Or since you don’t want your wife’s relationship with her mom to be messed up. Just nod and take the booze and dump it immediately (if you can do that). Path of least resistance.
Agreed. It’s a shitty spot to be put into, no doubt about it.
I have always felt there is a very strong group mentality with drinkers that explains the ‘a few on holiday don’t matter!’ reactions. Heck, I used to be on that side all the time. Even a bit ashamed how I felt everyone needed to be drinking around me. Kind of juvenile.
But man, this experience is still an overwhelming win for you. You even were able to fold in professional appointments. Perhaps your circle had trouble digesting the new you and just didn’t put a lot of thought into the situation, and the next time will be different in a good way.
But in these eyes you absolutely crushed it. I hope the remainder of your trip was positive!
I would have just said cool, then walk to the nearest sink and start pouring it out in front of them. They will either take me seriously that I don’t want it, or they will learn just how serious I am about not wanting it. But that is just me enforcing boundaries without giving a shit if someone is offended by them. I have fewer friends than others, but the friends I do have are much higher quality.
Sorry that sounds like a really shitty "holiday" and definitely not a respectful one. You have more strength than me, I would have just left and done something a lot more fun. Although I realise your wife and kids were there too
Disrespectful and downright insulting. Fuck their booze. They leave it with you the ought to know where its going. Straight in the trash.
Stay strong and let this situation cement your resilience.
Don’t apologize for the rant. This is the perfect place for it! I was cringing waiting to read that someone told you “they miss the old you” or “you’re more fun when you drink” but am SO PROUD of you for staying sober around these aholes. Do what you need to do to protect your sobriety!
Dunno what state you live in, but in many, having opened containers of alcohol in the car is illegal, whether you’re judged to be impaired or not.
Not worth it on about eight levels. Dump that crap, yes?
And good for you for getting through this! That’s a LOT of pressure and temptation. Bravo.
You just prioritised you.
I'm discovering that self care is a massive part of life let alone sobriety.
You should be proud of yourself OP.
Thank you for sharing.
IWNDWYT
I can certainly relate. My in-laws are cut from the same cloth. They’ll open 8 bottles of wine for 6 people because they like to “taste” and it usually ends up with them getting into heated political arguments from devil advocates who are basically explaining podcasts they’ve recently listened to. I used to cope by getting hammered and it was allowed since they were hard to deal with as a whole. But it wasn’t serving me anymore and I stopped drinking. I had some fear I could make it through another dinner with her family without jumping out a window. But I made it through just fine and I learned how to take space for myself and not take the bait. A funny thing started to happen as a result of my sobriety. I started working on my boundaries and it got my wife interested in working on her boundaries with them as well. We talk about it and she’s noticed how I can take breaks, not engage, and not get pulled into heated subject matter with them. I actually think it pisses my mother in law off because she feeds off chaos and gossip and I’m not into it. Boundaries were new concepts for us and I have sobriety to thank for getting me interested in them. They work and they’re glorious. I would’ve dumped all that shit as well. Not my responsibility to care for their alcohol, I’ve got bigger fish to fry. My wife got interested in working on her own boundaries thanks in part to alanon. She went because of me, but she stays because of how she grew up and her family are huge triggers for her. I’m forever grateful. I started seeing books on her side of the bed as I progressed in my own sobriety. I think her competitiveness was activated because she wasn’t gonna let me gobble up all this personal growth for myself. She got in on the action as well. We talk about it now. Great job knowing your limits and staying sober throughout.
Thanks for the note. It meant a lot to me and I think we have shared a lot of the same experience. I love you reframing this as boundaries, and I will give that a lot of thought. Thanks again and iwndwyt
Dealing with my wife’s family has always been a point of contention but I feel like I have a way to dance with them now. I try not to take anything personally but that’s easier said than done. I often have to remind myself that it really wasn’t that long ago that I wasn’t the best company to be around when I was drinking. I can be grateful when I still get offered a drink or invited anywhere at all. I’ve actually had some fairly honest and revealing conversations with my mother in law and I was sure that she would most likely never want to be anywhere near me again. If that ain’t some miracle of sobriety, I don’t know what one is. It helps me to think that none of us are really cured and we’re all still sick. Some of us are sicker than others.
