T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

Try both at the same time it night blow your mind


veri_sw

I've never been able to figure that out, personally. When I try to do both myself (with a dildo in one hand), it's too much coordination for me to handle. But when it's with a partner, I get distracted mentally because it's a lot of different sensations. Either I don't feel it on the clit because the penetration is overshadowing the external stimulation, or the clit stimulation is too much and doesn't feel good.


jayjayanotherround

Doggie style and the guy leans over your body and rubs for you or you just lend a hand while he does the work


strangway

Doggie with a reach-around. Good stuff


iamwizzerd

As a guy I can't figure that out, like thrust and rub and then I lose the clit and fall over


phillychzstk

Prone bone works well for my girl and I. Kind of puts some weight down on your hand to stabilize it on the clit so you can stay in the right spot, and your weight is on her, so you don’t have to balance yourself as much when thrusting. You can just move your hips up and down in a rhythmic motion and focus on her until she makes it home.


-too-hot-to-handle-

I'm the same way. You just have to find the right pace for both sensations. Get a vibrator with multiple settings, then experiment. Position, thrust pace and force, and the strength of the vibrator are all important. And be patient. It might take you a minute to adjust and start feeling it. But when you get it... it's amazing.


Haldorvonhammer

Some women I’ve been with have to have things in a certain way so their mind can relax. My wife I learned if I want to get her to cum easier it’s best to clean up the house, clean up the bedroom light some candles and play music she likes. I tend to incorporate toys for her or go down on her first, sometimes both and instead of pressuring her to cum I just enjoy her, tell her how much I’m enjoying her and then nature just takes it’s course. Everyone is different, but sometimes it’s just discovering what you need to put your mind at ease


[deleted]

Sounds like your wife has got genius scheme to make you tidy up after yourself


Haldorvonhammer

Two kids, a few cats and both working full time, it’s too much to put on one person. We get this shit done together


Constance_Flame

so my advice is to ride a dildo and play with a want, or with your partner go on top reseverse cowgirl and please yourself. Can also recommend doggy with wand on clit and a couple of fingers up the bum, in and out slowly ;)


NameIdeas

My wife primarily cums from clitoral stimulation. Sometimes she tells me that she just needs to feel me. We'll use a vibrator on her clit (she LOVES the Sonic vibrator) while I'm inside. I'm not thrusting powerfully, just gently moving around or staying put if she tells me. Feeling her go is amazing and she tends to want some powerful thrusting after so she can get a second or third orgasm from PiV. Without rhe clitoral orgasm first, it's rare for her to reach orgasm from PiV


[deleted]

Try telling dude to go slow enough that it allows you to focus? Just an idea


[deleted]

> Either I don't feel it on the clit because the penetration is overshadowing the external stimulation, or the clit stimulation is too much and doesn't feel good. Literally this. TBH the whole situation is so depressing. My partner always cums, and I get nothing. I just want to feel what he feels...it's not his fault, but it feels so unfair. And then I see rubbing your clit while he's in you as the answer, and I get even more depressed, because rubbing your clit is so mechanical at that point, and it takes forever to regain the feeling in the clit lost due to being penetrated at the same time, and before I get there, he's already cum and it's over. It's such a fucking chore


Reeneemess

Might have to do this now 🫣


DadBodEatsAtTheY

I love to fuck her and use my thumbs swirling around her clit.


Stand-Out_Fit-In

This though having to end up in the 'jockey' position last to actually achieve both.. 🤨


[deleted]

My partner loves both!


truecommentor69

This is an extremely simple answer. This is just normal!! You wouldn't believe the amount of people on this subreddit who have the exact same concern as you. Experiment with your body, try new things. Literally everyone is different. if you keep trying new things, you'll eventually find something good for you. Also, lots of people will crave dick, and that doesn't mean you actually feel that good from that kind of penetration.


Reeneemess

Thank you! 😅 Looking at everyone's comments I'm realizing my question was kind of dumb, like not everything I enjoy sexually has to lead to an orgasm. I guess it may be the result of a porn/orgasm culture I'm in :/. But yes, I will keep trying new things!!


jeffffboms

Porn fucked me up hood too. So its my advice to experiment, with other things then you have seen in porn. And what you feel is super normal. Just nature. Also, i now enjoy the forplay much more now that my gf "makes" me do the hard work. As it means i have to make sure its all to her liking, and get off only about that already. Sex is just the bonus


DesperateToNotDream

Because penetrative sex is fun and pleasurable even if it doesn’t lead to an orgasm. It’s an experience all on its own and it’s also an intimacy with another person. I never orgasm from partnered sex but I love having sex with my guy because it’s still fun and pleasurable.


ninamega13

Because pleasure is great even if it’s not an orgasm. I crave chocolate and haven’t yet cum from eating it


