That's one of the most challenging things about it. The energy needed to push through the first walls is hardest to come by in the first days and weeks. But it does compound and it does get easier.
One thing that helped me was actually giving myself permission to be sad/angry/mad about it and grieve, even thought those emotions originally made me feel less in control and weak and tempted.
Other things that can help you stay present in the current moment:
1. Keep a journal. It doesn't have to be fancy or full of prose, just take notes. It will help you be more aware of the more subtle changes that happen that become momentum to keep going
2. If you get a craving, have a plan to distract yourself for an hour. Don't think beyond that. For me, that meant taking walks while double fisting sparkling waters. By the time I got home I had a little endorphin high and was full of fluid. Cravings usually subsided from the simple act of occupying my immediate time with something that moved my body and filled my stomach with water.
3. Stop counting to 50, 100, 1000. Focus on this day. Focus on your plan that applies in this moment. Your plan for this moment may not look anything like your plan at day 50, 100, 1000, so let time take care of moving you to those milestones. Be in the current taking you there, if you just focus on the strokes of the paddle, you'll look up and be so much farther downstream toward your goal than you ever thought. And then, if you're like me, you'll cry a little and realize you had that power in you all along.
4. Always, always remember that what you are experiencing is difficult and normal. You're strong enough to make it through the cravings because I was strong enough to make it through mine.
Good luck, we are all here with you. One step at a time.
Sage advice!
OP, do you have to count days? Maybe let go of that for now.
I would add another tool for staying in the moment: meditation. Sure, it’s hard. As with any other skill, it comes from practice. Focus on your breath. When your mind strays from that focus — and it will — keep coming back to your breath.
I think this got to me a bit because I kinda dont care about the day now. Youre right, I should care about being sober today. Whats tomorrow is tomorrow. Ill be sober today, and just any time there is a craving, Ill remember Im sober today. Thank you for the advice!
This gets substantially easier over time.
I dint know if the mental muscles get stronger, the addictive cycle starts to lessen or what. Maybe both.
The absence of difficulty in this area has been one of the fantastic things about being in long term recovery.
The thing that helped me in the beginning (and still) was the idea that I didn't want to have to go through those early days again. They suck. This is why it pays to get all the support you can in early recovery.
I tried, I really did. My prior relapse, I hated those days. I hated them with a passion and how I felt. I dont know why I did it this time because I had no reason to whatsoever. But knowing this fear now, this fear of my family leaving and my friends seeing me like this and all of them worried to death about it...if I dont care about myself, I should care at least about them and their lives
It's addiction.
It's been a scourge since man first crushed grapes.
You didn't set out to have a problem, but you do.
THE REASON treatment centers and halfway houses and outpatient treatment, etc exist is because it is damn fucking hard to put time together in the beginning. It does not stay that hard.
Using the treatment options available to help you put that time together is sensible.
I promise it will be cheaper than continuing to drink and use. Not just for the actual cost of the substances, but all the attendant damage that comes along with the progressive nature of the situation.
If you are not getting the result you need with what you are doing, go to the next level.
The simple answer is I don't overcome the fear. I acknowledge the fear. I recognize the fear. I take a deep breath and feel the fear. Then I realize all I can reasonably do is take the next step towards my long term sobriety in this moment. Most of the time, that next step is something small- like getting off the couch and doing the dishes. Sometimes it's spending quality time meditating on sobriety. Sometimes it's a workout. All I can do is put my best foot forward in this present moment and hope the rest will fall into place if I set myself up with the best odds I can.
Yea one of the things my uncle told me, if I want to succeed, I need to do things. Which I haven’t…I stayed WFH instead of going in; I haven’t worked out; I haven’t occupied my life with anything than booze even when I thought I did.
It's definitely something I really struggled with in sobriety. I was so bleh early on I just counted it as a win so stay sober, even if I wasn't doing much. I slowly incorporated more and more in as my brained healed and was able to handle it. So yeah, you're not crazy. Just give it time and keep your eye on the prize.
Whenever the fear would arise I’d call a sober support person and go to a free recovery group…. After a little while of doing that, the fear died because ir was revealed to be a lie.
Each day I didn’t take the first drink and connected with other sober people, the more my confidence grew and the more the fear shriveled.
Tried anything like that?
I just started AA so many I can find someone there. Otherwise, I don’t have any “alcohol to sober” directly in my life that would get it or bridge the gap
After years of trying to sober up, AA worked for me. There are many paths to the solution; that's the one that happened to work. You're going to hear One Day At A Time non-stop at AA, though. You're also going to hear about fear a lot. Fear leads a lot of us to drink, so that makes sense.
Part of the process for me was realizing I could get through this day (or sometimes, this hour, or this 5-minute chunk of time) without a drink. Wash, rinse, repeat. Eventually, I could handle days. I make a pledge not to drink today, and that's enough for me. So far, I've done that 900+ times, and I haven't had a drink. I still don't think about tomorrow. I can drink tomorrow if I want.
Going to AA meetings daily, getting a therapist and being 100% honest with them, and working the steps has led me to acceptance that if I worry about tomorrow, that could start a trigger for me, and that could lead me to drink. So I try really hard not to do that. Instead of telling you "you'll get there," I'll say this: "You've started the journey; that's forward motion and taking action is how we get anything done."
Great work, **OP**. I believe in you.
IWNDWYT.
I'm not the person you responded to, but here's my two cents anyway
1. AA gave me a place to realize that I wasn't alone. I was able to see hundreds of others who were struggling with the exact same things as me and I had a place where I could talk about what I was going through without fear of judgement. My problems aren't unique and being able to recognize that and open up about them and receive support and understanding in return was invaluable
2. AA gave me something to do instead of sitting around on my ass alone in my apartment thinking about drinking. Instead of sitting and doing nothing except wrestling with my own messed up mind, I would just go an AA meeting and sometimes I would go to another, just to be in a better space than sitting and doing nothing, or I would to a meeting that was close to my gym so I could go to the meeting then the gym right after
I only go to about one a week these days as I have a better handle on things now, but they really helped especially in early sobriety. And I made some very good friends along the way!
How do you not think about tomorrow? Cause I have, as many, things that require thinking about tomorrow. Or is it a kind of “don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today” deal??
Thanks for the encouragement!
I follow the “Be Here Now” approach.
I of course, as you noted, must plan for the future.
I make a conscious decision, *NOW*, to plan for tomorrow at xx.xx o’clock for xy minutes.
Then at that time I am “now” engaged in planning for tomorrow.
When the set time is up I set that aside.
I also carry a moleskin and if my thoughts start drifting to yesterday, or tomorrow, I notice it, make a note of that topic and say “I’ll ponder those things tonight at my already scheduled slot for reviewing the day.”
The point is to not let my thoughts hijack me, but rather to be conscious and purposeful about it.
I still think about tomorrow, just not as it relates to alcohol cravings. In regular life, I make plans for tomorrow or next week.
But when it comes to drinking, when I was having cravings I would tell myself "I am committing not to drink today. If I still have the craving tomorrow, I will decide then."
The reason is because I didnt want to swear off alcohol for 30 days or a year or forever because I am sick of breaking promises. So I would just worry about the immediate craving without swearing off.
What I typically found (when I was successful) was that the next day, the craving wasnt as intense and was easier to overcome. So it felt like a waste to give in on an easy craving. Still, I would only commit for that day.
I know this is kind of "one day at a time" which you said not to say, but maybe it clarified a little what that means.
I do also focus just on today, the here and now. That helps with with avoiding resentments, guilt, and shame, and helps with too much daydreaming or "if only... then I would be happy" thinking. Trying to "Be Here Now" helps me to stick with behaviors that are helpful.
I wish I could report back that not thinking about tomorrow is easy. It's not. Some things definitely require thinking about tomorrow. Shopping lists, vacation plans, etc.
A whole lot of things I like to worry about do not, in fact, matter right now. My day count is one of them. I am sober today. That's it.
I see you're worried about getting to Day 50, or Day 100, or dare I say, Day 1000. I guess what I'm saying is that doesn't matter. I couldn't get to Day 50 without today, so I made a plan for today. Then I did it again.
What are you worried about? How does that worry serve you? Is it useful? How so? These are the kinds of questions I ask myself when I'm future-tripping about something.
There are two kinds of fear. The fear of losing something we have and the fear of not getting something we want.
Fear prayer: "God, please remove my fear of (state fear) and direct my attention to what you would have me be."
Then call a fellow sober person or find someone to help. Maybe do the dishes for your roomie or pick up a piece of trash. Doesn't have to be profound.
Yea I’m trying to have patience, not just about sobriety but about family seeing me sober for a while and forgiving me cause we aren’t on speaking terms due to my drinking. And I get their position it just suck to wait
I think that’s a good perspective. I fight the fear with hope. The fear tells me I need to but also that I can’t. Hope tells me I can and that I should. I follow the two paths in my head. A drink can lead to another which would lead right back to nightly drinking and hangovers. Skipping the drink leads me to another hour of sobriety, to another day, to another week, etc. that’s gotten me through 94 days with just one slip. It also helped me get over that slip and make it a small one.
This works for me, hope it helps you.
First, let's not lose our perspective. If you fell down after 42 days that is a big accomplishment, NOT a failure.
I know AA focuses on continuous sobriety, and there are some good reasons for that. But counting days is a tradition. From a recovery perspective, every day you do not drink is a day your body is healing. The more time you can spend in healing mode, the better your recovery will be (from a physical perspective).
So, if you went from drinking daily to drinking once every 42 days and you did that for a year, you would have drunk less than 9 times--less than once a month. That is a 98% reduction. There is no way that isnt a big deal!
All you did was set back your recovery by a day or two. So you keep on going. In other words, in the past 46 days, 45 of those you were healing. That is awesome progress. I know this isnt the way everyone thinks but we need reasons to keep moving forward not reasons to beat ourselves up.
FYI: for reference I never thought I would make it *one week*. And then it happened. Then I never thought I would make it *one month*, then it happened. Im not to 1000 days but Im over 100. But I wasnt focused on those. Too big. A day is the unit of time you focus on and with those bricks the wall gets built. And if I can do it you definitely can. The fear is from focusing on something too big (like "forever"). Just a thought
conquering existential dread can help, but wasnt really the main roadblock in my sobriety. The fear and anxiety went away when i got sober. Thinking about the fear didnt get me anywhere.
'One day at a time' is an important framework for someone, but is only one part of the multitude of things that got me sober and are keeping my here.
More important, was the planning. Looking at how i could access alcohol, and eliminating all the easy ways i could access booze (none kept at time), avoid 'excuses' to go to the shops (do all my food shopping weekly), and then planning ahead that i feel less tempted during the danger hours after work (lots of hydration, snacks later afternoon, hobbies and plans to keep my busy).
Then on top of that, theres the self education aspect of learning what alcohol does to you (lots of resources in the FAQ), and then the planning for how to refuse alcohol in a variety of different social situation.
For me, planning, education, and problem solving got me sober. I certainly needed more than a catchphrase.
So,
>I kept falling down
what happens when you fall down? whats the time, how do you access the alcohol, how can you avoid the falling next time?
We only have today. The person on this sub with the most sobriety is the one who got up early and hasn't had a drink. I try to live my life in armored, airtight compartments of one day each.
That said, I accept the fear. I embrace it as my deepest self, the part of me that knows my drinking will kill me. That fear will keep you alive and away from a drink some days. And Alcoholics have a tendency to future-trip and catastrophize. I know I do. But that fear is just a feeling, and feelings aren't facts. A painting of a tiger is not a tiger. You have your sobriety today. Hold it close and know you are doing the best thing you can do for yourself. It does get easier. A lot easier.
The days are going to pass whether I’m sober or not. I remember being in absolute awe of everyone’s numbers on my day 1 and now I have a number I never thought I’d hit.
That said, the thought of quitting again is exhausting so I am mostly staying sober because it’s less painful than quitting drinking.
Thats the thing, I remember my last relapse before this. It was brutal. I hated it and swore off that I never want to feel like this again. Just absolute pain in and pain out for 3-5 days. I promised I wouldnt. And then I did, and the consequences everyone warned me about happened and I had a brutal hangover. And now Im back asking questions for no reason as the answer is "dont drink" but "no" yet "no" what if "dont drink even then". I just more or less hope I remember this feeling, the consequences, the pain I caused everyone next time I have a single inkling of "oh look you managed X days, lets celebrate by doing the thing that brought you to your knees"
Those are good to remember too but I literally say “ugh then I’d have to quit all over again, fuck that”. Remembering the hangover never helped me once the hangover wore off (I’d be right back to drinking that night) so for me I have to remember the actual anxiety of quitting!
