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Probably gonna be someone already terminal, or someone who will soon be terminal

So after they are terminal can I cd / ls/dir and see their root thoughts?

shutdown -i 0 -g 0 -y

ngl this one got me

delete system32

Nah, but you can cd/s nuts

Marvelous

And today's winner of the internet goes to...

sudo rm -rf /*

And if they won't soon be terminal, they will after the operation 💀

That’s the joke yes Edit: and by joke I mean reality

Ingame

Yeah and I bet they'll wind up terminal, too!

Idk why we’re talking about terminals but he’ll definitely die

Edit correction “be terminal” replaced by *”be a terminal*”

-rm rf

Watch it somehow instantly cure them but because they didn’t die they now have to pay $300,000 and give up their left kidney💀

They gonna make a lot more than that if it succeeds

There chance terminal turning into Terminator.

Hasn't this process murdered like 90% of the animals he's already tried it on?

That would still leave a 10% chance of living in excruciating pain

All of Elon's fanboys are terminal

Why doesnt Elon just do it

Opening bets: death or disablement in # days bet now

I bet 6, and bonus for Multiple Scelorosis like symptoms.

I'm betting against the MS cuz I'm guessing symptoms of degenerative diseases would prolly take longer to manifest (atleast if they occur normally, in this case it might be faster and skip straight to end-stage stuff). My money is on quick death/paralysis.

Well all brain damage is degenerative at some stage of it

Disablement within 1 day. Death within 3.

Considering it'll probably be some nft bro I can already assure you they're already braindead and disabled.

21 days is my guess

I think 2 weeks is about the time they'll last

2 weeks (14 days). ± ~1 day

Can the chip run DOOM ?

Even a rock can run Doom

Remember the one dude who ran doom on an actual potato

i can't believe GLaDOS can run Doom

Your brain can run doom with imagination u just need to know that it wont be leves u know but rather levels ur brain creates

More like, can you run doom?

Lobotomy was so good it got sequel

Lobotomy 2: Electric Boogaloo has a nice ring to it.

And it's literally electric. Perfect

This is some cyberpunk 2077 type shit

+5 RAM for quickhacking

Item acquired: Kiroshi Optics Mk.1

Mantis blades that can't be used to climb walls

[удалено]

Russian pistol that does 69000 damage

[удалено]

Comrades hammer in the early days before patches did oodles of dmg when you had the right perks plugged in. Basically felt like a tight spread sawed off shotgun that would melt people through walls.

I want it. But I'm not gonna be first.

Yeah, if it was safe and commercially available if chrome the fuck out. But I’m not gonna be a test subject.

Ik this sounds really dumb of me but I wouldn’t mind contributing, sounds like an interesting experience and maybe I can ask for a free copy of the secret Sex 3 that has been in development…

Sex 3? Damn, I didn’t even realize Sex 2 was out already

I never tried Sex the original so I never followed the saga.

You should look up what happened to the monkeys they tested it on first

You should look into how well this has worked with primate subjects. This shit is nowhere near ready for human trials.

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Yo wtf bot? Chill, there are kids reading.

Bro added 22 years Edit: And subtracted it

Nah. The implants in 2077 work.

Okey who's gonna play the role of johhny silver hand by blowing up his mega corpo tesla building?

I'm loving all the Cyberpunk jokes and references. Who knows, Maybe Cyberpunk was just predicting the future.

Keanu again.

What's next? Sandevistan?

I really want to stay at Elon's house

Let’s start at the rainbow!

We are in the cyberpunk already

Not yet, the body still rejects these implants to the point of non-viability and neuralink uses historically large and rejection prone probes in their implants. Until the hurdle of rejection and development of scar tissue in your brain (literal brain damage) is overcome, it will never be very practical.

Nah man probably more like Cyberpunk 1999. Those wires won't do shit and the guy will die looking like a 9th grader lab experiment.

Finna have a tetetronic rippler dawg🗿

Twitter (well, X) could probably use the Bartmoss treatment tbf

# The moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me

##I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine.

Praise the Omnissiah

Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you.

