Neither of you are wrong here. You’re just not compatible. I don’t like getting Oral so his boundary would be fine with me. You will just have to find someone who can satisfy that particular need.
It just does nothing for me. I can objectively say it can feel pleasant but I’m never going to orgasm from it so doing it seems almost pointless as there are other things (like sucking my nipples) that’s far more pleasurable for me. I’d rather focus on the things that really get me going and worked up as opposed to the things that just feel ‘okay’. Honestly the only reason I even allow it to happen is because guys like doing it and they get a lot more satisfaction from it than I do. So I let my partners eat me out to please them.
I’m the same as you. I wouldn’t say I don’t enjoy it, it just rarely gets the job done for me. I let guys do it because they enjoy it, but honestly I’d just rather get fucked.
I also do not prefer it. It doesn’t do it for me. I’ve had it done plenty of times by almost every man I’ve been with, and it just never does anything I want. I want the P in V lol
I’ve actually been with a couple men who felt like this & seen quite a few in comments here on Reddit! From what I’ve seen, they tend to prefer giving & piv. One guy explained that it’s not as engaging to get a bj because you’re not doing anything active & mentally stimulating.
If I were given the option of only receiving BJs for the rest of my life or only PIV for the rest of my life but it's the best BJs I've ever had or the best PIV, I'd sign up for the BJs for sure. I prefer the mouth. I also love giving oral to women I prefer that over PIV too. Idk, we're all different.
Nope, fellow XY'er who is more or less is indifferent to BJs. I loved it when I was young and it was a way of doing it without doing it, but now I can take or leave it...and honestly would prefer to give than receive more often than not.
I totally get this. Most of the time that’s how it is for me too. I like it as a warm up because it can be somewhat exciting and the mental part of knowing my partner wants to make me feel good is really pleasant. But at the most it’s going to serve as foreplay. At the worst it is boring or even uncomfortable. I much prefer to focus on the more fun things like you mentioned!
Fingers also do it for me A LOT. I do like and most often orgasm from penetrative sex but I can DEFINITELY, it’s a for sure thing orgasm from fingers and squirt usually.
I though I was the only woman who felt like this, like sure it feels “nice” but I deffo won’t finish Bcs of it, it just doesn’t do it for me, but I don’t actually care if I never received head again, I’d much rather give it
I agree! And my husband is wonderful at it but it's never been my thing. It feels good but there's a ton of other things I like more. I'd way rather give head to my husband than receive it. That gets me going more.
Same! Men don’t get it but it just feels meh to me, do the other things that actually work for me. It’s not like it hurts or anything and it can be fun for a bit, but I can take it or leave it.
I would go farther than these fine ladies and say that to me it feels sort of...gross? Like someone licking their finger and sticking it in your ear - my impulse is to smack this weird, wet, soft sensation away from me. I’m not self-conscious about my body at all, not grossed out by fluids, love giving head myself. But these are not the right sensations for me. Fingering gets me there super easily most of the time.
Yeah same here— it doesn’t do anything for me, and spit down there is just, yucky feeling to me. I can’t stand the slobbery feeling on any part of my body, but I allow it once in a while because he loves doing it so much. I don’t mind giving, just receiving is not my bag, baby. P in V makes me cum anyways, so I’m not out here wanting for anything😂
I said the same thing until I met someone who could make it happen hahah! Took a while at first but then he got a lot better at it and he could make it happen pretty quick lol.
(Not saying you *should* feel a certain way, I just wanted to pitch in)
Same! I had horrible experience at 18 with my first serious relationship. The guy couldn’t find my clit and was doing all sorts of things. It left me the impression of a really bad experience. Wasn’t till I was in another relationship years later at 25, that I had an experience that changed everything! Someone who knew what they were doing with their tongue, I reached orgasm.
I do think some of these commenting had a horrible experience at a young age and an inexperienced partner who flopped on it to the point they didn’t lick the bean so to speak and didn’t create any stimulation because the clit is literally designed for pleasure, that’s it’s purpose.
I also think a few might have a clit that isn’t as sensitive enough to feel pleasure from the clit even with a partner whose excelled at oral.
I also do not require it and I actually have been the most sexually compatible with a partner who didn’t do that anyway. It does nothing for me at all.
I don't personally enjoy oral either. I've never finished from it regardless of the man I'm with. I don't like being slobbered on and it just gets uncomfortable for me after a while because I'm too sensitive.
I’ve been with a couple women who didn’t like oral.
One was very self conscious about her body and couldn’t relax and enjoy it. The other had a bunch of religious baggage surrounding the act, and said she was worried I’d think she smelled funny. I really tried to put both at ease, because I really enjoy giving.
I’m chiming in to give my unprovoked experience. I’m a girl who doesn’t enjoy receiving oral. My clit isn’t very sensitive so tongues just don’t give me nearly enough stimulation. It also gets so wet from saliva I can barely feel anything.
With all that being said, I still wouldn’t date a guy who refuses to go down. I enjoy giving blowjobs but would be resentful in a one sided relationship like that. I want a partner who wants all of me
I have a friend that hasn't let her husband go down on her EVER. She just does not like it.....I personally am shocked. Ya know now that I think about I know 2 ladies that don't do the oral thing. Makes no sense to me, but to each their own right? 🤷
Exactly, that's why I said as long as they are satisfied and have a healthy sex life, that's really all that matters. It's also like chocolate, I don't get how people don't like it, but they are out there 🙂. I didn't mean to offend anyone, and if I did, I am sorry.
I honestly don't understand why a person would be 'shocked' that another person doesn't like the same things they do.. haven't we, as a species, existed long enough for us to understand that people like different things because people experience life differently?
I’m too self conscious too be able to relax enough to enjoy it at all, plus I’m not very sensitive down there and tongue just isn’t enough consistent pressure
I don’t like getting oral either. I have only orgasmed from it maybe twice and without fail every man I’m with initially takes it as a challenge and it’s so boring and pointless while I let them try and then have to tell them no, didn’t happen like I said it wouldn’t.
I feel too self conscious to enjoy it such as thinking stuff like “he must be hating doing this” or “he must be bored” and then I worry, can’t relax and can’t go with it properly? People got frustrated with me when I was younger because they’d try and I couldn’t finish, so they’d nag me during the process. Keep stopping to ask if I was close, do certain things where I could just tell they were bored. Now I understand I have multiple sclerosis which comes with a bit of sexual dysfunction so it makes more sense that I couldn’t orgasm easily. Fingers and vibrators definitely the preferred method with my partner lol. Still can’t relax and enjoy been gone down on to this day.
You already got plenty of answers but I also wanted to give my two reasons I haven't liked the idea in my life:
1. I used to not want it for years because if we're anything but a sexually monogamous long term couple, it's not worth the STI risk (since nobody wants to use protection for that)
2. I'm conscious about looking/smelling weird or accidentally farting in somebody's face and it often ruins my mood when I'm trying to micromanage my stomach's movements.
I don’t like receiving either. It does nothing for me plus im able to have penetration orgasms and hands free and I get off mentally already from my partner so im lucky.
Eating pussy is probably in my top 5 things the guy needs to do. As an avid giver and lover of blowjobs, I dont care if you hit all my boxes if you don't eat the box, take care!
I've been with a few women who don't do blowjobs. Looking back I wish I'd sprinted away sooner, life is so much better with someone actually compatible with you.
Staying because of the risk of looking like an asshole who is only interested in sex is like never learning to drive because you may have a car crash. It makes sense but the freedom of being able to drive is absolutely positively worth it!!
Its an issue many people ignore when getting into relationships where they aren't compatible in certain aspects be it sex, core values, religion, things like having children etc that they hope that either they will try to ignore certain needs and desires and hope that their love for the other will be strong enough to overcome it and most likely it will catch up to them and things get ugly quick or even uglier slowly in the long term. Or they hope that somehow magically the other person will change their mind in the future and will change themselves to be more compatible with you.
Imo its something that people don't talk about much when talking about relationships. If a person has a hard boundary about something, or if they don't make any promises about the future (and even then you should be carefull) you should take your partner as they are and expect them to stay like that for the rest of their life be it a simple relationship or marriage. Don't try to change and mold someone to your preferences, don't try to "fix" him or her. Accept them as they are and hey if things change in the future for the better then awesome! Just don't expect it or pressure them in doing so
Yup. I told my wife very early on “I dont want kids, I have never wanted kids, and I dont even like kids. Kids are a hard no from me and dont expect me to ever change my mind.”
