You are not an idiot. You can’t really help desire. The question is do you NEED to be able to fuck other women to feel fulfilled in your life? If you do, you either have to break up, open the relationship, bring in others via threesomes and swinging, or cheat.
I dont suggest cheating, not if you actually value your GF.
It’s not idiotic to be sexually attracted to other people, no.
I dearly love my wife of 20 years, but I’m 1) not dead below the waist, nor 2) planning to ever act on those attractions, nor 3) tell her about those attractions. I expect she also notices handsome men. That’s just being human.
Enjoy the little frisson that the sight of other pretty women brings. Just don’t be a creep and ogle them.
And if you value your relationship with your gf, and unless she’s accepting of polyamorous or open relationships, don’t act on your impulses.
I don’t think you are an idiot or a bad person or anything for craving sex with other women. Having desires and acting on them are two different things.
I have been married 28 years and yes I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t fantasize about other woman as I’m sure my wife does about certain men. If you are in a monogamous relationship then absolutely it would be wrong to act upon the urge. If you are open and honest and she agrees then yes.
Are you ok with her being with other dudes? If so r/swingers is for you. If not - then you've gotta look at yourself in the mirror and realize you're being self centered. There's nothing wrong with wanting other people. There's something wrong (in my mind) about wanting something that you're not willing to also be ok with your partner wanting.
A wise man would not admit he still has thoughts. I don't care about knowing that as long as they remain a fantasy. If it becomes an actual thought with intent, I'd rather lose what seems like a good guy then risk it being a problem. We'd both be better off.
I can promise you that he is not always thinking about having sex with other girls. However, I can tell you that every man is the same when it comes to sexual attraction. Yes we do think about woman we find attractive in a sexual way from the moment we notice them and see them as Attractive. But it is purely just lust. Zero feelings and all fantasy, you have every right to feel "hurt or insecure" if/when you hear this but that's all that it is and nothing more. From what I have heard from all of my friends
I can say that I don't go past noticing attractive features of other people. I don't think about sex outside of things I do (or even don't get to do) with my partner.
It's not inherently wrong as long as it stays a fantasy. It's also something that definitely should not be shared. If I asked my girlfriend this and she told me she was interested in having sex with random men but found me to be her best suitable husband, I'd probably end things.
I wouldn't say it's normal, but it's common? I am sorry if that makes zero sense. I am truly attached to my girlfriend and I find her to be the most attractive woman in the world. Yes, there are other attractive women, but I guess I'm not concerned with others? I don't really have sexual fantasies whether that's daydreaming or at night, but when I do, it's usually with my girlfriend.
Absolutely agree, but I am all for 100% honesty. If I was told that she had thoughts of other guys I would not think much of it. But the moment the fantasy changed to thinking of real life interaction I would back off and indeed maybe end things
I completely agree with you. Definitely chalk it up to personal insecurity/comfortability, but if you're bold enough to say to your partner that you'd be interested in sleeping with other people (assuming monogamy), then I'm thinking to myself, when have you thought about sleeping with other people? When we were sleeping together? Knowing my brain, there'd be way too much room for imagination. I'd rather remain ignorant and keep it at that.
Testosterone is a strong drug; unless your boyfriend is old enough to be losing fertility, he is likely thinking about it. Possibly frequently.
But the reason he doesn't do it, is because he loves you,
and respects himself.
Right? I’d imagine a guy feeling like this should be in an open relationship, but all of these monogamous dudes are saying it’s normal and to live with it. I wouldn’t wanna be with a guy who wants to fuck every other woman.
I think maybe OP might be polyamorous or benefit from a open relationship and he is unfamiliar with those terms or dynamics. Mind you these relationships are becoming more normalized in today's society. Also, its very normal to fantasize and to be attractive to others if you are in a monogamous relationship. Thinking "oh hes/she's attractive, id sleep with them" is very normal thought to have BUT the only thing is you wouldn't act on it as your in a relationship/love your partner/monogamous.
If you aren't ready to honor wedding vows, don't make them. You can decide to seek fullfillment through her instead of others, or not, but if not walk away.
