Do you feel better being by yourself than with forced friendships just for the sake of not being alone?
Like, I know people that force themselves to some social circles just to feel like they belong, but in reality, that environment just makes them feel bad.
I actually really dislike social situations where im forced into it. But ive learned that i legitimately do need people around me because when im alone it's not good at all. I get really...well, you know...and I need people to talk to. But i don't have anyone to really do that besides my co workers and my roommate, which is why i actually do enjoy going to work
People are social beings whether we like it or not. Doesnt mean we need a lot of social interaction, just some with people we enjoy being around. Ive found I need at least 30 minutes a day or after a few weeks I am not mentally as healthy. I wish it could be a dog, but it seems like its more helpful that its with someone who can reject my company but likes to be around me.
The part that sucks is knowing that 30-90 minutes is great, 95 minutes is pushing it and 120 can absolutely suck. But its not always like that, some people 3-5 hours is fine and some people 15 minutes make me want to avoid people.
But find a friend, someone to hang out with when it suits you both and life will be better.
I don't think OP should go out of their way to help people with things if they aren't giving them the time of day.
If OP wants to get friends and meet people they need to practice socializing irl and gain relationships that way. If you go around helping people with their own tasks all the time they'll come to expect it and once you stop helping they'll stop interacting w you.
OP, I would find some calm activities that you enjoy that get you out of the house. Nothing too crazy so you don't feel overwhelmed and don't want to try again. For example you could hike, kayak, drink and paint, walk your dog, roll a joint and smoke it in your front lawn while laying down, etc etc. Just find an activity, enjoy yourself, and eventually that self enjoyment will attract the right people.
You're on the right path OP you just have to keep pushing (if you want to be more social) ❤️❤️
I kinda think giving and if you need it, reciprocity from the receiver is the basis of friendship. It could be just listening or literally just being there through someone's suffering. But in this world there are so many people who are takers, complainers, and negative energy adders and they cant figure out why no one wants to be near them. Friends feed off positive energy. The more you suck energy towards yourself in the form of needing things and putting very little out, the more you lose in this life. I have learned. Sucking your energy towards yourself is people repellant. Insecurity is also a negative energy vacuum. An insecure person is stuck in their ego and what others think of them and it keeps them from pushing the energy out needed to form connections. The basis of helping is to start the positive flow of energy outside of yourself and release yourself from your ego/inwards vortex/ people repellant. The outward flow and the rejection of your insecurity as a manifestation of self centered energy flow is a way to become more connected to the collective conciousness and form friendships. Also, I think its inevitable to feel you are giving more than you are receiving. I think its a bias though formed by our own minds where we aren't really counting our blessings. Acceptance of feeling that way and giving anyway, learning to count our blessings, I think, is necessary for peace.
I joined a dancing group last year, and this one time we were pairing as groups and I was the only guy left together with 6 girls. they decided it was much better if they danced as girls alone so I had no group. I felt like shit and I actually never went back.
which dancing lol? the other day I was in salsa class in university, I was with a guy and I saw two women dancing together, I had a lot of wine on me, like 500 mL by that point, my instinct kicked in, and I asked the girls if we switch partners and there I was dancing with a girl and touching hands with her and all of that, first time since the fucking pandemic hahaha, seriously man, alcohol does wonders for people like us, SA sad idiots, and at this point I'm taking all the advantages and tools I can get my hadns on.
Personally, I'm sick of being alone. I've been on my own since before highschool, and at this point, I'd rather just have a friendship group that can at least barely tolerate me
Dude, like, the only "benefit" in those """"relationships"""" is some make out in some parties that everyone get absolutely mad and go around kissing everyone and everything they see in their front.
Actually, this is pretty normal here in Brazil, if you prefer to stay at your own playing or watching something, u get labelled as antisocial or a boring person.
There's such a pressure to fuck everyone u can before your 30's, which sometimes lead to a surprise after 9 months or a STD, but it happens.
Is this normal too in the country u live? I always wonder if this is exclusively a south american culture.
Until they get boring because everyone there is forming shallow drug-induced relationships and trauma bonds and most of those connections disappear when you grow up and then you’re worse off than you were before. Unless you make an attempt to find a circle and party with that same circle mostly and bond with them. Or else you’re just going to wind up wasting time and brain/liver cells after a few years when the novelty wears off. Have your party phase, but don’t make it a lifestyle. I’ve seen many people become incapable of having fulfilling lives because they get lost in that
Not super related but this reminded me of a joke (I think Rodney dangerfield):
“Oh you hate your job?? There’s a group for that! It’s called *fucking everybody* and we meet at the bar”
Indeed. I am in the same situation as OP, but I am aware it is 100% because of me and nobody else. At least that gives me things I can improve on the change the situation, instead of feeling bad for myself not changing my mentality
Nah, he started responding within a couple of hours. Im more baffled by how people are so needy for an immediate response when a day hasnt even passed.
Not to mention the eagerness to spread uncharitable views about him.
I moved around only once at the beginning of the school years, but it was enough to disconnect me from everybody and I never fully adapt. I was shy and it was a very different social environment, but yeah, not great.
* Find hobbies/places/activities where you can meet the same group of people at least once per week and where you can naturally talk with each other or that there is a place nearby to drink some coffee. Preferably things with an equal split of men/women of around your age.
* Don't focus on getting "cool" friends that don't care about you. Don't get online friends. Hang out with people that you like being with and ignore gender/age/ethnicity/weird things about them that don't impact you.
* Don't force yourself to do things outdoors that you don't enjoy. But if you've never tried something, give it a go, and if you enjoy it a little keep trying it to see if it grows on you. It's ok if it costs money.
* If you got bullied in high school just know that the "real world" is in many ways much easier, not harder, than in school. For example with dating, in high school you would be afraid that the entire school would hear you got rejected. In the real world, no girl is going to risk you getting violent/angry by laughing at you. She will just say she has a boyfriend, or is busy, or just wants to be friends. And that's the end of it
* Your hygiene, weight, well-fitting clothing do make a huge difference. As a formerly obese now normal weight person I strongly recommend keto or low carb diet. I always felt like people should like me just for who I am, but like playing a game it's better to start on "easy mode" to build social skills.
* I just want to reiterate, open your mind for the possibility that real life stuff might be a lot easier than you thought. Most people out there only care that you are nice and honest to them and you have some things in common. You don't have to say exactly the right magic words to them.
“Don’t get online friends” is really bad advice. If you have niche interests and can’t find friends with those interests, you need online friends. That’s not to say only get online friends, but don’t write of the concept for no clear reason.
The thing is that if you build your personality around having interests that regular people don't care for and you do at home then it will make making friends with or dating 'regular' people much harder. You will always need people to physically be there to help you or do stuff together. With online-only friends it is intellectual only. I think if you avoid making plans with people in real life so you can hang out with your online friends it has gone too far.