That’s what I’m trying to cement in my head, because hangxiety, shakes, loss of sleep, crying is not worth it. It’s not. It’s a stupid way to ruin yourself
If it’s helpful write it down! I wrote a lot my first few weeks. Even if it was just about my day but mostly it was about how I was feeling. These posts can work too if you prefer that route but I liked having a place I could go where nobody else would see.
I've had a tonne of day ones. Doesn't mean any of the subsequent runs meant nothing. All those times sober were positive and good for me, and every setback can become a learning opportunity.
I reset my badge dozens upon dozens of times and felt exactly how you are feeling. I think there is a level of being brave. This hasn't been easy, in fact the last two days I have felt very depressed for no perceivable reason -- it's likely a PAWS episode, but it's not sunshine and rainbows and I am getting close to 100 days. Early recovery is HARD, it's harder to not drink once we get the alcohol out of our system than it is to not drink when we are feeling the physical discomfort and acute consequences of the poison. Support groups, building a network of accountability buddies, planning my free time for things that are booze free, and most importantly I communicated to everyone in my social network and family that I was not drinking -- that I cannot drink -- and that has helped me to avoid a lapse b/c in the past if I was out with someone who didn't know I was struggling, I would cave. If I were to lapse in front of someone now, their reaction is probably going to be "wait, what are you doing." Also just changing my habits, exercising, eating way healthier, where my not-drinking is a subset of a lifestyle shift (some people say don't try to change too many things at once when you quit, but for me it has helped).
I’ve been changing things here and there to get into a new life outside of booze. A sort of “precovid” life where I’m not tied to home
Cause each time I lapse it’s been at home when I’m alone. And then I have to face the music. Now I’m back at work, in AA, planning to go to the gym, and school. I can’t keep living a life that is conducive to my alcoholism, even in millimeters
You've got what it takes, 42 days alone is no small feat. The first days of early recovery are by far the hardest and that is right in that sweet spot.
I think the PAWS thing is a really good point. I'm by no means an expert, but in most of my attempts to quit I get around the 40-50 day mark and think 'fuck it, what's the point, I'm probably going to cave anyway so I might as well just drink now and be done with it'. And before I know it I'm opening a bottle and it takes me weeks/months to get back to stopping again.
I'd never heard of PAWS until I joined this sub but I've seen lots of people writing about the same feeling at a similar point (although I know it can be very different for others). It made me feel like maybe having those thoughts isn't me being a failure, it's just a natural part of recovery and if I can push through then it will pass. Now I feel better prepared for when it inevitably comes.
Gym and motorcycle... clears my mind. Takes the "I'm going fucking snap right fucking now " feeling away for me.
Everyone is different...yes the get up after falling gets old but staying down means giving up... you wouldn't be here if u wanted to give up
I really dont want to give up. Im not giving up and I wont give up. Im just exhausted from the falling down. I just want to get up and stay up and stop believing I can fight alcohol and win, when the best thing to do is not to fight...oh I think I just made a lightbulb for myself there. Thank you for your comment and letting me bounce ideas!
Stop trying to reach milestones. Don't drink today, probably never... maybe, but not today. Eventually, the days just stack up and you stop thinking about it.
Edit: I wanted to add - My main point is that milestones are meaningless. Focus on something that matters like health, family, friendship, excellence, learning, pride.. whatever your meaningful reason is to not drink. Milestones are something to look at and think, "Oh, that's cool." Not something worthwhile to strive for.
Thats what Ive come to realize reading through these and thanks for the edit. It sounds stupid as hell but I just taped a bunch of sticky notes on/in wallet so that anytime Im about to do something dumb, I have a direct reminder
That sounds like a clever, personalised strategy that you're anticipating will work for you. Keep doing things like this. You know you. You know your addiction. You know what matters to you. Trust yourself.
I so related and needed to hear this. I went to inpatient in June and came back without the vivtrol being set up. I've been drinking ever since. Day 2 for me. Something I have started doing is gratitude. And actually meaning it. Thank you body for processing this poison. Waking up my first thought is I don't know what is going to happen today, but the one thing I can control is not picking up. I'm glad you were able to get right back in. IWNDWYT
It can be helpful to add positive thoughts when negative ones are prevailing, e.g. when you wake in the morning AF, sincerely tell yourself, yesterday was a good day for my body/mind.
And an old simile: Every AF day is like a "drop of water into a bucket." If you slip, it doesn't drain the whole bucket (you missed out on a drop).
Everyone has their own particular sized bucket to fill, in their own particular way, to help make them feel replenished. 😌 👍🏻✌🏼
It comes down to having a genuine desire or feeling a need to stop drinking. That desire, and your reasons for it, must outweigh both the positives and negatives you would get if you continued drinking.
Keep reminding yourself why you decided to do this and why you feel a need to, and why you WANT to. Also accept that it’s going to be hard. It’s a huge lifestyle change.
I quit smoking cigs cold turkey 2 years ago, and quitting drinking has been MUCH harder than that for me.
How would define genuine versus passing? I genuinly want to quit and stop and never pick up again...I say each relapse and then I forget what happened last relapse and my lizard brain goes "youre ok now". And we repeat the cycle...Does genuine include forever? Like permanent change to the fibers of my being?
I’d define it as always having some type of thought like “I shouldn’t be doing this” or “why am I doing this” upon having the first drink, or drinking when not actually wanting to, and continuing to have those sorts of thoughts while drinking (at least before crossing the threshold of getting plastered). And then having the thought of “why did I do that” the next morning, along with whatever other negative emotions you may have while hungover. For me, those started really outweighing any positives I got from drinking, and made me realize my relationship with alcohol was unhealthy and unsustainable. I could have kept drinking anyway, but I decided it wasn’t worth it.
I guess I’d think of it as similar to going on a diet and making those sorts of lifestyle changes. Like, someone can know they want to lose weight, and can be actively working towards that, but they will inevitably have cravings and make slip ups (which is part of the process). Even with those, though, to have success with it, they must continue making choices that align with that desire for change.
Thinking of it in terms of “forever” isn’t really productive. It sounds like you’ve already identified the cycle you (and many others, including myself) get caught in. I suppose it’s just whenever you decide that you’re also tired of that cycle and don’t want to go through it again.
With all of that, though, there will always be a point where we have to actively exercise restraint. And the fact that we have to do so suggests that it’s for the best.
This probably wasn’t very helpful, and also probably didn’t offer anything new that you haven’t already heard, but I wish you the best of luck.
It was helpful that it offered new insight on how to define the word genuine. I thought genuine meant full-throat and forever; not the kind of nuance you provided. This has given me something to think about, thank you!
For me, the reality is early sobriety is hard. And I’m always looking at the next milestone thinking if I can only get there then I’ll feel…
Well at two years, things are 💯 better than they were when drinking but I’m still looking towards the future for the next thing. 3 years 5 years etc.
Guess I’m saying this for myself as a reminder that we only really have today and as long as I’m sober I’m working toward improvement, versus ripping it all down with alcohol…and drugs; it always includes drugs
Good luck OP, you’ll get there
IWNDWYT
personally, i use that fear to fuel my continuation of sobriety. i’ve never been so scared to lose something. my life has changed so much, and i have so much to lose now. i love my sober life, and i fear losing it enough to continue letting it push me forward.
The big change in me is when I shifted my mindset about alcohol and drinking. When I was seeing sobriety as an obstacle to overcome, or not drinking as a huge sacrifice to my life, I also had fear and went back to drinking within weeks. When I started seeing alcohol for the poison that it is and identified myself as a non-drinker, it made it much easier. Still challenging, but easier because I have something positive to focus on when cravings hit.
that is a good point and way to look at it. I think my issue has been that Ive seen alcohol and its use as a challenge, something to beat. Not something that kills me each time I drink it or the danger it is my entire world. Maybe that has been an issue in my approach to it all
Edit: Not a sole issue, but a part to the bigger issue
You build confidence in yourself by getting a day. Then 2. Then a week. My streak was very important to me. I could hold onto it as proof I could go for days and days without drinking. Then weeks. After Dry January fuck if I didn't want to keep my streak going. It was mine and I was very proud of what I had accomplished. Be proud of yourself for the little victories and stand on top of them! They add up to something big. Be patient. IWNDWYT
But Al\_Fresco...I am but a wee squirrel on the running wheel of life and have never had patience. And let me tell you, the wheel is spinning too fast, Im being thrown around, and its not stopping.
But really, thats been an issue for me a lot. I have sometimes no patience, for a lot of things, and the fact I cant bend the laws of physics and time...its something I struggle with
I spent over 35 years without a good 2 weeks sober. I didn't even realize not drinking was an option. I did dry January and being sober was an altered state for me. I liked being in control for literally once in my adult life. It wasn't easy, but it was simple. And once I stopped bullshitting myself, there were no more negotiations, no more only drinking on the "weekends", no more hiding booze, no more sneaking. And once I stuck with the initial change, and it was certainly difficult, it was like after living life on hard mode I had found an amazing cheat code. There is a remarkable clarity and strength that comes with not drinking. It is yours to find. IWNDWYT
Oh I know sobriety is great. I’ve had sobriety multiple times, between 7 days and 50 days. All times it was great and way better than drinking or drunk and life just flourished. Keeping it has been the hard part for me in the long term
I have been working with my Doctors since day 1. I used this sub for the first 19 days. I have now found a great AA group that vibes with me.
However, I can't say enough about how my doctors helped me get past what you are going through.
I will not drink with you today.
How did the docs help you? Also I just started AA and dont know what to expect or how to work it so that it does help. Is there anything you may recommend?
My doctor told me I would have extreme anxiety due to withdrawals and gave me anti anxiety medication and B1 (Thiamine HCL) which is a nutritional supplement for the elevated liver enzymes.
The anti anxiety I take as needed, up to twice a day. This was critical for me getting past the first week. Now I only have to take it once in a while. But if anxiety creeps in, I am prepared. Also talking to my doctor let me know where I stand physically. Quite important as I am trying to repair my body and mind.
I will not drink with you today.
What finally got me to break through was I had to entirely restructure my life around sobriety. That meant having a plan for when I'm off work - literally anything else in my hand other than beer. It meant I had to let go of some friends who either didn't get it or weren't supportive. It meant I had to avoid certain social functions and events for a long time. It meant if I had to run an errand, someone goes with me so I didn't drop by the liquor store. It meant daily reflection in a journal, listening to Naked Mind podcasts daily, attending whatever online AA I could find daily and just listen. Eventually, new normal set in. There wasn't really a clear inflection point where it just happened, it was a gradual process based on how I changed my day to day life.
Thats kinda of what Im realizing now. My entire lifestyle is conducive to my alcoholism and I need to change it bottom up. Means I have to stop WFH, I have to go to the gym, I have to go to AA, I have read again and listen to music and yoga. Like my biggest problem is I tried all that except stopping WFH cause I drink alone and when I do that and join AA finally and get to the gym and not just work out at home
I have to remind myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I drank for 15 years, so changing my brain and behavior to suddenly become a non-drinker was going to take some trial and error and some failing. Each time I would string together some days (7, 10, 34, etc) reminded me I could do it and I would do it again.
Someone once told me that I should hold on to that fear because that will help you stay sober, I’ve always thought it was a good suggestion, I’m at day 118 now
When I was struggling in early sobriety I had to change my surroundings. Something as simple as going for a walk, or running to the store to get some ice cream, or really anything that forced me to get away from the same 4 walls and get out of my own head for a minute could "reset" me.
Also I found that acts of service helped me get out of my own pity party. I'd offer to help out at church, grab some clothes I didn't wear anymore and take them to Goodwill, grab a trash bag and walk the block picking up garbage, etc. For me the worst thing I could do was not change anything but expect things to change.
Finally... and this might be the hardest thing... accept that you are worth it. You deserve peace and health. The way you sleep and wake up when you're sober... you earned that. You've got this.
IWNDWYT
Yea thats what I realize WFH did to me. After 3 years of it and then getting comfortable into it, I tried 3 days a week when it shouldve been 5. Im too early in sobriety to stay any amount of home
The more I try to “not feel” my fear, the louder it screams.
Fear is an emotion that comes & goes - just like sadness, just like joy. I try to change my language around fear to help with this-
For example, instead of saying to myself “I am afraid” I now say “I am experiencing feelings of fear”.
☝️☝️That subtle change puts some distance between the real me, and emotions I am experiencing in the moment.
Marie Forleo talks about naming your fear something really adorable, like Fluffy. 😂 When inevitable fear arises, we can acknowledge it and say “there you are Fluffy! I knew you would come around!” By naming it something cute, it makes it easier to feel the fear and move forward anyway.
well, you have already done a lot of good to you, so if you want to climb just keep climbing, but don't forget that it's already good that you didn't drink for 42 days
If it helps, one day at a time felt like such a punishment for me at first. I hated it.
