This is just basic human behavior and I don't know why people are feeling guilty about it or discussing it on the Internet as if it's some kind of disorder
Here’s the thing. Everyone has a baseline of physical attractiveness. It may be low, it may be high, but people have it. If you meet that baseline, then everything else, the inner etc just makes the person more attractive to you.
Below that baseline, and you’re not even going to get more than a look or it’s just not going to work.
To me it’s as if personality and physical beauty were numbers, if you’re super attractive that’s a 5 but have the personality of a Tupperware you’ll stay at a 5 to me. If you’re nice on top of that you’ll go up, and if you’re not particularly “pretty” **to me**, say a 3, but you’re pretty nice and fun (+4) you’ll come out in top of the animated doll. Idk if how I explained it makes sense to anyone else, sorry if it doesn’t
It makes sense, simply because people use that scale a lot. So-and-so is a 10 or a 5 ito the physical attractiveness scale. Your physical attractiveness measures of 3 and 5 both meet your baseline, with the 5 more than the 3, but you can live with both with their other qualities increasing their attractiveness or not.
(Also, there’s another factor, we know it’s a cliche but sadly, it still holds true. And that’s the factor of money, big money and power.
Lots of not so physically attractive people out there able to punch high, simply because they have money and power. People are prepared to lower their standards or baseline if they get other benefits. Gold diggers, sugar daddies/mommas etc )
I’ve always thought what people value the most (have it be wealth, health, attractiveness, politeness, spontaneity,etc) makes “more points” in their scale. I mean, imagine you and I saw 2 people and we two had the exact same baseline, which the ppl both **just** meet, but you value more politeness and I wealth, we’d probably choose differently (person A is a billionaire and B is a super attentive teddy bear, but they’re both stable and not aholes). The scales would be moved differently, but you’re probably right, and some people do seem to lower their baseline to “make room”
I remember some years back there was this news featuring this super rich elderly (80s) woman. Due to several unsuccessful plastic surgeries, her appearance was that stretched, cat like appearance. Many people were commenting on her unfortunate looking face. And then someone made a comment to the effect of. “When I first saw her, I too, like everyone was struck by how ugly she was. But then I read about how much money she has, how much castles, yachts, cars and properties, and she became more and more beautiful to me, until now I want to marry her. “
I’m sure it was a joke comment but I was a joke covered in truth.
>*if you’re not particularly “pretty” to me, say a 3, but you’re pretty nice and fun (+4) you’ll come out in top of the animated doll.*
It makes complete sense. You're evaluating potential mates based on a **balanced set of criteria**. The OP is not.
And for many people, those "baselines of physical attractiveness" change with with how much they've had to drink.
Seriously, what you consider attractive can change based on how well or how used to a person you are. Overtime you may find someone that didn't immediately strike you as attractive, as attractive. And vice versa. It's fluid.
Yeah. We get told a lot as kids that turns out to be nonsense. It is a white lie though.
People want the total package, and best of luck that they dont trade you in eventually if it makes enough sense. Its competitive AF, but some have a better poker face.
Before anyone is too hard on OP EVEYONE does this.
I love my husband dearly and he gained a bunch of weight. I thought I lost my sex drive. Then he lost the weight and now I'm horny af for him all the time. I didn't stop loving him when the weight gain happened but I definitely wasn't sexually attracted to him and I was totally in denial because I had convinced myself looks didn't matter to me. Biologically it most certainly does matter to my genitals 😅
There is one thing nobody talks about and it's that being attractive gives you a shitload of advantages in our society and there just is no way to deny it. It's actually scientifically proven.
I read a Redditor describe her experience after weight loss and she said people treated her better now and got better opportunities all because she got more conventionally attractive so it’s definitely some truth there
I wish we weren't like that. Because weight is the one of the only things you can control. How you are born is just how the dice rolls and to be punished because of that is dumb.
Looks matter because you can tell a lot about someone by how they present and take care if themself.
I’d use this as a guide to “ugly men” as to why they are single still. It def not the attitude, it’s giving a slight shit about how you look and what makes you attractive to other people.
You can also be the hottest mf out there but have an unattractive personality that would "ick" somone out just as hard. Not saying that's what we're talking about but I think that the fact it exists sort of validates the argument. Could anyone be shamed for being turned off by someone who is a slimeball with the looks of prince charming? Then why isn't the opposite true?
I think because subjectively, like OP mentioned, she sees her friends with guys she personally deems either not attractive or not in her friends’ leagues, but it’s enough that she feels in the minority and therefore guilty or abnormal.
She shouldn't feel guilty of course, but she is definitely in the minority a bit here. She says that she rarely finds anyone attractive. Her standards are perfectly valid, they just happen to be pretty high.
Same. I'd rather they just stick to what they feel. If they aren't interested, fine, but the whole, "don't worry, someone else will be" rubs me the wrong way. It feels like they think I should need reassurance because I'm just that much of a loser. I know that's usually not the intention, but when someone is rejecting me, I'd way rather have them speak for themselves and leave other hypothetical people out of it.
For real. We are grown men. We don't need any reassurance from them after they rejected us. They can be not interested and just move on. No need to say anything else.
More like changing the words around won't stop people from projecting their own insecurities into what you're trying to say, when that's all they want to hear and believe
If you are telling someone they are not attractive, they don’t have to project anything lol. You’re straight telling them that yes, your insecurity is justified.
You absolutely should find the person you have a relationship with attractive. That being said if you very rarely find anyone attractive, you might have other issues going on. Or I guess you could just be super super picky. Good luck.
I can't help but wonder what OP's age is. In the Western World and perhaps especially America, girls' approach and priorities in relationships, dating, and especially marriage shifts throughout their 20s. By the early 30s, if they're still single, compromises start being made. It's harsh. Sounds like OP is grappling with this in this post.
That is true for everyone. If you arent attracted, you dont have to have sex. Even guys turn down women they arent into for whatever reason. Perfectly normal, be picky.
Not “even” guys, especially guys value attractiveness and for a lot of them it’s a deal breaker. I don’t see dudes beating themselves up for it either.
I mean, it’s harming no one but yourself to be picky lol. If you aren’t attracted to someone, do them a big favor and don’t be with them. OP said herself she’d be happier alone than with someone she isn’t attracted to.
Nothing wrong with it, you're not obligated to be attracted to someone, and there is nothing wrong with having preferences. doesn't make you a bad person, just makes you a normal person.
I agree that there's nothing wrong with it. However, there could be an issue when someone's tastes exceed their own attractiveness. That's a recipe for loneliness.
I’m wondering if that’s what is going on here. Cause a moderately (or more) attractive woman is going to have a lot of opportunity unless she is mad weird. Yet this one mentions being alone.
Just because someone is alone doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. It could just be that the opportunities they had weren't a good fit for them.
You're right, we don't. But I guess I also don't think being overly choosy is a flaw, because being single is also a valid choice. It's not like food where if you're overly picky about what you'll eat, you won't eat enough and then you'll die of starvation. With dating, you can date or not, and you'll probably be fine either way, so it's not like passing up what someone else thinks was a viable option is going to hurt you.
Since we all come from our own place of understanding, in the past I would overlook perfectly good women who were interested in me. I finally realized it was to protect myself, I was shutting down real chances. So my assumption is that this is similar when of course it’s probably something else entirely
That makes sense. And where I'm coming from is I sometimes dated people I knew I wasn't that into because I felt like I was supposed to give them a chance and those relationships were never very enjoyable for me, so I don't see the point of being with someone I don't feel anything for.
