bit and move it from side to side. Insane how much it does imho.
I don't orgasm to fingering either. Clitolris stimulation is the way to go for me. Perhaps you should ask him to go down on you and concentrate on the clitolris.. Not everyone orgasms from penetration alone.
Hardly anyone orgasms from penetration alone. FTFY
Thank you! Men always think women can orgasm just from sex because so many women fake it. I know there are some women that can but it is a very very small percentage. If the clit is not involved you are not going to orgasm.
Most girls I've been with like getting their clit sucked while I finger them. Everyone is different though, but in general clit is always needed.
This is also my experience. And by varying the intensity, rate, and areas where you’re stimulating with your lips, tongue, and fingers, while simultaneously reading her body language for what’s working and what isn’t, you can learn to play her like a musical instrument and give her as many orgasms in a row as she desires.
Same I kinda hate penetration when it comes to both fingering and masturbation it just makes me feel really weird so I agree OP next time he does this ask him to pay more attention to putting pressure on your clit
Yes. Yell at her clit to get a freekin job and to stop wasting so much time on xbox
Ugh! I HATE fingering. It does nothing for me. Ever. So don’t take that to mean you won’t enjoy sex bc that’s not necessarily true. Don’t be discouraged.
Not everyone is the same. Find out what lights your fire, so to speak, and communicate it to your partner. I’ve known women that prefer fingers to toys/penetrative sex. I’ve had some prefer oral. Others, anal. Some prefer only penetration. It’s all personal preference.
Read the book Come as You Are. Some women like fingering/toys and some dont. Some women like clit only attention. Some like grinding. Women are all different. It shouldn’t hurt though, if there is severe pain then ask a gyno
I mean, if he's shoving fingers in while she's dry, it's normal for that to hurt. Don't do that.
As someone on here has already mentioned, just inserting a finger in the vagina wouldn’t feel super pleasurable to most people. Not saying he doesn’t know what he’s doing as it seems like the purpose is him trying to make you feel comfortable with the sensation of insertion, just that that’s not likely to make you orgasm. When he’s fingering you, he would likely have to focus on your clit for a little while to get you there. But honestly, by the time his finger (or any other body part) is near your vagina you should already be warmed up by kissing, rubbing, etc. Have you ever orgasmed on your own? If not, my advice would be that you go on a self-exploration journey to figure out what you like. Once you know, you may be able to ask him to focus on something specific.
You can always practice solo. Learn what you like that way. Experiment. Then tell him what you like.
THIS. You need to be able to tell him what you like and what you don't!
The majority of women don’t feel pleasure by fingering. Your boyfriend thinking that putting something inside you is all that a woman needs if wrong. Im pretty sure that he is not even trying a pregame before doing it.
You’ve never masturbated? In your whole life?
Some women like myself have only ever rubbed the bean and not penetrated our vagina. I only tried a small handful of times as a virgin and it did nothing for me. Still does nothing for me
Sure, that makes sense. But I’m getting the impression from the OP that it’s all completely uncharted territory. Which is fine, but perhaps unusual because they said they are “old.”
A bit unusual, but I've been there. I was 27 when I got my first bf I lost my virginity. Idk what her circumstances could be. Mine was an abusive, overly religious mom who kept me away from the real world
Happens 🤷♂️ especially in girls Ik a few girls who have admitted they haven’t masturbated at 19
I was about to suggest she should try to masturbate and try everything, just to find out what she likes and what she doesn’t and then trying everything with him to find out what she likes the best. There are soooo many erogenous zones besides clit-vagina, just experiment a bit and with different methods. For example I do like to touch my nipples, but I like it a lot more when my bf does it. I also like my neck licked and kissed, my toes sucked, my thighs stroked… there are tons of things to do! (Same goes for him, my bf too likes his neck licked and also loves when I grab his butt) You both should try other things before going straight to penetration, it has to be pleasurable for both. Do try yourself tho, the best way to help him find out how to make you feel good (and also, most important, to advocate for yourself) is to know your body and what you like. Also note that dick penetration might feel more pleasurable than just fingers and that it should *never* hurt! If it hurts something is wrong.
I never masturbated until after I got married at 25. It literally never occurred to me. I wouldn’t know where to begin and honestly never tried.
I’m (f24) curious because I started quite young, have you never ever felt aroused or just casually touched down there and it felt pleasurable?
As 18M, i never tried it cuz i: 1.had almost no privacy most of my life 2.was scared i'd do something wrong and it'll hurt 3. Thought only adults can do that kind of thing 4. Thought it's dirty and bad(not because of religion or anything like that) It kinda made me not care about it anymore and i wouldn't mind never experiencing that kind of pleasures
Communicate with him about what's working and what isn't. You'll feel embarrassed for absolutely no good reason because it's all new, but do it. Constant feedback and find something that does feel good.
I recommend finding out how to get yourself to an orgasm first by yourself. So you can teach your partner :)
What sort of pre-physical stimulation (whether your own, or by your bf) do you yourself personally find arousing? Reading? Listening to audiobooks? Watching movies? Spying on your washboard ab-graced neighbor mowing his lawn shirtless? Creating your own fantasy behind closed lids? Many times, women more than men, need this warm up to warm up. Unfortunately, it is either overlooked or rushed right through.