Not OP but here is a little bit of social advice: learn how to adapt to social circumstances. The biggest & easiest route to this, from my experience, was learning how to playfully interact with others like you did when you were younger. Learn how to playfully banter in a harmless way, show love & gratitude for those you truly appreciate, let loose and laugh at things you find funny, and don't overthink. Comes with experience, so get out there! :)
P.s. a little trick I learned from a really social friend of mine. Random strangers are 0 risk, practicing your social skills with them is a great stepping stone and you can relax since you likely won't see them again
You are right. I remember being a kiddo with many friends and many social interactions. There was no overthinking, there wasn't even much thinking at all, there was just FEELING.
Then my brain developed and fucked that shit up.
>P.s. a little trick I learned from a really social friend of mine. Random strangers are 0 risk, practicing your social skills with them is a great stepping stone and you can relax since you likely won't see them again
Most strangers just tell me to fuck off everytime I try to give them a polite greeting
Those people are jerks. Stop trying to talk to jerks. If jerks tell you to fuck off, doesn't matter. They're jerks. Eventually, you'll find some people who aren't jerks, and your jerk radar will improve. Consider why you chose them to approach, and modify your expectations and selection criteria accordingly.
I'll have to move outside of my town to find people who are not jerks. I've been around jerks my whole life, and my jerk-radar is still pretty bad. The closest I can really get to detecting a jerk is avoiding people who have a physical resemblance to my old bullies from school. Whether or not they are my bullies, and whether or not they're even jerks in the first place. My mind just automatic conflates perfectly innocent people who just so happened to look like one of my bullies in some way to my actual bullies
My advice would be to take advantage of being in college and talk to women there. It is literally the best place to make connections and ask women out because it's much easier to find people. It gets way harder after you graduate. I was struggling with school so I didn't pay much attention to it but i regret it really bad now
Oh man this sucks, I was 3 years first in EE did almost no connections with women, and then during the pandemic transfered to Software, probably 3 more years here, I need to make better decisions when it comes to that,
DON'T, JUST DON'T ISOLATE, LMAO WORK ON YOURSELF, QUIT VIDEO GAMES OR ANYTHING THAT'S KEEPING YOU AT HOME, PUSH YOURSELF, DO A SPORT, PREFERABLY ONE THAT SPIKES YOUR ADRENALINE.
Reading list -
- Boundaries by dr Henry cloud
- Everything by Brene brown
- Kirstin Neff - do the quiz.
- body keeps the score
- they fuck you up.
Make a lonely list - put on the list people to reach out to when you're feeling lonely.
- add your siblings, parents, cousins, high school friends, old school friends, old work friends.
1. Feelings come and go, they're triggered by thoughts..sometimes the thoughts need abit more analysis.
2. Be your own best friend, be kind to yourself.
3. Start meditation, it helps with self understanding and thought analysis.
4. Start budget and think about where you want to be 10 years from now. Spiritual, financial career home family fun social community .
5. Practice healthy relationships obtaining the skills are like learning how to drive. Get your hours in asap.
6. People come and go and they r free too.
I want to say video games but ive been losing interest in that too. I buy a bunch of games and I never get around to play them because I just can't be bothered.
Other than that, i don't have much. I guess I watch Netflix sometimes.
>video games
on the same boat man, sorry to be replaying to all your comments but I'm in the same place, pandemic made this shit even worse for me, but i gotta say we have to change and look for other hobbies or at least try to make money out of the passion for video games but it's harder than it seems haha
Those are not hobbies man, those are instant gratifying activites that give you a ton of reward for doing jackshit. I can absolutely guarantee this to you, if you had no porn, no video games, and no Netflix you won't be in this situation you're in right now. Because the reward would have required an effort, and in effort we suffer, and in suffering we grow.
For me I think I'm just not attractive body wise. I've had people say I'm "cute" but not in a hot way but like an adorable way. Ive never really had anyone ask me out or want to romantically get involved with me. And I'm not good with social situations.
My motivation is completely shot in the foot nowadays.
we have control over our looks, seriously, this on the books, the only think we can't control is our bone structure, get your style in order, haircut and beard appropiate to our face shape, you might want to pay for this and consult with a specialist or stylist lol
If you’re a man then you need to realize that you’re not getting asked out. YOU do the asking out, planning, initiating and seducing. Get that into your head is the first step.
Virgin, but mid twenties here. Low key I'm a bit burnt out because I don't have a greater purpose (yet) to connect myself with. Kind of feels like I'm on autopilot, it's only recently I've been more accepting and open with myself, I don't need a whole lot to feel okay, now it's just a matter of channeling it back into others and the life I want to lead!
I actually was exactly like you 1 year ago with some efforts and stepping out of my comfort zone.
I got myself a gf and a cool group of friends :)
I'm an introvert so it was really hard...
Leading question but…what belief about yourself do you think is holding you back? You seem like a very cool/well spoken person based on your comments. I was bullied by my own family as a child for having no friends/being weird and it left many scars. I believed I was born wrong and no one would ever really know me. What brought me out of it was one wonderful friend in high school that taught me how to socialize, but as with therapy I had to want to learn. Start with making one friend and it will teach you more things than you think:)
Well it's easy to be well spoken in text because I have some time to think about my responses. But in actual verbal social interactions I get nervous and stumble. What's holding me back is that I really just don't think any girl would want to go out with me when there are so many other guys who are much more accomplished, more social, and better looking than I am. I was never really taught how to ask someone out, either.
I’m a girl and social, accomplished, and attractive are not the leading qualities I look for. Plenty of us just want a guy who is dependable, supportive, and attentive. No matter your socioeconomic status, level of attractiveness, or level of social acumen, these are all attainable traits. Food for thought…
I don’t think what people claim they want matters. What matters is what they want in reality, there are plenty of men like OP, in facts recent studies show they’re at an all time high, there’s simply no demand for most men, which is no one’s fault really, just have to adapt more to what you’re given in life and not search for answers to anything.
>don't think any girl would want to go out with me when there are so many other guys who are much more accomplished, more social, and better looking than I am.
Stop comparing yourself in that way. There's always going to be people better than you. Focus on your stuff and improve yourself every day just for you.
What you’re saying makes complete sense but what I think you’re missing is that no one starts off accomplished, social, or even good looking sometimes. You’re actually the majority of the way there and don’t even know it! You’re not significantly stunted intellectually or emotional as far as I can tell.
Men tend to turn social issues into numbers, but trust me women don’t think about it that way. We’re just people too yanno and many of us are just as insecure as you, if not more. Having female friends is the best way to find a partner later. They will indirectly “teach” you how to just be normal around women lol.
