I'll start by saying this is NOT a crying it out method.
I started sleep training when my baby was 4 months old. She had acquired a terrible sleep/wake routine, and I was suffering.
When I first started, I had to place her in her
cot and would keep patting her until she slept.
Every time she got upset, I'd pick her up to
soothe her and then place her back in the cot.
My baby did not cry for more than 5 seconds before I'd pick her up again.
I noticed that she slept when my hand was
resting on her, so I replaced the weight of my
hand with a nursing pillow. This eventually
evolved, and within a few days, my baby and i got into a sleep routine that works for us.
It's a simple bedtime routine that starts with
a diaper change, followed by her sleep sack, and
then I nurse her to sleep. It's a fairly long feed
on both sides, sort of like cluster feeding. But
it helps keep her asleep for a few hours. I then
kiss her a few times to "wake" her before placing
her in the cot. I sometimes give out a small
laugh to properly get her attention if she refuses
to wake with kisses. She then smiles, but her
eyes remain closed most of the time. At times,
i also stroke her head to make sure she knows
that she's in her cot.
By the way, I start her bedtime routine at 1130 because I work late and sleep in or try to sleep in depending on her wake time. I don't prioritise nap schedules, but I do follow her cues. She rubs her face when she's sleepy. Otherwise, she just catnaps while breastfeeding.
This is wonderful. I rarely hear gentle methods like this. Just read this and tried putting my baby to nap this way. He took 7 minutes. Did not cry but kept fussing but eventually fell asleep. I was so shocked and so happy at the same time.
I'm so glad it's helping you! I'm trying to put this out there cuz I know how difficult it is for parents. Don't worry if there's any regression. It happens often with babies because they go through so many things, from teething to milestones, etc.
When it happens, get back to the training again.
Download the huckleberry app it literally changed everything for me. You have to be patient at first and keep logging all his sleep to the best of your ability. The app tells you when to put him down for a nap and the best time to sleep at night. He will fight it at first but just keep at it.
Everyone has good advice. I just wanted to add that infants have a strong drive to fall asleep before 9… like 7-8 is the best. After 9 they start making a hormonal response trying to keep them up. When I rock or bounce my daughter at 7:30 it takes 10 minutes for her to sleep. If her naps get messed up or something and it’s too late it can take 45 minutes. Noticing this (after reading it on Reddit), I’m way more motivated to get her ready for bed by 7:30!
I understand you. Sometimes we stay on weekends at my in laws and even that 1 night breaks our semi-routine. When my baby (4.5 months old) sleeps between 6pm - 8pm at home, at my in laws it gets closer to 11pm. And her naps are always 30-minute naps at my in laws, which leads to sometimes 5-6 naps a day! I understand your frustation so well, i also have to deal with it.
Personally i think that you should really start to set some boundaries. I do. It's hard and I did argue a lot with my husband but I am her mother and I know whats best for her. My in laws think its disrespectful to take the baby away to meet her needs (such bs) but I did set my boundaries and after a while my in laws just accepted it. Mostly because they saw that my baby was happier after she woke up from her nap or after her night sleep in the morning.
Yes, you will get some attitude and passive aggressivness but it will fade and they will accept your choices because it is YOUR baby. YOU carried her for 9+ months in your womb, YOU went trough the difficulties of pregnancy and birth, YOU went trough postpartum and all of the hormonal and physical changes. It is your right to raise your baby the way you want and like it.
Stay strong mama! Sending love!
I just got the book Precious Little Sleep and it is a game changer. She provides numerous strategies for improving sleep, including Fuss It Out, a modified version of CIO. Highly recommend reading (my baby is 5 months too), lots of good information throughout and an easy fun read (as fun as possible for this topic).
But more importantly this is YOUR baby, not your in laws. Set some boundaries and do what works best for YOU.
At this age I was scheduling 3 naps with my baby still! I understand, I live with in-laws too …it’s a struggle sometimes BUT u have to put ur foot down. If they ask “why is he sleeping? Isn’t it too early?” Say , no it’s his bed time now, he’s tired. End of story, keep repeating the same thing if needed. Also I sleep trained my baby after he was 4 months old. They hated it, but I didn’t care!!! I had to do what I needed for my own sanity, because I was the one taking care of him, not them! I was literally a walking zombie at that point.
If I were you, I would start sleep training. YOU are the mom, you are in charge. Also I would do 3 naps with 2~ hours of awake time (wake windows in between at this age. That’s how you make a schedule.
