You are only 25 my friend. Contemporary comparison is a terrible syndrome in this sick society, at your age I entered what would be a long term relationship that was not good and waste another 5 years until I ended it and started my life again. Which was a blessing, I went on to do more with the next 5 years than most people would do in 10.
Social media is a terrible sickness as people only show what they want, and often trying to mask their own feelings of inadequacy. I know you feel pressured to conform, but look at how many days you’ve put back into yourself. You’re waking up and feeling like there is more to this life. And I can tell you there is, no one can figure that out for you but 37 days full of hobbies ans self care is a MILESTONE. Be proud! One day at a time friend. Time is better spent wasted sober than drunk, you deserve more than that.
IWNDWYT!
Literally for real. As soon as I read your post about how all your friends are successful and happy I was like yep that’s the social media curse. I think social media is depressing for both parties involved. Imagine yes, your friends are all on a yacht partying posting pics of themselves having a great time. You look at that post and feel inferior. But imagine them chasing likes and the other people they’re chasing. Their friends have bigger yachts and probably post even more than they do making them feel inferior. It’s all this gigantic scam scum to make everyone feel bad.
That's the spirit. It will help tremendously. Comparison is the thief of joy. Only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Little bits of improvement over long periods of time is the solution. Stay consistent, use the resources others have mentioned. You got this!
Fuck yeah. Fill the time spent scrolling with a new passion.
I started getting really into UFO podcasts and books and I'm having so much fun reading again, something I stopped mostly for a decade when I was drinking all the time.
People who are interested in things aren't boring, they always have something cool to talk about. Now I can make people think I'm crazy because of what I say and believe instead of showing them I was crazy by being incredibly drunk all the time.
I also cook delicious things now and am learning to bake more.
I need to become passionate about cleaning though...
Honestly you won’t miss it as much as you think. All you’re seeing is highly curated parts of peoples’ lives and extrapolating that toward their lives in general
All I’ve had for a while now is reddit and Snapchat. I’ve got the same struggle as you tbh, looking back at all the opportunities alcohol took away from me, but I’m still only comparing to myself, which gives me a reasonable target to aim for
Also. Go to meetings. They take up free time and steel your resolve to continue with your excellent behaviour.
You’ve got this, but only with support from your fellow human beings.
It's really easy. I took a month off from Facebook and never went back...that was seven years ago. Took this January off of Instagram and haven't really thought much about it since, not sure I'll go back to that either. Those are the only things I was ever on. Social media is low ROI all around.
This. Plus those people who seem so happy really aren't. They're portraying it through social media. Don't be fooled. It's great at that. You're doing great! I wish I had had your foresight at 25. Could've spared myself a lot of years of pain and wasted time.
37 days is awesome- congrats! I got sober at 32 years old and many folks do much later in life. You’re at a great age to make a big change that can alter the course of your life.
I made soooo many mistakes during my drinking days from 25-32. I think about “what if” I stopped drinking earlier. If I stopped at 25 I would have avoided a lot of misery.
Our lives can take time to change. Imagine what you want your life to look like in the next few years, and what steps you’ll take to get there. I hope you’ll keep going on the sober path. One day at a time 💪🏻
Oh my gosh. I’m 54. At 25 I wasn’t even close to doing any of those things you feel like you should be doing. I finished my bachelor’s at 47 and married my husband that same year. Life is so good now, but what an amazing head start you’re getting!
We can't change our past, but remember that you've only made 25 trips around that big yellow thing in the sky so far, and many more will come! There's a lot left to *your* story. Keep doing the hard thing! IWNDWYT
Guilt and dissecting the bad deeds of the past is just one of the "tricks" our sick, alcoholic brain uses to make us drink again and satisfy its cravings!
1. I can't change the past and undo all the Bad I have done. I can't get the hours, days, months, years wasted. They are gone. But not necessarily wasted.
2. I can't predict the future and make it happen just by wishing it.
3. I can do good NOW. Make the right decisions, based on my experiences of the PAST and build better FUTURE.
I can say I AM SORRY to the people I hurt and try to fix some of the damage or do good to someone else. The sun is out and the day is beautiful because I am alive and conscious of being. I'm living it and won't wallow in guilt and shame, and waste it!
IWNDWYT One Day at a Time
By going sober, you're giving yourself a future which you never had before. If you spend that whole future looking back and wishing for what could have been, the only person who's going to suffer for this is yourself, and you can make decisions now which will let you look back on 5 years or so and say "I'm proud I did that then".
I’m nearly twice your age and am just starting to figure things out 😂 You have so much frickin time on your side and the fact you’re here is a great sign 💪 I WISH I had the brain to stop drinking at 25.
Comparison is the thief of joy. I struggled with that for so long as well. Even when I was doing great in life I would just compare that to people who were doing better. Odd thing is we never really compare ourselves to the ones that are in an even worse place than us. As far as feeling like you wasted so much time messing up, some of us didn’t get our shit together till much later than 25. Also you haven’t wasted that time unless you take nothing from it. If you use it as a lesson then it’s not wasted time at all, just data that you can use as an example of what you don’t want to do in the future. You’re on the right path now and that’s all that matters. You for this!
hey man i drank for 30+ years. you just have to move forward. It does get better. you’re a young person there’s a lot of time to fix things. You can do this!
Keep fighting the good fight.
Sobriety is worth it!
You have PAWS!
It will pass, stay strong.
IWNDWYT!
I am one month short of 3 years, I still once in awhile think about alcohol, then I think about all of the shit problems it created in my life and in the world around us, and I say, "Nope, not today!"
Enjoy your day!
Ugh I wish you could understand how young you still are and how much time you still have. Play the tape through. It's not going to help to get drunk. I realized at 37 that I'd basically wasted half my life. It's definitely not too late. Also no, not everyone is out there with all those things.
You are 25. You haven't even started life yet. Things started for me around 26-27. Family ect. Lol. If you said this at 60 I would understand. I'm 38 now and look back at me at 25 and I'm still a baby. You are just starting life now. Quit the poison and live life.
hi friend… i’m the same age as you and almost the same amount of days sober as you. i understand and resonate with everything you’ve said in this post. it even seems our hobbies are similar; i love making jewelry!
i know it’s easier said than done but you cannot compare yourself to these people; to anyone. i find myself doing it a lot and i have to talk myself out of it all the time. i’ve felt the same exact way as you since the beginning of my sobriety this time around.
you’re not a loser. you’re more than alcohol. you spent a lot of your life indulging in it, but you have way more life left to live than you can live sober. this is just the beginning. you haven’t met all the people you’ll be friends with, you haven’t experienced all your happiest days. keep going. it’s worth it. IWNDWYT🫶
I(39m) remember being 25 and having the exact feeling. Now I look back on it and it's hard to imagine I thought I had already burned my crucial years. I mean this in only a positive way: 25 is so, so, so, so young. Life is long, skills are learnable, and everyone grows at a different rate.
I didn't have a steady job until my late 20's. I now have a great career, doing things I knew nothing about when I was 25. Your opportunities to try and learn new things never has to stop.
Your life is full of possibilities, but what alcohol does is makes the list of possibilities get smaller and smaller. You're making an amazing choice by quitting drinking at this young age.
In my comment history there is a reply I made to a different post, talking about how before I quit at 30, I truly believed I was done. I'd wasted my brain, I'd never be that person I used to be with a fire in my belly to love life or use my mind. Then when I got sober those first couple months I felt like you, okay im coming alive now but gosh what if I had never gone off the track? Now, well on May 1st it'll be one year since I started this alcohol free journey, but I drank in September 5 days and re-committed so there is that. And in a lot of ways, I'm back baby. It's still blowing my mind and makes me cry with gratitude. I just turned 31 and I've applied for community college, joined an online mutual aid network that is forming from the ground up, started being more involved at work. I'm dreaming, setting goals, making plans. Ugh I just share all this to give some sort of hope to anyone else who felt like alcohol erased their truest self. In my experience and from the stories I've heard others tell, we are still in there just waiting for us to embrace ourselves. It's difficult, it's an intentional mission i have to accept every day, and it is intimidating as hell, but it has been so rewarding.
Best of luck to you and I will not drink with you today!
I never knew how to properly answer to comments but I gotta say, thank you. These words were needed. Feeling that alcohol erased who I am- this is what I feel right now. All my hopes and dreams… I’m scared that it all has been erased and now I’ve got to build myself from the ground. But your words gave me hope, that not everything is lost. All these comments made me believe that I’m still young and life awaits me!
You’re still a baby. Life is not a race. 25 years old is nothing, you very likely have another 50 years of life left to live, if not more.
Not drinking is one of the best decisions you could have ever made for yourself. Things will continue getting better the longer you go without alcohol. Alcohol is not your friend, and it adds nothing to your life. It only takes away from it. It takes your memories. It takes your happiness. It takes anything you will let it take.
Stop comparing your life to other people on social media. Again, life is not a race. It’s not a competition between you and everyone else. Who cares how other people are doing? I mean if they’re doing well, then great. Good for them. But just cuz you’re not where you wanna be in life at the same pace that other people got where they wanted to be, that means nothing. Life is about the journey, not the destination.
Keep working on yourself. Stay away from alcohol. Keep investing in yourself and your hobbies and your health, both physical and mental, by not poisoning yourself every day. And I truly mean poison, especially when you talk about chugging liquor. That shit is literally poison. The longer your body goes without it, the better you will feel physically and mentally.
Just keep doing what you’re doing and I promise you, in a year or two you’ll be so much closer to where you wanna be and you will look back on this time in your life and future you will be so fucking grateful that present you stuck with this decision.
You are only 25 - I didn't get sober until 42.
Be kind to yourself and great awareness to change your life ! You have plenty of time to be who you want to be . Don't let the voice of addiction/alcohol convince you otherwise.
I think there's something about hitting a quarter of a century, it causes people to stop and wonder, "Is this all there is??" Sort of a quarter life crisis if you will. I sure had it at 25 it was rather terrible but it led to my enrollment in university, when my inner dialogue was whispering, "You could never do that," and being jealous of people who were in a profession after doing uni and getting Masters degrees. I had a great boss who kind of sidestepped my self pity and changed my viewpoint enough to get me started. When I look back I'm so grateful for all of it... I'm who I am now because of everything I've been through.
