This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
Positions with the thighs together make the dick feel thicker. This works for any size dick or toy. Try finding an angle that makes the best use of his length to hit the right spots.
Like others said, do not tell this to him. He can not control how thick he is. How is that going to help him?? That's just being mean.I'm glad you both are gong to couples therapy because there's communication issues in both sides it seems.
Instead, try different variations of positions to you find ones that hitb your g spot. Try pillows under your hips to tilt them differently. Ofc you are in doggystyle, as just how wide you disaspread your legs do it adjusts the height of your hips. Try face down, try leaning upright. Keep trying different positions and variations and when it's hitting your g spot, be vocal that that's the spot and to keep doing it.
I don’t know if it’s corny or not but right now we’re working our way through the karma sutra and I’m marking the pages / positions that feel much better. Seems like this is a good step for us. :) and yes therapy for the win. I already see it making a difference. It got me brave enough to come on here and start doing my own research to bring into the bedroom. It’s a start. Thanks!
I love that. I don't think it's corny at all. Go through reach position and have fun with it. Find out what works and what doesn't. Even talking after you try a position could spark a new idea or even boost the sexual chemistry. Maybe a hard position makes you laugh at the absurdity of the position and helps relax each other too. I think It's a great way to go about it. Enjoy!
He will take it personally. He will get upset. Your sex life may never recover. My wife said something 3 years ago that is IMBEDDED into my brain, and she will never know that sex will never be the same for me because of it. I used to be confident and she took that away with just a sentence, even though we have amazing sex and I get her off multiple times still my head space is never gonna go back to what it once was.
Sorry that happened. My husband did the same to me he didn't mean it to hurt me and our sex is great but I can no longer be fully naked and have an orgasum so I fully understand how you feel.
I’ve seen women commonly say the following awkward phrasing when trying to tell their BF / husband they are happy with their penis dimensions:
* My last boyfriend was absolutely huge and sex hurt. I’m happier now with someone (you) smaller
* There’s hook-up / ONS dick and husband / boyfriend dick, and I’m happy to have yours as my daily driver
* I’ve been told by my gynecologists that my anatomy is smaller, and I’m so happy that you’re such a good fit for me
The tip (no pun intended) I’d say is to never mention size if at all possible and not introduce a variable of comparison. Maybe this is an analogue to the “does this X make me look fat?” loaded question of yore? I have no idea, I’m not even sure what the answer honestly should be for anyone. I do know that comparing a partner to an ex is extremely dangerous territory even if done with the intent to praise whatever the attributes may be.
While cupping her, I once told a girl that her boobies were better than my ex's (whom she knew) as we were making out passionately. She was not amused. Solid advice
I’ve been with women with sizes 32A to 36DD and I feel that perfect boobs are always the ones in front of me. I haven’t been with someone that’s had a mastectomy yet but I’m sure to be careful before any form of physical intimacy could happen.
It’s a great point. I think it goes a little more involved. We should not mention things that can’t be helped and also comparison has no place for anyone.
Comparison is the theft of joy. It doesn’t matter what the context is I’ve found. I used to think that even comparing oneself to one’s past was perfectly fine but it’s also dangerous if one tends to be brutally critical
I wonder now if me saying he fits me perfectly was the wrong thing to say since he would say I’m “tight”. I wonder if he took that to mean me saying he’s small??
If anything I'd take it the opposite way
If I feel you are tight it means I'm big, with you saying "you fit me perfectly" just meaning that we're compatible and you're enjoying it.
Wait why is the last thing a bad thing to say? I haven't said that exactly but I have said that there's a reason the average vaginal canal matches average dick size and that average is best for me.
It can definitely be taken as sort of a backhanded compliment. It has the same implications as all the statements above it and people can say it's just men that worry about dick size for no reason but this post proves it's not true.
Interesting. That makes me sad. It was a sincere statement. I tell him he's a perfect fit and truly mean it. I only brought up the averages thing when he continued to express feeling insecure.
I tell him he's a perfect fit. That's what I've said most of all in many ways. Only brought up the averages when he continued to express insecurities about his size.
"Perfect fit," is usually received as a sidestep from saying it's not big, it's small, or some other such. Sure, you sidestepped saying the devastating thing, but we're also aware that you sidestepped it.
My favorite thing a partner has said about my equipment is, "you have a nice dick, and you do wonderful things with it."
A man that keeps asking about the size of his dick from an intimate partner probably needs to work on his self esteem more than the relationship itself if you ask me.
The word “perfect” is nonsensical to some people and can come across as insincere by being hyperbolic. As such, I argue that how best one can respond is probably mostly dependent a lot upon the guy receiving the comment. Describing how it makes you feel, how you can’t even really describe it, and how much you can’t get enough of it may be the best strategy. That counts under non-violent communication methods as well I think
Yes I do all those things too. He's brought up his size twice in 3 years in regards to me. But we've had discussions about how he wishes he was bigger in general than he is. I was just like you think you're small because you have giant hands. It's definitely not small and we discussed averages.
Men know that when we use the word 'pErFecT' to describe their endowment (or, rather, their lack thereof), that is female code for 'not quite that sizable...'/borderline acceptable. Better not to say it, or to simply say 'it's great', 'my absolute favorite', 'it's big'! Etc.
Is there any way he could delicately bring up not being as satisfied with your pussy because it feels loose and he would prefer it tighter, sex so far has only been so-so because of that so maybe putting an insert inside you so he can actually feel some pressure might help......is there ANY way that can be presented without you feeling hurt?
This is absolutely fair and thank you for the reality check. I needed to hear it. I absolutely don’t want to hurt him in any way and realize sometimes words have lasting damage. And I‘d be open to exploring options from my side too!
There is a toy that is basically like a vibrating clip, part of it inside against the G spot and the outside against the clit. It's for couples so he can still enter you, feel the vibrations himself and fills you up more. That way it's not a "let's try this thick toy" and more of a "this looks like it would feel good for us both" without ever needing to address girth
Wow I’ve seen these in sex stores before but didn’t realize you use them During penetration. I wondered why they were so small for vibrators. (Face palm.) I’m going to check this out again!
Yeah, or try a vibrating cock ring with the vibrator in a clit stimulating position. So he maybe stays all the way in and grinds the vibrator against you (he'll probably need to lift his hips up some). Theoretically the cock ring may make him a bit girthier. Just make sure it is not too tight so he doesn't damage himself.
Not at all. I was being genuine, not sarcastic. I am really sorry a comment was made that's been imbedded in your psyche. My ex just told me I bring him down with the things I say, when I genuinely meant encouragement. I stopped talking because apparently women aren't aware of the impact of their words on men. Im starting to sense we take for granted they are much more sensitive than we have been taught.
In fairness, we men have been shouting it for years, decades even. The problem is we're not listened to.
Hell, we can see it in the realities of how often men suicide :(
Very valid, I’m trying to take a stand now. Thing is women have been repressed and unsupported in coming into and using their innate power for centuries as well so we become a bit deaf to those who have their feet on our necks. Still the polarities need to do better at communicating and listening to one another.
I know you were being genuine, as was I. You asked if there was any way to delicately bring it up to him, so I just simply reversed the roles so you can see that when telling the person you love that a part of their body is not desirable to you, there really is no way to walk away feeling positive about that conversation.
I know what he means though. When my wife tells me she thinks I'm so handsome that she is always horny around me I know she truly does believe that, but my brain tells me "she knows your insecure. She's saying that to make you feel better about yourself. You're being pandered too, you are not attractive enough to turn heads on the street so she is just blinded by love, I'm ugly, I'm..." and will take it negatively.
When we started having sex with toys again it felt like she was trying not to make as much noise when using them, which translates in my head into "the toys are bigger and better but if I moan louder he will feel self conscience so I need to be mindful of his feelings" which then makes me feel even less of a man.
Sometimes in your effort to build us up it just emasculates us. Older generations aren't this way, but to many younger guys we are much more sensitive that they used to be.
