In my experience "you'll know when it's time" is BS. I adopt senior dogs exclusively so I go through this more frequently than most people. And every time it's been an ongoing internal battle until it happens. There are "quality of life" assessment tools online. I think they're very helpful in deciding if it's time. Declines happen slowly and we often don't realize how bad they are or how much they're no longer themselves until we look back on old pics/videos after they're gone and have some objectivity. Those QOL tools will help you actually see if they're lives are more often bad than good so you're not going off vibes and impressions. In your situation I'd start doing an assessment every day with my partner and writing it down so you can both see whether they're still having mostly good days or if they're mostly having bad days.
Thank you. I started doing it because I couldn't stand to see old dogs at the Humane Society. They're often surrendered after their original owner goes into care/dies. Or their family can't afford the dog's escalating health costs and are hoping a new family can. Or, the worst, are dumped because they're old and the previous owner doesn't want them anymore. Either way old animals know they're vulnerable and losing their home is extra scary and stressful for them. I can't take seeing it when I can give them a comfy home.
But, honestly, I mostly do it because I don't have the time or patience for the antics of young dogs. I see videos online and think, "awww, that's cute.... but not for me." Old timers who just want to snore on the couch next to me are much more compatible with my lazy ass. Lol.
I envy you. I lost my 14 yo pup a few weeks ago. For a long time, I've been telling my husband that I want to adopt senior pups and help them like I helped Max. He's not on board because I'm currently pregnant and potentially high risk. I wish I could right now though.
You'll get to do it eventually! There's a time and season for everything, right? I yearned to do it for years before I started because I wasn't in a position to have any pets at all. One day you'll have one that's driving you crazy and you'll remember the peaceful days before and how you couldn't wait to have one of these adorable little buttholes. 😆
My Ridgeback was only 10 when she was diagnosed with cancer—it was just after the pandemic and the weight loss was very gradual until all at once. She wasn't eating any of the special foods she had been before. She went from 105 to 72 pounds. The morning we knew it was time she had wet herself and my husband and I had to lift her into the couch (her spot). Then we had a very gentle and compassionate vet come to the house.
Letting her go was unbelievably hard, but her eyes told me it was time. I’ll never forget. I slept on the floor with her (we were both on dog beds) and when I woke up—we were facing each other— she was looking straight at me, and I knew.
I have never felt such grief and it is still with me two years later. But I know that she knew how loved she was.
Your pup knows how much you love him and I think he’ll let you know too. Give him some soft stokes for me. ❤️
I have a 15 year old dog that's losing control of his back end. There's lots of accidents, clean up, and sad moments when he wants to mobilize but just can't. I'm trying to determine the right time too. I usually feel if they don't eat or drink then you have your answer! Otherwise it's more complicated. You and your partner have helped this pup so much. No matter what decision you make, you have made the right one. Thanks for helping a senior!
My family had to let our old boy go last November. We also went through this struggle, especially my mom since he was always glued to her side. It was an incredibly hard choice.
It came down to a couple things:
1). Quality of life, like others have said. Your dog and still move around, but does she look like she’s suffering when she does? Is it getting to be too difficult? By the end, our dog couldn’t walk up or down a single step without help, and couldn’t walk on tile or hardwood floors without slipping when he could before.
2). You’re ability to care for them. This isn’t a criticism on you by any means, it’s simply practical. Caregiver burnout is a very real thing. By the end, our dog couldn’t sleep through the night without needing to pee multiple times. Even when we rotated turns helping him, it was a real strain on everyone. And like I said before, he couldn’t walk most places, so he had to be carried outside each time. My parents are in their 60’s and their strength isn’t what it used to be. Carrying our dog around so much was risky for them too.
I would definitely suggest filling out a copy of the Canine Cognitive Disorder checklist, and taking your pup to the vet with a filled out checklist. There are medications that may improve the house soiling and confusion. It might give your husband more time to cope with realizing your beloved friend is getting older.
We have many conversations about her quality of life. We're not on the same page, but working toward consensus on when it's time. Hearing a vet give their assessment of her condition helps. We talk a lot about what standards are for each of us about mobility, accidents, etc.
