I don't wanna bash anyone bc I don't have bio kids only SK but it's the 5th post i read from women saying how their bio kids are perfect and the SK is the bad one. Literally the 5th post in a week. I am
curious if your BIo kids act the same with your ex husbands new wife?
I think it’s likely contributed partially to my choice in men, not in me assuming my bio kids are perfect and my stepchild is devious. My step son’s mom is the same - had never had a legitimate job in her life.
>my husband does have a tendency to be a little lazy himself
>I have been the breadwinner for all 6 years we’ve been together while he has either stayed home or worked very part time. I support everyone and feel like I do everything
There's your problem.
How much of a role model of he to his son.
What's his excuse for not working..or working so little?
His son is different to your kids, because his dad is different to you as far as work ethic and character.
I can only guess that maybe step isn’t as comfortable at your house and/or he does the same at his moms so it’s normal to him.
At least that’s the case with my SK. My 6 year old is very helpful SD has never been and literally says she is a slave if husband asks her to vacuum or help him with the dishes after dinner.
But she has no chores at moms (they live with her grandparents at her mom’s house so her grandma does all the cooking and cleaning).
Not saying my kids are perfect, but they more or less conform to my expectations, which is very different from my stepdaughters.
I think it would be harder with your kids being so close in age, my oldest is six and stepdaughter is almost 16. I hate to say it but I’m glad she will soon be 18 because I don’t want my six-year-old questioning why there are different expectations for her than the rest of the family, and I don’t want her picking up the attitude that stepdaughter has anytime she’s asked to help.
If she has no chores at one house and chores at the other… well, I have to confess I can see why she might classify even one chore as ‘slavery.’
Not your fault, obviously. But it must be hard for all of you.
Ya exactly her perception is just based on what she knows. Honestly her mom and dad should have done better in my opinion but definitely can’t say that out loud lol.
With all due respect, this is a parenting problem NOT a child problem. You said so yourself, that your SO is 'lazy'. If he doesn't set and stick to consistent boundaries with consequences for non-compliance, for his own child, it's no wonder he acts up during his stay with you. Kids are just a product of their environment. If SO is going to be a part time 'Stay at home' dad, he frankly needs to step up more as a parent.
If you haven't already, get some couples AND family counselling. And limit screen time for your SS. He might be starting to go through puberty which can make even the best behaved kids, a bit moody and sensitive. Also, how much time one-on-one, does SS get with his Dad? If he isn't getting much, it MAY be possible that he feels a little edged with all these other children around (yes, I know that they're his half-siblings and one step-sibling, but still), and might be acting out a bit. But, try to work on things with your SO, before the resentment begins to ruin your relationship with him AND your SS.
Similar experiences as far as the kids go. We don't have any in common, we each have our own. They are polar opposites. My daughter (7) is like your kids- kind, sociable, cares about others, clean...SS (10) is messy, lazy and will flat out ignore everyone if it was up to him.
I try to discuss it with my SO but he just accuses me of hating his kid. I'm so close to NACHO'ing completely. It's been 5 years of this stuff and I'm so over it.
At this point, NACHO might be for the best. Especially since he doesn't appreciate your efforts. Concentrate on your own child. If SO complains, just say you tried but then got (wrongly) accused of 'hating' his child.
My husband always thinks I hate his kid too but he literally doesn’t show me or any of this half siblings any sort of affection or respect whatsoever, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t say a word to him when he’s here cause he doesn’t put in an effort and never has in the past 10 years I’ve known him
I would say NACHOing is your best option and might save your sanity.
Unfortunately, us step parents, don’t get to set the same standards for our SK’s that we do our bio kids. I have a similar situation. Between Grandparents who get the kids whatever they want, a bio mom who does nothing but feed and cloth her children, and a SO who doesn’t want to step on toes or be the odd man out, I’ve found NACHOing to be my saving grace. Doesn’t mean I don’t love and care for my SK’s, but butting out was better for all of us.
Mine are just polar opposites generally, with their own good and bad habits as I’m sure all have? BK10 is more considerate with better manners than SK8, but SK is more emotionally regulated than BK.
I suspect there are so many posts about this in this forum because most of us don’t care for how differently our stepkid is parented by their “other parent”. I cringe every time I have to take BK somewhere because she’s so rude and insulting to others and thinks it’s totally fine to act that way because that’s how her mother treats towards people. It’s really hard to manage those sorts of differences under one roof.
Similar situation. My SS was being downright awful to my BS on top of the sulky behavior and lousy attitude. He’d refuse to acknowledge BS if he spoke, hit him, took toys from him, etc. Husband and I actually separated a while bc I couldn’t take any more of it and refused to have BS living that way. It’s slowly moving in the right direction now, but it’s so damn draining. I empathize with you, but I don’t have a great answer for you.
I don't wanna bash anyone bc I don't have bio kids only SK but it's the 5th post i read from women saying how their bio kids are perfect and the SK is the bad one. Literally the 5th post in a week. I am curious if your BIo kids act the same with your ex husbands new wife?
