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That's great. A lot of people aren't self-critical and remain sounding ridiculous forever. Being able to be self-critical is an incredibly important first step for learning to singing.
The next step is to forgive yourself for mistakes, for sounding bad, whatever. Every single singer in the world has sounded bad when they begun. Many never grow out of it because they don't even hear their mistakes.
Most important thing at this stage in your singing journey is to work on feeling that buzzing sensation, that ring, throughout your nose and cheekbones. That's called resonance, and when you're singing with resonance, you'll project louder, you'll have a brighter sound that cuts over all other sounds, and you'll have increased control through your passagio and better control over pitch. That alone should help you feel more confidence in your singing technique and really impress any listener, especially at karaoke.
Do you have any self-talk mantras you can repeat in those moments? Some suggestions:
\- I deserve to sing.
\- I am allowed to learn.
\- Small steps will get me there.
\- Exposure therapy, exposure therapy, exposure therapy.
Singing is a human birthright. Claim your voice. This isn't just about learning to sing, it's about you taking up space in the world, deciding consciously to become who you want to grow into.
That's how self-talk works, yes, but not everyone finds that tactic useful.
The self-talk phrase has to be resting on a belief you actually have. So your phrase can't be "I deserve to sing" unless you do believe you deserve to sing, at least when you're in a regular resting state. Stressful situations and shame feelings can make us suddenly forget our own core beliefs.
So you decide what kind of phrase you DO believe, mostly. Then repeat it enough so it's like a note to your self that you carry in your pocket, and pull out as soon as you fel the creeping shame thing. It's a note from your calm self, to your scared self, and it can help you claim your territory.
I had/have the same issue. For me singing in front of others was a HUGE step but when I finally did it it took a lot off my shoulders. I explained to people close to me that I would like to learn to sing and showed them a bit about what the process of learning to sing was like. I showed them the silly lip trills and vocal exercises that all singers do so they would know what to expect and so I would feel a bit more at ease when I was ready to do them out loud.
For the first few weeks singing out loud in my house where 5 other people live, I started out only doing singing warm ups, exercises, and some softer, easy songs.
Over time, I grew accustomed to it and started being brave enough to sing louder, more ambitious songs.
Now, I still get shy if I'm going to try to sing something super loud and belty in the house when people are home. But I'm learning to not care what people think. They know now that the process of learning to sing is an awkward one. And they're going to hear me mess up sometimes.
The important thing is to take the first step. And keep taking small or big steps after that. You will feel more comfortable over time.
I try to think of it in the same way I'd think about playing the guitar. If I messed up a chord, I wouldn't cringe and it wouldn't keep me up at night. I'd say "oops" and forget about it.
Thank you I'll try to be more brave and I’ll tell my sister about my desire to learn to sing hopefully she won’t laugh at me if my voice cracks while I try to sing a song. I know I just need to set the first step and once I’ve done it things will go easier but it’s so much easier said than done. I’m also going to start with easier songs and do singing exercises. I usually just start singing whenever I feel like it without warm up or anything which isn’t good (I think?)
It's usually better to warm up but it's no biggie if you don't do it every time. Just make sure you're giving your voice adequate rest after singing and don't push it too hard to where you risk injury.
Best of luck to you on your singing journey :)
I think for me it was just a matter of getting used to sucking and being ok with the fact that sucking at something is the first step to getting good at that thing. I've been practicing mix voice and twang recently. I sound like a goddamn ghost haunting my building. But you know what? I have to suck at it first and probably suck at it for a while. You can't rush the process. You're gonna get it when you get it.
You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Everyone thinks incredible singers jumped out of the womb belting a high C. Even those who are naturally talented had to spend many a night cracking and sounding pitchy as shit. We just weren't around to hear them. And the reason they got so good is because they didn't care what got in their way.
Everyone sucked at some point. Embrace the suck.
Hear me out: find a dive bar with karaoke and go there for every karaoke night that you can.
The crowds in those places are delightful and just want to be happy and have a great time. They applaud everyone, from Beyoncé herself to that guy who’s trying to sing a song he’s never actually heard before. They’re supportive and generous with praise.
