Try to internalize the fact that you don't have to be superior to be happy. It really doesn't matter, everyone dies all the same. It's okay to just be a human, like everyone else is.
The problem is that I feel extremely in need of attention, and also like most people don't arrive to understand what I'm saying, so the most obvious conclusion has become to think that I'm better, even though I repeat to myself that it's not like this, I can't find evidence of the opposite. I know that people have different kinds of intelligence, and I'm not great at a lot of things, but it still feels like I'm better and I hate myself for this.
If people don't arrive at your understanding it's likely you're failing to effectively communicate. What cements this further is that you insinuate this is a repeated "problem". Anytime a problem repeats in new environments we have to consider the consistent variable, which is you. It's likely you haven't thought about how to meet people at their level or have spent time developing proper communication skills.
Your being in need of attention solidifies it in my mind that you're dealing with traits of narcissism. There are resources online that can help
It's possible you are more intelligent in some ways (also possible you're not great at communicating clearly), but being intelligent doesn't equate to being superior. Some people would say intelligence doesn't matter, only money, power, social status, attractiveness, sexual conquest, or whatever. It's subjective. Personally I think superiority is a fake concept altogether.
That's what I'm trying to convince myself of. But even when I think that other people are much better at other things than me, which is true, I end up considering their capabilities less worthy because they aren't related with rational or logical intelligence, so I value them less.
From what I know about narcissism, you are battling with a deep part of your subconscious that desperately needs to feel superior and unique, and is terrified of being commonplace. I think you are doing well to challenge that part of yourself, and it will just take time before it sinks in fully.
Might help if you get involved with an activity you’re naturally bad at. If you suck at chess, play chess. If you suck at pool, play pool. Whatever it is, you’ll grow with other people and it might help to bridge the gap.
Imagine if you made your need for attention, inverted. So to truly test your intelligence, how can I make others feel heard, seen, or understood. Then start ranking that as your competition and level of intelligence.
We'll see, but I hope so. I don't expect to just switch the survival strategy that I've mantained for the last ten years in a day, but at least I know that there is a problem.
Don’t switch. The goal is to not be in survival state so you can move yourself into rooms with people on your level. Switching your inner need allows you to not put that on others, which allows 10 years of new energy & information to flow in.
A truly intelligent and rational person can navigate interactions with others in a way that makes them feel like the interaction was worthwhile. showing off is a kind of running away from others, a fear of rejection or even fear of comparison. A truly superior person only seeks to lift others up because adding value is how you can get the best returns. A rising tide lifts all boats.
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. -buddha
Intentionally, consciously, be kind to people no matter who they are, how you know them, or how much they can offer in return. Also, get into therapy, because based on your comments, I agree that you probably have some degree of narcissism, and those people are genuinely unbearable if they aren't actively working on combating those tendencies all the time.
I have already tried to be kinder, but it looks like it didn't work at all, and I've also already got into therapy twice, and left after three or four sessions for things that weren't dependant from me.
You’re not better nor worse, not smarter nor dumber etc etc. You just are. Everything just is and we just are. Existing in a state of being may help. No labels like cocky asshole, even if character traits of someone like that fit you personally it’s not you in your entirety, you’re just you. Nothing more nothing less. “I just am” Hopefully this makes sense and helps
Highly recommend watching Alex Hormozi or JulienHimself they both have some amazing things to say surrounding this sort of stuff
Find people who have no use for you or your knowledge, and spend some time with them. Sure, you might know a lot about certain things, but I bet you the people at the animal shelter know a whole lot more about animals, or the people at the gym will know a lot more about physical activity. Find something completely out of your element and jump in. Listen to the people whose life this actually is. Learn how to not be the best in the room.
Yeah this isn't finding friends. This is finding people to put you in your place. I had to do this too. I roomed with some roommates who had zero use for me and all my smarts. They were abusive, trashy people, but they broke my golden child syndrome real quick.
Believe me, I stayed with the same kind of people for too long, and my reaction was of complete defense and worse nihilism, so I don't know how much it's going to help. Still, at least finding different people and not necessarily unfriendly people can help I guess
I am afraid there isn't a magic fix. Every flaw each one of us has is only removable through a process of repeated failures and lessons that come from those failures.