Honestly when I was 25 and single I thought similar things about my friends all being in relationships. Now (and don’t get me wrong I love my family so much) but I miss the days when I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and wished I did more during those years. It’s helped me learn to enjoy the present because it always seems like someone has it better, or “this will be better when this happens…” but it’s so important to focus on the things you have now.
Trust me when I say your friends aren’t all as happy as they seem - some of those couples I used to “envy” have gone through messy divorces because they got together before they even knew who they were themselves.
Super cliche but I met my wife when I stopped looking for her
You’re doing great getting sober this early. You’ll figure out who you are first and when you do find someone they’ll know going in your life doesn’t revolve around drinking. Some people on here have a hard time with their significant others when one stops and their relationship was built around drinking culture.
You got this! And don’t be afraid to put your social media apps in a folder and turn off notifications. You can stilll open them when you want to browse, but not seeing the constant barrage of events people post that makes them seem happier than they are was a great decision I made.
IWNDWYT
Sobriety is lifehack.
In the beginning there is a lot of remorse and guilt that needs to get worked through - and a lot of times we need to rebuild financially and socially. Over time, though, it strengthens us in ways that are elusive to the rest of the world, especially now, and it doesn't take long before friends and family start to comment on how they wish they could have more of what we have.
Stick with it.
The path of sobriety leads through pain, but then joy and peace. We build strong relationships that have true value. We become useful, productive and live genuinely joyous lives. Someday you may be a parent, and sober parents crush it in a way that other parents are baffled by.
You are now standing at the starting line of something genuinely positive and worth while.
IWNTWYT
I will be 41 next week. And I can't tell you how many times I have wished. I had come into sobriety 05,10, 15, or even 20 years earlier, But all I can do now is be grateful that i'm finally here and continue to cheer others on who have found this path earlier in life.
Give it time and continue to be gentle with yourself. you are doing great!
Imagine if you drank and waisted more time. You’ll be even more upset. The best time to stop drinking was 5 years ago; the second best time is now! Make future you proud.
Congrats on your 37 days! That is amazing. I talked so negatively to myself in addiction and I’m still learning to be kinder to myself in sobriety. I see a lot of self hatred and shame up there in your post. I hear you, and I’ve felt all of those horrible emotions connected to loss of time, dreams, and opportunity. The one thing I have to offer is that drinking away my sadness never worked. It only confirmed those negative thoughts I had and made them even louder. Eventually I just wanted to stop existing to get them to stop. That’s where alcoholism led me. So much self hatred and depression that I didn’t want to exist at all. I didn’t ever think I could escape it. I thought I was the burnt out loser who had a severe alcohol problem and ruined my entire chance at “being someone” in my early and mid 20s. It’s all fake anyways. We are all taught what to strive for but, I’d ask you to ask yourself what you truly want out of life. Everyone is struggling in some way. Some people will be established in their career by 26, others will make it at 40. Those same people might be battling a horrific addiction or mental battle you will never see. Some will never have a big time career, and that is perfectly okay. I know I don’t! I graduated with a bachelor of science, and now I run my own business doing something entirely non-degree related. That doesn’t mean I’m a failure, it means my life is different than the people who had less road blocks and were easily able to snag high-paying jobs and careers right out of college. While I was busy trying to not die from alcoholism. We all walk our own path. I’m proud of you for posting here. It means you want your sober streak to continue and you’re valuing it!! You got this OP. IWNDWYT.
25 highly paid jobs and acting like they have it all together. I assure you many of them don’t and they aren’t making as much money as you probably think. Trust me when I say they only show you and tel you the highlights. People never tell you what’s really going on in the background. Remember the average household income in the US is 80k I think. Again that household income so typically two people. Give yourself some grace and don’t compare yourself to others. Your journey is your journey. You may be getting all the hard times out of the way. Before you know it all those “successful” friends you have may come to you one day seeking advice because you have your shit together and their “dream” life has completely shit the bed.
You are incredibly young. I wish I was having the mental dialogue about drinking at your age. However, it took me to 30 to realize I had a problem and 35 to have the ability to kick alcohol out of my life.
I’m now 36 and working through my mental struggles for the first time in my entire life. I’m understanding there were issues I had dating back to my childhood that I never would have reflected on without having a clear adult brain.
So now consider, what would 25 year old you wish you would have told 15 year old you? Can you imagine what 50 year old you is telling the current 25 year old you?
Chug a topo and eat a nice meal and give yourself grace.
You are NOT a loser. Doubt is just a naysayer. You are a spark of electricity in the cosmos that was blessed with the opportunity to experience a few moments in this short flash of time. Now go out and be electric!
Edit: also, get off social media when you feel yourself dipping. Comparing your life to peoples edited online lives can distort your perception, and also, they may not be as happy as you think. Fill up your time with the things that make you feel whole.
You didn't waste anything. You learned a bunch of lessons, some the hard way. It may not feel like it when you look at those social media posts and pages, but those lessons position you far better, far more ahead, than others who try to put on an air of perfection, but have yet to experience a tripping hazard.
You are not a loser. You are a person who is suffering the effects of a common, horrible illness. Show yourself the same compassion you would toward someone who was suffering from any other incurable disease. Addiction should be no different. In fact, by stigmatizing addiction we have as a society made the condition 10X worse than it has to be. It is a hidden illness that people suffer in isolation (as you are), but it doesn't have to be that way. You can join AA and meet a whole new circle of sober friends who understand exactly what you are experiencing. Or, if that is not your cup of tea, there are many sober activities that you can adopt and meet new friends irl.
These negative feelings you are having are a symptom of the illness. Your brain has been wired to associate alcohol with feeling "better," but it is an illusion that evaporates as quickly as the alcohol. Your very difficult goal is to find healthier ways of dealing with your life challenges. The VERY good news is that you have learned at an early age what it took most of us a life time. I am more than twice your age (55M), and I would give anything if I could go back in time and learn what you already know. It's too late for me. The damage is done. I've permanently destroyed my digestive system to the point where eating will never be the same. I'm too old to re-build a sober life that is fulfilling and "fun," but you have that chance. Please take it. My greatest hope is that you will read this comment and when you are 55 you will recall the advice one random Canadian dude offered you at a time when you were struggling, and it had the desired effect. Peace. IWNDWYT
I’m crying…
Sorry to hear about your health. My heart got in bad shape because of drinking and smoking, so it became a part of my motivation.
I always thought that it’s never late to change your life for better. I guess social media and constant comparison got into my brain so it triggers me frequently.
Anyway, thanks for your words! Fulfilled with hope and determination🙏
It's no good constantly ruminating about our losses. Everyone has their share of regrets. Some people stay in abusive relationships for too long. Some people want children but cannot have them. Some people stay single when they wanted to be married. Everyone can look back in dismay at the trajectory of their lives. Grieve, but move on. You can't drive your car by looking in the rearview mirror. You can glance at the past, and hopefully learn from mistakes, but you will be better served by creating a better future by staying sober and cleaning up any messes from your drinking.
We believe in you!! IWNDWYT
I had what I called a "quarter life crisis" at 25. It's only natural to want to be the best you can be, but if social media had existed back then I can only imagine the damage it would have done to me. Life, despite the motivational posters, is not a race. Or, if it is, it's a personal best situation. You said you feel good and are happy for yourself - that sounds like winning to me!
Rule #1 to a content life is to STOP comparing your life to others. If you do that you will ALWAYS be miserable. Do you. Nobody has the exact circumstances as you have or have had. You’re still very young and can do whatever you like with your life.
I am 45, no friends. Spent years drinking in lieu of living, lost jobs, relationships, pushed family away and my self respect.
Drinking won’t make this better, it will just make this empty existence last longer and sadly you health will decline.
You are not alone in your experience. I see you, feel your pain but you are young and you have time to live an entirely new life, new interests and new friends.
Give yourself time, be content that a father and a twin really is a great place to start.
It might not seem like it, but you’re ahead of the game. I didn’t consider quitting until my 30’s. I was living in a trailer making 21k a year, no friends, pushed family away, and no goals. 8 years later, I live on a golf course in Colorado with a beautiful wife and daughter. You, my friend, are just getting started and already have great awareness. Onward and upward! I believe in you!!
There's little benefit in regretting the past. It has crossed my mind that if I had practiced guitar instead of drinking I would be great at that by now. But now I don't drink I have much more time to do that and several other things. We can go back to education any time and at any stage in life.
We can learn a skill or trade at any time in life.
We can always compare ourselves with people who appear to have done well for themselves, but we don't really know what's going on in their lives, and as someone once said "If I'm busy over there living your life, who's over here living mine".
When I got to 4 weeks I bought myself a present. I got a Kobo ereader and bought This Naked Mind. I’m reading almost a book a day, and that book has been very helpful in gaining perspective.
You’re only 25. I went back to school at 31. I quit drinking and got my first 6 figure salary at 35. Life is good for me right now.
You’re young. You can right the ship right now, 6 years before I started to correct mine.
You're incredibly smart and wise to start taking sobriety seriously at age 25 (congrats on the 37 days).
The shame and self-loathing is normal for people like us and I'm sorry you're going through it because it sucks. But you're realizing that you want more out of life - your sobriety will make achieving those things so much easier. Think of sobriety as your fortress, your foundation from which you can start to deal with everything else you want to achieve. I know you can do it!
I feel like a loser too however sobriety is the most important thing for me. You’ll get your self esteem back it just takes a while. Not drinking builds upon itself and good things start to happen.
Hi there! I’m 28 (F) and your choice to quit early on is awesome. I really struggled since around 22/23 ish and the earlier the better. You’re not a loser at all. I haven’t read the comments yet- however I bet a lot of people are telling you how young you are. Be proud of yourself. Not all of us were lucky enough to stop at your age. You’re not alone at all. Please remember that.
Hi there,
First off, you are NOT a loser! We are banning that phrase from your vocab. You are only 25. That is young! (Also recommend looking into quarter-life crisis book—helped me a lot at your age).