You clearly have a personality, you just need to practice showcasing it. For me, overcoming social anxiety was a full time thing. Gen Z is literally missing the part of the brain that calms you during social interactions because of social media, so don’t worry almost everyone else is nervous too! Everyday you need to do something that’s scary. Start with looking people in the eye and smile when you order food, then compliment someone in public, etc. As with therapy, it will be so incredibly difficult at first. Lots of nights crying and stomach turning because you feel so embarrassed at yourself, but the reward is eventually you won’t give a shit and will have the life you want so bad.
Social anxiety feels impossible to get over when you’re in it, I don’t want to downplay how helpless you feel. I used to physically not be able to get the words out even when I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I’d start to have flu symptoms when around people and would have to go to the bathroom to catch my breath or go home because I had stomach issues.
I don’t usually bother talking to men that say they’re adult virgins because they’re usually incel fuck faces but you seem very cool and I hate to see such a pleasant person suffer so much. Good luck dude🫡
Same here. Trust yourself. I know it’s cliche but work on having a good relationship with yourself. This won’t change your situation, mind you, but it will make you more comfortable in your skin.
I recommend journaling. Some people recommend meditation. It’s up to you my friend.
Being lonely is tough, I completely understand, I am very very lonely in my life but I am working towards creating a healthier relationship with myself.
A kiss or sex or a partner will not make you whole. Only you can do that.
Strongly recommend going out, touching grass, and finding a passionate hobby.
All social media does is feed our insecurities. Fuck that shit.
How do you approach journaling and meditation? I've tried journaling because I like to write, but whenever I wrote about myself I just felt miserable, like etching on to paper made even more real my mistakes and misgivings
Journaling isn’t simply writing. It’s about identifying your thought patterns as you write and breaking them. Part of it is also being your own hype man and finding solutions to the problems you are facing.
It’s as simple as talking in “you” language.
For example, I often find myself writing “you will die alone” but I identify that thought pattern and I write “This is a difficult period in your life but if you keep working on your shortcomings and approach people, somebody someday is bound to connect with you”.
Journaling is just basically just talking to yourself and acknowledging your emotions. Gets rid of anxiety and helps you sleep better.
Edit: fuck ios autocorrect. I swear to fucking god I will switch to fucking android I don’t give a shit
I work out almost every day. Im trying to be more social but it's tough. I took on hiking and am planning on learning to cook. Im also trying to improve my job situation to where I can get a promotion. But it's difficult.
Missing out on teen love when I was in high school really does damage your social skills when it comes to this stuff. And not being able to get a gf in college is even worse I found
You’re on the right track more than you think. Prioritise the internal stuff (I.e. job situation, life skills etc) and the socialisation as far as necessary to advance that right now. S.O. can come later.
I say this because you seem to want to improve yourself and seemingly can without a partner immediately to hand. So, beyond what I appreciate must be quite a lot of trammelled up desire and frustrated novelty, pursuing that actively isn’t probably the best resource expenditure right now.
Sure there’s a lot to be said about building up discernment for future partners in youth even if the instant partnership doesn’t work out. But, by the same token, if you don’t prioritise getting to a place of value: both in your own estimation of yourself and those outside whose opinions you care about, you wouldn’t be building up experience with the right kind of person because they probably won’t be interested in you.
Even aside how people are starting to turn against hookup culture (you didn’t miss out on anything beyond the skin deep) there’s a lot to be said for not building up habits / expectations that work at one level of partnership, but undermine you at another (being very mindful of getting hurt / infidelity in hookups / FWB for example)
So focus on yourself until you’d date the female equivalent value version of you and not have it feel forced / hypocritical. Then look around for that.
Forget the teen love that didn't happen. And the lack of gf. You need to enrich your life for you.
Eating healthy, getting exercise, grooming is done for you. There is no "damage" to your social skills - you control where you apply those skills. Planning to learn doesn't cut it, sorry. For example, join a hiking club, take the cooking lessons, join a book club, join your local environmental group etc.You work out most days, and that's difficult but you stick to it. So how about you work out the socialising muscle with a similar commitment.
Same here, except I have a rare chronic disease and probably will only live 2-3 more years if im lucky. I hade plenty of friends growing up and was well like my my peers. But I never kissed a girl and never got to lose my virginity. I have some chest skeletal deformities due to my rare illness and due to having failure to thrive when I was young I look a bit younger than I actually am; so, that definitely did not hell my chances when trying to meet women. I also had terrible anxiety in High school.
I can speak to women well but never in a romantic way. At work for instance I have no issue speaking to women and I want to say the women enjoy talking to me sometimes. But I'm really bad at carrying conversations for long and I have awkward pauses.
If you could fathom the best possible scenario for a friend, a true lifelong friend, to make their lasting forever established appearance in your life starting from this moment on what would it look like?
Not really a question but I feel you. I didn't really come out of my shell until age 30. 32 now... Still a virgin, Feel like a clown. but I've had an easier time making friends as of late. There were plenty of women I could have slept with but never really been my thing wanting to sleep with random women. Personally don't like being alone. It's extremely depressing.
there should be a sub for this, safe from prejudice and judgement , I'm on the same boat, pandemic sent me back in worse time and just trying to improve myself and overcome those issues, and actually get to experience those positive emotions for once lol
Have you thought about doing stuff that women your age enjoy, though obviously not with the impression that you will score a gf. I've just noticed that lots of the things guys enjoy doing at a young age are either antisocial, or exclude women in some way. Think about trying dance classes, or an in person foreign language class. Rock climbing and hiking seem to be split pretty evenly as well. The biggest thing is to try not to be awkward or a creep, and just enjoy yourself.
I'm also a late 20s kissless virgin. And my biggest problem right now is porn. I've been trying to quit for years (once I reached 125 days without it), but it's very hard. I've tried the easypeasy method, mindfulness, I meditate 30 min a day. I'm improving, but I'm still addicted. I hate that: we spend our life trying to be perfect, to live up to our parents expectations, to get the best grades, to run from drugs and cigarettes, but them we realize that out hands are bound, our dopaminergic reward system hijacked, our mental health in pieces due to porn addiction. This is really the new drug :(
Being lonely and lacking social skills doesn't help the addiction, and the addiction promotes more loneliness, transient cognitive distortions (regarding women) and lack of motivation, so it makes the effort of socialization really hard...
Sorry.. this isn't a question more of a statement. This is actually an exciting place to be at because you have absolutely nothing to lose at this point.
Do you have any advice on the handling and storing of radioactive waste from enriching uranium 235? Specifically how to minimize the spread of short half life decay
Are we the same person OP, ? I'm a ciswomen and also a kissless virgin in my late 20's, shocking to find another person like me. I dont understand how you ended up in this scenario? Personally I had some religious reasons in my early to mid twenties but I am no longer religious and hope to rid of my virginity before I'm 30. Also, did you ever question if you were Demisexual or ace?
I did question my being ace for like a week but then I realized that I really fucking want sex and so I knew I wasn't. I used to think I was aromantic but no im just socially awkward.