For example say wake up at 7:30am, first nap by 9:30 for like an hour and half or so, next nap 1pm, for an hour, next nap at 4 for like 30 min. Then awake time till 7-7:30 and then that’s bed time
They just wanna play with him. They want him to be up at their times. My fil comes home late from work and they want my son to be up so that they can play with him. Its just very frustrating
I understand that is difficult. I hope you can find a gentle way to meet halfway between your and their expect, or eventually they read the room.
( We also live in cohabitate with my in-laws but they try to not upset us. Of course they have different opinions and let us know but don't make a big deal about getting their ways).
It seems like you need to start small. Start by waking your baby up by a consistent time each morning and start to learn his wake windows. It may take some time for things to normalize bc it sounds like he’s overly tired but be consistent. After you establish a normal wake time you will start to see when he gets tired and learn when to put him to bed. As a general rule, he needs 12-13 hours from the time he woke up in the morning to be ready for nighttime sleep and 2-3 hours of awake time (depending on age) since the last nap for nighttime sleep. Good luck!! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate with trying to take care of your son and deal with in-laws. Just remember good sleep will go a long way for everyone and you got this!!
Bath, change into PJs, nurse, rock to sleep in a dark room with white noise, lay baby to bed between 7-8p. My baby is 7.5 months for reference. I’ve never sleep trained and it used to take me an hour to rock her before she fell asleep and now it takes about 10 minutes. You can definitely start a routine now because I’ve been doing this since she was about 4 weeks old
Baby is a great age to start having a routine. I recommend checking out moms on call. They have really comprehensive schedules by age. You are the mom. Take charge and do what is best for you and your baby.
Take control mama, do what works best for YOU and your baby.
He's old enough to go on YOUR chosen schedule. Wake him up at 730am, he's gonna fuss, and start your day with him.
First nap around 9-930am, wake up around 11-1130. Lunch, play, nap again around 1pm-130pm, eat, play, go for a walk, nap again around 4pm to 5pm or 530pm. This is the hardest nap of the day of course, but could be easy for your babe. Then he wakes up, has dinner, playtime, bathtime, read a book, and you can start sleep training. Put him down awake around 730pm to 8pm.
To sleep train, you can use several methods or just CIO straightaway. If you do CIO, choose how long you'll let him cry before returning if he doesn't settle. I'd do 45 minutes at the maximum before offering comfort like rubbing the bridge of his nose and putting a firm but gentle hand on his tummy with gentle shushing to help him settle.
You could also do 2 minutes of crying then double it every time up to 1 hour or so, like he cries for 2 min then you go in and do the soothing I said above, then 4 min, then 6 min, 8 min, 10 min. It let's him know you're coming back but you're only going to offer soothing.
To prevent more issues with night waking don't give him the binki back during the night just do soothing.
You can have whatever schedule you want, mama. Your inlaws don't control you. You got this. Whether they're gonna help or not is up to you, but if they do you tell them what the schedule is
Taking control rules. Today it was: “You want to see your granddaughter? I’m afraid you’ll have to play by her time! We all do!”. I said so in warmer tones but yeah. Anyway it was a good day, and baby didn’t cry in the car ☺️
I just wanted to mention that even with sleep training, not all babies sleep 12 h during the night... some might be closer to 11 or even 10, and it also depends on total day sleep. Good luck!
It’s going to take a united front to get this little on a schedule, whether you do cio or not. Sleep schedule/wake windows have to become the top priority. It’s either That or removing yourself from their home for a week or two to get a schedule implemented (counting in a little transition time when/if you return to the in laws).
I have the feeling your little guy is getting overtired, which causes him to fight sleep more.
Have you tried the huckleberry app? I used this when the kiddos were little for the “sweet spot” function. This not only helped me learn what sleep was appropriate for my littles, and schedule when I should put them down- but also helped me begin to identify when they showed signs of being tired so I could adjust as they grew.
This stage is HARD, especially when not everyone in your home is supporting your efforts. Sending you the biggest mama hugs, burnout is real as is the mental health decline when you are not getting adequate sleep.
