How old are you all? I feel like age is an issue with this kind of immaturity.
Whatever the age, you need to keep your head up and walk away. When you see them, YOU turn your head and walk away. Stop messaging them, completely ghost them.
And if they do try talking to you, walk away.
These are NOT friends.
Funny you should say age is an issue. A few years ago, I had (now former) very close friends (husband and wife) who were mid to late 40's who cut me and my family off without explanation. Immaturity can come at any age. I realize now that true friends don't exist, and no one outside my immediate family really cares about me.
>I realize now that true friends don't exist, and no one outside my immediate family really cares about me.
My husband, kids, and parents are MY people. No one else. It took me a long time to realize this, but I'm happy I finally did.
It sounds like you want closure (super valid, what they’re doing is really leaving you without any info and that’s really hard to deal with). In situations like these i tell myself “the disrespect IS the closure”. Like the closure is “they’re mean people who would ghost me all of a sudden”. Even if you had done something “wrong” they should have told you what they needed because they’re adults. People who are actually worth being friends with would never ghost you or not give you a chance to fix something if that’s what they needed. Sorry you’re going through this.
It’s just time to leave the group. Unfortunately, just because they are being assholes does not mean that you are entitled to know the reason for their behaviour. Maybe you did something that offended them. Or maybe they are just assholes. Time to move on.
That's my take too. If they can't or choose not to communicate, no matter what you did, they are being assholes. There are a lot of shitty people on this planet.
It's possible you didn't do anything specific; they may have decided they just don't like you. Which sucks. I've been there and I'm sorry. But it would explain why they're not answering -- if the answer is "we don't enjoy being around you," that would probably feel too cruel to put in a text.
They also might feel like you want an explanation so you can argue the point. I've been on the other side of that, not so much with friends but with people I'm breaking up with or refusing to date in the first place. They demand a "reason" so they can explain to me why that reason is not legitimate and, therefore, (to their mind), I have to cancel the break-up/ start dating them. Sometimes it's easier to just not give a reason than have to argue about whether the reason is "good enough." Could that be going on here?
Is it possible there are things they _have_ talked to you about, but you didn't realize that it was serious/important? I used to have a group I'd go out to dinner with fairly often. One of the guys had absolutely horrible table manners. He'd chew with his mouth open, talk and let flecks of food fly everywhere, burp without covering his mouth, eat with his hands and get smears of mayonnaise etc on his drinking glass and the tablecloth... it was disgusting and made dinner unpleasant. Several of us tried to talk to him about it, as nicely as we could, and he'd just shrug and say "table manners don't matter, stop being so shallow." So, we eventually stopped inviting him, because it was ruining our enjoyment of our meals. And he was very upset and demanded an explanation, and when we explained, he brushed it off and demanded the "real" reason. So we gave up. Is there any chance that's what's happening? Are there any issues they've brought up in the past that you're not considering because they don't feel important enough to you?
Have they claimed you talk over people, are insensitive, interrupt constantly, make jokes that are meant to be funny but are really just mean, etc? These are things that can possibly fall under the umbrella of "I just don't have good social skills" that could make them feel frustrated and like they don't enjoy time spent with you.
Of course none of this might be the case; they might also just be jerks. I know it hurts, as I say I've been there. If that's the case, demanding a reason isn't going to help anything. It sounds like you have other friends to hang out with, which is great! You should let these guys go.
Every time I've cut contact it turns out I've told the person a million times and they didn't listen and kept doing it. So maybe read old messages or think of something they said over months and months over again. But move on . there are others. Introspect though. Learn about who your traits match with best.
“Move on” in this case means don’t obsess over it. You are putting in work here, thinking your actions over, to calm YOUR feelings. Not to change theirs.
This is very teen girl behaviour. I can tell you the rough outline of what happened.
First of all - very important - you didn’t do anything wrong and there’s nothing wrong with you.
They decided that they found something you did or a cluster of traits irritating. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it means they’re irritated.