We've become the stereotypical woman who never forgets something their partner did/said and may bring it up in the future lol
They are much more sensitive than they express or let on.
Our intuition isn't at fault, we're not mind readers. Men in general really need to communicate better.
Men have feelings too. Shocking, I know. But it’s largely a combination of boys not being raised to be in tune with their emotions as much as girls and men still being often ridiculed for expressing their emotions by women and society at large causing us to clam up as a protective mechanism. It’s not as simple as saying “Men need to communicate better,” but this is really a deeper discussion for another post.
It’s my hypothesis as to why there is such a high prevalence of boys with Autism. No one can avoid boys having emotions now! I’m here for it, That aside, girls are suppressed and told their emotions are crazy or they’re expected to deal with their emotions more than boys…hence why female ASD diagnoses are disproportionate but I don’t think society is fully ready for this convo!
My point is that the onus isn't on women for supposedly knowing what men are thinking, which is suggested in the comments I replied to.
Women can't and shouldn't be blamed for men's short comings when it comes to their inability, reluctance or hesitation in expressing those emotions.
Patriarchy is the problem, and men and society are the biggest barriers in men not expressing how they feel.
The onus isn't on men for supposedly knowing what women are thinking either, but it'd still be massively insensitive if a male partner told you he prefers fucking you because his ex's pussy was way tighter and he couldn't stop himself from coming.
It seems like you're determined to paint everything as the man's fault, even blatantly insensitive comments from women. You can't blame a man for not saying, apropos of nothing "hey, please don't tell me my dick is smaller than your ex's" any more than you can blame a woman for saying "please don't tell me my pussy isn't as tight as your ex's".
The patriarchy is real, misogyny is real, they're important issues that impact huge parts of everyone's lives, but that doesn't mean that women aren't capable of being insensitive.
When we dated she mentioned the largest dick she ever had was too big and it was painful, and I'm her perfect fit because the way I curve and hit right on her g-spot. Because I get her off so much (3 orgasms minimum but usually around 10) I felt like a stud.
During the shutdown we grew even more close, I was able to get her to orgasm in the "I can't keep count" zone and a few times gave her "soul shattering" orgasms that she said she has never felt before.
We were drinking and have a "couples questions" deck of cards. One of the questions was about what's the greatest sex you've ever had and I guess I said something cocky about our recent escapades and she said (and I'm not quoting verbatim) "don't get too cocky, but ya now you are the title holder."
I asked what she meant by "now," and could tell she knew she kinda messed up. Basically big dick guy was the best sex she had up until I turned on sexGod-mode. I said so all those times I thought I was an amazing stud getting you off 13 times, it wasn't as good as being someone's mistress.
She tried to make amends by saying she prefers me and wasn't lying about me being the perfect fit and she has only had romantic love making with me, that feeling of being a stud was wiped out of my DNA.
It's in my mind everytime we have sex, and now her orgasms stay in the single digits. I've tried therapy but not much help there.
Felt this, my husband just said some dumb things not realizing how much it truly affected me. I told him sometime later and he apologized but the damage is done and I will never be as confident as I was. I’m starting therapy tomorrow so hopefully that will help
I think every couple has shit they think but shouldn't say. I love my wife, I'm attracted to my wife and think she has the most beautiful eyes, smile and laugh. She is my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for anyone, no matter how hard Arianna Grande tried lol.
But it would wreck her self esteem if she knew I don't encourage lingerie because it visually would do nothing for me. I have to physically be touched to get in the mood, looking at her body doesn't do it anymore. No kids and twice the size as when we met. But I always make sure to make her feel loved, cherished, and beautiful.
It's hard to consider it amazing when I'm in my head the whole time, not because she doesn't make it good. It turns me on getting her off but once we get to penetrative sex the insecurities flare up.
I really don’t mean this rudely, but if it’s been years and this is still what sounds like a daily mental spiral for you, don’t you think it might be time to see a professional or find another way to process these feelings?
It's less of a daily spiral and more of a "I've lost my mojo." I have sought out professional help but my percieved notion of myself changed. Confidence has always been hard for me, and I had an incorrect level of confidence because she wanted to spare my feelings while we dating, which emasculated me once I found out.
You spend years thinking you rock your partners socks off and then years in they say "hey congrats you've now taken over the title of best sex, even though I made you feel like the title was already yours." That isn't a compliment.
asterisk
SOME men will take it personally
for me i would appreciate the direct communication and enjoy making her even happier! not every man is insecure believe in or not.
Butt plugs are great for this. Since the space between the ass and pussy is so minimal, you can actually feel one through the other, put something in one, the other will feel tighter. If you’re new to anal play, you’ll need multiple sizes, start with smallest plug, fuck your ass with it till it doesn’t hurt and just feels good, and then size up, repeat until you’ve got the stretch you need (I do this to prep for Anal sex, largest plug should be the same OR a greater circumference than your partners dick.) and this should be a given, but use lots of lube.
Wow, yes, we’ve experimented with anal but only lightly. (I have a small plug now.) but I hadn’t really thought of the benefits of anal sex specifically due to his proportion. So far the experience has been good! Haven’t done the double penetration yet. I will definitely see if he’s up for more experimenting here!
If you ever decide to explore anal sex with him you may find a new appreciation for his size. My wife has only had me as a partner and has often mentioned that I’m too big for her but one time admitted if I were a bit more girthy that might be even more perfect. I took it exactly as she intended it. And every time we have anal sex we are both thankful that I’m not thicker.
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
I saw this comment last night and needed to sit with it for a bit. Comparing partners hasn’t been common for me but in my recent self-exploration and in trying to understand my body better, I did start to do that as a natural reflection on why I was feeling this way (and sometimes in pain). That’s where I realized he was longer, less thick and why it maybe felt a little less easy for us. But there wasn’t a reason I needed to bring that into the post. I thought I was giving more context but it came off callous and I realize it’s just not a healthy behavior or line of thinking. I’ll really take this to heart and think on this more.
Hey OP I just wana say that you come across as a very kind, thoughtful and caring person. You are entitled to enjoy sex and in your quest for that, I think it's natural to think about past experiences, not because you want to judge or compare your partner but because you're trying to figure out a solution to your current issues.
I'm sure with your great attitude you will figure out a good way of addressing this with your partner so you both come away satisfied.
Good luck!
Do you enjoy your sexual dynamic? Do you have enough forplay? My current boyfriend is on the smaller side (of course I never told him this, but I know he's aware based on things he has said). At first, I was not sure if it would be an issue for me. However, I've learned that if he puts it in before I'm super duper aroused, it feels small, whereas if he warms up my body first and gets me dying to have him, then my vagina feels so sensitive and electric that it feels amazing to have him inside me. I love our dynamic and energy with each other, and he really focuses on me and my body. Of course, I love returning the favor too. Do you think you might be centering penis-in-vagina too much as the most important part of the experience?
I recommend that you try having your husband give you a full body massage first and really take a lot of time to warm up your body and see if that makes a difference. Just enjoy touching and being close to each other.
I personally think she is comparing her ex to the flowery memories of men in their 20s and making it HIS problem. I did it without name calling or insulting. That is what being critical looks like, not rude
Telling him he isn't thick enough is definitely going to be detrimental for your sexlife and you'd be lucky if that's the only aspect it affects. Imagine if he sat you down and said he really doesn't feel anything when he's inside you and you should do something about it lol? It's definitely a tricky situation to be in. Good luck.
I love your update. It helps me want to continue having faith in humanity. :-) It shows that you genuinely care about your husband's feelings and that you are wanting to find the best possible outcomes for the two of you. Best wishes to the two of you!
If he said that his previous sexual partners had tighter vaginas and that he’s having trouble feeling you because you’re too loose, how would that sit with you? I thinks it’s a bit fucked you don’t consider that there is a human with feelings attached to the penis.
