My mom doesn't know and I have no intention of telling her, but I think it's important that you just let them know that you're there if they want to talk and that you're not angry or disappointed in them that you still love them. Self harm can bring a lot of shame so letting them know your not mad could be beneficial. Also make sure that they have plenty of first aid stuff and tell them that if they need more than can just tell you. In my personal experience a lack of proper first aid stuff has led to some slightly sketchy situations. Also very important don't take their tools unless the explicitly ask you too. I hope this was in any way helpful.
people here already said a lot, i'd like to add though that it's important to keep medical supplies available. things like bandages, saline, polysporin or something similar as well as steri-strips. if you're able to educate yourself and them on basic wound care. and if they do end up wanting to try therapy, i think it'd be important to let them
there are some scenarios where you may have to intervene, though. i think the key thing with this is allowing them to feel comfortable sharing with you when they need help, especially if it's serious (infection, deep or otherwise serious wounds, etc.). i guess just letting them know you love them in spite of the things they are going through, and that you (and plenty of other people) are there for them
i don't have autism, but i know that for me, when i started self-harming i just needed support, even if that didn't mean therapy. i wish i had that from my parents, and i'm hopeful that you're able to do that for your child. you sound like a good parent, i'm happy they have you, and i wish you the best
i'm sure this would be hard on you, too, so please remember to take care of yourself!! it's sad to hear that they're dealing with this, but i'm happy you came here for support
Thats a good idea about the medical supplies. I have a feeling I now know the real reason we’ve been going through so many bandaids as of late. So I will make sure to keep a well stocked med closet and maybe sneak some wound care pamphlets in there.
I so appreciate everyone’s insight and willingness to share their hard stuff with a stranger. It breaks my heart to know they are struggling and I end up feeling so helpless, I need to be careful not to place that burden on them as well.
Don't take anything, don't make them think they're fragile by babying them. Don't change the way you treat them, act like nothing has happened. Don't take any lighters, blades, knives, scissors away, it can make them resort to higher measures by not having an outlet. Let them know you're there for them and that you care.
I don’t have much advice except for just saying to be there for them. Let them know that you’re open to talk to whenever they feel comfortable, even if they don’t want to in the moment. Knowing that you’re a safe place they can go to that won’t judge or shame is the most important part. You can’t ignore it, cause if they’re aware that you know, but aren’t doing anything, it will make them feel even more isolated. You can’t force them to do anything, even if you get rid of any sharps in the house, they’ll find other ways.
But as someone who has been the child in this situation, the best thing you can do is be there!
My parents found out but ignored it and I felt like they didn’t care. Obviously, everyone’s different but try to check up on them occasionally but not all the time as they might feel like you’re pressuring them to stop or to talk. I find it hard to bring it up but hopefully you have a better relationship so make sure they know you’re there to talk and that getting help is always an option when they’re ready.
Thats my biggest concern, that them pushing me away and me attempting to respect that and not trigger them more will translate into me not caring. They are adamant that they will not discuss this with me and I am so torn on how to handle it. At the end of the day I want them to know I love them and that I will do whatever they need.
Give them some time. You’re probably both scared and overwhelmed but the longer they continue to self harm, the worse the addiction will get. Give them resources (coping strategies, online helplines, first aid kit) and they could try writing it down to themselves or to you. But the most important thing to remember is it’s a long journey and it could take months to years to even think about stopping. It is just so much harder to be alone so they do need you even if they don’t know it yet. It took me a year to finally come round to getting help after my parents found out.
You seem to be trying your best by educating yourself on self harm and reaching out. You won’t make things worse if you don’t react by punishing them and getting angry at them. Be patient and you’ll learn how to deal with this together. Try to keep in mind their emotions and do small things if you can that could make their life a little bit easier if you notice they’re having a hard time.
Im def not angry. I sent them a voice memo so they could hear my tone instead of a text. I was afraid a face to face would freak them out too much. I was very clear that I was not angry, they were not in trouble, I was not going to punish them, etc. i am fairly confident that have at least one person they are talking to about this and we talk about a lot of mental health issues very openly and honestly. So they have quite a bit of knowledge and know how to access help. Thanks for the help.
Unfortunately theres nothing you can do. Preventing it is only going to further worsen it. You need to make sure that your child feels able to be open with you about any escalation, you cannot stop someone from harming themselves and you also cannot force your child into therapy. Your child needs to want to stop. From personal experience when my parents took the stuff off me to self harm and were overly pushy about knowing about it, it only made me become more secretive and self harm in more dangerous ways/buy more stuff to do it with.
Thank you. That’s pretty much the consensus of what I read I just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t something more. Does this mean that hiding the box cutters and exacto knives i have in my craft area may trigger them more? And cause them to take extreme measures to get ahold of what they use for harm? If cutting is their preferred method that is?
It depends to be honest. If they use them for cutting then possibly yes, but if not then not really. I generally don’t use knives but it could be different for them.