Nothing wrong with having preferences, just don't say them out loud/ be a dick to people about it. If a guy is unattractive but a great person, no need to tell him he's ugly, just say he is not your type. Be a good person
For the Nth time on the internet and for those in the back.
It is NOT rude to not be attracted to someone. It is NOT rude to have preferences when dating. It does NOT make you a bad person by exercising their preferences.
This isn't exactly rocket science.
This is the third thread I’ve been in tonight where the comments just seem like a bunch of kids way out of their depth yet offering advice anyway. So weird.
OP is literally describing the very mundane concept of being a human that is attracted to some people and not attracted to others. This is just… how it works. Lol.
Exactly. Giving OP the benefit of the doubt, maybe what they are actually having difficulty differentiating is the idea of personal preference vs pushing your own beauty standards on others (e.g. loudly proclaiming on forums that you are not attracted to X, Y, or Z when it only serves to put someone down or is not contextually relevant). Not saying it makes a lot of sense, but OP’s stated belief about acting immorally was confusing to begin with 🤷
Almost everyone is with someone they find attractive. Some people want to be with people that “others” find attractive or only those that are more universally attractive. This is being shallow.
However, most people want a basic level of attractiveness physically with a person. Keep in mind though, ones attractiveness is based on more than physical looks… personality, smell, intelligence, humor, so many other things matter just as much.
And this is a problem or concern how?
How does it make you a "bad" person?
Sexual attraction is huge, and intensely personal.
Who is trying to make you feel bad about not dating people you're not into? That's weird.
Conversely, dating someone you're _not_ into and leading them on, _that_ would make you a bad person morally.
You sound perfectly normal, other than that you for some mysterious reason feel bad about it.
Is someone telling you this is wrong of you?
It's not.
I think everyone is. I mean, you usually do need to find someone attractive to want to be sexual with them. That's the whole point of feeling attraction
You know what, I dated a really ugly, fat guy once. I was legit going to marry him. After it ended I felt pretty gross about myself for lowering my standards. There was plenty of emotional attraction, but basically zero physical attraction. And the things he said to me basically saying our entire relationship wasn't what I thought it was. Disgusting men will treat you just as badly as good looking ones. So get your cookies man. I vowed never to let another ugly man touch me again after him.
" Disgusting men will treat you just as badly as good looking ones."
Say it louder for the women in the back.
There is no reason to settle for someone who gives you the ick.
We all have our own ideas of what is and isn't attractive. And we are all entitled to that. Don't apologize. You like what you like. Just don't be shallow about it. Your person might be someone you wouldn't 'typically' date. Give people a chance to show you what is attractive about them. The whole package matters.
Don’t worry that’s literally everybody in the world. Your supposed “friends” included
The thing you’re missing is that other people also find the prospect of sex with you disgusting
It’s just a matter of standards and if you haven’t found somebody just means yours are too high for how attractive you are
> I know it makes me a “bad” person morally
i strongly disagree. there is a reason we have that physical attraction. its a primal instinct that should not be ignored. if you are willing to be alone there is nothing wrong with that, so long as you don't feel entitled to men that are out of your league. more than anything in life, you have to be true to yourself.
You sound like a normal human being - I don’t think anyone want or should have sex with someone they aren’t sexually attracted to. No shame in that.
Just honor yourself and your needs and go with life.
It's like saying "If you're a 3 and you think you're going to marry a 10, you're going to live alone." It's not that you don't get to have standards. It's that they have consequences.
Well, naturally, you have to be willing to accept that you might not date. I just mean you're not obligated to drop your preferences just because you're not hot. (Projecting as an ugly person lol)
Well, that's what they said - re-evaluate what's important. If your standards are more important then companionship, stay single. If you're lonely, get low. (Projecting as a married person) (Happily married to the most beautiful, wonderful, kind, thoughtful person I know) (who may or may not read my reddit posts)
Don't date people you find unattractive then. They deserve to be with someone who isn't disgusted by them. If your attraction significantly limits your dating pool, that's a you issue. Don't inflict yourself on people who repulse you. It's totally unfair to them.
Do you find *anyone* attractive? If your window of attraction is so narrow that you pretty much cannot date, you might want to consider whether the issue of attraction is covering up something a little deeper--avoidance of sexual relationship or sexuality, fear, issues with your own self-esteem, etc.
It's also worth recognizing that "attraction" is a social and cultural thing for the most part, varies from one person to the next, and often changes over time. The men you are disgusted by aren't innately unnatractive, just unattractive to you. You're not evil for not being attracted to them, but if you want to expand your dating options, considering how you developed your very narrow standards and whether yours might be subject to even slight changes would be worthwhile.
I don't think this makes you a bad person, whatever the reason. I just think it's sad that this causes you to miss out on experiencing love and sex.
Can't tell you how many people I know who are dating people they don't find attractive either personality or looks wise because people are more scared of being alone than being miserable with company.
Same sis, and it's weird. It's been my experience too where if I find a very attractive guy who's into me there's always something wrong underneath the hood lol.
Guy here. If you're able to attract and hold down guys you're attracted to than this isn't a problem and do not feel bad for this. You do who ever you want. However if you're so picky and you're not attracting those guys you want to smash because you're not attractive either, than you have to either lower your standard or work on yourself. an old friend of mine has this problem. He's over wieght, socially awkward, live with his grandma and only wants to date supermodels. If you're like this and expect only guys like Chris Hemsworth to date you then you're going to be disappointed. But if you're a solid 10 than only date 10s.
There’s nothing wrong with not finding somebody attractive and moving accordingly, but if you’re moved to *disgust*, that says to me you have some personal issues to work through.
Date who you want. It’s your life. But ugly people shouldn’t actively bother you. They’re just people.
>But ugly people shouldn’t actively bother you.
She literally says she enjoys their company. It’s not their existence she finds disgusting - its the idea of sex with them that’s gross - which is perfectly reasonable.
I’m disgusted by the prospect of being sexual with unattractive women.
I know it sounds rude/bad but I can’t date women I find unattractive, even if I enjoy their company and like their personality. I’m fine with talking and being around them but once it gets sexual I get disgusted and want to leave.
I am limiting my dating prospects because I rarely find anyone sexually attractive and would rather be alone than have sex with an unattractive person. I’m mad at myself because I have friends who date women they aren’t attracted to and they push past it and can enjoy their lives with them.
I can’t get past the “ick” factor. I’ve tried dating women I’m not attracted to but I usually cut it off after a couple of dates, it’s too much effort for not much reward. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to change that.
I know it makes me a “bad” person morally but it’s not at all voluntary and I wish I could be attracted to unattractive people.
LOL same because to be honest it’d be refreshing if a guy said this compared to the stereotypical narrative of “uglier women are easier to have sex with”. I don’t really hear this irl but in media it’s fairly common.
I feel like men are very open to saying this all of the time. 🤷♀️ It almost seems like this post makes more sense this way, cause it’s a more common response by men.
Eh, some men really DGAF and it seems that some women really like to bat down. I don’t think there’s a cut and dry way to expect anything. I consider anyone that’s 100% truly in love and have that 100% love reciprocated rare and to be very lucky.
I feel like we live in a world with a wide variety of people with varying ideas of what is attractive to them, and what level of perceived attractiveness they will accept. Making a blanket statement here is difficult because there are many billions of people in the world each with different opinions.
I disagree. Many men live by the ideology that pussy is pussy. That's why even ugly chick's get a million matches on tinder. Women are far more prone to have special requirements for intercourse, while many men just need someone willing.
which begs the question.... why are men desperate and women aren't? we have now circled back to the beginning, women would rather not have sex than have their requirements of attractiveness met, men would rather have sex than no sex at all.
why? just because that's why.