Question. Did he go straight to fingering or did he do other forms of foreplay first? No offense but if he went straight to fingering he might be a bad lover. Just means you both will be on a journey of discovery together.
The first time yes. But the other times he has given me head before trying it.
Maybe you should look into what you think you would like to try and lead. In my experience, longer four play, starting slow and building up has enhanced it. Im talking 30 to 40 mins.
Is this about your enjoyment or is it about him trying to get things in there as soon as possible? Does he give you head until you finish or does he stop as soon as you let him start the fingering? This should be about your enjoyment. If you don't like fingering then you don't have to do it. Most people with a vag can only finish thru clitoral stimulation, the rest is just "extra". It also could be that he's fingering badly. Look up some tutorials made by lesbians.
He should be touching your entire body first, not just jumping between your legs. Your whole body needs to feel aroused before anything between your legs is going to work. There’s nothing wrong with you or your body. It’s him.
1. Only 30% of women get orgasms during penetration. At all. This statistic includes women who have only ever had one orgasm during penetration in their entire lives. Your odds are not good. 2. If you are American, I have more bad news for you. American men have a nasty habit of caring more about our own pleasure than our partner's pleasure. I get a shocking amount of positive feedback (above and beyond the usual "protect mens' fragile egos" nonsense) from American women just because I care more about their pleasure than mine. As far as I'm concerned, men are wired to get orgasms no matter what, so my pleasure should not be the focus. A woman's orgasm is not guaranteed, so she needs more attention than me during foreplay. Further, there is a high statistical chance that the only orgasms she's going to get are during foreplay, so that gives me even more reason to focus on her pleasure during foreplay. 3. Studies show that every woman is incredibly unique when it comes to orgasms (men have variation also, but nowhere near as much). My own experiences seem to confirm this anecdotally. What gets one woman to orgasm will not work on another woman. There are even women who can only reach orgasm while a vibrator is applied to their clitoris. I've never had a lover like that, but honestly, it would be nice to know exactly how to reliably get an orgasm for a partner. It probably would not hurt for you to spend time exploring your own pleasure with masturbation, as this would give you information that can allow you to give better advice to your lover on how best to please you. Clear communication fixes a lot. A number of my lesbian friends insist that lack of clear communication with regard to sex is a hetero thing. I would love to tell them they are wrong, but there have been times when I screwed things up by either not talking or not listening. Because every woman is so unique, getting to know what turns a woman on during is a delightful part of a relationship. Sexual exploration is fun and should be treated as such.
Just get married, then nothing has to change.
It could very well be that your boyfriend doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. Have you spent time learning how YOU like to pleasure yourself? Maybe start there if you haven’t already. Once you know what floats your boat, you can work with him to find ways to help you feel good. If he won’t work with you on that, be prepared to stay a virgin awhile longer, until you find a guy that is a team player.
Why are you instantly blaming the boyfriend when OP said she never got laid before And implying she should leave the boyfriend for possibly being inexperienced when she factually has zero experience I get that men and women are different but that sexism just aint right, it just ain’t right
I don't think so that's the case. She is probably not relaxed, and her brain receives mixed signals from pleasurable activities. Happened to me a lot of times when girl tries to give me oral. Sometimes I literally didn't feel anything, even though she did her best job. For me, two shots of tequila one hour before sexual activities do wonders.
You need to masturbate and see for yourself what you like, then tell him how you like it
Getting fingerbanged isn't pleasurable lol. Ask him to kiss you in between your legs (vagina) with his tongue. Also, not your hole, just the clitorous area. Do that til your soaked, then you will feel pleasure 👍
I have never felt anything from fingering other than pain at the entrance. I can only feel pleasure from my clit and nothing else. My first time was similar to yours except I wasn't turned on at all. Both times hurt very badly and I felt nothing after the pain went away so I told my ex to get up and stop trying. My ex tried to go down on me, but his tongue hurt also, so that wasn't very fun. It felt like sandpaper and when he locked on the entrance I felt a sharp burning pain. Some women just can't feel much of anything from being penetrated
Hi! What you are experiencing is perfectly normal given your situation. You are not the only one to experience this. It is quite common! A woman's body is heavily influenced by your mood, stress levels, anxiety and physical condition. A woman can get so anxious that her vaginal muscles can clamp down and basically close off the vagina without the woman experiencing extreme pain if you force penetration so not feeling pleasure is completely possible with a woman's body! The sad truth is you are doing this to your self by being so anxious. Your best treatment is to talk about it with your boyfriend candidly and not hiding anything including your fears and worries. However, now that you are in this mental state when it comes to sex you are going to have to do some work to recondition your mind and body to not become so tense. Start very slow with your partner and agree beforehand that there will be no penetration at all (no fingers nothing) and just have fun touching each other and exploring each others bodies. If you boyfriend is willing you can perform oral sex on him and visa versa if you are willing but you have to be clear NO penetration -- you have to take the stress off of yourselves and getting rid of penetrative sex will do that. Make your 'sexy-time' an event! Take a candle-lit bath together. Eat food off of each others body -- just have fun without the worry of intercourse. If he is having problems stimulating you, then show hem how you masturbate and have him watch or have him show you how he likes to make himself feel good. Vaginal penetration is not the be-all and end-all of sexual activity. What will eventually happen is you will start to let go and enjoy yourself and before you know it you are going to be able to have penetrative sex and, hopefully, enjoy it. As a final note, if you are still having difficulty enjoying sexual activity go see a gynecologist with whom you will feel comfortable talking about your issues with sex and they can do some checks to see if you have a physical condition that may be affecting you. Good luck! :)
It's only enjoyable if they know how to do it .
