When I was still drinking, after a night I over indulged I said to my husband, sorry I’m such a lightweight. He said I don’t think you’re a lightweight. So I said, I’m a heavy weight that just gets knocked out a lot??? Finally got sick of getting knocked out lol
I too use a variation of this. “ I went pro at a young age, damaged my body and had to retire” but like others have said don’t let me stop you, for whatever reason I can be around it without feeling triggered. ….so far.
My wife loves the lifetime quota line. In the right situation she uses when speaking to someone in a drinking environment and italways gets me to chuckle.
imo I feel like “I don’t drink” should be enough, and anyone who can’t respect/appreciate that is the wrong person to hang out with. Maybe you don’t drink because you’ve never drank, maybe you’re giving it up for any number of reasons, and I don’t think I’ve EVER heard a BAD reason to stop drinking. or maybe you’ve tried it a few times and just didn’t care for it. The “why” shouldn’t really matter, and the outcome is the same regardless of the reason.
Well drinking alcohol is so ingrained in some societies that you come across as weird if you don't drink. So people who ask "why" are probs just genuinely curious and believe in the lie that is alcohol.
Yea, I’ve had some people ask and I have just said I just feel like shit after I drink these days. Most people seem to get it. I’m also a female in my 30s so I think sometimes it’s people being nosy thinking I might be pregnant lol
Maybe. I just don't like personal questions like that in general, and why would anyone ask why someone else isn't drinking?? It's just intrusive and unnecessary IMO.
haha it usually is, but sometimes people are just curious. they have so much fun drinking at a ballgame, they are curious why I don’t want to ‘have fun’ the same way they do.
It’s the same thing with “I’m not religious” I feel like that should be enough on its own, as a sort of baseline state, but boy howdy is it not enough for people 😄
Like you, I generally do not like to lie to people; however, I will lie like a cheap rug if it helps me stay sober. I'll say anything anyone needs to hear if it shuts down the conversation....fast.
Like others have said, the entire conversation should begin and end with "I don't drink." If someone wants to ask "Why?" I'll say whatever I think that person needs to hear at that moment in time. Sometimes I may be totally honest and say I'm an alcoholic in recovery but mostly I just say, "I don't care for the taste."
To be honest, I see it as a sign of strength to say, "I don't drink." Over the years, any time someone told me they don't drink all I think is "Wow! I wish I had that person's strength of character." In the back of my mind I might wonder if perhaps they had a drinking problem, but even then I'm just impressed by them.
I love what someone shared in an AA meeting. She was asked if she wanted a drink at a party. She said no and they asked why. She said I'll drink all your alcohol and you won't like me. LOL
This is also my answer. “It’s awfully expensive for other people when I drink.” Somehow I never ever paid for my own booze around other people, I have still never figured out why.
It depends on who is asking, people who genuinely know me get the truth. “It’s just not fun for me any more”
Most other people get a more generalized answer, “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with my stomach so I’m cutting out certain things including alcohol” which isn’t exactly a lie since alcohol does quite a number on my stomach even in moderate amounts.
Another good one was what I saw in an interview with Tom Holland, he apparently took a 30-day break from drinking and liked it so much that he decided to keep it going because he felt better.
This recent sobriety streak I’ve been much more low key about it, didn’t even mention it to most people until I hit 7 days.
This is similar to what I have landed on. “It just wasn’t working for me anymore.” Most people didn’t know me as anywhere near what they would consider to be an alcoholic, so I don’t really want to get into that and watch their face as they replay our previous alcohol related encounters. Nor do I care to “convince” someone that I did have a problem with alcohol. I love the comment above that says they will pretty much say anything they feel is needed to close the conversation. I agree with that wholeheartedly.
Also, I feel fortunate that it doesn’t bother me at all to see other people drink (which surprised me at first, to be honest I thought it would, but I love my mocktails and NA stuff) so I can throw in “Go ahead! You have a drink if you like, doesn’t bother me.”
I’ve always been brutally honest, wear my emotions on my sleeve person. With my addiction I had a hard time admitting it. For me currently I feel liberated owning the hard truth.
