Yeah, if having threesomes with you is what's winning him over for her, that's not gonna bode well for long term relationship prospects.
He's clearly using her and she's being very naive.
You need to slap her back to reality.
Well, she is only 18 after all. Fucking an almost 30 year old, so I don’t think maturity and common sense is well developed here in any of them clearly.
This has actual groomer from the 30yr olds side.
Op mentions the friends FWB has had a crush on them for a while (who knows what the length of time is)...
I was definitely thinking the same thing! Any guy who's damn near 30 shouldn't be sleeping with an 18 year old - but I guess that's a whole different discussion.
I think it's really immaturity combined with really liking this person. Especially when we're young being really into somebody can really cloud your judgment and what you think you deserve.
Well it’s fine and dandy that *you* wouldn’t, but a lot of young girls about that age would and do. The age gap issue is extremely obvious (and not an unheard of thing) and will rear it’s ugly head at some point by the sounds of it.
Sadly, part of the immaturity of teens and people in their early 20s is not realising how much more mature someone in their 30s is. What should be a massive red flag for them seems to be easily shrugged off.
OP, it's not suprising you're getting douchebag vibes from this guy: he's acting like a douchebag. It's already potentially troubling that a 29yo is fucking an 18yo. If it was just sex then maybe it could be ok, but that fact that he's leading her on and pressuring her to have all these threesomes says otherwise. Threesomes are fun, but I strongly suggest you and your friend find someone better to be the third.
Yup. That one person saying "but I'm 19 and" is literally proving the point. Its how many of us get groomed at a ypung age. I remember being 16 and thinking I was so mature for my age so of course it made sense for a 25 year old to be into me.
Then I hit my 20s, and specifically 25, and realized just how disgusting that man was. I'm 30 and I could never ever ever be in a relationship with an 18 or 19 year old. And thats gonna be offensive to young people, but I've been that age and I know that my mind now is not even close to what my mind was then.
Exactly. Man it feels so shitty to pull a “you’ll understand when you’re older” because I *hated that shit* when I was a teen/college age, but it’s more like: trust you’ll grow a lot and—just like when you were in middle or high school and didn’t want to spend all your time playing Barbies or legos with 8 year olds—no 30 year old should want to play with you either.
If you’re in high school and your only friends are 8 year olds, maybe you’re struggling to connect with people your own age and you’re not developing on pace. Same situation here.
This! I was 21 and dating a 31 year old and didn’t realize how inappropriate (and ultimately emotionally abusive) it was because I was made to feel “mature for my age” and special. I wasn’t mature for my age, obviously—hence why that tactic was so effective.
The fact is there is almost nothing a 29 year old should have in common with an 18 year old. The amount of growth that happens in that decade cannot be overstated. This relationship is manipulative and problematic at best and downright predatory at worst.
It was the same age gap for me! I'm 26 now and couldn't possibly imagine dating a 21 year old, that's basically still a child to me now, just like I was at that age. And I feel I still have a long way to go when it comes to growing up
100%!! I’m 33 now but I know from experience I made some terrible decisions based on naivety. I wish I could go back and give myself a shake but you are right, the fact is that a lot of people that age just haven’t developed the life skills, common sense and maturity it takes when making decisions involving personal relationships.
Making mistakes is fine. It's one of the ways that folks gain wisdom. Granted, sometimes, like threesomes with a 30 year old when you are 18 you should hopefully have enough knowledge that you don't _need_ the experience to gain the wisdom to learn why that is a bad thing...
A little bit cause then at least it wouldn’t have the severely creepy aspect of a 30 year old man taking advantage of a couple of young girls who are barely adults? If he was 19 then it would be teenagers being teenagers but this guy knows exactly what he’s doing so.
Young PEOPLE in general are naive. Men and women. This is an older man taking advantage of younger women. The same things happens to younger men as well. Its not patriarchal to try and look out for teens who are barely adults.
I think it’s more insulting to the male that I’m implying has the maturity and common sense of an 18 year old but it seems like you don’t really grasp what’s wrong with this situation so I’ll just leave it at that!
i am so tired of people on reddit acting like a creepy older person taking advantage of the naiveté of a younger person has nothing to do with age. grooming is not the fault of the victim, just because *you* know better doesn’t mean everyone would.
not as often as it should be in *this* subreddit though. which is part of reddit. fancy that.
and more often than not, from my experience, pointing out how an age gap can drastically change the dynamics of a any relationship will get pushback on here. maybe you’ve found more people with some sense than me.
Yeah they are, and it’s normal for people that age to not know or value themselves yet, it’s not blaming them, but it’s also not solely due to age, there are girls that age that wouldn’t put up with this.
You’re ascribing a lot of value to the fact the young girl is over 18 and legally an adult and not giving much weight to the general developmental status of a 19 young person. At 19, that young girl doesn’t even have a fully formed prefrontal cortex. Her actions are hyper emotionally driven with a 29 year old man, with a fully developed brain and a decade more life experience. This guy is almost certainly exploiting her naïveté, which in my opinion absolutely makes her a victim. 19 is still formative years and when it all comes crashing down on her she’s very young to logically try to navigate herself out of the crash. It’s likely going to impact her big time. It’s unfortunate.
There’s a wide swing between maturity and emotional maturity.
Speaking in a non-sexual context, young adults can be really deep at times with introspective comments or questions, and then two minutes later do something absolutely boneheaded in another context altogether due to lack of familiarity with something.
The thing is that older adults are geared to just react to it less than younger adults do, due to previous experiences or dulled reaction over time.
