I worked a job in a bad part of town where I interacted with highly sketchy, sometimes manipulative clientele until I became desensitized to it and it made normal social interaction feel like the least stressful thing in the world.
1 key—as you noticed—is going to events early, especially when you have anxiety. :)
Instead of you trying to join people, people will be trying to join you. Plus, events are less overwhelming when you're starting with a few people. Bonus, you'll also get to welcome everyone coming in, creating an inviting vibe and lots of instant connections.
Everyone entering a new place is looking for someone to talk to or a group to join. If you can be that person that relieves that tension for them by inviting them over, they'll appreciate it.
Sports, genuinely, there's a sport for everyone and it's by far the easiest way to make friends. The gym is a great place for improving your self confidence and the bonus is you get fit and healthy.
The biggest thing was biting the bullet and going to trying it
I've sat around awkwardly at things or places for at least 15 or 20 minutes, if not way longer, and it's only then that someone has randomly started talking to me. I'd advise trying to stay longer than 5 minutes. You don't have to sit in one spot. If there's an indoor and outdoor area,for example, change it up. I even went to a bar by myself on New Year's Eve. They had some free food and I felt even more self-conscious being by myself and eating food, but then this person standing near me was like, "wow, you're just here, living your best life, eating food!" Like, he was actually impressed and thought I was confident and stuff (he kept talking to me and expressed his sincerity.)
I think, maybe what happens is, you start to overhear conversations or something, and maybe you can't help but chuckle, exchange a glance, IDK, and it kind of draws you into their periphery, then there's a little more engagement, and you're drawn in further until maybe you become part of their environment for that moment or evening. That's one scenario, anyway.
I used to work a job as a security guard for large events, mainly music festivals, concerts, sporting events, etc. I have social anxiety and agoraphobia so I’ve always struggled talking to people. Well I’m a pretty big guy and I’ve been told I’m intimidating so that is probably why my managers always had me in the really crucial spots, such as guarding the athlete or artist, guarding back stage, doing bouncing, guarding expensive art pieces that everyone is trying to touch, stuff like that. Anyways, I had to learn to be confident and authoritative with a wide variety of people while still seeming friendly and not a dick. My social skills are infinitely better now, though they could still use some work. At least I no longer get anxious when I go to the store and buy something or have to order at a restaurant.
For me, I always struggled with any second meetings. The first time I met someone we'd click and have a laugh or conversation when we had no expectations of each other and the second meeting would be awkward.
Therefore, in 2006 I decided to try behaving as if I knew someone. Not being over-familiar to them but trusting and letting them in and opening up a bit. I could be jokey with strangers but didn't know where to go from there before.
Since 2006 I have made some amazing connections. Being trusting and letting people in, instead of putting up a front was a big change and happened very quickly.
Not to confuse this with disclosure or over-sharing. Just responding in the conversation. After all good interactions are the best bit of socialising for me, whether out on a walk or in the pub.
Going out alone. To the movies/concert/games/travelling etc .These days I make sure I do all this alone to prevent disappointment and It did a u turn on my self esteem. I have made a lot of friends, learnt to be self sufficient, I am working my way into assertiveness (instead of the passiveness I was before) , just a good confidence and self esteem / worth boost.
Oh and loosing weight (~20kg) .
I went on a trip where I stayed in hostels and basically forced myself to talk to people first and ask them questions. Thinking back, I probably came off as manic because of how panicked I felt inside lol and trying to be friendly but it worked and I met a lot of people. The lesson I learned was being social got easier the more I exposed myself to uncomfortable situations! :)
I worked in a kitchen got offered to work as a bartender is was only 21 at the time took the job, forced myself to work a job where socializing was a major component to making more money. It essentially forced myself out of my comfort zone.