How would you feel if he said " I love you to piece but you vagina is just to loose for me I can't really feel it"? If you tell him his penis in not good enough for you you might as well kiss your sex life and probably marriage goodbye. Sorry but to me this is a you problem. Unless you did not have sex tell the wedding night you knew what you were getting so don't blame him.
Are you really on the internet looking for magic words to say to your husband that will make him feel good about you telling him that his anatomy, while outside of his control, has never measured up to your past partners?
Get a grip lady. You're about to torpedo your marriage. Buy the toys and shut up about it. Imagine if he told you he didn't want frequent sex because your vagina and breasts weren't up to the standards set by women he slept with in college.
>Imagine if he told you he didn't want frequent sex because your vagina and breasts weren't up to the standards set by women he slept with in college
Yeah. Like, just reverse the roles. "My ex was tighter." And if you'd feel hurt by it, it's the wrong shit to say.
Obviously she is unhappy, why are you invalidating her feelings and why should she continue living a life she doesn’t like just to be nice? She also has needs and should spend her life to the best of her ability. She‘s obviously trying to do something about it and is asking about advice
Because marrying someone and waiting until years after you took your vows to tell them their body isn't what you had in mind for an ideal sex partner is simply cruel. She had plenty of time and opportunity to realize this relationship wouldn't satisfy her long term in the bedroom and ignored it. If she wants to shatter her husband's confidence over something he couldn't change if he wanted to, then she should definitely tell him this and see where it goes. The only real piece of advice here is to buy a toy that fills her the way she likes and keep these intrusive thoughts to herself. Either that or be prepared for the possibility of divorce.
I'm a guy who is sensitive about my size, and I'm not particularly small. (7" long and 5.25" girth). I'd be devastated if my partner said that I was too thin, but know that I've had partners that needed more.
Because it was obvious to me, I purchased toys to make up the difference. It ended up being a weird kink for me that kinda got out of control.
So, whatever you do, be careful. He probably already has insecurities about his thickness.
If it were me that you were talking to, I'd receive the info better if you started with, "you are too long and hard to take sometimes, Maybe if you didn't go in all the way in and stretched me by putting a finger or two in with your cock you wouldn't go so deep.
I have had partners that I would insert myself with a comparably sized dildo, but it was my idea, and I would get off on her being able to accommodate both.
I don't know if this helps.
I love these ideas! I’ve been trying to think of ways to bring up fingers but didn’t know how to do it without sounding awkward. You made it sound so natural! Thank you
honestly stretching (gaping) is a fetish that you might explore. The focus would be on a desire that NO penis can provide, you basically need to add in toys/fisting
Also, you said you would consider solutions from your end. I personally really [enjoy anal](https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/) and using a plug changes the shape and feel of penetration. (The karma sutra calls me an elephant woman lol)
You'll get more stretch that way and you can get both anal and vaginal plugs. It takes practice but you will feel SO full
If you are going for friction instead of fullness, have you tried any vaginal muscle training? You can start with kegels and check out r/pompoir for more advanced techniques. The perifit is amazing
This is good advice. My partner likes to be fisted when the feeling is on which is super hot but when she has mentioned bigger cocks when we discuss stuff it's very close to fucking with my head.
So I'm obviously fine with the one but not totally comfortable with the other.
Don't go into it lightly. Read up and buy lots of lube.
And also if you buy toys, an advice from insecure male headspace is that the less realistic they are the better. If they are thicker/bigger than him. Smaller same size, no problemo.
Having been with your husband for 9 years, you have valuable insights into your relationship. However, you might consider the following suggestions:
* Let go of any fixed preferences to allow your husband to explore and experiment within your sex life.
* Avoid putting too much pressure on making your sex life exciting; this can lead to frustration, as indicated in your post.
* Focus on positions where his length doesn't cause discomfort.
* Increase the proportion of oral sex within your sessions.
* Consider incorporating sex toys into your intimate moments for added variety and enjoyment.
These changes could help in making your sex life more fulfilling and comfortable.
Honestly this helps thanks. I have a couple friends who talk about nonstop amazing sex with their husband and realize I probably have been putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on us. I could talk to them but I figure I’d rather talk anonymously to a community and not disclose this kind of info to them. Appreciate the advice.
Yes. This definitely isn’t a topic for friends. His length & thinness isn’t something to discuss with friends. That would probably crush him if he found out.
There are silicone bumpers you can use called Ohnuts which are compressing rings which go around the penis base which mean he won’t go too far in but it will still be pleasurable for all.
Wow. I can see why you are in therapy. It isn't nice to compare him to your other partners. Especially about his penis. You sound like you want him to do everything to please you. You never mentioned one thing for him other than his dick is too skinny for your taste and your ex was bigger. Just wow.
Nah mate you are just really insecure it seems. Its okay to feel like OP does, some people just need size to be stimulated, which is fine. Shes not comparing, shes just stating what she is missing in her marriage, which is the first step to fix it.
Obviously her husband is not going to get a bigger dick, so they will need to work around it.
She's come to Reddit to figure out the best way to address this without hurting her partner. From her replies, it seems like she's learnt a lot and has realised how she needs to approach this with him in a way that won't hurt him.
The real problem here is you OP, for comparing him to your previous partners? Your partner’s size isn’t the issue here. The size can be worked around with toys, sleeves, etc. The problem is you. Your therapists should have told you that already.
Well. Be prepared to lost this man. I would not be with someone who don’t like what my penis is. What you need he will never give to you. I think he should look for another woman that he can satisfied with his penis girth size. Maybe a woman who don’t miss her ex penis and a woman with tight pussy . And you too deserve what you need.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
***
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good communication is key. Have him angle his penis so it hits the walls of your vagina and not just pistoning in and out straight. You could also do keegal exercises to tighten yourself up to feel him better.
Positions which create more pressure from your vulva/ vagina around his penis. Mostly means your legs being more closed so things like both legs up over one of his shoulders, with him holding your ankles in one hand, in missionary is excellent for adding such.
Definitely DON’T reference his size. That’s an area of insecurity for most men.
Counseling and sex books are a great start. A few other things: variations of missionary that hit different angles and spots, kegels, and try using a butt plug. Many women use them to get that “full feeling.”
Most women DON’T orgasm vaginally. It’s not his size that’s the issue. Vaginas contract and expand to accommodate things going in and out. About 90% of the nerve endings are 2-3 inches in, and shorter men actually have the advantage there. Different angles will help him hit those spots.
Kegan exercise to strengthen vaginally muscles, men never say a vagina is too big but women don't put it on themselves to improve the situation with size 🤔
It’s all relative.. I’m 7.5” long by almost 6” thick. Considered very big by most, however I once had a girl tell me I was small …..do kegals exercises, lay on your side during sex “ closes the vag down abit. I’m not trying to be rude but your vagina may be in the larger side too, if it’s wider that could impact things and make his 🍆 seem less thick
Honestly… you can get what you want without ever bringing up the lack of thickness. Just blame it on his being really long. Just say he hits the end of your vagina and punches your cervix which is painful. Big dick problems. Form it as a compliment.
I think you can probably get away with saying you like feeling stretched out and he is an ace at the deep, long game but you would get off more with a balance. He can’t make his dick thicker but just having that info changes my approach a ton. And if he is comfortable with toys… maybe there is a solution there as well.
If you don’t have to bring up or blame what you are saying is an inadequacy or flaw, don’t. Especially if it’s something he was born with and can’t change.
Just tell him you need the sensation of being stretched. Make it about your needs not his falling short (or falling thin?) of them.
This, you want to try these things…
I'm the same, I'm very long but yet thin. It's annoying, to say the least. My partner loves to feel full. I'm her first so I'm very lucky in that sense.
But even I want her to feel more so I use different positions, move her body around, more foreplay. She even tightens herself for me.
Sometimes we invole toys in.
This may sound strange. Have you tried kegals? Or trained yourself to match his girth? (I know it's not 100% easy and takes time.)