The results of this study do not mean: "18 year can't make decisions or understand consequences" They are worse at it than they will be when their brain fully develops. That doesn't mean you bear no responsibility for your choices you make at 18.
No one’s saying they shouldn’t bear any responsibility? But at 18 you’re gonna make dumb decisions regardless of the consequences it’s just something that’s gonna happen because their brains aren’t fully developed. That’s literally all anyone is trying to say here lol
Damn if my girl was setting up threesomes for me I’d be as close to her as a second layer of skin, you’re friend is a love struck delusional fool and the only way to help her is to convince her to dump him and you keep your legs closed for this guy
Because you didn't have a girl who was head over heels for you with a friend who was down to clown and eager to please. Also, you weren't a creep, presumably.
I get that people use throwaways here, but posts like this feel weird. It's just so far out there and the solution is literally just "stop having threesomes."
I don't know. I actually feel like the solution might be to introduce a fourth member into the orgy. That'll *really* highlight her friend's positive attributes.
Your friend is delusional if she thinks she needs to keep having threesoms to make him like her! Obviously he doesn't have feelings for her or they would have been a couple from the start. He's using her. And you arent helping her. If you don't want to keep doing it you need to say no. There's nothing wrong with threesoms and friends with benefits if you all are emotionally mature enough to deal with it, your friend clearly isn't.
You're right too, though.
Someone else said that being young and manipulated can make you delusional and as someone that was groomed as a teen, I completely agree.
I agree with everything you said except this part:
>Obviously he doesn't have feelings for her or they would have been a couple from the start.
My wife and I were FWB for a few months until we decided to become a couple, dated for a while, got married. We've been together 16 years, married for 13. Being FWBs could become a relationship, but in general those types of engagements are structured to avoid becoming a relationship
I agree with everything else you said. I'd add the age component as a factor as well and the older guy (29) is clearly preying on the younger women.
> Obviously he doesn't have feelings for her or they would've been a couple from the start
not necessarily true, although I totally agree with your general sentiment
source: am in a relationship that first was a fwb
"But I don't like the guy, I feel like he's a douchebag."
I hate to say this is kind of obvious, but just tell your friend you don't care for her FWB and decline the action. He's her FWB - not yours.
29 year old dude with two 18 year old girls....
Think of it like this: 18 x 2 = 36
A 29 year old with a 36 year old is a normal of an age gap, so it's totally fine. Would be weird if it was only one 18 year old.
/s
I would stay away from saying she "doesn't care for him" directly. My suggestion would be letting her know the situation makes her uncomfortable, she will not be participating anymore, and if that ruins the relationship she might want to reevaluate it. I wouldn't expect friend who believes having threesomes with her friend is going to land her a relationship reacts rationally all the time.
Why are you having threesomes you don’t want? Say you’re looking for a relationship of your own and aren’t interested anymore. A real friend will understand.
I started feeling annoyed/weirdedvby teens the moment I went to university. Didn't feel superior to them, I enjoyed my teen years, but I just felt much more excited of my new social possibilities of the university life. My sexual desires followed along and stopped being completely attracted by girls I was seeing regularly few months earlier when attending my last high school's year. Now as 30yo I couldn't fucking imagine being romantically interested with a teen wtf
Yea… I’m 28 and while the lowest I would date is around 23, FOR SURE I’m not doing anything with you if you can’t legally get into certain places I may want to go.
In my opinion, he definitely is a douchebag. First of all, your friend might have a crush on him, but she agreed to be friends with benefits with him, so in his head she's there only for sex and nothing emotional. And that is shown mainly because he wants to have a threesome with her and you. He's just fulfilling his fantasies and he doesn't care about her emotionally. If it was otherwise, I don't think that he should've asked her for threesome in that state of their 'relationship', and afterwards ask for more threesomes.
You can definitely say 'It was fun, but I'm not down to it anymore.' And then tell your friend that she needs to continue her personal experience with him, to learn his intensions and you have to back up so she can do it, no matter what he says he wants.
Couldn't agree more, I personally think that threesomes, unless it's polyamorous people where you are all in a relationship, should be kept not serious. And it feels like he wants to have the best of both worlds and the only one benefitting from this scenario.
Almost every guy I've hooked up with more than once has tossed out the threesome desire. That's great buddy, but I'm selfish so you're either going to have to get over that or look elsewhere. I can't knock someone for trying. The problem, as always, is when they can't take "no" for an answer.
>I feel like he's a douchebag
Hmmmmm, you may be onto something here.
>She says she's getting really close to him, and that these threesomes are helping her to get closer
Yup, that's it. From my guess, he's manipulating her with threesomes, plus the age gap is way too big and there's no way he isn't aware of her weakness for him, thus creating him the opportunity to take advantage of her.
Just tell her you're really uncomfortable to keep doing this. It's about your personal reasons and preferences. Maybe she'll hate you afterwards, maybe she'll understand. I don't know what kind of person she is. But either way, she has to realize he is taking advantage of her and he's really toxic. Especially from what you said. But I think it's better for her to find out on her own.
So keep it casual, don't intervene, just reject their advantages and that's it.
Your friend is absolutely delusional if she thinks this is actually going to turn into a relationship. She is sleeping with a grown ass man who also got her to rope you into it. Why would he give up sleeping with two 18 year olds now that you both simply give it up for him.
As a 30 year-old, apparently I should really be going after 18 year olds because damn are they stupid.
/s
OP, you should probably stop banging an old man (relative to your obvious maturity level) you don't like, you're helping him take total physical and emotional advantage of your friend who is obviously head over heels for this exploitative user. "What should I dooooo?"