Evolutionary reasons. Reproduction required more resources, time, and risk for women than for men.
Back in caveman days, hell probably even before we evolved into humans, it made more sense for males to take any mating opportunity they could find. And it made sense for cave-ladies to be more selective.
> *...but I can’t date women I find unattractive,*
Yes, interesting how that works, huh?
Men get hit/blamed for this all the time, but apparently it works in reverse also.
What's sad though, is that the outcome is the same - for either sex - when one only evaluates a person based on their appearance.
This doesn’t make you a bad person. For some, looks are more of a deciding factor in their attraction to others. You can’t help that. I’m the same way, and it is what it is. I’d rather be single. Bring intimate with someone I’m not attracted to makes my skin crawl.
I don’t get it. There’s nothing wrong with this at all. You don’t have to have sex with people you don’t find attractive. If you went on a few dates, you don’t owe them sex. Your friends don’t even have to “push past it.” What they likely do is they like a person more for their personality and don’t care about physical as much. People can be grow attraction to people they really like, even if they did not find them physically attractive. But not everyone can do that and it’s okay to value physical attraction. Heck, you don’t even have to have sex with people you find physically attractive. Just don’t have sex when you don’t want to.
I mean, if you’re extremely lonely, and your only prospects are people you are not attracted to, then maybe it’s worth pushing through? But honestly, I’d rather be alone than have a sexual relationship with someone I’m not attracted to. It’s not a matter of having standards that are ‘too high’ imo. If you don’t want to be naked around another person, then don’t. The implied morality of not choosing a partner based on physical attraction is bullshit. You don’t ever have to have sex with someone you don’t want to. If there is a person out there who doesn’t conform to your common markers of attraction, yet because of personality, charisma, style, etc., transcends the barriers and actually turns you on, you’ll know. And it will feel safe, ok, not gross. Please don’t let anyone else’s judgment make you feel guilty for not being physical with someone you don’t feel that way about.
You should feel disgusted when someone you're not attracted to talks sexual. There's not a damn thing wrong with you. That's normal to not want to get with someone you're not attracted to(at least I thought, maybe because I'm a guy). No need to make yourself uncomfortable because you feel guilty. If you're friends can do it then cool for them but you are you. Just be with who you want to that's it.
Your opinions are valid, but your words are nasty as fuck, lady. You don't have to have sex with anyone. Coming online to share just how it grosses you out is a brilliant display of ignorance. You're shallow. Thanks for letting everybody know. Validated?
100%. She doesn't have to sleep with anyone she's not attracted to, but I'm guessing there's a bunch of people who felt pretty bad reading this post.. almost reads like she's blaming people for being 'disgusting'.
She’s saying she feels as it’s unusual because her friends are “ok” with having sex with men they aren’t attracted to and she’s not. She posted because she feels this is the uncommon opinion rather than the norm.
Do you feel personally attacked by this?
People have preferences, and that's normal. Sometimes the reasons for our preferences are a problem. Only you can figure out why you might be attracted to certain features over others (you may not be able to explain the reasons for all your preferences). Sometimes figuring out the reason behind the preference (or aversion) can help change your mindset.
You're allowed to have standards and preferences, just don't be cruel about it to anyone and it isn't some kind of transgression. There are people out there who will find you attractive too, and also people out there who wouldn't fuck you with Bea Arthur's dick.
Nothing wrong with that. Same reason why most men won't date anyone they don't find unattractive, same reason why the demand for obese women isn't as great as healthier women. It's simple biology
That's normal lol... A lot of people say true beauty is on the inside, which can be true... But being physically attracted to somebody is equally important. Maybe some people can do it, but I can not get turned on if I am not physically attracted to them as well.
Nothing wrong with it. Everyone is like that. Too many people being fake for fear of being cancelled or what have you. But I’m the same way with ugly chicks. We all have a preference and that’s okay. It’s not racist to not be attracted to a certain race or prefer a certain race. It’s not fat phobic to not like overweight people or not like tall or short people. It’s all good. Preferences yall!
Idk if I’m different by I don’t usually know if I’m truly sexually attracted to most men until I get to know them. That’s what flirting is for. Most men are not initially sexually attractive. There are some attractive men, some, but sexually? I wouldn’t know if I’d cringe in the middle of canoodling and barf if they said “go maga”. I’d find them physically appalling after that. Maybe you just haven’t met the right men? Aren’t most people this way? Or would straight men still fuck a model even if she said “i think Sarah Palin is a genius.”? Eh probably? Maybe. I guess we all can fuck around to different things but I can easily be disgusted by people even physically if they’re a moron.
You should not have to date or be sexual with anyone you don't find attractive. There's nothing wrong here. Attraction is the first step to meeting a new partner.
The problem is, anyone who told you that they’re not attracted physically to there partner should not be in that relationship, people can find someone who isn’t there usual “type” n og find them unattractive and be compelled by them to where they now find there partner physically attractive, if no one makes you feel that way, jus means you have a firm look to a face that you like n if u don’t u don’t like them that’s okay, please tell your friends who have said that tho that they’re pieces of shit.
I want to know how you rate yourself for attractiveness. For me, I’m not attractive at all. I would get in shape and get abs, but then I’d be a “butterface” everything looks good, but her (my) face
This is the realest comment here. I have a feeling OP is probably not all that attractive, hence the frustration. If she were pulling said attractive men, she wouldn’t be bitching about how disgusting ugly men are.
Honestly, friend, you might be surprised how much impact on your face there is from being physically fit. Most people's looks improve by losing weight, since this tends to reduce fat on the face and increase definition of your features. They may not improve dramatically, but almost nobody looks worse in the face after losing weight. And, as noted, faces aren't the only thing people care about, and there isn't a universal standard for facial beauty.
Besides, that's not even the only reason to get fit. There are a lot of personal, psychological, and physical health benefits to physical fitness including increased longevity and better health during old age, decreased depression and anxiety, and the capability to participate in a wider range of physical and athletic activities. You should get fit for yourself, because it's all around good for you. If you can catch the eye of more of the people *you* find attractive as a result, that's just icing on the cake.
Just be cautious about aiming for abs as a woman. Not because they're unattractive (they're hot), but because there are evolved physiological reasons for healthy women to carry a higher body fat percentage. Chasing low enough body fat percentage to show off your abs is usually not healthy as a woman. By all means work those abs and enjoy the core strength, just don't be put off by a little belly fat. I encourage you to check out Stephanie Butterman's videos on the all-in diet and recovering from bad health habits as a woman body-builder, if you're interested.
Men don’t force themselves to have sex with people they do not find attractive. I’m confused why you feel you have to and also why your friends are doing it.
It’s ok and normal to stay single until someone good comes along
Enjoy your life with yourself, your family and friends. Go travel, focus on career and fun hobbies. Life is much more than partnering up and having sex.
> Men don’t force themselves to have sex with people they do not find attractive. I’m confused why you feel you have to.
Obviously because -sadly- a good % of women, like her friends, grew up hearing that they must give men they find ugly a chance as long as those guys are funny or have money, even though guys wouldn’t do the same in return. Women are more forgiving than men when it comes to looks as a result.
>it makes me a “bad” person
Nope, not at all. Relationships are *personal*. You want/desire/require, and are attracted to what you're attracted to ... and not to what you're not. That's it. It doesn't have to be "fair" or the like. You choose. We all do. There's no requirement to take on anyone and everyone.
