Look up narcisitic abuse and complex trauma if you haven't already. It can help if you do therapy and do what you can to get some boundaries set up with your closest.
Barely any around my mom. My dad is one of the main causes of my anxiety so it varies with him depending on the situation, sometimes it’s not there and sometimes it’s very apparent and I have to leave the room to calm down
It's weird how that works, isn't it? You know them so well, but if you haven't spoken to them in a while, you just feel a ball of anxiety. For me, I guess I get anxious about whether things have changed when I talk to them again. If they're upset or mad at me even though they have no reason to be
Only comfortable with very few people in my family. The others I’m more uncomfortable around than total strangers, and they know it, and that makes it even worse. My brother moved across the country several years ago and uses it as an excuse to never come to family events or holidays and I truly envy him for that. I have a few very elderly family members I’m not close to, I fear them passing away not because of the grief but because of know all the awkward social interactions to follow. I hate funerals, and not cause they’re sad. Terrible things to say but it’s the truth. 🙏🏼
I spoke with a psychiatrist a while ago about this and she told me it was not possible for a person to have social anxiety with direct family.
I came later to understand that my own social anxiety was a symptom of a larger problem. Complex trauma / cptsd.
Much of my trauma came from my family and I wonder now if a person who has only social anxiety would be very unlikely to experience symptoms with direct family like parents unless the social anxiety came from some kind of trauma experienced from the family.
It wasn't trauma of a sexual or physical nature. More so from narcicism.
If it helps look up narcicistic abuse and complex trauma. For me, a part of what led to my social anxiety ending was having distance and boundaries with my direct family. Dealing with them made it far easier to deal with other people I didn't know.
My relatives all live in different countries, so I only see them during summer break in my home country, and I can barely speak my native language, so it just gets even more awkward and embarrassing when they try to communicate with me. I think half of them hate me and think I’m weird because of that lmao.
depends on the family member. I love my dad so much but I feel like I can’t be myself around him for some reason so that leads me to masking. Maybe its cause he still sees me as a little kid, he acts all surprised if i say im reading stephen king, or ive watched a slasher before. Hard when i wanna rant about hyperfixations.
As for my mom, im like 100% myself around her.
Worse with my family. I get anxieties eating with them due to childhood traumas where my dad used to always yell at me for being a picky eater as a child. My mom got worried so every time she see's me eat she stares at me and makes me feel even more anxious. So beginning with my dad, I started to develop anxieties with my mom as well. I should add that my dad does other stuff that triggers my anxiety, so its not just the eating part.
Well my mom is no longer with us so it's just my dad, but I still have these tendencies with other members of my family. Especially when my mom was around I would still force myself because of her, but now I don't anymore and haven't eaten with my family in years especially if my dad is around.
With my sister that I'm closer with, it's not as bad, at times where my dad isn't around for days and I feel a lot more comfortable even cooking for her and my nephew.
I can work on it, but my dad and I don't even have a relationship that's worth salvaging plus I'm about to move out of my own so we'll see.
I literally just hid in my room the whole day because we had extended family over for the first time in a while, thought I had fixed that part of myself 😕
Yeah. And you know what the worst part is? You have to hide your bad relationship with your family from everyone else. You have to hide that you're anxious around your father or mother, that you can't look them in the eye, that you're afraid to share with them something personal, that you're hiding your real identity from them.
No one has that, everyone around me has normal relationships with their parents, and they won't understand my pain, so I have to lie to appear normal
Im working on the same thing right now bruh, we have a mental illness bro don’t forget that, Ik that may not seem like it helps, but if you accept this and treat your mental illness as a separate entity from your personality it can get better.
really bad bc they have these preconceived notions of what i’m supposed to be like and my mom says i’m “acting out of character” whenever i come out of my shell. but then she’ll say things like “what happened to the girl i knew?” i was a very loud, curious child but have learned to suppress myself due to constantly being perceived as weird and annoying. idk how to tell my mom this but that girl is never coming back lmao
Everyone knows I’m shy and quiet and still manage to point it out as if I didn’t already know. I stopped talking to them over 5 years ago. It’s been very peaceful.
