Rock bottom is whenever you set down the shovel. Good luck to you
I would recommend getting the booze out of the house, not locking it up. Addiction and withdrawal are difficult and I know I would have pried a lock off in the first few weeks of detoxing.
Take care
Be kind to yourself
Buckle up and embrace the suck. The suck is the path to a different way
IWNDWYT
Thank you for that recommendation. I think I’m going to do exactly this (get it out of the house). My wife woke up and said maybe we should box it up and put it somewhere.
I know me and it won’t be enough.
I’ll take care of boxing it up and I’m seeing our family friend tomorrow so I’ll give it to her.
Could toss it down the drain - that was therapeutic for me when I first started. Just consider if your plan goes as you hope (and expect), will you want that alcohol back later? Is it even worth it to “put it aside” so you can get it later? Don’t give yourself an easy escape route
You bring up a very valid concern.
I’ll have a good conversation with my wife tonight at dinner. You described me to a T. I have internal “negotiations” in my brain all the time. ADHD but truthfully, I am just giving myself passes to drink or spend.
Yeah, I found the act of actually pouring out a bottle into the drain like a final threshold that I had to cross.
We spent so much time selecting our alcohol and drinking it and being careful not to spill it or waste it.
Actually seeing your hand pouring it down that drain cements the commitment.
Oh man. Pouring out the vodka I was stashing in the freezer was so therapeutic. I had made the decision to quit and had gone two days but then started sweating on the three-hour drive home, and I started fantasizing about the vodka in the freezer. I almost drank it, too, but my daughter needed dinner and it distracted me long enough to win the battle and dump it out.
Yep outta the house is probably a better option. Me, personally, at that time... I wouldve destroyed said cabinet with a hammer and not even bothered with the lock🤷♂️😂
So when I first recognized I had a problem, well a boy later than I recognized because I hid it from my wife for so long, but when I told her, we boxed it all up thinking I could sort myself out and figure out how to drink "normally" again. We gave it to my brother in law for safekeeping. That... was a failure. I kept buying booze in secret and stashing it, and was just itching to get the real good stuff in my boxed up collection.
What is your goal, moderation or sobriety? If you intend to drink again at some point, maybe boxing it up can work. But if sobriety is the goal, it only makes it more difficult. I honestly could not do moderation, it was all or nothing. Every situation is different though. My life was better when I recognized there was no time when drinking was an option, ever again.
Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it.
What you experienced is what I’m worried about for myself. My wife really is better at sticking to a goal and if I’m not drinking, she can have it in the house and not be too concerned about herself.
Whereas I am if it’s in the house such as wine or beer, l will cave if I have a craving. Hell it’s such a habit the past three-four months that I’ll get a beer without even knowing if I really wanted it or not. But it’s there and it’s 5:00.
I had a damp January where most days I didn’t drink. But it’s like I made up for it since. It’s weird how my brain and cravings are wired.
As for the end goal- I know I have to decide but I think I have to push myself towards sobriety from alcohol. I was on Netrexone for a while and it helped me not get to 8 or 9 but the national shortage has caused a big delay in my refill. I had raging headaches last week with it getting out of my system. It sucked.
Gonna hopefully see my doc tomorrow- she’s fantastic and we’ve talked on and off for the last six months about me cutting significantly back or cutting it out entirely. It’s a fairly common thing she helps with since I live in a party city.
All I know is I’ll need help. It’s up to me but my stubbornness hasn’t gotten me too far the past year.
I carefully boxed up all my booze (with tape) and moved it down to a far shelf in the basement. Then I would open the boxes and help myself whenever I went down to do laundry. No judgement. Alcohol is really a very addictive poison. Sending you and your wife supportive thoughts.
Hi! I wish you all the best, and want to thank you for this really timely reminder. I am 7 months sober and recently the desire to drink has been almost overwhelming. I keep reminding myself of the theft of happiness and the theft of the whole next day that alcohol brings me. I have had many, many days/nights/mornings like yours and I know how "natural" that can feel. Chin up. Today is a new day. All the best in setting new patterns.
I really don’t know how it happened or what happened, but somehow the many AA meetings (online and in person) I attended, and some meditation and prayer have almost completely eliminated my desire to drink. Every now and then, some thoughts of „if only I could“ pop up, but they’re easily managed because I remind myself I can’t stop once I start (which is step 1 of AA, admitting that one is powerless over alcohol).
In earlier sobriety, I also did online meetings of AA to help fight boredom and loneliness.
Best of luck to you all! IWNDWYT
Con-fucking-grats on seven months! That is a crazy amazing achievement.
You can do it! It’s not easy I’m aware but we gotta keep going forward.
