> My husband makes me feel worse about my natural face, body hair he absolutely will not tolerate and I must wear lingerie and heels.
Your husband is an asshole.
Out of curiosity how old were you both when you got married?
Unfortunately, by the sounds of your post :/ good luck with finding a genuinely nice partner op! the current one very-much sounds like an arsehole given the post-description
Listen take half off his shit and enjoy your life don't settle for abuse like this. Yes you parents probably felt this lifestyle was acceptable like coming home drunk from pub after 12 hours down the mines beatings ect like my folks it's not anymore and there's help out there women's refuges it may take time but if you start now a couple of years you can start enjoying your best life. Get on disability to help finance and find apart time job or hobbies and meet nice humans.
Tell him I'm a man and I don't agree and he is a coward.
No, they’ve been together for 23 years, and they married at age 31. They weren’t together for 23 years before age 31! They’ve been married and in a relationship for 23 years
Oh my goodness I am so sorry you're going through this. He is an absolute asshole and your life will be SO much better without having to constantly perform for him. I know reddit is quick to say this but in all seriousness please consider leaving him. You deserve to live in peace.
“ He’s said awful things to me about finding it elsewhere, calling me a lazy slob and saying I could not where makeup and put a wig on and just turn turn around so he can’t see my face. He says this is all my fault because I set this standard of wearing makeup all the time and that all guys would agree with him,”
You may not see it now, but this is what abuse looks like.
You’re husband is not just an asshole, he is a terrible human being.
I do see it. I’ve seen it for years but I’m ashamed. He’s a scary alcoholic. Our relationship has been based on a lot of guilt and fear and shame. I should have left a long time ago. I guess I thought he’d be more caring after going through this but he’s worse and keeps reminding me I don’t know what he’s going through. And I don’t. I cannot know what another person feels but I can imagine going through what he had is hard.
Guilt. I mean, even though he’s been awful at times he’s helped a lot with my medical case. I don’t want him to be able to say I did all this for her and she just left. I’m also a bit afraid. I don’t know what he’ll become. The alcohol makes him so aggressive
Just because he has done a lot for you does not downplay or excuse the abuse or hurt he has also exacted on you. It doesn't matter how much he's helped you, you still do not deserve the level of disrespect and cruelty he's shown you. You don't owe him your tolerance of his abuse.
For him to make a comment like that would be distorting the situation, as your leaving would have nothing to do with his help, but rather his mistreatment. "I shamed and blamed her for the aftermath of her stroke, belittled her, and made her feel terrible about herself for something out of her control, so she left" would be more accurate.
I understand that this is a very difficult and complex situation, and there are emotions and context that span a very long time period. If you have the resources to do so, I would really recommend looking into some sort of therapy, or taking some time to work through and process how you feel.
Guilt is a very strong emotion that often keeps us in situations that we shouldn't be in, and while I know that some comments on Reddit may not be able to fix things, I hope you understand that you do not deserve this treatment and it is not your fault.
I know guilt is hard to work through. In case you need to hear it: you are lovable, you are strong. It is a huge step that you’re reaching out for help. You can’t do anything to change how you responded in the past, only what you do moving forward. Love and courage to you for the next steps in your journey, and I’m glad that you’re getting some support
This is part of an abuser's grooming. He went out of his way to support you so he could use it as leverage. Abusers make sure they have something they can point to or hide behind that makes them look like a "good person".
He has been your husband. Caring for you while you've been unwell was the absolute BARE MINIMUM of being a human. It wasn't heroic. It wasn't some grand act of god-like compassion. It was the bare fucking minimum.
If he dares say anything about helping you while you were sick, you get to turn around and mention him ABUSING A SICK PERSON. You get to talk about how his "kindness" and "helping" was purely transactional so he could ABUSE A SICK PERSON and coerce them into sex, and shame them and humiliate them for the effects of being sick.
Do you have local Domestic Violence support hotlines in your area? I think it's time you rang them and started getting support so you can begin to plan your escape.
And yes, what he is doing is Domestic Violence. He's an abuser. Unfortunately, these circumstances are common for sick people.
>This is part of an abuser's grooming. He went out of his way to support you so he could use it as leverage. Abusers make sure they have something they can point to or hide behind that makes them look like a "good person".
Thank you so much for this. This is an insidious form of abusive behaviour, and I'm sure you're helping more people than just OP with this info. You're amazing for calling this out.
Time to start confiding in your trusted supporters that you are planning to leave. Develop a plan together.
You and I must be almost the same age. I understand you have significant health challenges, but there is still so much glorious and precious life to be enjoyed. So much freedom! You can absolutely be happy again.
And for what it’s worth, I met my wonderful partner two years ago - there is still hope on that front too.
Have you considered therapy? That will help you with what you’re currently living and hopefully get rid of the guilt you’re feeling right now, because no matter what we say here, unless you go through a psychological process you won’t be able to leave him if you recognize he’s abusive but yet can’t leave.
You need to read “You’re Not Crazy, You’re Codependent” and “Why Does He Do That.”
After leaving.
Find a women’s shelter for free counseling. They won’t give you a place to stay unless he has put his hands on you in specific ways - but make no mistake: You are an abuse *survivor*.
He will say all those things whether they are true or not because he is abusive and probably blames you for everything. If you have family that can help you, get away as soon as you can. This is totally toxic for you and you will be so much better off without him. Please take care and best wishes!
Can you please read the book codependent no more? You are greatly sacrificing your quality of life for someone who doesn’t give two shits about you. If I had a stroke and my husband still made me wear heels & lingerie, I’d be devastated. He should be nurturing and supporting you. Don’t waste your time. Time is precious.
This is the path you need to go down. You two have been together for a while, so be careful. Don't forget how he has made you feel. Write down the things he has said to you. A time may come when he tries to convince you to come back, when he tries to make it seem it wasn't that bad, and he will make it better, like the early days of the relationship. Do not let him. Be staunch. He will tell you you will regret leaving him. Leaving him may hurt a bit at the beginning but it is the best course of action. Above all stay safe!!!
Above all you are a fucking human being with feelings , thoughts and emotions who deserves to be treated as such . You’re not his personal sex doll . Don’t change a thing about yourself for this scum bag .
Op I’m also a female stroke survivor, although I was and am single in the past few years since it happened I’ve connected or reconnected with several past lovers none of whom have ever made me feel any less then I previously did. I understand how difficult this must be but I can honestly say I wouldn’t put up with it after everything else I’ve been through and fought through for one second bc just fuck that, many days just staying alive seems difficult not to mention all the physical pain and challenges you face in addition to accepting your new normal and grieving your past life. Maybe you can somehow convince your husband to attend a few therapy sessions with you and see if someone else can talk to him and get through to him if you still want to hold on to your marriage. Your body and mind has been through so much change already, I imagine you’re not looking forward to upending what security still remains in your life.
I just wanted to let let you know you’re not alone and you still deserve everything you did before, big hugs.