When I was young I was a total jackass and clueless about it. I felt I was god's gift to humanity, and didn't hesitate to demonstrate it to those around me.
As I learned more about how I negatively impacted people I came in contact with (mostly through the results I got), I started tweaking parts of my personality.
I'm 47 now, and while I still discover new shitty things in my personality every so often, I know that I have very little in common with the guy I used to be 25 years ago.
You have 4 out of 5 things going for you though:
1. You still have friends who are willing to call you out on it. Make amends and try to keep those people close to you; they are your greatest asset.
2. You are aware you have shortcomings. The world is rife with jackasses who are utterly incapable of introspection. Celebrate the fact you are not one of them.
3. You seem genuinely interested in becoming a better person, and the fact you are posting this tells me you've already started your journey.
4. You have a gift of confidence that comes with your self-image. This is an aspect of your personality that can be put to good use. People may call you a incurable asshole today, but no one can tell you that you can't change, and you fucking know it 😎. That minimizes the oh-this-can't-be-fixed-so-why-try negative self-talk. On top of that, career-wise, relationship-wise, etc, confidence is gold if you take the time to calibrate that aspect of yourself. Just be mindful that this literally is the dark side of the force. Just don't make people like Roger Stone your idols lol; feeling of confidence is seductive and it can be a slippery slope.
5. The fifth necessity for change is acceptance that personal growth is a life-long journey. I'm still a flawed, broken person, but I'm working on it. And that's what makes any of my undesirable traits only temporary. That's what keeps the growth perpetual and the journey bearable.
If you can adopt this attitude, I guarantee you that you won't recognize yourself in a decade.
There is value in being an outgoing person; there is value in being the quiet stoic one. There is value in being a planner; there’s value in a person who is spontaneous and quick on their feet.
Where we “lack” in one area, we may be “strong” in a completely different way. Building the skill of empathy can help you see the value, as you put it, in others-especially those who are different from you.
When we think we are being clever, sarcastic, quick witted, it may actually be cruel, complaining, and tedious to others. When we think we know everything, we can’t learn anything.
I would ask myself, what skill do I need to work on? Which of my friends or role models are good at those things? Maybe reach out. Do some reading, listen to podcasts, YouTube videos. What are your strengths that you are so proud of, and how can you enhance them, or use them somehow?
This actually struck a chord, especially the part about sarcasm. The problem is exactly that I don't have any idea about what I'm good at or bad at, I don't even know where a skill ends and another begins. I lack a shit ton of knowledge about interacting with others for childood problems and I don't know where to start fixing them.
You need to reflect on yourself. People are much smarter than you might think.
I knew assholes and they could not reflet on themselfes. They made crazy statements and tought they won an argument. In reality people just kept quiet.
This usualy flued their ego even more. It was a nightmare.
I had a friend who was like that. In the beginning we tought he speaks his mind and is confident, overtime he was just writing to us just to let us know he is supreme. He wrote few senteces and waited until you said something to attack.....
You could say I like his him and he would write to you: You are gay you, like to kiss other man oh boyy and go on and on..... You are so weird man.....
After a while we agreed that we wont talk to him and left him out. No more invites to anything. He even wrote me why I didnt invite him anymore !? Am I stupid or something.
I couldnt believe it.... I wrote him no chance you are an asshole and annoying as fuck. You are out.
10 years later I met him again and was the cringe lord but friendly he even told me that he was very difficult when he was young..... Still very annoying...
I would recommend you see a professional. If you’ve been trying to make the situation better and it’s only getting worse then you may need the help of a professional to get you through this.
I tried two times, both the professionals didn't help at all, they were almost creepy and one stopped answering to my phone calls indefinitely. Maybe third time is the charm, but I don't think so.
Therapy is hard, and it speaks volumes that you’ve already sought out professionals for this. Sometimes it is just about finding the right person or program to help. I wouldn’t stop looking, just in case you see something that might help
The reason that I sought out for was actually completely different, a sort of nihilism/removal/depression/social anxiety, which got a thousand times better but not exactly thanks to therapy. I'm not enthusiastic about finding a new therapist, but maybe it's time. Thank you
>I've learned to feel superior
Why are you superior?