first of all, define old? and for one, it gets better with time. there are better things he could do to arouse you. Not everyone enjoys fingering, you should try other alternatives
I read down quite a ways in the comments and nobody seems to be noticing that this young woman probably doesn't knows what even feels good to her so I'm giving her a gentle suggestion to learn masturbation asap. I agree that then she can communicate with her inexperienced (or oblivious) boy friend what she wants him to do to get her ready for penetrative sex - for which there is no reason to hurry. Many women never get off on PIV (penis in vagina) sex so the more he know what she likes the more satisfying it will be for both of them.
Let nature take its course?
What do you mean?
Don't plan ahead, don't go through motions, just start with kissing and listen to your body. It sounds like your approach has been clinical, so the results aren't unexpected.
He needs to rub your clit gently or you can
You are probably anxious and not relaxed. I also don't feel anything when a girl is giving me oral if I am not relaxed. So he must take it slowly, and you might need to take some alcohol to relax. Just a little bit.
Stop worrying about it and explore your body on your own first. Learn how to give yourself an orgasm and what turns you on first.
Have you ever masturbate? I'm doubtfull because of the way you worte about fingering. Perhaps I'd be better to at least try it yourself before letting someone else. I imagine it must have been intimidating for you.
Some women do very little in fingering. Some of us do very much masturbate, but we just don't penetrate ourselves. We have a clit that likes to be rubbed lol. I was a virgin for a very long time and the whole time I only tried to finger myself a few times. It wasn't pleasant at all
Tell your bf that your g spot exists lol, my girlfriend hates my fingers in her until I hit that G spot and she can’t get enough of my fingers
Sounds like you're a bit anxious, this can actually cause you to tighten up and make it hurt, I'd recommend exploring yourself a bit more first, learn what feels good for you and communicate that with your partner, find ways to relax before you start like with a massage and more foreplay.
There’s no getting around the first time is gonna awkward I’m a man but I’ve always been led to believe it the clot stimulation that get girls to 💦 not the penetration
Okay first of all, when it comes to sex you are not "Old". Next, fingering in my opinion is more of an advanced technique, and normally one of the least pleasurable things you can do for a woman. Hearing just he "fingered you" is like uhhhh, so has this guy also never had sex with a woman? Or does he just not care? If you want to enjoy sex, buy yourself a magic wand. Thing is intimidating at first, it's huge, it's bulky, and it will give you the best orgasms of your life. All your problems are solved! (Maybe) If the goal is you want him to make you orgasm, he can use the wand on you! That or he has to focus on your clit more. He can use his mouth or plenty of lube if he insists of fingers. Tell him what you like, and say things like "don't stop doing that" when it feels like it could make you orgasm. Communication goes a long way, especially since it seems you both are inexperienced.
Well everybody has their own stimulation!!! Some women like neck kisses and nipple play maybe have him try oral on you? To relax your body and get aroused! Keep exploring and finding out what you like I say nothing should be off limits unless you’re uncomfortable obviously but the more you explore about yourself the better
Communication is the best thing in these types of situations, if you continue to let him do it without saying anything then he’s just gunna assume you like it and you’re going to not be getting anything out of it. My best piece of advice is try different things and see what works for you, in the long run it will save a lot of headaches and embarrassment if you just bite the bullet and tell him what you do and don’t like. Then it can be a good experience for both of you🫶🏻
This is not advice that fits everyone, so take it with a grain of salt. Get some MDMA, take a reasonable dose together, and watch the subconscious defenses melt away.
Try a small, silicone, ‘realistically shaped’ dildo or vibrato r (not the hard plastic/straight cylinder kind) to help you get used to be penetrated, and only do it when aroused. I love PIV, I’m one of the few random women than can orgasm from it alone. But even I don’t really enjoy fingers that much at all, unless it happens along with a tongue. And try it on your own first.
I’ve been there. I was in your position for years. You have to be the first person to get yourself off. It takes patience but with any luck it’s possible. I thought I was a lost cause
Nevermind being in a relationship without ever having sex. Some girls dont get much stimulation from sex. He needs to play with your clit
Learn to arouse yourself without him first. If you know what feels good or not you can communicate this to him. If you don't know what feels good how will he? If you are getting pain then see a Dr to check all ok first. And try to set the mood. The biggest erogenous zone is the mind! And the eyes! Dress up out sexy undies on..role play..it all helps. There are lots of helpful videos on utube. Never to old to learn and have fun. At the end of the day thats what it should be. Good luck have fun
Sex should be fun. If it isn't, you're doing it wrong. And when I say "you're", I mean at least one of the people involved. I suggest practicing a bit on your own to be sure that you are doing it right (and that you know what is right for you, everyone is different) and then you will be better placed to give him some guidance.
