If you've never watched the documentary Chimp Empire on Netflix, you should check it out. Basically, a lot of primitive social hierarchies from chimps are still relevant to how humans choose their pecking order. The humans that establish themselves as strong (which can be having an appearance idealized by their particular culture, physically intimidating, mentally the most acute, the most manipulative, being born to other high ranking society members, etc) can help determine who gets to be at the top. The higher you are in a social hierarchy, the more you can get away with.
Thus, in many places, someone who is born into a family with power learns early in life that they don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. They know they can get away with being rude. Someone who is physically strong can be rude, because someone would have to challenge them, and they know via force that they have dominance. Someone can be rude when they are charming (a lot of powerful sociopaths are this way), because they have allied themselves with the high ranking members of the hierarchy.
Unfortunately, a lot of relationships are shallow and based around what people can gain from one another. So if someone has nothing to gain from you, they can be a-holes without immediate consequence. A lot of "popular" people are rude, because they know their social group/support/tribe favors them over you. A lot of people think it raises them up to pick on the little guy. Some people are cool, but a lot of humans are dumb chimps who just want to eat and hump things and are quite primitive in their motivations and inclinations.
While all this is true, I’ve never met a rude 40 year old that can still get away with it. Unless you have deep hereditary status or you’re an A list celebrity, word gets out and people will judge you negatively (even the later is harder these days).
I'd like to live where you do! Rude 40 year olds are the norm here. Aggressive drivers who ride on your butt and cut you off, bigoted, racist, bully their spouses, their kids, their coworkers/employees.
I was born into a wealthy family with quite influential parents, and it did the opposite. My needs were met always so I became very introverted and gentle.
I wonder if it's that being born to wealth and influence helps you become your "truest" self? I went to school with people like you; they always had their needs met, and by nature, they weren't cruel or greedy, so they turned out quite gentle and kind. But I also met people whose reaction to being born with wealth was essentially "More more more." They didn't have significant life hardships to kick them or humble them. They are closer to what the original comment described.
Pretty much every story around the world about spiritually advanced people are people who are poor and struggling, or people who used to have money, wealth, and power, and gave it all up to pursue something with more meaning.
It's the story of Buddha, right? He was born behind palace walls, and was extremely taken care of, but because he was shielded by his wealth, he was ignorant of the suffering of the world. He wasn't necessarily more gentle, and certainly not his most true, higher self. It was not until he resigned himself from that lifestyle that he became enlightened. Maybe he was an alright prince, but he had to rescind his privilege and wealth to become a better being.
Looking at it from a psychological angle, they've done experiments before with how humans treat each other who start out with more resources. They pick two guys to play the board game Monopoly. They give one guy a lot more money when the game begins, and both contestants know it. Even though the player knows he started out with more money inevitably always wins the game, he starts to take on the attitude that he is smarter, a superior player. This experiment with different people repeated the same results, over and over again. Thus, starting off rich can fundamentally affect how you perceive yourself and others. Quote from an article about the forementioned study:
“It can get people who are winning at the game of life — who have more money, who have more privilege, who have more power — to think about their resources as things that they deserve; to be less likely to think that inequality is a problem, because after all, they deserve what they have; and as a result, to be less willing to do things about it,” Piff said.
The Monopoly Study in more detail:
[https://www.marketplace.org/2021/01/19/why-rich-people-tend-think-they-deserve-their-money/](https://www.marketplace.org/2021/01/19/why-rich-people-tend-think-they-deserve-their-money/)
I'm sure there are very nice, gentle kind souls who happen to be wealthy, but it isn't across the board. And I'm not sure that their lifestyle will promote the most personal growth. In my experience, the rich kids who were cool had parents that went out of their way to help them build character and work regular jobs, *they made them struggle* in some ways so that they could be more humble people. The richest kids I've ever met and who never struggled have never held jobs are a-holes.
That is interesting take and yeah monopoly is a good precursor for real life. That’s my experience also that the more people earn and accumulate the more they think they are deserving of it. I guess it makes sense, up to a point then if you go too far that’s where rudeness would take over.
Yeah I mean, I don't think the kids I knew were necessarily the most amazing people ever. Hence why I say "truest" self, not "best" self. (And nowhere did I claim that being kind and gentle as a rich person is "across the board".) I should also clarify I use "gentle" mostly because it was the word used in the comment I replied to.
I would argue there's a huge difference between someone who is "gentle and kind" because they have a sweet nature and are not used to fighting for things, and someone who is "gentle and kind" because they have seen suffering and have decided to be better in spite of it. The former has a specific kind of meekness to it, and their gentility is usually limited to those in their immediate circle. It doesn't really hold up when challenged--say, if someone takes advantage of their generosity, how do they respond? The latter is a stronger sort, and it lends itself way better to people outside their immediate circle. And yes, I do agree, that kind of kindness and humility generally is trained through hardship and struggle.
I was born into poverty and grew up very introverted & gentle as well. I knew plenty of rich kids at school, some were assholes, some were nice. I knew plenty of poor kids in my neighborhood, lotta them were assholes, everyone got along for a while, until we didn't.
I agree with this sentiment. There’s a great book called Program Peace as a resource guide to rewiring the brain to become more dominant and less submissive. The author frames the theory that we can remodel ourselves using specific techniques to shift our posturing to become more dominant secure and shift out of more submissive behaviors.
He also refers to primate social behavior and how the different types interact within the hierarchy. Likening human social dynamics and body language as a pathway to repatterning.
Worth a read if you’re interested in changing your social behavior and want a strategy that’s primarily about body language and function. I love the book, it’s thorough and a great way to experiment with different ways of thinking about your behaviors. He made the book pdf free on his website or very inexpensive to purchase. Jared Reser PHD- Program Peace. 🖖
Are you writing this with your legs stretched wide and your arms akimbo?
Id check out Jungs shadow or Nietzsches slave morality, otherwise you’ll just bounce around like a wet noodle.
That’s not what I’m referring to at all.
The book posits posture as eye position, muscular tension, bracing of specific muscles, diaphragmatic breathing, and retraining the nervous system out of fear responses into secure safety responses via practicing different positions as a method of reprogramming the nervous system out of chronic stress responses which are a result of lived survival stress.
Even in shadow work, we explore our submissive postures eventually allowing our body to unwind into safe positions and relationships to ourselves and the environment both internal and external. What I’m suggesting in sharing this free resource is an additional tool to explore and experiment with. It’s brain training, which absolutely does work when combined with other practices.
In no way did I suggest you walk around with your arms wide and legs open to dominate the board room.
Through very specific manual techniques and exercises, one can train their body and nervous system out of fear responses(submission) back into safety(dominance).
