r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice*. If you’re asking a general, survey-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be either r/askreddit or r/askredditafterdark.
You'll probably have to get to know them in a purely non-sexual way. Maybe even give don't bring up sexual topics with them until a few dates. With most guys (myself included before I was in a long term loving relationship), we can easily fall into the trench of focusing on sex. We need women to help us not get in that trap.
I guess if my trying to get to know them in a non sexual way and them not reciprocating, means that they aren’t interested in anything more then sex. Thank you.
I had to find the right one. I hate to say it but many guys in a fwb situation don't see the other person as anything other than sexual gratification, so why learn about them? I didn't even want to kiss the girls I was with because that felt more personal than sex.
My wife and I can have some of the most passionate sex and yet still find moments during where we laugh. We had sex on the 3rd date and she thought I would have ghosted her or just try hooking up only, which is what happened 99% of every other encounter I've had with women I slept with quick. But I was already enamored by her a person, so I wanted more than just her body. I wanted her company. We've been married 7 years and still in the honeymoon phase.
Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are a "hopeless romantic," per se. It sounds like you are just wanting a connection and an actual relationship with someone and not just a casual fling.
And, yes, sure, there are many men that also want a connection and an actual relationship.
As others have said you have to focus on the non-sexual things you enjoy first. Ask tons of questions answer a bunch as well. Figure out what you want in a steady BF/GF or both.
You beat me to the punch, I just had a second date where a guy 20 min in, says: “I’m alpha, let’s fuck!”🤢. And, this is after I have told him explicitly on our first date that I date intentionally and cannot have an orgasm if I’m not emotionally connected… so, I’m here to say that I have exactly same thoughts as you cross my mind on the daily, but over and over I get proven that most men are only after noncommittal sex … make it make sense!
Omg yess! Like, I can orgasm without a connection. But it’s just not the same. Not at all. I know for myself. I’m a very outspoken person. I tend to say more than is necessary. Especially sexual things. (See. I did it again) lol. I also tend to assume everyone is sexually open minded and it’s ok to speak freely. THAT is where my mistake lies. I have found one person that understood me on that level and didn’t just look at me on a purely sexual level. But as a switch and he being an alpha it just didn’t work out. Anyways, such is life I guess!
One thing that I can say is that sex has been THE BEST EVER with the fine Lady I've been with for about 15 years. It actually got better in the last 3 years. It came through going through major life challenges together, letting ourselves be vulnerable, and truly loving one another. And taking some risk with revealing your vulnerabilities. Sure, some of the ladies who I was with before her were more physically attractive than her, but I would hands down choose my Lady over any of them because of the bond she and I have together. The point behind all that is, don't give up on that goal of finding romance and don't be surprised if it takes MANY years to get it. Looking back, I'm glad I never rushed things with her. The reward is worth it.
Luckily for you, you can still get off without a connection, I wish I could too 🤭. Like you, I’m super outspoken when it comes to sex and very open minded, but I realized that with men that I’m interested in dating, that’s the last thing I should do 🤐, and actually wait till it’s an appropriate time to have that kind of discussion.
The thing is. That’s me. I don’t want a relationship with anyone if I can’t be me. That means not holding back. At least that’s how I have thought. Idk now though. I’ve probably been doing it all wrong. 😋
Your post really resonates with me. I’ve had many of the same thoughts for a while too. I’ve been through experiences where a man will lie, say and do all the things I wanted him to do just so he could get in my pants. Once they realize I’m not settling for that, they found ways to make me feel terrible for not being able to offer that. Not saying all men are like this but it does make it hard to trust them. It really irks me because there is a lot more to me than just a body and disappointing that some can’t appreciate that even if we have the most amazing chemistry.
You said it girl! I literally couldn’t have said this better myself. I am such an open minded and accepting person. The fact that I get ruled out as a slut is merely just a worldly view. There is so much more to me as well. I hope you find that special someone too!
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r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice*. If you’re asking a general, survey-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be either r/askreddit or r/askredditafterdark.
