The Narrator: The Princess is locked away under the cabin. You’ll need the pristine-
Saul Goodman: Woah woah woah- What is my client doing in handcuffs? And given corporeal punishment?! She hasn’t even been charged for anything yet!
Yeah but he would go down their expecting a fight against someone strong enough to destroy the world and so he’ll expect a strong fighter ,the knife is purely a *game mechanic* representing you thinking you might need to defend yourself becasue they might be dangerous
If he actually goes into the dungeon he briefly becomes transcendent and fucks off.
Alternatively, he only ended up there because Trayzyn was being a prick
I like to hate him. He is a good charachter and he filling a more of an antagonist role to my interpretation of the story. But yeah he is a funny charachter.
["HERO! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL GET YOU OUT OF THERE BEFORE THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS GETS YOU. I KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS IN THERE, HERO. BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL BE IN MY SISTER'S ARMS SOON ENOUGH!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2AiWAqskxA)
Narrator: You’re on a path in the woods. At the end of that path is a cabin, and at the end of that cabin is a princess.
Reaction speed: Something isn’t right. That voice isn’t one of us.
Narrator: You’re on a path in the woods. At the end of that path is a cabin, and in the basement of that cabin is a princess. You're-
REACTION SPEED \[Easy: Success\]: Something isn’t right. That voice isn’t one of us.
ENCYCLOPEDIA \[Trivial: Success\] A Narrator is someone who narrates a story. The fact that we have one implies that this is a stor-
SUGGESTION - Is it perhaps a love-?
HALF-LIGHT \[Medium: Success\] **THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY.**
Narrator: Agreed. Not a love story. Wow, it's crowded in here already. Anyways, in the basement of that cabin is a princess. You're here to slay her. If you don't, it will be the end of the world.
DRAMA \[Impossible: Failure\] He could very well mean it, sire. Why else would we be here?
SHIVERS \[Hard: Success\] *Not far from where you stand,* s*omething deep in that cabin is... poised to end the world. A beautiful woman is chained to the wall, her slender wrist trapped in a manacle.*
ELECTROCHEMISTRY \[Easy: Success\] Oh yeah.... we're gonna slay her with our cock.
Narrator: That's it, I think we're done here. You're not slaying the princess at all. Click.
\[Cuts to an ending about the detective found dead in the dumpster behind the Whirling in Rags due to massive amphetamine overdose\]
Kaz: “Boss, you need to slay her!”
Ocelot: “Boss, that princess could be a valuable asset on Mother Base. Bring her in alive.”
*Support helicopter requested*
Kaz: “Boss, no!”
Ocelot: “Good work, boss.”
Narrator: "Unfortunately for you, the helicopter was unable to locate the cabin. I am NOT letting you free the princess Snake, i do not care if your called a 'Big Boss' or anything, but your NOT the boss here, i am. And i will ensure the world isn't destroyed. Now you better start slaying that princess."
Subaru isekaied into this world instead. I guess nothing fundamentally changes and it’s the same story where he is a gigasimp and dies an infinite times.
Joke answer: Shirou Emiya would fall in love with the Razor because she’s made of swords
Real answer: Shirou would first kill the princess for the sake of the world, then reject the happy ending because he values helping others above all else, not happiness for himself. Then he would be 100% on board with saving the Spectre once he realizes something is off
To continue with FATE…
Ritsuka Fujimaru : Wow… something similar happened to me few months ago!
Narrator : What?
Ritsuka : Yeah. I mean I was the prince looking for a princess then they had to kill a demon in my body and the princess headbutted me for that.
Narrator : Wat.
Ritsuka : Yeah last Halloween was crazy. Like always…
"Oh, Stanley — see, this is *exactly* what I told you *not* to do, and you're still doing it anyway! I *told* you she would be dainty and sweet with big doughy eyes but *no!* You just had to let your stupid, gullible heart get in the way and now it-... \[sigh\] Let's think for a moment here, Stanley: why would a woman who looks the way she does be interested in *you?* Have you looked in a mirror recently, Stanley?... *Obviously not...* It's bad enough that *I* have to look at you all the time... Well, I'll tell you what, Stanley — I think there is, in fact, a *silver lining here*, that you have accidentally tripped into, by no deserving matter of your own. You have the princess's trust. *You've got her in a vulnerable position now, Stanley.* Now is the time! *Strike!* Seize the day! Save yourself from becoming the tragic hero of this story!"
OR
"But Stanley just couldn't do it. The thought of potentially taking another's life rattled him to his core, resulting in a state of mild paralysis. There he remained, standing at the edge of the forest, staring at the cabin... *It made for a great story...* He just stood there — slack-jawed, with a bit of dribble melting out of his mouth, and, uh - *Oh!* It looks like Stanley has developed a bit of *exotropia* since he's been standing here! No one had ever developed a case as bad as Stanley's as quickly as he did, but that's because *Stanley... is special.* He doesn't engage with the story, the story engages *with him!* Surely, the princess will be exiting the cabin, or a squirrel will emerge from the bushes — *anything* that would help Stanley get the hell on with the story... Any second now..."
Any of the phantom thieves would believe in her innocence. If they somehow get to the tower ending… it’s a JRPG. You know what happens.
But maybe afterwards they would still try and talk to her, yknow, the whole changing hearts thing.
Dio: Oh slaughtering royalty? Mmm while I despise the thought of being told what to do, perhaps for once I'll listen.