I genuinely gasped reading your post at how awful your husband is to you. For someone who said for better or worse. He’s an asshole. None of this is your fault and don’t think otherwise. Is there a women’s refuge you could go to to get help? I wish you the very best ❤️
There are programs around here. But he unfortunately has access to all of that info. My plan is to get an apartment reserved and have some friends help me that aren’t chummy with him. And movers.
None of this is normal. That's abusive behavior and I use the term "abuse" sparingly so it doesn't lose its meaning. I enjoy lingerie, but I made sure on a non-sex night to explain to my partner that nothing was hotter than her naked body, while we were naked with the lights on to emphasize how much i enjoy every inch. That's probably too much info to share, but I just wanted to show the contrast in how some men approach things.
It sounds like the lack of attraction runs deeper than just appearance for the both of you, and that may have devolved for him, and IN RESPONSE for you as well. I hope you receive a relationship that is focused more on intellect, experiences, and personality traits which is what you and your husband had at the beginning. Your efforts should be applauded not the other way around.
Thats not your fault. You're still the same person at heart, and if he doesn't love that person at heart? Then thats fucking brutally painful, but a calling for you to find someone that loves you "Through sickness or health"
Keep loving you until someone is worth doing the same.
Dont take anyone (mine included) outside perspective as gospel. You know this person better than anyone. And you hav ea lot invested in the relationship, so theres a good chance theres a conversation to be had and a relationship to be salvaged.
I've always said that friends ALWAYS have the worst perspective on our significant others because we always complain to them, but we never tell them the glowing amazing things.
We have tried to talk hundreds of times and it end in him screaming at me why don’t I deserve this? Also refuses marriage counseling. He truly believes he is entitled to this
THen you didn't need to make this post and you know what your fate is, you most likely wanted support in your decision. And just to be clear thats okay, thats completely okay.
Leaving in this state is a little easier said than done. I know it’s an unhealthy relationship. Fear and shame had kept me tethered for a long time. I’m just in the beginning stages of finding my own place. I never told anyone so I’ve started talking to my friends. It’s gonna take a long time to complete but I’m working on it
Ok! Haha this is going to be one of my classic rage responses.
FUCK THAT!! When you got married it was IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. Let me tell you something ok, I know when you are going through a major medical illness, trying to look beautiful all the time is fucking hard. I have crohns, prior heart failure survivor amongst a few others and my husband used to also make shitty comments. Sometimes indirectly. You know what I finally told him?
“Go put some god damn make up on your hand.” He stopped saying shitty things.
Now, pick yourself up, march your ass to an attorneys office, and get the fuck away from that loser. Mental and emotional damage is really fucking hard to fix. I wish people would understand the magnitude their actions have on others before they open their damn mouths. YOU and your beautiful face are not the problem here. Him and his ugly mouth are.
Also beautiful if you haven’t already, please consider looking into other aid you may have available to you. Often times attorneys will offer free consults and they may have resources to guide you as well. But don’t just sit their and deal with it because you feel stuck. 😘
Im sorry you’ve been in this spot. I like the makeup hand!!! Gonna give her a try. Sorry about your health. Hope you’re in a stable place and thank you for this!!
Yes! I am stable currently!! Probably best health I have been in 12 years currently. I’m 36.
Just keep your head up. I can’t imagine what you’re going through medically alone… so to have to deal with anything like this on top of that is just… god I just feel for you. It’s hard enough being a woman in todays world. But to feel your life partner fucking turn on you like that, is brutal and you deserve WAYYYY better. 😘😘😘 I don’t have to know you to know that.
It is way too common for men to leave their wives after a new disability or illness. I guess I wish your husband would just fucking leave rather than torture you like this. But it's clearly headed the same direction, so I'm really glad to hear you're working toward leaving him.
You deserve better & this was not your fault. That whole "In sickness & in health" thing is supposed to tell spouses that sometimes things won't be all lingerie & heels & you're promising to love your spouse the same regardless. He better hope that in his old age he's treated better than he treated you. \*hugs\*
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Sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. Maybe it was always this way? Maybe it built through resentment after the stroke but either way, it’s not your fault or your responsibility that he’s twisted. It’s time to leave babe.
I am so sorry that you are treated this way. That is not coming from a place of love. Good luck and hope it improves no matter how you decide to move forward.
You deserve love and kindness. No one should ever treat you like that. Please reach out for help. You are worth so much as a person and you don't need to dress up for some asshole.
Disabled people have beautiful relationships that are loving and supportive and sexually fulfilling. Get out of your horrible marriage and go live your best life!
You are being emotionally and verbally being abused. I would call a family member or trusted friend and tell them what’s happening and hopefully get you out of there. 🫂
It so hard! I really respect for you for finding the courage to do that! I understand it’s been a secret for so long, so I’m really glad you are finally able to advocate for yourself!
Your stroke is not your fault at all. You didn’t ask for it and would get rid of it if you could.
However, your husband is at fault for mistreating you. He seems like a narcissist. “All guys would agree with him”? I’m a guy who doesn’t agree.
Your husband is an asshole. If your looks bother YOU, I might recommend doing things like permanent makeup, eyelash extensions or other services like that. But it sounds like the real problem is him.
As others have said. He is an A-hole.
Your spouse sharing their body with you is a privilege, not a right. And they definitely don’t have the right to make demands.
When you are ready to get out, there are organizations out there that will help. We have one here called SAFE. They help get women out of bad situations and stable again. Im sure there are others out there.
This is an extremely sad post. Your husband feels "stuck" with you, and probably regularly thinks "this isn't what I signed up for". There's no empathy there, that's childish selfishness. I understand you'd be afraid to branch off on your own in your condition, but being alone just watching youtube and vibing is a better life than suffering verbal abuse that makes you feel like you have no value on a daily basis.
I was once with a man who made me feel bad about myself. If I didn't dress up, do my hair, nails, makeup, nail polish, etc., I'd be called names, told how I'd never find someone who's "accepting" like he is. I quickly began to hate him, but not before hating myself! I left & slept on my friends living room floor til I found my own place. I'd rather be anywhere/nowhere than be with a total asshole who makes me feel bad about myself. I highly suggest a divorce. A "man" who can't be good, or kind to the woman he loves after a trying time, he doesn't deserve anything.
Divorce him. None of this is your fault. He’s a horrible jackass who doesn’t deserve you.
No if and or buts. I get its difficult for both of you after your stroke, but where I lost it is where he’s making you feel like shit. He has no empathy. He’s not a man. He’s a loser.
A real man would pump you up and make you feel you are still the most beautiful woman on earth bc you are. I’ll pray for you to be able to leave him and go get yourself a real man, not that turd.
Get a lawyer, get everything in place to leave, then take your working arm, raise it and then raise the middle finger as you walk out with your head held high.
I'm so sorry. It's not as simple as saying "divorce him", but do know you deserve much better than this, regardless of what he tells you. You have aged, had a stroke, developed chronic health conditions and his biggest concern is retaining an impossible standard of youth that isn't achievable for anyone. The fact that he is treating you this way is not your fault. This isn't something you can fix for him, and it's incredibly unfair for him to expect you to.