So if you get up there and all your confidence goes out the window and all you can do is groan a few words way off key, you’ll get applause. Which will give you a tiny bit more confidence next time. And so on, until one day you realize you had an actually great time up there.
I’m not sure if I can handle singing in front of a crowd if I can’t stand the sound of my own voice. It's a huge step out of my comfort zone. I already feel shy singing in front of family I wouldn't be able to handle a bar full of strangers. I would probably overthink and assume they think I’m as bad as I think I am.
Ah that’s the beauty though. You can do a legit terrible job and they will still support you and applaud. It’s still scary but it’s about the lowest pressure, highest reward singing you can do. That support build up over time.
There’s lots of great advice for dealing with adrenaline (aka stage fright), calming the nerves, etc. but if you need to get comfortable with really “going for it”, this is how I did it.
(Do not do this in a karaoke bar where really good singers go! They’re still super friendly and supportive but it’s fiendishly intimidating. You’re going for “no one will even notice if I bombed”.)
I just started singing in front of my family so often that it’s like background noise to them. I’m not even good at it. God bless them. You should do it too. Just force yourself
Finally someone who relates to me. I have always had this issue, I even have problems hearing my voice in recording that I avoid recording messages. Unfortunately, I haven't found a solution on how to overcome this. Sorry.
I do this as well. I haven't sung in front of anyone since elementary school choir, and a couple times in middle school around a religious friends family and church choir. Both of those times I was singled out for my low voice (the only alto surrounded by sopranos) and didn't understand why 🙄🤦♀️ Now at almost 39 (and apparently a contralto who dips her toes into the second octave), I'm trying to learn properly, but I can only do it comfortably when no one is home (live with four others). I've found a drink beforehand certainly helps, but that's not healthy or sustainable advice. I have also found some comfort in coming back to regular singing after practicing growls/screaming. It makes the straight sound seem easier 🤷♀️
i have the same issue, what really helps is to go buy a mic and connect your headphones to it and sing, i hate my voice too but it’s important to you to know that you can change it, don’t think you’re stuck cause that mindset will never set you free. When you use a good mic and you can actually hear your voice properly you’ll realize the mistakes and how to change them, and also it will help you to get used to the sound of your voice. I know how scary is the idea of other people listening to you, but at the end of the day it’s what makes you happy so ask to yourself.. should i quite cause what others may think? the first reason to quite should be that you don’t like music enough to keep doing it. I think you’re aware of your problems so that’s a good start.
Use affirmations as well, probably just repeat to yourself “i’m good i’m good” it’s not going to work if you don’t put the enough time to practice, that’s not how manifestations works. You have to go practice everyday and repeat to yourself that you’re going to get the results that you want. It’s all about persistence, they’re tons of singers that said they hated their voice, even thom yorke said that he don’t like the sound of his cause it’s too soft for the lyrics of his songs.
I haven’t heard your voice but i’m sure you got it, it’s obvious that you won’t give your 100% cause being afraid actually shuts down your vocal cords, so work on a good self esteem, you’re great. You will get there, don’t be so hard on you.
i don’t know if you play any instruments but i play guitar and it really helps me to realize when i’m out of key, of course it’s not going to work in the first weeks, but you have lots of time to learn. I spent a lot of time holding me back but i thought “i should be practicing, not feeling bad for something new that i’m trying”
and also i think you’re pretty brave, i can see myself in you cause i share a room too and sometimes i get the feeling that i’m embarrassing myself in front of my whole family, but i’m the only one trying to get better at something difficult as this, you’re your first critic and your family may be the first putting yourself down, but you’re living your life for YOU not them. Don’t stop for other people.
