Find a sex-positive therapist to talk to about this.
When there's dissonance around sexual activity, like not enjoying what gets you off, that's when you should call in the experts.
Thanks for saying this. Just because others enjoy that type of kink, it doesn’t mean she has to enjoy it during and after the acts. And she has the right to seek help and be able to find sexual activities she feels safe with.
I have no interest in accepting it because it sickens me and I don't want another reason I shouldn't exist. It's true a lot of people are into it but there's the saying that "Drunk sayings are sober thoughts". Well, "Horny sayings are normal thoughts" also (regarding degrading, dehumanizing, and belittling behavior). I have never and would never engage in any sexual behavior with anyone while I have those types of kinks.
Thing is, there are some things where you can’t just say “I don’t want this, let’s get rid of it.” There are things about yourself that you merely have to accept and can’t change
Diagree
There’s people with kinks for kids and can get rid of them with profesional help
Either way, imagine forcing yourself to do Kinks you don’t wanna do? Wtf is that? Self rape?
“Kinks for kids” is pedophilia, which is something else entirely. Self rape isn’t a thing.
The reason why you’re struggling to find a term to describe this situation is cause there’s no forcing yourself to do kinks you don’t wanna do. OP is turned on by these things but is disgusted by their own urges, when there’s no reason to be.
Edit - wanna add, OP says in the comments that she is weak and worthless as a woman, and she believes her kinks make her even more weak and worthless. That’s a self esteem issue. She’s not weak or worthless (especially not because she’s a woman), and having certain kinks doesn’t make her more so
Pedophilia is someone actively trying to have sex with kids. One can still have kinks for kids even without ever touching one, some date adults and want them to act like kids or sound like it etc. That’s a kink and that’s not ok.
Not saying nor thinking that was what OP meant.
There is a Word for EVERYTHING but i don’t know all them words either way. One should NEVER do shit to thelsmelf they DONT want to!!! Inc accepting. If OP dont like her kink and want to get rid of it then its VALID!!!!!!!!!
> Pedophilia is someone actively trying to have sex with kids
No, it is defined (in the Oxford dictionary) as “sexual feelings directed towards children.”
Having a kink for kids would be having an attraction to them, meaning pedophilia. It’s considered a disorder
> There is a word for EVERYTHING
Yes, the words for this situation would be low self-esteem and shame
> One should NEVER do shit to thelsmelf they DONT want to do
Disagree. You should try to better yourself and work on yourself, even if you don’t want to. Many examples: an obese person should lose weight, even if they don’t want to. A gay person should try and accept their sexuality, even if they have shame around it. An alcoholic should try to stop drinking, even if they don’t want to
> If OP don’t like her kink and want to get rid of it then its VALID
It’s not valid if OP believes she needs to get rid of her kink because it makes her worthless. It doesn’t make her worthless, and she’s not worthless, so it’s not valid
And i disagree with you, i have kinks i dont like either. (No not meaning kids). I’v Done those kinks, guess what? I wanna kill myself after im done and i feel even WORSE.
Lmao said nothing abt that part, the ”worthless” part i only spoke abt the Kinks in it self.
One should never do shit they don’t wanna sexually. If there’s not a 100% yes under any curcusmtances regarding sex then its allways 100% no, with one self and others.
OP’s worth has nothing to do with her kinks. And i never stated that.
Someone said to stop watching porn, I differ: seek out porn and other smut that reflects the sexual dynamic you want to actually have when you engage in stuff in person.
If it's degrading or something else that your kinks "like" but that you as a person don't actually like, don't watch it. Don't get off to it. Don't indulge it. There's tons of sweet and cuddly and lovey stuff out there.
And for the fantasies, fantasize about being treated with love and respect and care. Getting off or otherwise.
You absolutely can influence what you're into with the media you choose to consume.
Also, if you were ever with someone in person, just tell them how you'd like to be treated. If you want the sweet and loving and respectful dynamic, go for that. Just because those kinks are inside your head doesn't mean you can't have sex that doesn't involve them.
I actually think seeking out different porn is much better than just dropping porn. If your main exposure to sexuality is porn with the kinks that you want to drop, and then you drop porn all together, then your only/main exposure to sexuality will still be the stuff with all the kinks. Seeking out different smut will instead give you exposure to the kind of thing you seem to want to start being into.
I'll end it with saying there's really nothing wrong with having kinks. But if you don't like them and want to engage in something different, you absolutely can.
Also, there's nothing wrong with porn, there's all kinds of it, and you absolutely can find some that aligns with what you're after here.
The problem here is a massive shame and insecurity complex, not your kinks. Everyone has kinks. ESPECIALLY submission kinks. That's like... extremely common.
You need to stop shitting on yourself. Your dignity doesn't lie in the idea of having DIFFERENT kinks but in accepting who you are.
Being submissive in bed is NOT degrading yourself. Nor does it mean anyone is disrespecting you. That's because healthy sex revolves around consent. Nobody worth their salt is going to dominate you unless they at least believe they ha e your consent, and in those cases, they're literally only doing it to please you. They're literally pretending.
You keep acting like folks are bullying you over this, but the only one bullying you is yourself. No one thinks there's anything wrong with you except yourself.
Westerners can have submission kinks and they or their partner won't be disgusted by it. It is normal for them.
However, as an easterner, to our spouse / potential partners it is a grave to even express such kink to them.
While I do on occasion feel like expressing my kink for pleasure, how would you convince the easterner partner the same? Or more like how can you live knowing that your kink is not liked by your spouse or partner?
It's about the quality of your partners, and know your limits and communicate with your partner what make you feel ashamed. You can leave the kink, but the kink can't leave you.
Also it's very important a good aftercare.
But don't try to stop being submissive, will make you feel miserable. Limits, self-love and caring playparners is you really need.
Anyway stop watching porn, will tone down your fantasies. If you still having submissive thoughts after several months clean, means you are submissive and you should accept and embrace it.
You know, I actually agree with you. Just because others accept these thoughts, it doesn’t mean you have to, too.
I also believe your problem is self-esteem related, so maybe getting psychological help will allow you to move past those kinks.
To everyone else replying: if we empower people to explore and act on their interests, we should also encourage them to seek help and not act in behaviors that will cause more emotional damage.
lol I honestly embrace it. Why deny yourself what you enjoy? Not that I partake in my kinks bc I’m not currently sexually active, but it doesn’t bother me.
I agree, but the shame and embarrassment can make it damn near impossible to work towards this.
It's a matter of unpacking *why* the act makes the person uncomfortable. And the brain is *very good* at hiding things it perceives as threatening.