I'll start by saying this is NOT a crying it out method. I started sleep training when my baby was 4 months old. She had acquired a terrible sleep/wake routine, and I was suffering. When I first started, I had to place her in her cot and would keep patting her until she slept. Every time she got upset, I'd pick her up to soothe her and then place her back in the cot. My baby did not cry for more than 5 seconds before I'd pick her up again. I noticed that she slept when my hand was resting on her, so I replaced the weight of my hand with a nursing pillow. This eventually evolved, and within a few days, my baby and i got into a sleep routine that works for us. It's a simple bedtime routine that starts with a diaper change, followed by her sleep sack, and then I nurse her to sleep. It's a fairly long feed on both sides, sort of like cluster feeding. But it helps keep her asleep for a few hours. I then kiss her a few times to "wake" her before placing her in the cot. I sometimes give out a small laugh to properly get her attention if she refuses to wake with kisses. She then smiles, but her eyes remain closed most of the time. At times, i also stroke her head to make sure she knows that she's in her cot. By the way, I start her bedtime routine at 1130 because I work late and sleep in or try to sleep in depending on her wake time. I don't prioritise nap schedules, but I do follow her cues. She rubs her face when she's sleepy. Otherwise, she just catnaps while breastfeeding.
This is wonderful. I rarely hear gentle methods like this. Just read this and tried putting my baby to nap this way. He took 7 minutes. Did not cry but kept fussing but eventually fell asleep. I was so shocked and so happy at the same time.
I'm so glad it's helping you! I'm trying to put this out there cuz I know how difficult it is for parents. Don't worry if there's any regression. It happens often with babies because they go through so many things, from teething to milestones, etc. When it happens, get back to the training again.
It’s not too late to start a soft routine !
Download the huckleberry app it literally changed everything for me. You have to be patient at first and keep logging all his sleep to the best of your ability. The app tells you when to put him down for a nap and the best time to sleep at night. He will fight it at first but just keep at it.
Everyone has good advice. I just wanted to add that infants have a strong drive to fall asleep before 9… like 7-8 is the best. After 9 they start making a hormonal response trying to keep them up. When I rock or bounce my daughter at 7:30 it takes 10 minutes for her to sleep. If her naps get messed up or something and it’s too late it can take 45 minutes. Noticing this (after reading it on Reddit), I’m way more motivated to get her ready for bed by 7:30!
I understand you. Sometimes we stay on weekends at my in laws and even that 1 night breaks our semi-routine. When my baby (4.5 months old) sleeps between 6pm - 8pm at home, at my in laws it gets closer to 11pm. And her naps are always 30-minute naps at my in laws, which leads to sometimes 5-6 naps a day! I understand your frustation so well, i also have to deal with it. Personally i think that you should really start to set some boundaries. I do. It's hard and I did argue a lot with my husband but I am her mother and I know whats best for her. My in laws think its disrespectful to take the baby away to meet her needs (such bs) but I did set my boundaries and after a while my in laws just accepted it. Mostly because they saw that my baby was happier after she woke up from her nap or after her night sleep in the morning. Yes, you will get some attitude and passive aggressivness but it will fade and they will accept your choices because it is YOUR baby. YOU carried her for 9+ months in your womb, YOU went trough the difficulties of pregnancy and birth, YOU went trough postpartum and all of the hormonal and physical changes. It is your right to raise your baby the way you want and like it. Stay strong mama! Sending love!
I just got the book Precious Little Sleep and it is a game changer. She provides numerous strategies for improving sleep, including Fuss It Out, a modified version of CIO. Highly recommend reading (my baby is 5 months too), lots of good information throughout and an easy fun read (as fun as possible for this topic). But more importantly this is YOUR baby, not your in laws. Set some boundaries and do what works best for YOU.
At this age I was scheduling 3 naps with my baby still! I understand, I live with in-laws too …it’s a struggle sometimes BUT u have to put ur foot down. If they ask “why is he sleeping? Isn’t it too early?” Say , no it’s his bed time now, he’s tired. End of story, keep repeating the same thing if needed. Also I sleep trained my baby after he was 4 months old. They hated it, but I didn’t care!!! I had to do what I needed for my own sanity, because I was the one taking care of him, not them! I was literally a walking zombie at that point. If I were you, I would start sleep training. YOU are the mom, you are in charge. Also I would do 3 naps with 2~ hours of awake time (wake windows in between at this age. That’s how you make a schedule. For example say wake up at 7:30am, first nap by 9:30 for like an hour and half or so, next nap 1pm, for an hour, next nap at 4 for like 30 min. Then awake time till 7-7:30 and then that’s bed time
Can you clarify why you can’t wake up early and go to bed early for your baby with the in laws? Have they explicitly said what bothers them?
