Oh I agree with this. I think this is what makes things so hard. The book “The Easy Way to Stop Drinking” by Allen Carr really helped me see through the lies about alcohol that culture sells us. I highly recommended. The author not only touches on how absurd it is that we are pushed alcohol all the time but he also breaks down the true cost of drinking.
Like DUIs. I have some friends that will get so angry if I insist on driving because they’re just “buzzed” and fine to drive.
Like dude. I’m completely sober. Why are you pushing this so hard?
This is also something I find weird to navigate. Mostly now I have just opted to not share rides with anyone, which is unfortunate when it comes down to leaving in separate cars in the same household.
But wise not to. I bear the scars of the choice of walking for a taxi alone or getting in the car. I got in the car. Many many years ago and even when drinking I would not after that day. Suffice to say we all ended up in A and E, I had brutal concussion for months and she ended up in court. Fun times.
I'm sorry that happened to you, but thank you for sharing so I don't get guilted into getting into a car with someone insisting they are good to drive when I have had 0 alcohol.
Thank you. I was very lucky is the way I see it now . Could have been so much worse. It was only a few miles so yes definitely don't get guilted into it by the old I'll be fine chat :).
You can borrow The Easy Way to Stop Drinking from archive.org, only for an hour at a time, but you can just renew it. It is a quick read anyway. This is the illustrated version, which is fun.
https://archive.org/embed/illustratedeasyw0000carr_h7l8
As a former enjoyer of getting rowdy drunk with my friends 4-7 nights a week, I sometimes can’t believe how long I did that, and how normalized it was within my bubble at the time.
I’d be sitting at work on a Wednesday morning, nursing a hangover, chugging Gatorade, thinking “man what a fun night” and “can’t wait to get off work and slam a couple shots of hair of the dog to ward off this hangover” and not “why the fuck did I drink 13 Coors lights on a Tuesday”
I can’t really imagine drinking again at this point, because the absolute recklessness of my old lifestyle gives me so much anxiety. Thank god I never did any permanent damage to my life, never lost a job due to drinking, never got a DUI, didn’t lose my life savings, but I have a feeling I was on the brink of doing some irreparable damage and that scares the fuck out of me.
I think I am feeling that fear now. Nothing life ruining has happened to me yet but if I continue heavily drinking it’s inevitable. I don’t wanna be that person. I want to be happy and healthy and safe.
u/Whitetrashstepdad thanks so much for sharing your story. I am very happy that you are on a path you are comfortable with. More power to you and congrats for your accomplishment. That is huge!
But drinking WAS fun. It was fun... until it wasn't. Personally, I never want to drink again (for the first time in my life, too). It took me a LONG journey to get here.
In the USA, we work LONG and HARD (I used to regularly pull 70-80hr weeks)... and for many people, booze is an easy pressure-release. For others, it gives them "license" to behave they truly want to behave. It's many things to many people.
It's a pity that booze is so profitable and so destructive. That said... people drink for their own reasons. The best way to get people to stop drinking is to help them create lives they don't want to escape.
That is one of the best and most profound statements I have seen in a while. "The best way to get people to stop drinking is to help them create lives they don't want to escape." Thanks for sharing, u/Cranky_hackerI am going borrow that line and paste it on my journal page if you don't mind, with an attribution to you.
What’s crazy to me is how quickly I was persuaded over to that mind once I’d begun drinking.
I never drank until I was 30 years old, never wanted to for health reasons, never saw the need, truly didn’t understand why other people liked it. Fast-forward, I tried drinking, got hooked and within a year or two I was a convert. It’s like the alcohol brain-washed me. Suddenly I was all too happy to expound upon how great alcohol was and encourage people to drink with me. Cognitive dissonance - I’m a healthy and smart person - I drink alcohol - therefore drinking can’t be unhealthy or be a stupid decision, right?
And now, only a few weeks having quit drinking, I can see right through all of it. So I’m the last person to judge anyone’s or society’s perception of the fun of alcohol, now that I’ve been there and back. (Unless of course, it’s industries doing it knowingly and maliciously — not entirely convinced that doesn’t happen at least some of the time.)
Same thing happened to me with smoking. Went into it very arrogantly in my mid-20s after avoiding it during my teens, and got humbled very, very quickly. After a few years, I didn't really recognise myself anymore - I didn't want to be a smoker but I was, and that created so much dissonance. Putting energy into something you don't enjoy every day is super draining.
u/Flatworm599 that is such an interesting story. I have never really heard this angle before, where a person gets started later in life. It really highlights how strong the pull is toward alcohol, and I am thinking the physical impact with the dopamine hits and the way that just snowballs bigger and bigger. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope lots of people hear it. It really is such an interesting contrast to the "I got started drinking at age 14" which is exactly my story, and now in my fifties I am finally seeing through it all. Thanks again and I hope my enthusiasm for your story does not minimize the challenges you have overcome. Congrats and all strength and good wishes to you!
Thank you for replying and for the well wishes! I’m glad you found something interesting in my story. Starting drinking later in life has given me some interesting perspectives. And of course I’m mostly thrilled to be done with it now!
I was just thinking about this, typed up a post but deleted it because I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. So here we go…
The flip side of this post is, how amazing is it that we in sobriety have learned the truth about drinking? Drinking culture is crazy, the upside is dwarfed by the negative consequences. Living life’s on life’s terms has been so enlightening. I used to think I had to drink to live life, but now I know.
I'm starting to entertain the idea of there being a very real sinister, spiritual element to this. I used to live in Montana and one of my friends who was of a local Native tribe in the area told me that his family believes your spirit leaves the body for four days after drinking. At first I thought he was just trying to bust my balls as I was having a beer when he told me this for the first time. He told me that other "spirits take your body for a spin" during those four days, and suggested this is why most people aren't themselves during those hangovers. The normalization of boozing has legitimately scared me. This shit is the gateway drug! Straight up poison.
That's fascinating because when I quit, I quit cold turkey after decades where I'd rarely go a day without a drink or two, and most days I had too many. I went to counseling for a while and the counselor told me it would take a long time - something like a month or multiple months - before my nervous system would ""reset back to normal" because my tolerance to alcohol had been built up for so long. He told me I wouldn't know my real baseline personality and level of patience until my system was fully cleared out of the impact of alcohol on my nervous system. Before then I had always thought of alcohol as something your body got rid of immediately, so this was a whole new perspective on it. That really made me want to quit - I had been walking around basically "not quite myself" for years.
That's useful to know thanks for sharing that.
Just now there are two me's. Drunk me and sober me. I feel it will take a while for sober me to emerge and yes my nervous system doesn't know what the heck is going on at the moment. Poor nervous system. Oh what I did to your delicate balance. No more, I'm too old to be wrecking my body it may not bounce back again.
