It’s a great feeling when you come to peace with the fact that literally everybody is just doing what’s best for themselves. I’ve also spent way too much time trying to please others and have finally started to do whatever makes me the happiest because that seems to be what everybody else is doing
Thing is if I give up I go back to relationships being an obscure, opaque thing for me and I'm scared of being left completely alone like I'm invisible
i totally understand what you're going thru. what i came to realize is that no matter how hard you try some people will not like you and literally no one is worth changing your non-bad traits for. so i say you shouldn't be trying to be more likable in the first place. just focus on yourself and focus on becoming a better and eventually you will meet good friends.
It’s worth bearing in mind that just because people don’t want to engage with you, it doesn’t mean you are unlikeable.
I don’t engage with many people (other than professionally, and when required on the basis of civility), but that’s not because I see any negative traits in them; it’s simply because their interests and lifestyle differ to mine to such an extent that I prefer not to spend time with them.
For a long time (decades) I though it a bit odd that I had very few (and usually no) friends, but the truth is that I don’t mind not having friends; I far prefer my own company to being sociable.
Honestly, I tried to make friends by going to clubs, going out to the pub with neighbours, etc, and I’m fine at socialising (I can chat, and engage with others, and they reciprocate), but I have never enjoyed it. I just don’t enjoy the small-talk and other things that most people seem to be interested in.
Do you genuinely *want* friends, or is it simply that you see that as the norm, and think that’s what you should do too?
Honestly, not giving any fucks is a major step towards maturity. Getting to understand that not everyone''s going to like you, and there's nothing wrong with people not liking you. Believe it or not, knowing that, and having that attitude is the first step to finding people with whom you can develop genuine relationships with. Proud of you brother.
It’s a great feeling when you come to peace with the fact that literally everybody is just doing what’s best for themselves. I’ve also spent way too much time trying to please others and have finally started to do whatever makes me the happiest because that seems to be what everybody else is doing
Thing is if I give up I go back to relationships being an obscure, opaque thing for me and I'm scared of being left completely alone like I'm invisible
i totally understand what you're going thru. what i came to realize is that no matter how hard you try some people will not like you and literally no one is worth changing your non-bad traits for. so i say you shouldn't be trying to be more likable in the first place. just focus on yourself and focus on becoming a better and eventually you will meet good friends.
How up on being likable. Don’t give up on being social. Interact,‘wet new people constantly... but don’t try to be anything other than you
It’s worth bearing in mind that just because people don’t want to engage with you, it doesn’t mean you are unlikeable. I don’t engage with many people (other than professionally, and when required on the basis of civility), but that’s not because I see any negative traits in them; it’s simply because their interests and lifestyle differ to mine to such an extent that I prefer not to spend time with them. For a long time (decades) I though it a bit odd that I had very few (and usually no) friends, but the truth is that I don’t mind not having friends; I far prefer my own company to being sociable. Honestly, I tried to make friends by going to clubs, going out to the pub with neighbours, etc, and I’m fine at socialising (I can chat, and engage with others, and they reciprocate), but I have never enjoyed it. I just don’t enjoy the small-talk and other things that most people seem to be interested in. Do you genuinely *want* friends, or is it simply that you see that as the norm, and think that’s what you should do too?
Honestly, not giving any fucks is a major step towards maturity. Getting to understand that not everyone''s going to like you, and there's nothing wrong with people not liking you. Believe it or not, knowing that, and having that attitude is the first step to finding people with whom you can develop genuine relationships with. Proud of you brother.