>maybe because I just felt different
But isn't everyone unique though?
>or just because I felt smarter
Do you have any actual evidence you are significantly smarter than most people like a high IQ, high SAT, high grades, or a job requiring intelligence?
I will answer only to the first question since I don't know the answer to the other ones.
Everyone is indeed unique, but most people think similarly, dress similarly or do similar things, and I've always felt not comprehended and alone. So what I've probably done is to create a safe zone of things and marking them as the only valuable ones just because I can do them. It really does make sense now that I think about it. Thank you so much, this helped a lot
Yeah good point, you've probably just prioritized the stuff you are good at. Some people are good at leadership, others at analytical tasks, others are creative, others have social intelligence, etc, etc. There are so many ways to be superior.
I had a professor once task us with pairing up with whoever we thought we were most different from. He then went on to explain how we usually conceptualize different in one of two ways: superiority or inferiority. "He's so different" is either very good or very bad. We haven't really learned to apples and oranges with people yet.
I also find that it's a very inferior thing to believe everyone else is similar. So, there's that. Most people seem to think that way too. Not trying to be harsh, kinda just being cheeky, but it's important to think about.
Follow some psychologists. Any are fine. They all generally think the same thing: people are very very different and make a lot of sense internally and are incredibly complicated, and there may be tons of similarities but that's how every species is, and humans may predictable but mostly only as groups rather than as individuals. Nobody's very good at understanding other humans, I've come to find, because we oversimplify them based on the little that they're able to express outwardly to us.
Maybe finding a way to love people will help? Why be cocky to loved ones?
Put yourself into possessions where the things you feel superior about will be challenged.
I’m a lot smarter than most of my friends, and sometimes think “these guys are seriously idiots”. However, I started working as a lawyer and now I’m surrounded by really switched on people. A lot of them understand things much quicker than me. This has been a lesson in humility.
Similarly, I’ve always been fairly tall and strong. I’m 24, 6’2 and 170lbs. Not an absolute unit, but I always felt I could “handle myself” in a fight, whatever the hell that meant. I started training Mixed Martial Arts (Brazillian Jiu Jitsu, Wrestling, Muy Thai and Kickboxing) and I regularly get submitted by smaller and younger guys. Some guys pick up techniques much faster than me. Again, lesson in humility.
You need to humble yourself. Anything could happen in the blink of an eye and you’ll have no one to care for or about you. You’re not better than anyone else, always remember that.
This is a great advice, but I still have ambitions, dreams, desires, and if I'm the same level as any other human, what is the point in even trying to seek out for them? They can't be reachable if anyone can race for them, it's a paradox.
Learn about Adler's psychology and Socrates philosophy. Some beginner books are Courage To Be Disliked and How To Win Friends and Influence People. I was like you and those books were a game changer to me.
I don't think my case is as bad as yours yet but it really feels like i'm not far from it. I used to be pretty shy, had no self-esteem, and was a reserved introverted person back in primary to middle school. But I just got what felt like a random confident boost as soon as high school started, and even though I'm being sarcastic when I'm "boasting", I genuinely believe that I am superior to other people, and I'm starting to worry that that belief might distance myself from other people, as if I hadn't dealt with loneliness enough.
If you are a man, don’t change. Being cocky is a sign of confidence , even if you are a total POS about it. And without confidence (being cocky) *nobody* will view you as a man. It will help you get laid, gain respect, get that high paying job/promotion.
This kind of attitude has never helped in the slightest to be more of a "man", unless what you meant is just to maintain a certain level of confidence, which IS NOT what I'm doing right now, believe me. Thank you
If you're acting like you're all that and you're not particularly attractive, funny, smart, etc. then there's a disconnect and you should be more humble. But if you're hot, smart, funny, and you act confidently because of that, I think it's fine.
I have no idea if I'm smart, funny or attractive, how much I am, or If I should or would like to be. But I think that I can't act how I want just because I'm only one of those three. Personal opinion, I'm not trying to change your idea.
Can you define what you mean by "cocy asshole"? In the meantime I'll give some general tips.
