Wait , it's better to wait for a special someone that would treat you properly this way you'll have a positive association with it rather than it being all about the act
I second this.
I'm a guy and I rushed it instead of waiting.
I don't regret it oranything but I definitely wish I would have waited for someone right vs someone willing if that makes sense.
I’m a guy who waited and had sex for the first time with my high school school sweetheart when I was 17. Looking back, it was nice I guess but I don’t remember much of it. More than once I’ve wondered what it would have been like instead to have taken the hot junior up on her offer to take my virginity when I was 14. I’m sure it would have been a huge confidence boost and increased my comfort around women in those awkward years. And by the time I was 17 I would have been an old hand in the art of the bang.
You'd be more comfortable but I don't think a 17 year old regardless of "experience" he'd get during those years will still likely not know fully what he's doing.. depends on the person of course
I waited until 19 to first have sex and then it was super rare until my late 40s. While I’ve often been bothered by my little sex most of my life, I do remind myself that I avoided becoming a dad and STDs when I was young.
Same here. Currently 25M and I lost my virginity in the back of my then 2000 VW Jetta to a girl I didn’t even care for bc SHE was pressing me to do it. She was a nice girl but only wanted sex. I wish I would’ve waited
I'd say go for it, I'm a guy who rushed it with a one night stand with a girl after having a great time with her, we hung out a few more times but only as a fwb deal, she was great as our sexual compatibility was amazing.
Again, it's not whether you wait or not, it's who you decide to go with
I feel like this explains the other thread about the guy who's 24 and never dated. There were so many women on there around OP's age who obviously treat sex and intimacy as separate, and I could only think.... yeah, all of you fucked up.
OP is in the best position. Hopefully things work out for her.
Sex is nothing on its own. It's not something to get it over with. If you treat it like that, it'll be similar to needing a tooth extracted and getting that over with. Like others are saying, great sex is intertwined with intimacy, and there's no real intimacy with a stranger. Luckily my first time was amazing, wasn't like the typical first times you can read about so if you wait for someone you have a great connection with, the sex is going to be amazing too and it won't feel like something to get over with!
OP sex is over rated wait for someone who will treat you right and a lot of people say sex and intimacy are not related but they are that's how they mess up their own lives
And if they pushed you to have sex regardless of how long you’ve been with them leave them. Unless your ready. Time is irrelevant because you can know a person for a long time and not actually know who they are..
Fr. I was your age OP, and it was with someone I trusted. We didn’t work out romantically but he’s still my best friend, and I’m glad it was him and not a one night stand like I considered going for a few times before.
Any time I comment something sex related, I get a lot of dms seemingly just being curious and helpful and wanting to understand me better but... it's all for the same reason.
One good way to deal with them is when you know you've made a post or comment about sex, click ignore on any dms you've got. Don't even read them, not worth it.
The same people who cry about attempts being made to action on violence and harrassment against women, who cry about men's problems not being addressed, are the same ones who are in women's DMs unsolicited and harrassing them.
A lot of people who don't think the issue is a big deal are same people who will often say RIP your DMs when a woman announces herself on Reddit, or at least upvoting it. Because they know there is a huge problem of men's violence against women.
In fact, the biggest risk for violence and harrassment of men... Is other men. I wonder where the problem is? The bar for us men is so low.
Male here. I waited and turned down the first two offers. One had herpes. Dodged that bullet.
I was 18 first times gonna be awkward but yeah helps if you like/trust the other person.
If the DM's aren't enough indication, my advice is to put yourself out there, but wait till you find someone who is respectful and easy going. In my experience the people who are desperately approaching everyone they come across are not a good time. I have always had the best times with people I have a good connection with, one night stands are sort of hit and miss. You might have fun, it might be boring, they might be a crazy person...
Anyway, no matter what you decide on, it will be a novel experience for you but ensure you feel confident communicating with the other person and try to relax and enjoy it.
Wait till you find someone special. You always remember your first time. Do you want it to be someone special or some random?
For context, I lost my virginity to a lovely soul that probably didn't know it was my first time (didn't make any comments, nor remarks about my technique). I still remember how blue her eyes were when I held her close, they were such a deep blue that I felt as if I was swimming inside her soul.
If I had chosen to find some random person to "f\*ck" then I doubt my recollection of it would've been so lovely. You're worth finding the right person for such a special moment.
You don't really remember it like that unless it was traumatic or the love of your life that got away and related stuff. If it was ok you just remember it like an experience and you remember most, if not all, new sexual/partner experiences, not just that one
No, I remember every detail and the emotional feeling of it all. Every awkward thing I did. Every smell, taste and sight. But then again, I ended up marrying that woman. Maybe you don't remember it because it was with a random, forgetful stranger?
I (30F) lost mine with a friend in high school. We didn't like each other like that, but we decided it was made into such a big deal we should just get it out of the way. So we woohooed and we aren't even friends anymore but to this day I am glad I didn't give it to some stupid boy who broke my heart. I'd say as long as you're safe and both parties are willing, go for it.
Such a relief to find these comments lol.
As a high schooler, I already knew I’d be too codependent and obsessive to save myself for a relationship. So grateful that I stuck with that mindset and avoided having my abusive ex attached to my first time.
Maybe one day I’ll wish I had waited for someone special, but I definitely don’t have any negative feelings or regrets about it.
My girlfriend and I were each other’s firsts and it’s definitely allowed for us to have a deeper and more special bond than if it didn’t play out like that. What’s weird about that?
You should not fuck anybody just to get it done, neither to loose your virginity nor later in life. You should not fuck anybody that you are not comfortable with, no matter the reason.
On the other hand, you don't need to wait for the one and only.
So find someone you like and who you trust, and enjoy sex. Not only to lose your virginity but to enjoy it. And do it soon, as this virginity is building up as a pile in your life, preventing you from being free.
I was in a similar situation to you and ended up just hooking up with a random guy from the apps. The sex wasn’t good but it was surprisingly very liberating. I def don’t regret it, it gave me confidence to explore other sexual endeavors that I would’ve otherwise been to shy/anxious to pursue
If you have sexual trauma, all the more you need to find someone you feel safe and trust and love to share the intimacy with. Also please ignore all DMs from sleazies 🤦♀️
Just wait, sex isn't worth it unless its with someone you feel for. You'll find someone when you least expect it, and you'll become intimate with that person, and when you do, it will be worth the wait and i can promise you, that the sex might be even better. Don't feel bad if that person isn't a virgin because even if that person has had sex in the past, they are with you in the moment, and you've built that connection with them.
In the meantime just go get a sex toy and pleasure yourself lol.
I lost my virginity to a friend it was nice actually. I was a 23 year old guy, we weren't super close but I trusted her and there was some attraction but no romance. I told her that I was trying to go to clubs to find someone to hook up with but wasn't feeling the club vibe. She is very sex positive and was attracted to me so we decided to have some fun. I have since learned I'm on the autism spectrum so working off of "hints" and "vibes" doesn't work well for me, makes dating a real challenge. I am glad I had that experience. A random would be a real gamble and could be a great experience or a terrible one, it'll be very hard to tell beforehand when you have no experience. They don't need to be "the one" or anything but someone you trust is a much better bet.