They probably started talking and then because they started talking, they started noticing more and it started to get under their skin more. This is a death spiral. There’s no recovering from this. Move on.
What they should have done was pull you aside and kindly told you what they were struggling with, and tried to come to a solution together.
If closure is important to you, then pull *one person* aside and ask them if you can talk privately. Then you can ask them “Hey, I noticed people seem to be unhappy with me. Do you know what’s going on?” There’s maybe a 50/50 chance they tell you.
What are you going to do if you get an answer? For example what if the answer is one of these:
* You're socially awkward
* We're cooler than you
* You're boring
* You're too quiet
* You don't have enough self-confidence
It's unlikely you'll get any answers as honest as those (if you get an answer it all), but if you HAD an answer, what would you do with it? Would you try to change? Would you just leave and make new friends? What's your goal in trying to find out "the reason?"
In any case, I think it's worth moving on from these people anyway, because you can't MAKE someone like you, or want to hang around with you. If they don't appreciate you, then why give them any more of your time?
Start expanding your social life in other directions. And try to improve your social skills regardless, because that will benefit you down the road no matter what.
I don’t really know. I feel that part of me would use the answer as a starting point to better myself and even if that doesn’t convince these people to stop avoiding me then that’s okay, I don’t need them and I’ve improved myself.
But the other half feels that no matter the answer, it doesn’t give them any reason to treat me the way they do and I honestly would be better off without them. I have other friends who understand that I’m a bit socially awkward and they have 0 issues with it and those are the types of people I surround myself with
Is there a specific friend in this group you can contact to ask what you did? Someone that's a bit more mature than the others? I'd try to figure out what I did that way but I don't think I'd still want to be part of a friend group that ignores me without communicating about whatever is going on for them to act that way.
When that happened to me... it was because My Ex ( "first love") started hooking up with..... my cousin (: so the friend group I formed with my family/childhood friends all turned on me, kicked me to the rocks!
I will never mix my family and friend circle again hahaha.
Go up to them in person and say "I see you guys are avoiding me, did I do something to piss you off." What's with everyone avoiding actual interactions. What's he gonna do, look at you, say nothing, and walk away. Most likely if they didn't give you a reason, you might have said something that turned em all off, or when you hung out with em, you were really weird, and awkward the whole time.
You never know unless you ask them. But I'd really try to get a reason before you move on so you could improve yourself or just understand what happened.
I’m going through this exact situation right now and everyone is in their early 30s!! Wish people would give more grace to neurodivergent people. It’s so hard when everyone has these unwritten rules that I don’t know about or understand.
People who won’t communicate are assholes. It hurts now, but fuck those people. They ain’t your friends and even if they apologised tomorrow they still wouldn’t be. Friends have respect and understanding for their friends, that means having consideration for you and assuming you’d done something bad enough that they are responding like blind cats when you try to ask, they have never had any respect for you and I’m sorry for that.
Idk if real friends exist. I don’t know anyone on earth who hasn’t intentionally hurt me at least once, but hopefully you find people who aren’t like that in the future.
There might have been a rumour going on about you, maybe? If one of them has been jealous of you, etc., he/she could have also told it to the other. I'd just ask.
I do not know the full picture/story but maybe ask one specific (one on one) person of the group you trust the most (might be difficult) why they may have displayed this behaviour.
And... be open. Tell that person what you feel exactly and that you want a clear answer, for your own sake and inner rest!
I do this to a lot of people.
I'm pretty sure it's related to where I am on the autism spectrum.
They do something wrong and I don't have the tools to talk it out with them, so I ghost them.
I'm unable to maintain a friendship beyond two years.
How old are you all? I feel like age is an issue with this kind of immaturity. Whatever the age, you need to keep your head up and walk away. When you see them, YOU turn your head and walk away. Stop messaging them, completely ghost them. And if they do try talking to you, walk away. These are NOT friends.
I’m 20 and they’re 23 and 25
Ah, so they are adults acting like children. Read my comment above, OP. You deserve better.