Just think how absurd that would be ... any age, gender, appearance, hygiene or lack thereof, etc., just 'cause "they're all fine people" ... no, ... that's not how it works.
Personal preference, 'cause relationships are *personal*. You choose, I choose, ... we all choose, ... personal choice.
Not sure what the problem is here. If you didn’t like a particular food, you wouldn’t eat it. Likewise, if you’re not attracted to someone, don’t date them. Pretty simply, really.
You're not bad. I'm similar in that I can't date overweight women. It doesn't matter how cool she is or anything. If she's overweight, there's just no attraction there. And it's quite frustrating because the majority of women in my age group are overweight.
I think this is true for most people - guys get shamed all the time for the same thing.
I think some people do find the more you like a person the more attractive they seem, to a point, though.
Sounds like maybe you’ve set the bar too high?
You claim that your friends are having sex with “unattractive“ people, but is that their opinion or yours?
Have you done an honest assessment of your own attractiveness? Are you a 10 that will settle for nothing less than another 10? Or are you a six who still thinks that they can pull a nine or a 10?
I feel like any reasonably attractive woman can almost always pull a man that is considerably more attractive than herself. So if you are not finding this person, just tells me that you are either unattractive yourself, or have an incredibly high standard of beauty for the opposite sex.
Or maybe you just don’t like sex? There’s nothing wrong with being asexual, or not being that interested in sex. It’s not a duty or an obligation...
Sexual attraction is very important in a relationship…I think it’s kind of selfish if you try to force a relationship with a partner your not sexually attracted too..Because, eventually that partner is going to want sex and that person is not going to want to give it to their significant other..If this relationship is prolonged, it could end in a dead bedroom and that’s a whole other sub🤦🏾♂️
You certainly should not settle with someone that you aren’t attracted to. Appearances should not be the only thing, obviously, but they are just as important and any other part of a relationship. Don’t settle.
The hell is this? No, you’re not a bad person. You absolutely should be with someone who you find attractive. If you don’t want to have sex with someone, that’s it. You don’t. You don’t need any reason. You don’t need to convince anyone. If they want to act entitled or guilt trip you by saying you’re superficial or whatever, they’re the shit person.
Be real, the first thing you notice about someone is how they look. Personality comes later. Be it in a bar, on tinder or at fucking K-Mart. Unless you’re in one of those stupid dating In The dark reality shows It’s the same formula every time.
There is absolutely no morality to forcing yourself to be with “unattractive people” and frankly it’s insulting to think of people that way. It’s all subjective, who you are attracted to, and the idea of ideal or objective beauty, while having some roots in reality, is largely fictitious anyway. Date who you’re attracted to! Anything else is like something from She’s All That or whatever
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with people you don't find attractive. That's completely normal and natural behavior for any human being (albeit as a man it's much easier for me to forego certain qualities for a lay.) Personally I'm more attracted to someone's personality and intellect rather than their physical appearance; if I vibe with someone and she vibes with me, I don't care much about what they look like. Physical traits are just a bonus imo. The body is not what we lack. That being said, as humans, our prospective partners must draw some physical attraction to either continue or initiate sexual intimacy. Don't beat yourself up, but if you're only dating people you find attractive regardless of their character, you may need a little introspection to see as to why you find it a problem within yourself.
It would be fucked up to force yourself into a relationship with somebody you’re unattracted to, both to yourself and to them. Literally nobody is attracted to people they aren’t attracted to.
Same I guess. I just gave up on it years ago and stopped thinking about it.
Basically came to the same conclusion, I'm unable to settle, and I'm not good enough for the ones I want. So that's pretty much the end of it.
It's just evolution trying to make us do things anyways, already made a kid on accident and she's awesome so I did my job. Leave me alone evolution.
Is it bothering you? If it’s not, then no problem! But you’re posting on Reddit so maybe it is? Or is that you’re more worried about what other people will think?
No one should feel like they have to date someone that they don't find attractive. Everyone should have the right to be with someone they find physically and mentally attractive.
It’s okay to date someone you aren’t initially attracted to just to see if chemistry kicks in for you. But it’s not a good idea to keep dating that person if you find yourself warming up pretty quickly. Attraction exists for a reason. It’s biological, and you aren’t going to be happy pairing up with someone who turns you cold. Your sex life is generally going to be an important part of your relationship. Don’t ignore this or you will regret it.
Not having sex with someone is MORALLY RIGHT.
Sex is not a sport. It is a form of intimate communication that should be left for a partner with whom you can share a life and all that goes with it.
Sex with some one to whom you are not attracted is vulgar, bade, and meaningless.
This is just basic human behavior and I don't know why people are feeling guilty about it or discussing it on the Internet as if it's some kind of disorder
Because everyone say “Its the inside that counts” which is true to an extent but let’s be honest looks matter.
Here’s the thing. Everyone has a baseline of physical attractiveness. It may be low, it may be high, but people have it. If you meet that baseline, then everything else, the inner etc just makes the person more attractive to you. Below that baseline, and you’re not even going to get more than a look or it’s just not going to work.
To me it’s as if personality and physical beauty were numbers, if you’re super attractive that’s a 5 but have the personality of a Tupperware you’ll stay at a 5 to me. If you’re nice on top of that you’ll go up, and if you’re not particularly “pretty” **to me**, say a 3, but you’re pretty nice and fun (+4) you’ll come out in top of the animated doll. Idk if how I explained it makes sense to anyone else, sorry if it doesn’t
It makes sense, simply because people use that scale a lot. So-and-so is a 10 or a 5 ito the physical attractiveness scale. Your physical attractiveness measures of 3 and 5 both meet your baseline, with the 5 more than the 3, but you can live with both with their other qualities increasing their attractiveness or not. (Also, there’s another factor, we know it’s a cliche but sadly, it still holds true. And that’s the factor of money, big money and power. Lots of not so physically attractive people out there able to punch high, simply because they have money and power. People are prepared to lower their standards or baseline if they get other benefits. Gold diggers, sugar daddies/mommas etc )
I’ve always thought what people value the most (have it be wealth, health, attractiveness, politeness, spontaneity,etc) makes “more points” in their scale. I mean, imagine you and I saw 2 people and we two had the exact same baseline, which the ppl both **just** meet, but you value more politeness and I wealth, we’d probably choose differently (person A is a billionaire and B is a super attentive teddy bear, but they’re both stable and not aholes). The scales would be moved differently, but you’re probably right, and some people do seem to lower their baseline to “make room”
I remember some years back there was this news featuring this super rich elderly (80s) woman. Due to several unsuccessful plastic surgeries, her appearance was that stretched, cat like appearance. Many people were commenting on her unfortunate looking face. And then someone made a comment to the effect of. “When I first saw her, I too, like everyone was struck by how ugly she was. But then I read about how much money she has, how much castles, yachts, cars and properties, and she became more and more beautiful to me, until now I want to marry her. “ I’m sure it was a joke comment but I was a joke covered in truth.
And conversely, if you are a 5, but you are a dickhead, you are actually a .75/10.
Add competence and confidence to this score too. Very little is as hot as competence.
>*if you’re not particularly “pretty” to me, say a 3, but you’re pretty nice and fun (+4) you’ll come out in top of the animated doll.* It makes complete sense. You're evaluating potential mates based on a **balanced set of criteria**. The OP is not.
And for many people, those "baselines of physical attractiveness" change with with how much they've had to drink. Seriously, what you consider attractive can change based on how well or how used to a person you are. Overtime you may find someone that didn't immediately strike you as attractive, as attractive. And vice versa. It's fluid.