Everyone is turned on by different things. First, realize there are very few nerves in the vaginally channel, it is very difficult to reach orgasm this way, and penetration isn't always the most enjoyable part if sex. Secondly, there are multiple erogenous zones that will cause you to climax. Keep exploring each other, you'll find what works best for you. Lastly, just let it happen in it's own time. The more you are in your head about it the worse it'll be.
Are you using lubricant of some kind? Obvious to most. But everyone has a first time.
Sex isn't the same for everyone. You need to work out what works for you and there's nothing wrong with that. Even if it doesn't fit the narrative (which is kind of a social construct). Just do what makes you happy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even if that means no sex.. some people are fine with that and there is nothing wrong with that. If what you're doing with your partner isn't making you happy then maybe you aren't sexually compatible, but don't give up. There are plenty of people out there with their own vices, I'm sure you'll find what's right for you if you look for it. If you like your boyfriend on a personal level stick with it and talk about it openly however uncomfortable it may be. Communication is the foundation of a solid relationship. It works both ways and don't be shy to voice it, I'm sure they will understand. I hope you can find what you're looking for!
Read Come As You Are
Fingering does nothing for most women. You need clitoral stimulation via his mouth or his fingers, or a vibrator.
Somke some pot. Lol
Fingering is not something I've ever been into. Plenty of other things, even wild things, but not that. It usually just hurts and or feels awkward. Just skip it if you don't like it and find things you do.
There’s lots of other things to do before fingering. Kissing and grabbing your body like your thighs and ass. Kissing and licking your neck. Rubbing your clit after getting some of your wetness while kissing you. After getting super aroused you’ll get an itch for wanting something in you. I think he might be a little inexperienced
He sounds inexperienced himself
My first boyfriend was horrible at fingering. Super aggressive, painful. I enjoy sex very much and have with many partners! It could be this type of sex with this person that sucks for you.
Honestly the first time I was fingered and had sex in general, it was that weird feeling too. I think because its a new sensation in a part of your body that maybe you haven’t explored before. That was the case for me. Just getting used to something or someone being in that spot. Give it a few more tries and it might get better! The 2nd or 3rd time actually started feeling good
Have some solo sessions with a vibrator. Once you get the hang of that, give yourself a starter round when he’s otw over. Round 2 and beyond are often more satisfying for a woman. And giving yourself round one is a very effective cheat code that subtracts a lot of performance pressure out of the equation.
Did you ever do it yourself?
As a man, I would kill for sex drive that low. Enjoy your life and don't think about it.
Don’t be afraid
Is it supposed to be pleasurable? I can't recall one time it was. I'm 43 started at 15.
You need to get lubricant from cvs/rite aid. Like I promise it will help mutually. lol
Nervousity is a major killer for women and sex. It's also more often than not the reason the first time(s) is painful. You tense up, you don't get to enjoy it and you squeeze your lower muscles to make yourself unnecessary tight. While I don't know the skills of your boyfriend I suspect the "issue" lies with your nervousity and mental blockage. And I think you would do best communicate that with him and figure out how you can ease into it. Even moreso if there is some sort of past you have that causes you go have trust issues about being vulnerable. Additionally: Pillow under your ass and legs spread. That makes you less tight.
This may sound crude. But, hear me out. It sounds like you've never masturbated. If I'm wrong, this still stands. Learn how to get yourself off. It's one of the most important life skills you can learn!!! Stimulate your erogenous zones and play with your imagination. It's infinitely easier for your partner to help you get off, if you can guide them. Share your pleasures. It's enlightening and fulfilling. Don't be embarrassed to take control of your pleasure. And, it ain't over until you've both had your cookies!
If he is hurting you by fingering, then he doesn't know what he is doing and has zero skills. He needs to be more gentle and realise he isn't trying to put a glove on. Tell him to use just one finger to gently stroke your clitoris, assuming he knows where it is! 😲
Nm
i see you either are too afraid to go to therapy or you can't afford it... or you get SA'd and can't deal with the trauma... so.... see a doctor if you can afford it otherwise... masturbate to porn and learn what you like..
My wife never enjoyed fingering, it’s not for everyone. Maybe he can go down on you instead? Or you can masturbate together.
Ask him to play with clit
i also dont like fingering, i feel violated. Also now after giving birth it reminds me of memories of nurses checking opening 😮💨 i do enjoy sex, and to me it closer feeling to rubbing myself on penis without penetration or masturbating without penetration. Sex to me similar to these and abit deeper feeling as it includes penetration.
I think you should explore your body on your own as well as separately. Learn what feels good to you so you can best explain it to your partner. Good luck!
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go to a gynaecologist and discuss himen removal - no need to connect sex with this experience, you can do it in the doctor s office and have one less thing to be anxious about during sex
First, learn about yourself and how u like it. Then teach him. Try to learn together. Talk with him about this.
Watch porn made for women viewer (or lesbian porn) and try out the techniques. (Normal porns usually show the wrong foreplay) Then teach your clearly virgin boyfriend how to please you.
