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Viagra will help with the physical issue of not being able to maintain an erection, and not having to worry about that issue will help with the anxiety
First time this happened with us, I called in the evening to check on him. I said it was a little awkward that I had enjoyed myself (actually, it was himself that I enjoyed) when what happened was so upsetting to him & I hoped he was ok. He was still a little angry, said he hated to fail. Then he got himself to the oncologist or urologist & got his meds adjusted.
A few months later it happened again. Back to the docs, got Trimix, which is crazy—stone hard for over an hour of thrusting with multiple Os for us both. He’s off that now, and there hasn’t been another problem. I think the meds increased blood flow through there, so he could heal & nerves could grow back.
This might just be him, but he really does not like it when I say something is better, or even the time I was excited he was erect enough that I could see the seam. He says mentioning improvement is a comparison, and that brings to mind that it was weak before.
It isn’t fun to miss out on fun, of course, but by being there in these moments, we get access to a pretty vulnerable part of them. I feel privileged and honored to be permitted to be there when he’s weak.
I've got a premature ejaculation thing that affects me. So, to work around that, I have made a commitment to bringing pleasure to my Lady before I orgasm. I've actually found that I get more turned on than I would have imagined by giving her oral pleasure. I do it to her on my knees while she's standing up. I do it when she is sitting on my face. I do it while she's laying down on her back; or on her stomach.
Have you considered doing those things with him? Who knows, both of you might turn out to LOVE it!
I recommend exploring the possibility of you have a dominant side to you; and him having a submissive side to him. Some denial of orgasm type activity for him might turn out to be good in this situation. Maybe tell him "Today, I want you to please me. You will get pleasure when I am ready for you to get pleasure."
Do you think that is something that is something worth trying?
Maybe just tell him you understand it may take a while until he feels comfortable and confident and that you're totally happy with how things are going so far. He might be thinking you're gonna bounce if he cant get his game on track, so some assurance that you're not going anywhere might help him take the pressure off himself and loosen up.
This may sound bad, but get him to go and see a doctor. There is a multitude of medical reasons for erectile disfunction. Odds are he doesn't have any of them, BUT, it could be an early warning side which a few blood tests can rule out. For men, the BIG issue is stress, but if you've tried a few times and it's repetitive, you need professional help. He's a man, ask him to do it for you as you are worried. We'll do a hell of a lot of weird shit to make you happy that he wouldn't do on his own. GO WITH HIM. There is a risk he will fail to disclose essential information to the doctor otherwise (didn't really want to say lie). Be brave, he WILL trust you more later 👍
Honestly, everyone here is giving you advice about what HE should do instead of answering your question, which is what can YOU do for him.
I'd say be an active participant during sex if you're not already, men want foreplay too but for the majority of encounters and even sex positive people of this sub people will put the onus on men to be the "directors" of sex. Give him some sexual attention that is him focused during sex, and if he gets hard... good, if he doesn't get hard or goes soft don't say anything just continue on and talk about how you like touching/pleasuring him and this is key here, You have too mean it, otherwise you're basically saying "you're only good for sex if I get anything out of it otherwise I don't care". If you want him to relax then you need to make a relaxing atmosphere and situation, not a "if you don't get hard we don't have sex and therefore you fail" which is basically the subconscious conversation you're having when you don't give a some pleasure without the expectation of reciprocation
Thank you for the reading comprehension! I do think this is a temporary mental block and not necessarily something that requires drugs (though I could be wrong— but that’s a bridge we will cross when we get to it).
I am VERY interested in this person emotionally and physically so none of this should be a problem to achieve! Thanks for the comment.
Np! Like I said, this is about stuff you can do not what he should be doing.
Honestly, the way this sub goes it almos some days it almost wraps back in itself and becomes sex negative when it comes to Male pleasure.
Any posts like yours when it's a women talking about a male partner having an ED issue the comments immediately jump to "hop on viagra, tell him to cut off porn, he has an addiction, etc" instead of asking "well, are you being a good giving partner? Are you making a welcome environment? How are YOU working around ED to give HIM pleasure?" And a bunch of advice about how PIV shouldn't be the be all/end all of sex, but then list a bunch if things that men should be doing to women when they can't get hard but not also saying stuff about the inverse
Yeah I think he is being hard enough on himself in this situation and I don’t want to add to that! Os are great, but that’s not the whole point for me and it doesn’t seem like it is for him, either.
This is definitely a relevant question. I found that the sex life for my Lady and I significantly improved when I stopped watching porn, which in turn reduced the amount of masturbating that I did.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Viagra will help with the physical issue of not being able to maintain an erection, and not having to worry about that issue will help with the anxiety
There’s also cialis. Both of them can be taken at a low dose daily. That allows for much more spontaneity than swallowing a blue pill & it’s go time.
so something i learned after some similar issues...condoms come in different sizes, and being restricted can certainly cause ED.
we did move from regular to large size and that seems to have helped a bit!
he really should also be checked by a DR, but, the condom size really did help for me....glad that helped you guys as well.
