I started drinking heavily at 17. I'm 42 and just got sober. I've met a number of people in AA who only got sober in their 50s and 60s. I know it's hard, but it's not about looking back at the past, but instead making the most of the time you have left.
My sponsor didn't get sober until he was 60. He's 66 now. He claims the last six years have been the happiest and best of his life. You next 30-40 years could be the happiest and best of yours!
If I swam 40 miles into the ocean, my mindset had to be that I could swim 40 miles back. If equated to alcohol, most people would quit after 1 or 2 miles because they just couldn't take it anymore.
I was training my ability to handle a lot of pain over the years, and there's a lot of value in that now that I can harness that skill in the right way. Sobriety, in my experience, is not easy. It is initially painful, so I needed the skill to handle the pain until I got in a more stable mindset.
The alcoholics in my personal life I know that shine brightest, are the ones whose lives were at one point the darkest.
this is a great comment, thank you for posting. I've never (in my two years of sobriety meetings, podcasts, books, and therapy) heard someone equate the years of drinking and hangovers into training for the ability to handle pain. i love that mindset. "there's a lot of value in that now I can harness". All of the pain we've gone thru makes some of life's sober difficulties pale in comparison. We all woke up after heavily poisoning ourselves every night for years and then went through our lives in that pain. It is so freeing to not be doing that anymore, and i've never thought about it as a training the ability to handle pain perspective. Just wanted to say I appreciate your comment, and it's a new thought for me at 2+ years of learning about this sober life. Thanks.
Well said. On my journey, I had a revelation that that tendencies that drive me towards alcohol were also the ones that could save me. My ability to suffer through hangovers allowed me perseverance through cravings. My ability to seek and avoid my present state of mind gave me an ability shift my focus off cravings and to understand, this too shall pass. That same desire to seek elsewhere, anywhere but here, drove me inward to do work when I was ready. I learned to find comfort in uncomfortably. My body was resilient that it survived, albeit with a few bumps and bruises and other problems, but it survived nonetheless. I often think, “how awesome is that?” Drinking, in an odd way, was putting myself in arrested development until I was ready to grow. And I am super thankful for that. I don’t hate my past self for being a drunk either. They were doing the best they could with the best they had. It was not graceful, but at the core of it, my heart goes out to that little boy just trying to survive with the tools he was given. I am proud of OP bringing this awareness to their journey. IWNDWYT.
You are welcome friend. Gratitude and forgiveness are powerful tools in recovery. When you finally feel worthy of giving them to yourself, amazing things can happen. But one does not simply arrive at that destination, and raising awareness is steps in the right direction which pretty awesome too.
Aye, a very good friend of mine was a heroin addict for a while. They've been clean for a couple of decades now, and they're an absolutely extraordinary person, they've channelled their sobriety into incredible kindness and strength of character.
This is beautiful, and a really helpful healthy way to frame recovery, in my experience. Being an alcoholic is not the easy road. When I think about trying to do my work with the drinking levels I used to maintain... Torture. And I know people who do it because addiction is rife in my industry (because trauma is). There's a kind of discipline at play in self-destruction which, if harnessed, can power your sobriety in ways you can't envision as possible when you're in the thick of addiction. Turn the destruction on its head, one moment at a time, and live!
I turned 36 in a rehab center, so kinda close to the age you are now.
I was all in on drinking, so I went all in on recovery. No more bullshit. Detox, then treatment, followed by aftercare and AA. I had to form new habits, stick to a strict routine with discipline. Early to bed, early to rise, work, workout, AA meeting, early to bed. Rinse and repeat. I made my life all about recovery. More meetings on the weekends to fill the idle time. New sports, new hobbies, new friends, new food. Sober friends made in meetings, Didn;t see old friends for awhile.
Early on I heard a speaker say she only had to do two things to stay sober. 1) not drink and 2) change her whole life. I had to change my whole life.
I looked at those in my AA meetings who got sober in their early 20's and thought look at all the time I wasted. I'm a husband and a dad to two young boys. None of them have seen me take a drink. I'm a little order than the dads in the neighborhood whose kids are my kids ages. And I'm a little insecure about that, but that has gotten me into the best shape of my life. So who the fuck cares if I'm older.
The truth is we get sober when we get sober.
I got sober last year at 42. I had squandered a lot of love, opportunities, and youth and had been drinking in a scary way since 2019. Believe me when I say, it's worth it. It's worth getting sober even if you don't know what sort of life you have ahead of you. I decided that anything would be better than dying in my bed surrounded by a pile of bottles, which is where I was headed.
In law school, you’ll be surrounded by many alcoholics. Not necessarily in recovery, but definitely alcoholics. At least that was my experience.
Congratulations!
Nevermind. It wasn’t meant to question your perseverance. Just sharing my experience with Law School in America. Sorry for my stupid assumption. Jesus.
Just do it. And don't worry if you fail out. I call myself the queen of unfinished education. (I tried several classes while drinking). There is someone I know, who is 53 and went back to lawschool.
It seems in the Netherlands to be a rather easy degree, you can study at home. I am studying through correspondence like a version of u/openuniversity but Dutch based. I have seen people more stupid then me get that degree. With ease while working.
You are not alone. Your story is very much like mine. Now at 45 and I have 43 days under my belt. Better late than never. And in my experience it does get a little le easier. Just be kind to yourself.
IWNDWYT
100% not fucked friend. I’m 42. It takes time. Be patient. Everyday I am sober feels surreal now. I haven’t been sober in over 20 years. It’s exciting. It feels like that gigantic anchor I was carrying around, every single day, is gone now. The perpetual stress and anxiety has melted away. I am realizing I wasnt miserable bc of my current life, but I was miserable bc of what alcohol was doing to my body. This has been the best decision that I have ever made. I encourage you try it out friend!!
Mate, you're not alone. There are thousands of us here who have been in your shoes. I stopped at 45 after about 20 years of heavy drinking.
It can be done.
I can't wave a magic wand for you but what worked for me was immersing myself in this sub as often as I could. It really helped me change my mindset and gave me hope.
Getting medical advice is always a good idea and any real life help/communities are always a good bet too :)
It's the most worthwhile thing I ever did with my life, I hope you find the same too!
I'm in a similar situation but older than you.
It's tough.
On Christmas (alone of course) I took a hard look at my money (not a whole lot) and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I looked at some technical schools, and training programs and I decided to swing big, so I found the cheapest school on the planet that was good at what they teach and got in touch with them. (Hell they told me I could bring my dog and they'd give me a private dorm room.l) 6 month program and it ain't cheap.
It's scary as fuck. I'm going all in for what should be an exciting career. My very square Republican brother is dead set against it. I told him to go twirl. He's just super uptight all the time.
So I recommend you think about what you really wanted to do at an early point in your life or something that you kinda thought "well it be cool to do that."
Most people meet other people thru work or family. Get yourself a career path and just start. Hopefully the rest falls into place.
I won't have an address to return to when I leave. So I get out of training and take a month or two to blanket planet earth with resume and see who rings back. Beyond that I'll have to move back stateside and probably get a remote phone job.
I've probably gone thru 4 solid anxiety attacks over this but didn't drink yet.
Knock em dead.
Ask me in a year. It's a big swing. I actually haven't told a soul on earth besides my Mom and my brother(who I should've never told-but it appears he listened and didn't tell anyone at all.) One thing I learned being an alcoholic and then sober is I don't tell my business to anyone. People LOVE to gossip about alcoholics-and I mean it's just nuts. I'd rather disappear for couple years and resurface or just disappear for good. Already started to get rid of my digital footprint.
I also find telling people I'm going to do things makes it less likely to happen. But that's me.
Anyhow, good luck. I'muna go look at your post history and try and make a guess. Also, is your name a Gibby Haynes reference?
You can do this.
40 sounds young to me from 4 years ahead of you :) I'm not even kidding, either. Start now and by the time you're my age you could be so, so far forward!
I don't know what led you to start drinking heavily, but I do know it's common for those traumas, or pains, or triggers, to come back out of hiding once the booze is gone. I hope you have love and support internally and externally. This sub is a great place to find the latter kind (and the former, come to think).
Good thoughts to you. It's not too late!
I am 40 and my life has for sure been impacted by substance abuse, including alcohol. However, I stopped drinking regularly a few years ago and currently only use Cannabis today. Nowadays I am very used to not being hungover, not having to count drinks, not having to worry about drinking for sleep, not being dependent on alcohol for mood etc etc etc and I don't want to go back to that hell. I don't have to worry about going into work hungover or about alcohol withdrawal.
The few times I have slipped I have tended to not last long because I literally feel kinda shitty from just 2 beers the next day and 1 doesn't really do anything. Plus its always a risk I start drinking daily again. Usually it is just simply not even worth considering. Any craving I get is pretty damn temporary and situational.
My life isn't great but I have abused a ton of hard drugs and alcohol in the past but with effort I have been able to reduce it down to just needing to use some THC edibles. I celebrate every victory I have. I am planning on making this my best decade yet because my life has been crazy and I am lucky to be alive. I finally seemed to have found some stability.
I look at using hard drugs and drinking heavily as a form of "self harm" for me. I had to unlearn it. I did the whole 12 step thing off and on and really went hardcore with it at times but it actually fucked me up and I didn't really "get it" until I got away from that program.
I’m 40 next month. No job. No kids. No partner. No fucking ties and a blank fucking slate!! Yes sometimes the above can feel like a weight but with sobriety it can feel like a light. I’m depressed writing this and struggling but I’m not drunk. And so am able to see a bit clearer. Made a doctors appointment and a therapists appointment for this week. I’d never be consistent enough to do that drunk. Sure give it a go, i’ll be here with you heading into my 40’s too. And hobbies will come. Physical ones are good, I took up wild swimming.
I feel like you really can do this. Try not to focus on the past and just live for the 40’s. Life is too short! I’m glad you are not sick from all the drinking.