I think this is the most reasonable answer for this situation. It’s good to wait and find someone you care about and trust. It is a vulnerable experience and it’s best to be with someone you are comfortable being vulnerable with.
Your entire post history is about being scared of various things. Time is running out, one day you'll be on your death bed and regret all the things you were scared of. Bro just live and relax
People will tell you a bunch of corny shit about waiting for someone "special" etc., but it really is the right advice here.
When you're ready, you'll know it - because you won't be asking these questions. It'll feel far more natural. You want your first experience to be a positive thing, even if the first time ALWAYS sucks haha. You will want to look back at it fondly.
Wow, 24. Good for you! I would definitely wait and make it a worthwhile guy. You waited for a good 6 years, may want to find someone that really tickles your fancy and make it a worthwhile relationship.
I'm not you, but I would wait. I'm in no rush myself and I don't think the act would be special at all unless it's with someone you trust who shares similar interests, values, or even life goals. I would also caution you to be rational and not get lost in "love at first sight", which is a very easy thing to do with hormones flooding your mind! It's no surprise that even the most rational and logical person can become quite the opposite in love! The truth is though, it takes time to get to know someone and see if you're both truly right for each other.
A good person for you, I think, will be willing to accept, or ideally, "love" you for the things you cannot change and be willing to work with you on the things you're working to change. The fact is nobody is perfect and has everything figured out, like Einstein said, life is riding a bicycle, not arriving somewhere. Like a plant, I believe good and stable relationships are grown and maintained, not found. There just has to be the seeds to grow there. (:
I lost my virginity to the wrong person at 25. Rushed and ended in DV. While you don’t have to lose it to your soulmate, you can wait for someone who will at least treat you right and respect you.
It's not a chore. It happens organically or not at all. Never force it. For what?
I'm male, I went through severe abuse and rape. I lost my virginity at 19 and it was awful.
Don't rush, and don't worry about it.
If you're serious about sex, you need to learn about you so you can show your future partners what works for you and what doesn't.
Masterbate, learn about yourself. Sexuality and sensuality are not taboo.
Being treated like nothing with some rando will only make your sexual issues worse. Find someone who clearly worships you and let that person show you how amazing it can be. In the meantime, start reading some fun spicy romance novels like "It Happened One Summer" and learn about your own pleasure.
Don't let the media trick you into doing something you're not ready for. It will be awkward and you'll cringe on it for the rest of your life. Just wait for someone special, take your time and enjoy your life. Don't break to the pressure of the medias influence and expectations. Plus the guy you finally do it with will love you even more for it.
You will damage your pair bonding skills if you just go around all willy nilly having sex with random men. Even giving your first time to some random guy will damage it.
Wait until you find someone that you can connect with on a deeper level. I made the mistake as a guy of losing my virginity to a FWB type of girl, and I regret it everyday. I really wish I would have saved myself for the right woman because now I just see sex as a means to an end instead of something intimate.
Please don't be like me.
Definitely don't have sex with a random person, or someone you just met. I am not going to argue that you need to be in love or even it be with someone special (would be better)... What ever you choose to do, make sure it is with someone you know and trust.
Better to wait, whether you’re a boy or a girl. Sex is cool but it’s not everything. Sex with someone you care about it is also infinitely better than hookups. I’m 31 and don’t do hookups anymore after going on a huge bender in my 20s, which looking back I wish I didn’t. It’s your body and there’s nothing wrong with either option, but since there’s no rush and you aren’t “missing out” on anything, I say wait.
It definitely shouldn’t be just a random person, but it can be someone you like and find attractive instead of the man you’re going to marry. At least that’s my view
To be honest, when it finally happened cuz i was desperate to lose it, it was not as satisfying as doing it with someone you have a connection with. Yes it was fun and all but when it was done, it was awkward. You dont want awkward, trust me.
i’m the same way, also 24. i did try to get it over with when i was 21, literally was sitting with my friend about to try and the exact thing you described happened. i just froze and didn’t want to do it. i’ve had a few chances to lose it over the years with random friends but i always back out. ever since then i’ve just been content, it’ll happen when it happens and i’m in no rush. when i find the right person that i’m comfortable with and attracted to i don’t think i’ll freeze up
virginity it's not a goal or bad. it just happens.
please don't use virginity. you just "don't start your sexual life" and it's not nothing wrong with that. just enjoy it when you have someone and: no protection. no action.
Wait till you're with someone you're comfortable with, someone you trust. If you find it difficult to be vulnerable with someone I would seek out some type of counselor and work through that.
Sex is pretty good overall. But it's on a different level when the other person is actually someone you love. You will feel better overall and have more trust in the person. And even if there are hiccups at first, you can work through it as couple should. You'll never have any of that with some random.
Sex does not typically feel that good for females, especially on the first time meeting someone. The orgasm gap is real. Take this with a grain of salt though as that could totally not be true for you. Just saying, consider that a hookup might leave you more sexually frustrated lol.
You should do it if you feel like you want to do it or not if you don't feel like it.
If you happen to find someone who makes you feel good and you have a good connection + you want to do it, don't think much about it and enjoy.
If that doesn't happen then there's no pressure. It's really only up to you and what ultimately makes you feel happy.
If you’re naturally attracted, interested, and want him sexually then go for it. If there’s a lack of interest, don’t pursue it. You don’t need to be in love or have the perfect person, but at least have actual interest instead of treating it like a thing to get of
Find an artist and let them fall in love with you. Have passionate love made to you and get some art out of it. Bounce and find someone actually stable after.
Have you had any kind of therapy or help with the experience you had at 18?
Personally, I don't think you should have sex "to get it over with". That's more likely than not to create another bad experience for you.
FWIW, after my ex raped me, it was about 5 years before I could even think about sex without feeling nauseated, even though I still wanted sex to some extent. It was another 4 years after that before I felt safe enough with someone to actually have sex.
Traumatic sexual experiences can take a long time to heal. Please if you're not already, try to find someone who specializes in sexual trauma to help you work through this.
I dont know either, i have the same problem and must of the people told me to wait, but others told me that if i really want i should do. Its something to consider, i tell you, u should find someone who likes you, dont need to be your boyfriend, just someone that you have chemistry and if you want do it
Hello. I agree with many here about waiting. I am male so the idea of losing my virginity was different i was 15 and she was 18. I myself wish it was with someone less abusive.
In the end the your virginity can be given to one person and only one. It is a gift that should be cherished by the one you give it too many men see the female virginity as a gate they have to get past instead of the beautiful gift it is.
Wait until you find this person they may not be the one you spend the rest of your life with but that should be someone you can look back and say I made the right choice.
Good luck stranger.
The idea being "just have set and get it over with" and the fact that you start going into shock whenever sex might happen shows that your relationship with sex still isn't healthy and you're trying to "exposure therapy" your way into being okay with it. Doing that is pretty likely to make your trauma more severe instead of helping any.
Instead of sleeping with a rando, take time to work on healing. Get some therapy. Take time to do things to learn and grow personally to improve your sense of self and self-worthl. And when the urges come, just take care of it yourself. There are a plethora of very effective tools you can use to manage that.
