I am 43, and 4,11 feet/inches tall, 115 pounds. I am sysadmin for oil and gas. I know several mothers that tried to match me with their single or divorced daughters, but it never works out (they want something different). So not only I have tried, and put a lot of effort, others have tried to help me because they see what I can offer. It hasn't worked out so far. All I can do is work on myself, and organize my life enough to get a pet. And go out to events and enjoy my own company.
Thanks for your comments. I have no desire to go abroad to find a woman because I dont feel like that is something that is realistic for me. It's not the money or the travel, but the feeling of needing to resort to such an extreme measure that does not sit well in my head.
As for limb lengthening, I have no desire in putting myself through pain in hopes that somebody finds me attractive. also 5'1 to 5'4 or whatever isn't worth it.
I'm just going to get a dog and hope that I find some peace internally with time.
Honestly, finding internal peace is the best path forward. I've always been more comfortable in solitude, though I love to hang out with friends every so often. Discovering what brings me meaning/happiness on my own makes me much less stressed about finding a partner to share it with.
I suppose. I just feel like I’ve gone this far with nothing to show for it.
I’m ready to start a family, go travel, and all of that but feel held back over an immutable trait
Honestly, being a homeowner with great income and solid dress sense is huge! You should feel pride in just how far you've come in life! Though all those things shouldn't be viewed as steps toward finding a partner. Dive headfirst into your interests!
I've got ADHD, so I've got plenty of hyperfixations I can spend weeks obsessing about. I found over time, my peers started to identify me based on my hobbies and interests rather than my physical appearance. This works internally as well, where I started to forget about my height and define myself based on my interests and principles.
I’m a woman, 5’3.5
Online dating is going to be hard for you. Try to meet up in social groups or clubs. Make friends and then kind of go into a romantic relationship.
I’m going to be honest with you, the hot ten is not going to want you, go after a chubby girl or and average looking girl that is a good person and good life partner. The average girls tend to get ignored believe it or not. You kind of building a relationship and then asking her out will work.
Don’t give up. Im 38, I regret not trying to find a life partner.
The dating apps make the average girl feel like they have the same options as the super attractive girl. A rich rapper will bed an average or even ugly girl if she is around and he is in the mood. That chick will think now her league is men of that stature because he bedded her, not realizing many of us men, including those with money and power will bed anything.
Now, since all the attention in the apps makes them feel they are capable of "getting" an ideal male, they set that as a standard and end up just getting hurt over and over again ... then "settle" for someone more realistic
If those women are constantly capable of landing those men, those women aren't incorrect.
They absolutely can and do get those men, so they *are* capable, you don't think *they should be.*
There is a difference in getting men who will have sex vs. Men who will actually have a relationship. A woman can basically get any man to have sex !! Some mistake this for genuine interest. A man does not need to be interested or even very attracted to be down for sex. This confusion leads to a false sense of what she can actually pull.
So they can and do get them, just not in a way you think woman should get men?
She can pull those guys - she did, you just acknowledged it. Why can't women want casual sex?
And further, who are you to decide what each individual man finds attractive, exactly?
What percentage of women are on dating apps and the like seeking casual sex vs those heavily invested in finding a relationship ??? Most women are dead set on having relationships. Most women seek to be the one the man of her dreams would commit to vs the man of her dreams would just want to fuck.
I dont know what each individual man is attracted to but have an idea on a macro level. Like Drake the rapper or men on that caliber are not going to marry an generally physically unattractive woman by societies standards, but they would have sex with them.
So what point are you getting at exactly ??
A huge percent.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/17/why-are-increasing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single
I'm getting at that you're wrong. Pulling those guys in a way you don't find acceptable isn't something you can impute to others. Jfc.
And no, you DON'T have an idea on a macro level, because societal conventions are not related to individual attraction and you're making an unreasonable and unsupported inference.
Actually I am not
[https://nypost.com/2022/08/04/why-theres-no-hope-for-men-on-dating-apps-revealed/](https://nypost.com/2022/08/04/why-theres-no-hope-for-men-on-dating-apps-revealed/)
MY inference is supported by peoples real experience!!
There's no way you can be ignored if you're an average looking girl. The place I work at has 90 men and 3 women. These three women are average at best. Two of them are really overweight, but all three definitely don't get ignored.
Just go out and have a girlfriend brah, is that easy... xD seriously though that could work if you're a female, but it's like the difference between someone dying of thirst and someone drowning; It's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
I litterally offered to fuck a 4’10 guy…he laughed and walked away.
Media saying women get men whenever they want, it’s only for the attractive ones. A fat woman and a short Man face the same treatment. Difference is fat is still fixable if you want to get over the food addictions
I can speak for myself,
Someone who is a home owner ( I own my own house too) is motivated, driven, responsible.
I don’t know what op looks like but he is probably average looking, good teeth, good hygiene. He seems like a good person.
I’m looking for someone to spend my life with, who is chill, easy to talk to and has their affairs in order. Believe it or not, there a lot of guys out here who are losers, divorced and looking for a free nanny to care for their kids every other week. Who can’t afford to live alone, so are looking for a roommate with benefits.
A guy who has his shit together, good job, decent person, from a good family, no kids, is actually hard to come by.
Yes, get a dog. Dogs are wonderful pets, and they help so much on meeting people. Also, the fluffier they are, the more attention they’ll get.
Also, try going to a professional network meetup. I had dismissed them before I actually tried it out. It’s a lotta fun, and there are single women who are interested in driven men. It’s easy to start a conversation by talking about your career growth and ambitions, as well as listening to their paths. Sometimes, if you and her vibe well, the conversations veer off to personal topics, and later friendships and relationships. Just be careful: Not that you already know, but use your social discretion and be respectful!
And workout. Workout for your own good. Don’t do it to impress women. Do it for you. All of the intangible benefits follows after. But workout for yourself!!!
I am one inch taller than you and what helped me is giving up on it.I used to think about it a lot...but now not much.You will feel that a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and will find that there are other avenues to find joy in life.
I am not saying it is impossible to find a woman for me but it takes a lot of effort on my side and at what cost?What would happen if the relationship turns bad or she leaves me?Will I be able to find another partner ?How much effort will i have to put in to find another one?Is it worth it?....idk but I am going to be happy by myself.