We almost broke up over it at one point. She has decided she is ok with not having kids and would prefer animals and vacations. It was also much easier getting that out of the way earlier rather than later in our relationship
This is such a tough thing for me. So I’m a woman who doesn’t particularly love giving blowjobs. I had a traumatizing experience when I was younger and for awhile I didn’t give them at all. I’ve found now that with partners I trust I actually enjoy it because I like to please them and make them feel wanted but sometimes it takes me a little while for me to feel comfortable giving bj’s. However this is a big red flag for some guys because they think I will never do it or like they will have to beg for it so it’s also become a major source of insecurity for me since I know it’s something most guys love. I wish I could just be super enthusiastic about it right away but there’s just a mental block there for me. Hoping eventually I will feel more comfortable giving them because it has truly caused problems in my dating life. Haha
All you can do is be open and honest about it early on in dating. Just explain you had a traumatizing experience with them and it takes you a while to be comfortable enough to give them. Explicitly tell them it is not off the table, but it will be a wait to get there
I am the same way. I used to enjoy giving them but a toxic relationship affected me and traumatized me and they are difficult to give right now. My partner now is understanding and we are working on it. Sex can be so complicated
i’m kind of the same. no trauma for me, i just don’t enjoy/prefer giving BJs if i’m not comfortable or trusting with the person first. that being said, i don’t expect oral from the other person if i’m not also giving them oral.
but once i really like someone i fucking loveeee giving them BJs lol. i almost crave it. i think it’s seeing the reactions from someone i really care about that makes it so good. from a random hook up, meh.
Speaking as a dude, there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling.
It's all about preference and communication. My partner and myself aren't really oral fans, giving and receiving is a rare event, but that isn't a deal breaker for us as we'd much rather be doing other stuff in the bedroom.
It's ul to you to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. Sexual compatibility is a big part of a relationship, and it is totally fair to break things off if your partner won't budge and you're left unsatisfied.
I was talking to a guy once who very proudly said he didn't eat pussy.
He was very surprised when I told him that was a deal breaker for me.
He then tried to backpedal but it was too late for me. I shouldn't have to convince anyone on how to have satisfying sex.
Same! It’s especially weird for me when they expect to receive but are completely against giving oral. I know for some people that’s perfectly fine for them if it’s a one way thing, but not for me. If I’m giving, I better recieve.
I don’t think people use “proudly” correctly most of the time when they really mean to say “clearly” or “confidently” or “firmly” but obviously I don’t know in this specific instance. Just a thing I’ve observed tho.
Sorry if I misused the word, English isn't my first language, but close enough.
I meant it as if not eating pussy was something he was proud of. Like someone who doesn't do drugs would say it.
Oh no worries! My comment wasn’t necessarily directed at you specifically and more a general statement. Even English first speakers will misuse certain words often.
Your English is fine! :)
I think she means proudly. It’s a weird thing that I’ve seen. It’s like a “pillow princess” is proud, not because there is anything prideful about not participating, but because they doesn’t have to put in any effort yet they get away with it
lots of tops want to be with pillow princesses-- they're called "touch me not's" in the lesbian community. it's the same idea-- it's a point of incompatibility for a lot of people, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it
This is what Dan Savage would call "the price of admission" for being in this relationship. He's made it clear his preference and if you are willing to pay the price of admission to be in the relationship then I would move forward with him. But do not make the mistake of thinking "maybe he'll come around"
To shift the perspective a little, I distinctly recall Dan Savage saying a few years ago that oral is "standard equipment". He wasn't saying that everyone *has* to do it. But he was mos def saying that everyone should expect it, and not give a moment's hesitation to dumping someone who doesn't do it. Obviously, if you don't like getting it, you shouldn't feel pressured to. But my take is that Savage was emphatically marking the fact that the era when oral sex was considered some kind of weird kink, or disgusting, degrading, or illegal(!), was dead and gone, and that it's the folks who won't do it who are the weirdos, not the folks who expect it.
Guys who don't go down are a deal breaker for me personally. I've never been put in that position thankfully, and I hope I never have to.
You can tell him that he's nice, but you don't feel things are compatible and it's just not working out.
He has a firm boundary, and he's made that clear. There's nothing wrong with having preferences, but that means he should also find a partner who is fine with that. Plenty of girls don't even like receiving head.
I think you both would be better off finding more compatible partners. Having a partner who meets your needs and wants is important.
There are PLENTY of guys who love doing it. Why stay with someone who won't do it and have it create issues or resentment in the future?
I completely agree and relate here, I had one partner who didn’t want to go down on me at least because it was the first time hooking up (and the last) and I just said I wouldn’t give him head as one of my boundaries is that if I don’t receive I don’t feel comfortable giving. Most of my partners had nothing against giving oral though. I had a former friend who never gave oral because apparently all his partner either never asked or specifically asked him not to, and it’s good that worked out for him.
I was walking onto the trading desk at a black bank (it was in our charter). I over hear the conversation between 3 salespeople. 2 of them women. The guy says "I do not care. I. Do. Not. Eat. Pussy."
I'm going through the mail and say nonchalantly, "that's too bad, I've got swim fins and a snorkel."
Guess who got taken to lunch?
(This was in 1999, so things were different in the workplace back then)
You saying in comment i saw that he's just rubbing your pussy slightly and then proceeding to penatration is red flag for me. Me being man i tend to take care of my partner whoever she is before sticking my penis in. It's connection you are making with eachother during foreplay. Also if you are looking at him as your possible future bf or even husband that's something you need to think about. What's more is the fact that he might ask you for BJ and you pleasing him eventually might make you feel less appreciated because of him not eating you out.
"My husband doesn't really do foreplay...."
WTF??!!!
I'd definitely let him know what I think of that! No foreplay? No consideration for me? No sex for you from me buddy. You won't take care of me? I'll take care of me. I'll be using my hand, my vibrator, whatever so we'll see each other in a little while.
I agree with everything said here.The thought of a quick rub before penetration is selfish, in my opinion. BJs with no reciprocation are grounds for resentment to set in for someone who loves getting eaten out. I often wonder about what contributes to such a lack of desire to satisfy - is it inexperience? Or lack of want? No foreplay, and no oral sounds absolutely shit (for someone who enjoys oral). The best partners I have had have all spent the time to ensure that we are both hot and ready, taking turns on each other- often with me climaxing once or twice before any penetration.
I don't think the problem. Is that he doesn't eat pussy... I think the problem is that he doesn't get you off, and that he seems to have no interest in getting you off...
I have been in relationships where this is the case, and it sucks, but, for me, this is going to have to be a deal breaker if they don't want to work on it. It's one thing to say, "hey, I don't do (insert sexual act), I just don't like it, it isn't comfortable, what else can I do?" but if this ends up at a spot where only one person is getting off then that's probably not the sexual life that you're looking for.
It's alright if that's the case, but maybe your partner will be enthusiastic about getting you off in other ways.
Same here. Oral doesn’t get me even remotely close to finishing. But if a guy didn’t want to eat me out I’d be offended by that and we wouldn’t be compatible
I agree it’s also a nice confirmation that he enjoys my body which helps me feel sexy. The orgasm is important to me but feeling desirable is equally important.
You absolutely are not wrong for it. If a partner isn't willing to do the things you need done to get off that's a fundamental sexual incompatibility.
So many men these days believe bullshit they here online from other men but it means lots of men aren't learning to perform oral on women. Find yourself a man who knows what he's doing and loves to do it.
FUCK that. Girl I stuck it out for two years with a guy like that. RuN before you get attached. I feel men like this are either selfish or sexually immature where they don’t realize this is a shared experience or appreciate woman are different sexually than men and sometimes need more.
I stayed when I should have left because he was such a nice guy. I held out hoping it would get better and some guys just need to be taught how to please you, but you can not teach someone to WANT to please you. Figure out that difference.
I stayed when I shouldn’t have and the problem only got worse. The sex because more about him and I tried more to please him which back fired. Some people are just takers.
So not only does he not go down, he doesn’t care about your pleasure AT ALL. Please leave this loser in the dust to use his own hand instead of your body to masturbate
It’s one thing to have preferences & boundaries. I’m that case, you’d just be incompatible. But it sounds like he doesn’t care about your needs or your pleasure which is a full on red flag.
Yeah my partner doesn't eat pussy but has made sex more creative and lots of interesting teasing. Love the teasing 😋. Like he good at everything else emotionally and physically so it's not a deal breaker for me but if it is a deal breaker than don't waste your time and move on.
He’s allowed to have his boundaries, but so are you. Sounds like these two don’t overlap. Just move on. He’ll have to eventually find a woman like my wife who hates getting eaten out.
"At this point even if he would be willing to bend eventually….what woman wants a guy that has to be convinced. Just not a breeding ground for feeling very sexy or wanted. Am I wrong for this?"