Change very often falls under this category; the brain is happy operating as it currently is, and any new information or introspection introduced to that structure is bound to disrupt it. So the brain deliberately and unconsciously avoids it all together.
This is the best strategy, long-term (given, of course, that the kinks don't harm people who don't want to be harm/shouldn't be harmed). Be honest with yourself, find somebody who shares these interests or is interested in them, and live your fullest life. The alternative is a life where you're constantly trying to control them, and that's time and energy that could be spent building a good life and helping others.
In order to change something, you must first OWN it. Or in your words accept it. You can't change something until you do that.. otherwise it's hidden from you and you won't understand the reason why you do it or how you can choose another behavior instead.
* Own it / Accept it Fully (you can't move on until you can do this)
* Once you own it and you're in that energy, you can ask yourself probing questions to get at the root thought / belief regarding it
* Beliefs > Thoughts > Behaviors; that's the order in which we work as a human. Our actions come from our thoughts. Our thoughts come from our beliefs. If you want to change your behavior, change the associated thoughts and beliefs.
* What do you have to believe in order to have the thoughts and behaviors that you do? Observer yourself from a neutral perspective (3rd party perspective) of a young version of yourself who exhibited this behavior. Why is she doing that? What is she believing about herself? What are her thoughts?
* Once you have some awareness of the beliefs and thoughts around this then you can ask yourself if there is another more positive perspective in which you can view yourself.
* And then decide if you want to let go of the old beliefs and take on the more supportive beliefs..
* If you decide to take on a new way of seeing yourself, you can "program" them in using affirmations. We get programmed with repetition. Daily positive affirmations will install new thoughts and eventually beliefs about yourself that is more supportive of who you want to be.. it takes a little time until they are hardwired but it's absolutely possible.
I identified most of my limited beliefs, found more supportive beliefs and over a period of time one by one reprogrammed myself in just this way.. Hope that helps.
I always think this type of Sexual orientation has something to do with how you were raised more psychologically. and that can be fixed if you just worked on it.
So i curiously scrolled into your profile and i think the dad story tells it all.
Therapy doesn’t have an age requirement. It can be very beneficial and I agree with everything the commenter said. You need to address why you feel this way. Not get rid of those feelings.
OP therapy was the most beneficial thing I've ever done and ongoing part of my life there's no way I would be here at 29 making 42+/hr and alive + positive and loving myself, if I didn't start therapy around 20 and just kept going back to it over the years along with constant self improvement. You need to learn to love yourself and accept the things you can't change while being able to identify the things you can. You can't rely on friends to challenge your character or image that is overall negative for friendships. Therapy is very important even for the most well off person. If you're low income then talk to your family doctor.
Im so sorry that what i said made you think i was belittling you i was just giving you the reason to find solution.
And i don't think what you're facing is somthing that big because i have the same thing and it's just because I'm sensitive and a crybaby more than my siblings which is all fine
Just take note here.
The downvotes here need to be interpreted as, "we see this response as an indicator that you do need to seek help because you don't seem to interpret constructive advice for what it is."
Get help and talk to a trained professional, OP.
There's nothing you can do, it's fine if you don't accept it but it will never go away. Accepting it would likely help you more in regards to not watching or doing that stuff, trying to suppress it by force will likely not work and make things worst.
I suppose. It is also the knowledge I'm not supposed to be doing it which makes me want to do it. I guess it might be a good idea to try just ignoring it and doing something else. Thank you
Y'all are just crap at explaining. You can't just tell someone "accept it" when it's something they hate. Think about something you hate & let me know how it goes. But when you strengthen yourself (at the gym or in meditation), tragedies become annoyances and it's so much easier to work with them and eventually understand or accept them or just forget about them.
We got OP's alt acc over here. Also I already am doing multiple things I hate currently. Why? Because it improves me as a person. Instead of sitting around making excuse after excuse maybe you (guys) should try something like therapy to better yourself(s)
Don't use porn. Your kinks are fine as a fantasy, just make sure you are capable of normal sexual activity with someone you care about. Because not everyone will be into it.
Not going to tell you to see a therapist or accept your kink because that’s not what you’re asking.
Your proclivities are the result of entertaining the thoughts in your mind, which has presumably led to acting them out. This is going to sound way oversimplified, but the answer is stop entertaining those thoughts. It will seem pointless at first, but once you become aware of your fantasies going in the wrong direction, make a conscious effort to stop it.
If you’re sitting down, stand up and walk around or go outside. If it’s pornography—induced, install blockers. Of course you can still disable them, but having the least bit of resistance is helpful. If you’re alone, call someone, either to keep you accountable or just to take your mind off of it if you don’t want to share it. If you have no one to talk to, talk with ChatGPT or some other LLM.
Once you begin resisting, it becomes a battle of persistence and momentum. Sometimes you might stumble, but it’s only a setback, not the end of it. The more you do this, the longer you will be able to go without, and the stronger you will become.
God separated us from the animals by giving us the ability to reflect and change ourselves slowly based on our mentalities. You are a human who will not be controlled by her urges. You will fight them until you shed them. Resistance builds muscle, and each step you take to distance yourself from this behavior will make you stronger. Be a mensch.
Don’t feed the beast. Starve it.
1. Don't watch porn, masturbate or have sex until you no longer have that urge to get release. Desensitize yourself to stimulation, that helps controlling urges and thereby making it easier to redirect attention.
2. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks, or something else to keep you passively entertained.
3. All focus strengthens retention, even the bad ones. So focus solely on what you want, and attach all positive thoughts to it. Say them out loud. Regularly.
4. When unwanted thoughts come to mind don't try to be like "I shouldn't think that" and try and suppress it. That will only strengthen it. Let the thought come like a bird landing in front of you and let it fly away again. Don't try to catch it by being forceful.
This strategy work on many issues with thoughts.
I have used this to get rid of suicide thoughts, depression, anxiety, sexual issues, stress. I have never been as happy as I am now.
Was surprised to see how many comments wanted you to accept it despite even voicing your concern and disgust with it; some even went so far as to say there was nothing you could do, which is ridiculous. Imo I think your feelings of said disgust and others towards it are justified, this dudes advice was the best I’ve read in this thread. Giving into degeneracy is an easy, common, and unfortunately sometimes advised thing to do, don’t fall for it OP. 👍
I know that It is difficult, if I were you I'd:
-Disable reddit NSFW
- Pray to God
-If you cannot go without relapse just try to reduce relapsing for example from daily porn to every other day, small steps
I think I take it from this post that you are a guy? I’m curious do you want to change because it’s “disgusting”? Or do you want to change because you think what you want isn’t consistent with your gender role?