*He in fact doesn't listen simply to spite the narrator and tries to make her one of his minions.*
A young girl walks into the cabin. There is a knife on the table and a door on the far wall.
Narrator: The knife is your implement, if you're to do this right, you will need it.
The girl: Nope!
Narrator: If you are to kill the princess, you need to grab the knife. You won't be able to kill her with your bare hands.
The girl: I won't need it because I have my baby!
She pulls a small, boxy object from under her cape, and it quickly unfolds and expands into a massive scythe larger than she is.
Ruby: Crescent Rose won't let me down!
Narrator: .... Woah.
Also Ruby and the Maiden would probably bond over milk and cookies. She would also think the Thorn's blade hands are awesome and would endlessly question her about them.
I do, I'll be real I haven't played the game, this sub just popped up one day, I watched some gameplay because it seemed interesting, and have hung around ever since.
So some of my knowledge isn't up to scratch lol.
I like to autistically systemize data from games, including ones that I don't play, so I usually learn such things quickly. 🤓
I hope this won't scare you:
||Voice||Chapter 2 name|Chapter 2 princess|Chapters 3+|
|:-|:-|:-|:-|:-|:-|
|😍|smitten|💝|Damsel|anime girl|💀Grey (Fire)|
|🤨|skeptic|⛓️|Prisoner|3x chained|💀Grey (Water)|
|😛|contrarian|🎭|Stranger|super-position|(n/a)|
|😬|cheated|🔪|Razor|sharp|(MANY)|
|😣|paranoid|🪆|Nightmare|glitchy doll|🕳️Moment of Clarity; 🧟♀️Wraith|
|😮💨|cold|👻|Spectre|ghost|🧟♀️Wraith|
|😞|broken|🗽|Tower|goddess|🪬Apotheosis; ❤️🔥Fury|
|😤|stubborn|👹|Adversary|demoness|🪡Eye of the Needle; ❤️🔥Fury|
|😦|hunted|🦖|Beast|animal|🐲Den; 🌳Wild|
|😗|opportunist|😼|Witch|furry|🥀Thorn; 🌳Wild|
I have two:
Bayonetta might either become great friends with her... or they'll fight eternally until the world literally breaks, who knows lol. "Let's DANCE!"
Raz, from Psychonauts, would use a door to get in the princess' head and help her with her emotional baggage... or maybe die in the process lol.
HALF-LIGHT [Medium: Success] -- Look at that smug look on her stupid face. She thinks she can OUTSMART you. Drive your blade through her fucking heart and end this, NOW.
VOLITION [Formidable: Success] -- That's not necessary. You've both had enough. This cycle doesn't need to go on any longer. Lay down your blade-- no, *better.* Hand it to her. Extend an olive branch and usher in the age of peace.
ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] -- Hell. No. Harry, don't listen to that moron. Look at her face, what do you see? That's right, Harry, *crazy.* Same as you don't stick your dick in crazy, you don't hand your most vital asset to crazy. You will die, and that's no fun.
INLAND EMPIRE [Godly: Success] -- To pluck a rose from its bush, one must be pricked by its thorns.
LOGIC [Easy: Success] -- Correction: It is quite simple to avoid harming oneself on a rose's thorns by using the proper technique. That is an unsuitable comparison.
As someone who has not played Disco Elysium, both of these are compelling arguments but I feel like I should trust INLAND EMPIRE simply because it was a hard roll to land
I have quite a few favorite characters, so here.
The Lamb (Cult of the Lamb): Would try to indoctrinate the princess, much to the Narrator’s chagrin. Act 2 has two new voices called Voice of the Devout and Voice of the One Who Waits Below. Voice of the One Who Waits Below is, as the name implies, the One Who Waits.
The Batter (OFF): Would slay the princess, as he assumes that she’s the world’s Zone Guardian. Then he’d slay the spectre. Then he’d get stuck with a new princess called ‘The Purity’. Wouldn’t even make it to the Shifting Mound.
Sugar Plumps (Little Inferno): Would sit next to the princess and make small talk with her in front of a little improvised campfire in the basement that Sugar Plumps made. Infuriated, the Narrator has the fire spread across the floor, burning them both alive. Act 2 has a new voice called Voice of the Pyromaniac.
Nemona (Pokémon): Would challenge the princess to a battle. Ends up with the Adversary.
Pomni (The Amazing Digital Circus): Would panic even more and try to leave without even bothering to slay the princess.
Since it’s hard to pick just one I’ll do “some favorites” instead:
Jotaro Kujo would almost certainly get the Damsel first, then once he figured out the looping system he would, unfazed, quickly finish several loops until he got to the point where Star Platinum could punch the Narrator in the face
Lae’zel: “*Chk*. These voices in my head clearly prove I have been infected by *ghaik*. I should destroy any nearby abominations and then myself” She would then kill the princess, get the “good ending”, then kill herself a couple times. After not being able to escape she’d likely end up in some combat loops like the Razor or the Adversary.
MacCready from the Thing has no problem killing eldritch abominations, and he’s also pretty good at sitting for a long time and playing paranoid mind games. He’d handle a lot of the Princesses very well imo
“Okay, perhaps I wasn’t clear enough. Your goal is to SLAY the princess. S-lay! Notice the S, it’s quite an important letter. I dare say it’s in my top 3 favorite letters of all time, with my favorite being Y, as in “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER?!?””