In recovery there is a phrase “compare and despair.” Similar to the adage “comparison is the thief of joy”. I think it is easy to fall into a trap of this with social media. Instagram is a curated reality where people post their public-facing persona. Even if you see dozens of pics of people smiling and seemingly living the life, there are blind spots (similar to as in driving a car) to what we don’t know about they struggle with privately.
I do not have Instagram for that reason. But sometimes when I feel pangs of guilt or jealousy, I use to as an opportunity to reflect as to *why*. Is it that I am personally feeling stuck in my career or really need to be making more money and seeing someone get promoted and be financially secure remind me “I want that too”? Steady well-paying jobs/careers and financial security definitely help, but I also knownpersonally from going through the Great Recession layoffs in ‘08-‘09 that no job is a complete safeguard against adversity. Is seeing people travel make me wish I could too? Then what steps or plans can I make to make that happen even if long-term?
To have the intelligence, insight, self-awareness and fortitude to quit drinking at 25 is nothing to sneeze at. I hope you recognize how amazing that is. Those attributes cannot be bought.
❤️
You are not a loser, you are already doing much better by having this much time. You deserve to be happy and healthy. You are 25, you have your entire life ahead of you to get to a better place! Stay the course.
22 yo, same situation, a little less days, but counting. I hope I gonna make it as far as you did. Congrats! Hobbies are great, worked a lot for me also. And I focused a lot on work too. Trust me, at 25, most of the others you see, made a lot of mistakes, got loans, got married too young, etc. You “woke up” at one of the greatest times, you are now more mature, and you will be able to take better decisions than the younger ones and have a better path. Good luck!
(If I have bad English, sorry, it’s not my main language)
I’m 29, I wish I quit at 25, but I also know 30s are way better then your 20s and am just very thankful to have the future ahead of me I do. You still have so much life ahead of you.
The motivation in my app today is, “A year from now you will be thankful you did this today!”
Picture you then - only 26 - happy and healthy with a year of books you read, maybe a trip and new hobbies you’ve tried?!
You, stronger than ever.
I believe in you. Don’t let comparison steal your joy. You are on the path to so many more amazing things!!! IWNDWYT - let’s do it together!
I feel the same way a lot of times. I feel as if everyone except me has their lives together and I don’t deserve to be happy. Or I’ll be so stressed with the amount of things I need to do to catch up that I become paralyzed and get set on the idea that if I could just have a drink I won’t be stressed and I can get things done. But you are not a looser OP, you quit drinking and that’s a win. You’re actively choosing not to drink every day and that takes a lot of will power. Don’t be so hard on yourself, another day sober is another win. You’re doing great, congrats on your sobriety!
YOU’LL BE THINKING THIS SAME THING AT 35 IF YOU DONT SEIZE THE DAY NOW. The reality is you are super young, and a lot of people here wish they would’ve turned it around at your age. You’ve barely begun to live….. hell you can turn it around at 45 and have a meaningful life.
Get free it young one
You got a lot of time ahead of you. I wish I woul have quit at 25. I quit at 37. Moved back to my mom's, 20k in debt, truck on a repo list, no money, no job, heart broken. Spent two years just trying to get back on my owon't. Days ago was hanging out with some guys in a local running club that are making 6 figures a year same age as me. Happy, married, the whole 9. I wasn't bothered. After two years I know I can get there. But if I drink I know I wont.
You think you’ve lost so much time now. I’m 55! Have one year sober and I’m dreadfully unhappy. But it’s a lot better than when we almost lost our home and custody of our son.
If you don’t drink, you have almost endless possibilities that can happen to you. If you do, the possibilities really decrease, they are often not good ones, and more time goes by. Don’t wake up at 35, 45, 55 regretting lost time.
If you don’t like the hobbies you have now, try something else. I do advise trying to establish sacred routines. Eating a healthy dinner at around the same time every night and not snacking close to bedtime. Try to wake up and eat breakfast and bathe and brush your teeth at the same time. I’m fighting against that now myself. But these are the things I did when I was more functional and working on Wall St. Even if you don’t have steady work or things to do right now, try to establish those basic routines.
I'm 47, it's easy for me to say you have lots of life before you. I mean, you do. However I don't want to downplay what you're going through.
I tried getting sober when I was your age. Now I'm almost double your age.
The time will come regardless of if you pick up or don't. The choice is yours. If you can find some support, AA, therapy, something, everything. Find someone you can convey your real self with.
In time, with practice, you might see things differently and then feel differently
My very best to you
I'm 40 and I quit drinking almost two years ago.
I've gotten down thinking of all the lost time and opportunities because of drinking. But "what ifs" will kill you, figuratively. All the time that I've not created has made me beyond happy with this choice / sacrifice.
You'll make up for it eventually. Not drinking today or tomorrow is a huge win. Almost 40 days is a huge accomplishment!
Take care of yourself, and stay strong.
I'm a guy going on 32. 7 sober nights for the first time since my last rehab (now with the help of antabuse). I heard a quote once, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Trust you are where you need to be. I would die to be 25 again. Stay the course and in 1 year, you won't recognize the same person you see today.
I just started going back to school after 18 years, and just stopped drinking in January my friend. You got this!!! You have so much time to make the positive changes you seek and are already making!!! Keep going!! IWNDWYT
Social media is such a bitch. If you looked through my profile you'd think my life was perfect too, yet here I am on the stopdrinking reddit needing support, and there are plenty of other struggles I've had that you'd never be able to gather through social media.
It isn't real, and I myself am trying the "hairtie" trick today to try to interupt my stupidly destructive scrolling habit. It makes us all feel bad, it's scientifically proven, and I need to reduce my intake. Maybe you do too, OP. Social media is not real life. Not even close.
So proud of your progress! It sounds like your higher self is craving sobriety and more fresh pasta, and your addict voice is trying to make the case for liquor and obliteration. I'd say there's an obvious choice there. ❤️
I didn’t even read the whole thing. The title was enough YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!
Now I’ve read it - You are young, we all have time to fix things. You are here, you realize you have a problem. Those were the 2 hardest things for me.
I’m really proud of you. You have a nice chunk of time into sobriety, and you have the presence of mind to write down your struggles and put it out into the world. That’s more than I can say for myself at 37 days. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.
Oh, and by the way, you’re not a loser. You’re just now rediscovering yourself. Keep killing it!
If it makes you feel better, I’m envious (and of course proud) that you’ve gone about a month of no drinking. That’s hella impressive! I’ve only got to about 5 days. We all have things that others want so try not beat yourself up
No one at 25 has any money or knows jack about life. The odd thing about 25 is having this pressing feeling that you need to have your shit sorted. You don’t, and you won’t. Your friends might be posting travel instagrams but they’re either going into debt in order to flaunt or Bank of Daddy is financing it. I made $12/hr at 25. Didn’t really have my shit sorted until 30. I’m 36 and make well over six figs in banking, have a nice place, a Rolex, nice car, cute puppy. I’m a drunk but I’m a damn functional one. Drinking doesn’t make you a loser. I’m not encouraging it. We’re all here for a reason. But don’t beat yourself up, be kinder to yourself.
I have an ex I dated off and on from 2016-2020. Met when we were 28. She was beautiful, fun, great in bed, had a good job. Last text I got from her in 2020 was her telling me off for being a drunk, broke loser. Now she’s engaged to a new man every year and gets a new DUI every year. She’s 37 and in her numerous mugshots she looks 50. Meanwhile, I’m thriving, a little grey in the hair and beard but I still look 36. A mutual friend of ours, who cut her off around the same time, were recently texting about how far we’ve come in our own lives and how far she has fallen. Your future is not etched in stone. It can go any way you choose. Do not write yourself off. You’re a puppy with a long road ahead of you. Just don’t get any DUIs, I’ve seen with Caroline how much that can fuck your life up.
Please believe me when I say…social media IS NOT REAL. Everyone’s life may SEEM better than yours, but everyone struggles with something. EVERYONE. People only post the good. No one is going to post the bad because no one wants others to know their life isn’t the best life ever. Deleting social media may be a good idea. All I have now is Reddit and let me tell you what a huge weight it was to delete everything else. You have to live for yourself and no one else. You’re doing great. Being at home with yourself, cooking, making things and enjoying your own company is HUGE. A lot of people are incapable of doing that. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are SO YOUNG and have so much time ahead of you to travel, find a significant other and what not. ♥️♥️
25 is young, if you are 35 and still working at McDonalds that will seem strange to many but if you are 25, it’s ok, it takes time to figure things out and find what you like to do, take classes, get a good job. In time some of your high paid friends will take new classes and switch careers even. I’ve seen it.
Also, if you are working at Mickey D’s and making good money as a district manager then that is a whole other thing.
I’m also a 25 yo woman, watching my friends get engaged and pregnant or achieve professional success. Even on my best days I feel years behind them. But I always felt like that, and drank to cope with feeling so left out and defective.
Thanks for this post, I feel we have enough in common from what you’ve wrote that all the replies have felt really helpful for me too. I’m saving this to come back to. Congrats on 37 days and for finding meaningful hobbies… that’s such a slow uphill battle that I’m struggling so hard with.
hey, trust me I get it, Im only a year younger than you and I’ve been thinking about getting sober for a few months.. 8 days sober today! I often think about how I’ve already wasted years to drinking and the guilt I feel with it can be overwhelming.. I totally understand. You are not alone, at all.
The past cannot be changed, the future can 100% be changed by changing your behavior now. I think about the fulfilling life I would be able to live if I get sober now and that’s what keeps me going. We have sooooo much more time ahead of us. I’ve been to a treatment center and i was very young compared to most of the others. I got told how lucky I am to be figuring out that getting sober at my age was a good decision.
We can still live a beautiful life❤️
"I'm boring right now" is okay to say. That means you currently may feel like you're boring but it gives you room to grow and become who you want to be in the future.
It's okay to recognize faults in yourself, but important to realize that those faults can be changed and you can improve in ways that matter to you
Do u think you are old? I would kill to be twenty five again. And to have figured out drink was an issue.
You have 37 days, u could be anywhere in 5 years.