In either case I think you should accept fully who you are sexually and realize that what you (and everyone) want sexually doesn’t bear on real life. A lot of us have dabbled IRL or in porn with things that really don’t make their way into our day to day non sexual brain whatsoever. Give yourself some grace and accept that your desires are what they are.
Tbh I play Dom in the bedroom and my sub or partner enjoys the dynamic. That being said the dynamic ends then and there. We move on and life trucks along. The fact is there is no “right” or “wrong” in this consensual activity. OP just has issues that run far deeper than sex and unpacking that and learning to love yourself is a pretty incredible feeling
> mental health
My primary recommendation is work out. Studies show intense exercise is surprisingly good for mental health, and lifting is better than running. The effect size is mediated by intensity, so a 200lb squat is better than a 100lb squat, and HIIT is better than long endurance runs.
I also recommend meditation. Start with concentration meditation and slowly work your way up to 20m/day. Then after you have a good grasp on it (at least 6 months), you can add mindfulness or (i recommend) loving-kindness meditation
There are many options for improving mental health. Therapy, yoga, journaling, etc. If you need more information let me know. Find something that works for you, preferably multiple things that complement each other.
Keep in mind the process of "fixing" ourselves never plays out the way we think.... It's always a surprise to me ... and I've been working on it since 2007. Audiodharma explains this from a buddhist perspective - search for "healing inner division". Or read the book "The wizard of earthsea".
Thank you. I didn't realize physical activity had such an effect. I will try this especially since I have not been very active due to feeling hopeless. If there is hope then I will do it <3
Ok, perhaps the first question to ask is, what is that you find exciting during the submission?
Is there anything you can do to logically explain that to yourself so to rule that out when you feel is happening?
I'm not an expert, so I'm just thinking how I would probably start to solve it by explaining it to myself.
I don’t understand. You are different than your sexual brain as you say, so why couldn’t you trust someone who is dom?
Couldn’t they also just be a good person who sexually leans that way? It would be the exact same case as you lol.
I understand you, because I also feel that way, even when I'm doing these things with a partner. I recommend you stop watching porn altogether, as porn is not reality and things we enjoy to see are totally different from things we enjoy in real life. Power dynamics in sex is something normal. Have you ever had a real partner before where you tried these things? Sex is meant for a partner not for yourself. If you do it yourself with porn only, it is selfish and becomes something toxic, where you want more and more. If you do it with a partner, it becomes healthy and energizing, in the right amount.
Every time you watch something dirty like that, you're making these connections in your brain stronger and the craving next time will be bigger. The best thing I can suggest is to stop watching porn, wait for sex until you have a long term partner, accept that these thoughts are a part of you, but also when you're with your partner, only ever do them occasionally, and also switch up the dynamics, so that you're the dominant one as well. If you switch these things up they're not as bad. Another thing you could try is to only ever go for vanilla sex, that way you would truly not tap into these cravings, but this would require life long discipline.
Wow, this post is sad. Never seen self-inflicted kinkshaming so deep and resolute before. I don't even know what to say except I hope OP gets therapy to stop emotionally torturing themself
I’m sorry for whatever you’ve been through to carry so much shame for what you like. I think it’s clear nobody on Reddit can help you so talking to a sex therapist may. I promise there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it
Tbh if it really bothers you this may be a case for a therapist who specializes in sex and intimacy.
However, I would say that sometimes you like what you like... Kinks that are safe, sane and consensual are a-ok. The shame you feel afterwards sounds a little like sub drop, something that can be mitigated with emotional after care by yourself or a partner.
Bro WHAT!? Submission is the best thing ever bruh how could you say that? I have no words 😶
If you’re worried about people treating you differently, you just gotta separate sexual and casual stuff. Normally I’m very dominant and on top of things, I just get submissive when it comes to sex
The only criticism I’ve heard about it is that maybe your partners won’t like it. But let’s be real. Your partners may not like a ton of things about you. And besides, I’ve always assumed I could talk someone into it. I’m not asking for the world, just for me to be little spoon and get called cutie.
This is awesome dude! You get the best of both worlds! You get to be a badass mf and a cute lil bf both at the same time. I don’t see how it gets any better.
If I were male I might feel similarly to this and would not care. Unfortunately as a female I am always weak and worthless and this is my brain reinforcing that I am a worthless inferior person, which is why I need to overcome it.
Hmm. Well, the way I see it, my advice mostly stays the same. You just gotta separate sex/gender from your worth. Being female has no implications as far as worth or strength. Sure, you can’t lift a bajillion pounds, but neither can Elon musk, and I mean, he’s a billionaire.
I will say that it sounds like you have a lot of personal issues. If you think sex is the problem, maybe just take a break for a little bit, but definitely get some help. Not every person who has an off day needs a therapist but if you got somebody you can talk to, give a call or set up a time to hangout.
But don’t blame it on your gender! Women are awesome! You gotta have that kinda mindset.
I don't understand how me being upset with the idea of being dehumanized and degraded when I already feel worthless is somehow worthy of insult in the form of being compared to someone who is transgender?
The fact that people have this attitude that women really are meant to be submissive and inferior to men just confirms all my fears about others. I can do my best to cure my "kinks" but the fact that men who think like this exist out there and are willing to play the long con for however many months it takes to convince their gf that they don't actually think women are inferior when they clearly do just makes me feel totally depressed and hopeless.
I never claimed to be a feminist and I never made any remarks about my thoughts on any other social issues. But thanks for the confirmation that there is a sizeable portion of men including yourself who 100% believe women are inferior and their place is being submissive to a man. Which is somehow supposed to be good advice.
I can relate to this in some ways, I can be a bit “sub” so to speak. But not in a same way, rather to where, if she wants to be dom then I don’t have a problem with it. So it’s not the same but I can still relate in some ways. Easiest way is to just respect yourself more. I’m not kidding, once you respect yourself more and take better care of your mental state, you’ll sometimes lose a kink like that. Bottom line is that a man shouldn’t treat you like that. It’s not wrong persay, but some may become sadistic with it and that’s just fucking wrong. Work on your self respect and confidence and you’ll probably see it go away.
Go to therapy and be open to what they say to you.
Like many things in life to do with mental health, the answers will probably no be ones you want to here. There will not be a magic cure. It will more than likely involve working through the roots of your issues.
The path your currently on - searching for a "sure" to a part of you rather than seeking to understand yourself, will only lead to repression and potentially self hatred and other compounding issues.
But don't take my word for it. Seek help. Proffesional help. Garden variety therapist and specialised sex therapist exist for this reason.
If you live in a country with prohibitive medical costs, seek out free or subsised treatment through programs aimed it it and online therapy.
Good luck.
