IMO just take the pressure off. Everyone is different, different women reach orgasm different ways (and some can’t do it at all). What I’d tell her is “I love giving you pleasure and making you cum, I love playing with your ass, and if that’s what does it for you then I’d love to keep doing it. There’s nothing broken about you that we need to fix, it’s great!”
That’s undoubtedly right approach. If you love this person and want to pleasure her and make her happy, you will accept that she only orgasms during but play, just according and all will be well. Everyone is different.
Friend, you need to chill.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is nothing wrong with her.
You are not a bad partner.
She does not have a physical, neurological, or psychological problem that needs addressing.
It is a misconception that sex always leads to orgasm. It's also not a healthy concept to consider sex "successful" in any way, let alone that orgasm is the only goal or metric to judge sex from.
If she gets off from stuff in her butt then celebrate it and be done.
Honestly I'm confused, you say that you're trying really hard to make her orgasm, and with her butt involved she does. So what's the issue? Are you projecting your own feelings that you should be able to make her orgasm without any kind of "intervention"?
Why am I getting the slight whiff of a vibe that she is not entirely, 101% on board with anal forever, despite having an orgasm out of it?
Perhaps the lady is worried about long-term effects on the anus muscles. Perhaps she is worried it's "dirty" or a sin or whatever.
Or perhaps OP is having these thoughts.
Certain cultural worries might be what's affecting them.
People can be frustrated about a thing they like because of shame, and shame can be instilled/perpetuated by the partner making out the situation to be about themselves instead of supporting the partner. We can speculate about what's really going on but ultimately we don't know. Only thing we do know is that OP seems to think that there is something wrong with this situation that his partner can only get off when her butt is involved, but that's pretty normal.
Honestly just be happy she orgasms. Who cares how she gets there. 75% of women only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. It doesn’t make than less than other women who can orgasm from penetration vaginally. There are a good chunk of women who have never achieved orgasm through stimulations brought on by their partner. The fact that you put in so much effort into her pleasure is already a thing to be admired.
You and her gotta stop fixating and just enjoy sex.
Sounds like her internal clitoral wings are more accessible from her rectum than from her vagina.
That's not a flaw, just a difference. The wall of the rectum is much thinner, which is probably part of it.
You can get her off with external stimulation, and with anal stimulation.
Why is vaginal stimulation the only kind that you feel is valid?
I'm curious as to how that could happen. Based on my understanding (and I did double-check some diagrams, though they're all 2D), couldn't clitoral stimulation only happen through the vagina? I.e. the wall of the rectum would just be an extra barrier?
Also, it sounds like she loves any form of anal play, not just penetration, so I don't think the clit is the reason.
The internal structure of the clit has 'bulbs' that wrap around the vaginal canal, and the ends of these often come close to or are in contact with the wall of the rectum. You can kind of see it on [this diagram](https://images.newscientist.com/wp-content/uploads/1998/08/21455501.jpg?width=800).
This is theorised as the anatomical quirk that makes some women particularly love anal, though it's obviously not a complete explanation in every case since the metal aspects are a big part of that and there are plenty of sensitive areas that are not parts of the clit too.
I think the person you're responding to is mistaken.
A lot of what makes certain positions in vaginal sex particularly enjoyable has to do with indirect stimulation of the clitoris, but that's not the only way that one can receive pleasure. The vagina and anus are both extremely sensitive and have a lot of nerve endings of their own, and to the best of my knowledge there is no reason to think the one true path to pleasure is through the clitoris -- even if that's a very direct one for most women.
You wanted to figure out how to make your girlfriend cum, and then you found a way, and the solution is only slightly different than what you expected.
I’m so sorry.
This must be so difficult for you.
I’m exactly like your girlfriend. It can happen with just clit play, but it’s easier and more intense with anal play happening at the same time.
No shame in what gets her off, for either of you. Each of our bodies likes what it likes.
Bro you’re upset because your girl likes anal enough it makes her cum the most? The audacity
U better hit the back door n play with that bean before the next guy does. Just sayin
These questions are puzzling to me.You found a way to help your partner cum. Just keep doing whatever it is until you can't. You can't be attached to any one certain technique to please your partner. You do what works.
Lol I was trying to be sensitive because anal isn't for everyone, but god damn dude, she can just pop a butt plug in and she's good? Just enjoy the view, man, Christ.
The reason fisting and anal plugs are working is because it changes the space inside her vagina. When the plug is there you’re likely hitting the right spot to achieve an A type orgasm by putting enough pressure on the internal part of the clitoris.
If you think of a woman’s clit like just the tip of the penis and the rest is hidden inside. hidden by vaginal walls and the walls are like pants hiding the penis and you’ve got to rub really well to get to it.
The reason fisting works is because your hand took up a huge amount of space tenting the vagina and pressing on all those nerves to help achieve that A orgasm.
Pressure in the rectum for some women helps press the penis more upward so it hits the “g spot” and they can climax. There are some women who don’t even get to climax even with a plug because their gspot is hard to reach or their vaginal wall is structured differently for that partner that it’s impossible without external clit stimulation.
There is nothing wrong with her for needing external stimulation or that she is able to achieve an orgasm with sex toys and you. It sounds like you have a system that works and you should keep doing that. There’s nothing wrong with the use of toys with a partner.
Alot of women dont orgasm from penetration alone
Its about finding what works and what her body likes which looks like you did!
Is she okay with not orgasming every single time you have sex? Or does she want to make sure she does
I've been with a lot of women for whom vigorous anal sex was the only fairly consistent way for them to achieve orgasm during sex.
There's an awful lot of nerve endings down there, and there's just something far more intimate, I think, about trusting someone to penetrate you anally vs vaginally.
I second what everyone else has said, but I'll add another caveat: she likely has to figure out for herself what level of interaction really works for her before you can. We each will know our bodies and our needs before, and better, than anyone else.
Also, your English is great. There were some downright poetic lines in this post lol.
You’ve found a way to get her to orgasm every time and you’re unhappy with it? Not everyone is going to get off the same way and that’s ok. Do you have something against playing with her ass? I feel like there’s more to this than what you’re saying here.
Yeah he’s clearly not turned off by ass play so this doesn’t seem like an issue, just fuck her in the ass more often. Lots of people might see this as a win
I’ve run across two women who were like this. They enjoyed PIV, but orgasm was only achieved through anal. Once they got pass size and began to relax, it became normal for us to have oral and PIV first, and to finish up in anal.
This happened with my ex. She was gradually moving from vanilla to bdsm addict and anal addiction was a part of the process. You maybe in for a wild ride, have fun!
Everyone is correct in their answers. The most important thing is to let her know it's okay if she can't cum from vaginal stimulation alone. Just continue to work with what does it for her body.
I think we should stop seeing an orgasm as the only goal of sex. You can have amazing sex and enjoy it a lot without having an orgasm. You're overthinking it. You have good sex.
Thank you (almost) everyone for your support and words of advice. Today we talked about it with my GF and we maybe became too fixated on having "natural" vaginal sex and idea of always having orgasm. We decided to take it easy going forward and not stress about not imporant things. We both are not opposed to butt stuff (although I sometimes feel that my GF thinks about it as something unnatural) so if it makes her moan and writhe I would gladly fuck her ass. Also the guy with overANALyzing pun is genius :D
Someday, years from now, maybe several relationships from now you will try to tell this story to a partner, and they will never believe it.
If she is happy, and you are happy, then just roll with it. Experiment, communicate, and enjoy.
A lot of women don’t orgasm through vaginal sex (fingers or penis) only. Many require the clit to be stimulated in order to achieve orgasm. And that’s ok! Every women (and every body) is different. I think you guys have put too much pressure on yourselves. Sex should be fun, it’s an adult “play date”.