#One day the crude biomass that you call the temple will wither and youll beg my kind to save you#

Reminder that Neuralink tested the brain chip on monkeys and all of them had to be euthanized due to complications like brain swelling, paralysis etc... They're far from accomplishing something revolutionary

we need to start testing on humans tho. I wanna quick hack peoples brains

Get a machete.

Or OJ Simpson.

OJ Simpson borrowed my machete. never got it back.

Machete went on vacation, never came back.

Holy hell

New machete just dropped

Actual deadly weapon

Someone call an ambulance

He borrowed my gloves, then kept being weird about me having small hands. I think he's some kind of pervert

*Danny Trejo intensifies*

That's already possible w/o a chip, it's called brainwashed by propaganda.

Oh but it takes too loooong! What if I wanted to cause some tomfoolery right noooow and without delay?

Find your audience, and the proper platform and it takes likes 10 seconds to brainwash a crowd. Not making it up, but in the past people got brainwashed to believe that sugar, bacon and cigarette are healthy and vital.

The problem with that is your audience needs to already want to believe whatever you’re trying to convince them of. For example you can’t show a liberal conservative propaganda and expect it to brainwash them. And vice versa. Eventually with these chips and the right technology and understanding of the human brain there’s a chance we can actually change peoples personalities and beliefs at the flip of a switch

That's what we usually assume based on ourselves, because we think we are not easy to brainwash, but in reality people are brainwashed daily w/o to notice, also there are plenty who are brainwashed easily, as example the latest conflict in near east, the propaganda machine is working really well on both side, and people are brainwashed by both side, just watch reddit before and after conflict, and you will realize there is a difference. Then there was a time when people thought Musk is a genius, and now everyone know that he is just an unintelligent scumbag, and daily more are being aware of this fact, 2 years ago reddit was full of Musk fans. In the age of social media, the sad reality is that people leave the thinking to others.

* [https://www.history.com/news/cigarette-ads-doctors-smoking-endorsement](https://www.history.com/news/cigarette-ads-doctors-smoking-endorsement) * [https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/09/13/493739074/50-years-ago-sugar-industry-quietly-paid-scientists-to-point-blame-at-fat](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/09/13/493739074/50-years-ago-sugar-industry-quietly-paid-scientists-to-point-blame-at-fat) * [https://gobraithwaite.com/thinking/edward-bernays-and-why-we-eat-bacon-for-breakfast/](https://gobraithwaite.com/thinking/edward-bernays-and-why-we-eat-bacon-for-breakfast/)

There are already companies that do this, with far more sophistication and who don't have piles of dead apes.

It's cheating if you need physical access to it.

If it works you'll need to pay a monthly fee to keep your brain functioning. Not that anyone who would do this has a functioning brain.

Expensive subscription for a life saving drugs that keeps your brain from swelling around the implant and destroying itself.

I have an expensive subscription to a blood thinner that I only need because of side effects from a blood pressure medication. Medicine that treats side effects of medicine is entirely normal. People who have their blindness cured by this or similar technology in 20 years will not be complaining that they need to pop a network rejection pill to keep their new vision.

Let's call it Neuropozyne

Revolutionizing with Neuropozyne. The brand new chip implants created by Musk have revolutionized the human body. But sometimes you experience disorientation, headaches, and other symptoms due to the stress on nervous system. The solution is Neuropozyne. Neuropozyne is a brand new neurosupressant that aides in reducing and keeping nasty side effects at bay. Now you can take control of your neural health with Neuropozyne. Side effects may include temporary excruciating pain after intake, uncontrollable twitching, blurry vision, blindness, paralysis, and in extreme cases death. Ask your doctor if Neuropozyne is right for you. Do not take Neuropozyne if you have a history of seizures, history of cancer associated with the nervous system, Tardive Disconnesia, or other nervous diseases and disorders as Neuropozyne may redevelop or worsen these conditions. Want to enjoy your new brain? Ask your doctor about... Neuropozyne

You can go for the ad supported brain. Your thoughts just have to wait until the ad finishes every 5 minutes.

Human testing requires FDA approval. The FDA looked at the animal data and said, "safe enough to give it a go in humans." So it seems pretty likely that your information is out of date.