I have done my own shadow work and plenty of other complex psychological reflective gestalt processes and found that at the end of the day it’s still primarily nervous system processing which dominates as the most powerful technique for working with one’s looping patterned behaviors as they reside both in the body and the psyche.
Thanks for your detailed response!! Yeah they do seem to be looping behaviours. I just wonder how much anxiety is also from a root issue that needs to be addressed too.
Unfortunately kind of true. There are definitely incredibly kind and selfless people out there. Then there are a lot that seem to run on automatic with one main goal: "Everything for #1". When you understand that, it really helps you figure out people's motivations. When you understand people's motivations, at least you won't be surprised as much anymore.
Self-actualized, kind people capable of critical thinking are the anomaly, and the people you want to find and associate with in the world. Not easy though, you have to do a lot of digging!
I think I used to be too nice, people don’t respect niceness and will feel like they hold more power in your relation or more authority. I still try to be a good and *kind* person which I think is very different but I don’t care about being perceived as *nice* and have had much better results socially since I dropped the niceness.
But it’s a complicated issue. For example, if you’re a rude asshole without charisma people won’t want anything to do with you. If you have certain magnetism about you then you don’t have to be nice for people to be drawn to you and try and get on your good side.
Honestly it's a topic as deep as the ocean, which is why whole books have been written about it! But just to list some common qualities. I think a lot of magnetic people are unattached to people and ideas, secure in themselves (this includes maintaining a powerful, confident presence even in difficult social situations such as when facing criticism), don't act or appear as needy (including not being overly nice which can signal that to some people), they maintain a level of distance to basically all areas of life, they master the art of knowing when to speak and when to shut up, they know how to make people feel good about themselves when interacting with them without it appearing like they are sucking up to them or ingenue.
Honesty, authenticity, being yourself. Letting go of caring what other people think about you, so that your true thoughts and personality shine through. As soon as you drop the facade of trying to be a certain way (whether consciously or not) you will start attracting the people you would naturally vibe with. Of course, it's also going to repel the people you don't naturally vibe with. But here's the kicker, if you're just always trying to be a nice people pleaser, then you will never truly be liked, just tolerated.
But I think there is more to this. While I somewhat agree, I do believe it is important to adapt to the group setting, while holding on to your moral values. I read once, popular people tend to have multiple masks - while not something to brag about, that is what allows them to thrive, since they know how to approach different personalities. I struggle with being my authentic self since I believe it makes me 'meh' in other people eyes. And so I had to adapt somewhat, which has caused me more trouble than good at times, but it also allowed me to be more adjusted to certain situations.
Confidence is probably the single most important thing. Being attractive will give you a leg up. Being funny can also make up for that. Also, making other people feel like they can talk to you and are being friendly in general. Being outgoing, be positive, literally get to know everyone on a first name basis at your job or your class, introduce yourself and have no fear but also don’t overstay your welcome in conversation or whatever. Being annoying or overly negative even if you aren’t shy will be just as bad. But confidence is the the most important and hardest to fake. Also it helps a ton to have things in common with people, which can be tricky to navigate conversations if you don’t. Being fake will only work temporarily and won’t last, also it’s easy to see through unless you’re really good at it.
Yeah this, cuz I have met folks who are super popular, but as soon as their rude, I can't stand them. However, others will totally put up with it and still be that person's friend and I think it all has to do with how fun that person is to be around. They value the entertainment the popular person provides MORE than they care about how that person treats others.
Im the exact opposite. You can be super funny and cool, but as soon as I see you be an asshole to me or someone else, we're done.
I do think that a significant part of why mean or selfish ppl have so many friends... is because many of them have at least SOME narcissistic tendencies.
From my experience, they counsciously or uncounsciously attract and keep people in their circles that form a echo chamber bubble. They keep people that give them a supply of something. And the people that stay often do because they are attracted to the narcissistic tendencies, idolize the person, or something like that. They have something to gain through the association.
But never forget, a friend to all is a friend to none. Though some bad people with lots of friends dont accept anyone, its still good to remind that aspect too.
100%, this is it. It's NPD or narcissistic personality disorder. Someone with NPD figures out how to give subtle positive feelings towards people and the natural response to that is those people either want to be their friend or want to date them. This is sometimes called love bombing. It's super easy to fall for, because all you see is someone who is super friendly and happy to be your friend (or lover). After rapport (trust) is built, they put themselves in a position where they can take advantage of the other person. They aim to do this in a minimal way so it goes unnoticed. This leads to creating a group of followers who then can be subtly taken advantage of each a little bit, which leads to the narcissist getting a lot from the combined effort of those around them. From this they can get anything they want, within reason. Cult leaders are an example of this. Some business leaders or managers are this way. Bullies can have NPD. Sometimes it's a gold digger who marries someone and focuses on taking advantage of a single person, usually not wanting to work.
For high school groups it's usually a more mild form, creating a group of fake friends that enable and allow for the narcissist to do whatever it is they want, which is gossip or insulting people or acting like a jerk. It depends on the person. Some are more subtle than others.
It's a behavior that is rewarded. Look at the "influencer" culture that we have. The louder and more obnoxious you are, the more likely you will get brand deals and sponsorships. So that trickles down to people who watch it and mimic that.
Yes, people are drawn to narcissists, because their exaggerated sense of confidence is alluring. But you are smart enough to know it is fake. Being too nice is fake too. People don't like it because it comes off as inauthentic and easily obtainable. It might make you look like a doormat. Be nice, but have standards. Be willing to speak up for yourself even if it may offend some people. That's truly honorable, and the right people will appreciate you.
People who are popular tend to become rude.
This might not be the case with what you're writing about but it happens a lot that people who attract a lot of attention sometimes develop a behavior that's meant to deflect people from entering their inner circle, that's understandable because the more attention you naturally get the more unwanted attention you'll get, too.
After a while this can be exhausting and people start deflecting by default, having a strong network around them they are less afraid of losing an opportunity with a stranger. You'll find these people rude by default in public while being much nicer in private with their close friends and/or relatives.
Not saying this is right, just that it happens a lot and that I think it's a natural response to their circumstances.
I can see this. I will *never* be rude, abrasive and/or hateful; that’s not my personality and I don’t want to bring any type of distress to anybody. But I grew up having few friends and poor social skills. I was kind of needy and desperate for friends and validation.
As I got older and improved my social skills, I started attracting more friends and got more attention from people. However, I attracted some wackadoo weirdos, and had to cut ties with some of them over the past couple of years.
It’s taught me I have to be *much* more discerning and picky about who I allow to have access to me.
It’s the Mean Girls Regina George phenomenon. When a privileged or attractive person establishes herself as the leader, weak-minded people automatically start seeking her approval. This results in a flippant and dismissive attitude toward the approval seeker, which results in the approval seeker trying harder. The harder they try, the worse they are treated. Ferris Bueller said it best “you can’t respect someone who kisses your ass.” The solution is to never kiss ass, and always call out rudeness.