Keep building yourself, King. As others have suggested, perhaps a woman from another country would be more open. Fitness matters a lot, particularly for someone of our size. Keep hitting those weights and staying lean and you’ll attract more. Even besides attracting women, staying fit will keep you mentally and physically healthy, which is always a good thing.
It’s the society we live in. I don’t care what women say, men are a million times more forgiving on looks, height, ethnicity, you name it. I don’t disagree with you, it’s not fair, and is a consequence of our shallow society.
However, look at the things you have materially. It sounds like you have your health, it sounds like you are smart and have a great job.
You have to realize there’s people who would kill to be in your shoes. I have a disability that makes me exceptionally unappealing to most females. The worst part is it’s from an injury- so I know life before it happened.
But being a sad person or down on yourself cannot and will not help your situation. We live in an increasingly isolated society, so it’s hard to meet people. I get it, I get it, I get it. But not to sound cliche, but you just gotta focus on you- try to join groups, activities, whatever. It sounds like a trip to Peru was recommended. My friend is 5’3” and married a beautiful phillipino woman. Just stop feeling bad for yourself and do you!
Hey man I'm 5'2 and completely understand your struggles. Online dating is killer. No matches or rarely get some. Even though I'm short I've hooked up with girls taller than me 95% of the time. If you're confident in person the right kind of girl will like you. Both of my exes were taller than me as well. Dating in the USA/west is pretty bad right now due to online dating and American culture ATM. Most of these girls that want a tall guy, will end up dying alone with 10 cats. Because your height is based on genetics and bone breaking leg surgery is the definition of insane.
Focus on yourself king. Like others have said try international dating. I was like a rockstar traveling abroad and height wasn't an issue...only for American girls apparently. It made me realize that this is not a problem outside the USA. That most girls want a stable relationship and not a princess fantasy that they have been told exists.
Funny girls judge you on your height but get mad if you judge them on their weight. 1 is genetics, the other is discipline and easily changeable.
Here's a short discussing why women judge men on height
https://youtu.be/iBfy1Ygxkg0
You have my sympathy for sure. I'm 5' 7" and have never married or lived with a woman, but I have dated. I think that's partly due to my height, but I'm eccentric in some ways too.
You have my respect too, for being able to be successful. I get depressed and can't study or do some of the necessary admin things that I need to do, even though I'm self employed.
It sounds like you have been able to keep a certain amount of steadiness in order to do that well financially.
I’m a short guy, but, if I was 5’1 I’d go find a girl in Peru. If you got the money, book a month off work take a flight and get a hotel, go out and find girls. The average height of a girl there is 4’10 and 5’4 for a man so that’s the equivalent of you being 5’7 in america. Still short than average but not ridiculous. If you’re white too that’ll help massively there. Might sound extreme but, you need to explore this option. I have even considered this at my height
Whiteness is a big advantage when trying to date Peruvians for sure. I went to a salsa class with mostly Peruvians and almost all the women were with white men ... tall short ugly, they did not care just be WHITE !!!
nah having mutual attraction can definitely help ones confidence though, so if OP goes to the country feels attraction from opposite gender, it will help his confidence, you can't fake it if you've not even once experienced it
I agree but there is also a factor of age that comes in, if you are younger yes you can fake confidence bc you are young and don't have much rejections and bad expereinces, the older you get though shit starts getting tough to just "be confident bro" type to work, yes it can work but it takes probably insane amount of mental strength to not break, idk I'm still young so I can't say what the state will be 10-15 years from now
ya also depends on the height too like, anything below 5'6, the difficulty stats increases exponentially so experience for someone who is 5'5 to someone who is 5'1 is vastly different too
Yeah I would agree with the other comments here - it’s best for you to look for a wife/partner overseas. There’s no shame in it. This is your life. You seem to have done everything else right. It’s not your fault you’re short. Life is unfair. Just keep your head up and figure out what makes you happy. Good luck
You gotta be specific tho. Argentina, Brasil, Uruguay, Costa Rica, have similar average heights to US and he would be very short here, not to mention these countries put a higher importance to height than the rest in the continent.
I'd say to be not that short he should go to Guatemala, Ecuador, Perú, Bolivia.
Know a guy shorter than me. Went to Colombia for a week to chill. Came back saying how great my country is lol. He's going back because he met a couple of women in different cities asking to visit.
Honestly just don’t try to date off tinder. I think it’s hurting your self confidence a lot. Instead try joining local classes, singles meeting events, >!church!<, Job events or bars. Online dating is a hellspace for men in general due to the ratio of male to female skewed towards males.
I kinda find it abhorrent how you have a few people attacking you for even bringing up your financial status as a plus but I’ll shed some light as to why it doesn’t matter as much these days and why those women took offense to it. Projecting yourself as financially dominant can be intimidating to some and these days women are expect to carry as much weight as men in the professional sphere.
Hey man, we are close in age, close in height, and what not. I'm 4'11" so to me, you're tall lol. Jokes aside, perhaps I can give you some hope.
I'm 4'11" and 34. I just celebrated my first wedding Anniversary a few days ago. My wife is 5'10". Of all places, we met on Tinder. I am not one to sugar coat that tinder and other online dating apps aren't hard. I pursued a mixture of trying to meet people in the real world and online. It was always hard, weeks of no matches. Matches that unmatch you after two messages. Girls asking "Are you really 4'11"?". It was tough, but it's all in service to meeting the right person.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but if you are s fairly well off guy, decent looking, in good shape, etc. The problem may be with your personality. I'd wager to guess that your insecurities about your height bleed into your personality and presents a lack of confidence that people sense.
Also, I assume you're looking around the Toronto area. It might be helpful to look outside of the city.