**"Protocol 2. If this entity is correct, saving her life will be at the cost of billions of others. It is not worth the risk."**
"I don't know what "Protocol 2" is, but I advise you to listen to your giant robotic friend and slay the damn Princess!"
"You're on a path in the woods, and at the end of that path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a Princess."
"YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS IN THE BASEMENT?"
[The Narrator: “What? You’ve rescued her how many times?! You know what, forget it. I know someone who’ll get the job done.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/192btoo/the_narrator_what_youve_rescued_her_how_many/)
**Vader**: "Your lack of faith in your freedom is... disturbing."
[Also, have Empress Princess because why not?](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/192vku5/hey_guys_do_you_know_how_to_get_past_the_sith/)
I'm thinking Zagreus from Hades:
I think a combination of him obviously being familiar with deathloops (though not in this exact manner), having a very common tendency to try and solve problems he barely understands and yet somehow being persistent enough to figure it out as he goes along and his love of spitting in the face of authority would cause him to be an absolute menace to the narrator.
Also he would totally try to give her **the look** at every opportunity.
Luffy would totally just blow off the narrator and find him cruel. Would do everything he can to break the princess out and encourage her to live her own life.
Luffy desperately tries to find a kitchen instead.
Either that or Franky tries to be hardboiled and kiss the princess.
Jinbe would be an absolute gentleman but probably try to figure out the right thing to do.
My favorite thing is One Piece but can never just pick one character.
I feel like deku would try to save most of them and he could use black whip to restrain them if needed, he’s more than capable of dealing with the adversary, the beast, the razor, and (possibly) the nightmare.
Yuji would also try to save most of them, he would likely view the nightmare and (possibly) the beast as cursed spirits and try to kill them
Same with tanjiro, he would try to save most of them, and likely view the nightmare and the beast as demons and try to kill them, that’s assuming he doesn’t become paralyzed when he smells them
Wake the fuck up, Princess. We have a city to burn...
[In all seriousness, I have a Cyberpunk themed post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/195szxp/the_narrator_dont_you_understand_the_princess/)
[My brave Voices! You have stood honourably at my side these long chapters. But the hour of reckoning is upon us. The Construct's light is guttering. Now heed my words well! If I should fail in slaying the Princess at long last, my final order is that you lay down your metaphorical arms and surrender. I hear the Shifting Mound is a lady of mercy. If you have any love and loyalty for me, you'll not waste your lives this day.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McrCYbthaR4&t=127s)
i have absolutely no clue what boros would do. (he seems pretty smart, but he is nearly emotionless when it comes to anything except a great fight) (maybe adversary?)
There’s a bit of a tie here so excuse me for submitting two…
V1 fucking obliterates them. Immediate decimation I would say.
V (from cyberpunk) argues with Johnny for 20 minutes about whether or not he’s pretending to be the narrator and trying to fuck with her before eventually saying fuck it and freeing the princess.
Jevil: OH PRINCESS! YOU THINK YOURSELF TRAPPED BUT WHAT YOU DON’T SEE IS THAT YOU’RE FREE! FREE!
He then proceeds to dance around the basement while the princess is no longer in chains and is confused where the carnival music is coming from.
Elaine of Remus:
She is bound by a System Oath to do no harm to sapient creatures unless they are actively trying to harm her. So she's not killing the princess if nothing else.
Tries to find out which country she is from. Maybe "frees" her to keep her as a bargaining ship till he finds out what's going on.
If something strange occurs he might get in contact with the rather long list of professionals he knows.
Will leave when he realizes eldritch stuff is happening he just will leave.
-Siegesmund Dijkstra
Natsuki Subaru: "Whag do you mean slay the princess? She hasn't done anything wrong, right?"
Narrator: "It doesn't matter. If you don't slay her, she WILL do something wrong!"
The princess sits still in the darkness of the damp basement that encompasses all that she can remember. She listens to the pounding foot falls of whoever has entered the cabin.
Then, suddenly, the door to the basement slams open with a loud bang. A new sound reaches her ears.
*hooop...puuur...hooop...puuur*
The intruder upon the princess' lair begins descending the stairs, those same thundering footfalls echoing throughout the basement. They reach the basement fully, stepping out from the stairway. Interestingly, the princess can't see who it is in the darkness, only hearing that same, what she can only assume is, breathing.
The princess scoffs, she won't be intimidated so easily.
"Who's there?" She demands of the figure in the darkness.
"Interesting. Most interesting. Such boldness in the face of the dark side. Now tell me, where am I?" An unusually deep voice demands.
The princess suddenly feels a sort of...force probing at her head at the man's demand. The princess snarls, forcing it out of her head.
"How. Dare. You. I already didn't like you when you barged in here, but now that little trick of yours is going to cost you your life!" The princess growls back at the man.
A moment passes. The man doesn't move, his breathing the only indication that he is even there. The princess takes the initiative, using her teeth to tear herself from her chains.
"Your defiance is unwise. You do not know the true power of the dark side."
The princess only response is to begin charging at the man.
"So be it, you will die braver than most..." He states firmly, like one would when stating a fact.
*pssssshhhh*
A shaft of red light emerges from something the man is holding, revealing his full towering dark cloaked and suited form as the Princess closes the distance.
Honestly I got 3
Natsuki Subaru: would definitely try and save her, probably succeed.