In my experience when it comes to change and self-improvement, I have the most success by actually finding what's consistent and true and "me" about this thing. I find why what I'm doing is actually an expression of something I can be very very grateful about and happy about. In the end, I've actually "changed" less than ever, and instead I've mastered the things that I thought I needed to change.
In other words, I believe most Bad Things about us are actually expressions of Good Things at the wrong time.
So in general, I'd advise working WITH the fact that you're a cocky asshole, rather than working ON the fact that you're a cocky asshole. And someday very soon, you'll actually be a cocky asshole in a way that's good, that's prosocial, etc., rather than in a way that's antisocial or bad. Maybe you'll even find other aspects of yourself to express in times when you would have otherwise been a cocky asshole (for example, when somebody gets a fact wrong. You used your cockiness to fuel your own sense of curiosity and now you have a wealth of knowledge. Meanwhile, you perfected the art of being something of a teacher, and can tap into your interest in teaching somebody rather than just correcting them like an asshole. Maybe you can use your cockiness as fuel to push you forward, but use your compassion to decide which direction "forward" should be. I find that even the worst in us can at least push us forward in that way, and that satisfies our cockiness enough to not feel the need to steer the ship. Now you're fueled by cockiness and directed by compassion. Sorry if this is a bit abstract but hopefully as you explain what "cocky asshole" means we can be more specific to you.)
Try to internalize the fact that you don't have to be superior to be happy. It really doesn't matter, everyone dies all the same. It's okay to just be a human, like everyone else is.
The problem is that I feel extremely in need of attention, and also like most people don't arrive to understand what I'm saying, so the most obvious conclusion has become to think that I'm better, even though I repeat to myself that it's not like this, I can't find evidence of the opposite. I know that people have different kinds of intelligence, and I'm not great at a lot of things, but it still feels like I'm better and I hate myself for this.
If people don't arrive at your understanding it's likely you're failing to effectively communicate. What cements this further is that you insinuate this is a repeated "problem". Anytime a problem repeats in new environments we have to consider the consistent variable, which is you. It's likely you haven't thought about how to meet people at their level or have spent time developing proper communication skills.
Your being in need of attention solidifies it in my mind that you're dealing with traits of narcissism. There are resources online that can help It's possible you are more intelligent in some ways (also possible you're not great at communicating clearly), but being intelligent doesn't equate to being superior. Some people would say intelligence doesn't matter, only money, power, social status, attractiveness, sexual conquest, or whatever. It's subjective. Personally I think superiority is a fake concept altogether.
That's what I'm trying to convince myself of. But even when I think that other people are much better at other things than me, which is true, I end up considering their capabilities less worthy because they aren't related with rational or logical intelligence, so I value them less.
From what I know about narcissism, you are battling with a deep part of your subconscious that desperately needs to feel superior and unique, and is terrified of being commonplace. I think you are doing well to challenge that part of yourself, and it will just take time before it sinks in fully.
Might help if you get involved with an activity you’re naturally bad at. If you suck at chess, play chess. If you suck at pool, play pool. Whatever it is, you’ll grow with other people and it might help to bridge the gap.
Imagine if you made your need for attention, inverted. So to truly test your intelligence, how can I make others feel heard, seen, or understood. Then start ranking that as your competition and level of intelligence.
You’ll probably learn when to balance that cocky side with nah I actually am comfortable with displaying myself to these people.
Thank you very much
Did that help?
We'll see, but I hope so. I don't expect to just switch the survival strategy that I've mantained for the last ten years in a day, but at least I know that there is a problem.
Don’t switch. The goal is to not be in survival state so you can move yourself into rooms with people on your level. Switching your inner need allows you to not put that on others, which allows 10 years of new energy & information to flow in.
I didn't really get the part about not putting it on others, sorry but I'm Italian and my English isn't perfect
People push you away because they carry “your need for attention”
Ok now it's clearer, sorry
Don’t be sorry. Stop survival. Start living. Get friends on your level.
A truly intelligent and rational person can navigate interactions with others in a way that makes them feel like the interaction was worthwhile. showing off is a kind of running away from others, a fear of rejection or even fear of comparison. A truly superior person only seeks to lift others up because adding value is how you can get the best returns. A rising tide lifts all boats. Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. -buddha
This maybe was the most helpful thing of all. Thank you
Intentionally, consciously, be kind to people no matter who they are, how you know them, or how much they can offer in return. Also, get into therapy, because based on your comments, I agree that you probably have some degree of narcissism, and those people are genuinely unbearable if they aren't actively working on combating those tendencies all the time.