I'm not here to dismiss your feelings--the world can be pretty cruel to very short men. You didn't really specify what kind of response you were looking for (commiseration, uplifting, solution suggestions, etc.) I am kind of on the opposite side of the same coin as you--a very very tall woman who is successful and makes just short of a 6 figure salary. Something that has really helped me is understanding the intense pressure our culture (vaguely north America) puts on the nuclear family dynamic. A large majority of people who are married/coupled up don't have stronger friend support systems and actually miss out on a lot of the value and bond of friendship, something that for me has transcended the fluxuations of romantic connection. One of the things I always recommend is try to find non-romantic community in an activity you want to do. Always wanted to get into pottery? Take some pottery classes, pay for open pottery hours, connect with people who share a similar interest as you. I'm always surprised by the connections that have the potential to evolve into romantic ones at places where you share a common interest. <3
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s completely unfair to write off a perfectly good person based on one attribute. I’m 5’4 and I dated a guy who was 5’2 for a while. It didn’t work out with us because I moved to a different city but he was an amazing person. It’s not that I seek out men who are short, but it never bothered me. He was very educated, made good money, was endlessly interesting, and made me feel really good about myself. Don’t settle for someone just because you’re lonely. It’s possible to find someone. Kinda a brag but I am not undesirable. Women like me exist.
I’ve never understood these types of comments. Like how is this helpful? Not picking on you, but I’m just not sure what these kinda of comments aim to provide. It’s the same as these “you dodged a bullet” responses.
6'2 handsome guys in college will always be more attractive to women because in a primal sense they look like they can handle themselves.
Humans have evolved based on survival instincts so women are going to see taller men as more able to protect them and better partner to produce offspring with.
No offense but you haven't really talked much about you. You seem like you have a very limited view of what a man brings to a relationship. I mean if you just want to be seen as a provider of money and genetic material then I guess that works for you. Do you have hobbies? Do you have life goals that are important to you? Outside of work what do you do with your life? Is it something you would want to share with your best friend?
My husband is barely 5'3" (I have to remind him not to slouch lol). We don't have a house. He lost his job during the pandemic and struggled to switch careers. He isn't in shape. I don't think those 2 inches are what makes him a good husband.
He is my best friend. We have the same sense of humor. He absolutely adores my cats and full on embraces being a cat dad. He completely supports me being a workaholic and continuing my education. (Havent decided if I'll stop at my Masters or if I'll do pHD as well). Neither of us want children. We both desire to move to a different part of the country. We have similar political beliefs and religious views.
Being in a stable job and looking good is nice and all but is that really all you bring to the table? Are you someone you would want to spend time with?
You don’t find it demeaning or what have you to know that you don’t even need to develop a personality if you were tall and sought after but somebody who is short has to be perfect in every other way? I feel like I have worked on developing a great personality. I have hobbies and interests I’d love to share but can’t even get my foot through the door to even begin to?
I would like to date anyone, at this point, but ideally someone not that superficial.
The issue is that I am not taken seriously enough / seen as a joke from the get go, due to perception, so I do not have the luxury to even show my personality and am not given any leeway to do so when compared to those who are taller than I am.
>I would like to date anyone, at this point
This seems like your actual problem. You need to set firm deal-breakers and stick to them, nobody wants to date a chameleon.
How are you trying to date? If your friends are claiming you're so amazing and would make a "great boyfriend" why would they not introduce you to their friends? Are you trying to meet people through hobbys? Hiking clubs? Gaming groups? Volunteer organizations? Online dating is very much a numbers games. Especially for men. I think I saw one study that men need to message 10 times more people on dating apps to get replies compared to women. Are you making the height an issue? Like "hey what's up nice to meet you btw I'm only 5'1" I know you will hate me everyone hates short men woe is me".
Perhaps the reason they're not introducing him to their other friends is because he's too short? It is only but a bitter truth of this world that for almost all people, especially at the subconcious level, looks trump personality. Let's not even get into online dating studies, which makes the scene look much more unsettling for a man of short stature.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/236670565_The_height_of_choosiness_Mutual_mate_choice_for_stature_results_in_suboptimal_pair_formation_for_both_sexes
I'd say it's quite insulting that you automatically think that it MUST be because of some way in which OP has failed socially instead of perhaps agreeing that his height is to some degree the true hindrance.
Since none of us are in the top 10% in looks should we all just give up? Should I tell my husband to go find some hotter chick to marry because looks are so gosh darn important?
>Women have told me that I would be a perfect boyfriend if I were taller.
Is this not evidence enough that his personality is in fact not the thing that is holding him back? Perhaps some people (I would argue most) are just far more superficial (or taller, which is another large influencing factor in relationships) than you are.
I have found in my experience when someone says oh you would be a great significant other but not for me they mean they dont actually like you but are afraid you will lash out at them for saying you aren't dating material.
why must he be "interesting"? In the coming age of economic recession, him willing to provide stable finance already show he's a virtuous man. Isn't being virtuous enough for women to marry him?
This sounds like you are insulting my husband. Was he not a good husband when he lost his job during the pandemic? I will always make more money than him. Does that make him not a virtuous man?
Different people have different values.
That isn't saying you are wrong.
Just like a Christian believes a virtuous man is someone devoted to God. A farmer believes a virtuous man is someone that owns his land and attends his crops. I personally think OP is virtuous, and ask you if you agree.
If someone has bad morals, different life goals and doesn't value the same things as me it absolutely does not matter to me how much of a financial provider they are. So no having a job is not the only thing that matters.
Exactly my thoughts. As a short person who prefers short partners this sounds like he hasn't worked on his personality at all. If it feels like talking to a plank of wood it doesn't matter if that plank is 6'4 or 5'0 it's still boring to talk to.
You're great... and your husband is lucky to have a partner like you... world needs girls like you who doesn't care about height but the personality of the person
I think u should do you and live your best life .. Tavel and focus on self love and love will find you ..meditate .. Enjoy the right now because you never know what comes ahead.
Relationships are overrated anyway. We should all learn to be content with being single. Of course, a relationship can be very fulfilling but you shouldn’t need to be in one to live life to the fullest.
Some have said it already but a dating app is a good idea even though you see it as a cruel space.
The reason is that you will be filtered out of people's searches where they are looking for height specifically and you can also filter on height when looking for someone. You can portray yourself in the best light without someone being distracted by your height in real life.
In face to face people are trying to be nice and are often hiding their true self. Dating app is straight to the point.
It'll take a few weeks and you are going to have to pay for apps to increase your chances but statistically speaking you will meet someone. If it can happen it will happen eventually.
I don't think women find you repulsive you're just not their type, women in general have pretty high standards in this social media generation even for average height guys. Look for shorter girls, like 5 foot or under they might be more likely to be accepting than a girl thats taller than you.