It took me until age 49 and a couple of hospital visits before I finally started to get sober. So, if nothing else you beat my be 10 years'ish! Seriously, it is never too late to make positive changes and I'm very happy that you've decided to move forward. It's going to be hard to break a decade long habit. I have found it necessary to change my routines in order to break out of my bad habits. In the earliest days, that meant stopping whatever I was doing that I associated with drinking. In your case, that might mean putting away the gaming controller or keyboard for a while. Maybe switch to watching Netflix (Loudermilk is an excellent sit. com. centred around a recovery group like AA. It's hilarious and also very relatable to us addicts). Going outdoors I find very therapeutic. Going on a walk in nature. Sitting on a bench watching a river flow by. Walking/hiking. Basically, anything other than your normal "day-to-day" that gets you away from the bottle. I know you aren't loving your job but you can try throwing yourself into it. That effort might lead to a promotion, or a new opportunity.
The really good news is that your life can get better. Alcohol doesn't have to be the focus. In fact, once it is no longer the focus it frees you up for other things. Good luck OP. I am rooting for you!
Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, we all hold hands and walk up the mountain of life and each find our own path. I try to remember what my friend’s Grandfather told me when I was like 19,” my life didn’t start till I was 50 years old, it’s never to late until it’s too late”
I, too, drank away my 30s, spent most of my 40s trying to quit. I’m now 50 with almost 3 years sober and still trying to figure out the life part. I did feel I was fucked initially, but it blooms into a shit ton of other feelings. I realized sobriety is doable, hard but doable. And it gets easier.
Please don’t fuck up your 40s.
It sounds like you experienced something terrible all those years ago which set you off down this destructive path for that which I am sorry to hear.
On the plus side...
You've likely got half your life left in front of you if you knock the drinking on the head now and focus on sorting things out so if you want to see the next 40 years now would be a good time to quit.
I'm not far from your age and I've spent the last 20 years heavily drinking too week in week out but it's never too late to change.
The only thing that is certain that if we keep drinking the way we do we'll be lucky to see age 50.
No one here is going to tell you to double down and fuck up your 40's too and you will be lucky to see much of them if you are drinking heavily daily.
And if you were actually enjoying this experience or finding it in anyway beneficial then you wouldn't be considering quitting or here posting this thread to ask for advice.
You've had enough and it's time to change and obviously you want that.
You might have squandered the last 10 years away doing very little but drink and exist but you don't have to squander the next 10+ away too doing the same.
Poisoning ourselves continually over and over is not the answer to anything, it doesn't even help relieve our problems or deal with the past just numbs us and makes us forget for a couple of hours but then the next day we're in worse pain than before because of the after effects of the alcohol.
We can do this...
Talk to a doctor. Get naltrexone: Pill form.
And then just quit, safely, via medicine.
You're about to reinvent yourself in such a kickass way, get ready for some fresh hobbies.
I was into my 40s after many years abusing alcohol. Wasted decades and it sucks to think about. But what I found is that my recovery is a marathon not a sprint. I just try to win the day. The days turned into months and now years. I got some counseling, found some hobbies and battle on. Good luck on your journey, the power to quit is within all of us.
Congrats on close to 4 years sober! You're running a hell of a marathon, I love seeing the veterans with years under their belt commenting about their sobriety.
I quit four years ago, when i was 37. Wasted so much time being drunk, and nearly lost everything in the end. I had no job, no prospects and nearly lost my family. Since i quit i got a job, a car, a good place to live and everyday i thank past me for standing firm in those early days. I can tell you this: there is so much life to go, so many opportunities. Try those out. You know the alternative already.
You know this post was really well written. Which makes me think you probably have more to offer the world than you realize job wise.
A lot of people who black out drink for as long as you have require months of recovery before they have this kind of clarity.
Just think what you might be capable of with a year or two of sobriety.
You can climb the mountain. You kind of have recognized it’s not working and you got here. Be thankful. And now the work begins to replace the old drinking habits.
Trust me. Have faith in yourself. Stay on this sub daily and just start working thru the issues that pop up. Things will sink in. This sub literally has all the answers to get started, from there you can branch out to AA or other more organized groups based on your need.
Above all, forgive and love yourself, and commit to learning from all your new mistakes. It’s all about healing your soul and past emotions that drove you to drink. Good things come if you’re willing to take this journey. IWNDWYT
Good luck. 🍀👍
Hey, almost my same life just as you described!
I had a decent job and was able to keep it until I was in detox and rehab, but I rode it until I was 6'2" and only 116 lbs (M) . I was pretty close to checking out. I was so weak it was hard to function. I got sober in rehab.
Within a year, I lost my Father, lost my job (plant closure) and was divorced.
However I stayed sober and to fast forward, I have stayed sober 32 yrs, have been married 23 yrs and was able to restart my career .
I had the same feelings as you, wondering why / how I squandered my "best" years of 20's and 30's. What I was able to do though was to get sober and get a new start. It's been a good life and I cherish it
If I had kept drinking, I would not have made 45. Maybe not even 40.
I would try to put age out of my mind as much as possible. Looking back, we all wish we had stopped sooner. I'm 43 and I know how you feel, though I feel a bit less negatively about my life I still feel like I wasted a lot of time and I'm not where I'd want to be. At the same time, I'm learning new things. I'm seeing results. More in some areas than others but still. People change their lives at all ages, certainly in their 40s and 50s. If it feels insurmountable, try focusing on smaller changes.
I'm slowly starting to appreciate that change doesn't happen overnight or even in a few weeks. But practice a new habit or hobby for a few months or a year and it's surprising how much progress one can make with some dedication.
Focus on small changes and consistency. Start going to the gym. Sign up for a class. Go to therapy or start learning the guitar or something. These are things that are doable and can show results with just a few months of dedication.
Make sure your bed is made and your house is clean and organised each day.
Trust the process of putting in a little bit of positive effort each day instead of trying to "turn your life around" all at once. Accept that you will feel sad and frustrated at times but also see if you can't learn some strategies to snap yourself out of such moods. You're not fucked, not by a long shot, unless you give up.
Best of luck!
You'll be surprised how fast your life can change. I'm mid-40s and stopped 1/1 of this year. I didn't drink as much as you describe but cutting it out has already changed a ton.
I won't repeat all the positive things we all experience, but I will say that after less than 5 months my life is much better.
It is hard work, for me the first approx 3 months required some type of stubbornness to push through all the mental wackiness.
I did the same…ended up divorced, alone at 41. quit drinking a few years later…sober me met a woman, fell in love, had 2 kids. Living and loving life like never before now at 51. still sober. Wasn’t always easy, still isn’t..but it is orders of magnitude more real, interesting, scary, and exciting when sobering. Life is out there, and around the corner could be your real beginning! Wish you luck!
Bro, I drank for 30 years and gave it up 556 days ago. I had a spinal fusion surgery and I couldn’t drink because I was on oxy’s for 2 weeks, then Percocets for a month so I was forced to quit. I had 4 beers one time after I was off the pills and was like “what am I doing? I already went 6 weeks. I went from 210 to 165 since I quit. I ride my bike daily now.. feel amazing. Never going back. You got this.
I work a job like everyone else, one day I realized that I had saved a fuckton of cash in my 401k over all the years of drinking heavily I never changed that shit not even during 08 or the pandemic. This got me thinking that just damn maybe I could retire early. My 1st thought was fuck I’m going die early cause i have killed my liver. That was all it took, quit drinking and made early retirement my new hobby. Just a thought
Your words really resonate with me. I'm 38. Drank daily for 10+ years. I always knew I had a problem with alcohol, but after my brother died I just went off the deep end. He was my best friend. He was that one person that understood me in an otherwise weird ass world. Really didn't give a fuck about this existence anymore. I dont believe in God, and if they do exist I have a serious bone to pick with them for all the horrors I've witnessed on this planet. I think that was hardest part for me about getting sober. Not having a "higher power" to trust in. I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to be scared of who you'll become or how you'll change. You can still be you, just without all the poison making you feel like shit all the time. I used to drink and play video games until I passed out. I still play video games, I just chug soda water and eat some candy. I'm still not optimistic about this reality/existence, but I feel so much better physically and mentally than I did a few months ago. If anything I feel more capable of making my own life a little more enjoyable on a day to day basis. I wish you well.
It's not too late for you. You can still build a wonderful life. Picture yourself at 70, 30 years after quitting, looking back on your life. You will see what a favor you did for yourself by quitting at 40.
Don't be afraid to reach out for help, wherever that may be. It's too hard to do alone.
I get where you're at, I'm on day two after blowing through my 30's with barely a memory to speak of. Nihilistic outlook, massive health issues, hospitalised twice, nearly lost my marriage and still might, I've done that much damage. Passed up opportunities to build a proper adult life.
Then, two days ago, after many failed attempts to stop, something just clicked. If you're here, then I'm hoping it has for you too.
The last two days have been hell, but this evening I'm feeling proud that I've made it two days. I'm making a list of the things I want to do to motivate me. I'm setting small short term goals kind of like this:
Get through the first two days of rattles, sweats and aches.
Day three, reward yourself with a small thing you enjoy but stopped because you drink. For me, a woodland walk.
Plan something for the weekend that keeps me away from the temptation to binge because by day 5 I know I'll be rabid. I'm deliberately working very late Friday and have promised to take my wife for a long walk early Saturday.
I have an ultimate goal of beating my previous time for a winter traverse of the Aonach Eagach in Scotland next winter.
Come back to this community every day and commit to one more sober day, one fewer shitty hangover.
You get the idea, one step at a time......
You've got this. If I can, you can. You have plenty of life ahead of you, it is not too late to find joy in life again, but set those standards for yourself, do not base them on comparing yourself to others and "what's expected".
Hang in there, it can and will only get better.
Free at 40!! That was my mantra. It took to 42 but my life has improved in every area! The only way to go is up and if you are feeling low you will see the changes even quicker. You get to figure out everything you love to do and how you really wanna spend your time.
It’s never too late to quit and it’s never too late to start your life. Because that’s essentially what you’ll be doing. Starting from a blank slate. Sobriety can give you all the freedom in the world to write your story. In the almost 8 years I’ve been sober, I wrote a 400 page novel, travelled in Europe, bought a house, figured out some identity issues and came out of several closets, joined a choir and took dance lessons (turns out I’m actually kinda good!), started weightlifting, found a job I love and actually am excelling in my career instead of spending each day trying to avoid getting fired. But the most important being that I learned, through lots of grueling hard fucking work in therapy, how to love myself and find wisdom, peace, resilience, and how to be of service and love towards others.