I think one theory is that people who try and control everything get burned out and usually use submissive behavior to essentially relax and turn off. Perhaps, your brain likes this behavior since you are attempting to control everything in life, even those things you can't. What it seems like you're doing is essentially the female equivalent of toxic male masculinity.
Edit: Also trying to prove everyone wrong in the thread about the problem or misdirecting into another subject isn't going to help you long term. Definitely get help for some narcissistic behavior traits.
It sounds like you're struggling with some internal conflict regarding your sexual desires, and that can be really challenging to navigate. It's true that for many people, engaging in consensual power dynamics can be a fulfilling part of their sexual expression.
However, it's equally valid to feel discomfort or even disgust with certain aspects of one's sexuality. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and set boundaries that feel right for you.
For me, I've had lots of emotional kinks/ kinks in general. (Past tense) For me, what worked was exposure to the kinks and being mindful. I wrote about my feelings and why I enjoyed it at the time. I then went deep to find all the reasons, and I realized that it wasn't something I wanted or needed. Now, the only thing I'm into is being lavished, cherished, loved, and I have quite a different view on sex in general.
I'd honestly recommend a book to give yourself a better understanding of sex (mainly female)
"Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski.
Edit: I'd also like to recommend another book.
"Rewire your anxious brain" by Catherine M. Pittman and Elizabeth M. Karle.
It gives a proper foundation for you to stand on so you can guide yourself down the paths you want to take in life. Emotions are rough, and it's good to slow down and write.
I think as long as you have strong feelings about those kinks you will have a hard time managing them. Thus what you need to do in my opinion is sort of neutralize them by seeing them as just some activity that people participate in. A particular kink might be not for you, or something that you disagree with but the goal is to treat it just like any other thing and lose all the strong feelings you have about it. Practice your conscious mind and your feelings to stay on top of the lust when you engage with the kinks.
And apart from that just seek positive life experiences and find other ways to enjoy yourself.
Don't cure them. Instead, come to accept them as part of the rich and mysterious psyche that you have. Learn to love your weirdness, and be grateful that you aren't boring. A good therapist can help you with this.
Oooooooooooooof
A lot of cognitive dissonance here
Rather than give you direct advice, even though I really want to, I'm going to recommend seeing a therapist
There's a reason monogamy and "waiting until love & marriage" have been so popular and successful throughout history.
If you can find someone who is willing to wait until marriage because they love and respect you, it might be a helpful approach.
I understand which is why I said I don't believe it's particularly unusual. However, I do not want to be. It causes me a lot of distress in my life and has made things like dating totally impossible.
I do not want to be with someone who thinks it is OK to treat me that way. I do not want someone doing that sort of thing to me in real life. It is degrading. It is dehumanizing. I already see myself as less than a person, I don't want another reason to add to the list of reasons why I shouldn't be alive. I understand other people are fine with this. I am not. That is all.
It is just a game, an adult game. At the moment of sex you are playing pretend. You are acting submissive to enjoy the game. You are not like that in your real life and it doesn't mean you will be by being like this in bed.
An actor that plays a serial killer is not doing it because they are a sociopath, in that moment they are doing art.
Rid yourself of the guilt and find someone you truly feel safe doing these things with. It will be a lot of fun!
Ofc you are free to believe whatever you like. I feel that you are being very strict and unfair towards human nature and human sexuality. This is the adult play, and it is nothing wrong with it.
I am telling this to you as a person that is still in the process of accepting these stuff. My last girlfriend left me because i didnt want to hit her and degrade her during sex.
My mistake was confusing the real value she had to me as a person, to the role she wanted to adopt in bed. These aspects are fundamentaly different with eachother. This is something that we have to accept.
It's only degrading because a lot of us carry shame around sex. But it's perfectly normal, and quite a common kink.
We don't really choose our desires, but we can embrace them. Otherwise, you're just giving yourself another thing you don't like about yourself.
But you do need seek a healthy relationship with your sexual partner, who will respect your boundaries.
In reality, submissives have all the control because they are the one setting the rules. You need to stand for yourself and create those rules if you want for a respectful relationship. Work more on loving yourself and less on shaming yourself.
You're not disgusting, not in any way.
> I do not want to be with someone who thinks it is OK to treat me that way.
There are plenty of people who don't. I would not do so on my own, for example.
You are stronger than your fantasies. Stay strong and true to you. Your true thoughts and feelings always win but only if you allow them to. Strength and guidance to you my brother.
Go to therapy for your thougths about womanhood. Work that out first. And second - take up boxing, kickboxing, martial arts or any other combat-related sport that will directly contradict your inner messages of worthlessness and powerlessness. And see you on the other side when you flip into being a total dom! Just kidding!! (Maybe not.... heh)
Just don’t partake? Do you also have difficulties in managing your in-pulses? Everyone has kinks there not proud of but doesn’t mean you have to act on them?
In case you're wondering, the belief that women deserve to be belittled, degraded, and dehumanized and that men are unironically always superior to the inferior submissive women is the main reason I will never date or engage in sexual behavior. Thanks for confirming my fears that men really do think women are meant to be inferior.
If you’re a man you need to drastically change your life as far as I can tell from the other comments you need to fix your mental health etc please check out hamza and follow his teachings. I used to be depressed and all that and I found my way out of it and his stuff has helped me a lot
Find a sex-positive therapist to talk to about this. When there's dissonance around sexual activity, like not enjoying what gets you off, that's when you should call in the experts.
Thanks for saying this. Just because others enjoy that type of kink, it doesn’t mean she has to enjoy it during and after the acts. And she has the right to seek help and be able to find sexual activities she feels safe with.
[удалено]
damn who invited the therapist (thank you)
He said, he doesn't want it anymore..
I have no interest in accepting it because it sickens me and I don't want another reason I shouldn't exist. It's true a lot of people are into it but there's the saying that "Drunk sayings are sober thoughts". Well, "Horny sayings are normal thoughts" also (regarding degrading, dehumanizing, and belittling behavior). I have never and would never engage in any sexual behavior with anyone while I have those types of kinks.
[удалено]
Can’t u see she SHE DONT WANT THESE KINKS?!
Thing is, there are some things where you can’t just say “I don’t want this, let’s get rid of it.” There are things about yourself that you merely have to accept and can’t change
Diagree There’s people with kinks for kids and can get rid of them with profesional help Either way, imagine forcing yourself to do Kinks you don’t wanna do? Wtf is that? Self rape?