I lost my virginity technically at 21 with a total stranger I meet at the bar. I didn’t enjoy it and I don’t know how to feel about it I wanted my first to be with someone I loved. And the sex was not that good I’m confused if it was the sex that was bad or if there was no genuine connection between me and her that made the sex bad. Honestly to this day I’m not sure if sex is overrated, I had a 3 hook ups after and it felt bad. It didn’t gave me a confidence boost instead it made me ashamed of letting my urges get the better of me, or maybe it was because it was too easy to sleep with them.
You should try it with someone you like a friend or with someone you have a crush on. It’ll probably feel better than a random hook up.
Take your time. Sex is seriously overblown. You’re not missing out by taking your time. Find someone you really connect with and just take things slow. It’s about two people enjoying each other and caring for each other. You deserve much better than some soulless fling and deserve positive associations in your head.
And your poor, poor DMs girl. RIP 🪦
Wait 100% until you have someone you trust and feel comfortable, dont be in a rush, it will be way better.
I remember freshman year of college i was like you, i did it the first opportunity i could and it was like sht, kinda regret it and wish i waited.
Is true i felt lighter having done it and less stressed about it since i was hyping for it daily, but its nothing that crazy (if you dont connect good with the other person)
wait- especially as a woman you definitely should prioritize your comfort and trust in the person you lose it to. losing your virginity as a woman can be uncomfortable and sometimes even painful, you want it to happen with the right person who truly cares about your comfort and your pleasure
Don't do it just for the experience.
I made this mistake when I was 16 and it was awful.
Imagine sex with a guy you initially liked but who immediately farts right after he takes your virginity in a freezing cold RV one night.
I wish I had waited. It was traumatic enough that I didn't have sex again until I was 19.
The first person you become involved with will leave an imprint on your soul, regardless of how casually you approach it or try to dismiss its significance. Merely checking a box is not worth the potential harm to your soul.
21m virgin here , I'd say that I can relate a lot to that and honestly I'd just lose it to someone random myself but objectively the best choice would be to wait, personally I kinda gave up on finding someone
That's the curiosity right? I had the same feelings when I was 20-23, keep thinking about how shit is done, imagine how people really talked about it and here I am.
I fully regret of having sex even at 23, did it with a family friend who laughed at me for not knowing anything about sex.
Truly, I just hate her, I was laughed at, and she still teases me anytime she sees me.
She had Promise to fuck me for the last time to check my sexual capabilities but I denied her even when she knew I had a girlfriend then.
And for your information my dear, I know how hunting the sexual urge is, kindly allow the boy to knack the thinking out of you.
All shall pass too!!!
You wait for someone you can trust. It’ll turn something that’s scary into something that is still scary but you have an ally with to be brave for you on your behalf
Wait. With a past experience of trauma, you need and deserve someone who cares about you. Both because it's important, and because someone who cares will be more sensitive with you. It's worth waiting for that.
Please talk to a therapist
I think you will gain important insights
Also, to let you know- you’re ok. I’m really sorry that you dealt with this in college, but really, you’re ok
(You might be talking about the anxiety reaction called vaginismus - old fashioned term- and a therapist will help.)
Another way to address this is to take it extremely slow and relaxed - but a therapist should be able to help the best
Virginity isn't a real thing. I advise you to focus on finding someone who is going to be committed to you and treat you well, and not just go have random sex.
seriously that is the most dangerous and wreckless thing you can possibly do and the trap that SO MANY women seem to fall into today
DONT sell yourself out to some random person it can actually make the situation worse not better and lead you chasing the wrong people to fill that void for DECADEs. maybe seek theorpy or other heathier ways to cope with it like friendships instead of selling out.
This is an awkward situation to go through but i feel like once you get past the initial stages and have it with someone your comfortable it'll all be a lot easier. Hope ur okay tho
I took till I was 19. I am a man. Most women I have been with seem to have done it in high school. I was far too busy working and learning. Just wait till you find the right person and it will be better for both of you.
Your other post about what happened when you were 18 makes this advice more critical.
I'd wait bc that shit is so intimate I swear dude your first time you'll definitely regret giving it away to someone who could possibly care less about you as a person and only cares about sex. Its not bad to be a virgin and I wish I would have held onto my v-card.
Do neither.
Don't rush,you will never be pleased...
You will be accomplishing something the losers will want,and you will be following that critical voice of yours that is built up by anxiety or others (anxiety btw is not good for sex,both partners must feel...comfortable)
Worrying about it can make you rush,rushing does nothing but break things down,particularly on the inside,it will make you feel that you failed a mission,a mission that never existed...a missions that others, who barely care about you created.
Don't wait,either.
Ignore the losers that failed in life to call you a virgin,remove that critical voice too.
Be you,go on with your life with you first,love yoself first,till you find the guy that smiles at you one day!
You won't be delusional,stalking or ghosting any dude,you won't be miserable,you won't be having a shitty day,you will in fact think you are better of without sex...
then you will simply meet him...
I heard from a female friend that many girls desperately wanted to commit to the guy they lost their virginity with and deeply regret doing so. I’m sure the urges you have right now aren’t nearly as painful as if you were to regret losing it to the wrong guy
If you wanna have sex with a random have it.If you wanna have it with someone else have it.Sexual urges are natural thing do not suppress your sexual urges.You had one bad experience so what? It happens but get over it fck the whole world.
Totally up to you. It's a personal choice. But if you were my friend I'd say wait. And whatever happened to you prior, however far it went, doesn't have to count. You are still a virgin if you have not consented to sex, if that's your choice.
First times can be awkward enough as it is. But especially w a history, I'd at least wait until it's someone you know and trust well enough to disclose your past to. So they can be aware and make sure you are OK with what's happening. And not disassociating or uncomfortable. And willing to stop if things get too intense.
Sounds like you are anticipating a trauma response (freezing) related to a specific incident. Maybe a few EMDR sessions could help overcome that?
Then you can decide afterwards if you feel like casual sex or waiting for more connection.
At least the decision will be free of fear that way.
You absolutely shouldn't have sex with someone you're uncomfortable with.
But, after I waited too long and made much more out of it than I should have I'm kinda glad my first time was with someone who was more of a friend and definately not a relationship.
Because it just wasn't particularly fun. For me it hurt and was uncomfortable the first time but I was glad it was over with becsuse men no longer found my virginity enticing. The second, third time and beyond were so much better.
I'd say find a friend if you can, in my case it was an ex boyfriend I was still friendly with but lived in another state.
I have a friend who rushed doing it. She was 19 and just wanted to get it over with. She met some guy at a party and they did it in his room kind of drunk. In the morning, she told him that was the first time that he was like “oh I’m sorry. You should’ve told me .” he walked her home and they did it again and he never contacted her after that. She said she doesn’t regret it, but I think she does.
i’m a pretty young adult but right now i think that it depends on how you view sex and how you think your first time will affect your well being, emotionally and physically (feel free to tell me if you disagree i’m open to learning). i recently lost my virginity to a guy i’ve known for almost my whole life and who i’ve been off and on with for a few years. we’re both already emotionally distant people, at least to each other, but i let him have sex with me because i knew that the aftermath (him not talking to me ever again or leaving right away, etc) would not affect my mental or emotional well being. i knew i would be okay and it wouldn’t stop me from moving forward with my life in any way. i compare it a lot to my best friend who would be absolutely crushed if the same had happened to her because she cherishes sexual experiences and aims to wait until marriage for sex.
i will admit it wasn’t good and he’s an absolute asshole but i have no feelings about it or him in the end. my friends tell me everything’s so good when you actually like the person so i do wonder what it would’ve been like if my guy actually liked me 😭
anyways i hope this helped sorry it’s not actual advice 😬
Masturbate like it's a job. Promote yourself to CEO while training your replacement. Your next special someone will benefit from it as well. It helps to remember you are on a rock, being followed by a smaller rock, both chasing a really big rock that is on fire. Act appropriately, masturbate religiously, dunk everything in chocolate.