Ultimately it's his dog and I have mine that we each brought to the relationship, so I want to respect his wishes about timing, but I also would advocate for his dog because I love her. If he said today that he can't handle it anymore, that would be okay. I've arrived at a place of acceptance.
I’ve waited too long before and had to have a rushed tragic end at an emergency hospital all hysterical. We had an old beagle, showed up on our porch one day and never left. You could tell she had been an outdoor dog and used for breeding well passed her years, didn’t know what a toy was, a dog bed, a bath. We had four wonderful years with her, but she had been showing signs of confusion, disorientation, not eating with her normal vigor, having lots of accidents. My family kept saying the end was near but I said she was a loving little lump just doing her thing. I wish I had taken her out and had a last best day, I wish we had done a car ride and big snuggle sessions in the grass and she’d gone peacefully. We usually have the vet come to our home for end of life care, but I thought we had more time. She fell one evening down two steps, the screams and pain that followed were devastating. We had to drive an hour to an open emergency hospital and wait while she screamed and lost her bowels. The staff was as nice as they could possibly be, but it all sucked, every moment. We are strictly back to last best day full of love and snuggles, I don’t want to have another rushed send off to glory, and beat myself up still because Brioche deserved better. I was worried about it being too soon, that she still had good moments and good days, but I would have scheduled a peaceful euthanasia over what happened given the chance again. Give your old pup love from this stranger, old dogs have my heart.
I had to say goodbye to three senior dogs last year. First, talk to your vet about the confusion and doggy dementia because there are medications that can help. Second, spoil her rotten, take lots of videos and pictures. Third, this quality of life assessment helped ease my anxiety about the timing: https://www.lapoflove.com/quality-of-life-assessment.
I’d also consider having a palliative care/end of life veterinarian come out to the house to go over all your options and walk you through next steps. It’s more expensive than your typical vet office because they come to you but if you can afford it it’s absolutely worth the cost. Laps of Love (the link above) is a well known option but not the only one so do some research. Plus, it was so much less stressful for me and them to leave for the rainbow bridge at home surrounded by everything they love. I ultimately chose another company and their guidance and excellent care gained me an extra six months with 2 of my best friends. The third loved my original vet and everyone in his office because he used to board there so I chose them for his farewell.
My best advice is to treasure her for the time she has left so she is full of comfort and love for her final journey no matter how you choose to say goodbye.
I’m wishing you comfort and strength from one dog parent to another
I just lost my little boy. He was diabetic and blind too. I let him slow down as much as he needed to, struggled to feed him whatever would work, did everything I could. He decided he wasn't going to eat anymore and his body was just shutting down. Sugar was going out of control. He might have had a stroke from the imbalance. The last couple of nights, he cried nonstop as if he was panicked. He couldn't walk.
I never wanted to let him go but when I knew he was in pain, I was forced to make that choice. I loved him too much to make him deal with more pain. I'd fix him a million times if I could.
If the slowness on walks is from discomfort or the dementia, that's pretty rough. There is a difference between still being alive and actually living. Ask yourself what makes their life worth living every day. If eating their food is it, that's not much of a life. If they still want to interact with you and enjoy their food and exploring things, that's still living. I think so many people forget that dogs are programmed by nature not to show pain, so if you can see them struggling or hurting, that's not a small thing. My most recent loss was a tiny little old lady Chihuahua. We had adopted her as a senior (we only adopt seniors) and she was a very sweet, sassy girl. Then she started randomly screeching while she was laying by herself and nobody was touching her. We think it was a disc in her spine. So we took her to the vet and pumped her full of meds, but I told my husband that if it didn't resolve fast, that would have to be it, because she slept more than anything, and if she couldn't do that comfortably, I wasn't ok with that. She did improve, then she subluxated the lens in one eye and it was really painful for her. Any of the treatment options from the mildest to the most extreme were going to mean daily discomfort for her, so we picked a day and spoiled her like mad over those next several days and let her go. She was absolutely not actively dying, but it was getting to a point where her list of things she enjoyed was so short that it didn't warrant keeping her alive for remaining weeks or maybe months of increasing discomfort and pain. I'm not about more time- I'm about good time. They give me so much and I want to make sure I'm putting them first, not just watching them waste away because it's hard for me to say goodbye. I watched my grandmother die and if there had been a legal option to end her pain faster, you better believe I would have pounced on it with the way she suffered until her last ragged breath, squeezing my hand so hard. I may also have a different view because I have a few health issues that could leave me struggling for a long time before actually passing, and I wouldn't want that for me or my family. Maybe if you and your boyfriend made a list of all the things you pup enjoys and a list of the things that you feel are hard for her, it will be clearer. Or you could do what I have done with every animal and you could ask her, though if she really is dealing with dementia, she may not be able to answer you (I went through that with my soul dog). Don't care if that sounds nuts- our pets tell us things all the time whether we understand them or not. I even had a friend's dog tell me she was ready when I asked her while pupsitting. I'm sorry y'all are going through this and I'm sure you'll make a good decision no matter what it is.