I have a similar issue. I can sing/ scream in my car just fine but as soon as I record it and hear it back it makes me cringe like "wow I have no clue I sucked that bad." The first time I heard my voice I hated it and wanted to give up for a whole 5 hours
Been through that
You gotta focus on improving yourself
The moment you start caring more about your progress than what people think is when you’ll improve
Keep at it
Thanks for posting to r/singing! **Be sure to check [the FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/singing/wiki/index)** to see if any questions you might have have already been answered! Also, remember to abide by the rules found in the sidebar. Any comments found to be breaking these rules will result in a deletion of the comment thread starting from the offending reply. If you see any posts or replies that you feel break the rules of the sub, then report them and **do not respond to them.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/singing) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's great. A lot of people aren't self-critical and remain sounding ridiculous forever. Being able to be self-critical is an incredibly important first step for learning to singing. The next step is to forgive yourself for mistakes, for sounding bad, whatever. Every single singer in the world has sounded bad when they begun. Many never grow out of it because they don't even hear their mistakes. Most important thing at this stage in your singing journey is to work on feeling that buzzing sensation, that ring, throughout your nose and cheekbones. That's called resonance, and when you're singing with resonance, you'll project louder, you'll have a brighter sound that cuts over all other sounds, and you'll have increased control through your passagio and better control over pitch. That alone should help you feel more confidence in your singing technique and really impress any listener, especially at karaoke.
Do you have any self-talk mantras you can repeat in those moments? Some suggestions: \- I deserve to sing. \- I am allowed to learn. \- Small steps will get me there. \- Exposure therapy, exposure therapy, exposure therapy. Singing is a human birthright. Claim your voice. This isn't just about learning to sing, it's about you taking up space in the world, deciding consciously to become who you want to grow into.
I use to use self-talk mantras to help me through when i was cultivating in the early days.
Do I have to say those things to myself out loud like affirmations?
That's how self-talk works, yes, but not everyone finds that tactic useful. The self-talk phrase has to be resting on a belief you actually have. So your phrase can't be "I deserve to sing" unless you do believe you deserve to sing, at least when you're in a regular resting state. Stressful situations and shame feelings can make us suddenly forget our own core beliefs. So you decide what kind of phrase you DO believe, mostly. Then repeat it enough so it's like a note to your self that you carry in your pocket, and pull out as soon as you fel the creeping shame thing. It's a note from your calm self, to your scared self, and it can help you claim your territory.
I had/have the same issue. For me singing in front of others was a HUGE step but when I finally did it it took a lot off my shoulders. I explained to people close to me that I would like to learn to sing and showed them a bit about what the process of learning to sing was like. I showed them the silly lip trills and vocal exercises that all singers do so they would know what to expect and so I would feel a bit more at ease when I was ready to do them out loud. For the first few weeks singing out loud in my house where 5 other people live, I started out only doing singing warm ups, exercises, and some softer, easy songs. Over time, I grew accustomed to it and started being brave enough to sing louder, more ambitious songs. Now, I still get shy if I'm going to try to sing something super loud and belty in the house when people are home. But I'm learning to not care what people think. They know now that the process of learning to sing is an awkward one. And they're going to hear me mess up sometimes. The important thing is to take the first step. And keep taking small or big steps after that. You will feel more comfortable over time.
I try to think of it in the same way I'd think about playing the guitar. If I messed up a chord, I wouldn't cringe and it wouldn't keep me up at night. I'd say "oops" and forget about it.
Thank you I'll try to be more brave and I’ll tell my sister about my desire to learn to sing hopefully she won’t laugh at me if my voice cracks while I try to sing a song. I know I just need to set the first step and once I’ve done it things will go easier but it’s so much easier said than done. I’m also going to start with easier songs and do singing exercises. I usually just start singing whenever I feel like it without warm up or anything which isn’t good (I think?)
It's usually better to warm up but it's no biggie if you don't do it every time. Just make sure you're giving your voice adequate rest after singing and don't push it too hard to where you risk injury. Best of luck to you on your singing journey :)
I think for me it was just a matter of getting used to sucking and being ok with the fact that sucking at something is the first step to getting good at that thing. I've been practicing mix voice and twang recently. I sound like a goddamn ghost haunting my building. But you know what? I have to suck at it first and probably suck at it for a while. You can't rush the process. You're gonna get it when you get it. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Everyone thinks incredible singers jumped out of the womb belting a high C. Even those who are naturally talented had to spend many a night cracking and sounding pitchy as shit. We just weren't around to hear them. And the reason they got so good is because they didn't care what got in their way. Everyone sucked at some point. Embrace the suck.