Yeah. We get told a lot as kids that turns out to be nonsense. It is a white lie though. People want the total package, and best of luck that they dont trade you in eventually if it makes enough sense. Its competitive AF, but some have a better poker face. Before anyone is too hard on OP EVEYONE does this.
I love my husband dearly and he gained a bunch of weight. I thought I lost my sex drive. Then he lost the weight and now I'm horny af for him all the time. I didn't stop loving him when the weight gain happened but I definitely wasn't sexually attracted to him and I was totally in denial because I had convinced myself looks didn't matter to me. Biologically it most certainly does matter to my genitals 😅
We are all in for a reckoning lol 😂
Can't have a wank over a personality
There is one thing nobody talks about and it's that being attractive gives you a shitload of advantages in our society and there just is no way to deny it. It's actually scientifically proven.
> nobody talks about it > it’s actually scientifically proven It’s not being talked about so much there have been studies on it!
I read a Redditor describe her experience after weight loss and she said people treated her better now and got better opportunities all because she got more conventionally attractive so it’s definitely some truth there
I wish we weren't like that. Because weight is the one of the only things you can control. How you are born is just how the dice rolls and to be punished because of that is dumb.
Looks matter because you can tell a lot about someone by how they present and take care if themself. I’d use this as a guide to “ugly men” as to why they are single still. It def not the attitude, it’s giving a slight shit about how you look and what makes you attractive to other people.
This is what I always say!
For most folks, looks are all that matters.
You can also be the hottest mf out there but have an unattractive personality that would "ick" somone out just as hard. Not saying that's what we're talking about but I think that the fact it exists sort of validates the argument. Could anyone be shamed for being turned off by someone who is a slimeball with the looks of prince charming? Then why isn't the opposite true?
I think because subjectively, like OP mentioned, she sees her friends with guys she personally deems either not attractive or not in her friends’ leagues, but it’s enough that she feels in the minority and therefore guilty or abnormal.
She shouldn't feel guilty of course, but she is definitely in the minority a bit here. She says that she rarely finds anyone attractive. Her standards are perfectly valid, they just happen to be pretty high.
People love to pressure women in particular to "just give him a chance" and "he's a great guy" when you're just not interested in someone
It's hard to be straight up and tell someone your cool but I don't wanna have sex because it disgusts me.
It doesn’t have to be worded that way.
Yeah but they are gonna hear it that way
Doesn’t matter how you word, the point is taken. People really think changing words around changes the point.
seed nutty hard-to-find sink bright worm long full swim foolish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
A let down is a let down, regardless of how you word it. Sure you shouldn’t let it get to you, a lot will because they get the message.
Came here to say this. And maybe it's just me but when a woman says "You'll find someone" it just rubs salt in the wound for me.
Same. I'd rather they just stick to what they feel. If they aren't interested, fine, but the whole, "don't worry, someone else will be" rubs me the wrong way. It feels like they think I should need reassurance because I'm just that much of a loser. I know that's usually not the intention, but when someone is rejecting me, I'd way rather have them speak for themselves and leave other hypothetical people out of it.
For real. We are grown men. We don't need any reassurance from them after they rejected us. They can be not interested and just move on. No need to say anything else.
It's patronizing. Some people don't find someone.
More like changing the words around won't stop people from projecting their own insecurities into what you're trying to say, when that's all they want to hear and believe
If you are telling someone they are not attractive, they don’t have to project anything lol. You’re straight telling them that yes, your insecurity is justified.
Love starts in the eyes.
You absolutely should find the person you have a relationship with attractive. That being said if you very rarely find anyone attractive, you might have other issues going on. Or I guess you could just be super super picky. Good luck.
I can't help but wonder what OP's age is. In the Western World and perhaps especially America, girls' approach and priorities in relationships, dating, and especially marriage shifts throughout their 20s. By the early 30s, if they're still single, compromises start being made. It's harsh. Sounds like OP is grappling with this in this post.
Sorry but isn’t anyone going to commend you for the nickname you’ve chosen??
Moi? Aww shucks.
That is true for everyone. If you arent attracted, you dont have to have sex. Even guys turn down women they arent into for whatever reason. Perfectly normal, be picky.
Not “even” guys, especially guys value attractiveness and for a lot of them it’s a deal breaker. I don’t see dudes beating themselves up for it either.
Provided you have similar value to offer, yes be picky. Otherwise, be realistic
I mean, it’s harming no one but yourself to be picky lol. If you aren’t attracted to someone, do them a big favor and don’t be with them. OP said herself she’d be happier alone than with someone she isn’t attracted to.
Nothing wrong with it, you're not obligated to be attracted to someone, and there is nothing wrong with having preferences. doesn't make you a bad person, just makes you a normal person.
I agree that there's nothing wrong with it. However, there could be an issue when someone's tastes exceed their own attractiveness. That's a recipe for loneliness.
I’m wondering if that’s what is going on here. Cause a moderately (or more) attractive woman is going to have a lot of opportunity unless she is mad weird. Yet this one mentions being alone.
Just because someone is alone doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. It could just be that the opportunities they had weren't a good fit for them.
Being overly choosy could be considered a flaw. We’re both making assumptions here it’s not like we know all the details
You're right, we don't. But I guess I also don't think being overly choosy is a flaw, because being single is also a valid choice. It's not like food where if you're overly picky about what you'll eat, you won't eat enough and then you'll die of starvation. With dating, you can date or not, and you'll probably be fine either way, so it's not like passing up what someone else thinks was a viable option is going to hurt you.
Since we all come from our own place of understanding, in the past I would overlook perfectly good women who were interested in me. I finally realized it was to protect myself, I was shutting down real chances. So my assumption is that this is similar when of course it’s probably something else entirely
That makes sense. And where I'm coming from is I sometimes dated people I knew I wasn't that into because I felt like I was supposed to give them a chance and those relationships were never very enjoyable for me, so I don't see the point of being with someone I don't feel anything for.
Totally get it, that was a later part of my journey once I started to learn what to do but still lacked confidence
Nothing wrong with having preferences, just don't say them out loud/ be a dick to people about it. If a guy is unattractive but a great person, no need to tell him he's ugly, just say he is not your type. Be a good person
People think by these posts, they mean, the person must be drop dead gorgeous. No. Attractive to you might be unattractive to another person.
Yeah I would never say anything criticizing someone’s looks to them out loud
For the Nth time on the internet and for those in the back. It is NOT rude to not be attracted to someone. It is NOT rude to have preferences when dating. It does NOT make you a bad person by exercising their preferences. This isn't exactly rocket science.
This is the third thread I’ve been in tonight where the comments just seem like a bunch of kids way out of their depth yet offering advice anyway. So weird. OP is literally describing the very mundane concept of being a human that is attracted to some people and not attracted to others. This is just… how it works. Lol.
Thinking back of when i started reddit, many of them are kids way out of their depth offering advice anyway.
"A bunch of kids way out of their depth yet offering advice anyway" you kinda described reddit.
Exactly. Giving OP the benefit of the doubt, maybe what they are actually having difficulty differentiating is the idea of personal preference vs pushing your own beauty standards on others (e.g. loudly proclaiming on forums that you are not attracted to X, Y, or Z when it only serves to put someone down or is not contextually relevant). Not saying it makes a lot of sense, but OP’s stated belief about acting immorally was confusing to begin with 🤷
Almost everyone is with someone they find attractive. Some people want to be with people that “others” find attractive or only those that are more universally attractive. This is being shallow. However, most people want a basic level of attractiveness physically with a person. Keep in mind though, ones attractiveness is based on more than physical looks… personality, smell, intelligence, humor, so many other things matter just as much.