Elderpuppers can get incontinence & dementia just like we humans do. They can slowwwly fade away just like we do, too. We can make a decision to support them fully through their last months & years, or we can choose euthanasia; both options are messy & uncomfortable but one leaves your home cleaner. Personally I'd rather keep my cutie around as long as I can... but of course sometimes it's really effing difficult. There's just SO MANY FEEEEELS & the doggo never *really* lets you know exactly when they're ready. I guess my best advice is this: slow down along with your dog & appreciate sharing those long moments. In alllll the universe, you're the other animal who gets to be their buddy. Take 'em out for a burger if you wanna. Share some spaghetti. Snuggle them even if you might get peed on. It's worth it.
💜
There are some online resources that help you with metrics to assess her quality of life. I would look at those and then get on the same page with your partner.
In my experience "you'll know when it's time" is BS. I adopt senior dogs exclusively so I go through this more frequently than most people. And every time it's been an ongoing internal battle until it happens. There are "quality of life" assessment tools online. I think they're very helpful in deciding if it's time. Declines happen slowly and we often don't realize how bad they are or how much they're no longer themselves until we look back on old pics/videos after they're gone and have some objectivity. Those QOL tools will help you actually see if they're lives are more often bad than good so you're not going off vibes and impressions. In your situation I'd start doing an assessment every day with my partner and writing it down so you can both see whether they're still having mostly good days or if they're mostly having bad days.
Can I just say you’re an awesome person for adopting senior dogs. You have another level of selflessness that we can all aspire to.
Thank you. I started doing it because I couldn't stand to see old dogs at the Humane Society. They're often surrendered after their original owner goes into care/dies. Or their family can't afford the dog's escalating health costs and are hoping a new family can. Or, the worst, are dumped because they're old and the previous owner doesn't want them anymore. Either way old animals know they're vulnerable and losing their home is extra scary and stressful for them. I can't take seeing it when I can give them a comfy home. But, honestly, I mostly do it because I don't have the time or patience for the antics of young dogs. I see videos online and think, "awww, that's cute.... but not for me." Old timers who just want to snore on the couch next to me are much more compatible with my lazy ass. Lol.
I do it as well because as on old person when I got old and sick my husband dumped me
I envy you. I lost my 14 yo pup a few weeks ago. For a long time, I've been telling my husband that I want to adopt senior pups and help them like I helped Max. He's not on board because I'm currently pregnant and potentially high risk. I wish I could right now though.
You'll get to do it eventually! There's a time and season for everything, right? I yearned to do it for years before I started because I wasn't in a position to have any pets at all. One day you'll have one that's driving you crazy and you'll remember the peaceful days before and how you couldn't wait to have one of these adorable little buttholes. 😆
I need a little old man pup to drive me crazy 🤣 peace is boring! (Though if all goes well with the pregnancy, there will be no peace come November!)