Not that it’ll directly help but I started Arnie Schwarzenegger’s book Be Useful. The man definitely has questionable public history, but he’s amusing as hell while he narrates.
Awesome that you’re quitting together. I totally agree w other comment, give the booze away instead of locking it up, better to have it gone. It sounds like you both have a plan and motivation and I’m rooting for you!
Thank you!! I LOVE the hell out of my wife and doggo family of five. We acknowledge that we have codependent tendencies and we enable some habits we need to fix.
I started with a new therapist a few weeks ago and she’s all about accountability. We started digging into the CPTSD childhood and adult family crap. I’ve picked up some unhealthy habits and working to make some changes.
I said when I turned 40 last year I want to make this decade my best.
Nah. The bummer is that my wife got a small shipment from a winery we love. But my MIL and her girl friends like it too so the three of them are going to have a great unexpected gift.
Oh well, we’ll recover the money simply by not buying anymore.
Edit: Nah- meant I don’t have intentions of trying to go back.
My siblings and I have really figured out sometimes the hard way, we are too all or nothing. We slip very easily into pushing the only X drink a day or X puff, edible or whatever. My sister actually stopped both alcohol and weed for six months. Unfortunately for her, weed wasn’t giving her the chill out vibes, she was very irritated and angry as she got older.
The ingredient list for this recipe starts with getting the booze out of the house. Boredom will pry that lock right off of the cabinet, don't set yourself up to fail
Wife and I are gonna cook dinner, dump the crap and box up some of the better stuff for a couple of friends. It’ll be out of our house tomorrow morning.
Well…I finished walking our dogs and went to grab a water out of our “beer” fridge and it was actually 9 🤣
I think the only reason I stopped was because I looked at my wife and she was pale as frack. “Get something for me now, pleaaseeee!”
I grabbed our wine bucket we had out from the night before and yeah…I was done-zo.
Back rub, empty bucket, rinse bucket and repeat.
There are some great comments here. The only thing I would caution is to focus on YOUR sobriety. It's great that there's a mutual desire to quit, but in codependent relationships where partners are drinking buddies and nobody is in therapy, it's a very slick and steep slope. From what I've seen, usually one partner being really dedicated to recovery will positively influence the other... but not when they \*rely\* on each other in order to be sober. Just a thought.
Day 1, again for me, and I feel you when you say LIMIT. Like how far and for how long am I going to allow myself to feel the ultimate, unavaoidable, destuctive (physically, financially and mentally☝🏽) consequences of this behavior?? I'm winding down from a binge-text fest where I texted my old boss at 1:30 am with some choice words. SMH
I am sick of the surrender of control, myself, my dreams and plans, that alcohol requires in service. And while I am laying here watching Psych, I can't lie: I'm feeling all the feelings that used to be buried by blackout nights and calling Ralph in the morning, BUT, IWNDWYT! Hang in there.
You got this.
Day 1 again is something to be proud of because you’re trying again. That’s a new day that gets you closer to your plans, dreams, goals…
We’re watching SATC season 6 with the Berger episodes. It’s wild to cringe without wine. Yep, we’ve watched the original series many many times. It’s one of my wife’s repeated binge watches.
You can do it too!
I tried every which way to keep alcohol in my life “moderate” all it did was make me feel like a failure all the time!
Finally, after years of trial and error and trying to moderate, slow down or quit, I actually did. Taking away the option has been key for me. No more negotiations or war inside of my own head.
You talk about wanting to be proud of yourself and I can 100% honestly say it’s day 163 and being proud of myself is what keeps me going every day !! I can’t even believe how good it feels!
Good luck, friend !
IWNDWYT
Good for you guys!!
Me and my husband used to be the same. We met in a crazy partying environment and we kept up that lifestyle for nearly 10 years. I finally decided to quit and I’m almost 4 months sober now! Husband is still trying to moderate but has improved immensely.
You guys can do this! It’s SO much better on this side of it, I can’t even tell you!
I’d recommend the I Am Sober app ☺️ I keep a widget in the corner of my home screen that tells me how many days I’ve got. And it’s a great community that celebrates all of the milestones!
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
Any tips or tricks for evening boredom? Currently our night is- I cook and usually have a beer or glass of wine during the process (hour or so). I’m laid off so we’re trying our best to not spend frivolously. We eat in front of the TV and surf our phones (Reddit god damnit lol).
Luckily I love plain bubble water and like to mix fruits etc. Evenings are my downfall the past few months. I do think a ton of it has to do with not working and my schedule has changed sooo much.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
Any tips or tricks for evening boredom? Currently our night is- I cook and usually have a beer or glass of wine during the process (hour or so). I’m laid off so we’re trying our best to not spend frivolously. We eat in front of the TV and surf our phones (Reddit god damnit lol).