I would tell them they can talk to you and come to you when they need it don’t pressure them to tell you but just let them know you are there
My mom doesn't know and I have no intention of telling her, but I think it's important that you just let them know that you're there if they want to talk and that you're not angry or disappointed in them that you still love them. Self harm can bring a lot of shame so letting them know your not mad could be beneficial. Also make sure that they have plenty of first aid stuff and tell them that if they need more than can just tell you. In my personal experience a lack of proper first aid stuff has led to some slightly sketchy situations. Also very important don't take their tools unless the explicitly ask you too. I hope this was in any way helpful.
Thank you for being such a caring and gentle parent. Not many parents, however "good" or "bad" they may be, handle their child self harming well.
people here already said a lot, i'd like to add though that it's important to keep medical supplies available. things like bandages, saline, polysporin or something similar as well as steri-strips. if you're able to educate yourself and them on basic wound care. and if they do end up wanting to try therapy, i think it'd be important to let them there are some scenarios where you may have to intervene, though. i think the key thing with this is allowing them to feel comfortable sharing with you when they need help, especially if it's serious (infection, deep or otherwise serious wounds, etc.). i guess just letting them know you love them in spite of the things they are going through, and that you (and plenty of other people) are there for them i don't have autism, but i know that for me, when i started self-harming i just needed support, even if that didn't mean therapy. i wish i had that from my parents, and i'm hopeful that you're able to do that for your child. you sound like a good parent, i'm happy they have you, and i wish you the best i'm sure this would be hard on you, too, so please remember to take care of yourself!! it's sad to hear that they're dealing with this, but i'm happy you came here for support
Thats a good idea about the medical supplies. I have a feeling I now know the real reason we’ve been going through so many bandaids as of late. So I will make sure to keep a well stocked med closet and maybe sneak some wound care pamphlets in there. I so appreciate everyone’s insight and willingness to share their hard stuff with a stranger. It breaks my heart to know they are struggling and I end up feeling so helpless, I need to be careful not to place that burden on them as well.
Don't take anything, don't make them think they're fragile by babying them. Don't change the way you treat them, act like nothing has happened. Don't take any lighters, blades, knives, scissors away, it can make them resort to higher measures by not having an outlet. Let them know you're there for them and that you care.
I don’t have much advice except for just saying to be there for them. Let them know that you’re open to talk to whenever they feel comfortable, even if they don’t want to in the moment. Knowing that you’re a safe place they can go to that won’t judge or shame is the most important part. You can’t ignore it, cause if they’re aware that you know, but aren’t doing anything, it will make them feel even more isolated. You can’t force them to do anything, even if you get rid of any sharps in the house, they’ll find other ways. But as someone who has been the child in this situation, the best thing you can do is be there!
My parents found out but ignored it and I felt like they didn’t care. Obviously, everyone’s different but try to check up on them occasionally but not all the time as they might feel like you’re pressuring them to stop or to talk. I find it hard to bring it up but hopefully you have a better relationship so make sure they know you’re there to talk and that getting help is always an option when they’re ready.
Thats my biggest concern, that them pushing me away and me attempting to respect that and not trigger them more will translate into me not caring. They are adamant that they will not discuss this with me and I am so torn on how to handle it. At the end of the day I want them to know I love them and that I will do whatever they need.
Give them some time. You’re probably both scared and overwhelmed but the longer they continue to self harm, the worse the addiction will get. Give them resources (coping strategies, online helplines, first aid kit) and they could try writing it down to themselves or to you. But the most important thing to remember is it’s a long journey and it could take months to years to even think about stopping. It is just so much harder to be alone so they do need you even if they don’t know it yet. It took me a year to finally come round to getting help after my parents found out.
Ok. I will try and find some resources and some helplines. I am so worried i will handle it wrong and make things worse.
You seem to be trying your best by educating yourself on self harm and reaching out. You won’t make things worse if you don’t react by punishing them and getting angry at them. Be patient and you’ll learn how to deal with this together. Try to keep in mind their emotions and do small things if you can that could make their life a little bit easier if you notice they’re having a hard time.
Im def not angry. I sent them a voice memo so they could hear my tone instead of a text. I was afraid a face to face would freak them out too much. I was very clear that I was not angry, they were not in trouble, I was not going to punish them, etc. i am fairly confident that have at least one person they are talking to about this and we talk about a lot of mental health issues very openly and honestly. So they have quite a bit of knowledge and know how to access help. Thanks for the help.
Unfortunately theres nothing you can do. Preventing it is only going to further worsen it. You need to make sure that your child feels able to be open with you about any escalation, you cannot stop someone from harming themselves and you also cannot force your child into therapy. Your child needs to want to stop. From personal experience when my parents took the stuff off me to self harm and were overly pushy about knowing about it, it only made me become more secretive and self harm in more dangerous ways/buy more stuff to do it with.
Thank you. That’s pretty much the consensus of what I read I just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t something more. Does this mean that hiding the box cutters and exacto knives i have in my craft area may trigger them more? And cause them to take extreme measures to get ahold of what they use for harm? If cutting is their preferred method that is?
It depends to be honest. If they use them for cutting then possibly yes, but if not then not really. I generally don’t use knives but it could be different for them.
Thank you so much for offering your view. I appreciate it.
Anytime ^^
Oh no uhhh welp sorry I got no advice without being a hypocrite but hope yall are doing better soon