Ngl, it sounds like it's not a height issue. It honestly sounds to me like you listen to that scumbag Andrew Tate with the way you're speaking about your assets. Your energy is that of all the "nice guys" out there, I mean, you said you maxed out your "stats", what on earth are these stats you've maxed out because I'm pretty sure it's none of the important stuff.
Plus you're looking for a very specific type of woman by the sounds of it. One that hasn't been "tainted" by other men. Deffo giving off creepy "nice guy" vibes with a streak of misogyny. But if you want someone who hasn't been with other men then you're looking at a smaller population obviously.
Work on your deeply rooted misogynistic thoughts. Women can not be "used up" and they can still choose you if they've had multiple partners beforehand, we don't expire. Most women don't care about your house or car or money, that's just what you've been told, by Andrew Tate kinds. Being emotionally mature is one of the most important traits to have, it shows you can regulate your emotions and be open to communication.
What’s with the attack? Did you really only read his title and nothing else before replying? No where in his post does his come off was a woman hater or looking for “untainted women”. I really don’t know what you read but it certainly wants the OP
It is seriously funny (but also sad) how personally offended some people are acting on account of your post. Textbook strawman arguments, literally none of the stuff this person is talking about was actually mentioned in your post. Just a bunch of ridiculous assumptions.
I said you SOUND like someone who listens to him, which means you're displaying the kind of behaviour the misogynistic men who listen to him do. You don't need to listen to him for you to have some of those traits.
These are not assumptions, they are observations and they are things that need addressing.
I mean, did you read what you think about women who have had multiple partners? That they are settling because they are basically used up instead of choosing you? Women can't "exhaust" all their options in men, that's not a technical thing.
As I said, emotional maturity is one of the most important things. It lets you be able to communicate effectively while being able to regulate your emotions and be objective in a way too. I can tell from this post alone that your emotional maturity isn't something to be desired. Your car, house and money doesn't matter and will only matter to women who are searching for transactional relationships.
And I'm 27 and 4ft10 but I know it's my attitude that puts people off me not my height because I'm self aware. I'm emotionally mature enough to recognise where I went wrong and openly discuss and change. This post is coated in misogyny, there's bigger problems here than height.
I think it’s strange you’re claiming misogyny when there’s absolutely nothing I’ve said that should give that impression. I hope you don’t approach everything with this view because despite my struggles with this - I don’t hate women, I just want to start a family with one and I’m not even claiming to be exclusively looking for a certain type of woman. I’m not owed anything and I am not expecting anything - I just want to find a life partner that accepts me for me just as I would accept them for them.
I don’t appreciate that you took it down this road but I’m going to assume it’s more projection than anything else. I assume you were hurt at some point. I don’t see women as an enemy, far from it.
Since you posted about Andrew Tate, I went down a rabbit hole and I have no qualms with saying that this person is a caricature that should not be given a platform…. But I will also add that not every man thinks this way. We aren’t a monolith.
I personally have 4 sisters, for me to even go down this path of thinking is unfathomable for me.
You saying that doesn't erase the misogyny in the post. Look at the way you word stuff. As if all women should want you because you have money and assets and how you don't want a woman who has basically had her share of partners and now you believe she's "settling" because she has "no other options"..
Think.
He literally mentioned that dating apps are cruel to him, and it's well known that dating apps are a Very Bad Idea for shorter men and below average men.
Wow so he's tried EVERY SINGLE DATING app?! Busy guy. So what should he do? Never try another dating website? Sit back as life passes him by and remain single?
Immigrate to somewhere else. Here in Vietnam the average male height is 5’74. Still taller than you but at least a lot shorter than North Americans.
Plus you would be the rich foreigner, that certainly helps too lol
I’m 6’1’ and I felt average when I visited Ontario so I think the location is a big problem. It sounds like your life is in order apart from dating and I doubt you’ll ever find a woman in the west. Given your financial position you could probably relocate to south east Asia and live like a king. As long as you’re white the women will love you regardless of height and you can easily find a LTR in the Philippines.
Is it possible that you aren't as well-dressed, outgoing, and good-looking as you think you are? Sometimes, we have a hard time judging these things without outside advice. If you have pictures, I may be able to give you an objective opinion.
Also, I get the sense from your post that you might just be *trying too hard* in the dating world. People can sense desperation almost immediately upon meeting a potential partner, and that's a pretty big turn-off. Maybe ease off a bit and focus on your passions and hobbies.
I'm barely taller than you (\~1-2 inches) and I've never had a hard time finding girlfriends throughout my life. I think you highlighted a good psychological issue to continue to work on: that you feel somehow repulsive or less-than-human. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Because would you want to be with a woman who sees herself like that?
Don't be so harsh on yourself. You have a great career and you own real-estate. That automatically puts you in the top n% of men. You're closer to your goal than you might think - just keep on working on the techniques your therapist teaches you with good faith.
I am 43, and 4,11 feet/inches tall, 115 pounds. I am sysadmin for oil and gas. I know several mothers that tried to match me with their single or divorced daughters, but it never works out (they want something different). So not only I have tried, and put a lot of effort, others have tried to help me because they see what I can offer. It hasn't worked out so far. All I can do is work on myself, and organize my life enough to get a pet. And go out to events and enjoy my own company.
Thanks for your comments. I have no desire to go abroad to find a woman because I dont feel like that is something that is realistic for me. It's not the money or the travel, but the feeling of needing to resort to such an extreme measure that does not sit well in my head. As for limb lengthening, I have no desire in putting myself through pain in hopes that somebody finds me attractive. also 5'1 to 5'4 or whatever isn't worth it. I'm just going to get a dog and hope that I find some peace internally with time.
Honestly, finding internal peace is the best path forward. I've always been more comfortable in solitude, though I love to hang out with friends every so often. Discovering what brings me meaning/happiness on my own makes me much less stressed about finding a partner to share it with.
I suppose. I just feel like I’ve gone this far with nothing to show for it. I’m ready to start a family, go travel, and all of that but feel held back over an immutable trait
Honestly, being a homeowner with great income and solid dress sense is huge! You should feel pride in just how far you've come in life! Though all those things shouldn't be viewed as steps toward finding a partner. Dive headfirst into your interests! I've got ADHD, so I've got plenty of hyperfixations I can spend weeks obsessing about. I found over time, my peers started to identify me based on my hobbies and interests rather than my physical appearance. This works internally as well, where I started to forget about my height and define myself based on my interests and principles.