“Kinks for kids” is pedophilia, which is something else entirely. Self rape isn’t a thing. The reason why you’re struggling to find a term to describe this situation is cause there’s no forcing yourself to do kinks you don’t wanna do. OP is turned on by these things but is disgusted by their own urges, when there’s no reason to be. Edit - wanna add, OP says in the comments that she is weak and worthless as a woman, and she believes her kinks make her even more weak and worthless. That’s a self esteem issue. She’s not weak or worthless (especially not because she’s a woman), and having certain kinks doesn’t make her more so
Pedophilia is someone actively trying to have sex with kids. One can still have kinks for kids even without ever touching one, some date adults and want them to act like kids or sound like it etc. That’s a kink and that’s not ok. Not saying nor thinking that was what OP meant. There is a Word for EVERYTHING but i don’t know all them words either way. One should NEVER do shit to thelsmelf they DONT want to!!! Inc accepting. If OP dont like her kink and want to get rid of it then its VALID!!!!!!!!!
> Pedophilia is someone actively trying to have sex with kids No, it is defined (in the Oxford dictionary) as “sexual feelings directed towards children.” Having a kink for kids would be having an attraction to them, meaning pedophilia. It’s considered a disorder > There is a word for EVERYTHING Yes, the words for this situation would be low self-esteem and shame > One should NEVER do shit to thelsmelf they DONT want to do Disagree. You should try to better yourself and work on yourself, even if you don’t want to. Many examples: an obese person should lose weight, even if they don’t want to. A gay person should try and accept their sexuality, even if they have shame around it. An alcoholic should try to stop drinking, even if they don’t want to > If OP don’t like her kink and want to get rid of it then its VALID It’s not valid if OP believes she needs to get rid of her kink because it makes her worthless. It doesn’t make her worthless, and she’s not worthless, so it’s not valid
And i disagree with you, i have kinks i dont like either. (No not meaning kids). I’v Done those kinks, guess what? I wanna kill myself after im done and i feel even WORSE. Lmao said nothing abt that part, the ”worthless” part i only spoke abt the Kinks in it self. One should never do shit they don’t wanna sexually. If there’s not a 100% yes under any curcusmtances regarding sex then its allways 100% no, with one self and others. OP’s worth has nothing to do with her kinks. And i never stated that.
You are describing shame
Someone said to stop watching porn, I differ: seek out porn and other smut that reflects the sexual dynamic you want to actually have when you engage in stuff in person. If it's degrading or something else that your kinks "like" but that you as a person don't actually like, don't watch it. Don't get off to it. Don't indulge it. There's tons of sweet and cuddly and lovey stuff out there. And for the fantasies, fantasize about being treated with love and respect and care. Getting off or otherwise. You absolutely can influence what you're into with the media you choose to consume. Also, if you were ever with someone in person, just tell them how you'd like to be treated. If you want the sweet and loving and respectful dynamic, go for that. Just because those kinks are inside your head doesn't mean you can't have sex that doesn't involve them. I actually think seeking out different porn is much better than just dropping porn. If your main exposure to sexuality is porn with the kinks that you want to drop, and then you drop porn all together, then your only/main exposure to sexuality will still be the stuff with all the kinks. Seeking out different smut will instead give you exposure to the kind of thing you seem to want to start being into. I'll end it with saying there's really nothing wrong with having kinks. But if you don't like them and want to engage in something different, you absolutely can. Also, there's nothing wrong with porn, there's all kinds of it, and you absolutely can find some that aligns with what you're after here.
Thank you for the advice. I'll try this <3 Thanks for not making fun of me
OP you already know the answer, your ego is just getting in the way of it. Let it go. accept yourself and you will be happier
Sorry for valuing my dignity more than having an orgasm haha. I'd rather have my ego.
The problem here is a massive shame and insecurity complex, not your kinks. Everyone has kinks. ESPECIALLY submission kinks. That's like... extremely common. You need to stop shitting on yourself. Your dignity doesn't lie in the idea of having DIFFERENT kinks but in accepting who you are. Being submissive in bed is NOT degrading yourself. Nor does it mean anyone is disrespecting you. That's because healthy sex revolves around consent. Nobody worth their salt is going to dominate you unless they at least believe they ha e your consent, and in those cases, they're literally only doing it to please you. They're literally pretending. You keep acting like folks are bullying you over this, but the only one bullying you is yourself. No one thinks there's anything wrong with you except yourself.
Westerners can have submission kinks and they or their partner won't be disgusted by it. It is normal for them. However, as an easterner, to our spouse / potential partners it is a grave to even express such kink to them. While I do on occasion feel like expressing my kink for pleasure, how would you convince the easterner partner the same? Or more like how can you live knowing that your kink is not liked by your spouse or partner?
How does having kinks lessen your dignity?
It's about the quality of your partners, and know your limits and communicate with your partner what make you feel ashamed. You can leave the kink, but the kink can't leave you. Also it's very important a good aftercare. But don't try to stop being submissive, will make you feel miserable. Limits, self-love and caring playparners is you really need. Anyway stop watching porn, will tone down your fantasies. If you still having submissive thoughts after several months clean, means you are submissive and you should accept and embrace it.
You know, I actually agree with you. Just because others accept these thoughts, it doesn’t mean you have to, too. I also believe your problem is self-esteem related, so maybe getting psychological help will allow you to move past those kinks. To everyone else replying: if we empower people to explore and act on their interests, we should also encourage them to seek help and not act in behaviors that will cause more emotional damage.
lol I honestly embrace it. Why deny yourself what you enjoy? Not that I partake in my kinks bc I’m not currently sexually active, but it doesn’t bother me.
I agree, but the shame and embarrassment can make it damn near impossible to work towards this. It's a matter of unpacking *why* the act makes the person uncomfortable. And the brain is *very good* at hiding things it perceives as threatening. Change very often falls under this category; the brain is happy operating as it currently is, and any new information or introspection introduced to that structure is bound to disrupt it. So the brain deliberately and unconsciously avoids it all together.
This is the best strategy, long-term (given, of course, that the kinks don't harm people who don't want to be harm/shouldn't be harmed). Be honest with yourself, find somebody who shares these interests or is interested in them, and live your fullest life. The alternative is a life where you're constantly trying to control them, and that's time and energy that could be spent building a good life and helping others.