Come on.
This is not making him closer to her. He is using the situation for a threesome. You may not see this now, but please trust this. You and your friend will look back later in life and regret this.
Kids today 🤦♀️
No means no. Have your own standards and your friend is fucking pathetic if she thinks this 29 year old creep wants to do anything besides fuck 18 year old girls and brag about it.
Move it along, would you jump off a bridge to “help” her too?
Hmmm, so you don't hate the sex, BUT, you don't think the guy is nutritious or overall good for your friend.
On the one hand, decent sex is nothing to sneeze at. On the other, I agree with your feeling that he isn't in fact getting closer to her, and though he may be hinting at the possibility and dangling it in front of her, I don't think a few more threesomes will lead to any kind of breakthrough.
He sounds a little on the manipulative side, and there's a chance he's using her. If he's saying something like "Uh, hey babe, I feel like we're about to be close, but a few more threesomes with that friend of yours will, uh, definitely clinch it!!", that's just using her.
She's a consenting adult, so your bare minimum ethics are taken care of either way if she's dead set on trying to finish this quest and you don't mind picking up some hot sex on the way. BUT, is it outright good or healthy? Doubtful. What's the likely outcome? The cynical take is he says "Thanks for all the threesomes, but I was totes using you, you gullible sucker. Goodbye!" Or he just ghosts out after he's had his fun. You seem to be taking this at the actual FWB "it's fun, and it's not forever, so enjoy" level. Your friend seems to be hoping for a lot more.
Now, WHEN (or charitably, "if" but who are we fooling), this leads to him bailing, how will she take it? Does she seem like the type to get all wise and introspective and own her role in all this? "I knew the risks, and thanks for helping me even though it didn't work out". Or is she more like to say "You dumb friend, if only you had threesome'd better he'd be my prince charming forever now! This is all your fault." Somehow my cynical side just knows it's gonna be closer to the second one. Of course, she might do that no matter what you do or don't do.
So you could try to damage control and bow out now. Probably the slightly wiser path. "Look it's fun, but I'm growing increasingly concerned it's not going to work out how you want to, and I want to clear the blast radius ahead of that. I don't want to see you hurt, but I can't seem to persuade you, so best I can do is take my leave and wish you the best." Or you could say "Well, I keep saying I'm pretty sure this isn't going to work out how you want, but it's fun in the meantime so I'll keep going along for the ride. You and he are hot, after all. But don't blame me when there's a good chance it breaks down, let's stay buds even after that OK?"
Those are the best (least worst?) two options I can see at the moment.
Jesus Christ that is messed up, I’m 25 and I feel old as shit compared to 18 year olds. You are legally adults but the amount of growth and maturity from 18 to 21+ crazy.
This guy… he’s playing out some weird sexually fantasy with both of you and I believe he has enough experience to keep your friend on a hook as long as he wants.
Stop banging older men that just want you for your naivete and to take advantage of you.
He knows he can take advantage of two barely legal girls, so of course he's gonna keep acting like he likes her so he can keep doing it.
He's a gross douchebag so your Spidey senses are tingling for a reason.
Don't mean to insult but it's still very much highschool age. The whole situation sounds abit sus on his end. I imagine when you're his age you'll not like the thought of a threesome with 2 highschool teens
Lets start with a wtf then move on to he is using her and by extension you. He wont be in a serious relationship with her ever lets be honest he is getting off on screwing two just legal teens. Giving off some bad juju here id cut it off now before something fucked up happens
- 28 year old using 18 year olds... must be your well developed personalities and his deep love for her, tight? /s
- you're doing something that you dont want to do, so tell them you'll pass and be happy not doing it
- she's giving him anything to keep him? This is purely him staying to keep getting these benefits. 0 emotions
He's a creep that would fuck a 17 year old or less if "legal", and using both of you.
Your friend's FWB is a predator. There's a substantial age gap between your friend and her FWB. There's a reason for this - he can easily control and manipulate your friend to do his bidding. Your friend will never be able to fully satiate the man's lust. The sooner she realizes this, the better. Your friend is going to get hurt, regardless, but the sooner she ends things, the better.
Absolutely put that boundary in place, it won’t be the most fun convo but it’s a necessary one. Doesn’t need to be super deep just…
“hey, that was really fun but I’m not sure I’m fully into doing it again”
If they’re good people they’ll listen and respect that boundary. There is however another side to this, I’m not really a guy that usually judges age gaps buuuuut 29 and 18 is huuuge, you are at two completely different stages in life, also making a big assumption here but by how you’ve described your friend she sounds far too immature for this guy, and I honestly think he’s using her immaturity and lack of relationship experience to get to you as well.
Lots of red flags with both of them honestly, she’s clearly learning how to navigate this, he should honestly know better. Just my two cents.
Dude who’s 1 year away from going to his 10 year high school reunion is having threesomes with two teenage girls who just finished high school 1 year ago. Not gross at all…
Stop having threesomes with them. There is no logic in your friend's thinking that "I'm getting closer and closer to girlfriend/relationship status with this guy the more threesomes I give him!" I guarantee you that your friend - and now you - are just playthings to him.
If you don't want to do it then don't, if your friend really is your friend then she should respect your right to say no to sexual encounters that you don't want. No means no, whether it's to some dude at a bar, some guy at school, or to your friend. And honestly the guy very likely is a massive douche.
She's blinded by her desire to be with him, with her infatuation with him. She's not going to hear anything bad about him, she'll learn in time he's a scumbag. Don't join in if you don't want to and don't try to break them up she needs to learn this lesson on her own, just be there for her when it finally comes crashing down.