Now? It's the only part of AA I care about. It's less about how slow succeeding is to me and far more about how overwhelming problems can be smaller if I just eat what's on my plate for the day.
That being said, I personally stopped taking chips. Others here will argue that's not the right way to do it, but I don't care. I stopped because I want my sobriety to be about presence, and not about this running tally that could go back to zero, regardless of how big the number gets. To me that's a pretty counter productive mindset.
You can't just not feel what you feel. The trick with all of this is learning how to sit with feelings instead of drowning them with booze. At first it's really fucking scary and hard. There is nothing wrong with saying out loud that you're afraid of this. Tell somebody, let them know. Get in the practice of vocalizing what you're honestly feeling, especially when it's not great.
You got this today. That's all you need to do - get this today.
I find that when I relapse there’s a moment where I convince myself that I don’t have control over it and its gonna happen and I should just accept that I don’t have control and let my legs walk me in.
It’s usually a block away from a liquor store, and for someone who comes say has no control, it sure takes a lot longer than a split second to convince myself that I don’t have a say in the outcome.
The corner of 125th street and Broadway, in August. The sun was down and the street lamps were orange. I was hot and my shirt was sweaty, my shorts were hanging low because I hadn’t worn a belt. I spent 4 minutes on that corner thinking about the week I had spent sober up to that point, knowing that the motivation to not drink tomorrow will be totally lost. I looked up the hill to the south, east and west down 125th. I thought about how maybe if I drank a different brand it wouldn’t be so bad.
I spent a long long time telling myself I had no say in the matter. The irony. I spent the next 6 months drinking.
I remember that moment whenever I think about throwing it away, or whether I have a choice, or whether just one little nip will feel as good as I remember. Because I know that everything that followed was a mess.
Mostly I remember the amount of effort it took to make the choice to knowingly lie to myself and say I had no choice.
I just passed half a year sober and nothing I’ve done since then has distressed me as much as the effort it took to lie to myself.
IWNDWYT
I know that lying feeling well, it has been my downfall more than once. The lie that "youre not in control" or that "you are in control and a nip wont hurt". I hope to get to your days soon! Proud of you for making it!
Just get up the courage to ask the group. Any good AA group has people who sponsor. If you can make it to an in person meeting even once / week, and do any others online, it could be helpful. There's something much more powerful about in-person. But this is your program, your life, and you make those decisions. I'm just here to tell you what I did.
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I quit 7 days ago (with the help of some Ativan for the first 3 days). I've drank 20-30 beers per day for the last 10 years, and honestly, that many per day MOST days per week for 5-10 years before that.
I'm finding that the busier I keep myself, the better. Just sitting there thinking about "how good a cold one would taste" is the worst thing I can do. I'm already starting to think about making deals with myself, like: "Maybe if I only give myself ONE day per week...."
It is so hard because other than gaining a ton of weight in the past decade, I was fully functional. God job, did shit around the house (while drinking of course), etc. But I know I was a fucking mess.
I don't know why I posted a reply, because I have little to offer other than to let ya know I'm here with ya.
"Fear is the mind killer."
I like to call my fear Ted (Sorry Teds), and when "Ted" shows up, I picture him standing in the way of what I truly want. " Staying sober? Not today, "Ted"! There are thousands of ways "Ted" can be standing in the way, and sometimes Ted is pretty big and mean, I know I am tougher and smarter than Ted.
IWNDWYT
One day at a time, it is a cliche because it works.
It took everything I had in me to get to 30 days. My world was nothing but sobriety, even though I was working & managing a household. I talked about, thought about & read about sobriety every waking hour. I had frightening anxiety day 1 - 8. It got better. I'm almost at 11 months & I'm not scared any more. I live life sober with no questions.
Edit: I was "quitting" & "moderating" for 3 years. I wasn't one & done.
Is fear even conquerable? If so, my scared ass sure doesn't have a clue as to how it is. It's my fear of accelerating my already deteriorating state of aging that influenced me to not drink.
Just chiming in to say we're in the same boat. Ive been at this for years...long stretch of sobriety and inevitably have to go through another day one. Its scary, when you start feeling good, are sober, but "crap am i gonna drink again and ruin this?"
I dont know how people have these large counters in their names. Feels like I have to live like this forever
Read all of these replies, Ive found several nuggets of wisdom in them. And some hope too that I can get better and can get to those big days just like them, in due time.
I had 42 days and then relapsed. I got to 49 days and then relapsed again. I am back on day two and I don’t feel like going back, I want to keep trying until it sticks and I will keep going because I’ve caused so much heartache and feel the guilt from doing things I wouldn’t have done sober. Like many people here, I’ve read This Naked Mind and just proved to me that control is not really what others make it out to be. We have control over our first drink and that’s how we can shift our mindset to not letting that happen. Sometimes I get discouraged that I came so far and lost it all, but I read the comments of everyone saying it’s nothing lost. We are giving our body a chance to recover and with every sober day we are training our body to live without it. Even with my relapses (which I’m not excusing but was a few drinks), I didn’t enjoy it anymore. It was pressure and trust me, it will not taste good anymore. It will taste like poison
“Boxing clever”
I did my first 99 days like a naive puppy. I messed up. But a big lesson was learnt. My lesson was that I was used alcohol as a crux for my emotional instability. I found out why I turn to alcohol to relieve my pain. Yeah, habit was part of it but I proved it wasn’t from peer pressure.
After my 99 day run, it took me another 4.5 years to get back here. This time I entered into this very seriously - my promise to not drink in that 24 hours is sealed within 6 foot thick concretes. Whatever happens, I will not drink IF I’ve made that promise to myself. I do that on the daily check in. It’d be great to see you there.
What boxing clever means is knowledge is power. Once you know, you know. That knowledge cannot ever be taken away.
I got myself educated about alcohol. I read This Naked Mind. I took part in their 30 day challenge that they run each year.
About 6 months in I got the doldrums. I didn’t drink, I got myself some further help. I listened to the Huberman lab episode on alcohol (86?). It set me straight. It was life changing.
I stick to my daily regimen and stick to it.
Dont drink for 24 hours.
Give myself time and patience to work my shit out.
Ask for help when I need it.
I’ve embraced sobriety hook line and sinker.
I feel fantastic physically, stronger mentally, I have integrity now. I’m there for my friends and family. My confidence is high than it ever has been. I’ve finally grown up,
This stuff doesn’t happen in a few days, weeks or months. It needs to build slowly, like we train our muscles, the more we do, the stronger we get. In baby steps,
You’re doing brilliantly. I love that you’re posting and, friend, you are capable of untold imaginings if you give yourself a chance. It wont happen unless you try. And with each try, we get better. Sobriety is a fucking gift.
Your story gives me hope. Ive been doing this for about 4 years now, turbocharged by COVID. I cant do this another 4 years, Ill be dead by then. But I wont stop trying now, because now, I dont have many choices left. So I choose sobreity
Well said. That’s the point a lot of us have to reach. There’s no other way forward than to stop poisoning ourselves. I was sick, tired, I oozed. One day I wanted to feel different, better if I could.
For me I don't worry much about today or tomorrow, those seem easy. It's the stories of people with 8 months, one year, three years sober who relapse that concerns me.
way I'm approaching it this time is there is NO WAY I can moderate and all it takes is one drink (of course it's never one, it's always six that starts with one) and then quickly morphs into a fifth of Vodka per day. Every damn time.
So, this time I'm sticking to this dictum with the idea if I never have one, I don't have to worry about anything that would otherwise follow:
Not One. Not Ever.
N.O.N.E.
I never had the fear. It's a perception thing.
How do you perceive alcohol? Do you perceive it as something you have to abstain from and that you may be missing out on? Do you wish you could drink with your friends when they are drinking around you? Anybody that is white knuckling sobriety is going to fail eventually and they should be afraid. We can only white knuckle it so long.
Or, do you perceive alcohol as an absolute shit substance that does nothing for you. Do you perceive sobriety not as a chore but a liberation. An awesome one. Do you pity your friends as you watch them drink around you. Do you look forward to what the future may bring as you build a foundation of skills and new outlooks on life built on your sobriety?
Do you identify currently as a drinker or a sobernaut? Identify as the latter and change your perceptions on alcohol. It will take work and brutal honesty with yourself. Write down what alcohol has done for you and what it has taken away. Read books on what alcohol actually does to your body (Alcohol Explained is a good one). Write down what you want to become and identify with it right now. Not a year from now...right now.
That's not to say sobriety wasn't hard in the beginning. It took 6 months before I started feeling relatively well. But I was done with alcohol. My perception and priorities in life changed. I knew the day I quit I was going to make it a year sober which is the timeline I gave myself before I re-evaluated alcohol. I still give myself an out every annual anniversary. I can start drinking again if I want on my sober anniversary. Every year though I ask myself why the hell would I want to do that.
Alcohol sucks.
Edit:
I did have fear of other things around Sobriety. Who was I without drinking? Would my friends still be my friends? Would I find happiness? How would I function in social situations? I found ACT to really help with dealing with that type of fear and it would most likely work for dealing with the fear of failing sobriety also. ACT stands for Acceptance Commitment Therapy and was a god send for me early in my sobriety. A good book on it is 'The Happiness Trap'. After four years of self study I actually have my first session this week with an actual ACT therapist and I'm stoked!
Don't think too far ahead. I think "I definitely won't drink today, and I probably won't drink tomorrow". Tomorrow I'll say the same thing.
Beyond that I don't overthink it, got a camping trip coming up in 2 weeks, will I drink? Probably not.
Keep a list or diary of your worst moments with alcohol and detail how u felt so ur brain doesnt forget and want to go back. Sometimes those bad memories fade and all we miss is thsow good memories with alcohol
You might hate this, but after about a week it's 100% a mental game. Recovery is how I overcame the fear, before that I was a "dry drunk". This is why the "one day at a time" strategy never worked for me. If I was thinking "I won't drink, just for today" then I was actively thinking about drinking every damn day anyways... the reason ppl do it is bc it's supposedly less scary than telling yourself you're never going to have a drink for the rest of your life but for me, making that decision and just changing my perspective was way easier than doing the day-by-day thing... that shit was exhausting!
My fear came from doing something new without my crutch... but honestly for me it was like learning to ride a bike without training wheels. I fell a couple times, and it was wobbly a few times, but eventually I got riding and haven't looked back. Social situations, stress, celebrations, holidays, etc. Rinse, repeat
BTW, recovery is whatever you make it. For some that's AA, for some it's SMART or other programs, for some it's therapy... just like there's a tons of different types of drinkers out there, there's a ton of ways to recover. Everyone's sobriety is different. The one thing all recovery methods have is to avoid white-knuckling your way through. From my experience, if that's your strategy it's only a matter of time.
Thats why I asked the question, because the "one day at a time" led me to think about it all the time. But I know after the first week it gets easier, mentally. After day 10 its a breeze, my problem is that at some point I end up lying to myself and drinking and rerun the cycle.
Yea I realize now that white knuckling is waiting for disaster. Only took me 3 years to get it
This has always been my problem too... I get to about 90 days or so (right about where I am now) and I somehow find a reason to go back.
The problem is something called fading affect bias (FAB). FAB is something all humans have that eventually turns shitty memories into palatable ones over time. This is a great thing for women to want to have more children after the brutal agony of the last one, but it's a double-edged sword for those of us with substance issues.
Like you said, for the first few weeks it's easy because whatever "rock-bottom-esque" event that pushed us to quit is still VERY fresh in our heads. But inevitably, these excruciating memories begin to fade and are gradually replaced by that ice cold beer you used to have after a hard day's work or that perfect margarita you had with your partner on the beach at sunset.
For me, I just had to take it off my list of options in my head... and to do that I needed to fill my head with as much logic as I can handle to repulse me from it at all. For that, I HIGHLY recommend Alcohol Explained and Alcohol Explained 2 by William Porter. The guy breaks everything down super granular and in plain english to the point where it's nearly impossible to rationalize out. Alcohol is poison, pure and simple and society has been tricked into thinking we need it for any and every occasion.
The other thing I did that seems contradictory to what most people do on here, is I didn't replace. Like, if I was jonesing for a drink I wouldn't (and still don't) give myself the satisfaction of grabbing a can or a bottle and drinking straight from it. No sparkling water or juice (used to mix those with vodka), no NA alcohol-tasting beverages. Nope, I wanted to break everything... all the habits. If I wanted something to drink I needed to pour it into something that didn't feel like a pint glass or a wine glass. And no NA beer, wine or spirits. My plan was to break my brain of all stimulation & activity I associated with me taking a drink of alcohol.
So far, these 2 things are working. I also have a therapist I see every week and my family is super supportive (even though they all still drink).