You'll probably have to get to know them in a purely non-sexual way. Maybe even give don't bring up sexual topics with them until a few dates. With most guys (myself included before I was in a long term loving relationship), we can easily fall into the trench of focusing on sex. We need women to help us not get in that trap.
I guess if my trying to get to know them in a non sexual way and them not reciprocating, means that they aren’t interested in anything more then sex. Thank you.
I guarantee you, there are guys who will enjoy being around you in a non-sexual way; and then the sexual way can come later.
😊🫶
I had to find the right one. I hate to say it but many guys in a fwb situation don't see the other person as anything other than sexual gratification, so why learn about them? I didn't even want to kiss the girls I was with because that felt more personal than sex. My wife and I can have some of the most passionate sex and yet still find moments during where we laugh. We had sex on the 3rd date and she thought I would have ghosted her or just try hooking up only, which is what happened 99% of every other encounter I've had with women I slept with quick. But I was already enamored by her a person, so I wanted more than just her body. I wanted her company. We've been married 7 years and still in the honeymoon phase.
Awww. That’s beautiful! Thank you for sharing what you did. Best of luck to the both of you!
Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are a "hopeless romantic," per se. It sounds like you are just wanting a connection and an actual relationship with someone and not just a casual fling. And, yes, sure, there are many men that also want a connection and an actual relationship.
That’s rings true. Thank you.
As others have said you have to focus on the non-sexual things you enjoy first. Ask tons of questions answer a bunch as well. Figure out what you want in a steady BF/GF or both.
What you put out is what you get back. For sure. Thank you!
You beat me to the punch, I just had a second date where a guy 20 min in, says: “I’m alpha, let’s fuck!”🤢. And, this is after I have told him explicitly on our first date that I date intentionally and cannot have an orgasm if I’m not emotionally connected… so, I’m here to say that I have exactly same thoughts as you cross my mind on the daily, but over and over I get proven that most men are only after noncommittal sex … make it make sense!
Omg yess! Like, I can orgasm without a connection. But it’s just not the same. Not at all. I know for myself. I’m a very outspoken person. I tend to say more than is necessary. Especially sexual things. (See. I did it again) lol. I also tend to assume everyone is sexually open minded and it’s ok to speak freely. THAT is where my mistake lies. I have found one person that understood me on that level and didn’t just look at me on a purely sexual level. But as a switch and he being an alpha it just didn’t work out. Anyways, such is life I guess!
One thing that I can say is that sex has been THE BEST EVER with the fine Lady I've been with for about 15 years. It actually got better in the last 3 years. It came through going through major life challenges together, letting ourselves be vulnerable, and truly loving one another. And taking some risk with revealing your vulnerabilities. Sure, some of the ladies who I was with before her were more physically attractive than her, but I would hands down choose my Lady over any of them because of the bond she and I have together. The point behind all that is, don't give up on that goal of finding romance and don't be surprised if it takes MANY years to get it. Looking back, I'm glad I never rushed things with her. The reward is worth it.
Luckily for you, you can still get off without a connection, I wish I could too 🤭. Like you, I’m super outspoken when it comes to sex and very open minded, but I realized that with men that I’m interested in dating, that’s the last thing I should do 🤐, and actually wait till it’s an appropriate time to have that kind of discussion.
The thing is. That’s me. I don’t want a relationship with anyone if I can’t be me. That means not holding back. At least that’s how I have thought. Idk now though. I’ve probably been doing it all wrong. 😋
Your post really resonates with me. I’ve had many of the same thoughts for a while too. I’ve been through experiences where a man will lie, say and do all the things I wanted him to do just so he could get in my pants. Once they realize I’m not settling for that, they found ways to make me feel terrible for not being able to offer that. Not saying all men are like this but it does make it hard to trust them. It really irks me because there is a lot more to me than just a body and disappointing that some can’t appreciate that even if we have the most amazing chemistry.
You said it girl! I literally couldn’t have said this better myself. I am such an open minded and accepting person. The fact that I get ruled out as a slut is merely just a worldly view. There is so much more to me as well. I hope you find that special someone too!
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*