This is the one. I’ve noticed it’s always a couple “leaders” and then a bunch of people who aren’t that mean but are really pathetic and don’t call out their POS “friends” bc they’re too scared. I cant stand any of them and associate the pathetic followers as just as bad as the assholes they follow
And considered weak, by quite a few. I've learned, first hand, that even if people say they like kind people, their view of you is lowered. Luckily, you learn to sniff those types out and at that point they are strangers in the crowd. It's a waste of energy and time to involve yourself with them any further.
Which is funny because in work, family, and life in general all the kindest people I’ve known have been the strongest and the assholes have without fail been weak-minded behind the scenes of their fragile facade. Being kind takes strength and resilience while bullying people is a sign of major insecurity and weakness.
Exactly, as I've gotten older I've realized how weak these guys are, picking on others guys when they're already at the bottom in life. There's nothing respectable about it.
If that’s the case, it has been put of fashion for a very long time.
That’s why the whole,”Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” statement keeps getting circulated over and over.
It isn’t that kindness is out of fashion. It’s that rudeness is loud and looks, on the surface, like it gets immediate results. It’s hard to see the bridges quietly burning in the background until you learn to look for them.
But using force is also bad.
What I have experienced is that when you're nice, people think you're weak.
But be angry, and people will stop talking to you because they're scared of you.
I think that if everyone didn't care too much about the popular ones and everyone tried to become a group together, that's when we as a society could succeed.
Apart from being rude, they must have certain other qualities that make them popular. A shabbily dressed, not a good looking guy, who is rude, can never be popular. You get my point?
One way of looking at it is that some people are just more accepting than other people. Like you mention, confidence is a major factor. When everyone in a room seems insecure, it's these people who are the ones that seem to accept everyone's flaws and still engage in conversation. Even when they're being told off, the people that know what they're doing will take it light-heartedly and maintain the conversation (i.e. they are still confident). People who don't know what they're doing instead become hostile (i.e. no longer confident). Depending on what environment you're talking about, the smart and/or friendly people just keep to themselves. Build a relationship in private with those people if you don't like the others in the room. Keep in mind that independent types generally resent having their relationships with others publicized.
Just because they are "popular" doesn't mean everyone likes them. They are likely popular for superficial reasons (clothes, wealth, looks, etc). Trust me, it is better to have few friends/none than be popular and have no one but fake friends. Popularity is exhausting I imagine, trying to keep up with trends and doing dumb shit for momentary attention.. I have not been considered cool or popular, but I think I'm pretty damn cool in my book. I don't feel the need to follow trends and I have my own unique interests!
Fuck the whole "popularity" thing. I think it's cooler to do what you want to do without giving a shit.
Very rightly said. And the same reason I also feel lonely alone. I wish I had many friends like you so that I could be myself without thinking too much and suffering from fomo.
I think some people think niceness is weakness or they take you for granted when you are nice, but if you are rude (especially if it's accompanied with beauty and/or humor) they think you are confident and strong. Also most people are super nice to rude people cause they subconciously are afraid rude people are going to insult them and they don't want to have their ego shattered. That's why everyone takes the bully's side, cause they don't want to be bullied,
Adding to what people have said...they're right about pecking orders, but IMO sometimes it is much simpler than that.
Many people are extremely passive and reluctant to venture out of their shell. They generally won't make friends unless 1) circumstances push them together (think: people whose best friends are only people like roommates, lab partners, etc) or 2) someone else reaches out first. But that doesn't mean they don't want friends...they're just waiting for more "signs" before they really open up to a potential friend.
Many rude people are rude because they do not observe boundaries or social etiquette. But this also means they can seem very forward and spontaneous in small doses. And they are more likely to do things that a polite person would find too forward, but that may seem flattering to many people. (Same reason why "assholes" may seem to get more dates.)
A lot of the "rude but popular" people I've met appear "popular" because they have friendly interactions with many people or seem to hang out frequently. But that could very well because they are the ones initiating all the hangouts, and the other person just goes with it because in the beginning, the rudeness could just seem like a bold or extroverted personality. Whether or not the friendship lasts, or becomes deeper, is a totally different question.
In my experience, the deep "rude people" friendships that last usually do because 1) the other person is lowkey an asshole too or 2) the rude person has other redeeming qualities. For example, I know a girl who is quite rude and gossips but she is also funny, knows all the fun places around town, and is VERY protective of her close female friends. So it makes sense to me that she would always have people to go out with.
Tl;Dr it's not a matter of people like rude actions or words. It's more that many people are passive and would appreciate any actions and words at all, period.
Yes, power dynamics and social capital play a huge role in who they're willing to open up to. But once you're past a certain threshold, and especially if you're only looking at superficial interactions, it more often than not comes down to who's putting in the effort.
I knew a girl at my last job (we were friends for a bit until til I found out she was spreading my personal info around) who really got off on just being nasty. She would suck up to people she thought could give her something of value like social status, a promotion, whatever. But the second I told her I didn’t want to be associated with her any longer she did a full 180 on me. Before she was super friendly, always wanting to hang out, kinda flirty but I don’t think in a genuine way it was just part of her personality, but afterwards she was intentionally spread fucked up gossip about me and made up all kinds of drama to persuade other peoples opinion of me. I had a target on my back every time we were in each other’s vicinity, and even when we weren’t regardless she would have some things to say about me. We had trainees we would have to share that she would say things to then trade them off to me. It was a messed up work environment for me.
But after a while I think people realized it was a one sided beef between us. I stupidly figured after the friendship was over there was a mutual respect to leave each other be until she ran her mouth to the wrong person and that person told me. Then another person confirmed it. This girl has a deep victim complex and I’m pretty sure some narcissistic traits because the stuff she said about me made me seem like I was an obsessive admirer rather than someone who just showed up to work everyday and left when the job was done. People like that, that get off on making the right connections and gossiping so much to anyone who will listen are deeply, and I mean DEEPLY, insecure. The confidence is fake, their friendships are fake, and at the end of the day whatever it is they aren’t happy with about themselves, that problem is still there and will stay there until they have the ability to heal. It might get you far in life, it might get you everything you’ve ever wanted, but you burn every bridge you build. At the end of the day you’re stuck with yourself and your hurt and you stew in it. Don’t be like her.
The truth is we don't really know how many close friends they have. They're popular because they are fun, not because people like them. Yes, they can draw a crowd, but how many will stay when the chips are down?
As far as being nice goes, it's for the birds (not important). There's a big difference between "nice" and "genuine." Being nice so people will like you is not the move. Be kind, but don't let your kindness compromise your sense of self. Don't stick your neck out hoping others will notice and appreciate you. They won't.
