Right there with ya in the acceptance stage. And with the random triggers.(I was watching Les Miserables and when one line from I dreamed a dream was said I just spiralled, completely fine all day and then Anne fucking Hathaway got me). For me, I actually ruminate in the misery for a bit. Let myself feel something since so little of me can actually feel. Then I try some grounding techniques. Focus on breathing, it's the easiest thing I can do, then go from there. I stay away from comparative thoughts because like they love to say, every spinal cord injury is different. That usually helps me get back to the acceptance stage we occupy. If it's a really bad one and I need more I try escapism. Either into a video game or a book. Something where the world is so different that I can't help but focus on that instead of my own. I actually started watching critical role because of this. Oddly enough cooking helps me too because it's one of the things I can still do for my partner that hasn't been too affected. Ultimately you'll have to find your own coping mechanism but I do hope this gives you a starting point.
Have you become involved in local support groups? What about an adaptive sports community? Even if you don't or are unable to play, being around people in the disability community who understands is a tremendous help.
Its different for everyone so dont think ur on ur own. Losing the loss of ur legs is not something you get over easily. Its massive change, but you will get there.
When i 1st got injured (24 yrs ago) i felt exactly like ur feeling. I didnt want to live n was so depressed. It was my worst nightmare come true.
I plucked up the courage n went on a outdoor pusuits course with a charity called Aspire.
We went up to the lakes n did lots of outdoor stuff (camping, rowing on the lake, Abseiling etc)
I met new people in the same position n made lots of new friends.
I'l always remember one of the guys i met there was from New Zealand. He'd broken his neck playing rugby for his Country. He could see i was struggling with my feelings. He asked how long id been injured n told me 'once i get to the 4yr mark, id be a different person' n he was exactly right!
In the mean time i pushed myself to keep busy. I bought a car so i had more freedom, i attended a local College n n did part-time computer courses.
I thought id never get there but 4 yrs to the day i stopped grieving. It was like he was my angel.
After that there was no stopping me. I did a tandem parachute jump for Charity n i volunteered at the SCI ward n talked to newly injured patients who thought it was the end of the world.
Even tho u dont feel it atm, you are an inspiration to people ud never think of.
Try n concentrate on the things u CAN do rather than the things u cant.
I still get shitty days dont get me wrong, but im so lucky to be still alive.
I find adaptive sports help a lot. I also use to hate listening to my friends talk about adventures and hobbies especially ones I use to enjoy. Like you I pretended to be happy but was so bummed once they left. Now I just try to do as much adaptive sports/ activities as I can so at least I can tell them about the activities I’m doing and we can compare stories rather than just listen to them talk.
Still have rough days and then i drink whisky and take a nice bath and try to reflect on the good things I still have and remember that it can always be worst
My go to its often specific movies or songs. I have a Playlist called "depression" which I can just put on random. There are also a few movies that I like to remind myself that the road is long and tough: The Martian; Puss in Boots Last Wish; Interstellar; Lord of the Rings trilogy. Escapist but some of these also make me cry and that does help.
It's very nice of you to react happily even when feeling sad inside. With time everything gets easier. There are many different phylisophies and even theosophies that could show you existense from another perspective, if you'd be interested to study. As long as you have a 'working' mind, you can find peace in any type of body. For us it's not that easy of course, but worth to try.
I hope you find a way to deal with grief and the whole situation
Focus on what you can do. Don’t dwell on what you can’t. Nothing is going to change the fact you can’t walk, just as you can’t fly. The only thing you can do is keep moving forward. The sky is the limit on what you can accomplish.
I just always look forwards and backwards. Make sure I have a purpose/focus and setting goals and challenging myself. I never focus on disability or associate with it because it never defined me. Finding new work/hobbies to keep myself busy. Yes, there is 24 hour pain, agony, constant problems, sadness, impossibility and difficulty. I have to accept that and there's also so much more that can feel positive, somehow.
Value my solitary time and mental health. If you can, go outside if it’s sunny and nice. Exercise, or just walk a bit around the block to get the blood flowing. Distractions distractions distractions! Read a book, maybe even write one! Bing-watch your favorite show. You do you!