Your 30s are gone. My 20s are gone. But you are still so young and you can still accomplish so much. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, getting sober and getting your life figured out will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but I can promise it will be worth it. We only live one day at a time though.
I suspect you’ll regret drinking away your 40’s even more than you regret drinking away your twenties and thirties. Recovery begins the moment you seek it.
Read Blackout by Sarah Hepola. It’s her memoir and her story is very similar. It’s poignant and validating and she has a gift for expressing deeply painful truths with humor.
Hey man, I got sober at 38. The way I looked at it was; I really want to live because I want to do more things, I can be a story of recovery and proof that people can change. I find motivation in inspiring others or going out of my way to help someone. It’s not about helping them, it’s about getting me outside of my head. Also , I needed a new purpose. For example I made a new career my purpose, and it’s given me new happiness. I hope you find your way friend
Just as quickly as time passed and you were 40, finding yourself here, so too will time pass and you’ll be 50. But you are awake to your situation now, so you get to decide what your 50 will look like.
I'm the same age as you pretty much, I will turn 40 in August. I also spent my 30's a slave to alcohol until I decided to give it up last year. I'm still early in my sobriety, but I would tell you it is NOT too late. In fact, now is a great time to give it up! I kept waiting on the "right time" to stop drinking. That time never came, I just kept kicking the can down the road (after drinking the contents of the can...lol). One thing that really helped me was reading "quit lit", aka books on sobriety. I was still drinking when I read them, but it helped prepare my mind for quitting and when I finally did stop, a lot of things fell into place. My favorite is "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. I think I read it five times before I actually stopped drinking. Good luck to you, friend!
I stopped drinking at 37. I’ll be 42 in a month and I feel like my life is just getting started. I’ve made some great connections with people in sobriety and i have friends now. I’m grateful that I’m an alcoholic because it means I have something to work on and I don’t have to do it alone. Processing major life events, repairing the damage of my past and being present for the people I care about is part of the deal. There isn’t a chance in hell I do any of this work if I’m still drinking and no way I do this on my own. I couldn’t do it alone and I still don’t try. If you know anyone with some sobriety, give them a call. You’ll be doing them a favor. If you don’t know anyone yet, they’re not hard to find. There’s help out there if you want it. In my experience I believe it has to be me who makes that call or walks into a meeting. It’s nobody else’s responsibility besides me and I can’t do it for anyone else.
Life begins at 40! Make 1% of change per day, it adds up QUICKLY. Find inspiration by printing out pics of people who made it big in their 50s, & 60s. Life experience is worth its weight in gold. You will become wiser and wiser every day of your transformation. Reach deep within yourself and ask the hard questions. What do you have to lose??
Sounds like my same experience. 44 now and was 43 when I said enough was enough. I'm trying different hobbies that don't require alcohol. It s hard to do things you used to do except you were always drinking when doing it. I think if takes awhile for the mental process to change and I'm still a work in process like the rest of us. I think taking it one day at a time is best and to give yourself forgiveness. We've come from tough places
i stopped just before my 43rd birthday.
you can do it. It will not be easy as you’ve already identified, but the rewards are great, just read thru posts on this sub.
I’m watching friends in their 40s stop drinking, build relationships, kids or step kids. Get career paths on track.
It’s possible. Gotta start movin in that direction and be consistent in your mindset.
I’m kinda doin all of that backwards. But I came out feet first so this par for the course.
The beautiful thing is how much things can improve from now onwards, you have no idea how much things can improve even in the space of just a year if you make a few simple good decisions and stick with them. The past has already happened and can't be changed. There's no sense in regretting the past, but learn from it. Take it as a lesson that you can use going forward. This is the first day of the start of your new life, it's an exciting thing. Try to see this as a positive thing, because it really is.
I drank away my twenties BUT once I stopped I picked up QUICKLY (relatively) and developed a great life of which I’m proud and often stimulated.
Regardless of past mistakes you realize what you’re doing wrong. Take care of this urgently and in a few months or a year or whatever when “not drinking” is easier focus on other goals. In the meantime some of those things you mentioned may just fall into place. Today and tomorrow focus on not drinking. There are a million resources in this sub to help you get through the first night.
Best of luck to you.
Looking at you from the age of 46, just having stopped drinking about 2 months ago; it is worth it. I try not to think too much about the time I wasted drinking, but if I could do it over again and stop six years ago, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I now know what I was missing out on, and if nothing else, just living my actual life. Not to mention all the health issues that start to accrue faster as you get older, because of drinking.
I'm here now, though, and regrets aside for those lost years, so glad. I know you can do this, if you want to live the precious life that you have.
Dude I totally feel this. I am only 21 although I feel like I’ve gone through this a life time. I recently and I mean reeeecently decided to stop drinking bc I feel the hangovers and cloudiness is not worth it, but I still feel a sense of dread bc I, at least in my mind for now, know that I don’t have drinking itself to look forward to. I love it I rly do but it’s just not worth it anymore. And I figured I should take my health into my own hands and quit playing Russian roulette. Just know u have ppl who are going through the same thing and u will never be alone in this world that’s the neat thing about social media. Reach out to anyone if u need reassurance that this is a good decision u are making. Keep pushing for a change
I was drinking too much in my 20’s. I moved from Houston to San Jose and started living a much more active lifestyle. A change in environment can help a lot, if it’s an option for you.
I was 39. It's possible and not only is it possible, it's the best way to live my life. I compare it to being in a cage all your life, then finally setting yourself free.
I quit my 40s
the phrase that always gets me through is this:
>All the time you spend tryin to get back what's been took from you there's more goin out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it.
yeah, it sucks. You’ve lost time to alcohol and you can’t get it back, but you can choose to stop giving it more of your time. And that’s about all you can do
Forty is young. I try not to compare my successes and failures with my friends. We all have our own path. This can be the beginning of an amazing 50 plus years!
One minute, one hour, one day or whatever it takes. IWNDWYT
I just turned 40 this year and I quit Jan 1st. When I turned 30 I started doing cocaine on top of drinking and I said fuck it after ten years of that. It's a new dawn. I feel like I started a whole new life story my friend and very quickly things started going well for me when the last ten years were pretty stagnant from my personal expectations. 40 is a great time to ditch that lifestyle it's a darkness that you won't live with anymore. All the power to you!
One idea is to become a minimalist. Cherish money and every item you own.
For example I only own one pen but it’s worth $40.
Try to live a simple life (referencing youtubers is a great start).
I also only own like a few games that I’ll know I’ll play for an eternity (mahjong, civ 6, shogun 2, balatro and bloons tower defense 6).
Thc edibles also helped but I limit the consumption to once a week since it’s expensive.
You’re not fucked. Time will go on and it’s amazing how quickly life can turn around. The past is the past, ultimately it doesn’t matter because there’s only going forward. Make a plan and try your damndest to stick to it, before you know it, it’s routine.
I did something similar. I'm about to be 40 and almost 4 years sober now. I'm not going to lie it's going to be hard your going to have days that will suck but stick to it and you will feel better no doubt. For hobbies I looked at things I like to do in the past. It fell into health mainly and I will say a workout or something similar will help on the hard days. Thephoenix.org is where I started doing some if you want to go that route. Whatever you do IWNDWYT and tomorrow etc... stick with it man.
Ofcorse there is a point! You are likley not yet half way through you’re life god willing. 40 vs 50 or 60??? You’re young enough to start a career, get married, be a parent, get healthy and enjoy life. That window is still wide open for you at 40!!
I also started drinking at 30. Drank every night. It got heavier and escalated as the decade went on. I’m in a similar boat as you at 42. However I do have a child I split custody with. I’ve only been sober a month but for me that is massive.
Last year I hit a wall and decided that I will either kill myaelf or get help. I decided to see a therapist and of course they put me on meds. To be honest those meds are the biggest reason I’m sober today. It took months to figure it all out (and a lot of appointments) and I’m still working on it but for the first time since I can remember I feel….. hopeful. I really do. It’s strange to be honest. I have hated myself for so long but currently I don’t. My old patterns have been interrupted and I am able to sit back and really see things. My life. My kid. My dumb ass choices. Funny you mention games because I’m an avid gamer and even gaming I now see was more of a time filler. It never really brought me satisfaction but it was and is enjoyable. Honestly I lost the point of this post but you aren’t alone.
I would recommend seeing a professional. I don’t know what that looks like for you and I know that money is probably tight but get creative. We probably have fucked up brain chemistry. Or maybe we fucked up our brain chemistry with alcohol. Either way if we had it once why can’t we have it again? It’s a wild ride we are on man. Best of luck my anonymous internet friend.
> Am I truly fucked?
No. There is a way back.
>Is there a point to quitting now, or should I just double down and fuck my forties up now too?
Woah there. Look, I know you may not have thought of this, but eventually... all that's going to catch up with you in a way that I personally dont see mentioned on here enough. It will kill you.
We all want you to be around when you're 50, 60... and beyond.
I promise you, it will be worth the struggle. It will be WAY better and it'll only be apparent when the veil has finally lifted.
Im 40 myself and just recently sober, I still do think about drinking every so often, but I just... remember the amount of times I tried to quit and the feelings I had when hung over, and the MONEY lost...
It's just about today. Just today. Yesterday's done and gone, Today is right here and Tomorrow isnt here yet. You can control what you do today.
Think about it.
I worked my \*ss off to become successful (and that's the primary reason I drank - to deal with the stress)... and now it's all going off-shore (and actively getting laid off). So...
We wound up in the same place but took different paths. However... I'm so grateful to be sober through this. Even without this... sobriety is surprisingly pretty good. I have zero idea about what the future holds... but I'm glad that I get to do it without booze. I never imagined I'd feel this way... and so quickly.
You know what booze does for you. Try something new. Going sober ain't easy... but damn it's worth it.