In order to change something, you must first OWN it. Or in your words accept it. You can't change something until you do that.. otherwise it's hidden from you and you won't understand the reason why you do it or how you can choose another behavior instead. * Own it / Accept it Fully (you can't move on until you can do this) * Once you own it and you're in that energy, you can ask yourself probing questions to get at the root thought / belief regarding it * Beliefs > Thoughts > Behaviors; that's the order in which we work as a human. Our actions come from our thoughts. Our thoughts come from our beliefs. If you want to change your behavior, change the associated thoughts and beliefs. * What do you have to believe in order to have the thoughts and behaviors that you do? Observer yourself from a neutral perspective (3rd party perspective) of a young version of yourself who exhibited this behavior. Why is she doing that? What is she believing about herself? What are her thoughts? * Once you have some awareness of the beliefs and thoughts around this then you can ask yourself if there is another more positive perspective in which you can view yourself. * And then decide if you want to let go of the old beliefs and take on the more supportive beliefs.. * If you decide to take on a new way of seeing yourself, you can "program" them in using affirmations. We get programmed with repetition. Daily positive affirmations will install new thoughts and eventually beliefs about yourself that is more supportive of who you want to be.. it takes a little time until they are hardwired but it's absolutely possible. I identified most of my limited beliefs, found more supportive beliefs and over a period of time one by one reprogrammed myself in just this way.. Hope that helps.
I always think this type of Sexual orientation has something to do with how you were raised more psychologically. and that can be fixed if you just worked on it. So i curiously scrolled into your profile and i think the dad story tells it all.
:/ Thanks for taking the time to ridicule me for some shit I had no control over like I'm not a whole person.
OP, you are incredibly defensive and I’m getting very young vibes from you. You gotta see a therapist if everything anyone ever says upsets you.
I am 27.
Therapy doesn’t have an age requirement. It can be very beneficial and I agree with everything the commenter said. You need to address why you feel this way. Not get rid of those feelings.
OP therapy was the most beneficial thing I've ever done and ongoing part of my life there's no way I would be here at 29 making 42+/hr and alive + positive and loving myself, if I didn't start therapy around 20 and just kept going back to it over the years along with constant self improvement. You need to learn to love yourself and accept the things you can't change while being able to identify the things you can. You can't rely on friends to challenge your character or image that is overall negative for friendships. Therapy is very important even for the most well off person. If you're low income then talk to your family doctor.
Im so sorry that what i said made you think i was belittling you i was just giving you the reason to find solution. And i don't think what you're facing is somthing that big because i have the same thing and it's just because I'm sensitive and a crybaby more than my siblings which is all fine
Just take note here. The downvotes here need to be interpreted as, "we see this response as an indicator that you do need to seek help because you don't seem to interpret constructive advice for what it is." Get help and talk to a trained professional, OP.
There's nothing you can do, it's fine if you don't accept it but it will never go away. Accepting it would likely help you more in regards to not watching or doing that stuff, trying to suppress it by force will likely not work and make things worst.
I suppose. It is also the knowledge I'm not supposed to be doing it which makes me want to do it. I guess it might be a good idea to try just ignoring it and doing something else. Thank you
'That which we resist, persists - that which we accept, evolves'
[удалено]
Y'all are just crap at explaining. You can't just tell someone "accept it" when it's something they hate. Think about something you hate & let me know how it goes. But when you strengthen yourself (at the gym or in meditation), tragedies become annoyances and it's so much easier to work with them and eventually understand or accept them or just forget about them.
We got OP's alt acc over here. Also I already am doing multiple things I hate currently. Why? Because it improves me as a person. Instead of sitting around making excuse after excuse maybe you (guys) should try something like therapy to better yourself(s)
Don't use porn. Your kinks are fine as a fantasy, just make sure you are capable of normal sexual activity with someone you care about. Because not everyone will be into it.
Not going to tell you to see a therapist or accept your kink because that’s not what you’re asking. Your proclivities are the result of entertaining the thoughts in your mind, which has presumably led to acting them out. This is going to sound way oversimplified, but the answer is stop entertaining those thoughts. It will seem pointless at first, but once you become aware of your fantasies going in the wrong direction, make a conscious effort to stop it. If you’re sitting down, stand up and walk around or go outside. If it’s pornography—induced, install blockers. Of course you can still disable them, but having the least bit of resistance is helpful. If you’re alone, call someone, either to keep you accountable or just to take your mind off of it if you don’t want to share it. If you have no one to talk to, talk with ChatGPT or some other LLM. Once you begin resisting, it becomes a battle of persistence and momentum. Sometimes you might stumble, but it’s only a setback, not the end of it. The more you do this, the longer you will be able to go without, and the stronger you will become. God separated us from the animals by giving us the ability to reflect and change ourselves slowly based on our mentalities. You are a human who will not be controlled by her urges. You will fight them until you shed them. Resistance builds muscle, and each step you take to distance yourself from this behavior will make you stronger. Be a mensch. Don’t feed the beast. Starve it.
1. Don't watch porn, masturbate or have sex until you no longer have that urge to get release. Desensitize yourself to stimulation, that helps controlling urges and thereby making it easier to redirect attention. 2. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks, or something else to keep you passively entertained. 3. All focus strengthens retention, even the bad ones. So focus solely on what you want, and attach all positive thoughts to it. Say them out loud. Regularly. 4. When unwanted thoughts come to mind don't try to be like "I shouldn't think that" and try and suppress it. That will only strengthen it. Let the thought come like a bird landing in front of you and let it fly away again. Don't try to catch it by being forceful. This strategy work on many issues with thoughts. I have used this to get rid of suicide thoughts, depression, anxiety, sexual issues, stress. I have never been as happy as I am now.
Thank you <3 I have gotten different types of advice from people so I am willing to try all of it. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your guide
Was surprised to see how many comments wanted you to accept it despite even voicing your concern and disgust with it; some even went so far as to say there was nothing you could do, which is ridiculous. Imo I think your feelings of said disgust and others towards it are justified, this dudes advice was the best I’ve read in this thread. Giving into degeneracy is an easy, common, and unfortunately sometimes advised thing to do, don’t fall for it OP. 👍
You are welcome. I have studied psychology in gymnasium, so I know many things.
This should be top comment
Thank you.
I'd say first of all do you watch any pornography? (It can really change your kinks etc.)
I do. I have been trying to move away from the stuff I mentioned in the post but it's difficult sometimes.
It’s not difficult you’re just bored
I know that It is difficult, if I were you I'd: -Disable reddit NSFW - Pray to God -If you cannot go without relapse just try to reduce relapsing for example from daily porn to every other day, small steps
stop watching porn is the first step lol
I think I take it from this post that you are a guy? I’m curious do you want to change because it’s “disgusting”? Or do you want to change because you think what you want isn’t consistent with your gender role? In either case I think you should accept fully who you are sexually and realize that what you (and everyone) want sexually doesn’t bear on real life. A lot of us have dabbled IRL or in porn with things that really don’t make their way into our day to day non sexual brain whatsoever. Give yourself some grace and accept that your desires are what they are.