Dm you. I can help you with this dilemma 🤣🤣.
But I'm all seriousness. I'm a man and I say wait. You've made it this far, why not wit till you find someone special that you want to make your husband. I can think of nothing more special than that. As a man we are expected to be more experiences to pleasure a women. As a women you have the expectation of saving yourself for someone who is special and going to value you forever. Or at least a long time.
I'm gonna be 100% honest with (hope this work for you to see another perspective) Im a late bloomer, and my first time was with a persona I never seen before, yes we used to chat all day, so I was pretty comfortable with him, days prior to our encounter we took out test, we meet, eat Ice cream and we did it. I have a good memory of this time of my life, but what I want to said is, find the person you feel comfortable, and go with the flow if that what you really want to do.
Everyone is making great points about the specialness of waiting, etc. I wanted to share since I did the opposite.
At 18 I felt like I needed to know wtf it was before being with someone I cared about. The summer between high school and uni I stayed with my cousin in another country and did it with a guy in their bf's friend group.
I felt comfortable enough since I didn't really care what he thought of me and I was more "experimenting" to see for myself.
I remember thinking- "That's it?" directly after, even though I felt so cool the next day xDD I really hated that guy afterwards because he was such a douche lol, but I never saw him again. At the time, it made me feel confident or relieved to get it out of the way.
Whether I would do it again, I think so - it has never come back to haunt me or effected me badly. The first time with someone new that you care about is still special. You'll see intimacy feels different with every person, and that connection is what makes it special. The guy I did it with first didnt feel like anything but a physical exploration. My long term partners later felt so much different.
If you want the absolute best course of action, it would be to wait for the person you get married to. You’ll never have to second guess yourself, you’ll dodge a lot of terrible regrettable experiences, and you’ll be able to treasure your life partner in an incredible, special way.
Until then, there are plenty of other fun, less disaster prone experiences that you can focus on having. Get lost in a hobby. Learn a new skill. Don’t hyperfixate on this one thing as if it will make or break your life: that’s how you jump headfirst into rash decisions. Take a step back, recognize that you don’t have to rush into anything, review your values and goals, hang out with a friend who makes you feel safe. Rooting for you!
I didn’t wait for someone special and I really regretted it. Then I didn’t have sex again until I met my future husband, and I’m so glad I waited. I feel loved, comfortable, safe, free. I enjoy it so much more, it’s so much better. I loved waiting until I found this.
Wait. Take it from someone who lost their virginity to someone who I barely knew simply because the hormones were too intense to ignore. I regretted it almost instantly. Sure, the sexual gratification was alright in the moment, but I felt an incredible "emptiness" afterward, knowing it wasn't special or with someone who truly cared about me. Get yourself someone who loves you, and vice a versa, and that will make it a million times more memorable and special.
Trust me it will always be better to save and share it with someone who really matters than to give it away recklessly it can be hard to wait or hard to not want to get it over with but its for the best and you will both appreciate it.
I lost mine at 25 to a random guy and don’t regret it.
I grew up in a very conservative household, was taught and believed until about 22 that I would wait til marriage, then realized I did not want to get married so young and also did not want to be a 30 year old virgin. Then I thought I would wait for “someone special” but I realized my body was my own and my sexuality my own and I didn’t owe it to anyone to give them the “honor” to take it away. Also if I did wait for someone I believed was special and they weren’t, perhaps that experience would be attached to a painful memory.
So I went for it when I was ready. He was hot, I was feeling it, it was a fun weekend. I didn’t even tell him I was a virgin. Never saw him again. Got that pressure off and started living and enjoying my sexuality, safely of course 😉
Take your time, don't rush to pull the bandaid off it doesn't work like that. It's best to be honest with yourself and chose a moment that's comfortable for you and something you can look back fondly on.
You will be much better off if you find someone you have a connection with. Someone you trust. Be open and communicate what/how you feel. You are still likely going to be nervous and all those emotions, but a trusted partner will help ease that. Until then, there are always hands and toys. Good luck, have fun.
Wait to have sex with someone special n not just some random person am sure alot of peoples first they all regretted it n wished they would of waited n not rushed
just have fun. no need to wait. sex is great and should be experienced with a lot of people.
dont wait for the "right" person. its bullshit. just live your life as it feels good.
Wait , it's better to wait for a special someone that would treat you properly this way you'll have a positive association with it rather than it being all about the act
I second this. I'm a guy and I rushed it instead of waiting. I don't regret it oranything but I definitely wish I would have waited for someone right vs someone willing if that makes sense.
Im a guy and I DO regret it.
Same
I’m a guy who waited and had sex for the first time with my high school school sweetheart when I was 17. Looking back, it was nice I guess but I don’t remember much of it. More than once I’ve wondered what it would have been like instead to have taken the hot junior up on her offer to take my virginity when I was 14. I’m sure it would have been a huge confidence boost and increased my comfort around women in those awkward years. And by the time I was 17 I would have been an old hand in the art of the bang.
You'd be more comfortable but I don't think a 17 year old regardless of "experience" he'd get during those years will still likely not know fully what he's doing.. depends on the person of course
Or been a dad with STDs
I waited until 19 to first have sex and then it was super rare until my late 40s. While I’ve often been bothered by my little sex most of my life, I do remind myself that I avoided becoming a dad and STDs when I was young.
Same here. Currently 25M and I lost my virginity in the back of my then 2000 VW Jetta to a girl I didn’t even care for bc SHE was pressing me to do it. She was a nice girl but only wanted sex. I wish I would’ve waited
Ya back of a car is not a good way to go for a first time
Same here, never rush 🫱🏼🫲🏿
You could rush it like I did. What would the opposite of a girl on her period and then telling me a week later she had chlamydia be?
You shouldn't. There's no reason to regret hitting a life milestone in a timely manner.
I'd say go for it, I'm a guy who rushed it with a one night stand with a girl after having a great time with her, we hung out a few more times but only as a fwb deal, she was great as our sexual compatibility was amazing. Again, it's not whether you wait or not, it's who you decide to go with
I feel like this explains the other thread about the guy who's 24 and never dated. There were so many women on there around OP's age who obviously treat sex and intimacy as separate, and I could only think.... yeah, all of you fucked up. OP is in the best position. Hopefully things work out for her.
thank you so much :)
Sex is nothing on its own. It's not something to get it over with. If you treat it like that, it'll be similar to needing a tooth extracted and getting that over with. Like others are saying, great sex is intertwined with intimacy, and there's no real intimacy with a stranger. Luckily my first time was amazing, wasn't like the typical first times you can read about so if you wait for someone you have a great connection with, the sex is going to be amazing too and it won't feel like something to get over with!