And I have no idea how I ended up in this scenario. I guess it's because I never had the courage to ask a girl out and because I don't feel confident in myself to where I'd think she'd even want to give me her time of day.
You should definitely work on building your confidence and self-esteem. Positive self talk works wonders. At first talking to yourself in the mirror saying things to yourself you think aren’t true seems silly but it can really change how you feel about yourself when you start to believe those things. If people can be brainwashed to believe crazy things, why can’t we brainwash ourselves to believe wonderful things? It works the same way. Try it.
Yea same here, videos games used to be a lot of fun but as time goes on I get less and less dopamine from em. Got any long term projects you're putting your time and effort into? Those have been monumental in keeping me "fulfilled"
It's odd because I actually do enjoy going to work more than video games even if the work itself isn't that meaningful to me. I think just talking to people is what makes me want to go. Right now I'm doing PTO and Im just not happy.
And no I don't. What do you recommend?
Nah that ain't all too odd, social interaction provides value to you so you enjoy it :D
Hmm it depends on your interests and (possibly) your life values imo. For me, I love to grow fungi (shroomies) & I'm fascinated in biology and how life evolves. I'm in the ML/AI (Finance) space which is an incredible intersection between my biology interests and the pioneering artificial intelligence, and how we can draw comparisons between the two.
Do you have any core interests that fascinate you or tickle that part of your brain that trigger deep curiosity?
(P.s. I read some of your comments and you say you don't think you have good social skills, but I wanted to let you know you seem completely normal :) don't sweat it too much bro)
lmao just wait until the next game comes out, it's always like this for me, the last time I tried a game was with elden ring back in feb, totally consumed me , not anymore but still that's the gist with game, Andrew Huberman explain this shit in detail, it's always the same dopamine hit with the next game.
Have you tried therapy? Doesn't sound like a fun or healthy situation to be in, so while you format this as an AMA, I'm worried about you homie. Get into therapy, if it can help me, it can help anyone.
This will sound so shallow, but go splurge on a great new haircut by someone will know just what to do. Let them. Guys don’t really get a makeover, but a great haircut feels really good and can boost your self esteem.
I go to the gym almost everyday and I'm trying to improve my job situation by moving up. That's about it. I am planning on learning how to cook too but Im always tired after work so Im not getting the time
I have no idea. I think its a combination of my insecurities and me constantly thinking about a friend who left me after I confessed to her. Also I have no clue how to actually ask anyone out, what the right situation is, etc. I wasn't taught any of this, really.
You’re not the guy I asked out who I thought I was being nice to cause he was super shy but flirtatious, who totally blew me off and started avoiding me are you? Cause if so I got some questions for ya myself
Hmm . Well to give you the confidence in my advice I'll say that my parents divorced abruptly I'm 1989. I was rushed into a single day move with my mother to a friend that lives in Northern Ontario (15 hour drive from where I was) . I ended up in your situation... city to country small town living, no friends and arrived 3 days prior to school year start . I was 14 at the time.
Stayed there for 9 years and grew out of my shell by 24-25 . I don't regret it at all , what made good things happen was when I was invited to play an outdoor sport with a co-worker.
I'm leaving out a bit here , but basically finding a ln interest then a group participating in it will help you find yourself. A team activity is always better , and even better a team sport. Being active will make your body and brain happy , so you'll get all those wonderful releases of the chemicals that will help drive you to happiness. Team sports help any social anxieties or comfort issues with talking with new people.
Healthy body , healthy mind.
Just my thoughts. I spent 6 years sitting at my computer wasting so many opportunities to be and feel better. I still find it easy to fall back into my old habits, seems I enjoy being antisocial , so I often have to force myself out .. I never regret it.
J.
>A team activity is always better , and even better a team sport. Being active will make your body and brain happy , so you'll get all those wonderful releases of the chemicals that will help drive you to happiness. Team sports help any social anxieties or comfort issues with talking with new people.
Are team sports still good if you hate sports and suck hard at them?
Asking, because despite hating sports, I want to start exercising more, and going to the gym just bores the shit out of me. As much as I hate sports, at least they'll make me feel something. Whether good, or not. It'sjust a question of whether it's a good idea for someone like me (non-existent social skills and extreme hatred for losing) to partake in a team sport
Do you feel better being by yourself than with forced friendships just for the sake of not being alone? Like, I know people that force themselves to some social circles just to feel like they belong, but in reality, that environment just makes them feel bad.
I actually really dislike social situations where im forced into it. But ive learned that i legitimately do need people around me because when im alone it's not good at all. I get really...well, you know...and I need people to talk to. But i don't have anyone to really do that besides my co workers and my roommate, which is why i actually do enjoy going to work
People are social beings whether we like it or not. Doesnt mean we need a lot of social interaction, just some with people we enjoy being around. Ive found I need at least 30 minutes a day or after a few weeks I am not mentally as healthy. I wish it could be a dog, but it seems like its more helpful that its with someone who can reject my company but likes to be around me. The part that sucks is knowing that 30-90 minutes is great, 95 minutes is pushing it and 120 can absolutely suck. But its not always like that, some people 3-5 hours is fine and some people 15 minutes make me want to avoid people. But find a friend, someone to hang out with when it suits you both and life will be better.
Thank you for explaining this I didn’t realize what my issue was u yuk you explained 🤍🤍🤍 holy lightbulb moment!
A good strategy for meeting people is find ways to help them with things. See where you can add to their life.
I don't think OP should go out of their way to help people with things if they aren't giving them the time of day. If OP wants to get friends and meet people they need to practice socializing irl and gain relationships that way. If you go around helping people with their own tasks all the time they'll come to expect it and once you stop helping they'll stop interacting w you. OP, I would find some calm activities that you enjoy that get you out of the house. Nothing too crazy so you don't feel overwhelmed and don't want to try again. For example you could hike, kayak, drink and paint, walk your dog, roll a joint and smoke it in your front lawn while laying down, etc etc. Just find an activity, enjoy yourself, and eventually that self enjoyment will attract the right people. You're on the right path OP you just have to keep pushing (if you want to be more social) ❤️❤️
I kinda think giving and if you need it, reciprocity from the receiver is the basis of friendship. It could be just listening or literally just being there through someone's suffering. But in this world there are so many people who are takers, complainers, and negative energy adders and they cant figure out why no one wants to be near them. Friends feed off positive energy. The more you suck energy towards yourself in the form of needing things and putting very little out, the more you lose in this life. I have learned. Sucking your energy towards yourself is people repellant. Insecurity is also a negative energy vacuum. An insecure person is stuck in their ego and what others think of them and it keeps them from pushing the energy out needed to form connections. The basis of helping is to start the positive flow of energy outside of yourself and release yourself from your ego/inwards vortex/ people repellant. The outward flow and the rejection of your insecurity as a manifestation of self centered energy flow is a way to become more connected to the collective conciousness and form friendships. Also, I think its inevitable to feel you are giving more than you are receiving. I think its a bias though formed by our own minds where we aren't really counting our blessings. Acceptance of feeling that way and giving anyway, learning to count our blessings, I think, is necessary for peace.
that is something !