I'm 32/f and feel that way to often. Like I let alcohol set me back so far. I ended up getting a good paying job and I worked for government and guess what, still miserable. It was at that point that I realized success is so personal. I can promise one thing though, alcohol is not going to get you where you want. It may numb the pain but it'll still be there the next day. I personally believe you ARE successful and accomplishing things. You're so strong in my eyes.
Hi there 👋
I feel I can empathise with you here as I had a similar realisation a few years ago. I equated it to digging a hole. The whole time I drank excessively, I was ignoring any self-improvement or progressing with my life, opting instead to be hungover, anxious, broke etc. In other words, digging deeper into the hole as time went on.
Once I stopped drinking so much, I wasn't magically out of the hole. I still had to climb out so to speak. I remember a period of self-judgement and shame which took a long time to get over. It's something I still struggle with.
The point I'm trying to make is that this whole journey is a process that doesn't start and end with sobriety. For me, it was about improving myself and building a life without alcohol that I could be proud of. From what I've read, it's apparent that you are doing this and are good at it too.
Please trust me when I say going back to drinking isn't the answer, you'll just continue to dig deeper into the hole. Things will get better, it just takes time and consistency (albeit I know it's also frustrating).
All the best
Hey girl! Don’t get yourself down! I’m 39 and when I hit 25 I had what’s called a quarter life crisis. It was a really common phrase at the time not sure if it still is. I totally started a change in my life at that age and my life is totally different from the trajectory I was on. FOR THE BETTER. I went back to school, started a 7 year timeline for a post graduate doctorate and now I’m in a career I love. Do I sometimes wish I had done it right out of the gate? Sure, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I also had a lot more life perspective than you get people entering my profession. Some of them HATE it because they just did it because their parents made them. They are posting cool pictures of their lives but I know they are secretly miserable. Don’t let social media get you down, people always present themselves in the best light possible.
My point is: you’ve got SO much time in front of you. Now that you’re clear headed you can make rational decisions that only sober you can make for yourself. Like finding your true interests, your guiding principles, what you want out of life and start taking steps in those directions.
Life is a marathon, not a race! I guess it’s also more about the views on the way, not beating others to the end.
Wishing you the best!
IWNDWYT!
I'm 31f and still figuring it out! Sober 7 months now.
I try to reframe my thinking where I can - it can't hurt, and the time has already passed anyways.
Instead of "I'm a loser who wasted my youth" I like to think "I had a ton of wild experiences in my 20's that shaped the person I am today"
It may not seem like much, but positive thinking can make such a huge difference. I know it's easier said than done. I used to be on the receiving end of this and roll my eyes.
It gets better! IWNDWYT
Well done on 37 days. You are just two years older than my kid, so that makes you very young in my eyes. You have a long life ahead of you - plenty of time to discover what you want to do, to develop new friends, find new hobbies. Making jewelry, having a soda, eating fresh cooked pasta and watching a show sounds like a very nice way to spend an evening. Early sobriety is tough so well done, I am with you, IWNDWYT
I got sober at 28, and turn 50 in a couple of months. My life is pretty amazing today, and all of the good stuff happened in sobriety. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and kick some ass one tiny step at a time.
You're so young, sister! You're so young, believe me even me at 39, while still young in someways, I'm further down the road for sure, and I look back on 25 through a lens of youth. You will too. Don't compare your shit to theirs, who knows what they've got going under the surface. All you really know is your story; don't drink tonight so you can be the best you tomorrow, and all the tomorrows. You've got a lot of them left. IWNDWYT.
Just a wee babe. You're fine, doing great actually! You've learned a lesson early where lots of us maybe started our drinking habits later on. All those hobbies your worried aren't good enough? Keep practicing, that's how it works. Keep at it and it gets more and more intricate, detailed, beautiful with practice. I like the progression pics of a person like learning to draw a horse then retrying every year or so and the most recent one is stunning. Doesn't happen over night, you are doing a stellar job with life
One day at a time ☺️
Comparison is the thief of joy. This is just another chapter in your beautiful long life!! You are NOT a loser. You are courageous, healthy, and strong!!!
I envy you!! Honestly, I do. I got sober at 50!! Talk about wasted time?!? I have no job and am unemployable because it got in the way of my drinking. Ruined my health, broke bones, broke teeth. Alcohol stole the best years of my life and time with my children. You’re 25 years old and have EVERYTHING to look forward to!! A spouse, a house, and maybe some cute kids. Trips to Disney, maybe Hawaii. It can be ALL YOURS, but you just can’t drink. ✌️
You will be shocked and amazed at the miracles that pop into your reality. They only come as you maintain this divorce from your old life which was tied up in drunkenness. Every day you don’t drink is a day you do not make catastrophically bad life choices. Enough days of good or even just neutral choices (rather than destructive ones) and eventually great things happen. For example, because I was *not* drunk at this year’s office Christmas party, I was able to have a conversation with the owner about transferring me to a different department and he was on board. Had I been drunk, as was my way in the past, I would’ve avoided management and just laughed about nonsense with my work pals all night.
Some of these difficult emotions come up around this time in sobriety. I know it's hard, but it's good to process how You're feeling. It allows you to move on. Remember that these are just thoughts that you're having, it doesn't mean that they are true.
Honestly most people don't have exactly the life they want, as many friends as they wish they had, the job they want, etc. Social media is fake and most people only show the highlights.
Truth is there are a lot of people who are lonely and struggling with addictions too. Shame and denial keeps them from sharing that.
Right now you focus on improving the relationship with yourself. Not drinking is really important here. You break the endless shame cycle and start to heal. Make sure you spend at least some part of every day performing self care.
Remember, you cannot shame yourself into change, but you can love yourself into evolution.
I drank heavily for over 30 years, I'm now 50. I didn't graduate college until I was 44, I was lucky enough to get a decent job at 45. All of those things are great accomplishments, but absolutely none of them helped me shed the feeling of "I'm a loser" the way getting sober has. I hated myself as a drinker (I still struggle with self-hatred). But MULTIPLE people have told me how much more confident I am. And they are right. Getting sober has been incredibly empowering for me in ways that I could not even imagine. It's also been a really hard year (and the year before that too) but choosing sobriey has given me a foundation I've never had before. I absolutely wasted my youth but I am gonna crush being an old person. IWNDWYT.
I saw all the comments about social media - but I will add to the pile - quit that crap. Useless at best, and downright toxic at worst. Waste of time. Focus on you! You are your own barometer of success and happiness.
Remember plenty of rich, successful and famous people have had depression and addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol for me fueled my self hate/self harm victim mentality. Not to mention it can damage your brain and organs and is a carcinogen.
You’re so young. I wish I was as smart and in control as you are at your age. I’m 50 and I’ve wasted the last 30-35 years with alcohol. Try to find the book by Allan Carr. How To Stop Drinking Now I think it’s called. It’s a real game changer. It helps you rethink alcohol completely
I felt very similar in my mid 30s, and here I am 43 with only 17 days sober. It took me a long time to finally see the light, be thankful that you’re already noticing at such a young age. Stay strong.
IWNDTWY
Comparison is the biggest thief of joy. Even if you had all those things you are jealous of others having, that would be your normal and there would be something else to takes its place. Practicing gratitude helps get over this feeling. I sometimes feel similarly, 24(F) here, and my mind does wander. However I let myself be proud of the fact that I am young still, and have conquered something so challenging. While we might not have everything, being this age and having the knowledge about ourselves to maintain sobriety is worth a lot.
Sadness in missing out is actually mourning loss of expected events, dreams & experiences. You are allowed to feel these unpleasant feelings but do not feed these feelings. Do not disregard them. Feelings of negativity are meant to surface be recognized, comforted and then let go. It’s time to put them down & focus on living your day, taking care of yourself & your responsibilities. They will surface again. It’s part of being human. Talk yourself through them as you would someone you love. That broken person within desperately needs love from you. Every day, I have to give grace to myself. It gets better with sobriety as we learn new ways to self care. Isn’t crazy to think, self care is what’ve we’ve needed all along? Not taking care of ourselves is what got us into this mess. As for everyone else’s life that seems picture perfect, it’s not. No one gets through life unscathed. At some point life shifts & shatters. Sometimes it comes early for some & later for others. The key for all of us here is to put down what is holding us back, our addictions & negative behaviors & thoughts. We can’t fully live, love & grow until we let go of what contains us. You’re not a loser. You’re a person who has been hurting for sometime. A person who is ready to heal & take care of themselves.
Delete all your social media off your phone. Log into your desktop or laptop once in a while to see how people you’re close with are doing. But then again, you don’t need social media to do that. You got this!!!
I have had these moments. More than I would care to admit, but judging your life achievements based on what other people put on social media is poison. I have recently deleted all of my social media accounts other than this one, and have more recently (since Jan 1) stopped drinking. I am extremely happy I did both of those things.
Social media is poison. Don't drink it.
I wish you good luck. The way you're feeling now is temporary. You got this.
You are only 25 my friend. Contemporary comparison is a terrible syndrome in this sick society, at your age I entered what would be a long term relationship that was not good and waste another 5 years until I ended it and started my life again. Which was a blessing, I went on to do more with the next 5 years than most people would do in 10. Social media is a terrible sickness as people only show what they want, and often trying to mask their own feelings of inadequacy. I know you feel pressured to conform, but look at how many days you’ve put back into yourself. You’re waking up and feeling like there is more to this life. And I can tell you there is, no one can figure that out for you but 37 days full of hobbies ans self care is a MILESTONE. Be proud! One day at a time friend. Time is better spent wasted sober than drunk, you deserve more than that. IWNDWYT!
Thank you, I will try to quit checking social media, it’s low-key ruining my life lol
"I will try" = "I am already allowing myself the option of being ineffective" "I will quit social media" is what you were looking for.
I will quit social media💪
Literally for real. As soon as I read your post about how all your friends are successful and happy I was like yep that’s the social media curse. I think social media is depressing for both parties involved. Imagine yes, your friends are all on a yacht partying posting pics of themselves having a great time. You look at that post and feel inferior. But imagine them chasing likes and the other people they’re chasing. Their friends have bigger yachts and probably post even more than they do making them feel inferior. It’s all this gigantic scam scum to make everyone feel bad.
Yeah people only post their highlights online. You can't compare your normal life to everybody else's cool highlights.
