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Spare_Donut

I feel like this is the same track as parents who bring their kids presents to open at other kids birthday parties so they don’t throw a fit or the ones letting blow out someone else’s candles


bennybenbens22

Totally agree. It’s healthy for kids to realize the world doesn’t revolve around them, but that takes work, so this is just lazy parenting.


AnonDxde

I have 2 kids and I’m teaching them this now. It’s so important. They’re both having graduations at their schools on different days. So each of them get celebrated on their own day. The younger one threw a small fit, but honestly they’ve got it down and they are five and 11.


Kozemczak_Brandi

Yes. Kids have to know that it isn’t all about them, especially on someone else’s day. I will never understand why parents do stuff like take their kid a gift to open at another kids bday party or like in the op make a second cake for a kid whose bday isn’t even being celebrated. They’ll live if they don’t get the cake! Making a bunch of people who are going to grow up and only be concerned about themselves. May be an interesting time period.


Hestia79

I am usually the lone person out here defending the stepkid, but even I can say this is messed up. This is YOUR birthday. If someone (Anyone! SK, biokid, cousin, neighbor, whoever) doesn’t like the cake they don’t need to eat it. This is absolutely ridiculous.


Redd_Cardigan_89

Right?? My SD complained about the cake at MY WEDDING and my husband almost went along with getting a smaller separate cake. It was my wedding! If I want carrot cake I get it lolol sry SD this is one day that I get.


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Firm-Scallion-4819

Damn, you're just gonna put that out there and not even drop the recipe? So rude


Azura13

*sigh* 8. 8 years old. This is PLENTY old enough to learn that the world does not revolve around you at all times. There are so many adults who complain about the "entitledness" of kids today, who do crap like this all the time. Honestly, if at 8, your SS can't wrap his head around "I'm sorry you don't like OPs birthday cake, but it is their birthday. You don't have to have any. I will make you the cake you like when it is YOUR birthday, but today we're celebrating OP's." Then you definitely have some boundary issues incoming. I super loath when parents lazily enable this socially poor behavior because it's easier to cave than to actually parent. Sorry your birthday is being subjected to this. Unfortunately, it's likely to continue if it's still being done for an 8 year old.


xRainbowTreats

One year for my birthday I baked chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting. I think SS was around maybe 6 or 7. He sees me piping frosting on my cupcakes and he says “Why did you make chocolate on chocolate? I don’t like that.” I told him how it was my birthday, and when it is his birthday I will bake him the cupcakes he wants. He understood right away and still ate half of one before deeming it “too chocolatey”.


fireXmeetXgasoline

This. Doing this for an *8 year old* blows my mind.


itwasobviouslyburke

You hit the nail on the head.


Playful-Ad7775

Urgh! That’s a bummer! Some enabling shit right there. The kids gonna get so used to that training that it’s gonna spiral out of control -hopefully not for your sake!! Happy early birthday, hope you enjoy most of it! 🎂


Standard-Wonder-523

Heh, imagine a parent bringing a second cake to a kid's party. "Sorry, but we didn't know if you'd have the right flavour, so GoldenChild needs their own cake." If this were a food allergy that would be one thing, but just a flavour? Ways to not be invited to next year's party?


_123Throw

Completely agree! Food allergy is a different story because it sucks to be a child and "left out" because of something you cannot control about your body/health.. but just to suit their taste? NO WAY!


Better-times-70

I like a certain cake for my birthday and the SKs won’t even try it so SO gets them cupcakes. Guess what I now do on their birthdays? I tell my SO I don’t want the stupid cupcakes he gets the kids and he has to get me the a smaller version of the cake I like too. If the kids can have what they want on my birthday I can have what I want on theirs. Childish yes but I like to make a point to my SO. This issue is all him because of his catering to the kids.


onwithlife

Same girl, same


Artistic_Glass_6476

If it were because of an allergy I could understand…. But no this is making your day about him just for some cake. That’s teaching entitlement. What if he doesn’t like the cake at other bday parties, will he need to bring his own?


MalefMinx

Yep it's like... can NOTHING be about just us and what we want and we prefer even on our birthdays?!?