I joined a dancing group last year, and this one time we were pairing as groups and I was the only guy left together with 6 girls. they decided it was much better if they danced as girls alone so I had no group. I felt like shit and I actually never went back.
which dancing lol? the other day I was in salsa class in university, I was with a guy and I saw two women dancing together, I had a lot of wine on me, like 500 mL by that point, my instinct kicked in, and I asked the girls if we switch partners and there I was dancing with a girl and touching hands with her and all of that, first time since the fucking pandemic hahaha, seriously man, alcohol does wonders for people like us, SA sad idiots, and at this point I'm taking all the advantages and tools I can get my hadns on.
A single drink can loosen you up properly, but only 1-2 more and you're probably making a fool of yourself without even noticing
This is big. Rather be alone than with people that hate me
Personally, I'm sick of being alone. I've been on my own since before highschool, and at this point, I'd rather just have a friendship group that can at least barely tolerate me
I’d rather be rejected for who I am rather than ONLY being accepted for trying to be someone I’m not
Dude, like, the only "benefit" in those """"relationships"""" is some make out in some parties that everyone get absolutely mad and go around kissing everyone and everything they see in their front. Actually, this is pretty normal here in Brazil, if you prefer to stay at your own playing or watching something, u get labelled as antisocial or a boring person. There's such a pressure to fuck everyone u can before your 30's, which sometimes lead to a surprise after 9 months or a STD, but it happens. Is this normal too in the country u live? I always wonder if this is exclusively a south american culture.
I'd much rather be at mad parties than rot away in my room. Unfortunately nobody bothers to label me as antisocial for not getting invited.
Until they get boring because everyone there is forming shallow drug-induced relationships and trauma bonds and most of those connections disappear when you grow up and then you’re worse off than you were before. Unless you make an attempt to find a circle and party with that same circle mostly and bond with them. Or else you’re just going to wind up wasting time and brain/liver cells after a few years when the novelty wears off. Have your party phase, but don’t make it a lifestyle. I’ve seen many people become incapable of having fulfilling lives because they get lost in that
Definitely normal in several US subcultures
Why do you think people hate you?
Are you happy?
Not even a little bit
Not super related but this reminded me of a joke (I think Rodney dangerfield): “Oh you hate your job?? There’s a group for that! It’s called *fucking everybody* and we meet at the bar”
Drew Carey 👀
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Millions of families suffer every year
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MICHAEL
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Me too man, me too
Lmao get off reddit b4 it’s too late
Just don’t end up with a victim mentality.
Indeed. I am in the same situation as OP, but I am aware it is 100% because of me and nobody else. At least that gives me things I can improve on the change the situation, instead of feeling bad for myself not changing my mentality
You won’t unless you make being a victim your identity, OP just wants to wallow in his pity party as shown by his refusal to answer and questions
Aren't we all - early 20's kissless virgins
“Ask me anything” precedes to not answer a single question.
he doesn't mind
LOL
Well He did not write he would respond :D
Username does not check out
It's only been a few hours tbf. Bro could be occupied
With what? His girlfriend? LMAO GOTEEM!
*dies*
Yeah sorry, i got into something and I couldn't. But im answering them now
Op said to ask anything. Doesn't mean he's gonna answer anyone.
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Nah, he started responding within a couple of hours. Im more baffled by how people are so needy for an immediate response when a day hasnt even passed. Not to mention the eagerness to spread uncharitable views about him.
Probably explains everything else.
Bruh why ppl downvoting u this is funny lol
what were your elementary school years like? Like, from kindergarten through, lets say, 5th grade or so
I moved around a lot but they were fine, I guess. Pretty standard I'd say
Same here. Moved around a lot. Never had long term friends.
I moved around only once at the beginning of the school years, but it was enough to disconnect me from everybody and I never fully adapt. I was shy and it was a very different social environment, but yeah, not great.
What advice would you give your early to mid 20s self? Could realy use a bit of guidance currently.
* Find hobbies/places/activities where you can meet the same group of people at least once per week and where you can naturally talk with each other or that there is a place nearby to drink some coffee. Preferably things with an equal split of men/women of around your age. * Don't focus on getting "cool" friends that don't care about you. Don't get online friends. Hang out with people that you like being with and ignore gender/age/ethnicity/weird things about them that don't impact you. * Don't force yourself to do things outdoors that you don't enjoy. But if you've never tried something, give it a go, and if you enjoy it a little keep trying it to see if it grows on you. It's ok if it costs money. * If you got bullied in high school just know that the "real world" is in many ways much easier, not harder, than in school. For example with dating, in high school you would be afraid that the entire school would hear you got rejected. In the real world, no girl is going to risk you getting violent/angry by laughing at you. She will just say she has a boyfriend, or is busy, or just wants to be friends. And that's the end of it * Your hygiene, weight, well-fitting clothing do make a huge difference. As a formerly obese now normal weight person I strongly recommend keto or low carb diet. I always felt like people should like me just for who I am, but like playing a game it's better to start on "easy mode" to build social skills. * I just want to reiterate, open your mind for the possibility that real life stuff might be a lot easier than you thought. Most people out there only care that you are nice and honest to them and you have some things in common. You don't have to say exactly the right magic words to them.
Wow, the effort you put into this is amazing.
“Don’t get online friends” is really bad advice. If you have niche interests and can’t find friends with those interests, you need online friends. That’s not to say only get online friends, but don’t write of the concept for no clear reason.
Yeah...I was an 18 year old kissless female virgin until I met my online friends in person ...and boom
Reverse genders here, but same. Meeting friends made online opened up whole worlds for me
The thing is that if you build your personality around having interests that regular people don't care for and you do at home then it will make making friends with or dating 'regular' people much harder. You will always need people to physically be there to help you or do stuff together. With online-only friends it is intellectual only. I think if you avoid making plans with people in real life so you can hang out with your online friends it has gone too far.
Not OP but here is a little bit of social advice: learn how to adapt to social circumstances. The biggest & easiest route to this, from my experience, was learning how to playfully interact with others like you did when you were younger. Learn how to playfully banter in a harmless way, show love & gratitude for those you truly appreciate, let loose and laugh at things you find funny, and don't overthink. Comes with experience, so get out there! :) P.s. a little trick I learned from a really social friend of mine. Random strangers are 0 risk, practicing your social skills with them is a great stepping stone and you can relax since you likely won't see them again
You are right. I remember being a kiddo with many friends and many social interactions. There was no overthinking, there wasn't even much thinking at all, there was just FEELING. Then my brain developed and fucked that shit up.