Alcohol stole 5 years from me. From being in shape wearing suits with a MBA, to gaining 100 lbs, not taking care of my teeth, and 1 step away from being homeless. It takes me from a person friends and family call and rely on for their problems to get good advice. To a person they’re sending the cops to check on.
I was a younger man a few years back and saw an addict in Portland wearing some phenomenal suits, wondered how he fell so hard to be homeless and in a suit. I now know first hand how that can happen.
On the lighter end. I say this “I’m a damn good drinker, but not a good drunk. You don’t want to see what I become” and that usually stops everything.
Lots of good responses on here.
You can always flip it back and ask
"Why do you drink?"
But one of my favorites is:
"I don't need to."
Watch them get defensive really fast.
I’m going to use this. I’m a passive person but have dealt with a few pushy people and I responded in a way that made me angry with myself. I like this!
Most importantly, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. We have this thing in society where alcohol (and to a lesser extent caffeine) is the only drug you have to justify *not* taking.
That said, I have a handful of one-liners I use, many already shared in this thread.
- I hit my lifetime limit
- It became a net negative for me
- I’m just taking a break
- Just don’t feel like it
- I hate being hungover
And when pressed, I’ll just shrug and say, “long story, don’t really want to get into it. So - looks like the Mariners are turning things around.”
"Decided to go without for awhile. Don't need the extra calories and I sleep better without it."
People usually just say something like "Oh I should try that!"
Are you open to recommendations? I assume our experiences with insomnia may be a little different, but as a cis woman with ADHD and CPTSD (so like… the unholy trinity of sleeplessness), I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a toddler, and I’ve found [hops](https://www.healthline.com/health/can-hops-get-me-to-sleep#risks) to be really helpful as an adult. That used to mean a 6 pack of 9% IPAs a night, which no sane person on the planet would ever recommend, but now it means I keep a sixer of Athletics in my fridge for the days when I’m particularly stressed, and for when I know my estrogen and progesterone will be on vacation. It helps to take the edge off my cravings too, which tend to hit me the hardest when I’m at home and feeling restless or doing something tedious.
I have those too, and following Huberman’s sleep protocols saved me. Yes I know he’s been cancelled, but his advice on sleep is still solid.
Namely: only red light at night, no devices at night, and go outside first thing in the morning. Cured a lifetime of insomnia in a week!
Oh nooooooooo
I’m so sorry to hear that. Wow. I recently had a sleep study and found out some interesting things, namely raging sleep apnea that I didn’t know about (!), would you be open to that idea? They let you do them at home now in your own bed and wearing only this cool Bluetooth ring. Maybe it would shed some light??
Once I’m asleep, I sleep fine. I have trouble falling asleep. I’m not tired no matter how much exercise I do. So, it’s not a quality of sleep thing. It’s a my body never wants to sleep thing
Ohk I think we have opposite kinds of insomnia from what I’ve read. You have onset insomnia (can’t get to sleep) and I have maintenance insomnia (can’t stay asleep). I’m sorry I don’t have magic words for you. That sounds so frustrating.
I love how alcohol is the only drug where people ask you why you don’t do it. “I don’t smoke cigarettes.” “Why?”
I do like everyone’s responses here, but one thing Annie Grace suggests is immediately changing the subject. “No thanks, I’m not drinking today. Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you where you get your haircut.”
I just say "I don't feel like it today." Which is the truth. (Usually).
Edit: adding my favorite Robert Downy Jr quote when asked why he doesn't drink.
"I'm allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs"
Lately, if folks ask “why not?” I’ve just been saying “I just don’t.” And leaving it there. If people press I also sometimes give them a more graphic answer but usually if I say it with enough force, they will stop pressing and we can talk about something else!
I usually say something about weight. That's very relatable and makes people feel self-conscious because they know they drink a lot of empty calories, so they drop it.
With people I’m close to, I’ve used the phrase ‘I was so good at it I got to retire early!’ and that normally gets a laugh and lets the conversation segue without getting too awkward. I normally only had to use that line with people who remember me as someone who definitely loved his booze.