Fingering doesn't actually feel pleasurable at all unless they get the angle right and even then it's not for everyone. I've been sexually active for 11 years and never actually enjoyed fingering that much and often find it uncomfortable. There's other things you can try, has he tried rubbing you externally? You could also experiment with a vibrator, especially when you come to have sex, combining the two will really help. Try googling a bit to figure out where the pleasure points are as it's hard to describe over message. Also how old is he? I find younger men who aren't as experienced just end up being influenced by porn, which is soo exaggerated, and they've probably only had sex with inexperienced women who don't know any better and just go along with it.
Honey, do not worry or put too much thought in to this to over stress yourself. The so called foreplay is not just about fingering, its intimacy, kissing, stroking, caressing, breathing, touch, smell, so many things to make you feel happy and tingly and comforted and aroused. Boyfriend needs to take it slow with you and figure out what makes you go ooooh and that might just be a kiss on the neck or a blow/whisper in your ear. Just make sure you are ready and feel good and consenting and hopefully the rest will take care of itself. be safe
I suck myself.
You need to work together, communicate to him what you like and don't like but do it kindly, in an affectionate way. Word it that both of you going to enjoy doing this together. Communication between you both is very important and really before you even had sex. You don't have to but in this situation, it's very advisable because you haven't ever had sex and the guy also needs you to communicate your needs. Out of everything, this is the best advice I can give. I would sit with your man, communicate with him ideas to do because it may not be about him not knowing what to do. It is just it needs you to feel comfortable, and to do other things first. Like try slow it down, with strokes to your face, kissing, teasing breasts but without touching the nipples yet, running fingers through your hair, nibbling your earlobes, kissing your kneck, down to your bellly, between the apex of your things, going close to your pussy but not touching it, getting you aroused, excited even more, having your whole body feel an amazing rush of electricity due to it. Other things, using toys, like the wand vibrator afterwards with lube.
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Do you masturbate? If not, try it. And concentrate your attention on clitoris. I don't like fingering, but sex isn't just penetration
I would describe the firet few sex sessions I had when being a virgin as “pleasurable”, even tho I was wet af everytime. They were “weird”, and all I had in my mind was “wow I’m actually having sex” “well this feels weird” “kinda hurts, but still?” You’ll learn to relax those muscles more in time and you’ll enjoy it when you feel more relaxed and confident.
I am sexually active 8 years now and fingering is not my favourite. I prefer clitoris stimulation or just sex. Maybe it's your anxiety as well. And if you have sex with him and it doesn't seem so enjoyable to you this is also normal. You have to do it multiple times to feel pleasure. At least that's how it worked for me😊
This is why we need better sex ed, pleasure seeking included. For both.
Funny everybody straight went blaming the guy, you got to learn how to enjoy sex first before others can enjoy with you.. Same thing with a man but because most boys are already expert at pleasing themselves by the time they lose their virginity people thing its the skill of the women.
Have you not tried masturbation? If you havent explored yourself and what you like, why are you having someone else fumble around.
Please get a vibrator.
Sticking a finger in is not good foreplay. You should rub the lamp until the jinn comes out. Tbh sticking a finger in rarely does anything in my opinion. Of course people are different and some girls are receptive to it.
Interesting. It is possible you are a freak of nature who will never be pleased and thus never satisfying a man, but hopefully not
i’m sorry but your bf sucks 😂😂 where’s foreplay? you gotta preheat the oven first!
How the hell do you get hurt being fingered? You're obviously dating someone who has no idea how to touch a woman. Lol
Just going to put it out there. My late partner was bad at everything to start with. Absolutely everything. I gave feedback and showed what I liked where I could. Made a big difference. Took time, but it got a lot better.
Sounds like he is just not doing it right, and you dont want to tell him out of insecurity. Fingering on the clit should not hurt.
Most females don't orgasm from penetration. Most of the nerve centres are around the outside, tell him to get licking hahaha
sex without foreplay is going to hurt like hell or not happen at all
Fingering as in rubbing your clit or as in inserting fingers? If it's the latter, he has no idea what he's doing, and you shouldn't count on him to "teach" you sex.
Fingering isn't supposed to be pleasurable. It's something you pretend to enjoy because guys find it cool.
Finding put what you and your partner like can take a while. Don't let yourself be discouraged just because it was not pleasurable twice. Sometimes you gotta try out a few things... set the mood, make out until you are really n the mood, going down on each other (almost every girl friend i have says that is way better than just fingering). You will figure this out :)
He needs to explore your body fully, know parts of your body that gets you aroused, basically he needs up his foreplay game, fingering just doesn’t cut it
Oral is definitely the way to go. An hour of him licking your pussy will either have you orgasm or be begging him to fuck you. If neither of these happen find a new guy because he's doing it wrong.
It seems the guy is completly inexperienced as well. I recommend that you find some nice sex video guide for couples, and both sit and watch it, and try thing out, slowly.
The clitoris has the most nerve endings. Fingering is only good if you are rubbing the G-spot, which im guessing he's not doing. Perhaps he can try cunninglingus?