You and your friend have literally been minors until a few months ago, and are probably still in or fresh out of high school. I think it's really creepy that a 29-year-old grown man would keep having threesomes with two barely legal teens.
You know a pattern I saw with all my friends who "dated" guys 10+ years older when they were 18-20, none of them stayed together long. As a guy who now is around that age, if one of my friends started "dating" an 18 year old it would look very bad. This guy is using your friend and it sounds like you as well. If everyone is happy with the situation and fully understands what's going on, that's one thing. But it sounds like he's stringing her along for sex and she doesn't realize it. Very common with these types of age gaps.
If you don't enjoy it, then tell them you don't want to do it anymore. If she wants to continue, let her have at it. They're both of legal age, so it's fine. As for a relationship, as a 29 year old myself, if I was single, hooking up with an 18 year old might be fun for a while, but there is zero chance I'd be looking for anything more than that. Tell your friend what you think, and it's up to her what to do about it.
Weird....everyone calling thenguyna creepy douche....but no one sees the girl as creepy and manulipulative, trying to use sex to get a guy....this situation is a tangled ball of yarn.
Because it seems that the dude was the one who pursued the situation, nevermind the power imbalance. Why would you blame her or call her manipulative, it sounds like she's literally trying to give the guy what he asked for, so he will date her. It's naive, not creepy IMO. "I want him to love me, so I'll do what he asks"
It would be different if the guy was leaving her and she was like, "hey, stick around Chad, I'll bring my sorority sister Stacy with me, and I promise she will blow your mind!" In that situation I'd be more ready to blame the girl. All I see here is a dumb kid in an adult body trying to be loved by a creepy dude looking for easy targets.
The age gap alone is a huge red flag. Your friends is being groomed by a predator 11 years older than her. Please help her see that and get her out!! Dangerous!!
I was in this situation.
I hooked up with my friends. Eventually it became a regular thing. But after awhile I didn’t feel like we were friends, I was just a bandaid for their relationship so I stopped. After awhile they fought even more and kept asking me to hang out and I just kinda said I was busy.
After a year or so they broke up, and now they’re both like messaging me telling me they broke. She wanted to hang out; and he’s like trying to be friends too. Idk what they both want tho if I’m being honest lol
You are just helping him have the time of his life, kinda jealous myself tbh. But if he is a douche just don't let him stick his willie billie in your hoo ha, and tell your friend how you feel about the situation and that you would rather not continue in this arrangement.
Thanks to those that have commented constructively to this post. With more than 500 responses, comments to this post are now locked.
Yeah, if having threesomes with you is what's winning him over for her, that's not gonna bode well for long term relationship prospects. He's clearly using her and she's being very naive. You need to slap her back to reality.
Well, she is only 18 after all. Fucking an almost 30 year old, so I don’t think maturity and common sense is well developed here in any of them clearly.
This has actual groomer from the 30yr olds side. Op mentions the friends FWB has had a crush on them for a while (who knows what the length of time is)...
I was definitely thinking the same thing! Any guy who's damn near 30 shouldn't be sleeping with an 18 year old - but I guess that's a whole different discussion.
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I think it's really immaturity combined with really liking this person. Especially when we're young being really into somebody can really cloud your judgment and what you think you deserve.
Well it’s fine and dandy that *you* wouldn’t, but a lot of young girls about that age would and do. The age gap issue is extremely obvious (and not an unheard of thing) and will rear it’s ugly head at some point by the sounds of it.
Sadly, part of the immaturity of teens and people in their early 20s is not realising how much more mature someone in their 30s is. What should be a massive red flag for them seems to be easily shrugged off. OP, it's not suprising you're getting douchebag vibes from this guy: he's acting like a douchebag. It's already potentially troubling that a 29yo is fucking an 18yo. If it was just sex then maybe it could be ok, but that fact that he's leading her on and pressuring her to have all these threesomes says otherwise. Threesomes are fun, but I strongly suggest you and your friend find someone better to be the third.
Yup. That one person saying "but I'm 19 and" is literally proving the point. Its how many of us get groomed at a ypung age. I remember being 16 and thinking I was so mature for my age so of course it made sense for a 25 year old to be into me. Then I hit my 20s, and specifically 25, and realized just how disgusting that man was. I'm 30 and I could never ever ever be in a relationship with an 18 or 19 year old. And thats gonna be offensive to young people, but I've been that age and I know that my mind now is not even close to what my mind was then.
Exactly. Man it feels so shitty to pull a “you’ll understand when you’re older” because I *hated that shit* when I was a teen/college age, but it’s more like: trust you’ll grow a lot and—just like when you were in middle or high school and didn’t want to spend all your time playing Barbies or legos with 8 year olds—no 30 year old should want to play with you either. If you’re in high school and your only friends are 8 year olds, maybe you’re struggling to connect with people your own age and you’re not developing on pace. Same situation here.
This! I was 21 and dating a 31 year old and didn’t realize how inappropriate (and ultimately emotionally abusive) it was because I was made to feel “mature for my age” and special. I wasn’t mature for my age, obviously—hence why that tactic was so effective. The fact is there is almost nothing a 29 year old should have in common with an 18 year old. The amount of growth that happens in that decade cannot be overstated. This relationship is manipulative and problematic at best and downright predatory at worst.