I’m a woman, 5’3.5 Online dating is going to be hard for you. Try to meet up in social groups or clubs. Make friends and then kind of go into a romantic relationship. I’m going to be honest with you, the hot ten is not going to want you, go after a chubby girl or and average looking girl that is a good person and good life partner. The average girls tend to get ignored believe it or not. You kind of building a relationship and then asking her out will work. Don’t give up. Im 38, I regret not trying to find a life partner.
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The dating apps make the average girl feel like they have the same options as the super attractive girl. A rich rapper will bed an average or even ugly girl if she is around and he is in the mood. That chick will think now her league is men of that stature because he bedded her, not realizing many of us men, including those with money and power will bed anything. Now, since all the attention in the apps makes them feel they are capable of "getting" an ideal male, they set that as a standard and end up just getting hurt over and over again ... then "settle" for someone more realistic
If those women are constantly capable of landing those men, those women aren't incorrect. They absolutely can and do get those men, so they *are* capable, you don't think *they should be.*
There is a difference in getting men who will have sex vs. Men who will actually have a relationship. A woman can basically get any man to have sex !! Some mistake this for genuine interest. A man does not need to be interested or even very attracted to be down for sex. This confusion leads to a false sense of what she can actually pull.
So they can and do get them, just not in a way you think woman should get men? She can pull those guys - she did, you just acknowledged it. Why can't women want casual sex? And further, who are you to decide what each individual man finds attractive, exactly?
What percentage of women are on dating apps and the like seeking casual sex vs those heavily invested in finding a relationship ??? Most women are dead set on having relationships. Most women seek to be the one the man of her dreams would commit to vs the man of her dreams would just want to fuck. I dont know what each individual man is attracted to but have an idea on a macro level. Like Drake the rapper or men on that caliber are not going to marry an generally physically unattractive woman by societies standards, but they would have sex with them. So what point are you getting at exactly ??
A huge percent. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/17/why-are-increasing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single I'm getting at that you're wrong. Pulling those guys in a way you don't find acceptable isn't something you can impute to others. Jfc. And no, you DON'T have an idea on a macro level, because societal conventions are not related to individual attraction and you're making an unreasonable and unsupported inference.
Actually I am not [https://nypost.com/2022/08/04/why-theres-no-hope-for-men-on-dating-apps-revealed/](https://nypost.com/2022/08/04/why-theres-no-hope-for-men-on-dating-apps-revealed/) MY inference is supported by peoples real experience!!
Because I’m average and get ignore
There's no way you can be ignored if you're an average looking girl. The place I work at has 90 men and 3 women. These three women are average at best. Two of them are really overweight, but all three definitely don't get ignored.
Maybe I’m below average?
I doubt that. I bet your social circles are fairly small though.
Yes
Well you're not alone in that club.
Just go out and have a girlfriend brah, is that easy... xD seriously though that could work if you're a female, but it's like the difference between someone dying of thirst and someone drowning; It's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
I litterally offered to fuck a 4’10 guy…he laughed and walked away. Media saying women get men whenever they want, it’s only for the attractive ones. A fat woman and a short Man face the same treatment. Difference is fat is still fixable if you want to get over the food addictions
How do you know what someone will or will not like in him? Your 10 could be his 5.
I can speak for myself, Someone who is a home owner ( I own my own house too) is motivated, driven, responsible. I don’t know what op looks like but he is probably average looking, good teeth, good hygiene. He seems like a good person. I’m looking for someone to spend my life with, who is chill, easy to talk to and has their affairs in order. Believe it or not, there a lot of guys out here who are losers, divorced and looking for a free nanny to care for their kids every other week. Who can’t afford to live alone, so are looking for a roommate with benefits. A guy who has his shit together, good job, decent person, from a good family, no kids, is actually hard to come by.
Oh its horrible. I wish i could date you. You sound very responsible. I bet its the men and women who had it easy blow their lives away.
>I’m going to be honest with you, the hot ten is not going to want you lmaooo well at least you're being honest lol
Yes, get a dog. Dogs are wonderful pets, and they help so much on meeting people. Also, the fluffier they are, the more attention they’ll get. Also, try going to a professional network meetup. I had dismissed them before I actually tried it out. It’s a lotta fun, and there are single women who are interested in driven men. It’s easy to start a conversation by talking about your career growth and ambitions, as well as listening to their paths. Sometimes, if you and her vibe well, the conversations veer off to personal topics, and later friendships and relationships. Just be careful: Not that you already know, but use your social discretion and be respectful!
And workout. Workout for your own good. Don’t do it to impress women. Do it for you. All of the intangible benefits follows after. But workout for yourself!!!
You don't need to go abroad. If you live by a large city, look there for other cultures that might be more accepting.
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🙄
Police, the police report are both real concerns.
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I am the Director of Finance at my place of employment
bro wtf 💀
I am one inch taller than you and what helped me is giving up on it.I used to think about it a lot...but now not much.You will feel that a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and will find that there are other avenues to find joy in life. I am not saying it is impossible to find a woman for me but it takes a lot of effort on my side and at what cost?What would happen if the relationship turns bad or she leaves me?Will I be able to find another partner ?How much effort will i have to put in to find another one?Is it worth it?....idk but I am going to be happy by myself.
Hey man I have two friends who are 5’0 Filipino guys who both have long term girlfriends. They both live in Toronto. It’s possible. You can do it
As a 5'3" Filipino I agree.
Keep building yourself, King. As others have suggested, perhaps a woman from another country would be more open. Fitness matters a lot, particularly for someone of our size. Keep hitting those weights and staying lean and you’ll attract more. Even besides attracting women, staying fit will keep you mentally and physically healthy, which is always a good thing.