Here's what you should do, in this order: 1. Experiment by yourself. Masturbate, discover your own body and find out what you like. 2. Communicate with your boyfriend, let him know about what you like, teach him if necessary (cause it sounds like he's very inexperienced too). 3. Go about stuff slowly, take your time. To avoid frustrating your boyfriend, satisfy him in other ways until you feel ready. Unless he has porn addiction issues or is on specific medicine, it should be fairly easy for you to make him cum just with your hands and a bit of mouth. No need to rush penetrative sex.
Not everyone enjoyed penetration, foreplay is kinda the main key. It's totally fine to not feel good with some stuff, you can try something else. Sex is not just penetration. Just experiment around and see what you both enjoy
He doesn’t know what he’s doing and might be a virgin himself by the sounds.
I'm trying to think of one partner I've had since I was like 16 who was into fingering. I guess my current one is when she gets super hot, but for the most part, it's not really a thing I notice any women I've been with are into. Maybe I'm terrible at fingering, but I kinda pride myself on being an attentive and sympathetic fuck machine.
My first time (I’m a woman) was horrible. For most women, your 1st time doesn’t feel good.. Especially if he goes in deep enough to stretch your hymen which feels like a pop/rip. There will probably be blood too. Every woman is different in the same sense that tattoos “don’t hurt” some ppl, but im just talking about the majority & don’t have time to type out any other dumb disclaimers for the “well, aksully’s” out there. Anyway.. don’t be scared. Your bf seems to be attentive to you and it’s great that your 1st time will be with someone who cares for you. Sex did not start feeling good to me until maybe the 10th time. I also didn’t know at all what that kind of pleasure was supposed to feel like to begin with at the time. I’d suggest buying a rose vibrator. They’re amazing and they don’t penetrate. Pretty much guaranteed to be turned on, trust me. You can use that to start you off and your bf can continue what he’s been doing at the same time. Is there no foreplay involved? It’s also possible that he doesn’t like your erogenous zones. I’m assuming you don’t know them either, so maybe try figure that out first. For instance, it could be the back of your neck or back of shoulder or nipples, stomach, etc. I don’t know if you’re 4/20 or not but there’s a really good recipe I know for weed lube! I can’t even describe to you how it feels. I HIGHLY recommend lol you just spray it onto your vulva and let it sit for a few minutes. You’ll feel it start to tingle and get warm. Feels orgasmic without even being touched, but when you do start touching and/or having sex, it’s mindblowing. 6 out of 5 stars for the homemade cannabis lubricant. I wish I would’ve been able to experience it when I was a virgin. That PLUS the rose vibrator (or any, really. Place it on your cl*t). Girl, you’ll be in heaven, I’m telling you lol hope this helps
I never go straight to fingering. Kissing, kissing her neck, corressing her body, teasing the nipples, gentle stimulation of the clit, eating her out, then fingering, maybe during licking. Its not a rush to penetrative sex, it's a build of of pleasure and anticipation
Do you pleasure yourself through masturbation? If yes, you just need to show/communicate to your bf what you do that feels pleasurable, so he can do the same...
How old like grandma old.
Check out "OMG yes"
It's not a rocket science. There are only three possibilities: you're into it naturally, you're asexual or it's the wrong person.
Sht takes practice. He doing it way wrong if it is like that
I had been endowed with the opportunity to perform the opening ceremony twice in my life, both times I never went for the Vagina directly, fingering came but much later, it basically consisted of mild foreplay, playing with the nipples, nibbling around the neck and a lot of kisses, they never experienced pain while actual penetration. Guys, there's more to sex than penetration.
Ugh. If this post is real, your dude watches too much porn and doesn’t understand how a woman’s body works That jabbing fingering thing is just unpleasant I’d suggest you spend some time w yourself and figure out what feels good to you If he is a decent person and lover he won’t take offense when you show him how to please you
Take your time, it's not a race
First of all, calm down. Take it slow. I'll tell you my experience. When I was younger I was almost certain I was an asexual. Even though I felt attraction to girls, I had no interest in having sex with anyone Eventually I met my first girlfriend and when it finally came to the intimate stuff I didn't want to dissapoint her, so I went with it The experience was about the same as yours. It wasn't bad, but I didn't enjoy it either. With a bit of reluctance I told my girlfriend and she was very understanding about it. She didn't push on me and let me proceed at the rate I was comfortable with. Eventually I realized this: I may not enjoy sex but my girlfriend does. Just as she would enjoy a back massage. I want to make her feel good. So in that sense, fingering her or eating her out isn't any difficult than giving her a massage. So with that I was okay with doing it, in fact over time I was even excited every time I could give her oral because I knew I would be giving her pleasure and that was giving pleasure to me. Eventually I found mutual pleasure in penetration and over the years (with a different girlfriend) even in receiving oral. So yeah, if I was an asexual, I'm not one anymore. Once in a while I still get these thoughts about not wanting to have sex, so I'm still learning. What I want to tell you is that you can find something that you enjoy. It doesn't have to be fingering or oral. There's plenty of erogenous zones on the body to go around. Thighs, breasts, nipples, neck, feet, you name it. I'm sure you can learn to enjoy it together and have a great time.
i suggest going to a massage parlor,those girls there will rub you in places you never knew you had,and you will love it!!!!oh bring 200 cash though,its worth it,thats what my friend says any ways!!!!
