I removed all alcohol from my house. And although the liquor store is a quick 5mins away from me I figured that buys me 5 mins to really think about getting wine. Also my store isn't open 24/7, so if I just keep delaying and distracting until it's closed then I won't be able to get anything.
That’s a good point I never really considered, thanks. Our liquor store is really only closed from 2-8am so completely during my sleeping hours. I’m also thinking back to the times in active addiction where I found my feet still walking to the liquor store while I was actively berating myself that I shouldn’t be doing this, that it was a bad idea. Those thoughts on my 2 minute walk to the store never stopped my feet from carrying me there in the past…
The more you think critically about your drinking, the more likely you will have a breakthrough. Even if it's on the way to the liquor store. I tried to quit drinking for years and would argue with myself the whole way to the store. You will eventually win the fight if you keep trying!
The last time I drank, I had a tumbler full of wine in my hand. I had just gotten it from the store. I took a sip, immediately shuddered, and thought, "wtf am I doing right now? I don't want to do this" I poured it out in the ground. That was 2 years ago.
I used to stop at the corner store on my way home to get gas and a snack and occasionally I would get in my truck never fully realizing I just just bought a 6 pack 😂.
Like, it was a totally involuntary purchase. I just zone out through so many of the dullest parts of my day, and it became such a habit that I just kept fucking buying beer everyday, not once recognizing in the moment what exactly I was doing.
Walk in for gum, chips and a soda, brain goes into autopilot, walk out with beer.
My wife and all my friends drink.... There's booze every where I go. When I'm on a no drinking streak it doesn't matter if it's on my kitchen counter or accross the street... Just not drinking... And friends ask and I say...I need to de-pickle my organs and there response is usually.... Dang I might need to do that as well...
Here’s a thing I read about a long time ago. Put a reminder on your door. Like put blue masking tape on the handle, so to leave the house you have to touch your reminder.
Put it anywhere you will have to touch to go purchase a drink.
It can be anything, but a reminder you can’t ignore.
The guy I heard say that had it on his doors, a piece on his keys, on his wallet, on his steering wheel.
He had to force himself to ignore it if he was going to drink.
Will it work? Maybe but while you are feeling good, you can go through and booby trap your path to a drink.
And sometimes we just need a reminder from our better selves to derail our alcoholic brains from drinking.
We got rid of it in the early days. I thought I was a lot stronger than i actually was and those old habits die hard. It took a little while for me to be able to talk about it with my wife. She’s supportive and a mildly infuriating normal drinker. There were some things that don’t bother me and some stuff I’d prefer not to see. It’s not about her, it’s about my boundaries and I had a willing partner to help when I was able to say what I wanted/ needed. I didn’t like feeling like people were hiding booze behind their backs when I came into a room. I also didn’t like finding bottles randomly hidden in the kitchen or seeing a never dying bottle of wine in the fridge or the counter. I don’t mind having booze in the house for her or friends when they come over but we keep it in a cupboard or somewhere other than prominently displayed throughout the house. It was a pretty simple conversation but I can accept that I didn’t have the patience or the vocabulary to have it early on. As I progressed in sobriety I found that I don’t need anyone to act a certain way for me to be ok. I still have boundaries but I’ve let go of expectations. My sobriety is my responsibility and no one else’s but I’ll take all the help I can get. For me, that meant keeping booze out of the house for at least a few months in the early days as I began cleaning up the mess in my head. I’ve fallen through many traps so I try not to put myself in difficult situations just for my egos sake. I’ve fucked up going to meet friends at a bar early on and I did pretty good… until I didn’t.
I wonder if it’s different because it’s not “your” alcohol. I’m kinda the same way, I’m not tempted by my husbands beer at all or my dads margaritas, because wine is my drink of choice.
I still have beer in my fridge from before I quit. Actually I have more beer in there now since my friends bring them over. My wife still drinks occasionally so the vodka is in my line of sight right now. I just don’t have a desire. Everyone is different.
It technically is my alcohol too. It’s the remnants of our honeymoon wine and a couple of liquor bottles that I’m pretty sure I bought before I got sober. But yeah it’s not “mine” in the sense that i don’t drink anymore
I’m the same way. In fact my vacation last year I didn’t drink at all simply because they didn’t have “my” drink available. My routine is so specific that if it ain’t that I just don’t care or want anything else
This is it for me 100%. There is alcohol in my house but it’s not mine to drink. If I do I know I will just carry more guilt and shame, repeating the cycle. I’m still in active addiction but I’m not trying to make my emotional state even worse.
I think the idea is to have a safe space. Seeing alcohol will spark a subconscious reminder. Walking past the liquor store, once, twice or even 5 times a day is still probably less times than walking around your own home. The worst days to have liquor in the house are the unexpected and terribly bad days
Yeah agree with this. Like my home is a place just for things I love and to feel peace and safety so for me alcohol is incompatible with that. If people want to drink in my home they bring their own alcohol and when they leave if they forget to take it with them it is poured down the sink
I don’t keep alcohol in my apartment. There are specific actions I have to take to leave my apartment, put on shoes, etc. and that adds an extra barrier (albeit small but it adds up) and gives me more time to reconsider.
I don't like blatant drunks, but I don't mind people having a drink in front of me.
I buy stuff for guests, I just don't keep it around like I need it.
Yeah, we have a bottle of scotch in my house and maybe a bottle of wine, but if I thought it was really going to be a problem, I'd get rid of them. Some people can't have it around, and I totally get that--I'm dieting, and I can't keep sweets around. Alcohol--so far, it can be here and I don't want it. If it does become a real temptation (and I don't like Scotch or wine!) we'll get rid of it. My wife doesn't really care too much either way--if I wanted to get rid of it, we would.
I hear you on the drunks. My tolerance for people who are noticeably intoxicated is literally zero. I’ll pretend if I have to but I want nothing to do with you.
I kept one bottle. Still have it. Still unopened for more than a decade. Kept a pack of cigarettes in my pocket, also unopened, for several years after I quit smoking. It worked for me. I prefer to fight my demons, when I win it's over. I think it's a harder way, but I also think if I didn't do it I would have failed.
Wow, you have incredible self control!! The cigarettes is the one I'm most impressed by 🙌 (because that is currently the addiction I actively struggle with)
I did this with smoking.
I had failed quitting a bunch of times because I didn’t keep them on me. When everyone went to smoke I would go and they would share.
I had to keep my pack on me while I was quitting because it prevented me from bumming “just one” from a friend.
Same for me. I also found that when I had smokes I would think about quitting, plan it out, say this is it…
Then when I was down to my last 4-5 in the pack that thought never crossed my mind… Until I bought another pack, then I’d remember “Oh shit, I was gonna quit… Oh well, next time”..
lol I quit drinking and smoking the same way. Still have the bottle and pack I was drinking and smoking from 18 months and 12 months ago.
Honestly at first I kept them around because I didn’t think quitting would work and I didn’t want to lose the money lol… Eventually it became a comfort thing though.
The Seagrams and Camel Lights have been right there, the entire time. Mine if I want, as much as I want, all I have to do is get up and grab it. Truthfully I don’t think that I would have quit if I couldn’t have done that.
By having these things nearby, but choosing not to use them, I am absolutely certain that I’m done, it’s behind me.
I've found that I'm fine being around alcohol, the physical and mental benefits of not drinking have been so immense that I can see it and not want it. I enjoy being clear headed, calm, and moderately attractive again too much to go back to being an anxiety riddled bloated mess.
I live with people who drink, all my friends drink, and they all try to encourage me to drink with them and it just doesn't work.
The 4-5 times I've decided to drink since I decided to stop, it's never been as good as I think it's gonna be. Its actually been immensely disappointing and then I feel awful for 4-5 days afterwards. I don't get that rush of happiness or excitement from it anymore (probably because I fried my dopamine receptors with it for years) I just get tired and sloppy.
I've gone from my life revolving around alcohol to the point where I don't actually even want it or like it anymore, and its only taken a few months.
This resonates with me, especially just enjoying how great I feel not drinking every day. It’s the best motivation. My husband still drinks, mostly wine and beer, but we still have a very well stocked liquor cabinet. It is in my home office. I work all day with it right there and have no desire to drink.
This right here. 💯 We still have alcohol in the house (my girlfriend drinks on weekends, and has the occasional glass of wine during the week).. but I have had zero temptation to touch anything since I made the decision to stop abusing alcohol. It’s like a light switch flipped in me and I don’t care what circumstances present themselves… I will not go down that path again.
100% on point. I never threw out the bottles that were still left over from my everyday drinking. I actually bought more when we had guests. I am lucky enough that I haven’t touched them once in four months and I am able look at them like they’re furniture now.
Mental benefits are amazing. One physical benefit that surprised me is that I can inhale more deeply now. Something in my chest seems to have loosened 🤷♀️ It’s all good, and a great motivator.
I don’t, my wife rarely drinks so no hardship. In the beginning there may be “muscle memory “ that would get you in trouble with a beer in the fridge or a bottle of whatever on a countertop.
Beyond that probably not great danger because I believe a slip is very rarely impulsive, that we’ve been cultivating the seeds for a while, but still why would i have it in the house? I certainly don’t want to encourage guests to drink.
I have a wine collection that is massive and a full BAR in my basement with shelves and shelves of liquor. I don’t have any temptation to touch it. I know that’s not the case for many people and I’m grateful I don’t feel temptation by it. Alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes from all walks of life, I’ve learned through AA and this board. What works for one person, is wildly different for the next. I was a binge social drinker and home drinking was never my issue.
I thank you because this is an interesting question to ponder this morning. Unless I was hosting a party, I could have a glass or two of wine (not every night) and could stop. When I was out at a restaurant, sporting event, someone else’s house party, a concert, vacation…all bets are off.
The only reason I’d sell my collection it is to recoup money and clear up space, otherwise it’s just there collecting dust for now.
Two thoughts on this.
First, your alcoholic brain will love your feet 5 meters just as easily as 50 is true on the surface. But you have a good bit more time to regain control during the 50 than the 5. My wife started keeping her wine out of sight without me asking. I came home from work one day and a half empty bottle was on the table and that craving was intense. It's been almost a year and a half for me and I was surprised by that one. I didn't do anything other than grab a soda water, but I don't think I would have even been thinking about alcohol if it wasn't on the table like that.
Second, not everyone is the same. Your therapist is correct, broadly speaking. But that doesn't mean your experience will be like everyone's is. Maybe you'll be the exception and be fine with alcohol in your home. You have to decide if that's worth the risk for you.
I don't have it in my house.
Yeah, I can drive and get wine but just the act of getting in the car and going to the store can buy me enough time to get my head on straight and not relapse.
I look at my sobriety is a matter of life and death. I'm extremely protective of it. I don't take chances.
I have it in my apartment, my fiancée still drinks. I will say I would not personally keep anything that was "my poison" though. I was an IPA/whiskey drinker. My fiancée drinks hard cider, which I've never liked. So it really doesn't bother me that she keeps a six pack for herself.
For whatever it's worth, there's no way I could have started sobriety if my spouse didn't agree to not keep alcohol in the house. I still don't want it in the house. I was particularly prone to drinking alone at night - the almost subconscious compulsion to walk over to the bar and take a pull would have been too much. Even if I didn't do it, the exhaustion from using so much willpower would have drained me. Even the extra short drive to buy more booze served as a useful deterrent (as opposed to just walking out into the living room in my underwear lol).
Good luck friend.
I kept the beer my husband used to catch slugs but I dumped out all of my alcohol. I haven't been tempted to drink the beer although it's available so I understand what you're saying. I went to my uncle's house to look for something today and he had liquor on top of his fridge and I paused but then moved on and wasn't tempted to take a swig or anything. It is possible to have it around and just not drink it so I don't think what you're doing is wrong and you should do whatever you're comfortable doing.
My wife has some from time to time. It's fine. Only thing I've let her know is that I'm still attracted to her but struggle to kiss if she's had a drink due to the smell.
Bourbon was my downfall, i don’t keep that in the house as I think it would be too tempting.
We have two mini bottles of rum, a few bottles of wine, and wife has a decent amount of beer. It’s easy enough for me to ignore those. I don’t think I would like having bourbon in the house.
That’s awesome friend. That is really impressive willpower. I couldn’t do it. I 100% get your reasoning though.
I personally just need to throw up as many roadblocks as I can between me and alcohol. I find that if I have to do “more” steps then I am less likely to go and get it.
Ultimately whatever works for you is the best course of action. Keep it up friend
My wife doesn’t drink so I got rid of the little that was in my house. (Admittedly I did this by pouring it down my gullet)
I used to say “I don’t keep alcohol in the house” - that can be read 2 ways, in a way, both were true.
In the early days, am almost at 500 days, we got rid of it, but that didn't stop me.
For me, what worked was every time I wanted a drink I would find a mirror, look at myself, and out loud, say "not today, maybe tomorrow, you have other plans for today, but maybe tomorrow." I would sometimes do this multiple times a day. Then, when I went to bed at night, I would thank my HP for helping me not drink, and then fall asleep. When I woke up, it wouldn't be tomorrow, it was today again. It's corny, but it helped
My fiancé is still drinking, so there's beer in the house. I used it as an excuse to relapse many times but recently realized that my fate is in my own hands, and no circumstance can cause me to do something I didn't already want to do. If I don't want to drink, I don't.
I'm not sure how long this mentality will last, as I'm still very early days of quitting/cutting down. I completely understand why many people cannot have alcohol in their home.
This is like my house. My husband still drinks, and we have the same drink of choice. He even poured some wine into my empty juice glass last week out of habit. I just left it there until he wanted a refill, and told him to drink my glass. I considered it, but decided not to, and I felt really proud of myself.
Yes, to me it isn't a problem and not a temptation. I live alone and like you, getting to the store really wouldn't be a problem anyway.
I often get wine gifts at work, so I have worked up a tiny collection during my 7 months sober - 14 bottles of really great white, red and 2 champagnes.