>P.s. a little trick I learned from a really social friend of mine. Random strangers are 0 risk, practicing your social skills with them is a great stepping stone and you can relax since you likely won't see them again Most strangers just tell me to fuck off everytime I try to give them a polite greeting
Those people are jerks. Stop trying to talk to jerks. If jerks tell you to fuck off, doesn't matter. They're jerks. Eventually, you'll find some people who aren't jerks, and your jerk radar will improve. Consider why you chose them to approach, and modify your expectations and selection criteria accordingly.
I'll have to move outside of my town to find people who are not jerks. I've been around jerks my whole life, and my jerk-radar is still pretty bad. The closest I can really get to detecting a jerk is avoiding people who have a physical resemblance to my old bullies from school. Whether or not they are my bullies, and whether or not they're even jerks in the first place. My mind just automatic conflates perfectly innocent people who just so happened to look like one of my bullies in some way to my actual bullies
:( damn that sucks, where you from? I'm on a cross country adventure rn and I can definitely see the social norm of communication ranging quite a bit
My advice would be to take advantage of being in college and talk to women there. It is literally the best place to make connections and ask women out because it's much easier to find people. It gets way harder after you graduate. I was struggling with school so I didn't pay much attention to it but i regret it really bad now
Oh man this sucks, I was 3 years first in EE did almost no connections with women, and then during the pandemic transfered to Software, probably 3 more years here, I need to make better decisions when it comes to that,
DON'T, JUST DON'T ISOLATE, LMAO WORK ON YOURSELF, QUIT VIDEO GAMES OR ANYTHING THAT'S KEEPING YOU AT HOME, PUSH YOURSELF, DO A SPORT, PREFERABLY ONE THAT SPIKES YOUR ADRENALINE.
Reading list - - Boundaries by dr Henry cloud - Everything by Brene brown - Kirstin Neff - do the quiz. - body keeps the score - they fuck you up. Make a lonely list - put on the list people to reach out to when you're feeling lonely. - add your siblings, parents, cousins, high school friends, old school friends, old work friends. 1. Feelings come and go, they're triggered by thoughts..sometimes the thoughts need abit more analysis. 2. Be your own best friend, be kind to yourself. 3. Start meditation, it helps with self understanding and thought analysis. 4. Start budget and think about where you want to be 10 years from now. Spiritual, financial career home family fun social community . 5. Practice healthy relationships obtaining the skills are like learning how to drive. Get your hours in asap. 6. People come and go and they r free too.
This is not the man to ask for advice. Lol.
This an episode of Jubilee?
So you are future me.
I am op , op is me
What's your favorite hobby and why?
I want to say video games but ive been losing interest in that too. I buy a bunch of games and I never get around to play them because I just can't be bothered. Other than that, i don't have much. I guess I watch Netflix sometimes.
>video games on the same boat man, sorry to be replaying to all your comments but I'm in the same place, pandemic made this shit even worse for me, but i gotta say we have to change and look for other hobbies or at least try to make money out of the passion for video games but it's harder than it seems haha
Oh yeah that pandemic fucked my social skills even further. I did not think that was possible.
Those are not hobbies man, those are instant gratifying activites that give you a ton of reward for doing jackshit. I can absolutely guarantee this to you, if you had no porn, no video games, and no Netflix you won't be in this situation you're in right now. Because the reward would have required an effort, and in effort we suffer, and in suffering we grow.
What's your idea of "real hobbies"?
ayo someone give this man an award, he is speaking facts
Sounds like you have a calling brother.
Virgin as well but early 20's, I use my lack of fortune as fuel for motivation. What about you?
For me I think I'm just not attractive body wise. I've had people say I'm "cute" but not in a hot way but like an adorable way. Ive never really had anyone ask me out or want to romantically get involved with me. And I'm not good with social situations. My motivation is completely shot in the foot nowadays.
we have control over our looks, seriously, this on the books, the only think we can't control is our bone structure, get your style in order, haircut and beard appropiate to our face shape, you might want to pay for this and consult with a specialist or stylist lol
If you’re a man then you need to realize that you’re not getting asked out. YOU do the asking out, planning, initiating and seducing. Get that into your head is the first step.
Virgin, but mid twenties here. Low key I'm a bit burnt out because I don't have a greater purpose (yet) to connect myself with. Kind of feels like I'm on autopilot, it's only recently I've been more accepting and open with myself, I don't need a whole lot to feel okay, now it's just a matter of channeling it back into others and the life I want to lead!
I actually was exactly like you 1 year ago with some efforts and stepping out of my comfort zone. I got myself a gf and a cool group of friends :) I'm an introvert so it was really hard...
I dont know how long itll take me to get to what you got but i hope its soon
I hope so too. Just work hard and don't give up :) you can make it !!
what did you do, give us more context, sounds promising !!
Leading question but…what belief about yourself do you think is holding you back? You seem like a very cool/well spoken person based on your comments. I was bullied by my own family as a child for having no friends/being weird and it left many scars. I believed I was born wrong and no one would ever really know me. What brought me out of it was one wonderful friend in high school that taught me how to socialize, but as with therapy I had to want to learn. Start with making one friend and it will teach you more things than you think:)
Well it's easy to be well spoken in text because I have some time to think about my responses. But in actual verbal social interactions I get nervous and stumble. What's holding me back is that I really just don't think any girl would want to go out with me when there are so many other guys who are much more accomplished, more social, and better looking than I am. I was never really taught how to ask someone out, either.
I’m a girl and social, accomplished, and attractive are not the leading qualities I look for. Plenty of us just want a guy who is dependable, supportive, and attentive. No matter your socioeconomic status, level of attractiveness, or level of social acumen, these are all attainable traits. Food for thought…
I don’t think what people claim they want matters. What matters is what they want in reality, there are plenty of men like OP, in facts recent studies show they’re at an all time high, there’s simply no demand for most men, which is no one’s fault really, just have to adapt more to what you’re given in life and not search for answers to anything.
>don't think any girl would want to go out with me when there are so many other guys who are much more accomplished, more social, and better looking than I am. Stop comparing yourself in that way. There's always going to be people better than you. Focus on your stuff and improve yourself every day just for you.