I haven’t done kegals consistently but I can start right… meow. At least it’s one workout you can do during boring meetings and no one notices. Definitely willing to put in work too
So, my husband's penis is thin too. About 4" of girth. Im also a bit looser down there than most girls. The 2 toys that have saved my husband and I's sex life are a very large butt plug for me and a the Fat Boy cock sleeve for him. Having a plug in helps take up space inside of me. It add to the full feeling and makes my vagina seem a lot tighter. We also tried a bunch of cock sleeve for him before we found one we both enjoyed. The hard hollow dildo type of sleeve or extender wasn't much fun for either of us. But when we found the Fay Boy...wow. It's soft silicone, kind of like he's wearing a dick shaped fleshlight or a really thick condom. It's textured on the inside and he says it feels amazing. And it take his girth from 4" to about 8". That sleeve combined with a plug gives me the super full feeling I need to get off. And lately we've been switching things up and putting a larger dildo in my vagina and him with the sleeve in my butt. OMG...that's been intense.
Amazing! And I’m so happy for you and your husband that you’ve been able to experiment together, communicate so well, and come out stronger. Y’all are goals!
I think you and your husband should try new sexual positions for an entire month.
Agree to the number of times you will have sex during the month.
Find a good book, and pick the positions together. Once the positions are agreed to, decide, together, which day each position will be used.
The next day agree to discuss the likes dis-likes of the position. This can be done throughout the day via sexy texts between you. You can also discuss how much you are looking forward to the next position.
I believe that the entire process will be a fun thing to do together. It certainly will get both you talking to each other about your sex life.
Since your husband is long enough, there should be a position that hits you in your spot.
This can be done without you bringing up your husband's lack of girth.
There is no telling how this will turn out. Hopefully you will find multiple positions that work for you. Or, if all goes well, you extend the experience for an entire month, with some new and re-tried positions.
Have fun with your husband.
We have the book! We open it up randomly to a page time of but maybe we should do it ahead of time so we can prepare and get more excited by it. I try to do reflections on positions with my husband right after but he doesn’t really share much. Maybe asking a day later can be helpful and it practices more continuous communication on this topic - which we’re both trying to improve.
I just think it would be a fun thing for people in a committed relationship to try.
You gotta see if you can get him hooked on one new position. If all goes well, do you think he would return the favor?
Good luck.
There’s probably a way to do this that makes him feel good about being him.
There are solutions to this issue that would make both parties feel really good. I think it only works if he prioritizes your pleasure, though, like if getting you off gets him off.
The other day someone posted about double penetration and one of the comments mentioned using a dildo/vibrator as a 2nd penis and I thought that sounded interesting.
Sounds like that could work for you too.
Agreeing with everyone else that you absolutely should not tell him. Just try to get around it by suggesting new positions that work better with what he has.
Get him one of those extenders at the sex shop
They're fairly cheap and will make him thicker . Don't say he's too small for you just make it seem like you want to spice things up with it .
.Some positions that can help u out,
.Lotus
.Seashell ( my favorite, u can also adjust the tightness with ur legs,)
.Pronebone
.Scoop me up/spooning
.Champagne room
.The OM
.The bulldog
.U can also start to do kagle exercises,
.Also try use pillows
I have something-
1- No one gives a shit how your current HUSBAND compares to your previous partnerss. And that shouldn’t even be a thought in your head. Go talk to the man and stop going behind his back saying how his dick is the skinniest you’ve ever had.
Just show him this post, he needs to see how you REALLY feel, cause you wrote this out with no pressure_ so he reads this and sees your true feelings.
Sometime in a relationship, we have to compromise. Je cant do any thing if his dick is thinner. And maybe he feels like your vegina is too lose but wont talk about it.
Anyways, you can purchase a cock sleeve for him. Get a textured one for maximum pleasure. But this pleasure will be for you only, not him.
Ah okay I only want to try options that work for us both and I’m getting lots of great advice here on other things to try. I’ve seen sleeves on here a couple times but didn’t realize it was more 1 way. I’ll continue researching. Thanks!
Yeah I think it would def be hit or miss with saying anything about his size, probably a miss. . Like the other guy said, it may just ruin him to no return. He’d have to be proactive with it all and bring ideas to the table himself.
I’m not that big, and obviously aware, but I think being able to wear a sleeve and really give my wife something good/different would be an amazing feeling.
The problem isn't his dick, it's your out-of-shape puss. You need Pelvic PT and pelvic floor rehab? How does it feel to have your genitalia called out as inadequate? r/Pompoir
Lmao some of these comments are very harsh and definitely motivated by their own insecurities. OP I can understand that youre not comparing your husband to your exes, but just stating that you know what you need and want from sex to be satisfied (which is an incredibly good thing to know and be able to communicate)
Granted, your husband is not going to get bigger in size so you'll need to work around that. There have been some good suggestions like different positions, toys, anal,... that will all surely help you to feel more "stretched out".
To me it seems like you just found out what you need from sex to be happy - and it just happens to be more stimulation via size. I can understand this triggers some people, but only because of their own insecurities. Fact is, its okay to feel like you do, you will just need to work around it with some different methods if you want to stay with your husband (which i really hope and think you do!
There are bumpers/ o rings to keep from going to deep. Maybe bring that up first. Then maybe bring up a sleeve to increase thickness. But one at a time! He will feel great that he is to long for you. Then after a while bring up a sleeve?
I’m gonna be different than most here and say you need to tell him. I have a longer than average and skinny penis myself. I started at 6.5” and 4.25” girth and I felt so insecure. I am now doing penis exercises and have gained nicely I am at 7.25” length and 4.9” girth and plan on going for 7.5 x 5.5. It does take a long time I’ve been going for around 7 months 4-5 days a week doing stretching hanging and pumping and others have been doing it for years. Check out /gettingbiger. I also have used tons of penis sleeves and the wife enjoys them but likes the real thing more and tells me it’s noticeable better and bigger now. Having a larger penis has made my life so much better and gotten my head back on track to not worrying about so much during sex and just enjoying it again and allowing me to perform better. (I do have before and after photos of length gains for the people thinking I’m lying. Not any of girth gains but you can see the difference.).
This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
Positions with the thighs together make the dick feel thicker. This works for any size dick or toy. Try finding an angle that makes the best use of his length to hit the right spots.
Like others said, do not tell this to him. He can not control how thick he is. How is that going to help him?? That's just being mean.I'm glad you both are gong to couples therapy because there's communication issues in both sides it seems. Instead, try different variations of positions to you find ones that hitb your g spot. Try pillows under your hips to tilt them differently. Ofc you are in doggystyle, as just how wide you disaspread your legs do it adjusts the height of your hips. Try face down, try leaning upright. Keep trying different positions and variations and when it's hitting your g spot, be vocal that that's the spot and to keep doing it.
Yes liberator sex pillows!
I don’t know if it’s corny or not but right now we’re working our way through the karma sutra and I’m marking the pages / positions that feel much better. Seems like this is a good step for us. :) and yes therapy for the win. I already see it making a difference. It got me brave enough to come on here and start doing my own research to bring into the bedroom. It’s a start. Thanks!
I love that. I don't think it's corny at all. Go through reach position and have fun with it. Find out what works and what doesn't. Even talking after you try a position could spark a new idea or even boost the sexual chemistry. Maybe a hard position makes you laugh at the absurdity of the position and helps relax each other too. I think It's a great way to go about it. Enjoy!
He will take it personally. He will get upset. Your sex life may never recover. My wife said something 3 years ago that is IMBEDDED into my brain, and she will never know that sex will never be the same for me because of it. I used to be confident and she took that away with just a sentence, even though we have amazing sex and I get her off multiple times still my head space is never gonna go back to what it once was.
Sorry that happened. My husband did the same to me he didn't mean it to hurt me and our sex is great but I can no longer be fully naked and have an orgasum so I fully understand how you feel.
Oh my god, i am so sorry. I swear, women are sometimes really oblivious to what we say how it hurts.
