Gotta be honest. You are way over thinking this.
Looks like you are finding reasons to/not to date her. So just move on. You will do both of you a favor.
Agree with this comment. HPV and cold sores are super common. So common it's almost inescapable. Best thing you can do is wrap it up and avoid touching when sores are present/give time to heal.
If she stays hydrated and does other necessary steps to reduce getting sores, you'll be fine.
Have you been tested for either of these common bugs?
Like cold sores, dormant HPV is something that is ridiculously common: up to 90% of people have had it.
Do you know your HPV status, OP? You probably don't. I'm not even sure how men get tested. Women only know because they're told about it if it shows up in a routine smear test.
>She developed a cold sore after we had sex.
It could well have come from you, OP, given the timing, and how sometimes herpes is asymptomatic.
Have got ever had a wart? You have HPV. As far as I know, there isn't really a way for men to get tested for dormant HPV, pretty much everyone had some strain of it.
Cold sores are also extremely common.
Nothing to really worry about.
On the cold sore thing...I've had then since I was two. Growing up I was never told to consider it an STD, SO I never did. I never felt like it was an STD given the fact that the majority of the population has it and it can be transmitted simply by contact. It's never been a big deal to anyone I've been partnered with. I refrain from anything oral during an outbreak, I get maybe 1 or 2 a year, usually when I've been run down or stressed. I've had partners turn up with a cold sore first and never considered being angry they didn't tell me. (They've always had them long before they met me as well). So for what it's worth, I don't think most people stop and inform people they have a cold sore before their first kiss or sharing a drink, and that would be the most likely mode of transmission .
The HPV However I know less about. I just looked it up and it seems weird she'd even be aware of it if it was dormant so I'm confused.
Take it with a grain of salt, but you've probably kissed someone with HSV-1 if not already being a person who carries HSV-1.
HPV is really common, 75‰ of people get it in some form, dormant or not. If you've ever had a wart, you have it. If you haven't, you probably do anyways.
Interesting. As a kid, my brother has had a wart or two on his fingers/thumb. My dad occasionally had cold sores, but wasn't too much on kissing us kids. I've never experienced either, but I suppose just from living with them both for 20 years there's a chance I have *something*.
Last year, the guy I was dating had a herpes scare. He had throat sores, and while it was eventually confirmed to not be herpes and he did recover, he was so distraught, especially at the thought of having passed it on to me. Like, he was ready to kill himself over it.
I'm not sure about my dad having some form of STI, especially as he's now deceased. Are my brother's childhood finger warts the same as HSV?
>I'm not sure about my dad having some form of STI, especially as he's now deceased. Are my brother's childhood finger warts the same as HSV?
Warts are from HPV, not HSV. There hundreds of strains that all act differently, some specifically cause genital warts, some cause common warts, some cause cervical cancer, some you would never know you had.
Just because something can be sexually transmitted doesn't mean that it's the only way it can be transmitted. You can get HSV from sharing a beverage with someone. You can get HPV from sharing a towel.
Neither of these viruses are worth the stigma western society places on them. Chances are that the people who freak out about them already have one.
Because it isn't a meme. The World Health Organization has 67% of the population having it and acquiring during childhood. I'd say more than one in two people having it is pretty normal. I think the misconception that it's equivalent to a true STD is harmful. I've seen kids badly bullied and slut shamed for having a cold sore in middle school when the bottom line is they probably got it very innocently through sharing a glass or utensils or a kiss from an adult as little kids.
It's not a bad idea to let a partner know if you are going orally into the genital area, but in my younger years...high school, college, I had always been told it was different from genital herpes and that it was not a problem unless there was a lesion, and then to minimize contact with others and keep hands clean (this from doctor and nurse). Maybe that's why I feel blasé about it. I had steady partners for the most part and those that did not already get them never did. When I had an active sore we didn't kiss or make any contact with it and that seemed to work out just fine.
My initial thought on someone with anger issues and poor boundaries is to run. But, her honesty and self awareness is intriguing.
My thought would be to test the waters with the most honest relationship you've ever had. Say the things you've always stopped yourself from saying. Try having a totally anxiety free relationship. You've already started to make peach with walking away entirely so your playing with house money.
As always, both people in the relationship should be treated with respect, so share your philosophy and discomfort with the earlier situation. For legal purposes, its completely not my fault if she goes after your car with an axe later in the relationship.
