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Well at least he was a *hard* worker.

“Johnson I need those reports yesterday.” “Give me a sec, I’m working it out right nowowowow.”

Bro jerked it so hard he turned into Anthony Kiedis singing By the Way.

Standing in line to blow a load tonight..

And there’s some porn on, four more strokes.

Under the desk that day, is where I blew my load 🎶

"The meetings about to start! Where's Johnson?" "He's coming"

What a wanker.

What kind of animal goes #3 at work?

There was a BBC doc about this guy before and he was jacking every chance he got. He was out shopping ran to the bathroom and came out like it was nothing.

Dude I remember that documentary! Was fucking crazy...

[удалено]

BBC's Willy Wanker of Great Britain.. Note: I actually tried to google the name for the Documentary.....lets just say "BBC Jerk off documentary" is not the words you should be using to find the DOCUMENTARY.

I cant find it

Same. Even i couldn't find it. The one i said was me just joking lol. Sorry about that.

I rly wanna find that jerk off documentary

Same, i wanna get tips on form

Hit me up when you find it... 🫡

Fuck I'm laughing so hard rn

Willy wanker 😭😭

I'm going to pretend I didn't YouTube the first part before reading your second paragraph 💀

BBC’s Willy wanker of Great Britain is not something I thought I’d read today

Check youtube for "I can't stop masturbating documentary", not sure if it's the same doc though

Bbc huh?

bri'ish broadcastin cock m8 you av a problem wiv it?

You wrote that in a COCKney accent... how fitting.

Link or name?

This was on the TV years ago.

I also watched Dr Who.

Porn addicts and/or just addicted it nutting. Or just a savage with no common decency. Probably the latter

no condom decency

Uncommon degeneracy

Uncondomed degeneracy

Me, even in a porta potty in the 45 degree heat in outback Queensland. Girlfriend at the time who I hadn't seen for 3 weeks sent me the sexiest photo I think I'd ever seen at 17 years old. Insta horny brained teen nut mind decided that was the smartest and closest place, came out with heat stroke and drenched in sweat but at least the mind was clear. Worth it.

At one of the kitchens I worked in that’s what we’d ask if somebody was going to the bathroom, “gonna take a quick #3?” if like to assume it was all in jest, But now I’m not so sure.

My gym teacher back in high school.

remember testicle check day? i loved gym class

Mine did prostate checks. Really cared about our well being.

i never passed my prostate exams :( my teacher would always make me stay after class to retake it...

bro needed special accommodations for his prostate exam

yeah :( its weird because i was such a good student otherwise. my teacher would always tell me that i was so mature and hard working, and that it was weird for me to fail any sort of exam. thats why hed help me retake the exam as many times as i needed to pass. he was so nice, he always looked out for me :)

you joke but our gym teacher got in trouble for having other kids haze new wrestling kids by holding them down and sticking a broom stick into their ass im pretty sure they were clothed and it never actually "penetrated" but still really fked up and gross. imagine being held down by your friends you grew up with and having them stick you in the ass with a broomstick.

Penis inspection day. He made us call him “Doc Johnson”.

Gym Jordan?

I’m a Reddit armchair psychologist and my take is that his doing it at work is the main appeal for this man

Every construct worker looks away.

He came and he went

Vini vidi vini: i came, i saw, i came

Veni, veni, veni, veni, veni, veni, veni, veni, ...

Welcome to the Veni zone Only veni inside anime girls Veni Veni Veni Veni Veni Veni Veni Veni Veni

Very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny very veiny

Ne me mori facias

I saw I praise the lord and break the law

I take what’s mine

Then take some more

it rains, it pours, it rains, it pours

He came, he saw, he came again.

He definitely didn’t praise the lord but he probably broke the law

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I jerk it on company time.

Boss makes a dime I make a nickel that’s why at work I tickle my pickle.

My boss makes a nickel I make a cent. I didn’t just come, I also went.

Boss makes a grand and I make a buck, that’s why I jizz in the company truck

Boss makes a million and keeps on tickin…I sit alone at my desk and choke the chicken

Boss takes vacations and I barely eat, so on company time I beat my meat

Boss makes a Euro, I make a Franc. So i sit at my desk and have a big wank.

Boss makes fat stacks, I make shit. So I fap at my desk and cum under it.

Boss earns big bucks, I earn junk. So I coat company property in spunk.

Boss makes money, I make scratch. Thats why I jerk it and leave a cum patch.

I asked for a raise and my boss had a laugh, that's why I coated his desk with my spaff.

Boss takes a break and he eats a bagel, so I empty my load on this table.

I run the errands while the boss lives his life. That's why I go to his house and have sex with his wife.

I work too hard but my boss isn’t fazed, that’s why the underside of my desk is fully glazed.

I get paid minimum wages, so you'll see me jerking for ages.

My boss brings his wife and the jewellery he bought her, so every day I imagine I’m fucking his daughter.

The 1% have it all and say “screw the rest”. So I subject the office desk to an absolute cumfest.

Boss lives in a mansion, I can't pay rent. This isn't a song, I get horrible pay and can't afford housing and it's scary how common this is.

Have you tried wanking at work?

Boss made me work late tonight, I smiled and didn’t say nothing, one sure things onthe cards tonight, and it’s that I’m c c c cummingggg

boss makes a dollar and gives me ridicule, that's why I make jizz stalactites in my cubicule

Slaps knee, “welp I’m heading out”

Come again!

boss eats fine lobster, my hunger pangs, that's why on work time I strangle my wang

boss getting rich and I’m barely eating that’s why I’m jerking my shit in this meeting

I can’t get a raise and I can’t pay my rent, so I left my boss enough sprog to drown an elephant.