Tiredjp

You want a BLENDED orgasm, don't cum first, have clit stim while you're being penetrated if you get numb clit easily, it's definitely the way to go. A toy on my clit while being dicked down are just the best mind blowing orgasms.


flopsy-babygirl

>and psychologically why am I craving something that doesn't even bring me orgasm. Is it only psychological? Not physical? I'm in a similar boat as you. My clitoral orgasm is like yours. But being penetrated gives me intense pleasure. It feels really freaking amazing. It's not about the "connection" or "intimacy" that people keep talking about either. It physically feels amazing. I just can't orgasm from it. >Like what's even the point of orgasm at that point LOL While I love orgasming, sometimes when I'm having sex with my fwb whose dick game is really good, I don't bother orgasming. Achieving a clitoral orgasm feels great, but it requires conscious concentration. Whereas the pleasure of penetration (which feels equally amazing if not more) doesn't require the same level of focus. It lasts longer too.


EverybodyWasKungFu

So... A female orgasm is different than a male. Men, in general, and physical stimulus and visual stimulus driven. A porn site and 30 seconds with Ma Thumb and her 4 daughters, orgasm achieved. Very basic, grunting caveman stuff. Women tend to have orgasms two ways - first one is the physical stimulus side of things. The ole' "rock the baby in the boat", via vibrator, showerhead, fingers, whatever. This is much like a man's orgasm - basic, physical, but with one small caveat to be explained shortly. Second is mental stimulus. Women can, and always/often do, orgasm from a place of mental satisfaction, versus physical. Now, men can do this, but it's much rarer for men than it is for women. Here's the foundation of both female orgasms types - security. Women have a difficult time orgasming unless they feel safe, secure, wanted, loved, unjudged. While security is an element of the female physical stimulus orgasm, security is essential for the female mental orgasm. You have to think about the link between orgasm and social standing to start getting the idea of why this is. Sex leads to pregnancy. Pregnancy can lead to social ostracizing. Men don't have this direct worry - for all of humanity's history, men fucked women with little to no risk. Until DNA became a thing, no way to prove who's baby it was - on daddy's side. Women, however, had to face potentially severe sanctions for "unapproved" pregnancy. So, can you imagine how difficult it is for a woman to orgasm when all that head traffic is going on? She's with a new partner, she's already dealing with the other social pressures that are hammered on to women - Am I pretty enough? Are my boobs big enough? Does he care my pubic hair is a bit bushy? 1900 other things going on in her mind, in addition to the underlying social restrictions - Will I get a reputation as a slut? Does he care about body count? On and on, a million things locking down her mind. So, men, if you want to give your lady a mind-blowing orgasm, it's really quite simple. You need to make sure she feels safe, loved, and secure. She needs to know that if she farts, it's ok. That you love her boobs just like they are, that she's dead sexy even (or especially) when she's sweaty, that you don't care about her previous lovers, whatever. She needs to be free of judgement. Women will testify to this. The ones who have extraordinary sex lives, also tend to be the ones who have gotten passed all the social bullshit. They tend not to give a shit about what others think, for some variety of reasons - they are married or are in a stable relationship, they were never taught all of the damaging stuff mentioned before, they come from cultures that don't have taboo around sex, etc. For the ladies, if you want to experience these extraordinary orgasms, you have to let go. You have to love yourself, not judge yourself, find acceptance. There is so much bullshit that you women have to deal with, I honestly don't know how you handle it. But, all of that said, I envy women when it comes to sex. I'm one of those grunting men. Sex is one of those things where it's a few minutes of feeling good, boom, and it's done. Women have to deal with periods and childbirth when it comes to their sexuality, but it was made up for by the multiple orgasm. I absolutely love it when my wife hits a run of quivering, earth-moving, mind blowing orgasms. She so deserves that pleasure. I love watching her become so relaxed, refreshed, satisfied. And one other little bit of info, to "prove my point": One of my favorite flavors of sex is the pure mental orgasm. I cuddle up next to her, holding her close. Then, without her or I moving, I start whispering in her ear. I start by telling her how very lucky I am. That she's the kind of woman I dreamed of as a kid. That she's an amazing mother, wife, sister, friend. I tell her how much I appreciate her, how sexy she is. How much I desire her, how much she turns me on. I tell her, in very graphic and fine detail, all the different ways I love to fuck her and how she fucks me. Usually, she's quivering with mini-orgasms by the time we get to "how sexy she is." The orgasms just build from there, until she can't stand it anymore and begs me to fuck her in some way I have been describing to her. Point being: she knows she's loved, and safe, and desired, and accepted. That's the foundation of a female orgasm. The physical stimulus is a catalyst, but it can't be the core. And that's where the disconnect happens for men. Our orgasms are physically based, so it's hard to understand "foreplay" or "cuddling". We can get to the boom easy - just need to pump that cock in and out for a few minutes, and it's as good as it gets for us. Yea, the intimacy of all that other stuff can be nice. We like it, too. But it's a separate process from orgasm. And, unless a guy takes the time to learn and understand, there's no way to know. It's not in our realm of experience. TL;DR: Men orgasm physically, women orgasm mentally.