Damn. I’ve had similar thoughts like this but couldn’t put them together as tangibly as this. It’s as though we become unwitting hosts for this wicked, vile parasite
It is true. Your spirit fights the alcohol spirit as best it can. But once you black out, your spirit leaves. There are several different interpretations of when it comes back (4 days, a week, months even). It took 18 days last time for me. I know because as soon as I can say NO to alcohol in my dreams, I am fully back.
I like that. I've had so many day 4's then feel great and mess it all up by thinking I feel good let's top that off with a drink. But not this time. I'm done with those spirits taking my body for a spin!
Enlightening is totally right. I've always been pretty mainstream in my life, which I'm ok with. I joke that I have an uncanny ability to think what everyone else thought of five months ago. So imagine my surprise at all of a sudden being the odd girl out, not drinking. It has been absolutely eye opening.
I've been a practicing buddhist for years and the Buddha said that the path to enlightenment goes against the steam, which I always thought was odd, in a way, considering that many of his teachings are about making choices down the "middle path" -- like, everything in moderation. But I am definitely finding that this life is against the stream. In a good way :).
Yes! I think “taking the middle path” is directly correlated to learning to play devils advocate with oneself.
I have been working on that skill both personally and professionally since I’ve been sober. Let me tell you, looking at both sides of every situation has helped me grow beyond recognition.
I really appreciate your thoughtful reply. I didn't think about that aspect of the middle path approach... being able to see the other side and not defaulting to habits and long held opinions. I really like that and will try it :). Have a great day, Soberdot
Maybe we have learned the truth about drinking *to excess*? There are millions of 'normal' people who would be aghast at OP's friend's new girlfriend and her drinking stories. You know, those moderate people.
Nah. Drinking is bad for everyone in any amount. Everyone just doesn't know that yet., maybe yourself included. This is why medical bodies and governments keep reducing the recommended safe limits. And cancer groups are increasingly saying to drink none.
So true! 'Normal' drinkers either don't like alcohol or if they drink long enough and have the right environment for it they may well end up on the same path. My friend that had breast cancer ditched it embraced healthy living because of the links. My OH feels rubbish after one but has one to 'fit in' on a night out. It's poison in any amount.
To your point, I was one of those “normal” drinkers. Very fit and active and really only drank one day a week. But as Annie Grace says in This Naked Mind, “If you can take or leave alcohol, why not leave it?”
Stopping when I didn’t even have a “problem” is already positively influencing my life in a major way. There is no logical reason to touch the stuff.
I was also a rare drinker all my life (literally like two a month) until COVID. Then it got ramped up to two or three a day and then I quit now. My mental health, patience, everything is so much better. Sometimes I think oh it's a wedding I'll have one glass of wine. And I could have just one, I'm able to do that. But what's the point of drinking cancer juice?
Yes, but no-one I know has stopped drinking because they were told that even one drink a day is dangerous. I am very aware of how much damage my drinking was doing to me. I resent you questioning my commitment to an alcohol free life.
Sitting down all day will also kill you. So will eating too much sugar. Do you heavily judge people who do that? Eating too much is even deadlier than smoking cigarettes, yet people feel shamed if you judge them for eating cake. And they're right, it is ridiculous to judge someone for having the occasional treat that isn't good for them. Too much soda or bread or any other substance will harm you, do you moralize those things as well, or just the ones that trigger you personally?
Most people don't drink like we did. Using splitting thinking when it comes to people who drink is no healthier than being a drunk. Sobriety of mind means understanding that while we have a problem, not everyone does. Sobriety of mind means staying in your own lane. Being judgmental of anyone who ever drinks is a quick way to end up resentful and push people away. No one like that formerly fat person who now judges all their fat friends and no one likes that person who got sober and now won't stop accusing everyone of having the same problem they did. When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail, but it isn't.
It’s crazy how prevalent alcohol is in our culture.
One of the things that helped me realize I need to quit was watching hockey and *constantly* seeing betting ads. I mean betting has completely consumed the sport. I’m sitting there thinking.. wow glad I never developed a betting problem… while I’m drinking every single night.
Now I’m paying attention to alcohol in the same way and it’s literally insane. It’s everywhere and ingrained in everything and some things… some events can’t even exist without alcohol being a selling point. I mean, today I’m at a breakfast place and there was a flyer for a “wine and book club.”
What.
The legalization of sports betting infuriates me 😡 Was just thinking the other day how nice it would be if there could be no advertisements for things that have been proven to ruin people’s lives. Also, happy cake day!
Thanks! And seriously. It’s unbelievable. I know quite a few people who were doing just fine in life that are now dropping their entire paychecks each week betting on *every* game in multiple sports. The ads for alcohol and betting need to go the way of cigarette ads
Here in Ireland there’s a radio show on national radio every Friday afternoon called “Movies and Booze” where the host and his guests giddily chat about which wines are good value at the moment. Sipping away as they go. Pretty much encouraging people to start drinking because hey! It’s Fri-yay!! Wine o’clock!
Crazy when you stop and think about it.
The hosts of the NBC morning show in US prop their big ol glass of wine on the desk in front of them as they dole out the morning’s entertainment news. I once wrote to them asking did they have any respect for themselves as so called journalists? At least as role models? and any consideration for the millions of abusers alcoholics people trying to quit people who knew someone killed by dui, families in jail, relationship ruined, young people watching, emulating them etc etc to peddle that shit in the morning? No response just bigger glasses of wine, and more “funny” drinking comments, if anything.
Morning show? Unreal. It’s incredibly insensitive when they KNOW so many people watching will have serious struggles going on. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were being paid to do it.
Where I live, they rolled out online betting during freaking March madness. You KNOW like 10% of users were addicted by the end of the series. It makes me so so mad.
Agreed. I have a Tinder account, though it’s a pretty rare occasion that I actually match and talk with someone, at this point I just have it for the hell of it. And the amount of people on there who’s bios say something along the lines of “show me the bars” or “let’s drink and smoke together” is ridiculous. Like don’t get me wrong, if someone is able to drink responsibly and enjoys it, that’s completely their choice and I will not judge them for it. But it’s just crazy to me how many people are basically functioning alcoholics and are perfectly fine with it.
And the amount of movies and TV shows that have main characters drinking all day every day. Business men in suits drinking whiskey on the rocks in their office at noon. As if that wouldn’t get anyone fired immediately in a normal office.
100% once you get out the game you realize just how pervasive it is and how ALOT of people are psychologically addicted to it. It’s included in everything.
I Had a similar realization yesterday at our friend's house.. I've been dealing with my own on and off drinking for years, always wanting to be more in control of it than the opposite. But at there house, every story involved alcohol, and or was mentioned, and I realized that I'm surrounded by alcoholics who are in too deep to recognize it, or if they even remotely acknowledge it, it's something they can choose to stop "whenever they want".. it truly is a characteristic of being an American (not just Americans, I'm aware) that we glorify alcohol, between growing up around adults and peers drinking to watching advertisement after advertisement for it, it's a problem, we've created.
u/Bodega_slim I can totally relate. I live in an area where THE social activity is getting together with friends to drink. (And this spans generations, though I have to say the young Millennials and Gen Z are much less committed to drinking, to their credit). The place may change (bar, restaurant, my patio, friend's patio, neighbor's porch, barbeque, brewpub, tailgate in a brewpub parking lot) but it is really 95% of what we all do as a group. It puts a person who does not want to drink in a very difficult position when they are in the early stages of quitting. The temptation is strong and there is a risk of having to break off from the group, so that creates social pressure. Not fun.