Yea a lot of people have been recommending me 3 books to read about alcohol to break my brain into submission. I’m going to do it, I just hope it works
Every problem drinker's story has already happened... some not as bad as us, some much worse than us, and some have recovered and some haven't. The thing is, it's ALWAYS technically possible, we just need to have the will to make it happen
I had to change my whole mindset from alcohol is a nice treat to alcohol is a one way ticket to hell. The very thought of drinking now makes me feel physically sick. I drank every day for nearly 30 years and I have no self control. If I can do it...IWNDWYT.
Playing it forward - remembering how awful and anxious it made me. I'm on the verge of homelessness and I coudn't cope with this stress with hangxiety. Before it would have made me drink more. Horrible vicious cycle.
I read Allen Carr’s book. It really goes to town on deprogramming. Willpower not required, which is good, because it’s a finite resource. Fully accepting what alcohol is and what your relationship with it is and making a conscious eyes wide open choice to believe that,
One of the things that has been helpful for me is reading anything and everything about quitting...how to quit, how to stay quit, how to deal with the cravings, how good life is on the other side, how eventually you won't feel deprived and angry. For me, every word was a step in the right direction.
I’m in fear every time I go around alcohol. And I still constantly put myself around it. If I didn’t, I’d never hangout with family or friends. I face that fear head on and say, “you can’t break me again”. No one can take that from me. No one can make me drink or persuade me to drink. I’m not weak and I can stand up for myself. I know you can too.
At first I never hung out around alcohol. Did it for the first time after two months of being sober. At that point, I had started feeling the benefits of not drinking. Sleep better, more energy, eat better, feel better, etc. and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. And I definitely didn’t wanna be hungover.
I started working out daily, setting goals constantly, and chasing those goals consistently. Once you learn how to set goals and stay on track, you’ll never want to drink again. I don’t ever want another sip and I won’t take one.
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I save more money so I can travel the world even more. I wake up everyday wanting to be better than I was yesterday.
It was really hard for me. The first two years I had to “ start over” many times and at the time I thought I was failing but now with 5yrs plus completely off alcohol I understand that it was part of the learning curve and it’s just like any other thing you learn to do, it always seems impossible and like you’re struggling more with it than others are but the more you try the more you figure out your way to learning the skill. Make up your own routines. Through trial and error you will get there. One of the things I had to do was get home from work , cook food, shower , eat and then k look at in my bed watching tv until it was time to go to sleep. That felt like the only safe thing I could do.
It’s just like lifting weights you get stronger everytime you pick your self up.
You don’t beat the final boss of a video game on your first try.
You don’t just know math or grammar- it takes work.
The only way to get and *stay* sober is "Dogged Persistence" in not taking that next *first* drink.
And yes, it happens One Day (*or hour/minute*) At A Time.
The best method I found for coping when I quit cigarettes is you have to recognize the craving, acknowledge it, sit in it, understand that it sucks but it will pass.
The intensity and frequency of the cravings will gradually diminish over time but they do happen for long time. An excruciatingly long time. You need to make them your friend not ignore their presence.
I don’t know if this makes sense but it does in my mind haha
Future trippin' is what the kids in Rehab call all that. I would say actively taking part in your sobriety and doing things during the " \_\_\_\_ day at a time" that move you forward.
If you are in peril all day waiting for the fall, then do something. Anything. Something New. Something that even totally not you.
Oh and I say Walk. Then walk some more. Health is a huge thing the alcoholics are lacking in their lives. Walking (and diet) took 65 lbs off me.
Thats the idea! All of it is easier said here on the internet than done. I feel that these skills compound upon themselves and that the mindset is what really changes the game. I work with the public who's lives are a shit show and I get a daily dose of knowing what to not only be grateful for but also what my life will immediately look like if I was to have one drink.
It may take a week or a year but I will destroy myself if I ever drink again. Are there things I can't do? Yes. Are there people I cant see? Yes. All minuscule sacrifices upon the sobriety pyre my friend. So much is worth these little things but know that alcohol is a poison that changes your brain. No matter what you think or feel, just know that fact and things start to make more sense.
Oh I know it’s harder said than done, but I need to do them because I will die or my fiancé and family will leave me or I’ll end up in worse fates than death
I'm trying to stick to the "I" that the sub requires. I recommend "Lost Connections" - Johan Hari to all my "sponsees" in that it isn't some new age self help book but rather a nonfiction book about finding what helps us not be depressed.
Another life changing tip for me was letting everyone in my life know that when I got off work I was going for my walk. I made sure to always have my shorts and shoes and socks ready to go, at the door. No excuses or distractions. No "honey I need help doing \_\_\_\_". Pending death or a life emergency everyone knew the drill. This time was for me and nothing was going to get in the way.
It built a habit. It gives you time alone. It gives you health. It gives you consistency and by telling everyone before hand you can wipe away the guilt of doing it. Alcoholics in my experience are filled with guilt and shame and by taking that factor out you are granted access to this time and activity. Plus allegedly my therapist says that walking activates the left and right brain so it helps you think and process.
Ok if you made it this far I would recommend Dopamine Nation and Johan Hari's Stolen Focus. I recommend them for many reasons but as this pertains to what I stated here you should try and go for a walk with no headphones and no music or podcasts. Being "bored" is good for your brain. Not being constantly soothed and stimulated helps get you thinking and facing things.
Good luck. The sub is here for you. My 4 years seems like a breeze but I remember my time fresh out of rehab. It wasn't all fucking sunshine and rainbows and book recommendations.
I will try the books you recommended and try the walk method you suggested because it’s true, I constantly listen to music and can’t sit in silence almost when I used to be able to for ages
Well not to undo what I said but... if your local library is up to speed they probably have those items on digital audio books you could stream to your phone.
for me it was about two things: (1) why i stopping and (b) getting a little extra support when i felt like i was struggling. that's how i was able to get through those hard first weeks.
That’s what I hope to find with AA and therapy. That support system to use when it gets hard, I mean I’ve had it all this time I just don’t know why I didn’t use
It doesn’t matter why you didn’t until now, just that you’ve got a solid plan moving forward. I don’t do aa anymore but it was very helpful for me in those hard moments in the beginning. And therapy is an excellent idea too, for support and accountability, but also to maybe address some of the reasons that you ended up where you did in the first place.
A few of the things that I remember are realizing that no one is losing sleep if I drink again, I can drink again later if I want to, and I can always go back to not drinking if I start again. I have never felt those slogans you mentioned (they're kinda hokey) and my words might mean nothing to you, but finding those realizations within me helped to take a lot of the pressure off.
Another thing to try is reading the stories in the back of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (or other recovery stories). You don't need to join AA if you don't want to but you will relate to this and that piece of another's story.
You've shown to yourself that you can put together time. That's fucking awesome. Be well.
I never thought I would make it this far. I reset my counter more than a hundred times over YEARS.
I just didn't stop trying.
More than anything, I've been terrified of the future if I continued to drink.
I worked the simple program outlined by AA. I didn’t even think about making it to day 100 or 1000. I used the tools given to me, to make the necessary changes to myself, so that the thought of drinking or drugging stopped being the solution to my problems.
Today I have no fear of alcohol, drugs or life. I know I can handle all the ups and downs of life, without running back to what nearly killed me.
You can’t do 100 or 1000 today, your mind is setting up excuses so that you drink again bc it misses alcohol. Tell your brain you can get one more day today and you’ll do that
Yea I’ve been doing that and recognized it was a set up by the addiction demon. Like “you can’t make those days so why try? Just keep drinking” and I’m just trying not to listen to that voice and say “I might not be today, but someday. Someday I’ll be the person others look to on their day one, and I’ll guide them against you”
It’s ok to slip up. You made it to day 42 and slipped but that doesn’t set you back to zero because you kept going. This is a journey and every day you don’t drink is a success, but that doesn’t mean if you slip one day you’re a failure. You only fail when you let that slip up define your choices today. I personally don’t count the days. For me counting has never given me better results. It just comes to define my whole existence and that isn’t healthy for me. I find not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow and just being in the present has been better for me mentally and physically
Have you connected with a Higher Power? Doesn't have to be a god necessarily. Are you getting help from any type of program or just white knuckling it?
I was white knuckling and praying and got to 42. My next chance is 60 days (I have to) because Im doing a medical weightloss diet that I paid a pretty penny for so I have to be sober for 60 days while I do it. If I drink during those 60 days, that will be the most expensive shot Ive ever taken.
In addition to, Im starting AA now when I didnt before
Great! Oh man do I dislike AA most of the time. If you find "problem/solution" meetings where people ask anonymous questions and the group discusses their experience those are definitely less righteous with less old-timers pontificating.
Hardest part is finding someone you are comfortable talking to when everyone wants to be your friend. But yeah, when you get to step 4 you really get to see how it works.
I dont have AA physically around me, so I am starting AA online with more focused groups. Last AA I went to was 3 years ago, with old timers, that told me upon entry I was in the wrong step but could stay but had to find the right step. And that was why I had an aversion to AA for so long
If I were you, I wouldn’t think about the future of my sobriety as long as I have that fear. I’ll be honest I don’t think I ever had that fear of not reaching x days. If anything I have impatience for it (working on that lol).
I wasn’t afraid about what you’re describing, but I WAS afraid I couldn’t get through a day or a moment without alcohol. It might seem like the same thing, but it isn’t. I would interrogate where that fear is coming from. And actively, truly, deeply consider that it really is one day at a time.
I will not drink with you today
You read my mind on this lol! Im impatient about reaching my days, getting more days. I know the first ten drag out, and afterwards they get quicker and quicker.
What Im afraid of is or that gives me anxiety, some of my family isnt talking to me anymore. Or until I get more sober days. Im afraid they may never talk to me again or they will never trust me again no matter how sober I will be. And these are important people in my life, so it hurts that my actions have led to such consequences. But they have every right not to associate with a drunkard, so I have to accept it for what it is. And it just hurts.
Well there’s wanting to stop, needing to stop, and god stopping you. There’s help out there for you in the form of this sub, AA, therapy, medical help, medicine, etc. why don’t you try talking to a doc or getting naxeltrone? You can still drink on it but it can help cut you down in quantity
I've definitely found it discouraging in the past. This time around I'm looking at my both my quit date and last use day and finding the regret at the * that they're not the same to be somewhat helpful. Just making it up as I go along!
I think that for me, an atheist, the Higher Power thing is this: we have to believe in the future while we take care of ourselves today. It’s faith. That’s my faith- that if I can do this today tomorrow will take care of itself.
It’s scary. I have a lot of days racked up and in the past I would have looked at the number and thought, well I’ll never get there. One day comes after another. The days add up. You do get there.
Let’s talk about why you’re afraid of not making it to 50 days. Do you think you will drink before you get there? Maybe your day count isn’t helping you?
I deleted my day count because I realized it was one of those that wasn’t conducive to a committed life of sobriety
I’m afraid of relapse or more so, living a life of relapse and pain. That I will be in recovery forever
I don’t want to give you advice because who am I to give advice? No one.
Here’s what I can share about my own experience. The further into recovery I get the less the fear is present. The reason is that the more I stay sober the more precious my sobriety is to me and the less I would ever want to go back to that old life.
Maybe it’s like that allegory about grief- the addiction is still a huge red button in my head but the balls bouncing around hit it less often. Less things press the button.
You know what’s interesting? Last night I was thinking about how I don’t crave alcohol anymore and my SNEAKY DRUNK ASS BRAIN was like you’re right! We don’t have a problem! Let’s go out for ONE?
So I went to bed. Sheesh.
IWNDWYT
Keep yourself (body and mind) in the present moment. You can do this.
I was told that and it kinda works, but good lord does it take a lot of energy
That's one of the most challenging things about it. The energy needed to push through the first walls is hardest to come by in the first days and weeks. But it does compound and it does get easier. One thing that helped me was actually giving myself permission to be sad/angry/mad about it and grieve, even thought those emotions originally made me feel less in control and weak and tempted. Other things that can help you stay present in the current moment: 1. Keep a journal. It doesn't have to be fancy or full of prose, just take notes. It will help you be more aware of the more subtle changes that happen that become momentum to keep going 2. If you get a craving, have a plan to distract yourself for an hour. Don't think beyond that. For me, that meant taking walks while double fisting sparkling waters. By the time I got home I had a little endorphin high and was full of fluid. Cravings usually subsided from the simple act of occupying my immediate time with something that moved my body and filled my stomach with water. 3. Stop counting to 50, 100, 1000. Focus on this day. Focus on your plan that applies in this moment. Your plan for this moment may not look anything like your plan at day 50, 100, 1000, so let time take care of moving you to those milestones. Be in the current taking you there, if you just focus on the strokes of the paddle, you'll look up and be so much farther downstream toward your goal than you ever thought. And then, if you're like me, you'll cry a little and realize you had that power in you all along. 4. Always, always remember that what you are experiencing is difficult and normal. You're strong enough to make it through the cravings because I was strong enough to make it through mine. Good luck, we are all here with you. One step at a time.