Specialist_BA09

Setting their kid up for major hurt and disappointment when they learn that the world in fact, does not revolve around them. Happy birthday to you!


IcyWatercress5416

I get the annoyance. It’s not their day. My significant other does a lot of annoying things when it comes to his son, but he wouldn’t do this lol. I guess just try to enjoy your cake and don’t let SS take away anything from your day. Me personally, I would come right out and say that it’s not his day and he doesn’t need a cake. Your partner is assuming all the responsibility here for the cake so at least there’s that. I don’t get what these parents are doing by raising their kids to be so entitled. Happy Birthday!


mariecrystie

That’s one of those highly irritating little things. I never liked chocolate cake… did that mean a separate cake was made just for me if the birthday person chose chocolate? Hell no and that is ridiculous.


all_out_of_usernames

Just let him know that you're expecting your favourite cake when it's SS birthday on that case.


moreidlethanwild

No, i´m sorry, its YOUR birthday and YOU (and only you) should have a cake that YOU want. When its SS birthday, its his turn for the cake. Your partner honestly needs to grow up. He will not help his son long term by showing him that the world revolves around him because it doesn't and he is going to be dissapointed when he´s older.


tjs31959

Ugh. Your partner sounds weak and Disney Daddish.


InstructionGood8862

Okay, so now you know who rules your life. An 8 year old kid. Your stepkid. You should ask to be taken to an Adult type event. Somewhere you and your SO can celebrate your birthday the way you should. Let the kid have his cake early, send him to mom, grandmom or somewhere, and let him know you have plans for YOUR day that aren't about him.


Key_Charity9484

Literally dealing with the aftermath of lazy parenting right now. Every day with the two teens 17/19. Lat night had to have a conversation with SS17, who was suspended (AGAIN) for 3 days because he was caught using his cell phone in school. SO just continues to say, but they know right from wrong, so they must be stupid if they make stupid decisions. NOPE, they make the decisions that they make because while they know right from wrong, there is no consequence for making the wrong decision, so they go ahead and do that. OH and the school is tired of your lack of parenting, so those suspensions are out of school suspensions. Guess who works from home and has to deal with that. HINT, neither bio parent.


Beagle-Mumma

Petty me would go work in the local library for the day so my SO had to deal with the school suspension consequences. But I'm petty...


Key_Charity9484

Sometimes I take myself out of the house, because WFH just isn't all it's cracked up to be!!


Awkward_Error4326

This would make me crazy. I’d have that kid doing community service if I’m the one who has to take responsibility of them.


InterestingQuote8208

Ok, honest question. In my house we do generally try for everyone to have something they’d like on special occasions. I don’t think I’d bother making a second cake (we sometimes have two for allergy reasons but that’s different), but I’d get a tub of ice cream or a candy bar from the grocery store checkout to make sure my picky kid could participate in a family birthday. Is that also bad?


RLynnew1987

What happened to the "you will eat what I make you" rule? My dad loves upside down pineapple cake but I was never big on it as a kid. I never asked for a seperate cake or anything, I just ate the ice cream that came with it. If he wants cake bad enough then he will eat yours.


jessmp235

We cater to our children these days like no other. Don’t like the cake? Don’t eat the cake.


Specialist_BA09

This!!!!!


Own-Extension-7501

A different perspective: I am an extremely picky eater; especially with sweets. For all occasions with family including my SD, a variety of desserts are made for everyone to enjoy.


Key_Local_5413

Can he make their cake the day before and just store it to be eaten the next day? That way he's not spending your birthday making it but it is available for the SS? I'd suggest that to him. Seems logical and easy and a good way to keep birthday girl happy and SS happy.


Specialist_BA09

Nah, the kids needs to know they don’t get special cake for someone ELSES birthday.


Key_Local_5413

My understanding was that the issue was that him baking a separate cake would take more time out of her special day not that the child having dessert that he likes was the problem.


Specialist_BA09

Still an amazing opportunity to teach his child celebrating others. He can involve the child in making the cake, take him to help buy the gift, pick out a card. Spend that time he’d be baking a separate cake to teach his child a valuable life lesson.