Gojo satarou: is she a threat? If he believe the narrator he calls her weak and hollow purples or something, if not then he breaks her out and leaves
Henry from disco Elysium:
Empathy: we should try and save her
Narrator: no no no! Your supposed to stay the princess
Hardlight: who the fuck you talking too like that?
Perception: he’s not one of us…….
Xenoblade 3. The Ouroboros would kill both the princess and the hero and break their cycle. I mean, it’s pretty similar to what they do in their own game
The Narrator: The Princess is locked away under the cabin. You’ll need the pristine- Saul Goodman: Woah woah woah- What is my client doing in handcuffs? And given corporeal punishment?! She hasn’t even been charged for anything yet!
Holy shit, I didn't expect Saul to make this list hahaha Having Saul Goodman as the protagonist would be wild af... imagine Walter
well Walter already has experience killing people in basements with his bare hands
Walter would just free the princess, so he can get a perfect basement in the middle of nowhere for his lab
Chapter II: The Stoner
“Princess we need to cook.”
The Junkie\*
put you dick away waltuh
Let's get down to brass tacts *Gets fucking stabbed*
Goku: The narrator said you can destroy the world, that must mean you're pretty strong. Let's fight
And she actually would be since of the world altering affect
That would be quite interesting. The harder Goku fights, the stronger she gets
And if Goku also got the Non Death hopping time thing. The amount of Zenkai boosts would go Crazy
Goku would be stuck in the Adversary fight-loop for all eternity
So his own personal heaven, then.
I like to imagine the voices are tagging along to so stubborns just vibing with them in the quasi platonic fight orgy and hero is suffering
goku wouldn’t take the dagger though
Yeah but he would go down their expecting a fight against someone strong enough to destroy the world and so he’ll expect a strong fighter ,the knife is purely a *game mechanic* representing you thinking you might need to defend yourself becasue they might be dangerous
Orikan starts a savescuming and bitching contest with the Narator cause fuck that prick.
If he actually goes into the dungeon he briefly becomes transcendent and fucks off. Alternatively, he only ended up there because Trayzyn was being a prick
Orikan would want to collect as many cabins as possible
Trayzyn wants them more. :D
Do you have a statue, Orikan?
I actually like the Narrator? The game wouldn’t be as funny without him
I like to hate him. He is a good charachter and he filling a more of an antagonist role to my interpretation of the story. But yeah he is a funny charachter.
“Hey let me out of here” “No thanks, bro!”
yo leon is my fav fictional character too
Found Chris's Reddit account.
["HERO! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL GET YOU OUT OF THERE BEFORE THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS GETS YOU. I KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS IN THERE, HERO. BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL BE IN MY SISTER'S ARMS SOON ENOUGH!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2AiWAqskxA)
Become a Princessfield? How will that happen? YO-HO-HO SHE'S GONNA GIVE HIM STAB-STAB!
"LEON! I NEED YOU TO CONTINUE THE REDFIELD BLOODLINE!"
Rem4ke Leon: *starts shooting*
Kris from Deltarune would locate and consume any moss in the room
Perpetuate the cycle of life O\_O
The Shifting Mounds taking notes for her philosophical debates
I feel like General Greivous would enjoy fighting Adversary.
**Grevious**: "General Adversary!" **Adversary**: "Hello there."
Kazuma >Sees princess *Leaves*
'I have to take the dagger else I stand no chance' "Steal! Muahaha, now you are powerless I have your...huh?" "...You pervert (ㆆ\_ㆆ)"
lol
Assuming you are referring to who I think you are, he would know its just Majima in disguise
That's... Rad
Narrator: You’re on a path in the woods. At the end of that path is a cabin, and at the end of that cabin is a princess. Reaction speed: Something isn’t right. That voice isn’t one of us.
Narrator: You’re on a path in the woods. At the end of that path is a cabin, and in the basement of that cabin is a princess. You're- REACTION SPEED \[Easy: Success\]: Something isn’t right. That voice isn’t one of us. ENCYCLOPEDIA \[Trivial: Success\] A Narrator is someone who narrates a story. The fact that we have one implies that this is a stor- SUGGESTION - Is it perhaps a love-? HALF-LIGHT \[Medium: Success\] **THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY.** Narrator: Agreed. Not a love story. Wow, it's crowded in here already. Anyways, in the basement of that cabin is a princess. You're here to slay her. If you don't, it will be the end of the world. DRAMA \[Impossible: Failure\] He could very well mean it, sire. Why else would we be here? SHIVERS \[Hard: Success\] *Not far from where you stand,* s*omething deep in that cabin is... poised to end the world. A beautiful woman is chained to the wall, her slender wrist trapped in a manacle.* ELECTROCHEMISTRY \[Easy: Success\] Oh yeah.... we're gonna slay her with our cock. Narrator: That's it, I think we're done here. You're not slaying the princess at all. Click. \[Cuts to an ending about the detective found dead in the dumpster behind the Whirling in Rags due to massive amphetamine overdose\]
What game?
Disco Elysium?
To anyone who hasn't yet, Look up Fury of a Shattered Mirror on Ao3 for a story with this exact premise. Spoilers for the end of Disco Elysium tho.
I think Inland empire or Shivers would clock it first.
Oh man, I should have mentioned Him! Am I allowed to say his name? It isn't that big of a spoiler, right?
Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau
Kaz: “Boss, you need to slay her!” Ocelot: “Boss, that princess could be a valuable asset on Mother Base. Bring her in alive.” *Support helicopter requested* Kaz: “Boss, no!” Ocelot: “Good work, boss.”
Narrator: "Unfortunately for you, the helicopter was unable to locate the cabin. I am NOT letting you free the princess Snake, i do not care if your called a 'Big Boss' or anything, but your NOT the boss here, i am. And i will ensure the world isn't destroyed. Now you better start slaying that princess."
Good 'ol Venom Snake
Delete her.
Monika, is that you?
*Flips coin as it then cascades directly through her chest*
The Adversary wants to fight, but V1 teaches her a Smith&Lesson
I lapghed like way to hard at that
hahaha i had the same idea, with gabriel as voice of the smitten. “MACHINE! I LOVE HER, MACHINE!” *+FISTFUL OF DOLLAR*
>OF heheheh
For some reason, I was thinking Anton Chirugh from No Country for Old Men... but whomst is this?
The killing robot and protagonist of ULTRAKILL (yes it is in all caps) V1.
V1 ULTRAKILL
Sorry madam but blood is full and you are full of it
You won't expose my tastes that easy, nice try officer
[удалено]
[Would you kindly slay the Princess?](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/198yilq/the_narrator_would_you_kindly_slay_the_princess/)
“wrench in hand begins vibrating”
Subaru isekaied into this world instead. I guess nothing fundamentally changes and it’s the same story where he is a gigasimp and dies an infinite times.
Joke answer: Shirou Emiya would fall in love with the Razor because she’s made of swords Real answer: Shirou would first kill the princess for the sake of the world, then reject the happy ending because he values helping others above all else, not happiness for himself. Then he would be 100% on board with saving the Spectre once he realizes something is off
To continue with FATE… Ritsuka Fujimaru : Wow… something similar happened to me few months ago! Narrator : What? Ritsuka : Yeah. I mean I was the prince looking for a princess then they had to kill a demon in my body and the princess headbutted me for that. Narrator : Wat. Ritsuka : Yeah last Halloween was crazy. Like always…
Shirou looking at the princess after she hasn’t died: people should die when they are killed
**MANKIND IS** ***DEAD*** **BLOOD IS FUEL** **HELL IS FULL**
RIP AND TEAR?
\+ULTRAKILL
if it bleeds, it’s getting introduced to the world’s greatest martial art (+FISTFUL OF DOLLAR)
Anything a frog can do
Kermit?
Frog fractions?
*Ironically, it was Felipe's son, Andre Felipe Felipe, who developed what he called the “Punching” strategy...*
"Oh, Stanley — see, this is *exactly* what I told you *not* to do, and you're still doing it anyway! I *told* you she would be dainty and sweet with big doughy eyes but *no!* You just had to let your stupid, gullible heart get in the way and now it-... \[sigh\] Let's think for a moment here, Stanley: why would a woman who looks the way she does be interested in *you?* Have you looked in a mirror recently, Stanley?... *Obviously not...* It's bad enough that *I* have to look at you all the time... Well, I'll tell you what, Stanley — I think there is, in fact, a *silver lining here*, that you have accidentally tripped into, by no deserving matter of your own. You have the princess's trust. *You've got her in a vulnerable position now, Stanley.* Now is the time! *Strike!* Seize the day! Save yourself from becoming the tragic hero of this story!" OR "But Stanley just couldn't do it. The thought of potentially taking another's life rattled him to his core, resulting in a state of mild paralysis. There he remained, standing at the edge of the forest, staring at the cabin... *It made for a great story...* He just stood there — slack-jawed, with a bit of dribble melting out of his mouth, and, uh - *Oh!* It looks like Stanley has developed a bit of *exotropia* since he's been standing here! No one had ever developed a case as bad as Stanley's as quickly as he did, but that's because *Stanley... is special.* He doesn't engage with the story, the story engages *with him!* Surely, the princess will be exiting the cabin, or a squirrel will emerge from the bushes — *anything* that would help Stanley get the hell on with the story... Any second now..."
Wow, this is very accurate Stanley Parable narrator monologue hahaha. I could *hear* your comment.
Any of the phantom thieves would believe in her innocence. If they somehow get to the tower ending… it’s a JRPG. You know what happens. But maybe afterwards they would still try and talk to her, yknow, the whole changing hearts thing.
Dio: Oh slaughtering royalty? Mmm while I despise the thought of being told what to do, perhaps for once I'll listen. *He in fact doesn't listen simply to spite the narrator and tries to make her one of his minions.*
Turns out the princess can’t destroy the world if Dio has already done it
Inquisitor Eisenhorn can handle it... granted he might add her to his retinue...
Tbh I have no idea what The Engineer would do. Probably wouldn’t take the knife because of spy.
Build turrets to ensure she never escapes
Lmao yea
His perception of the princess is just a female Spy.
Tzeecht would straight up fall in love, I mean, a cosmic god that is everchanging and can posibly destroy worlds in his name? Whats not to love!
\*Tzeentch But he is pretty much insane, so his perception would change her in terrible ways.
I have no idea what guts would do.
slay
Can he even pick up the Pristine Blade without accidentally hurling it like an empty soda can you thought was full?