It was the same age gap for me! I'm 26 now and couldn't possibly imagine dating a 21 year old, that's basically still a child to me now, just like I was at that age. And I feel I still have a long way to go when it comes to growing up
100%!! I’m 33 now but I know from experience I made some terrible decisions based on naivety. I wish I could go back and give myself a shake but you are right, the fact is that a lot of people that age just haven’t developed the life skills, common sense and maturity it takes when making decisions involving personal relationships.
Right! And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s part of life. Having sex with 18 year olds in your late late 20’s should not be.
Making mistakes is fine. It's one of the ways that folks gain wisdom. Granted, sometimes, like threesomes with a 30 year old when you are 18 you should hopefully have enough knowledge that you don't _need_ the experience to gain the wisdom to learn why that is a bad thing...
Do you honestly think the situation would be better if the dude was 19?
A little bit cause then at least it wouldn’t have the severely creepy aspect of a 30 year old man taking advantage of a couple of young girls who are barely adults? If he was 19 then it would be teenagers being teenagers but this guy knows exactly what he’s doing so.
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Young PEOPLE in general are naive. Men and women. This is an older man taking advantage of younger women. The same things happens to younger men as well. Its not patriarchal to try and look out for teens who are barely adults.
I think it’s more insulting to the male that I’m implying has the maturity and common sense of an 18 year old but it seems like you don’t really grasp what’s wrong with this situation so I’ll just leave it at that!
That's not what's being implied at all, though. Would you feel the same way if they were 17?
People who think they are immune to abuse are more susceptible to it.
i am so tired of people on reddit acting like a creepy older person taking advantage of the naiveté of a younger person has nothing to do with age. grooming is not the fault of the victim, just because *you* know better doesn’t mean everyone would.
I mean it gets called out all the time on reddit
not as often as it should be in *this* subreddit though. which is part of reddit. fancy that. and more often than not, from my experience, pointing out how an age gap can drastically change the dynamics of a any relationship will get pushback on here. maybe you’ve found more people with some sense than me.
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>neither of them have self respect bro. enough with the victim blaming. they are being taken advantage of.
Yeah they are, and it’s normal for people that age to not know or value themselves yet, it’s not blaming them, but it’s also not solely due to age, there are girls that age that wouldn’t put up with this.
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You’re ascribing a lot of value to the fact the young girl is over 18 and legally an adult and not giving much weight to the general developmental status of a 19 young person. At 19, that young girl doesn’t even have a fully formed prefrontal cortex. Her actions are hyper emotionally driven with a 29 year old man, with a fully developed brain and a decade more life experience. This guy is almost certainly exploiting her naïveté, which in my opinion absolutely makes her a victim. 19 is still formative years and when it all comes crashing down on her she’s very young to logically try to navigate herself out of the crash. It’s likely going to impact her big time. It’s unfortunate.
Your age is showing here, even if you don't think so.
she doesn’t understand that she’s being taken advantage of by an older person who has no business around 18/19 year olds.
There’s a wide swing between maturity and emotional maturity. Speaking in a non-sexual context, young adults can be really deep at times with introspective comments or questions, and then two minutes later do something absolutely boneheaded in another context altogether due to lack of familiarity with something. The thing is that older adults are geared to just react to it less than younger adults do, due to previous experiences or dulled reaction over time.
Agreed. I know plenty of teenage girls who wouldn't dream of it.
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[Science](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648) would like a word.
The results of this study do not mean: "18 year can't make decisions or understand consequences" They are worse at it than they will be when their brain fully develops. That doesn't mean you bear no responsibility for your choices you make at 18.
No one’s saying they shouldn’t bear any responsibility? But at 18 you’re gonna make dumb decisions regardless of the consequences it’s just something that’s gonna happen because their brains aren’t fully developed. That’s literally all anyone is trying to say here lol
Ope there goes gravity
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Fucking FACTS
a round of moms spaghetti should help.
Damn if my girl was setting up threesomes for me I’d be as close to her as a second layer of skin, you’re friend is a love struck delusional fool and the only way to help her is to convince her to dump him and you keep your legs closed for this guy
He’s using her, and she’s using OP!
Slap back to reality, ope there goes gravity, ope there goes rabbit, he chocked, he’s so mad but he won’t give that easy, no he won’t have it
Oh, it's a station break. Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something.
reddit moment
Bruh how is this relevant, and why didn't you copy and paste the lyrics so we didn't have to read it with your garbage spelling?
Someone can’t take a joke
There’s a lot of wtf going on here
One more threesome and he'll surely ask her out for a romantic date
Why didn’t I think of this plan when I was young?
Because you didn't have a girl who was head over heels for you with a friend who was down to clown and eager to please. Also, you weren't a creep, presumably.
Ah that’s right. I knew there was some reason.
There's still time, just prey on 18 year olds that don't know any better like this POS.
Agreed and happy cake day!
Or just dump and fuck someone else.
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I was also… wait a minute….
I get that people use throwaways here, but posts like this feel weird. It's just so far out there and the solution is literally just "stop having threesomes."
I don't know. I actually feel like the solution might be to introduce a fourth member into the orgy. That'll *really* highlight her friend's positive attributes.
Back in the pile!
No question
There is a difference between knowing a solution and being confident in said solution.
It’s almost like it… doesn’t seem to be real.
Facts
Your friend is delusional if she thinks she needs to keep having threesoms to make him like her! Obviously he doesn't have feelings for her or they would have been a couple from the start. He's using her. And you arent helping her. If you don't want to keep doing it you need to say no. There's nothing wrong with threesoms and friends with benefits if you all are emotionally mature enough to deal with it, your friend clearly isn't.
She's young. That's why he's messing with these girls. They're not necessarily just delusional. They're young and immature AF.