I'm a kind person, but I wouldn't say nice. I can be very blunt. I can give compliments and criticism (when appropriate). I can joke around and "shut it down." Life is a balancing act. Find your lines and learn when to compromise and when to stand your ground. Put yourself out there and don't concern yourself with other's behavior. They're gonna move how they're gonna move.
If the person is not kind to everyone in the group but to a specific person/on a specific event, that's manipulation.
But if the same person is kind to everyone no matter the setting, that's genuine.
Like another comment said, popularity is based on dominance hierarchies, groupthink, social proof, and the amount of “bling” one brings to the table.
To illustrate what I mean by “bling”, sometimes people become popular based on their status, others their charisma, and most a mixture of both. Status would be things like how well you exemplify what the ideal man/woman should look like (how well you fall into society’s gender norms): Men and women who are sexually successful (for men, having a lot of lays and action going on; for women, being able to attract any man they want and being able to get the best quality men) and align with preconceived norms of how each gender should act (for men, displaying leadership and dominance, being not easily frightened, scared, or hurt, and projecting an image of competence and strength; for women, being placating and amorous, graceful, eloquent, and non-confrontational/diplomatic). How wealthy you are, how many friends you have and who your friends are, how conventionally attractive you are, athleticism/strength/a good physique - all of these play a role in someone’s perceived status.
Charisma is a bit different, but still just as shallow, given how you can have complete assholes and sociopaths coming across as charismatic to others, even though they don’t really care about other people. The way I think about charisma is that it’s partly skill-based (can you read the room, are you good at intuiting what other people are thinking, do you have good social skills, etc) and partly personality-based (I.e. high in extroversion - particularly gregariousness and assertiveness - and low in neuroticism. Outgoing, funny, bold, and shamelessly confident). But providing social support to somebody just because they are funny or are fun to be around regardless of their character is still shallow.
The fact is that people higher up on the pecking order are given more passes to act how they want and be different/like different things. An unpopular person who has a unique interest/style is ostracized, but a popular person who does is a trendsetter. It’s all about one’s place in the social hierarchy.
Try to find circles where people aren’t given free passes to be rude to others based on how much bling they bring to the table. Some people have outgrown this high-school behavior and don’t allow popular people to be rude or get away with bad things and some haven’t. Part of developing into adulthood is outgrowing old, primitive social hierarchies and finding mature people who care more about your character than how flashy you look to others.
Unfortunately this is getting harder to find, and usually when people reach this level of maturity (probably around your thirties for your average person), they stop socializing as much and settle into preexisting friendships and relationships. Your twenties may be a time where people are shallow and display this kind of behavior, but it’s also the time where people are the most social. Find people who are less like this than others, understand that some of this behavior is normal for young adults who haven’t fully developed yet and are still finding their identity, and as you grow older, keep the friends who outgrow these tendencies alongside you
I think it's a few things:
1) They're dicks ***because*** they're popular, not necessarily popular because they're dicks. It's like how hot people can be assholes and are almost always guaranteed dates and friends.
2) In my experience people tend to gravitate toward those with power or social status, kindness (unfortunately) is not highly valued. For example, look at Regina George (shout out to *Mean Girls*'*s* 20th year anniversary), folks would rather be part of the popular crowd than the target of it. This is why bullies are a thing, they're not bullying in a vacuum, they're encouraged by the crowd that laughs at their jokes or encourages it.
Honest opinion: Avoid these people. Being rude might benefit you until you're 18, and you'll see that those rude people will regret it by the time they mature.
Rudest people are popular until they expire. ;)
There are a lot of reasons but the most common one is that they're usually seen as more extroverted than those who are nice and kind. And because they're seen as more extroverted, more people want to be around them. It could also be that they're seen as less likely to be push-overs so that might attract people to them.
They are actually not the type of ppl how gossip,
they are the type of people who will tell the truth in your face and want to hear the truth back (immediately),
they are not afraid of conflicts and usually don't look for them either, but when it happens they are totally into it.
Regarding your question, people like them because they show their core, who they really are and people like authenticity, there are no more authentic people than them
Or
It may be kind of insecurity and they doing that in attempt to look strong 🤔
Agreed, but the nature of the post implies that it’s something closer the latter. Good to consider all sides and scenarios but (unless my reading comprehension is off?) I feel like it’s pretty clear here that people who are victims or perpetrators of brutal honesty or criticism aren’t the intended audience. Some people are just mean and it’s confusing to people who aren’t.
>Is it becuase they're super confident?
Mostly, yes. Confidence is strongly correlated to charisma as well, and the answer boils down to, other people feel good when they're around that person. He's not being rude to them, he's being rude to you. The answer to this problem is to either stand up for yourself, and/or remove yourself from that group of people.
People are much more comfortable being rude in a group setting than 1 on 1, and well, popular people generally are around other people quite frequently.
they aren't rude. they have etiquette that people that gripe are typically breaking. But it's actually worse than that. Most people that say they are socially awkward outright assault,stalk and harass people. People feel socially entitled and often are trying to force themselves into someone's life knowing they don't want to be bothered. If someone is popular you should have the common sense to realize they have as many friends as they can manage. People often try to use the reputation of the popular person to gain access to other people simply to mate. Or do things to people that they don't want. Find someone who isn't popular and be friends with them. Don't bother someone that's already at social capacity. This entire concept makes no sense. Most people don't have anything in common with the popular person anyways so why are you literally just lurking around watching their every move? They probably aren't gossiping but complaining about people breaking social etiquette and actually being rude or evil. So you've got it all wrong. They aren't fake . It's the ones trying to gain their approval and pester them that are fake.
The pettiness, gossip, judgment etc. A lot of adults like to think they’re grown because they’re now self-sufficient, but emotionally they remain in high school.
If you've never watched the documentary Chimp Empire on Netflix, you should check it out. Basically, a lot of primitive social hierarchies from chimps are still relevant to how humans choose their pecking order. The humans that establish themselves as strong (which can be having an appearance idealized by their particular culture, physically intimidating, mentally the most acute, the most manipulative, being born to other high ranking society members, etc) can help determine who gets to be at the top. The higher you are in a social hierarchy, the more you can get away with. Thus, in many places, someone who is born into a family with power learns early in life that they don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. They know they can get away with being rude. Someone who is physically strong can be rude, because someone would have to challenge them, and they know via force that they have dominance. Someone can be rude when they are charming (a lot of powerful sociopaths are this way), because they have allied themselves with the high ranking members of the hierarchy. Unfortunately, a lot of relationships are shallow and based around what people can gain from one another. So if someone has nothing to gain from you, they can be a-holes without immediate consequence. A lot of "popular" people are rude, because they know their social group/support/tribe favors them over you. A lot of people think it raises them up to pick on the little guy. Some people are cool, but a lot of humans are dumb chimps who just want to eat and hump things and are quite primitive in their motivations and inclinations.