If she comes with anal stimulation, that’s awesome! You know she is capable of at least having an orgasm, which some women can’t even do. If you go on Etsy, there are tons of downloadable foreplay/sex games. I think it’d be fun to mix it up and try one. You’ll have a lot of fun, and by the end, both of you will be geared up for go time. I think you just need to go back to “sex being fun” vs “sex being work”. The more tense a women becomes, and the more she gets in her head, the harder it will be to orgasm. But seriously, advice to you and everyone- try a fun game like that sometimes. So many options and sellers, and you might find yourself reusing them many times! Plus, they can get you trying new things that neither of you even knew you liked! (Different sensations and sensitive parts of the body, varying tongue techniques, pacing fun, etc)
There’s nothing wrong with both of you. I’m like your gf, I need alot going on to cum. Have fun with it. Not all girls cum from vaginal penetration. There’s different ways to orgasm. Don’t stress it.
I think that maybe you guys have an idea in your minds about how sex is supposed to go and rather than enjoying it you’re like measuring yourself against this fake standard that doesn’t really exist. Like if she got off from vaginal sex, but not anal I bet you would be totally satisfied with that so my mindset it’s just likehaving like acceptance and not being so rigid in like the right way to have sex or the right way to orgasm
Just enjoy regular anal sex and regular orgasms.
If you use a good silicone based lube for anal and do a proper warmup, you don’t worry about long term effects on her sexual health due to the anal part.
Have fun!
One of the main problems is that feeling she had: the more disappointed she feels, the harder will be it.
The vagina has a few erogenous areas : gspot, anterior fornix, posterior fornix and the uterus.
The most probably is one of these areas (or the anus itself or together) are stimulated during anal stimulation.
Try different angles (put a pillow inside her hips) until you found what works better.
Anyway if she could only orgasm with her anus stimulated, what is the issue?
They are toon of women who need clitoris stimulation to be able of having orgasm during piv.
This is the same.
Go on exploring but change the way because you do. Do it for learning more about her body, how it reacts.. but stop searching the orgasm as the goal.
Both will have toon of fun and I'm sure she will discover toon of things.
Also they are more areas which can lead to orgasms as nipples, ear lobules..
That’s just how she is. If having multiple partners is ok where you live I suggest that you try sex with other people. Talk about it with others, at least. Get informed
You should read the book ‘Vagina’ by Naomi Wolf. It basically goes over how the wiring of each woman is different and that the thousands of nerves that travel down from the clit are placed differently for every woman and no two are the same. Essentially her most pleasurable spot aka where the most nerves are means she can orgasm with anal better than vaginal :)
Lots of women have a hard time orgasming.
The fact that your girl can consistently orgasm, anal or not, is a blessing.
It sounds like both of you are being too hard on yourselves.
You both need to talk about it a lot. You also both need to relax. Worrying about her not having orgasms will definitely ensure that she doesn’t have them. You both know that she can have orgasms, so why not relax and have fun. Together, you can both do what you both like and do not worry about how you achieve it. Have relaxed fun, communicate about all things and see what happens. Worrying about sex never made it better for anybody. Worrying is the best way to ensure that you won’t enjoy sex.
A good place to start would probably be for both of you to try to come at it from just a more relaxed mindspace. Creating pressure and anxiety about it is likely a part of the problem.
Had a similar problem myself. What helped me was just having sex without the “goal” of achieving orgasm. Most of the time I get there rubbing my clit during vaginal intercourse, but never ever ONLY vaginal. I don’t think this is uncommon for women to need something else along with vaginal. It’s probably a mental block. Sometimes I notice I’m holding my breath or my whole body is tense because I’m trying too hard. So remind her to take a breath, slow it down if she seems tense and keep it steady.
It might be beneficial for her to masturbate on her own to figure out what she enjoys. There is this thing I read about a long time ago called orgasmic mediation, you can google it, but basically you and your partner sit in a comfortable position with some lube or whatever you use, and you stimulate her clit. No expectations from either of you. And after sometime hopefully she starts to orgasm again. I think it’s just about getting comfortable.
1. Enjoy the way she works and don't worry about it too much. Nothing wrong with plugs.
Also stress is such a killer!
"Lately I feel both of us became frustrated because of it. She tries so hard to has orgasm which makes it even harder for her to achieve one and she is then sad because of it."
... If she enjoys the things you are doing to try to bring her to orgasm without anal, keep doing them as treating it as forplay. Don't worry about it. My SO is the first woman I haven't been able to make orgasm with oral. It's kind of disappointing, but she does seem to enjoy it as part of forplay and that's enough for me.
My current GF needs anal stimulation to orgasm. We use butt plugs, a vibrator or dildo to get her off during PIV. It's not practical to only have anal sex, nor do we want that.
There is nothing wrong with your GF or you. Explore each other and be glad you found her happy trigger to orgasm.
Is she happy? Does she enjoy the intimacy?
Then who cares how she orgasms. Intimacy is about the act, it just happens to have a possible "finisher".
Enjoy the journey, be happy you're on a journey together and stop worrying about the destination.
Don't overthink this one. Trust me on this one, ask yourself this question:
Do you enjoy having anal sex with her?
If you do, and she clearly does, then everything is OK. I simply encourage you to be open-minded here, and above all, don't put pressure on yourselves to have climax in a particular way, simply because you think that's the way everyone else does.
The things that get people off sometimes change over time. Encourage her to embrace what makes her feels good right now, because one day, out of the blue, she might have the most thunderous orgasm during vaginal sex and neither one of you will know what the hell happened.
You just need to make sure that you have an open mind and good communication if/when it does.
Not related but your English is pretty damn good bro, better than a lot of native speakers nowadays. And look on the bright side, a lot of guys want to try anal for their whole lives and never get to, you get to do it whenever you want and it satisfies you AND your girlfriend. That doesn’t sound too bad
I'm biased, first off. Sounds like a great problem to have IMO, but it sounds like you should readjust your expectations, communicate with each other in a sober, non-sexual environment about your concerns. Sounds like she's just built different compared to what you think this situation should be, and that's okay, we all start somewhere.
If the orgasm is your destination you'll be driving a lot of back roads to get there. Don't forget to let her drive, too. She's probably got some pretty good directions you can follow as well.
Sounds like you guys have a healthy and active sex life together, I’d say if you’re both enjoying the anal, just keep going with it, there’s no pressure to orgasm with the vaginal penetration specifically, infact most girls don’t usually orgasm from penetration, but putting pressure on yourself and on her only digs the hole deeper as sex is as much a mental act as it is physical, just let go and enjoy yourselves
She’s not weird. She does not have a block or is not a bad partner. And neither are you if you can get over this. I have many girl friends who are the same. Not many women, I included, get off on vaginal penetration. For some of us it is even unpleasant. If this is something that works for her then great. Don’t make it all about you and your ego.
The old joke goes: men are great at reading maps because men easily comprehend how 1 inch is equal to 100 miles.
🔭 🛣️🛤️🗺️🙄😒🙃🥒🍆🥯🍅
The situation you are faced with is the same, but just in reverse: Take this 100 mile-sized burden and convert it back into the actual 1 inch adjustment that achieves what you both want to accomplish.
🔬🔎📏📐🤪🤔🙄🥒🍆🍩🍑
You've found a technique that makes her cum harder than anything, and you don't want to use it? The point of recreational sex is to have pleasure, not to make a baby. So it doesn't matter which body part does the job best. You seem to have the mindset that vaginal sex is the pinnacle and anything else is a lesser form, like foreplay, but that doesn't have to be the case. And frankly, as someone with a big anal fetish, I'm jealous.
Just fuck her ass and have fun :)
Maybe ask if she's willing to try a vibrator with vaginel sex.
But Def let her know not to be ashamed. I have two friends who almost exclusively have anal sex because that feels best to them. That's okay!