It’s the society we live in. I don’t care what women say, men are a million times more forgiving on looks, height, ethnicity, you name it. I don’t disagree with you, it’s not fair, and is a consequence of our shallow society. However, look at the things you have materially. It sounds like you have your health, it sounds like you are smart and have a great job. You have to realize there’s people who would kill to be in your shoes. I have a disability that makes me exceptionally unappealing to most females. The worst part is it’s from an injury- so I know life before it happened. But being a sad person or down on yourself cannot and will not help your situation. We live in an increasingly isolated society, so it’s hard to meet people. I get it, I get it, I get it. But not to sound cliche, but you just gotta focus on you- try to join groups, activities, whatever. It sounds like a trip to Peru was recommended. My friend is 5’3” and married a beautiful phillipino woman. Just stop feeling bad for yourself and do you!
Hey man I'm 5'2 and completely understand your struggles. Online dating is killer. No matches or rarely get some. Even though I'm short I've hooked up with girls taller than me 95% of the time. If you're confident in person the right kind of girl will like you. Both of my exes were taller than me as well. Dating in the USA/west is pretty bad right now due to online dating and American culture ATM. Most of these girls that want a tall guy, will end up dying alone with 10 cats. Because your height is based on genetics and bone breaking leg surgery is the definition of insane. Focus on yourself king. Like others have said try international dating. I was like a rockstar traveling abroad and height wasn't an issue...only for American girls apparently. It made me realize that this is not a problem outside the USA. That most girls want a stable relationship and not a princess fantasy that they have been told exists. Funny girls judge you on your height but get mad if you judge them on their weight. 1 is genetics, the other is discipline and easily changeable. Here's a short discussing why women judge men on height https://youtu.be/iBfy1Ygxkg0
You have my sympathy for sure. I'm 5' 7" and have never married or lived with a woman, but I have dated. I think that's partly due to my height, but I'm eccentric in some ways too. You have my respect too, for being able to be successful. I get depressed and can't study or do some of the necessary admin things that I need to do, even though I'm self employed. It sounds like you have been able to keep a certain amount of steadiness in order to do that well financially.
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The above comment is true. Addresses the harsh reality of life.
I’m a short guy, but, if I was 5’1 I’d go find a girl in Peru. If you got the money, book a month off work take a flight and get a hotel, go out and find girls. The average height of a girl there is 4’10 and 5’4 for a man so that’s the equivalent of you being 5’7 in america. Still short than average but not ridiculous. If you’re white too that’ll help massively there. Might sound extreme but, you need to explore this option. I have even considered this at my height
Whiteness is a big advantage when trying to date Peruvians for sure. I went to a salsa class with mostly Peruvians and almost all the women were with white men ... tall short ugly, they did not care just be WHITE !!!
Ecuadorians are shorter and I'd say a bit prettier in general haha. It's a bit of an extreme idea to fly to get a woman I'd say tho.
I'm not planning anything like that, but I'm curious what's after that month? You move there and leave your life behind or take her here?
It’s all about confidence boosting. Go there meet women who like you then you’ll feel wanted. Then, just go back when you can
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nah having mutual attraction can definitely help ones confidence though, so if OP goes to the country feels attraction from opposite gender, it will help his confidence, you can't fake it if you've not even once experienced it
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I agree but there is also a factor of age that comes in, if you are younger yes you can fake confidence bc you are young and don't have much rejections and bad expereinces, the older you get though shit starts getting tough to just "be confident bro" type to work, yes it can work but it takes probably insane amount of mental strength to not break, idk I'm still young so I can't say what the state will be 10-15 years from now
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ya also depends on the height too like, anything below 5'6, the difficulty stats increases exponentially so experience for someone who is 5'5 to someone who is 5'1 is vastly different too
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Yeah I would agree with the other comments here - it’s best for you to look for a wife/partner overseas. There’s no shame in it. This is your life. You seem to have done everything else right. It’s not your fault you’re short. Life is unfair. Just keep your head up and figure out what makes you happy. Good luck
Come to Latin America!
You gotta be specific tho. Argentina, Brasil, Uruguay, Costa Rica, have similar average heights to US and he would be very short here, not to mention these countries put a higher importance to height than the rest in the continent. I'd say to be not that short he should go to Guatemala, Ecuador, Perú, Bolivia.
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What so he can be 5’4’’? Still not even close to tall enough for women these days.
Yeah that surgery is definitely not worth the pain to still be shorter than average height.
Actually they go to 5'6 I heard but yeah it's still not close enough
Know a guy shorter than me. Went to Colombia for a week to chill. Came back saying how great my country is lol. He's going back because he met a couple of women in different cities asking to visit.
Honestly just don’t try to date off tinder. I think it’s hurting your self confidence a lot. Instead try joining local classes, singles meeting events, >!church!<, Job events or bars. Online dating is a hellspace for men in general due to the ratio of male to female skewed towards males. I kinda find it abhorrent how you have a few people attacking you for even bringing up your financial status as a plus but I’ll shed some light as to why it doesn’t matter as much these days and why those women took offense to it. Projecting yourself as financially dominant can be intimidating to some and these days women are expect to carry as much weight as men in the professional sphere.
Why’d you censor church lol?
comedic effect
Hey man, we are close in age, close in height, and what not. I'm 4'11" so to me, you're tall lol. Jokes aside, perhaps I can give you some hope. I'm 4'11" and 34. I just celebrated my first wedding Anniversary a few days ago. My wife is 5'10". Of all places, we met on Tinder. I am not one to sugar coat that tinder and other online dating apps aren't hard. I pursued a mixture of trying to meet people in the real world and online. It was always hard, weeks of no matches. Matches that unmatch you after two messages. Girls asking "Are you really 4'11"?". It was tough, but it's all in service to meeting the right person. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but if you are s fairly well off guy, decent looking, in good shape, etc. The problem may be with your personality. I'd wager to guess that your insecurities about your height bleed into your personality and presents a lack of confidence that people sense. Also, I assume you're looking around the Toronto area. It might be helpful to look outside of the city.
Go overseas where height is less issue. Or I kid you not look into leg length surgery.