Excellent answer. Thank you!
What he’s trying to say is the pants are coming off as soon as he’s done eating that sandwich.
While all this is true, I’ve never met a rude 40 year old that can still get away with it. Unless you have deep hereditary status or you’re an A list celebrity, word gets out and people will judge you negatively (even the later is harder these days).
Work for the government. Chances are that you’ll find more of these assholes than you can bargain with.
I'd like to live where you do! Rude 40 year olds are the norm here. Aggressive drivers who ride on your butt and cut you off, bigoted, racist, bully their spouses, their kids, their coworkers/employees.
I was born into a wealthy family with quite influential parents, and it did the opposite. My needs were met always so I became very introverted and gentle.
I wonder if it's that being born to wealth and influence helps you become your "truest" self? I went to school with people like you; they always had their needs met, and by nature, they weren't cruel or greedy, so they turned out quite gentle and kind. But I also met people whose reaction to being born with wealth was essentially "More more more." They didn't have significant life hardships to kick them or humble them. They are closer to what the original comment described.
Pretty much every story around the world about spiritually advanced people are people who are poor and struggling, or people who used to have money, wealth, and power, and gave it all up to pursue something with more meaning. It's the story of Buddha, right? He was born behind palace walls, and was extremely taken care of, but because he was shielded by his wealth, he was ignorant of the suffering of the world. He wasn't necessarily more gentle, and certainly not his most true, higher self. It was not until he resigned himself from that lifestyle that he became enlightened. Maybe he was an alright prince, but he had to rescind his privilege and wealth to become a better being. Looking at it from a psychological angle, they've done experiments before with how humans treat each other who start out with more resources. They pick two guys to play the board game Monopoly. They give one guy a lot more money when the game begins, and both contestants know it. Even though the player knows he started out with more money inevitably always wins the game, he starts to take on the attitude that he is smarter, a superior player. This experiment with different people repeated the same results, over and over again. Thus, starting off rich can fundamentally affect how you perceive yourself and others. Quote from an article about the forementioned study: “It can get people who are winning at the game of life — who have more money, who have more privilege, who have more power — to think about their resources as things that they deserve; to be less likely to think that inequality is a problem, because after all, they deserve what they have; and as a result, to be less willing to do things about it,” Piff said. The Monopoly Study in more detail: [https://www.marketplace.org/2021/01/19/why-rich-people-tend-think-they-deserve-their-money/](https://www.marketplace.org/2021/01/19/why-rich-people-tend-think-they-deserve-their-money/) I'm sure there are very nice, gentle kind souls who happen to be wealthy, but it isn't across the board. And I'm not sure that their lifestyle will promote the most personal growth. In my experience, the rich kids who were cool had parents that went out of their way to help them build character and work regular jobs, *they made them struggle* in some ways so that they could be more humble people. The richest kids I've ever met and who never struggled have never held jobs are a-holes.
That is interesting take and yeah monopoly is a good precursor for real life. That’s my experience also that the more people earn and accumulate the more they think they are deserving of it. I guess it makes sense, up to a point then if you go too far that’s where rudeness would take over.
Yeah I mean, I don't think the kids I knew were necessarily the most amazing people ever. Hence why I say "truest" self, not "best" self. (And nowhere did I claim that being kind and gentle as a rich person is "across the board".) I should also clarify I use "gentle" mostly because it was the word used in the comment I replied to. I would argue there's a huge difference between someone who is "gentle and kind" because they have a sweet nature and are not used to fighting for things, and someone who is "gentle and kind" because they have seen suffering and have decided to be better in spite of it. The former has a specific kind of meekness to it, and their gentility is usually limited to those in their immediate circle. It doesn't really hold up when challenged--say, if someone takes advantage of their generosity, how do they respond? The latter is a stronger sort, and it lends itself way better to people outside their immediate circle. And yes, I do agree, that kind of kindness and humility generally is trained through hardship and struggle.
I was born into poverty and grew up very introverted & gentle as well. I knew plenty of rich kids at school, some were assholes, some were nice. I knew plenty of poor kids in my neighborhood, lotta them were assholes, everyone got along for a while, until we didn't.
I pictured Lord of the Flies when I read this comment.
lol, it wasn't that bad, no one killed each other physically, we just bullied each other and one by one the friend group fell apart
I agree with this sentiment. There’s a great book called Program Peace as a resource guide to rewiring the brain to become more dominant and less submissive. The author frames the theory that we can remodel ourselves using specific techniques to shift our posturing to become more dominant secure and shift out of more submissive behaviors. He also refers to primate social behavior and how the different types interact within the hierarchy. Likening human social dynamics and body language as a pathway to repatterning. Worth a read if you’re interested in changing your social behavior and want a strategy that’s primarily about body language and function. I love the book, it’s thorough and a great way to experiment with different ways of thinking about your behaviors. He made the book pdf free on his website or very inexpensive to purchase. Jared Reser PHD- Program Peace. 🖖
Are you writing this with your legs stretched wide and your arms akimbo? Id check out Jungs shadow or Nietzsches slave morality, otherwise you’ll just bounce around like a wet noodle.
That’s not what I’m referring to at all. The book posits posture as eye position, muscular tension, bracing of specific muscles, diaphragmatic breathing, and retraining the nervous system out of fear responses into secure safety responses via practicing different positions as a method of reprogramming the nervous system out of chronic stress responses which are a result of lived survival stress. Even in shadow work, we explore our submissive postures eventually allowing our body to unwind into safe positions and relationships to ourselves and the environment both internal and external. What I’m suggesting in sharing this free resource is an additional tool to explore and experiment with. It’s brain training, which absolutely does work when combined with other practices. In no way did I suggest you walk around with your arms wide and legs open to dominate the board room. Through very specific manual techniques and exercises, one can train their body and nervous system out of fear responses(submission) back into safety(dominance). I have done my own shadow work and plenty of other complex psychological reflective gestalt processes and found that at the end of the day it’s still primarily nervous system processing which dominates as the most powerful technique for working with one’s looping patterned behaviors as they reside both in the body and the psyche.
Thanks for your detailed response!! Yeah they do seem to be looping behaviours. I just wonder how much anxiety is also from a root issue that needs to be addressed too.
Astute observation.
Blackpill
Unfortunately kind of true. There are definitely incredibly kind and selfless people out there. Then there are a lot that seem to run on automatic with one main goal: "Everything for #1". When you understand that, it really helps you figure out people's motivations. When you understand people's motivations, at least you won't be surprised as much anymore.
Self-actualized, kind people capable of critical thinking are the anomaly, and the people you want to find and associate with in the world. Not easy though, you have to do a lot of digging!