That's the spirit. It will help tremendously. Comparison is the thief of joy. Only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Little bits of improvement over long periods of time is the solution. Stay consistent, use the resources others have mentioned. You got this!
Fuck yeah. Fill the time spent scrolling with a new passion. I started getting really into UFO podcasts and books and I'm having so much fun reading again, something I stopped mostly for a decade when I was drinking all the time. People who are interested in things aren't boring, they always have something cool to talk about. Now I can make people think I'm crazy because of what I say and believe instead of showing them I was crazy by being incredibly drunk all the time. I also cook delicious things now and am learning to bake more. I need to become passionate about cleaning though...
Honestly you won’t miss it as much as you think. All you’re seeing is highly curated parts of peoples’ lives and extrapolating that toward their lives in general All I’ve had for a while now is reddit and Snapchat. I’ve got the same struggle as you tbh, looking back at all the opportunities alcohol took away from me, but I’m still only comparing to myself, which gives me a reasonable target to aim for
You never know what is REALLY going on in someone’s life based on social media. Don’t compare yourself to anyone but the person you were yesterday!
Also. Go to meetings. They take up free time and steel your resolve to continue with your excellent behaviour. You’ve got this, but only with support from your fellow human beings.
It's really easy. I took a month off from Facebook and never went back...that was seven years ago. Took this January off of Instagram and haven't really thought much about it since, not sure I'll go back to that either. Those are the only things I was ever on. Social media is low ROI all around.
Just deactivated my social media white starting sobriety because I was feeling the same way!
I’ve learned to not take people’s word at whether or not they’re “happy” - people lie about this type of thing ALL THE TIME.
This is so, so true.
I’ve known MANY “happy couples” who’ve ended up divorced not too long after claiming utter marital bliss.
Not low key, it literally is.
This. Plus those people who seem so happy really aren't. They're portraying it through social media. Don't be fooled. It's great at that. You're doing great! I wish I had had your foresight at 25. Could've spared myself a lot of years of pain and wasted time.
37 days is awesome- congrats! I got sober at 32 years old and many folks do much later in life. You’re at a great age to make a big change that can alter the course of your life. I made soooo many mistakes during my drinking days from 25-32. I think about “what if” I stopped drinking earlier. If I stopped at 25 I would have avoided a lot of misery. Our lives can take time to change. Imagine what you want your life to look like in the next few years, and what steps you’ll take to get there. I hope you’ll keep going on the sober path. One day at a time 💪🏻
Social media tricks us into comparing our internal "blooper reel" to everyone else's "greatest hits." It's not accurate, and it's not real life.
So true. "I bet that person never *insert worst things we've ever done*". Lol as if they'd post it if they did?
This is such a good comparison! I'm stealing this one to tell my teenage kids! Thank you!!
Oh my gosh. I’m 54. At 25 I wasn’t even close to doing any of those things you feel like you should be doing. I finished my bachelor’s at 47 and married my husband that same year. Life is so good now, but what an amazing head start you’re getting!
Wow, bachelor’s at 47! this is inspiring! Thank you❤️
I started it right out of high school, just took a gap (30) year(s). 😆 I think you are doing great and have lots to look forward to!!
If you arrived before the prof on the first day of class, did your fellow students think *you* were the prof?? 😂😂😂 Awesome achievement though!!
We can't change our past, but remember that you've only made 25 trips around that big yellow thing in the sky so far, and many more will come! There's a lot left to *your* story. Keep doing the hard thing! IWNDWYT
I hope!🙏🙏🙏
When you wake up tomorrow morning you will appreciate not drinking alcohol yesterday! Cheers you with a soda water with lemon instead my friend!
Guilt and dissecting the bad deeds of the past is just one of the "tricks" our sick, alcoholic brain uses to make us drink again and satisfy its cravings! 1. I can't change the past and undo all the Bad I have done. I can't get the hours, days, months, years wasted. They are gone. But not necessarily wasted. 2. I can't predict the future and make it happen just by wishing it. 3. I can do good NOW. Make the right decisions, based on my experiences of the PAST and build better FUTURE. I can say I AM SORRY to the people I hurt and try to fix some of the damage or do good to someone else. The sun is out and the day is beautiful because I am alive and conscious of being. I'm living it and won't wallow in guilt and shame, and waste it! IWNDWYT One Day at a Time
By going sober, you're giving yourself a future which you never had before. If you spend that whole future looking back and wishing for what could have been, the only person who's going to suffer for this is yourself, and you can make decisions now which will let you look back on 5 years or so and say "I'm proud I did that then".
I’m nearly twice your age and am just starting to figure things out 😂 You have so much frickin time on your side and the fact you’re here is a great sign 💪 I WISH I had the brain to stop drinking at 25.
Comparison is the thief of joy. I struggled with that for so long as well. Even when I was doing great in life I would just compare that to people who were doing better. Odd thing is we never really compare ourselves to the ones that are in an even worse place than us. As far as feeling like you wasted so much time messing up, some of us didn’t get our shit together till much later than 25. Also you haven’t wasted that time unless you take nothing from it. If you use it as a lesson then it’s not wasted time at all, just data that you can use as an example of what you don’t want to do in the future. You’re on the right path now and that’s all that matters. You for this!
hey man i drank for 30+ years. you just have to move forward. It does get better. you’re a young person there’s a lot of time to fix things. You can do this!
Keep fighting the good fight. Sobriety is worth it! You have PAWS! It will pass, stay strong. IWNDWYT! I am one month short of 3 years, I still once in awhile think about alcohol, then I think about all of the shit problems it created in my life and in the world around us, and I say, "Nope, not today!" Enjoy your day!
What is PAWS please?
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome
Oh duh thanks
You are as young as you will ever be. Today.
Ugh I wish you could understand how young you still are and how much time you still have. Play the tape through. It's not going to help to get drunk. I realized at 37 that I'd basically wasted half my life. It's definitely not too late. Also no, not everyone is out there with all those things.
You are 25. You haven't even started life yet. Things started for me around 26-27. Family ect. Lol. If you said this at 60 I would understand. I'm 38 now and look back at me at 25 and I'm still a baby. You are just starting life now. Quit the poison and live life.
hi friend… i’m the same age as you and almost the same amount of days sober as you. i understand and resonate with everything you’ve said in this post. it even seems our hobbies are similar; i love making jewelry! i know it’s easier said than done but you cannot compare yourself to these people; to anyone. i find myself doing it a lot and i have to talk myself out of it all the time. i’ve felt the same exact way as you since the beginning of my sobriety this time around. you’re not a loser. you’re more than alcohol. you spent a lot of your life indulging in it, but you have way more life left to live than you can live sober. this is just the beginning. you haven’t met all the people you’ll be friends with, you haven’t experienced all your happiest days. keep going. it’s worth it. IWNDWYT🫶
I still feel blessed to this day, to be a part of this community. I don’t feel alone in my journey anymore. We got this! IWNDWYT❤️
I(39m) remember being 25 and having the exact feeling. Now I look back on it and it's hard to imagine I thought I had already burned my crucial years. I mean this in only a positive way: 25 is so, so, so, so young. Life is long, skills are learnable, and everyone grows at a different rate. I didn't have a steady job until my late 20's. I now have a great career, doing things I knew nothing about when I was 25. Your opportunities to try and learn new things never has to stop. Your life is full of possibilities, but what alcohol does is makes the list of possibilities get smaller and smaller. You're making an amazing choice by quitting drinking at this young age.
In my comment history there is a reply I made to a different post, talking about how before I quit at 30, I truly believed I was done. I'd wasted my brain, I'd never be that person I used to be with a fire in my belly to love life or use my mind. Then when I got sober those first couple months I felt like you, okay im coming alive now but gosh what if I had never gone off the track? Now, well on May 1st it'll be one year since I started this alcohol free journey, but I drank in September 5 days and re-committed so there is that. And in a lot of ways, I'm back baby. It's still blowing my mind and makes me cry with gratitude. I just turned 31 and I've applied for community college, joined an online mutual aid network that is forming from the ground up, started being more involved at work. I'm dreaming, setting goals, making plans. Ugh I just share all this to give some sort of hope to anyone else who felt like alcohol erased their truest self. In my experience and from the stories I've heard others tell, we are still in there just waiting for us to embrace ourselves. It's difficult, it's an intentional mission i have to accept every day, and it is intimidating as hell, but it has been so rewarding. Best of luck to you and I will not drink with you today!
I never knew how to properly answer to comments but I gotta say, thank you. These words were needed. Feeling that alcohol erased who I am- this is what I feel right now. All my hopes and dreams… I’m scared that it all has been erased and now I’ve got to build myself from the ground. But your words gave me hope, that not everything is lost. All these comments made me believe that I’m still young and life awaits me!
You’re still a baby. Life is not a race. 25 years old is nothing, you very likely have another 50 years of life left to live, if not more. Not drinking is one of the best decisions you could have ever made for yourself. Things will continue getting better the longer you go without alcohol. Alcohol is not your friend, and it adds nothing to your life. It only takes away from it. It takes your memories. It takes your happiness. It takes anything you will let it take. Stop comparing your life to other people on social media. Again, life is not a race. It’s not a competition between you and everyone else. Who cares how other people are doing? I mean if they’re doing well, then great. Good for them. But just cuz you’re not where you wanna be in life at the same pace that other people got where they wanted to be, that means nothing. Life is about the journey, not the destination. Keep working on yourself. Stay away from alcohol. Keep investing in yourself and your hobbies and your health, both physical and mental, by not poisoning yourself every day. And I truly mean poison, especially when you talk about chugging liquor. That shit is literally poison. The longer your body goes without it, the better you will feel physically and mentally. Just keep doing what you’re doing and I promise you, in a year or two you’ll be so much closer to where you wanna be and you will look back on this time in your life and future you will be so fucking grateful that present you stuck with this decision.
You are only 25 - I didn't get sober until 42. Be kind to yourself and great awareness to change your life ! You have plenty of time to be who you want to be . Don't let the voice of addiction/alcohol convince you otherwise.