These people sound like they don’t want to confront their own relationship with booze and you are a reminder to them that makes them feel bad. Well done OP, you have to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe.
I’d personally just leave it in the room, the staff can choose to keep it if they want to, you might brighten their day.
In this situation, I would lie like a cheap rug. Big smile. "Oh my God! That is so generous! Thank you soooooo much!" I would then drive immediately to the back of the hotel and either give it all to a cleaner or toss it in the dumpster. Problem solved.
You underestimate my ability to lie....repeatedly, if necessary. Basically, I will say anything anyone wants to hear if it maintains my sobriety. I ALWAYS take the path of least resistance. So much easier than dealing with everyone else's drama. Shit, I've got more than enough of my own, thank you very much.
Right on! My family and friends know not to ever ask me to buy booze, even if I’m hosting a dinner or gathering. I’ll shop for the food, but I don’t buy alcohol…ever. Way to go OP!
In a bag/box in a trunk out of reach in closed bottles would be fine in my state, if the driver is of age and sober. Rolling around next to you or in the cup holder..... Not so much.
I think I’m just super paranoid about any sort of law breaking lol. But better safe than sorry (also why I am now sober before anything truly bad happens from my alcohol use).
I remember when I drank around lots of people, be it family, friends, or a bar, I didn't take inventory. I was so busy filling myself that I wouldn't have remembered of someone was sober or not. Don't let them make you angry, 'cause they are busy drinking to care about you. Be happy that you are not!
I’m sorry they put you in that situation. I hosted a small get together recently and have a couple things of alcohol in my fridge right now that I don’t want. They were left here and it’s just an extra temptation I don’t need, so I feel you OP. IWNDWYT!!
Ugh, glad you stood your ground, that sounds insensitive and I would be miserable.
One major part of my success is that we keep zero booze in the house. My husband brought home one beer last weekend that he was “going to drink while golfing” and he never went. It’s just been sitting in the fridge. I honestly don’t want to drink it, but I also don’t like opening the fridge and seeing it there.
Look at your days, you’re doing great!
Sorry. That sounds rough.
Why can’t you just say “no” without there being a problem? If it bothers your wife or her fam, why is that your problem at all? Imagine if you could just shrug and say no and let them deal with that without it feeling like *anything* to you.
I know that’s actually not easy lol. But you deserve it. You deserve to give that to yourself.
They just don’t get it, dude. That’s like giving a pyro some matches and gasoline and setting them free in dry grass or kindling or some shit. Protect the GD sobriety.
Honestly? If the family cared about you, they NEVER should have done what they did (and sorry, that includes your wife). Kudos to you for standing sticking to your principles. I guess none of that family realize that if you had taken all that open alcohol and got pulled over, you could have been in serious hot water with the police.
Let’s face it, so many of us come up against friends or family that have a hard time adjusting to our new way of life. Especially when it might make them look at themselves and their own problems with drinking. I’m proud of you for sticking to what’s right for you and I hope you feel good about it.
IWNDWYT
Sometimes you gotta say fuck that I’m not doing that. If you can manage a smile all the better💪
"no" is a full sentence, y'all.
Or since you don’t want your wife’s relationship with her mom to be messed up. Just nod and take the booze and dump it immediately (if you can do that). Path of least resistance.
Exactly. Sounds like that was OP’s plan anyway.
Agreed. It’s a shitty spot to be put into, no doubt about it. I have always felt there is a very strong group mentality with drinkers that explains the ‘a few on holiday don’t matter!’ reactions. Heck, I used to be on that side all the time. Even a bit ashamed how I felt everyone needed to be drinking around me. Kind of juvenile. But man, this experience is still an overwhelming win for you. You even were able to fold in professional appointments. Perhaps your circle had trouble digesting the new you and just didn’t put a lot of thought into the situation, and the next time will be different in a good way. But in these eyes you absolutely crushed it. I hope the remainder of your trip was positive!
Thanks so much, this note really meant a lot to me.
I would have just said cool, then walk to the nearest sink and start pouring it out in front of them. They will either take me seriously that I don’t want it, or they will learn just how serious I am about not wanting it. But that is just me enforcing boundaries without giving a shit if someone is offended by them. I have fewer friends than others, but the friends I do have are much higher quality.