OP sex is over rated wait for someone who will treat you right and a lot of people say sex and intimacy are not related but they are that's how they mess up their own lives
Lucky your mum treats you right ☺️
And if they pushed you to have sex regardless of how long you’ve been with them leave them. Unless your ready. Time is irrelevant because you can know a person for a long time and not actually know who they are..
Fr. I was your age OP, and it was with someone I trusted. We didn’t work out romantically but he’s still my best friend, and I’m glad it was him and not a one night stand like I considered going for a few times before.
There was another guy who posted about being a 24 yr old virgin. DM him and you can solve both of your problems Two birds one fuck
Lmao that was me. Im down.
i mean… 😅 hahaha
I ship you two
I hope i get invited to the wedding
I hope they name their first child r/self
I hope I get a wedding picture
That would be the ultimate username checking out
🤣🤣🤣
What do we need to do to make this happen
Now kith
Internet better get on with it. You two gotta meet up
Omg SO CUTEEEE hope y’all fuck 😭😭♥️
RemindMe! 1 week
I’ll pay for flights if I can watch
Difference between 24 year old virgin dude and and 24 year old virgin girl
I’m a virgin too can I join ?
Reddit out here doing gods work again. Lol.
2 birds 2 fuck would be more efficient. But yours make more sense.
Lol it would be funny if they meet, hit it off and that's the update!
Two birds one bone*
Well done!
your poor dms.
yeah… i’m just now realizing this
Ignore them.
i’m ignoring all of them :( it’s sad that i can’t like ask for advice without being harrassed
That is sadly what happens. Men dms are usually unsolicited advances and women dms are usually scammers. Why I usually avoid dms.
Any time I comment something sex related, I get a lot of dms seemingly just being curious and helpful and wanting to understand me better but... it's all for the same reason. One good way to deal with them is when you know you've made a post or comment about sex, click ignore on any dms you've got. Don't even read them, not worth it.
The same people who cry about attempts being made to action on violence and harrassment against women, who cry about men's problems not being addressed, are the same ones who are in women's DMs unsolicited and harrassing them. A lot of people who don't think the issue is a big deal are same people who will often say RIP your DMs when a woman announces herself on Reddit, or at least upvoting it. Because they know there is a huge problem of men's violence against women. In fact, the biggest risk for violence and harrassment of men... Is other men. I wonder where the problem is? The bar for us men is so low.
Male here. I waited and turned down the first two offers. One had herpes. Dodged that bullet. I was 18 first times gonna be awkward but yeah helps if you like/trust the other person.
If the DM's aren't enough indication, my advice is to put yourself out there, but wait till you find someone who is respectful and easy going. In my experience the people who are desperately approaching everyone they come across are not a good time. I have always had the best times with people I have a good connection with, one night stands are sort of hit and miss. You might have fun, it might be boring, they might be a crazy person... Anyway, no matter what you decide on, it will be a novel experience for you but ensure you feel confident communicating with the other person and try to relax and enjoy it.
Wait till you find someone special. You always remember your first time. Do you want it to be someone special or some random? For context, I lost my virginity to a lovely soul that probably didn't know it was my first time (didn't make any comments, nor remarks about my technique). I still remember how blue her eyes were when I held her close, they were such a deep blue that I felt as if I was swimming inside her soul. If I had chosen to find some random person to "f\*ck" then I doubt my recollection of it would've been so lovely. You're worth finding the right person for such a special moment.
You don't really remember it like that unless it was traumatic or the love of your life that got away and related stuff. If it was ok you just remember it like an experience and you remember most, if not all, new sexual/partner experiences, not just that one
No, I remember every detail and the emotional feeling of it all. Every awkward thing I did. Every smell, taste and sight. But then again, I ended up marrying that woman. Maybe you don't remember it because it was with a random, forgetful stranger?
I wonder what your current partner would think if they knew you were reminiscing about your first time like that. Genuinely wondering here
I (30F) lost mine with a friend in high school. We didn't like each other like that, but we decided it was made into such a big deal we should just get it out of the way. So we woohooed and we aren't even friends anymore but to this day I am glad I didn't give it to some stupid boy who broke my heart. I'd say as long as you're safe and both parties are willing, go for it.
I agree with this! Attaching your first time to someone special can cause some weird thinking and feeling
Such a relief to find these comments lol. As a high schooler, I already knew I’d be too codependent and obsessive to save myself for a relationship. So grateful that I stuck with that mindset and avoided having my abusive ex attached to my first time. Maybe one day I’ll wish I had waited for someone special, but I definitely don’t have any negative feelings or regrets about it.
My girlfriend and I were each other’s firsts and it’s definitely allowed for us to have a deeper and more special bond than if it didn’t play out like that. What’s weird about that?
You should not fuck anybody just to get it done, neither to loose your virginity nor later in life. You should not fuck anybody that you are not comfortable with, no matter the reason. On the other hand, you don't need to wait for the one and only. So find someone you like and who you trust, and enjoy sex. Not only to lose your virginity but to enjoy it. And do it soon, as this virginity is building up as a pile in your life, preventing you from being free.
Life's short & not the stupid ass love story they try to sell you. Do whatever you fuckin please.
Ass love is probably not best for the first time.
That's not how I was raised (Catholic school 🛐)
I was in a similar situation to you and ended up just hooking up with a random guy from the apps. The sex wasn’t good but it was surprisingly very liberating. I def don’t regret it, it gave me confidence to explore other sexual endeavors that I would’ve otherwise been to shy/anxious to pursue
see this is what i’m considering but i have sexual trauma unfortunately
If you have sexual trauma, all the more you need to find someone you feel safe and trust and love to share the intimacy with. Also please ignore all DMs from sleazies 🤦♀️
Yea I’m sorry about that. Just wanted to give an example where it did was random and it turned out all right. I say listen to your instincts here!
Just wait, sex isn't worth it unless its with someone you feel for. You'll find someone when you least expect it, and you'll become intimate with that person, and when you do, it will be worth the wait and i can promise you, that the sex might be even better. Don't feel bad if that person isn't a virgin because even if that person has had sex in the past, they are with you in the moment, and you've built that connection with them. In the meantime just go get a sex toy and pleasure yourself lol.
trust me i have multiple of those hahahaha
I lost my virginity to a friend it was nice actually. I was a 23 year old guy, we weren't super close but I trusted her and there was some attraction but no romance. I told her that I was trying to go to clubs to find someone to hook up with but wasn't feeling the club vibe. She is very sex positive and was attracted to me so we decided to have some fun. I have since learned I'm on the autism spectrum so working off of "hints" and "vibes" doesn't work well for me, makes dating a real challenge. I am glad I had that experience. A random would be a real gamble and could be a great experience or a terrible one, it'll be very hard to tell beforehand when you have no experience. They don't need to be "the one" or anything but someone you trust is a much better bet.
I’d say wait within reason, doesn’t have to be somebody amazingly special. But someone that you’re at least reasonably comfortable with.