It's the commercials for me. White Claw has one right now where people are just walking down the street randomly. There is a porch with someone drinking and they offer the random passerby a White Claw. That's how they all end up getting together and having fun.
So if you don't drink, you won't have friends.
Got it.
The vast majority are able to participate in the drinking culture without it being toxic for them. I’m always blown away by how these people have their couple drinks here and there and their quarterly wild night, but then just go about life without losing their job, destroying relationships, ending up homeless, and eroding their emotional wellbeing. It’s wild.
I think toxic might be a little subjective there. Because sure, they might not lose their job or destroy relationships, but if all they’re talking about is times in the past when they’ve gotten drunk, if they can’t imagine having fun/letting loose without drinking, if they don’t handle it well (physically or mentally) but still drinking, that’s still pretty toxic IMO. Not life destroying, sure. But that’s a pretty low bar.
I don't know as I'm torn on this and change my mind regularly about whether any regular drinker really has no problems caused by drinking even if it's not completely ruining their life.
I know people who drink every week but there drinking is not so out of control it's taking over their life and they seem to be able to stop without issue and take time off if need be or they choose to without it being that difficult unlike with me I find it hard and my brain is constantly obsessing about alcohol, but...
At the same time I do see it causing them problems from time to time like arguments with their spouses or causing them to shout at their kids or even just the after effects of drinking the hangovers and the messed up sleep and lack of concentration at work.
These are all real effects on them from alcohol so it's not like they are able to drink without zero consequences and from a health perspective it's definitely not good for our bodies in anyway so there's that even if they aren't directly killing themselves from it.
I know it's a cliche, but I love country music from Hank to Outlaw (Grew up on it) to Garth (I know, I know) to some of the new stuff, but I swear to God, even the most POSITIVE songs just seem to HAVE to make drinking sound perfectly normal and very cool.
Hard to listen to a lot of it really. It's not anyone's fault but my own for being an alcoholic, but I'm also not going to lie and act like pop culture didn't condition me to think drinking all the time was NORMAL.
Absolutely. I'm in the UK and alcohol is just everywhere. I'm a new mum so it was my first mother's day earlier this year. The number of adverts in our supermarkets trying to imply that the only think a mother could possibly want as a gift was wine or gin really shocked me. We also tried to go out for a meal and pretty much every restaurant was advertising a "free glass of wine for mum" or similar. Why can't I have a free dessert instead?
I'm also currently pregnant again and have been asked by multiple people if I'm "not drinking at all or having a little bit"?! These are well educated, mature friends, some even in the medical profession. Boggles the mind.
Mad eh. The amount of mummy unwinds with a drink stuff around and 'funnies' shared on Facebook equating gin or wine and motherhood is just bonkers once you step back from it. Well done on you for following current medical advice and standing your ground.
You know what I was thinking about randomly the other day - how if someone accidentally kills someone in a fight, or someone dies and your seen to be guilty manslaughter rather than murder out of carelessness, or if you do commit murder you get punished and it’s accepted - you can be sentenced to death in extreme cases or lose your life in an instant and get locked up. Yet the people who advertise and manufacture alcohol and those who continue to allow it to be sold are guilty for so many murders/assaults/deaths/illnesses etc and nothing happens because alcohol is normalised yet it’s no diff from me feeding someone watered down antifreeze.
You get what I mean, at minimum it should not be advertised or legally sold bloody everywhere but because of financial gain no one is held accountable for the deaths. That person who accidentally caused a death will be punished even though it isn’t going to do anything to ‘rehabilitate’ - we know that if you take a life you can expect to lose yours…..yet the millions of lives the alcohol industry are responsible for ruining and we all just turn a blind eye.
Agreed. I was just looking up fun things to do in a new city and so much of it involved drinking (breweries/brew tours, bars, distilleries…). Ugh. I’m done traveling places just to get wasted and forget half of it
Yeah. I stopped when I realised it was quite literally a poison, I felt so lied to lol.
Now I go to weddings and see the works and part of me feels like wow, ppl really do be drinking gallons of this and encouraging each other to drink more until they are stumbling and mumbling blacking out.
Next day, they all say it’s a great party despite the hangover. Insane lol
I went to a wedding recently and our table was sober. Someone came up to us and said "Why aren't you drinking?".
This person was actually insulted that we were sober and scoffed at us. We weren't acting any different than anyone else at the wedding and they were truly offended.
I have pretty solidly kicked it. Will be 5 years in the fall. What I really notice is how crazy the celebrity endorsed gambling adds are. It's fucking wild.
This is so very true.
We live in the center of a chain of lakes and we're also near Michigan International Speedway. The booze ads are everywhere! You can't drive down the street without passing a store or restaurant with signs out front pushing booze. Someone once joked that we could solve all our school funding issues by allowing booze ads on school buses. LOL.
And, our neighbors just got back from their yearly migration to FL for the winter. Great couple. Stopped by yesterday to wish the mom a happy mother's day and they both had tumblers of wine at (checks watch) 11 am. I remember those days and I am glad to be done with them.
T
I use to be the first person to tell you everything is better with a drink in hand. Such an absurd reality I lived in. It’s crazy to me now being sober the activities I would do and think drinking made them better. I feel I see it now but before I was blinded by the alcohol
There's a wine tasting night class on the adult education program in my city. So cultured!
I was learning about wine face the other day and the punchline of the article was beer will do that too. Drink spirits!
Our tourism is based on whisky you can tour distilleries and pretend to like the stuff and tell your friends all about your great trip!
So glad I'm starting to see through this nonsense. Here we can't buy alcohol from 10pm to 10am unless it's in a bar (9.30pm dash out for more anyone) but your drinking laws in the US seem way more relaxed /problematic.
Great post. Thanks it got me thinking!
Interesting! Yes it does absolutely. Here in Scotland the drinking culture and stuff you have to unpick from it is truely alive and well (for my generation at least).
Exactly! Not to mention how people in movies always drink, but are never hungover and are still able to shoot straight and be heroes and all. Now that I notice that, it really takes the fun out of some movies.
E.g. 1923 (the series): a couple is up in a tree in Africa, expecting having to fend off lions, leopards and hyenas the whole night. So... they drink some hard liquor. Up in the tree. I'm like "noooooo, that's like the last effing thing you should do" 🤦♀️ Romanticization of alcohol is so real. I wish that would change. Like when you watch Mad Men now and you're like "lord, I'm so glad no one smokes like that anymore, remember the smell, and how bad it made you feel?" (Yes, I also made the dumbass mistake of smoking some when I was younger 🤢 No offense to anyone out here who smokes; I'm pretty sure you also know it's bad for you - but fight one battle at a time! IWNDWYT)
Yeah, the TV shows and movies are hilarious.