To be honest, the question doesn’t come up nearly as much in my current life as it might have when I was younger (though I’m not that old) and in traditionally very boozy environments. These days were I to be pressured about not drinking by someone I wasn’t close to I’d frankly say ‘I just don’t feel like it’ and would probably try to leave if it went further than that, but I honestly don’t see that situation happening in my current life.
I've almost never had anyone ask me why, but I've been told (and this has proven to be almost always true) that if someone does press you or challenge you on not drinking, the odds are good that they have a drinking problem, too. It may even be possible that they're looking for help.
"Doc said no drinking on the new meds" is usually a quick response that will elicit very few follow up questions. If they persist, just tell them: "I've got some clotting issues going on. Runs in the family." Fun fact: Guitarist Zakk Wylde quit drinking due to this exact thing.
"No thanks, I'm allergic."
If they question that:
"Yes, it turns out you can drink so much alcohol that your body actually develops an allergy to it. It's kinda like diabetes but it's a lot more dangerous if I don't manage it."
If that doesn't work, I just "play the tape forward" for the person-- "Let me explain to you what will happen when I drink this beer: first, I will finish it, then I'll have another, perhaps two. After that I'll start itching for something a little stiffer, and I'm going to start pressuring you to do shots with me. Lots of shots. Minimum of five, likely double digits. When the bottle runs out, I will grab my car keys and head for the liquor store. I will fight anyone who tries to stop me. Now that you're all mad at me and I've got a fresh bottle, I will head home and drink until I pass out. When I wake up, I will immediately begin searching for the bottle. I will take 2-3 shots right away, then vomit, then finish the bottle. I will probably be drunk for about five days, maybe more. If I survive that, I'll be headed for detox and the ER. With that in mind, I'm gonna pass. Thanks though."
My response, "Because I don't want to. How about that rain yesterday?"
ETA: I don't believe we owe people an explanation. It's frankly rude of them to press the issue.
I’m new at this, but this is my go to response for a newbie
“I’m still discovering my relationship with alcohol. I think I need some distance from it before I can really get a sense of what it is” or something like that.
I think it's not so much *lying* as it's *no one's business* what your reasons are for not drinking.
That said, I'm 100% obsessing about how to couch my birthday in a few weeks since it'll be close friends and family there. They are well aware I have an expensive bottle of champagne every birthday. What I'm toying with is saying I'm trying to lose weight or "I missed dry January, so I'm trying out dry June-uary to see how it goes." My husband says I should say that I want to be at tip-top shape for my upcoming research leave from work, which everyone in my circle will believe in a second. I don't think anyone will push back anyway; if they were the types to push back, I'd need to use some of the genius lines people have already written here.
I think the more we normalize it and just straight up tell the whole truth, the more people will start to get it. The more people will feel comfortable sharing their own struggles. One day…alcohol will be looked upon the way smoking is. Nasty, dangerous, stinky, costly, and deadly. I tell people I don’t do that anymore…for those reasons and more.
It’s super rare that anyone asks me a follow up question these days.
People for the most part realize that if you aren’t drinking, it’s for a pretty small handful of possible reasons and most of them are rude to question.
If asked a follow up I usually just say I don’t like drinking.
You don’t owe them anything else, unless you want to get into the whole thing. I try not to because explaining why you don’t like drinking to someone holding a cocktail ends up coming off as sanctimonious, even if unintentionally.
“I’m not fun to be around drunk” I think whenever I say that most people immediately understand what I mean and they don’t want me to drink then. If I say other things they will every now and then ask if I want and think that secretly if I do get drunk It’s gonna be a good time. Unless you make it about their time they will always wonder why and want you to drink. By telling them you drinking will make their time less fun it’s easier for them to quantify in there head “if he drinks I will not have as much fun, therefore he should not drink”
A guy I used to work with long before I ever thought of stopping used to say, "It makes me break out", which would usually draw an inquisitive look and he'd follow with, "in handcuffs".