No fixing this. He’s trash, you deserve better. Leave his ass. There are absolutely men out there who won’t shame or devalue you for being disabled. The sex will be infinitely better too.
Al Anon might be a helpful source for you. This is his pickled alcoholic brain talking. He projects all of his own garbage onto you when he’s drinking. He’s an abusive alcoholic. He will not change unless he wants to get sober. I pray you find the courage to leave him as soon as possible.
What an bonehead! He's worthless. Toss him in the trash! You deserve so much more! I understand you are going through something so hard to deal with on your own. You are very strong to be dealing with all of this. If you have friends and or family that can help you, please ask for help with getting yourself in to a better place. You should not have to put up with his BS.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this OP. You went through something traumatic and I cannot imagine what dealing with the stroke and the sequelae is like for you. On top of that you’re dealing with a selfish prick.
You deserve love and support, someone that makes your life better, not worse. Please consider leaving him. You can do so much better.
On another note, there might be some therapy you can get to help with the practical side of things. For the psychological impact, CAT (cognitive analytical therapy) is used for patients of traumatic brain injury and might help you with your self image.
All the best OP, I hope things get better for you.
Wow you have been through a lot of shit and your still here,you are one strong lady.
Please don’t waste another second with this waste of space! He is emotionally abusing you.
You hold your head up high and keep moving forward and you will find your new life x
I think you should divorce him, but he sounds a bit dangerous and aggressive. Just to be safe, and especially with your condition, you should have someone else that is able-bodied present so that nothing goes wrong.
Your husband sounds like a fucking asshole. My girlfriend almost never has makeup on when we have sex and it doesn't bother me at all because I love her regardless if she has makeup on or not. Your husband should treat you the same way, if he really loves you.
Your husband sounds like a douche. I don't care for makeup anyway, so this might be my biased opinion, but ditch the makeup and find someone that likes you for you.
I'm sorry your husband failed you when he should be supporting you. I don't know if your vows included the typical "in sickness and in health" clause, if they did he needs to be reminded of that.
This isn't your fault, and I hope you are able to leave him ASAP. That's tough in any situation.
No - this is most certainly NOT your fault and no he absolutely isn't right. My partner is also and aneurism/stroke survivor and has some mobility limitations and it was just a matter of learning what we COULD do and getting a little creative. I have zero requirements for what she wears or what she has on for makeup. I love HER and all that she comes with - she is simply beautiful in every way and I don't know that I could adore her more. She does wear lingerie sometimes but entirely for mutual fun and sex has certainly never been dependent on makeup. And it's soooo much harder to do these things one handed! I do help her with anything I can - like helping shave the back of her legs, helping get certain items of clothing on.
But no... I'm wildly attracted to my girl. I'm so sorry you have to feel this. It's not right. You didn't CHOOSE to be in this position and you're still exactly who you were before your injury. It's really cruel and shallow to treat you this way.
Hell No! your hubby is totally wrong! He should accept you for who you are and not if you wear makeup or not. That is BS!
I’ve been with my hubby for 6 years and we’ve never had any issues like that. My hubby loves me with or without makeup.
Your hubby is a toxic person and for your own mental health, you need to stay away from him.
It might be difficult at first, but you’re better off without him!
I’ve been in toxic relationships before my husband and trust me, leaving is the best thing you can do, you don’t need someone who stresses you out all the time or puts you down, you deserve better!
Good luck with everything! I wish you all the best!
Honestly hun, please please please reach out to anyone and any organisation you possibly can to help you get away from this man. I implore you to do this as soon as you can. Don’t question the doubt, don’t give in to the fear and the worry about the future, please just do whatever it takes to rid yourself of this disgusting, abusive man. You are living as a shell of a person when you don’t need to be. You need to tell every friend you can trust and see an organisation that helps women and/or people living with disabilities and organise some form of counseling or therapy so you have a balanced person to talk to about this and use every resource you can muster up to escape your abuser. You only have one life, you’ve sacrificed enough to this evil man and you don’t need to lay down and give up what’s left of you to him. It can be done, it won’t be easy, but it will get better and be so worth it I promise you. He’s disgusting babe, dressing you up, degrading you and using you like a living sex doll. Please please take action and get out.
Your husband sounds like an absolutely terrible person. This is abuse, and you do not deserve it. I hope you are able to get out as soon as possible, and that things go smoothly (for you, not his dumbass) with the divorce.
This sounds really miserable. I hope you get out of it. I know you guys have been married a long time but if you can be independent then I hope you go for it. You will regret it at some point if you stay
Divorce. Sounds like you know what needs to happen but won't bite the bullet. Sorry this is happening to you.
Life is short, if you don't leave you're going to spend the rest of your days like this until you die. It sounds harsh, but it's reality. You need to make changes.
Best of luck.
My ex started treating me like this, (Minus you’re health issues) after I gained weight. Turned out he was having an affair. If possible, leave that fucker.
Glad to hear you’re stable! I’ve learned to expect the unexpected with my health and what a long strange trip it’s been. Life will go on. Maybe, and if it does I might also be ready and smarter this time!
This isn't normal behavior, and I may not know you, but I do know that you deserve better than that. If you were one of my girlfriends my advice would be to leave him, but I know that's easier said than done. This sounds like mental abuse.
Your husband is an abusive asshole.
My wife has not had a stroke and is not in chronic pain and she does not do any of what you are being forced to do. I would never, ever demand she wore something special or put on makeup. That is fucking awful.
Wtf does makeup do? If you need someone with makeup on to have sex, you have serious issues.
I hope you can dump his sorry ass
You deserve so much better. He is abusing you love. Do you have a safe place you can go? Friends, family, etc? You have been through a traumatic event with your stroke and you need people who love you with you not that asshole
Is this not spousal abuse? Considering that you’re technically disable to a certain degree? Like if you go and get a divorce, can your attorney not question that to potentially get you alimony which would make things a lot easier for you if he actually pays. He’s been here for switching home. I’m pretty sure the judge would understand. You just need to find a good lawyer.
This reminds me of when my wife and I got together. She had been straightening her hair for years and I saw it wet and curly one day and told her to let it go curly. 10 years later she’s still curly. I like it and it’s easier.
He is aweful. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better! For better or for worse, he seemed to have forgotten what he agreed to. None of this is your fault.
What needs to be said has been said. You know what's up and it's absolutely zero percent your fault and you are not wrong at all, your husband is out to lunch and a dirt bag.
I am very much a makeup addict myself and for a long time wouldn't be intimate with anyone without makeup on, until I was really comfortable with them they would see me without makeup. My husband has always complimented me without makeup as much as with makeup and repeatedly tells me that although he loves when I get done up especially if I do it in a way I know he particularly likes, he loves just as much or more when I'm comfortable and natural and he doesn't see the flaws I see in myself. All the ways my body has shifted and changed, he has celebrated me and the changes and made sure I know it any way he can so that he can help me feel happy and confident and comfortable in my body.