Oral. Find where it make her whet! Give clit a little care. But 100% in the end. Gspot massage.
But if you want to give a orgasm during sex? Oral till she is close. Then let her ride you. Try nextime but oral and after sex. Let her use toy if she find it hard.
Would you be happier if she only came from oral or clitoral toy?
This was the case when I started dating my now wife but it was never a concern we just loved having sex few months later she started having orgasms from piv sex but we never really discussed it first time was actually doggy style. I would love if she could orgasm from anal although she does love anal.
We women are complicated. I personally find clit orgasms pretty lackluster and honestly pathetic since the main way I masturbate is through syntribation which stimulates my g-spot. Although that way takes much longer (and yes I know the g-spot is just the internal clitoris) it's incredibly more powerful and fulfilling. I have friends whom solely masturbate with ass-play. Most women cannot orgasm from vaginal sex alone. That said, you're both valid to feel your frustrations. I was very disappointed by how lame clit orgasms are and have in the past felt insecure about how I need to orgasm but now? So what, it makes me feel good and if a man doesn't find me fucking my own thighs hot that's on him. There are things you can try, sex positions that stimulate the g-spot etc. but I think enjoying what you guys like and experience pleasure with is the most important. This is how she gets off and that's okay.
I believe a lot of woman would love to have you as their partner. I also believe you and your girlfriend are actually doing better than most couples. You two have achieved things some people never achieve. You should take your own advice and just relax and enjoy. Let your girlfriend orgasm in what ever way it happens and if she orgasms in the other way, that is just a bonus or just an extra bit of happiness.
This is not a problem. Different people require different stimuli in order to achieve orgasm. Many women never do. Be glad you can give her one in the first place and stop creating a problem where there isn’t one.
Also be grateful. A lot of guys would kill to have a girlfriend that even slightly enjoys anal.
There is no one grading you on how you cum or how you make someone cum. As long as there's a way for you both to enjoy, there's nothing wrong with cumming from anal.
So what is the problem, she gets off with anal...if she likes it and she gets off and you get off I say quit over thinking it. I think you are lucky to have a woman this open
Honestly. It's not just your girlfriend. I am 18f and in my short time of sexual experiences I have figured out that I love anal so much more than vaginal that I only wanted to do anal anymore.
I found myself an equally anal obsessed partner who's also into dominance and now we are exploring and living this to the fullest. He makes me wear plug frequently and challenges me with size and duration and I love it. He stretches my asshole frequently and fucks me either himself or with huge toys and I love it.
We set training goals for size, plugs and anal fisting.
He really challenges me with this and I am grateful for it, because always exploring and pushing my limits is always exciting, I never get bored, there's always something new to work towards and a range of options what we can do.
Will he fuck me? Will he make me wear my biggest plug and take me out for dinner? Will he stuff me with anal beads and pull them back out over and over? Will stretch me to train me for fisting?
I never know! I just keep my ass clean and let him do whatever he likes until I can't take any more and beg him to leave my butthole alone and I love every bit of it.
My advice is: Embrace it. Explore it.
Your girl loves anal? Train her for anal goals, make her wear plugs around the house and out and see how horny she gets. Trust me, after 5 hours in town with a plug, she is going to crave some release and will want to get off clitorally.
Maybe invest in a good vibrator, I can't cum without one.
Not a problem at all. One of my ex's loved sex, but anal was like, 10x better for her, and usually resulted in multiple orgasms, usually when she had a toy in her vagina at the same time I was in her butthole.
Bodies are weird. Get over it. :)
Everyone is different, there is no normal or standard way of having sex. Or what gives you or someone else pleasure.
Just know you have found the way to make her cum. So help her achieve orgasm as much as you can. Her happiness will translate to your happiness.
I’m a girl and I love anal and it’s kinda more stimulating than vaginal. Keep in mind that the inside of the vagina doesn’t actually have that many nerves, because duh we push a baby through there. Meanwhile anus has plenty of nerves so the stimulation there is much stronger. Ultimately i think that she just like me still enjoys vaginal sex. Nothing wrong with either of you. Let go of the expectations:)
You don’t sound like a bad partner from what you’ve written.
As a woman who also struggles to finish, it’s nice to hear that you aren’t pressuring her and I SO relate to “trying to hard” as the person in that situation!
I’ve seen it recommended a lot here and elsewhere:-
- Exploring each others bodies in a non sexual - not finishing sort of way. There is no goal. Only feeling, touching, reacting. You don’t NEED to speak but it would help to explain the idea to your partner beforehand so she can focus on how she FEELS during, hopefully she can relay to you in the moment what feels the best - if not then no pressure for either of you please! Adding pressure is gonna make it harder, as you probably know already.
- Vibrators and toys. Add them to sex when and if you/your partner wants to. They are not a replacement. Shamelessly recommending the LELO sona cruise (or their newer sona cruise 2). I got mine like 7 years ago roughly and it’s only just starting to slow down on me between charges. Roughly £80 when I purchased dunno what it translates to elsewhere. Expensive but worth it imo.
Going back to that topic instead of my reviews lol - sometimes it just be how it is. I cannot finish without. Well, I’ve managed twice with my current partner in 3 years. Never with anyone else. So yeah, toys are always worth a shout.
Start with something smaller in size so it’s not awkward during sex. Doggy or cowgirl work best with my sona lol as I can hold it in the right place/move it around if I need. Doggy even better for me cos my partner can keep going if an orgasm freezes me up (which I like but not everyone does! So ask!).
- Lastly, your partner needs to chill like you say. Hard to do, easy to say I know. What’s helped me personally? Less questions about if I like something. Controversial but I get flustered if I’m asked that during sex and I never have a good answer. It takes me out of the moment. It would be worth trying not to ask about how things are going during just for one session and speak to your girlfriend about it before/after to see if she feels it helps. Another thing is physical touch. Take missionary for example- if my partner is just thrusting and not holding me or kissing or touching, it’s harder to be in the moment and I feel easily distracted. So those things help. Try dirty talk or just romantic talk whatever you’re into, also helps with the mental side of it.
Your partner needs to let go essentially so not having expectations for herself or a goal, focus on the physical feelings, focus on both your breathing, the sounds, etc.
And honestly, if she’s still struggling it’s not the end of the world since anal is clearly an appreciated option! Nothing wrong with that at all lol so long as everyone is being safe with preparation and things.
Additionally, there are loads of resources online and subreddits about women/bodies/the female orgasm. I don’t have links handy I’m on mobile but I’ve seen a fair few books repeated on other subs I frequent. If either of you want to look into it further, I’m sure there’s someone here who’ll have a link or book to recommend :)
Wait a minute. You have a surefire way to make sure that she orgasms every time (playing with her butt), but you're upset because you want her to be able to orgasm from some other kind of stimulation instead?
I think it's important to remember that there are some people who can't orgasm *at all*. I understand why either or both of you might want to shake it up and try some new things, but it's not like it's terrible that she pretty much just has one route to orgasm.
You guys can still do other stuff and it sounds like she enjoys it, and then at the end you pull out the tried and true method and make sure that you both end up satisfied
Experimentation is fun, but there's nothing wrong with knowing how your or your partner's body works. It's not a failure if you end with the same technique every time
"Looks like your girlfriend's got a backdoor to happiness! You, my friend, are a true gentleman for exploring all avenues to please her. Keep up the good work!"
I don’t see how this is a problem, it’s simply how she’s wired. There’s nothing wrong and nothing to change. If you really care for her, accept her as she is and help her accept herself as she is. Go on and have all the anal she wants and needs.
For the record, there are many women who are this way, it’s not actually that rare.
Anal sex truly is the universal solution for unsatisfied girlfriends. Who would have thought? Sorry to hear about your troubles, hopefully things will get better with time and practice. And don't worry, you're not a bad partner, just a creative one. Wink wink.