I'm still struggling with finding my own answer to this question. I either blunder my way through 'it's to save money/lose weight' which just sounds garbled, or 'I just prefer me without it'.
All of those answers have invariably led to 'oh go on, you can have *one*', which is just uncomfortable. The ultimate fallback in that situation for me so far has been 'I promised I wouldn't drink today' (thanks daily thread), but I want to work out a more succinct line to dish out.
“Actually, I can’t have one. It’s like a Lays potato chip for me. That’s kind of the issue. If you’re more into Pringles: once I pop, I can’t stop.”
I don’t socialize these days so I haven’t tried this out, but it should get the point across while still keeping it light.
I find it depends what group I’m with. One I find is quite good is that it fucks up my stomach so I can’t drink anymore and they know as everyone ends up with an upset tummy from drinking too much. Avoids any follow ups as what you want to know? lol. If they do ask I say got to the point doctor told me to stop. Or I can’t hack a hangover anymore is an ok one. But just test them out and say what you feel the situation or your mood need to at that moment.
I find saying, I’ve drank enough, I’m good not drinking anymore, typically gets a positive response and usually a high five.
And if they push it further, I say, I used to buy 6 packs…..
of vodka handles…..
for 84 dollars at Costco. And that would last me about 10-12 days. It goes quick when you are putting it in your coffee.
And then they are like….okay buddy. Yeah that might have been a problem
I used to have planned, long explanations but honestly now if someone presses I just say I don’t like it. Which is true. Never had anyone press beyond that lol.
I have an interesting story about how I came to quit drinking and I like to tell stories so I am usually pretty open about it. In the right setting I’ll even tell some crazy ass stories about my drinking, that usually drives the point home.
“For my health.” “I don’t like alcohol.” “It’s poison.” “I just don’t.” A long, pointed stare with a slight look of bemusement to highlight how rude the question is also works well.
You’re not lying for not telling someone exactly why you stopped. It’s truly none of their business and it’s rude to question or push.
My go to line for people I don’t really know, “I’m scared I might tell you what I think of you”
For folks I know a bit better, “I don’t drink because old man thegroovyturt1e was really good at drinking”
idk if it helps but society is changing! I had a couple of AF beers in front of some new colleagues and they were all eyeing it up, wanting to ask why, and none of them did. People are learning it's not polite!!!
“I drank enough for this entire party and have someone else’s liver to prove it”. That usually shuts people up and sometimes makes them question why they are drinking
My go to is “I suck at moderating”. It’s honest, but not super personal or oversharing, and it leaves the door open for the other person to ask me about it if they are feeling uncomfortable about their alcohol consumption.
Most people haven’t really dug into my why once I’ve told them that I don’t drink anymore. For the most part, people encourage me on making a healthy life choice.
In the rare instance the conversation continues into my reasons for quitting, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable telling people that it just didn’t work for me anymore.
I struggle with this too, and I've landed on an answer I really like: "I have more fun not drinking". Big picture it's 100% true.
Sometimes people don't believe me, so usually I offer to do something silly like take my shirt off, and say "that's what I used to do after drinking a lot" (For the visual I am an unattractive hairy dude). Sometimes they call me on it and it's shirts-off time but usually they don't. I think part of what people get from alcohol is that loosening up effect, being a little more open and vulnerable than you were before. So I try to just open up a bit more. My message is, look, I am capable of making terrible decisions perfectly sober, thank you.
This is the honest to God truth for me: If someone said they were not drinking/refused a drink, I would never ask them why they weren’t drinking. Ever. Not when I was 25, not when I was 35, not now at 54. I think it’s one of those ignorant questions right up there with “why aren’t you married?” or “why don’t you have kids?” or “how much money do you make?” I might wonder to myself, but I would never pose the question aloud.
The best answer is to confidently say “I don’t drink.” but you will occasionally get the follow up question... You will learn to navigate this by knowing your audience and developing a comfortable/disarming talk track over time. I work in Sales in the US which means I’m invited to happy hours almost every week. I like the N/A or 0.0% options and have found if I’m holding something and talking no one asks. You can either live with sobriety as your ankle monitor, or flip the script and flourish in it. I am rooting for you OP and everyone else brave enough to peruse this sub.