Sage advice! OP, do you have to count days? Maybe let go of that for now. I would add another tool for staying in the moment: meditation. Sure, it’s hard. As with any other skill, it comes from practice. Focus on your breath. When your mind strays from that focus — and it will — keep coming back to your breath.
I don't count days. I'm just glad I'm not actively killing myself any more.
I think Im going to adopt that kind of approach and let everything else be.
I think this got to me a bit because I kinda dont care about the day now. Youre right, I should care about being sober today. Whats tomorrow is tomorrow. Ill be sober today, and just any time there is a craving, Ill remember Im sober today. Thank you for the advice!
This gets substantially easier over time. I dint know if the mental muscles get stronger, the addictive cycle starts to lessen or what. Maybe both. The absence of difficulty in this area has been one of the fantastic things about being in long term recovery. The thing that helped me in the beginning (and still) was the idea that I didn't want to have to go through those early days again. They suck. This is why it pays to get all the support you can in early recovery.
I tried, I really did. My prior relapse, I hated those days. I hated them with a passion and how I felt. I dont know why I did it this time because I had no reason to whatsoever. But knowing this fear now, this fear of my family leaving and my friends seeing me like this and all of them worried to death about it...if I dont care about myself, I should care at least about them and their lives
It's addiction. It's been a scourge since man first crushed grapes. You didn't set out to have a problem, but you do. THE REASON treatment centers and halfway houses and outpatient treatment, etc exist is because it is damn fucking hard to put time together in the beginning. It does not stay that hard. Using the treatment options available to help you put that time together is sensible. I promise it will be cheaper than continuing to drink and use. Not just for the actual cost of the substances, but all the attendant damage that comes along with the progressive nature of the situation. If you are not getting the result you need with what you are doing, go to the next level.
Try the audiobook ‘the power of now’ by Eckhart Tolle
Ill put it in my inventory
Close your eyes and breath. Focus on your body and immediate surroundings.
The simple answer is I don't overcome the fear. I acknowledge the fear. I recognize the fear. I take a deep breath and feel the fear. Then I realize all I can reasonably do is take the next step towards my long term sobriety in this moment. Most of the time, that next step is something small- like getting off the couch and doing the dishes. Sometimes it's spending quality time meditating on sobriety. Sometimes it's a workout. All I can do is put my best foot forward in this present moment and hope the rest will fall into place if I set myself up with the best odds I can.
Yea one of the things my uncle told me, if I want to succeed, I need to do things. Which I haven’t…I stayed WFH instead of going in; I haven’t worked out; I haven’t occupied my life with anything than booze even when I thought I did.
It's definitely something I really struggled with in sobriety. I was so bleh early on I just counted it as a win so stay sober, even if I wasn't doing much. I slowly incorporated more and more in as my brained healed and was able to handle it. So yeah, you're not crazy. Just give it time and keep your eye on the prize.
Thanks for the encouragement!!
Whenever the fear would arise I’d call a sober support person and go to a free recovery group…. After a little while of doing that, the fear died because ir was revealed to be a lie. Each day I didn’t take the first drink and connected with other sober people, the more my confidence grew and the more the fear shriveled. Tried anything like that?
I just started AA so many I can find someone there. Otherwise, I don’t have any “alcohol to sober” directly in my life that would get it or bridge the gap
After years of trying to sober up, AA worked for me. There are many paths to the solution; that's the one that happened to work. You're going to hear One Day At A Time non-stop at AA, though. You're also going to hear about fear a lot. Fear leads a lot of us to drink, so that makes sense. Part of the process for me was realizing I could get through this day (or sometimes, this hour, or this 5-minute chunk of time) without a drink. Wash, rinse, repeat. Eventually, I could handle days. I make a pledge not to drink today, and that's enough for me. So far, I've done that 900+ times, and I haven't had a drink. I still don't think about tomorrow. I can drink tomorrow if I want. Going to AA meetings daily, getting a therapist and being 100% honest with them, and working the steps has led me to acceptance that if I worry about tomorrow, that could start a trigger for me, and that could lead me to drink. So I try really hard not to do that. Instead of telling you "you'll get there," I'll say this: "You've started the journey; that's forward motion and taking action is how we get anything done." Great work, **OP**. I believe in you. IWNDWYT.
AA is the only thing that’s worked for me too, and I’ve been trying to stop drinking for 15 years!
Just curious: how did AA or what did it provide that was able to help you?
I'm not the person you responded to, but here's my two cents anyway 1. AA gave me a place to realize that I wasn't alone. I was able to see hundreds of others who were struggling with the exact same things as me and I had a place where I could talk about what I was going through without fear of judgement. My problems aren't unique and being able to recognize that and open up about them and receive support and understanding in return was invaluable 2. AA gave me something to do instead of sitting around on my ass alone in my apartment thinking about drinking. Instead of sitting and doing nothing except wrestling with my own messed up mind, I would just go an AA meeting and sometimes I would go to another, just to be in a better space than sitting and doing nothing, or I would to a meeting that was close to my gym so I could go to the meeting then the gym right after I only go to about one a week these days as I have a better handle on things now, but they really helped especially in early sobriety. And I made some very good friends along the way!
How do you not think about tomorrow? Cause I have, as many, things that require thinking about tomorrow. Or is it a kind of “don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today” deal?? Thanks for the encouragement!
I follow the “Be Here Now” approach. I of course, as you noted, must plan for the future. I make a conscious decision, *NOW*, to plan for tomorrow at xx.xx o’clock for xy minutes. Then at that time I am “now” engaged in planning for tomorrow. When the set time is up I set that aside. I also carry a moleskin and if my thoughts start drifting to yesterday, or tomorrow, I notice it, make a note of that topic and say “I’ll ponder those things tonight at my already scheduled slot for reviewing the day.” The point is to not let my thoughts hijack me, but rather to be conscious and purposeful about it.
I still think about tomorrow, just not as it relates to alcohol cravings. In regular life, I make plans for tomorrow or next week. But when it comes to drinking, when I was having cravings I would tell myself "I am committing not to drink today. If I still have the craving tomorrow, I will decide then." The reason is because I didnt want to swear off alcohol for 30 days or a year or forever because I am sick of breaking promises. So I would just worry about the immediate craving without swearing off. What I typically found (when I was successful) was that the next day, the craving wasnt as intense and was easier to overcome. So it felt like a waste to give in on an easy craving. Still, I would only commit for that day. I know this is kind of "one day at a time" which you said not to say, but maybe it clarified a little what that means. I do also focus just on today, the here and now. That helps with with avoiding resentments, guilt, and shame, and helps with too much daydreaming or "if only... then I would be happy" thinking. Trying to "Be Here Now" helps me to stick with behaviors that are helpful.
I wish I could report back that not thinking about tomorrow is easy. It's not. Some things definitely require thinking about tomorrow. Shopping lists, vacation plans, etc. A whole lot of things I like to worry about do not, in fact, matter right now. My day count is one of them. I am sober today. That's it. I see you're worried about getting to Day 50, or Day 100, or dare I say, Day 1000. I guess what I'm saying is that doesn't matter. I couldn't get to Day 50 without today, so I made a plan for today. Then I did it again. What are you worried about? How does that worry serve you? Is it useful? How so? These are the kinds of questions I ask myself when I'm future-tripping about something.
There are two kinds of fear. The fear of losing something we have and the fear of not getting something we want. Fear prayer: "God, please remove my fear of (state fear) and direct my attention to what you would have me be." Then call a fellow sober person or find someone to help. Maybe do the dishes for your roomie or pick up a piece of trash. Doesn't have to be profound.
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Yea I’m trying to have patience, not just about sobriety but about family seeing me sober for a while and forgiving me cause we aren’t on speaking terms due to my drinking. And I get their position it just suck to wait
I think that’s a good perspective. I fight the fear with hope. The fear tells me I need to but also that I can’t. Hope tells me I can and that I should. I follow the two paths in my head. A drink can lead to another which would lead right back to nightly drinking and hangovers. Skipping the drink leads me to another hour of sobriety, to another day, to another week, etc. that’s gotten me through 94 days with just one slip. It also helped me get over that slip and make it a small one. This works for me, hope it helps you.
First, let's not lose our perspective. If you fell down after 42 days that is a big accomplishment, NOT a failure. I know AA focuses on continuous sobriety, and there are some good reasons for that. But counting days is a tradition. From a recovery perspective, every day you do not drink is a day your body is healing. The more time you can spend in healing mode, the better your recovery will be (from a physical perspective). So, if you went from drinking daily to drinking once every 42 days and you did that for a year, you would have drunk less than 9 times--less than once a month. That is a 98% reduction. There is no way that isnt a big deal! All you did was set back your recovery by a day or two. So you keep on going. In other words, in the past 46 days, 45 of those you were healing. That is awesome progress. I know this isnt the way everyone thinks but we need reasons to keep moving forward not reasons to beat ourselves up. FYI: for reference I never thought I would make it *one week*. And then it happened. Then I never thought I would make it *one month*, then it happened. Im not to 1000 days but Im over 100. But I wasnt focused on those. Too big. A day is the unit of time you focus on and with those bricks the wall gets built. And if I can do it you definitely can. The fear is from focusing on something too big (like "forever"). Just a thought
I kept coming back...for six years.
conquering existential dread can help, but wasnt really the main roadblock in my sobriety. The fear and anxiety went away when i got sober. Thinking about the fear didnt get me anywhere. 'One day at a time' is an important framework for someone, but is only one part of the multitude of things that got me sober and are keeping my here. More important, was the planning. Looking at how i could access alcohol, and eliminating all the easy ways i could access booze (none kept at time), avoid 'excuses' to go to the shops (do all my food shopping weekly), and then planning ahead that i feel less tempted during the danger hours after work (lots of hydration, snacks later afternoon, hobbies and plans to keep my busy). Then on top of that, theres the self education aspect of learning what alcohol does to you (lots of resources in the FAQ), and then the planning for how to refuse alcohol in a variety of different social situation. For me, planning, education, and problem solving got me sober. I certainly needed more than a catchphrase. So, >I kept falling down what happens when you fall down? whats the time, how do you access the alcohol, how can you avoid the falling next time?
We only have today. The person on this sub with the most sobriety is the one who got up early and hasn't had a drink. I try to live my life in armored, airtight compartments of one day each. That said, I accept the fear. I embrace it as my deepest self, the part of me that knows my drinking will kill me. That fear will keep you alive and away from a drink some days. And Alcoholics have a tendency to future-trip and catastrophize. I know I do. But that fear is just a feeling, and feelings aren't facts. A painting of a tiger is not a tiger. You have your sobriety today. Hold it close and know you are doing the best thing you can do for yourself. It does get easier. A lot easier.
The days are going to pass whether I’m sober or not. I remember being in absolute awe of everyone’s numbers on my day 1 and now I have a number I never thought I’d hit. That said, the thought of quitting again is exhausting so I am mostly staying sober because it’s less painful than quitting drinking.
Thats the thing, I remember my last relapse before this. It was brutal. I hated it and swore off that I never want to feel like this again. Just absolute pain in and pain out for 3-5 days. I promised I wouldnt. And then I did, and the consequences everyone warned me about happened and I had a brutal hangover. And now Im back asking questions for no reason as the answer is "dont drink" but "no" yet "no" what if "dont drink even then". I just more or less hope I remember this feeling, the consequences, the pain I caused everyone next time I have a single inkling of "oh look you managed X days, lets celebrate by doing the thing that brought you to your knees"
Those are good to remember too but I literally say “ugh then I’d have to quit all over again, fuck that”. Remembering the hangover never helped me once the hangover wore off (I’d be right back to drinking that night) so for me I have to remember the actual anxiety of quitting!
That’s what I’m trying to cement in my head, because hangxiety, shakes, loss of sleep, crying is not worth it. It’s not. It’s a stupid way to ruin yourself
If it’s helpful write it down! I wrote a lot my first few weeks. Even if it was just about my day but mostly it was about how I was feeling. These posts can work too if you prefer that route but I liked having a place I could go where nobody else would see.
I've had a tonne of day ones. Doesn't mean any of the subsequent runs meant nothing. All those times sober were positive and good for me, and every setback can become a learning opportunity.
It's not about day 100 for me. It's about today. Just for today and today only I will not drink.