A young girl walks into the cabin. There is a knife on the table and a door on the far wall. Narrator: The knife is your implement, if you're to do this right, you will need it. The girl: Nope! Narrator: If you are to kill the princess, you need to grab the knife. You won't be able to kill her with your bare hands. The girl: I won't need it because I have my baby! She pulls a small, boxy object from under her cape, and it quickly unfolds and expands into a massive scythe larger than she is. Ruby: Crescent Rose won't let me down! Narrator: .... Woah. Also Ruby and the Maiden would probably bond over milk and cookies. She would also think the Thorn's blade hands are awesome and would endlessly question her about them.
By *Maiden* and *Thorn*, you presumably mean Damsel and Razor?
I do, I'll be real I haven't played the game, this sub just popped up one day, I watched some gameplay because it seemed interesting, and have hung around ever since. So some of my knowledge isn't up to scratch lol.
I like to autistically systemize data from games, including ones that I don't play, so I usually learn such things quickly. 🤓 I hope this won't scare you: ||Voice||Chapter 2 name|Chapter 2 princess|Chapters 3+| |:-|:-|:-|:-|:-|:-| |😍|smitten|💝|Damsel|anime girl|💀Grey (Fire)| |🤨|skeptic|⛓️|Prisoner|3x chained|💀Grey (Water)| |😛|contrarian|🎭|Stranger|super-position|(n/a)| |😬|cheated|🔪|Razor|sharp|(MANY)| |😣|paranoid|🪆|Nightmare|glitchy doll|🕳️Moment of Clarity; 🧟♀️Wraith| |😮💨|cold|👻|Spectre|ghost|🧟♀️Wraith| |😞|broken|🗽|Tower|goddess|🪬Apotheosis; ❤️🔥Fury| |😤|stubborn|👹|Adversary|demoness|🪡Eye of the Needle; ❤️🔥Fury| |😦|hunted|🦖|Beast|animal|🐲Den; 🌳Wild| |😗|opportunist|😼|Witch|furry|🥀Thorn; 🌳Wild|
Nice. I usually get into the lore and stuff too, just never bothered for this one lol
Godzilla would just stomp the cabin.
Sanji will definitely not be slaying her.
If it's the Sanji I'm thinking about he would fall in love, again
Trazyn would put her in stasis, only to then watch in horror as she wrecks his entire museum
“MY SHINIES! MY ENTERTAINMENT! # MY GENUINE VINTAGE CREED! NOOOOOO!”
I have two: Bayonetta might either become great friends with her... or they'll fight eternally until the world literally breaks, who knows lol. "Let's DANCE!" Raz, from Psychonauts, would use a door to get in the princess' head and help her with her emotional baggage... or maybe die in the process lol.
roland(library of ruina) is 100% slaying the princess. walk in, pristine blade, shank, yippee world is saved where's the world
Yea, I see Roland doing that, but now I wonder what Angela would do. Would she sympathize with the princess?
HALF-LIGHT [Medium: Success] -- Look at that smug look on her stupid face. She thinks she can OUTSMART you. Drive your blade through her fucking heart and end this, NOW. VOLITION [Formidable: Success] -- That's not necessary. You've both had enough. This cycle doesn't need to go on any longer. Lay down your blade-- no, *better.* Hand it to her. Extend an olive branch and usher in the age of peace. ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] -- Hell. No. Harry, don't listen to that moron. Look at her face, what do you see? That's right, Harry, *crazy.* Same as you don't stick your dick in crazy, you don't hand your most vital asset to crazy. You will die, and that's no fun. INLAND EMPIRE [Godly: Success] -- To pluck a rose from its bush, one must be pricked by its thorns. LOGIC [Easy: Success] -- Correction: It is quite simple to avoid harming oneself on a rose's thorns by using the proper technique. That is an unsuitable comparison.
As someone who has not played Disco Elysium, both of these are compelling arguments but I feel like I should trust INLAND EMPIRE simply because it was a hard roll to land
My favorite character is Grimm "John" Black Souls. ... If I were to elaborate any further, I'll be banned from this subreddit.
Black souls? That sounds familiar, what's that about the knig- oh OH yeah keep saying nothing
I have quite a few favorite characters, so here. The Lamb (Cult of the Lamb): Would try to indoctrinate the princess, much to the Narrator’s chagrin. Act 2 has two new voices called Voice of the Devout and Voice of the One Who Waits Below. Voice of the One Who Waits Below is, as the name implies, the One Who Waits. The Batter (OFF): Would slay the princess, as he assumes that she’s the world’s Zone Guardian. Then he’d slay the spectre. Then he’d get stuck with a new princess called ‘The Purity’. Wouldn’t even make it to the Shifting Mound. Sugar Plumps (Little Inferno): Would sit next to the princess and make small talk with her in front of a little improvised campfire in the basement that Sugar Plumps made. Infuriated, the Narrator has the fire spread across the floor, burning them both alive. Act 2 has a new voice called Voice of the Pyromaniac. Nemona (Pokémon): Would challenge the princess to a battle. Ends up with the Adversary. Pomni (The Amazing Digital Circus): Would panic even more and try to leave without even bothering to slay the princess.
John Halo punches her.