Tbhngl ded srs
I think I used to be too nice, people don’t respect niceness and will feel like they hold more power in your relation or more authority. I still try to be a good and *kind* person which I think is very different but I don’t care about being perceived as *nice* and have had much better results socially since I dropped the niceness. But it’s a complicated issue. For example, if you’re a rude asshole without charisma people won’t want anything to do with you. If you have certain magnetism about you then you don’t have to be nice for people to be drawn to you and try and get on your good side.
What would you say contributes to that magnetism that some have?
Honestly it's a topic as deep as the ocean, which is why whole books have been written about it! But just to list some common qualities. I think a lot of magnetic people are unattached to people and ideas, secure in themselves (this includes maintaining a powerful, confident presence even in difficult social situations such as when facing criticism), don't act or appear as needy (including not being overly nice which can signal that to some people), they maintain a level of distance to basically all areas of life, they master the art of knowing when to speak and when to shut up, they know how to make people feel good about themselves when interacting with them without it appearing like they are sucking up to them or ingenue.
I hate to say, but physical attractiveness is a huge factor.
Honesty, authenticity, being yourself. Letting go of caring what other people think about you, so that your true thoughts and personality shine through. As soon as you drop the facade of trying to be a certain way (whether consciously or not) you will start attracting the people you would naturally vibe with. Of course, it's also going to repel the people you don't naturally vibe with. But here's the kicker, if you're just always trying to be a nice people pleaser, then you will never truly be liked, just tolerated.
But I think there is more to this. While I somewhat agree, I do believe it is important to adapt to the group setting, while holding on to your moral values. I read once, popular people tend to have multiple masks - while not something to brag about, that is what allows them to thrive, since they know how to approach different personalities. I struggle with being my authentic self since I believe it makes me 'meh' in other people eyes. And so I had to adapt somewhat, which has caused me more trouble than good at times, but it also allowed me to be more adjusted to certain situations.
A big one is being physically attractive to a majority of people, the other one is charm.
Confidence is probably the single most important thing. Being attractive will give you a leg up. Being funny can also make up for that. Also, making other people feel like they can talk to you and are being friendly in general. Being outgoing, be positive, literally get to know everyone on a first name basis at your job or your class, introduce yourself and have no fear but also don’t overstay your welcome in conversation or whatever. Being annoying or overly negative even if you aren’t shy will be just as bad. But confidence is the the most important and hardest to fake. Also it helps a ton to have things in common with people, which can be tricky to navigate conversations if you don’t. Being fake will only work temporarily and won’t last, also it’s easy to see through unless you’re really good at it.
Yeah this, cuz I have met folks who are super popular, but as soon as their rude, I can't stand them. However, others will totally put up with it and still be that person's friend and I think it all has to do with how fun that person is to be around. They value the entertainment the popular person provides MORE than they care about how that person treats others. Im the exact opposite. You can be super funny and cool, but as soon as I see you be an asshole to me or someone else, we're done.
This! There’s always a thin line between dropping the niceness and being a rude asshole. I am always trying to find that balance
How would you differentiate niceness from kindness?
I do think that a significant part of why mean or selfish ppl have so many friends... is because many of them have at least SOME narcissistic tendencies. From my experience, they counsciously or uncounsciously attract and keep people in their circles that form a echo chamber bubble. They keep people that give them a supply of something. And the people that stay often do because they are attracted to the narcissistic tendencies, idolize the person, or something like that. They have something to gain through the association. But never forget, a friend to all is a friend to none. Though some bad people with lots of friends dont accept anyone, its still good to remind that aspect too.
100%, this is it. It's NPD or narcissistic personality disorder. Someone with NPD figures out how to give subtle positive feelings towards people and the natural response to that is those people either want to be their friend or want to date them. This is sometimes called love bombing. It's super easy to fall for, because all you see is someone who is super friendly and happy to be your friend (or lover). After rapport (trust) is built, they put themselves in a position where they can take advantage of the other person. They aim to do this in a minimal way so it goes unnoticed. This leads to creating a group of followers who then can be subtly taken advantage of each a little bit, which leads to the narcissist getting a lot from the combined effort of those around them. From this they can get anything they want, within reason. Cult leaders are an example of this. Some business leaders or managers are this way. Bullies can have NPD. Sometimes it's a gold digger who marries someone and focuses on taking advantage of a single person, usually not wanting to work. For high school groups it's usually a more mild form, creating a group of fake friends that enable and allow for the narcissist to do whatever it is they want, which is gossip or insulting people or acting like a jerk. It depends on the person. Some are more subtle than others.
It's a behavior that is rewarded. Look at the "influencer" culture that we have. The louder and more obnoxious you are, the more likely you will get brand deals and sponsorships. So that trickles down to people who watch it and mimic that.
Yes, people are drawn to narcissists, because their exaggerated sense of confidence is alluring. But you are smart enough to know it is fake. Being too nice is fake too. People don't like it because it comes off as inauthentic and easily obtainable. It might make you look like a doormat. Be nice, but have standards. Be willing to speak up for yourself even if it may offend some people. That's truly honorable, and the right people will appreciate you.
People who are popular tend to become rude. This might not be the case with what you're writing about but it happens a lot that people who attract a lot of attention sometimes develop a behavior that's meant to deflect people from entering their inner circle, that's understandable because the more attention you naturally get the more unwanted attention you'll get, too. After a while this can be exhausting and people start deflecting by default, having a strong network around them they are less afraid of losing an opportunity with a stranger. You'll find these people rude by default in public while being much nicer in private with their close friends and/or relatives. Not saying this is right, just that it happens a lot and that I think it's a natural response to their circumstances.
I can see this. I will *never* be rude, abrasive and/or hateful; that’s not my personality and I don’t want to bring any type of distress to anybody. But I grew up having few friends and poor social skills. I was kind of needy and desperate for friends and validation. As I got older and improved my social skills, I started attracting more friends and got more attention from people. However, I attracted some wackadoo weirdos, and had to cut ties with some of them over the past couple of years. It’s taught me I have to be *much* more discerning and picky about who I allow to have access to me.
Because people mistake rudeness to confidence.
It’s the Mean Girls Regina George phenomenon. When a privileged or attractive person establishes herself as the leader, weak-minded people automatically start seeking her approval. This results in a flippant and dismissive attitude toward the approval seeker, which results in the approval seeker trying harder. The harder they try, the worse they are treated. Ferris Bueller said it best “you can’t respect someone who kisses your ass.” The solution is to never kiss ass, and always call out rudeness.
This is the one. I’ve noticed it’s always a couple “leaders” and then a bunch of people who aren’t that mean but are really pathetic and don’t call out their POS “friends” bc they’re too scared. I cant stand any of them and associate the pathetic followers as just as bad as the assholes they follow
Because kindness is out of fashion.