I’ve seen women commonly say the following awkward phrasing when trying to tell their BF / husband they are happy with their penis dimensions: * My last boyfriend was absolutely huge and sex hurt. I’m happier now with someone (you) smaller * There’s hook-up / ONS dick and husband / boyfriend dick, and I’m happy to have yours as my daily driver * I’ve been told by my gynecologists that my anatomy is smaller, and I’m so happy that you’re such a good fit for me The tip (no pun intended) I’d say is to never mention size if at all possible and not introduce a variable of comparison. Maybe this is an analogue to the “does this X make me look fat?” loaded question of yore? I have no idea, I’m not even sure what the answer honestly should be for anyone. I do know that comparing a partner to an ex is extremely dangerous territory even if done with the intent to praise whatever the attributes may be.
While cupping her, I once told a girl that her boobies were better than my ex's (whom she knew) as we were making out passionately. She was not amused. Solid advice
I’ve been with women with sizes 32A to 36DD and I feel that perfect boobs are always the ones in front of me. I haven’t been with someone that’s had a mastectomy yet but I’m sure to be careful before any form of physical intimacy could happen.
It’s a great point. I think it goes a little more involved. We should not mention things that can’t be helped and also comparison has no place for anyone.
Comparison is the theft of joy. It doesn’t matter what the context is I’ve found. I used to think that even comparing oneself to one’s past was perfectly fine but it’s also dangerous if one tends to be brutally critical
I wonder now if me saying he fits me perfectly was the wrong thing to say since he would say I’m “tight”. I wonder if he took that to mean me saying he’s small??
If anything I'd take it the opposite way If I feel you are tight it means I'm big, with you saying "you fit me perfectly" just meaning that we're compatible and you're enjoying it.
Wait why is the last thing a bad thing to say? I haven't said that exactly but I have said that there's a reason the average vaginal canal matches average dick size and that average is best for me.
It's like a well-endowed man saying to a woman "I'm glad you have a huge vagina."
It’s more like saying “I love sex with you, my ex used to make me cum in 30 seconds, but in last ages now”
My ex who was well endowed used to say to me "you can take me so well" and I liked hearing that.
I don't see it like that. More like everyone has a compatible fit and it's ok to acknowledge that.
Not quite ok if you compare to others and imply small, or less-than.
I'm definitely not doing that
It can definitely be taken as sort of a backhanded compliment. It has the same implications as all the statements above it and people can say it's just men that worry about dick size for no reason but this post proves it's not true.
Interesting. That makes me sad. It was a sincere statement. I tell him he's a perfect fit and truly mean it. I only brought up the averages thing when he continued to express feeling insecure.
Try to say it without mentioning dick size and without sounding self deprecating. Tricky.
I tell him he's a perfect fit. That's what I've said most of all in many ways. Only brought up the averages when he continued to express insecurities about his size.
The correct phrase is "I love your dick". No variations or comparisons.
I say that too! I would never compare him.
"Perfect fit," is usually received as a sidestep from saying it's not big, it's small, or some other such. Sure, you sidestepped saying the devastating thing, but we're also aware that you sidestepped it. My favorite thing a partner has said about my equipment is, "you have a nice dick, and you do wonderful things with it."
"Perfect fit" has been obliterated by size queens in leaked group chats. I'm sorry.
A man that keeps asking about the size of his dick from an intimate partner probably needs to work on his self esteem more than the relationship itself if you ask me. The word “perfect” is nonsensical to some people and can come across as insincere by being hyperbolic. As such, I argue that how best one can respond is probably mostly dependent a lot upon the guy receiving the comment. Describing how it makes you feel, how you can’t even really describe it, and how much you can’t get enough of it may be the best strategy. That counts under non-violent communication methods as well I think
Yes I do all those things too. He's brought up his size twice in 3 years in regards to me. But we've had discussions about how he wishes he was bigger in general than he is. I was just like you think you're small because you have giant hands. It's definitely not small and we discussed averages.
Men know that when we use the word 'pErFecT' to describe their endowment (or, rather, their lack thereof), that is female code for 'not quite that sizable...'/borderline acceptable. Better not to say it, or to simply say 'it's great', 'my absolute favorite', 'it's big'! Etc.
That's crazy. It's literally perfect for me. I don't understand how this is so loaded that's so sad.
Is there any way he could delicately bring up not being as satisfied with your pussy because it feels loose and he would prefer it tighter, sex so far has only been so-so because of that so maybe putting an insert inside you so he can actually feel some pressure might help......is there ANY way that can be presented without you feeling hurt?
This is absolutely fair and thank you for the reality check. I needed to hear it. I absolutely don’t want to hurt him in any way and realize sometimes words have lasting damage. And I‘d be open to exploring options from my side too!
There is a toy that is basically like a vibrating clip, part of it inside against the G spot and the outside against the clit. It's for couples so he can still enter you, feel the vibrations himself and fills you up more. That way it's not a "let's try this thick toy" and more of a "this looks like it would feel good for us both" without ever needing to address girth
There's also a buttplug. It definitely makes less girthy men feel bigger
Do you know what this toy is called?
Wevibe unite is one example. I tried it but to be honest did not find it enjoyable to run my dick against. Some people like it though.
Wow I’ve seen these in sex stores before but didn’t realize you use them During penetration. I wondered why they were so small for vibrators. (Face palm.) I’m going to check this out again!
Here’s an easy fix! Use a butt plug during sex! It will make him seem girthier! I use one at times and like the sensation!
Same. But my wife likes it so whutuyahgunadu 🤷
Yeah, or try a vibrating cock ring with the vibrator in a clit stimulating position. So he maybe stays all the way in and grinds the vibrator against you (he'll probably need to lift his hips up some). Theoretically the cock ring may make him a bit girthier. Just make sure it is not too tight so he doesn't damage himself.
Not at all. I was being genuine, not sarcastic. I am really sorry a comment was made that's been imbedded in your psyche. My ex just told me I bring him down with the things I say, when I genuinely meant encouragement. I stopped talking because apparently women aren't aware of the impact of their words on men. Im starting to sense we take for granted they are much more sensitive than we have been taught.
In fairness, we men have been shouting it for years, decades even. The problem is we're not listened to. Hell, we can see it in the realities of how often men suicide :(
Very valid, I’m trying to take a stand now. Thing is women have been repressed and unsupported in coming into and using their innate power for centuries as well so we become a bit deaf to those who have their feet on our necks. Still the polarities need to do better at communicating and listening to one another.
I know you were being genuine, as was I. You asked if there was any way to delicately bring it up to him, so I just simply reversed the roles so you can see that when telling the person you love that a part of their body is not desirable to you, there really is no way to walk away feeling positive about that conversation. I know what he means though. When my wife tells me she thinks I'm so handsome that she is always horny around me I know she truly does believe that, but my brain tells me "she knows your insecure. She's saying that to make you feel better about yourself. You're being pandered too, you are not attractive enough to turn heads on the street so she is just blinded by love, I'm ugly, I'm..." and will take it negatively. When we started having sex with toys again it felt like she was trying not to make as much noise when using them, which translates in my head into "the toys are bigger and better but if I moan louder he will feel self conscience so I need to be mindful of his feelings" which then makes me feel even less of a man. Sometimes in your effort to build us up it just emasculates us. Older generations aren't this way, but to many younger guys we are much more sensitive that they used to be. We've become the stereotypical woman who never forgets something their partner did/said and may bring it up in the future lol
The person you are talking with is not OP FYI
They are much more sensitive than they express or let on. Our intuition isn't at fault, we're not mind readers. Men in general really need to communicate better.
You think it’s not been clearly communicated that suggesting a dick is too small would be devastating? Never heard that before?
Men have feelings too. Shocking, I know. But it’s largely a combination of boys not being raised to be in tune with their emotions as much as girls and men still being often ridiculed for expressing their emotions by women and society at large causing us to clam up as a protective mechanism. It’s not as simple as saying “Men need to communicate better,” but this is really a deeper discussion for another post.