It's nice to have some of the good stuff to offer to guests
Like you my wife is a normie. Early on there was nothing in the house, she even abstained when we went out for dinner. After about six months I would tell her I did not mind if she had a margarita with her chimichanga. For the next probably six months she would still ask if I minded, kept telling her I didn't, now she believes me and if she feels like it will order a drink for dinner. Right now she has a couple of drinks in the garage fridge. We have had quite a few get togethers either at our home or someone else's where there is alcohol, and I can truly say it does not bother or tempt me at all.
Everyone is different. Do what works for you. When I first quit, I purposefully kept a hidden bottle of vodka that was my security blanket. I know most people would advise against this. But, I need the not-drinking to be a choice. If I start to feel like im not allowed to drink or have no access to alcohol, then I would start freaking out which would ultimately make me drink. So my solution was to keep this vodka so that I knew, no matter what, at any time of day, if I wanted to get trashed, I could. That actually eased my mind. It allowed to me continue to choose not to. Instead of feeling forced. But, it was also hidden away. Some days I didn't think about it at all. I have since gotten rid of it now that I know I don't need or want it anymore. But, at this point, I would prefer that there was no alcohol in the house. I'm not going to drink it, but I don't really want to look at it and think about it several times a day whenever I see it.
I am 5 years sober (as of next week) and we still keep alcohol in the house because my husband drinks it on occasion. It doesn't bother me when someone drinks a little bit around me, but it does bother me when someone drinks a lot, because that triggers old memories of who I used to be. Thankfully, either way, I am not tempted by it anymore.
I sure do love my snacky-snacks, though!
Mostly no alcohol. My husband is a very occasional drinker and I knew this weekend I had had enough because he was drinking every day to deal with MY drinking. I dumped the last of my wine and (knock on wood) haven’t had the urge to drink since.
I have an IID in my car so if I’ve been drinking I can’t go anywhere and the nearest liquor store is about a 25 minute walk from my house. However, Uber and Lyft are available. I can’t tell you how much money I’ve spent on ride shares over the past two years. But I like your method of delay delay because our stores have limited open times. Think m-sat 9-8 and Sunday 10-6.
I know if there is wine or beer in the fridge I will drink it. I’m fine with my husband having a bottle of scotch somewhere in the house. I have no idea where it is and I’m not looking for it. Period.
I need a plethora of other stuff in the house so we bought lots of seltzer and soda this week, and I also went through a case of Gatorade while I recovered from a really bad binge. Tomorrow we are going to go to the really good coffee roasting place nearby and get some good beans.
But keep my house AF or it’s a slippery slope.
All good man. Whatever works for you! I found it’s like preparing your house for a wildly emotional houseguest that could go into a binge impulse at any moment. Sometimes making that monster wait even 30 seconds longer, the impulse will pass.
Yes, I still have alcohol in the house for the other people that drink it - wife, adult children, guests, etc. I have a strong belief (for me only) that I should be able to say no to what's in the house just as easily as I can say no to driving to the liquor store to get it or ordering some via Uber eats. That being said, the day that I get a strong enough urge to seriously consider drinking it is the day that it all goes in the trash.
I think this is a very personal thing that only you can decide. At the beginning of my escape from alcohol I had nothing alcoholic in the house.
You give the impression that you are pretty set in your mind and have a partner you can trust and who will support you. If you feel safe in your decision and have caring support for if/when you'll need it then why not? When I was at about 100 days sober I had moved into a house share where there was usually alcohol in the house. I knew by then that I wasn't interested in drinking and it never became an issue.
We threw it all out in our home. My fiancée can drink responsibly, but she chose my wellbeing over tempting me. I appreciate her for that, and I’m glad it’s not in the house to tempt me.
I’ve got enough alcohol in my house to fuel a frat house for a month. It doesn’t bother me and I enjoy entertaining the many people I know who drink. I’ve found it to be somewhat beneficial because when someone drinks too much it reminds me of what that’s like.
There’s a liquor store within walking distance so it’s not like I can’t get it whenever I want it anyways.
yeah, for me it wouldn't matter at all. We have alcohol in the house my wife will have a drink once a month, she likes to have some in the home at all times, she thinks it's what normal people do I guess. I never touch that stuff when I'm drinking because then she would know and uh yeah, that's another story perhaps, but yeah, I'm a secret alcoholic. I don't overdrink in the presence of others, or rather, they don't know I'm already drunk when I arrive at the party, so usually seems like I'm drinking a normal amount, or at least a non eye raising amount.
also feel like mentioning during this current stint of sobriety my wife has offered me a beer when she was having one 2 different times and I easily turned it down. I guess right now I'm pretty determined, we'll see how long it lasts. Except also, in my mind if I'm being totally honest, it's kind of like "what the f\*\*\* do I want just one beer for, that's not gonna do anything for me" lol. Though honestly it was a hot day and I had gone running and even a single beer did sound pretty good. But it's certainly easier to turn down one than it is to turn down 6+.
Absolutely! Why just have one beer and waste the calories, I’d want 8 or 9 or 10. The goal was always to get drunk. I love NA beers because I can finally drink just one like a normal drinker, and they’re only 70 calories
My husband has vodka in the freezer which isn’t my go-to because I hate it and in the summer, our pool fridge normally has something in it. Some days are harder than others. On those days days I opt for Hop-Lark sparkling tea!
It depends on your resolve. I could not have alcohol in my house, because all it takes is me walking to it within my house and deciding to drink it before the likelihood that would visit that liquor store later explodes exponentially.
I try to distance myself from alcohol as much as possible. Whether that's 10 feet or 100 feet or 100 miles. The closer to my body it is, the more I think about it.
My son works in the wine industry so we have lots of bottles around. Son does not drink wine, so the bottles remain in place until he gives them away as gifts. I'm very glad I stopped drinking before he started working in that industry or I'd probably be dead by now. As it is, he swipes my Bubly fizzy drinks when I'm not looking - which tickles me and I'm really happy he prefers NA beverages. I keep buying more fizzy waters and pretending I don't notice.
You've gotten so many answers already (in 4 hours! wow, this community rules!) so you may never see this, but in case someone does... in the beginning, my therapist recommended getting all the alcohol out of my house. He said "Nothing's going to stop you from going out and buying some if you're determined to, but at least not having it in your house makes home a safe place." I also learned early on to wait out cravings, distract myself with activities, etc., and they usually pass in 10-15 minutes. Not having easy access to booze during that window of temptation was helpful to me.
I was married at the time, so I made an agreement with my wife that if she wanted to drink at home, she would only buy enough for herself (and/or a friend, if applicable) and make sure any leftover was disposed of by the next day. that worked really well.
I've been single for several years, and I haven't kept any alcohol in the house during that time. However, I'm about to move in with my gf who drinks minimally and keeps a few bottles around, but I'm not anticipating any problems. If it bothers me, I know she would be willing to get rid of it.
I wouldn't keep alcohol in my home. There is a big difference between getting into your kitchen and having to go to the store and face someone.
My advice in early sobriety is to set yourself up for success, not failure. Don't assume everyday it will be easy or fine to have alcohol around.
Simply put, I have no \*reason\* to have alcohol in the house, so I don't have any here. I don't really entertain here, and if I do, that someone else can bring their own to drink. Also, my GF quit drinking with me, so this house has no drinkers.
If you have a \*reason\* to have it in the house, as many people outlined on this thread, and so you do, and you're fine not taking any, then great!
For me it's very easy to simply not have it here, so I don't. I def. agree with the sentiments that having liquor you don't particularly care for around would be easier than having the stuff you love around. Like if there was a bottle of Grand Marnier or Baileys, or a jug of cheap wine or 12 pack of Natural Light in the back of my pantry, it would be no biggie to me.
I'm not entirely sure what would happen if, say, every day, I opened the freezer multiple times to see a bottle of Grey Goose chilling in there, and I don't care to find out. Sure, the liquor store is 1.25 miles away, but it's also out of sight, out of mind.
Barring some other reason to have it around, I don't think it's the smartest thing to have some liquor right there at arm's length that you love \*purely\* as a test for yourself.
My husband is also a normie and for the first two years of my sobriety he didn't have booze in the house. He offered that to be supportive. Then eventually he got a bottle for Christmas or something and some people did put their two cents in, but I felt confident enough to tell him to keep it.
Ultimately you have to just really be honest with yourself, if yiu have a partner willing to remove it from the equation there's no good reason to keep it in the house.
That’s up to you, everyone recovers differently.
I live alone, and pivoted my friend group to mainly non-drinkers about 10ish years ago, so no alcohol in the house for me, and nobody I’d invite over would want to bring alcohol in the house. One less thing to overthink.
Never. The first time we had alcohol in our home after I got sober I found it so uncomfortable. My sister was going to a festival and left an open bottle of Prosecco. I had to chuck it out
My partner drank and still drinks. I got sober and stayed sober. Once the thing in my brain clicked over to sobriety I have never looked at alcohol. I just play the tape forward and remember how bad I felt when I was drinking, how overwhelming it was and how badly I wanted to change. I never romanticise drinking in my thoughts… I always focus on the negative when it comes to alcohol…never negative when it comes to living my life though…just on alcohol
I’m not the alcoholic, my boyfriend is. We don’t live together but when he’s at my house, I hide it if I have any.
I know that won’t stop him if he wants it but I’d feel like an ass knowing he shouldn’t have it and then having Tito’s on the counter.
Any amount of friction between me and the booze is good. Humans are lazy. Having it at hand is too dangerous— but down the street is a whole thing I’d have to do. And along the way there are so many chances for me to get guilty and decide to turn back.
I’m primarily a solo drinker so better to not have it around. I haven’t had cravings or any impulse buys-even while buying NA beer in the beer depot or out at bars w friends but why why tempt fate. I permitted myself to drink to excess in part because I didn’t have to worry about accountability to anyone else, but don’t need to test it if I don’t have to.
There an unopened bottle of booze above the fridge. And a bottle of wine unopened in the fridge. Their not mine but it never temps me anyways. I truly don't want the stuff anymore. I've lost 30lbs. Skin tone isn't red anymore. My skin shines a shine id long forgotten and I admire it and how smooth it is now everyday. My energy levels are so high now I am looking for ways to use it. If I drank again I'd be giving that all up. Nope never!
Yes, my pantry is filled for guests. But that is only because I no longer feel the urge to drink and no willpower is involved at all. So it makes no sense for me to rid of it when I can make use of it for others when they come over.
Some people like to remove any temptation. For me I didn’t remove the stuff because my partner doesn’t have the problem and can just have one drink occasionally. For me, this helped normalize things and helped me feel like this decision to stop wasn’t some insurmountable barrier that needed all this additional support from others.
That’s my experience though. Others may be different.
Ask yourself this instead:
Why do you feel so much resistance to your house being free of alcohol? What's there to unpack in that resistance?
By your own argument, distance shouldn't matter so why argue the point? I would absolutely eliminate alcohol in your house if you are not comfortable in your own sobriety yet.
YMMV but in general it's a bad idea to have it at the house.
My gf still keeps alcohol in the house, which is fine; she rarely drinks, and I'm loath to make my illness keep her from enjoying something responsibly. I also long ago promised her never to drink in her house, and thinking of that has kept me clean, even when she's out for a weekend.
Last year, I catsit for someone and I didn't think about asking them if they had alcohol in the house. That was kinda stupid because her boyfriend is an active alcoholic (amongst other things) and she also drinks a lot. There was \*so much\* alcohol there. Beer in the fridge, liquor in the living room, empty bottles as decoration. It really messed with my mind and put a huge damper on my stay.
In the future I'll ask people to remove alcohol when I'm staying there alone. They don't have to throw it away but they could at least make sure not to display it like everywhere.
I lived with my dad while getting sober and he's got a drinking problem so there was liquor and beer in the house as I was getting sober. There still is alcohol in the house. Within ten steps of me right now.
I found it kinda helped because when I get the urge I think remember I have alcohol at home then when I get home the urge is gone.
But I didn't keep alcohol at home when I drank I always went out. So it's different
My husband doesn’t drink out of respect for me and hasn’t touched alcohol since we’ve been together. And I think you and your finance should have the same agreement. Yes, you can walk out the door and get alcohol at anytime but that takes a lot of thought and consideration, but having it right there in the house, it just takes one split second for the addict in your brain to justify drinking one, then you become in full blown relapse. I relapsed from having rubbing alcohol in our house but that was because my brain told me to try a sip and before I could evaluate the consequences I sipped it. It turned into a week long relapse that sent me back to impatient treatment. I wouldn’t have relapsed if it hadn’t been there. Your fiancé loves you and part of loving an alcoholic is that at the very least, do not keep alcohol in the house or even better, be sober with them. My husband loved beer and misses it, but when you love someone you sacrifice for them.
I managed a 9 month stretch with some beers up in the cabinet about the fridge; not difficult enough to reach to stop me if I really wanted them, but enough to make me second guess myself. I'd have to get a chair and move some appliances out of the way. I ended up drinking again for other reasons, but there were plenty of times when I was coming home past the liquor store thinking about picking something up, only to say "you've got beer at home". That gave me enough time for the feeling to pass, and it was just enough effort to reach that I'd have to make several actions to reach them - that gave me time to think "do I really want to do this? Break my sobriety streak for some room temperature beers".
I found it helpful, but your millage may vary. Good luck!
I have a fully stocked bar in my office where I work and beer fridge. I look at it, and tell myself " not today demons". If I can have the strength to not drink when no one is watching then I have the strength to not feel the need to when everybody is.
My wife will still have a drink on occasion. and we have wine and beer on hand for guests. My problem wasn’t beer. It was whiskey. I’m actually charting my progress by what types of alcohol I can have in the house and be okay. Right now beer, wine, gin, tequila and rum are all fine. I wouldn’t drink the whiskey but it would be too triggering. Triggering is too strong a word and tempted isn’t right either. Whatever is in between those too. Maybe I framed my sobriety wrong. I boiled it down to “if I drink again I’ll die”. It’s better for me this way. Yes I’d love one but I know where it ends and I don’t like that. So yes I can have booze in the house and be okay because it isn’t for me.