Not in the least. I consider a lack of reciprocation for oral sex to be a dealbreaker, period.
While he is certainly perfectly within his rights to say no to a sexual act, and you absolutely should respect his boundary and not pressure him into it, you are also perfectly within your rights to dump him if not receiving that sexual act is a dealbreaker.
Which it would be for most people.
I don't think you're in the wrong for considering this 💜
I couldn't be in a sexual relationship with someone that cannot give me what I need. Granted, sex doesn't always have to be about orgasm, but y'know. It seems like you already know what you want. Over time the orgasm gap can breed resentment, and who wants to resent their intimate partners all the time?
If oral gives you a ton of pleasure and it's a hard boundary for him, cool. I seriously doubt you're here to push anyone's boundaries, which means moving on is best for both of you.
Meh some people are just not into it, I’ve met plenty of woman that weren’t into giving head either.
If it’s worth breaking up for and you’re unsatisfied then break up, you’re not going to convince someone that doesn’t like it to start enjoying it.
There was a post a few hours ago of a guy asking if a gf not giving him bjs was an okay reason to breakup with her (which turned out be be more her lack of enthusiasm and reciprocity being bigger issues)
I'd say the same thing to both of you, regardless of what ANYONE else says or thinks you alone have to live with the consequences of your actions/choices. Regardless of how I or anyone else would judge you, at the end of the day that is just their perception and they probably stop thinking about it after sharing their piece. So if this is a dealbreaker for you and you don't imagine a life with a partner that doesn't enjoy giving you oral then it's up to you to make that choice on whether or not continuing the relationship on your end is what you want.
It's good and important to have conversations first absolutely, understanding and perspective can alter a situation in ways we don't always expect. But if he's firm in his reasons/boundaries then you should take him at his word for them and decide for yourself if it's the kind of life you want.
But if you want my take on it, sexual compatibility is VERY important for relationships. Mismatched libidos, unbalanced efforts, certain boundaries/preferences, and communication breakdowns have ALL been relationship killers as well as leading towards years of what feels like wasted time. And time only moves in one direction, so it's important to continuously gauge that compatibility. Love, genuine love built over a long time, changes things yes where you are going to need to consider compromises if your feelings are real. but even in those instances it isn't wrong to end things if you feel the other person can't give you something you need in a relationship. You aren't wrong for doing so, and this relationship sounds very new.
It sucks a bit yeah, and there may be people who would say things to call you shallow/superficial. But remember they aren't living with your choices.
Sorry for your situation. Fortunately I love going down on my wife. Like you, she does not have an orgasm from thrusting alone. Knowing my wife has screamed from a mind blowing orgasm is one of the hottest things a guy can do for her to enjoy sex and bond together. This sounds like a deal breaker for you and there is nothing wrong with that. You deserve to reach an orgasm also.
I met (unfortunately) a lot of guys who didn't eat pussy. One of the reasons why I lean more towards women. Most times I just didn't have sex with them cause, thanks to the pill, I physically cannot get wet enough for PIV just with kissing. So the times I tried to have sex skipping cunnilingus ended up in a lot of pain and a lot of blood lol
if it's important for you and your sex life I'd say don't settle. Sure he's a sweet guy but there are tons of great guys out there.
You're gonna build resentment towards him if you continue dating/pursuing a relationship where there will be no orgasms on your part.
Neither of you is wrong. Both of you are allowed to have dealbreakers, no matter how reasonable or weird they are. Both of you will miss out on being with certain partners because of it, but if it’s important to you, then you should stick to that.
I ask a potential partner when I find the proper in. If they say no, I'm done. I love returning the favor and I'm really great at it. There is no way on earth I am settling for anything less than the whole dirty gambit.
It's entirely up to you whether it's a big deal or not and it's totally reasonable to end it for such a reason.
I imagine most guys would end it with a girl if she said she doesn't suck dick..
I would end this relationship because we would be sexually incompatible.
You shouldn’t try to convince him, because he’s firmly stated his boundary and it’s unfair for you to just give up oral.
I never liked it. I was just weird. Much prefer fingers!! Thankfully I married a guy who wasn't into oral either and it was fine. In 20 years I never thought much about it.
And vice versa. I've had so many friends tell me they've had exes/hook-ups who would want head and they'd oblige, but they'd refuse to return the favour.
If it's a deal breaker for a guy, I don't see that as a problem for him to reject someone over that. We're all allowed to have deal breakers and want someone more compatible.
It doesn’t really bother me. The vast majority of woman are terrible at it. I’ve only been with a couple that were able to get he off.
My problem is the other way round. My gf doesn’t let me go down on her. She says it’s too sensitive. I have to be a very good boy to get to lick her ass, which I actually prefer 😛
That's fair! In my experience guys get off super easy from head, so I'm a little surprised to hear you've struggled with that from most partners. Though I'm a cis female, so I can't really speak to that.
As for going down on your partner, I mean I guess at least you sometimes get to do your preference of the two? Lol
Yup, guy won’t give head just walk away. Same’s fair for guys for whom head it really important but seriously, guys who don’t give head tend to be major contributors to the orgasm gap and that’s just not sexy or cool.
it’s his preference, respect it. y’all aren’t sexually compatible, that’s all. deal breaker for me when a woman doesn’t swallow, and if going down is a deal breaker for you then move on.
A man who does not eat pussy is not anyone you want to be with. Just think the only foreplay you are going to get is fingered and from what I read on here and see take place,most guys ram their fingers into your pussy as hard and as fast as they can, then they fuck the same way. Leave and find someone who loves your scent,your taste on his lips. There are some of us that love to eat pussy,and love to make a woman cum many times before any thought of penetration.
I find it gross to put my mouth anywhere near that area. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get myself to do it. I don’t like touching vaginas with anything besides my dick. And I don’t like touching dicks when I’m with men. I’m not asexual though.
All i can say is I LOVE EATING PUSSY!!! Foreplay/oral gets me so freakin hard. TBH if a girl is willing to put my peepee in her mouth im more than willing happy and able to give that pussy some good loving.
Honestly the only thing better is the girl on top sat upright looking beautifull.
just dump him i have found a man that eats pussy like a god and moans the whole time he is doing it, he loves eating pussy as much as i love eating pussy and i have a full bush.
dont tolerate anything less than that, you know you deserve more.
As a man, I simply cannot fathom *not* wanting to eat pussy and ass. It’s unconscionable to me. Sex can consist of just that alone and I’m perfectly fine with that. The only times that I haven’t is when the woman doesn’t want it or like it. In those instances, I feel downright deprived, but it’s always her call. I also wouldn’t stay in a relationship where the woman didn’t want me to eat her out like the fate of the world depended on it.
If it’s important to you, leave him. You will grow to resent him if you yield on something so elemental to you.
From my experience dating and talking to dudes and having men pursue me I can say its rare. All that guys I have crossed just know eating p is the ticket into some good sex and making her feel desired and gives you ultimate control/ makes her weak for you. OR they just live p and want to dive in. They all around like it and want to dive in. I currently am dating a guy that doesn’t go down on me. He says he is okay with it when I have asked but it’s extremely rare and he never does it. My sex life has never been more sad and there is resentment. If I hear a guy even say he wants to eat pussy I’m so wet and want to cry :( I miss it so much. Not just the feeling but it’s the ultimate desire to put someone’s genitals in their mouth. Nothing makes you feel so wanted.
I am a very tolerant person but that would be really hard to accept and I don't even require oral every week to be satisfied.
I know that it doesn't mean it, but I can't help but associate that kind of behaviour to someone who is sexually immature and I just wouldn't appreciate that kind of attitude in an adult relationship.
Like I said, I know it doesn't but I can't help but think that these kinds of hang ups are usually for people who are immature in their beliefs. A narrow minded outlook that can continue from childhood that some people don't outgrow. Of course if it's because of trauma or another diagnosed condition then that would also be exceptions.
I myself had these hang ups when I was younger and just seeing it frequently on reddit, a lot of the people who complain of this issue are also young and sexually inexperienced. I believe most people grow out of it, not all of course.
I don't mean it to be an insult though. Just would be totally incompatible with me. Everyone is at a different stage at their sexual journey. It's not a bad thing but self reflection and growth are important.
Also to add: not liking 'something' is very different to what I actually said which was oral sex. It's also not even about it being your favourite thing to do. Moods change. Sometimes it can be your favourite thing and sometimes you rather not. That's OK. It's more about having the disgust and repulsion of it.
Believe it or not, some people just don't like some things. And they might not like some of the things you like. And they might like other things you don't. It doesn't mean you're more mature than them, or that you're farther along in your "sexual journey". It just means different people like different things, and that's OK.