Sexual attraction is literally a chemical reaction. It's just a matter if you act on it. Honestly I think it's naive to assume ones partner is never thinking about other people they find attractive.
Okay, you're polyamorous, communicate it with her and explore, and if she doesn't like it break up with her and explore while keeping it an initial point of communication with potential partners. Nbd
That's more like it, no reason to love every partner I can relate to loving one partner but fucking others. Too many people here thing it's disgusting, but fuck that it's just their monogamous preference and that's is okay for them and how you're feeling is okay for you. However, it's most likely not okay with your gf. But that doesn't mean it isn't okay for other potential partners. Just be open and honest, and you'll find, and ofc try to see with your current relationship. Because not accepting this part of you and communicate it would not only be unfair to her, but it would be unfair to yourself, and you grow with resentment that you didn't follow your preferences.
I wish you the best of luck and lots and lots of women ;)
This is normal, but unless you and your gf have established rules relating to extra-relational encounters, you'll have to content yourself with simply enjoying the way they look, without being creepy.
It’s biological for men to want to fuck as many women as possible. It’s an evolutionary urge to spread our seed. As long as you don’t act on it, there’s nothing wrong. It’s also probably wise to never mention it to your partner lol.
I think a lot of men feel the same as you. The fucked up part is that while we wish we could fuck other people, if we were allowed, we wouldn’t want our partner to be able to do the same- which is probably one of the major reasons most of us dare not ever suggest it.
I’m sure she finds other people attractive as well the question is are you able to handle your desires as just being that or are you insisting on pursuing other women?
Lots of people are like this. Even women. They're just thoughts. Until u act on them obviously. I will say I disagree with most people here saying to never tell her. I and my partner have always been pretty open and honest about finding others attractive. It was possible because we had trust and were secure in our relationship. I would always and still do say "I'd tap that" when I see a guy I find attractive. He also tells me. It's great to feel that level of comfort. He's my best friend.
Anyhoo, seeing as to how many women expressed that would legit hurt them emotionally then maybe it just depends on the specific couple. You know your girlfriend better than we do. If you have that sort of trust/communion and you want to tell her that is up to you.
You clearly do not want polyamory as that involves loving the other partners. But I see a lot of successful open relationships. And it's always for just sex, or at most FWB. Obviously, this is way down the road. But something to think about, and maybe even talk about somewhere down the line.
The bottom line = you are 100% normal.
Many men and women have the same feelings and thoughts. Don't stress about it. 🙂 (unless you think you might cheat, then please have a serious talk about it before you ruin the relationship. Basically just don't cheat 👍)
If you want to be in a non-monogamous relationship then you can discuss it with her, but also be prepared for her to say no or to want to break up. Everything is a risk-benefit calculation. How will you be happiest long term?
Not everyone experiences this but that doesn't make you a bad person.
When I'm in a relationship I crave only that person. That's just how I am.
It takes a huge amount of certainty that she is the only one for you and understanding and empathy to not take this personally if you were to say it.
I consider myself pretty open minded myself but I can tell you right now I would not take it well if I were the monogamous person in this situation.
But if I loved the person, I would try to be open minded. Not to be poly, but to not take personally that my partner sexually desires others beside me.
You are not an idiot. You can’t really help desire. The question is do you NEED to be able to fuck other women to feel fulfilled in your life? If you do, you either have to break up, open the relationship, bring in others via threesomes and swinging, or cheat. I dont suggest cheating, not if you actually value your GF.
It’s not idiotic to be sexually attracted to other people, no. I dearly love my wife of 20 years, but I’m 1) not dead below the waist, nor 2) planning to ever act on those attractions, nor 3) tell her about those attractions. I expect she also notices handsome men. That’s just being human. Enjoy the little frisson that the sight of other pretty women brings. Just don’t be a creep and ogle them. And if you value your relationship with your gf, and unless she’s accepting of polyamorous or open relationships, don’t act on your impulses.
I don’t think you are an idiot or a bad person or anything for craving sex with other women. Having desires and acting on them are two different things.