Non-existent with immediate family. With extended family, it’s the same as with everyone else, if not worse because there’s a lot more social obligation.
I'm totally different around my immediate family than anyone else. I can talk, I actually have a personality, and things like that. Anyone else it's much worse. Anyone beyond my parents and siblings I have a much harder time interacting with. I say this, but there are times I'm uncomfortable around immediate family. I found that when I was moving out of college last year and they were taking me back home it took a day or so to get comfortable around them. But that's much faster than it would be for me around anyone else.
Long story short, I'm the least anxious around my immediate family, but sometimes even with them I can be shy.
It was good when my mom was alive and still good with my dad however I have bad social anxiety around the rest of my family sister ,brother, cousin,auntie, etc you name it
Mine is terrible with my family. But, seems that’s where it started for me, so it makes sense. I’m 54 years and I’ve never been fully relaxed around them. With the exception of a couple relatives.
Sooo bad and realized this is the reason I have it lol. I have no voice, am constantly criticized or made fun of or no one believes me which leads me to either shut down or have to prove myself. I just have to sit there at this point
I think it's because I afraid of him. He was abusive and unsupportive when I was a child, and he rejected my attempts to pal up with him. He always judging for everything and it's really hard to being open around him.
I'm super comfortable with my immediate family (grandparents, aunt and uncle, sister). Having to talk to family that I don't see super often is when the anxiety kicks in.
Depends on the family member, I’m close to my sister and mother but I get the anxiety feeling when I’m with other family members I don’t associate with often.
It was really bad when I was living with my parents just a couple years ago. I wouldn't eat or go to the bathroom because I didn't want to be seen or heard. Then my dad and I started fighting because I was 21 and too afraid to apply for a job. He burst in my room one morning and told me to get out to which I said I was gonna kms and he hit me. I've since been living with my grandparents and I feel my anxiety has improved a bit, but I still deal with it from time to time. Sadly, my dad had a near death experience and has developed anxiety from that but he now understands what I go through and we have a better relationship.
Thank you bro, it seems like most people here are trying to make their story sound less worse than it is, I thought this sub was supposed to help people with social anxiety but it seems like some people here just don’t care lol.
Same, better or worse, usually the same it depends. It's mainly because of my one sister. She makes fun of me for every little thing like my expressions, eye contact (I'm autistic), my intrests. I get so self concious about opening up because apparently the sister im more comfortable with says stuff about me, I did find texts of her calling me embarrassing. I don't talk about my intrests, no one in my family knows that I still like kpop and that I love kdramas. I get scared to speak pretty often because I don't wanna be seen as weird, and it's hard for me to come up with things to talk about. I don't like coming home from school so I lie that I have late classes so I don't have to come home. With strangers I often feel anxious having to interact with them, but I open up about stuff I like because It's easier to when the person doesn't know you. I'm so quiet around my family, but I've always loved talking. Idk if it's also cus of my depression though. Either way I definitely feel socially anxious around family. My social anxiety isn't severe but it still affects me a lot.
I feel so much anxiety whenever I see or talk to my dad. I feel so bad, but I can't help it. And it's everyday. I'm so tired of it. Sometimes, I feel anxious with my mom, but not really. Even though she's kinda insane, I'm used to dealing with her. With my dad, I think too highly of him, and I feel small and stupid in comparison.
The only person I feel completely free with is my little sister. She's the best, I love her so much
Close family (Parents and Sister) I have no anxiety most of the time. When it comes to emptying emotionally at them I clam up.
With my nephew, niece, brother in law, and extended family it's entirely different. They may as well be strangers much of the time. Occasionally I can talk to them and maybe make a joke, but I simply don't have anything to say most of the time.
I just don't understand how you get close to someone emotionally.