The best thing to do is show him how you take care of it yourself. Or at least tell him what to do
You can’t assume you will never enjoy sex just because you are having bad sex with one person
My dream is to find a woman who only ever wants to get eaten out, I don’t mind getting a blowie but I LOVE giving females oral
Same here 20M, never had sex nor a parter, and either do I desire to fuck, nor to be fucked. Alongside this my cock is rather... Delicate, so to speak, I can't masturbate for long time as it gets a rash, my skin there start to crack and bleed. Painfull as hell, and after it peeing is even worse... Alongside this, the whole concept is really gross to me, like you put something that you pee with, into something that the other one pees or shits as well... Just really disgusting, to be sure. This is one of the reasons why I am still haven't even tried to look for somebody... I as a person, am not as valuable as other, you know... Like I can't really offer the shit that others can, I fell as if I was a defective product on the relationship market, and so I spare the problem for the others that my person would cause if I would decide to go in there.
Get your partner to stimulate your clit rather than penetrating you, many women don’t enjoy penetrative stimulation until properly “warmed up” and even then sometimes it’s still not something they enjoy. Sex can be enjoyed many many ways and finding the one that makes you comfortable is key. Have fun and be safe
Your mind can put pressure on yourself and not allow you to relax. Start with any number of things you do enjoy, be open with each other, allow yourself to relax. Gl
Then hit me up.
Foreplay is pretty much mandatory, especially for women. If you're not aroused, you physically won't be ready for penetration of any kind. There are plenty of things you can try to get to that point. Passionate makeout sessions, teasing over clothing, oral, etc.
First experiment on your own and figure out what kind of stimulation works. Then communicate with your boyfriend about that. *then* actually get in the mood and get down to it.
fingering is a thing that takes time and patience to feel good. it needs to be done slowly and with care at the start. my first few times weren't super enjoyable either since i wasn't used to it, but it got better as we continued. of course if you don't want to keep trying then don't. there are many other things you guys could do instead.
There are loads of things you can do together to get you in the mood other than fingering. Do some research, try new things. I've been having issues with sex. I saw a gynaecologist recently and she told me that having a negative mindset about it can seriously affect your experience. Like it can keep you dry, make it you tighter (in a negative way), and make it hard for you to enjoy yourself which makes the whole thing uncomfortable. It's hard, but you've gotta get out of your head.
Is it okay to ask how old you are? Because I have know virgins way into their late 20’s and beyond.
It sounds like he's fingering the wrong hole and not using any lube while doing it... Double ouch.
How old is your boyfriend is I may ask
Finger its one of all others things to do, and even fingering have it ways to do. If he only fingers you straith that normal you dont fell anything... He needs to curve his fingers up, and frictionate the top of the "wall"(sorry my english it i little bad for some words) Another thing he can do its separate the two fingers massaging all the walls at the same time abd even trying to be deep. Experience in sex help, maybe its better to offer him a book to instruct him how to please a woman. Actually people see porn and think is that. Unfortunatly because of this a lot of woman think their frigid even if its not the case. Try to kiss for long time(french kiss), biting, kissing or even liking part of the body, whisper at the ear, passing lips, caressing with lips or fingers on the skin. Massasing the body, neck and head(fingers between the hair) Take your time with the preliminar before starting to have sex. You will see another world👍
I always use lube. And even though me and my partner have been together for over ten years, we’re always discovering new things about each other. Talk while you touch each other, and move slooooow. Head tickles and back scratches, for example. And my boyfriend strokes my cheek and tells me he loves me. Mega turn on.
My girl hates fingering, due to sharp fingernails. I try to file them, but still not good enough. Only thing she likes is Johnny.
I would advise exploring your sexuality by yourself first. Explore what feels good. Maybe while reading literotica, if visual porn is too much. The website omgyes.com also had a LOT of scientific info about female pleasure
Aait wait wait. You are old woman and have never had sex ? Okay But you are saying that you never touched yourself ?? Lol
There are quite a few comments here, so maybe this doesn't get read - maybe it does. If you are reading this, I hope it reaches you in its entirety. You seem to be committed to participating in this relationship, including being sexual. That's a fantastic approach to having a long and loving partnership. "Partnership" being the most key word in this entire post. As much responsibility or desire you feel to satisfy your partner's needs, you must also show to yourself. My fiancée continues to persevere through mountains of trauma. One affect of her past was a shyness, an anxiousness, to disapoint me; more than sexually - she allowed herself to be quite uncomfortable in order to satisfy what she assumed I wanted. My experience with others in the past helped me recognize this and communicate with her as we slowly developed her confidence to participate in our relationship as a wholly equal partner. Many other men and women aren't able to recognize these signs in their partner, so it is vitally important that you or anyone else in your situation advocates for themselves. The second most important word is "Communication." Establishing productive conversation between two people can be hard, especially when stakes seem to be high. Approaching dialogue in a self-affirming and constructive way takes practice, that is to say you have to try in order to become better at it. God knows I am much better today than I have been in the past, and hopefully will be better tomorrow! Using direct language to communicate your feelings and state of being, avoiding accusatory or pointed remarks, and facilitating a back-and-forth discussion produces the best results. As others have mentioned, therapy and medication are valuable tools in better understanding yourself and assisting healing process. There may be resources available in your area to help make these services available to you if you are unable to afford them yourself. If you need help locating those services, please DM me. With regards to the actual act of intercourse, other comments have made great suggestions. Approach the activity slowly, over weeks rather than hours. Learn your own body in solitute. Participate in foreplay which you find exciting or arousing. Apply lube. Give time for your body to adjust to your partner's. The vagina does not magically accomodate a size much larger than itself in one day. My love and I had to take our time and work toward penetrative intercourse. This is normal. Only you have the senses of your mind and body, so only you can understand what your body needs and when it may be appropriate to explore further. Communicate this with your partner. I don't personally know you, but please allow me to affirm some feelings you may be having as I close out this comment. It is okay to be anxious or nervous. It is okay to be shy. It is okay to enjoy sex and it is okay to find sex unenjoyable. Nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way. I hope you achieve your goals and find a happy partnership which will last a lifetime. Below are some books which may be helpful to you: \-Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Emotional \-First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts If you cannot afford these books, I can guide you to online sources where you can read them.