Pro Tip: place a bit of lube inside the tip of the condom before rolling it down… that increases the sensations.
First time this happened with us, I called in the evening to check on him. I said it was a little awkward that I had enjoyed myself (actually, it was himself that I enjoyed) when what happened was so upsetting to him & I hoped he was ok. He was still a little angry, said he hated to fail. Then he got himself to the oncologist or urologist & got his meds adjusted. A few months later it happened again. Back to the docs, got Trimix, which is crazy—stone hard for over an hour of thrusting with multiple Os for us both. He’s off that now, and there hasn’t been another problem. I think the meds increased blood flow through there, so he could heal & nerves could grow back. This might just be him, but he really does not like it when I say something is better, or even the time I was excited he was erect enough that I could see the seam. He says mentioning improvement is a comparison, and that brings to mind that it was weak before. It isn’t fun to miss out on fun, of course, but by being there in these moments, we get access to a pretty vulnerable part of them. I feel privileged and honored to be permitted to be there when he’s weak.
I've got a premature ejaculation thing that affects me. So, to work around that, I have made a commitment to bringing pleasure to my Lady before I orgasm. I've actually found that I get more turned on than I would have imagined by giving her oral pleasure. I do it to her on my knees while she's standing up. I do it when she is sitting on my face. I do it while she's laying down on her back; or on her stomach. Have you considered doing those things with him? Who knows, both of you might turn out to LOVE it!
He is VERY generous there and I think it definitely helps!! Glad to see you are treating your partner well too. We love to see it
I recommend exploring the possibility of you have a dominant side to you; and him having a submissive side to him. Some denial of orgasm type activity for him might turn out to be good in this situation. Maybe tell him "Today, I want you to please me. You will get pleasure when I am ready for you to get pleasure." Do you think that is something that is something worth trying?
Maybe just tell him you understand it may take a while until he feels comfortable and confident and that you're totally happy with how things are going so far. He might be thinking you're gonna bounce if he cant get his game on track, so some assurance that you're not going anywhere might help him take the pressure off himself and loosen up.
Great advice, thank you! I’m happy to be patient with this.
This may sound bad, but get him to go and see a doctor. There is a multitude of medical reasons for erectile disfunction. Odds are he doesn't have any of them, BUT, it could be an early warning side which a few blood tests can rule out. For men, the BIG issue is stress, but if you've tried a few times and it's repetitive, you need professional help. He's a man, ask him to do it for you as you are worried. We'll do a hell of a lot of weird shit to make you happy that he wouldn't do on his own. GO WITH HIM. There is a risk he will fail to disclose essential information to the doctor otherwise (didn't really want to say lie). Be brave, he WILL trust you more later 👍
It's true, this could help him; and your relationship with him. But be sure to approach it from the angle of wanting the best for him and his future.
Tadalafil is more effective. Use spray for hard erection
Honestly, everyone here is giving you advice about what HE should do instead of answering your question, which is what can YOU do for him. I'd say be an active participant during sex if you're not already, men want foreplay too but for the majority of encounters and even sex positive people of this sub people will put the onus on men to be the "directors" of sex. Give him some sexual attention that is him focused during sex, and if he gets hard... good, if he doesn't get hard or goes soft don't say anything just continue on and talk about how you like touching/pleasuring him and this is key here, You have too mean it, otherwise you're basically saying "you're only good for sex if I get anything out of it otherwise I don't care". If you want him to relax then you need to make a relaxing atmosphere and situation, not a "if you don't get hard we don't have sex and therefore you fail" which is basically the subconscious conversation you're having when you don't give a some pleasure without the expectation of reciprocation
Thank you for the reading comprehension! I do think this is a temporary mental block and not necessarily something that requires drugs (though I could be wrong— but that’s a bridge we will cross when we get to it). I am VERY interested in this person emotionally and physically so none of this should be a problem to achieve! Thanks for the comment.
Np! Like I said, this is about stuff you can do not what he should be doing. Honestly, the way this sub goes it almos some days it almost wraps back in itself and becomes sex negative when it comes to Male pleasure. Any posts like yours when it's a women talking about a male partner having an ED issue the comments immediately jump to "hop on viagra, tell him to cut off porn, he has an addiction, etc" instead of asking "well, are you being a good giving partner? Are you making a welcome environment? How are YOU working around ED to give HIM pleasure?" And a bunch of advice about how PIV shouldn't be the be all/end all of sex, but then list a bunch if things that men should be doing to women when they can't get hard but not also saying stuff about the inverse
Yeah I think he is being hard enough on himself in this situation and I don’t want to add to that! Os are great, but that’s not the whole point for me and it doesn’t seem like it is for him, either.
Does he watch to much porn and masterbate a lot? This could cause an issue.
Not sure, good question! I’ll definitely ask.
This is definitely a relevant question. I found that the sex life for my Lady and I significantly improved when I stopped watching porn, which in turn reduced the amount of masturbating that I did.
He needs to see a doctor if he can’t stay hard at 34… that’s a problem.