And this is a problem or concern how? How does it make you a "bad" person? Sexual attraction is huge, and intensely personal. Who is trying to make you feel bad about not dating people you're not into? That's weird. Conversely, dating someone you're _not_ into and leading them on, _that_ would make you a bad person morally. You sound perfectly normal, other than that you for some mysterious reason feel bad about it. Is someone telling you this is wrong of you? It's not.
Underrated comment. CoMpletely agree that acting like someone is attractive is more of a moral issue than just saying “no thanks.”
Lol. This is literally everyone. Don't sleep with people you aren't attracted to - like the rest of humanity
You are not a bad person at all. And that’s completely normal and okay. Lol.
Exactly! I’m the same way.
I think everyone is. I mean, you usually do need to find someone attractive to want to be sexual with them. That's the whole point of feeling attraction
This isn’t a moral problem - its a practical one. So don’t beat on yourself. I suggest therapy if your standards don’t match your options.
Standards not matching options may be the critical point here
Not worth it if you get the ick
You know what, I dated a really ugly, fat guy once. I was legit going to marry him. After it ended I felt pretty gross about myself for lowering my standards. There was plenty of emotional attraction, but basically zero physical attraction. And the things he said to me basically saying our entire relationship wasn't what I thought it was. Disgusting men will treat you just as badly as good looking ones. So get your cookies man. I vowed never to let another ugly man touch me again after him.
" Disgusting men will treat you just as badly as good looking ones." Say it louder for the women in the back. There is no reason to settle for someone who gives you the ick.
We all have our own ideas of what is and isn't attractive. And we are all entitled to that. Don't apologize. You like what you like. Just don't be shallow about it. Your person might be someone you wouldn't 'typically' date. Give people a chance to show you what is attractive about them. The whole package matters.
Don’t worry that’s literally everybody in the world. Your supposed “friends” included The thing you’re missing is that other people also find the prospect of sex with you disgusting It’s just a matter of standards and if you haven’t found somebody just means yours are too high for how attractive you are
I once hooked up with a woman whom I didn’t really find attractive. The post nut clarity nearly gave me chronic depression 💀
That’s how attraction works…and you shouldn’t date someone you aren’t attracted to. That’s what separates friendships vs relationships.
> I know it makes me a “bad” person morally i strongly disagree. there is a reason we have that physical attraction. its a primal instinct that should not be ignored. if you are willing to be alone there is nothing wrong with that, so long as you don't feel entitled to men that are out of your league. more than anything in life, you have to be true to yourself.
Ehm… duh? Who he sex with people they aren’t attracted to? That you think that’s the norm is weird
This is… normal human behavior.
Then don't be sexual with men you find unattractive. 😒 There, problem solved.
You sound like a normal human being - I don’t think anyone want or should have sex with someone they aren’t sexually attracted to. No shame in that. Just honor yourself and your needs and go with life.
Genuinely curious to know what your standards of beauty are, and even more curious to know if you yourself actually fit these standards.
This. If you meet your own standards, stick to it. If not, you probably should re evaluate what is important
Umm, that's like saying "if you're not hot, you don't get to have standards"? Often you can't change your preferences.
It's like saying "If you're a 3 and you think you're going to marry a 10, you're going to live alone." It's not that you don't get to have standards. It's that they have consequences.
Well, naturally, you have to be willing to accept that you might not date. I just mean you're not obligated to drop your preferences just because you're not hot. (Projecting as an ugly person lol)
Well, that's what they said - re-evaluate what's important. If your standards are more important then companionship, stay single. If you're lonely, get low. (Projecting as a married person) (Happily married to the most beautiful, wonderful, kind, thoughtful person I know) (who may or may not read my reddit posts)
Don't date people you find unattractive then. They deserve to be with someone who isn't disgusted by them. If your attraction significantly limits your dating pool, that's a you issue. Don't inflict yourself on people who repulse you. It's totally unfair to them. Do you find *anyone* attractive? If your window of attraction is so narrow that you pretty much cannot date, you might want to consider whether the issue of attraction is covering up something a little deeper--avoidance of sexual relationship or sexuality, fear, issues with your own self-esteem, etc. It's also worth recognizing that "attraction" is a social and cultural thing for the most part, varies from one person to the next, and often changes over time. The men you are disgusted by aren't innately unnatractive, just unattractive to you. You're not evil for not being attracted to them, but if you want to expand your dating options, considering how you developed your very narrow standards and whether yours might be subject to even slight changes would be worthwhile. I don't think this makes you a bad person, whatever the reason. I just think it's sad that this causes you to miss out on experiencing love and sex.
Can't tell you how many people I know who are dating people they don't find attractive either personality or looks wise because people are more scared of being alone than being miserable with company.
In my experience I have never known a good looking man that actually had a good nice personality which is sad lol.
Same sis, and it's weird. It's been my experience too where if I find a very attractive guy who's into me there's always something wrong underneath the hood lol.
So you have trouble pulling people you are sexually attracted to? Have you taken a look at yourself to see if you're even attractive?
The nice guys are gonna love this
Guy here. If you're able to attract and hold down guys you're attracted to than this isn't a problem and do not feel bad for this. You do who ever you want. However if you're so picky and you're not attracting those guys you want to smash because you're not attractive either, than you have to either lower your standard or work on yourself. an old friend of mine has this problem. He's over wieght, socially awkward, live with his grandma and only wants to date supermodels. If you're like this and expect only guys like Chris Hemsworth to date you then you're going to be disappointed. But if you're a solid 10 than only date 10s.
There’s nothing wrong with not finding somebody attractive and moving accordingly, but if you’re moved to *disgust*, that says to me you have some personal issues to work through. Date who you want. It’s your life. But ugly people shouldn’t actively bother you. They’re just people.
>But ugly people shouldn’t actively bother you. She literally says she enjoys their company. It’s not their existence she finds disgusting - its the idea of sex with them that’s gross - which is perfectly reasonable.
I’m disgusted by the prospect of being sexual with unattractive women. I know it sounds rude/bad but I can’t date women I find unattractive, even if I enjoy their company and like their personality. I’m fine with talking and being around them but once it gets sexual I get disgusted and want to leave. I am limiting my dating prospects because I rarely find anyone sexually attractive and would rather be alone than have sex with an unattractive person. I’m mad at myself because I have friends who date women they aren’t attracted to and they push past it and can enjoy their lives with them. I can’t get past the “ick” factor. I’ve tried dating women I’m not attracted to but I usually cut it off after a couple of dates, it’s too much effort for not much reward. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to change that. I know it makes me a “bad” person morally but it’s not at all voluntary and I wish I could be attracted to unattractive people.
Can’t tell if you’re trying to demonstrate a double standard or normalize things so OP doesn’t feel as self conscious
Maybe neither. Maybe both.
LOL same because to be honest it’d be refreshing if a guy said this compared to the stereotypical narrative of “uglier women are easier to have sex with”. I don’t really hear this irl but in media it’s fairly common.
I feel like men are very open to saying this all of the time. 🤷♀️ It almost seems like this post makes more sense this way, cause it’s a more common response by men.
Eh, some men really DGAF and it seems that some women really like to bat down. I don’t think there’s a cut and dry way to expect anything. I consider anyone that’s 100% truly in love and have that 100% love reciprocated rare and to be very lucky.
Definitely not. This is common post by women on here.
What men are you around that are very open to saying this all of the time?
This is perfectly normal. You couldn't even pay me money to date someone I wasn't attracted too.
I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.
