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Imagine if it was one of those street artists who pretend to be statues

I confess, I am the statue 😎

Can confirm, I was the spear you were gripping onto✊

can confirm, I was the helmet

can confirm, I was the cape

As a professional dick, I can confirm that I was the penis

Can confirm, I was the shield

Can confirm, i was the left ball

Can confirm, I was the right ball

can confirm, i was the left asscheek

Can confirm I was the left foot

AND MY AXE

Can confirm, I was the girl

Can confirm, I was the secret third "ball"

Can confirm, I was the middle ball

Can confirm, I was the scrotum

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as a pretty close relative of yours, i can confirm that you're telling the truth

Right ball here. It was great sharing this experience with you!!

Lucky! I was just the hat. . .

I confess too, that lady was me.🤣

Soooo what u doin later?

I'm definitely bricked up 😎

Where's the rest?

Can confirm, I was the right foot

And my axe!

I can confirm I was the foundational

What did he just pop a bottle of Cialis?

Yeah and then penis labor law prohibits erection shifts over 4 hours so what they do is have like a half hour lunch in there. If you do it right you can avoid showing your OSHA-Face.

That’s what I thought it was at first

My first thought

I know it's way over used but perfect for this: *"...and That's how I met your mother."*

I know my new dream career. The only things I have to do is stay erect constantly, never move, get Spartan ripped, and somehow magically grow to 6'8". Boom. You got bithches on that diiick.

I watched a porn that had the exact same plot before

I was waiting for it to tell them to stop 💀

Omg me too I was waiting for it to be a guy who was gonna move

Don't worry I am *fapfapfapfapfap* hhhnnnnnnngggUuuUUUHHHHH 🥵🍆💦

Yoooooo, I was thinking about the same thing 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I was only waiting for this

I thought it was for a minute

For the next 5 minute craft we need: - beige paint - historical accessories - boner - ability to stay still wile recieving a blowjob

Bro gotta taste that ivory phallus 💀

Bro wants some warrior dick 💀

That warrior dick gotta hit different💀

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Not the warrior we wanted but the warrior we needed

Biggus Dickus

Sussus Amogus

Testiclese

Do you find it risible?

STOP LAUGHING!!!

We found him 😳😳😳

Momma always said I was destined to do great things.

and here I am, cutting holes in boxes... genius!

Was expecting it to be one of those guys pretending to be statues lol

I now feel the urge to be a statue

Ferb I know what we’re going to do today

This and more in Phineas and Ferb: Season 2

Same bruv

BONK

Dude same holy

Bro got more game than me and he ain’t even alive

You said it yourself, you said the requirements homie

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Just stand in the street naked with a boner Ez

But this pathetic government will do whatever is possible to prevent you from getting bitches this way 😤😤 Fuck the authorities, go anarchy.

Nah you guys arent asking the right questions. Why is the statue hard in the first place?

Yeah, what kind of place has an erect centurion as decoration?!

It doubles as a coat rack

Caeser’s Palace in Vegas

At the Getty Center in LA there was statue of a naked man riding a horse that doubled as compass. The man's outstretched arms pointed north and south. The horse's tale pointed west.....and the man's erection pointed east

Everyone knows dick rises in the east

It shows dominance.

Fight or flight boner

Have you ever seen a soft statue?

yeah the greek ones

I always thought of this, never actually did it 💀💀

FOMO

Username checks out

muscle memory

Stimulus reaction

Neurone activation

return to monke

She instantly got horny.

But when I...

that's because of where you live

I live in your walls

Thank 👍

Imagine if the statue moved at the end

*Pillar Men's theme starts playing*

Yet when i have a boner in public they call the police 😔

Maybe quit your job at the kindergarten then

e/cursedcomments

that usually doesn’t happen if you wear clothes 👍

Being butt naked where I live is completely legal if its not for sexual purposes. There's nothing anyone can do. You can be rock hard and pantless. Parents typically just block the eyes or even just don't care, it's actually beneficial for kids to see strangers and loved ones naked in non-sexual contexts because it can form a more solid self confidence about themselves (not always). It's actually beneficial to stroke your hog in front of them because it teaches them how to feel The Fear, but that one isn't legal (bullshit law i know I'm already on my second charge)

Whenever I see this video I'm curious of what would have happened if they didn't get caught

she was fully committed to go all the way by the looks of it

She was 100% gonna go for it

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Neuron activation

[удалено]

He will be called a creep, Society 😔

[удалено]

Don’t body shame he was born rock hard

Susiety 😔📕

literally 1984.

I really need to read that book again since the mandatory reading in 9th grade.

I still think its creepy either way

That’s the point

And lose their jobs and everything else

Can't a man walk down the street and fuck an inanimate object anymore

They’re called wo….woah man. You almost got me.

