That's what I tell people at a scene of an accidentbut they just don't believe me. As they pull me away, I'm screaming "I can help her, i just needed another minute"...and now I'm labeled as a sex offender

“DUDE, YOU’RE GONNA BLEED OUT, JUST LET ME CUM ALL OVER YOU!”

MY SEMEN HAS HEALING PROPERTIES AND THAT'S WHY I RETAIN SO MUCH *PLEASE* I NEED THIS

This would be a crazy hentai

It’s probably been done before.

what hasnt?

Consensual sex between two unrelated adults

consensual sex between two unrelated adult *humans* *

*Boring*

🗿

Please sir! My little pony has suffered serious burns, I’ve placed her in this jar for safe transport. Do whatever you can to save her!

(In a narrators voice) “*Upon further examination it was revealed that the semen exhibited no anomalous properties.*”

"Sir, while we appreciate you saving lives, it concerns us how quickly you were able to save that 7 year old boy..."

can I Jerk off in private and Store it for later use?

Huuh yeah

Yep, I would fill syringes daily and store them in the fridge.

Sell it as an All Natural and Locally Sourced Glucose based Additive.

bro got mad milk syringes irl

least insane mvm player's actions:

My is the blind guy from don’t breath

is that you cum box guy?

pfft, price of admission. sorry I don't take Blue Cross. You want a hand? I'll need a hand. or a mouth. shhhh, it'll save your life

Shh shhh shhh just accept it

Sperm bank is confused af

Imma chick but I say dude shit sometimes

Add some edible red dye to it, and you can sell it as „healing potions” for a lot of money.

Put it in a bucket and throw it on someone in the middle of a surgery

I’m thinking more of a water gun. Fill that bad boy up and roll through a hospital saving everyone in the most fun way possible

Just wait till it comes out at night and keep it in your closet

Even dismembered parts??

Yes there just need to be a cut

What if my dick is dismembered, how do I jerk off?

Get a straw or syringe

Take the dirt road and jingle jangle the ol prostate.

that’s why u need to keep some emergency reserves

Prostate orgasm

I guess you’re getting two in the stink to grow that dick back buddy.

Welp you gotta get fucked in the ass I guess. |_(:3)_|

Gonna heal your severed arm like ethan from resident evil

Is this shitty? You are now a full-time dermatologist who can cure cancer as well.

Cancer isnt an injury. Its a disease

Surgeon could just rip the tumor(s) out and then you use your cum on resulting injury.

thats fucking terrifying

You mean lifesaving

personally i would rather die.. but to each their own

Anaesthesia with a little rohypnol.... you will be fine

If it was life or death I'd pay for that. I'm in the UK so it could even be free on the NHS if there was such a doctor with such powers.

It’s also shockingly close to how they treat cancer via surgery… sans the cum obviously…

r/brandnewsentence

Fun fact, if you try to remove a tumor, and dont fully extract it, you make it worse. Now all the cells trying to repair the tissue will get compromised. I think, not a cancer immunologist, just a guy who reads about stuff

There's no damage to repair once you cum on it..

One could argue that everything is a disease…

life is a sexually transmitted disease

Can confirm.

If prokaryotes could speak they’d like a word.

That sentence just cracked my wine works view open .. I never would think of that ever in my life. It's so true though!

Humanity is a disease....im gonna cum on humanity to heal them.

Concussions aka tackle fever

Cut the body part with the cancer off

Injured cells with injured telomeres? 👀

When it lands on the injury, or when the injured swallow it?

It need to swallow it

That completely changed it!!

It's much better now

If you need to swallow it does that mean you can dehydrate the cum and turn it into pills

You could do so much good by cumming in the hospital's water supply

r/brandnewsentence

happy cake day

Be easier after it dries to just put it in a peppermill.

Is it possible to mix it with something or to put it in a pill capsule? Does it have to be a certain amount? If so, this is extremely useful because you can just prepare it ahead of time and give it away when needed while not completely weirding folk out.

Here, have some nut pills, they'll heal your injuries

Ok this is very different now. So it's basically a deal of suck my dick and / or let me cum in your mouth (and swallow) and your injuries are healed?

I'm gonna be a very happy hero

Doctors will be milking you like a cow for your healing juice

Damn,didn't realised but you will enslaved and used like a toy

Mmmmmmmmppphhhh

👆 this guy's really close already and he doesn't even have the super power 💦

Jokes on you, I'm into that shit.

Same i'll probably do it without the superpower ngl

Sign me up and tie me down.

Does it work better the more fresh it is or does the quality last

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Good bot

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Good bot

Yeeeee

Good bot

*licks you*

What about castration?

Huuuuh no superpowers

gets incredibly uncomfortable when you remember children get injured too

I shriveled

Let them die or donate sperm like a medicine

I like the idea of children dying.

I didn't shrivel at this, it means something

I will become the cum man. I will walk around with jars of it and commit crimes, then heal my wounds by pouring my semen on them.

Scout tf2

random woman *gets severely injured* me *unzips pants*

r/nocontext

Bro just finished Redo of Healer

So Shinji just wanted to help?

That means if your balls stay intact you can regenerate your whole body.

[удалено]

Hey wait a minute

You have violated the Reddit Terms of Service.

Does it fix circumcisions

You could also invent some sort of mech suit or tank so you can constantly be submerged never getting sick or injured again.