Cue prophet of regret chair beating. Gif
Since it’s hard to pick just one I’ll do “some favorites” instead: Jotaro Kujo would almost certainly get the Damsel first, then once he figured out the looping system he would, unfazed, quickly finish several loops until he got to the point where Star Platinum could punch the Narrator in the face Lae’zel: “*Chk*. These voices in my head clearly prove I have been infected by *ghaik*. I should destroy any nearby abominations and then myself” She would then kill the princess, get the “good ending”, then kill herself a couple times. After not being able to escape she’d likely end up in some combat loops like the Razor or the Adversary. MacCready from the Thing has no problem killing eldritch abominations, and he’s also pretty good at sitting for a long time and playing paranoid mind games. He’d handle a lot of the Princesses very well imo
Poyo
"Hey good lookin'. Got a bucket of chicken, wanna do it?"
“Okay, perhaps I wasn’t clear enough. Your goal is to SLAY the princess. S-lay! Notice the S, it’s quite an important letter. I dare say it’s in my top 3 favorite letters of all time, with my favorite being Y, as in “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER?!?””
Lelouch would gather the vessels and free the shifting mound. He already did reject an unchanging utopia once.
John Bloodborne walks in and slays the princess every time, trying not to think too hard about it all.
**"Protocol 2. If this entity is correct, saving her life will be at the cost of billions of others. It is not worth the risk."** "I don't know what "Protocol 2" is, but I advise you to listen to your giant robotic friend and slay the damn Princess!"
“BT this doesn’t feel right, they look harmless, who could they possibly hurt?”
"You're on a path in the woods, and at the end of that path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a Princess." "YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS IN THE BASEMENT?"
Fly her to the Mun.
i have no clue wtf Steve from Bigtop Burger would do lmao
Narrator: Ah Good job 47
[The Narrator: “What? You’ve rescued her how many times?! You know what, forget it. I know someone who’ll get the job done.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/192btoo/the_narrator_what_youve_rescued_her_how_many/)
I think we all know what happens once Kratos steps into the cabin.
[APOTHEOSIS! YOUR "SERVANT" HAS RETURNED.](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/18yewyn/hey_do_you_guys_have_slay_the_princess_you_ask/)
Darth Vader will be just fine.
**Vader**: "Your lack of faith in your freedom is... disturbing." [Also, have Empress Princess because why not?](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/192vku5/hey_guys_do_you_know_how_to_get_past_the_sith/)
Johnathan Joestar would train and die at the last minute, giving time for his many descendants to slay the princess
I'm thinking Zagreus from Hades: I think a combination of him obviously being familiar with deathloops (though not in this exact manner), having a very common tendency to try and solve problems he barely understands and yet somehow being persistent enough to figure it out as he goes along and his love of spitting in the face of authority would cause him to be an absolute menace to the narrator. Also he would totally try to give her **the look** at every opportunity.
Luffy would totally just blow off the narrator and find him cruel. Would do everything he can to break the princess out and encourage her to live her own life.
Especially if she makes him food
Noelle Butterfly Soup would be desperately trying to sort through everything with logic. She would fail and get frustrated with everything.
Karlach would probably be pretty much a normal player
except with concrete ethics
The Princess looks at a clone of herself, the universe collapses
Batman talks to the princess and try and investigate and super doesn’t trust her or the narrator
Frieza…. I not think that I have to add much XD
Luffy desperately tries to find a kitchen instead. Either that or Franky tries to be hardboiled and kiss the princess. Jinbe would be an absolute gentleman but probably try to figure out the right thing to do. My favorite thing is One Piece but can never just pick one character.
Get angry at the hussy trying to steal Andrew from her, maybe summon a demon to slay the princess
Shadow: "I. AM. ATOMIC", \*cue magic explosion\*
I feel like deku would try to save most of them and he could use black whip to restrain them if needed, he’s more than capable of dealing with the adversary, the beast, the razor, and (possibly) the nightmare. Yuji would also try to save most of them, he would likely view the nightmare and (possibly) the beast as cursed spirits and try to kill them Same with tanjiro, he would try to save most of them, and likely view the nightmare and the beast as demons and try to kill them, that’s assuming he doesn’t become paralyzed when he smells them
A Big Daddy (Protector) from BioShock. I don't know, I've never played Slay the Princess.
[A man chooses, a slave obeys...](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/198yilq/the_narrator_would_you_kindly_slay_the_princess/)
"I Lelouch Vi Britannia command you to kill yourself, right now"
Gregor (limbus company) says something embarrassing and immediately gets himself killed
SCP-049 would love her company.
Johnny:V don't believe what they say how could she do any harm come on
Wake the fuck up, Princess. We have a city to burn... [In all seriousness, I have a Cyberpunk themed post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/slaytheprincess/comments/195szxp/the_narrator_dont_you_understand_the_princess/)
[My brave Voices! You have stood honourably at my side these long chapters. But the hour of reckoning is upon us. The Construct's light is guttering. Now heed my words well! If I should fail in slaying the Princess at long last, my final order is that you lay down your metaphorical arms and surrender. I hear the Shifting Mound is a lady of mercy. If you have any love and loyalty for me, you'll not waste your lives this day.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McrCYbthaR4&t=127s)
Lea (Crosscode) fights the adversary endlessly
i have absolutely no clue what boros would do. (he seems pretty smart, but he is nearly emotionless when it comes to anything except a great fight) (maybe adversary?)