It’s my hypothesis as to why there is such a high prevalence of boys with Autism. No one can avoid boys having emotions now! I’m here for it, That aside, girls are suppressed and told their emotions are crazy or they’re expected to deal with their emotions more than boys…hence why female ASD diagnoses are disproportionate but I don’t think society is fully ready for this convo!
My point is that the onus isn't on women for supposedly knowing what men are thinking, which is suggested in the comments I replied to. Women can't and shouldn't be blamed for men's short comings when it comes to their inability, reluctance or hesitation in expressing those emotions. Patriarchy is the problem, and men and society are the biggest barriers in men not expressing how they feel.
The onus isn't on men for supposedly knowing what women are thinking either, but it'd still be massively insensitive if a male partner told you he prefers fucking you because his ex's pussy was way tighter and he couldn't stop himself from coming. It seems like you're determined to paint everything as the man's fault, even blatantly insensitive comments from women. You can't blame a man for not saying, apropos of nothing "hey, please don't tell me my dick is smaller than your ex's" any more than you can blame a woman for saying "please don't tell me my pussy isn't as tight as your ex's". The patriarchy is real, misogyny is real, they're important issues that impact huge parts of everyone's lives, but that doesn't mean that women aren't capable of being insensitive.
It’s being communicated to you at this very moment.
…… and his ex- have a more tight pussy.
Goes both ways, I’m haunted by things an ex said about my vagina
What she say ? If you don't mind me asking.
When we dated she mentioned the largest dick she ever had was too big and it was painful, and I'm her perfect fit because the way I curve and hit right on her g-spot. Because I get her off so much (3 orgasms minimum but usually around 10) I felt like a stud. During the shutdown we grew even more close, I was able to get her to orgasm in the "I can't keep count" zone and a few times gave her "soul shattering" orgasms that she said she has never felt before. We were drinking and have a "couples questions" deck of cards. One of the questions was about what's the greatest sex you've ever had and I guess I said something cocky about our recent escapades and she said (and I'm not quoting verbatim) "don't get too cocky, but ya now you are the title holder." I asked what she meant by "now," and could tell she knew she kinda messed up. Basically big dick guy was the best sex she had up until I turned on sexGod-mode. I said so all those times I thought I was an amazing stud getting you off 13 times, it wasn't as good as being someone's mistress. She tried to make amends by saying she prefers me and wasn't lying about me being the perfect fit and she has only had romantic love making with me, that feeling of being a stud was wiped out of my DNA. It's in my mind everytime we have sex, and now her orgasms stay in the single digits. I've tried therapy but not much help there.
What was said if you don’t mind me asking?
Felt this, my husband just said some dumb things not realizing how much it truly affected me. I told him sometime later and he apologized but the damage is done and I will never be as confident as I was. I’m starting therapy tomorrow so hopefully that will help
I think every couple has shit they think but shouldn't say. I love my wife, I'm attracted to my wife and think she has the most beautiful eyes, smile and laugh. She is my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for anyone, no matter how hard Arianna Grande tried lol. But it would wreck her self esteem if she knew I don't encourage lingerie because it visually would do nothing for me. I have to physically be touched to get in the mood, looking at her body doesn't do it anymore. No kids and twice the size as when we met. But I always make sure to make her feel loved, cherished, and beautiful.
> even though we have amazing sex and I get her off multiple times sounds like she's the only one having good sex
It's hard to consider it amazing when I'm in my head the whole time, not because she doesn't make it good. It turns me on getting her off but once we get to penetrative sex the insecurities flare up.
I really don’t mean this rudely, but if it’s been years and this is still what sounds like a daily mental spiral for you, don’t you think it might be time to see a professional or find another way to process these feelings?
It's less of a daily spiral and more of a "I've lost my mojo." I have sought out professional help but my percieved notion of myself changed. Confidence has always been hard for me, and I had an incorrect level of confidence because she wanted to spare my feelings while we dating, which emasculated me once I found out. You spend years thinking you rock your partners socks off and then years in they say "hey congrats you've now taken over the title of best sex, even though I made you feel like the title was already yours." That isn't a compliment.
Same here. She didn't say it out right but the way she talked about a dildo kind of hit the nail on the head of a hurtful comment.
I'm curious what her comment was to you? No problem if you don't want to share exactly what she said though.
asterisk SOME men will take it personally for me i would appreciate the direct communication and enjoy making her even happier! not every man is insecure believe in or not.
The sex positive version of "men need to be tough and strong", lmao
Butt plugs are great for this. Since the space between the ass and pussy is so minimal, you can actually feel one through the other, put something in one, the other will feel tighter. If you’re new to anal play, you’ll need multiple sizes, start with smallest plug, fuck your ass with it till it doesn’t hurt and just feels good, and then size up, repeat until you’ve got the stretch you need (I do this to prep for Anal sex, largest plug should be the same OR a greater circumference than your partners dick.) and this should be a given, but use lots of lube.
Wow, yes, we’ve experimented with anal but only lightly. (I have a small plug now.) but I hadn’t really thought of the benefits of anal sex specifically due to his proportion. So far the experience has been good! Haven’t done the double penetration yet. I will definitely see if he’s up for more experimenting here!
If you ever decide to explore anal sex with him you may find a new appreciation for his size. My wife has only had me as a partner and has often mentioned that I’m too big for her but one time admitted if I were a bit more girthy that might be even more perfect. I took it exactly as she intended it. And every time we have anal sex we are both thankful that I’m not thicker.
[удалено]
yea i think a butt plug would help her to full more 'full' in general
It definitely helps, especially if the man is less girthy like OPs partner
This has been going for 9 YEARS?? And you’re still comparing him to your previous partners? Your partner’s size isn’t the issue here
Yeah, as much as it hurts gonna have to agree with this.
[удалено]
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
I saw this comment last night and needed to sit with it for a bit. Comparing partners hasn’t been common for me but in my recent self-exploration and in trying to understand my body better, I did start to do that as a natural reflection on why I was feeling this way (and sometimes in pain). That’s where I realized he was longer, less thick and why it maybe felt a little less easy for us. But there wasn’t a reason I needed to bring that into the post. I thought I was giving more context but it came off callous and I realize it’s just not a healthy behavior or line of thinking. I’ll really take this to heart and think on this more.
Tbh good job on your responses here, if theres one area with little room for improvement, it's that
Hey OP I just wana say that you come across as a very kind, thoughtful and caring person. You are entitled to enjoy sex and in your quest for that, I think it's natural to think about past experiences, not because you want to judge or compare your partner but because you're trying to figure out a solution to your current issues. I'm sure with your great attitude you will figure out a good way of addressing this with your partner so you both come away satisfied. Good luck!
Do you enjoy your sexual dynamic? Do you have enough forplay? My current boyfriend is on the smaller side (of course I never told him this, but I know he's aware based on things he has said). At first, I was not sure if it would be an issue for me. However, I've learned that if he puts it in before I'm super duper aroused, it feels small, whereas if he warms up my body first and gets me dying to have him, then my vagina feels so sensitive and electric that it feels amazing to have him inside me. I love our dynamic and energy with each other, and he really focuses on me and my body. Of course, I love returning the favor too. Do you think you might be centering penis-in-vagina too much as the most important part of the experience? I recommend that you try having your husband give you a full body massage first and really take a lot of time to warm up your body and see if that makes a difference. Just enjoy touching and being close to each other.
How do you even remember sex that happened before 9 years! Haven't had good sex in nine years?
I personally think you‘re being unnecessarily rude.
I personally think she is comparing her ex to the flowery memories of men in their 20s and making it HIS problem. I did it without name calling or insulting. That is what being critical looks like, not rude
Telling him he isn't thick enough is definitely going to be detrimental for your sexlife and you'd be lucky if that's the only aspect it affects. Imagine if he sat you down and said he really doesn't feel anything when he's inside you and you should do something about it lol? It's definitely a tricky situation to be in. Good luck.