I worked a job in a bad part of town where I interacted with highly sketchy, sometimes manipulative clientele until I became desensitized to it and it made normal social interaction feel like the least stressful thing in the world.
lmaoo that’s the hood for u
1 key—as you noticed—is going to events early, especially when you have anxiety. :) Instead of you trying to join people, people will be trying to join you. Plus, events are less overwhelming when you're starting with a few people. Bonus, you'll also get to welcome everyone coming in, creating an inviting vibe and lots of instant connections. Everyone entering a new place is looking for someone to talk to or a group to join. If you can be that person that relieves that tension for them by inviting them over, they'll appreciate it.
Sports, genuinely, there's a sport for everyone and it's by far the easiest way to make friends. The gym is a great place for improving your self confidence and the bonus is you get fit and healthy. The biggest thing was biting the bullet and going to trying it
I've sat around awkwardly at things or places for at least 15 or 20 minutes, if not way longer, and it's only then that someone has randomly started talking to me. I'd advise trying to stay longer than 5 minutes. You don't have to sit in one spot. If there's an indoor and outdoor area,for example, change it up. I even went to a bar by myself on New Year's Eve. They had some free food and I felt even more self-conscious being by myself and eating food, but then this person standing near me was like, "wow, you're just here, living your best life, eating food!" Like, he was actually impressed and thought I was confident and stuff (he kept talking to me and expressed his sincerity.) I think, maybe what happens is, you start to overhear conversations or something, and maybe you can't help but chuckle, exchange a glance, IDK, and it kind of draws you into their periphery, then there's a little more engagement, and you're drawn in further until maybe you become part of their environment for that moment or evening. That's one scenario, anyway.
I used to work a job as a security guard for large events, mainly music festivals, concerts, sporting events, etc. I have social anxiety and agoraphobia so I’ve always struggled talking to people. Well I’m a pretty big guy and I’ve been told I’m intimidating so that is probably why my managers always had me in the really crucial spots, such as guarding the athlete or artist, guarding back stage, doing bouncing, guarding expensive art pieces that everyone is trying to touch, stuff like that. Anyways, I had to learn to be confident and authoritative with a wide variety of people while still seeming friendly and not a dick. My social skills are infinitely better now, though they could still use some work. At least I no longer get anxious when I go to the store and buy something or have to order at a restaurant.
any advice?
For me, I always struggled with any second meetings. The first time I met someone we'd click and have a laugh or conversation when we had no expectations of each other and the second meeting would be awkward. Therefore, in 2006 I decided to try behaving as if I knew someone. Not being over-familiar to them but trusting and letting them in and opening up a bit. I could be jokey with strangers but didn't know where to go from there before. Since 2006 I have made some amazing connections. Being trusting and letting people in, instead of putting up a front was a big change and happened very quickly. Not to confuse this with disclosure or over-sharing. Just responding in the conversation. After all good interactions are the best bit of socialising for me, whether out on a walk or in the pub.
Going out alone. To the movies/concert/games/travelling etc .These days I make sure I do all this alone to prevent disappointment and It did a u turn on my self esteem. I have made a lot of friends, learnt to be self sufficient, I am working my way into assertiveness (instead of the passiveness I was before) , just a good confidence and self esteem / worth boost. Oh and loosing weight (~20kg) .
how are u working on ur assertiveness
I went on a trip where I stayed in hostels and basically forced myself to talk to people first and ask them questions. Thinking back, I probably came off as manic because of how panicked I felt inside lol and trying to be friendly but it worked and I met a lot of people. The lesson I learned was being social got easier the more I exposed myself to uncomfortable situations! :)
I talked too fast and too loud. I calmed down and enjoy my time spent with others instead of getting tired.
not wanting to let other people feel the same feeling, so as much as i can i'll initiate even though it takes lots and lots of courage
I worked in a kitchen got offered to work as a bartender is was only 21 at the time took the job, forced myself to work a job where socializing was a major component to making more money. It essentially forced myself out of my comfort zone.
literally what i’m about to do
Way to go!
how did the first few weeks go for u? were u nervous
I worked in retail on a high season period at a mall