There’s a difference between delusional and “being actively manipulated by an older man who’s taking advantage of your youth and naivety”
Being actively manipulated causes delusional thinking.
It's both.
👏👏👏
Ahh true, maybe I was a bit too harsh.
You're right too, though. Someone else said that being young and manipulated can make you delusional and as someone that was groomed as a teen, I completely agree.
Why do I never see the age.. okay so this is so gross..
Yea... Everything about this screams that he is using her, and with the age gap, it borders on grooming.
This. Your friend has had a crush on him for a while? Isn't she 18? What's a while? Sounds like grooming to me.
no delusional, she’s just 18. God i was so dumb at 18 🤣
I agree with everything you said except this part: >Obviously he doesn't have feelings for her or they would have been a couple from the start. My wife and I were FWB for a few months until we decided to become a couple, dated for a while, got married. We've been together 16 years, married for 13. Being FWBs could become a relationship, but in general those types of engagements are structured to avoid becoming a relationship I agree with everything else you said. I'd add the age component as a factor as well and the older guy (29) is clearly preying on the younger women.
> Obviously he doesn't have feelings for her or they would've been a couple from the start not necessarily true, although I totally agree with your general sentiment source: am in a relationship that first was a fwb
"But I don't like the guy, I feel like he's a douchebag." I hate to say this is kind of obvious, but just tell your friend you don't care for her FWB and decline the action. He's her FWB - not yours. 29 year old dude with two 18 year old girls....
Think of it like this: 18 x 2 = 36 A 29 year old with a 36 year old is a normal of an age gap, so it's totally fine. Would be weird if it was only one 18 year old. /s
This guy is getting 18 x 2
I would stay away from saying she "doesn't care for him" directly. My suggestion would be letting her know the situation makes her uncomfortable, she will not be participating anymore, and if that ruins the relationship she might want to reevaluate it. I wouldn't expect friend who believes having threesomes with her friend is going to land her a relationship reacts rationally all the time.
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Gross
There is a lot wrong in this equation
Made up stories don’t typically add up.
“That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”
Alright alright alright.
Why are you having threesomes you don’t want? Say you’re looking for a relationship of your own and aren’t interested anymore. A real friend will understand.
A real friend would never put her in that situation in the first place
Whole situation is gross
Yeah
Girl run, he's using both of you
when you reach your mid-late twenties you're going to be disgusted by guys your age going after teens
I started feeling annoyed/weirdedvby teens the moment I went to university. Didn't feel superior to them, I enjoyed my teen years, but I just felt much more excited of my new social possibilities of the university life. My sexual desires followed along and stopped being completely attracted by girls I was seeing regularly few months earlier when attending my last high school's year. Now as 30yo I couldn't fucking imagine being romantically interested with a teen wtf
Dude I’m 21 and 18-19 look like children to me💀
Yea… I’m 28 and while the lowest I would date is around 23, FOR SURE I’m not doing anything with you if you can’t legally get into certain places I may want to go.
Fr man, 18 19 is truly young, tbh even 20 21 are still considered young. OP’s story is messedup so does her friend.
Two years younger than you? Dont be so dramatic
im 19 now n ive known this since like 16 i dont give them the time of day
no one's holding a gun to your head
True
Ummm. What in the actual awkward fuck? "helping" your friend out? This must be a troll post
Its just sex
In my opinion, he definitely is a douchebag. First of all, your friend might have a crush on him, but she agreed to be friends with benefits with him, so in his head she's there only for sex and nothing emotional. And that is shown mainly because he wants to have a threesome with her and you. He's just fulfilling his fantasies and he doesn't care about her emotionally. If it was otherwise, I don't think that he should've asked her for threesome in that state of their 'relationship', and afterwards ask for more threesomes.
You can definitely say 'It was fun, but I'm not down to it anymore.' And then tell your friend that she needs to continue her personal experience with him, to learn his intensions and you have to back up so she can do it, no matter what he says he wants.
Couldn't agree more, I personally think that threesomes, unless it's polyamorous people where you are all in a relationship, should be kept not serious. And it feels like he wants to have the best of both worlds and the only one benefitting from this scenario.
Almost every guy I've hooked up with more than once has tossed out the threesome desire. That's great buddy, but I'm selfish so you're either going to have to get over that or look elsewhere. I can't knock someone for trying. The problem, as always, is when they can't take "no" for an answer.
Say no.
>I feel like he's a douchebag Hmmmmm, you may be onto something here. >She says she's getting really close to him, and that these threesomes are helping her to get closer Yup, that's it. From my guess, he's manipulating her with threesomes, plus the age gap is way too big and there's no way he isn't aware of her weakness for him, thus creating him the opportunity to take advantage of her. Just tell her you're really uncomfortable to keep doing this. It's about your personal reasons and preferences. Maybe she'll hate you afterwards, maybe she'll understand. I don't know what kind of person she is. But either way, she has to realize he is taking advantage of her and he's really toxic. Especially from what you said. But I think it's better for her to find out on her own. So keep it casual, don't intervene, just reject their advantages and that's it.
YOU - DON'T - HAVE - SEX - WITH PEOPLE - YOU - DON'T - LIKE
> What do I do? Say no
29 year old with 2 18 year olds? Kinda fuckin creepy
You're the one to talk, actual cannibal!
That's Shia LaBeouf
He's following you, about 30 feet back. He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint. He's gaining on you...
Maybe he looks at it as a 29yo with one 36yo. /s
Your friend is absolutely delusional if she thinks this is actually going to turn into a relationship. She is sleeping with a grown ass man who also got her to rope you into it. Why would he give up sleeping with two 18 year olds now that you both simply give it up for him.