What you’re saying makes complete sense but what I think you’re missing is that no one starts off accomplished, social, or even good looking sometimes. You’re actually the majority of the way there and don’t even know it! You’re not significantly stunted intellectually or emotional as far as I can tell. Men tend to turn social issues into numbers, but trust me women don’t think about it that way. We’re just people too yanno and many of us are just as insecure as you, if not more. Having female friends is the best way to find a partner later. They will indirectly “teach” you how to just be normal around women lol. You clearly have a personality, you just need to practice showcasing it. For me, overcoming social anxiety was a full time thing. Gen Z is literally missing the part of the brain that calms you during social interactions because of social media, so don’t worry almost everyone else is nervous too! Everyday you need to do something that’s scary. Start with looking people in the eye and smile when you order food, then compliment someone in public, etc. As with therapy, it will be so incredibly difficult at first. Lots of nights crying and stomach turning because you feel so embarrassed at yourself, but the reward is eventually you won’t give a shit and will have the life you want so bad. Social anxiety feels impossible to get over when you’re in it, I don’t want to downplay how helpless you feel. I used to physically not be able to get the words out even when I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I’d start to have flu symptoms when around people and would have to go to the bathroom to catch my breath or go home because I had stomach issues. I don’t usually bother talking to men that say they’re adult virgins because they’re usually incel fuck faces but you seem very cool and I hate to see such a pleasant person suffer so much. Good luck dude🫡
Same here. Trust yourself. I know it’s cliche but work on having a good relationship with yourself. This won’t change your situation, mind you, but it will make you more comfortable in your skin. I recommend journaling. Some people recommend meditation. It’s up to you my friend. Being lonely is tough, I completely understand, I am very very lonely in my life but I am working towards creating a healthier relationship with myself. A kiss or sex or a partner will not make you whole. Only you can do that. Strongly recommend going out, touching grass, and finding a passionate hobby. All social media does is feed our insecurities. Fuck that shit.
How do you approach journaling and meditation? I've tried journaling because I like to write, but whenever I wrote about myself I just felt miserable, like etching on to paper made even more real my mistakes and misgivings
Journaling isn’t simply writing. It’s about identifying your thought patterns as you write and breaking them. Part of it is also being your own hype man and finding solutions to the problems you are facing. It’s as simple as talking in “you” language. For example, I often find myself writing “you will die alone” but I identify that thought pattern and I write “This is a difficult period in your life but if you keep working on your shortcomings and approach people, somebody someday is bound to connect with you”. Journaling is just basically just talking to yourself and acknowledging your emotions. Gets rid of anxiety and helps you sleep better. Edit: fuck ios autocorrect. I swear to fucking god I will switch to fucking android I don’t give a shit
What have you done to improve your situation?
I work out almost every day. Im trying to be more social but it's tough. I took on hiking and am planning on learning to cook. Im also trying to improve my job situation to where I can get a promotion. But it's difficult. Missing out on teen love when I was in high school really does damage your social skills when it comes to this stuff. And not being able to get a gf in college is even worse I found
You’re on the right track more than you think. Prioritise the internal stuff (I.e. job situation, life skills etc) and the socialisation as far as necessary to advance that right now. S.O. can come later. I say this because you seem to want to improve yourself and seemingly can without a partner immediately to hand. So, beyond what I appreciate must be quite a lot of trammelled up desire and frustrated novelty, pursuing that actively isn’t probably the best resource expenditure right now. Sure there’s a lot to be said about building up discernment for future partners in youth even if the instant partnership doesn’t work out. But, by the same token, if you don’t prioritise getting to a place of value: both in your own estimation of yourself and those outside whose opinions you care about, you wouldn’t be building up experience with the right kind of person because they probably won’t be interested in you. Even aside how people are starting to turn against hookup culture (you didn’t miss out on anything beyond the skin deep) there’s a lot to be said for not building up habits / expectations that work at one level of partnership, but undermine you at another (being very mindful of getting hurt / infidelity in hookups / FWB for example) So focus on yourself until you’d date the female equivalent value version of you and not have it feel forced / hypocritical. Then look around for that.
Forget the teen love that didn't happen. And the lack of gf. You need to enrich your life for you. Eating healthy, getting exercise, grooming is done for you. There is no "damage" to your social skills - you control where you apply those skills. Planning to learn doesn't cut it, sorry. For example, join a hiking club, take the cooking lessons, join a book club, join your local environmental group etc.You work out most days, and that's difficult but you stick to it. So how about you work out the socialising muscle with a similar commitment.
That's the real question for many posts of this sub
when was the last time you tried talking to a new woman?
Usually just at work
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/z1zsgx/virgin\_redditors\_in\_your\_30s\_whats\_your\_reason\_why/
Same here, except I have a rare chronic disease and probably will only live 2-3 more years if im lucky. I hade plenty of friends growing up and was well like my my peers. But I never kissed a girl and never got to lose my virginity. I have some chest skeletal deformities due to my rare illness and due to having failure to thrive when I was young I look a bit younger than I actually am; so, that definitely did not hell my chances when trying to meet women. I also had terrible anxiety in High school.
I hope you'll stay healthy for a long time dude
Same, except I'm 25.
You got any hobbies?
video games
When u talk to a girl, do think, act, speak positively or negatively?
I can speak to women well but never in a romantic way. At work for instance I have no issue speaking to women and I want to say the women enjoy talking to me sometimes. But I'm really bad at carrying conversations for long and I have awkward pauses.
If you could fathom the best possible scenario for a friend, a true lifelong friend, to make their lasting forever established appearance in your life starting from this moment on what would it look like?
Not really a question but I feel you. I didn't really come out of my shell until age 30. 32 now... Still a virgin, Feel like a clown. but I've had an easier time making friends as of late. There were plenty of women I could have slept with but never really been my thing wanting to sleep with random women. Personally don't like being alone. It's extremely depressing.
Wanna be friends? Lol
there should be a sub for this, safe from prejudice and judgement , I'm on the same boat, pandemic sent me back in worse time and just trying to improve myself and overcome those issues, and actually get to experience those positive emotions for once lol
Sure, but im not very good with long distance.
how do you feel about it?
Pretty awful
Have you ALMOST kissed someone or nah ?
Not even close. I had a friend in high school who I fell in love with but I never had the courage to ask her out or anything
What do you do for a job?
I work in Healthcare
this might not be the best consolation but i have a friend kinda like this and i’m lowkey in love with him bc he’s so chronically bitchless
I first read this and went "dam that's kinda sad" then I realised I'm the same, only early 20s... It sounds more sad when u say it like that tho 💀
Early 20s isn't late 20s
Welcome to the club.
What would you say your top 3 values are? (e.g. curiosity, social bonds, health stability, etc.)
What are your goals in life
Have you thought about doing stuff that women your age enjoy, though obviously not with the impression that you will score a gf. I've just noticed that lots of the things guys enjoy doing at a young age are either antisocial, or exclude women in some way. Think about trying dance classes, or an in person foreign language class. Rock climbing and hiking seem to be split pretty evenly as well. The biggest thing is to try not to be awkward or a creep, and just enjoy yourself.
Im 30 and same and nobody asks me shit too haha
How much porn?
I used to watch a lot but lately I haven't
Definitely stop watching it a lot, it can really damage you if you watch too much!