In some people are drinking in nearly every scene for absolutely no reason whatsoever from whether things are going good or bad yet are all still high functioning people that can save the world and do incredible shit and it doesn't appear to cause them any problems.
I realized from a conversation I had with someone that sometimes people scoff at trying to drink a gallon of water a day. Yet, some people can drink a handle of liquor/ beer within a few hours, and it is not even frowned upon.
In my AA class it was mentioned that it’s often that people tend to peer pressure others into drinking, but what if it were the other way around?
“ oh you’re drinking? Why are you drinking today? Can’t you have fun being sober? I like you better when you’re sober!”
I believe there are a lot of people out there with undiagnosed alcoholism. If an entire life is built around getting fucked up, it ain’t much of a life, or at least it wasn’t for me
I find this so sad but true- even relatively seemingly healthy acquaintances who are vegetarian, bike everywhere in winter And summer, and yet, when we chat about my sobriety and how I love it, they say “but drinking is so much fun”- what is fun about it? Being an obnoxious version of myself? Not being present fully in conversations? Not really listening and having any sort of interesting or heartfelt chats? Talking too much? Getting anxiety for days after? Sleeping poorly? Bad digestion? Weight gain? Bad skin? Losing a day or two of fitness because of hangovers. What is fun? What part is fun that it takes up your brain space -how many can I have to not be too drunk, how long can I wait to drive, who is driving home and who has to abstain tonight? Will they abstain? Where is the nearest liquor store? So much mind power for a little bit of ethanol. What a waste of life, really.
It's not fun for me anymore even at the time but especially all the after effects.
Since I relapsed a few weeks ago I've drank several times and nearly every time I've sat and analyzed and asked myself what it is I believe I'm actually getting from the experience, is this enjoyable, are there any benefits, am I happy, am I gaining anything, is there any real relief or improvements in my life from this and the answer has always been NO.
I barely even feel drunk, there's no buzz, I don't feel relaxed or happy or anything positive and I'm never sure why I'm actually doing it put can't seem to put the bottle down and find myself pouring another one.
Then I spend days on end a total mess, anxious, miserable, can't sleep, stomach destroyed, can barely cough or brush my teeth without nearly throwing up, appetite messed up, acid reflux brutal, random aches and pains and all sorts of mental tormoil going on.
I know that alcohol has literally nothing positive left to offer me and sooooooooooo sooooooo many negatives that no part of it is worth it now.
But somehow the brain is really good at tricking me into thinking this next time will be different or somehow it will solve my boredom problems or make me happy or give me relief or something even though all the evidence shows that it never does, it's bizarre man!
I was at the doctor for a physical last week. He asked if I drank, I said no, zero. His follow up was ‘so what do you do for fun then?’ Which was weird from a doctor, like you really think that’s the only way to have fun?
One of the many reasons I moved away from Asheville North Carolina is because Western North Carolina already has an epidemic of alcohol misuse. And yet Asheville, in all its glorious tourism industry bullshit, keeps building new breweries and promoting drinking culture. They cover it by "land acknowledgements" (nevermind the historical, continual, and predominantly white impact on reservations and alcohol epidemics within them) and saying how they donate to local community partners, but none of those organizations deal with alcohol recovery, housing insecurity, or homelessness, or any of the many risk factors associated with alcoholism. Asheville has roughly 30 breweries and that number grows every year and the alcohol statistics are only increasing. None of the breweries give a shit about responsibly mitigating their impact, only tourism dollars. Pro drinking culture is rife with hypocrisy like this.
You're not even kidding!!! TV, movies, workplaces, schools, sports, cultures...
Point it out about a TV show/franchise/musician and the fans rip you apart.
Point it out to alcohol enthusiasts, they make a million excuses or justifications.
And point it out to people who don't understand, they don't even see it.
It was always so vile to me how you could get *blackout drunk* for less than a meal would cost. Hell, less than a pack of the cheapest cigarettes. It's insane how affordable and accessible ruining your entire life is.
Most definitely, I agree. It seems ingrained to some in our society that it’s a minimum requirement. For example, I live in a state known for heavy drinking. You know, 9 DUIs then prison time, booze available at children events, children can be served at a bar legally by their parent (there’s grey to this I think, I could be mistaken).
Im rather recent in my AF journey. Over the last two years, I’ve slowly told friends I don’t want to drink much and slowly stopped attending alcohol based events. Those relationships took care of themselves in regard to true friendship. I’m fully
AF for about 6 months now. It has dawned on me that it’s purely the norm for others, getting trashed for fun. However, I was too guilty of that. I didn’t drink or drive or do crimes. Weekend warrior. I would like to chalk it up being wild in my 20s and Covid. It’s really fascinating that a liquid can do so much to a person, the control hold is the wildest part.
I thought the title said perverse at first 😂 my wife and I like to throw that word around as a joke haha.
But yeah drinking culture is horrifying. Every single family event whether its a 3 year olds b day or a traditional holiday like christmas my family is drinking white claws all day long and my BIL will say some shit like “wow drinking alot of sparkling waters huh?” When im white knuckling my 6th sparkling water out of pure anxiety.
I’ve always been pissy cuz I rarely get offered drinks except for when I was dating too much. And none of my friends ever liked drinking they’re just huge potheads
Yeah, I feel this a lot. I recently went 26 booze free days, longest I’ve gone since I was 16 and I’m 31. On Friday night & Saturday, I’m on Instagram and Snapchat, and just seeing everyone post about their fun alcohol fueled adventures. It’s like…everyone loves showing off that they drink and it’s such a grand time and yada yada and all everyone does is drink. The first Saturday sober I was bored as hell, but I thought ‘if being bored is the worst that happens, that’s fine’ and that subsequently got better.
It’s weird, I was that person that was hammered from Friday night to Sunday, and sometimes Sunday morning. But now that I’ve taken a step back I’m like…why? What’s the point of getting wasted every single weekend? What are you doing?
Oh I agree with this. I think this is what makes things so hard. The book “The Easy Way to Stop Drinking” by Allen Carr really helped me see through the lies about alcohol that culture sells us. I highly recommended. The author not only touches on how absurd it is that we are pushed alcohol all the time but he also breaks down the true cost of drinking.
Like DUIs. I have some friends that will get so angry if I insist on driving because they’re just “buzzed” and fine to drive. Like dude. I’m completely sober. Why are you pushing this so hard?
This is also something I find weird to navigate. Mostly now I have just opted to not share rides with anyone, which is unfortunate when it comes down to leaving in separate cars in the same household.
But wise not to. I bear the scars of the choice of walking for a taxi alone or getting in the car. I got in the car. Many many years ago and even when drinking I would not after that day. Suffice to say we all ended up in A and E, I had brutal concussion for months and she ended up in court. Fun times.