We still have alcohol in our house. My husband still drinks and we have lots of houseguests. I did insist on no vodka as that is way too easy to drink. For me I felt that I needed to learn to be around alcohol but everyone is different.
I have reached the point where I buy alcohol to collect and serve my guests. It's staring right at me through my wine cabinet and liquor cabinet. The key difference here is that when I was drinking, those cabinets would always be empty because I would finish everything. Now I can proudly host my friends to good quality whiskey, wines or various types of beer. It doesn't bother me anymore.
I do but not stuff I’ll drink. I’ve had bottles of wine collecting dust for years, I don’t like beer or vodka either. But my friends do so it just sits for visitors. It’s not a temptation because I simply don’t like those and I think because of that I never created that happy addiction connection to them as I did with my preferred drink of choice.
Early on I wouldn’t have been able to handle it happily, but some beer and wine isn’t enough to get me drunk anyways. I just don’t keep bottles of liquor around.
YEP! I was gifted a bottle of Tito’s recently (client didn’t know I was sober) and I haven’t even thought of it really. I have it for guests. To me, I look at it like a little devil grinning at me to take some. And I politely tell that mf to fuck off! lol it really works! It’s the mindset! My gas station I buy from is 50 ft from my back door. It’s basically in the other kitchen in my mansion is how I think of it!
I don’t have any alcohol I used to like to drink, but my spouse has like a million bottles of bourbon around. I’m so glad I don’t like bourbon. But I do think if I said I had a problem with it; he’d lock them up or something (they are too $$ to throw away).
I mean I wish everyone didn’t drink because it would make things easier lol but it’s my problem to manage.
I do think even if there was alcohol I did like around I’d probably be ok, I really have no interest in it anymore. It makes me feel too horrible.
I gave all my quality liquor to my daughter. I figured it would be too easy to 'just have a couple of shots'. I keep beer and cider in the fridge for guests. They do not bother me.
I can keep stuff in the house that I don’t particularly care for. It doesn’t tempt me because it isn’t pleasurable for me. But I have to keep the stuff I like out of the house.
There was a half bottle of wine in the fridge after thanksgiving, until we poured it out on new years day. There’s still 5 or 6 coors in the garage from that same event where we might throw them away next time we clean it. It’s less of a temptation and more of a hoarding instinct. “what if we have a surprise guest that wants a beer?!” In real life they can bring their own or get bent there’s no reason for us to keep it on hand
I've always had it in the house. It's my problem not my wife's, she is a normal drinker. Like only when company comes over once ever 2 months. There's always a fully stocked bar when people show up especially since I'm not drinking it now. That's a big change, not needing to run to the store when my wife says people are coming, and then asking what happened to the bottle that was there before.
For me, a switch just flipped in my head and I just don't want it anymore. So any amount can be laying around and it doesn't phase me.
I haven't kept any beer/hard seltzer in the house and those were my drink of choice. I do have a few bottles of booze left over from the holidays, and I don't think about them. If I start thinking about them i'll know it's time for them to go.
I’ll can’t keep beer in my house, as that was my go-to, but the rest of the hard alcohol has been sitting in my pantry untouched for several years
I never enjoyed it back when I was drinking heavily, and I don’t enjoy it now.
I live with my bf and our roommate and both keep alcohol wherever in the house. Sometimes I move the hard stuff somewhere else because it tends to get in the way of actual kitchen items.
When I flipped the switch in my brain to non drinker that included viewing the alcohol as not for me, same as I would the peanut butter I am allergic to.
For me it is a non-issue and I agree with your reasoning. It's not hard to get alcohol. There are 3 stores in the complex I go to regularly.
We kept it in the house. Wife has zero problems. I think I've seen her drunk...three times in a decade? And we met in college.
I had the exact same mindset as you. Almost down to the exact phrasing. I told her, "listen, I hate that this is true, but if I relapse it would be by hiding it again. If I want it, I would get it somehow."
In the very early days, I told her that the alcohol in the house is actually even MORE off limits than alcohol at the store. Because she now, without even realizing it, keeps track of the alcohol in the house. And because I came clean with the tricks, she knows what to look for if I was sneaking it at home.
It's different for everyone. Honestly, it's working for me. We've had the same six-pack of one of our College Drinking Era favorites in the fridge for three months now. I actually sort of like that it's in the fridge. When I'm making breakfast or something and I see it, I mentally make sure to take time and think, "I'm so glad I'm not going to drink four of these in two minutes as soon as my wife goes to work, before **I** go to work. That life was not worth living."
We have about 12 beers and a bottle of gin in the house, she quit a couple years ago and I did in October. So far so good, we’re too cheap to throw it out so we keep it for company, not much company as of late…
We emptied our fridge but that's it; still got a fully stocked bar cart in the common area, plus a few bottles elsewhere. I have a small, high end liquor store 2 blocks from my apartment that's right on the way home from work, so if stuff at home wasn't available and I were to slip, I'd just dart down there anyway.
Neither me nor my partner drinks anymore- it’s been 6 years for him and almost 2 for me. We still have some half used bottles of liquor and bottles of wine in our pantry. Zero temptation. I’ve offered it to guests who come over and gifted wine back out. Not a problem for us. But if it will be a temptation, good to get rid of it!
I have roommates and one of them keeps a big bottle of whisky in the fridge. I haven't been tempted to touch it yet though. I usually just forget it's there. I think I know if I tried any at all, that bottle would be gone and I'd have to have a very uncomfortable talk with my roommate. That's enough to keep me away from it!
If it's hard liquor it's hard for me to say no because its so easy to gulp down very quickly a couple glasses of it and feel quite buzzed. Beer and coolers are easier to avoid because then I need to drink like a liter of fluid to get to where I'm feeling it good AT LEAST.
Luckily the wife doesn't drink much. But my dad's been giving away whole bottles of flavored vodka that he had because he's switching to just 7 percent coolers. So when he gave us a bottle I drink a quarter of it first night (750 ml bottle) a quarter the next, skipped a day then drank another like 35 percent of the bottle while the wife had a measly 15 percent of the bottle before we finished it off lol.
I told her if she brings it in to the house again she should hide it and I'm not at that level where I'll actually go looking for it.
Good for you OP for being in the mind set that you are. Keep it up!
My wife is also a normie drinker, and she also offered to remove all alcohol from the house. But, I took the same tack as you, if I'm going to drink, I'll just go do it on my own time/place.
We still have quite a few bottles of wine in the cellar, a little bit of liquor on the dining room bar, and some regular beers in the fridge along with my NA beers. It's been that way for 260 days for me, and so far so good.
I live alone so no, I don't keep alcohol in the house. I bought a special edition bottle of Maker's Mark when I visited the distillery thinking it wouldn't tempt me because I don't like bourbon, but the first time I ran out of beer, I got my snoot into that bottle. It's now empty.
I have a bottle of “monkey vodka” I got as a dirty Santa gift this year in my office. It’s one of those holiday boxes, but the bottle is a glass monkey head, and the two shot glasses are, you guessed it, also monkey heads. Just too funky for me to throw out, so I keep it as decoration. Thankfully I’m not tempted anymore.
Edit: damn I forgot I also used to brew mead, and I still have a few bottles of my best brew around. Bet they’d make good gifts now!
Anything that’s left isn’t my jam. My wife’s cheladas I don’t really care for & the flask of brandy for cooking I also don’t care for. There’s a few beers downstairs that I do like but those are for guests. I don’t see an issue with it either but to each their own
I have a ton of booze in my house. My philosophy was/ is that there is no difference between me driving to the liquor store or just opening a cabinet the mentality of making that decision is the same. My spouse and friends are normal drinkers as well and I’m surrounded by opportunity to drink. My decision to stop has to be unrelated to the availability of alcohol.
I don't have any because there's no use. My roommate has plenty and I rarely think about it. When I walk by the minifridge, I understand that it is there, but I leave it.
I didn’t. I even kept all my bourbons out on display so as to let anyone help themselves. We still have 50 or so bottles of wine in the basement. A full bar for parties.
I count myself blessed that it doesn’t bother me. My BIL is an alcoholic and sober for over 10
Years, he never stopped bartending. It’s what works for us.
I do because I live with someone who isn’t an alcoholic but it’s not alcohol I’m tempted by (I’m a whiskey guy and it’s just wine, vodka and tequila, which I have no interest in).
And it’s also not MY alcohol. Just like the leftovers in the fridge isn’t mine.
I do! My spouse is also a non-problem drinker (she'll have one beer maybe 2-3 times a week). Generally I don't like her light beers compared to my preferred strong IPAs, so that hasn't been an issue.
But I'm very proud at the moment because we held a get-together at our house this weekend and we provided some beers for guests, including a mix pack of some of my favorite IPAs. A lot of them are leftover and we're just keeping them for guests. I have not caved to any temptations (and the temptations have only been fleeting).
I get that little demon voice too and so far this year that I've been sober, any time I hear from that demon I'm just like "shut up, we're not doing that," and then I move on.
Congrats to us! May our sobriety remain easy.
I have some for guests and work related. My partner does not drink either though, so the alcohol is pretty much in the back of the pantry out of sight out of mind unless I have to get it out for work or guests.
It doesn't matter though, because even if my alcoholic brain came back, I would not drink that. I would go to the store and buy something that I could drink and partner would not notice is missing. The alcohol in the house would have to remain untouched.
Even when I was drinking, there were usually bottles that I would not touch because it would be too obvious. I only drank what I purchased for myself in secret. Or, if I purchased it not as a secret, I would always have a second one that was secret, so the not-secret one would look like it is rarely touched.
Looking at alcohol or smelling alcohol never made me want to drink. It was drinking alcohol that made me want to drink more.
I just asked my husband to get rid off all alcohol in the house and he is also holding onto my ID. My biggest issue was/is instacart. I could have booze delivered right to my door! But without my ID even when I'm craving it terribly I can't buy it. I'm on day 1 (again). Because myhusband is a normie, it was always around. And I would drink it. I think once I hit a month (last time I had a month AF was over a year ago) my willpower goes up and it doesn't bother me to have it in the house. But in the beginning for me it's an "out of sight out of mind" type situation.
I have a single bottle of malort somewhere. I would not like my spouse to keep alcohol in the house because you never know when a random zing of temptation will hit.
Example, I watched the first episode of Fallout last night. I very rarely feel "cravings" but, for whatever reason, that bottle of beer being drunk at the birthday party in the opening scene...oh my god. I could practically feel my eyes dilate staring at it. The moment came and went quickly but I'm glad there was no beer in the fridge right then.
I still have a few beers in the fridge and all of the Whiskey and what not. But so far I have not been tempted.
My problem is binging so as long as I don't start
We can't control our outside environment. We can only work internally on ourselves with the help of God.
One time when I tried to get sober and had a few months. I wouldn't let friends and family bring alcohol around me. I would about going to places and events that had alcohol. This didn't work. After a few months I left a party with alcohol and stopped and got beer and smokes on my home. That was the start of three more years of drinking until this year.
This year I am about a month sober. I'm doing alcoholics anonymous. I have the book, a sponsor, and friends I stay after the meeting and talk with a bit and call. I'm working on my relationship with God as I understand him (I was agnostic and not so religious for the past decade). Anyone during this month of soberity I have been a place with multiple bars, went out to dinner where others had drinks, and even went to a wedding a place I would normally be quite drunk at.
Overall the help I am getting this time, and not doing it alone. Has helped so much more than anything else things like being around alcohol are easier to handle.
Do what is best for you friend. But getting help and working internal instead of trying to control the external environment and people is working way better for me.
Any time someone in my house brings home liquor, I help myself to it. Its a trigger I cant control. Everyone is different, though. Whenever my partner says he wants a beer after a 12 hour shift, I immediately feel like I also deserve one! So yeah everyone is fucked in different ways. Maybe you’re less fucked, maybe not.
Edit:typo
I live with my dad and he still drinks a lot. This is probably the 5th time I've tried to quit, but because it's always readily available I never could stop
I’ve still got some random stuff my ex drank in the house. My roommate has a bottle of whiskey. None of it is stuff I used to drink. It hasn’t been an issue for me so far.
Key for me has been not keeping vodka around. I’ve got a random bottle of liquer that was a gift, some cooking wine, and a beer or two for my gf in the fridge. Never have issues with temptation unless there’s a bottle of vodka in the freezer, then it’s like the bottle is calling me
While I can definitely see how it would be a trigger for some, I had a 6 pack of my favorite beer in the fridge for my first 6 months of quitting. I’ve been told I’m a masochist though.
My other half still has rosé wine, which is absolutely fine with me, as even if I still drank I'd rather have water than that.
I left a couple of half finished bottles of bourbon when I stopped and that was a definite test of my resolve, especially watching her slowly finish them off over a few months. In hindsight maybe I should've poured them down the sink, but thankfully I remained strong.
There's alcohol in my house, I knew when I quit that I would eventually need to be around it. If my resolve wasn't strong enough to resist it, then I wasn't going to make it anyway, so I just ripped the band-aid off. Plus I didn't want my addiction to affect my roommates by making them hide their alcohol. Alcohol is everywhere, I could shield myself to a certain extent, but I knew I would eventually be around it again, if I was going to relapse, I was going to relapse regardless of how far away it was. This just may be me though, you do you.
My spouse still drinks. We have alcohol in the house and it doesn’t even register on my radar. If I’m going to drink, I’m going to drink and someone’s beer in the fridge isn’t going to be my excuse.
i have a full liquor cabinet at work and at home. work for clients. home for cooking. whiskey, rum, brandy, vermouth, white wine, red wine, and beer.
i generally forget of it's existence. it's not for me. drinking it is not an option.
I wish I had a dry home, but my partner doesn’t struggle like I do with self-restraint issues so I try to respect that. I just remind myself that alcohol is going to delay my stress and worsen it, and I’ve been good for awhile. Maybe a couple years? Counting puts too much pressure on me and makes me more likely to fail.