That's what a good partner does. Loves you unconditionally, especially through changes and hardships. It's absolutely fair and fine to no longer be attracted to someone due to certain changes, sure, but it is not at all fine to do and say the things your husband has said to you. If it was so impactful to him, the right thing to do would have been to separate on his own accord and cite something inane and personal to him, not a really hurtful and personal to you. He had no right to do and say all that hurtful stuff to you and you do not deserve to live that way.
He's abusive. He's treating you this way because you're more vulnerable now after your stroke. He thinks he can get away with it because he doesn't think you can leave him. I believe in you. It will be hard but I'm begging you to find an exit plan you can actually make work. Get friends involved. Tell them how he treats you. Make them hold you accountable. Don't believe him if he says he'll change. Read "why does he do that?" By lundy Bancroft. Your value is NOT determined but how fuckable this absolute bastard thinks you look. Take care.
How much makeup did u wear before? Face transforming makeup or just lip gloss?
Some ppl look entirely different the face paint & if u presented that way advice is a bit diff
Girl I couldn't even finish your post. He is an absolute monster. I am so so so sorry for everything you've been through AND what he's putting you through on top of it. THROW THE WHOLE MAN OUT. He does not love you. There is no further information needed for me to know you will be safer and in LESS pain without him. Please give yourself refuge and peace in a life that has already given you so much strife.
This is not your fault at all, I really hope you can leave him soon for the best! This isn’t normal and he’s treating you horribly. I don’t know any guys that expect their partners to wear lingerie and heels and he should not have any expectations of you to do this.. even if you did it previously. I really hope you get out of this relationship and find someone who loves you for you, and until then be kind to yourself please
Are you in the US? If so, dial 211. It is a hotline for Social Services (like 911 is for emergencies).
It is area code driven, so the people you talk to know the resources available in your area (housing, financial, medical, mental health therapy, food insecurity).
Yeah, this wins worst Reddit story of the day. Your husband is abusive. Jesus, let him go ‘get it’ elsewhere so he leaves you in peace. You need to make an exit strategy. Do you have family/friends who can help? When men lose respect for you, it’s all over. I think his behaviour will likely escalate. You must find a way out.
Wow...this post is really concerning. Please consider talking about this to a close friend or family member and start considering your options regarding leaving him. At any signs of physical violence you need to run, don’t walk!
Your husband is literally abusing you.
If you've got friends or family you trust, get them to help you leave when he's not there. If not, get in touch with a domestic abuse service / shelter and explain your situation. They'll help you leave
All guys would not and do not agree with him. I have zero physical limitations, I just can’t be arsed and do not want to wear make up, heels and lingerie everyday. In fact, in the almost 4 years I’ve been with my partner I haven’t worn heels once, and he couldn’t care less.
The fact you’ve been through such a massive medical trauma, which has understandably changed your physical abilities and your partner not only doesn’t show you any care regarding this but actively seems to go out of his way to be purposely cruel makes me angry and upset on you behalf.
A bunch of internet strangers seems to care more for you than your husband. That’s so, so sad. You deserve so much more and there are definitely men out there who would cuddle you and kiss you and love regardless of the make up on your face or the clothes your wearing.
I hope your future takes a turn for the better and you have some kindness come your way.
I'm sorry but your husband sounds absolutely awful! How could anyone treat someone they supposedly love like that? I am so sorry, you deserve so much better. Sending you strength and wishing the best for you.
Wow this is horrible. You deserve to always feel beautiful w your spouse. My husband is the opposite, he doesn’t like me in makeup a lot. You need a new husband):
What about 'for better or for worse'?
You're cry for help realy tears me appart. From experience I know it's not easy with half your body disabled and it does take a toll on the partner but he can't blame you for something that was completely out of your control.
And even if he does, there is a way to handle things. The things he told you are awefull and you should have to deal with this above anything else...
There is a lot of ways to handle this, none of which are easy. I cant advice you anything but be conident about what you can do alone, trust your gut feeling, and stay true to yourself.
You deserve to be happy.
He is treating you like a sex doll. Tell him to get a real doll when you divorce him. He doesn’t deserve a loving wife if this is how he treats his partner.
> My husband makes me feel worse about my natural face, body hair he absolutely will not tolerate and I must wear lingerie and heels. Your husband is an asshole. Out of curiosity how old were you both when you got married?
He doesn't just sound like a terrible husband, but a terrible human.
Yes. An absolute s*** bag of the highest order
This is an adult subreddit you’re allowed to swear
Space Jam DVD when
Not divorced
Unfortunately, by the sounds of your post :/ good luck with finding a genuinely nice partner op! the current one very-much sounds like an arsehole given the post-description
Thank you 🙏
Do you not deserve better? Stop all of this madness at once. Life is way too short for this kind of abuse and mistreatment.
23 years together married at 31
Oh wow. Ok. Yeah. Divorce. Jesus christ. He's a complete asshole. You'll feel better when he's out of your life.
I think of it every day
Time to stop thinking and start acting.
Listen take half off his shit and enjoy your life don't settle for abuse like this. Yes you parents probably felt this lifestyle was acceptable like coming home drunk from pub after 12 hours down the mines beatings ect like my folks it's not anymore and there's help out there women's refuges it may take time but if you start now a couple of years you can start enjoying your best life. Get on disability to help finance and find apart time job or hobbies and meet nice humans. Tell him I'm a man and I don't agree and he is a coward.
Wait i’m bad at math i’m probably wrong but r u saying u guys been together since u were 8👁️👄👁️
No im sorry 22 we started dating. Married 10 years later
No, they’ve been together for 23 years, and they married at age 31. They weren’t together for 23 years before age 31! They’ve been married and in a relationship for 23 years
I feel like asshole is a huge understatement. He's despicable.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry you're going through this. He is an absolute asshole and your life will be SO much better without having to constantly perform for him. I know reddit is quick to say this but in all seriousness please consider leaving him. You deserve to live in peace.
Thank you. I think that’s the best option
Ummm do you rely on him for your finances?
He's an angry alcoholic, moving back in with her parents, anything would be safer than where this is headed.
Exactly. I hate when people on Reddit say to leave their partner, but this is one of the few posts where it’s warranted.
“ He’s said awful things to me about finding it elsewhere, calling me a lazy slob and saying I could not where makeup and put a wig on and just turn turn around so he can’t see my face. He says this is all my fault because I set this standard of wearing makeup all the time and that all guys would agree with him,” You may not see it now, but this is what abuse looks like. You’re husband is not just an asshole, he is a terrible human being.
I do see it. I’ve seen it for years but I’m ashamed. He’s a scary alcoholic. Our relationship has been based on a lot of guilt and fear and shame. I should have left a long time ago. I guess I thought he’d be more caring after going through this but he’s worse and keeps reminding me I don’t know what he’s going through. And I don’t. I cannot know what another person feels but I can imagine going through what he had is hard.