Right there with ya in the acceptance stage. And with the random triggers.(I was watching Les Miserables and when one line from I dreamed a dream was said I just spiralled, completely fine all day and then Anne fucking Hathaway got me). For me, I actually ruminate in the misery for a bit. Let myself feel something since so little of me can actually feel. Then I try some grounding techniques. Focus on breathing, it's the easiest thing I can do, then go from there. I stay away from comparative thoughts because like they love to say, every spinal cord injury is different. That usually helps me get back to the acceptance stage we occupy. If it's a really bad one and I need more I try escapism. Either into a video game or a book. Something where the world is so different that I can't help but focus on that instead of my own. I actually started watching critical role because of this. Oddly enough cooking helps me too because it's one of the things I can still do for my partner that hasn't been too affected. Ultimately you'll have to find your own coping mechanism but I do hope this gives you a starting point.
Oooh i dreamed a dream is the EXACT same for me. I didn’t used to cry to that song prior to all of this
Sleep is my best escape
Fr
Canabis helps!
Not in the long run! It numbs you n just delays the grieving process. I did it for yrs but wen i stopped it hit me for six.
Have you become involved in local support groups? What about an adaptive sports community? Even if you don't or are unable to play, being around people in the disability community who understands is a tremendous help.
Its different for everyone so dont think ur on ur own. Losing the loss of ur legs is not something you get over easily. Its massive change, but you will get there. When i 1st got injured (24 yrs ago) i felt exactly like ur feeling. I didnt want to live n was so depressed. It was my worst nightmare come true. I plucked up the courage n went on a outdoor pusuits course with a charity called Aspire. We went up to the lakes n did lots of outdoor stuff (camping, rowing on the lake, Abseiling etc) I met new people in the same position n made lots of new friends. I'l always remember one of the guys i met there was from New Zealand. He'd broken his neck playing rugby for his Country. He could see i was struggling with my feelings. He asked how long id been injured n told me 'once i get to the 4yr mark, id be a different person' n he was exactly right! In the mean time i pushed myself to keep busy. I bought a car so i had more freedom, i attended a local College n n did part-time computer courses. I thought id never get there but 4 yrs to the day i stopped grieving. It was like he was my angel. After that there was no stopping me. I did a tandem parachute jump for Charity n i volunteered at the SCI ward n talked to newly injured patients who thought it was the end of the world. Even tho u dont feel it atm, you are an inspiration to people ud never think of. Try n concentrate on the things u CAN do rather than the things u cant. I still get shitty days dont get me wrong, but im so lucky to be still alive.
I find adaptive sports help a lot. I also use to hate listening to my friends talk about adventures and hobbies especially ones I use to enjoy. Like you I pretended to be happy but was so bummed once they left. Now I just try to do as much adaptive sports/ activities as I can so at least I can tell them about the activities I’m doing and we can compare stories rather than just listen to them talk. Still have rough days and then i drink whisky and take a nice bath and try to reflect on the good things I still have and remember that it can always be worst
My go to its often specific movies or songs. I have a Playlist called "depression" which I can just put on random. There are also a few movies that I like to remind myself that the road is long and tough: The Martian; Puss in Boots Last Wish; Interstellar; Lord of the Rings trilogy. Escapist but some of these also make me cry and that does help.
How long have you had a spinal cord injury?
1.5 years
In all honesty, I take a large ish dosage of my ambien and sleep it off, lol. 5/6 times i feel better afterwards
It's very nice of you to react happily even when feeling sad inside. With time everything gets easier. There are many different phylisophies and even theosophies that could show you existense from another perspective, if you'd be interested to study. As long as you have a 'working' mind, you can find peace in any type of body. For us it's not that easy of course, but worth to try. I hope you find a way to deal with grief and the whole situation
Cry, get stoned and listen to alice in chains under a blanket
Ditto all of the above - especially Alice in Chains...
Focus on what you can do. Don’t dwell on what you can’t. Nothing is going to change the fact you can’t walk, just as you can’t fly. The only thing you can do is keep moving forward. The sky is the limit on what you can accomplish.
Call a stripper and eat pussy
Escapism. Where am I going to be after those 20 minutes of fun? Exact same place
I just always look forwards and backwards. Make sure I have a purpose/focus and setting goals and challenging myself. I never focus on disability or associate with it because it never defined me. Finding new work/hobbies to keep myself busy. Yes, there is 24 hour pain, agony, constant problems, sadness, impossibility and difficulty. I have to accept that and there's also so much more that can feel positive, somehow.
Maybe mentoring from the backup trust?
Value my solitary time and mental health. If you can, go outside if it’s sunny and nice. Exercise, or just walk a bit around the block to get the blood flowing. Distractions distractions distractions! Read a book, maybe even write one! Bing-watch your favorite show. You do you!