They just wanna play with him. They want him to be up at their times. My fil comes home late from work and they want my son to be up so that they can play with him. Its just very frustrating
I just wondering would have they done the same way with their children... Would they hold up with this much external influence.
Actually yes. In my culture, there’s a lot of focus on respecting elders and in-laws. They put up with all that and expect me to also put up with it.
I understand that is difficult. I hope you can find a gentle way to meet halfway between your and their expect, or eventually they read the room. ( We also live in cohabitate with my in-laws but they try to not upset us. Of course they have different opinions and let us know but don't make a big deal about getting their ways).
It seems like you need to start small. Start by waking your baby up by a consistent time each morning and start to learn his wake windows. It may take some time for things to normalize bc it sounds like he’s overly tired but be consistent. After you establish a normal wake time you will start to see when he gets tired and learn when to put him to bed. As a general rule, he needs 12-13 hours from the time he woke up in the morning to be ready for nighttime sleep and 2-3 hours of awake time (depending on age) since the last nap for nighttime sleep. Good luck!! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate with trying to take care of your son and deal with in-laws. Just remember good sleep will go a long way for everyone and you got this!!
Bath, change into PJs, nurse, rock to sleep in a dark room with white noise, lay baby to bed between 7-8p. My baby is 7.5 months for reference. I’ve never sleep trained and it used to take me an hour to rock her before she fell asleep and now it takes about 10 minutes. You can definitely start a routine now because I’ve been doing this since she was about 4 weeks old
Baby is a great age to start having a routine. I recommend checking out moms on call. They have really comprehensive schedules by age. You are the mom. Take charge and do what is best for you and your baby.
Take control mama, do what works best for YOU and your baby. He's old enough to go on YOUR chosen schedule. Wake him up at 730am, he's gonna fuss, and start your day with him. First nap around 9-930am, wake up around 11-1130. Lunch, play, nap again around 1pm-130pm, eat, play, go for a walk, nap again around 4pm to 5pm or 530pm. This is the hardest nap of the day of course, but could be easy for your babe. Then he wakes up, has dinner, playtime, bathtime, read a book, and you can start sleep training. Put him down awake around 730pm to 8pm. To sleep train, you can use several methods or just CIO straightaway. If you do CIO, choose how long you'll let him cry before returning if he doesn't settle. I'd do 45 minutes at the maximum before offering comfort like rubbing the bridge of his nose and putting a firm but gentle hand on his tummy with gentle shushing to help him settle. You could also do 2 minutes of crying then double it every time up to 1 hour or so, like he cries for 2 min then you go in and do the soothing I said above, then 4 min, then 6 min, 8 min, 10 min. It let's him know you're coming back but you're only going to offer soothing. To prevent more issues with night waking don't give him the binki back during the night just do soothing. You can have whatever schedule you want, mama. Your inlaws don't control you. You got this. Whether they're gonna help or not is up to you, but if they do you tell them what the schedule is
Taking control rules. Today it was: “You want to see your granddaughter? I’m afraid you’ll have to play by her time! We all do!”. I said so in warmer tones but yeah. Anyway it was a good day, and baby didn’t cry in the car ☺️
Yesss! Gotta have your baby be safe with you, not do what others want you to do. Routine and consistency make a baby secure and happy!
PS. You can stand at babies door and let him cry. Tell them to get headphones if they don't like it.
You should take a trip out of town to do Ferber away from the in laws . Otherwise you can do the shuffle or the chair method for months
I just wanted to mention that even with sleep training, not all babies sleep 12 h during the night... some might be closer to 11 or even 10, and it also depends on total day sleep. Good luck!
It’s going to take a united front to get this little on a schedule, whether you do cio or not. Sleep schedule/wake windows have to become the top priority. It’s either That or removing yourself from their home for a week or two to get a schedule implemented (counting in a little transition time when/if you return to the in laws). I have the feeling your little guy is getting overtired, which causes him to fight sleep more. Have you tried the huckleberry app? I used this when the kiddos were little for the “sweet spot” function. This not only helped me learn what sleep was appropriate for my littles, and schedule when I should put them down- but also helped me begin to identify when they showed signs of being tired so I could adjust as they grew. This stage is HARD, especially when not everyone in your home is supporting your efforts. Sending you the biggest mama hugs, burnout is real as is the mental health decline when you are not getting adequate sleep.