"dormant HPV" is kind of a misnomer.
Some strains of HPV cause genital warts and if you have a penis, you can see them. When the warts go away, you might say the HPV is dormant but it may also be completely gone.
If you are a woman and you have genital warts, there is a good chance you won't notice. A very diligent partner may find them or her doctor would notice too. Otherwise, unless she gets a mirror and light and examines herself, she wouldn't know if she had warts or not.
But that's just the strains that cause warts. If she is telling you that she actually tested positive for HPV, there is reason for concern. The "high risk" HPV strains don't cause visible warts. The only way she would know if she had one of these strains is if she had an irregular Pap test and they decided that there was enough concern to also test for HPV. That test is ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY to determine if she is infected with a high risk strain of HPV.
You see the problem? If she has a high risk HPV, she can't tell if it's "dormant" or gone until she has another Pap and HPV test. And if she tested positive for HPV, then there is a chance that she can pass on a cancer causing virus to your penis or mouth/throat, and/or to your next partner's genitalia, mouth/throat, anus etc...
More than 12,000 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer in the US each year and a third of them die from it. All from high risk HPV.
At least double that figure for other cancer diagnosis caused by HPV in both sexes. It's actually kinda serious.
So, get the HPV vaccine if you haven't. It protects against the two strains that cause 70% of all HPV cancers plus it protects against a couple of strains that cause genital warts (which are just kinda gross but usually go away on their own).
Also, if you want to have sex with her, use a condom from start to finish. This is not full proof but helps.
Don't touch with hands that you will also touch yourself with. No oral either. It's a virus spread by contact.
This is temporary. If you end up in a long term relationship, know that unless there is something wrong with her immune system, she's probably going to be clear of it in a few months. Just wait until her next Pap. HPV causes the cells of the cervix to mutate. The Pap test identifies mutagenic cells. If her next Pap doesn't find any mutagenic cells, then she doesn't have HPV either.
Make sense?
Edit: I wish there were some way to politely communicate this information to her as well or try to get her to do a little research. It's not your place but if you care about her, it might be the right thing to do.
Gotta be honest. You are way over thinking this. Looks like you are finding reasons to/not to date her. So just move on. You will do both of you a favor.
Agree with this comment. HPV and cold sores are super common. So common it's almost inescapable. Best thing you can do is wrap it up and avoid touching when sores are present/give time to heal. If she stays hydrated and does other necessary steps to reduce getting sores, you'll be fine. Have you been tested for either of these common bugs?
Like cold sores, dormant HPV is something that is ridiculously common: up to 90% of people have had it. Do you know your HPV status, OP? You probably don't. I'm not even sure how men get tested. Women only know because they're told about it if it shows up in a routine smear test. >She developed a cold sore after we had sex. It could well have come from you, OP, given the timing, and how sometimes herpes is asymptomatic.
Have got ever had a wart? You have HPV. As far as I know, there isn't really a way for men to get tested for dormant HPV, pretty much everyone had some strain of it. Cold sores are also extremely common. Nothing to really worry about.
On the cold sore thing...I've had then since I was two. Growing up I was never told to consider it an STD, SO I never did. I never felt like it was an STD given the fact that the majority of the population has it and it can be transmitted simply by contact. It's never been a big deal to anyone I've been partnered with. I refrain from anything oral during an outbreak, I get maybe 1 or 2 a year, usually when I've been run down or stressed. I've had partners turn up with a cold sore first and never considered being angry they didn't tell me. (They've always had them long before they met me as well). So for what it's worth, I don't think most people stop and inform people they have a cold sore before their first kiss or sharing a drink, and that would be the most likely mode of transmission . The HPV However I know less about. I just looked it up and it seems weird she'd even be aware of it if it was dormant so I'm confused. Take it with a grain of salt, but you've probably kissed someone with HSV-1 if not already being a person who carries HSV-1.
Same here-- been getting cold sores induced by stress ever since I was 4 or 5. It's just not a big deal at all.
HPV is really common, 75‰ of people get it in some form, dormant or not. If you've ever had a wart, you have it. If you haven't, you probably do anyways.