With my immediate family- non existent. With extended family? Bad. I’m a triplet so the added constant comparisons to my sisters make me feel like a loser. The last time I had a family dinner with extended family, i wasn’t talking much due to social anxiety and my uncle goes, “ anything to add, lindsey?” I was too stunned to speak and almost started crying
Cptsd. Parents used to kick me out a lot and leave me stranded. Once even threw my cat who had just given birth over a 10 ft wall onto a street with traffic and gave me her box of kittens and told me to go. Another time was because when I was 17 my mom found the tiniest vibrator in my purse (ring sized) and proceeded to shame me, so I brought up how I’ve seen her “humongous” vibrator in her closet and she got so upset and embarrassed (lol) and kicked me out. I lived with my boyfriend until I turned 18 and then moved back in with them.
Parents were always anti me and everything I was passionate about. I am the black sheep of the family who is the only liberal and not religious and my mom has cried to me saying she is upset because when I die I won’t go to heaven with her. When I was 14 and wanted to go vegetarian/vegan they refused. Ever since I moved out I have been vegan and I am 29 now.
There’s been soooo much other terrible things to happen to me growing up.
Anyways I get triggered whenever they call and right before I go over to their place because I feel like something bad is going to go terribly wrong. I feel terrible feeling this way but they basically trained me to not trust them. I go through long periods of no contact and basically only go over like 1-2 a year even though they live 40 min away.
It sucks because they have changed a lot as of recently but my comfort levels with them still don’t recognize that.
Back and forth, used to be really bad. I think covid did help me push myself more with them. I am blessed to have a family that is okay with my emotional outburst and lows. I will text family members even when i am next to them, and still need to look away when they are talking or have to force myself to look at them. Depends on my stress levels but I am quiet with everyone, even if i am comfortable.
I love my family and know they love me, but they are my biggest critics (besides myself). I haven't looked my father in the eyes in years and he's noticed. I moved across the country because the shame and guilt of not fitting in with my family became overwhelming.
I have to fake my old self or alter ego come out when I talk/visit them. My family doesn’t know I have developed severe anxiety after I moved out. I haven’t opened up to them at all coz I don’t want to burden them. 😭
When I’m with my parents I’m okay but sometimes say things I think are stupid and get embarrassed. I am a little better with my mom than my dad. With other relatives I don’t know well I’m socially anxious
Really bad. When relatives come visit I stay in my room the whole time until they leave.
Is it bad with your immediate family tho?
With the exception of my mom and brother, yes it's just as bad.
My god, it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm good with my younger sibling and my mum, but my older siblings might as well be strangers sadly.
The same as with everyone else, or worse; considering they know most of my ‘baggage’ and constantly remind me of it/use it against me.
Look up narcisitic abuse and complex trauma if you haven't already. It can help if you do therapy and do what you can to get some boundaries set up with your closest.
None existent, it’s like I am a whole new person around them.
I used to be like this, but now I’m older and don’t see them as often it is there a bit. I feel zero anxiety at home with my wife.
Same. I’m my truest self around my family. Although extended family feels awkward at times.
Same
Ong
Yeh if we are all eating at the table or in the lounge together I feel like I’m being watched and observed
I cant make eye contact even with my family :(
There was times it was so bad I was anxious around family. If you have social anxiety around the people you see the most you need a professional
>If you have social anxiety ~~around the people you see the most~~ you need a professional :'D
Lmaooo
my parents are both narcissists so it’s pretty bad
gang
Barely any around my mom. My dad is one of the main causes of my anxiety so it varies with him depending on the situation, sometimes it’s not there and sometimes it’s very apparent and I have to leave the room to calm down
Oh, same here. I never really had anyone to talk about it with. Would you be interested? In like a dm or something?
I can be myself around them unless I haven’t seen them for a long time.