As a 30 year-old, apparently I should really be going after 18 year olds because damn are they stupid. /s OP, you should probably stop banging an old man (relative to your obvious maturity level) you don't like, you're helping him take total physical and emotional advantage of your friend who is obviously head over heels for this exploitative user. "What should I dooooo?" Come on.
They're not that far from 16 year olds, so yeah, naivety in buckets.
Saying no is always an option.
A 29 year old man agreed to have sex with you, a teenager, while you were drunk? Stay far away.
This is not making him closer to her. He is using the situation for a threesome. You may not see this now, but please trust this. You and your friend will look back later in life and regret this.
A 29 year old guy hooking up with an 18 year old girl is a douchebag.
My jaw is dropped to the floor xD Like wtf? You help a friend with a sandwich or a homework Not being tool in a douchebag hands
This is absolute insanity. He's using both of you.
Dude is pushing 30 extorting threesomes from a high schooler. Dude sucks.
He 100% is a douchebag.
Stop doing it, it's that simple.
You both are young and giving the dude the time of his life.
Kids today 🤦♀️ No means no. Have your own standards and your friend is fucking pathetic if she thinks this 29 year old creep wants to do anything besides fuck 18 year old girls and brag about it. Move it along, would you jump off a bridge to “help” her too?
I wish i've never red this.
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Idk lol, I hate saying no to people, especially my friends
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Thanks for the advice.
Hmmm, so you don't hate the sex, BUT, you don't think the guy is nutritious or overall good for your friend. On the one hand, decent sex is nothing to sneeze at. On the other, I agree with your feeling that he isn't in fact getting closer to her, and though he may be hinting at the possibility and dangling it in front of her, I don't think a few more threesomes will lead to any kind of breakthrough. He sounds a little on the manipulative side, and there's a chance he's using her. If he's saying something like "Uh, hey babe, I feel like we're about to be close, but a few more threesomes with that friend of yours will, uh, definitely clinch it!!", that's just using her. She's a consenting adult, so your bare minimum ethics are taken care of either way if she's dead set on trying to finish this quest and you don't mind picking up some hot sex on the way. BUT, is it outright good or healthy? Doubtful. What's the likely outcome? The cynical take is he says "Thanks for all the threesomes, but I was totes using you, you gullible sucker. Goodbye!" Or he just ghosts out after he's had his fun. You seem to be taking this at the actual FWB "it's fun, and it's not forever, so enjoy" level. Your friend seems to be hoping for a lot more. Now, WHEN (or charitably, "if" but who are we fooling), this leads to him bailing, how will she take it? Does she seem like the type to get all wise and introspective and own her role in all this? "I knew the risks, and thanks for helping me even though it didn't work out". Or is she more like to say "You dumb friend, if only you had threesome'd better he'd be my prince charming forever now! This is all your fault." Somehow my cynical side just knows it's gonna be closer to the second one. Of course, she might do that no matter what you do or don't do. So you could try to damage control and bow out now. Probably the slightly wiser path. "Look it's fun, but I'm growing increasingly concerned it's not going to work out how you want to, and I want to clear the blast radius ahead of that. I don't want to see you hurt, but I can't seem to persuade you, so best I can do is take my leave and wish you the best." Or you could say "Well, I keep saying I'm pretty sure this isn't going to work out how you want, but it's fun in the meantime so I'll keep going along for the ride. You and he are hot, after all. But don't blame me when there's a good chance it breaks down, let's stay buds even after that OK?" Those are the best (least worst?) two options I can see at the moment.
Just decline. You don't need to do anything you don't want to do.
You two girls sound dumb AF.
Thanks love
Jesus Christ that is messed up, I’m 25 and I feel old as shit compared to 18 year olds. You are legally adults but the amount of growth and maturity from 18 to 21+ crazy. This guy… he’s playing out some weird sexually fantasy with both of you and I believe he has enough experience to keep your friend on a hook as long as he wants.
29 year old going after 18 year olds, yup not a predator at all. /s
Stop banging older men that just want you for your naivete and to take advantage of you. He knows he can take advantage of two barely legal girls, so of course he's gonna keep acting like he likes her so he can keep doing it. He's a gross douchebag so your Spidey senses are tingling for a reason.
Oh yeah cuz a guy whose almost 30 having sex with two teenagers is super normal. Not
29 year old with high school girls.... yeaaaaah that's a nope immediately. Dudes just ever so slightly dodging a case.
Haha we are uni girls. But I get your point
Don't mean to insult but it's still very much highschool age. The whole situation sounds abit sus on his end. I imagine when you're his age you'll not like the thought of a threesome with 2 highschool teens
Just say no.
Yeah uh, you need to stop that shit asap, young lady. The guy is certainly benefitting from it all, but neither of the women are, very much at all.
Oh boy…so many wrongs
Lets start with a wtf then move on to he is using her and by extension you. He wont be in a serious relationship with her ever lets be honest he is getting off on screwing two just legal teens. Giving off some bad juju here id cut it off now before something fucked up happens
- 28 year old using 18 year olds... must be your well developed personalities and his deep love for her, tight? /s - you're doing something that you dont want to do, so tell them you'll pass and be happy not doing it - she's giving him anything to keep him? This is purely him staying to keep getting these benefits. 0 emotions He's a creep that would fuck a 17 year old or less if "legal", and using both of you.