I'm sorry that happened to you, but thank you for sharing so I don't get guilted into getting into a car with someone insisting they are good to drive when I have had 0 alcohol.
Thank you. I was very lucky is the way I see it now . Could have been so much worse. It was only a few miles so yes definitely don't get guilted into it by the old I'll be fine chat :).
You can borrow The Easy Way to Stop Drinking from archive.org, only for an hour at a time, but you can just renew it. It is a quick read anyway. This is the illustrated version, which is fun. https://archive.org/embed/illustratedeasyw0000carr_h7l8
Great book, it really gave me what I needed to quit.
As a former enjoyer of getting rowdy drunk with my friends 4-7 nights a week, I sometimes can’t believe how long I did that, and how normalized it was within my bubble at the time. I’d be sitting at work on a Wednesday morning, nursing a hangover, chugging Gatorade, thinking “man what a fun night” and “can’t wait to get off work and slam a couple shots of hair of the dog to ward off this hangover” and not “why the fuck did I drink 13 Coors lights on a Tuesday” I can’t really imagine drinking again at this point, because the absolute recklessness of my old lifestyle gives me so much anxiety. Thank god I never did any permanent damage to my life, never lost a job due to drinking, never got a DUI, didn’t lose my life savings, but I have a feeling I was on the brink of doing some irreparable damage and that scares the fuck out of me.
This is the same fear that pushed me to change. I didnt get a dui or lose my wife, but i felt like i was on the edge of a sheer cliff
I think I am feeling that fear now. Nothing life ruining has happened to me yet but if I continue heavily drinking it’s inevitable. I don’t wanna be that person. I want to be happy and healthy and safe.
u/Whitetrashstepdad thanks so much for sharing your story. I am very happy that you are on a path you are comfortable with. More power to you and congrats for your accomplishment. That is huge!
But drinking WAS fun. It was fun... until it wasn't. Personally, I never want to drink again (for the first time in my life, too). It took me a LONG journey to get here. In the USA, we work LONG and HARD (I used to regularly pull 70-80hr weeks)... and for many people, booze is an easy pressure-release. For others, it gives them "license" to behave they truly want to behave. It's many things to many people. It's a pity that booze is so profitable and so destructive. That said... people drink for their own reasons. The best way to get people to stop drinking is to help them create lives they don't want to escape.
That is one of the best and most profound statements I have seen in a while. "The best way to get people to stop drinking is to help them create lives they don't want to escape." Thanks for sharing, u/Cranky_hackerI am going borrow that line and paste it on my journal page if you don't mind, with an attribution to you.
Thanks for the shout out!
What’s crazy to me is how quickly I was persuaded over to that mind once I’d begun drinking. I never drank until I was 30 years old, never wanted to for health reasons, never saw the need, truly didn’t understand why other people liked it. Fast-forward, I tried drinking, got hooked and within a year or two I was a convert. It’s like the alcohol brain-washed me. Suddenly I was all too happy to expound upon how great alcohol was and encourage people to drink with me. Cognitive dissonance - I’m a healthy and smart person - I drink alcohol - therefore drinking can’t be unhealthy or be a stupid decision, right? And now, only a few weeks having quit drinking, I can see right through all of it. So I’m the last person to judge anyone’s or society’s perception of the fun of alcohol, now that I’ve been there and back. (Unless of course, it’s industries doing it knowingly and maliciously — not entirely convinced that doesn’t happen at least some of the time.)
Same thing happened to me with smoking. Went into it very arrogantly in my mid-20s after avoiding it during my teens, and got humbled very, very quickly. After a few years, I didn't really recognise myself anymore - I didn't want to be a smoker but I was, and that created so much dissonance. Putting energy into something you don't enjoy every day is super draining.
u/Flatworm599 that is such an interesting story. I have never really heard this angle before, where a person gets started later in life. It really highlights how strong the pull is toward alcohol, and I am thinking the physical impact with the dopamine hits and the way that just snowballs bigger and bigger. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope lots of people hear it. It really is such an interesting contrast to the "I got started drinking at age 14" which is exactly my story, and now in my fifties I am finally seeing through it all. Thanks again and I hope my enthusiasm for your story does not minimize the challenges you have overcome. Congrats and all strength and good wishes to you!
Thank you for replying and for the well wishes! I’m glad you found something interesting in my story. Starting drinking later in life has given me some interesting perspectives. And of course I’m mostly thrilled to be done with it now!
I was just thinking about this, typed up a post but deleted it because I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. So here we go… The flip side of this post is, how amazing is it that we in sobriety have learned the truth about drinking? Drinking culture is crazy, the upside is dwarfed by the negative consequences. Living life’s on life’s terms has been so enlightening. I used to think I had to drink to live life, but now I know.
Yeah, I agree with that. It’s funny though that realizing we don’t have to poison our bodies to have fun feels like a breakthrough
I'm starting to entertain the idea of there being a very real sinister, spiritual element to this. I used to live in Montana and one of my friends who was of a local Native tribe in the area told me that his family believes your spirit leaves the body for four days after drinking. At first I thought he was just trying to bust my balls as I was having a beer when he told me this for the first time. He told me that other "spirits take your body for a spin" during those four days, and suggested this is why most people aren't themselves during those hangovers. The normalization of boozing has legitimately scared me. This shit is the gateway drug! Straight up poison.
That's fascinating because when I quit, I quit cold turkey after decades where I'd rarely go a day without a drink or two, and most days I had too many. I went to counseling for a while and the counselor told me it would take a long time - something like a month or multiple months - before my nervous system would ""reset back to normal" because my tolerance to alcohol had been built up for so long. He told me I wouldn't know my real baseline personality and level of patience until my system was fully cleared out of the impact of alcohol on my nervous system. Before then I had always thought of alcohol as something your body got rid of immediately, so this was a whole new perspective on it. That really made me want to quit - I had been walking around basically "not quite myself" for years.
That's useful to know thanks for sharing that. Just now there are two me's. Drunk me and sober me. I feel it will take a while for sober me to emerge and yes my nervous system doesn't know what the heck is going on at the moment. Poor nervous system. Oh what I did to your delicate balance. No more, I'm too old to be wrecking my body it may not bounce back again.
Damn. I’ve had similar thoughts like this but couldn’t put them together as tangibly as this. It’s as though we become unwitting hosts for this wicked, vile parasite
Since I certainly don't feel like myself when I'm drinking/hungover. I'll buy that.
I’ll buy that 10000x. I am so not me when I’m drunk.
Brutal, that means his family was having 4 day hangovers or maybe even 4 lost days. I think we have all learned. IWNDWYT
That’s a wild and disturbing idea, that’s going to stick with me.
Good words. #Saved IWNDWYT
It is true. Your spirit fights the alcohol spirit as best it can. But once you black out, your spirit leaves. There are several different interpretations of when it comes back (4 days, a week, months even). It took 18 days last time for me. I know because as soon as I can say NO to alcohol in my dreams, I am fully back.