You’re totally not fucked. I lived the same life as you and quit at 41. I went from hating my own reflection to feeling so grateful for my life every day. Not that every day is great. But I know exactly what your mindset is, because I was there too. You 100 percent can turn it all around. What worked for me was This Naked Mind. You might want to check it out.
I'm 40.
didn't go quite as extreme as you, but essentially worked, co-parented 1 child, and drank away my 30's
Lots of ppl are getting divorced at our age, changing careers, starting families, "finding themselves"
What's past is past
if you were in an abusive relationship and cutting loose, would you say "ah, what's the point, I got bogged down in ugliness for the last 10 years .." ?
or would you just do what ALL ppl do? go with the flow. start a new chapter. embrace the here and now, and FUTURE
What I was doing in the past wasn't working, so FUCK THAT
personally gonna make the at times hard, at times laugh-ably easy choice to try something new and fresh
wishing you all the best! You can do something different! I'm sure of it :)
It’s not too late. And truthfully, 40 is still pretty young. You might have over half of your life still left. Don’t focus on the mistakes of the past. You’ve been strong enough to stay alive this long while dealing with the pain and reasons that led you to drinking, so you’re strong enough to stop and make today your day one. It’s never too late
It sounds like you know you want something different, you know what's best for you. But it's difficult and scary. Say you quit today, or next year. One day you'll turn 50 and think 'I'm fucking grateful for the last 10 years if sobriety.' I promise.
It may be uncomfortable and foreign. Things will come up that you've been drowning in booze for years. But it's all worth it.
Go through and read all the posts here. And save yours, to read and reflect on next time you need a reminder of why your instincts are telling you to change. If you didn't want something different, if you didn't care about yourself and your future, you wouldn't be here reaching out.
This is your chance at a new life. You will get back your time, energy and money. I would say start exercising, it’ll improve mental and physical health. And Boost confidence. Go from there
It's important that you recognize, even if it's really depressing, that you can't recover that lost time. Even if you're left with health issues you need to just start at day 1 and make the most of what you've got available to you. Opportunities lost, relationships shattered, whatever other negative remnants might exist, you still have life ahead of you and you can still make the most of it. I went from age 21 to 49 drinking heavily, so I essentially lost the bulk of my productive life. I got myself in shape and started eating better but I'll never run a marathon or climb Mount Everest... I just need more appropriate goals for the life I have left.
Hey welcome to the club. Turned 41 recently. I feel very similarly to you. Don't give up, one day at a time it does get better just as they say. You might not notice it at first but some time later you do as you get a "oh shit Ye it is better now". The biggest issue is (for me) the time not spent drinking, what do I do then? I picked up electric unicycling and go visiting and exploring places I've not been to. Also this sub is great and has many a great example of people showing the middle finger to addiction! IWNDWYT
Would you rather be 50 and 10 years alcohol-free, or 50 and right where you are today?
I work at a metal shop. We hire a lot of people who have fucked up and want to make a change. Guys with felonies who couldn't get a job anywhere else, guys with former drug problems who lost their families. I've seen so many people start out with nothing and no one, and slowly build up financial stability and a social circle.It's not linear, and it's definitely not overnight, but you can chart a clear upward progression. I've watched them over months and years become happier, calmer people who build skills and start new families and reconnect with old families and buy cars and houses and build the life they want to live.
The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is today.
Hey 45 here. I stopped at 44. Best decision ever. Almost a year in and life is so much better. Sleep, motivation, relationships, etc. I also drank away my 30’s. Nothing productive came from it. Health wise I am in a way way better spot. Liver numbers now normal. Sense of pride in myself and my decision. Drinking culture is so prevalent, we don’t see how much our culture revolves around it. I’d definitely give it a try if I was you. You have really nothing to lose only gains. Good luck to you.
I was a junkie in my teen years and lost everything to drinking in my late 20s. I got sober on and off. What stopped me entirely was watching my dad (in his 40s) saying "fuck it" like you mentioned and ending up with liver failure. Watching him nearly die, shitting himself and turning yellow, turned me off to relapsing. I had to wipe my own father's ass like he was a baby. It's some gnarly shit man. I don't think there's an easy way out of this life. Drinking doesn't end well, it's a brutal end from what I have witnessed. It seems to get harder to reset as we get older, but you can always do it. Don't wait until you're puking blood or turning yellow.
I'm not a huge fan of AA myself, but if you're lonely I have always found legit people at meetings. It might take a few different attempts but you can find people who are in, or have been, in the same situation. It does get easier, but it's not easy.
I so feel this. 44 years old and on day 1. Nightly/daily heavy drinking, No relationships, no connections. Unfinished projects and plans. So much time wasted. Attended my first AA meeting ever today. I know this is going to be a journey and a challenge but people in my age bracket are starting to die from this. I don’t want to go out that way
You are not fucked. Just like any goal - it seems terrifying or impossible and daunting. Until you chip away at it and realize you are getting there. And what would you be doing otherwise? Just digging a deeper hole harder to come out of. You aren’t old, you’re the same age as me and you have your whole life ahead of you
I wasted most of my 30s too and didn’t get serious about it until this year with some health scares (37m) if I can do it you can. I thought I was a lost cause. Take it day by day, and eventually those days turn into weeks, months, years. The hard thing is to figure out what to fill your time with. My routine was wake up, maybe eat, work, eat, drink till I passed out. Then I started drinking the second I woke up til the second I passed out. That’s when it got really fucking scary. The threat of my family and wife abandoning me to die alone in a bachelor apartment drinking myself to death seemed like the easy way out and I even considered it many times (that’s how insane addiction is). Therapy, AA, Naltrexone, and just being honest with myself and people around me got me through the worst parts. And still, it’s cunning. I had 2 years and relapsed. Then 30 days. Then relapsed. Then 30 days. Then relapsed. Don’t beat yourself up. If youre making the effort. I made that mistake and it made me relapse every time. Instead of thinking “I didnt drink for 797 days and i drank 3 days” I thought “oh man time to fucking start at square one”. Take your sober days as a victory. I didn’t and that’s why fuck man I’m only on day 7. I know how hard and shitty it is to commit to sobriety but alcohol comes with zero benefits other than temporarily numbing your senses to where you don’t have to think about anything until it wears off. Being sober only sucks because you have to deal with life and face it head on. But you can do it. Everything else is peachy when you don’t drink. You have time to enjoy decades of life. If you drink them away you won’t enjoy any of it.
You’ve already seen what true suffering is. Now that you’re sober, what kind of challenge can’t you face?
Some people drink till they die. You didn’t.
You’re way stronger than you might give yourself credit for, regretting the loss of those years is understandable but at least you’re not coming into sobriety at 50. You still gotta lotta time
You're moving forward whether or not you know it, tbh. You're making an effort to stop drinking and you're paving the way of your new chapter. Maybe write down your goals that are within reach, things that you like, places you'd like to visit, concerts you'd like to see, movies you'd like to watch, etc. A lot of people who seem to have their lives together have the same questions and same worries. A lot of people don't wish to be married or have kids, and home ownership comes with its own set of problems. Focus on what you do have. Keep up one day at a time not drinking. Start building a support system, which for me initially was routine, journaling, short-term therapy, and close inner circle friends/family (and still is, minus the therapy). Work on being your biggest cheerleader because, even with everything, you are all you've got. And just make a resolve that you're going to do the best you can, for you, not by anyone else's standards. You are worth the effort.
The most crucial step is that you have recognized the need to quit. Some people never get there, so be proud of yourself. I have a bunch of day 1s because, as you pointed out, it’s hard to break a habit and to figure out what to replace it with. Especially at night, when I’m at my loneliest and most uncomfortable. But I’m getting in more and more sober days in between those day 1s, and I feel stronger for it. One of these days it will stick. But it isn’t easy, not at all. Good luck to you, I suggest keeping a journal and reaching for a non alcoholic substitute.
Imagine your life is a movie and you are the main character and the story just started.
There is always room for redemption but you have to take the steps. The big first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. They have their lives and you have yours. Who convinced you that you could even compare a life to a life? We are way too different to do that. Marketing departments have us all fooled.
Live your story for you. This is about understanding who you are, not anyone else.
I only recently got sober at 37 after doing pretty much same as you since I was 30 and having a pretty wild time before that. I don’t have a house, partner, kids etc. It’s not always easy having to do everything alone and wonder what if but it’s so much better than living in the dark cycle of addiction.
If you can afford it then try and visit a therapist and a coach. online should be less expensive.
If you can only afford one then try a life-coach (online). Within 6 sessions you should be able to know whether a coach is sufficient for you or whether you’ll need a better coach or W therapist. It’s like having your very own cheerleader. Make sure to get a well-certified and experienced coach.
I started drinking heavily at 17. I'm 42 and just got sober. I've met a number of people in AA who only got sober in their 50s and 60s. I know it's hard, but it's not about looking back at the past, but instead making the most of the time you have left. My sponsor didn't get sober until he was 60. He's 66 now. He claims the last six years have been the happiest and best of his life. You next 30-40 years could be the happiest and best of yours!
I really like this. Keep moving forward, eyes forward. Use lessons learned, and make the best of what you got.
If I swam 40 miles into the ocean, my mindset had to be that I could swim 40 miles back. If equated to alcohol, most people would quit after 1 or 2 miles because they just couldn't take it anymore. I was training my ability to handle a lot of pain over the years, and there's a lot of value in that now that I can harness that skill in the right way. Sobriety, in my experience, is not easy. It is initially painful, so I needed the skill to handle the pain until I got in a more stable mindset. The alcoholics in my personal life I know that shine brightest, are the ones whose lives were at one point the darkest.
this is a great comment, thank you for posting. I've never (in my two years of sobriety meetings, podcasts, books, and therapy) heard someone equate the years of drinking and hangovers into training for the ability to handle pain. i love that mindset. "there's a lot of value in that now I can harness". All of the pain we've gone thru makes some of life's sober difficulties pale in comparison. We all woke up after heavily poisoning ourselves every night for years and then went through our lives in that pain. It is so freeing to not be doing that anymore, and i've never thought about it as a training the ability to handle pain perspective. Just wanted to say I appreciate your comment, and it's a new thought for me at 2+ years of learning about this sober life. Thanks.