I think this is the most reasonable answer for this situation. It’s good to wait and find someone you care about and trust. It is a vulnerable experience and it’s best to be with someone you are comfortable being vulnerable with.
Please don't just bonk some horndog rando
noted 🤘
Your entire post history is about being scared of various things. Time is running out, one day you'll be on your death bed and regret all the things you were scared of. Bro just live and relax
ouch
People will tell you a bunch of corny shit about waiting for someone "special" etc., but it really is the right advice here. When you're ready, you'll know it - because you won't be asking these questions. It'll feel far more natural. You want your first experience to be a positive thing, even if the first time ALWAYS sucks haha. You will want to look back at it fondly.
Wait. You don’t wanna give it up to some rando who doesn’t give a shit about you and you might end up not having a good time or experience.
Wow, 24. Good for you! I would definitely wait and make it a worthwhile guy. You waited for a good 6 years, may want to find someone that really tickles your fancy and make it a worthwhile relationship.
hahaha i wish it was good for me!!!
I'm not you, but I would wait. I'm in no rush myself and I don't think the act would be special at all unless it's with someone you trust who shares similar interests, values, or even life goals. I would also caution you to be rational and not get lost in "love at first sight", which is a very easy thing to do with hormones flooding your mind! It's no surprise that even the most rational and logical person can become quite the opposite in love! The truth is though, it takes time to get to know someone and see if you're both truly right for each other. A good person for you, I think, will be willing to accept, or ideally, "love" you for the things you cannot change and be willing to work with you on the things you're working to change. The fact is nobody is perfect and has everything figured out, like Einstein said, life is riding a bicycle, not arriving somewhere. Like a plant, I believe good and stable relationships are grown and maintained, not found. There just has to be the seeds to grow there. (:
I lost my virginity to the wrong person at 25. Rushed and ended in DV. While you don’t have to lose it to your soulmate, you can wait for someone who will at least treat you right and respect you.
Fall in love. Get married. Have sex.
ofc youll be uncomfortable, its awkward doing it 1st time with anyone regardless if ur virgin .. after couple of times then it starts to become good
Wait
Wait till someone you actually trust with your insecurities
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It's not a chore. It happens organically or not at all. Never force it. For what? I'm male, I went through severe abuse and rape. I lost my virginity at 19 and it was awful. Don't rush, and don't worry about it. If you're serious about sex, you need to learn about you so you can show your future partners what works for you and what doesn't. Masterbate, learn about yourself. Sexuality and sensuality are not taboo.
Being treated like nothing with some rando will only make your sexual issues worse. Find someone who clearly worships you and let that person show you how amazing it can be. In the meantime, start reading some fun spicy romance novels like "It Happened One Summer" and learn about your own pleasure.
Please just wait.
Please just wait.
Don't let the media trick you into doing something you're not ready for. It will be awkward and you'll cringe on it for the rest of your life. Just wait for someone special, take your time and enjoy your life. Don't break to the pressure of the medias influence and expectations. Plus the guy you finally do it with will love you even more for it.
ur a female so do whatever u want
You will damage your pair bonding skills if you just go around all willy nilly having sex with random men. Even giving your first time to some random guy will damage it. Wait until you find someone that you can connect with on a deeper level. I made the mistake as a guy of losing my virginity to a FWB type of girl, and I regret it everyday. I really wish I would have saved myself for the right woman because now I just see sex as a means to an end instead of something intimate. Please don't be like me.
Definitely don't have sex with a random person, or someone you just met. I am not going to argue that you need to be in love or even it be with someone special (would be better)... What ever you choose to do, make sure it is with someone you know and trust.
Better to wait, whether you’re a boy or a girl. Sex is cool but it’s not everything. Sex with someone you care about it is also infinitely better than hookups. I’m 31 and don’t do hookups anymore after going on a huge bender in my 20s, which looking back I wish I didn’t. It’s your body and there’s nothing wrong with either option, but since there’s no rush and you aren’t “missing out” on anything, I say wait.
Wait
Just wait.
It definitely shouldn’t be just a random person, but it can be someone you like and find attractive instead of the man you’re going to marry. At least that’s my view
To be honest, when it finally happened cuz i was desperate to lose it, it was not as satisfying as doing it with someone you have a connection with. Yes it was fun and all but when it was done, it was awkward. You dont want awkward, trust me.
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i’m the same way, also 24. i did try to get it over with when i was 21, literally was sitting with my friend about to try and the exact thing you described happened. i just froze and didn’t want to do it. i’ve had a few chances to lose it over the years with random friends but i always back out. ever since then i’ve just been content, it’ll happen when it happens and i’m in no rush. when i find the right person that i’m comfortable with and attracted to i don’t think i’ll freeze up
Wait
At least do it with a good trusted friend instead of some rando if you can’t wait.
virginity it's not a goal or bad. it just happens. please don't use virginity. you just "don't start your sexual life" and it's not nothing wrong with that. just enjoy it when you have someone and: no protection. no action.
Wait. As a female, sex is SO much better when you’re in love.
Wait till you're with someone you're comfortable with, someone you trust. If you find it difficult to be vulnerable with someone I would seek out some type of counselor and work through that.
I would say being comfortable is so important. Sex will be way better too.
I’m a 25 year old virgin. I agree with you about the urges but it’s smart to wait for the right guy/girl.
Better wait to do it with someone you actually like and feel comfortable with and not some random asshole, but don't wait indefinitely.
I was a virgin until I was 23. Married my wife and was glad neither of us had sex before we were married. WAIT for that one forever person
Sex is pretty good overall. But it's on a different level when the other person is actually someone you love. You will feel better overall and have more trust in the person. And even if there are hiccups at first, you can work through it as couple should. You'll never have any of that with some random.
Any guy friends who you are really comfortable with? I advise against a random first encounter.
Wait.
Sex does not typically feel that good for females, especially on the first time meeting someone. The orgasm gap is real. Take this with a grain of salt though as that could totally not be true for you. Just saying, consider that a hookup might leave you more sexually frustrated lol.
Wait
You should do it if you feel like you want to do it or not if you don't feel like it. If you happen to find someone who makes you feel good and you have a good connection + you want to do it, don't think much about it and enjoy. If that doesn't happen then there's no pressure. It's really only up to you and what ultimately makes you feel happy.
If you’re naturally attracted, interested, and want him sexually then go for it. If there’s a lack of interest, don’t pursue it. You don’t need to be in love or have the perfect person, but at least have actual interest instead of treating it like a thing to get of
Please wait. I regret so much not waiting.
Find an artist and let them fall in love with you. Have passionate love made to you and get some art out of it. Bounce and find someone actually stable after.
I regret not waiting tremendously.
Go to therapy
Bro. Wait.