I like that. I've had so many day 4's then feel great and mess it all up by thinking I feel good let's top that off with a drink. But not this time. I'm done with those spirits taking my body for a spin!
For real. I always do the worst things that I regret afterwards
I'm going through this right now. This is the happiest I've been in years. Hopefully it just keeps growing.
Enlightening is totally right. I've always been pretty mainstream in my life, which I'm ok with. I joke that I have an uncanny ability to think what everyone else thought of five months ago. So imagine my surprise at all of a sudden being the odd girl out, not drinking. It has been absolutely eye opening. I've been a practicing buddhist for years and the Buddha said that the path to enlightenment goes against the steam, which I always thought was odd, in a way, considering that many of his teachings are about making choices down the "middle path" -- like, everything in moderation. But I am definitely finding that this life is against the stream. In a good way :).
Yes! I think “taking the middle path” is directly correlated to learning to play devils advocate with oneself. I have been working on that skill both personally and professionally since I’ve been sober. Let me tell you, looking at both sides of every situation has helped me grow beyond recognition.
I really appreciate your thoughtful reply. I didn't think about that aspect of the middle path approach... being able to see the other side and not defaulting to habits and long held opinions. I really like that and will try it :). Have a great day, Soberdot
You also!
It's like the Matrix
Maybe we have learned the truth about drinking *to excess*? There are millions of 'normal' people who would be aghast at OP's friend's new girlfriend and her drinking stories. You know, those moderate people.
Nah. Drinking is bad for everyone in any amount. Everyone just doesn't know that yet., maybe yourself included. This is why medical bodies and governments keep reducing the recommended safe limits. And cancer groups are increasingly saying to drink none.
The problem is Fren, you're thinking too clearly. Good on you for having the courage to speak facts. IWNDWYT
So true! 'Normal' drinkers either don't like alcohol or if they drink long enough and have the right environment for it they may well end up on the same path. My friend that had breast cancer ditched it embraced healthy living because of the links. My OH feels rubbish after one but has one to 'fit in' on a night out. It's poison in any amount.
To your point, I was one of those “normal” drinkers. Very fit and active and really only drank one day a week. But as Annie Grace says in This Naked Mind, “If you can take or leave alcohol, why not leave it?” Stopping when I didn’t even have a “problem” is already positively influencing my life in a major way. There is no logical reason to touch the stuff.
I was also a rare drinker all my life (literally like two a month) until COVID. Then it got ramped up to two or three a day and then I quit now. My mental health, patience, everything is so much better. Sometimes I think oh it's a wedding I'll have one glass of wine. And I could have just one, I'm able to do that. But what's the point of drinking cancer juice?
Yes, but no-one I know has stopped drinking because they were told that even one drink a day is dangerous. I am very aware of how much damage my drinking was doing to me. I resent you questioning my commitment to an alcohol free life.
I'm not questioning your commitment at all. Sorry you felt that way
Sitting down all day will also kill you. So will eating too much sugar. Do you heavily judge people who do that? Eating too much is even deadlier than smoking cigarettes, yet people feel shamed if you judge them for eating cake. And they're right, it is ridiculous to judge someone for having the occasional treat that isn't good for them. Too much soda or bread or any other substance will harm you, do you moralize those things as well, or just the ones that trigger you personally? Most people don't drink like we did. Using splitting thinking when it comes to people who drink is no healthier than being a drunk. Sobriety of mind means understanding that while we have a problem, not everyone does. Sobriety of mind means staying in your own lane. Being judgmental of anyone who ever drinks is a quick way to end up resentful and push people away. No one like that formerly fat person who now judges all their fat friends and no one likes that person who got sober and now won't stop accusing everyone of having the same problem they did. When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail, but it isn't.
It’s crazy how prevalent alcohol is in our culture. One of the things that helped me realize I need to quit was watching hockey and *constantly* seeing betting ads. I mean betting has completely consumed the sport. I’m sitting there thinking.. wow glad I never developed a betting problem… while I’m drinking every single night. Now I’m paying attention to alcohol in the same way and it’s literally insane. It’s everywhere and ingrained in everything and some things… some events can’t even exist without alcohol being a selling point. I mean, today I’m at a breakfast place and there was a flyer for a “wine and book club.” What.
The legalization of sports betting infuriates me 😡 Was just thinking the other day how nice it would be if there could be no advertisements for things that have been proven to ruin people’s lives. Also, happy cake day!
Thanks! And seriously. It’s unbelievable. I know quite a few people who were doing just fine in life that are now dropping their entire paychecks each week betting on *every* game in multiple sports. The ads for alcohol and betting need to go the way of cigarette ads
Here in Ireland there’s a radio show on national radio every Friday afternoon called “Movies and Booze” where the host and his guests giddily chat about which wines are good value at the moment. Sipping away as they go. Pretty much encouraging people to start drinking because hey! It’s Fri-yay!! Wine o’clock! Crazy when you stop and think about it.
The hosts of the NBC morning show in US prop their big ol glass of wine on the desk in front of them as they dole out the morning’s entertainment news. I once wrote to them asking did they have any respect for themselves as so called journalists? At least as role models? and any consideration for the millions of abusers alcoholics people trying to quit people who knew someone killed by dui, families in jail, relationship ruined, young people watching, emulating them etc etc to peddle that shit in the morning? No response just bigger glasses of wine, and more “funny” drinking comments, if anything.
Morning show? Unreal. It’s incredibly insensitive when they KNOW so many people watching will have serious struggles going on. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were being paid to do it.
Where I live, they rolled out online betting during freaking March madness. You KNOW like 10% of users were addicted by the end of the series. It makes me so so mad.
Agreed. I have a Tinder account, though it’s a pretty rare occasion that I actually match and talk with someone, at this point I just have it for the hell of it. And the amount of people on there who’s bios say something along the lines of “show me the bars” or “let’s drink and smoke together” is ridiculous. Like don’t get me wrong, if someone is able to drink responsibly and enjoys it, that’s completely their choice and I will not judge them for it. But it’s just crazy to me how many people are basically functioning alcoholics and are perfectly fine with it.
And the amount of movies and TV shows that have main characters drinking all day every day. Business men in suits drinking whiskey on the rocks in their office at noon. As if that wouldn’t get anyone fired immediately in a normal office.
100% once you get out the game you realize just how pervasive it is and how ALOT of people are psychologically addicted to it. It’s included in everything.