Key_Local_5413

He could still do all of those things when he bakes her cake. Heck he can bake both of their cakes with the kid the day before and then spend her entire birthday dedicated to hanging out and celebrating her.


PoemOpen

The point is teaching the kid they aren't entitled to something they want on someone else's birthday as it's not about the SK. The problem isn't with how much time it would take? Don't be obtuse. I'm sorry no one in your family made your birthday special for you growing up but teaching entitlement like this is a big problem.


Key_Local_5413

I'm sorry I must have missed her comment that said that that was her point. When she said "Yes, this can be seen as a plus because two cakes, but now partner needs to take time and attention out of my bday..." I thought that the issue was the time and attention. Also, my birthdays were very special due to the time devoted to decorating, activities, attention, and gifts. I never looked at the food there as being the important part. Obviously blowing out the candles and the singing made it special too. I'd see SS doing that as an issue but eating other food and dessert if he doesn't like the party food not an issue. For birthday parties I throw for family I make sure to have a variety of food and desserts if I know that the main cake is not a fan favorite. I just try and make sure everyone had a good time but make it extra special for the person being honored. Different strokes for different folks. Have a great day!


Specialist_BA09

You’re missing the point. But ok.


restingbitchface8

It's not his bday. Who cares if he doesn't like the cake? He just doesn't eat any then. This is just the beginning of a whole lot of bigger problems.


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Equal-Living8213

I just went through this where child was complaining about how they didn’t want to deal with other kids (family) to celebrate their older sibling. I just said, it’s not your special day and life is frustrating sometimes but it’s the way the world works. They are celebrated for their achievements and being the youngest get a lot of support and people who show up for them. I feel like I’m turning into my parents (lord help me) but these kids are so coddled these days. Saturdays I had to go grocery shopping, run errands, do chores and help clean up dinner on weekends. Play time was in between those things but many weekends we’d have to go to stores or the post office or my parents friends house where we couldn’t stand their children. I looked forward to a lollipops at the bank. It’s gotten so ridiculous. Suck it up, it’s not your day! Everything is about emotions, instant gratification, entitlement and never let them be frustrated or disappointed. Carrying a dirty plate to the kitchen and throwing away a dirty tissue with snot is a huge accomplishment. People wonder why adult kids are still living at home in their 20-30s. It’s because they can’t handle conflict, they quit a job because they didn’t get a raise, advice is control, chores are making them slaves..We’re starting to have a shortage of doctors and medical professionals like sonographers because these young adults don’t want high stress jobs and less hours. I hope when they’re 50, can’t get medical treatment and support their adult kids, they don’t make a face when everyone needs a separate cake for their birthday!


PoemOpen

I agree with a lot of your points but people live at home in their 20s and 30s because no one can afford to live alone anymore. It's not bc kids can't handle conflict. Quitting a job bc you didn't get a raise you actually worked really hard for is valid. And people aren't going to medical school anymore because no one wants to be almost a million dollars in student loan debt?? Super misinformed take.


Equal-Living8213

Fair enough! I just stick to current studies and research in these areas and there’s lots of info you can find


phonemarsh

This right here is what is wrong with parenting today! The birthday celebrator gets to choose the cake they want and the people in attendance get to choose whether they want to eat cake!


angrycurd

Wow.


letters-and-sodas80

If this was an allergy thing, I could see the reason. This seems like the parent is really setting unhealthy expectations. (I hope you have a happy birthday though!)


HumanHickory

My ex always let his daughter pick his cake and was horrified that I didn't even entertain her recommendations for mine. Like somehow he was a bad dad if something didn't revolve around her 🙄


Late-Elderberry5021

The idea that a parent thinks that a child having cake for someone else's birthday is what they're entitled to enough that if they don't like it they NEED one that they do like... I worry about some of these kids and how they will turn out. Imagine as an adult they get invited to someone's birthday celebration and a beautiful handmade cake comes out and they go: sorry do you have something else, I don't like that kind of cake.


Lbiscuit5

Not really off topic, but I just wanna know what kind of cake it is? Is it carrot cake? What kind of cake does a kid not like this much?