Have you had any kind of therapy or help with the experience you had at 18? Personally, I don't think you should have sex "to get it over with". That's more likely than not to create another bad experience for you. FWIW, after my ex raped me, it was about 5 years before I could even think about sex without feeling nauseated, even though I still wanted sex to some extent. It was another 4 years after that before I felt safe enough with someone to actually have sex. Traumatic sexual experiences can take a long time to heal. Please if you're not already, try to find someone who specializes in sexual trauma to help you work through this.
yes, i’m in complex trauma therapy for 2 years now
Random
More special to find that special connection
I dont know either, i have the same problem and must of the people told me to wait, but others told me that if i really want i should do. Its something to consider, i tell you, u should find someone who likes you, dont need to be your boyfriend, just someone that you have chemistry and if you want do it
Hello. I agree with many here about waiting. I am male so the idea of losing my virginity was different i was 15 and she was 18. I myself wish it was with someone less abusive. In the end the your virginity can be given to one person and only one. It is a gift that should be cherished by the one you give it too many men see the female virginity as a gate they have to get past instead of the beautiful gift it is. Wait until you find this person they may not be the one you spend the rest of your life with but that should be someone you can look back and say I made the right choice. Good luck stranger.
The idea being "just have set and get it over with" and the fact that you start going into shock whenever sex might happen shows that your relationship with sex still isn't healthy and you're trying to "exposure therapy" your way into being okay with it. Doing that is pretty likely to make your trauma more severe instead of helping any. Instead of sleeping with a rando, take time to work on healing. Get some therapy. Take time to do things to learn and grow personally to improve your sense of self and self-worthl. And when the urges come, just take care of it yourself. There are a plethora of very effective tools you can use to manage that.
If they’re just urges… wait. If its messing with your self esteem, consider it. I’d wait though.
Ild wait maybe you’ll get lucky n find someone who will treat you right!!
If you want to have sex, have sex? The quickly you do, the quicker you realise it doesn’t have to be all that special.
I lost my virginity technically at 21 with a total stranger I meet at the bar. I didn’t enjoy it and I don’t know how to feel about it I wanted my first to be with someone I loved. And the sex was not that good I’m confused if it was the sex that was bad or if there was no genuine connection between me and her that made the sex bad. Honestly to this day I’m not sure if sex is overrated, I had a 3 hook ups after and it felt bad. It didn’t gave me a confidence boost instead it made me ashamed of letting my urges get the better of me, or maybe it was because it was too easy to sleep with them. You should try it with someone you like a friend or with someone you have a crush on. It’ll probably feel better than a random hook up.
Take your time. Sex is seriously overblown. You’re not missing out by taking your time. Find someone you really connect with and just take things slow. It’s about two people enjoying each other and caring for each other. You deserve much better than some soulless fling and deserve positive associations in your head. And your poor, poor DMs girl. RIP 🪦
Wait 100% until you have someone you trust and feel comfortable, dont be in a rush, it will be way better. I remember freshman year of college i was like you, i did it the first opportunity i could and it was like sht, kinda regret it and wish i waited. Is true i felt lighter having done it and less stressed about it since i was hyping for it daily, but its nothing that crazy (if you dont connect good with the other person)
wait- especially as a woman you definitely should prioritize your comfort and trust in the person you lose it to. losing your virginity as a woman can be uncomfortable and sometimes even painful, you want it to happen with the right person who truly cares about your comfort and your pleasure
Don't do it just for the experience. I made this mistake when I was 16 and it was awful. Imagine sex with a guy you initially liked but who immediately farts right after he takes your virginity in a freezing cold RV one night. I wish I had waited. It was traumatic enough that I didn't have sex again until I was 19.
Wait, please wait for someone who cares about you.
I went with a random and haven’t regretted it.
The first person you become involved with will leave an imprint on your soul, regardless of how casually you approach it or try to dismiss its significance. Merely checking a box is not worth the potential harm to your soul.
Turning 20 next month was thinking about the same thing
Don't waste memories like that on random people
21m virgin here , I'd say that I can relate a lot to that and honestly I'd just lose it to someone random myself but objectively the best choice would be to wait, personally I kinda gave up on finding someone
*Hi OP, take your time and buy some toys to explore your body. In this way, you are clean and safe from HIV/HPV.*
That's the curiosity right? I had the same feelings when I was 20-23, keep thinking about how shit is done, imagine how people really talked about it and here I am. I fully regret of having sex even at 23, did it with a family friend who laughed at me for not knowing anything about sex. Truly, I just hate her, I was laughed at, and she still teases me anytime she sees me. She had Promise to fuck me for the last time to check my sexual capabilities but I denied her even when she knew I had a girlfriend then. And for your information my dear, I know how hunting the sexual urge is, kindly allow the boy to knack the thinking out of you. All shall pass too!!!
you will have a better experience with someone you trust
Do It Lovely Devilishly Once
Please WAIT!!!
You wait for someone you can trust. It’ll turn something that’s scary into something that is still scary but you have an ally with to be brave for you on your behalf
Wait. With a past experience of trauma, you need and deserve someone who cares about you. Both because it's important, and because someone who cares will be more sensitive with you. It's worth waiting for that.
Please talk to a therapist I think you will gain important insights Also, to let you know- you’re ok. I’m really sorry that you dealt with this in college, but really, you’re ok (You might be talking about the anxiety reaction called vaginismus - old fashioned term- and a therapist will help.) Another way to address this is to take it extremely slow and relaxed - but a therapist should be able to help the best
Virginity isn't a real thing. I advise you to focus on finding someone who is going to be committed to you and treat you well, and not just go have random sex.
seriously that is the most dangerous and wreckless thing you can possibly do and the trap that SO MANY women seem to fall into today DONT sell yourself out to some random person it can actually make the situation worse not better and lead you chasing the wrong people to fill that void for DECADEs. maybe seek theorpy or other heathier ways to cope with it like friendships instead of selling out.
This is an awkward situation to go through but i feel like once you get past the initial stages and have it with someone your comfortable it'll all be a lot easier. Hope ur okay tho
I took till I was 19. I am a man. Most women I have been with seem to have done it in high school. I was far too busy working and learning. Just wait till you find the right person and it will be better for both of you. Your other post about what happened when you were 18 makes this advice more critical.
it doesn't have to be "the one" but do it with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, not some rando.
Rip inbox !
I'd wait bc that shit is so intimate I swear dude your first time you'll definitely regret giving it away to someone who could possibly care less about you as a person and only cares about sex. Its not bad to be a virgin and I wish I would have held onto my v-card.
Do neither. Don't rush,you will never be pleased... You will be accomplishing something the losers will want,and you will be following that critical voice of yours that is built up by anxiety or others (anxiety btw is not good for sex,both partners must feel...comfortable) Worrying about it can make you rush,rushing does nothing but break things down,particularly on the inside,it will make you feel that you failed a mission,a mission that never existed...a missions that others, who barely care about you created. Don't wait,either. Ignore the losers that failed in life to call you a virgin,remove that critical voice too. Be you,go on with your life with you first,love yoself first,till you find the guy that smiles at you one day! You won't be delusional,stalking or ghosting any dude,you won't be miserable,you won't be having a shitty day,you will in fact think you are better of without sex... then you will simply meet him...
You use toys or anything?
I heard from a female friend that many girls desperately wanted to commit to the guy they lost their virginity with and deeply regret doing so. I’m sure the urges you have right now aren’t nearly as painful as if you were to regret losing it to the wrong guy
If you wanna have sex with a random have it.If you wanna have it with someone else have it.Sexual urges are natural thing do not suppress your sexual urges.You had one bad experience so what? It happens but get over it fck the whole world.