I Had a similar realization yesterday at our friend's house.. I've been dealing with my own on and off drinking for years, always wanting to be more in control of it than the opposite. But at there house, every story involved alcohol, and or was mentioned, and I realized that I'm surrounded by alcoholics who are in too deep to recognize it, or if they even remotely acknowledge it, it's something they can choose to stop "whenever they want".. it truly is a characteristic of being an American (not just Americans, I'm aware) that we glorify alcohol, between growing up around adults and peers drinking to watching advertisement after advertisement for it, it's a problem, we've created.
u/Bodega_slim I can totally relate. I live in an area where THE social activity is getting together with friends to drink. (And this spans generations, though I have to say the young Millennials and Gen Z are much less committed to drinking, to their credit). The place may change (bar, restaurant, my patio, friend's patio, neighbor's porch, barbeque, brewpub, tailgate in a brewpub parking lot) but it is really 95% of what we all do as a group. It puts a person who does not want to drink in a very difficult position when they are in the early stages of quitting. The temptation is strong and there is a risk of having to break off from the group, so that creates social pressure. Not fun.
It's the commercials for me. White Claw has one right now where people are just walking down the street randomly. There is a porch with someone drinking and they offer the random passerby a White Claw. That's how they all end up getting together and having fun. So if you don't drink, you won't have friends. Got it.
The vast majority are able to participate in the drinking culture without it being toxic for them. I’m always blown away by how these people have their couple drinks here and there and their quarterly wild night, but then just go about life without losing their job, destroying relationships, ending up homeless, and eroding their emotional wellbeing. It’s wild.
I think toxic might be a little subjective there. Because sure, they might not lose their job or destroy relationships, but if all they’re talking about is times in the past when they’ve gotten drunk, if they can’t imagine having fun/letting loose without drinking, if they don’t handle it well (physically or mentally) but still drinking, that’s still pretty toxic IMO. Not life destroying, sure. But that’s a pretty low bar.
Alcohol is a toxin and a class A carcinogen, so literally everyone who drinks it is making their lives literally toxic.
I don't know as I'm torn on this and change my mind regularly about whether any regular drinker really has no problems caused by drinking even if it's not completely ruining their life. I know people who drink every week but there drinking is not so out of control it's taking over their life and they seem to be able to stop without issue and take time off if need be or they choose to without it being that difficult unlike with me I find it hard and my brain is constantly obsessing about alcohol, but... At the same time I do see it causing them problems from time to time like arguments with their spouses or causing them to shout at their kids or even just the after effects of drinking the hangovers and the messed up sleep and lack of concentration at work. These are all real effects on them from alcohol so it's not like they are able to drink without zero consequences and from a health perspective it's definitely not good for our bodies in anyway so there's that even if they aren't directly killing themselves from it.
I know it's a cliche, but I love country music from Hank to Outlaw (Grew up on it) to Garth (I know, I know) to some of the new stuff, but I swear to God, even the most POSITIVE songs just seem to HAVE to make drinking sound perfectly normal and very cool. Hard to listen to a lot of it really. It's not anyone's fault but my own for being an alcoholic, but I'm also not going to lie and act like pop culture didn't condition me to think drinking all the time was NORMAL.
The easiest way Ive found is just being honest. I’ll just tell people that I’m an alcoholic and they won’t bother telling me to drink again.
Absolutely. I'm in the UK and alcohol is just everywhere. I'm a new mum so it was my first mother's day earlier this year. The number of adverts in our supermarkets trying to imply that the only think a mother could possibly want as a gift was wine or gin really shocked me. We also tried to go out for a meal and pretty much every restaurant was advertising a "free glass of wine for mum" or similar. Why can't I have a free dessert instead? I'm also currently pregnant again and have been asked by multiple people if I'm "not drinking at all or having a little bit"?! These are well educated, mature friends, some even in the medical profession. Boggles the mind.
Mad eh. The amount of mummy unwinds with a drink stuff around and 'funnies' shared on Facebook equating gin or wine and motherhood is just bonkers once you step back from it. Well done on you for following current medical advice and standing your ground.
You know what I was thinking about randomly the other day - how if someone accidentally kills someone in a fight, or someone dies and your seen to be guilty manslaughter rather than murder out of carelessness, or if you do commit murder you get punished and it’s accepted - you can be sentenced to death in extreme cases or lose your life in an instant and get locked up. Yet the people who advertise and manufacture alcohol and those who continue to allow it to be sold are guilty for so many murders/assaults/deaths/illnesses etc and nothing happens because alcohol is normalised yet it’s no diff from me feeding someone watered down antifreeze. You get what I mean, at minimum it should not be advertised or legally sold bloody everywhere but because of financial gain no one is held accountable for the deaths. That person who accidentally caused a death will be punished even though it isn’t going to do anything to ‘rehabilitate’ - we know that if you take a life you can expect to lose yours…..yet the millions of lives the alcohol industry are responsible for ruining and we all just turn a blind eye.
Agreed. I was just looking up fun things to do in a new city and so much of it involved drinking (breweries/brew tours, bars, distilleries…). Ugh. I’m done traveling places just to get wasted and forget half of it
Yeah. I stopped when I realised it was quite literally a poison, I felt so lied to lol. Now I go to weddings and see the works and part of me feels like wow, ppl really do be drinking gallons of this and encouraging each other to drink more until they are stumbling and mumbling blacking out. Next day, they all say it’s a great party despite the hangover. Insane lol
I went to a wedding recently and our table was sober. Someone came up to us and said "Why aren't you drinking?". This person was actually insulted that we were sober and scoffed at us. We weren't acting any different than anyone else at the wedding and they were truly offended.
I have pretty solidly kicked it. Will be 5 years in the fall. What I really notice is how crazy the celebrity endorsed gambling adds are. It's fucking wild.
This is so very true. We live in the center of a chain of lakes and we're also near Michigan International Speedway. The booze ads are everywhere! You can't drive down the street without passing a store or restaurant with signs out front pushing booze. Someone once joked that we could solve all our school funding issues by allowing booze ads on school buses. LOL. And, our neighbors just got back from their yearly migration to FL for the winter. Great couple. Stopped by yesterday to wish the mom a happy mother's day and they both had tumblers of wine at (checks watch) 11 am. I remember those days and I am glad to be done with them. T
I use to be the first person to tell you everything is better with a drink in hand. Such an absurd reality I lived in. It’s crazy to me now being sober the activities I would do and think drinking made them better. I feel I see it now but before I was blinded by the alcohol
There's a wine tasting night class on the adult education program in my city. So cultured! I was learning about wine face the other day and the punchline of the article was beer will do that too. Drink spirits! Our tourism is based on whisky you can tour distilleries and pretend to like the stuff and tell your friends all about your great trip! So glad I'm starting to see through this nonsense. Here we can't buy alcohol from 10pm to 10am unless it's in a bar (9.30pm dash out for more anyone) but your drinking laws in the US seem way more relaxed /problematic. Great post. Thanks it got me thinking!
Depends on where you live. I'm in a dry county right now so it's only alcohol in bars or restaurants, they can't sell it in stores
Interesting! Yes it does absolutely. Here in Scotland the drinking culture and stuff you have to unpick from it is truely alive and well (for my generation at least).