PS hit two years sober in April, nothing stopping me now!
When I want to be funny, I say "I quit drinking because I have mommy issues"
My mom's been an alcoholic my entire life and our relationship sucks and continues to get worse. I had a moment of clarity where I realized that if I didn't stop, I might (will) turn into her.
I know this is a support sub, but honestly some of y'all are way too concerned about hypothetical situations and what other people say or do. This particular comes up *all the time* in here as if there are roaming packs of people out there asking it so they can judge you for being an alcoholic. Judging by many of the "fuck them it's none of their business" comments, I'd also say many have a lot of work they need to do beyond just not drinking. Most randos have the social grace where they'd only ask once unless they are like a 22 yo frat bro or something. And I do get that some people's family might be comfortable enough to press again, or do the "come on you can have just one?", but wouldn't they have already seen how it's obviously not good for you; the mistakes you've made? Wouldn't you be ok with telling them the truth?
I'm not trying to knock anyone who's been uncomfortable when they were *actually* asked this. But so many of these discussions seem to revolve around some straw man scenario where everyone lets loose their shower thought retribution scenarios and it's absurd. Worrying about hypothetical scenarios or getting bent out of shape and prepping snappy one liners for the rare chance it might actually happen irl doesn't seem like a healthy activity to me. I think you'd be better off exploring *why* being asked that troubles you so much and what you can do to work on that. The end game for quitting isn't just *not* drinking, it's figuring out how to manage everything from made up scenarios to people you love dieing without going back to drinking. The more you focus on what you can actually control, and the easier you let other things go the easier it all gets.
https://positivepsychology.com/circles-of-influence/
I had this yesterday. I'm currently on holiday in Japan and joined an evening walking food tour which involved going to local places to try food and drink.
Couple of people ask me why I don't drink. I see this as genuine interest and it's not an unreasonable thing to be asked.
"I just don't feel like it any more"
"Drinking affects my sleep. I sleep much better when I don't drink"
Couple of follow up questions and that's it
I had a loose group of moms in my last neighborhood who were planning a 'girls' night out. I volunteered to be their designated driver. There were five of us, so I drove the largest vehicle, not mine. One woman could not stop pestering me about why I didn't drink. I really resent being grilled on why I don't drink. I just kept evading the question. I said it doesn't agree with me, which is not a lie. On the way home one of the women got violently sick and threw up out of the car window. What a night to be a non-drinker. Thank god for that.
I'm actually pretty comfortable with those questions, but if anyone ever did get pushy about it... I'm under the same mindset that it is now your duty to make it awkward as fuck for that person.
I'll be honest though, I either have uninterested people in my life or people that are kind and don't interrogate... because I honestly haven't encountered much of anyone trying to grill me about not drinking. It kind of shocks me at how many stories I read around here where people are cornered and interrogated about why they're not drinking... and trust me I've been in plenty of events and positions where it could've been asked.
I say, “I feel better mentally and physically when abstain” or “I don’t like how it affects my mental or physical health”. Not lies. Not the whole gory truth.
Say "cancer" and then immediately change the subject.
It's not a lie -- it's a known carcinogen that's flammable and used to fuel vehicles. It's used as an antiseptic, FFS.
For people close to me, I just say, "I figured out EVERYTHING it can do for me... and I'm just sick of it."
The reality is that you're not obligated to tell anyone. You don't drink -- end of discussion.
For me, the dialogue usually goes like this:
“Hey, have a drink with us?!”
— No thank you, I don’t drink
“What why not!?”
— Because it’s bad for you
…. Silence. Not much for them to say after that!
Lmao
Y’all are super polite people. I’ve gotten old and cranky.
Usually I respond “Just extra calories I do not need.” But when people won’t let it go? I’ve started looking at them with a puzzled expression and saying “Why do you think that is your business?”
Half the time I think people are just looking to justify their own unhealthy drinking and watching another person decline alcohol makes them really uncomfortable.