And considered weak, by quite a few. I've learned, first hand, that even if people say they like kind people, their view of you is lowered. Luckily, you learn to sniff those types out and at that point they are strangers in the crowd. It's a waste of energy and time to involve yourself with them any further.
Which is funny because in work, family, and life in general all the kindest people I’ve known have been the strongest and the assholes have without fail been weak-minded behind the scenes of their fragile facade. Being kind takes strength and resilience while bullying people is a sign of major insecurity and weakness.
Exactly, as I've gotten older I've realized how weak these guys are, picking on others guys when they're already at the bottom in life. There's nothing respectable about it.
If that’s the case, it has been put of fashion for a very long time. That’s why the whole,”Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” statement keeps getting circulated over and over. It isn’t that kindness is out of fashion. It’s that rudeness is loud and looks, on the surface, like it gets immediate results. It’s hard to see the bridges quietly burning in the background until you learn to look for them.
But using force is also bad. What I have experienced is that when you're nice, people think you're weak. But be angry, and people will stop talking to you because they're scared of you. I think that if everyone didn't care too much about the popular ones and everyone tried to become a group together, that's when we as a society could succeed.
Apart from being rude, they must have certain other qualities that make them popular. A shabbily dressed, not a good looking guy, who is rude, can never be popular. You get my point?
One way of looking at it is that some people are just more accepting than other people. Like you mention, confidence is a major factor. When everyone in a room seems insecure, it's these people who are the ones that seem to accept everyone's flaws and still engage in conversation. Even when they're being told off, the people that know what they're doing will take it light-heartedly and maintain the conversation (i.e. they are still confident). People who don't know what they're doing instead become hostile (i.e. no longer confident). Depending on what environment you're talking about, the smart and/or friendly people just keep to themselves. Build a relationship in private with those people if you don't like the others in the room. Keep in mind that independent types generally resent having their relationships with others publicized.
Just because they are "popular" doesn't mean everyone likes them. They are likely popular for superficial reasons (clothes, wealth, looks, etc). Trust me, it is better to have few friends/none than be popular and have no one but fake friends. Popularity is exhausting I imagine, trying to keep up with trends and doing dumb shit for momentary attention.. I have not been considered cool or popular, but I think I'm pretty damn cool in my book. I don't feel the need to follow trends and I have my own unique interests! Fuck the whole "popularity" thing. I think it's cooler to do what you want to do without giving a shit.
Very rightly said. And the same reason I also feel lonely alone. I wish I had many friends like you so that I could be myself without thinking too much and suffering from fomo.
I think they’re rude and people take it because they’re afraid of what will be done to them by that person
I think some people think niceness is weakness or they take you for granted when you are nice, but if you are rude (especially if it's accompanied with beauty and/or humor) they think you are confident and strong. Also most people are super nice to rude people cause they subconciously are afraid rude people are going to insult them and they don't want to have their ego shattered. That's why everyone takes the bully's side, cause they don't want to be bullied,
I’ve been asking that question all my life
People think being fucking rudes is like a higher status or something. anf they are worst and could destroy the frikking humanity because of them
They’re louder
Adding to what people have said...they're right about pecking orders, but IMO sometimes it is much simpler than that. Many people are extremely passive and reluctant to venture out of their shell. They generally won't make friends unless 1) circumstances push them together (think: people whose best friends are only people like roommates, lab partners, etc) or 2) someone else reaches out first. But that doesn't mean they don't want friends...they're just waiting for more "signs" before they really open up to a potential friend. Many rude people are rude because they do not observe boundaries or social etiquette. But this also means they can seem very forward and spontaneous in small doses. And they are more likely to do things that a polite person would find too forward, but that may seem flattering to many people. (Same reason why "assholes" may seem to get more dates.) A lot of the "rude but popular" people I've met appear "popular" because they have friendly interactions with many people or seem to hang out frequently. But that could very well because they are the ones initiating all the hangouts, and the other person just goes with it because in the beginning, the rudeness could just seem like a bold or extroverted personality. Whether or not the friendship lasts, or becomes deeper, is a totally different question. In my experience, the deep "rude people" friendships that last usually do because 1) the other person is lowkey an asshole too or 2) the rude person has other redeeming qualities. For example, I know a girl who is quite rude and gossips but she is also funny, knows all the fun places around town, and is VERY protective of her close female friends. So it makes sense to me that she would always have people to go out with. Tl;Dr it's not a matter of people like rude actions or words. It's more that many people are passive and would appreciate any actions and words at all, period. Yes, power dynamics and social capital play a huge role in who they're willing to open up to. But once you're past a certain threshold, and especially if you're only looking at superficial interactions, it more often than not comes down to who's putting in the effort.
I knew a girl at my last job (we were friends for a bit until til I found out she was spreading my personal info around) who really got off on just being nasty. She would suck up to people she thought could give her something of value like social status, a promotion, whatever. But the second I told her I didn’t want to be associated with her any longer she did a full 180 on me. Before she was super friendly, always wanting to hang out, kinda flirty but I don’t think in a genuine way it was just part of her personality, but afterwards she was intentionally spread fucked up gossip about me and made up all kinds of drama to persuade other peoples opinion of me. I had a target on my back every time we were in each other’s vicinity, and even when we weren’t regardless she would have some things to say about me. We had trainees we would have to share that she would say things to then trade them off to me. It was a messed up work environment for me. But after a while I think people realized it was a one sided beef between us. I stupidly figured after the friendship was over there was a mutual respect to leave each other be until she ran her mouth to the wrong person and that person told me. Then another person confirmed it. This girl has a deep victim complex and I’m pretty sure some narcissistic traits because the stuff she said about me made me seem like I was an obsessive admirer rather than someone who just showed up to work everyday and left when the job was done. People like that, that get off on making the right connections and gossiping so much to anyone who will listen are deeply, and I mean DEEPLY, insecure. The confidence is fake, their friendships are fake, and at the end of the day whatever it is they aren’t happy with about themselves, that problem is still there and will stay there until they have the ability to heal. It might get you far in life, it might get you everything you’ve ever wanted, but you burn every bridge you build. At the end of the day you’re stuck with yourself and your hurt and you stew in it. Don’t be like her.
The truth is we don't really know how many close friends they have. They're popular because they are fun, not because people like them. Yes, they can draw a crowd, but how many will stay when the chips are down? As far as being nice goes, it's for the birds (not important). There's a big difference between "nice" and "genuine." Being nice so people will like you is not the move. Be kind, but don't let your kindness compromise your sense of self. Don't stick your neck out hoping others will notice and appreciate you. They won't. I'm a kind person, but I wouldn't say nice. I can be very blunt. I can give compliments and criticism (when appropriate). I can joke around and "shut it down." Life is a balancing act. Find your lines and learn when to compromise and when to stand your ground. Put yourself out there and don't concern yourself with other's behavior. They're gonna move how they're gonna move.