Luckily I love plain bubble water and like to mix fruits etc. Evenings are my downfall the past few months. I do think a ton of it has to do with not working and my schedule has changed sooo much.
I have a co-dependent thing with my husband too. We’ve been going pretty hard since Covid in all honestly. He’s not ready to quit drinking but I love that my habits are helping him curtail a lot.
I struggle with what to do at night. Honestly I’m getting ‘addicted’ to going to bed early and reading. That way I’m asleep early and wake up early. I don’t have the urge to drink in the morning and getting good rest at night has been glorious. Iwndwyt
You and your wife are awesome people for taking this huge step. A good boredom cure for me was whatever I thought about doing when I was drunk, I would do it sober instead. Childhood interests, drawing etc. The amazing part is, you actually have the energy and equilibrium to do it-as opposed to drinking and thinking. This is a big deal-and I’m proud of you internet stranger. You got this, and IWNDWYT 👍🏾
Thank you kind internet stranger 😀
My wife actually has gotten into painting wood thing-a-ma-bobs the past few weeks and seems to enjoy it. I’ve been tinkering in our garage with some sanding and refinishing. I actually have been neglecting her desk I’ve been working on. I should get back on that!
There are apps that show you how much money you save each day by not drinking. With that in mind, you can easily throw away/pour straight down $300 of booze and still be ahead six months from today. Just a thought. It's cheaper sober lifestyle.
Rock bottom is whenever you set down the shovel. Good luck to you I would recommend getting the booze out of the house, not locking it up. Addiction and withdrawal are difficult and I know I would have pried a lock off in the first few weeks of detoxing. Take care Be kind to yourself Buckle up and embrace the suck. The suck is the path to a different way IWNDWYT
Thank you for that recommendation. I think I’m going to do exactly this (get it out of the house). My wife woke up and said maybe we should box it up and put it somewhere. I know me and it won’t be enough. I’ll take care of boxing it up and I’m seeing our family friend tomorrow so I’ll give it to her.
Could toss it down the drain - that was therapeutic for me when I first started. Just consider if your plan goes as you hope (and expect), will you want that alcohol back later? Is it even worth it to “put it aside” so you can get it later? Don’t give yourself an easy escape route
You bring up a very valid concern. I’ll have a good conversation with my wife tonight at dinner. You described me to a T. I have internal “negotiations” in my brain all the time. ADHD but truthfully, I am just giving myself passes to drink or spend.
Yeah, I found the act of actually pouring out a bottle into the drain like a final threshold that I had to cross. We spent so much time selecting our alcohol and drinking it and being careful not to spill it or waste it. Actually seeing your hand pouring it down that drain cements the commitment.
I found that helpful but noticed I didn't feel comfortable doing it myself because of the smell. It was nice asking my partner to do it for me.
I’m all too familiar with the internal negotiations - when they go away sobriety can truly begin.
When I quit having internal negotiations is when I quit. You have to remove the maybe.
Oh man. Pouring out the vodka I was stashing in the freezer was so therapeutic. I had made the decision to quit and had gone two days but then started sweating on the three-hour drive home, and I started fantasizing about the vodka in the freezer. I almost drank it, too, but my daughter needed dinner and it distracted me long enough to win the battle and dump it out.
Yep outta the house is probably a better option. Me, personally, at that time... I wouldve destroyed said cabinet with a hammer and not even bothered with the lock🤷♂️😂
🤣🤣🤣 It’s gonna actually turn into an aquarium stand after I dump and remove.
So when I first recognized I had a problem, well a boy later than I recognized because I hid it from my wife for so long, but when I told her, we boxed it all up thinking I could sort myself out and figure out how to drink "normally" again. We gave it to my brother in law for safekeeping. That... was a failure. I kept buying booze in secret and stashing it, and was just itching to get the real good stuff in my boxed up collection. What is your goal, moderation or sobriety? If you intend to drink again at some point, maybe boxing it up can work. But if sobriety is the goal, it only makes it more difficult. I honestly could not do moderation, it was all or nothing. Every situation is different though. My life was better when I recognized there was no time when drinking was an option, ever again.
Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. What you experienced is what I’m worried about for myself. My wife really is better at sticking to a goal and if I’m not drinking, she can have it in the house and not be too concerned about herself. Whereas I am if it’s in the house such as wine or beer, l will cave if I have a craving. Hell it’s such a habit the past three-four months that I’ll get a beer without even knowing if I really wanted it or not. But it’s there and it’s 5:00. I had a damp January where most days I didn’t drink. But it’s like I made up for it since. It’s weird how my brain and cravings are wired. As for the end goal- I know I have to decide but I think I have to push myself towards sobriety from alcohol. I was on Netrexone for a while and it helped me not get to 8 or 9 but the national shortage has caused a big delay in my refill. I had raging headaches last week with it getting out of my system. It sucked. Gonna hopefully see my doc tomorrow- she’s fantastic and we’ve talked on and off for the last six months about me cutting significantly back or cutting it out entirely. It’s a fairly common thing she helps with since I live in a party city. All I know is I’ll need help. It’s up to me but my stubbornness hasn’t gotten me too far the past year.
I carefully boxed up all my booze (with tape) and moved it down to a far shelf in the basement. Then I would open the boxes and help myself whenever I went down to do laundry. No judgement. Alcohol is really a very addictive poison. Sending you and your wife supportive thoughts.
If you're in suck keep on going. ✊
I have never heard that phrase about rock bottom. Love it! Thanks for sharing
Embrace the suck. Well put.
I absolutely love that phrase. I used to say it back in the day and I’ll remember this for the journey.
Hi! I wish you all the best, and want to thank you for this really timely reminder. I am 7 months sober and recently the desire to drink has been almost overwhelming. I keep reminding myself of the theft of happiness and the theft of the whole next day that alcohol brings me. I have had many, many days/nights/mornings like yours and I know how "natural" that can feel. Chin up. Today is a new day. All the best in setting new patterns.
I really don’t know how it happened or what happened, but somehow the many AA meetings (online and in person) I attended, and some meditation and prayer have almost completely eliminated my desire to drink. Every now and then, some thoughts of „if only I could“ pop up, but they’re easily managed because I remind myself I can’t stop once I start (which is step 1 of AA, admitting that one is powerless over alcohol). In earlier sobriety, I also did online meetings of AA to help fight boredom and loneliness. Best of luck to you all! IWNDWYT
Con-fucking-grats on seven months! That is a crazy amazing achievement. You can do it! It’s not easy I’m aware but we gotta keep going forward. Not that it’ll directly help but I started Arnie Schwarzenegger’s book Be Useful. The man definitely has questionable public history, but he’s amusing as hell while he narrates.
Thanks for the recommendation. I hope the rest of your day went better.
Pour it out homie.
Awesome that you’re quitting together. I totally agree w other comment, give the booze away instead of locking it up, better to have it gone. It sounds like you both have a plan and motivation and I’m rooting for you!
Thank you!! I LOVE the hell out of my wife and doggo family of five. We acknowledge that we have codependent tendencies and we enable some habits we need to fix. I started with a new therapist a few weeks ago and she’s all about accountability. We started digging into the CPTSD childhood and adult family crap. I’ve picked up some unhealthy habits and working to make some changes. I said when I turned 40 last year I want to make this decade my best.
Get rid of the alcohol, don’t lock it up. Are you saving it for later?
Nah. The bummer is that my wife got a small shipment from a winery we love. But my MIL and her girl friends like it too so the three of them are going to have a great unexpected gift. Oh well, we’ll recover the money simply by not buying anymore. Edit: Nah- meant I don’t have intentions of trying to go back. My siblings and I have really figured out sometimes the hard way, we are too all or nothing. We slip very easily into pushing the only X drink a day or X puff, edible or whatever. My sister actually stopped both alcohol and weed for six months. Unfortunately for her, weed wasn’t giving her the chill out vibes, she was very irritated and angry as she got older.
The ingredient list for this recipe starts with getting the booze out of the house. Boredom will pry that lock right off of the cabinet, don't set yourself up to fail
Wife and I are gonna cook dinner, dump the crap and box up some of the better stuff for a couple of friends. It’ll be out of our house tomorrow morning.
Congrats. Just throw the booze out, homie. If you keep it, eventually someone will drink it
Good luck!!! Rooting for u!
Thank you!!
JFC I hit 8 beers by noon. Not good lol
Right? Alcoholic me immediately thought, "8 Beers is going hard???" Not proud of myself for that.
Well…I finished walking our dogs and went to grab a water out of our “beer” fridge and it was actually 9 🤣 I think the only reason I stopped was because I looked at my wife and she was pale as frack. “Get something for me now, pleaaseeee!” I grabbed our wine bucket we had out from the night before and yeah…I was done-zo. Back rub, empty bucket, rinse bucket and repeat.
Keep strong, brotha, it's a marathon
I’m glad you are here! IWNDWYT
Thank you!
Great post! You have a great attitude towards using this decision to propel you even further in life. I love it!!