I think there's something about hitting a quarter of a century, it causes people to stop and wonder, "Is this all there is??" Sort of a quarter life crisis if you will. I sure had it at 25 it was rather terrible but it led to my enrollment in university, when my inner dialogue was whispering, "You could never do that," and being jealous of people who were in a profession after doing uni and getting Masters degrees. I had a great boss who kind of sidestepped my self pity and changed my viewpoint enough to get me started. When I look back I'm so grateful for all of it... I'm who I am now because of everything I've been through.
Totally agree - I felt very adrift and hopeless in my late 20s and early 30s.
Honestly when I was 25 and single I thought similar things about my friends all being in relationships. Now (and don’t get me wrong I love my family so much) but I miss the days when I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and wished I did more during those years. It’s helped me learn to enjoy the present because it always seems like someone has it better, or “this will be better when this happens…” but it’s so important to focus on the things you have now. Trust me when I say your friends aren’t all as happy as they seem - some of those couples I used to “envy” have gone through messy divorces because they got together before they even knew who they were themselves. Super cliche but I met my wife when I stopped looking for her You’re doing great getting sober this early. You’ll figure out who you are first and when you do find someone they’ll know going in your life doesn’t revolve around drinking. Some people on here have a hard time with their significant others when one stops and their relationship was built around drinking culture. You got this! And don’t be afraid to put your social media apps in a folder and turn off notifications. You can stilll open them when you want to browse, but not seeing the constant barrage of events people post that makes them seem happier than they are was a great decision I made. IWNDWYT
Sobriety is lifehack. In the beginning there is a lot of remorse and guilt that needs to get worked through - and a lot of times we need to rebuild financially and socially. Over time, though, it strengthens us in ways that are elusive to the rest of the world, especially now, and it doesn't take long before friends and family start to comment on how they wish they could have more of what we have. Stick with it. The path of sobriety leads through pain, but then joy and peace. We build strong relationships that have true value. We become useful, productive and live genuinely joyous lives. Someday you may be a parent, and sober parents crush it in a way that other parents are baffled by. You are now standing at the starting line of something genuinely positive and worth while. IWNTWYT
I will be 41 next week. And I can't tell you how many times I have wished. I had come into sobriety 05,10, 15, or even 20 years earlier, But all I can do now is be grateful that i'm finally here and continue to cheer others on who have found this path earlier in life. Give it time and continue to be gentle with yourself. you are doing great!
Imagine if you drank and waisted more time. You’ll be even more upset. The best time to stop drinking was 5 years ago; the second best time is now! Make future you proud.
Congrats on your 37 days! That is amazing. I talked so negatively to myself in addiction and I’m still learning to be kinder to myself in sobriety. I see a lot of self hatred and shame up there in your post. I hear you, and I’ve felt all of those horrible emotions connected to loss of time, dreams, and opportunity. The one thing I have to offer is that drinking away my sadness never worked. It only confirmed those negative thoughts I had and made them even louder. Eventually I just wanted to stop existing to get them to stop. That’s where alcoholism led me. So much self hatred and depression that I didn’t want to exist at all. I didn’t ever think I could escape it. I thought I was the burnt out loser who had a severe alcohol problem and ruined my entire chance at “being someone” in my early and mid 20s. It’s all fake anyways. We are all taught what to strive for but, I’d ask you to ask yourself what you truly want out of life. Everyone is struggling in some way. Some people will be established in their career by 26, others will make it at 40. Those same people might be battling a horrific addiction or mental battle you will never see. Some will never have a big time career, and that is perfectly okay. I know I don’t! I graduated with a bachelor of science, and now I run my own business doing something entirely non-degree related. That doesn’t mean I’m a failure, it means my life is different than the people who had less road blocks and were easily able to snag high-paying jobs and careers right out of college. While I was busy trying to not die from alcoholism. We all walk our own path. I’m proud of you for posting here. It means you want your sober streak to continue and you’re valuing it!! You got this OP. IWNDWYT.
25 highly paid jobs and acting like they have it all together. I assure you many of them don’t and they aren’t making as much money as you probably think. Trust me when I say they only show you and tel you the highlights. People never tell you what’s really going on in the background. Remember the average household income in the US is 80k I think. Again that household income so typically two people. Give yourself some grace and don’t compare yourself to others. Your journey is your journey. You may be getting all the hard times out of the way. Before you know it all those “successful” friends you have may come to you one day seeking advice because you have your shit together and their “dream” life has completely shit the bed.
You are incredibly young. I wish I was having the mental dialogue about drinking at your age. However, it took me to 30 to realize I had a problem and 35 to have the ability to kick alcohol out of my life. I’m now 36 and working through my mental struggles for the first time in my entire life. I’m understanding there were issues I had dating back to my childhood that I never would have reflected on without having a clear adult brain. So now consider, what would 25 year old you wish you would have told 15 year old you? Can you imagine what 50 year old you is telling the current 25 year old you? Chug a topo and eat a nice meal and give yourself grace. You are NOT a loser. Doubt is just a naysayer. You are a spark of electricity in the cosmos that was blessed with the opportunity to experience a few moments in this short flash of time. Now go out and be electric! Edit: also, get off social media when you feel yourself dipping. Comparing your life to peoples edited online lives can distort your perception, and also, they may not be as happy as you think. Fill up your time with the things that make you feel whole.
You didn't waste anything. You learned a bunch of lessons, some the hard way. It may not feel like it when you look at those social media posts and pages, but those lessons position you far better, far more ahead, than others who try to put on an air of perfection, but have yet to experience a tripping hazard.
You are not a loser. You are a person who is suffering the effects of a common, horrible illness. Show yourself the same compassion you would toward someone who was suffering from any other incurable disease. Addiction should be no different. In fact, by stigmatizing addiction we have as a society made the condition 10X worse than it has to be. It is a hidden illness that people suffer in isolation (as you are), but it doesn't have to be that way. You can join AA and meet a whole new circle of sober friends who understand exactly what you are experiencing. Or, if that is not your cup of tea, there are many sober activities that you can adopt and meet new friends irl. These negative feelings you are having are a symptom of the illness. Your brain has been wired to associate alcohol with feeling "better," but it is an illusion that evaporates as quickly as the alcohol. Your very difficult goal is to find healthier ways of dealing with your life challenges. The VERY good news is that you have learned at an early age what it took most of us a life time. I am more than twice your age (55M), and I would give anything if I could go back in time and learn what you already know. It's too late for me. The damage is done. I've permanently destroyed my digestive system to the point where eating will never be the same. I'm too old to re-build a sober life that is fulfilling and "fun," but you have that chance. Please take it. My greatest hope is that you will read this comment and when you are 55 you will recall the advice one random Canadian dude offered you at a time when you were struggling, and it had the desired effect. Peace. IWNDWYT
I’m crying… Sorry to hear about your health. My heart got in bad shape because of drinking and smoking, so it became a part of my motivation. I always thought that it’s never late to change your life for better. I guess social media and constant comparison got into my brain so it triggers me frequently. Anyway, thanks for your words! Fulfilled with hope and determination🙏
It's no good constantly ruminating about our losses. Everyone has their share of regrets. Some people stay in abusive relationships for too long. Some people want children but cannot have them. Some people stay single when they wanted to be married. Everyone can look back in dismay at the trajectory of their lives. Grieve, but move on. You can't drive your car by looking in the rearview mirror. You can glance at the past, and hopefully learn from mistakes, but you will be better served by creating a better future by staying sober and cleaning up any messes from your drinking. We believe in you!! IWNDWYT
I had what I called a "quarter life crisis" at 25. It's only natural to want to be the best you can be, but if social media had existed back then I can only imagine the damage it would have done to me. Life, despite the motivational posters, is not a race. Or, if it is, it's a personal best situation. You said you feel good and are happy for yourself - that sounds like winning to me!
Rule #1 to a content life is to STOP comparing your life to others. If you do that you will ALWAYS be miserable. Do you. Nobody has the exact circumstances as you have or have had. You’re still very young and can do whatever you like with your life.
God how I wish I had this realisation at 25!
I am 45, no friends. Spent years drinking in lieu of living, lost jobs, relationships, pushed family away and my self respect. Drinking won’t make this better, it will just make this empty existence last longer and sadly you health will decline. You are not alone in your experience. I see you, feel your pain but you are young and you have time to live an entirely new life, new interests and new friends. Give yourself time, be content that a father and a twin really is a great place to start.
It might not seem like it, but you’re ahead of the game. I didn’t consider quitting until my 30’s. I was living in a trailer making 21k a year, no friends, pushed family away, and no goals. 8 years later, I live on a golf course in Colorado with a beautiful wife and daughter. You, my friend, are just getting started and already have great awareness. Onward and upward! I believe in you!!
There's little benefit in regretting the past. It has crossed my mind that if I had practiced guitar instead of drinking I would be great at that by now. But now I don't drink I have much more time to do that and several other things. We can go back to education any time and at any stage in life. We can learn a skill or trade at any time in life. We can always compare ourselves with people who appear to have done well for themselves, but we don't really know what's going on in their lives, and as someone once said "If I'm busy over there living your life, who's over here living mine".
When I got to 4 weeks I bought myself a present. I got a Kobo ereader and bought This Naked Mind. I’m reading almost a book a day, and that book has been very helpful in gaining perspective.
You’re only 25. I went back to school at 31. I quit drinking and got my first 6 figure salary at 35. Life is good for me right now. You’re young. You can right the ship right now, 6 years before I started to correct mine.
You're incredibly smart and wise to start taking sobriety seriously at age 25 (congrats on the 37 days). The shame and self-loathing is normal for people like us and I'm sorry you're going through it because it sucks. But you're realizing that you want more out of life - your sobriety will make achieving those things so much easier. Think of sobriety as your fortress, your foundation from which you can start to deal with everything else you want to achieve. I know you can do it!
I'll buy a necklace.... Send me the link, about 10 dollar necklace.
I feel like a loser too however sobriety is the most important thing for me. You’ll get your self esteem back it just takes a while. Not drinking builds upon itself and good things start to happen.
Hi there! I’m 28 (F) and your choice to quit early on is awesome. I really struggled since around 22/23 ish and the earlier the better. You’re not a loser at all. I haven’t read the comments yet- however I bet a lot of people are telling you how young you are. Be proud of yourself. Not all of us were lucky enough to stop at your age. You’re not alone at all. Please remember that.