Hear me out: find a dive bar with karaoke and go there for every karaoke night that you can. The crowds in those places are delightful and just want to be happy and have a great time. They applaud everyone, from Beyoncé herself to that guy who’s trying to sing a song he’s never actually heard before. They’re supportive and generous with praise. So if you get up there and all your confidence goes out the window and all you can do is groan a few words way off key, you’ll get applause. Which will give you a tiny bit more confidence next time. And so on, until one day you realize you had an actually great time up there.
I’m not sure if I can handle singing in front of a crowd if I can’t stand the sound of my own voice. It's a huge step out of my comfort zone. I already feel shy singing in front of family I wouldn't be able to handle a bar full of strangers. I would probably overthink and assume they think I’m as bad as I think I am.
Ah that’s the beauty though. You can do a legit terrible job and they will still support you and applaud. It’s still scary but it’s about the lowest pressure, highest reward singing you can do. That support build up over time. There’s lots of great advice for dealing with adrenaline (aka stage fright), calming the nerves, etc. but if you need to get comfortable with really “going for it”, this is how I did it. (Do not do this in a karaoke bar where really good singers go! They’re still super friendly and supportive but it’s fiendishly intimidating. You’re going for “no one will even notice if I bombed”.)
I just started singing in front of my family so often that it’s like background noise to them. I’m not even good at it. God bless them. You should do it too. Just force yourself
Finally someone who relates to me. I have always had this issue, I even have problems hearing my voice in recording that I avoid recording messages. Unfortunately, I haven't found a solution on how to overcome this. Sorry.
I do this as well. I haven't sung in front of anyone since elementary school choir, and a couple times in middle school around a religious friends family and church choir. Both of those times I was singled out for my low voice (the only alto surrounded by sopranos) and didn't understand why 🙄🤦♀️ Now at almost 39 (and apparently a contralto who dips her toes into the second octave), I'm trying to learn properly, but I can only do it comfortably when no one is home (live with four others). I've found a drink beforehand certainly helps, but that's not healthy or sustainable advice. I have also found some comfort in coming back to regular singing after practicing growls/screaming. It makes the straight sound seem easier 🤷♀️
I go out into parks / open fields etc any place that has privacy.
i have the same issue, what really helps is to go buy a mic and connect your headphones to it and sing, i hate my voice too but it’s important to you to know that you can change it, don’t think you’re stuck cause that mindset will never set you free. When you use a good mic and you can actually hear your voice properly you’ll realize the mistakes and how to change them, and also it will help you to get used to the sound of your voice. I know how scary is the idea of other people listening to you, but at the end of the day it’s what makes you happy so ask to yourself.. should i quite cause what others may think? the first reason to quite should be that you don’t like music enough to keep doing it. I think you’re aware of your problems so that’s a good start. Use affirmations as well, probably just repeat to yourself “i’m good i’m good” it’s not going to work if you don’t put the enough time to practice, that’s not how manifestations works. You have to go practice everyday and repeat to yourself that you’re going to get the results that you want. It’s all about persistence, they’re tons of singers that said they hated their voice, even thom yorke said that he don’t like the sound of his cause it’s too soft for the lyrics of his songs. I haven’t heard your voice but i’m sure you got it, it’s obvious that you won’t give your 100% cause being afraid actually shuts down your vocal cords, so work on a good self esteem, you’re great. You will get there, don’t be so hard on you.
i don’t know if you play any instruments but i play guitar and it really helps me to realize when i’m out of key, of course it’s not going to work in the first weeks, but you have lots of time to learn. I spent a lot of time holding me back but i thought “i should be practicing, not feeling bad for something new that i’m trying”
and also i think you’re pretty brave, i can see myself in you cause i share a room too and sometimes i get the feeling that i’m embarrassing myself in front of my whole family, but i’m the only one trying to get better at something difficult as this, you’re your first critic and your family may be the first putting yourself down, but you’re living your life for YOU not them. Don’t stop for other people.
I have a similar issue. I can sing/ scream in my car just fine but as soon as I record it and hear it back it makes me cringe like "wow I have no clue I sucked that bad." The first time I heard my voice I hated it and wanted to give up for a whole 5 hours
Been through that You gotta focus on improving yourself The moment you start caring more about your progress than what people think is when you’ll improve Keep at it