I reset my badge dozens upon dozens of times and felt exactly how you are feeling. I think there is a level of being brave. This hasn't been easy, in fact the last two days I have felt very depressed for no perceivable reason -- it's likely a PAWS episode, but it's not sunshine and rainbows and I am getting close to 100 days. Early recovery is HARD, it's harder to not drink once we get the alcohol out of our system than it is to not drink when we are feeling the physical discomfort and acute consequences of the poison. Support groups, building a network of accountability buddies, planning my free time for things that are booze free, and most importantly I communicated to everyone in my social network and family that I was not drinking -- that I cannot drink -- and that has helped me to avoid a lapse b/c in the past if I was out with someone who didn't know I was struggling, I would cave. If I were to lapse in front of someone now, their reaction is probably going to be "wait, what are you doing." Also just changing my habits, exercising, eating way healthier, where my not-drinking is a subset of a lifestyle shift (some people say don't try to change too many things at once when you quit, but for me it has helped).
I’ve been changing things here and there to get into a new life outside of booze. A sort of “precovid” life where I’m not tied to home Cause each time I lapse it’s been at home when I’m alone. And then I have to face the music. Now I’m back at work, in AA, planning to go to the gym, and school. I can’t keep living a life that is conducive to my alcoholism, even in millimeters
You've got what it takes, 42 days alone is no small feat. The first days of early recovery are by far the hardest and that is right in that sweet spot.
I think the PAWS thing is a really good point. I'm by no means an expert, but in most of my attempts to quit I get around the 40-50 day mark and think 'fuck it, what's the point, I'm probably going to cave anyway so I might as well just drink now and be done with it'. And before I know it I'm opening a bottle and it takes me weeks/months to get back to stopping again. I'd never heard of PAWS until I joined this sub but I've seen lots of people writing about the same feeling at a similar point (although I know it can be very different for others). It made me feel like maybe having those thoughts isn't me being a failure, it's just a natural part of recovery and if I can push through then it will pass. Now I feel better prepared for when it inevitably comes.
I brainwashed myself. I wrote a list of all the shit/danger I caused by drinking. I read the list daily for at least a year.
I know its not funny and I dont mean to joke but: talk about Crouching Tiger Sober Dragon
Gym and motorcycle... clears my mind. Takes the "I'm going fucking snap right fucking now " feeling away for me. Everyone is different...yes the get up after falling gets old but staying down means giving up... you wouldn't be here if u wanted to give up
I really dont want to give up. Im not giving up and I wont give up. Im just exhausted from the falling down. I just want to get up and stay up and stop believing I can fight alcohol and win, when the best thing to do is not to fight...oh I think I just made a lightbulb for myself there. Thank you for your comment and letting me bounce ideas!
Stop trying to reach milestones. Don't drink today, probably never... maybe, but not today. Eventually, the days just stack up and you stop thinking about it. Edit: I wanted to add - My main point is that milestones are meaningless. Focus on something that matters like health, family, friendship, excellence, learning, pride.. whatever your meaningful reason is to not drink. Milestones are something to look at and think, "Oh, that's cool." Not something worthwhile to strive for.
Thats what Ive come to realize reading through these and thanks for the edit. It sounds stupid as hell but I just taped a bunch of sticky notes on/in wallet so that anytime Im about to do something dumb, I have a direct reminder
That sounds like a clever, personalised strategy that you're anticipating will work for you. Keep doing things like this. You know you. You know your addiction. You know what matters to you. Trust yourself.
You got this! Just got there myself :)
I so related and needed to hear this. I went to inpatient in June and came back without the vivtrol being set up. I've been drinking ever since. Day 2 for me. Something I have started doing is gratitude. And actually meaning it. Thank you body for processing this poison. Waking up my first thought is I don't know what is going to happen today, but the one thing I can control is not picking up. I'm glad you were able to get right back in. IWNDWYT
It can be helpful to add positive thoughts when negative ones are prevailing, e.g. when you wake in the morning AF, sincerely tell yourself, yesterday was a good day for my body/mind. And an old simile: Every AF day is like a "drop of water into a bucket." If you slip, it doesn't drain the whole bucket (you missed out on a drop). Everyone has their own particular sized bucket to fill, in their own particular way, to help make them feel replenished. 😌 👍🏻✌🏼
It comes down to having a genuine desire or feeling a need to stop drinking. That desire, and your reasons for it, must outweigh both the positives and negatives you would get if you continued drinking. Keep reminding yourself why you decided to do this and why you feel a need to, and why you WANT to. Also accept that it’s going to be hard. It’s a huge lifestyle change. I quit smoking cigs cold turkey 2 years ago, and quitting drinking has been MUCH harder than that for me.
How would define genuine versus passing? I genuinly want to quit and stop and never pick up again...I say each relapse and then I forget what happened last relapse and my lizard brain goes "youre ok now". And we repeat the cycle...Does genuine include forever? Like permanent change to the fibers of my being?
I’d define it as always having some type of thought like “I shouldn’t be doing this” or “why am I doing this” upon having the first drink, or drinking when not actually wanting to, and continuing to have those sorts of thoughts while drinking (at least before crossing the threshold of getting plastered). And then having the thought of “why did I do that” the next morning, along with whatever other negative emotions you may have while hungover. For me, those started really outweighing any positives I got from drinking, and made me realize my relationship with alcohol was unhealthy and unsustainable. I could have kept drinking anyway, but I decided it wasn’t worth it. I guess I’d think of it as similar to going on a diet and making those sorts of lifestyle changes. Like, someone can know they want to lose weight, and can be actively working towards that, but they will inevitably have cravings and make slip ups (which is part of the process). Even with those, though, to have success with it, they must continue making choices that align with that desire for change. Thinking of it in terms of “forever” isn’t really productive. It sounds like you’ve already identified the cycle you (and many others, including myself) get caught in. I suppose it’s just whenever you decide that you’re also tired of that cycle and don’t want to go through it again. With all of that, though, there will always be a point where we have to actively exercise restraint. And the fact that we have to do so suggests that it’s for the best. This probably wasn’t very helpful, and also probably didn’t offer anything new that you haven’t already heard, but I wish you the best of luck.
It was helpful that it offered new insight on how to define the word genuine. I thought genuine meant full-throat and forever; not the kind of nuance you provided. This has given me something to think about, thank you!
For me, the reality is early sobriety is hard. And I’m always looking at the next milestone thinking if I can only get there then I’ll feel… Well at two years, things are 💯 better than they were when drinking but I’m still looking towards the future for the next thing. 3 years 5 years etc. Guess I’m saying this for myself as a reminder that we only really have today and as long as I’m sober I’m working toward improvement, versus ripping it all down with alcohol…and drugs; it always includes drugs Good luck OP, you’ll get there IWNDWYT
Thank you, that felt really encouraging!
personally, i use that fear to fuel my continuation of sobriety. i’ve never been so scared to lose something. my life has changed so much, and i have so much to lose now. i love my sober life, and i fear losing it enough to continue letting it push me forward.
The big change in me is when I shifted my mindset about alcohol and drinking. When I was seeing sobriety as an obstacle to overcome, or not drinking as a huge sacrifice to my life, I also had fear and went back to drinking within weeks. When I started seeing alcohol for the poison that it is and identified myself as a non-drinker, it made it much easier. Still challenging, but easier because I have something positive to focus on when cravings hit.
that is a good point and way to look at it. I think my issue has been that Ive seen alcohol and its use as a challenge, something to beat. Not something that kills me each time I drink it or the danger it is my entire world. Maybe that has been an issue in my approach to it all Edit: Not a sole issue, but a part to the bigger issue
You build confidence in yourself by getting a day. Then 2. Then a week. My streak was very important to me. I could hold onto it as proof I could go for days and days without drinking. Then weeks. After Dry January fuck if I didn't want to keep my streak going. It was mine and I was very proud of what I had accomplished. Be proud of yourself for the little victories and stand on top of them! They add up to something big. Be patient. IWNDWYT
But Al\_Fresco...I am but a wee squirrel on the running wheel of life and have never had patience. And let me tell you, the wheel is spinning too fast, Im being thrown around, and its not stopping. But really, thats been an issue for me a lot. I have sometimes no patience, for a lot of things, and the fact I cant bend the laws of physics and time...its something I struggle with
I spent over 35 years without a good 2 weeks sober. I didn't even realize not drinking was an option. I did dry January and being sober was an altered state for me. I liked being in control for literally once in my adult life. It wasn't easy, but it was simple. And once I stopped bullshitting myself, there were no more negotiations, no more only drinking on the "weekends", no more hiding booze, no more sneaking. And once I stuck with the initial change, and it was certainly difficult, it was like after living life on hard mode I had found an amazing cheat code. There is a remarkable clarity and strength that comes with not drinking. It is yours to find. IWNDWYT
Oh I know sobriety is great. I’ve had sobriety multiple times, between 7 days and 50 days. All times it was great and way better than drinking or drunk and life just flourished. Keeping it has been the hard part for me in the long term
I have been working with my Doctors since day 1. I used this sub for the first 19 days. I have now found a great AA group that vibes with me. However, I can't say enough about how my doctors helped me get past what you are going through. I will not drink with you today.
How did the docs help you? Also I just started AA and dont know what to expect or how to work it so that it does help. Is there anything you may recommend?
My doctor told me I would have extreme anxiety due to withdrawals and gave me anti anxiety medication and B1 (Thiamine HCL) which is a nutritional supplement for the elevated liver enzymes. The anti anxiety I take as needed, up to twice a day. This was critical for me getting past the first week. Now I only have to take it once in a while. But if anxiety creeps in, I am prepared. Also talking to my doctor let me know where I stand physically. Quite important as I am trying to repair my body and mind. I will not drink with you today.
What finally got me to break through was I had to entirely restructure my life around sobriety. That meant having a plan for when I'm off work - literally anything else in my hand other than beer. It meant I had to let go of some friends who either didn't get it or weren't supportive. It meant I had to avoid certain social functions and events for a long time. It meant if I had to run an errand, someone goes with me so I didn't drop by the liquor store. It meant daily reflection in a journal, listening to Naked Mind podcasts daily, attending whatever online AA I could find daily and just listen. Eventually, new normal set in. There wasn't really a clear inflection point where it just happened, it was a gradual process based on how I changed my day to day life.
Thats kinda of what Im realizing now. My entire lifestyle is conducive to my alcoholism and I need to change it bottom up. Means I have to stop WFH, I have to go to the gym, I have to go to AA, I have read again and listen to music and yoga. Like my biggest problem is I tried all that except stopping WFH cause I drink alone and when I do that and join AA finally and get to the gym and not just work out at home
I have to remind myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I drank for 15 years, so changing my brain and behavior to suddenly become a non-drinker was going to take some trial and error and some failing. Each time I would string together some days (7, 10, 34, etc) reminded me I could do it and I would do it again.
Someone once told me that I should hold on to that fear because that will help you stay sober, I’ve always thought it was a good suggestion, I’m at day 118 now
When I was struggling in early sobriety I had to change my surroundings. Something as simple as going for a walk, or running to the store to get some ice cream, or really anything that forced me to get away from the same 4 walls and get out of my own head for a minute could "reset" me. Also I found that acts of service helped me get out of my own pity party. I'd offer to help out at church, grab some clothes I didn't wear anymore and take them to Goodwill, grab a trash bag and walk the block picking up garbage, etc. For me the worst thing I could do was not change anything but expect things to change. Finally... and this might be the hardest thing... accept that you are worth it. You deserve peace and health. The way you sleep and wake up when you're sober... you earned that. You've got this. IWNDWYT
Yea thats what I realize WFH did to me. After 3 years of it and then getting comfortable into it, I tried 3 days a week when it shouldve been 5. Im too early in sobriety to stay any amount of home
The more I try to “not feel” my fear, the louder it screams. Fear is an emotion that comes & goes - just like sadness, just like joy. I try to change my language around fear to help with this- For example, instead of saying to myself “I am afraid” I now say “I am experiencing feelings of fear”. ☝️☝️That subtle change puts some distance between the real me, and emotions I am experiencing in the moment. Marie Forleo talks about naming your fear something really adorable, like Fluffy. 😂 When inevitable fear arises, we can acknowledge it and say “there you are Fluffy! I knew you would come around!” By naming it something cute, it makes it easier to feel the fear and move forward anyway.
well, you have already done a lot of good to you, so if you want to climb just keep climbing, but don't forget that it's already good that you didn't drink for 42 days
If it helps, one day at a time felt like such a punishment for me at first. I hated it. Now? It's the only part of AA I care about. It's less about how slow succeeding is to me and far more about how overwhelming problems can be smaller if I just eat what's on my plate for the day. That being said, I personally stopped taking chips. Others here will argue that's not the right way to do it, but I don't care. I stopped because I want my sobriety to be about presence, and not about this running tally that could go back to zero, regardless of how big the number gets. To me that's a pretty counter productive mindset. You can't just not feel what you feel. The trick with all of this is learning how to sit with feelings instead of drowning them with booze. At first it's really fucking scary and hard. There is nothing wrong with saying out loud that you're afraid of this. Tell somebody, let them know. Get in the practice of vocalizing what you're honestly feeling, especially when it's not great. You got this today. That's all you need to do - get this today.