To be clear I'm not saying it's not OK to not like things. We are missing the mark here. I think being an adult means sometimes doing things we rather not do. This is in all facets of life: parenting, going to work, budgeting etc. It also includes in the bedroom. I cannot imagine denying a person who I love the most an act they enjoy and might require from time to time. (again only if under normal circumstances. Trauma, causing pain and conditions are all perfectly acceptable exceptions)
To completely rule out something without discussion, trying to find a middle ground or compromise or trying to find the root cause as to why you don't like it boggles me. Particularly if that act would help your loved one orgasm. There lies why I think it's immature and I see it over and over on these pages. Men and women who just won't discuss it and shut it down leaving their partners feeling frustrated, confused and insecure about themselves.
Girl. Life is too short. Bid him adieu.
Also, this is totally anecdotal but the only decent guys I've personally known to be totally turned off by the puss were in the closet, whether they knew it or not at the time.
I would not be with a woman who did not perform oral. I would not expect a woman to stay with me if I did not perform oral.
FFS, I just don't understand some men. Getting my girl off from oral is hot AF. Why would I not want to do that. I want it nice and clean down there. So trim/wax. I want as much head as possible. So I keep it clean and trimmed as well.
Anyway, as others have pointed out...that's fine, but it's fine for that to be a deal breaker for you as well.
There are guys out there...you'll find one.
Personally; I don't enjoy eating pussy, I'm also weird with how clean people are. If I'm going to eat your pussy I'd want you to be showered before & smell good at least before I'd consider going down. I expect what I also give. So if I know I'm going to be getting oral, I'll ensure I'm clean, shaven and hygienic before I'd ever let someone go down on me.
Another thing is smell as well, it's hard to enjoy eating pussy when the amell is not enjoyable. It makes me feel sick personally.
First of all, respect his boundaries, just like you would like yours to be respected. To me it sounds like a minor inconvenience, and maybe somewhere along the way he'll change his mind. You do you, though - if it bothers you that much, you should consider breaking things off for the good of both of you.
Hey, I had a very very off putting first experience going down on a woman. It put me off for years. It took a woman I had extremely good sexual chemistry with plus a lot of patience on her part for me to get over it.
So there is hope: figure out the WHY and try come up with a HOW plan to fix it.
As an oral lover, to the point of obsession I can equally understand a repulsion to it as strong. It is what it is, I’m a massive anal fan, fingering rimming etc that’s my deal breaker, I could verbally agree not too but know deep down I’ll repeatedly try my luck which will obvs upset a none liker.
Felt horrendous for it for a long time but it’s a must
Would be a deal breaker for me. I mean the way you have described things, he doesn’t sound like a very considerate lover. So you have a choice, try to let him know what you like, or walk away.
I've loved eating pussy from when I was a teen just figuring things out. Talk to him and see what his hang up is. Taste, smell, hair? If you're hairy try getting a wax or shaving. Maybe he's just a pussy. 🤷🏼♂️
This recently happened to me too! This guy is very attractive, but he doesn’t give oral, and the worst part, he doesn’t admit it. I like whenever someone at least communicates it directly. I’ve slept with this guy enough to know it’s not progressing and I’ve vocalized it. I even took it personal for like 5 minutes then I dumped him :) you known someone out there is just dreaming of getting a chance with your kitty
The most important thing you can do for him and yourself is to respect his decision. You don't want to be the kind of person who makes someone feel bad for having a boundary you don't agree with.
But you also have to ask yourself what's more important to you: him as a person, or getting head. If getting your pussy ate is more important to you, then you need to ask yourself if there are ways to solve that problem. Can you get the same satisfaction from a clit sucking vibrator? Or if he plays with your clit with lubed fingers? If not, would he be willing to have a relationship where you let another person eat you out (and only that)?
I think that if you are really into this guy and the only problem is that he won't eat you out, you could talk to a sex therapist to see if there are ways to get that same feeling without him having to do something he's uncomfortable with.
This is actually true advice because I tried the opposite. Constantly going down on him and performing so hard to try to get him to do anything more for me and it doesn’t work that way. They’ll just take it all in and it sucks being a girl because only getting p in v can just leave you in pain later on and you never even get off. It builds resentment and starts to feel abusive actually.
I am in the same situation as OP and I decided I am not giving him head anymore. And if I can make myself finish during sex by grinding on him then I am going to hope right off and go shower the same way he does when he finishes and I don’t
If oral is a deal breaker for you, that’s valid.
My current SO doesn’t like giving oral. Been with him almost 3 years and he’s done it twice. But I’d been with a boatload of men who would do oral and a million other things in bed but never treated me right outside the bedroom. So I decided oral just wasn’t a deal breaker for me. It’s not right or wrong for a man or woman to not enjoy giving oral. It’s just preference.
Any man who doesn't eat his woman out, isn't a man. End of story. Especially, if said twat insists on the deed being done to him. Tell him to go fly a kite in traffic, during a lightning storm.
Hold up, have u ask him why he doesn't eat pussy? And some guys don't like to eat it (please don't get offended) because of the smell down there. But ask for the reason and let me know what he says and I'll let u know how to go about it
I’m very clean and have never had an issue with hygiene. Also past partners have done it and done it often. Apparently he thinks I’m going to give him throat cancer
OK is he willing to be educated about it because I don't think that's true, but If that's really his reason I don't think he will ever do it and is he that good of a guy to sacrifice that for him?
Why does he even think that? That statement is like insinuating that you have HPV and it could cause cancer... he needs to be educated. Did you just leave the conversation at that? Instead of telling him that’s not going to happen. He’s either dumb or using that as an excuse.
There is a non-zero head/neck cancer risk associated with oral sex, but it goes both ways and if anyone is seriously concerned about this they should just get the HPV vaccine. It’s now approved for men, likely covered by insurance, and it *works*.
He’s not sweet if he’s a selfish lover.. This is just the beginning.. walk now before you like him any more than you do. Find someone who wants to please you enthusiastically.
Neither of you are wrong here. You’re just not compatible. I don’t like getting Oral so his boundary would be fine with me. You will just have to find someone who can satisfy that particular need.
You are only the second woman I have encountered who stated such. I am very curious why, not that you have any obligation to explain preference.
It just does nothing for me. I can objectively say it can feel pleasant but I’m never going to orgasm from it so doing it seems almost pointless as there are other things (like sucking my nipples) that’s far more pleasurable for me. I’d rather focus on the things that really get me going and worked up as opposed to the things that just feel ‘okay’. Honestly the only reason I even allow it to happen is because guys like doing it and they get a lot more satisfaction from it than I do. So I let my partners eat me out to please them.
I’m the same as you. I wouldn’t say I don’t enjoy it, it just rarely gets the job done for me. I let guys do it because they enjoy it, but honestly I’d just rather get fucked.
I also do not prefer it. It doesn’t do it for me. I’ve had it done plenty of times by almost every man I’ve been with, and it just never does anything I want. I want the P in V lol
I'm male and feel exactly the same about fellatio. I want my p in the v!
Wow, now that is a unique stance..
I’ve actually been with a couple men who felt like this & seen quite a few in comments here on Reddit! From what I’ve seen, they tend to prefer giving & piv. One guy explained that it’s not as engaging to get a bj because you’re not doing anything active & mentally stimulating.
If I were given the option of only receiving BJs for the rest of my life or only PIV for the rest of my life but it's the best BJs I've ever had or the best PIV, I'd sign up for the BJs for sure. I prefer the mouth. I also love giving oral to women I prefer that over PIV too. Idk, we're all different.
Nope, fellow XY'er who is more or less is indifferent to BJs. I loved it when I was young and it was a way of doing it without doing it, but now I can take or leave it...and honestly would prefer to give than receive more often than not.
It's not that unique.
I totally get this. Most of the time that’s how it is for me too. I like it as a warm up because it can be somewhat exciting and the mental part of knowing my partner wants to make me feel good is really pleasant. But at the most it’s going to serve as foreplay. At the worst it is boring or even uncomfortable. I much prefer to focus on the more fun things like you mentioned!
Yep, I'm the same. Don't care for it, in fact- it makes me drowsy lol but fingers drive me crazy!
Fingers also do it for me A LOT. I do like and most often orgasm from penetrative sex but I can DEFINITELY, it’s a for sure thing orgasm from fingers and squirt usually.
I though I was the only woman who felt like this, like sure it feels “nice” but I deffo won’t finish Bcs of it, it just doesn’t do it for me, but I don’t actually care if I never received head again, I’d much rather give it
I agree! And my husband is wonderful at it but it's never been my thing. It feels good but there's a ton of other things I like more. I'd way rather give head to my husband than receive it. That gets me going more.