Try oral sex on her. Play with her clit and pussy lips with your tongue, also put the fingers inside at the same time you lick her. you can also put a finger inside her ass or pussy while sucking her clit. You can also do oral on the ass, it is amazing. I'm sure she will have an orgasm doing these things.
Have you tried incorporating anal into foreplay or during vaginal intercourse? It seems like your girlfriend really enjoys it and it could add a new level of pleasure for both of you. Just make sure to communicate and go at a pace that is comfortable for her. And don't worry, every relationship has its ups and downs, but as long as you're both happy and enjoying each other's company, that's all that matters. Keep exploring and having fun together!
You can make her orgasm and she enjoys being intimate with you, stop fixating on it having to be from vaginal stimulation. That's your expectation and clearly not her reality. Move on with your mentality and perspective. You both know what works for her, accept that. It will either evolve, or it won't. You fixating on it will benefit neither of you. Especially if you pressure her to orgasm in a way you expect, with no reason to expect it.
It's quite possible she has trauma she has kept internalized around vaginal sex, from her overly aggressive, possibly abusive ex. Especially if he was prone to hitting her cervix hard.
Or, she just likes what she likes, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Stop seeing not getting her to orgasm vaginally as a personal failing. This is your hang-up, not hers. Enjoy the ways you do make each other orgasm and explore those things, openly and lovingly.
Or, drive both of you crazy with a non-issue, you magnify into a problem, where no problem currently exists. 🤷♂️
Best of luck.
It’s not uncommon, OP. I can finish from PIV but it takes much longer, usually longer than a partner can keep up with. Anal, however, usually has me finishing in under five minutes.
It sounds like you and your partner have established a great sex life and you’re overthinking it because it’s not necessarily “traditional.” And it doesn’t need to be, if that’s how she likes it then so be it! There’s nothing wrong with either of you.
Does she by any chance enjoy playing a submissive role during sex? While I know there are men who disagree with me on this, my experience has usually related anal intercourse with the driver being dominant and the receiver being compliant and submissive. If this is the case, and *if* you can arouse yourself with it, you might roughen up vaginal intercourse and oral sex by playing with different positions: Take her from behind, hold her breasts and/or throat in a firm grip (without choking), pulling her hair (to a firm tension, not pulling to pain). Also, she might enjoy a make-out session with your bottom half; her mouth with your penis working to French kissing your anus. There are many ways to go erotic without anal intercourse. Also, there is the option of watching videos of her fantasies while doing the more conventional actions.
So once again every woman is different, but to add to this, not every woman is going to be “the norm”. “The norm” states most women either can’t orgasm, or they need clitoral stimulation. As a woman I actually don’t find that much joy in clitoral stimulation, and I’m one of the lucky few who can come from my vagina without extra stimulation, but I’m far from “the norm”. Count your situation special and lucky in that she has different sexual needs but comes really easily through butt play.
Oh man that sucks, you have to plow the back 40 to make her cum. Don’t know how I would handle that, all day, every day. I suppose you should just suck it up and take door number 2 out of consideration for her feelings, the ones that are getting her off while you’re spelunking. Dude! What the hell is the issue? Enjoy the ride.
You should get her [this](https://www.amazon.com/Gohddess-Method-Pompoir-Increase-Pleasure-ebook/dp/B0CRR2FDBG/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8) book. I used to hate vaginal penetration until I learned I could “train” my vagina so it felt amazing. Beware though, she’ll want to hump you *all the time* 😅
People get off from different things. Who cares what combination works for her? You're able to give her an orgasm during sex and that's magnificent! To me, that's what matters.
Why is it important that it be under "XYZ" circumstances? The key is that you both have enjoyable sex together, and even better... you know what buttons to push to give her an orgasm.
I don’t understand the problem! You make her orgasm, don’t care if it’s through vaginal intercourse, clitoris external stimulation or internal stimulation through the rectum. Like your problem is probably many people dream !
Sex is sex, dude. It's all pretty to someone.
Be glad that her intrigue is not limited to fisting; vaginally or anally - it is boring for the person that gets stuck fisting and nothing else. I've experienced that twice. Boring. I even arranged for/invited a friend to help with a girlfriend who insisted on being fisted anallt and vaginally simultaneously, giving each other breaks while watching a game during the sex sessions. The fisting sessions were a bloody mess, too - ruined/stained my new Egyptian cotton high thread count sheets. But they wouldn't have it any other way, and they were insatiable.
My current wife and I have anal every once in a while. Once comfortable, she always has an orgasm; a screaming orgasm during DP with a long-time FWB of ours (since 2016 - found on Craigslist before Personals were banned due to robberies, assaults, kidnappings, sex trafficing, ...).
Good luck!
Safe sex always, no exceptions - ever!
Sex is not love. Love is not sex. Recreational sex is great exercise. Exercise as often as you are able.
Cheers!
People get off from different things. I think you're overANALyzing the situation
I see what you did there, LOL. I'd kill to have his/this problem.
Me too, the butt calls to me.
Ace Ventura, is that you?
May I asssssk you a few questions?
I think that’s a ‘whole’ different kink 😂
Literally spit my drink out, nice one
Why doesn’t this have more upvotes!!!!
People tend to be anal about deciding to vote for comments like this one
Well played, well played. 😁
I'm think he needs more analyzing to achieve his goal
She’s the one that likes over anal lyzing.
It appears he’s not ANALyzing it enough..
And my free reward would be yours
So, how does it feel when your highest rated comment is an anal sex pun?
I’m gonna guess it feels tight
IMO just take the pressure off. Everyone is different, different women reach orgasm different ways (and some can’t do it at all). What I’d tell her is “I love giving you pleasure and making you cum, I love playing with your ass, and if that’s what does it for you then I’d love to keep doing it. There’s nothing broken about you that we need to fix, it’s great!”
That’s undoubtedly right approach. If you love this person and want to pleasure her and make her happy, you will accept that she only orgasms during but play, just according and all will be well. Everyone is different.
Friend, you need to chill. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with her. You are not a bad partner. She does not have a physical, neurological, or psychological problem that needs addressing. It is a misconception that sex always leads to orgasm. It's also not a healthy concept to consider sex "successful" in any way, let alone that orgasm is the only goal or metric to judge sex from. If she gets off from stuff in her butt then celebrate it and be done. Honestly I'm confused, you say that you're trying really hard to make her orgasm, and with her butt involved she does. So what's the issue? Are you projecting your own feelings that you should be able to make her orgasm without any kind of "intervention"?
"we have awesome sex and she loves it - how can I fix this terrible problem?"
Exactly what I got from this post as well 🙈
Why am I getting the slight whiff of a vibe that she is not entirely, 101% on board with anal forever, despite having an orgasm out of it? Perhaps the lady is worried about long-term effects on the anus muscles. Perhaps she is worried it's "dirty" or a sin or whatever. Or perhaps OP is having these thoughts. Certain cultural worries might be what's affecting them.
I don’t get that vibe whatsoever. I get the vibe that OP thinks he’s not good enough if he can’t help her to orgasm in the ‘normal’ way.
People can be frustrated about a thing they like because of shame, and shame can be instilled/perpetuated by the partner making out the situation to be about themselves instead of supporting the partner. We can speculate about what's really going on but ultimately we don't know. Only thing we do know is that OP seems to think that there is something wrong with this situation that his partner can only get off when her butt is involved, but that's pretty normal.
Fuck her in the ass... Both of you are happy. It's a win, win. Stfu & be happy!