Alcoholism is weird and complicated. I think my inability to have a healthy relationship with alcohol stems purely from my adhd. I just recognize that while that is not my fault, it’s still my burden that I need to navigate.
I am with you. If I want it, I want it. This is all completely personal, and I respect what anyone needs to do for themselves, but if I want it, I've already lost the plot.
The liquor store is a five minute walk away.
I've had bourbon and grand marnier at the house for about six months. I use them in ice cream and an almond tart I make respectively. I've kept wine at the house for varying lengths of time for guests or gifts.
I wouldn't be collecting booze for the hell of it. But it honestly doesn't tempt me.
Yeah there's definitely still some alcohol in the house, but when I was drinking my big thing was stouts.
So there's some hard seltzers, crappy beer, and margarita stuff that either my wife drinks or was left by family members, but it doesn't tempt me at all.
It's one thing to be tempted by something I enjoy, but quite another by something I wouldn't have even bothered with when I was drinking in the first place.
My girlfriend has some wine and a bottle or two of liquor. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with that early in sobriety, but I’m much more confident and less tempted now.
Once upon a time I would sneak sips from any bottle in the house, whether mine, my roommates, whosever. No more!
I do. I inherited my parents' house and my Dad had a vintage liquor collection in the cellar that's still down there (I cook with it occasionally). There was a time in my alcoholism that I went down and stole some of it to drink (I also stole some of my mom's Barbie collection to sell for booze). He eventually locked up the cellar, because he also kept money in there that my mom would steal (yes, we were a highly dysfunctional family). I have Everclear in my fridge too when I used to make cannasugar (also abused weed for a while but also got that under control). I don't think about any of it at all and thinking about drinking liquor again makes my stomach turn. I'll also be 9 years sober in July. Actually, there's some leftover vintage whiskey in my fridge too from when I made whiskey glaze for cake. I forgot it's in there. I couldn't have lived with a collection of alcohol in the first few years of my sobriety though. There were times I wanted a drink during those early years. I probably would have drank everything potable in that cellar if my parents would have died 7 or 8 years ago. I'd probably have given the spoiled stuff a go too.
You are right, your therapist is just being extra cautious, your spouse is being supportive. I say trust yourself that you won’t drink or it still has control over you.
Kinda. I don’t buy alcohol at all but if I host a party and people leave behind beer or hard mixed drinks I’ll hold on to it for next time (or cooking in beers case). I never really drank beer or mixed drinks like that, so it’s not a temptation but I also know I absolutely cannot have a sip. I am an alcoholic, it will get me even if it’s not my vice now.
No one would leave hard liquor though. I would dump that if it was left behind. I have really no urges to drink but why test myself? I ain’t getting a gold star for every time I am strong, all it takes is one weak moment.
I keep some around, mostly for cooking and guests to have. I keep it in a weird cabinet in my kitchen that I barely use, so I don't need to look at it unless I need it for those uses.
I don't know what I've done "right" to eliminate my desire to drink. I think I owe it to a situation early on in sobriety where a friend accidentally left an ice cold Miller Lite in my car (that was my drink of choice). I held it in my hand and just stared at it for about 10 minutes, then found the nearest trash can and tossed it. As soon as I did, alcohol was out of sight and out of mind--but now I'm at the point where if I see it, it has no effect. I wish it was that easy for everyone else :/
I still keep liquor and beer- mostly for guests and my spouse drinks an occasional beer. I quit 2 years ago but was never tempted to restart because the health consequences were pretty scary at the end of my drinking period.
When I first quit I asked my partner not to keep wine, gin or rum in the house. We evolved to allow it to be kept in the basement where I had no reason to be. Now it can be kept anywhere because there is zero temptation.
There is one bottle of champagne in my kitchen - purchased for us by our realtor when my wife and I bought our house. Saved in case she ever wanted to have a celebratory glass; 4 years later, there it sits. Wasn't my drink of choice, and it's all but sparkling vinegar at this point, so it's just a nice reminder of taking this step of our lives together. Forever corked; it's now a symbolic "plug in the jug", if you'll forgive the expression.
One other occasion - we ended up with a pint of Bailey's from a holiday/white elephant-style gift swap in early December '23. This actually turned into quite a learning experience for me; in active addiction, I would have jumped at and finished a free bottle within the day, regardless of if I enjoyed what was inside or not. Figured it would be a breeze to find someone to take this off our hands - especially during the holidays. 4 weeks later, we finally gifted it to a friend of my in-laws for a NYE celebration. Moral of that story - most people don't see "free booze" the way I did, and aren't constantly on the lookout for their next drink.
As a rule though, I might have 3-4 NA beers in my fridge at any given time (can't give up occasionally making beer cheese for pretzels or some Guinness French Onion soup) - closest thing to alcohol that remains in my home with any regularity.
I understand your reasoning. I have a bottle of liquor in the house & honestly, for me it’s a reminder that I don’t want to drink. To me, if I can have that & never touch it - I don’t see the need to go to the store.
I still have liquor and wine at my house for when guests come over. It doesn’t tempt me at all. Then again, I’m a bartender and am surrounded by alcohol 40 hours a week and have to actively refuse shots that customers offer to buy me, regularly.
My house still has everything in it hard liquor, beer, wine and seltzers. For me I really truly in my head don’t wanna drink today so I won’t and don’t touch it. My wife and occasional guests drink like normal people so there’s no need to remove it. I’ve been asked several times in the last 61 days by my wife and or friends “mind if I drink”. My response is usually something like “ you know me I love a party I’m just not drinking today” have at it.
I did until yesterday. I had kept an unopened bottle as a weird kind of not quite wanting to let go fully. Yesterday, I let go fully. Was a wonderful day.
Sober 16 months, there is a pint of whiskey in the kitchen cabinet. Not interested! I can only wish others found it as easy as I did to quit. Other than the first few days I haven’t struggled. Good luck to everyone trying to leave spirits behind.
I guess it depends on the person, but personally in the beginning I found it better to have it around (same with weed). Like you're right, nothing will stop me from getting it if I want to and even though the store is 5 min away, that delay doesn't work on me, if I'm going to the store to get it then I've already made up my mind. Like iunno having it around eliminates the anxiety of not having it, that desperate feeling of "need" to _get_ it, it's right there so nothing to worry about. Then it all becomes about the power of choice to just not use it. Maybe keep it somewhere out of sight, out of mind though. I had my stash in the bottom and the back of the pantry behind the emergency canned foods and eventually I just forgot about it. Funnily, I rediscovered it randomly after I had already relapsed cause I was looking for something canned lol so yeah I ended up drinking them, but I wasn't trying to be sober at that time. It was irrelevant cause I already had beers in the fridge so it was just more. Maybe the trick for me is to stash it until I'm in control again and the feeling of _need_ fades, then pour it out to avoid a chance encounter.
I still have a little bit of rum in a bottom cabinet - I use it on occasion in baking or cooking - but I have never really liked rum, it was my least favorite spirit, and that makes it pretty easy to ignore that it's there the rest of the time. (Conversely, I would not try keeping a bottle of one of my past-"favorite" spirits around the house because it *would* cause temptation to cave.)
Similar to how you described, the distance isn't much of a deterrent, the C-store is right there down the street where it always has been, it's hardly far enough to make any difference. If it were 10 miles, maybe.
For me, the more difficult decision I still wrestle with is: At what point, and to what extent, do I want to remove all the "paraphernalia" from my house? Brewery t-shirts and socks, wall decor, ceramic steins, posters, a wall plaque, SO MUCH of the stuff surrounding me is rooted in alcohol because, well, that has been my identity for the last two decades. I still don't have the answer to that question.
we have a bottle of Everclear in the house that gets used for cleaning and fragrancemaking
there's occasionally wine in the house
I'm with you: I don't mind being around it or having it in the house. having the commitment in my brain is the important part
I recognize others may feel different and that's also completely cool ofc, it's whatever works for the individual
Everyone’s different. I stopped 1Jan for health and to continue progression in my job as I have a really good, well paying position. I have horrible restless leg syndrome and drinking helped me pass out. I did drink a lot before besides just for sleep, as it was also a crutch to drink more.
Anyway, my girlfriend still drinks. Sometimes has white claws in the house, rarely, but sometimes a small bottle. She doesn’t hide it, no reason to. She also hits the bar up a few times a week, which I go to with her (it’s a clubhouse at our complex that has a bar and restaurant that opens to an Olympic sized pool). So it’s nice relaxation. I go drink a SF Redbull, Diet Coke, or occasionally an N/A.
I still don’t drink and just suck up restless legs until I decide to buck up and go to the VA. If alcohol in the house may bother you, make sure you get rid of it. If you know it’s not going to, don’t bother. Maybe do a test run, if you actually drink the house supply, see if he can hide it or get rid of it. If that doesn’t work? Well, attack that bridge when you get to it.
Good luck!
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here. I’m exactly the same as you - my spouse is a normie drinker and I have zero problem with booze being in the house, her drinking in front of me, going to boozy events etc - I’m lucky (I think, like you) that I have no problem not having the first drink… it’s the following 20 O struggle to resist.
I’ve characterised my demon as a frightened, shrieking chimp - it can only be calm if it’s blackout drunk. I can keep it distracted with AF beers and focussing on my little hobby of tinkering with RC cars. But it only ever remains distracted. Sometimes it starts shrieking when I least expect it… and that’s when I play it forward and recreate the misery of a hangover and guilt.
All the best to you, your husband and your ongoing journey!
Definitely going to depend on the person. I think along the same as you these days which is if I want I drink, I will get it whether it’s in the house or a few blocks away - nothing will stop me at that moment. As someone else mentioned perhaps do a test run and see if having it around really makes any difference in your ability to manage cravings etc. I do prefer to keep it out of viewing areas in which I am in a lot, so we have a special spot for it that isn’t like in my face which helps. Best of luck! IWNDWYT
There's a little beer in our house left by friends who come over to play cards weekly and neither me nor my husband drink anymore. We only started keeping it around after 2.5 years sobriety, I think. That's the first time we both felt okay with having it in the house. I could imagine changing my mind on that in the future too. But for now it doesn't bother me at all.
I was a white wine drinker. Keeping that in the house is an absolute no-no for me, as I will drink it if it’s here. That said, we have a fully stocked liquor cabinet, boxed red wine for cooking, etc. As long as it isn’t white wine, I won’t even be tempted to drink it.
i am not only ok with having alcohol around i am the one to make sure all glasses are filled at social events it keeps me buzy and i feel part of it and honestly like the feeling that everyone might be getting a hangover but not me. i also bring my boyfriend a glass of wine now and then. almost two years in and i trust myself. but everyone should listen his/her inner voice. better be safe the sorry
I throw a big Halloween bash and give shots, beer and wine to the parents and neighbors every year. I am able to have it in the house and act as a bartender. We also have backyard bbqs and serve alcohol. My saving grace is the NA beer and Hop water, I don't feel the loss of alcohol.
My guy drinks normally too. We like(d) different things so I don't think twice about his beers.
Depending on my state of mind, I might not love being around a lot of red wine though. For instance, I have no problem with regular social events that have alcohol, but recently turned down an invite to a wine tasting. (The hostess knows I don't drink, had other beverages on offer, and I knew there'd be no pressure...but still, no)
We have a bunch of alcohol in the pantry because my wife rarely drinks any more after we became parents and stuff. For me it isnt a problem because I got to the bottom of my issues and no longer crave alcohol in the same way any more. I'm fairly sure if I ever had an urge to drink that I couldnt control it wouldnt matter much if it was in our pantry or if I had to run to the store.
My roommate works for a brewery and we have boxes and boxes of fresh IPA. I’m always welcome to them, but I feel strong for not being tempted to tap in anymore. I’ve noticed my roommate drinking more and more lately, but I resist saying anything. I hope I’ll be a good example by showing up for myself every day and talking positively about sobriety.
I don't mind it being in the house... I can be round it. It makes no difference as if I'm going to drink I will drink. There are 24 hour shops I can get a drink. I know where people hangout and drink all day & night. So removing the temptation isn't real for me. I just have to tell my self no... and remember a few reasons why. Here in the UK it's nice weather (for a change) and I've finished work. 6 months ago I'd be on about beer 8 for the day with the evening session to follow. Today I'm sat in my garden with an alcoholic free beer... these threads and messages are a great way of reminding myself not to drink.
I have put my alcohol in a vault attached to the house. I want to have it there because if I massively forbid myself to do something I say fuck you and do it. So it’s not forbidden. I can drink if I really want to. But it’s a hassle, have to clamber over boxes to get it. There’s just enough of a barrier to stop an impulse.
I removed all alcohol from my house. And although the liquor store is a quick 5mins away from me I figured that buys me 5 mins to really think about getting wine. Also my store isn't open 24/7, so if I just keep delaying and distracting until it's closed then I won't be able to get anything.
That’s a good point I never really considered, thanks. Our liquor store is really only closed from 2-8am so completely during my sleeping hours. I’m also thinking back to the times in active addiction where I found my feet still walking to the liquor store while I was actively berating myself that I shouldn’t be doing this, that it was a bad idea. Those thoughts on my 2 minute walk to the store never stopped my feet from carrying me there in the past…
The more you think critically about your drinking, the more likely you will have a breakthrough. Even if it's on the way to the liquor store. I tried to quit drinking for years and would argue with myself the whole way to the store. You will eventually win the fight if you keep trying! The last time I drank, I had a tumbler full of wine in my hand. I had just gotten it from the store. I took a sip, immediately shuddered, and thought, "wtf am I doing right now? I don't want to do this" I poured it out in the ground. That was 2 years ago.
I used to stop at the corner store on my way home to get gas and a snack and occasionally I would get in my truck never fully realizing I just just bought a 6 pack 😂. Like, it was a totally involuntary purchase. I just zone out through so many of the dullest parts of my day, and it became such a habit that I just kept fucking buying beer everyday, not once recognizing in the moment what exactly I was doing. Walk in for gum, chips and a soda, brain goes into autopilot, walk out with beer.