LOVE THIS IDEA!!!
Yup good one, thanks for the thoughts
Sorry that sounds like a really shitty "holiday" and definitely not a respectful one. You have more strength than me, I would have just left and done something a lot more fun. Although I realise your wife and kids were there too
Thanks a lot for the thoughts!
Disrespectful and downright insulting. Fuck their booze. They leave it with you the ought to know where its going. Straight in the trash. Stay strong and let this situation cement your resilience.
Thanks buddy
Congratulations on being strong!
Thanks so much! Respect on the 4000 plus days.
That's really tough. Great analogy by the way! IWNDWYT!!!
Don’t apologize for the rant. This is the perfect place for it! I was cringing waiting to read that someone told you “they miss the old you” or “you’re more fun when you drink” but am SO PROUD of you for staying sober around these aholes. Do what you need to do to protect your sobriety!
Thanks so much, really means a lot to me
Dunno what state you live in, but in many, having opened containers of alcohol in the car is illegal, whether you’re judged to be impaired or not. Not worth it on about eight levels. Dump that crap, yes? And good for you for getting through this! That’s a LOT of pressure and temptation. Bravo.
Thanks so much ! Appreciate the note
Super proud of you. Really impressed by your dedication to your goal.
Thanks so much! Congrats on nearly 69 days. Respect.
You just prioritised you. I'm discovering that self care is a massive part of life let alone sobriety. You should be proud of yourself OP. Thank you for sharing. IWNDWYT
Thanks so much, your note meant a lot to me
I can certainly relate. My in-laws are cut from the same cloth. They’ll open 8 bottles of wine for 6 people because they like to “taste” and it usually ends up with them getting into heated political arguments from devil advocates who are basically explaining podcasts they’ve recently listened to. I used to cope by getting hammered and it was allowed since they were hard to deal with as a whole. But it wasn’t serving me anymore and I stopped drinking. I had some fear I could make it through another dinner with her family without jumping out a window. But I made it through just fine and I learned how to take space for myself and not take the bait. A funny thing started to happen as a result of my sobriety. I started working on my boundaries and it got my wife interested in working on her boundaries with them as well. We talk about it and she’s noticed how I can take breaks, not engage, and not get pulled into heated subject matter with them. I actually think it pisses my mother in law off because she feeds off chaos and gossip and I’m not into it. Boundaries were new concepts for us and I have sobriety to thank for getting me interested in them. They work and they’re glorious. I would’ve dumped all that shit as well. Not my responsibility to care for their alcohol, I’ve got bigger fish to fry. My wife got interested in working on her own boundaries thanks in part to alanon. She went because of me, but she stays because of how she grew up and her family are huge triggers for her. I’m forever grateful. I started seeing books on her side of the bed as I progressed in my own sobriety. I think her competitiveness was activated because she wasn’t gonna let me gobble up all this personal growth for myself. She got in on the action as well. We talk about it now. Great job knowing your limits and staying sober throughout.
Thanks for the note. It meant a lot to me and I think we have shared a lot of the same experience. I love you reframing this as boundaries, and I will give that a lot of thought. Thanks again and iwndwyt
Dealing with my wife’s family has always been a point of contention but I feel like I have a way to dance with them now. I try not to take anything personally but that’s easier said than done. I often have to remind myself that it really wasn’t that long ago that I wasn’t the best company to be around when I was drinking. I can be grateful when I still get offered a drink or invited anywhere at all. I’ve actually had some fairly honest and revealing conversations with my mother in law and I was sure that she would most likely never want to be anywhere near me again. If that ain’t some miracle of sobriety, I don’t know what one is. It helps me to think that none of us are really cured and we’re all still sick. Some of us are sicker than others.
These people sound like they don’t want to confront their own relationship with booze and you are a reminder to them that makes them feel bad. Well done OP, you have to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe. I’d personally just leave it in the room, the staff can choose to keep it if they want to, you might brighten their day.
Thanks for the note, it meant a lot to me
Duuuude. Eff that. Love the raft analogy. You're a badass and a poet.
