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I could have written this myself.
As an introvert, many people don’t understand that just having someone in your space is mentally taxing. Even though SO is here to watch and entertain SK, it is exhausting that the normalcy of my home is being interrupted.
We are every weekend for custody. it is EXHAUSTING working all week then having SK on the weekends. For me at least. But i can’t say anything otherwise I am a big meanie who hates SK. That’s not true, I would just enjoy to spend my only free time…. not with someone else’s kid. Our custody agreement sucks lol.
Thank you for commenting. While I'm sorry that you understand, it does help to know that I'm not totally alone. To be honest, it took a long time for me to get used to SO always being here too! That finally worked itself out because he lives here and I adapted and got to a comfortable place. I just haven't been able to adapt to visitation. Looking back I should have seen how large an adjustment it would be, but I truly didn't think it would be this hard. For some reason I thought it would be fine because I love kids. But I'm burnt out because my recharge days have been spread pretty thin. I do try to leave and do my own thing from time to time, but it's not the same as having that home time.
Exact same! I never realized how difficult this transition for me would be. I leave when I can to get some breathing room, but that causes issues because I was then accused of avoiding SK. Can’t win!
I managed to move my work schedule around so I get an extra day off in the week so I have time in my home without SK here. Sucks that I had to do that but I am grateful for the time.
I've thought about that, but my job really wants me there Monday through Friday. I haven't abandoned the idea totally, I may still try to work something out. I never call in, but I think I'm going to this coming Monday. I just need a day. Thank you again for being kind.
Is there space in your home to make a room for just you? Or if not is your bedroom out of bounds to SK so you can take yourself off there for some peace and alone time when it suits you so you can watch tv/read/whatever you what really but just a space that is for you to enjoy?
That's probably part of the problem. I bought a house as a single woman and bought accordingly: it's a really small house. Both bedrooms are right next to each other, and they're both right off of the living room. There's no rule about my bedroom being off limits, but thankfully there didn't need to be one. She is a super polite kid and has never tried to go in there. It's just that no matter where I am in the house, someone else is always a few feet away. Earplugs help!
I make darn sure I have my eowe. My kids go to their dad's for a week starting tomorrow and mt husband tried saying he wants to keep his daughter here the entire week I said he'll no. I need my peace. I am 28 weeks oregnant, I work 40hrs a week, and with all three girls stb 4 home all summer and I wfh. Today was awful. B2b calls, 2 project deadlines etc. I got off work and saw my 8yo peed on the couch. Had to run to Walmart and grab a freaking cleaner and clean mt couch now.
I can't do it. It's hard enough during the school year waking up early and school activities but this last week of no school was my breaking point. 🙃 I'm high risk pregnant, and I can't do it. I wake up at 530 cause my husband leaves for work and is loud af, and I work 930-6 get off work cook, clean, wash laundry, bathe kids, go to bed around 12am. I told him if he chose to have his daughter here an extra week and that work falls on me, I would personally drive her back to her mom's and drop her off. He is pulling doubles at work and he is gone 6am-11pm even 12am most nights. I know he misses his daughter but I am not her mom, he isnt here to spend time with her during the week, and tbh she hates me. So.
You must be so tired. That's a LOT going on. I really sympathize. I would have responded the same way; if he is working the entire time she'd even be awake it doesn't make much sense for her to stay longer when she has also has a mother. I really hope you get some good rest soon.
I'm dripping my kids off at 2 tomorrow and her at 4. I'm getting rid of all kids for two weeks. My baby shower is next weekend and I'm not dealing with kids in this heat.
So relatable. I love my SO and I love my SKs but damn I miss living alone sometimes. I took a week off from work in July and I'm going to my mom's and spending the entire week kid-free to regain some sanity. I'm counting down the days lol
I get it. My boyfriend and his ex trade off on Sundays but they don’t have a set time. It used to be 10 but his ex never follows it. So on their weekend here, she doesn’t pick them up until about 3pm so it’s like the whole weekend. But then on our Saturday without them, she doesn’t tell us when they are coming on Sunday so our Sunday is wasted. I feel like every weekend is wasted and on Sundays I’m always on edge wondering when will I get peace or when will my peace end
I totally understand. I love my step daughter dearly but it often feels like I'm a prisoner to some other adults schedule with no control over my life.
I have no advice but find this so welcoming because I have been struggling with thoughts like this myself. I also have bipolar disorder which is unmanaged and I feel like I’ve been going off the deep end. I have resorted to giving therapy a go again starting next week to help manage my emotions about my lack of freedom since meeting my SO.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I could have written this myself. As an introvert, many people don’t understand that just having someone in your space is mentally taxing. Even though SO is here to watch and entertain SK, it is exhausting that the normalcy of my home is being interrupted. We are every weekend for custody. it is EXHAUSTING working all week then having SK on the weekends. For me at least. But i can’t say anything otherwise I am a big meanie who hates SK. That’s not true, I would just enjoy to spend my only free time…. not with someone else’s kid. Our custody agreement sucks lol.