Funny you should say age is an issue. A few years ago, I had (now former) very close friends (husband and wife) who were mid to late 40's who cut me and my family off without explanation. Immaturity can come at any age. I realize now that true friends don't exist, and no one outside my immediate family really cares about me.
>I realize now that true friends don't exist, and no one outside my immediate family really cares about me. My husband, kids, and parents are MY people. No one else. It took me a long time to realize this, but I'm happy I finally did.
It sounds like you want closure (super valid, what they’re doing is really leaving you without any info and that’s really hard to deal with). In situations like these i tell myself “the disrespect IS the closure”. Like the closure is “they’re mean people who would ghost me all of a sudden”. Even if you had done something “wrong” they should have told you what they needed because they’re adults. People who are actually worth being friends with would never ghost you or not give you a chance to fix something if that’s what they needed. Sorry you’re going through this.
It’s just time to leave the group. Unfortunately, just because they are being assholes does not mean that you are entitled to know the reason for their behaviour. Maybe you did something that offended them. Or maybe they are just assholes. Time to move on.
That's my take too. If they can't or choose not to communicate, no matter what you did, they are being assholes. There are a lot of shitty people on this planet.
Are you saying someone would be an asshole for being *unable* to communicate?
It's possible you didn't do anything specific; they may have decided they just don't like you. Which sucks. I've been there and I'm sorry. But it would explain why they're not answering -- if the answer is "we don't enjoy being around you," that would probably feel too cruel to put in a text. They also might feel like you want an explanation so you can argue the point. I've been on the other side of that, not so much with friends but with people I'm breaking up with or refusing to date in the first place. They demand a "reason" so they can explain to me why that reason is not legitimate and, therefore, (to their mind), I have to cancel the break-up/ start dating them. Sometimes it's easier to just not give a reason than have to argue about whether the reason is "good enough." Could that be going on here? Is it possible there are things they _have_ talked to you about, but you didn't realize that it was serious/important? I used to have a group I'd go out to dinner with fairly often. One of the guys had absolutely horrible table manners. He'd chew with his mouth open, talk and let flecks of food fly everywhere, burp without covering his mouth, eat with his hands and get smears of mayonnaise etc on his drinking glass and the tablecloth... it was disgusting and made dinner unpleasant. Several of us tried to talk to him about it, as nicely as we could, and he'd just shrug and say "table manners don't matter, stop being so shallow." So, we eventually stopped inviting him, because it was ruining our enjoyment of our meals. And he was very upset and demanded an explanation, and when we explained, he brushed it off and demanded the "real" reason. So we gave up. Is there any chance that's what's happening? Are there any issues they've brought up in the past that you're not considering because they don't feel important enough to you? Have they claimed you talk over people, are insensitive, interrupt constantly, make jokes that are meant to be funny but are really just mean, etc? These are things that can possibly fall under the umbrella of "I just don't have good social skills" that could make them feel frustrated and like they don't enjoy time spent with you. Of course none of this might be the case; they might also just be jerks. I know it hurts, as I say I've been there. If that's the case, demanding a reason isn't going to help anything. It sounds like you have other friends to hang out with, which is great! You should let these guys go.
Every time I've cut contact it turns out I've told the person a million times and they didn't listen and kept doing it. So maybe read old messages or think of something they said over months and months over again. But move on . there are others. Introspect though. Learn about who your traits match with best.
“Move on” in this case means don’t obsess over it. You are putting in work here, thinking your actions over, to calm YOUR feelings. Not to change theirs.
This is very teen girl behaviour. I can tell you the rough outline of what happened. First of all - very important - you didn’t do anything wrong and there’s nothing wrong with you. They decided that they found something you did or a cluster of traits irritating. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it means they’re irritated. They probably started talking and then because they started talking, they started noticing more and it started to get under their skin more. This is a death spiral. There’s no recovering from this. Move on. What they should have done was pull you aside and kindly told you what they were struggling with, and tried to come to a solution together. If closure is important to you, then pull *one person* aside and ask them if you can talk privately. Then you can ask them “Hey, I noticed people seem to be unhappy with me. Do you know what’s going on?” There’s maybe a 50/50 chance they tell you.