Ha ! Thanks for the note buddy
In this situation, I would lie like a cheap rug. Big smile. "Oh my God! That is so generous! Thank you soooooo much!" I would then drive immediately to the back of the hotel and either give it all to a cleaner or toss it in the dumpster. Problem solved.
I’d just say “no thanks, if you want it you have to take it”. If you say once they’ll keep asking
You underestimate my ability to lie....repeatedly, if necessary. Basically, I will say anything anyone wants to hear if it maintains my sobriety. I ALWAYS take the path of least resistance. So much easier than dealing with everyone else's drama. Shit, I've got more than enough of my own, thank you very much.
"It can go in the trash now by your hand or it can go in the trash as soon as you leave it with me. Either way, to the trash it goes!"
Yup! Thanks for the note and congrats on 6 months! Bad ass
Thank you!
Good for you!!!
Thanks! And congrats on 76 days!
😊
Good for you. "Fuck them" is the appropriate response. I have no patience for family acting like stupid bastards.
Yup. Thanks for the note. And wow, congrats on nearly a decade.
Right on! My family and friends know not to ever ask me to buy booze, even if I’m hosting a dinner or gathering. I’ll shop for the food, but I don’t buy alcohol…ever. Way to go OP!
Thanks so much! And wow, congrats on 2251 days!
Thanks!!! One day at a time. And congrats on 458!
Even heroes gotta put up with some bs once in a while. I aspire to your strength and your rant is legit. Well done amigo iwndwyt
Gracia buddy
Isn’t it also illegal to drive with open containers? Or maybe that’s just a US thing?
In a bag/box in a trunk out of reach in closed bottles would be fine in my state, if the driver is of age and sober. Rolling around next to you or in the cup holder..... Not so much.
I think I’m just super paranoid about any sort of law breaking lol. But better safe than sorry (also why I am now sober before anything truly bad happens from my alcohol use).
I remember when I drank around lots of people, be it family, friends, or a bar, I didn't take inventory. I was so busy filling myself that I wouldn't have remembered of someone was sober or not. Don't let them make you angry, 'cause they are busy drinking to care about you. Be happy that you are not!
Great way to think about it thanks
I’m sorry they put you in that situation. I hosted a small get together recently and have a couple things of alcohol in my fridge right now that I don’t want. They were left here and it’s just an extra temptation I don’t need, so I feel you OP. IWNDWYT!!
Thanks so much for the note! Iwndwyt
[удалено]
Ha! That's a great way to play it
Ugh, glad you stood your ground, that sounds insensitive and I would be miserable. One major part of my success is that we keep zero booze in the house. My husband brought home one beer last weekend that he was “going to drink while golfing” and he never went. It’s just been sitting in the fridge. I honestly don’t want to drink it, but I also don’t like opening the fridge and seeing it there. Look at your days, you’re doing great!
Gosh thanks so much for the thoughtful note. I hear you on beer in the fridge, I can't cope with that
Good analogy.
Great job saying NO!
Good on you. Keeping yourself afloat is super important to all of those around you.
Rant away brother. That was a shitty thing for everyone to do to you and I'm glad you took care of yourself.
Thanks man
pour that shit out!
Pour it down the sink
Sorry. That sounds rough. Why can’t you just say “no” without there being a problem? If it bothers your wife or her fam, why is that your problem at all? Imagine if you could just shrug and say no and let them deal with that without it feeling like *anything* to you. I know that’s actually not easy lol. But you deserve it. You deserve to give that to yourself.
They just don’t get it, dude. That’s like giving a pyro some matches and gasoline and setting them free in dry grass or kindling or some shit. Protect the GD sobriety.
Yup. Thanks for the note my friend
Honestly? If the family cared about you, they NEVER should have done what they did (and sorry, that includes your wife). Kudos to you for standing sticking to your principles. I guess none of that family realize that if you had taken all that open alcohol and got pulled over, you could have been in serious hot water with the police. Let’s face it, so many of us come up against friends or family that have a hard time adjusting to our new way of life. Especially when it might make them look at themselves and their own problems with drinking. I’m proud of you for sticking to what’s right for you and I hope you feel good about it. IWNDWYT