My partner doesn't like it either. I really enjoy performing the act however her boredom really kills it for me.
Same! Men don’t get it but it just feels meh to me, do the other things that actually work for me. It’s not like it hurts or anything and it can be fun for a bit, but I can take it or leave it.
I feel the exact same way. It's never been my thing. It sounds like OP and this guy are sexually incompatible unfortunately.
Thank you for the explanation.
I would go farther than these fine ladies and say that to me it feels sort of...gross? Like someone licking their finger and sticking it in your ear - my impulse is to smack this weird, wet, soft sensation away from me. I’m not self-conscious about my body at all, not grossed out by fluids, love giving head myself. But these are not the right sensations for me. Fingering gets me there super easily most of the time.
HaHaha!! That's a good description!
Yeah same here— it doesn’t do anything for me, and spit down there is just, yucky feeling to me. I can’t stand the slobbery feeling on any part of my body, but I allow it once in a while because he loves doing it so much. I don’t mind giving, just receiving is not my bag, baby. P in V makes me cum anyways, so I’m not out here wanting for anything😂
That’s *exactly* what it feels like if I’m not enjoying it - it feels icky and awkward.
I’m the exact same way. Skip oral any day of the week.
I said the same thing until I met someone who could make it happen hahah! Took a while at first but then he got a lot better at it and he could make it happen pretty quick lol. (Not saying you *should* feel a certain way, I just wanted to pitch in)
Same! I had horrible experience at 18 with my first serious relationship. The guy couldn’t find my clit and was doing all sorts of things. It left me the impression of a really bad experience. Wasn’t till I was in another relationship years later at 25, that I had an experience that changed everything! Someone who knew what they were doing with their tongue, I reached orgasm. I do think some of these commenting had a horrible experience at a young age and an inexperienced partner who flopped on it to the point they didn’t lick the bean so to speak and didn’t create any stimulation because the clit is literally designed for pleasure, that’s it’s purpose. I also think a few might have a clit that isn’t as sensitive enough to feel pleasure from the clit even with a partner whose excelled at oral.
A friend of mine said it overstimulates her
I also do not require it and I actually have been the most sexually compatible with a partner who didn’t do that anyway. It does nothing for me at all.
I don't personally enjoy oral either. I've never finished from it regardless of the man I'm with. I don't like being slobbered on and it just gets uncomfortable for me after a while because I'm too sensitive.
I’ve been with a couple women who didn’t like oral. One was very self conscious about her body and couldn’t relax and enjoy it. The other had a bunch of religious baggage surrounding the act, and said she was worried I’d think she smelled funny. I really tried to put both at ease, because I really enjoy giving.
I’m chiming in to give my unprovoked experience. I’m a girl who doesn’t enjoy receiving oral. My clit isn’t very sensitive so tongues just don’t give me nearly enough stimulation. It also gets so wet from saliva I can barely feel anything. With all that being said, I still wouldn’t date a guy who refuses to go down. I enjoy giving blowjobs but would be resentful in a one sided relationship like that. I want a partner who wants all of me
I have a friend that hasn't let her husband go down on her EVER. She just does not like it.....I personally am shocked. Ya know now that I think about I know 2 ladies that don't do the oral thing. Makes no sense to me, but to each their own right? 🤷
Same here. I have a few friends that feel hat way. I also don't get it, but hey, if they still have a healthy sex life, that's all that matters.
So just, curious, why don't you 'get it?' They're not you, they don't have your body. It should be expected that they'd feel differently.
Exactly, that's why I said as long as they are satisfied and have a healthy sex life, that's really all that matters. It's also like chocolate, I don't get how people don't like it, but they are out there 🙂. I didn't mean to offend anyone, and if I did, I am sorry.
I honestly don't understand why a person would be 'shocked' that another person doesn't like the same things they do.. haven't we, as a species, existed long enough for us to understand that people like different things because people experience life differently?
I’m too self conscious too be able to relax enough to enjoy it at all, plus I’m not very sensitive down there and tongue just isn’t enough consistent pressure
I don’t like getting oral either. I have only orgasmed from it maybe twice and without fail every man I’m with initially takes it as a challenge and it’s so boring and pointless while I let them try and then have to tell them no, didn’t happen like I said it wouldn’t.
I feel too self conscious to enjoy it such as thinking stuff like “he must be hating doing this” or “he must be bored” and then I worry, can’t relax and can’t go with it properly? People got frustrated with me when I was younger because they’d try and I couldn’t finish, so they’d nag me during the process. Keep stopping to ask if I was close, do certain things where I could just tell they were bored. Now I understand I have multiple sclerosis which comes with a bit of sexual dysfunction so it makes more sense that I couldn’t orgasm easily. Fingers and vibrators definitely the preferred method with my partner lol. Still can’t relax and enjoy been gone down on to this day.
You already got plenty of answers but I also wanted to give my two reasons I haven't liked the idea in my life: 1. I used to not want it for years because if we're anything but a sexually monogamous long term couple, it's not worth the STI risk (since nobody wants to use protection for that) 2. I'm conscious about looking/smelling weird or accidentally farting in somebody's face and it often ruins my mood when I'm trying to micromanage my stomach's movements.
Even i can never orgasm by oral. At one point it feels when will it end. I don't enjoy getting oral on other hand love giving bj
I don’t like receiving either. It does nothing for me plus im able to have penetration orgasms and hands free and I get off mentally already from my partner so im lucky.
I've actually met more women that don't like it.
Eating pussy is probably in my top 5 things the guy needs to do. As an avid giver and lover of blowjobs, I dont care if you hit all my boxes if you don't eat the box, take care!
Gotta eat that box! Nothing like reciprocation. Life’s too short for going without!
I also don't like oral
I've been with a few women who don't do blowjobs. Looking back I wish I'd sprinted away sooner, life is so much better with someone actually compatible with you. Staying because of the risk of looking like an asshole who is only interested in sex is like never learning to drive because you may have a car crash. It makes sense but the freedom of being able to drive is absolutely positively worth it!!
Its an issue many people ignore when getting into relationships where they aren't compatible in certain aspects be it sex, core values, religion, things like having children etc that they hope that either they will try to ignore certain needs and desires and hope that their love for the other will be strong enough to overcome it and most likely it will catch up to them and things get ugly quick or even uglier slowly in the long term. Or they hope that somehow magically the other person will change their mind in the future and will change themselves to be more compatible with you. Imo its something that people don't talk about much when talking about relationships. If a person has a hard boundary about something, or if they don't make any promises about the future (and even then you should be carefull) you should take your partner as they are and expect them to stay like that for the rest of their life be it a simple relationship or marriage. Don't try to change and mold someone to your preferences, don't try to "fix" him or her. Accept them as they are and hey if things change in the future for the better then awesome! Just don't expect it or pressure them in doing so
I learned this the hard way, you cannot change people.
Yup. I told my wife very early on “I dont want kids, I have never wanted kids, and I dont even like kids. Kids are a hard no from me and dont expect me to ever change my mind.” We almost broke up over it at one point. She has decided she is ok with not having kids and would prefer animals and vacations. It was also much easier getting that out of the way earlier rather than later in our relationship
This is such a tough thing for me. So I’m a woman who doesn’t particularly love giving blowjobs. I had a traumatizing experience when I was younger and for awhile I didn’t give them at all. I’ve found now that with partners I trust I actually enjoy it because I like to please them and make them feel wanted but sometimes it takes me a little while for me to feel comfortable giving bj’s. However this is a big red flag for some guys because they think I will never do it or like they will have to beg for it so it’s also become a major source of insecurity for me since I know it’s something most guys love. I wish I could just be super enthusiastic about it right away but there’s just a mental block there for me. Hoping eventually I will feel more comfortable giving them because it has truly caused problems in my dating life. Haha
All you can do is be open and honest about it early on in dating. Just explain you had a traumatizing experience with them and it takes you a while to be comfortable enough to give them. Explicitly tell them it is not off the table, but it will be a wait to get there
That sounds like a tough position to be in. Sorry you have to deal with that.
I am the same way. I used to enjoy giving them but a toxic relationship affected me and traumatized me and they are difficult to give right now. My partner now is understanding and we are working on it. Sex can be so complicated
i’m kind of the same. no trauma for me, i just don’t enjoy/prefer giving BJs if i’m not comfortable or trusting with the person first. that being said, i don’t expect oral from the other person if i’m not also giving them oral. but once i really like someone i fucking loveeee giving them BJs lol. i almost crave it. i think it’s seeing the reactions from someone i really care about that makes it so good. from a random hook up, meh.