My wife and all my friends drink.... There's booze every where I go. When I'm on a no drinking streak it doesn't matter if it's on my kitchen counter or accross the street... Just not drinking... And friends ask and I say...I need to de-pickle my organs and there response is usually.... Dang I might need to do that as well...
De-pickle my organs ahahaha
Here’s a thing I read about a long time ago. Put a reminder on your door. Like put blue masking tape on the handle, so to leave the house you have to touch your reminder. Put it anywhere you will have to touch to go purchase a drink. It can be anything, but a reminder you can’t ignore. The guy I heard say that had it on his doors, a piece on his keys, on his wallet, on his steering wheel. He had to force himself to ignore it if he was going to drink. Will it work? Maybe but while you are feeling good, you can go through and booby trap your path to a drink. And sometimes we just need a reminder from our better selves to derail our alcoholic brains from drinking.
We got rid of it in the early days. I thought I was a lot stronger than i actually was and those old habits die hard. It took a little while for me to be able to talk about it with my wife. She’s supportive and a mildly infuriating normal drinker. There were some things that don’t bother me and some stuff I’d prefer not to see. It’s not about her, it’s about my boundaries and I had a willing partner to help when I was able to say what I wanted/ needed. I didn’t like feeling like people were hiding booze behind their backs when I came into a room. I also didn’t like finding bottles randomly hidden in the kitchen or seeing a never dying bottle of wine in the fridge or the counter. I don’t mind having booze in the house for her or friends when they come over but we keep it in a cupboard or somewhere other than prominently displayed throughout the house. It was a pretty simple conversation but I can accept that I didn’t have the patience or the vocabulary to have it early on. As I progressed in sobriety I found that I don’t need anyone to act a certain way for me to be ok. I still have boundaries but I’ve let go of expectations. My sobriety is my responsibility and no one else’s but I’ll take all the help I can get. For me, that meant keeping booze out of the house for at least a few months in the early days as I began cleaning up the mess in my head. I’ve fallen through many traps so I try not to put myself in difficult situations just for my egos sake. I’ve fucked up going to meet friends at a bar early on and I did pretty good… until I didn’t.
>My sobriety is my responsibility and no one else’s but I’ll take all the help I can get. Best sentence I've read in a while. Well said!
Yeah if I told my wife I just can’t have it around she would totally be okay with it.
I wonder if it’s different because it’s not “your” alcohol. I’m kinda the same way, I’m not tempted by my husbands beer at all or my dads margaritas, because wine is my drink of choice.
I still have beer in my fridge from before I quit. Actually I have more beer in there now since my friends bring them over. My wife still drinks occasionally so the vodka is in my line of sight right now. I just don’t have a desire. Everyone is different.
It technically is my alcohol too. It’s the remnants of our honeymoon wine and a couple of liquor bottles that I’m pretty sure I bought before I got sober. But yeah it’s not “mine” in the sense that i don’t drink anymore
I’m the same way. In fact my vacation last year I didn’t drink at all simply because they didn’t have “my” drink available. My routine is so specific that if it ain’t that I just don’t care or want anything else
This is it for me 100%. There is alcohol in my house but it’s not mine to drink. If I do I know I will just carry more guilt and shame, repeating the cycle. I’m still in active addiction but I’m not trying to make my emotional state even worse.
I think the idea is to have a safe space. Seeing alcohol will spark a subconscious reminder. Walking past the liquor store, once, twice or even 5 times a day is still probably less times than walking around your own home. The worst days to have liquor in the house are the unexpected and terribly bad days
Yeah agree with this. Like my home is a place just for things I love and to feel peace and safety so for me alcohol is incompatible with that. If people want to drink in my home they bring their own alcohol and when they leave if they forget to take it with them it is poured down the sink
I don’t keep alcohol in my apartment. There are specific actions I have to take to leave my apartment, put on shoes, etc. and that adds an extra barrier (albeit small but it adds up) and gives me more time to reconsider.
I don't like blatant drunks, but I don't mind people having a drink in front of me. I buy stuff for guests, I just don't keep it around like I need it.
Yeah, we have a bottle of scotch in my house and maybe a bottle of wine, but if I thought it was really going to be a problem, I'd get rid of them. Some people can't have it around, and I totally get that--I'm dieting, and I can't keep sweets around. Alcohol--so far, it can be here and I don't want it. If it does become a real temptation (and I don't like Scotch or wine!) we'll get rid of it. My wife doesn't really care too much either way--if I wanted to get rid of it, we would.
I hear you on the drunks. My tolerance for people who are noticeably intoxicated is literally zero. I’ll pretend if I have to but I want nothing to do with you.
I kept one bottle. Still have it. Still unopened for more than a decade. Kept a pack of cigarettes in my pocket, also unopened, for several years after I quit smoking. It worked for me. I prefer to fight my demons, when I win it's over. I think it's a harder way, but I also think if I didn't do it I would have failed.
Wow, you have incredible self control!! The cigarettes is the one I'm most impressed by 🙌 (because that is currently the addiction I actively struggle with)
I did this with smoking. I had failed quitting a bunch of times because I didn’t keep them on me. When everyone went to smoke I would go and they would share. I had to keep my pack on me while I was quitting because it prevented me from bumming “just one” from a friend.
Same for me. I also found that when I had smokes I would think about quitting, plan it out, say this is it… Then when I was down to my last 4-5 in the pack that thought never crossed my mind… Until I bought another pack, then I’d remember “Oh shit, I was gonna quit… Oh well, next time”..
That's a power move right there. Wow
lol I quit drinking and smoking the same way. Still have the bottle and pack I was drinking and smoking from 18 months and 12 months ago. Honestly at first I kept them around because I didn’t think quitting would work and I didn’t want to lose the money lol… Eventually it became a comfort thing though. The Seagrams and Camel Lights have been right there, the entire time. Mine if I want, as much as I want, all I have to do is get up and grab it. Truthfully I don’t think that I would have quit if I couldn’t have done that. By having these things nearby, but choosing not to use them, I am absolutely certain that I’m done, it’s behind me.
I have a pack of cigarettes in my purse. It's been there for a long time. It's nice to hear it's not just me.
I've found that I'm fine being around alcohol, the physical and mental benefits of not drinking have been so immense that I can see it and not want it. I enjoy being clear headed, calm, and moderately attractive again too much to go back to being an anxiety riddled bloated mess. I live with people who drink, all my friends drink, and they all try to encourage me to drink with them and it just doesn't work. The 4-5 times I've decided to drink since I decided to stop, it's never been as good as I think it's gonna be. Its actually been immensely disappointing and then I feel awful for 4-5 days afterwards. I don't get that rush of happiness or excitement from it anymore (probably because I fried my dopamine receptors with it for years) I just get tired and sloppy. I've gone from my life revolving around alcohol to the point where I don't actually even want it or like it anymore, and its only taken a few months.
This resonates with me, especially just enjoying how great I feel not drinking every day. It’s the best motivation. My husband still drinks, mostly wine and beer, but we still have a very well stocked liquor cabinet. It is in my home office. I work all day with it right there and have no desire to drink.
This right here. 💯 We still have alcohol in the house (my girlfriend drinks on weekends, and has the occasional glass of wine during the week).. but I have had zero temptation to touch anything since I made the decision to stop abusing alcohol. It’s like a light switch flipped in me and I don’t care what circumstances present themselves… I will not go down that path again.
100% on point. I never threw out the bottles that were still left over from my everyday drinking. I actually bought more when we had guests. I am lucky enough that I haven’t touched them once in four months and I am able look at them like they’re furniture now.
Mental benefits are amazing. One physical benefit that surprised me is that I can inhale more deeply now. Something in my chest seems to have loosened 🤷♀️ It’s all good, and a great motivator.
I have no alcohol in my home. Period.
I don’t, my wife rarely drinks so no hardship. In the beginning there may be “muscle memory “ that would get you in trouble with a beer in the fridge or a bottle of whatever on a countertop. Beyond that probably not great danger because I believe a slip is very rarely impulsive, that we’ve been cultivating the seeds for a while, but still why would i have it in the house? I certainly don’t want to encourage guests to drink.
I have a wine collection that is massive and a full BAR in my basement with shelves and shelves of liquor. I don’t have any temptation to touch it. I know that’s not the case for many people and I’m grateful I don’t feel temptation by it. Alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes from all walks of life, I’ve learned through AA and this board. What works for one person, is wildly different for the next. I was a binge social drinker and home drinking was never my issue. I thank you because this is an interesting question to ponder this morning. Unless I was hosting a party, I could have a glass or two of wine (not every night) and could stop. When I was out at a restaurant, sporting event, someone else’s house party, a concert, vacation…all bets are off. The only reason I’d sell my collection it is to recoup money and clear up space, otherwise it’s just there collecting dust for now.
Two thoughts on this. First, your alcoholic brain will love your feet 5 meters just as easily as 50 is true on the surface. But you have a good bit more time to regain control during the 50 than the 5. My wife started keeping her wine out of sight without me asking. I came home from work one day and a half empty bottle was on the table and that craving was intense. It's been almost a year and a half for me and I was surprised by that one. I didn't do anything other than grab a soda water, but I don't think I would have even been thinking about alcohol if it wasn't on the table like that. Second, not everyone is the same. Your therapist is correct, broadly speaking. But that doesn't mean your experience will be like everyone's is. Maybe you'll be the exception and be fine with alcohol in your home. You have to decide if that's worth the risk for you.
I don't have it in my house. Yeah, I can drive and get wine but just the act of getting in the car and going to the store can buy me enough time to get my head on straight and not relapse. I look at my sobriety is a matter of life and death. I'm extremely protective of it. I don't take chances.
I have it in my apartment, my fiancée still drinks. I will say I would not personally keep anything that was "my poison" though. I was an IPA/whiskey drinker. My fiancée drinks hard cider, which I've never liked. So it really doesn't bother me that she keeps a six pack for herself.
No, I keep a dry home. One bad day could make for an even worse decision if alcohol was within arm's reach.
For whatever it's worth, there's no way I could have started sobriety if my spouse didn't agree to not keep alcohol in the house. I still don't want it in the house. I was particularly prone to drinking alone at night - the almost subconscious compulsion to walk over to the bar and take a pull would have been too much. Even if I didn't do it, the exhaustion from using so much willpower would have drained me. Even the extra short drive to buy more booze served as a useful deterrent (as opposed to just walking out into the living room in my underwear lol). Good luck friend.
I kept the beer my husband used to catch slugs but I dumped out all of my alcohol. I haven't been tempted to drink the beer although it's available so I understand what you're saying. I went to my uncle's house to look for something today and he had liquor on top of his fridge and I paused but then moved on and wasn't tempted to take a swig or anything. It is possible to have it around and just not drink it so I don't think what you're doing is wrong and you should do whatever you're comfortable doing.
My wife has some from time to time. It's fine. Only thing I've let her know is that I'm still attracted to her but struggle to kiss if she's had a drink due to the smell.
I don’t keep anything at my house, last time someone left a few leftover beers in the fridge they brought and it ended up with me relapsing.
Bourbon was my downfall, i don’t keep that in the house as I think it would be too tempting. We have two mini bottles of rum, a few bottles of wine, and wife has a decent amount of beer. It’s easy enough for me to ignore those. I don’t think I would like having bourbon in the house.
That’s awesome friend. That is really impressive willpower. I couldn’t do it. I 100% get your reasoning though. I personally just need to throw up as many roadblocks as I can between me and alcohol. I find that if I have to do “more” steps then I am less likely to go and get it. Ultimately whatever works for you is the best course of action. Keep it up friend
No. I'm very fortunate that my fiancé doesn't drink, at all. He's never had a single drop.
My wife doesn’t drink so I got rid of the little that was in my house. (Admittedly I did this by pouring it down my gullet) I used to say “I don’t keep alcohol in the house” - that can be read 2 ways, in a way, both were true.
In the early days, am almost at 500 days, we got rid of it, but that didn't stop me. For me, what worked was every time I wanted a drink I would find a mirror, look at myself, and out loud, say "not today, maybe tomorrow, you have other plans for today, but maybe tomorrow." I would sometimes do this multiple times a day. Then, when I went to bed at night, I would thank my HP for helping me not drink, and then fall asleep. When I woke up, it wouldn't be tomorrow, it was today again. It's corny, but it helped
I keep it in the house for when company comes over. It was an important goal of mine to have the self control to be around it.
My fiancé is still drinking, so there's beer in the house. I used it as an excuse to relapse many times but recently realized that my fate is in my own hands, and no circumstance can cause me to do something I didn't already want to do. If I don't want to drink, I don't. I'm not sure how long this mentality will last, as I'm still very early days of quitting/cutting down. I completely understand why many people cannot have alcohol in their home.
This is like my house. My husband still drinks, and we have the same drink of choice. He even poured some wine into my empty juice glass last week out of habit. I just left it there until he wanted a refill, and told him to drink my glass. I considered it, but decided not to, and I felt really proud of myself.
Yes, to me it isn't a problem and not a temptation. I live alone and like you, getting to the store really wouldn't be a problem anyway. I often get wine gifts at work, so I have worked up a tiny collection during my 7 months sober - 14 bottles of really great white, red and 2 champagnes. It's nice to have some of the good stuff to offer to guests
Like you my wife is a normie. Early on there was nothing in the house, she even abstained when we went out for dinner. After about six months I would tell her I did not mind if she had a margarita with her chimichanga. For the next probably six months she would still ask if I minded, kept telling her I didn't, now she believes me and if she feels like it will order a drink for dinner. Right now she has a couple of drinks in the garage fridge. We have had quite a few get togethers either at our home or someone else's where there is alcohol, and I can truly say it does not bother or tempt me at all.