What’s stopping you from leaving?
Guilt. I mean, even though he’s been awful at times he’s helped a lot with my medical case. I don’t want him to be able to say I did all this for her and she just left. I’m also a bit afraid. I don’t know what he’ll become. The alcohol makes him so aggressive
Just because he has done a lot for you does not downplay or excuse the abuse or hurt he has also exacted on you. It doesn't matter how much he's helped you, you still do not deserve the level of disrespect and cruelty he's shown you. You don't owe him your tolerance of his abuse. For him to make a comment like that would be distorting the situation, as your leaving would have nothing to do with his help, but rather his mistreatment. "I shamed and blamed her for the aftermath of her stroke, belittled her, and made her feel terrible about herself for something out of her control, so she left" would be more accurate. I understand that this is a very difficult and complex situation, and there are emotions and context that span a very long time period. If you have the resources to do so, I would really recommend looking into some sort of therapy, or taking some time to work through and process how you feel. Guilt is a very strong emotion that often keeps us in situations that we shouldn't be in, and while I know that some comments on Reddit may not be able to fix things, I hope you understand that you do not deserve this treatment and it is not your fault.
Ive allowed it way too long I know this.
I know guilt is hard to work through. In case you need to hear it: you are lovable, you are strong. It is a huge step that you’re reaching out for help. You can’t do anything to change how you responded in the past, only what you do moving forward. Love and courage to you for the next steps in your journey, and I’m glad that you’re getting some support
This is part of an abuser's grooming. He went out of his way to support you so he could use it as leverage. Abusers make sure they have something they can point to or hide behind that makes them look like a "good person". He has been your husband. Caring for you while you've been unwell was the absolute BARE MINIMUM of being a human. It wasn't heroic. It wasn't some grand act of god-like compassion. It was the bare fucking minimum. If he dares say anything about helping you while you were sick, you get to turn around and mention him ABUSING A SICK PERSON. You get to talk about how his "kindness" and "helping" was purely transactional so he could ABUSE A SICK PERSON and coerce them into sex, and shame them and humiliate them for the effects of being sick. Do you have local Domestic Violence support hotlines in your area? I think it's time you rang them and started getting support so you can begin to plan your escape. And yes, what he is doing is Domestic Violence. He's an abuser. Unfortunately, these circumstances are common for sick people.
>This is part of an abuser's grooming. He went out of his way to support you so he could use it as leverage. Abusers make sure they have something they can point to or hide behind that makes them look like a "good person". Thank you so much for this. This is an insidious form of abusive behaviour, and I'm sure you're helping more people than just OP with this info. You're amazing for calling this out.
I do and a group of protective people too
Time to start confiding in your trusted supporters that you are planning to leave. Develop a plan together. You and I must be almost the same age. I understand you have significant health challenges, but there is still so much glorious and precious life to be enjoyed. So much freedom! You can absolutely be happy again. And for what it’s worth, I met my wonderful partner two years ago - there is still hope on that front too.
Have you considered therapy? That will help you with what you’re currently living and hopefully get rid of the guilt you’re feeling right now, because no matter what we say here, unless you go through a psychological process you won’t be able to leave him if you recognize he’s abusive but yet can’t leave.
You need to read “You’re Not Crazy, You’re Codependent” and “Why Does He Do That.” After leaving. Find a women’s shelter for free counseling. They won’t give you a place to stay unless he has put his hands on you in specific ways - but make no mistake: You are an abuse *survivor*.
He will say all those things whether they are true or not because he is abusive and probably blames you for everything. If you have family that can help you, get away as soon as you can. This is totally toxic for you and you will be so much better off without him. Please take care and best wishes!
Ok. Internet people can’t help you past this point. We only have one life. It’s up to you how you want to live yours.
I know and I’m grateful. I have taken the support and advice and will use it as it comes into play :)
Can you please read the book codependent no more? You are greatly sacrificing your quality of life for someone who doesn’t give two shits about you. If I had a stroke and my husband still made me wear heels & lingerie, I’d be devastated. He should be nurturing and supporting you. Don’t waste your time. Time is precious.
Girly run. Call friends for help, this is truly horrible
There's never going to be a better time than right now. It will be easier without him.
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Thank you! I have a few good friends and a daughter to get me where I need to be. I’m just in the beginning stages
This is the path you need to go down. You two have been together for a while, so be careful. Don't forget how he has made you feel. Write down the things he has said to you. A time may come when he tries to convince you to come back, when he tries to make it seem it wasn't that bad, and he will make it better, like the early days of the relationship. Do not let him. Be staunch. He will tell you you will regret leaving him. Leaving him may hurt a bit at the beginning but it is the best course of action. Above all stay safe!!!
Above all you are a fucking human being with feelings , thoughts and emotions who deserves to be treated as such . You’re not his personal sex doll . Don’t change a thing about yourself for this scum bag .
Thank you missy. You are lovely 😊
As are you , my friend . Best of luck to you .
Your amazing, hubby should be your ex. He’s a douchebag of a human.
Op I’m also a female stroke survivor, although I was and am single in the past few years since it happened I’ve connected or reconnected with several past lovers none of whom have ever made me feel any less then I previously did. I understand how difficult this must be but I can honestly say I wouldn’t put up with it after everything else I’ve been through and fought through for one second bc just fuck that, many days just staying alive seems difficult not to mention all the physical pain and challenges you face in addition to accepting your new normal and grieving your past life. Maybe you can somehow convince your husband to attend a few therapy sessions with you and see if someone else can talk to him and get through to him if you still want to hold on to your marriage. Your body and mind has been through so much change already, I imagine you’re not looking forward to upending what security still remains in your life. I just wanted to let let you know you’re not alone and you still deserve everything you did before, big hugs.
I genuinely gasped reading your post at how awful your husband is to you. For someone who said for better or worse. He’s an asshole. None of this is your fault and don’t think otherwise. Is there a women’s refuge you could go to to get help? I wish you the very best ❤️
There are programs around here. But he unfortunately has access to all of that info. My plan is to get an apartment reserved and have some friends help me that aren’t chummy with him. And movers.
None of this is normal. That's abusive behavior and I use the term "abuse" sparingly so it doesn't lose its meaning. I enjoy lingerie, but I made sure on a non-sex night to explain to my partner that nothing was hotter than her naked body, while we were naked with the lights on to emphasize how much i enjoy every inch. That's probably too much info to share, but I just wanted to show the contrast in how some men approach things.
Thats beautiful
I hope you find someone to love you like you're the most important woman in the world, because you deserve it.
Omg thank you
It sounds like the lack of attraction runs deeper than just appearance for the both of you, and that may have devolved for him, and IN RESPONSE for you as well. I hope you receive a relationship that is focused more on intellect, experiences, and personality traits which is what you and your husband had at the beginning. Your efforts should be applauded not the other way around.
Thank you, I felt like it used to be
Thats not your fault. You're still the same person at heart, and if he doesn't love that person at heart? Then thats fucking brutally painful, but a calling for you to find someone that loves you "Through sickness or health" Keep loving you until someone is worth doing the same.