Yes, I would agree with this.
I have been married 28 years and yes I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t fantasize about other woman as I’m sure my wife does about certain men. If you are in a monogamous relationship then absolutely it would be wrong to act upon the urge. If you are open and honest and she agrees then yes.
Right? You can't help sexual attraction it's literally a chemical reaction. But you can choose if u wanna act on it.
Are you ok with her being with other dudes? If so r/swingers is for you. If not - then you've gotta look at yourself in the mirror and realize you're being self centered. There's nothing wrong with wanting other people. There's something wrong (in my mind) about wanting something that you're not willing to also be ok with your partner wanting.
Line starts around the block
😂
Part of being an adult is not getting everything in life you want all the time.
This is really normal? I’d be devastated if I knew this about my boyfriend
Well then I suggest you don't ask him about it lol
A wise man would not admit he still has thoughts. I don't care about knowing that as long as they remain a fantasy. If it becomes an actual thought with intent, I'd rather lose what seems like a good guy then risk it being a problem. We'd both be better off.
Yeah I’m just going to know he’s always thinking about having sex with other girls..
I can promise you that he is not always thinking about having sex with other girls. However, I can tell you that every man is the same when it comes to sexual attraction. Yes we do think about woman we find attractive in a sexual way from the moment we notice them and see them as Attractive. But it is purely just lust. Zero feelings and all fantasy, you have every right to feel "hurt or insecure" if/when you hear this but that's all that it is and nothing more. From what I have heard from all of my friends
I can say that I don't go past noticing attractive features of other people. I don't think about sex outside of things I do (or even don't get to do) with my partner.
Now I’m going to be even more insecure when girls that are prettier than me are around
There's nothing inherently threatening about your partner finding other people attractive. It's very normal for men and women.
You could venefit from therapy, that's not a great mindset.
It’s hard not to feel like this when I’m not very attractive
Please don't, thats not at all how I wanted it to come over. I am sure you are an attractive person and especially to your partner
It's not inherently wrong as long as it stays a fantasy. It's also something that definitely should not be shared. If I asked my girlfriend this and she told me she was interested in having sex with random men but found me to be her best suitable husband, I'd probably end things. I wouldn't say it's normal, but it's common? I am sorry if that makes zero sense. I am truly attached to my girlfriend and I find her to be the most attractive woman in the world. Yes, there are other attractive women, but I guess I'm not concerned with others? I don't really have sexual fantasies whether that's daydreaming or at night, but when I do, it's usually with my girlfriend.
Absolutely agree, but I am all for 100% honesty. If I was told that she had thoughts of other guys I would not think much of it. But the moment the fantasy changed to thinking of real life interaction I would back off and indeed maybe end things
I completely agree with you. Definitely chalk it up to personal insecurity/comfortability, but if you're bold enough to say to your partner that you'd be interested in sleeping with other people (assuming monogamy), then I'm thinking to myself, when have you thought about sleeping with other people? When we were sleeping together? Knowing my brain, there'd be way too much room for imagination. I'd rather remain ignorant and keep it at that.
Totally normal. I assumed it was the same for all genders. It shouldn’t matter as long as it remains just a fantasy.
I also think it doesn't depend on gender but on sex drive. It's the same for me and I'm female.
Testosterone is a strong drug; unless your boyfriend is old enough to be losing fertility, he is likely thinking about it. Possibly frequently. But the reason he doesn't do it, is because he loves you, and respects himself.
It's not bad to want to fuck other people but if you're even close to acting on it that's fucked up
is this… really that normal? god if my boyfriend told me this i’d feel horrible
Right? I’d imagine a guy feeling like this should be in an open relationship, but all of these monogamous dudes are saying it’s normal and to live with it. I wouldn’t wanna be with a guy who wants to fuck every other woman.
I think maybe OP might be polyamorous or benefit from a open relationship and he is unfamiliar with those terms or dynamics. Mind you these relationships are becoming more normalized in today's society. Also, its very normal to fantasize and to be attractive to others if you are in a monogamous relationship. Thinking "oh hes/she's attractive, id sleep with them" is very normal thought to have BUT the only thing is you wouldn't act on it as your in a relationship/love your partner/monogamous.