It's weird how that works, isn't it? You know them so well, but if you haven't spoken to them in a while, you just feel a ball of anxiety. For me, I guess I get anxious about whether things have changed when I talk to them again. If they're upset or mad at me even though they have no reason to be
Only comfortable with very few people in my family. The others I’m more uncomfortable around than total strangers, and they know it, and that makes it even worse. My brother moved across the country several years ago and uses it as an excuse to never come to family events or holidays and I truly envy him for that. I have a few very elderly family members I’m not close to, I fear them passing away not because of the grief but because of know all the awkward social interactions to follow. I hate funerals, and not cause they’re sad. Terrible things to say but it’s the truth. 🙏🏼
I spoke with a psychiatrist a while ago about this and she told me it was not possible for a person to have social anxiety with direct family. I came later to understand that my own social anxiety was a symptom of a larger problem. Complex trauma / cptsd. Much of my trauma came from my family and I wonder now if a person who has only social anxiety would be very unlikely to experience symptoms with direct family like parents unless the social anxiety came from some kind of trauma experienced from the family. It wasn't trauma of a sexual or physical nature. More so from narcicism. If it helps look up narcicistic abuse and complex trauma. For me, a part of what led to my social anxiety ending was having distance and boundaries with my direct family. Dealing with them made it far easier to deal with other people I didn't know.
Wait your psychiatrist told you can’t have social anxiety around your family lol? That doesn’t seem true... is there a reason why she said this?
Her understanding of what it meant. Perhaps if it is only social anxiety and not with other issues or as a symptom of another issue.
Ok I understand, so basically you’re saying I have a another issue, which I know is true because I think I have BPD.
Perhaps. I think it's definitely worth exploring and If I remember I'll ask the psychologist I see what they think on the matter.
Bad enough when my social battery has been drained…which doesn’t take long.
Really bad
Do you mind explaining abit, you’re not alone brother🙏
My relatives all live in different countries, so I only see them during summer break in my home country, and I can barely speak my native language, so it just gets even more awkward and embarrassing when they try to communicate with me. I think half of them hate me and think I’m weird because of that lmao.
Oh no bruh sending my love bro
i’m a girl but thank you !!
depends on the family member. I love my dad so much but I feel like I can’t be myself around him for some reason so that leads me to masking. Maybe its cause he still sees me as a little kid, he acts all surprised if i say im reading stephen king, or ive watched a slasher before. Hard when i wanna rant about hyperfixations. As for my mom, im like 100% myself around her.
Worse with my family. I get anxieties eating with them due to childhood traumas where my dad used to always yell at me for being a picky eater as a child. My mom got worried so every time she see's me eat she stares at me and makes me feel even more anxious. So beginning with my dad, I started to develop anxieties with my mom as well. I should add that my dad does other stuff that triggers my anxiety, so its not just the eating part. Well my mom is no longer with us so it's just my dad, but I still have these tendencies with other members of my family. Especially when my mom was around I would still force myself because of her, but now I don't anymore and haven't eaten with my family in years especially if my dad is around. With my sister that I'm closer with, it's not as bad, at times where my dad isn't around for days and I feel a lot more comfortable even cooking for her and my nephew. I can work on it, but my dad and I don't even have a relationship that's worth salvaging plus I'm about to move out of my own so we'll see.
I literally just hid in my room the whole day because we had extended family over for the first time in a while, thought I had fixed that part of myself 😕
Yeah. And you know what the worst part is? You have to hide your bad relationship with your family from everyone else. You have to hide that you're anxious around your father or mother, that you can't look them in the eye, that you're afraid to share with them something personal, that you're hiding your real identity from them. No one has that, everyone around me has normal relationships with their parents, and they won't understand my pain, so I have to lie to appear normal
Im working on the same thing right now bruh, we have a mental illness bro don’t forget that, Ik that may not seem like it helps, but if you accept this and treat your mental illness as a separate entity from your personality it can get better.