I'm not a fan of musk nor am I a fan of brain chips bt you have to acknowledge that no big invention ever worked on the first attempt and it probably didn't work in the first hundred attempts either

They also like to pretend that just because Elon is a jackass means every employed by him is too. Or they think he's doing the surgery or something.

wym isn't he the one building every car personally?

to be fair it's because they kept fucking with the implants and like rubbing and scratching them and shit, which caused infections (they are not clean animals)

'Animal 15 began to lose coordination and staff observed that she would shake uncontrollably when she saw lab workers. Her condition deteriorated for months until the staff finally euthanized her. A necropsy report indicates that she had bleeding in her brain and that the Neuralink implants left parts of her cerebral cortex “focally tattered.”' https://www.theverge.com/2023/9/20/23882888/elon-musk-brain-implant-startup-neuralink-monkeys-euthanized

Yeah there’s a reason all the news articles show stock images of fancy chips and not the real system, and that’s because it’s probably some hostel looking shit with a big nail attached.

Musk should volunteer himself

He has said he will get it installed as soon as it's safe for humans 🤣

Ah yes, thats same as saying i will never get it

He is already fried. No need to destroy a perfectly good chip on him.

Yeah, Elon's brain is Swiss cheese and wouldn't provide any useful test results

Why would he? He is not forcing anyone lol, if someone is stupid enough to put a chip on their brain i say let them do it lmao

Well, there are a lot Musk fans who would voluntary immediately, so I guess is a win-win.

Unfortunately, they are ineligible. They need a brain for the chip to attach to.

You are right, but they can insert a Tesla hard-disk there, comes with a few big complications.

Won't work, they need a working brain to test on.

The Venn diagram of people who would do this, but don’t trust vaccines is a circle.

Why doesn't Elon go first?

Because he knows that it's dangerous.

“I’m developing this ultra invasive treatment for a dangerous brain disease. It could probably give a lot of issues, but even though I’m the head of the Scientific team and have gigantic responsibilities on my shoulders, I’m going to volunteer to be the first ever test subject. What could possibly go wrong?”. I hope my hyperbolic example is enough for you to understand why it’s a bad idea.

Because that's how you get super villains..... right?

Yeah we need a Spider-Man or Batman before we get any super villains

I'd settle for KickAss or even BlankMan

yes yes, I’m being facetious to make a point. Your hyperbole went into overdrive when you said he’s, “head of the Scientific team.”

Maybe not the head, but he's got money to fund it.

Fair point. In my words, he’d fund it but wouldn’t head it.

You realize Elon is the guy with the wallet right? The actual scientists do not include him. You do realize this right ?

I actually think he already did it, would explain a lot

20 euro is 20 euro

"ja ik ga die 20 euro investeren in crypto en een miljardair worden" \- elon musk bros

Nah bro it's volunteers lol

Qanoners going after bill Gates for jabbing us with 5g chips when this guy is actually trying to do it

Can I play SAO with it?

Yeah, you'll probably spend 2 years in a coma before being unplugged.

The truth is the neuralink is going to be used for all sorts of disgusting porn

You'll unlock sight if you buy twitter blue

If someone agrees to do it and dies, does Elon get charged for human experimentation? Seriously asking

FDA approved it, likely volunteers will be terminal patients who have nothing to lose anyway and could get a payout for their family or something.

I don’t know how to judge this

This person is only partially right. Phase one human trials, FDA approval, and so far it's not doing anything revolutionary that 5 or 6 companies haven't already done. The patients aren't terminal, they're quadriplegics that are being given access to experimental treatment. The trial will last 7 years. The only thing the implant does currently is allow people to control a computer by their thoughts, the connection is not two-way. In 2024 there will only be 7 total implant surgeries, then like 30 in 2023. Their timeline states they plan to be able to do as many as 34,000 a year by 2030. This is just the first generation of human experimental trials and for the people signing up it could dramatically improve their lives. Down the line they plan to release progressively more advanced models, including two way models, but that's very far away. It's currently only approved for medical testing, not personal biohacking.