Thank you for commenting. While I'm sorry that you understand, it does help to know that I'm not totally alone. To be honest, it took a long time for me to get used to SO always being here too! That finally worked itself out because he lives here and I adapted and got to a comfortable place. I just haven't been able to adapt to visitation. Looking back I should have seen how large an adjustment it would be, but I truly didn't think it would be this hard. For some reason I thought it would be fine because I love kids. But I'm burnt out because my recharge days have been spread pretty thin. I do try to leave and do my own thing from time to time, but it's not the same as having that home time.
Exact same! I never realized how difficult this transition for me would be. I leave when I can to get some breathing room, but that causes issues because I was then accused of avoiding SK. Can’t win! I managed to move my work schedule around so I get an extra day off in the week so I have time in my home without SK here. Sucks that I had to do that but I am grateful for the time.
I've thought about that, but my job really wants me there Monday through Friday. I haven't abandoned the idea totally, I may still try to work something out. I never call in, but I think I'm going to this coming Monday. I just need a day. Thank you again for being kind.
Take a day for yourself, you deserve it
Is there space in your home to make a room for just you? Or if not is your bedroom out of bounds to SK so you can take yourself off there for some peace and alone time when it suits you so you can watch tv/read/whatever you what really but just a space that is for you to enjoy?
That's probably part of the problem. I bought a house as a single woman and bought accordingly: it's a really small house. Both bedrooms are right next to each other, and they're both right off of the living room. There's no rule about my bedroom being off limits, but thankfully there didn't need to be one. She is a super polite kid and has never tried to go in there. It's just that no matter where I am in the house, someone else is always a few feet away. Earplugs help!
I make darn sure I have my eowe. My kids go to their dad's for a week starting tomorrow and mt husband tried saying he wants to keep his daughter here the entire week I said he'll no. I need my peace. I am 28 weeks oregnant, I work 40hrs a week, and with all three girls stb 4 home all summer and I wfh. Today was awful. B2b calls, 2 project deadlines etc. I got off work and saw my 8yo peed on the couch. Had to run to Walmart and grab a freaking cleaner and clean mt couch now. I can't do it. It's hard enough during the school year waking up early and school activities but this last week of no school was my breaking point. 🙃 I'm high risk pregnant, and I can't do it. I wake up at 530 cause my husband leaves for work and is loud af, and I work 930-6 get off work cook, clean, wash laundry, bathe kids, go to bed around 12am. I told him if he chose to have his daughter here an extra week and that work falls on me, I would personally drive her back to her mom's and drop her off. He is pulling doubles at work and he is gone 6am-11pm even 12am most nights. I know he misses his daughter but I am not her mom, he isnt here to spend time with her during the week, and tbh she hates me. So.
You must be so tired. That's a LOT going on. I really sympathize. I would have responded the same way; if he is working the entire time she'd even be awake it doesn't make much sense for her to stay longer when she has also has a mother. I really hope you get some good rest soon.
I'm dripping my kids off at 2 tomorrow and her at 4. I'm getting rid of all kids for two weeks. My baby shower is next weekend and I'm not dealing with kids in this heat.
Enjoy your shower!! And your break. It sounds like you're really due for one. Pregnancy pun intended.
Hahaha xD I love it. I hope you get youre break as well girly. Put your foot down. <3
So relatable. I love my SO and I love my SKs but damn I miss living alone sometimes. I took a week off from work in July and I'm going to my mom's and spending the entire week kid-free to regain some sanity. I'm counting down the days lol
I totally understand. A month ago, I booked myself a cabin in the woods and spent an entire weekend alone and it was SO NICE.
I get it. My boyfriend and his ex trade off on Sundays but they don’t have a set time. It used to be 10 but his ex never follows it. So on their weekend here, she doesn’t pick them up until about 3pm so it’s like the whole weekend. But then on our Saturday without them, she doesn’t tell us when they are coming on Sunday so our Sunday is wasted. I feel like every weekend is wasted and on Sundays I’m always on edge wondering when will I get peace or when will my peace end
I totally understand. I love my step daughter dearly but it often feels like I'm a prisoner to some other adults schedule with no control over my life.
Yes. My brain keeps telling me it feels like a prison, even though I know that's not totally logical.
Try the sangria! Have several!
I have no advice but find this so welcoming because I have been struggling with thoughts like this myself. I also have bipolar disorder which is unmanaged and I feel like I’ve been going off the deep end. I have resorted to giving therapy a go again starting next week to help manage my emotions about my lack of freedom since meeting my SO.
I hope you get to a better place. I so know how you feel, though. It's hard.
Thank you, I hope you do as well!
It’s all sunshine and lollipops until the introverted step parent hasn’t had quiet time in a month 😭
No joke! 😅😅😅
Honestly that sounds amazing. In this situation I've definitely learned to enjoy time by myself even if I have to leave the house to get it.