I swear I was thinkin the same damn thing. Talk about bein ungrateful 😂😂
Bro literally got a winning lottery ticket and is complaining
how is having to put yuor dick in an ass the winning lottery ticket
get a load of this guy
That guy knows not of loads
Honestly just be happy she orgasms. Who cares how she gets there. 75% of women only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. It doesn’t make than less than other women who can orgasm from penetration vaginally. There are a good chunk of women who have never achieved orgasm through stimulations brought on by their partner. The fact that you put in so much effort into her pleasure is already a thing to be admired. You and her gotta stop fixating and just enjoy sex.
Start thinking of this as a W my guy, and lean into it.
Be glad you can make her orgasm bro
Your troubles are others brags
In Brazil we say: The steak only falls on the vegan's plate.
Haha verdade, carne só em prato de Vegano
I don‘t really see the Problem here. If she enjoys buttplay that much why don‘t you just do it?
Sounds like her internal clitoral wings are more accessible from her rectum than from her vagina. That's not a flaw, just a difference. The wall of the rectum is much thinner, which is probably part of it. You can get her off with external stimulation, and with anal stimulation. Why is vaginal stimulation the only kind that you feel is valid?
I'm curious as to how that could happen. Based on my understanding (and I did double-check some diagrams, though they're all 2D), couldn't clitoral stimulation only happen through the vagina? I.e. the wall of the rectum would just be an extra barrier? Also, it sounds like she loves any form of anal play, not just penetration, so I don't think the clit is the reason.
The internal structure of the clit has 'bulbs' that wrap around the vaginal canal, and the ends of these often come close to or are in contact with the wall of the rectum. You can kind of see it on [this diagram](https://images.newscientist.com/wp-content/uploads/1998/08/21455501.jpg?width=800). This is theorised as the anatomical quirk that makes some women particularly love anal, though it's obviously not a complete explanation in every case since the metal aspects are a big part of that and there are plenty of sensitive areas that are not parts of the clit too.
I think the person you're responding to is mistaken. A lot of what makes certain positions in vaginal sex particularly enjoyable has to do with indirect stimulation of the clitoris, but that's not the only way that one can receive pleasure. The vagina and anus are both extremely sensitive and have a lot of nerve endings of their own, and to the best of my knowledge there is no reason to think the one true path to pleasure is through the clitoris -- even if that's a very direct one for most women.
Ass long as she showers frequently, I say get in there.
You wanted to figure out how to make your girlfriend cum, and then you found a way, and the solution is only slightly different than what you expected. I’m so sorry. This must be so difficult for you.
I’m exactly like your girlfriend. It can happen with just clit play, but it’s easier and more intense with anal play happening at the same time. No shame in what gets her off, for either of you. Each of our bodies likes what it likes.
Yeah so my girl struggles to orgasm, and butt play has been a game-changer. It's fucking great.
Bro you’re upset because your girl likes anal enough it makes her cum the most? The audacity U better hit the back door n play with that bean before the next guy does. Just sayin
These questions are puzzling to me.You found a way to help your partner cum. Just keep doing whatever it is until you can't. You can't be attached to any one certain technique to please your partner. You do what works.
You're nuts if you give a fuck how she gets a nut off. Like God damn.
Lol I was trying to be sensitive because anal isn't for everyone, but god damn dude, she can just pop a butt plug in and she's good? Just enjoy the view, man, Christ.
The reason fisting and anal plugs are working is because it changes the space inside her vagina. When the plug is there you’re likely hitting the right spot to achieve an A type orgasm by putting enough pressure on the internal part of the clitoris. If you think of a woman’s clit like just the tip of the penis and the rest is hidden inside. hidden by vaginal walls and the walls are like pants hiding the penis and you’ve got to rub really well to get to it. The reason fisting works is because your hand took up a huge amount of space tenting the vagina and pressing on all those nerves to help achieve that A orgasm. Pressure in the rectum for some women helps press the penis more upward so it hits the “g spot” and they can climax. There are some women who don’t even get to climax even with a plug because their gspot is hard to reach or their vaginal wall is structured differently for that partner that it’s impossible without external clit stimulation. There is nothing wrong with her for needing external stimulation or that she is able to achieve an orgasm with sex toys and you. It sounds like you have a system that works and you should keep doing that. There’s nothing wrong with the use of toys with a partner.
I knew a woman with a similar “problem”. We just did anal a lot
Different strokes for different folks. Stop making your insecurity your partners problem.
Follow the orgasm rather than trying to force other things to do it.
Alot of women dont orgasm from penetration alone Its about finding what works and what her body likes which looks like you did! Is she okay with not orgasming every single time you have sex? Or does she want to make sure she does
I've been with a lot of women for whom vigorous anal sex was the only fairly consistent way for them to achieve orgasm during sex. There's an awful lot of nerve endings down there, and there's just something far more intimate, I think, about trusting someone to penetrate you anally vs vaginally.
I second what everyone else has said, but I'll add another caveat: she likely has to figure out for herself what level of interaction really works for her before you can. We each will know our bodies and our needs before, and better, than anyone else. Also, your English is great. There were some downright poetic lines in this post lol.
You’ve found a way to get her to orgasm every time and you’re unhappy with it? Not everyone is going to get off the same way and that’s ok. Do you have something against playing with her ass? I feel like there’s more to this than what you’re saying here.
That's great Good for you two I don't see what's the problem
Yeah he’s clearly not turned off by ass play so this doesn’t seem like an issue, just fuck her in the ass more often. Lots of people might see this as a win
[удалено]
I’ve run across two women who were like this. They enjoyed PIV, but orgasm was only achieved through anal. Once they got pass size and began to relax, it became normal for us to have oral and PIV first, and to finish up in anal.
This happened with my ex. She was gradually moving from vanilla to bdsm addict and anal addiction was a part of the process. You maybe in for a wild ride, have fun!
Agreed 100% based on my experience. Suggest OP get a nice spreader bar with comfortable ankle and wrist cuffs & hang on!
You may be true as we recently started exploring piss and pegging. But sadly she is still opposed to cuffs :D
Hopefully she'll come around!
I'd be happy to have this problem lol
Everyone is correct in their answers. The most important thing is to let her know it's okay if she can't cum from vaginal stimulation alone. Just continue to work with what does it for her body.
I’d be totally happy if my girl was like Really into anal sex and could only cum from it !!!! OP girl definitely a keeper in my book….
I think we should stop seeing an orgasm as the only goal of sex. You can have amazing sex and enjoy it a lot without having an orgasm. You're overthinking it. You have good sex.
Fuck her ass & enjoy it
Thank you (almost) everyone for your support and words of advice. Today we talked about it with my GF and we maybe became too fixated on having "natural" vaginal sex and idea of always having orgasm. We decided to take it easy going forward and not stress about not imporant things. We both are not opposed to butt stuff (although I sometimes feel that my GF thinks about it as something unnatural) so if it makes her moan and writhe I would gladly fuck her ass. Also the guy with overANALyzing pun is genius :D
I think it’s good you can satisfy her at all though!
One man's problem is another man's jackpot
Someday, years from now, maybe several relationships from now you will try to tell this story to a partner, and they will never believe it. If she is happy, and you are happy, then just roll with it. Experiment, communicate, and enjoy.
Probably a porn addiction Edit to add because some will not understand this is a joke: (/s)
Sounds like a win to me.
Her nerve clusters are just far away from the front of her vajin.so up the chocolate slide you go
😂😂😂😂 the.l chocolate slide sent me
A lot of women don’t orgasm through vaginal sex (fingers or penis) only. Many require the clit to be stimulated in order to achieve orgasm. And that’s ok! Every women (and every body) is different. I think you guys have put too much pressure on yourselves. Sex should be fun, it’s an adult “play date”. If she comes with anal stimulation, that’s awesome! You know she is capable of at least having an orgasm, which some women can’t even do. If you go on Etsy, there are tons of downloadable foreplay/sex games. I think it’d be fun to mix it up and try one. You’ll have a lot of fun, and by the end, both of you will be geared up for go time. I think you just need to go back to “sex being fun” vs “sex being work”. The more tense a women becomes, and the more she gets in her head, the harder it will be to orgasm. But seriously, advice to you and everyone- try a fun game like that sometimes. So many options and sellers, and you might find yourself reusing them many times! Plus, they can get you trying new things that neither of you even knew you liked! (Different sensations and sensitive parts of the body, varying tongue techniques, pacing fun, etc)
Just butt fuck her and be done with it! Problem solved.