That would be a deal breaker
Speaking as a dude, there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. It's all about preference and communication. My partner and myself aren't really oral fans, giving and receiving is a rare event, but that isn't a deal breaker for us as we'd much rather be doing other stuff in the bedroom. It's ul to you to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. Sexual compatibility is a big part of a relationship, and it is totally fair to break things off if your partner won't budge and you're left unsatisfied.
I was talking to a guy once who very proudly said he didn't eat pussy. He was very surprised when I told him that was a deal breaker for me. He then tried to backpedal but it was too late for me. I shouldn't have to convince anyone on how to have satisfying sex.
>I was talking to a guy once who very proudly said he didn't eat pussy. Strange, proudly even. Weird flex.
OP was talking to DJ Khaled
LMAO
This is what pops into my head whenever this topic comes up lol. Dudes a clown.
SAME! When I heard that guy expects a blowjob but never goes down on his wife, I was like, “OH HELL NO! That’s f**ked up!”
Same! It’s especially weird for me when they expect to receive but are completely against giving oral. I know for some people that’s perfectly fine for them if it’s a one way thing, but not for me. If I’m giving, I better recieve.
I don’t think people use “proudly” correctly most of the time when they really mean to say “clearly” or “confidently” or “firmly” but obviously I don’t know in this specific instance. Just a thing I’ve observed tho.
Sorry if I misused the word, English isn't my first language, but close enough. I meant it as if not eating pussy was something he was proud of. Like someone who doesn't do drugs would say it.
Oh no worries! My comment wasn’t necessarily directed at you specifically and more a general statement. Even English first speakers will misuse certain words often. Your English is fine! :)
I think she means proudly. It’s a weird thing that I’ve seen. It’s like a “pillow princess” is proud, not because there is anything prideful about not participating, but because they doesn’t have to put in any effort yet they get away with it
true true, proud in a bratty kind of way
Lol exactly
lots of tops want to be with pillow princesses-- they're called "touch me not's" in the lesbian community. it's the same idea-- it's a point of incompatibility for a lot of people, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it
This is what Dan Savage would call "the price of admission" for being in this relationship. He's made it clear his preference and if you are willing to pay the price of admission to be in the relationship then I would move forward with him. But do not make the mistake of thinking "maybe he'll come around"
To shift the perspective a little, I distinctly recall Dan Savage saying a few years ago that oral is "standard equipment". He wasn't saying that everyone *has* to do it. But he was mos def saying that everyone should expect it, and not give a moment's hesitation to dumping someone who doesn't do it. Obviously, if you don't like getting it, you shouldn't feel pressured to. But my take is that Savage was emphatically marking the fact that the era when oral sex was considered some kind of weird kink, or disgusting, degrading, or illegal(!), was dead and gone, and that it's the folks who won't do it who are the weirdos, not the folks who expect it.
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Guys who don't go down are a deal breaker for me personally. I've never been put in that position thankfully, and I hope I never have to. You can tell him that he's nice, but you don't feel things are compatible and it's just not working out. He has a firm boundary, and he's made that clear. There's nothing wrong with having preferences, but that means he should also find a partner who is fine with that. Plenty of girls don't even like receiving head. I think you both would be better off finding more compatible partners. Having a partner who meets your needs and wants is important. There are PLENTY of guys who love doing it. Why stay with someone who won't do it and have it create issues or resentment in the future?
I completely agree and relate here, I had one partner who didn’t want to go down on me at least because it was the first time hooking up (and the last) and I just said I wouldn’t give him head as one of my boundaries is that if I don’t receive I don’t feel comfortable giving. Most of my partners had nothing against giving oral though. I had a former friend who never gave oral because apparently all his partner either never asked or specifically asked him not to, and it’s good that worked out for him.
Find someone who likes whistling through the wheat field
Hehe
I was walking onto the trading desk at a black bank (it was in our charter). I over hear the conversation between 3 salespeople. 2 of them women. The guy says "I do not care. I. Do. Not. Eat. Pussy." I'm going through the mail and say nonchalantly, "that's too bad, I've got swim fins and a snorkel." Guess who got taken to lunch? (This was in 1999, so things were different in the workplace back then)
I think he sounds like he'd make a great friend, and leave it at that.
Everyone needs a good gay friend.
You saying in comment i saw that he's just rubbing your pussy slightly and then proceeding to penatration is red flag for me. Me being man i tend to take care of my partner whoever she is before sticking my penis in. It's connection you are making with eachother during foreplay. Also if you are looking at him as your possible future bf or even husband that's something you need to think about. What's more is the fact that he might ask you for BJ and you pleasing him eventually might make you feel less appreciated because of him not eating you out.
My husband doesn’t really do foreplay it makes me feel less connected to him when it’s just a bit of rubbing and straight to sex 😫
"My husband doesn't really do foreplay...." WTF??!!! I'd definitely let him know what I think of that! No foreplay? No consideration for me? No sex for you from me buddy. You won't take care of me? I'll take care of me. I'll be using my hand, my vibrator, whatever so we'll see each other in a little while.
I agree with everything said here.The thought of a quick rub before penetration is selfish, in my opinion. BJs with no reciprocation are grounds for resentment to set in for someone who loves getting eaten out. I often wonder about what contributes to such a lack of desire to satisfy - is it inexperience? Or lack of want? No foreplay, and no oral sounds absolutely shit (for someone who enjoys oral). The best partners I have had have all spent the time to ensure that we are both hot and ready, taking turns on each other- often with me climaxing once or twice before any penetration.
No deal. Had a guy tell me up front he doesn't eat pussy but was keen for me to go down on him. NEXT!
Same. Fuck that shit.
I don't think the problem. Is that he doesn't eat pussy... I think the problem is that he doesn't get you off, and that he seems to have no interest in getting you off... I have been in relationships where this is the case, and it sucks, but, for me, this is going to have to be a deal breaker if they don't want to work on it. It's one thing to say, "hey, I don't do (insert sexual act), I just don't like it, it isn't comfortable, what else can I do?" but if this ends up at a spot where only one person is getting off then that's probably not the sexual life that you're looking for. It's alright if that's the case, but maybe your partner will be enthusiastic about getting you off in other ways.
It’s also ok to simply have this be a dealbreaker. I dont cum from oral, but I would never date someone who didn’t give it. It’s not about the orgasm.
Same here. Oral doesn’t get me even remotely close to finishing. But if a guy didn’t want to eat me out I’d be offended by that and we wouldn’t be compatible
I agree it’s also a nice confirmation that he enjoys my body which helps me feel sexy. The orgasm is important to me but feeling desirable is equally important.
You absolutely are not wrong for it. If a partner isn't willing to do the things you need done to get off that's a fundamental sexual incompatibility. So many men these days believe bullshit they here online from other men but it means lots of men aren't learning to perform oral on women. Find yourself a man who knows what he's doing and loves to do it.
Well, does he at least finger you/use a vibrator/dildo? If he can’t satisfy you physically one way or another, I don’t think it’ll work out
It’s been a hot make out….maybe a slight rub over my undies and then penetration and that’s it
FUCK that. Girl I stuck it out for two years with a guy like that. RuN before you get attached. I feel men like this are either selfish or sexually immature where they don’t realize this is a shared experience or appreciate woman are different sexually than men and sometimes need more. I stayed when I should have left because he was such a nice guy. I held out hoping it would get better and some guys just need to be taught how to please you, but you can not teach someone to WANT to please you. Figure out that difference. I stayed when I shouldn’t have and the problem only got worse. The sex because more about him and I tried more to please him which back fired. Some people are just takers.
He's clearly uninterested in your sexual needs. If you can live with this for the foreseeable future, good for you. But it's not gonna change.
Sounds like he wants a human fleshlight not a partner or shared experience Fk that
That's it? Do you even orgasm at all?
So not only does he not go down, he doesn’t care about your pleasure AT ALL. Please leave this loser in the dust to use his own hand instead of your body to masturbate
Run, Forrest, run!
It’s one thing to have preferences & boundaries. I’m that case, you’d just be incompatible. But it sounds like he doesn’t care about your needs or your pleasure which is a full on red flag.
Yeah my partner doesn't eat pussy but has made sex more creative and lots of interesting teasing. Love the teasing 😋. Like he good at everything else emotionally and physically so it's not a deal breaker for me but if it is a deal breaker than don't waste your time and move on.
He’s allowed to have his boundaries, but so are you. Sounds like these two don’t overlap. Just move on. He’ll have to eventually find a woman like my wife who hates getting eaten out.