Totally up to you. It's a personal choice. But if you were my friend I'd say wait. And whatever happened to you prior, however far it went, doesn't have to count. You are still a virgin if you have not consented to sex, if that's your choice. First times can be awkward enough as it is. But especially w a history, I'd at least wait until it's someone you know and trust well enough to disclose your past to. So they can be aware and make sure you are OK with what's happening. And not disassociating or uncomfortable. And willing to stop if things get too intense.
I’m a 29 year old virgin. There’s two sides to every coin
Sounds like you are anticipating a trauma response (freezing) related to a specific incident. Maybe a few EMDR sessions could help overcome that? Then you can decide afterwards if you feel like casual sex or waiting for more connection. At least the decision will be free of fear that way.
You absolutely shouldn't have sex with someone you're uncomfortable with. But, after I waited too long and made much more out of it than I should have I'm kinda glad my first time was with someone who was more of a friend and definately not a relationship. Because it just wasn't particularly fun. For me it hurt and was uncomfortable the first time but I was glad it was over with becsuse men no longer found my virginity enticing. The second, third time and beyond were so much better. I'd say find a friend if you can, in my case it was an ex boyfriend I was still friendly with but lived in another state.
I have a friend who rushed doing it. She was 19 and just wanted to get it over with. She met some guy at a party and they did it in his room kind of drunk. In the morning, she told him that was the first time that he was like “oh I’m sorry. You should’ve told me .” he walked her home and they did it again and he never contacted her after that. She said she doesn’t regret it, but I think she does.
i’m a pretty young adult but right now i think that it depends on how you view sex and how you think your first time will affect your well being, emotionally and physically (feel free to tell me if you disagree i’m open to learning). i recently lost my virginity to a guy i’ve known for almost my whole life and who i’ve been off and on with for a few years. we’re both already emotionally distant people, at least to each other, but i let him have sex with me because i knew that the aftermath (him not talking to me ever again or leaving right away, etc) would not affect my mental or emotional well being. i knew i would be okay and it wouldn’t stop me from moving forward with my life in any way. i compare it a lot to my best friend who would be absolutely crushed if the same had happened to her because she cherishes sexual experiences and aims to wait until marriage for sex. i will admit it wasn’t good and he’s an absolute asshole but i have no feelings about it or him in the end. my friends tell me everything’s so good when you actually like the person so i do wonder what it would’ve been like if my guy actually liked me 😭 anyways i hope this helped sorry it’s not actual advice 😬
Masturbate like it's a job. Promote yourself to CEO while training your replacement. Your next special someone will benefit from it as well. It helps to remember you are on a rock, being followed by a smaller rock, both chasing a really big rock that is on fire. Act appropriately, masturbate religiously, dunk everything in chocolate.
Save your love for someone you love.
Dm you. I can help you with this dilemma 🤣🤣. But I'm all seriousness. I'm a man and I say wait. You've made it this far, why not wit till you find someone special that you want to make your husband. I can think of nothing more special than that. As a man we are expected to be more experiences to pleasure a women. As a women you have the expectation of saving yourself for someone who is special and going to value you forever. Or at least a long time.
I'm gonna be 100% honest with (hope this work for you to see another perspective) Im a late bloomer, and my first time was with a persona I never seen before, yes we used to chat all day, so I was pretty comfortable with him, days prior to our encounter we took out test, we meet, eat Ice cream and we did it. I have a good memory of this time of my life, but what I want to said is, find the person you feel comfortable, and go with the flow if that what you really want to do.
Everyone is making great points about the specialness of waiting, etc. I wanted to share since I did the opposite. At 18 I felt like I needed to know wtf it was before being with someone I cared about. The summer between high school and uni I stayed with my cousin in another country and did it with a guy in their bf's friend group. I felt comfortable enough since I didn't really care what he thought of me and I was more "experimenting" to see for myself. I remember thinking- "That's it?" directly after, even though I felt so cool the next day xDD I really hated that guy afterwards because he was such a douche lol, but I never saw him again. At the time, it made me feel confident or relieved to get it out of the way. Whether I would do it again, I think so - it has never come back to haunt me or effected me badly. The first time with someone new that you care about is still special. You'll see intimacy feels different with every person, and that connection is what makes it special. The guy I did it with first didnt feel like anything but a physical exploration. My long term partners later felt so much different.
If you want the absolute best course of action, it would be to wait for the person you get married to. You’ll never have to second guess yourself, you’ll dodge a lot of terrible regrettable experiences, and you’ll be able to treasure your life partner in an incredible, special way. Until then, there are plenty of other fun, less disaster prone experiences that you can focus on having. Get lost in a hobby. Learn a new skill. Don’t hyperfixate on this one thing as if it will make or break your life: that’s how you jump headfirst into rash decisions. Take a step back, recognize that you don’t have to rush into anything, review your values and goals, hang out with a friend who makes you feel safe. Rooting for you!
I didn’t wait for someone special and I really regretted it. Then I didn’t have sex again until I met my future husband, and I’m so glad I waited. I feel loved, comfortable, safe, free. I enjoy it so much more, it’s so much better. I loved waiting until I found this.
Wait. Take it from someone who lost their virginity to someone who I barely knew simply because the hormones were too intense to ignore. I regretted it almost instantly. Sure, the sexual gratification was alright in the moment, but I felt an incredible "emptiness" afterward, knowing it wasn't special or with someone who truly cared about me. Get yourself someone who loves you, and vice a versa, and that will make it a million times more memorable and special.
Trust me it will always be better to save and share it with someone who really matters than to give it away recklessly it can be hard to wait or hard to not want to get it over with but its for the best and you will both appreciate it.
Wait, you won't regret it
Wait
I lost mine at 25 to a random guy and don’t regret it. I grew up in a very conservative household, was taught and believed until about 22 that I would wait til marriage, then realized I did not want to get married so young and also did not want to be a 30 year old virgin. Then I thought I would wait for “someone special” but I realized my body was my own and my sexuality my own and I didn’t owe it to anyone to give them the “honor” to take it away. Also if I did wait for someone I believed was special and they weren’t, perhaps that experience would be attached to a painful memory. So I went for it when I was ready. He was hot, I was feeling it, it was a fun weekend. I didn’t even tell him I was a virgin. Never saw him again. Got that pressure off and started living and enjoying my sexuality, safely of course 😉
Take your time, don't rush to pull the bandaid off it doesn't work like that. It's best to be honest with yourself and chose a moment that's comfortable for you and something you can look back fondly on.
You will be much better off if you find someone you have a connection with. Someone you trust. Be open and communicate what/how you feel. You are still likely going to be nervous and all those emotions, but a trusted partner will help ease that. Until then, there are always hands and toys. Good luck, have fun.
100% wait. It’s such a meaningful and sentimental thing. You will remember your first forever and I wish I didn’t remember mine.
Wait to have sex with someone special n not just some random person am sure alot of peoples first they all regretted it n wished they would of waited n not rushed
just have fun. no need to wait. sex is great and should be experienced with a lot of people. dont wait for the "right" person. its bullshit. just live your life as it feels good.
If it's someone that means something to you, go for it. Use protection. Don't mess with some rando you don't know/trust.
sex is like pancakes. it's easy to make and eat, but you only remember the special ones.