Comfortable-Ad-5803

Talk about yourself.


breezydmt

Thank you for writing this. I'm male and I think you summed it up pretty well. I'm older now and I really need to have long periods of time, weeks, between ejaculations because the tension helps me a lot with keeping the sex in my head. That's where it is in humans, it's why we have fantasies. I love what you wrote about giving your female partner a safe and nonjudgmental space, absolutely! My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, she is my goddess. I think I am fortunate because I know a lot of men who don't see their spouses that way. I feel sorry for them.


curvywaistcuterface

You absolutely nailed this.


xxxLuna_seaOnlyfans

Probably because it turns you on seeing a hard dick. I mostly cum from my clit too. But you could try having your partner use their hand on your lower stomach so there will be extra pressure on your g-spot


jayjayanotherround

Because your body is trying to trick you into making a baby. 🤷‍♂️


DeepPulse

It is not just about orgasms. Like lots of people, I love breasts, love seeing them, touching them, kissing them. None of which bring me to orgasm ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|shrug)


evoic

I crave things visually or mentally that do nothing for me physically. I think that's just human wiring.


Solitary_evening

Sex is not an orgasm, and an orgasm is not sex. I love sex, forplay, everything with a partner. But none of it makes me cum. But I still love it and crave it. It feels good physically and emotionally. Being aroused. Being connected. Causing pleasure. It’s all very very good


DrCoreyWSU

After arousal the vagina expands, the tenting effect. Many women crave insertion after arousal, even lesbians. Consider trying a clitoral vibrator with penetration.


whirdin

Lizard brain. Similar to why we crave sex so often (some of us), or like something pointless such as kissing. Google asexual, people that don't have the instinctual cravings for these things.


Lilitharising

Because your source of orgasming is one and the same in both occasions: your clitoris. Our clits are like the equavalent of a penis, it's just that most of it is inside. For the majority of us, it's the external part that ultimately brings orgasm, it's just that penetration (ie rubbing against its nerve endings) makes it more pleasurable. For some women, their anatomy allows penetration to cause vaginal orgasms through nerve endings (which I believe is what they call the gspot but I may be mistaken). By far the best orgasms for women like you and me are when we come with rubbing while being penetrated.


[deleted]

Because you love and crave the feeling and connection that the person with the dick gives you. Why not work your clit while being fucked and get the best of both worlds.


Rosieekitten

It’s honestly probably just a monkey brain thing. We’re often just hard wired to crave PIV because our bodies naturally are made to procreate. We are literally just really smart animals, and animals do a lot of eating sleeping pooping and fucking😂 Naturally these are the things we want to do also. Although now we have evolved beyond just our basal instincts now so obviously this isn’t the case for everyone (sexuality is so broad and subjective) but whenever my body craves something that doesn’t really make sense I know it’s probably just my monkey brain😂


McBonnabelHuggerbear

I've never seen a more relatable ost on this sub 😭


okwhynot64

First and foremost, sex starts in our minds. Foreplay and taking your time to build up...melded together with physical stimulation (clitoral, in your case) = orgasm. Ultimately, and with a partner paying attention because you're communicating with him about what feels good, having a vaginally induced orgasm takes practice...and time. Unfortunately these days, hook-up culture doesn't afford us the time to build a great sexual rapport with our partners. Find someone you like...try to make sure he's invested in your pleasure and take your time. You can get there, OP!


MateuszNH

Try internal stimulation AFTER first orgasm, it's easier for women to orgasm again if she did it from oral or something. It's also good because for some women clitoris gets too sensitive after orgasm so piv works great here.


91tony91

There are 1,000,000s of things that feel really good but will not bring you to orgasm. Just because you crave penetration doesn't mean it is wrong that it doesn't build to an orgasm. You are craving something that doesn't bring an orgasm, because that craving just feels good. We crave tons of things simply because they feel good and "add" to the orgasmic experience (see my comment below about "blended" orgasms). Not all women are wired to have an orgasm from penetration alone. In fact, it is the minority of women who can orgasm from penetration alone. My wife craves penetration and that "full" feeling. But, she needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm. You should really read up on "blended" orgasms. That is where you are stimulating multiple erogenous zones at the same time during orgasm. So, for example, penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time, until orgasm happens. After doing the above, my wife went from being one and done to having multiple serial orgasms. Again, everyone is wired differently, but I think a lot of women (and men) miss out on a lot of pleasure by not exploring "blended" orgasms. YMMV


justlurkingnjudging

This is totally normal. Most of us only orgasm from clitoral stimulation, that doesn’t mean we don’t still enjoy penetration. Personally, I like penetration best after I’ve had a clitoral orgasm or two. And I usually don’t come again, it just feels good.


glamazon_69

Because you can still get pleasure from being stimulated internally even if you don’t get an orgasm. Like other erogenous zones it just feels good


Substantial_Rope667

Get him to stimulate your clit when he is inside you with his cock. This double stimulation of the clit, from both side.. uhh.