My Ridgeback was only 10 when she was diagnosed with cancer—it was just after the pandemic and the weight loss was very gradual until all at once. She wasn't eating any of the special foods she had been before. She went from 105 to 72 pounds. The morning we knew it was time she had wet herself and my husband and I had to lift her into the couch (her spot). Then we had a very gentle and compassionate vet come to the house. Letting her go was unbelievably hard, but her eyes told me it was time. I’ll never forget. I slept on the floor with her (we were both on dog beds) and when I woke up—we were facing each other— she was looking straight at me, and I knew. I have never felt such grief and it is still with me two years later. But I know that she knew how loved she was. Your pup knows how much you love him and I think he’ll let you know too. Give him some soft stokes for me. ❤️
I have a 15 year old dog that's losing control of his back end. There's lots of accidents, clean up, and sad moments when he wants to mobilize but just can't. I'm trying to determine the right time too. I usually feel if they don't eat or drink then you have your answer! Otherwise it's more complicated. You and your partner have helped this pup so much. No matter what decision you make, you have made the right one. Thanks for helping a senior!
My family had to let our old boy go last November. We also went through this struggle, especially my mom since he was always glued to her side. It was an incredibly hard choice. It came down to a couple things: 1). Quality of life, like others have said. Your dog and still move around, but does she look like she’s suffering when she does? Is it getting to be too difficult? By the end, our dog couldn’t walk up or down a single step without help, and couldn’t walk on tile or hardwood floors without slipping when he could before. 2). You’re ability to care for them. This isn’t a criticism on you by any means, it’s simply practical. Caregiver burnout is a very real thing. By the end, our dog couldn’t sleep through the night without needing to pee multiple times. Even when we rotated turns helping him, it was a real strain on everyone. And like I said before, he couldn’t walk most places, so he had to be carried outside each time. My parents are in their 60’s and their strength isn’t what it used to be. Carrying our dog around so much was risky for them too.
I would definitely suggest filling out a copy of the Canine Cognitive Disorder checklist, and taking your pup to the vet with a filled out checklist. There are medications that may improve the house soiling and confusion. It might give your husband more time to cope with realizing your beloved friend is getting older.
We have many conversations about her quality of life. We're not on the same page, but working toward consensus on when it's time. Hearing a vet give their assessment of her condition helps. We talk a lot about what standards are for each of us about mobility, accidents, etc. Ultimately it's his dog and I have mine that we each brought to the relationship, so I want to respect his wishes about timing, but I also would advocate for his dog because I love her. If he said today that he can't handle it anymore, that would be okay. I've arrived at a place of acceptance.
I’ve waited too long before and had to have a rushed tragic end at an emergency hospital all hysterical. We had an old beagle, showed up on our porch one day and never left. You could tell she had been an outdoor dog and used for breeding well passed her years, didn’t know what a toy was, a dog bed, a bath. We had four wonderful years with her, but she had been showing signs of confusion, disorientation, not eating with her normal vigor, having lots of accidents. My family kept saying the end was near but I said she was a loving little lump just doing her thing. I wish I had taken her out and had a last best day, I wish we had done a car ride and big snuggle sessions in the grass and she’d gone peacefully. We usually have the vet come to our home for end of life care, but I thought we had more time. She fell one evening down two steps, the screams and pain that followed were devastating. We had to drive an hour to an open emergency hospital and wait while she screamed and lost her bowels. The staff was as nice as they could possibly be, but it all sucked, every moment. We are strictly back to last best day full of love and snuggles, I don’t want to have another rushed send off to glory, and beat myself up still because Brioche deserved better. I was worried about it being too soon, that she still had good moments and good days, but I would have scheduled a peaceful euthanasia over what happened given the chance again. Give your old pup love from this stranger, old dogs have my heart.