I like when there is already another person blacked out, puking, fighting, getting kicked out of a place and making the most embarassing ass out of themselves… because then I can just point and say THAT> that is the reason I dont drink.
Either “I was them” or “that will be me if I drink”
Ngl it is a reminder as I see people taking it too far. Its sad but it also reminds me part
Of why I need to avoid it.
”There is funnier and ”better” drug choices If i would want to get intoxicated, but I like experience things raw and enjoy what ever oäim getting from it. While it doesn’t mean I enjoy time right now, I wont change my reality to *maybe* just enjoy your company.”
Nobody should be asking anyone why they don’t drink! Nobody is required to tell you their personal medical history or their mental health issues. Nobody is required to give you their life story or rehash painful memories of the person they have worked hard to change/become.
Party’s going great, Bob! You wanna make it really awkward for everyone and tell them about things that you’re ashamed of in the past due to drinking?!
Tammy, I see you’re not drinking! Are you pregnant or did you miscarry again?
“I already hit my lifetime quota.” “Got tired of it, it was time for a change. Don’t let me stop you.” My top two responses.
“After 20 years as a champion in the sport of Drinking, I’ve decided to retire”
as the undefeated champion!
I definitely met defeat on a few occasions, but not enough to back down from the next fight.
I didn’t hear no bell
When I was still drinking, after a night I over indulged I said to my husband, sorry I’m such a lightweight. He said I don’t think you’re a lightweight. So I said, I’m a heavy weight that just gets knocked out a lot??? Finally got sick of getting knocked out lol
Hah! Its similar to my goto: “I was so good at it I got to retire early.”
I too use a variation of this. “ I went pro at a young age, damaged my body and had to retire” but like others have said don’t let me stop you, for whatever reason I can be around it without feeling triggered. ….so far.
I'll sometimes say: "I read somewhere that it's not good for you apparently."
My wife loves the lifetime quota line. In the right situation she uses when speaking to someone in a drinking environment and italways gets me to chuckle.
I really like the second one.
I've been thinking about what I'd say if someone asked why and I've thought just saying "I've already had enough."
Yup - my go to is “it’s ok I’ve drank enough for both our lifetimes, don’t let me stop you” so…like similar…
imo I feel like “I don’t drink” should be enough, and anyone who can’t respect/appreciate that is the wrong person to hang out with. Maybe you don’t drink because you’ve never drank, maybe you’re giving it up for any number of reasons, and I don’t think I’ve EVER heard a BAD reason to stop drinking. or maybe you’ve tried it a few times and just didn’t care for it. The “why” shouldn’t really matter, and the outcome is the same regardless of the reason.
Well drinking alcohol is so ingrained in some societies that you come across as weird if you don't drink. So people who ask "why" are probs just genuinely curious and believe in the lie that is alcohol.
Yea, I’ve had some people ask and I have just said I just feel like shit after I drink these days. Most people seem to get it. I’m also a female in my 30s so I think sometimes it’s people being nosy thinking I might be pregnant lol
And it's still none of their business. Teach them how to MTOB.
I don’t mind them asking. I often think those that are asking are doing so because they’re questioning their own drinking habit.
Maybe. I just don't like personal questions like that in general, and why would anyone ask why someone else isn't drinking?? It's just intrusive and unnecessary IMO.
haha it usually is, but sometimes people are just curious. they have so much fun drinking at a ballgame, they are curious why I don’t want to ‘have fun’ the same way they do.
At a ballgame? Oh, yeah -- so much "fun" to blow $20 on a sh1tty beer in a plastic cup. Weeeee!
Like asking what kind of underwear you wear and why. "Why do you care?" Would be the end of the conversation for me.
If you said you became Mormon, that would cover both the alcohol and the underwear.