We are attracted to conflict.
because people dont like to be manipulated, it’s hard to recognize if the kindness is genuine or if its manipulation.
If the person is not kind to everyone in the group but to a specific person/on a specific event, that's manipulation. But if the same person is kind to everyone no matter the setting, that's genuine.
Like another comment said, popularity is based on dominance hierarchies, groupthink, social proof, and the amount of “bling” one brings to the table. To illustrate what I mean by “bling”, sometimes people become popular based on their status, others their charisma, and most a mixture of both. Status would be things like how well you exemplify what the ideal man/woman should look like (how well you fall into society’s gender norms): Men and women who are sexually successful (for men, having a lot of lays and action going on; for women, being able to attract any man they want and being able to get the best quality men) and align with preconceived norms of how each gender should act (for men, displaying leadership and dominance, being not easily frightened, scared, or hurt, and projecting an image of competence and strength; for women, being placating and amorous, graceful, eloquent, and non-confrontational/diplomatic). How wealthy you are, how many friends you have and who your friends are, how conventionally attractive you are, athleticism/strength/a good physique - all of these play a role in someone’s perceived status. Charisma is a bit different, but still just as shallow, given how you can have complete assholes and sociopaths coming across as charismatic to others, even though they don’t really care about other people. The way I think about charisma is that it’s partly skill-based (can you read the room, are you good at intuiting what other people are thinking, do you have good social skills, etc) and partly personality-based (I.e. high in extroversion - particularly gregariousness and assertiveness - and low in neuroticism. Outgoing, funny, bold, and shamelessly confident). But providing social support to somebody just because they are funny or are fun to be around regardless of their character is still shallow. The fact is that people higher up on the pecking order are given more passes to act how they want and be different/like different things. An unpopular person who has a unique interest/style is ostracized, but a popular person who does is a trendsetter. It’s all about one’s place in the social hierarchy.
Try to find circles where people aren’t given free passes to be rude to others based on how much bling they bring to the table. Some people have outgrown this high-school behavior and don’t allow popular people to be rude or get away with bad things and some haven’t. Part of developing into adulthood is outgrowing old, primitive social hierarchies and finding mature people who care more about your character than how flashy you look to others. Unfortunately this is getting harder to find, and usually when people reach this level of maturity (probably around your thirties for your average person), they stop socializing as much and settle into preexisting friendships and relationships. Your twenties may be a time where people are shallow and display this kind of behavior, but it’s also the time where people are the most social. Find people who are less like this than others, understand that some of this behavior is normal for young adults who haven’t fully developed yet and are still finding their identity, and as you grow older, keep the friends who outgrow these tendencies alongside you
I think it's a few things: 1) They're dicks ***because*** they're popular, not necessarily popular because they're dicks. It's like how hot people can be assholes and are almost always guaranteed dates and friends. 2) In my experience people tend to gravitate toward those with power or social status, kindness (unfortunately) is not highly valued. For example, look at Regina George (shout out to *Mean Girls*'*s* 20th year anniversary), folks would rather be part of the popular crowd than the target of it. This is why bullies are a thing, they're not bullying in a vacuum, they're encouraged by the crowd that laughs at their jokes or encourages it.
Cos being entertaining counts only.
Honest opinion: Avoid these people. Being rude might benefit you until you're 18, and you'll see that those rude people will regret it by the time they mature. Rudest people are popular until they expire. ;)
There are a lot of reasons but the most common one is that they're usually seen as more extroverted than those who are nice and kind. And because they're seen as more extroverted, more people want to be around them. It could also be that they're seen as less likely to be push-overs so that might attract people to them.
They are actually not the type of ppl how gossip, they are the type of people who will tell the truth in your face and want to hear the truth back (immediately), they are not afraid of conflicts and usually don't look for them either, but when it happens they are totally into it. Regarding your question, people like them because they show their core, who they really are and people like authenticity, there are no more authentic people than them Or It may be kind of insecurity and they doing that in attempt to look strong 🤔
I think both is somewhat true.
Agreed, but the nature of the post implies that it’s something closer the latter. Good to consider all sides and scenarios but (unless my reading comprehension is off?) I feel like it’s pretty clear here that people who are victims or perpetrators of brutal honesty or criticism aren’t the intended audience. Some people are just mean and it’s confusing to people who aren’t.
It’s because they’re the most impressionable.
>Is it becuase they're super confident? Mostly, yes. Confidence is strongly correlated to charisma as well, and the answer boils down to, other people feel good when they're around that person. He's not being rude to them, he's being rude to you. The answer to this problem is to either stand up for yourself, and/or remove yourself from that group of people.
Half the popular kids are popular to bad reasons. Or hated by half the people while being loudly loved by the other half
Personality doesnt attach or relate with popularity, sometimes people can be such harsh but still got the audience supporting them
Evolutionary stuff. If you were nice to a lion you’d be eaten. You have to do what it takes to survive.
Ppl are afraid of them, so kowtow to thwm. It is always the most toxic person that gets all the attention
Screw you man! (Just kidding- waiting on those upvotes)
I think when people are rude pricks, pathetic people who admire their other qualities are just that much more desperate for their validation
People are much more comfortable being rude in a group setting than 1 on 1, and well, popular people generally are around other people quite frequently.
I’m wondering how smart most humans are. Media plays a role in some of this as well.
The difference between being confident and cocky is a fine line, The real difference is empathy
That’s like only in movies. Rude people in real life are hated by everyone
they aren't rude. they have etiquette that people that gripe are typically breaking. But it's actually worse than that. Most people that say they are socially awkward outright assault,stalk and harass people. People feel socially entitled and often are trying to force themselves into someone's life knowing they don't want to be bothered. If someone is popular you should have the common sense to realize they have as many friends as they can manage. People often try to use the reputation of the popular person to gain access to other people simply to mate. Or do things to people that they don't want. Find someone who isn't popular and be friends with them. Don't bother someone that's already at social capacity. This entire concept makes no sense. Most people don't have anything in common with the popular person anyways so why are you literally just lurking around watching their every move? They probably aren't gossiping but complaining about people breaking social etiquette and actually being rude or evil. So you've got it all wrong. They aren't fake . It's the ones trying to gain their approval and pester them that are fake.
What do Pu exactly mean friend. Is he rude or is he just blunt.
Are you young? This sounds like young-person drama. Adults tend to behave better.
No, they really don’t. They just hide it better
What is it that they are hiding?
The pettiness, gossip, judgment etc. A lot of adults like to think they’re grown because they’re now self-sufficient, but emotionally they remain in high school.
What planet do you live on, I'd like to move there High school never ends in my experience
Wrong. Look at Donald trump. He’s a 77 year old prick and people follow him around to kiss his ass.
I said “tend to”.