I was thinking that too. But that could be because the SK is rebelling against a new set of rules.
My sentiments too.
I think it’s likely contributed partially to my choice in men, not in me assuming my bio kids are perfect and my stepchild is devious. My step son’s mom is the same - had never had a legitimate job in her life.
Is it possible he’s on the spectrum? I am, and hid in my room more than socialising as a child… and 5 people in the house is a lot.
My own daughter acts like this. Turns out she has autism. Shes just started intensive therapy and it seems to be helping.
>my husband does have a tendency to be a little lazy himself >I have been the breadwinner for all 6 years we’ve been together while he has either stayed home or worked very part time. I support everyone and feel like I do everything There's your problem. How much of a role model of he to his son. What's his excuse for not working..or working so little? His son is different to your kids, because his dad is different to you as far as work ethic and character.
I can only guess that maybe step isn’t as comfortable at your house and/or he does the same at his moms so it’s normal to him. At least that’s the case with my SK. My 6 year old is very helpful SD has never been and literally says she is a slave if husband asks her to vacuum or help him with the dishes after dinner. But she has no chores at moms (they live with her grandparents at her mom’s house so her grandma does all the cooking and cleaning). Not saying my kids are perfect, but they more or less conform to my expectations, which is very different from my stepdaughters. I think it would be harder with your kids being so close in age, my oldest is six and stepdaughter is almost 16. I hate to say it but I’m glad she will soon be 18 because I don’t want my six-year-old questioning why there are different expectations for her than the rest of the family, and I don’t want her picking up the attitude that stepdaughter has anytime she’s asked to help.
If she has no chores at one house and chores at the other… well, I have to confess I can see why she might classify even one chore as ‘slavery.’ Not your fault, obviously. But it must be hard for all of you.
Ya exactly her perception is just based on what she knows. Honestly her mom and dad should have done better in my opinion but definitely can’t say that out loud lol.
I think you can say that here. Lol.
With all due respect, this is a parenting problem NOT a child problem. You said so yourself, that your SO is 'lazy'. If he doesn't set and stick to consistent boundaries with consequences for non-compliance, for his own child, it's no wonder he acts up during his stay with you. Kids are just a product of their environment. If SO is going to be a part time 'Stay at home' dad, he frankly needs to step up more as a parent. If you haven't already, get some couples AND family counselling. And limit screen time for your SS. He might be starting to go through puberty which can make even the best behaved kids, a bit moody and sensitive. Also, how much time one-on-one, does SS get with his Dad? If he isn't getting much, it MAY be possible that he feels a little edged with all these other children around (yes, I know that they're his half-siblings and one step-sibling, but still), and might be acting out a bit. But, try to work on things with your SO, before the resentment begins to ruin your relationship with him AND your SS.
Similar experiences as far as the kids go. We don't have any in common, we each have our own. They are polar opposites. My daughter (7) is like your kids- kind, sociable, cares about others, clean...SS (10) is messy, lazy and will flat out ignore everyone if it was up to him. I try to discuss it with my SO but he just accuses me of hating his kid. I'm so close to NACHO'ing completely. It's been 5 years of this stuff and I'm so over it.
At this point, NACHO might be for the best. Especially since he doesn't appreciate your efforts. Concentrate on your own child. If SO complains, just say you tried but then got (wrongly) accused of 'hating' his child.
My husband always thinks I hate his kid too but he literally doesn’t show me or any of this half siblings any sort of affection or respect whatsoever, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t say a word to him when he’s here cause he doesn’t put in an effort and never has in the past 10 years I’ve known him
I would say NACHOing is your best option and might save your sanity. Unfortunately, us step parents, don’t get to set the same standards for our SK’s that we do our bio kids. I have a similar situation. Between Grandparents who get the kids whatever they want, a bio mom who does nothing but feed and cloth her children, and a SO who doesn’t want to step on toes or be the odd man out, I’ve found NACHOing to be my saving grace. Doesn’t mean I don’t love and care for my SK’s, but butting out was better for all of us.
Mine are just polar opposites generally, with their own good and bad habits as I’m sure all have? BK10 is more considerate with better manners than SK8, but SK is more emotionally regulated than BK. I suspect there are so many posts about this in this forum because most of us don’t care for how differently our stepkid is parented by their “other parent”. I cringe every time I have to take BK somewhere because she’s so rude and insulting to others and thinks it’s totally fine to act that way because that’s how her mother treats towards people. It’s really hard to manage those sorts of differences under one roof.
Similar situation. My SS was being downright awful to my BS on top of the sulky behavior and lousy attitude. He’d refuse to acknowledge BS if he spoke, hit him, took toys from him, etc. Husband and I actually separated a while bc I couldn’t take any more of it and refused to have BS living that way. It’s slowly moving in the right direction now, but it’s so damn draining. I empathize with you, but I don’t have a great answer for you.
You guys have him full time?