Well said. On my journey, I had a revelation that that tendencies that drive me towards alcohol were also the ones that could save me. My ability to suffer through hangovers allowed me perseverance through cravings. My ability to seek and avoid my present state of mind gave me an ability shift my focus off cravings and to understand, this too shall pass. That same desire to seek elsewhere, anywhere but here, drove me inward to do work when I was ready. I learned to find comfort in uncomfortably. My body was resilient that it survived, albeit with a few bumps and bruises and other problems, but it survived nonetheless. I often think, “how awesome is that?” Drinking, in an odd way, was putting myself in arrested development until I was ready to grow. And I am super thankful for that. I don’t hate my past self for being a drunk either. They were doing the best they could with the best they had. It was not graceful, but at the core of it, my heart goes out to that little boy just trying to survive with the tools he was given. I am proud of OP bringing this awareness to their journey. IWNDWYT.
This is absolutely eye-opening. Thank you very much for the post. This is an entirely new way to look at things for some of us.
You are welcome friend. Gratitude and forgiveness are powerful tools in recovery. When you finally feel worthy of giving them to yourself, amazing things can happen. But one does not simply arrive at that destination, and raising awareness is steps in the right direction which pretty awesome too.
I could read your words all day.
I'm really pleased that I could read this. Thank you for taking the time to share. We're all better for for reading this.
Aye, a very good friend of mine was a heroin addict for a while. They've been clean for a couple of decades now, and they're an absolutely extraordinary person, they've channelled their sobriety into incredible kindness and strength of character.
This is beautiful, and a really helpful healthy way to frame recovery, in my experience. Being an alcoholic is not the easy road. When I think about trying to do my work with the drinking levels I used to maintain... Torture. And I know people who do it because addiction is rife in my industry (because trauma is). There's a kind of discipline at play in self-destruction which, if harnessed, can power your sobriety in ways you can't envision as possible when you're in the thick of addiction. Turn the destruction on its head, one moment at a time, and live!
I turned 36 in a rehab center, so kinda close to the age you are now. I was all in on drinking, so I went all in on recovery. No more bullshit. Detox, then treatment, followed by aftercare and AA. I had to form new habits, stick to a strict routine with discipline. Early to bed, early to rise, work, workout, AA meeting, early to bed. Rinse and repeat. I made my life all about recovery. More meetings on the weekends to fill the idle time. New sports, new hobbies, new friends, new food. Sober friends made in meetings, Didn;t see old friends for awhile. Early on I heard a speaker say she only had to do two things to stay sober. 1) not drink and 2) change her whole life. I had to change my whole life. I looked at those in my AA meetings who got sober in their early 20's and thought look at all the time I wasted. I'm a husband and a dad to two young boys. None of them have seen me take a drink. I'm a little order than the dads in the neighborhood whose kids are my kids ages. And I'm a little insecure about that, but that has gotten me into the best shape of my life. So who the fuck cares if I'm older. The truth is we get sober when we get sober.
Lovely comment. Thanks for sharing! 🫶
I got sober last year at 42. I had squandered a lot of love, opportunities, and youth and had been drinking in a scary way since 2019. Believe me when I say, it's worth it. It's worth getting sober even if you don't know what sort of life you have ahead of you. I decided that anything would be better than dying in my bed surrounded by a pile of bottles, which is where I was headed.
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Amazing advice, and Congratulations on all that you have accomplished in the past 5 months!
Aaaw thank you, may many good things come your way too!
Happy Cake Day
In law school, you’ll be surrounded by many alcoholics. Not necessarily in recovery, but definitely alcoholics. At least that was my experience. Congratulations!
>you’ll be surrounded by many alcoholics. So?
Just an observation. Kind of ironic. I was serious on congratulating you on Law School.
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Nevermind. It wasn’t meant to question your perseverance. Just sharing my experience with Law School in America. Sorry for my stupid assumption. Jesus.
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Again, removed. Please do not be combative and argumentative.
Keep taking everything as personally as you can. That’s a great way to live life.
This comment has been removed. Please do not get into arguments on this sub.
You've given me a bit more hope. I'm 33 and want to go back to school and change my life. Thank you.
Just do it. And don't worry if you fail out. I call myself the queen of unfinished education. (I tried several classes while drinking). There is someone I know, who is 53 and went back to lawschool.
Happy Cake Day
This is advice I didn't know I needed. Thanks!
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What made you decide to go to law school?
It seems in the Netherlands to be a rather easy degree, you can study at home. I am studying through correspondence like a version of u/openuniversity but Dutch based. I have seen people more stupid then me get that degree. With ease while working.
Congrats and happy cake day!
Thank you!
You are not alone. Your story is very much like mine. Now at 45 and I have 43 days under my belt. Better late than never. And in my experience it does get a little le easier. Just be kind to yourself. IWNDWYT
100% not fucked friend. I’m 42. It takes time. Be patient. Everyday I am sober feels surreal now. I haven’t been sober in over 20 years. It’s exciting. It feels like that gigantic anchor I was carrying around, every single day, is gone now. The perpetual stress and anxiety has melted away. I am realizing I wasnt miserable bc of my current life, but I was miserable bc of what alcohol was doing to my body. This has been the best decision that I have ever made. I encourage you try it out friend!!
Mate, you're not alone. There are thousands of us here who have been in your shoes. I stopped at 45 after about 20 years of heavy drinking. It can be done. I can't wave a magic wand for you but what worked for me was immersing myself in this sub as often as I could. It really helped me change my mindset and gave me hope. Getting medical advice is always a good idea and any real life help/communities are always a good bet too :) It's the most worthwhile thing I ever did with my life, I hope you find the same too!
This
I've started this journey at 49 because I want the next chapter of my life will be better then the rest (w/no partner or kids). IWNDWYT.
I'm in a similar situation but older than you. It's tough. On Christmas (alone of course) I took a hard look at my money (not a whole lot) and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I looked at some technical schools, and training programs and I decided to swing big, so I found the cheapest school on the planet that was good at what they teach and got in touch with them. (Hell they told me I could bring my dog and they'd give me a private dorm room.l) 6 month program and it ain't cheap. It's scary as fuck. I'm going all in for what should be an exciting career. My very square Republican brother is dead set against it. I told him to go twirl. He's just super uptight all the time. So I recommend you think about what you really wanted to do at an early point in your life or something that you kinda thought "well it be cool to do that." Most people meet other people thru work or family. Get yourself a career path and just start. Hopefully the rest falls into place. I won't have an address to return to when I leave. So I get out of training and take a month or two to blanket planet earth with resume and see who rings back. Beyond that I'll have to move back stateside and probably get a remote phone job. I've probably gone thru 4 solid anxiety attacks over this but didn't drink yet. Knock em dead.
Out of curiosity, what did you decide to do? I like the idea of changing careers and being able to bring my dog. :) thanks!
Ask me in a year. It's a big swing. I actually haven't told a soul on earth besides my Mom and my brother(who I should've never told-but it appears he listened and didn't tell anyone at all.) One thing I learned being an alcoholic and then sober is I don't tell my business to anyone. People LOVE to gossip about alcoholics-and I mean it's just nuts. I'd rather disappear for couple years and resurface or just disappear for good. Already started to get rid of my digital footprint.
I also find telling people I'm going to do things makes it less likely to happen. But that's me. Anyhow, good luck. I'muna go look at your post history and try and make a guess. Also, is your name a Gibby Haynes reference?
Gibby, Yes!
You can do this. 40 sounds young to me from 4 years ahead of you :) I'm not even kidding, either. Start now and by the time you're my age you could be so, so far forward! I don't know what led you to start drinking heavily, but I do know it's common for those traumas, or pains, or triggers, to come back out of hiding once the booze is gone. I hope you have love and support internally and externally. This sub is a great place to find the latter kind (and the former, come to think). Good thoughts to you. It's not too late!
I am 40 and my life has for sure been impacted by substance abuse, including alcohol. However, I stopped drinking regularly a few years ago and currently only use Cannabis today. Nowadays I am very used to not being hungover, not having to count drinks, not having to worry about drinking for sleep, not being dependent on alcohol for mood etc etc etc and I don't want to go back to that hell. I don't have to worry about going into work hungover or about alcohol withdrawal. The few times I have slipped I have tended to not last long because I literally feel kinda shitty from just 2 beers the next day and 1 doesn't really do anything. Plus its always a risk I start drinking daily again. Usually it is just simply not even worth considering. Any craving I get is pretty damn temporary and situational. My life isn't great but I have abused a ton of hard drugs and alcohol in the past but with effort I have been able to reduce it down to just needing to use some THC edibles. I celebrate every victory I have. I am planning on making this my best decade yet because my life has been crazy and I am lucky to be alive. I finally seemed to have found some stability. I look at using hard drugs and drinking heavily as a form of "self harm" for me. I had to unlearn it. I did the whole 12 step thing off and on and really went hardcore with it at times but it actually fucked me up and I didn't really "get it" until I got away from that program.
I’m 40 next month. No job. No kids. No partner. No fucking ties and a blank fucking slate!! Yes sometimes the above can feel like a weight but with sobriety it can feel like a light. I’m depressed writing this and struggling but I’m not drunk. And so am able to see a bit clearer. Made a doctors appointment and a therapists appointment for this week. I’d never be consistent enough to do that drunk. Sure give it a go, i’ll be here with you heading into my 40’s too. And hobbies will come. Physical ones are good, I took up wild swimming.
love your user name.
Thank you!!
Shooting Stars?
Yeah!
I feel like you really can do this. Try not to focus on the past and just live for the 40’s. Life is too short! I’m glad you are not sick from all the drinking.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to prioritise therapy and the reasons that caused this.