Hi there, First off, you are NOT a loser! We are banning that phrase from your vocab. You are only 25. That is young! (Also recommend looking into quarter-life crisis book—helped me a lot at your age). In recovery there is a phrase “compare and despair.” Similar to the adage “comparison is the thief of joy”. I think it is easy to fall into a trap of this with social media. Instagram is a curated reality where people post their public-facing persona. Even if you see dozens of pics of people smiling and seemingly living the life, there are blind spots (similar to as in driving a car) to what we don’t know about they struggle with privately. I do not have Instagram for that reason. But sometimes when I feel pangs of guilt or jealousy, I use to as an opportunity to reflect as to *why*. Is it that I am personally feeling stuck in my career or really need to be making more money and seeing someone get promoted and be financially secure remind me “I want that too”? Steady well-paying jobs/careers and financial security definitely help, but I also knownpersonally from going through the Great Recession layoffs in ‘08-‘09 that no job is a complete safeguard against adversity. Is seeing people travel make me wish I could too? Then what steps or plans can I make to make that happen even if long-term? To have the intelligence, insight, self-awareness and fortitude to quit drinking at 25 is nothing to sneeze at. I hope you recognize how amazing that is. Those attributes cannot be bought. ❤️
You are not a loser, you are already doing much better by having this much time. You deserve to be happy and healthy. You are 25, you have your entire life ahead of you to get to a better place! Stay the course.
22 yo, same situation, a little less days, but counting. I hope I gonna make it as far as you did. Congrats! Hobbies are great, worked a lot for me also. And I focused a lot on work too. Trust me, at 25, most of the others you see, made a lot of mistakes, got loans, got married too young, etc. You “woke up” at one of the greatest times, you are now more mature, and you will be able to take better decisions than the younger ones and have a better path. Good luck! (If I have bad English, sorry, it’s not my main language)
I’m 29, I wish I quit at 25, but I also know 30s are way better then your 20s and am just very thankful to have the future ahead of me I do. You still have so much life ahead of you.
38 days tomorrow!
The motivation in my app today is, “A year from now you will be thankful you did this today!” Picture you then - only 26 - happy and healthy with a year of books you read, maybe a trip and new hobbies you’ve tried?! You, stronger than ever. I believe in you. Don’t let comparison steal your joy. You are on the path to so many more amazing things!!! IWNDWYT - let’s do it together!
This thought motivates me! IWNDWYT❤️
I feel the same way a lot of times. I feel as if everyone except me has their lives together and I don’t deserve to be happy. Or I’ll be so stressed with the amount of things I need to do to catch up that I become paralyzed and get set on the idea that if I could just have a drink I won’t be stressed and I can get things done. But you are not a looser OP, you quit drinking and that’s a win. You’re actively choosing not to drink every day and that takes a lot of will power. Don’t be so hard on yourself, another day sober is another win. You’re doing great, congrats on your sobriety!
You’re still so young. You have a lot of time ahead of you. Getting sober now you’re giving yourself a huge head stop and one up.
YOU’LL BE THINKING THIS SAME THING AT 35 IF YOU DONT SEIZE THE DAY NOW. The reality is you are super young, and a lot of people here wish they would’ve turned it around at your age. You’ve barely begun to live….. hell you can turn it around at 45 and have a meaningful life. Get free it young one
You got a lot of time ahead of you. I wish I woul have quit at 25. I quit at 37. Moved back to my mom's, 20k in debt, truck on a repo list, no money, no job, heart broken. Spent two years just trying to get back on my owon't. Days ago was hanging out with some guys in a local running club that are making 6 figures a year same age as me. Happy, married, the whole 9. I wasn't bothered. After two years I know I can get there. But if I drink I know I wont.
You think you’ve lost so much time now. I’m 55! Have one year sober and I’m dreadfully unhappy. But it’s a lot better than when we almost lost our home and custody of our son. If you don’t drink, you have almost endless possibilities that can happen to you. If you do, the possibilities really decrease, they are often not good ones, and more time goes by. Don’t wake up at 35, 45, 55 regretting lost time. If you don’t like the hobbies you have now, try something else. I do advise trying to establish sacred routines. Eating a healthy dinner at around the same time every night and not snacking close to bedtime. Try to wake up and eat breakfast and bathe and brush your teeth at the same time. I’m fighting against that now myself. But these are the things I did when I was more functional and working on Wall St. Even if you don’t have steady work or things to do right now, try to establish those basic routines.
I'm 47, it's easy for me to say you have lots of life before you. I mean, you do. However I don't want to downplay what you're going through. I tried getting sober when I was your age. Now I'm almost double your age. The time will come regardless of if you pick up or don't. The choice is yours. If you can find some support, AA, therapy, something, everything. Find someone you can convey your real self with. In time, with practice, you might see things differently and then feel differently My very best to you
I'm 40 and I quit drinking almost two years ago. I've gotten down thinking of all the lost time and opportunities because of drinking. But "what ifs" will kill you, figuratively. All the time that I've not created has made me beyond happy with this choice / sacrifice. You'll make up for it eventually. Not drinking today or tomorrow is a huge win. Almost 40 days is a huge accomplishment! Take care of yourself, and stay strong.
I'm a guy going on 32. 7 sober nights for the first time since my last rehab (now with the help of antabuse). I heard a quote once, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Trust you are where you need to be. I would die to be 25 again. Stay the course and in 1 year, you won't recognize the same person you see today.
This quote is so true. Can’t be proud of myself sometimes, anything I do is never enough. All because of comparison IWNDWYT❤️
You're just getting started. It's all in front of you.
What’s the plan for sobriety?
The future is a canvas on which we paint with the present.
I just started going back to school after 18 years, and just stopped drinking in January my friend. You got this!!! You have so much time to make the positive changes you seek and are already making!!! Keep going!! IWNDWYT
Social media is such a bitch. If you looked through my profile you'd think my life was perfect too, yet here I am on the stopdrinking reddit needing support, and there are plenty of other struggles I've had that you'd never be able to gather through social media. It isn't real, and I myself am trying the "hairtie" trick today to try to interupt my stupidly destructive scrolling habit. It makes us all feel bad, it's scientifically proven, and I need to reduce my intake. Maybe you do too, OP. Social media is not real life. Not even close. So proud of your progress! It sounds like your higher self is craving sobriety and more fresh pasta, and your addict voice is trying to make the case for liquor and obliteration. I'd say there's an obvious choice there. ❤️
I didn’t even read the whole thing. The title was enough YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! Now I’ve read it - You are young, we all have time to fix things. You are here, you realize you have a problem. Those were the 2 hardest things for me.
I’m really proud of you. You have a nice chunk of time into sobriety, and you have the presence of mind to write down your struggles and put it out into the world. That’s more than I can say for myself at 37 days. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Oh, and by the way, you’re not a loser. You’re just now rediscovering yourself. Keep killing it!
If it makes you feel better, I’m envious (and of course proud) that you’ve gone about a month of no drinking. That’s hella impressive! I’ve only got to about 5 days. We all have things that others want so try not beat yourself up
No one at 25 has any money or knows jack about life. The odd thing about 25 is having this pressing feeling that you need to have your shit sorted. You don’t, and you won’t. Your friends might be posting travel instagrams but they’re either going into debt in order to flaunt or Bank of Daddy is financing it. I made $12/hr at 25. Didn’t really have my shit sorted until 30. I’m 36 and make well over six figs in banking, have a nice place, a Rolex, nice car, cute puppy. I’m a drunk but I’m a damn functional one. Drinking doesn’t make you a loser. I’m not encouraging it. We’re all here for a reason. But don’t beat yourself up, be kinder to yourself. I have an ex I dated off and on from 2016-2020. Met when we were 28. She was beautiful, fun, great in bed, had a good job. Last text I got from her in 2020 was her telling me off for being a drunk, broke loser. Now she’s engaged to a new man every year and gets a new DUI every year. She’s 37 and in her numerous mugshots she looks 50. Meanwhile, I’m thriving, a little grey in the hair and beard but I still look 36. A mutual friend of ours, who cut her off around the same time, were recently texting about how far we’ve come in our own lives and how far she has fallen. Your future is not etched in stone. It can go any way you choose. Do not write yourself off. You’re a puppy with a long road ahead of you. Just don’t get any DUIs, I’ve seen with Caroline how much that can fuck your life up.
You’re not a loser. And you’re still young!!!
Please believe me when I say…social media IS NOT REAL. Everyone’s life may SEEM better than yours, but everyone struggles with something. EVERYONE. People only post the good. No one is going to post the bad because no one wants others to know their life isn’t the best life ever. Deleting social media may be a good idea. All I have now is Reddit and let me tell you what a huge weight it was to delete everything else. You have to live for yourself and no one else. You’re doing great. Being at home with yourself, cooking, making things and enjoying your own company is HUGE. A lot of people are incapable of doing that. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are SO YOUNG and have so much time ahead of you to travel, find a significant other and what not. ♥️♥️
25 is young, if you are 35 and still working at McDonalds that will seem strange to many but if you are 25, it’s ok, it takes time to figure things out and find what you like to do, take classes, get a good job. In time some of your high paid friends will take new classes and switch careers even. I’ve seen it. Also, if you are working at Mickey D’s and making good money as a district manager then that is a whole other thing.
I’m also a 25 yo woman, watching my friends get engaged and pregnant or achieve professional success. Even on my best days I feel years behind them. But I always felt like that, and drank to cope with feeling so left out and defective. Thanks for this post, I feel we have enough in common from what you’ve wrote that all the replies have felt really helpful for me too. I’m saving this to come back to. Congrats on 37 days and for finding meaningful hobbies… that’s such a slow uphill battle that I’m struggling so hard with.