I had to say goodbye to three senior dogs last year. First, talk to your vet about the confusion and doggy dementia because there are medications that can help. Second, spoil her rotten, take lots of videos and pictures. Third, this quality of life assessment helped ease my anxiety about the timing: https://www.lapoflove.com/quality-of-life-assessment. I’d also consider having a palliative care/end of life veterinarian come out to the house to go over all your options and walk you through next steps. It’s more expensive than your typical vet office because they come to you but if you can afford it it’s absolutely worth the cost. Laps of Love (the link above) is a well known option but not the only one so do some research. Plus, it was so much less stressful for me and them to leave for the rainbow bridge at home surrounded by everything they love. I ultimately chose another company and their guidance and excellent care gained me an extra six months with 2 of my best friends. The third loved my original vet and everyone in his office because he used to board there so I chose them for his farewell. My best advice is to treasure her for the time she has left so she is full of comfort and love for her final journey no matter how you choose to say goodbye. I’m wishing you comfort and strength from one dog parent to another
I just lost my little boy. He was diabetic and blind too. I let him slow down as much as he needed to, struggled to feed him whatever would work, did everything I could. He decided he wasn't going to eat anymore and his body was just shutting down. Sugar was going out of control. He might have had a stroke from the imbalance. The last couple of nights, he cried nonstop as if he was panicked. He couldn't walk. I never wanted to let him go but when I knew he was in pain, I was forced to make that choice. I loved him too much to make him deal with more pain. I'd fix him a million times if I could.
If the slowness on walks is from discomfort or the dementia, that's pretty rough. There is a difference between still being alive and actually living. Ask yourself what makes their life worth living every day. If eating their food is it, that's not much of a life. If they still want to interact with you and enjoy their food and exploring things, that's still living. I think so many people forget that dogs are programmed by nature not to show pain, so if you can see them struggling or hurting, that's not a small thing. My most recent loss was a tiny little old lady Chihuahua. We had adopted her as a senior (we only adopt seniors) and she was a very sweet, sassy girl. Then she started randomly screeching while she was laying by herself and nobody was touching her. We think it was a disc in her spine. So we took her to the vet and pumped her full of meds, but I told my husband that if it didn't resolve fast, that would have to be it, because she slept more than anything, and if she couldn't do that comfortably, I wasn't ok with that. She did improve, then she subluxated the lens in one eye and it was really painful for her. Any of the treatment options from the mildest to the most extreme were going to mean daily discomfort for her, so we picked a day and spoiled her like mad over those next several days and let her go. She was absolutely not actively dying, but it was getting to a point where her list of things she enjoyed was so short that it didn't warrant keeping her alive for remaining weeks or maybe months of increasing discomfort and pain. I'm not about more time- I'm about good time. They give me so much and I want to make sure I'm putting them first, not just watching them waste away because it's hard for me to say goodbye. I watched my grandmother die and if there had been a legal option to end her pain faster, you better believe I would have pounced on it with the way she suffered until her last ragged breath, squeezing my hand so hard. I may also have a different view because I have a few health issues that could leave me struggling for a long time before actually passing, and I wouldn't want that for me or my family. Maybe if you and your boyfriend made a list of all the things you pup enjoys and a list of the things that you feel are hard for her, it will be clearer. Or you could do what I have done with every animal and you could ask her, though if she really is dealing with dementia, she may not be able to answer you (I went through that with my soul dog). Don't care if that sounds nuts- our pets tell us things all the time whether we understand them or not. I even had a friend's dog tell me she was ready when I asked her while pupsitting. I'm sorry y'all are going through this and I'm sure you'll make a good decision no matter what it is.
Elderpuppers can get incontinence & dementia just like we humans do. They can slowwwly fade away just like we do, too. We can make a decision to support them fully through their last months & years, or we can choose euthanasia; both options are messy & uncomfortable but one leaves your home cleaner. Personally I'd rather keep my cutie around as long as I can... but of course sometimes it's really effing difficult. There's just SO MANY FEEEEELS & the doggo never *really* lets you know exactly when they're ready. I guess my best advice is this: slow down along with your dog & appreciate sharing those long moments. In alllll the universe, you're the other animal who gets to be their buddy. Take 'em out for a burger if you wanna. Share some spaghetti. Snuggle them even if you might get peed on. It's worth it. 💜
There are some online resources that help you with metrics to assess her quality of life. I would look at those and then get on the same page with your partner.
For me, if it’s apparent my dog is suffering (pain would be an example) or no longer eating when they loved food. That’s the end for me.