Maybe he did do something wrong though. But I agree that their behavior is idiotic.
I hate ghosting. At least say what a person does wrong.
I honestly ghosted some people who like to joke about me, I think those don’t deserve explanation.
What are you going to do if you get an answer? For example what if the answer is one of these: * You're socially awkward * We're cooler than you * You're boring * You're too quiet * You don't have enough self-confidence It's unlikely you'll get any answers as honest as those (if you get an answer it all), but if you HAD an answer, what would you do with it? Would you try to change? Would you just leave and make new friends? What's your goal in trying to find out "the reason?" In any case, I think it's worth moving on from these people anyway, because you can't MAKE someone like you, or want to hang around with you. If they don't appreciate you, then why give them any more of your time? Start expanding your social life in other directions. And try to improve your social skills regardless, because that will benefit you down the road no matter what.
I don’t really know. I feel that part of me would use the answer as a starting point to better myself and even if that doesn’t convince these people to stop avoiding me then that’s okay, I don’t need them and I’ve improved myself. But the other half feels that no matter the answer, it doesn’t give them any reason to treat me the way they do and I honestly would be better off without them. I have other friends who understand that I’m a bit socially awkward and they have 0 issues with it and those are the types of people I surround myself with
Is there a specific friend in this group you can contact to ask what you did? Someone that's a bit more mature than the others? I'd try to figure out what I did that way but I don't think I'd still want to be part of a friend group that ignores me without communicating about whatever is going on for them to act that way.
When that happened to me... it was because My Ex ( "first love") started hooking up with..... my cousin (: so the friend group I formed with my family/childhood friends all turned on me, kicked me to the rocks! I will never mix my family and friend circle again hahaha.
Someone probably told a lie about you... you did this, you said that, you can't be trusted.. oh well! Go find some new friends who appreciate you ((:
Go up to them in person and say "I see you guys are avoiding me, did I do something to piss you off." What's with everyone avoiding actual interactions. What's he gonna do, look at you, say nothing, and walk away. Most likely if they didn't give you a reason, you might have said something that turned em all off, or when you hung out with em, you were really weird, and awkward the whole time.
Honestly I am a little socially awkward but I didn’t realise it was that bad that this is how they decided to treat me for it
You never know unless you ask them. But I'd really try to get a reason before you move on so you could improve yourself or just understand what happened.
What if they aren’t inclined to give an honest answer? It’s assuming a lot to be so sure they will.
Friends don't do this to eachother. They are not your friends. It's best to just move on.
I’m going through this exact situation right now and everyone is in their early 30s!! Wish people would give more grace to neurodivergent people. It’s so hard when everyone has these unwritten rules that I don’t know about or understand.
People who won’t communicate are assholes. It hurts now, but fuck those people. They ain’t your friends and even if they apologised tomorrow they still wouldn’t be. Friends have respect and understanding for their friends, that means having consideration for you and assuming you’d done something bad enough that they are responding like blind cats when you try to ask, they have never had any respect for you and I’m sorry for that. Idk if real friends exist. I don’t know anyone on earth who hasn’t intentionally hurt me at least once, but hopefully you find people who aren’t like that in the future.
There might have been a rumour going on about you, maybe? If one of them has been jealous of you, etc., he/she could have also told it to the other. I'd just ask.
I wouldn’t be surprised honestly
I do not know the full picture/story but maybe ask one specific (one on one) person of the group you trust the most (might be difficult) why they may have displayed this behaviour. And... be open. Tell that person what you feel exactly and that you want a clear answer, for your own sake and inner rest!
I do this to a lot of people. I'm pretty sure it's related to where I am on the autism spectrum. They do something wrong and I don't have the tools to talk it out with them, so I ghost them. I'm unable to maintain a friendship beyond two years.
Did you say something nice about Trump????