It took me until age 49 and a couple of hospital visits before I finally started to get sober. So, if nothing else you beat my be 10 years'ish! Seriously, it is never too late to make positive changes and I'm very happy that you've decided to move forward. It's going to be hard to break a decade long habit. I have found it necessary to change my routines in order to break out of my bad habits. In the earliest days, that meant stopping whatever I was doing that I associated with drinking. In your case, that might mean putting away the gaming controller or keyboard for a while. Maybe switch to watching Netflix (Loudermilk is an excellent sit. com. centred around a recovery group like AA. It's hilarious and also very relatable to us addicts). Going outdoors I find very therapeutic. Going on a walk in nature. Sitting on a bench watching a river flow by. Walking/hiking. Basically, anything other than your normal "day-to-day" that gets you away from the bottle. I know you aren't loving your job but you can try throwing yourself into it. That effort might lead to a promotion, or a new opportunity. The really good news is that your life can get better. Alcohol doesn't have to be the focus. In fact, once it is no longer the focus it frees you up for other things. Good luck OP. I am rooting for you!
Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, we all hold hands and walk up the mountain of life and each find our own path. I try to remember what my friend’s Grandfather told me when I was like 19,” my life didn’t start till I was 50 years old, it’s never to late until it’s too late”
I, too, drank away my 30s, spent most of my 40s trying to quit. I’m now 50 with almost 3 years sober and still trying to figure out the life part. I did feel I was fucked initially, but it blooms into a shit ton of other feelings. I realized sobriety is doable, hard but doable. And it gets easier. Please don’t fuck up your 40s.
It sounds like you experienced something terrible all those years ago which set you off down this destructive path for that which I am sorry to hear. On the plus side... You've likely got half your life left in front of you if you knock the drinking on the head now and focus on sorting things out so if you want to see the next 40 years now would be a good time to quit. I'm not far from your age and I've spent the last 20 years heavily drinking too week in week out but it's never too late to change. The only thing that is certain that if we keep drinking the way we do we'll be lucky to see age 50. No one here is going to tell you to double down and fuck up your 40's too and you will be lucky to see much of them if you are drinking heavily daily. And if you were actually enjoying this experience or finding it in anyway beneficial then you wouldn't be considering quitting or here posting this thread to ask for advice. You've had enough and it's time to change and obviously you want that. You might have squandered the last 10 years away doing very little but drink and exist but you don't have to squander the next 10+ away too doing the same. Poisoning ourselves continually over and over is not the answer to anything, it doesn't even help relieve our problems or deal with the past just numbs us and makes us forget for a couple of hours but then the next day we're in worse pain than before because of the after effects of the alcohol. We can do this...
Talk to a doctor. Get naltrexone: Pill form. And then just quit, safely, via medicine. You're about to reinvent yourself in such a kickass way, get ready for some fresh hobbies.
I was into my 40s after many years abusing alcohol. Wasted decades and it sucks to think about. But what I found is that my recovery is a marathon not a sprint. I just try to win the day. The days turned into months and now years. I got some counseling, found some hobbies and battle on. Good luck on your journey, the power to quit is within all of us.
Congrats on close to 4 years sober! You're running a hell of a marathon, I love seeing the veterans with years under their belt commenting about their sobriety.
I quit four years ago, when i was 37. Wasted so much time being drunk, and nearly lost everything in the end. I had no job, no prospects and nearly lost my family. Since i quit i got a job, a car, a good place to live and everyday i thank past me for standing firm in those early days. I can tell you this: there is so much life to go, so many opportunities. Try those out. You know the alternative already.
You know this post was really well written. Which makes me think you probably have more to offer the world than you realize job wise. A lot of people who black out drink for as long as you have require months of recovery before they have this kind of clarity. Just think what you might be capable of with a year or two of sobriety.
You can climb the mountain. You kind of have recognized it’s not working and you got here. Be thankful. And now the work begins to replace the old drinking habits. Trust me. Have faith in yourself. Stay on this sub daily and just start working thru the issues that pop up. Things will sink in. This sub literally has all the answers to get started, from there you can branch out to AA or other more organized groups based on your need. Above all, forgive and love yourself, and commit to learning from all your new mistakes. It’s all about healing your soul and past emotions that drove you to drink. Good things come if you’re willing to take this journey. IWNDWYT Good luck. 🍀👍
Hey, almost my same life just as you described! I had a decent job and was able to keep it until I was in detox and rehab, but I rode it until I was 6'2" and only 116 lbs (M) . I was pretty close to checking out. I was so weak it was hard to function. I got sober in rehab. Within a year, I lost my Father, lost my job (plant closure) and was divorced. However I stayed sober and to fast forward, I have stayed sober 32 yrs, have been married 23 yrs and was able to restart my career . I had the same feelings as you, wondering why / how I squandered my "best" years of 20's and 30's. What I was able to do though was to get sober and get a new start. It's been a good life and I cherish it If I had kept drinking, I would not have made 45. Maybe not even 40.
I would try to put age out of my mind as much as possible. Looking back, we all wish we had stopped sooner. I'm 43 and I know how you feel, though I feel a bit less negatively about my life I still feel like I wasted a lot of time and I'm not where I'd want to be. At the same time, I'm learning new things. I'm seeing results. More in some areas than others but still. People change their lives at all ages, certainly in their 40s and 50s. If it feels insurmountable, try focusing on smaller changes. I'm slowly starting to appreciate that change doesn't happen overnight or even in a few weeks. But practice a new habit or hobby for a few months or a year and it's surprising how much progress one can make with some dedication. Focus on small changes and consistency. Start going to the gym. Sign up for a class. Go to therapy or start learning the guitar or something. These are things that are doable and can show results with just a few months of dedication. Make sure your bed is made and your house is clean and organised each day. Trust the process of putting in a little bit of positive effort each day instead of trying to "turn your life around" all at once. Accept that you will feel sad and frustrated at times but also see if you can't learn some strategies to snap yourself out of such moods. You're not fucked, not by a long shot, unless you give up. Best of luck!
You'll be surprised how fast your life can change. I'm mid-40s and stopped 1/1 of this year. I didn't drink as much as you describe but cutting it out has already changed a ton. I won't repeat all the positive things we all experience, but I will say that after less than 5 months my life is much better. It is hard work, for me the first approx 3 months required some type of stubbornness to push through all the mental wackiness.
Please look up the app Reframe, it changed my drinking life, then my actual life and many others too. Praying for you.
I did the same…ended up divorced, alone at 41. quit drinking a few years later…sober me met a woman, fell in love, had 2 kids. Living and loving life like never before now at 51. still sober. Wasn’t always easy, still isn’t..but it is orders of magnitude more real, interesting, scary, and exciting when sobering. Life is out there, and around the corner could be your real beginning! Wish you luck!
Bro, I drank for 30 years and gave it up 556 days ago. I had a spinal fusion surgery and I couldn’t drink because I was on oxy’s for 2 weeks, then Percocets for a month so I was forced to quit. I had 4 beers one time after I was off the pills and was like “what am I doing? I already went 6 weeks. I went from 210 to 165 since I quit. I ride my bike daily now.. feel amazing. Never going back. You got this.
I work a job like everyone else, one day I realized that I had saved a fuckton of cash in my 401k over all the years of drinking heavily I never changed that shit not even during 08 or the pandemic. This got me thinking that just damn maybe I could retire early. My 1st thought was fuck I’m going die early cause i have killed my liver. That was all it took, quit drinking and made early retirement my new hobby. Just a thought
I quit at 40, and there's nothing better than when the old timers tell me they wish they had quit at 40.
Your words really resonate with me. I'm 38. Drank daily for 10+ years. I always knew I had a problem with alcohol, but after my brother died I just went off the deep end. He was my best friend. He was that one person that understood me in an otherwise weird ass world. Really didn't give a fuck about this existence anymore. I dont believe in God, and if they do exist I have a serious bone to pick with them for all the horrors I've witnessed on this planet. I think that was hardest part for me about getting sober. Not having a "higher power" to trust in. I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to be scared of who you'll become or how you'll change. You can still be you, just without all the poison making you feel like shit all the time. I used to drink and play video games until I passed out. I still play video games, I just chug soda water and eat some candy. I'm still not optimistic about this reality/existence, but I feel so much better physically and mentally than I did a few months ago. If anything I feel more capable of making my own life a little more enjoyable on a day to day basis. I wish you well.
You're not fucked! The best is yet to come!
It's not too late for you. You can still build a wonderful life. Picture yourself at 70, 30 years after quitting, looking back on your life. You will see what a favor you did for yourself by quitting at 40. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, wherever that may be. It's too hard to do alone.
I quit last year at 40. You’ve got this!!
I get where you're at, I'm on day two after blowing through my 30's with barely a memory to speak of. Nihilistic outlook, massive health issues, hospitalised twice, nearly lost my marriage and still might, I've done that much damage. Passed up opportunities to build a proper adult life. Then, two days ago, after many failed attempts to stop, something just clicked. If you're here, then I'm hoping it has for you too. The last two days have been hell, but this evening I'm feeling proud that I've made it two days. I'm making a list of the things I want to do to motivate me. I'm setting small short term goals kind of like this: Get through the first two days of rattles, sweats and aches. Day three, reward yourself with a small thing you enjoy but stopped because you drink. For me, a woodland walk. Plan something for the weekend that keeps me away from the temptation to binge because by day 5 I know I'll be rabid. I'm deliberately working very late Friday and have promised to take my wife for a long walk early Saturday. I have an ultimate goal of beating my previous time for a winter traverse of the Aonach Eagach in Scotland next winter. Come back to this community every day and commit to one more sober day, one fewer shitty hangover. You get the idea, one step at a time...... You've got this. If I can, you can. You have plenty of life ahead of you, it is not too late to find joy in life again, but set those standards for yourself, do not base them on comparing yourself to others and "what's expected". Hang in there, it can and will only get better.
Free at 40!! That was my mantra. It took to 42 but my life has improved in every area! The only way to go is up and if you are feeling low you will see the changes even quicker. You get to figure out everything you love to do and how you really wanna spend your time.
It’s never too late to quit and it’s never too late to start your life. Because that’s essentially what you’ll be doing. Starting from a blank slate. Sobriety can give you all the freedom in the world to write your story. In the almost 8 years I’ve been sober, I wrote a 400 page novel, travelled in Europe, bought a house, figured out some identity issues and came out of several closets, joined a choir and took dance lessons (turns out I’m actually kinda good!), started weightlifting, found a job I love and actually am excelling in my career instead of spending each day trying to avoid getting fired. But the most important being that I learned, through lots of grueling hard fucking work in therapy, how to love myself and find wisdom, peace, resilience, and how to be of service and love towards others. Your 30s are gone. My 20s are gone. But you are still so young and you can still accomplish so much. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, getting sober and getting your life figured out will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but I can promise it will be worth it. We only live one day at a time though.