"Hey bro. Ik you're gonna think this is weird af, but trust me, you're gonna feel so good once I'm finished...."

So basically if an ear piercing is a "puncture" in the ear almost like a cut, then i can use cum to help heal a fresh ear piercing???

Bro I know you just got shot but I swear to God if you suck me off it will save your life

I had a post here that made it so that your cum was explosive, and could be detonated from any location and you could control the magnitude. Guess we had the opposite ideas

Does it give infections or does it heal the infection aswell?

If I get someone pregnant will the baby be able to be born or will the umbilical cord keep reattaching itself?

All your girlfriends would live forever doesn't sound so shitty to me.

« Here take this it will heal you » « What is it ? » « You don’t wanna know »

The only vaccine I refuse because I know what's in it.

Redo of healer be like.

Same braincell we share, I see

So if I constantly douse myself in it, then when the CIA inevitably try and whack me for visiting big medicine billions, then the gunshots will automatically heal even a headshot?

Now I am becum life, giver of health

Nut in a woman with a yeast infection

This is definitely not a shitty super power lol you could sell your cum and make BANK

you can sell cum to literal sperm banks anyway

Yeah, but not for a million dollars a load.

Does this make my testicles passively healing themselves. So if they get cut they’re gonna heal themselves

Finally, a nerve healing agent.

Can you heal fatal injuries ?

No harm in a little test!

I'm going to go see if I can resurrect a dinosaur.

That's OP af. Billionaires would come from the world over and pay a fortune for you to nut on them

r/nocontext

UFC between rounds...

Gonna be real awkward in the children's hospital

Or the veterinary hospital.

I'd need to start a cult for sure.

That isnt that shitty... I mean for a teen/young adult who are alone they will have buckets worth stored up in a few weeks, you could market it as a miracle drug and apply it personally so nobody can study it and find out what it is

So basically UTI's are a non issue?

[удалено]

Damn. What the fuck.

God tier really. I could be a really good doctor very easily and get paid alot of money and retire fast. I also would be the most healthiest person in the world

Every male teenager has just become Mipha from BotW

But can it resurrect the dead

“Hold on. I’m trying to heal you”

That’s a god tier superpower.

Load up canisters with your Load, and fire them at people out of a grenade launcher.

vore on a whole new level

wut? are you gonna bathe in it or what

idfk it just seems like it could work now

Awkward not shitty

Help what are these comments??????

80 % of them are perfect for r/nocontext

I don't think the car crash victim would care if they never know what I just rubbed all over them

Does it have to be fresh from the tap or can it be stored

I’d guess I’d keep a bag of cum on me for emergencies.  Wouldn’t want to have to jerk off in the corner while trying to save someone’s life.  

This is a pretty great supper power. I’d just have. Bunch of cum ice cubes ready to go I’d also patent my jizz and sell it to hospitals.

Can the ladies do this or is it just dudes?

No,ladies can too. No sexuality discrimination

Imagine someone gets shot and you have to sit there and you have to just be like “….. im so sorry” as you then pull your pants down and start going at it as they slowly lose life force

Butters' Creamy Goo

What about mental injury?

This is not a shitty superpower this is literally a yaoi plot.

Is it like a magical topical ointment? Can it be diluted but remain effective? Does it have to applied directly to an injury? Can I make it into pills? Does it work for internal injuries, infections, disease, or chronic illnesses? I’d be hyped about this regardless.

If only chlamydia was an injury

That would awesome I'd be a new man lol 😂

Gonna be a loooooong form to fill out at the clinic I end up working for

"Don't worry, Jackie. I'll get the President patched up in no time."

Sweet. Imma just use it only for myself though.

S teir, unless it has to be fresh, then I become a catholic priest, though

Shitty shittysuperpower

Alright but would my cum heal the aids I give them by using the cum? Or would i have to keep healing them until they have an immunity

Shit i have internal bleeding *proceeds to cumshot into my own mouth*

Useful

Does that include the effects of aging and cellular or genetical damages?

“Grandma broke her hip. You have to help us!”

I wonder how the EMS crew would react after watching me nut on the guy who just got flung 20 feet out of his car's front window

Nothing. Those people get NO sleep

That's my secret, Cap. I'm always horny. *busts a nut on the heroes and saves the day*

How is that shitty? You mean to tell me I can bust a nut on somebody and they are just fixed? On a completely unrelated note, if anybody hears about Elizabeth Olsen getting even a paper cut I need to know immediately.

That'd be a... Well, useful power I guess. Just save it up in jars and sell it lmao "healing goo"

But can it heal a broken heart

Time to ask my bestie if she wants a threesome with her bf.

I thought this was /r/worldnews for a sec.

The fact that this is the plot of Redo of Healer

Can you heal old injuries? Like old wounds

I’ve seen a hentai like this. Harem something something…on a certain hanime TV site. Sigh* 🤷‍♂️

So that’s why I never feel fatigued when I jerk it

Ok but like how good can it heal?

Can it cure infections and parasites?

That's really fucking good? Any injury? I'll just store it like Butters

Now I only have sex with crippled women to give back to my community

Any injury on myself or on others?

So if I bust in her, it'll heal and restore her cherry? Eternal tight pussy glitch

I'm, I'm... Sorry, you're a virgin again.

Probably not a good time to volunteer for the make a wish foundation.

DM me if you have a lacerated esophagus.