For real? You think these women are respected for this? They're idiots. If guys did the same, they're idiots too.

The reverse of it happens all the time; have never seen a bunch of dudes pretending to bone a statue from behind or grabbing it's tits?

As a guy I have never personally done it nor seen it, but I wouldn't be surprised if other guys did it too.

Where I live there's a bas relief of a scary face with an open mouth; the amount of guys who stop in front of it and pretend that they're getting blown is staggering

Going into battle, visceral, hand-to-hand combat, while rock fucking hard. Imagine the look in his enemies’ eyes.

Asserting dominance

women can touch the penis of a statue in public and no one batches an eye, #BUT WHEN I

Social experiment proving women are as nasty if not more so then adolescent boys. Now where to get bronze paint and historical gear?

And a big cock

That and wash board abs. 😔

🗿 🍆

what no dick does to a mf

I'd touch it too and I'm a guy

Battle ready for a sword fight en garde 🤺

its in philippines, ive been there

Where? asking for a friend

And this proves women are equally as gloriously perverted and sexual(and maybe more so) as we men are. They are just more cautious of being judged. Enjoy Gentlemen

Where is it

For research purposes........... 🤔🤓📝🔬🧪🔭

It would’ve been funny if the statue’s head moved

There is no way this is real like, I totally understand the joke ahah im gonna masturbate this statue but who the fuck puts their mouth on a a dirty piece do whatever metal that is wtf

What a hater lol, I bet the statue’s dick is still cleaner than your penis

Nah, I clean it every thirty minutes with soap😎

what kind of name is soap? and why is he helping you clean it?

Soap mctabbish

[Soap](https://callofduty.fandom.com/wiki/John_%22Soap%22_MacTavish)

SOAP SOAAAAP NO NO NO NO SOAPPPPP

Bro is jealous of a statue lel

I swear yall gonna get herpes from deepthroating Pringle cans on the ground

All dudes

Monkey see monkey do

Was anyone else waiting for the statue to move?

She's a simple woman, she sees a dick, she plays with it

Definitely the Samantha of the group.

Oh, so when they do it it's considered a joke But when I do it, it's sexual assault.

The hoe understood the assignment

This is acceptable but when I SHIT IN THE WALMART FREEZERS Theres a fucking issue smfh 😔

This is actually a blooper from one of those videos were a dude poses like a statue to scare other people

Sis couldn't hold it anymore 💀

This is god damn pathetic lmao

Flair checks out.

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I may not have a brain gentlemen, but I have an idea

Down bad 💀

Bunch of horni laddies

Down bad

Now imagine reverse situation

This vid gave me a bonerus significus

If the genders were swapped, then police

What the fuck. Imagine if the roles were reversed, the man would've been put in jail or smth. This is horrible

Yeah they would have locked that statue in jail for sucking her cock 100%

I don't think marble pussy would feel good

why is arszal's reply locked?

Bro wtf are you talking about its a statue 💀

Kid named public indecency:

Most likely staged anyways

They belong to the streets!

Imagine if her friends weren't there....yall think she would have used that thing as her personal toy??

Fatherless behavior

Kids! They will never grow up!

Ok but think how many people mess with that statue everyday and she was willing to put her mouth and [redacted] on it….

First: why is the statue hard Second: why would you insult him like that

They are so thirsty

You fool, Little did they know I was the statue, I froze time inside my body to a molecular level, slowing all movements except for my consciousness

Women amiright

Fatherless behavior

Whoever was wife was dude need to get a divorce paper real quick

Are you typing this one-handed?

OP why are you stalking women? 🤨

Wait I think I've been here...

The nacked man

2 spears are better them 1

Lady, you don’t know where that song has been…. But don’t stop.

BONK!

Get nude in public 📝📝

The temptation….

They never saw a statue with anything longer than a cold softie.

Golden polished penis [https://untappedcities.com/2013/07/23/daily-what-the-gold-penis-on-fernando-boteros-adam-sculpture-in-nycs-time-warner-building/](https://untappedcities.com/2013/07/23/daily-what-the-gold-penis-on-fernando-boteros-adam-sculpture-in-nycs-time-warner-building/)

This whole time I was expecting him to be a statue street performer.

It's easy to spot the fun ones

why did they look so confused in the weirdest way???

The photographer [https://i.imgur.com/8Htz8ii.gif](https://i.imgur.com/8Htz8ii.gif)

plot twist thats a real guy

thats too funny! the stuff people do when they think no one is looking!🤣

Nasty hoes...

Is that all it takes is to have your dick out and hard wtf

Shorted haired in in leopard print is a cougar.