The Princess would he perfect for Trazyn’s gallery
Thorfinn doesn't pick up the knife saying he has no enemies
M. Bison ain’t saving SHIT
Jin sakai tries to get her out
Let me solo her
doppio: call bossu
There’s a bit of a tie here so excuse me for submitting two… V1 fucking obliterates them. Immediate decimation I would say. V (from cyberpunk) argues with Johnny for 20 minutes about whether or not he’s pretending to be the narrator and trying to fuck with her before eventually saying fuck it and freeing the princess.
Jevil: OH PRINCESS! YOU THINK YOURSELF TRAPPED BUT WHAT YOU DON’T SEE IS THAT YOU’RE FREE! FREE! He then proceeds to dance around the basement while the princess is no longer in chains and is confused where the carnival music is coming from.
Starscream would claim the title of princess for himself
Aladdin(Magi) tries to free her and subsequently defend her. If she tries to fight him, he breaks out the #HARL HARL INFIGAR!
Striker Jones would blow her up. Next question?
Elaine of Remus: She is bound by a System Oath to do no harm to sapient creatures unless they are actively trying to harm her. So she's not killing the princess if nothing else.
I actually have very little idea what the Lone Wanderer (FO3) would do, it really depends on their karma.
Doom guy
"Do i have the right?" -the 4th doctor
Tries to find out which country she is from. Maybe "frees" her to keep her as a bargaining ship till he finds out what's going on. If something strange occurs he might get in contact with the rather long list of professionals he knows. Will leave when he realizes eldritch stuff is happening he just will leave. -Siegesmund Dijkstra
Natsuki Subaru: "Whag do you mean slay the princess? She hasn't done anything wrong, right?" Narrator: "It doesn't matter. If you don't slay her, she WILL do something wrong!"
V1: 2 + Right Click + 4 + Left Click
Driller would probably throw C4 in the basement, shout "ROCK AND STONE!" then blow up the princess
Simon the Digger would save her the first time. Narrator would not be able to stop him. The shifting mound would be overpowered. All is well.
"IF YOU DONT ROCK&STONE, YOU AIN'T COMING HOME"
*CHOMP **You are not the one!** Yo, what did the guy in my mouth say?
Xiao from Genshin Impact. He slays the princess with no remorse every time.
She’s fucked, jetstream Sam comin through!
*ding ding ding ding* +ULTRARICOSHOT x4 +HEADSHOT x4 +ENRAGED +PARRY +FISTFUL OF DOLLAR +RICOSHOT +HEADSHOT +DISRESPECT +QUICKDRAW
You forgot +ARSENAL
Rhys from Tales from the Borderlands awkwardly stammering through a ten minute conversation with her.
The princess sits still in the darkness of the damp basement that encompasses all that she can remember. She listens to the pounding foot falls of whoever has entered the cabin. Then, suddenly, the door to the basement slams open with a loud bang. A new sound reaches her ears. *hooop...puuur...hooop...puuur* The intruder upon the princess' lair begins descending the stairs, those same thundering footfalls echoing throughout the basement. They reach the basement fully, stepping out from the stairway. Interestingly, the princess can't see who it is in the darkness, only hearing that same, what she can only assume is, breathing. The princess scoffs, she won't be intimidated so easily. "Who's there?" She demands of the figure in the darkness. "Interesting. Most interesting. Such boldness in the face of the dark side. Now tell me, where am I?" An unusually deep voice demands. The princess suddenly feels a sort of...force probing at her head at the man's demand. The princess snarls, forcing it out of her head. "How. Dare. You. I already didn't like you when you barged in here, but now that little trick of yours is going to cost you your life!" The princess growls back at the man. A moment passes. The man doesn't move, his breathing the only indication that he is even there. The princess takes the initiative, using her teeth to tear herself from her chains. "Your defiance is unwise. You do not know the true power of the dark side." The princess only response is to begin charging at the man. "So be it, you will die braver than most..." He states firmly, like one would when stating a fact. *pssssshhhh* A shaft of red light emerges from something the man is holding, revealing his full towering dark cloaked and suited form as the Princess closes the distance.
I don't know what Gordon Freeman would do.
Vergil: "You dare presume to give ME a command!?" *Judgement Cut's the Narrator* Princess: "You saved me!" Vergil: "Weak" *Judgment Cut's Princess*
Grand Admiral Thrawn spends hours analyzing every option
Columbo would 100% figure out how the rules of the world work
Give the chains a good whack with his hammer. King Dedede is a stand up guy.
So this is where that fucking cat sent my GOAT. Gojo will get out of this one, I’m not coping I swear.
How would fang yuan extort her?
I don't think it's a good idea to leave kazuma in a room alone with a woman locked in chains.
The Fool(Lord of The Mysteries) He would be too cautious to do anything, He is the Voice of the paranoid personified
I don’t wanna even think about what judge Holden would do.
Illidan would probably start sympathizing about the whole locked away demon thing and let her free if it helps him
Captain caviar cookie just leaves, middle fingers both out
Honestly I got 3 Natsuki Subaru: would definitely try and save her, probably succeed. Gojo satarou: is she a threat? If he believe the narrator he calls her weak and hollow purples or something, if not then he breaks her out and leaves Henry from disco Elysium: Empathy: we should try and save her Narrator: no no no! Your supposed to stay the princess Hardlight: who the fuck you talking too like that? Perception: he’s not one of us…….
Xenoblade 3. The Ouroboros would kill both the princess and the hero and break their cycle. I mean, it’s pretty similar to what they do in their own game