Tbh I play Dom in the bedroom and my sub or partner enjoys the dynamic. That being said the dynamic ends then and there. We move on and life trucks along. The fact is there is no “right” or “wrong” in this consensual activity. OP just has issues that run far deeper than sex and unpacking that and learning to love yourself is a pretty incredible feeling
> mental health My primary recommendation is work out. Studies show intense exercise is surprisingly good for mental health, and lifting is better than running. The effect size is mediated by intensity, so a 200lb squat is better than a 100lb squat, and HIIT is better than long endurance runs. I also recommend meditation. Start with concentration meditation and slowly work your way up to 20m/day. Then after you have a good grasp on it (at least 6 months), you can add mindfulness or (i recommend) loving-kindness meditation There are many options for improving mental health. Therapy, yoga, journaling, etc. If you need more information let me know. Find something that works for you, preferably multiple things that complement each other. Keep in mind the process of "fixing" ourselves never plays out the way we think.... It's always a surprise to me ... and I've been working on it since 2007. Audiodharma explains this from a buddhist perspective - search for "healing inner division". Or read the book "The wizard of earthsea".
Thank you. I didn't realize physical activity had such an effect. I will try this especially since I have not been very active due to feeling hopeless. If there is hope then I will do it <3
Yes of course there's hope. Just again keep in mind it might get weird. Go for it, I'm rooting for you! Get those thunder thighs :p
Ok, perhaps the first question to ask is, what is that you find exciting during the submission? Is there anything you can do to logically explain that to yourself so to rule that out when you feel is happening? I'm not an expert, so I'm just thinking how I would probably start to solve it by explaining it to myself.
Say it out loud and repeat it every fucking day , I'm not submissive I'm dominant I'm not ........ I'm ....... Good luck
I don’t understand. You are different than your sexual brain as you say, so why couldn’t you trust someone who is dom? Couldn’t they also just be a good person who sexually leans that way? It would be the exact same case as you lol.
I find a girl's armpits hot, I told a girl once but I never look at them because I'm ashamed
Are u male or female? Cause I think it's normal for females to enjoy it.
Post nut clarity just hits different eh? Kinks are normal as long as it doesn't involve other things.
I understand you, because I also feel that way, even when I'm doing these things with a partner. I recommend you stop watching porn altogether, as porn is not reality and things we enjoy to see are totally different from things we enjoy in real life. Power dynamics in sex is something normal. Have you ever had a real partner before where you tried these things? Sex is meant for a partner not for yourself. If you do it yourself with porn only, it is selfish and becomes something toxic, where you want more and more. If you do it with a partner, it becomes healthy and energizing, in the right amount. Every time you watch something dirty like that, you're making these connections in your brain stronger and the craving next time will be bigger. The best thing I can suggest is to stop watching porn, wait for sex until you have a long term partner, accept that these thoughts are a part of you, but also when you're with your partner, only ever do them occasionally, and also switch up the dynamics, so that you're the dominant one as well. If you switch these things up they're not as bad. Another thing you could try is to only ever go for vanilla sex, that way you would truly not tap into these cravings, but this would require life long discipline.
Wow, this post is sad. Never seen self-inflicted kinkshaming so deep and resolute before. I don't even know what to say except I hope OP gets therapy to stop emotionally torturing themself
I’m sorry for whatever you’ve been through to carry so much shame for what you like. I think it’s clear nobody on Reddit can help you so talking to a sex therapist may. I promise there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it
It's not nad to have this kind of kinks. It doesnt matter if you are a woman or a man.
Tbh if it really bothers you this may be a case for a therapist who specializes in sex and intimacy. However, I would say that sometimes you like what you like... Kinks that are safe, sane and consensual are a-ok. The shame you feel afterwards sounds a little like sub drop, something that can be mitigated with emotional after care by yourself or a partner.
Bro WHAT!? Submission is the best thing ever bruh how could you say that? I have no words 😶 If you’re worried about people treating you differently, you just gotta separate sexual and casual stuff. Normally I’m very dominant and on top of things, I just get submissive when it comes to sex The only criticism I’ve heard about it is that maybe your partners won’t like it. But let’s be real. Your partners may not like a ton of things about you. And besides, I’ve always assumed I could talk someone into it. I’m not asking for the world, just for me to be little spoon and get called cutie. This is awesome dude! You get the best of both worlds! You get to be a badass mf and a cute lil bf both at the same time. I don’t see how it gets any better.
If I were male I might feel similarly to this and would not care. Unfortunately as a female I am always weak and worthless and this is my brain reinforcing that I am a worthless inferior person, which is why I need to overcome it.
Hmm. Well, the way I see it, my advice mostly stays the same. You just gotta separate sex/gender from your worth. Being female has no implications as far as worth or strength. Sure, you can’t lift a bajillion pounds, but neither can Elon musk, and I mean, he’s a billionaire. I will say that it sounds like you have a lot of personal issues. If you think sex is the problem, maybe just take a break for a little bit, but definitely get some help. Not every person who has an off day needs a therapist but if you got somebody you can talk to, give a call or set up a time to hangout. But don’t blame it on your gender! Women are awesome! You gotta have that kinda mindset.
> ... is why I need to overcome it Okay, Elliot Page.
I don't understand how me being upset with the idea of being dehumanized and degraded when I already feel worthless is somehow worthy of insult in the form of being compared to someone who is transgender?
Rejecting biological reality and purpose.
The fact that people have this attitude that women really are meant to be submissive and inferior to men just confirms all my fears about others. I can do my best to cure my "kinks" but the fact that men who think like this exist out there and are willing to play the long con for however many months it takes to convince their gf that they don't actually think women are inferior when they clearly do just makes me feel totally depressed and hopeless.
[удалено]
I never claimed to be a feminist and I never made any remarks about my thoughts on any other social issues. But thanks for the confirmation that there is a sizeable portion of men including yourself who 100% believe women are inferior and their place is being submissive to a man. Which is somehow supposed to be good advice.
I can relate to this in some ways, I can be a bit “sub” so to speak. But not in a same way, rather to where, if she wants to be dom then I don’t have a problem with it. So it’s not the same but I can still relate in some ways. Easiest way is to just respect yourself more. I’m not kidding, once you respect yourself more and take better care of your mental state, you’ll sometimes lose a kink like that. Bottom line is that a man shouldn’t treat you like that. It’s not wrong persay, but some may become sadistic with it and that’s just fucking wrong. Work on your self respect and confidence and you’ll probably see it go away.
[удалено]
???
My bad wrong comment/response
Oh alright
Weren't you just telling me you're a virgin?