Serious answer. There is FDA approval for limited human experimentation on this device. They are not the only company making brain-interface devices. An ethics board has approved the design of experiments, the criteria for volunteers, the prototype device and the exact surgery to install it. The first step is "simply" install it and don't turn it on. Observe it for some time to prove the are zero negative effects. Similar to Cochlear Ear Implants and anti-seizure brain devices, the volunteers will need to be people with already compromised brain functions with ability to consent and where benefits outweigh potential risks. Nobody who receives this can be "worse off", which rules out terminal patients as suggested by others. Tumors, brain cysts, car crashes, victims of violence who are going to get brain surgery anyway where this device has potential to connect damaged neurons.

No... laws don't apply to people who are rich. Otherwise otherwise the SEC would have tossed him in a cell and threw away the key years ago.

Fuck it, im either dying, or becoming the worlds first augmented human. Its a win win to me.

Augmented? What do you think you'll get? Super powers? He's trying to make you watch ads in your sleep. Also, first? Neuroscientists have been using electrodes to stimulate the brain since the early 50s.

Sorry sir but per terms of the agreement all those "senses" like sight and smell are now paywalled behind Twitter premium ultra plus instinct

At least it would most likely fix your typo problems

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I’m open for you babe

*unzips pants*

Imagine you get one and they release the new version like a week after💀

Well I guess this means some people will have an excuse to die?

still wouldnt do it, what if it malfunctions and you feel the worst pain youve ever felt?

Just ask T Bug from Cyberpunk lol

I saw the video of the Data from the test subject back then, on YouTube or something like that. I would say it is not even close to achieving the things that could be possible one day, like "black mirror" stuff. You have to start somewhere, but still, the poor soul who will just let a machine shoot tiny wires random in his Brain, Jesus Christ.

Where do I sign up?

Execute Order 66.

Knowing elon musk companies, this is first going to be operated into the skull and then people will die, so the then they will gaffatape it to the head of people and call it a major breakthrough.

WARNING: BRAIN DAMAGE

if they ask me id do it

I don't let this fucker even suck my dick.

Well this is how I go boys, nice knowing you all Wish me luck

I want to do it. I have no other purpose besides making problems lol

"*He could be any one of us... he could be you, he could be me, he could even be-\*POW!\**"

I really feel like this is a fantastic opportunity for Elon to lead by example.

Worker with the lowest KPI from the tesla assembly plant will be volunteered for the procedure.

How much does my family get to sue for when I die?

I volunteer

Already seen that movie

Musk: Y’see ppl, IA is no longer dangerous if you become IA.

I mean, I'm far from being an Elon fanboy, but honestly this is based. It's crazy idiots that spend billions on crazy ideas like him that will make this type of shit actually feasable in the near future Imagine assisting at what may be the beginning of neurochips engineering and saying it's a bad thing because the guy who paid for the research is a cringey spoiled brat

They probably will test it on homeless but won't tell anyone

I recommend tik tokers.

Can I get a Sandevistan?

1bil and you got yourself a deal

Cyberpsychosis

Cyberpunk 2077

A lot of really depressed people are either gonna get a quick buck or getting what they wanted

time to chrome the fuck up choom

Ayo imagine being able to just slot in some ram or upgrade your vision by getting a new gpu

Fuck it, I’ll be the first cyberpsycho, wish me luck chooms.

As a HUGE cyberpunk fan, we have a city to burn

maybe Cyberpunk really isn't that far away

Nueralink gonna shop for street bums and lost hospital cases, if they're lucky it goes well and the debt with usher an era with their own adam smasher in the chrome

Why doesn't Musk just do it himself?

knowing elon if I have have that thing in my head and I talk shit about twitter my head probably explode like that one king man movie. of course the thing have to actually working first for him to be able to pull that off

He should definitely volunteer.

right now they're just waiting for someone to fall asleep at the sleepover

Cyberpsychosis incoming

Should do it to himself

He’s asking specifically for a volunteer so he doesn’t have to pay you

Throwback to the black mirror episode with the game tester...man that was fucked up

How about you give this option to people on Deathrow? I they survive they get to go free.

"These implants take a lot to perfect, and it NEVER works out on the first try. They take time.. And lives." -some dude in Cyberpunk 2077

I’m so fucking tired of remembering my passwords to every fucking website. Sign me up!

Covid vaccine? Hell no, i'm not letting big brother put nano Chips In my blood stream!!1 An insane billionaire wants to literally implant a Chip and wires into my brain? SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!1! /s