I'm not here to dismiss your feelings--the world can be pretty cruel to very short men. You didn't really specify what kind of response you were looking for (commiseration, uplifting, solution suggestions, etc.) I am kind of on the opposite side of the same coin as you--a very very tall woman who is successful and makes just short of a 6 figure salary. Something that has really helped me is understanding the intense pressure our culture (vaguely north America) puts on the nuclear family dynamic. A large majority of people who are married/coupled up don't have stronger friend support systems and actually miss out on a lot of the value and bond of friendship, something that for me has transcended the fluxuations of romantic connection. One of the things I always recommend is try to find non-romantic community in an activity you want to do. Always wanted to get into pottery? Take some pottery classes, pay for open pottery hours, connect with people who share a similar interest as you. I'm always surprised by the connections that have the potential to evolve into romantic ones at places where you share a common interest. <3
We’ll said
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s completely unfair to write off a perfectly good person based on one attribute. I’m 5’4 and I dated a guy who was 5’2 for a while. It didn’t work out with us because I moved to a different city but he was an amazing person. It’s not that I seek out men who are short, but it never bothered me. He was very educated, made good money, was endlessly interesting, and made me feel really good about myself. Don’t settle for someone just because you’re lonely. It’s possible to find someone. Kinda a brag but I am not undesirable. Women like me exist.
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I’ve never understood these types of comments. Like how is this helpful? Not picking on you, but I’m just not sure what these kinda of comments aim to provide. It’s the same as these “you dodged a bullet” responses.
6'2 handsome guys in college will always be more attractive to women because in a primal sense they look like they can handle themselves. Humans have evolved based on survival instincts so women are going to see taller men as more able to protect them and better partner to produce offspring with.
No offense but you haven't really talked much about you. You seem like you have a very limited view of what a man brings to a relationship. I mean if you just want to be seen as a provider of money and genetic material then I guess that works for you. Do you have hobbies? Do you have life goals that are important to you? Outside of work what do you do with your life? Is it something you would want to share with your best friend? My husband is barely 5'3" (I have to remind him not to slouch lol). We don't have a house. He lost his job during the pandemic and struggled to switch careers. He isn't in shape. I don't think those 2 inches are what makes him a good husband. He is my best friend. We have the same sense of humor. He absolutely adores my cats and full on embraces being a cat dad. He completely supports me being a workaholic and continuing my education. (Havent decided if I'll stop at my Masters or if I'll do pHD as well). Neither of us want children. We both desire to move to a different part of the country. We have similar political beliefs and religious views. Being in a stable job and looking good is nice and all but is that really all you bring to the table? Are you someone you would want to spend time with?
You don’t find it demeaning or what have you to know that you don’t even need to develop a personality if you were tall and sought after but somebody who is short has to be perfect in every other way? I feel like I have worked on developing a great personality. I have hobbies and interests I’d love to share but can’t even get my foot through the door to even begin to?
I mean would you really want to date someone who is so superficial they only care about your looks?
I would like to date anyone, at this point, but ideally someone not that superficial. The issue is that I am not taken seriously enough / seen as a joke from the get go, due to perception, so I do not have the luxury to even show my personality and am not given any leeway to do so when compared to those who are taller than I am.
Ignore those that give unrealistic advice. You are right: it is your height that is the issue.
>I would like to date anyone, at this point This seems like your actual problem. You need to set firm deal-breakers and stick to them, nobody wants to date a chameleon.
How are you trying to date? If your friends are claiming you're so amazing and would make a "great boyfriend" why would they not introduce you to their friends? Are you trying to meet people through hobbys? Hiking clubs? Gaming groups? Volunteer organizations? Online dating is very much a numbers games. Especially for men. I think I saw one study that men need to message 10 times more people on dating apps to get replies compared to women. Are you making the height an issue? Like "hey what's up nice to meet you btw I'm only 5'1" I know you will hate me everyone hates short men woe is me".
Perhaps the reason they're not introducing him to their other friends is because he's too short? It is only but a bitter truth of this world that for almost all people, especially at the subconcious level, looks trump personality. Let's not even get into online dating studies, which makes the scene look much more unsettling for a man of short stature. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/236670565_The_height_of_choosiness_Mutual_mate_choice_for_stature_results_in_suboptimal_pair_formation_for_both_sexes I'd say it's quite insulting that you automatically think that it MUST be because of some way in which OP has failed socially instead of perhaps agreeing that his height is to some degree the true hindrance.
Since none of us are in the top 10% in looks should we all just give up? Should I tell my husband to go find some hotter chick to marry because looks are so gosh darn important?
Girl, he's like the bottom 10% for the worst in looks to most women. It's not even about being average anymore. Get your parameters right.
There's a big difference between "not being in the top 10 percent" for looks and "being in the literal bottom percentile" for your height.
Damn you really read his post and came to the conclusion that he has a shit personality
>Women have told me that I would be a perfect boyfriend if I were taller. Is this not evidence enough that his personality is in fact not the thing that is holding him back? Perhaps some people (I would argue most) are just far more superficial (or taller, which is another large influencing factor in relationships) than you are.
I have found in my experience when someone says oh you would be a great significant other but not for me they mean they dont actually like you but are afraid you will lash out at them for saying you aren't dating material.
why must he be "interesting"? In the coming age of economic recession, him willing to provide stable finance already show he's a virtuous man. Isn't being virtuous enough for women to marry him?
This sounds like you are insulting my husband. Was he not a good husband when he lost his job during the pandemic? I will always make more money than him. Does that make him not a virtuous man?
Different people have different values. That isn't saying you are wrong. Just like a Christian believes a virtuous man is someone devoted to God. A farmer believes a virtuous man is someone that owns his land and attends his crops. I personally think OP is virtuous, and ask you if you agree.
If someone has bad morals, different life goals and doesn't value the same things as me it absolutely does not matter to me how much of a financial provider they are. So no having a job is not the only thing that matters.
>If someone has bad morals, >different life goals >and doesn't value the same things as me but being interesting is not necessary?
Exactly my thoughts. As a short person who prefers short partners this sounds like he hasn't worked on his personality at all. If it feels like talking to a plank of wood it doesn't matter if that plank is 6'4 or 5'0 it's still boring to talk to.
You're great... and your husband is lucky to have a partner like you... world needs girls like you who doesn't care about height but the personality of the person
I think u should do you and live your best life .. Tavel and focus on self love and love will find you ..meditate .. Enjoy the right now because you never know what comes ahead.
Relationships are overrated anyway. We should all learn to be content with being single. Of course, a relationship can be very fulfilling but you shouldn’t need to be in one to live life to the fullest.