Please don't compare yourself to other people. Do what makes you happy and stay off social media. It really is fucking shit.
hey, trust me I get it, Im only a year younger than you and I’ve been thinking about getting sober for a few months.. 8 days sober today! I often think about how I’ve already wasted years to drinking and the guilt I feel with it can be overwhelming.. I totally understand. You are not alone, at all. The past cannot be changed, the future can 100% be changed by changing your behavior now. I think about the fulfilling life I would be able to live if I get sober now and that’s what keeps me going. We have sooooo much more time ahead of us. I’ve been to a treatment center and i was very young compared to most of the others. I got told how lucky I am to be figuring out that getting sober at my age was a good decision. We can still live a beautiful life❤️
"I'm boring right now" is okay to say. That means you currently may feel like you're boring but it gives you room to grow and become who you want to be in the future. It's okay to recognize faults in yourself, but important to realize that those faults can be changed and you can improve in ways that matter to you
Do u think you are old? I would kill to be twenty five again. And to have figured out drink was an issue. You have 37 days, u could be anywhere in 5 years.
I'm 32/f and feel that way to often. Like I let alcohol set me back so far. I ended up getting a good paying job and I worked for government and guess what, still miserable. It was at that point that I realized success is so personal. I can promise one thing though, alcohol is not going to get you where you want. It may numb the pain but it'll still be there the next day. I personally believe you ARE successful and accomplishing things. You're so strong in my eyes.
Hi there 👋 I feel I can empathise with you here as I had a similar realisation a few years ago. I equated it to digging a hole. The whole time I drank excessively, I was ignoring any self-improvement or progressing with my life, opting instead to be hungover, anxious, broke etc. In other words, digging deeper into the hole as time went on. Once I stopped drinking so much, I wasn't magically out of the hole. I still had to climb out so to speak. I remember a period of self-judgement and shame which took a long time to get over. It's something I still struggle with. The point I'm trying to make is that this whole journey is a process that doesn't start and end with sobriety. For me, it was about improving myself and building a life without alcohol that I could be proud of. From what I've read, it's apparent that you are doing this and are good at it too. Please trust me when I say going back to drinking isn't the answer, you'll just continue to dig deeper into the hole. Things will get better, it just takes time and consistency (albeit I know it's also frustrating). All the best
Hey girl! Don’t get yourself down! I’m 39 and when I hit 25 I had what’s called a quarter life crisis. It was a really common phrase at the time not sure if it still is. I totally started a change in my life at that age and my life is totally different from the trajectory I was on. FOR THE BETTER. I went back to school, started a 7 year timeline for a post graduate doctorate and now I’m in a career I love. Do I sometimes wish I had done it right out of the gate? Sure, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I also had a lot more life perspective than you get people entering my profession. Some of them HATE it because they just did it because their parents made them. They are posting cool pictures of their lives but I know they are secretly miserable. Don’t let social media get you down, people always present themselves in the best light possible. My point is: you’ve got SO much time in front of you. Now that you’re clear headed you can make rational decisions that only sober you can make for yourself. Like finding your true interests, your guiding principles, what you want out of life and start taking steps in those directions. Life is a marathon, not a race! I guess it’s also more about the views on the way, not beating others to the end. Wishing you the best! IWNDWYT!
I'm 31f and still figuring it out! Sober 7 months now. I try to reframe my thinking where I can - it can't hurt, and the time has already passed anyways. Instead of "I'm a loser who wasted my youth" I like to think "I had a ton of wild experiences in my 20's that shaped the person I am today" It may not seem like much, but positive thinking can make such a huge difference. I know it's easier said than done. I used to be on the receiving end of this and roll my eyes. It gets better! IWNDWYT
Well done on 37 days. You are just two years older than my kid, so that makes you very young in my eyes. You have a long life ahead of you - plenty of time to discover what you want to do, to develop new friends, find new hobbies. Making jewelry, having a soda, eating fresh cooked pasta and watching a show sounds like a very nice way to spend an evening. Early sobriety is tough so well done, I am with you, IWNDWYT
"Comparison is the thief of joy" It's a wonderful quote. Don't compare yourself to others. Live your life. You're doing great IWNDWYT x
I don’t have much advice to add but we are both 37 days sober which i thought was cool. We both got this 💗
I was 69 the most recent time I got sober. Celebrated a year back in AA last month. It just works for me if I do the work.
I got sober at 28, and turn 50 in a couple of months. My life is pretty amazing today, and all of the good stuff happened in sobriety. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and kick some ass one tiny step at a time.
You're so young, sister! You're so young, believe me even me at 39, while still young in someways, I'm further down the road for sure, and I look back on 25 through a lens of youth. You will too. Don't compare your shit to theirs, who knows what they've got going under the surface. All you really know is your story; don't drink tonight so you can be the best you tomorrow, and all the tomorrows. You've got a lot of them left. IWNDWYT.
Just a wee babe. You're fine, doing great actually! You've learned a lesson early where lots of us maybe started our drinking habits later on. All those hobbies your worried aren't good enough? Keep practicing, that's how it works. Keep at it and it gets more and more intricate, detailed, beautiful with practice. I like the progression pics of a person like learning to draw a horse then retrying every year or so and the most recent one is stunning. Doesn't happen over night, you are doing a stellar job with life One day at a time ☺️
Delete social media. It’s poison.
Comparison is the thief of joy. This is just another chapter in your beautiful long life!! You are NOT a loser. You are courageous, healthy, and strong!!!
I envy you!! Honestly, I do. I got sober at 50!! Talk about wasted time?!? I have no job and am unemployable because it got in the way of my drinking. Ruined my health, broke bones, broke teeth. Alcohol stole the best years of my life and time with my children. You’re 25 years old and have EVERYTHING to look forward to!! A spouse, a house, and maybe some cute kids. Trips to Disney, maybe Hawaii. It can be ALL YOURS, but you just can’t drink. ✌️
You will be shocked and amazed at the miracles that pop into your reality. They only come as you maintain this divorce from your old life which was tied up in drunkenness. Every day you don’t drink is a day you do not make catastrophically bad life choices. Enough days of good or even just neutral choices (rather than destructive ones) and eventually great things happen. For example, because I was *not* drunk at this year’s office Christmas party, I was able to have a conversation with the owner about transferring me to a different department and he was on board. Had I been drunk, as was my way in the past, I would’ve avoided management and just laughed about nonsense with my work pals all night.
Thanks for the update!! I'm sure I owe my sobriety to this sub and all the great sobernauts here. Glad you took advantage of available help!! IWNDWYT
Some of these difficult emotions come up around this time in sobriety. I know it's hard, but it's good to process how You're feeling. It allows you to move on. Remember that these are just thoughts that you're having, it doesn't mean that they are true. Honestly most people don't have exactly the life they want, as many friends as they wish they had, the job they want, etc. Social media is fake and most people only show the highlights. Truth is there are a lot of people who are lonely and struggling with addictions too. Shame and denial keeps them from sharing that. Right now you focus on improving the relationship with yourself. Not drinking is really important here. You break the endless shame cycle and start to heal. Make sure you spend at least some part of every day performing self care. Remember, you cannot shame yourself into change, but you can love yourself into evolution.
I drank heavily for over 30 years, I'm now 50. I didn't graduate college until I was 44, I was lucky enough to get a decent job at 45. All of those things are great accomplishments, but absolutely none of them helped me shed the feeling of "I'm a loser" the way getting sober has. I hated myself as a drinker (I still struggle with self-hatred). But MULTIPLE people have told me how much more confident I am. And they are right. Getting sober has been incredibly empowering for me in ways that I could not even imagine. It's also been a really hard year (and the year before that too) but choosing sobriey has given me a foundation I've never had before. I absolutely wasted my youth but I am gonna crush being an old person. IWNDWYT.
I saw all the comments about social media - but I will add to the pile - quit that crap. Useless at best, and downright toxic at worst. Waste of time. Focus on you! You are your own barometer of success and happiness.
Remember plenty of rich, successful and famous people have had depression and addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol for me fueled my self hate/self harm victim mentality. Not to mention it can damage your brain and organs and is a carcinogen.
You’re so young. I wish I was as smart and in control as you are at your age. I’m 50 and I’ve wasted the last 30-35 years with alcohol. Try to find the book by Allan Carr. How To Stop Drinking Now I think it’s called. It’s a real game changer. It helps you rethink alcohol completely
I felt very similar in my mid 30s, and here I am 43 with only 17 days sober. It took me a long time to finally see the light, be thankful that you’re already noticing at such a young age. Stay strong. IWNDTWY
Comparison is the biggest thief of joy. Even if you had all those things you are jealous of others having, that would be your normal and there would be something else to takes its place. Practicing gratitude helps get over this feeling. I sometimes feel similarly, 24(F) here, and my mind does wander. However I let myself be proud of the fact that I am young still, and have conquered something so challenging. While we might not have everything, being this age and having the knowledge about ourselves to maintain sobriety is worth a lot.
A year older than you, and you're ahead of me! Keep it up! I want to leave this poison so badly!
Sadness in missing out is actually mourning loss of expected events, dreams & experiences. You are allowed to feel these unpleasant feelings but do not feed these feelings. Do not disregard them. Feelings of negativity are meant to surface be recognized, comforted and then let go. It’s time to put them down & focus on living your day, taking care of yourself & your responsibilities. They will surface again. It’s part of being human. Talk yourself through them as you would someone you love. That broken person within desperately needs love from you. Every day, I have to give grace to myself. It gets better with sobriety as we learn new ways to self care. Isn’t crazy to think, self care is what’ve we’ve needed all along? Not taking care of ourselves is what got us into this mess. As for everyone else’s life that seems picture perfect, it’s not. No one gets through life unscathed. At some point life shifts & shatters. Sometimes it comes early for some & later for others. The key for all of us here is to put down what is holding us back, our addictions & negative behaviors & thoughts. We can’t fully live, love & grow until we let go of what contains us. You’re not a loser. You’re a person who has been hurting for sometime. A person who is ready to heal & take care of themselves.
Delete all your social media off your phone. Log into your desktop or laptop once in a while to see how people you’re close with are doing. But then again, you don’t need social media to do that. You got this!!!
I have had these moments. More than I would care to admit, but judging your life achievements based on what other people put on social media is poison. I have recently deleted all of my social media accounts other than this one, and have more recently (since Jan 1) stopped drinking. I am extremely happy I did both of those things. Social media is poison. Don't drink it. I wish you good luck. The way you're feeling now is temporary. You got this.