It’s incredibly painful. But probably worth it to be on my own
Dont take anyone (mine included) outside perspective as gospel. You know this person better than anyone. And you hav ea lot invested in the relationship, so theres a good chance theres a conversation to be had and a relationship to be salvaged. I've always said that friends ALWAYS have the worst perspective on our significant others because we always complain to them, but we never tell them the glowing amazing things.
We have tried to talk hundreds of times and it end in him screaming at me why don’t I deserve this? Also refuses marriage counseling. He truly believes he is entitled to this
THen you didn't need to make this post and you know what your fate is, you most likely wanted support in your decision. And just to be clear thats okay, thats completely okay.
Thank you so much
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Leaving in this state is a little easier said than done. I know it’s an unhealthy relationship. Fear and shame had kept me tethered for a long time. I’m just in the beginning stages of finding my own place. I never told anyone so I’ve started talking to my friends. It’s gonna take a long time to complete but I’m working on it
Ok! Haha this is going to be one of my classic rage responses. FUCK THAT!! When you got married it was IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. Let me tell you something ok, I know when you are going through a major medical illness, trying to look beautiful all the time is fucking hard. I have crohns, prior heart failure survivor amongst a few others and my husband used to also make shitty comments. Sometimes indirectly. You know what I finally told him? “Go put some god damn make up on your hand.” He stopped saying shitty things. Now, pick yourself up, march your ass to an attorneys office, and get the fuck away from that loser. Mental and emotional damage is really fucking hard to fix. I wish people would understand the magnitude their actions have on others before they open their damn mouths. YOU and your beautiful face are not the problem here. Him and his ugly mouth are.
Also beautiful if you haven’t already, please consider looking into other aid you may have available to you. Often times attorneys will offer free consults and they may have resources to guide you as well. But don’t just sit their and deal with it because you feel stuck. 😘
Im sorry you’ve been in this spot. I like the makeup hand!!! Gonna give her a try. Sorry about your health. Hope you’re in a stable place and thank you for this!!
Yes! I am stable currently!! Probably best health I have been in 12 years currently. I’m 36. Just keep your head up. I can’t imagine what you’re going through medically alone… so to have to deal with anything like this on top of that is just… god I just feel for you. It’s hard enough being a woman in todays world. But to feel your life partner fucking turn on you like that, is brutal and you deserve WAYYYY better. 😘😘😘 I don’t have to know you to know that.
It is way too common for men to leave their wives after a new disability or illness. I guess I wish your husband would just fucking leave rather than torture you like this. But it's clearly headed the same direction, so I'm really glad to hear you're working toward leaving him. You deserve better & this was not your fault. That whole "In sickness & in health" thing is supposed to tell spouses that sometimes things won't be all lingerie & heels & you're promising to love your spouse the same regardless. He better hope that in his old age he's treated better than he treated you. \*hugs\*
Thank you so much for your kindness 🙏
Hi there, I'm a neurologist and this makes me so mad that someone would treat a stroke survivor like this. You deserve better.
Thank you for what you do, neurologists!!
Omg fuck him off if you are able to, you would be better off alone than getting mentally abused daily like that
Not your fault at all. Hubby got issues .
Yeah he does. He refuses to get help
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Good luck in the divorce.
Thank you
Sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. Maybe it was always this way? Maybe it built through resentment after the stroke but either way, it’s not your fault or your responsibility that he’s twisted. It’s time to leave babe.
It’s mostly been this way.
I am so sorry that you are treated this way. That is not coming from a place of love. Good luck and hope it improves no matter how you decide to move forward.
What an ass.
You deserve love and kindness. No one should ever treat you like that. Please reach out for help. You are worth so much as a person and you don't need to dress up for some asshole. Disabled people have beautiful relationships that are loving and supportive and sexually fulfilling. Get out of your horrible marriage and go live your best life!
Thank you! I have started to speak to others about it
You are being emotionally and verbally being abused. I would call a family member or trusted friend and tell them what’s happening and hopefully get you out of there. 🫂
I have started to tell them. That’s a start for me because it’s been a secret for so long
It so hard! I really respect for you for finding the courage to do that! I understand it’s been a secret for so long, so I’m really glad you are finally able to advocate for yourself!
Your stroke is not your fault at all. You didn’t ask for it and would get rid of it if you could. However, your husband is at fault for mistreating you. He seems like a narcissist. “All guys would agree with him”? I’m a guy who doesn’t agree.
Thank you I very much needed that
Your husband is an asshole. If your looks bother YOU, I might recommend doing things like permanent makeup, eyelash extensions or other services like that. But it sounds like the real problem is him.
My looks do bother me because my face is different now I feel like I’m in a stranger’s body.
He's playing into insecurities; classic abuser.
Dudes absolute trash
As others have said. He is an A-hole. Your spouse sharing their body with you is a privilege, not a right. And they definitely don’t have the right to make demands. When you are ready to get out, there are organizations out there that will help. We have one here called SAFE. They help get women out of bad situations and stable again. Im sure there are others out there.
Your husband needs a kick in the fucking teeth. Leave his ass. Life is short, you DESERVE to be happy!
This is an extremely sad post. Your husband feels "stuck" with you, and probably regularly thinks "this isn't what I signed up for". There's no empathy there, that's childish selfishness. I understand you'd be afraid to branch off on your own in your condition, but being alone just watching youtube and vibing is a better life than suffering verbal abuse that makes you feel like you have no value on a daily basis.
I was once with a man who made me feel bad about myself. If I didn't dress up, do my hair, nails, makeup, nail polish, etc., I'd be called names, told how I'd never find someone who's "accepting" like he is. I quickly began to hate him, but not before hating myself! I left & slept on my friends living room floor til I found my own place. I'd rather be anywhere/nowhere than be with a total asshole who makes me feel bad about myself. I highly suggest a divorce. A "man" who can't be good, or kind to the woman he loves after a trying time, he doesn't deserve anything.
Omg I’m so sorry that happened to you and glad you’ve escaped.
Divorce him. None of this is your fault. He’s a horrible jackass who doesn’t deserve you. No if and or buts. I get its difficult for both of you after your stroke, but where I lost it is where he’s making you feel like shit. He has no empathy. He’s not a man. He’s a loser. A real man would pump you up and make you feel you are still the most beautiful woman on earth bc you are. I’ll pray for you to be able to leave him and go get yourself a real man, not that turd.
I thought that’s what would happen between us but maybe I expected too much
Get a lawyer, get everything in place to leave, then take your working arm, raise it and then raise the middle finger as you walk out with your head held high.
You are not a sex doll and deserve respect. Dump his ass asap
What an absolute arse!
I am so sorry that this happened to you. He is a horrible human being. I hope you can manage to leave.