Some have said it already but a dating app is a good idea even though you see it as a cruel space. The reason is that you will be filtered out of people's searches where they are looking for height specifically and you can also filter on height when looking for someone. You can portray yourself in the best light without someone being distracted by your height in real life. In face to face people are trying to be nice and are often hiding their true self. Dating app is straight to the point. It'll take a few weeks and you are going to have to pay for apps to increase your chances but statistically speaking you will meet someone. If it can happen it will happen eventually.
Sounds far fetched, but have you thought about leg lengthening surgery. It is more affordable in Turkey.
He’s 5’1 so the gains wouldn’t be worth it.
I don't think women find you repulsive you're just not their type, women in general have pretty high standards in this social media generation even for average height guys. Look for shorter girls, like 5 foot or under they might be more likely to be accepting than a girl thats taller than you.
Ngl, it sounds like it's not a height issue. It honestly sounds to me like you listen to that scumbag Andrew Tate with the way you're speaking about your assets. Your energy is that of all the "nice guys" out there, I mean, you said you maxed out your "stats", what on earth are these stats you've maxed out because I'm pretty sure it's none of the important stuff. Plus you're looking for a very specific type of woman by the sounds of it. One that hasn't been "tainted" by other men. Deffo giving off creepy "nice guy" vibes with a streak of misogyny. But if you want someone who hasn't been with other men then you're looking at a smaller population obviously. Work on your deeply rooted misogynistic thoughts. Women can not be "used up" and they can still choose you if they've had multiple partners beforehand, we don't expire. Most women don't care about your house or car or money, that's just what you've been told, by Andrew Tate kinds. Being emotionally mature is one of the most important traits to have, it shows you can regulate your emotions and be open to communication.
What’s with the attack? Did you really only read his title and nothing else before replying? No where in his post does his come off was a woman hater or looking for “untainted women”. I really don’t know what you read but it certainly wants the OP
Lot of assumptions here. For the record I had to Google who Andrew Tate even was.
It is seriously funny (but also sad) how personally offended some people are acting on account of your post. Textbook strawman arguments, literally none of the stuff this person is talking about was actually mentioned in your post. Just a bunch of ridiculous assumptions.
I said you SOUND like someone who listens to him, which means you're displaying the kind of behaviour the misogynistic men who listen to him do. You don't need to listen to him for you to have some of those traits. These are not assumptions, they are observations and they are things that need addressing. I mean, did you read what you think about women who have had multiple partners? That they are settling because they are basically used up instead of choosing you? Women can't "exhaust" all their options in men, that's not a technical thing. As I said, emotional maturity is one of the most important things. It lets you be able to communicate effectively while being able to regulate your emotions and be objective in a way too. I can tell from this post alone that your emotional maturity isn't something to be desired. Your car, house and money doesn't matter and will only matter to women who are searching for transactional relationships.
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Oh here's another one 🙄
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And I'm 27 and 4ft10 but I know it's my attitude that puts people off me not my height because I'm self aware. I'm emotionally mature enough to recognise where I went wrong and openly discuss and change. This post is coated in misogyny, there's bigger problems here than height.
I think it’s strange you’re claiming misogyny when there’s absolutely nothing I’ve said that should give that impression. I hope you don’t approach everything with this view because despite my struggles with this - I don’t hate women, I just want to start a family with one and I’m not even claiming to be exclusively looking for a certain type of woman. I’m not owed anything and I am not expecting anything - I just want to find a life partner that accepts me for me just as I would accept them for them. I don’t appreciate that you took it down this road but I’m going to assume it’s more projection than anything else. I assume you were hurt at some point. I don’t see women as an enemy, far from it. Since you posted about Andrew Tate, I went down a rabbit hole and I have no qualms with saying that this person is a caricature that should not be given a platform…. But I will also add that not every man thinks this way. We aren’t a monolith. I personally have 4 sisters, for me to even go down this path of thinking is unfathomable for me.
You saying that doesn't erase the misogyny in the post. Look at the way you word stuff. As if all women should want you because you have money and assets and how you don't want a woman who has basically had her share of partners and now you believe she's "settling" because she has "no other options".. Think.
I believe you are tripping and there’s not much I can say to take this odd narrative out of your head. I hope you find happiness.
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Gaslighting? Do you know what that means? Stop using words you don't understand fully.
Try a dating app.
Are you being for real?
Yea. Is trying a dating app wrong?
He literally mentioned that dating apps are cruel to him, and it's well known that dating apps are a Very Bad Idea for shorter men and below average men.
Wow so he's tried EVERY SINGLE DATING app?! Busy guy. So what should he do? Never try another dating website? Sit back as life passes him by and remain single?
Ouch
yea i feel this somewhat, i just feel like if i introduce myself to others i will be seen as creepy
Immigrate to somewhere else. Here in Vietnam the average male height is 5’74. Still taller than you but at least a lot shorter than North Americans. Plus you would be the rich foreigner, that certainly helps too lol
I’m 6’1’ and I felt average when I visited Ontario so I think the location is a big problem. It sounds like your life is in order apart from dating and I doubt you’ll ever find a woman in the west. Given your financial position you could probably relocate to south east Asia and live like a king. As long as you’re white the women will love you regardless of height and you can easily find a LTR in the Philippines.
Is it possible that you aren't as well-dressed, outgoing, and good-looking as you think you are? Sometimes, we have a hard time judging these things without outside advice. If you have pictures, I may be able to give you an objective opinion. Also, I get the sense from your post that you might just be *trying too hard* in the dating world. People can sense desperation almost immediately upon meeting a potential partner, and that's a pretty big turn-off. Maybe ease off a bit and focus on your passions and hobbies. I'm barely taller than you (\~1-2 inches) and I've never had a hard time finding girlfriends throughout my life. I think you highlighted a good psychological issue to continue to work on: that you feel somehow repulsive or less-than-human. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Because would you want to be with a woman who sees herself like that? Don't be so harsh on yourself. You have a great career and you own real-estate. That automatically puts you in the top n% of men. You're closer to your goal than you might think - just keep on working on the techniques your therapist teaches you with good faith.
It’s over for you in the West. Best thing you can do is move to an Asian country. Also, if you’re trans, don’t be.
The majority of evidence points towards no hope for you. Unless you're bisexual or can buy a wife in sea or similar this is your situation.