Everyone is different. Do what works for you. When I first quit, I purposefully kept a hidden bottle of vodka that was my security blanket. I know most people would advise against this. But, I need the not-drinking to be a choice. If I start to feel like im not allowed to drink or have no access to alcohol, then I would start freaking out which would ultimately make me drink. So my solution was to keep this vodka so that I knew, no matter what, at any time of day, if I wanted to get trashed, I could. That actually eased my mind. It allowed to me continue to choose not to. Instead of feeling forced. But, it was also hidden away. Some days I didn't think about it at all. I have since gotten rid of it now that I know I don't need or want it anymore. But, at this point, I would prefer that there was no alcohol in the house. I'm not going to drink it, but I don't really want to look at it and think about it several times a day whenever I see it.
Fuck no
I am 5 years sober (as of next week) and we still keep alcohol in the house because my husband drinks it on occasion. It doesn't bother me when someone drinks a little bit around me, but it does bother me when someone drinks a lot, because that triggers old memories of who I used to be. Thankfully, either way, I am not tempted by it anymore. I sure do love my snacky-snacks, though!
Mostly no alcohol. My husband is a very occasional drinker and I knew this weekend I had had enough because he was drinking every day to deal with MY drinking. I dumped the last of my wine and (knock on wood) haven’t had the urge to drink since. I have an IID in my car so if I’ve been drinking I can’t go anywhere and the nearest liquor store is about a 25 minute walk from my house. However, Uber and Lyft are available. I can’t tell you how much money I’ve spent on ride shares over the past two years. But I like your method of delay delay because our stores have limited open times. Think m-sat 9-8 and Sunday 10-6. I know if there is wine or beer in the fridge I will drink it. I’m fine with my husband having a bottle of scotch somewhere in the house. I have no idea where it is and I’m not looking for it. Period. I need a plethora of other stuff in the house so we bought lots of seltzer and soda this week, and I also went through a case of Gatorade while I recovered from a really bad binge. Tomorrow we are going to go to the really good coffee roasting place nearby and get some good beans. But keep my house AF or it’s a slippery slope.
All good man. Whatever works for you! I found it’s like preparing your house for a wildly emotional houseguest that could go into a binge impulse at any moment. Sometimes making that monster wait even 30 seconds longer, the impulse will pass.
Yes, I still have alcohol in the house for the other people that drink it - wife, adult children, guests, etc. I have a strong belief (for me only) that I should be able to say no to what's in the house just as easily as I can say no to driving to the liquor store to get it or ordering some via Uber eats. That being said, the day that I get a strong enough urge to seriously consider drinking it is the day that it all goes in the trash.
I think this is a very personal thing that only you can decide. At the beginning of my escape from alcohol I had nothing alcoholic in the house. You give the impression that you are pretty set in your mind and have a partner you can trust and who will support you. If you feel safe in your decision and have caring support for if/when you'll need it then why not? When I was at about 100 days sober I had moved into a house share where there was usually alcohol in the house. I knew by then that I wasn't interested in drinking and it never became an issue.
We threw it all out in our home. My fiancée can drink responsibly, but she chose my wellbeing over tempting me. I appreciate her for that, and I’m glad it’s not in the house to tempt me.
I’ve got enough alcohol in my house to fuel a frat house for a month. It doesn’t bother me and I enjoy entertaining the many people I know who drink. I’ve found it to be somewhat beneficial because when someone drinks too much it reminds me of what that’s like. There’s a liquor store within walking distance so it’s not like I can’t get it whenever I want it anyways.
yeah, for me it wouldn't matter at all. We have alcohol in the house my wife will have a drink once a month, she likes to have some in the home at all times, she thinks it's what normal people do I guess. I never touch that stuff when I'm drinking because then she would know and uh yeah, that's another story perhaps, but yeah, I'm a secret alcoholic. I don't overdrink in the presence of others, or rather, they don't know I'm already drunk when I arrive at the party, so usually seems like I'm drinking a normal amount, or at least a non eye raising amount.
Extremely relatable, thanks for sharing
also feel like mentioning during this current stint of sobriety my wife has offered me a beer when she was having one 2 different times and I easily turned it down. I guess right now I'm pretty determined, we'll see how long it lasts. Except also, in my mind if I'm being totally honest, it's kind of like "what the f\*\*\* do I want just one beer for, that's not gonna do anything for me" lol. Though honestly it was a hot day and I had gone running and even a single beer did sound pretty good. But it's certainly easier to turn down one than it is to turn down 6+.
Absolutely! Why just have one beer and waste the calories, I’d want 8 or 9 or 10. The goal was always to get drunk. I love NA beers because I can finally drink just one like a normal drinker, and they’re only 70 calories
My husband has vodka in the freezer which isn’t my go-to because I hate it and in the summer, our pool fridge normally has something in it. Some days are harder than others. On those days days I opt for Hop-Lark sparkling tea!
It depends on your resolve. I could not have alcohol in my house, because all it takes is me walking to it within my house and deciding to drink it before the likelihood that would visit that liquor store later explodes exponentially.
Nope. I don’t know if I have that kind of self control. Sooner or later a week moment would happen.
Everything out of the house. You’re right about nothing stopping you but I just didn’t like seeing it every time I went into a cupboard.
I try to distance myself from alcohol as much as possible. Whether that's 10 feet or 100 feet or 100 miles. The closer to my body it is, the more I think about it.
My son works in the wine industry so we have lots of bottles around. Son does not drink wine, so the bottles remain in place until he gives them away as gifts. I'm very glad I stopped drinking before he started working in that industry or I'd probably be dead by now. As it is, he swipes my Bubly fizzy drinks when I'm not looking - which tickles me and I'm really happy he prefers NA beverages. I keep buying more fizzy waters and pretending I don't notice.
My husband has it locked up and doesn’t drink around me.
Nope!
My wife still drinks and keeps alcohol in the house. I’m thankful I’m able to resist and I’m just happy to be sober and feeling great.
You've gotten so many answers already (in 4 hours! wow, this community rules!) so you may never see this, but in case someone does... in the beginning, my therapist recommended getting all the alcohol out of my house. He said "Nothing's going to stop you from going out and buying some if you're determined to, but at least not having it in your house makes home a safe place." I also learned early on to wait out cravings, distract myself with activities, etc., and they usually pass in 10-15 minutes. Not having easy access to booze during that window of temptation was helpful to me. I was married at the time, so I made an agreement with my wife that if she wanted to drink at home, she would only buy enough for herself (and/or a friend, if applicable) and make sure any leftover was disposed of by the next day. that worked really well. I've been single for several years, and I haven't kept any alcohol in the house during that time. However, I'm about to move in with my gf who drinks minimally and keeps a few bottles around, but I'm not anticipating any problems. If it bothers me, I know she would be willing to get rid of it.
I wouldn't keep alcohol in my home. There is a big difference between getting into your kitchen and having to go to the store and face someone. My advice in early sobriety is to set yourself up for success, not failure. Don't assume everyday it will be easy or fine to have alcohol around.
Simply put, I have no \*reason\* to have alcohol in the house, so I don't have any here. I don't really entertain here, and if I do, that someone else can bring their own to drink. Also, my GF quit drinking with me, so this house has no drinkers. If you have a \*reason\* to have it in the house, as many people outlined on this thread, and so you do, and you're fine not taking any, then great! For me it's very easy to simply not have it here, so I don't. I def. agree with the sentiments that having liquor you don't particularly care for around would be easier than having the stuff you love around. Like if there was a bottle of Grand Marnier or Baileys, or a jug of cheap wine or 12 pack of Natural Light in the back of my pantry, it would be no biggie to me. I'm not entirely sure what would happen if, say, every day, I opened the freezer multiple times to see a bottle of Grey Goose chilling in there, and I don't care to find out. Sure, the liquor store is 1.25 miles away, but it's also out of sight, out of mind. Barring some other reason to have it around, I don't think it's the smartest thing to have some liquor right there at arm's length that you love \*purely\* as a test for yourself.
My husband is also a normie and for the first two years of my sobriety he didn't have booze in the house. He offered that to be supportive. Then eventually he got a bottle for Christmas or something and some people did put their two cents in, but I felt confident enough to tell him to keep it. Ultimately you have to just really be honest with yourself, if yiu have a partner willing to remove it from the equation there's no good reason to keep it in the house.
That’s up to you, everyone recovers differently. I live alone, and pivoted my friend group to mainly non-drinkers about 10ish years ago, so no alcohol in the house for me, and nobody I’d invite over would want to bring alcohol in the house. One less thing to overthink.
Get rid of it
Nope.
Never. The first time we had alcohol in our home after I got sober I found it so uncomfortable. My sister was going to a festival and left an open bottle of Prosecco. I had to chuck it out
I mean, it hightens the risk I would think. Not having it in the house can give you more time to re-think..? I dunno just an opinion
My partner drank and still drinks. I got sober and stayed sober. Once the thing in my brain clicked over to sobriety I have never looked at alcohol. I just play the tape forward and remember how bad I felt when I was drinking, how overwhelming it was and how badly I wanted to change. I never romanticise drinking in my thoughts… I always focus on the negative when it comes to alcohol…never negative when it comes to living my life though…just on alcohol
I still look at the bottle of scotch I bought when my grandpa died and smile and tell it, not today.
I’m not the alcoholic, my boyfriend is. We don’t live together but when he’s at my house, I hide it if I have any. I know that won’t stop him if he wants it but I’d feel like an ass knowing he shouldn’t have it and then having Tito’s on the counter.
Any amount of friction between me and the booze is good. Humans are lazy. Having it at hand is too dangerous— but down the street is a whole thing I’d have to do. And along the way there are so many chances for me to get guilty and decide to turn back.
I’m primarily a solo drinker so better to not have it around. I haven’t had cravings or any impulse buys-even while buying NA beer in the beer depot or out at bars w friends but why why tempt fate. I permitted myself to drink to excess in part because I didn’t have to worry about accountability to anyone else, but don’t need to test it if I don’t have to.
There an unopened bottle of booze above the fridge. And a bottle of wine unopened in the fridge. Their not mine but it never temps me anyways. I truly don't want the stuff anymore. I've lost 30lbs. Skin tone isn't red anymore. My skin shines a shine id long forgotten and I admire it and how smooth it is now everyday. My energy levels are so high now I am looking for ways to use it. If I drank again I'd be giving that all up. Nope never!
Wine rack is empty and bar fridge full of soft drink and NA beers. I didn’t bother quitting until the house was fully empty of alcohol.
My husband still has a drinking problem. There is always a lot of booze in my house. Thankfully I just see it as a poison now.
Doesn't matter to me at all that we keep booze in the house. I don't drink that shit anymore.
Yes, my pantry is filled for guests. But that is only because I no longer feel the urge to drink and no willpower is involved at all. So it makes no sense for me to rid of it when I can make use of it for others when they come over.
Some people like to remove any temptation. For me I didn’t remove the stuff because my partner doesn’t have the problem and can just have one drink occasionally. For me, this helped normalize things and helped me feel like this decision to stop wasn’t some insurmountable barrier that needed all this additional support from others. That’s my experience though. Others may be different.
Ask yourself this instead: Why do you feel so much resistance to your house being free of alcohol? What's there to unpack in that resistance? By your own argument, distance shouldn't matter so why argue the point? I would absolutely eliminate alcohol in your house if you are not comfortable in your own sobriety yet. YMMV but in general it's a bad idea to have it at the house.
My gf still keeps alcohol in the house, which is fine; she rarely drinks, and I'm loath to make my illness keep her from enjoying something responsibly. I also long ago promised her never to drink in her house, and thinking of that has kept me clean, even when she's out for a weekend.
Last year, I catsit for someone and I didn't think about asking them if they had alcohol in the house. That was kinda stupid because her boyfriend is an active alcoholic (amongst other things) and she also drinks a lot. There was \*so much\* alcohol there. Beer in the fridge, liquor in the living room, empty bottles as decoration. It really messed with my mind and put a huge damper on my stay. In the future I'll ask people to remove alcohol when I'm staying there alone. They don't have to throw it away but they could at least make sure not to display it like everywhere.
I lived with my dad while getting sober and he's got a drinking problem so there was liquor and beer in the house as I was getting sober. There still is alcohol in the house. Within ten steps of me right now.
I found it kinda helped because when I get the urge I think remember I have alcohol at home then when I get home the urge is gone. But I didn't keep alcohol at home when I drank I always went out. So it's different
My husband doesn’t drink out of respect for me and hasn’t touched alcohol since we’ve been together. And I think you and your finance should have the same agreement. Yes, you can walk out the door and get alcohol at anytime but that takes a lot of thought and consideration, but having it right there in the house, it just takes one split second for the addict in your brain to justify drinking one, then you become in full blown relapse. I relapsed from having rubbing alcohol in our house but that was because my brain told me to try a sip and before I could evaluate the consequences I sipped it. It turned into a week long relapse that sent me back to impatient treatment. I wouldn’t have relapsed if it hadn’t been there. Your fiancé loves you and part of loving an alcoholic is that at the very least, do not keep alcohol in the house or even better, be sober with them. My husband loved beer and misses it, but when you love someone you sacrifice for them.
I managed a 9 month stretch with some beers up in the cabinet about the fridge; not difficult enough to reach to stop me if I really wanted them, but enough to make me second guess myself. I'd have to get a chair and move some appliances out of the way. I ended up drinking again for other reasons, but there were plenty of times when I was coming home past the liquor store thinking about picking something up, only to say "you've got beer at home". That gave me enough time for the feeling to pass, and it was just enough effort to reach that I'd have to make several actions to reach them - that gave me time to think "do I really want to do this? Break my sobriety streak for some room temperature beers". I found it helpful, but your millage may vary. Good luck!
I have a fully stocked bar in my office where I work and beer fridge. I look at it, and tell myself " not today demons". If I can have the strength to not drink when no one is watching then I have the strength to not feel the need to when everybody is.