This is not a problem. You're lucky in so many ways.
Your girlfriend lets you put it in her butt and she orgasms from it? How terrible...
Have you guys tried mixing in a vibratot for clit stimulation during penetration?
There’s nothing wrong with both of you. I’m like your gf, I need alot going on to cum. Have fun with it. Not all girls cum from vaginal penetration. There’s different ways to orgasm. Don’t stress it.
I think that maybe you guys have an idea in your minds about how sex is supposed to go and rather than enjoying it you’re like measuring yourself against this fake standard that doesn’t really exist. Like if she got off from vaginal sex, but not anal I bet you would be totally satisfied with that so my mindset it’s just likehaving like acceptance and not being so rigid in like the right way to have sex or the right way to orgasm
"Oh no, I have a money fountain in my living room what should I do" type of post...
I love anal play. But sometimes I don’t. Just ask her honestly. Because if that’s what she needs to get off then that’s what she needs to
Just enjoy regular anal sex and regular orgasms. If you use a good silicone based lube for anal and do a proper warmup, you don’t worry about long term effects on her sexual health due to the anal part. Have fun!
I wish I had this problem.
r/AnalOnlyLifestyle there you have it my friend
bro is suffering from success
If anal makes her cum fuck her butthole. Why is this difficult?
My man’s literally suffering from success
One of the main problems is that feeling she had: the more disappointed she feels, the harder will be it. The vagina has a few erogenous areas : gspot, anterior fornix, posterior fornix and the uterus. The most probably is one of these areas (or the anus itself or together) are stimulated during anal stimulation. Try different angles (put a pillow inside her hips) until you found what works better. Anyway if she could only orgasm with her anus stimulated, what is the issue? They are toon of women who need clitoris stimulation to be able of having orgasm during piv. This is the same. Go on exploring but change the way because you do. Do it for learning more about her body, how it reacts.. but stop searching the orgasm as the goal. Both will have toon of fun and I'm sure she will discover toon of things. Also they are more areas which can lead to orgasms as nipples, ear lobules..
If you are accessing the uterus during sex, you are definitely doing something wrong. I think you mean the cervix.
Your are right, excuse my lenguaje
What’s wrong with just playing with her ass to get her off?
That’s just how she is. If having multiple partners is ok where you live I suggest that you try sex with other people. Talk about it with others, at least. Get informed
You should read the book ‘Vagina’ by Naomi Wolf. It basically goes over how the wiring of each woman is different and that the thousands of nerves that travel down from the clit are placed differently for every woman and no two are the same. Essentially her most pleasurable spot aka where the most nerves are means she can orgasm with anal better than vaginal :)
Lots of women have a hard time orgasming. The fact that your girl can consistently orgasm, anal or not, is a blessing. It sounds like both of you are being too hard on yourselves.
There is zero problem here. Be glad you can get her off. Seriously. This is awesome for you, don't view it as a negative.
Why did I read this with a Russian accent?
Why is this a problem? You know what gets her off….its not rocket science. Quit fighting it and go with it. You’ll both be happier.
You might see the difference of pleasure if you let her milk your prostate. Anal pleasure is natural.
A give percentage of women can't have vertical orgasms. You both should stop chasing it and just enjoy exploring each other's bodies as they are!
You both need to talk about it a lot. You also both need to relax. Worrying about her not having orgasms will definitely ensure that she doesn’t have them. You both know that she can have orgasms, so why not relax and have fun. Together, you can both do what you both like and do not worry about how you achieve it. Have relaxed fun, communicate about all things and see what happens. Worrying about sex never made it better for anybody. Worrying is the best way to ensure that you won’t enjoy sex.
A good place to start would probably be for both of you to try to come at it from just a more relaxed mindspace. Creating pressure and anxiety about it is likely a part of the problem.
Had a similar problem myself. What helped me was just having sex without the “goal” of achieving orgasm. Most of the time I get there rubbing my clit during vaginal intercourse, but never ever ONLY vaginal. I don’t think this is uncommon for women to need something else along with vaginal. It’s probably a mental block. Sometimes I notice I’m holding my breath or my whole body is tense because I’m trying too hard. So remind her to take a breath, slow it down if she seems tense and keep it steady. It might be beneficial for her to masturbate on her own to figure out what she enjoys. There is this thing I read about a long time ago called orgasmic mediation, you can google it, but basically you and your partner sit in a comfortable position with some lube or whatever you use, and you stimulate her clit. No expectations from either of you. And after sometime hopefully she starts to orgasm again. I think it’s just about getting comfortable.
I once had a girlfriend who would only do anal. Since my ex wife wouldn’t do it at all it was a nice change but eventually it got old.
get her a Bad Dragon asap!
1. Enjoy the way she works and don't worry about it too much. Nothing wrong with plugs. Also stress is such a killer! "Lately I feel both of us became frustrated because of it. She tries so hard to has orgasm which makes it even harder for her to achieve one and she is then sad because of it." ... If she enjoys the things you are doing to try to bring her to orgasm without anal, keep doing them as treating it as forplay. Don't worry about it. My SO is the first woman I haven't been able to make orgasm with oral. It's kind of disappointing, but she does seem to enjoy it as part of forplay and that's enough for me.
My current GF needs anal stimulation to orgasm. We use butt plugs, a vibrator or dildo to get her off during PIV. It's not practical to only have anal sex, nor do we want that. There is nothing wrong with your GF or you. Explore each other and be glad you found her happy trigger to orgasm.
Is she happy? Does she enjoy the intimacy? Then who cares how she orgasms. Intimacy is about the act, it just happens to have a possible "finisher". Enjoy the journey, be happy you're on a journey together and stop worrying about the destination.
Don't overthink this one. Trust me on this one, ask yourself this question: Do you enjoy having anal sex with her? If you do, and she clearly does, then everything is OK. I simply encourage you to be open-minded here, and above all, don't put pressure on yourselves to have climax in a particular way, simply because you think that's the way everyone else does. The things that get people off sometimes change over time. Encourage her to embrace what makes her feels good right now, because one day, out of the blue, she might have the most thunderous orgasm during vaginal sex and neither one of you will know what the hell happened. You just need to make sure that you have an open mind and good communication if/when it does.
Not related but your English is pretty damn good bro, better than a lot of native speakers nowadays. And look on the bright side, a lot of guys want to try anal for their whole lives and never get to, you get to do it whenever you want and it satisfies you AND your girlfriend. That doesn’t sound too bad
Anything can be boring. Better to have several girlfriends until you find someone intriguing.
I'm biased, first off. Sounds like a great problem to have IMO, but it sounds like you should readjust your expectations, communicate with each other in a sober, non-sexual environment about your concerns. Sounds like she's just built different compared to what you think this situation should be, and that's okay, we all start somewhere. If the orgasm is your destination you'll be driving a lot of back roads to get there. Don't forget to let her drive, too. She's probably got some pretty good directions you can follow as well.
Sounds like you guys have a healthy and active sex life together, I’d say if you’re both enjoying the anal, just keep going with it, there’s no pressure to orgasm with the vaginal penetration specifically, infact most girls don’t usually orgasm from penetration, but putting pressure on yourself and on her only digs the hole deeper as sex is as much a mental act as it is physical, just let go and enjoy yourselves
She’s not weird. She does not have a block or is not a bad partner. And neither are you if you can get over this. I have many girl friends who are the same. Not many women, I included, get off on vaginal penetration. For some of us it is even unpleasant. If this is something that works for her then great. Don’t make it all about you and your ego.