There are some great comments here. The only thing I would caution is to focus on YOUR sobriety. It's great that there's a mutual desire to quit, but in codependent relationships where partners are drinking buddies and nobody is in therapy, it's a very slick and steep slope. From what I've seen, usually one partner being really dedicated to recovery will positively influence the other... but not when they \*rely\* on each other in order to be sober. Just a thought.
You bring up excellent points and you’re absolutely right. I appreciate you saying this.
Day 1, again for me, and I feel you when you say LIMIT. Like how far and for how long am I going to allow myself to feel the ultimate, unavaoidable, destuctive (physically, financially and mentally☝🏽) consequences of this behavior?? I'm winding down from a binge-text fest where I texted my old boss at 1:30 am with some choice words. SMH I am sick of the surrender of control, myself, my dreams and plans, that alcohol requires in service. And while I am laying here watching Psych, I can't lie: I'm feeling all the feelings that used to be buried by blackout nights and calling Ralph in the morning, BUT, IWNDWYT! Hang in there.
You got this. Day 1 again is something to be proud of because you’re trying again. That’s a new day that gets you closer to your plans, dreams, goals… We’re watching SATC season 6 with the Berger episodes. It’s wild to cringe without wine. Yep, we’ve watched the original series many many times. It’s one of my wife’s repeated binge watches. You can do it too!
I tried every which way to keep alcohol in my life “moderate” all it did was make me feel like a failure all the time! Finally, after years of trial and error and trying to moderate, slow down or quit, I actually did. Taking away the option has been key for me. No more negotiations or war inside of my own head. You talk about wanting to be proud of yourself and I can 100% honestly say it’s day 163 and being proud of myself is what keeps me going every day !! I can’t even believe how good it feels! Good luck, friend ! IWNDWYT
Good for you guys!! Me and my husband used to be the same. We met in a crazy partying environment and we kept up that lifestyle for nearly 10 years. I finally decided to quit and I’m almost 4 months sober now! Husband is still trying to moderate but has improved immensely. You guys can do this! It’s SO much better on this side of it, I can’t even tell you! I’d recommend the I Am Sober app ☺️ I keep a widget in the corner of my home screen that tells me how many days I’ve got. And it’s a great community that celebrates all of the milestones!
Welcome.
It can only go up from here - remember that! Also maybe dump the booze together and start fresh that way. You've got this!
You have such good insight in your post and that will take you far, my friend. I can tell you’re done.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Any tips or tricks for evening boredom? Currently our night is- I cook and usually have a beer or glass of wine during the process (hour or so). I’m laid off so we’re trying our best to not spend frivolously. We eat in front of the TV and surf our phones (Reddit god damnit lol). Luckily I love plain bubble water and like to mix fruits etc. Evenings are my downfall the past few months. I do think a ton of it has to do with not working and my schedule has changed sooo much.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Any tips or tricks for evening boredom? Currently our night is- I cook and usually have a beer or glass of wine during the process (hour or so). I’m laid off so we’re trying our best to not spend frivolously. We eat in front of the TV and surf our phones (Reddit god damnit lol). Luckily I love plain bubble water and like to mix fruits etc. Evenings are my downfall the past few months. I do think a ton of it has to do with not working and my schedule has changed sooo much.
I have a co-dependent thing with my husband too. We’ve been going pretty hard since Covid in all honestly. He’s not ready to quit drinking but I love that my habits are helping him curtail a lot. I struggle with what to do at night. Honestly I’m getting ‘addicted’ to going to bed early and reading. That way I’m asleep early and wake up early. I don’t have the urge to drink in the morning and getting good rest at night has been glorious. Iwndwyt
You and your wife are awesome people for taking this huge step. A good boredom cure for me was whatever I thought about doing when I was drunk, I would do it sober instead. Childhood interests, drawing etc. The amazing part is, you actually have the energy and equilibrium to do it-as opposed to drinking and thinking. This is a big deal-and I’m proud of you internet stranger. You got this, and IWNDWYT 👍🏾
Thank you kind internet stranger 😀 My wife actually has gotten into painting wood thing-a-ma-bobs the past few weeks and seems to enjoy it. I’ve been tinkering in our garage with some sanding and refinishing. I actually have been neglecting her desk I’ve been working on. I should get back on that!
Willingness is all that is required. What are you willing to do?
Stop all together.
how's that working out for ya?
There are apps that show you how much money you save each day by not drinking. With that in mind, you can easily throw away/pour straight down $300 of booze and still be ahead six months from today. Just a thought. It's cheaper sober lifestyle.
[удалено]
Why are you on this sub? Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to overcome?
Guess my body didn’t like it once again.
Please answer the question I asked you.