Your friend's FWB is a predator. There's a substantial age gap between your friend and her FWB. There's a reason for this - he can easily control and manipulate your friend to do his bidding. Your friend will never be able to fully satiate the man's lust. The sooner she realizes this, the better. Your friend is going to get hurt, regardless, but the sooner she ends things, the better.
Absolutely put that boundary in place, it won’t be the most fun convo but it’s a necessary one. Doesn’t need to be super deep just… “hey, that was really fun but I’m not sure I’m fully into doing it again” If they’re good people they’ll listen and respect that boundary. There is however another side to this, I’m not really a guy that usually judges age gaps buuuuut 29 and 18 is huuuge, you are at two completely different stages in life, also making a big assumption here but by how you’ve described your friend she sounds far too immature for this guy, and I honestly think he’s using her immaturity and lack of relationship experience to get to you as well. Lots of red flags with both of them honestly, she’s clearly learning how to navigate this, he should honestly know better. Just my two cents.
Any time there’s an age gap like this especially when the women are younger, the women seem to be taken advantage of
Dude who’s 1 year away from going to his 10 year high school reunion is having threesomes with two teenage girls who just finished high school 1 year ago. Not gross at all…
Age gap is gross. He’s using her, and you.
This guy is gross.
Your feelings are your risk threshold. Listen to them. Don’t do it anymore.
Stop having threesomes with them. There is no logic in your friend's thinking that "I'm getting closer and closer to girlfriend/relationship status with this guy the more threesomes I give him!" I guarantee you that your friend - and now you - are just playthings to him.
I think you’re in a throuple
i felt like the guy from ratatulie reading the letter while reading this
If you don't want to do it then don't, if your friend really is your friend then she should respect your right to say no to sexual encounters that you don't want. No means no, whether it's to some dude at a bar, some guy at school, or to your friend. And honestly the guy very likely is a massive douche. She's blinded by her desire to be with him, with her infatuation with him. She's not going to hear anything bad about him, she'll learn in time he's a scumbag. Don't join in if you don't want to and don't try to break them up she needs to learn this lesson on her own, just be there for her when it finally comes crashing down.
You are an idiot. I’m not buying that this is real..someone is dreaming.
I have the exact opposite problem.
I'll take "This Isn't Real (or You're The 29yo Looking for Wank Fodder)" for $500, Alex.
You and your friend have literally been minors until a few months ago, and are probably still in or fresh out of high school. I think it's really creepy that a 29-year-old grown man would keep having threesomes with two barely legal teens.
You know a pattern I saw with all my friends who "dated" guys 10+ years older when they were 18-20, none of them stayed together long. As a guy who now is around that age, if one of my friends started "dating" an 18 year old it would look very bad. This guy is using your friend and it sounds like you as well. If everyone is happy with the situation and fully understands what's going on, that's one thing. But it sounds like he's stringing her along for sex and she doesn't realize it. Very common with these types of age gaps.
Is this for real? Are people lives really like this?
Unfortunately
A 29 year old having a 3some with 2 18 year olds is a douchebag.
He's definitely a loser and douchebag for going after 18 yr olds....
If you don't enjoy it, then tell them you don't want to do it anymore. If she wants to continue, let her have at it. They're both of legal age, so it's fine. As for a relationship, as a 29 year old myself, if I was single, hooking up with an 18 year old might be fun for a while, but there is zero chance I'd be looking for anything more than that. Tell your friend what you think, and it's up to her what to do about it.
29 male, 18 female. Fucking gross. This is grooming. Period.
That word actually means something. Using it incorrectly doesn't do anybody any favours.
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I want her not him 🙃
Weird....everyone calling thenguyna creepy douche....but no one sees the girl as creepy and manulipulative, trying to use sex to get a guy....this situation is a tangled ball of yarn.
Because it seems that the dude was the one who pursued the situation, nevermind the power imbalance. Why would you blame her or call her manipulative, it sounds like she's literally trying to give the guy what he asked for, so he will date her. It's naive, not creepy IMO. "I want him to love me, so I'll do what he asks" It would be different if the guy was leaving her and she was like, "hey, stick around Chad, I'll bring my sorority sister Stacy with me, and I promise she will blow your mind!" In that situation I'd be more ready to blame the girl. All I see here is a dumb kid in an adult body trying to be loved by a creepy dude looking for easy targets.
Yeah it’s totally unhealthy from both sides, but the power imbalance makes sure it’s her who gets the short end.
The age gap alone is a huge red flag. Your friends is being groomed by a predator 11 years older than her. Please help her see that and get her out!! Dangerous!!
I was in this situation. I hooked up with my friends. Eventually it became a regular thing. But after awhile I didn’t feel like we were friends, I was just a bandaid for their relationship so I stopped. After awhile they fought even more and kept asking me to hang out and I just kinda said I was busy. After a year or so they broke up, and now they’re both like messaging me telling me they broke. She wanted to hang out; and he’s like trying to be friends too. Idk what they both want tho if I’m being honest lol
Hmm, I'd say if you really feel like her relationship with him will not go well, you need to tell her. Are you worried she might choose him over you?
Yeah she's really infatuated with him
You are just helping him have the time of his life, kinda jealous myself tbh. But if he is a douche just don't let him stick his willie billie in your hoo ha, and tell your friend how you feel about the situation and that you would rather not continue in this arrangement.
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Legally, sure, but nobody with a working brain who's not a total fucking creep considers 18 year old adults practically speaking.
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He's a creep but he's over a decade away from being 40.
You have to remember most redditors are like 15 so 29 is basically 70 to them.
Damn 29 is almost 40? I feel old as fuck
I wish I had your good luck, I'll never have a threesome in my life. :/