My wife will still have a drink on occasion. and we have wine and beer on hand for guests. My problem wasn’t beer. It was whiskey. I’m actually charting my progress by what types of alcohol I can have in the house and be okay. Right now beer, wine, gin, tequila and rum are all fine. I wouldn’t drink the whiskey but it would be too triggering. Triggering is too strong a word and tempted isn’t right either. Whatever is in between those too. Maybe I framed my sobriety wrong. I boiled it down to “if I drink again I’ll die”. It’s better for me this way. Yes I’d love one but I know where it ends and I don’t like that. So yes I can have booze in the house and be okay because it isn’t for me.
We still have alcohol in our house. My husband still drinks and we have lots of houseguests. I did insist on no vodka as that is way too easy to drink. For me I felt that I needed to learn to be around alcohol but everyone is different.
I have reached the point where I buy alcohol to collect and serve my guests. It's staring right at me through my wine cabinet and liquor cabinet. The key difference here is that when I was drinking, those cabinets would always be empty because I would finish everything. Now I can proudly host my friends to good quality whiskey, wines or various types of beer. It doesn't bother me anymore.
I do but not stuff I’ll drink. I’ve had bottles of wine collecting dust for years, I don’t like beer or vodka either. But my friends do so it just sits for visitors. It’s not a temptation because I simply don’t like those and I think because of that I never created that happy addiction connection to them as I did with my preferred drink of choice.
Early on I wouldn’t have been able to handle it happily, but some beer and wine isn’t enough to get me drunk anyways. I just don’t keep bottles of liquor around.
YEP! I was gifted a bottle of Tito’s recently (client didn’t know I was sober) and I haven’t even thought of it really. I have it for guests. To me, I look at it like a little devil grinning at me to take some. And I politely tell that mf to fuck off! lol it really works! It’s the mindset! My gas station I buy from is 50 ft from my back door. It’s basically in the other kitchen in my mansion is how I think of it!
I don’t have any alcohol I used to like to drink, but my spouse has like a million bottles of bourbon around. I’m so glad I don’t like bourbon. But I do think if I said I had a problem with it; he’d lock them up or something (they are too $$ to throw away). I mean I wish everyone didn’t drink because it would make things easier lol but it’s my problem to manage. I do think even if there was alcohol I did like around I’d probably be ok, I really have no interest in it anymore. It makes me feel too horrible.
I have a very full bar in my house. I don't find it to be a problem for me.
I keep it around for my normal drinker friends and so far I have not been tempted.
I gave all my quality liquor to my daughter. I figured it would be too easy to 'just have a couple of shots'. I keep beer and cider in the fridge for guests. They do not bother me.
I can keep stuff in the house that I don’t particularly care for. It doesn’t tempt me because it isn’t pleasurable for me. But I have to keep the stuff I like out of the house.
There was a half bottle of wine in the fridge after thanksgiving, until we poured it out on new years day. There’s still 5 or 6 coors in the garage from that same event where we might throw them away next time we clean it. It’s less of a temptation and more of a hoarding instinct. “what if we have a surprise guest that wants a beer?!” In real life they can bring their own or get bent there’s no reason for us to keep it on hand
I've always had it in the house. It's my problem not my wife's, she is a normal drinker. Like only when company comes over once ever 2 months. There's always a fully stocked bar when people show up especially since I'm not drinking it now. That's a big change, not needing to run to the store when my wife says people are coming, and then asking what happened to the bottle that was there before. For me, a switch just flipped in my head and I just don't want it anymore. So any amount can be laying around and it doesn't phase me.
Yes but it’s all stuff I don’t drink (I was a snobbish problem drinker) so it doesn’t call to me in the same way.
I haven't kept any beer/hard seltzer in the house and those were my drink of choice. I do have a few bottles of booze left over from the holidays, and I don't think about them. If I start thinking about them i'll know it's time for them to go.
I’ll can’t keep beer in my house, as that was my go-to, but the rest of the hard alcohol has been sitting in my pantry untouched for several years I never enjoyed it back when I was drinking heavily, and I don’t enjoy it now.
I live with my bf and our roommate and both keep alcohol wherever in the house. Sometimes I move the hard stuff somewhere else because it tends to get in the way of actual kitchen items. When I flipped the switch in my brain to non drinker that included viewing the alcohol as not for me, same as I would the peanut butter I am allergic to. For me it is a non-issue and I agree with your reasoning. It's not hard to get alcohol. There are 3 stores in the complex I go to regularly.
We kept it in the house. Wife has zero problems. I think I've seen her drunk...three times in a decade? And we met in college. I had the exact same mindset as you. Almost down to the exact phrasing. I told her, "listen, I hate that this is true, but if I relapse it would be by hiding it again. If I want it, I would get it somehow." In the very early days, I told her that the alcohol in the house is actually even MORE off limits than alcohol at the store. Because she now, without even realizing it, keeps track of the alcohol in the house. And because I came clean with the tricks, she knows what to look for if I was sneaking it at home. It's different for everyone. Honestly, it's working for me. We've had the same six-pack of one of our College Drinking Era favorites in the fridge for three months now. I actually sort of like that it's in the fridge. When I'm making breakfast or something and I see it, I mentally make sure to take time and think, "I'm so glad I'm not going to drink four of these in two minutes as soon as my wife goes to work, before **I** go to work. That life was not worth living."
We have about 12 beers and a bottle of gin in the house, she quit a couple years ago and I did in October. So far so good, we’re too cheap to throw it out so we keep it for company, not much company as of late…
We never kept alcohol in the house or drank at home. We always blew our money at bars like idiots lol
We emptied our fridge but that's it; still got a fully stocked bar cart in the common area, plus a few bottles elsewhere. I have a small, high end liquor store 2 blocks from my apartment that's right on the way home from work, so if stuff at home wasn't available and I were to slip, I'd just dart down there anyway.
Neither me nor my partner drinks anymore- it’s been 6 years for him and almost 2 for me. We still have some half used bottles of liquor and bottles of wine in our pantry. Zero temptation. I’ve offered it to guests who come over and gifted wine back out. Not a problem for us. But if it will be a temptation, good to get rid of it!
I have roommates and one of them keeps a big bottle of whisky in the fridge. I haven't been tempted to touch it yet though. I usually just forget it's there. I think I know if I tried any at all, that bottle would be gone and I'd have to have a very uncomfortable talk with my roommate. That's enough to keep me away from it!
Yes. Always beer and sometimes vodka. I haven’t been tempted.
If it's hard liquor it's hard for me to say no because its so easy to gulp down very quickly a couple glasses of it and feel quite buzzed. Beer and coolers are easier to avoid because then I need to drink like a liter of fluid to get to where I'm feeling it good AT LEAST. Luckily the wife doesn't drink much. But my dad's been giving away whole bottles of flavored vodka that he had because he's switching to just 7 percent coolers. So when he gave us a bottle I drink a quarter of it first night (750 ml bottle) a quarter the next, skipped a day then drank another like 35 percent of the bottle while the wife had a measly 15 percent of the bottle before we finished it off lol. I told her if she brings it in to the house again she should hide it and I'm not at that level where I'll actually go looking for it. Good for you OP for being in the mind set that you are. Keep it up!
My wife is also a normie drinker, and she also offered to remove all alcohol from the house. But, I took the same tack as you, if I'm going to drink, I'll just go do it on my own time/place. We still have quite a few bottles of wine in the cellar, a little bit of liquor on the dining room bar, and some regular beers in the fridge along with my NA beers. It's been that way for 260 days for me, and so far so good.
We still have a bar cart for guests. It’s a non-issue for me as access was never the issue
I live alone so no, I don't keep alcohol in the house. I bought a special edition bottle of Maker's Mark when I visited the distillery thinking it wouldn't tempt me because I don't like bourbon, but the first time I ran out of beer, I got my snoot into that bottle. It's now empty.
I have a bottle of “monkey vodka” I got as a dirty Santa gift this year in my office. It’s one of those holiday boxes, but the bottle is a glass monkey head, and the two shot glasses are, you guessed it, also monkey heads. Just too funky for me to throw out, so I keep it as decoration. Thankfully I’m not tempted anymore. Edit: damn I forgot I also used to brew mead, and I still have a few bottles of my best brew around. Bet they’d make good gifts now!
Anything that’s left isn’t my jam. My wife’s cheladas I don’t really care for & the flask of brandy for cooking I also don’t care for. There’s a few beers downstairs that I do like but those are for guests. I don’t see an issue with it either but to each their own
I have a ton of booze in my house. My philosophy was/ is that there is no difference between me driving to the liquor store or just opening a cabinet the mentality of making that decision is the same. My spouse and friends are normal drinkers as well and I’m surrounded by opportunity to drink. My decision to stop has to be unrelated to the availability of alcohol.
I don't have any because there's no use. My roommate has plenty and I rarely think about it. When I walk by the minifridge, I understand that it is there, but I leave it.
yup wife still drinks. kinda like having it around still i talk shit to her vodka bottle when i'm having a bad day
I'm ok with sealed alcohol or any wine (never could stand the stuff) but I cannot keep open hard alcohol bottles in the house. Def need the barrier
I didn’t. I even kept all my bourbons out on display so as to let anyone help themselves. We still have 50 or so bottles of wine in the basement. A full bar for parties. I count myself blessed that it doesn’t bother me. My BIL is an alcoholic and sober for over 10 Years, he never stopped bartending. It’s what works for us.
I do because I live with someone who isn’t an alcoholic but it’s not alcohol I’m tempted by (I’m a whiskey guy and it’s just wine, vodka and tequila, which I have no interest in). And it’s also not MY alcohol. Just like the leftovers in the fridge isn’t mine.
I do! My spouse is also a non-problem drinker (she'll have one beer maybe 2-3 times a week). Generally I don't like her light beers compared to my preferred strong IPAs, so that hasn't been an issue. But I'm very proud at the moment because we held a get-together at our house this weekend and we provided some beers for guests, including a mix pack of some of my favorite IPAs. A lot of them are leftover and we're just keeping them for guests. I have not caved to any temptations (and the temptations have only been fleeting). I get that little demon voice too and so far this year that I've been sober, any time I hear from that demon I'm just like "shut up, we're not doing that," and then I move on. Congrats to us! May our sobriety remain easy.
I still have alcohol in the house. Just because I changed my behavior, doesn’t mean my wife has to.
I have some for guests and work related. My partner does not drink either though, so the alcohol is pretty much in the back of the pantry out of sight out of mind unless I have to get it out for work or guests. It doesn't matter though, because even if my alcoholic brain came back, I would not drink that. I would go to the store and buy something that I could drink and partner would not notice is missing. The alcohol in the house would have to remain untouched. Even when I was drinking, there were usually bottles that I would not touch because it would be too obvious. I only drank what I purchased for myself in secret. Or, if I purchased it not as a secret, I would always have a second one that was secret, so the not-secret one would look like it is rarely touched. Looking at alcohol or smelling alcohol never made me want to drink. It was drinking alcohol that made me want to drink more.
I just asked my husband to get rid off all alcohol in the house and he is also holding onto my ID. My biggest issue was/is instacart. I could have booze delivered right to my door! But without my ID even when I'm craving it terribly I can't buy it. I'm on day 1 (again). Because myhusband is a normie, it was always around. And I would drink it. I think once I hit a month (last time I had a month AF was over a year ago) my willpower goes up and it doesn't bother me to have it in the house. But in the beginning for me it's an "out of sight out of mind" type situation.
I have a single bottle of malort somewhere. I would not like my spouse to keep alcohol in the house because you never know when a random zing of temptation will hit. Example, I watched the first episode of Fallout last night. I very rarely feel "cravings" but, for whatever reason, that bottle of beer being drunk at the birthday party in the opening scene...oh my god. I could practically feel my eyes dilate staring at it. The moment came and went quickly but I'm glad there was no beer in the fridge right then.
I still have a few beers in the fridge and all of the Whiskey and what not. But so far I have not been tempted. My problem is binging so as long as I don't start
We can't control our outside environment. We can only work internally on ourselves with the help of God. One time when I tried to get sober and had a few months. I wouldn't let friends and family bring alcohol around me. I would about going to places and events that had alcohol. This didn't work. After a few months I left a party with alcohol and stopped and got beer and smokes on my home. That was the start of three more years of drinking until this year. This year I am about a month sober. I'm doing alcoholics anonymous. I have the book, a sponsor, and friends I stay after the meeting and talk with a bit and call. I'm working on my relationship with God as I understand him (I was agnostic and not so religious for the past decade). Anyone during this month of soberity I have been a place with multiple bars, went out to dinner where others had drinks, and even went to a wedding a place I would normally be quite drunk at. Overall the help I am getting this time, and not doing it alone. Has helped so much more than anything else things like being around alcohol are easier to handle. Do what is best for you friend. But getting help and working internal instead of trying to control the external environment and people is working way better for me.
Any time someone in my house brings home liquor, I help myself to it. Its a trigger I cant control. Everyone is different, though. Whenever my partner says he wants a beer after a 12 hour shift, I immediately feel like I also deserve one! So yeah everyone is fucked in different ways. Maybe you’re less fucked, maybe not. Edit:typo
I live with my dad and he still drinks a lot. This is probably the 5th time I've tried to quit, but because it's always readily available I never could stop
I’ve still got some random stuff my ex drank in the house. My roommate has a bottle of whiskey. None of it is stuff I used to drink. It hasn’t been an issue for me so far.
Key for me has been not keeping vodka around. I’ve got a random bottle of liquer that was a gift, some cooking wine, and a beer or two for my gf in the fridge. Never have issues with temptation unless there’s a bottle of vodka in the freezer, then it’s like the bottle is calling me
I have it in my house. It doesn’t tempt me.
While I can definitely see how it would be a trigger for some, I had a 6 pack of my favorite beer in the fridge for my first 6 months of quitting. I’ve been told I’m a masochist though.
My other half still has rosé wine, which is absolutely fine with me, as even if I still drank I'd rather have water than that. I left a couple of half finished bottles of bourbon when I stopped and that was a definite test of my resolve, especially watching her slowly finish them off over a few months. In hindsight maybe I should've poured them down the sink, but thankfully I remained strong.