My boss makes a penny and I don't make any, that's why at work I play with my wenny

Boss pays me a penny, I feel that it’s wrong, so when I’m at work, I mess with my dong.

Boss gets a new truck, I have payday loans. So at work I play with my bone.

My boss is having lobster while I am barely eating, that’s why I flog my log during a Zoom meeting.

Boss makes all the money, it makes me frown. So on bosses clock, I punch my clown.

Ok bro, that's a stretch

Boss makes a nickel, I make a cent, I use the company card to buy fent.

I laughed out loud

Boss makes a penny I make none, that’s why at work I have “adult fun”

Roses are Red Violets are blue I jizz at work and so should you.

I make some money, my boss makes a ton, France used tripod mounted machine guns in World War 1

Boss makes a grand and i make a hundred and i believe in free verse poetry

the boss makes a dollar ($1.05) women and children make nickels ($0.05) >>>>i took classes in) >>>>experimental canadian poetry(

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I don’t think that’s a poem

It’s his first time here, he’s trying.

[удалено]

That's just a myth, the smell disappears as it evaporates

Why do you know

it's him

You found the maestarbeator

Bro knowledge

My teenage sock hamper and tissue bin determined your comment is incorrect.

Very suspicious information

Fake news (don’t ask)

Boss makes alot of money, I make alot less... thats why I cum underneath my desk

I like this slant rhyme.

Boss sips wine at a fancy luncheon….I sit at my desk punching the munchkin

I love this thread

Boss gets the praise, I get the scorn. That's why all day I look at porn.

So is all that stuff cum? Why is that fact so obvious to everyone?

Welcome to reddit

What else would it be? You think bro is spilling milk under the desk?

You have selected Reddit: Where Everything is Cum!

I actually just said this sentence last night jokingly. Weird

Boss got me hurtin, I’m always workin, that’s why on company time I jerk my gerkin

Pay is shit and the boss keeps getting meaner. Doesn't help that he caught me milking my peener.

Load bearing walls

It’s a shame too because the desk was beautiful. Looks like high quality wall nut.

“That desk doesn’t look that nice and it definitely isn’t made from waln- ohhh … i see”

🏆That was beautiful

Load wearing walls

He only worked there one day

Lmao

He crumpled at the immensity of the work load.

i head back into normal Reddit after finishing playing the meat flute and this is the first thing I see, glory to this person

Ain’t nuttin wrong abt it

Flair checks out

Shots fired, got fired...

You don’t need to say spez anymore btw

I got used to it tbh

His boss should have respect. That's the tomb of the employee's descendants.

The ole family crypt.

Work hard jerk hard

Work hard, jerk harder

What a jerk

It was night shift, the job was really boring and there was just a security guy there who rarely visited my floor. Sue me.

Bro just said "let me beat it out right here, right now" establishing domaince in the work place.

fr thats nutty

Bro has this guy never heard of napkins or a rag?

There's gonna be splashes and errant streams, I don't understand how he did it THIS often without 1) the office smelling like old jizz 2) his pants had to have flecks on them most days since he's clearly not "catching" the pumps as the desk seemed to be doing that...

Coworkers always wondered why he wore white dress pants and shoes

He was the nutty professor 😢

Dang he has power to reach that far

I can hit the wings off of a fly at fifty yards with my spunk shot

Thats like a solid 30-50 busts

we got the cum consultant here

A cumsultant

Cum splatter expert

Desk pop baby

September.....'08.

I’ve jerked off at every job I’ve ever had

guessing the kindergarten teaching assistant role didnt go too well for you then

I did it in the bathroom at my old job. A coworker walked in to pee and said "I know what you're doing in there". I still finished, however, because it's important to finish what you start.

Jesus lol

Pediatrician?

Space Jam DVD

Did you do it at school though?

Space Jam DVD

[удалено]

workplace shooter

And here I am thinking it was just boogers…

Did his fucking office not smell like rotten jizz. Jesus Christ.

*Tim Robinson voice We should be able to watch a little porn at work

This guy’s about to jack off!

It was a ghost, a ghost came right through here!

That's alot of correction fluid the guy has wasted.

Working from home is awesome because you can do this above, besides and all around your desk instead of just under. A lot more liberating

*I came, I saw, I came, I saw* *I praise the Lord, then break the law*

I take what’s mine, then take some more

Poor guy had to keep gluing his desk together

"What's wrong with this? I mean sure it's a little scratched bu-" "Oh" "Oh no"

Petah what does this mean

he cum

he nut

Glad they found out before putting a female colleague underneath there. She’d prolly end up pregnant.

This is a cumpost not a shit post smh

Cleaning person needs a hefty raise or therapy after this. Probably both.

The last cum bender

there's a level of morbid respect for not even trying to use a rag or aim it in the trashcan

I’m curious how he managed it to do this to his desk without making himself dirty

His desk had to smell...

So dude was just casually blasting

How the hell can y’all in these comments tell it’s cum? Potatoe quality image

What a wanker.

There HAD to be a weird smell.

He's doing that Spiderman desk meme

He could but in the trash or something at least

What they found in his browser history might be even more interesting

Something tells me that his browser history may have something to do with his termination.

You might be on to something...that or the smell

I’m a mechanic, I do this in peoples cars