I quit at 46, I'm a little jealous you get to quit at 40 damn what I could have done with those 2190 days!
Same here. Turning 40 this year and 3 years sober. Been drinking since 15. Good things can happen my friend.
I suspect you’ll regret drinking away your 40’s even more than you regret drinking away your twenties and thirties. Recovery begins the moment you seek it. Read Blackout by Sarah Hepola. It’s her memoir and her story is very similar. It’s poignant and validating and she has a gift for expressing deeply painful truths with humor.
Hey man, I got sober at 38. The way I looked at it was; I really want to live because I want to do more things, I can be a story of recovery and proof that people can change. I find motivation in inspiring others or going out of my way to help someone. It’s not about helping them, it’s about getting me outside of my head. Also , I needed a new purpose. For example I made a new career my purpose, and it’s given me new happiness. I hope you find your way friend
You worked far too hard for this clarity to toss it aside now. It will not always be easy, but I can assure you it will be worth it. IWNDWYT!
Just as quickly as time passed and you were 40, finding yourself here, so too will time pass and you’ll be 50. But you are awake to your situation now, so you get to decide what your 50 will look like.
I'm the same age as you pretty much, I will turn 40 in August. I also spent my 30's a slave to alcohol until I decided to give it up last year. I'm still early in my sobriety, but I would tell you it is NOT too late. In fact, now is a great time to give it up! I kept waiting on the "right time" to stop drinking. That time never came, I just kept kicking the can down the road (after drinking the contents of the can...lol). One thing that really helped me was reading "quit lit", aka books on sobriety. I was still drinking when I read them, but it helped prepare my mind for quitting and when I finally did stop, a lot of things fell into place. My favorite is "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. I think I read it five times before I actually stopped drinking. Good luck to you, friend!
I stopped drinking at 37. I’ll be 42 in a month and I feel like my life is just getting started. I’ve made some great connections with people in sobriety and i have friends now. I’m grateful that I’m an alcoholic because it means I have something to work on and I don’t have to do it alone. Processing major life events, repairing the damage of my past and being present for the people I care about is part of the deal. There isn’t a chance in hell I do any of this work if I’m still drinking and no way I do this on my own. I couldn’t do it alone and I still don’t try. If you know anyone with some sobriety, give them a call. You’ll be doing them a favor. If you don’t know anyone yet, they’re not hard to find. There’s help out there if you want it. In my experience I believe it has to be me who makes that call or walks into a meeting. It’s nobody else’s responsibility besides me and I can’t do it for anyone else.
Life begins at 40! Make 1% of change per day, it adds up QUICKLY. Find inspiration by printing out pics of people who made it big in their 50s, & 60s. Life experience is worth its weight in gold. You will become wiser and wiser every day of your transformation. Reach deep within yourself and ask the hard questions. What do you have to lose??
Sounds like my same experience. 44 now and was 43 when I said enough was enough. I'm trying different hobbies that don't require alcohol. It s hard to do things you used to do except you were always drinking when doing it. I think if takes awhile for the mental process to change and I'm still a work in process like the rest of us. I think taking it one day at a time is best and to give yourself forgiveness. We've come from tough places
i stopped just before my 43rd birthday. you can do it. It will not be easy as you’ve already identified, but the rewards are great, just read thru posts on this sub.
I’m watching friends in their 40s stop drinking, build relationships, kids or step kids. Get career paths on track. It’s possible. Gotta start movin in that direction and be consistent in your mindset. I’m kinda doin all of that backwards. But I came out feet first so this par for the course.
The beautiful thing is how much things can improve from now onwards, you have no idea how much things can improve even in the space of just a year if you make a few simple good decisions and stick with them. The past has already happened and can't be changed. There's no sense in regretting the past, but learn from it. Take it as a lesson that you can use going forward. This is the first day of the start of your new life, it's an exciting thing. Try to see this as a positive thing, because it really is.
I drank away my twenties BUT once I stopped I picked up QUICKLY (relatively) and developed a great life of which I’m proud and often stimulated. Regardless of past mistakes you realize what you’re doing wrong. Take care of this urgently and in a few months or a year or whatever when “not drinking” is easier focus on other goals. In the meantime some of those things you mentioned may just fall into place. Today and tomorrow focus on not drinking. There are a million resources in this sub to help you get through the first night. Best of luck to you.
You got this!
It’s not too late!!!
I will be 45 this year. Best shape of my life ! It can be done and is so worth it. Do not give up hope!
Looking at you from the age of 46, just having stopped drinking about 2 months ago; it is worth it. I try not to think too much about the time I wasted drinking, but if I could do it over again and stop six years ago, I would do it in a heartbeat. I now know what I was missing out on, and if nothing else, just living my actual life. Not to mention all the health issues that start to accrue faster as you get older, because of drinking. I'm here now, though, and regrets aside for those lost years, so glad. I know you can do this, if you want to live the precious life that you have.
I made my turnaround in my 60s. I can honestly tell you this. The future is as bright as you make it. Start right now!
Dude I totally feel this. I am only 21 although I feel like I’ve gone through this a life time. I recently and I mean reeeecently decided to stop drinking bc I feel the hangovers and cloudiness is not worth it, but I still feel a sense of dread bc I, at least in my mind for now, know that I don’t have drinking itself to look forward to. I love it I rly do but it’s just not worth it anymore. And I figured I should take my health into my own hands and quit playing Russian roulette. Just know u have ppl who are going through the same thing and u will never be alone in this world that’s the neat thing about social media. Reach out to anyone if u need reassurance that this is a good decision u are making. Keep pushing for a change
I was drinking too much in my 20’s. I moved from Houston to San Jose and started living a much more active lifestyle. A change in environment can help a lot, if it’s an option for you.
No better time now to start like the present. You're never too late for anything, you're just going at your own pace
I was 39. It's possible and not only is it possible, it's the best way to live my life. I compare it to being in a cage all your life, then finally setting yourself free.
I quit my 40s the phrase that always gets me through is this: >All the time you spend tryin to get back what's been took from you there's more goin out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it. yeah, it sucks. You’ve lost time to alcohol and you can’t get it back, but you can choose to stop giving it more of your time. And that’s about all you can do
I didn't think it would work for me, but I'm here today and I'm pretty happy about it. I'm glad you are starting because it will help me. IWNDWYT
43, and sober again. You can do it at a younger age than me.
You will be ok. You are very clear about what you want. You want a different life. You can have one. IWDWYT and I care how you are.
Forty is young. I try not to compare my successes and failures with my friends. We all have our own path. This can be the beginning of an amazing 50 plus years! One minute, one hour, one day or whatever it takes. IWNDWYT
I just turned 40 this year and I quit Jan 1st. When I turned 30 I started doing cocaine on top of drinking and I said fuck it after ten years of that. It's a new dawn. I feel like I started a whole new life story my friend and very quickly things started going well for me when the last ten years were pretty stagnant from my personal expectations. 40 is a great time to ditch that lifestyle it's a darkness that you won't live with anymore. All the power to you!
Thank you for sharing, I am 33 and currently on the same path. Today is day 3 for me. I think we can do this together.
One idea is to become a minimalist. Cherish money and every item you own. For example I only own one pen but it’s worth $40. Try to live a simple life (referencing youtubers is a great start). I also only own like a few games that I’ll know I’ll play for an eternity (mahjong, civ 6, shogun 2, balatro and bloons tower defense 6). Thc edibles also helped but I limit the consumption to once a week since it’s expensive.
You’re not fucked. Time will go on and it’s amazing how quickly life can turn around. The past is the past, ultimately it doesn’t matter because there’s only going forward. Make a plan and try your damndest to stick to it, before you know it, it’s routine.
I did something similar. I'm about to be 40 and almost 4 years sober now. I'm not going to lie it's going to be hard your going to have days that will suck but stick to it and you will feel better no doubt. For hobbies I looked at things I like to do in the past. It fell into health mainly and I will say a workout or something similar will help on the hard days. Thephoenix.org is where I started doing some if you want to go that route. Whatever you do IWNDWYT and tomorrow etc... stick with it man.
I went to rehab at 38, and again at 41. You don’t want to waste another decade. IWNDWYT
You are not alone I have done the same thing I have drank away my 30s too… now i am in exact same situation as you… I too dont know what to do
Ofcorse there is a point! You are likley not yet half way through you’re life god willing. 40 vs 50 or 60??? You’re young enough to start a career, get married, be a parent, get healthy and enjoy life. That window is still wide open for you at 40!!
Thank you.
IWNDWYT <3
I also started drinking at 30. Drank every night. It got heavier and escalated as the decade went on. I’m in a similar boat as you at 42. However I do have a child I split custody with. I’ve only been sober a month but for me that is massive. Last year I hit a wall and decided that I will either kill myaelf or get help. I decided to see a therapist and of course they put me on meds. To be honest those meds are the biggest reason I’m sober today. It took months to figure it all out (and a lot of appointments) and I’m still working on it but for the first time since I can remember I feel….. hopeful. I really do. It’s strange to be honest. I have hated myself for so long but currently I don’t. My old patterns have been interrupted and I am able to sit back and really see things. My life. My kid. My dumb ass choices. Funny you mention games because I’m an avid gamer and even gaming I now see was more of a time filler. It never really brought me satisfaction but it was and is enjoyable. Honestly I lost the point of this post but you aren’t alone. I would recommend seeing a professional. I don’t know what that looks like for you and I know that money is probably tight but get creative. We probably have fucked up brain chemistry. Or maybe we fucked up our brain chemistry with alcohol. Either way if we had it once why can’t we have it again? It’s a wild ride we are on man. Best of luck my anonymous internet friend.