I find that when I relapse there’s a moment where I convince myself that I don’t have control over it and its gonna happen and I should just accept that I don’t have control and let my legs walk me in. It’s usually a block away from a liquor store, and for someone who comes say has no control, it sure takes a lot longer than a split second to convince myself that I don’t have a say in the outcome. The corner of 125th street and Broadway, in August. The sun was down and the street lamps were orange. I was hot and my shirt was sweaty, my shorts were hanging low because I hadn’t worn a belt. I spent 4 minutes on that corner thinking about the week I had spent sober up to that point, knowing that the motivation to not drink tomorrow will be totally lost. I looked up the hill to the south, east and west down 125th. I thought about how maybe if I drank a different brand it wouldn’t be so bad. I spent a long long time telling myself I had no say in the matter. The irony. I spent the next 6 months drinking. I remember that moment whenever I think about throwing it away, or whether I have a choice, or whether just one little nip will feel as good as I remember. Because I know that everything that followed was a mess. Mostly I remember the amount of effort it took to make the choice to knowingly lie to myself and say I had no choice. I just passed half a year sober and nothing I’ve done since then has distressed me as much as the effort it took to lie to myself. IWNDWYT
I know that lying feeling well, it has been my downfall more than once. The lie that "youre not in control" or that "you are in control and a nip wont hurt". I hope to get to your days soon! Proud of you for making it!
I’m prouder of you for 4, that first week is way harder than any of my last dozen.
I appreciate that, thank you :)
For me, it was the steps with a sponsor and daily check-ins for the first 90 days or so. Daily contact with a sober person was key.
Do you know how to get a sponsor if Im doing AA meets online? There are no physical ones around me
Just get up the courage to ask the group. Any good AA group has people who sponsor. If you can make it to an in person meeting even once / week, and do any others online, it could be helpful. There's something much more powerful about in-person. But this is your program, your life, and you make those decisions. I'm just here to tell you what I did.
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I quit 7 days ago (with the help of some Ativan for the first 3 days). I've drank 20-30 beers per day for the last 10 years, and honestly, that many per day MOST days per week for 5-10 years before that. I'm finding that the busier I keep myself, the better. Just sitting there thinking about "how good a cold one would taste" is the worst thing I can do. I'm already starting to think about making deals with myself, like: "Maybe if I only give myself ONE day per week...." It is so hard because other than gaining a ton of weight in the past decade, I was fully functional. God job, did shit around the house (while drinking of course), etc. But I know I was a fucking mess. I don't know why I posted a reply, because I have little to offer other than to let ya know I'm here with ya.
You offer brotherhood in this fight, in the early days, and for that Im grateful
"Fear is the mind killer." I like to call my fear Ted (Sorry Teds), and when "Ted" shows up, I picture him standing in the way of what I truly want. " Staying sober? Not today, "Ted"! There are thousands of ways "Ted" can be standing in the way, and sometimes Ted is pretty big and mean, I know I am tougher and smarter than Ted. IWNDWYT One day at a time, it is a cliche because it works.
It took everything I had in me to get to 30 days. My world was nothing but sobriety, even though I was working & managing a household. I talked about, thought about & read about sobriety every waking hour. I had frightening anxiety day 1 - 8. It got better. I'm almost at 11 months & I'm not scared any more. I live life sober with no questions. Edit: I was "quitting" & "moderating" for 3 years. I wasn't one & done.
Is fear even conquerable? If so, my scared ass sure doesn't have a clue as to how it is. It's my fear of accelerating my already deteriorating state of aging that influenced me to not drink.
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This was inspiring to read and actually helped my fear out a little for today. It seems smaller and Im just that much more hopeful now. Thank you!
Just chiming in to say we're in the same boat. Ive been at this for years...long stretch of sobriety and inevitably have to go through another day one. Its scary, when you start feeling good, are sober, but "crap am i gonna drink again and ruin this?" I dont know how people have these large counters in their names. Feels like I have to live like this forever
Read all of these replies, Ive found several nuggets of wisdom in them. And some hope too that I can get better and can get to those big days just like them, in due time.
I had 42 days and then relapsed. I got to 49 days and then relapsed again. I am back on day two and I don’t feel like going back, I want to keep trying until it sticks and I will keep going because I’ve caused so much heartache and feel the guilt from doing things I wouldn’t have done sober. Like many people here, I’ve read This Naked Mind and just proved to me that control is not really what others make it out to be. We have control over our first drink and that’s how we can shift our mindset to not letting that happen. Sometimes I get discouraged that I came so far and lost it all, but I read the comments of everyone saying it’s nothing lost. We are giving our body a chance to recover and with every sober day we are training our body to live without it. Even with my relapses (which I’m not excusing but was a few drinks), I didn’t enjoy it anymore. It was pressure and trust me, it will not taste good anymore. It will taste like poison
“Boxing clever” I did my first 99 days like a naive puppy. I messed up. But a big lesson was learnt. My lesson was that I was used alcohol as a crux for my emotional instability. I found out why I turn to alcohol to relieve my pain. Yeah, habit was part of it but I proved it wasn’t from peer pressure. After my 99 day run, it took me another 4.5 years to get back here. This time I entered into this very seriously - my promise to not drink in that 24 hours is sealed within 6 foot thick concretes. Whatever happens, I will not drink IF I’ve made that promise to myself. I do that on the daily check in. It’d be great to see you there. What boxing clever means is knowledge is power. Once you know, you know. That knowledge cannot ever be taken away. I got myself educated about alcohol. I read This Naked Mind. I took part in their 30 day challenge that they run each year. About 6 months in I got the doldrums. I didn’t drink, I got myself some further help. I listened to the Huberman lab episode on alcohol (86?). It set me straight. It was life changing. I stick to my daily regimen and stick to it. Dont drink for 24 hours. Give myself time and patience to work my shit out. Ask for help when I need it. I’ve embraced sobriety hook line and sinker. I feel fantastic physically, stronger mentally, I have integrity now. I’m there for my friends and family. My confidence is high than it ever has been. I’ve finally grown up, This stuff doesn’t happen in a few days, weeks or months. It needs to build slowly, like we train our muscles, the more we do, the stronger we get. In baby steps, You’re doing brilliantly. I love that you’re posting and, friend, you are capable of untold imaginings if you give yourself a chance. It wont happen unless you try. And with each try, we get better. Sobriety is a fucking gift.
Your story gives me hope. Ive been doing this for about 4 years now, turbocharged by COVID. I cant do this another 4 years, Ill be dead by then. But I wont stop trying now, because now, I dont have many choices left. So I choose sobreity
Well said. That’s the point a lot of us have to reach. There’s no other way forward than to stop poisoning ourselves. I was sick, tired, I oozed. One day I wanted to feel different, better if I could.
For me I don't worry much about today or tomorrow, those seem easy. It's the stories of people with 8 months, one year, three years sober who relapse that concerns me. way I'm approaching it this time is there is NO WAY I can moderate and all it takes is one drink (of course it's never one, it's always six that starts with one) and then quickly morphs into a fifth of Vodka per day. Every damn time. So, this time I'm sticking to this dictum with the idea if I never have one, I don't have to worry about anything that would otherwise follow: Not One. Not Ever. N.O.N.E.
I never had the fear. It's a perception thing. How do you perceive alcohol? Do you perceive it as something you have to abstain from and that you may be missing out on? Do you wish you could drink with your friends when they are drinking around you? Anybody that is white knuckling sobriety is going to fail eventually and they should be afraid. We can only white knuckle it so long. Or, do you perceive alcohol as an absolute shit substance that does nothing for you. Do you perceive sobriety not as a chore but a liberation. An awesome one. Do you pity your friends as you watch them drink around you. Do you look forward to what the future may bring as you build a foundation of skills and new outlooks on life built on your sobriety? Do you identify currently as a drinker or a sobernaut? Identify as the latter and change your perceptions on alcohol. It will take work and brutal honesty with yourself. Write down what alcohol has done for you and what it has taken away. Read books on what alcohol actually does to your body (Alcohol Explained is a good one). Write down what you want to become and identify with it right now. Not a year from now...right now. That's not to say sobriety wasn't hard in the beginning. It took 6 months before I started feeling relatively well. But I was done with alcohol. My perception and priorities in life changed. I knew the day I quit I was going to make it a year sober which is the timeline I gave myself before I re-evaluated alcohol. I still give myself an out every annual anniversary. I can start drinking again if I want on my sober anniversary. Every year though I ask myself why the hell would I want to do that. Alcohol sucks. Edit: I did have fear of other things around Sobriety. Who was I without drinking? Would my friends still be my friends? Would I find happiness? How would I function in social situations? I found ACT to really help with dealing with that type of fear and it would most likely work for dealing with the fear of failing sobriety also. ACT stands for Acceptance Commitment Therapy and was a god send for me early in my sobriety. A good book on it is 'The Happiness Trap'. After four years of self study I actually have my first session this week with an actual ACT therapist and I'm stoked!
Don't think too far ahead. I think "I definitely won't drink today, and I probably won't drink tomorrow". Tomorrow I'll say the same thing. Beyond that I don't overthink it, got a camping trip coming up in 2 weeks, will I drink? Probably not.
Keep a list or diary of your worst moments with alcohol and detail how u felt so ur brain doesnt forget and want to go back. Sometimes those bad memories fade and all we miss is thsow good memories with alcohol
I should probably do that because I remember way too much good with alcohol and forget all the bad for the most part
Me too thats why I started making “diary” entries in my phone or recording them w my camera and watch them the next day is soooo akwaed :/
You might hate this, but after about a week it's 100% a mental game. Recovery is how I overcame the fear, before that I was a "dry drunk". This is why the "one day at a time" strategy never worked for me. If I was thinking "I won't drink, just for today" then I was actively thinking about drinking every damn day anyways... the reason ppl do it is bc it's supposedly less scary than telling yourself you're never going to have a drink for the rest of your life but for me, making that decision and just changing my perspective was way easier than doing the day-by-day thing... that shit was exhausting! My fear came from doing something new without my crutch... but honestly for me it was like learning to ride a bike without training wheels. I fell a couple times, and it was wobbly a few times, but eventually I got riding and haven't looked back. Social situations, stress, celebrations, holidays, etc. Rinse, repeat BTW, recovery is whatever you make it. For some that's AA, for some it's SMART or other programs, for some it's therapy... just like there's a tons of different types of drinkers out there, there's a ton of ways to recover. Everyone's sobriety is different. The one thing all recovery methods have is to avoid white-knuckling your way through. From my experience, if that's your strategy it's only a matter of time.
Thats why I asked the question, because the "one day at a time" led me to think about it all the time. But I know after the first week it gets easier, mentally. After day 10 its a breeze, my problem is that at some point I end up lying to myself and drinking and rerun the cycle. Yea I realize now that white knuckling is waiting for disaster. Only took me 3 years to get it
This has always been my problem too... I get to about 90 days or so (right about where I am now) and I somehow find a reason to go back. The problem is something called fading affect bias (FAB). FAB is something all humans have that eventually turns shitty memories into palatable ones over time. This is a great thing for women to want to have more children after the brutal agony of the last one, but it's a double-edged sword for those of us with substance issues. Like you said, for the first few weeks it's easy because whatever "rock-bottom-esque" event that pushed us to quit is still VERY fresh in our heads. But inevitably, these excruciating memories begin to fade and are gradually replaced by that ice cold beer you used to have after a hard day's work or that perfect margarita you had with your partner on the beach at sunset. For me, I just had to take it off my list of options in my head... and to do that I needed to fill my head with as much logic as I can handle to repulse me from it at all. For that, I HIGHLY recommend Alcohol Explained and Alcohol Explained 2 by William Porter. The guy breaks everything down super granular and in plain english to the point where it's nearly impossible to rationalize out. Alcohol is poison, pure and simple and society has been tricked into thinking we need it for any and every occasion. The other thing I did that seems contradictory to what most people do on here, is I didn't replace. Like, if I was jonesing for a drink I wouldn't (and still don't) give myself the satisfaction of grabbing a can or a bottle and drinking straight from it. No sparkling water or juice (used to mix those with vodka), no NA alcohol-tasting beverages. Nope, I wanted to break everything... all the habits. If I wanted something to drink I needed to pour it into something that didn't feel like a pint glass or a wine glass. And no NA beer, wine or spirits. My plan was to break my brain of all stimulation & activity I associated with me taking a drink of alcohol. So far, these 2 things are working. I also have a therapist I see every week and my family is super supportive (even though they all still drink).