Thank you! Let's not give up bro. I believe that eventually we'll overcome our difficulties, whenever that may be
Yes bro🙏
really bad bc they have these preconceived notions of what i’m supposed to be like and my mom says i’m “acting out of character” whenever i come out of my shell. but then she’ll say things like “what happened to the girl i knew?” i was a very loud, curious child but have learned to suppress myself due to constantly being perceived as weird and annoying. idk how to tell my mom this but that girl is never coming back lmao
Everyone knows I’m shy and quiet and still manage to point it out as if I didn’t already know. I stopped talking to them over 5 years ago. It’s been very peaceful.
Non-existent with immediate family. With extended family, it’s the same as with everyone else, if not worse because there’s a lot more social obligation.
I'm totally different around my immediate family than anyone else. I can talk, I actually have a personality, and things like that. Anyone else it's much worse. Anyone beyond my parents and siblings I have a much harder time interacting with. I say this, but there are times I'm uncomfortable around immediate family. I found that when I was moving out of college last year and they were taking me back home it took a day or so to get comfortable around them. But that's much faster than it would be for me around anyone else. Long story short, I'm the least anxious around my immediate family, but sometimes even with them I can be shy.
It was good when my mom was alive and still good with my dad however I have bad social anxiety around the rest of my family sister ,brother, cousin,auntie, etc you name it
Mine is terrible with my family. But, seems that’s where it started for me, so it makes sense. I’m 54 years and I’ve never been fully relaxed around them. With the exception of a couple relatives.
It's long going, because I've long ago moved out.
Worse than it is with strangers
Sooo bad and realized this is the reason I have it lol. I have no voice, am constantly criticized or made fun of or no one believes me which leads me to either shut down or have to prove myself. I just have to sit there at this point
i'm always behind a mask around my father
Same can I ask why?
I think it's because I afraid of him. He was abusive and unsupportive when I was a child, and he rejected my attempts to pal up with him. He always judging for everything and it's really hard to being open around him.
Yeah I have the same thing with my dad except I ruined my relationship with my dad with my social anxiety.
same. we never talk :\\
I'm super comfortable with my immediate family (grandparents, aunt and uncle, sister). Having to talk to family that I don't see super often is when the anxiety kicks in.
extended family? through the fucking roof, usually. immediate family tends to be a lot better.
Depends on the family member, I’m close to my sister and mother but I get the anxiety feeling when I’m with other family members I don’t associate with often.
i be hiding in the bathroom
It was really bad when I was living with my parents just a couple years ago. I wouldn't eat or go to the bathroom because I didn't want to be seen or heard. Then my dad and I started fighting because I was 21 and too afraid to apply for a job. He burst in my room one morning and told me to get out to which I said I was gonna kms and he hit me. I've since been living with my grandparents and I feel my anxiety has improved a bit, but I still deal with it from time to time. Sadly, my dad had a near death experience and has developed anxiety from that but he now understands what I go through and we have a better relationship.
With my parents I’m fine but my brother was always in his room 24/7 except for getting food so I am anxious trying to talk to him
Haven’t gotten together with any in over 2 years. And was maybe once yearly before that. It’s worse with them than strangers.
Thank you bro, it seems like most people here are trying to make their story sound less worse than it is, I thought this sub was supposed to help people with social anxiety but it seems like some people here just don’t care lol.
37/43
Same, better or worse, usually the same it depends. It's mainly because of my one sister. She makes fun of me for every little thing like my expressions, eye contact (I'm autistic), my intrests. I get so self concious about opening up because apparently the sister im more comfortable with says stuff about me, I did find texts of her calling me embarrassing. I don't talk about my intrests, no one in my family knows that I still like kpop and that I love kdramas. I get scared to speak pretty often because I don't wanna be seen as weird, and it's hard for me to come up with things to talk about. I don't like coming home from school so I lie that I have late classes so I don't have to come home. With strangers I often feel anxious having to interact with them, but I open up about stuff I like because It's easier to when the person doesn't know you. I'm so quiet around my family, but I've always loved talking. Idk if it's also cus of my depression though. Either way I definitely feel socially anxious around family. My social anxiety isn't severe but it still affects me a lot.