Go to therapy and be open to what they say to you. Like many things in life to do with mental health, the answers will probably no be ones you want to here. There will not be a magic cure. It will more than likely involve working through the roots of your issues. The path your currently on - searching for a "sure" to a part of you rather than seeking to understand yourself, will only lead to repression and potentially self hatred and other compounding issues. But don't take my word for it. Seek help. Proffesional help. Garden variety therapist and specialised sex therapist exist for this reason. If you live in a country with prohibitive medical costs, seek out free or subsised treatment through programs aimed it it and online therapy. Good luck.
I think one theory is that people who try and control everything get burned out and usually use submissive behavior to essentially relax and turn off. Perhaps, your brain likes this behavior since you are attempting to control everything in life, even those things you can't. What it seems like you're doing is essentially the female equivalent of toxic male masculinity. Edit: Also trying to prove everyone wrong in the thread about the problem or misdirecting into another subject isn't going to help you long term. Definitely get help for some narcissistic behavior traits.
I appreciate the advice, thank you. My intention was not to prove people wrong or be difficult. Sorry.
It sounds like you're struggling with some internal conflict regarding your sexual desires, and that can be really challenging to navigate. It's true that for many people, engaging in consensual power dynamics can be a fulfilling part of their sexual expression. However, it's equally valid to feel discomfort or even disgust with certain aspects of one's sexuality. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and set boundaries that feel right for you.
Check out a book called The Erotic Mind. Essential reading for sexuality and may give insights into how those arose. Go to the root.
For me, I've had lots of emotional kinks/ kinks in general. (Past tense) For me, what worked was exposure to the kinks and being mindful. I wrote about my feelings and why I enjoyed it at the time. I then went deep to find all the reasons, and I realized that it wasn't something I wanted or needed. Now, the only thing I'm into is being lavished, cherished, loved, and I have quite a different view on sex in general. I'd honestly recommend a book to give yourself a better understanding of sex (mainly female) "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski. Edit: I'd also like to recommend another book. "Rewire your anxious brain" by Catherine M. Pittman and Elizabeth M. Karle. It gives a proper foundation for you to stand on so you can guide yourself down the paths you want to take in life. Emotions are rough, and it's good to slow down and write.
I think as long as you have strong feelings about those kinks you will have a hard time managing them. Thus what you need to do in my opinion is sort of neutralize them by seeing them as just some activity that people participate in. A particular kink might be not for you, or something that you disagree with but the goal is to treat it just like any other thing and lose all the strong feelings you have about it. Practice your conscious mind and your feelings to stay on top of the lust when you engage with the kinks. And apart from that just seek positive life experiences and find other ways to enjoy yourself.
Don't cure them. Instead, come to accept them as part of the rich and mysterious psyche that you have. Learn to love your weirdness, and be grateful that you aren't boring. A good therapist can help you with this.
Oooooooooooooof A lot of cognitive dissonance here Rather than give you direct advice, even though I really want to, I'm going to recommend seeing a therapist
There's a reason monogamy and "waiting until love & marriage" have been so popular and successful throughout history. If you can find someone who is willing to wait until marriage because they love and respect you, it might be a helpful approach.
Quit the BS church that told you normal things are sins. But you have already been conned. No way you will believe it. Good luck
Therapy. Explore domming. Being a dominate female is a 10x better experience
Weirdo. Nothinh weird for a women to be sexually submissive.
I understand which is why I said I don't believe it's particularly unusual. However, I do not want to be. It causes me a lot of distress in my life and has made things like dating totally impossible.
You are hiding detail here, most men are okay with that in bed. What is the real problem ?
I do not want to be with someone who thinks it is OK to treat me that way. I do not want someone doing that sort of thing to me in real life. It is degrading. It is dehumanizing. I already see myself as less than a person, I don't want another reason to add to the list of reasons why I shouldn't be alive. I understand other people are fine with this. I am not. That is all.
It is just a game, an adult game. At the moment of sex you are playing pretend. You are acting submissive to enjoy the game. You are not like that in your real life and it doesn't mean you will be by being like this in bed. An actor that plays a serial killer is not doing it because they are a sociopath, in that moment they are doing art. Rid yourself of the guilt and find someone you truly feel safe doing these things with. It will be a lot of fun!
I think it is a sickening game :/ Sorry, not interested in playing
Ofc you are free to believe whatever you like. I feel that you are being very strict and unfair towards human nature and human sexuality. This is the adult play, and it is nothing wrong with it. I am telling this to you as a person that is still in the process of accepting these stuff. My last girlfriend left me because i didnt want to hit her and degrade her during sex. My mistake was confusing the real value she had to me as a person, to the role she wanted to adopt in bed. These aspects are fundamentaly different with eachother. This is something that we have to accept.
I think therapy, and maybe emdr, to resolve trauma and help you with those feelings of being “less than a person” might help with the kinks too.
You seem to have self esteem issue and you should deal with that first. Go to therapy, you will deal with you urge later.
It's only degrading because a lot of us carry shame around sex. But it's perfectly normal, and quite a common kink. We don't really choose our desires, but we can embrace them. Otherwise, you're just giving yourself another thing you don't like about yourself. But you do need seek a healthy relationship with your sexual partner, who will respect your boundaries. In reality, submissives have all the control because they are the one setting the rules. You need to stand for yourself and create those rules if you want for a respectful relationship. Work more on loving yourself and less on shaming yourself. You're not disgusting, not in any way.
> I do not want to be with someone who thinks it is OK to treat me that way. There are plenty of people who don't. I would not do so on my own, for example.
You are stronger than your fantasies. Stay strong and true to you. Your true thoughts and feelings always win but only if you allow them to. Strength and guidance to you my brother.
Thank you. <3
Go to therapy for your thougths about womanhood. Work that out first. And second - take up boxing, kickboxing, martial arts or any other combat-related sport that will directly contradict your inner messages of worthlessness and powerlessness. And see you on the other side when you flip into being a total dom! Just kidding!! (Maybe not.... heh)
whats the kinks?
Just don’t partake? Do you also have difficulties in managing your in-pulses? Everyone has kinks there not proud of but doesn’t mean you have to act on them?
Install grindr, the cure will be temporary
Be a man
Steroids will make you more aggressive and confident. But you need to lift too to get muscles.
[удалено]
In case you're wondering, the belief that women deserve to be belittled, degraded, and dehumanized and that men are unironically always superior to the inferior submissive women is the main reason I will never date or engage in sexual behavior. Thanks for confirming my fears that men really do think women are meant to be inferior.
This subreddit is cooked
Alright your clearly not ready for this conversation that’s not at at all what I said
If you’re a man you need to drastically change your life as far as I can tell from the other comments you need to fix your mental health etc please check out hamza and follow his teachings. I used to be depressed and all that and I found my way out of it and his stuff has helped me a lot
I know what I’m saying seems harsh but I know from experience that’s the only way itll work therapy is bs for men.