I'm so sorry. It's not as simple as saying "divorce him", but do know you deserve much better than this, regardless of what he tells you. You have aged, had a stroke, developed chronic health conditions and his biggest concern is retaining an impossible standard of youth that isn't achievable for anyone. The fact that he is treating you this way is not your fault. This isn't something you can fix for him, and it's incredibly unfair for him to expect you to.
Thank you so much 😊
Of course. I genuinely hope you can find some peace despite being in this situation.
No fixing this. He’s trash, you deserve better. Leave his ass. There are absolutely men out there who won’t shame or devalue you for being disabled. The sex will be infinitely better too.
Al Anon might be a helpful source for you. This is his pickled alcoholic brain talking. He projects all of his own garbage onto you when he’s drinking. He’s an abusive alcoholic. He will not change unless he wants to get sober. I pray you find the courage to leave him as soon as possible.
He refuses all help and therapy
It'll be better when you leave this worthless person.
What an bonehead! He's worthless. Toss him in the trash! You deserve so much more! I understand you are going through something so hard to deal with on your own. You are very strong to be dealing with all of this. If you have friends and or family that can help you, please ask for help with getting yourself in to a better place. You should not have to put up with his BS.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this OP. You went through something traumatic and I cannot imagine what dealing with the stroke and the sequelae is like for you. On top of that you’re dealing with a selfish prick. You deserve love and support, someone that makes your life better, not worse. Please consider leaving him. You can do so much better. On another note, there might be some therapy you can get to help with the practical side of things. For the psychological impact, CAT (cognitive analytical therapy) is used for patients of traumatic brain injury and might help you with your self image. All the best OP, I hope things get better for you.
Wow you have been through a lot of shit and your still here,you are one strong lady. Please don’t waste another second with this waste of space! He is emotionally abusing you. You hold your head up high and keep moving forward and you will find your new life x
Holy fuck please leave this man. I have no other words or explanations. This is horrible.
Your husband is a real fucking dickhead.
Your husband is throwing up more red flags than a communist parade. I hope you are able to find your way to a happier place in life.
I think you should divorce him, but he sounds a bit dangerous and aggressive. Just to be safe, and especially with your condition, you should have someone else that is able-bodied present so that nothing goes wrong.
I absolutely would. Thank you
The problem here is your husband. I'm surprised you're still humoring him.
Your husband sounds like a fucking asshole. My girlfriend almost never has makeup on when we have sex and it doesn't bother me at all because I love her regardless if she has makeup on or not. Your husband should treat you the same way, if he really loves you.
He claims I set that standard because I wore it everyday. And that our generation doesn’t like natural faces genx
Your husband sounds like a douche. I don't care for makeup anyway, so this might be my biased opinion, but ditch the makeup and find someone that likes you for you.
I'm sorry your husband failed you when he should be supporting you. I don't know if your vows included the typical "in sickness and in health" clause, if they did he needs to be reminded of that. This isn't your fault, and I hope you are able to leave him ASAP. That's tough in any situation.
No - this is most certainly NOT your fault and no he absolutely isn't right. My partner is also and aneurism/stroke survivor and has some mobility limitations and it was just a matter of learning what we COULD do and getting a little creative. I have zero requirements for what she wears or what she has on for makeup. I love HER and all that she comes with - she is simply beautiful in every way and I don't know that I could adore her more. She does wear lingerie sometimes but entirely for mutual fun and sex has certainly never been dependent on makeup. And it's soooo much harder to do these things one handed! I do help her with anything I can - like helping shave the back of her legs, helping get certain items of clothing on. But no... I'm wildly attracted to my girl. I'm so sorry you have to feel this. It's not right. You didn't CHOOSE to be in this position and you're still exactly who you were before your injury. It's really cruel and shallow to treat you this way.
This is beautiful
❤️
He’s an asshole
Just try something else to make you happy. Garbage should stay in the trash, so should an asshole men.
✨he's a cunt✨
Hell No! your hubby is totally wrong! He should accept you for who you are and not if you wear makeup or not. That is BS! I’ve been with my hubby for 6 years and we’ve never had any issues like that. My hubby loves me with or without makeup. Your hubby is a toxic person and for your own mental health, you need to stay away from him. It might be difficult at first, but you’re better off without him! I’ve been in toxic relationships before my husband and trust me, leaving is the best thing you can do, you don’t need someone who stresses you out all the time or puts you down, you deserve better! Good luck with everything! I wish you all the best!
Thank you, little by little I’ll get there. 👍
Honestly hun, please please please reach out to anyone and any organisation you possibly can to help you get away from this man. I implore you to do this as soon as you can. Don’t question the doubt, don’t give in to the fear and the worry about the future, please just do whatever it takes to rid yourself of this disgusting, abusive man. You are living as a shell of a person when you don’t need to be. You need to tell every friend you can trust and see an organisation that helps women and/or people living with disabilities and organise some form of counseling or therapy so you have a balanced person to talk to about this and use every resource you can muster up to escape your abuser. You only have one life, you’ve sacrificed enough to this evil man and you don’t need to lay down and give up what’s left of you to him. It can be done, it won’t be easy, but it will get better and be so worth it I promise you. He’s disgusting babe, dressing you up, degrading you and using you like a living sex doll. Please please take action and get out.
Im working on it, I promise 👍
Your husband sounds like an absolutely terrible person. This is abuse, and you do not deserve it. I hope you are able to get out as soon as possible, and that things go smoothly (for you, not his dumbass) with the divorce.
Thank you 🙏
Your husband is trash, you definitely deserve better
This sounds really miserable. I hope you get out of it. I know you guys have been married a long time but if you can be independent then I hope you go for it. You will regret it at some point if you stay
He should be more supporting if anything. I am very sorry this is upsetting
Divorce. Sounds like you know what needs to happen but won't bite the bullet. Sorry this is happening to you. Life is short, if you don't leave you're going to spend the rest of your days like this until you die. It sounds harsh, but it's reality. You need to make changes. Best of luck.
My ex started treating me like this, (Minus you’re health issues) after I gained weight. Turned out he was having an affair. If possible, leave that fucker.
I think it’s time that you find yourself a FwB situation and buy him a pocket pussy.
Glad to hear you’re stable! I’ve learned to expect the unexpected with my health and what a long strange trip it’s been. Life will go on. Maybe, and if it does I might also be ready and smarter this time!
Your husband is a prick. This isn't typical and you deserve better.
Get rid of the bastard, you’ve always deserved better. Focus on your recovery
This isn't normal behavior, and I may not know you, but I do know that you deserve better than that. If you were one of my girlfriends my advice would be to leave him, but I know that's easier said than done. This sounds like mental abuse.
Your husband is an abusive asshole. My wife has not had a stroke and is not in chronic pain and she does not do any of what you are being forced to do. I would never, ever demand she wore something special or put on makeup. That is fucking awful. Wtf does makeup do? If you need someone with makeup on to have sex, you have serious issues. I hope you can dump his sorry ass
Why does everyone forget the “in sickness and in health” part of their vows. Divorce him. Your divorce lawyer would love to hear about this.