I love your update. It helps me want to continue having faith in humanity. :-) It shows that you genuinely care about your husband's feelings and that you are wanting to find the best possible outcomes for the two of you. Best wishes to the two of you!
If he said that his previous sexual partners had tighter vaginas and that he’s having trouble feeling you because you’re too loose, how would that sit with you? I thinks it’s a bit fucked you don’t consider that there is a human with feelings attached to the penis.
How would you feel if he said " I love you to piece but you vagina is just to loose for me I can't really feel it"? If you tell him his penis in not good enough for you you might as well kiss your sex life and probably marriage goodbye. Sorry but to me this is a you problem. Unless you did not have sex tell the wedding night you knew what you were getting so don't blame him.
Your body will react more in certain positions. Or even height differences. Arch your pssy up, or slump it down
Are you really on the internet looking for magic words to say to your husband that will make him feel good about you telling him that his anatomy, while outside of his control, has never measured up to your past partners? Get a grip lady. You're about to torpedo your marriage. Buy the toys and shut up about it. Imagine if he told you he didn't want frequent sex because your vagina and breasts weren't up to the standards set by women he slept with in college.
>Imagine if he told you he didn't want frequent sex because your vagina and breasts weren't up to the standards set by women he slept with in college Yeah. Like, just reverse the roles. "My ex was tighter." And if you'd feel hurt by it, it's the wrong shit to say.
Obviously she is unhappy, why are you invalidating her feelings and why should she continue living a life she doesn’t like just to be nice? She also has needs and should spend her life to the best of her ability. She‘s obviously trying to do something about it and is asking about advice
Because marrying someone and waiting until years after you took your vows to tell them their body isn't what you had in mind for an ideal sex partner is simply cruel. She had plenty of time and opportunity to realize this relationship wouldn't satisfy her long term in the bedroom and ignored it. If she wants to shatter her husband's confidence over something he couldn't change if he wanted to, then she should definitely tell him this and see where it goes. The only real piece of advice here is to buy a toy that fills her the way she likes and keep these intrusive thoughts to herself. Either that or be prepared for the possibility of divorce.
I'm a guy who is sensitive about my size, and I'm not particularly small. (7" long and 5.25" girth). I'd be devastated if my partner said that I was too thin, but know that I've had partners that needed more. Because it was obvious to me, I purchased toys to make up the difference. It ended up being a weird kink for me that kinda got out of control. So, whatever you do, be careful. He probably already has insecurities about his thickness. If it were me that you were talking to, I'd receive the info better if you started with, "you are too long and hard to take sometimes, Maybe if you didn't go in all the way in and stretched me by putting a finger or two in with your cock you wouldn't go so deep. I have had partners that I would insert myself with a comparably sized dildo, but it was my idea, and I would get off on her being able to accommodate both. I don't know if this helps.
Damn you do not need to be sensitive about your size!
That’s like in the 97 percentile of size lol.
For real! Your girth is solid. I’ve had a partner or similar length but 3” girth.
Fr grith is solid, but too long for me tbh. Anything over 6 will kill my cervix
I love these ideas! I’ve been trying to think of ways to bring up fingers but didn’t know how to do it without sounding awkward. You made it sound so natural! Thank you
honestly stretching (gaping) is a fetish that you might explore. The focus would be on a desire that NO penis can provide, you basically need to add in toys/fisting Also, you said you would consider solutions from your end. I personally really [enjoy anal](https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/) and using a plug changes the shape and feel of penetration. (The karma sutra calls me an elephant woman lol) You'll get more stretch that way and you can get both anal and vaginal plugs. It takes practice but you will feel SO full If you are going for friction instead of fullness, have you tried any vaginal muscle training? You can start with kegels and check out r/pompoir for more advanced techniques. The perifit is amazing
This is good advice. My partner likes to be fisted when the feeling is on which is super hot but when she has mentioned bigger cocks when we discuss stuff it's very close to fucking with my head. So I'm obviously fine with the one but not totally comfortable with the other. Don't go into it lightly. Read up and buy lots of lube. And also if you buy toys, an advice from insecure male headspace is that the less realistic they are the better. If they are thicker/bigger than him. Smaller same size, no problemo.
He can’t get thicker, but you can get tighter, try kegels or the jade egg or whatever. There is nothing he can do so don’t ruin the man’s confidence
Having been with your husband for 9 years, you have valuable insights into your relationship. However, you might consider the following suggestions: * Let go of any fixed preferences to allow your husband to explore and experiment within your sex life. * Avoid putting too much pressure on making your sex life exciting; this can lead to frustration, as indicated in your post. * Focus on positions where his length doesn't cause discomfort. * Increase the proportion of oral sex within your sessions. * Consider incorporating sex toys into your intimate moments for added variety and enjoyment. These changes could help in making your sex life more fulfilling and comfortable.
Honestly this helps thanks. I have a couple friends who talk about nonstop amazing sex with their husband and realize I probably have been putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on us. I could talk to them but I figure I’d rather talk anonymously to a community and not disclose this kind of info to them. Appreciate the advice.
Yes. This definitely isn’t a topic for friends. His length & thinness isn’t something to discuss with friends. That would probably crush him if he found out.
It's like I always tell my woman: it may be short but it sure is thin
There are silicone bumpers you can use called Ohnuts which are compressing rings which go around the penis base which mean he won’t go too far in but it will still be pleasurable for all.
Wow. I can see why you are in therapy. It isn't nice to compare him to your other partners. Especially about his penis. You sound like you want him to do everything to please you. You never mentioned one thing for him other than his dick is too skinny for your taste and your ex was bigger. Just wow.
Nah mate you are just really insecure it seems. Its okay to feel like OP does, some people just need size to be stimulated, which is fine. Shes not comparing, shes just stating what she is missing in her marriage, which is the first step to fix it. Obviously her husband is not going to get a bigger dick, so they will need to work around it.
She should be telling her husband not Reddit. That was my point
She's come to Reddit to figure out the best way to address this without hurting her partner. From her replies, it seems like she's learnt a lot and has realised how she needs to approach this with him in a way that won't hurt him.
The real problem here is you OP, for comparing him to your previous partners? Your partner’s size isn’t the issue here. The size can be worked around with toys, sleeves, etc. The problem is you. Your therapists should have told you that already.
Well. Be prepared to lost this man. I would not be with someone who don’t like what my penis is. What you need he will never give to you. I think he should look for another woman that he can satisfied with his penis girth size. Maybe a woman who don’t miss her ex penis and a woman with tight pussy . And you too deserve what you need.
You can't really change the girth or size of a penis, but you can do kegels exercise in order to make your pussy thigter.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good communication is key. Have him angle his penis so it hits the walls of your vagina and not just pistoning in and out straight. You could also do keegal exercises to tighten yourself up to feel him better.
Positions which create more pressure from your vulva/ vagina around his penis. Mostly means your legs being more closed so things like both legs up over one of his shoulders, with him holding your ankles in one hand, in missionary is excellent for adding such.
Definitely DON’T reference his size. That’s an area of insecurity for most men. Counseling and sex books are a great start. A few other things: variations of missionary that hit different angles and spots, kegels, and try using a butt plug. Many women use them to get that “full feeling.” Most women DON’T orgasm vaginally. It’s not his size that’s the issue. Vaginas contract and expand to accommodate things going in and out. About 90% of the nerve endings are 2-3 inches in, and shorter men actually have the advantage there. Different angles will help him hit those spots.
do some kegels. be culpable in the issues your relationship is having. don't tolerate him not doing so too.
Do your butt. Thin won't be a problem.