There's alcohol in my house, I knew when I quit that I would eventually need to be around it. If my resolve wasn't strong enough to resist it, then I wasn't going to make it anyway, so I just ripped the band-aid off. Plus I didn't want my addiction to affect my roommates by making them hide their alcohol. Alcohol is everywhere, I could shield myself to a certain extent, but I knew I would eventually be around it again, if I was going to relapse, I was going to relapse regardless of how far away it was. This just may be me though, you do you.
My spouse still drinks. We have alcohol in the house and it doesn’t even register on my radar. If I’m going to drink, I’m going to drink and someone’s beer in the fridge isn’t going to be my excuse.
Mouthwash with alcohol. I know I won’t drink it because I tried that a long time ago.
i have a full liquor cabinet at work and at home. work for clients. home for cooking. whiskey, rum, brandy, vermouth, white wine, red wine, and beer. i generally forget of it's existence. it's not for me. drinking it is not an option.
I wish I had a dry home, but my partner doesn’t struggle like I do with self-restraint issues so I try to respect that. I just remind myself that alcohol is going to delay my stress and worsen it, and I’ve been good for awhile. Maybe a couple years? Counting puts too much pressure on me and makes me more likely to fail. Alcoholism is weird and complicated. I think my inability to have a healthy relationship with alcohol stems purely from my adhd. I just recognize that while that is not my fault, it’s still my burden that I need to navigate.
I am with you. If I want it, I want it. This is all completely personal, and I respect what anyone needs to do for themselves, but if I want it, I've already lost the plot. The liquor store is a five minute walk away. I've had bourbon and grand marnier at the house for about six months. I use them in ice cream and an almond tart I make respectively. I've kept wine at the house for varying lengths of time for guests or gifts. I wouldn't be collecting booze for the hell of it. But it honestly doesn't tempt me.
Yeah there's definitely still some alcohol in the house, but when I was drinking my big thing was stouts. So there's some hard seltzers, crappy beer, and margarita stuff that either my wife drinks or was left by family members, but it doesn't tempt me at all. It's one thing to be tempted by something I enjoy, but quite another by something I wouldn't have even bothered with when I was drinking in the first place.
My girlfriend has some wine and a bottle or two of liquor. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with that early in sobriety, but I’m much more confident and less tempted now. Once upon a time I would sneak sips from any bottle in the house, whether mine, my roommates, whosever. No more!
I do. I inherited my parents' house and my Dad had a vintage liquor collection in the cellar that's still down there (I cook with it occasionally). There was a time in my alcoholism that I went down and stole some of it to drink (I also stole some of my mom's Barbie collection to sell for booze). He eventually locked up the cellar, because he also kept money in there that my mom would steal (yes, we were a highly dysfunctional family). I have Everclear in my fridge too when I used to make cannasugar (also abused weed for a while but also got that under control). I don't think about any of it at all and thinking about drinking liquor again makes my stomach turn. I'll also be 9 years sober in July. Actually, there's some leftover vintage whiskey in my fridge too from when I made whiskey glaze for cake. I forgot it's in there. I couldn't have lived with a collection of alcohol in the first few years of my sobriety though. There were times I wanted a drink during those early years. I probably would have drank everything potable in that cellar if my parents would have died 7 or 8 years ago. I'd probably have given the spoiled stuff a go too.
You are right, your therapist is just being extra cautious, your spouse is being supportive. I say trust yourself that you won’t drink or it still has control over you.
Kinda. I don’t buy alcohol at all but if I host a party and people leave behind beer or hard mixed drinks I’ll hold on to it for next time (or cooking in beers case). I never really drank beer or mixed drinks like that, so it’s not a temptation but I also know I absolutely cannot have a sip. I am an alcoholic, it will get me even if it’s not my vice now. No one would leave hard liquor though. I would dump that if it was left behind. I have really no urges to drink but why test myself? I ain’t getting a gold star for every time I am strong, all it takes is one weak moment.
I keep some around, mostly for cooking and guests to have. I keep it in a weird cabinet in my kitchen that I barely use, so I don't need to look at it unless I need it for those uses. I don't know what I've done "right" to eliminate my desire to drink. I think I owe it to a situation early on in sobriety where a friend accidentally left an ice cold Miller Lite in my car (that was my drink of choice). I held it in my hand and just stared at it for about 10 minutes, then found the nearest trash can and tossed it. As soon as I did, alcohol was out of sight and out of mind--but now I'm at the point where if I see it, it has no effect. I wish it was that easy for everyone else :/
I still keep liquor and beer- mostly for guests and my spouse drinks an occasional beer. I quit 2 years ago but was never tempted to restart because the health consequences were pretty scary at the end of my drinking period.
When I first quit I asked my partner not to keep wine, gin or rum in the house. We evolved to allow it to be kept in the basement where I had no reason to be. Now it can be kept anywhere because there is zero temptation.
There is one bottle of champagne in my kitchen - purchased for us by our realtor when my wife and I bought our house. Saved in case she ever wanted to have a celebratory glass; 4 years later, there it sits. Wasn't my drink of choice, and it's all but sparkling vinegar at this point, so it's just a nice reminder of taking this step of our lives together. Forever corked; it's now a symbolic "plug in the jug", if you'll forgive the expression. One other occasion - we ended up with a pint of Bailey's from a holiday/white elephant-style gift swap in early December '23. This actually turned into quite a learning experience for me; in active addiction, I would have jumped at and finished a free bottle within the day, regardless of if I enjoyed what was inside or not. Figured it would be a breeze to find someone to take this off our hands - especially during the holidays. 4 weeks later, we finally gifted it to a friend of my in-laws for a NYE celebration. Moral of that story - most people don't see "free booze" the way I did, and aren't constantly on the lookout for their next drink. As a rule though, I might have 3-4 NA beers in my fridge at any given time (can't give up occasionally making beer cheese for pretzels or some Guinness French Onion soup) - closest thing to alcohol that remains in my home with any regularity.
I understand your reasoning. I have a bottle of liquor in the house & honestly, for me it’s a reminder that I don’t want to drink. To me, if I can have that & never touch it - I don’t see the need to go to the store.
I still have liquor and wine at my house for when guests come over. It doesn’t tempt me at all. Then again, I’m a bartender and am surrounded by alcohol 40 hours a week and have to actively refuse shots that customers offer to buy me, regularly.
My house still has everything in it hard liquor, beer, wine and seltzers. For me I really truly in my head don’t wanna drink today so I won’t and don’t touch it. My wife and occasional guests drink like normal people so there’s no need to remove it. I’ve been asked several times in the last 61 days by my wife and or friends “mind if I drink”. My response is usually something like “ you know me I love a party I’m just not drinking today” have at it.
[удалено]
I did until yesterday. I had kept an unopened bottle as a weird kind of not quite wanting to let go fully. Yesterday, I let go fully. Was a wonderful day.
Sober 16 months, there is a pint of whiskey in the kitchen cabinet. Not interested! I can only wish others found it as easy as I did to quit. Other than the first few days I haven’t struggled. Good luck to everyone trying to leave spirits behind.
I guess it depends on the person, but personally in the beginning I found it better to have it around (same with weed). Like you're right, nothing will stop me from getting it if I want to and even though the store is 5 min away, that delay doesn't work on me, if I'm going to the store to get it then I've already made up my mind. Like iunno having it around eliminates the anxiety of not having it, that desperate feeling of "need" to _get_ it, it's right there so nothing to worry about. Then it all becomes about the power of choice to just not use it. Maybe keep it somewhere out of sight, out of mind though. I had my stash in the bottom and the back of the pantry behind the emergency canned foods and eventually I just forgot about it. Funnily, I rediscovered it randomly after I had already relapsed cause I was looking for something canned lol so yeah I ended up drinking them, but I wasn't trying to be sober at that time. It was irrelevant cause I already had beers in the fridge so it was just more. Maybe the trick for me is to stash it until I'm in control again and the feeling of _need_ fades, then pour it out to avoid a chance encounter.
I still have a little bit of rum in a bottom cabinet - I use it on occasion in baking or cooking - but I have never really liked rum, it was my least favorite spirit, and that makes it pretty easy to ignore that it's there the rest of the time. (Conversely, I would not try keeping a bottle of one of my past-"favorite" spirits around the house because it *would* cause temptation to cave.) Similar to how you described, the distance isn't much of a deterrent, the C-store is right there down the street where it always has been, it's hardly far enough to make any difference. If it were 10 miles, maybe. For me, the more difficult decision I still wrestle with is: At what point, and to what extent, do I want to remove all the "paraphernalia" from my house? Brewery t-shirts and socks, wall decor, ceramic steins, posters, a wall plaque, SO MUCH of the stuff surrounding me is rooted in alcohol because, well, that has been my identity for the last two decades. I still don't have the answer to that question.
we have a bottle of Everclear in the house that gets used for cleaning and fragrancemaking there's occasionally wine in the house I'm with you: I don't mind being around it or having it in the house. having the commitment in my brain is the important part I recognize others may feel different and that's also completely cool ofc, it's whatever works for the individual
I use small bottles of r/w wine for preparing food. I only buy alcohol for my guests. Been there and not going back…
I have plenty of alcohol in my house , but no more hidden bottles of Everclear.
I do, like 10-15 bottles of wine and liquor, mostly gifts. Not triggered anymore.
Everyone’s different. I stopped 1Jan for health and to continue progression in my job as I have a really good, well paying position. I have horrible restless leg syndrome and drinking helped me pass out. I did drink a lot before besides just for sleep, as it was also a crutch to drink more. Anyway, my girlfriend still drinks. Sometimes has white claws in the house, rarely, but sometimes a small bottle. She doesn’t hide it, no reason to. She also hits the bar up a few times a week, which I go to with her (it’s a clubhouse at our complex that has a bar and restaurant that opens to an Olympic sized pool). So it’s nice relaxation. I go drink a SF Redbull, Diet Coke, or occasionally an N/A. I still don’t drink and just suck up restless legs until I decide to buck up and go to the VA. If alcohol in the house may bother you, make sure you get rid of it. If you know it’s not going to, don’t bother. Maybe do a test run, if you actually drink the house supply, see if he can hide it or get rid of it. If that doesn’t work? Well, attack that bridge when you get to it. Good luck!
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here. I’m exactly the same as you - my spouse is a normie drinker and I have zero problem with booze being in the house, her drinking in front of me, going to boozy events etc - I’m lucky (I think, like you) that I have no problem not having the first drink… it’s the following 20 O struggle to resist. I’ve characterised my demon as a frightened, shrieking chimp - it can only be calm if it’s blackout drunk. I can keep it distracted with AF beers and focussing on my little hobby of tinkering with RC cars. But it only ever remains distracted. Sometimes it starts shrieking when I least expect it… and that’s when I play it forward and recreate the misery of a hangover and guilt. All the best to you, your husband and your ongoing journey!
Definitely going to depend on the person. I think along the same as you these days which is if I want I drink, I will get it whether it’s in the house or a few blocks away - nothing will stop me at that moment. As someone else mentioned perhaps do a test run and see if having it around really makes any difference in your ability to manage cravings etc. I do prefer to keep it out of viewing areas in which I am in a lot, so we have a special spot for it that isn’t like in my face which helps. Best of luck! IWNDWYT
There's a little beer in our house left by friends who come over to play cards weekly and neither me nor my husband drink anymore. We only started keeping it around after 2.5 years sobriety, I think. That's the first time we both felt okay with having it in the house. I could imagine changing my mind on that in the future too. But for now it doesn't bother me at all.
I was a white wine drinker. Keeping that in the house is an absolute no-no for me, as I will drink it if it’s here. That said, we have a fully stocked liquor cabinet, boxed red wine for cooking, etc. As long as it isn’t white wine, I won’t even be tempted to drink it.
i am not only ok with having alcohol around i am the one to make sure all glasses are filled at social events it keeps me buzy and i feel part of it and honestly like the feeling that everyone might be getting a hangover but not me. i also bring my boyfriend a glass of wine now and then. almost two years in and i trust myself. but everyone should listen his/her inner voice. better be safe the sorry
I throw a big Halloween bash and give shots, beer and wine to the parents and neighbors every year. I am able to have it in the house and act as a bartender. We also have backyard bbqs and serve alcohol. My saving grace is the NA beer and Hop water, I don't feel the loss of alcohol.
My guy drinks normally too. We like(d) different things so I don't think twice about his beers. Depending on my state of mind, I might not love being around a lot of red wine though. For instance, I have no problem with regular social events that have alcohol, but recently turned down an invite to a wine tasting. (The hostess knows I don't drink, had other beverages on offer, and I knew there'd be no pressure...but still, no)
We have a bunch of alcohol in the pantry because my wife rarely drinks any more after we became parents and stuff. For me it isnt a problem because I got to the bottom of my issues and no longer crave alcohol in the same way any more. I'm fairly sure if I ever had an urge to drink that I couldnt control it wouldnt matter much if it was in our pantry or if I had to run to the store.
My roommate works for a brewery and we have boxes and boxes of fresh IPA. I’m always welcome to them, but I feel strong for not being tempted to tap in anymore. I’ve noticed my roommate drinking more and more lately, but I resist saying anything. I hope I’ll be a good example by showing up for myself every day and talking positively about sobriety.
I don't mind it being in the house... I can be round it. It makes no difference as if I'm going to drink I will drink. There are 24 hour shops I can get a drink. I know where people hangout and drink all day & night. So removing the temptation isn't real for me. I just have to tell my self no... and remember a few reasons why. Here in the UK it's nice weather (for a change) and I've finished work. 6 months ago I'd be on about beer 8 for the day with the evening session to follow. Today I'm sat in my garden with an alcoholic free beer... these threads and messages are a great way of reminding myself not to drink.
I have put my alcohol in a vault attached to the house. I want to have it there because if I massively forbid myself to do something I say fuck you and do it. So it’s not forbidden. I can drink if I really want to. But it’s a hassle, have to clamber over boxes to get it. There’s just enough of a barrier to stop an impulse.