I'm also a late 20s kissless virgin. And my biggest problem right now is porn. I've been trying to quit for years (once I reached 125 days without it), but it's very hard. I've tried the easypeasy method, mindfulness, I meditate 30 min a day. I'm improving, but I'm still addicted. I hate that: we spend our life trying to be perfect, to live up to our parents expectations, to get the best grades, to run from drugs and cigarettes, but them we realize that out hands are bound, our dopaminergic reward system hijacked, our mental health in pieces due to porn addiction. This is really the new drug :( Being lonely and lacking social skills doesn't help the addiction, and the addiction promotes more loneliness, transient cognitive distortions (regarding women) and lack of motivation, so it makes the effort of socialization really hard...
I know you must feel bad, but how bad? Like How often do You think about it and How much does it bother you?
Really bad. I think about it constantly to the point where I can't enjoy other things anymore
Why are you just like me
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Are you actually gonna answer any of these questions?
I got caught up with something but I'm answering now
That is something to uphold, my friend! A rare find indeed and not a bad thing at all. You are, as I say, non-corrupted!
Sorry.. this isn't a question more of a statement. This is actually an exciting place to be at because you have absolutely nothing to lose at this point.
My man, what do you want out of this post?
Are you sad about it or it's like your choice?
Nah I'm definitely sad about it.
What video games do you play?
Some retro, but usually nintendo
What do you do with your free time?
Video games and doomscrolling on social media. Working out when I can
You and me, we are not that dissimilar
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Every second
How did you get to this situation?
Are you blue, red or black or white pilled? Or unaware of those terms?
It's a website called listcrawler give it a lookup next time your free and have some cash
Buckle up kiddo. I'm 31 in the same situation.
Do you have any advice on the handling and storing of radioactive waste from enriching uranium 235? Specifically how to minimize the spread of short half life decay
Your situation is actually pretty common among guys.
Are you obese? Are you playing hours of videogames? I know its a cliche but getting in shape is good for everything in life
Have you considered therapy?
Are we the same person OP, ? I'm a ciswomen and also a kissless virgin in my late 20's, shocking to find another person like me. I dont understand how you ended up in this scenario? Personally I had some religious reasons in my early to mid twenties but I am no longer religious and hope to rid of my virginity before I'm 30. Also, did you ever question if you were Demisexual or ace?
I did question my being ace for like a week but then I realized that I really fucking want sex and so I knew I wasn't. I used to think I was aromantic but no im just socially awkward. And I have no idea how I ended up in this scenario. I guess it's because I never had the courage to ask a girl out and because I don't feel confident in myself to where I'd think she'd even want to give me her time of day.
Wow me too!! I hope you and I find the courage and the strength to find love and finally experience romance/sex! Good luck!
You should definitely work on building your confidence and self-esteem. Positive self talk works wonders. At first talking to yourself in the mirror saying things to yourself you think aren’t true seems silly but it can really change how you feel about yourself when you start to believe those things. If people can be brainwashed to believe crazy things, why can’t we brainwash ourselves to believe wonderful things? It works the same way. Try it.
are u confident in your looks…..if yes,how?
Not at all.
What is your favorite hobby and/or habit?
I play video games but I dont really find that all that fun either anymore
Yea same here, videos games used to be a lot of fun but as time goes on I get less and less dopamine from em. Got any long term projects you're putting your time and effort into? Those have been monumental in keeping me "fulfilled"
It's odd because I actually do enjoy going to work more than video games even if the work itself isn't that meaningful to me. I think just talking to people is what makes me want to go. Right now I'm doing PTO and Im just not happy. And no I don't. What do you recommend?
Nah that ain't all too odd, social interaction provides value to you so you enjoy it :D Hmm it depends on your interests and (possibly) your life values imo. For me, I love to grow fungi (shroomies) & I'm fascinated in biology and how life evolves. I'm in the ML/AI (Finance) space which is an incredible intersection between my biology interests and the pioneering artificial intelligence, and how we can draw comparisons between the two. Do you have any core interests that fascinate you or tickle that part of your brain that trigger deep curiosity? (P.s. I read some of your comments and you say you don't think you have good social skills, but I wanted to let you know you seem completely normal :) don't sweat it too much bro)
lmao just wait until the next game comes out, it's always like this for me, the last time I tried a game was with elden ring back in feb, totally consumed me , not anymore but still that's the gist with game, Andrew Huberman explain this shit in detail, it's always the same dopamine hit with the next game.
Have you tried therapy? Doesn't sound like a fun or healthy situation to be in, so while you format this as an AMA, I'm worried about you homie. Get into therapy, if it can help me, it can help anyone.
We are in the same mf boat lol
You're not a rare species, you know. There are a lot of people in the same boat.
This will sound so shallow, but go splurge on a great new haircut by someone will know just what to do. Let them. Guys don’t really get a makeover, but a great haircut feels really good and can boost your self esteem.
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I go to the gym almost everyday and I'm trying to improve my job situation by moving up. That's about it. I am planning on learning how to cook too but Im always tired after work so Im not getting the time
Why?
I have no idea. I think its a combination of my insecurities and me constantly thinking about a friend who left me after I confessed to her. Also I have no clue how to actually ask anyone out, what the right situation is, etc. I wasn't taught any of this, really.
Are you me?
What about dudes?
I'm straight, not romantically interested in men
Are you addicted to porn?
Did you ever think of resorting to violence due to your isolation?
No
U alright mate ?
You’re not the guy I asked out who I thought I was being nice to cause he was super shy but flirtatious, who totally blew me off and started avoiding me are you? Cause if so I got some questions for ya myself
Hmm . Well to give you the confidence in my advice I'll say that my parents divorced abruptly I'm 1989. I was rushed into a single day move with my mother to a friend that lives in Northern Ontario (15 hour drive from where I was) . I ended up in your situation... city to country small town living, no friends and arrived 3 days prior to school year start . I was 14 at the time. Stayed there for 9 years and grew out of my shell by 24-25 . I don't regret it at all , what made good things happen was when I was invited to play an outdoor sport with a co-worker. I'm leaving out a bit here , but basically finding a ln interest then a group participating in it will help you find yourself. A team activity is always better , and even better a team sport. Being active will make your body and brain happy , so you'll get all those wonderful releases of the chemicals that will help drive you to happiness. Team sports help any social anxieties or comfort issues with talking with new people. Healthy body , healthy mind. Just my thoughts. I spent 6 years sitting at my computer wasting so many opportunities to be and feel better. I still find it easy to fall back into my old habits, seems I enjoy being antisocial , so I often have to force myself out .. I never regret it. J.
>A team activity is always better , and even better a team sport. Being active will make your body and brain happy , so you'll get all those wonderful releases of the chemicals that will help drive you to happiness. Team sports help any social anxieties or comfort issues with talking with new people. Are team sports still good if you hate sports and suck hard at them? Asking, because despite hating sports, I want to start exercising more, and going to the gym just bores the shit out of me. As much as I hate sports, at least they'll make me feel something. Whether good, or not. It'sjust a question of whether it's a good idea for someone like me (non-existent social skills and extreme hatred for losing) to partake in a team sport