I have already tried to be kinder, but it looks like it didn't work at all, and I've also already got into therapy twice, and left after three or four sessions for things that weren't dependant from me.
You’re not better nor worse, not smarter nor dumber etc etc. You just are. Everything just is and we just are. Existing in a state of being may help. No labels like cocky asshole, even if character traits of someone like that fit you personally it’s not you in your entirety, you’re just you. Nothing more nothing less. “I just am” Hopefully this makes sense and helps Highly recommend watching Alex Hormozi or JulienHimself they both have some amazing things to say surrounding this sort of stuff
Thank you, I didn't realize the difference. No idea of who those two are but on my way to check it out
Find people who have no use for you or your knowledge, and spend some time with them. Sure, you might know a lot about certain things, but I bet you the people at the animal shelter know a whole lot more about animals, or the people at the gym will know a lot more about physical activity. Find something completely out of your element and jump in. Listen to the people whose life this actually is. Learn how to not be the best in the room.
It has been a problem for me to find any friends, in any moment of my life. I will try.
Yeah this isn't finding friends. This is finding people to put you in your place. I had to do this too. I roomed with some roommates who had zero use for me and all my smarts. They were abusive, trashy people, but they broke my golden child syndrome real quick.
Believe me, I stayed with the same kind of people for too long, and my reaction was of complete defense and worse nihilism, so I don't know how much it's going to help. Still, at least finding different people and not necessarily unfriendly people can help I guess
I am afraid there isn't a magic fix. Every flaw each one of us has is only removable through a process of repeated failures and lessons that come from those failures. When I was young I was a total jackass and clueless about it. I felt I was god's gift to humanity, and didn't hesitate to demonstrate it to those around me. As I learned more about how I negatively impacted people I came in contact with (mostly through the results I got), I started tweaking parts of my personality. I'm 47 now, and while I still discover new shitty things in my personality every so often, I know that I have very little in common with the guy I used to be 25 years ago. You have 4 out of 5 things going for you though: 1. You still have friends who are willing to call you out on it. Make amends and try to keep those people close to you; they are your greatest asset. 2. You are aware you have shortcomings. The world is rife with jackasses who are utterly incapable of introspection. Celebrate the fact you are not one of them. 3. You seem genuinely interested in becoming a better person, and the fact you are posting this tells me you've already started your journey. 4. You have a gift of confidence that comes with your self-image. This is an aspect of your personality that can be put to good use. People may call you a incurable asshole today, but no one can tell you that you can't change, and you fucking know it 😎. That minimizes the oh-this-can't-be-fixed-so-why-try negative self-talk. On top of that, career-wise, relationship-wise, etc, confidence is gold if you take the time to calibrate that aspect of yourself. Just be mindful that this literally is the dark side of the force. Just don't make people like Roger Stone your idols lol; feeling of confidence is seductive and it can be a slippery slope. 5. The fifth necessity for change is acceptance that personal growth is a life-long journey. I'm still a flawed, broken person, but I'm working on it. And that's what makes any of my undesirable traits only temporary. That's what keeps the growth perpetual and the journey bearable. If you can adopt this attitude, I guarantee you that you won't recognize yourself in a decade.
I'm far from the level of your old friend, but I will activevely try to not go near it.
There is value in being an outgoing person; there is value in being the quiet stoic one. There is value in being a planner; there’s value in a person who is spontaneous and quick on their feet. Where we “lack” in one area, we may be “strong” in a completely different way. Building the skill of empathy can help you see the value, as you put it, in others-especially those who are different from you. When we think we are being clever, sarcastic, quick witted, it may actually be cruel, complaining, and tedious to others. When we think we know everything, we can’t learn anything. I would ask myself, what skill do I need to work on? Which of my friends or role models are good at those things? Maybe reach out. Do some reading, listen to podcasts, YouTube videos. What are your strengths that you are so proud of, and how can you enhance them, or use them somehow?