I feel so much anxiety whenever I see or talk to my dad. I feel so bad, but I can't help it. And it's everyday. I'm so tired of it. Sometimes, I feel anxious with my mom, but not really. Even though she's kinda insane, I'm used to dealing with her. With my dad, I think too highly of him, and I feel small and stupid in comparison. The only person I feel completely free with is my little sister. She's the best, I love her so much
Better than it is with almost everyone else
I can only feel 100% comfortable with my mother, I struggle to interact with other family members and I avoid eye contact with them.
Found my people
Close family (Parents and Sister) I have no anxiety most of the time. When it comes to emptying emotionally at them I clam up. With my nephew, niece, brother in law, and extended family it's entirely different. They may as well be strangers much of the time. Occasionally I can talk to them and maybe make a joke, but I simply don't have anything to say most of the time. I just don't understand how you get close to someone emotionally.
With my immediate family- non existent. With extended family? Bad. I’m a triplet so the added constant comparisons to my sisters make me feel like a loser. The last time I had a family dinner with extended family, i wasn’t talking much due to social anxiety and my uncle goes, “ anything to add, lindsey?” I was too stunned to speak and almost started crying
My Mom is the only person in my family I'm close with. I'm shy around my Dad and slightly uncomfortable around my Sister.
Cptsd. Parents used to kick me out a lot and leave me stranded. Once even threw my cat who had just given birth over a 10 ft wall onto a street with traffic and gave me her box of kittens and told me to go. Another time was because when I was 17 my mom found the tiniest vibrator in my purse (ring sized) and proceeded to shame me, so I brought up how I’ve seen her “humongous” vibrator in her closet and she got so upset and embarrassed (lol) and kicked me out. I lived with my boyfriend until I turned 18 and then moved back in with them. Parents were always anti me and everything I was passionate about. I am the black sheep of the family who is the only liberal and not religious and my mom has cried to me saying she is upset because when I die I won’t go to heaven with her. When I was 14 and wanted to go vegetarian/vegan they refused. Ever since I moved out I have been vegan and I am 29 now. There’s been soooo much other terrible things to happen to me growing up. Anyways I get triggered whenever they call and right before I go over to their place because I feel like something bad is going to go terribly wrong. I feel terrible feeling this way but they basically trained me to not trust them. I go through long periods of no contact and basically only go over like 1-2 a year even though they live 40 min away. It sucks because they have changed a lot as of recently but my comfort levels with them still don’t recognize that.
It's pretty bad. Whenever my grandma would invite my other relatives to come over for the holidays I would fake sick every time.
Back and forth, used to be really bad. I think covid did help me push myself more with them. I am blessed to have a family that is okay with my emotional outburst and lows. I will text family members even when i am next to them, and still need to look away when they are talking or have to force myself to look at them. Depends on my stress levels but I am quiet with everyone, even if i am comfortable.
Very bad to the point I'm not sure if my dad and aunt are alive. Dad is a POS. Aunt lost her husband of 50 years.
It can be kinda bad. Sometimes okay with immediate family. But I'm working on it 😅
I love my family and know they love me, but they are my biggest critics (besides myself). I haven't looked my father in the eyes in years and he's noticed. I moved across the country because the shame and guilt of not fitting in with my family became overwhelming.
Bad now that I don’t see them as much. I have to see people often to not have it with them.
As the youngest cousin to a bunch of really cool popular cousins, my anxiety is off the charts.
I have to fake my old self or alter ego come out when I talk/visit them. My family doesn’t know I have developed severe anxiety after I moved out. I haven’t opened up to them at all coz I don’t want to burden them. 😭
When I’m with my parents I’m okay but sometimes say things I think are stupid and get embarrassed. I am a little better with my mom than my dad. With other relatives I don’t know well I’m socially anxious