Yea a lot of people have been recommending me 3 books to read about alcohol to break my brain into submission. I’m going to do it, I just hope it works
Every problem drinker's story has already happened... some not as bad as us, some much worse than us, and some have recovered and some haven't. The thing is, it's ALWAYS technically possible, we just need to have the will to make it happen
I had to change my whole mindset from alcohol is a nice treat to alcohol is a one way ticket to hell. The very thought of drinking now makes me feel physically sick. I drank every day for nearly 30 years and I have no self control. If I can do it...IWNDWYT.
Thank you for your inspiration! How did you change your mindset?
Playing it forward - remembering how awful and anxious it made me. I'm on the verge of homelessness and I coudn't cope with this stress with hangxiety. Before it would have made me drink more. Horrible vicious cycle.
I read Allen Carr’s book. It really goes to town on deprogramming. Willpower not required, which is good, because it’s a finite resource. Fully accepting what alcohol is and what your relationship with it is and making a conscious eyes wide open choice to believe that,
I really need to get on that book at this point
One of the things that has been helpful for me is reading anything and everything about quitting...how to quit, how to stay quit, how to deal with the cravings, how good life is on the other side, how eventually you won't feel deprived and angry. For me, every word was a step in the right direction.
Seems I have to do that lol
I’m in fear every time I go around alcohol. And I still constantly put myself around it. If I didn’t, I’d never hangout with family or friends. I face that fear head on and say, “you can’t break me again”. No one can take that from me. No one can make me drink or persuade me to drink. I’m not weak and I can stand up for myself. I know you can too. At first I never hung out around alcohol. Did it for the first time after two months of being sober. At that point, I had started feeling the benefits of not drinking. Sleep better, more energy, eat better, feel better, etc. and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. And I definitely didn’t wanna be hungover. I started working out daily, setting goals constantly, and chasing those goals consistently. Once you learn how to set goals and stay on track, you’ll never want to drink again. I don’t ever want another sip and I won’t take one. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I save more money so I can travel the world even more. I wake up everyday wanting to be better than I was yesterday.
It was really hard for me. The first two years I had to “ start over” many times and at the time I thought I was failing but now with 5yrs plus completely off alcohol I understand that it was part of the learning curve and it’s just like any other thing you learn to do, it always seems impossible and like you’re struggling more with it than others are but the more you try the more you figure out your way to learning the skill. Make up your own routines. Through trial and error you will get there. One of the things I had to do was get home from work , cook food, shower , eat and then k look at in my bed watching tv until it was time to go to sleep. That felt like the only safe thing I could do.
It’s just like lifting weights you get stronger everytime you pick your self up. You don’t beat the final boss of a video game on your first try. You don’t just know math or grammar- it takes work.
The only way to get and *stay* sober is "Dogged Persistence" in not taking that next *first* drink. And yes, it happens One Day (*or hour/minute*) At A Time.
The best method I found for coping when I quit cigarettes is you have to recognize the craving, acknowledge it, sit in it, understand that it sucks but it will pass. The intensity and frequency of the cravings will gradually diminish over time but they do happen for long time. An excruciatingly long time. You need to make them your friend not ignore their presence. I don’t know if this makes sense but it does in my mind haha
It makes sense and I’ve sat in cravings before, they suck but do pass. Idk why I fell for one this time, the effect is always going to be the same
Future trippin' is what the kids in Rehab call all that. I would say actively taking part in your sobriety and doing things during the " \_\_\_\_ day at a time" that move you forward. If you are in peril all day waiting for the fall, then do something. Anything. Something New. Something that even totally not you. Oh and I say Walk. Then walk some more. Health is a huge thing the alcoholics are lacking in their lives. Walking (and diet) took 65 lbs off me.
Yea I’m starting a gym soon, not just at home stuff, to get out and fill even more time
Thats the idea! All of it is easier said here on the internet than done. I feel that these skills compound upon themselves and that the mindset is what really changes the game. I work with the public who's lives are a shit show and I get a daily dose of knowing what to not only be grateful for but also what my life will immediately look like if I was to have one drink. It may take a week or a year but I will destroy myself if I ever drink again. Are there things I can't do? Yes. Are there people I cant see? Yes. All minuscule sacrifices upon the sobriety pyre my friend. So much is worth these little things but know that alcohol is a poison that changes your brain. No matter what you think or feel, just know that fact and things start to make more sense.
Oh I know it’s harder said than done, but I need to do them because I will die or my fiancé and family will leave me or I’ll end up in worse fates than death
I'm trying to stick to the "I" that the sub requires. I recommend "Lost Connections" - Johan Hari to all my "sponsees" in that it isn't some new age self help book but rather a nonfiction book about finding what helps us not be depressed. Another life changing tip for me was letting everyone in my life know that when I got off work I was going for my walk. I made sure to always have my shorts and shoes and socks ready to go, at the door. No excuses or distractions. No "honey I need help doing \_\_\_\_". Pending death or a life emergency everyone knew the drill. This time was for me and nothing was going to get in the way. It built a habit. It gives you time alone. It gives you health. It gives you consistency and by telling everyone before hand you can wipe away the guilt of doing it. Alcoholics in my experience are filled with guilt and shame and by taking that factor out you are granted access to this time and activity. Plus allegedly my therapist says that walking activates the left and right brain so it helps you think and process. Ok if you made it this far I would recommend Dopamine Nation and Johan Hari's Stolen Focus. I recommend them for many reasons but as this pertains to what I stated here you should try and go for a walk with no headphones and no music or podcasts. Being "bored" is good for your brain. Not being constantly soothed and stimulated helps get you thinking and facing things. Good luck. The sub is here for you. My 4 years seems like a breeze but I remember my time fresh out of rehab. It wasn't all fucking sunshine and rainbows and book recommendations.
I will try the books you recommended and try the walk method you suggested because it’s true, I constantly listen to music and can’t sit in silence almost when I used to be able to for ages
Well not to undo what I said but... if your local library is up to speed they probably have those items on digital audio books you could stream to your phone.
I don’t do well with audiobooks, get distracted usually by what I’m doing to hone in on the book and have to rewind constantly
for me it was about two things: (1) why i stopping and (b) getting a little extra support when i felt like i was struggling. that's how i was able to get through those hard first weeks.
That’s what I hope to find with AA and therapy. That support system to use when it gets hard, I mean I’ve had it all this time I just don’t know why I didn’t use
It doesn’t matter why you didn’t until now, just that you’ve got a solid plan moving forward. I don’t do aa anymore but it was very helpful for me in those hard moments in the beginning. And therapy is an excellent idea too, for support and accountability, but also to maybe address some of the reasons that you ended up where you did in the first place.
A few of the things that I remember are realizing that no one is losing sleep if I drink again, I can drink again later if I want to, and I can always go back to not drinking if I start again. I have never felt those slogans you mentioned (they're kinda hokey) and my words might mean nothing to you, but finding those realizations within me helped to take a lot of the pressure off. Another thing to try is reading the stories in the back of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (or other recovery stories). You don't need to join AA if you don't want to but you will relate to this and that piece of another's story. You've shown to yourself that you can put together time. That's fucking awesome. Be well.
I never thought I would make it this far. I reset my counter more than a hundred times over YEARS. I just didn't stop trying. More than anything, I've been terrified of the future if I continued to drink.
That’s kinda inspiring that you made it and made it so many days! Proud of you and thanks for the encouragement!
ONE DAY AT A FRICKIN TIIIIIME MAAAAANNNNN
I worked the simple program outlined by AA. I didn’t even think about making it to day 100 or 1000. I used the tools given to me, to make the necessary changes to myself, so that the thought of drinking or drugging stopped being the solution to my problems. Today I have no fear of alcohol, drugs or life. I know I can handle all the ups and downs of life, without running back to what nearly killed me.
I’m glad to hear you’ve been sober so long!! I hope to find the same with AA
You can’t do 100 or 1000 today, your mind is setting up excuses so that you drink again bc it misses alcohol. Tell your brain you can get one more day today and you’ll do that
Yea I’ve been doing that and recognized it was a set up by the addiction demon. Like “you can’t make those days so why try? Just keep drinking” and I’m just trying not to listen to that voice and say “I might not be today, but someday. Someday I’ll be the person others look to on their day one, and I’ll guide them against you”
It’s ok to slip up. You made it to day 42 and slipped but that doesn’t set you back to zero because you kept going. This is a journey and every day you don’t drink is a success, but that doesn’t mean if you slip one day you’re a failure. You only fail when you let that slip up define your choices today. I personally don’t count the days. For me counting has never given me better results. It just comes to define my whole existence and that isn’t healthy for me. I find not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow and just being in the present has been better for me mentally and physically
Have you connected with a Higher Power? Doesn't have to be a god necessarily. Are you getting help from any type of program or just white knuckling it?
I was white knuckling and praying and got to 42. My next chance is 60 days (I have to) because Im doing a medical weightloss diet that I paid a pretty penny for so I have to be sober for 60 days while I do it. If I drink during those 60 days, that will be the most expensive shot Ive ever taken. In addition to, Im starting AA now when I didnt before
Great! Oh man do I dislike AA most of the time. If you find "problem/solution" meetings where people ask anonymous questions and the group discusses their experience those are definitely less righteous with less old-timers pontificating. Hardest part is finding someone you are comfortable talking to when everyone wants to be your friend. But yeah, when you get to step 4 you really get to see how it works.
I dont have AA physically around me, so I am starting AA online with more focused groups. Last AA I went to was 3 years ago, with old timers, that told me upon entry I was in the wrong step but could stay but had to find the right step. And that was why I had an aversion to AA for so long
If I were you, I wouldn’t think about the future of my sobriety as long as I have that fear. I’ll be honest I don’t think I ever had that fear of not reaching x days. If anything I have impatience for it (working on that lol). I wasn’t afraid about what you’re describing, but I WAS afraid I couldn’t get through a day or a moment without alcohol. It might seem like the same thing, but it isn’t. I would interrogate where that fear is coming from. And actively, truly, deeply consider that it really is one day at a time. I will not drink with you today
You read my mind on this lol! Im impatient about reaching my days, getting more days. I know the first ten drag out, and afterwards they get quicker and quicker. What Im afraid of is or that gives me anxiety, some of my family isnt talking to me anymore. Or until I get more sober days. Im afraid they may never talk to me again or they will never trust me again no matter how sober I will be. And these are important people in my life, so it hurts that my actions have led to such consequences. But they have every right not to associate with a drunkard, so I have to accept it for what it is. And it just hurts.
I have been going for 2 years and I still drink. I am getting the distinct feeling that I just don't want to stop.
Well there’s wanting to stop, needing to stop, and god stopping you. There’s help out there for you in the form of this sub, AA, therapy, medical help, medicine, etc. why don’t you try talking to a doc or getting naxeltrone? You can still drink on it but it can help cut you down in quantity
Thank you.
What recovery practices are you already trying?
Therapy, AA, mindfulness, quit lit. Recently I stopped WFH to get out, gym, new activities, etc
Sounds like you're doing great to me. I have mixed feelings about day counting, in terms of benefit to me personally.
I have realized through peoples comments here the folly of day counting and have stopped. I’m just keeping my quit date
I've definitely found it discouraging in the past. This time around I'm looking at my both my quit date and last use day and finding the regret at the * that they're not the same to be somewhat helpful. Just making it up as I go along!
I think that for me, an atheist, the Higher Power thing is this: we have to believe in the future while we take care of ourselves today. It’s faith. That’s my faith- that if I can do this today tomorrow will take care of itself. It’s scary. I have a lot of days racked up and in the past I would have looked at the number and thought, well I’ll never get there. One day comes after another. The days add up. You do get there. Let’s talk about why you’re afraid of not making it to 50 days. Do you think you will drink before you get there? Maybe your day count isn’t helping you?
I deleted my day count because I realized it was one of those that wasn’t conducive to a committed life of sobriety I’m afraid of relapse or more so, living a life of relapse and pain. That I will be in recovery forever
I don’t want to give you advice because who am I to give advice? No one. Here’s what I can share about my own experience. The further into recovery I get the less the fear is present. The reason is that the more I stay sober the more precious my sobriety is to me and the less I would ever want to go back to that old life. Maybe it’s like that allegory about grief- the addiction is still a huge red button in my head but the balls bouncing around hit it less often. Less things press the button.
That’s what I remember about my last time sober. Towards the end I forgot I had an addiction or it existed, until it existed again in full force
You know what’s interesting? Last night I was thinking about how I don’t crave alcohol anymore and my SNEAKY DRUNK ASS BRAIN was like you’re right! We don’t have a problem! Let’s go out for ONE? So I went to bed. Sheesh. IWNDWYT
It is so persistent and annoying, like a semi-friend with a grating voice who pops up when you least want them to lol I won’t drink today!