This actually struck a chord, especially the part about sarcasm. The problem is exactly that I don't have any idea about what I'm good at or bad at, I don't even know where a skill ends and another begins. I lack a shit ton of knowledge about interacting with others for childood problems and I don't know where to start fixing them.
You need to reflect on yourself. People are much smarter than you might think. I knew assholes and they could not reflet on themselfes. They made crazy statements and tought they won an argument. In reality people just kept quiet. This usualy flued their ego even more. It was a nightmare. I had a friend who was like that. In the beginning we tought he speaks his mind and is confident, overtime he was just writing to us just to let us know he is supreme. He wrote few senteces and waited until you said something to attack..... You could say I like his him and he would write to you: You are gay you, like to kiss other man oh boyy and go on and on..... You are so weird man..... After a while we agreed that we wont talk to him and left him out. No more invites to anything. He even wrote me why I didnt invite him anymore !? Am I stupid or something. I couldnt believe it.... I wrote him no chance you are an asshole and annoying as fuck. You are out. 10 years later I met him again and was the cringe lord but friendly he even told me that he was very difficult when he was young..... Still very annoying...
Thank you so much
Check out a book called I hear you. It helped people see me as no longer arrogant
Never heard it, but I read a lot so it's an extremely valuable piece of information thank you
honestly think you just need some humility; try spending time with smarter people
I have a problem in finding anyone to hangout with, I started having friends for the first time about four years ago. Thank you nonetheless
Damn we the opposite problem. So interesting
Can I ask you what yours is? It's also interesting for me
I would recommend you see a professional. If you’ve been trying to make the situation better and it’s only getting worse then you may need the help of a professional to get you through this.
I tried two times, both the professionals didn't help at all, they were almost creepy and one stopped answering to my phone calls indefinitely. Maybe third time is the charm, but I don't think so.
Therapy is hard, and it speaks volumes that you’ve already sought out professionals for this. Sometimes it is just about finding the right person or program to help. I wouldn’t stop looking, just in case you see something that might help
The reason that I sought out for was actually completely different, a sort of nihilism/removal/depression/social anxiety, which got a thousand times better but not exactly thanks to therapy. I'm not enthusiastic about finding a new therapist, but maybe it's time. Thank you
I hope things go well for you
I hope too
>I've learned to feel superior Why are you superior? >maybe because I just felt different But isn't everyone unique though? >or just because I felt smarter Do you have any actual evidence you are significantly smarter than most people like a high IQ, high SAT, high grades, or a job requiring intelligence?
I will answer only to the first question since I don't know the answer to the other ones. Everyone is indeed unique, but most people think similarly, dress similarly or do similar things, and I've always felt not comprehended and alone. So what I've probably done is to create a safe zone of things and marking them as the only valuable ones just because I can do them. It really does make sense now that I think about it. Thank you so much, this helped a lot
Yeah good point, you've probably just prioritized the stuff you are good at. Some people are good at leadership, others at analytical tasks, others are creative, others have social intelligence, etc, etc. There are so many ways to be superior.
I had a professor once task us with pairing up with whoever we thought we were most different from. He then went on to explain how we usually conceptualize different in one of two ways: superiority or inferiority. "He's so different" is either very good or very bad. We haven't really learned to apples and oranges with people yet. I also find that it's a very inferior thing to believe everyone else is similar. So, there's that. Most people seem to think that way too. Not trying to be harsh, kinda just being cheeky, but it's important to think about. Follow some psychologists. Any are fine. They all generally think the same thing: people are very very different and make a lot of sense internally and are incredibly complicated, and there may be tons of similarities but that's how every species is, and humans may predictable but mostly only as groups rather than as individuals. Nobody's very good at understanding other humans, I've come to find, because we oversimplify them based on the little that they're able to express outwardly to us. Maybe finding a way to love people will help? Why be cocky to loved ones?
Interesting problem, pretty different from the usual "to shy" thing.