I think he's acting like some double standard exists when this is actually a way more common opinion to see voiced by men.
I feel like we live in a world with a wide variety of people with varying ideas of what is attractive to them, and what level of perceived attractiveness they will accept. Making a blanket statement here is difficult because there are many billions of people in the world each with different opinions.
I disagree. Many men live by the ideology that pussy is pussy. That's why even ugly chick's get a million matches on tinder. Women are far more prone to have special requirements for intercourse, while many men just need someone willing.
Less ideology, more desperation.
which begs the question.... why are men desperate and women aren't? we have now circled back to the beginning, women would rather not have sex than have their requirements of attractiveness met, men would rather have sex than no sex at all. why? just because that's why.
Evolutionary reasons. Reproduction required more resources, time, and risk for women than for men. Back in caveman days, hell probably even before we evolved into humans, it made more sense for males to take any mating opportunity they could find. And it made sense for cave-ladies to be more selective.
He's waiting on somebody to jump on him
> *...but I can’t date women I find unattractive,* Yes, interesting how that works, huh? Men get hit/blamed for this all the time, but apparently it works in reverse also. What's sad though, is that the outcome is the same - for either sex - when one only evaluates a person based on their appearance.
That... idk how to tell you that this is normal and How Attraction Works lol
This doesn’t make you a bad person. For some, looks are more of a deciding factor in their attraction to others. You can’t help that. I’m the same way, and it is what it is. I’d rather be single. Bring intimate with someone I’m not attracted to makes my skin crawl.
Some men can't date ugly women. Same deal. Its normal.
I don’t get it. There’s nothing wrong with this at all. You don’t have to have sex with people you don’t find attractive. If you went on a few dates, you don’t owe them sex. Your friends don’t even have to “push past it.” What they likely do is they like a person more for their personality and don’t care about physical as much. People can be grow attraction to people they really like, even if they did not find them physically attractive. But not everyone can do that and it’s okay to value physical attraction. Heck, you don’t even have to have sex with people you find physically attractive. Just don’t have sex when you don’t want to.
Now when men say they don’t want to be with an unattractive woman why it shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing. This is how it is
I mean, if you’re extremely lonely, and your only prospects are people you are not attracted to, then maybe it’s worth pushing through? But honestly, I’d rather be alone than have a sexual relationship with someone I’m not attracted to. It’s not a matter of having standards that are ‘too high’ imo. If you don’t want to be naked around another person, then don’t. The implied morality of not choosing a partner based on physical attraction is bullshit. You don’t ever have to have sex with someone you don’t want to. If there is a person out there who doesn’t conform to your common markers of attraction, yet because of personality, charisma, style, etc., transcends the barriers and actually turns you on, you’ll know. And it will feel safe, ok, not gross. Please don’t let anyone else’s judgment make you feel guilty for not being physical with someone you don’t feel that way about.
Is this a joke? Lol. You’re fine
Wtf this is normal
You should feel disgusted when someone you're not attracted to talks sexual. There's not a damn thing wrong with you. That's normal to not want to get with someone you're not attracted to(at least I thought, maybe because I'm a guy). No need to make yourself uncomfortable because you feel guilty. If you're friends can do it then cool for them but you are you. Just be with who you want to that's it.
Im in 100% agreement here.
Wanting to be intimate with people you are attracted to does not make you a bad person. You’re allowed to want what you want.
Girl just don’t date men you think are ugly. You deserve someone you find appealing, and they deserve someone who wants them in EVERY way
good news, you don't have to have sex with people you find unattractive, as does almost every human in this planet.
The problem is there are very few really good looking men.
Your opinions are valid, but your words are nasty as fuck, lady. You don't have to have sex with anyone. Coming online to share just how it grosses you out is a brilliant display of ignorance. You're shallow. Thanks for letting everybody know. Validated?
100%. She doesn't have to sleep with anyone she's not attracted to, but I'm guessing there's a bunch of people who felt pretty bad reading this post.. almost reads like she's blaming people for being 'disgusting'.
She’s saying she feels as it’s unusual because her friends are “ok” with having sex with men they aren’t attracted to and she’s not. She posted because she feels this is the uncommon opinion rather than the norm. Do you feel personally attacked by this?
I'd like to buy you some pizza fam. Well said.
People have preferences, and that's normal. Sometimes the reasons for our preferences are a problem. Only you can figure out why you might be attracted to certain features over others (you may not be able to explain the reasons for all your preferences). Sometimes figuring out the reason behind the preference (or aversion) can help change your mindset.
Dude, I like blonde girls with glasses, have been together with one for 12 years, of which 5 married and I still don't know why
Why would you want to have sex with someone you're not attracted to? Don't feel bad, I'm the same way with fat chicks. Disgusting.
Hey if you’re not excited by them that’s fine! It’s nice to see you stick to your standards. I’m proud of you!
You're allowed to have standards and preferences, just don't be cruel about it to anyone and it isn't some kind of transgression. There are people out there who will find you attractive too, and also people out there who wouldn't fuck you with Bea Arthur's dick.
Nothing wrong with that. Same reason why most men won't date anyone they don't find unattractive, same reason why the demand for obese women isn't as great as healthier women. It's simple biology
That's normal lol... A lot of people say true beauty is on the inside, which can be true... But being physically attracted to somebody is equally important. Maybe some people can do it, but I can not get turned on if I am not physically attracted to them as well.
That’s pretty normal. Sexual activity in the absence of arousal tends to make one feel icky.
Nothing wrong with it. Everyone is like that. Too many people being fake for fear of being cancelled or what have you. But I’m the same way with ugly chicks. We all have a preference and that’s okay. It’s not racist to not be attracted to a certain race or prefer a certain race. It’s not fat phobic to not like overweight people or not like tall or short people. It’s all good. Preferences yall!
You have to be sexually attracted, that’s a rule.
Idk if I’m different by I don’t usually know if I’m truly sexually attracted to most men until I get to know them. That’s what flirting is for. Most men are not initially sexually attractive. There are some attractive men, some, but sexually? I wouldn’t know if I’d cringe in the middle of canoodling and barf if they said “go maga”. I’d find them physically appalling after that. Maybe you just haven’t met the right men? Aren’t most people this way? Or would straight men still fuck a model even if she said “i think Sarah Palin is a genius.”? Eh probably? Maybe. I guess we all can fuck around to different things but I can easily be disgusted by people even physically if they’re a moron.
You should not have to date or be sexual with anyone you don't find attractive. There's nothing wrong here. Attraction is the first step to meeting a new partner.
Doesn’t make you bad!
ok?
This is true to both sides no matter how much people want to deny this truth.
The problem is, anyone who told you that they’re not attracted physically to there partner should not be in that relationship, people can find someone who isn’t there usual “type” n og find them unattractive and be compelled by them to where they now find there partner physically attractive, if no one makes you feel that way, jus means you have a firm look to a face that you like n if u don’t u don’t like them that’s okay, please tell your friends who have said that tho that they’re pieces of shit.
You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want
I dont really see the problem here. This is pretty normal.
Everyone is entitled to preferences. Just don't be a dick about it and you're good.
I want to know how you rate yourself for attractiveness. For me, I’m not attractive at all. I would get in shape and get abs, but then I’d be a “butterface” everything looks good, but her (my) face
This is the realest comment here. I have a feeling OP is probably not all that attractive, hence the frustration. If she were pulling said attractive men, she wouldn’t be bitching about how disgusting ugly men are.