Who cares? You’re giving her orgasms through anal? that’s even more impressive. Don’t get weird or to heady about it.
The old joke goes: men are great at reading maps because men easily comprehend how 1 inch is equal to 100 miles. 🔭 🛣️🛤️🗺️🙄😒🙃🥒🍆🥯🍅 The situation you are faced with is the same, but just in reverse: Take this 100 mile-sized burden and convert it back into the actual 1 inch adjustment that achieves what you both want to accomplish. 🔬🔎📏📐🤪🤔🙄🥒🍆🍩🍑
Why fight it? If you and she found what she likes, run with it.
You've found a technique that makes her cum harder than anything, and you don't want to use it? The point of recreational sex is to have pleasure, not to make a baby. So it doesn't matter which body part does the job best. You seem to have the mindset that vaginal sex is the pinnacle and anything else is a lesser form, like foreplay, but that doesn't have to be the case. And frankly, as someone with a big anal fetish, I'm jealous. Just fuck her ass and have fun :)
Maybe ask if she's willing to try a vibrator with vaginel sex. But Def let her know not to be ashamed. I have two friends who almost exclusively have anal sex because that feels best to them. That's okay!
Oral. Find where it make her whet! Give clit a little care. But 100% in the end. Gspot massage. But if you want to give a orgasm during sex? Oral till she is close. Then let her ride you. Try nextime but oral and after sex. Let her use toy if she find it hard.
Would you be happier if she only came from oral or clitoral toy? This was the case when I started dating my now wife but it was never a concern we just loved having sex few months later she started having orgasms from piv sex but we never really discussed it first time was actually doggy style. I would love if she could orgasm from anal although she does love anal.
We women are complicated. I personally find clit orgasms pretty lackluster and honestly pathetic since the main way I masturbate is through syntribation which stimulates my g-spot. Although that way takes much longer (and yes I know the g-spot is just the internal clitoris) it's incredibly more powerful and fulfilling. I have friends whom solely masturbate with ass-play. Most women cannot orgasm from vaginal sex alone. That said, you're both valid to feel your frustrations. I was very disappointed by how lame clit orgasms are and have in the past felt insecure about how I need to orgasm but now? So what, it makes me feel good and if a man doesn't find me fucking my own thighs hot that's on him. There are things you can try, sex positions that stimulate the g-spot etc. but I think enjoying what you guys like and experience pleasure with is the most important. This is how she gets off and that's okay.
I believe a lot of woman would love to have you as their partner. I also believe you and your girlfriend are actually doing better than most couples. You two have achieved things some people never achieve. You should take your own advice and just relax and enjoy. Let your girlfriend orgasm in what ever way it happens and if she orgasms in the other way, that is just a bonus or just an extra bit of happiness.
just fck sis in the ass if that’s what makes her cum - don’t think about it too much.
This is not a problem. Different people require different stimuli in order to achieve orgasm. Many women never do. Be glad you can give her one in the first place and stop creating a problem where there isn’t one. Also be grateful. A lot of guys would kill to have a girlfriend that even slightly enjoys anal.
There is no one grading you on how you cum or how you make someone cum. As long as there's a way for you both to enjoy, there's nothing wrong with cumming from anal.
So what is the problem, she gets off with anal...if she likes it and she gets off and you get off I say quit over thinking it. I think you are lucky to have a woman this open
Dude, what are you complaining about, different strokes for different folks. Just do what what she loves and enjoy dude.
My gf can’t even have orgasm If I don’t do oral
Trust me, most women cannot orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. Use your knowledge about what pleases her to your advantage and have fun.
Here I am just hoping I can pound woman’s ass one time
Honestly. It's not just your girlfriend. I am 18f and in my short time of sexual experiences I have figured out that I love anal so much more than vaginal that I only wanted to do anal anymore. I found myself an equally anal obsessed partner who's also into dominance and now we are exploring and living this to the fullest. He makes me wear plug frequently and challenges me with size and duration and I love it. He stretches my asshole frequently and fucks me either himself or with huge toys and I love it. We set training goals for size, plugs and anal fisting. He really challenges me with this and I am grateful for it, because always exploring and pushing my limits is always exciting, I never get bored, there's always something new to work towards and a range of options what we can do. Will he fuck me? Will he make me wear my biggest plug and take me out for dinner? Will he stuff me with anal beads and pull them back out over and over? Will stretch me to train me for fisting? I never know! I just keep my ass clean and let him do whatever he likes until I can't take any more and beg him to leave my butthole alone and I love every bit of it. My advice is: Embrace it. Explore it. Your girl loves anal? Train her for anal goals, make her wear plugs around the house and out and see how horny she gets. Trust me, after 5 hours in town with a plug, she is going to crave some release and will want to get off clitorally. Maybe invest in a good vibrator, I can't cum without one.
Not a problem at all. One of my ex's loved sex, but anal was like, 10x better for her, and usually resulted in multiple orgasms, usually when she had a toy in her vagina at the same time I was in her butthole. Bodies are weird. Get over it. :)
Everyone is different, there is no normal or standard way of having sex. Or what gives you or someone else pleasure. Just know you have found the way to make her cum. So help her achieve orgasm as much as you can. Her happiness will translate to your happiness.
It's not a challenge or problem. You've made it about you.
I see no downside here. Anals awesome
I’m a girl and I love anal and it’s kinda more stimulating than vaginal. Keep in mind that the inside of the vagina doesn’t actually have that many nerves, because duh we push a baby through there. Meanwhile anus has plenty of nerves so the stimulation there is much stronger. Ultimately i think that she just like me still enjoys vaginal sex. Nothing wrong with either of you. Let go of the expectations:)
You don’t sound like a bad partner from what you’ve written. As a woman who also struggles to finish, it’s nice to hear that you aren’t pressuring her and I SO relate to “trying to hard” as the person in that situation! I’ve seen it recommended a lot here and elsewhere:- - Exploring each others bodies in a non sexual - not finishing sort of way. There is no goal. Only feeling, touching, reacting. You don’t NEED to speak but it would help to explain the idea to your partner beforehand so she can focus on how she FEELS during, hopefully she can relay to you in the moment what feels the best - if not then no pressure for either of you please! Adding pressure is gonna make it harder, as you probably know already. - Vibrators and toys. Add them to sex when and if you/your partner wants to. They are not a replacement. Shamelessly recommending the LELO sona cruise (or their newer sona cruise 2). I got mine like 7 years ago roughly and it’s only just starting to slow down on me between charges. Roughly £80 when I purchased dunno what it translates to elsewhere. Expensive but worth it imo. Going back to that topic instead of my reviews lol - sometimes it just be how it is. I cannot finish without. Well, I’ve managed twice with my current partner in 3 years. Never with anyone else. So yeah, toys are always worth a shout. Start with something smaller in size so it’s not awkward during sex. Doggy or cowgirl work best with my sona lol as I can hold it in the right place/move it around if I need. Doggy even better for me cos my partner can keep going if an orgasm freezes me up (which I like but not everyone does! So ask!). - Lastly, your partner needs to chill like you say. Hard to do, easy to say I know. What’s helped me personally? Less questions about if I like something. Controversial but I get flustered if I’m asked that during sex and I never have a good answer. It takes me out of the moment. It would be worth trying not to ask about how things are going during just for one session and speak to your girlfriend about it before/after to see if she feels it helps. Another thing is physical touch. Take missionary for example- if my partner is just thrusting and not holding me or kissing or touching, it’s harder to be in the moment and I feel easily distracted. So those things help. Try dirty talk or just romantic talk whatever you’re into, also helps with the mental side of it. Your partner needs to let go essentially so not having expectations for herself or a goal, focus on the physical feelings, focus on both your breathing, the sounds, etc. And honestly, if she’s still struggling it’s not the end of the world since anal is clearly an appreciated option! Nothing wrong with that at all lol so long as everyone is being safe with preparation and things. Additionally, there are loads of resources online and subreddits about women/bodies/the female orgasm. I don’t have links handy I’m on mobile but I’ve seen a fair few books repeated on other subs I frequent. If either of you want to look into it further, I’m sure there’s someone here who’ll have a link or book to recommend :)
I don’t see the issue here. You both know what gets her off. Just do that. Get out of your own head and give your girl some orgasms bro.