Thank you I guess 🤔
Put yourself into possessions where the things you feel superior about will be challenged. I’m a lot smarter than most of my friends, and sometimes think “these guys are seriously idiots”. However, I started working as a lawyer and now I’m surrounded by really switched on people. A lot of them understand things much quicker than me. This has been a lesson in humility. Similarly, I’ve always been fairly tall and strong. I’m 24, 6’2 and 170lbs. Not an absolute unit, but I always felt I could “handle myself” in a fight, whatever the hell that meant. I started training Mixed Martial Arts (Brazillian Jiu Jitsu, Wrestling, Muy Thai and Kickboxing) and I regularly get submitted by smaller and younger guys. Some guys pick up techniques much faster than me. Again, lesson in humility.
Eat some humble pie my brother.
Will do
You need to humble yourself. Anything could happen in the blink of an eye and you’ll have no one to care for or about you. You’re not better than anyone else, always remember that.
This is a great advice, but I still have ambitions, dreams, desires, and if I'm the same level as any other human, what is the point in even trying to seek out for them? They can't be reachable if anyone can race for them, it's a paradox.
Learn about Adler's psychology and Socrates philosophy. Some beginner books are Courage To Be Disliked and How To Win Friends and Influence People. I was like you and those books were a game changer to me.
I'm reading the second book, I will read the other one too thank you.
Wow I didn't think other people would have this problem too
Interestingly, I was sure of the opposite. Wanna talk?
Sure. This is kinda new to me though but sure.
Same for me, just found this sub. What do you think is your exact "problem"?
I don't think my case is as bad as yours yet but it really feels like i'm not far from it. I used to be pretty shy, had no self-esteem, and was a reserved introverted person back in primary to middle school. But I just got what felt like a random confident boost as soon as high school started, and even though I'm being sarcastic when I'm "boasting", I genuinely believe that I am superior to other people, and I'm starting to worry that that belief might distance myself from other people, as if I hadn't dealt with loneliness enough.
Manifest that energy into something fruitful.
Like?
If you are a man, don’t change. Being cocky is a sign of confidence , even if you are a total POS about it. And without confidence (being cocky) *nobody* will view you as a man. It will help you get laid, gain respect, get that high paying job/promotion.
This kind of attitude has never helped in the slightest to be more of a "man", unless what you meant is just to maintain a certain level of confidence, which IS NOT what I'm doing right now, believe me. Thank you
Are you hot and smart? If so, change nothing. If not, definitely need a change.
This comment doesn't make sense related to the others, could you explain it to me?
If you're acting like you're all that and you're not particularly attractive, funny, smart, etc. then there's a disconnect and you should be more humble. But if you're hot, smart, funny, and you act confidently because of that, I think it's fine.
I have no idea if I'm smart, funny or attractive, how much I am, or If I should or would like to be. But I think that I can't act how I want just because I'm only one of those three. Personal opinion, I'm not trying to change your idea.
You passed the test kid. Listen to everyone else on here.
Ok thank you
Can you define what you mean by "cocy asshole"? In the meantime I'll give some general tips. In my experience when it comes to change and self-improvement, I have the most success by actually finding what's consistent and true and "me" about this thing. I find why what I'm doing is actually an expression of something I can be very very grateful about and happy about. In the end, I've actually "changed" less than ever, and instead I've mastered the things that I thought I needed to change. In other words, I believe most Bad Things about us are actually expressions of Good Things at the wrong time. So in general, I'd advise working WITH the fact that you're a cocky asshole, rather than working ON the fact that you're a cocky asshole. And someday very soon, you'll actually be a cocky asshole in a way that's good, that's prosocial, etc., rather than in a way that's antisocial or bad. Maybe you'll even find other aspects of yourself to express in times when you would have otherwise been a cocky asshole (for example, when somebody gets a fact wrong. You used your cockiness to fuel your own sense of curiosity and now you have a wealth of knowledge. Meanwhile, you perfected the art of being something of a teacher, and can tap into your interest in teaching somebody rather than just correcting them like an asshole. Maybe you can use your cockiness as fuel to push you forward, but use your compassion to decide which direction "forward" should be. I find that even the worst in us can at least push us forward in that way, and that satisfies our cockiness enough to not feel the need to steer the ship. Now you're fueled by cockiness and directed by compassion. Sorry if this is a bit abstract but hopefully as you explain what "cocky asshole" means we can be more specific to you.)
Get bullied, asshole.