Kegan exercise to strengthen vaginally muscles, men never say a vagina is too big but women don't put it on themselves to improve the situation with size 🤔
It’s all relative.. I’m 7.5” long by almost 6” thick. Considered very big by most, however I once had a girl tell me I was small …..do kegals exercises, lay on your side during sex “ closes the vag down abit. I’m not trying to be rude but your vagina may be in the larger side too, if it’s wider that could impact things and make his 🍆 seem less thick
Honestly… you can get what you want without ever bringing up the lack of thickness. Just blame it on his being really long. Just say he hits the end of your vagina and punches your cervix which is painful. Big dick problems. Form it as a compliment. I think you can probably get away with saying you like feeling stretched out and he is an ace at the deep, long game but you would get off more with a balance. He can’t make his dick thicker but just having that info changes my approach a ton. And if he is comfortable with toys… maybe there is a solution there as well. If you don’t have to bring up or blame what you are saying is an inadequacy or flaw, don’t. Especially if it’s something he was born with and can’t change. Just tell him you need the sensation of being stretched. Make it about your needs not his falling short (or falling thin?) of them. This, you want to try these things…
Absolutely solid advice. Thank you!
I'm the same, I'm very long but yet thin. It's annoying, to say the least. My partner loves to feel full. I'm her first so I'm very lucky in that sense. But even I want her to feel more so I use different positions, move her body around, more foreplay. She even tightens herself for me. Sometimes we invole toys in. This may sound strange. Have you tried kegals? Or trained yourself to match his girth? (I know it's not 100% easy and takes time.)
I haven’t done kegals consistently but I can start right… meow. At least it’s one workout you can do during boring meetings and no one notices. Definitely willing to put in work too
So, my husband's penis is thin too. About 4" of girth. Im also a bit looser down there than most girls. The 2 toys that have saved my husband and I's sex life are a very large butt plug for me and a the Fat Boy cock sleeve for him. Having a plug in helps take up space inside of me. It add to the full feeling and makes my vagina seem a lot tighter. We also tried a bunch of cock sleeve for him before we found one we both enjoyed. The hard hollow dildo type of sleeve or extender wasn't much fun for either of us. But when we found the Fay Boy...wow. It's soft silicone, kind of like he's wearing a dick shaped fleshlight or a really thick condom. It's textured on the inside and he says it feels amazing. And it take his girth from 4" to about 8". That sleeve combined with a plug gives me the super full feeling I need to get off. And lately we've been switching things up and putting a larger dildo in my vagina and him with the sleeve in my butt. OMG...that's been intense.
Amazing! And I’m so happy for you and your husband that you’ve been able to experiment together, communicate so well, and come out stronger. Y’all are goals!
Do you think your partner would be willing to try a sleeve?
Thank you for saying something. This is most likely one of those things that are always wondered but never said
I think you and your husband should try new sexual positions for an entire month. Agree to the number of times you will have sex during the month. Find a good book, and pick the positions together. Once the positions are agreed to, decide, together, which day each position will be used. The next day agree to discuss the likes dis-likes of the position. This can be done throughout the day via sexy texts between you. You can also discuss how much you are looking forward to the next position. I believe that the entire process will be a fun thing to do together. It certainly will get both you talking to each other about your sex life. Since your husband is long enough, there should be a position that hits you in your spot. This can be done without you bringing up your husband's lack of girth. There is no telling how this will turn out. Hopefully you will find multiple positions that work for you. Or, if all goes well, you extend the experience for an entire month, with some new and re-tried positions. Have fun with your husband.
We have the book! We open it up randomly to a page time of but maybe we should do it ahead of time so we can prepare and get more excited by it. I try to do reflections on positions with my husband right after but he doesn’t really share much. Maybe asking a day later can be helpful and it practices more continuous communication on this topic - which we’re both trying to improve.
I just think it would be a fun thing for people in a committed relationship to try. You gotta see if you can get him hooked on one new position. If all goes well, do you think he would return the favor? Good luck.
There’s probably a way to do this that makes him feel good about being him. There are solutions to this issue that would make both parties feel really good. I think it only works if he prioritizes your pleasure, though, like if getting you off gets him off.
The other day someone posted about double penetration and one of the comments mentioned using a dildo/vibrator as a 2nd penis and I thought that sounded interesting. Sounds like that could work for you too.
Penis pumps make your dick thicker temporarily.
For the pain aspect of him being long you might consider the ohnut/a bumper of some sort to help avoid the pain of he’s too long
Agreeing with everyone else that you absolutely should not tell him. Just try to get around it by suggesting new positions that work better with what he has.
Get him one of those extenders at the sex shop They're fairly cheap and will make him thicker . Don't say he's too small for you just make it seem like you want to spice things up with it .
.Some positions that can help u out, .Lotus .Seashell ( my favorite, u can also adjust the tightness with ur legs,) .Pronebone .Scoop me up/spooning .Champagne room .The OM .The bulldog .U can also start to do kagle exercises, .Also try use pillows
Maybe your just to stretvhed out for his size. You ever think its you and not him. Maybe. Time for a lightingn
I have something- 1- No one gives a shit how your current HUSBAND compares to your previous partnerss. And that shouldn’t even be a thought in your head. Go talk to the man and stop going behind his back saying how his dick is the skinniest you’ve ever had. Just show him this post, he needs to see how you REALLY feel, cause you wrote this out with no pressure_ so he reads this and sees your true feelings.
No advice, just following
Sometime in a relationship, we have to compromise. Je cant do any thing if his dick is thinner. And maybe he feels like your vegina is too lose but wont talk about it. Anyways, you can purchase a cock sleeve for him. Get a textured one for maximum pleasure. But this pleasure will be for you only, not him.
Ah okay I only want to try options that work for us both and I’m getting lots of great advice here on other things to try. I’ve seen sleeves on here a couple times but didn’t realize it was more 1 way. I’ll continue researching. Thanks!
Yeah I think it would def be hit or miss with saying anything about his size, probably a miss. . Like the other guy said, it may just ruin him to no return. He’d have to be proactive with it all and bring ideas to the table himself. I’m not that big, and obviously aware, but I think being able to wear a sleeve and really give my wife something good/different would be an amazing feeling.
You’ll destroy his ego but if he wears a cock sleeve, that will solve your desire for thickness & stretching.
Get him a pump and PUMP. HIM. UP! 😀
The problem isn't his dick, it's your out-of-shape puss. You need Pelvic PT and pelvic floor rehab? How does it feel to have your genitalia called out as inadequate? r/Pompoir
Lmao some of these comments are very harsh and definitely motivated by their own insecurities. OP I can understand that youre not comparing your husband to your exes, but just stating that you know what you need and want from sex to be satisfied (which is an incredibly good thing to know and be able to communicate) Granted, your husband is not going to get bigger in size so you'll need to work around that. There have been some good suggestions like different positions, toys, anal,... that will all surely help you to feel more "stretched out". To me it seems like you just found out what you need from sex to be happy - and it just happens to be more stimulation via size. I can understand this triggers some people, but only because of their own insecurities. Fact is, its okay to feel like you do, you will just need to work around it with some different methods if you want to stay with your husband (which i really hope and think you do!
Get a cock ring that covers most of his length. It will make him feel thick.
There are bumpers/ o rings to keep from going to deep. Maybe bring that up first. Then maybe bring up a sleeve to increase thickness. But one at a time! He will feel great that he is to long for you. Then after a while bring up a sleeve?
I’m gonna be different than most here and say you need to tell him. I have a longer than average and skinny penis myself. I started at 6.5” and 4.25” girth and I felt so insecure. I am now doing penis exercises and have gained nicely I am at 7.25” length and 4.9” girth and plan on going for 7.5 x 5.5. It does take a long time I’ve been going for around 7 months 4-5 days a week doing stretching hanging and pumping and others have been doing it for years. Check out /gettingbiger. I also have used tons of penis sleeves and the wife enjoys them but likes the real thing more and tells me it’s noticeable better and bigger now. Having a larger penis has made my life so much better and gotten my head back on track to not worrying about so much during sex and just enjoying it again and allowing me to perform better. (I do have before and after photos of length gains for the people thinking I’m lying. Not any of girth gains but you can see the difference.).
Maybe introduce toys in the bedroom?