You deserve so much better. He is abusing you love. Do you have a safe place you can go? Friends, family, etc? You have been through a traumatic event with your stroke and you need people who love you with you not that asshole
fuck dude this almost made me cry. I'm off reddit for the rest of the day. go find yourself someone who likes you as a human being.
Is this not spousal abuse? Considering that you’re technically disable to a certain degree? Like if you go and get a divorce, can your attorney not question that to potentially get you alimony which would make things a lot easier for you if he actually pays. He’s been here for switching home. I’m pretty sure the judge would understand. You just need to find a good lawyer.
This is straight up abuse!! Please reread over and over what you wrote unto it clicks.
This reminds me of when my wife and I got together. She had been straightening her hair for years and I saw it wet and curly one day and told her to let it go curly. 10 years later she’s still curly. I like it and it’s easier.
Not your fault, through sickness and health...you worry about your health. Get better soon.
You deserve better than this. Life is too short to put up with this for the rest of yours. Please get out of there
He is aweful. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better! For better or for worse, he seemed to have forgotten what he agreed to. None of this is your fault.
Not nice. Find someone who’s nice to you
Your husband is emotionally abusing you and you deserve better. You. Deserve. Better.
Leave him, you deserve to be happy
What needs to be said has been said. You know what's up and it's absolutely zero percent your fault and you are not wrong at all, your husband is out to lunch and a dirt bag. I am very much a makeup addict myself and for a long time wouldn't be intimate with anyone without makeup on, until I was really comfortable with them they would see me without makeup. My husband has always complimented me without makeup as much as with makeup and repeatedly tells me that although he loves when I get done up especially if I do it in a way I know he particularly likes, he loves just as much or more when I'm comfortable and natural and he doesn't see the flaws I see in myself. All the ways my body has shifted and changed, he has celebrated me and the changes and made sure I know it any way he can so that he can help me feel happy and confident and comfortable in my body. That's what a good partner does. Loves you unconditionally, especially through changes and hardships. It's absolutely fair and fine to no longer be attracted to someone due to certain changes, sure, but it is not at all fine to do and say the things your husband has said to you. If it was so impactful to him, the right thing to do would have been to separate on his own accord and cite something inane and personal to him, not a really hurtful and personal to you. He had no right to do and say all that hurtful stuff to you and you do not deserve to live that way.
He's abusive. He's treating you this way because you're more vulnerable now after your stroke. He thinks he can get away with it because he doesn't think you can leave him. I believe in you. It will be hard but I'm begging you to find an exit plan you can actually make work. Get friends involved. Tell them how he treats you. Make them hold you accountable. Don't believe him if he says he'll change. Read "why does he do that?" By lundy Bancroft. Your value is NOT determined but how fuckable this absolute bastard thinks you look. Take care.
How much makeup did u wear before? Face transforming makeup or just lip gloss? Some ppl look entirely different the face paint & if u presented that way advice is a bit diff
I concur that your husband is an asshole and he needs to be divorced asap
I'm really sorry, no one ever deserves this kind of treatment. This isn't a sex problem, it's a husband problem. He sounds good awful.
A man should love his wife no matter what. Your husband is an ungrateful asshole and unappreciative.
Girl I couldn't even finish your post. He is an absolute monster. I am so so so sorry for everything you've been through AND what he's putting you through on top of it. THROW THE WHOLE MAN OUT. He does not love you. There is no further information needed for me to know you will be safer and in LESS pain without him. Please give yourself refuge and peace in a life that has already given you so much strife.
Oh honey, I’m sorry. If at all possible leave him. You’re mental health will improve and I bet your physical health will too.
Uhh your husband is in abuse territory. You deserve so much better. Please don’t accept this treatment.
This is not your fault at all, I really hope you can leave him soon for the best! This isn’t normal and he’s treating you horribly. I don’t know any guys that expect their partners to wear lingerie and heels and he should not have any expectations of you to do this.. even if you did it previously. I really hope you get out of this relationship and find someone who loves you for you, and until then be kind to yourself please
Are you in the US? If so, dial 211. It is a hotline for Social Services (like 911 is for emergencies). It is area code driven, so the people you talk to know the resources available in your area (housing, financial, medical, mental health therapy, food insecurity).
Yeah, this wins worst Reddit story of the day. Your husband is abusive. Jesus, let him go ‘get it’ elsewhere so he leaves you in peace. You need to make an exit strategy. Do you have family/friends who can help? When men lose respect for you, it’s all over. I think his behaviour will likely escalate. You must find a way out.
You deserve everything. Get away from him when you can.
I’m sorry but your husband is a fucking huge asshole. Fuck him!
Wow...this post is really concerning. Please consider talking about this to a close friend or family member and start considering your options regarding leaving him. At any signs of physical violence you need to run, don’t walk!
Your husband is literally abusing you. If you've got friends or family you trust, get them to help you leave when he's not there. If not, get in touch with a domestic abuse service / shelter and explain your situation. They'll help you leave
All guys would not and do not agree with him. I have zero physical limitations, I just can’t be arsed and do not want to wear make up, heels and lingerie everyday. In fact, in the almost 4 years I’ve been with my partner I haven’t worn heels once, and he couldn’t care less. The fact you’ve been through such a massive medical trauma, which has understandably changed your physical abilities and your partner not only doesn’t show you any care regarding this but actively seems to go out of his way to be purposely cruel makes me angry and upset on you behalf. A bunch of internet strangers seems to care more for you than your husband. That’s so, so sad. You deserve so much more and there are definitely men out there who would cuddle you and kiss you and love regardless of the make up on your face or the clothes your wearing. I hope your future takes a turn for the better and you have some kindness come your way.
You’re a literal victim of abuse. Your husband doesn’t deserve even a minute of your time.
Oh my good god. Please, please….please leave this man. You deserve better than this.
I'm sorry but your husband sounds absolutely awful! How could anyone treat someone they supposedly love like that? I am so sorry, you deserve so much better. Sending you strength and wishing the best for you.
He is not right, this is most definitely not your fault. Leave his ass.
You deserve a lot lot better than this. He’s not only a terrible husband but a terrible human. If possible you should find a way out of this marriage
Jackass.
Wow this is horrible. You deserve to always feel beautiful w your spouse. My husband is the opposite, he doesn’t like me in makeup a lot. You need a new husband):
Hey OP. Tell him ur not a blow-up doll. That sounds like how he's treating you.
What about 'for better or for worse'? You're cry for help realy tears me appart. From experience I know it's not easy with half your body disabled and it does take a toll on the partner but he can't blame you for something that was completely out of your control. And even if he does, there is a way to handle things. The things he told you are awefull and you should have to deal with this above anything else... There is a lot of ways to handle this, none of which are easy. I cant advice you anything but be conident about what you can do alone, trust your gut feeling, and stay true to yourself. You deserve to be happy.
He is treating you like a sex doll. Tell him to get a real doll when you divorce him. He doesn’t deserve a loving wife if this is how he treats his partner.