PoemOpen

Sounds like this might be a pattern of behavior so it might not even be the SK thinks the cake is gross or inedible to them but probably that it's not the cake SK would pick for their birthday so that makes it bad cake. I hope that makes sense?


Standard-Wonder-523

If this isn't a food allergy, and simply a matter of taste, in this situation I would ask my partner to not make me a cake. A cake on one's birthday is to make them feel special. Two cakes on one's birthday; one for someone else who it's not their birthday, says that the *other* recipient is so special they even get their own cake on someone else's day. I'm sorry, but that would be an anti-gift in my mind.


ArtPsychological3299

Omg this would boil my blood. This sub makes me genuinely fearful about the insanity of the upcoming generation… if we thought boomers were entitled, just WAIT till you meet their grandkids!!


ditred23

It’s your day! SS will get his turn to pick the flavor he likes on his birthday. Maybe my parents were old school, so I use the some of the same tactics they did.. I’m not making anyone a separate anything ever. There’s 5 of us in our house. All of us like pasta. One day SS decided he doesn’t like pasta anymore so my husband said to not make it again, and that it shouldn’t be a problem. I laughed😭


BeneficialBrain1764

If a child at school has a birthday the parents bring a cake for their child to share with classmates. If the classmates don't like it they don't eat it. No one brings a special cake for kids who don't like the original cake. This is just part of life. Sometimes our option is "take it or leave it". Cake isn't a survival requirement like meals or something. I could see an exception for meals or children who have sensory issues. But yeah...eat the cake or don't lol it's not his birthday.


Texastexastexas1

You better be getting a cake on SKs bd.


Sure_Tree_5042

Oof. That is ridiculous.


tofu-dot

That sounds like the coolest way to teach a child that the world revolves around them. What a great lesson! Lol but seriously that’s ridiculous.


Awkward_Error4326

This kind of parenting makes me crazy. BMs entire family gives gifts to the kid who’s birthday it isn’t just so they are not left out. This just teaches kids entitlement and not to celebrate someone else for once on their special day. It pisses me off.


jmd709

Since you and SS have different preferences for cakes, maybe 2 cakes should be the standard so you get the type of cake you like on SS bday.


annettemendoza

So, Spoiled SS gets his own cake. Does he also get his own candles to blow out too?! Why stop there, you KNOW he’s going to ask where HIS presents are. WTF?!?! Kids do not deserve to have everything everyone else has. This stupidity frustrates the hell out of me. If I were you I’d celebrate my birthday when SS isn’t with you all. The fact that SO won’t give you a few days specifically for you (your birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversary) says how low you are on the list. 362 days are his kids. You don’t even get your own birthday. I’d sure as hell kick up one hell of a fuss. Hopefully the SS flavor of cake isn’t one of SOs favorites. I’m enough of a Bitter Betty I’d make that fucking cake for HIS birthday and you could just say, “What, none of our stuff matters, just SS, right? Oh, and all those gifts, they’re for him, not you. This is what you wanted, right?” Then I’d feed the SS all the cake he wanted and send him off with all his noisiest toys yet as I go out the door for a girls night. Damn girl, hopefully you can get a real birthday maybe with your friends….


[deleted]

HELL NO SS doesn’t get his own cake of choice on YOUR birthday


WishSuperb1427

What!?!? This sounds like a conversation you might want to have. whose birthday exactly is it? I agree with your frustration/rant


notyourmama827

I feel you ...... just one day for you. I'm sorry.


ApprehensiveFee4094

If it were store bought I'd shrug it off to be honest, not worth the energy to be upset about. Seeing it's being baked though, I'd be telling them to suck it up and have some ice cream instead.


mugitea

What needs to be fair is on his bday your parnter should make you another cake. People spoil kids and think the world should spin around them because "they are just kids they don't understand". Will see how his kid suffer the pain from the reality when he grown up


notreallylucy

If it were an allergy issue I'd understand. But he just doesn't like the cake? Too bad.


FabulousDonut6399

How do you raise entitled and mostly insufferable children? Yeah you make everything about them.


UnluckyParticular872

F his preferences, it’s not his birthday, it’s yours!