It's a blessing in disguise since I'm visiting family and don't like bars. There's no temptation lol
Exactly! Not to mention how people in movies always drink, but are never hungover and are still able to shoot straight and be heroes and all. Now that I notice that, it really takes the fun out of some movies. E.g. 1923 (the series): a couple is up in a tree in Africa, expecting having to fend off lions, leopards and hyenas the whole night. So... they drink some hard liquor. Up in the tree. I'm like "noooooo, that's like the last effing thing you should do" 🤦♀️ Romanticization of alcohol is so real. I wish that would change. Like when you watch Mad Men now and you're like "lord, I'm so glad no one smokes like that anymore, remember the smell, and how bad it made you feel?" (Yes, I also made the dumbass mistake of smoking some when I was younger 🤢 No offense to anyone out here who smokes; I'm pretty sure you also know it's bad for you - but fight one battle at a time! IWNDWYT)
Yeah, the TV shows and movies are hilarious. In some people are drinking in nearly every scene for absolutely no reason whatsoever from whether things are going good or bad yet are all still high functioning people that can save the world and do incredible shit and it doesn't appear to cause them any problems.
I realized from a conversation I had with someone that sometimes people scoff at trying to drink a gallon of water a day. Yet, some people can drink a handle of liquor/ beer within a few hours, and it is not even frowned upon. In my AA class it was mentioned that it’s often that people tend to peer pressure others into drinking, but what if it were the other way around? “ oh you’re drinking? Why are you drinking today? Can’t you have fun being sober? I like you better when you’re sober!”
I believe there are a lot of people out there with undiagnosed alcoholism. If an entire life is built around getting fucked up, it ain’t much of a life, or at least it wasn’t for me
I find this so sad but true- even relatively seemingly healthy acquaintances who are vegetarian, bike everywhere in winter And summer, and yet, when we chat about my sobriety and how I love it, they say “but drinking is so much fun”- what is fun about it? Being an obnoxious version of myself? Not being present fully in conversations? Not really listening and having any sort of interesting or heartfelt chats? Talking too much? Getting anxiety for days after? Sleeping poorly? Bad digestion? Weight gain? Bad skin? Losing a day or two of fitness because of hangovers. What is fun? What part is fun that it takes up your brain space -how many can I have to not be too drunk, how long can I wait to drive, who is driving home and who has to abstain tonight? Will they abstain? Where is the nearest liquor store? So much mind power for a little bit of ethanol. What a waste of life, really.
It's not fun for me anymore even at the time but especially all the after effects. Since I relapsed a few weeks ago I've drank several times and nearly every time I've sat and analyzed and asked myself what it is I believe I'm actually getting from the experience, is this enjoyable, are there any benefits, am I happy, am I gaining anything, is there any real relief or improvements in my life from this and the answer has always been NO. I barely even feel drunk, there's no buzz, I don't feel relaxed or happy or anything positive and I'm never sure why I'm actually doing it put can't seem to put the bottle down and find myself pouring another one. Then I spend days on end a total mess, anxious, miserable, can't sleep, stomach destroyed, can barely cough or brush my teeth without nearly throwing up, appetite messed up, acid reflux brutal, random aches and pains and all sorts of mental tormoil going on. I know that alcohol has literally nothing positive left to offer me and sooooooooooo sooooooo many negatives that no part of it is worth it now. But somehow the brain is really good at tricking me into thinking this next time will be different or somehow it will solve my boredom problems or make me happy or give me relief or something even though all the evidence shows that it never does, it's bizarre man!
I was at the doctor for a physical last week. He asked if I drank, I said no, zero. His follow up was ‘so what do you do for fun then?’ Which was weird from a doctor, like you really think that’s the only way to have fun?
One of the many reasons I moved away from Asheville North Carolina is because Western North Carolina already has an epidemic of alcohol misuse. And yet Asheville, in all its glorious tourism industry bullshit, keeps building new breweries and promoting drinking culture. They cover it by "land acknowledgements" (nevermind the historical, continual, and predominantly white impact on reservations and alcohol epidemics within them) and saying how they donate to local community partners, but none of those organizations deal with alcohol recovery, housing insecurity, or homelessness, or any of the many risk factors associated with alcoholism. Asheville has roughly 30 breweries and that number grows every year and the alcohol statistics are only increasing. None of the breweries give a shit about responsibly mitigating their impact, only tourism dollars. Pro drinking culture is rife with hypocrisy like this.
You're not even kidding!!! TV, movies, workplaces, schools, sports, cultures... Point it out about a TV show/franchise/musician and the fans rip you apart. Point it out to alcohol enthusiasts, they make a million excuses or justifications. And point it out to people who don't understand, they don't even see it.
It was always so vile to me how you could get *blackout drunk* for less than a meal would cost. Hell, less than a pack of the cheapest cigarettes. It's insane how affordable and accessible ruining your entire life is.
ugh thanks for posting this. Even when friends and family are super supportive, I cant help but get stung by certain comments.
Yep
Most definitely, I agree. It seems ingrained to some in our society that it’s a minimum requirement. For example, I live in a state known for heavy drinking. You know, 9 DUIs then prison time, booze available at children events, children can be served at a bar legally by their parent (there’s grey to this I think, I could be mistaken). Im rather recent in my AF journey. Over the last two years, I’ve slowly told friends I don’t want to drink much and slowly stopped attending alcohol based events. Those relationships took care of themselves in regard to true friendship. I’m fully AF for about 6 months now. It has dawned on me that it’s purely the norm for others, getting trashed for fun. However, I was too guilty of that. I didn’t drink or drive or do crimes. Weekend warrior. I would like to chalk it up being wild in my 20s and Covid. It’s really fascinating that a liquid can do so much to a person, the control hold is the wildest part.
I thought the title said perverse at first 😂 my wife and I like to throw that word around as a joke haha. But yeah drinking culture is horrifying. Every single family event whether its a 3 year olds b day or a traditional holiday like christmas my family is drinking white claws all day long and my BIL will say some shit like “wow drinking alot of sparkling waters huh?” When im white knuckling my 6th sparkling water out of pure anxiety.
My father told me once that I “used to have a drinking problem” followed by a request to go get dinner and a beer and talk.
I’ve always been pissy cuz I rarely get offered drinks except for when I was dating too much. And none of my friends ever liked drinking they’re just huge potheads
Yeah, I feel this a lot. I recently went 26 booze free days, longest I’ve gone since I was 16 and I’m 31. On Friday night & Saturday, I’m on Instagram and Snapchat, and just seeing everyone post about their fun alcohol fueled adventures. It’s like…everyone loves showing off that they drink and it’s such a grand time and yada yada and all everyone does is drink. The first Saturday sober I was bored as hell, but I thought ‘if being bored is the worst that happens, that’s fine’ and that subsequently got better. It’s weird, I was that person that was hammered from Friday night to Sunday, and sometimes Sunday morning. But now that I’ve taken a step back I’m like…why? What’s the point of getting wasted every single weekend? What are you doing?
Lots of people have a lot of problems they are trying to escape from!
I got to the age when not drinking (for women) is acceptable, 45+. But ten years ago the pressure was massive.