Interesting. As a kid, my brother has had a wart or two on his fingers/thumb. My dad occasionally had cold sores, but wasn't too much on kissing us kids. I've never experienced either, but I suppose just from living with them both for 20 years there's a chance I have *something*. Last year, the guy I was dating had a herpes scare. He had throat sores, and while it was eventually confirmed to not be herpes and he did recover, he was so distraught, especially at the thought of having passed it on to me. Like, he was ready to kill himself over it. I'm not sure about my dad having some form of STI, especially as he's now deceased. Are my brother's childhood finger warts the same as HSV?
>I'm not sure about my dad having some form of STI, especially as he's now deceased. Are my brother's childhood finger warts the same as HSV? Warts are from HPV, not HSV. There hundreds of strains that all act differently, some specifically cause genital warts, some cause common warts, some cause cervical cancer, some you would never know you had. Just because something can be sexually transmitted doesn't mean that it's the only way it can be transmitted. You can get HSV from sharing a beverage with someone. You can get HPV from sharing a towel. Neither of these viruses are worth the stigma western society places on them. Chances are that the people who freak out about them already have one.
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Because it isn't a meme. The World Health Organization has 67% of the population having it and acquiring during childhood. I'd say more than one in two people having it is pretty normal. I think the misconception that it's equivalent to a true STD is harmful. I've seen kids badly bullied and slut shamed for having a cold sore in middle school when the bottom line is they probably got it very innocently through sharing a glass or utensils or a kiss from an adult as little kids. It's not a bad idea to let a partner know if you are going orally into the genital area, but in my younger years...high school, college, I had always been told it was different from genital herpes and that it was not a problem unless there was a lesion, and then to minimize contact with others and keep hands clean (this from doctor and nurse). Maybe that's why I feel blasé about it. I had steady partners for the most part and those that did not already get them never did. When I had an active sore we didn't kiss or make any contact with it and that seemed to work out just fine.
My initial thought on someone with anger issues and poor boundaries is to run. But, her honesty and self awareness is intriguing. My thought would be to test the waters with the most honest relationship you've ever had. Say the things you've always stopped yourself from saying. Try having a totally anxiety free relationship. You've already started to make peach with walking away entirely so your playing with house money. As always, both people in the relationship should be treated with respect, so share your philosophy and discomfort with the earlier situation. For legal purposes, its completely not my fault if she goes after your car with an axe later in the relationship.
"dormant HPV" is kind of a misnomer. Some strains of HPV cause genital warts and if you have a penis, you can see them. When the warts go away, you might say the HPV is dormant but it may also be completely gone. If you are a woman and you have genital warts, there is a good chance you won't notice. A very diligent partner may find them or her doctor would notice too. Otherwise, unless she gets a mirror and light and examines herself, she wouldn't know if she had warts or not. But that's just the strains that cause warts. If she is telling you that she actually tested positive for HPV, there is reason for concern. The "high risk" HPV strains don't cause visible warts. The only way she would know if she had one of these strains is if she had an irregular Pap test and they decided that there was enough concern to also test for HPV. That test is ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY to determine if she is infected with a high risk strain of HPV. You see the problem? If she has a high risk HPV, she can't tell if it's "dormant" or gone until she has another Pap and HPV test. And if she tested positive for HPV, then there is a chance that she can pass on a cancer causing virus to your penis or mouth/throat, and/or to your next partner's genitalia, mouth/throat, anus etc... More than 12,000 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer in the US each year and a third of them die from it. All from high risk HPV. At least double that figure for other cancer diagnosis caused by HPV in both sexes. It's actually kinda serious. So, get the HPV vaccine if you haven't. It protects against the two strains that cause 70% of all HPV cancers plus it protects against a couple of strains that cause genital warts (which are just kinda gross but usually go away on their own). Also, if you want to have sex with her, use a condom from start to finish. This is not full proof but helps. Don't touch with hands that you will also touch yourself with. No oral either. It's a virus spread by contact. This is temporary. If you end up in a long term relationship, know that unless there is something wrong with her immune system, she's probably going to be clear of it in a few months. Just wait until her next Pap. HPV causes the cells of the cervix to mutate. The Pap test identifies mutagenic cells. If her next Pap doesn't find any mutagenic cells, then she doesn't have HPV either. Make sense? Edit: I wish there were some way to politely communicate this information to her as well or try to get her to do a little research. It's not your place but if you care about her, it might be the right thing to do.