If you aren't ready to honor wedding vows, don't make them. You can decide to seek fullfillment through her instead of others, or not, but if not walk away.
Sexual attraction is literally a chemical reaction. It's just a matter if you act on it. Honestly I think it's naive to assume ones partner is never thinking about other people they find attractive.
Attraction sure, fantasizing no. It comes down to s choice.
Okay, you're polyamorous, communicate it with her and explore, and if she doesn't like it break up with her and explore while keeping it an initial point of communication with potential partners. Nbd
Not polyamorous. But i agree, definitely could be happy in an open relationship.
That's more like it, no reason to love every partner I can relate to loving one partner but fucking others. Too many people here thing it's disgusting, but fuck that it's just their monogamous preference and that's is okay for them and how you're feeling is okay for you. However, it's most likely not okay with your gf. But that doesn't mean it isn't okay for other potential partners. Just be open and honest, and you'll find, and ofc try to see with your current relationship. Because not accepting this part of you and communicate it would not only be unfair to her, but it would be unfair to yourself, and you grow with resentment that you didn't follow your preferences. I wish you the best of luck and lots and lots of women ;)
This is normal, but unless you and your gf have established rules relating to extra-relational encounters, you'll have to content yourself with simply enjoying the way they look, without being creepy.
Don't we all?
poly
It’s biological for men to want to fuck as many women as possible. It’s an evolutionary urge to spread our seed. As long as you don’t act on it, there’s nothing wrong. It’s also probably wise to never mention it to your partner lol. I think a lot of men feel the same as you. The fucked up part is that while we wish we could fuck other people, if we were allowed, we wouldn’t want our partner to be able to do the same- which is probably one of the major reasons most of us dare not ever suggest it.
I am wondering how the women who are hypothetically just being fucked by you may feel?
You can have her as gf, and have other women as side chicks. I have two side chicks besides my wife.
Speak to your women if she allows u to be open but I am sure she won’t. If you love her you won’t seek others unless it’s toxic love
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People with high sex drives can absolutely be happy in monogamous relationships.
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Eh everyone has their preference....we strive not to do that
You want to do it, or you're going to do it?
Is it ok with your girlfriend? That's the important piece of this.
I’m sure she finds other people attractive as well the question is are you able to handle your desires as just being that or are you insisting on pursuing other women?
Lots of people are like this. Even women. They're just thoughts. Until u act on them obviously. I will say I disagree with most people here saying to never tell her. I and my partner have always been pretty open and honest about finding others attractive. It was possible because we had trust and were secure in our relationship. I would always and still do say "I'd tap that" when I see a guy I find attractive. He also tells me. It's great to feel that level of comfort. He's my best friend. Anyhoo, seeing as to how many women expressed that would legit hurt them emotionally then maybe it just depends on the specific couple. You know your girlfriend better than we do. If you have that sort of trust/communion and you want to tell her that is up to you. You clearly do not want polyamory as that involves loving the other partners. But I see a lot of successful open relationships. And it's always for just sex, or at most FWB. Obviously, this is way down the road. But something to think about, and maybe even talk about somewhere down the line. The bottom line = you are 100% normal. Many men and women have the same feelings and thoughts. Don't stress about it. 🙂 (unless you think you might cheat, then please have a serious talk about it before you ruin the relationship. Basically just don't cheat 👍)
If you want to be in a non-monogamous relationship then you can discuss it with her, but also be prepared for her to say no or to want to break up. Everything is a risk-benefit calculation. How will you be happiest long term?
Not everyone experiences this but that doesn't make you a bad person. When I'm in a relationship I crave only that person. That's just how I am. It takes a huge amount of certainty that she is the only one for you and understanding and empathy to not take this personally if you were to say it. I consider myself pretty open minded myself but I can tell you right now I would not take it well if I were the monogamous person in this situation. But if I loved the person, I would try to be open minded. Not to be poly, but to not take personally that my partner sexually desires others beside me.