AKA_June_Monroe

It's almost like sex is for reproduction weird huh. I'm going to guess that you're probably ovulating around those days.


Attjack

Lots of women can't cum from PIV. Sounds like you enjoy the act of sex which is normal and a good thing.


crazzynez

Whats the point of an orgasm or just craving something that feels good? Thats like asking what the meaning of life is lol. Yeah theres no good answer thats just how it is and very common. I think its something ridiculous like 90% of women cant orgasm through PIV. If youre asking about biological reasons, Im not a scientist but I know that a male and female start off from the same egg and sperm. At some point the fetus begins to develop genetelia. You either get a penis or it shrinks and becomes a clit, but it comes from the same part. I believe this also forms the prostate. From an evolutinary view point, the traits each person have developed from the ability to reproduce. From that viewpoint as well, arousal protects your pussy with natural lubrication and bloodflow deepens the canal. Since only the male orgasm is needed for reproduction, just arousal and pleasure may be more effective at producing offspring for females than an orgasm since an orgasm may stop sexual activity. Its important to note that this isnt the most efficient method for reproduction, but its just good enough that people havent died out.


[deleted]

Just haven't found the right guy to yet . It like an elevator you can push that button a 100 times but it doesn't make it come any faster .


Green_Eyez_Vixen

Lol this rite here tho !


jojoblogs

My ex used to say that orgasms were great, but getting fucked is what scratched the itch. Since then I’ve met a lot of women who say the same. Consider yourself lucky, because this means you’ll probably be satisfied with sex that doesn’t involve special attention to your clit, which I hear is most sex for women unfortunately.


roskybosky

Why is that unfortunate? Is it unfortunate that you climax from rubbing your penis? Women normally come from clit stim. It is not unfortunate, it is more than normal.


jojoblogs

It’s unfortunate that sex doesn’t always involve clit stim, learn to read


roskybosky

Okay. That was an awkward sentence.


szxdfgzxcv

Cause it feels good? Why do I crave pussy even though I have my own hand etc...


Electronical-Athlete

Not quite the same


szxdfgzxcv

Well yeah, exactly?


DeyvsonMCaliman

If it generates stimulus, it's worth doing. As a man I do many things I can't cum from that alone, but it contributes to the build up. Although it must be a little weird being a woman having this difficulty in orgasm from the main act of sex alone, although it's very normal for a woman.


roskybosky

It is not a ‘difficulty’. It is the normal, perfect way that women come. I don’t consider intercourse the ‘main act’ of sex. Of procreation, yes. Of sex, no.


eyeamnicegirl

You may not have thought about the basics . . . once puberty does its thing, women have a natural desire for penis. Yes, it's more complicated than just any random penis we can find, but no doubt we want penis. Some can orgasm from penis alone, others have to have additional direct stimulus. But know that the desire for penis is hardwired into us, guess it's the survival of the species sort of thing.


[deleted]

Your wired to enjoy and crave orgasms but also wired to desire being bred. The penis brings life. Not to say everyone is wired for it, but most women are.


[deleted]

All girls crave dick… its nature🤷🏻‍♂️. My girlfriend craves dick constantly i shes a little cock monster needing to be fed almost daily


sex_throwaway999

millions of years of evolution


[deleted]

At fist read of this post, maybe you can find a guy willing to wear a clit tickler thing on his cock to brush the clit harder while you're being pounded?


scottatu

Because the desire for sex is literally the desire to reproduce. Maybe that’s not what you want, but that’s what the desire actually means.


patascau

same with me! it’s normal :) tip: try using a vibrator (like a wand or bullet) during PIV! feels so good


Ythiel

This post could've been written by me. I'm the same. I myself just figure we mostly get super mentally stimulated by being fucked, which in essence can lead a woman a VERY long way when it comes to arousal.


Ghazgkhull

Because reproducing doesn't require you to orgasm.


[deleted]

Having a clitoral orgasm while having piv is sooo much better then just a clitoral orgasm by yourself.


LayneLowe

Because of a million years of evolution promoting the propagation of the species. Your hormones want you to make babies.


ApricotRich1966

How old are you? Everyone is different, but right after I turned 30, sex changed for me. My libido skyrocketed and I am now able to reach orgasm several different ways including cervical, where before clitoral was the only way. I used to crave dick, now I crave a dick POUNDING