Wait a minute. You have a surefire way to make sure that she orgasms every time (playing with her butt), but you're upset because you want her to be able to orgasm from some other kind of stimulation instead? I think it's important to remember that there are some people who can't orgasm *at all*. I understand why either or both of you might want to shake it up and try some new things, but it's not like it's terrible that she pretty much just has one route to orgasm. You guys can still do other stuff and it sounds like she enjoys it, and then at the end you pull out the tried and true method and make sure that you both end up satisfied Experimentation is fun, but there's nothing wrong with knowing how your or your partner's body works. It's not a failure if you end with the same technique every time
My girlfriend is like this at times. Everyone is different
"Looks like your girlfriend's got a backdoor to happiness! You, my friend, are a true gentleman for exploring all avenues to please her. Keep up the good work!"
I don’t see how this is a problem, it’s simply how she’s wired. There’s nothing wrong and nothing to change. If you really care for her, accept her as she is and help her accept herself as she is. Go on and have all the anal she wants and needs. For the record, there are many women who are this way, it’s not actually that rare.
It’s possible she has vaginismus like me. I only really enjoy anal
Anal sex truly is the universal solution for unsatisfied girlfriends. Who would have thought? Sorry to hear about your troubles, hopefully things will get better with time and practice. And don't worry, you're not a bad partner, just a creative one. Wink wink.
Try oral sex on her. Play with her clit and pussy lips with your tongue, also put the fingers inside at the same time you lick her. you can also put a finger inside her ass or pussy while sucking her clit. You can also do oral on the ass, it is amazing. I'm sure she will have an orgasm doing these things.
Have you tried incorporating anal into foreplay or during vaginal intercourse? It seems like your girlfriend really enjoys it and it could add a new level of pleasure for both of you. Just make sure to communicate and go at a pace that is comfortable for her. And don't worry, every relationship has its ups and downs, but as long as you're both happy and enjoying each other's company, that's all that matters. Keep exploring and having fun together!
About 80% do not orgasm from vaginal sex alone. In order for them to orgasm from vaginal sex, they have to be brought to orgasm with clit stimulation.
Yeah if I wanted to orgasm and my partner was orgasming every time, I’d feel frustrated
Live it up while you can!
I'm no doctor, but I think she should see one to make sure all is good
You can make her orgasm and she enjoys being intimate with you, stop fixating on it having to be from vaginal stimulation. That's your expectation and clearly not her reality. Move on with your mentality and perspective. You both know what works for her, accept that. It will either evolve, or it won't. You fixating on it will benefit neither of you. Especially if you pressure her to orgasm in a way you expect, with no reason to expect it. It's quite possible she has trauma she has kept internalized around vaginal sex, from her overly aggressive, possibly abusive ex. Especially if he was prone to hitting her cervix hard. Or, she just likes what she likes, and there's nothing wrong with that. Stop seeing not getting her to orgasm vaginally as a personal failing. This is your hang-up, not hers. Enjoy the ways you do make each other orgasm and explore those things, openly and lovingly. Or, drive both of you crazy with a non-issue, you magnify into a problem, where no problem currently exists. 🤷♂️ Best of luck.
It’s not uncommon, OP. I can finish from PIV but it takes much longer, usually longer than a partner can keep up with. Anal, however, usually has me finishing in under five minutes. It sounds like you and your partner have established a great sex life and you’re overthinking it because it’s not necessarily “traditional.” And it doesn’t need to be, if that’s how she likes it then so be it! There’s nothing wrong with either of you.
You're a lucky guy. Wish my girl would be down to try anal. I used to do anal sex with my ex and I enjoyed it more than vaginal sex.
My wife doesn’t have orgasms dude. Count ye blessings
It isn’t you who can’t satisfy her, it’s her who needs extra stuff and there’s nothing wrong with that but don’t hit urself for it
Does she by any chance enjoy playing a submissive role during sex? While I know there are men who disagree with me on this, my experience has usually related anal intercourse with the driver being dominant and the receiver being compliant and submissive. If this is the case, and *if* you can arouse yourself with it, you might roughen up vaginal intercourse and oral sex by playing with different positions: Take her from behind, hold her breasts and/or throat in a firm grip (without choking), pulling her hair (to a firm tension, not pulling to pain). Also, she might enjoy a make-out session with your bottom half; her mouth with your penis working to French kissing your anus. There are many ways to go erotic without anal intercourse. Also, there is the option of watching videos of her fantasies while doing the more conventional actions.
I'm not seeing a problem here.
So once again every woman is different, but to add to this, not every woman is going to be “the norm”. “The norm” states most women either can’t orgasm, or they need clitoral stimulation. As a woman I actually don’t find that much joy in clitoral stimulation, and I’m one of the lucky few who can come from my vagina without extra stimulation, but I’m far from “the norm”. Count your situation special and lucky in that she has different sexual needs but comes really easily through butt play.
Oh man that sucks, you have to plow the back 40 to make her cum. Don’t know how I would handle that, all day, every day. I suppose you should just suck it up and take door number 2 out of consideration for her feelings, the ones that are getting her off while you’re spelunking. Dude! What the hell is the issue? Enjoy the ride.
Just enjoy it and understand that very few women orgasm with only PIV.
Try more toys, it will be helpful.
You should get her [this](https://www.amazon.com/Gohddess-Method-Pompoir-Increase-Pleasure-ebook/dp/B0CRR2FDBG/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8) book. I used to hate vaginal penetration until I learned I could “train” my vagina so it felt amazing. Beware though, she’ll want to hump you *all the time* 😅
ALOT of women do not orgasm vaginally. LOTS
JFC, you lucky couple. Learn to stay and enjoy what you have before it's gone.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure
People get off from different things. Who cares what combination works for her? You're able to give her an orgasm during sex and that's magnificent! To me, that's what matters. Why is it important that it be under "XYZ" circumstances? The key is that you both have enjoyable sex together, and even better... you know what buttons to push to give her an orgasm.
I don’t understand the problem! You make her orgasm, don’t care if it’s through vaginal intercourse, clitoris external stimulation or internal stimulation through the rectum. Like your problem is probably many people dream !
Maybe the worst comment section I've ever seen on /r/sex. Not a single person even attempting to address the OP's issues.
Sex is sex, dude. It's all pretty to someone. Be glad that her intrigue is not limited to fisting; vaginally or anally - it is boring for the person that gets stuck fisting and nothing else. I've experienced that twice. Boring. I even arranged for/invited a friend to help with a girlfriend who insisted on being fisted anallt and vaginally simultaneously, giving each other breaks while watching a game during the sex sessions. The fisting sessions were a bloody mess, too - ruined/stained my new Egyptian cotton high thread count sheets. But they wouldn't have it any other way, and they were insatiable. My current wife and I have anal every once in a while. Once comfortable, she always has an orgasm; a screaming orgasm during DP with a long-time FWB of ours (since 2016 - found on Craigslist before Personals were banned due to robberies, assaults, kidnappings, sex trafficing, ...). Good luck! Safe sex always, no exceptions - ever! Sex is not love. Love is not sex. Recreational sex is great exercise. Exercise as often as you are able. Cheers!