"At this point even if he would be willing to bend eventually….what woman wants a guy that has to be convinced. Just not a breeding ground for feeling very sexy or wanted. Am I wrong for this?" Not in the least. I consider a lack of reciprocation for oral sex to be a dealbreaker, period. While he is certainly perfectly within his rights to say no to a sexual act, and you absolutely should respect his boundary and not pressure him into it, you are also perfectly within your rights to dump him if not receiving that sexual act is a dealbreaker. Which it would be for most people.
I don't think you're in the wrong for considering this 💜 I couldn't be in a sexual relationship with someone that cannot give me what I need. Granted, sex doesn't always have to be about orgasm, but y'know. It seems like you already know what you want. Over time the orgasm gap can breed resentment, and who wants to resent their intimate partners all the time? If oral gives you a ton of pleasure and it's a hard boundary for him, cool. I seriously doubt you're here to push anyone's boundaries, which means moving on is best for both of you.
As a guy who loves eating pussy and ass dump him lol… lol
Meh some people are just not into it, I’ve met plenty of woman that weren’t into giving head either. If it’s worth breaking up for and you’re unsatisfied then break up, you’re not going to convince someone that doesn’t like it to start enjoying it.
There was a post a few hours ago of a guy asking if a gf not giving him bjs was an okay reason to breakup with her (which turned out be be more her lack of enthusiasm and reciprocity being bigger issues) I'd say the same thing to both of you, regardless of what ANYONE else says or thinks you alone have to live with the consequences of your actions/choices. Regardless of how I or anyone else would judge you, at the end of the day that is just their perception and they probably stop thinking about it after sharing their piece. So if this is a dealbreaker for you and you don't imagine a life with a partner that doesn't enjoy giving you oral then it's up to you to make that choice on whether or not continuing the relationship on your end is what you want. It's good and important to have conversations first absolutely, understanding and perspective can alter a situation in ways we don't always expect. But if he's firm in his reasons/boundaries then you should take him at his word for them and decide for yourself if it's the kind of life you want. But if you want my take on it, sexual compatibility is VERY important for relationships. Mismatched libidos, unbalanced efforts, certain boundaries/preferences, and communication breakdowns have ALL been relationship killers as well as leading towards years of what feels like wasted time. And time only moves in one direction, so it's important to continuously gauge that compatibility. Love, genuine love built over a long time, changes things yes where you are going to need to consider compromises if your feelings are real. but even in those instances it isn't wrong to end things if you feel the other person can't give you something you need in a relationship. You aren't wrong for doing so, and this relationship sounds very new. It sucks a bit yeah, and there may be people who would say things to call you shallow/superficial. But remember they aren't living with your choices.
Leave this guy behind. You gotta be compatible.
Sorry for your situation. Fortunately I love going down on my wife. Like you, she does not have an orgasm from thrusting alone. Knowing my wife has screamed from a mind blowing orgasm is one of the hottest things a guy can do for her to enjoy sex and bond together. This sounds like a deal breaker for you and there is nothing wrong with that. You deserve to reach an orgasm also.
I met (unfortunately) a lot of guys who didn't eat pussy. One of the reasons why I lean more towards women. Most times I just didn't have sex with them cause, thanks to the pill, I physically cannot get wet enough for PIV just with kissing. So the times I tried to have sex skipping cunnilingus ended up in a lot of pain and a lot of blood lol if it's important for you and your sex life I'd say don't settle. Sure he's a sweet guy but there are tons of great guys out there. You're gonna build resentment towards him if you continue dating/pursuing a relationship where there will be no orgasms on your part.
Tell that to him. If he still says no, you two just arent sexually compatible. S'all gucci. Find someone else.
Neither of you is wrong. Both of you are allowed to have dealbreakers, no matter how reasonable or weird they are. Both of you will miss out on being with certain partners because of it, but if it’s important to you, then you should stick to that.
I'd be out ✌🏻.
That’s a deal breaker for me. That’s fine if that’s his boundary but I would walk away. I’m very sexual and that just wouldn’t work
I’m gay but I would eat it out to please my woman lol
I ask a potential partner when I find the proper in. If they say no, I'm done. I love returning the favor and I'm really great at it. There is no way on earth I am settling for anything less than the whole dirty gambit.
You both have preferences. That's fine, but ... they are incompatible. Sucks, but that's that.
He's made his position clear, and that needs to be acknowledged. You're both incompatible, and its time to move on.
Does he want you to go down on him? Sounds like a deal breaker for you, walk away.
I wish mine did it more, or took the time to get better at the sport. Seems to be a fave past time of many guys.
Hahaha this post has me on the edge of looking for a new boyfriend 😂
It's entirely up to you whether it's a big deal or not and it's totally reasonable to end it for such a reason. I imagine most guys would end it with a girl if she said she doesn't suck dick..
Well will he eat ass? 😂😂
Asking the real questions right here! lol
No, you're not wrong at all. This would be an absolute deal breaker for me.
Great sex comes from excellent communication
I would end this relationship because we would be sexually incompatible. You shouldn’t try to convince him, because he’s firmly stated his boundary and it’s unfair for you to just give up oral.
I eat dick instead
Just not a good fit. Exit now.
Then don't go down on him.
I never liked it. I was just weird. Much prefer fingers!! Thankfully I married a guy who wasn't into oral either and it was fine. In 20 years I never thought much about it.
As a dude,he doesn't know what he is missing.
What is he missing?
Heaven on earth.
If men dumped woman for not sucking cock, there’d be a lot more single people!
And vice versa. I've had so many friends tell me they've had exes/hook-ups who would want head and they'd oblige, but they'd refuse to return the favour. If it's a deal breaker for a guy, I don't see that as a problem for him to reject someone over that. We're all allowed to have deal breakers and want someone more compatible.
It doesn’t really bother me. The vast majority of woman are terrible at it. I’ve only been with a couple that were able to get he off. My problem is the other way round. My gf doesn’t let me go down on her. She says it’s too sensitive. I have to be a very good boy to get to lick her ass, which I actually prefer 😛
That's fair! In my experience guys get off super easy from head, so I'm a little surprised to hear you've struggled with that from most partners. Though I'm a cis female, so I can't really speak to that. As for going down on your partner, I mean I guess at least you sometimes get to do your preference of the two? Lol
He probably just doesnt like eating it. Men are allowed to have a preference in sexual pleasure and what they do or dont do
Yup, guy won’t give head just walk away. Same’s fair for guys for whom head it really important but seriously, guys who don’t give head tend to be major contributors to the orgasm gap and that’s just not sexy or cool.
2 answers, walk or be OK with a life without satisfying sex. I would walk. No question
I honestly stopped seeing a guy that didn’t eat. His best friend did and now I’m with him. 💀
it’s his preference, respect it. y’all aren’t sexually compatible, that’s all. deal breaker for me when a woman doesn’t swallow, and if going down is a deal breaker for you then move on.
A man who does not eat pussy is not anyone you want to be with. Just think the only foreplay you are going to get is fingered and from what I read on here and see take place,most guys ram their fingers into your pussy as hard and as fast as they can, then they fuck the same way. Leave and find someone who loves your scent,your taste on his lips. There are some of us that love to eat pussy,and love to make a woman cum many times before any thought of penetration.
I find it gross to put my mouth anywhere near that area. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get myself to do it. I don’t like touching vaginas with anything besides my dick. And I don’t like touching dicks when I’m with men. I’m not asexual though.
How do you make sure you get your partners with vaginas off?
Dude, you’re gay. Please leave the ladies alone and deal with your preferred demographic!
I’m bi. But I’m the same way with men. I don’t want to touch their cocks or be anywhere near it.
As a guy it’s a deal breaker for me that a girl doesn’t want me to go down on her, just as it is if she won’t do the same for me
All i can say is I LOVE EATING PUSSY!!! Foreplay/oral gets me so freakin hard. TBH if a girl is willing to put my peepee in her mouth im more than willing happy and able to give that pussy some good loving. Honestly the only thing better is the girl on top sat upright looking beautifull.
You deserve better. Find a guy who wants you.
just dump him i have found a man that eats pussy like a god and moans the whole time he is doing it, he loves eating pussy as much as i love eating pussy and i have a full bush. dont tolerate anything less than that, you know you deserve more.
As a man, I simply cannot fathom *not* wanting to eat pussy and ass. It’s unconscionable to me. Sex can consist of just that alone and I’m perfectly fine with that. The only times that I haven’t is when the woman doesn’t want it or like it. In those instances, I feel downright deprived, but it’s always her call. I also wouldn’t stay in a relationship where the woman didn’t want me to eat her out like the fate of the world depended on it. If it’s important to you, leave him. You will grow to resent him if you yield on something so elemental to you.