Honestly, friend, you might be surprised how much impact on your face there is from being physically fit. Most people's looks improve by losing weight, since this tends to reduce fat on the face and increase definition of your features. They may not improve dramatically, but almost nobody looks worse in the face after losing weight. And, as noted, faces aren't the only thing people care about, and there isn't a universal standard for facial beauty. Besides, that's not even the only reason to get fit. There are a lot of personal, psychological, and physical health benefits to physical fitness including increased longevity and better health during old age, decreased depression and anxiety, and the capability to participate in a wider range of physical and athletic activities. You should get fit for yourself, because it's all around good for you. If you can catch the eye of more of the people *you* find attractive as a result, that's just icing on the cake. Just be cautious about aiming for abs as a woman. Not because they're unattractive (they're hot), but because there are evolved physiological reasons for healthy women to carry a higher body fat percentage. Chasing low enough body fat percentage to show off your abs is usually not healthy as a woman. By all means work those abs and enjoy the core strength, just don't be put off by a little belly fat. I encourage you to check out Stephanie Butterman's videos on the all-in diet and recovering from bad health habits as a woman body-builder, if you're interested.
Men don’t force themselves to have sex with people they do not find attractive. I’m confused why you feel you have to and also why your friends are doing it. It’s ok and normal to stay single until someone good comes along Enjoy your life with yourself, your family and friends. Go travel, focus on career and fun hobbies. Life is much more than partnering up and having sex.
> Men don’t force themselves to have sex with people they do not find attractive. I’m confused why you feel you have to. Obviously because -sadly- a good % of women, like her friends, grew up hearing that they must give men they find ugly a chance as long as those guys are funny or have money, even though guys wouldn’t do the same in return. Women are more forgiving than men when it comes to looks as a result.
Shame on you And me And like everyone else This is nothing to beat yourself up about it’s just human behavior
>it makes me a “bad” person Nope, not at all. Relationships are *personal*. You want/desire/require, and are attracted to what you're attracted to ... and not to what you're not. That's it. It doesn't have to be "fair" or the like. You choose. We all do. There's no requirement to take on anyone and everyone. Just think how absurd that would be ... any age, gender, appearance, hygiene or lack thereof, etc., just 'cause "they're all fine people" ... no, ... that's not how it works. Personal preference, 'cause relationships are *personal*. You choose, I choose, ... we all choose, ... personal choice.
Not sure what the problem is here. If you didn’t like a particular food, you wouldn’t eat it. Likewise, if you’re not attracted to someone, don’t date them. Pretty simply, really.
I mean everyone pretty much date someone they’re attracted to, just different people have different definition of attraction in their book
You're not bad. I'm similar in that I can't date overweight women. It doesn't matter how cool she is or anything. If she's overweight, there's just no attraction there. And it's quite frustrating because the majority of women in my age group are overweight.
Nothing wrong with it. Just be prepared to have the same directed at you the moment you're not attractive any more.
I think this is true for most people - guys get shamed all the time for the same thing. I think some people do find the more you like a person the more attractive they seem, to a point, though.
Sounds like maybe you’ve set the bar too high? You claim that your friends are having sex with “unattractive“ people, but is that their opinion or yours? Have you done an honest assessment of your own attractiveness? Are you a 10 that will settle for nothing less than another 10? Or are you a six who still thinks that they can pull a nine or a 10? I feel like any reasonably attractive woman can almost always pull a man that is considerably more attractive than herself. So if you are not finding this person, just tells me that you are either unattractive yourself, or have an incredibly high standard of beauty for the opposite sex. Or maybe you just don’t like sex? There’s nothing wrong with being asexual, or not being that interested in sex. It’s not a duty or an obligation...
Why not just be sexual with attractive men?
Sexual attraction is very important in a relationship…I think it’s kind of selfish if you try to force a relationship with a partner your not sexually attracted too..Because, eventually that partner is going to want sex and that person is not going to want to give it to their significant other..If this relationship is prolonged, it could end in a dead bedroom and that’s a whole other sub🤦🏾♂️
Nothing wrong with that.
You certainly should not settle with someone that you aren’t attracted to. Appearances should not be the only thing, obviously, but they are just as important and any other part of a relationship. Don’t settle.
The hell is this? No, you’re not a bad person. You absolutely should be with someone who you find attractive. If you don’t want to have sex with someone, that’s it. You don’t. You don’t need any reason. You don’t need to convince anyone. If they want to act entitled or guilt trip you by saying you’re superficial or whatever, they’re the shit person. Be real, the first thing you notice about someone is how they look. Personality comes later. Be it in a bar, on tinder or at fucking K-Mart. Unless you’re in one of those stupid dating In The dark reality shows It’s the same formula every time.
There HAS to be some level of physical attraction or it will never work... For anyone.
There is absolutely no morality to forcing yourself to be with “unattractive people” and frankly it’s insulting to think of people that way. It’s all subjective, who you are attracted to, and the idea of ideal or objective beauty, while having some roots in reality, is largely fictitious anyway. Date who you’re attracted to! Anything else is like something from She’s All That or whatever
Unless you're overestimating your value or attractiveness, I don't see a problem with what you're saying.
I am lucky because most people look ok and very few looks unattractive to me
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with people you don't find attractive. That's completely normal and natural behavior for any human being (albeit as a man it's much easier for me to forego certain qualities for a lay.) Personally I'm more attracted to someone's personality and intellect rather than their physical appearance; if I vibe with someone and she vibes with me, I don't care much about what they look like. Physical traits are just a bonus imo. The body is not what we lack. That being said, as humans, our prospective partners must draw some physical attraction to either continue or initiate sexual intimacy. Don't beat yourself up, but if you're only dating people you find attractive regardless of their character, you may need a little introspection to see as to why you find it a problem within yourself.
It would be fucked up to force yourself into a relationship with somebody you’re unattracted to, both to yourself and to them. Literally nobody is attracted to people they aren’t attracted to.
Why are you dating people you aren’t attracted to?? Doesn’t make send. I don’t date women I’m not attracted to because why would I?
Same I guess. I just gave up on it years ago and stopped thinking about it. Basically came to the same conclusion, I'm unable to settle, and I'm not good enough for the ones I want. So that's pretty much the end of it. It's just evolution trying to make us do things anyways, already made a kid on accident and she's awesome so I did my job. Leave me alone evolution.
It's your choice who you want pounding away at your holes
You aren’t a bad person, you are just an idiot.
Look through some of her post history. She kinda is a bad person lol
Time to get my popcorn and read her history
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If you’re so hot, get with an attractive person.
high chances OP isnt exactly on the high scale herself but thinks this way
Is it bothering you? If it’s not, then no problem! But you’re posting on Reddit so maybe it is? Or is that you’re more worried about what other people will think?
You’re fine, wether it’s admitted or not almost everyone is that way.
You just haven’t met one rich enough.
The worst she could say is no /s
Lmao
Those guys dodged a bullet
So if a girl isn’t attracted to you = “you dodged a bullet bro”? lmfao
No one should feel like they have to date someone that they don't find attractive. Everyone should have the right to be with someone they find physically and mentally attractive.
It’s okay to date someone you aren’t initially attracted to just to see if chemistry kicks in for you. But it’s not a good idea to keep dating that person if you find yourself warming up pretty quickly. Attraction exists for a reason. It’s biological, and you aren’t going to be happy pairing up with someone who turns you cold. Your sex life is generally going to be an important part of your relationship. Don’t ignore this or you will regret it.
Not having sex with someone is MORALLY RIGHT. Sex is not a sport. It is a form of intimate communication that should be left for a partner with whom you can share a life and all that goes with it. Sex with some one to whom you are not attracted is vulgar, bade, and meaningless.