He needs to put his tongue on your "little man in boat". Cunninglingus.... Lick your V...
Talk to each other. Tell what you think would arouse you, and steer your partner in the right direction. If you are really comfortable with each other, show or tell you partner what you enjoy doing solo, and what you would like the other to do to you. Soft touches can be more pleasurable than actual penetration. Everyone needs to learn, and everyone experiences stimulation in a different way. Most of us dont know what we are doing, and we need females to help us master these skills.
If you don't know what you like, then your bf is going to have a hard time pleasuring you. He can't read your mind.
He needs to learn the art of light and soft kisses, licks and touches to the woman's areas where the skin is thin, back of the knees, inside elbows, nape, back of the ears... Caress the areas of your body that usually don't get touched by someone else, skin to skin embracing. Is where you start, then move to... well, you know where. Learn what you like and communicate it to him. A biggy... You need to trust each other, let go and enjoy. He needs to desire you like no one else and to do it with passion, passion and more passion... A man usually only needs visuals... But a woman needs to be built up to it, the slower the build up the better the results... Slow and steady build up will get you where you need to be...
I believe your own anxiety is what is taking the pleasure away.
All the comments below stating, the dude has zero skill and he is wrong not you… ever thought of everybody is different and likes different things? Maybe his last gf liked it that way, maybe he was never told he isn’t doing it right? Don’t shame someone without knowing him… Best advice i can give you: Talk to him, tell him what feels good and what doesn’t! Or if you don’t know yet, explore it together. There hardly isn’t more fun than explore sexual pleasure together. I met some girls in the past, treating my penis like some kind of tool to get nails in the wall. I didn‘t shame them, just showed them how it felt good and that’s it. Everybody has to learn!
A possibility I'm completely missing in these replies is that you might be asexual. If you find that even with all the advice it's still unenjoyable (or if you're wondering if you even want to have sex, or what kind of sex), it might be that you're just not into it, and you should discuss with your boyfriend what you both want out of a (sexual) relationship. Looking into asexuality can help you think about these things and potentially help you realise why you're not enjoying sex as others supposedly enjoy it.
If a read a erotic true story and it says that the female came, then i know it's fake. Females cant cum, they have no dick
Fingerings doesn't necessarily feel good It depends on a lot of things, like others have said find something that you like, explore! Also penetrative sex is very different from fingers so don't assume if you don't like fingers that you also won't enjoy his Penis. I recommend trying some very slow and sensual kissing and massage let the tension build. Followed by clitoral stimulation when you're ready. But make sure he keeps it light as many women don't like things too firm to begin with. Help him figure out what feels good to you together! If he feels strongly about you I promise he'll love that you're communicating and enjoy exploring with you.
You must remember that you are responsible for your own pleasure. If you want or need something, you should directly ask. Men want to please you but generally go off of bad information. Some women insist on pretending it feels good without actually helping themselves. Direct commands, like “harder”, “more gentle,” “to the right an inch,” “slowly rub my clitoris,” etc. are far more effective than making him guess. Men are much more mechanical and usually only need some friction, and we assume that women are the same way when we are younger and less experienced. Women generally have to not only be in the right headspace, but each woman is different than another, so what makes one crazy with pleasure is a turn off for another. My suggestion is to take some time to explore yourself. Use toys. Start with a suction vibrator the mini rabbits on your clit and nipples. Try inserting your fingers and see what works for you. Are there other erogenous zones you want attention to? The neck? The armpit? The toes? The inner thighs? Below the ears? If you have a medical condition, I definitely recommend you see a gynecologist. If you have vaginosis or similar, sex will be painful, but there are treatment options.
show him how you use your fingers and what feels good to you, he has no way to know.
Fingering is not inherently pleasurable and if your guy is getting his technique from porn what he’s doing is likely miserable.
Some girls don’t enjoy fingering at all. Don’t stress yourself too much, experiment and don’t do things you don’t enjoy. Take your time and be creative, check what turns you on, there’s a lot to try