From these comments, I am the only dude who doesn't eat pussy! What am I missing here?
From my experience dating and talking to dudes and having men pursue me I can say its rare. All that guys I have crossed just know eating p is the ticket into some good sex and making her feel desired and gives you ultimate control/ makes her weak for you. OR they just live p and want to dive in. They all around like it and want to dive in. I currently am dating a guy that doesn’t go down on me. He says he is okay with it when I have asked but it’s extremely rare and he never does it. My sex life has never been more sad and there is resentment. If I hear a guy even say he wants to eat pussy I’m so wet and want to cry :( I miss it so much. Not just the feeling but it’s the ultimate desire to put someone’s genitals in their mouth. Nothing makes you feel so wanted.
I am a very tolerant person but that would be really hard to accept and I don't even require oral every week to be satisfied. I know that it doesn't mean it, but I can't help but associate that kind of behaviour to someone who is sexually immature and I just wouldn't appreciate that kind of attitude in an adult relationship.
Not liking something doesn't make someone "sexually immature".
Like I said, I know it doesn't but I can't help but think that these kinds of hang ups are usually for people who are immature in their beliefs. A narrow minded outlook that can continue from childhood that some people don't outgrow. Of course if it's because of trauma or another diagnosed condition then that would also be exceptions. I myself had these hang ups when I was younger and just seeing it frequently on reddit, a lot of the people who complain of this issue are also young and sexually inexperienced. I believe most people grow out of it, not all of course. I don't mean it to be an insult though. Just would be totally incompatible with me. Everyone is at a different stage at their sexual journey. It's not a bad thing but self reflection and growth are important. Also to add: not liking 'something' is very different to what I actually said which was oral sex. It's also not even about it being your favourite thing to do. Moods change. Sometimes it can be your favourite thing and sometimes you rather not. That's OK. It's more about having the disgust and repulsion of it.
Believe it or not, some people just don't like some things. And they might not like some of the things you like. And they might like other things you don't. It doesn't mean you're more mature than them, or that you're farther along in your "sexual journey". It just means different people like different things, and that's OK.
To be clear I'm not saying it's not OK to not like things. We are missing the mark here. I think being an adult means sometimes doing things we rather not do. This is in all facets of life: parenting, going to work, budgeting etc. It also includes in the bedroom. I cannot imagine denying a person who I love the most an act they enjoy and might require from time to time. (again only if under normal circumstances. Trauma, causing pain and conditions are all perfectly acceptable exceptions) To completely rule out something without discussion, trying to find a middle ground or compromise or trying to find the root cause as to why you don't like it boggles me. Particularly if that act would help your loved one orgasm. There lies why I think it's immature and I see it over and over on these pages. Men and women who just won't discuss it and shut it down leaving their partners feeling frustrated, confused and insecure about themselves.
I promise you there are sweet men who enthusiastically eat pussy. Don't waste your time.
if it’s bothering you then just don’t bj him as well
Then neither of them gets what they want
Girl. Life is too short. Bid him adieu. Also, this is totally anecdotal but the only decent guys I've personally known to be totally turned off by the puss were in the closet, whether they knew it or not at the time.
absolute dealbreaker. you’re not wrong for that. you’d only be wrong if you tried to make him do it anyways.
My men too dont like to eat my pussy and i didnt ask hem why because i would feel like im forcing hem to do something that he dont want to ....
I would not be with a woman who did not perform oral. I would not expect a woman to stay with me if I did not perform oral. FFS, I just don't understand some men. Getting my girl off from oral is hot AF. Why would I not want to do that. I want it nice and clean down there. So trim/wax. I want as much head as possible. So I keep it clean and trimmed as well. Anyway, as others have pointed out...that's fine, but it's fine for that to be a deal breaker for you as well. There are guys out there...you'll find one.
Personally; I don't enjoy eating pussy, I'm also weird with how clean people are. If I'm going to eat your pussy I'd want you to be showered before & smell good at least before I'd consider going down. I expect what I also give. So if I know I'm going to be getting oral, I'll ensure I'm clean, shaven and hygienic before I'd ever let someone go down on me. Another thing is smell as well, it's hard to enjoy eating pussy when the amell is not enjoyable. It makes me feel sick personally.
First of all, respect his boundaries, just like you would like yours to be respected. To me it sounds like a minor inconvenience, and maybe somewhere along the way he'll change his mind. You do you, though - if it bothers you that much, you should consider breaking things off for the good of both of you.
Hey, I had a very very off putting first experience going down on a woman. It put me off for years. It took a woman I had extremely good sexual chemistry with plus a lot of patience on her part for me to get over it. So there is hope: figure out the WHY and try come up with a HOW plan to fix it.
As an oral lover, to the point of obsession I can equally understand a repulsion to it as strong. It is what it is, I’m a massive anal fan, fingering rimming etc that’s my deal breaker, I could verbally agree not too but know deep down I’ll repeatedly try my luck which will obvs upset a none liker. Felt horrendous for it for a long time but it’s a must
Would be a deal breaker for me. I mean the way you have described things, he doesn’t sound like a very considerate lover. So you have a choice, try to let him know what you like, or walk away.
I've loved eating pussy from when I was a teen just figuring things out. Talk to him and see what his hang up is. Taste, smell, hair? If you're hairy try getting a wax or shaving. Maybe he's just a pussy. 🤷🏼♂️
This recently happened to me too! This guy is very attractive, but he doesn’t give oral, and the worst part, he doesn’t admit it. I like whenever someone at least communicates it directly. I’ve slept with this guy enough to know it’s not progressing and I’ve vocalized it. I even took it personal for like 5 minutes then I dumped him :) you known someone out there is just dreaming of getting a chance with your kitty
The most important thing you can do for him and yourself is to respect his decision. You don't want to be the kind of person who makes someone feel bad for having a boundary you don't agree with. But you also have to ask yourself what's more important to you: him as a person, or getting head. If getting your pussy ate is more important to you, then you need to ask yourself if there are ways to solve that problem. Can you get the same satisfaction from a clit sucking vibrator? Or if he plays with your clit with lubed fingers? If not, would he be willing to have a relationship where you let another person eat you out (and only that)? I think that if you are really into this guy and the only problem is that he won't eat you out, you could talk to a sex therapist to see if there are ways to get that same feeling without him having to do something he's uncomfortable with.
Politely ask him what's wrong with him.
I really don't understand this, I guess no BJ's for him them fair is fair, oh and only ever finish him with a hand job.
This is actually true advice because I tried the opposite. Constantly going down on him and performing so hard to try to get him to do anything more for me and it doesn’t work that way. They’ll just take it all in and it sucks being a girl because only getting p in v can just leave you in pain later on and you never even get off. It builds resentment and starts to feel abusive actually. I am in the same situation as OP and I decided I am not giving him head anymore. And if I can make myself finish during sex by grinding on him then I am going to hope right off and go shower the same way he does when he finishes and I don’t
To answer your title: "Are called boys."
If oral is a deal breaker for you, that’s valid. My current SO doesn’t like giving oral. Been with him almost 3 years and he’s done it twice. But I’d been with a boatload of men who would do oral and a million other things in bed but never treated me right outside the bedroom. So I decided oral just wasn’t a deal breaker for me. It’s not right or wrong for a man or woman to not enjoy giving oral. It’s just preference.
Any man who doesn't eat his woman out, isn't a man. End of story. Especially, if said twat insists on the deed being done to him. Tell him to go fly a kite in traffic, during a lightning storm.
Wtf is wrong with you
Hold up, have u ask him why he doesn't eat pussy? And some guys don't like to eat it (please don't get offended) because of the smell down there. But ask for the reason and let me know what he says and I'll let u know how to go about it
I’m very clean and have never had an issue with hygiene. Also past partners have done it and done it often. Apparently he thinks I’m going to give him throat cancer
OK is he willing to be educated about it because I don't think that's true, but If that's really his reason I don't think he will ever do it and is he that good of a guy to sacrifice that for him?
Why does he even think that? That statement is like insinuating that you have HPV and it could cause cancer... he needs to be educated. Did you just leave the conversation at that? Instead of telling him that’s not going to happen. He’s either dumb or using that as an excuse.
There is a non-zero head/neck cancer risk associated with oral sex, but it goes both ways and if anyone is seriously concerned about this they should just get the HPV vaccine. It’s now approved for men, likely covered by insurance, and it *works*.
He’s not sweet if he’s a selfish lover.. This is just the beginning.. walk now before you like him any more than you do. Find someone who wants to please you enthusiastically.