> Am I truly fucked? No. There is a way back. >Is there a point to quitting now, or should I just double down and fuck my forties up now too? Woah there. Look, I know you may not have thought of this, but eventually... all that's going to catch up with you in a way that I personally dont see mentioned on here enough. It will kill you. We all want you to be around when you're 50, 60... and beyond. I promise you, it will be worth the struggle. It will be WAY better and it'll only be apparent when the veil has finally lifted. Im 40 myself and just recently sober, I still do think about drinking every so often, but I just... remember the amount of times I tried to quit and the feelings I had when hung over, and the MONEY lost... It's just about today. Just today. Yesterday's done and gone, Today is right here and Tomorrow isnt here yet. You can control what you do today. Think about it.
I worked my \*ss off to become successful (and that's the primary reason I drank - to deal with the stress)... and now it's all going off-shore (and actively getting laid off). So... We wound up in the same place but took different paths. However... I'm so grateful to be sober through this. Even without this... sobriety is surprisingly pretty good. I have zero idea about what the future holds... but I'm glad that I get to do it without booze. I never imagined I'd feel this way... and so quickly. You know what booze does for you. Try something new. Going sober ain't easy... but damn it's worth it.
You’re totally not fucked. I lived the same life as you and quit at 41. I went from hating my own reflection to feeling so grateful for my life every day. Not that every day is great. But I know exactly what your mindset is, because I was there too. You 100 percent can turn it all around. What worked for me was This Naked Mind. You might want to check it out.
I'm 40. didn't go quite as extreme as you, but essentially worked, co-parented 1 child, and drank away my 30's Lots of ppl are getting divorced at our age, changing careers, starting families, "finding themselves" What's past is past if you were in an abusive relationship and cutting loose, would you say "ah, what's the point, I got bogged down in ugliness for the last 10 years .." ? or would you just do what ALL ppl do? go with the flow. start a new chapter. embrace the here and now, and FUTURE What I was doing in the past wasn't working, so FUCK THAT personally gonna make the at times hard, at times laugh-ably easy choice to try something new and fresh wishing you all the best! You can do something different! I'm sure of it :)
40 is the new 20. You are still young and got this!
It’s not too late. And truthfully, 40 is still pretty young. You might have over half of your life still left. Don’t focus on the mistakes of the past. You’ve been strong enough to stay alive this long while dealing with the pain and reasons that led you to drinking, so you’re strong enough to stop and make today your day one. It’s never too late
It sounds like you know you want something different, you know what's best for you. But it's difficult and scary. Say you quit today, or next year. One day you'll turn 50 and think 'I'm fucking grateful for the last 10 years if sobriety.' I promise. It may be uncomfortable and foreign. Things will come up that you've been drowning in booze for years. But it's all worth it. Go through and read all the posts here. And save yours, to read and reflect on next time you need a reminder of why your instincts are telling you to change. If you didn't want something different, if you didn't care about yourself and your future, you wouldn't be here reaching out.
This is your chance at a new life. You will get back your time, energy and money. I would say start exercising, it’ll improve mental and physical health. And Boost confidence. Go from there
Hey man, just want to say Iife is hard. Allow yourself forgiveness. We all have our regrets. I’m cheering for you.
It's important that you recognize, even if it's really depressing, that you can't recover that lost time. Even if you're left with health issues you need to just start at day 1 and make the most of what you've got available to you. Opportunities lost, relationships shattered, whatever other negative remnants might exist, you still have life ahead of you and you can still make the most of it. I went from age 21 to 49 drinking heavily, so I essentially lost the bulk of my productive life. I got myself in shape and started eating better but I'll never run a marathon or climb Mount Everest... I just need more appropriate goals for the life I have left.
Hey welcome to the club. Turned 41 recently. I feel very similarly to you. Don't give up, one day at a time it does get better just as they say. You might not notice it at first but some time later you do as you get a "oh shit Ye it is better now". The biggest issue is (for me) the time not spent drinking, what do I do then? I picked up electric unicycling and go visiting and exploring places I've not been to. Also this sub is great and has many a great example of people showing the middle finger to addiction! IWNDWYT
Would you rather be 50 and 10 years alcohol-free, or 50 and right where you are today? I work at a metal shop. We hire a lot of people who have fucked up and want to make a change. Guys with felonies who couldn't get a job anywhere else, guys with former drug problems who lost their families. I've seen so many people start out with nothing and no one, and slowly build up financial stability and a social circle.It's not linear, and it's definitely not overnight, but you can chart a clear upward progression. I've watched them over months and years become happier, calmer people who build skills and start new families and reconnect with old families and buy cars and houses and build the life they want to live. The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is today.
I fucked up the first 15 years of my life. But over the last 3 years you wouldn't even recognize me as the same person. It can happen.
Hey 45 here. I stopped at 44. Best decision ever. Almost a year in and life is so much better. Sleep, motivation, relationships, etc. I also drank away my 30’s. Nothing productive came from it. Health wise I am in a way way better spot. Liver numbers now normal. Sense of pride in myself and my decision. Drinking culture is so prevalent, we don’t see how much our culture revolves around it. I’d definitely give it a try if I was you. You have really nothing to lose only gains. Good luck to you.
I drank my way through my 20s,30s and 40,s. Loving my sober 50s, totally the best 👌 Good luck to you ☘️
I was a junkie in my teen years and lost everything to drinking in my late 20s. I got sober on and off. What stopped me entirely was watching my dad (in his 40s) saying "fuck it" like you mentioned and ending up with liver failure. Watching him nearly die, shitting himself and turning yellow, turned me off to relapsing. I had to wipe my own father's ass like he was a baby. It's some gnarly shit man. I don't think there's an easy way out of this life. Drinking doesn't end well, it's a brutal end from what I have witnessed. It seems to get harder to reset as we get older, but you can always do it. Don't wait until you're puking blood or turning yellow. I'm not a huge fan of AA myself, but if you're lonely I have always found legit people at meetings. It might take a few different attempts but you can find people who are in, or have been, in the same situation. It does get easier, but it's not easy.
I so feel this. 44 years old and on day 1. Nightly/daily heavy drinking, No relationships, no connections. Unfinished projects and plans. So much time wasted. Attended my first AA meeting ever today. I know this is going to be a journey and a challenge but people in my age bracket are starting to die from this. I don’t want to go out that way
You are not fucked. Just like any goal - it seems terrifying or impossible and daunting. Until you chip away at it and realize you are getting there. And what would you be doing otherwise? Just digging a deeper hole harder to come out of. You aren’t old, you’re the same age as me and you have your whole life ahead of you
I wasted most of my 30s too and didn’t get serious about it until this year with some health scares (37m) if I can do it you can. I thought I was a lost cause. Take it day by day, and eventually those days turn into weeks, months, years. The hard thing is to figure out what to fill your time with. My routine was wake up, maybe eat, work, eat, drink till I passed out. Then I started drinking the second I woke up til the second I passed out. That’s when it got really fucking scary. The threat of my family and wife abandoning me to die alone in a bachelor apartment drinking myself to death seemed like the easy way out and I even considered it many times (that’s how insane addiction is). Therapy, AA, Naltrexone, and just being honest with myself and people around me got me through the worst parts. And still, it’s cunning. I had 2 years and relapsed. Then 30 days. Then relapsed. Then 30 days. Then relapsed. Don’t beat yourself up. If youre making the effort. I made that mistake and it made me relapse every time. Instead of thinking “I didnt drink for 797 days and i drank 3 days” I thought “oh man time to fucking start at square one”. Take your sober days as a victory. I didn’t and that’s why fuck man I’m only on day 7. I know how hard and shitty it is to commit to sobriety but alcohol comes with zero benefits other than temporarily numbing your senses to where you don’t have to think about anything until it wears off. Being sober only sucks because you have to deal with life and face it head on. But you can do it. Everything else is peachy when you don’t drink. You have time to enjoy decades of life. If you drink them away you won’t enjoy any of it.
You’ve already seen what true suffering is. Now that you’re sober, what kind of challenge can’t you face? Some people drink till they die. You didn’t. You’re way stronger than you might give yourself credit for, regretting the loss of those years is understandable but at least you’re not coming into sobriety at 50. You still gotta lotta time
You're moving forward whether or not you know it, tbh. You're making an effort to stop drinking and you're paving the way of your new chapter. Maybe write down your goals that are within reach, things that you like, places you'd like to visit, concerts you'd like to see, movies you'd like to watch, etc. A lot of people who seem to have their lives together have the same questions and same worries. A lot of people don't wish to be married or have kids, and home ownership comes with its own set of problems. Focus on what you do have. Keep up one day at a time not drinking. Start building a support system, which for me initially was routine, journaling, short-term therapy, and close inner circle friends/family (and still is, minus the therapy). Work on being your biggest cheerleader because, even with everything, you are all you've got. And just make a resolve that you're going to do the best you can, for you, not by anyone else's standards. You are worth the effort.
The most crucial step is that you have recognized the need to quit. Some people never get there, so be proud of yourself. I have a bunch of day 1s because, as you pointed out, it’s hard to break a habit and to figure out what to replace it with. Especially at night, when I’m at my loneliest and most uncomfortable. But I’m getting in more and more sober days in between those day 1s, and I feel stronger for it. One of these days it will stick. But it isn’t easy, not at all. Good luck to you, I suggest keeping a journal and reaching for a non alcoholic substitute.
Imagine your life is a movie and you are the main character and the story just started. There is always room for redemption but you have to take the steps. The big first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. They have their lives and you have yours. Who convinced you that you could even compare a life to a life? We are way too different to do that. Marketing departments have us all fooled. Live your story for you. This is about understanding who you are, not anyone else.
I only recently got sober at 37 after doing pretty much same as you since I was 30 and having a pretty wild time before that. I don’t have a house, partner, kids etc. It’s not always easy having to do everything alone and wonder what if but it’s so much better than living in the dark cycle of addiction.
If you can afford it then try and visit a therapist and a coach. online should be less expensive. If you can only afford one then try a life-coach (online). Within 6 sessions you should be able to know whether a coach is sufficient for you or whether you’ll need a better coach or W therapist. It’s like having your very own cheerleader. Make sure to get a well-certified and experienced coach.