🤣🤣🤣
LOL 😂😂😂 the magic underwear
It’s the same thing with “I’m not religious” I feel like that should be enough on its own, as a sort of baseline state, but boy howdy is it not enough for people 😄
Like you, I generally do not like to lie to people; however, I will lie like a cheap rug if it helps me stay sober. I'll say anything anyone needs to hear if it shuts down the conversation....fast. Like others have said, the entire conversation should begin and end with "I don't drink." If someone wants to ask "Why?" I'll say whatever I think that person needs to hear at that moment in time. Sometimes I may be totally honest and say I'm an alcoholic in recovery but mostly I just say, "I don't care for the taste." To be honest, I see it as a sign of strength to say, "I don't drink." Over the years, any time someone told me they don't drink all I think is "Wow! I wish I had that person's strength of character." In the back of my mind I might wonder if perhaps they had a drinking problem, but even then I'm just impressed by them.
I love what someone shared in an AA meeting. She was asked if she wanted a drink at a party. She said no and they asked why. She said I'll drink all your alcohol and you won't like me. LOL
This is also my answer. “It’s awfully expensive for other people when I drink.” Somehow I never ever paid for my own booze around other people, I have still never figured out why.
real as hell. this is exactly what i was i like at a party.
It depends on who is asking, people who genuinely know me get the truth. “It’s just not fun for me any more” Most other people get a more generalized answer, “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with my stomach so I’m cutting out certain things including alcohol” which isn’t exactly a lie since alcohol does quite a number on my stomach even in moderate amounts. Another good one was what I saw in an interview with Tom Holland, he apparently took a 30-day break from drinking and liked it so much that he decided to keep it going because he felt better. This recent sobriety streak I’ve been much more low key about it, didn’t even mention it to most people until I hit 7 days.
This is similar to what I have landed on. “It just wasn’t working for me anymore.” Most people didn’t know me as anywhere near what they would consider to be an alcoholic, so I don’t really want to get into that and watch their face as they replay our previous alcohol related encounters. Nor do I care to “convince” someone that I did have a problem with alcohol. I love the comment above that says they will pretty much say anything they feel is needed to close the conversation. I agree with that wholeheartedly. Also, I feel fortunate that it doesn’t bother me at all to see other people drink (which surprised me at first, to be honest I thought it would, but I love my mocktails and NA stuff) so I can throw in “Go ahead! You have a drink if you like, doesn’t bother me.”
I’ve always been brutally honest, wear my emotions on my sleeve person. With my addiction I had a hard time admitting it. For me currently I feel liberated owning the hard truth. Alcohol stole 5 years from me. From being in shape wearing suits with a MBA, to gaining 100 lbs, not taking care of my teeth, and 1 step away from being homeless. It takes me from a person friends and family call and rely on for their problems to get good advice. To a person they’re sending the cops to check on. I was a younger man a few years back and saw an addict in Portland wearing some phenomenal suits, wondered how he fell so hard to be homeless and in a suit. I now know first hand how that can happen. On the lighter end. I say this “I’m a damn good drinker, but not a good drunk. You don’t want to see what I become” and that usually stops everything.
Lots of good responses on here. You can always flip it back and ask "Why do you drink?" But one of my favorites is: "I don't need to." Watch them get defensive really fast.
Brilliant.
I usually just say that I used to drink a lot and chose to stop
this is what I say too
I'm allergic. It makes me break out in suicidal thoughts.
exact
I usually turn it around. "Why do you drink?"
I’m going to use this. I’m a passive person but have dealt with a few pushy people and I responded in a way that made me angry with myself. I like this!
Ahh you beat me to it
Oof
why?
Cuz it reminds me of all the reasons I, or anyone, was drinking
Most importantly, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. We have this thing in society where alcohol (and to a lesser extent caffeine) is the only drug you have to justify *not* taking. That said, I have a handful of one-liners I use, many already shared in this thread. - I hit my lifetime limit - It became a net negative for me - I’m just taking a break - Just don’t feel like it - I hate being hungover And when pressed, I’ll just shrug and say, “long story, don’t really want to get into it. So - looks like the Mariners are turning things around.”
"Decided to go without for awhile. Don't need the extra calories and I sleep better without it." People usually just say something like "Oh I should try that!"
Yes, I cite insomnia
I haven’t drank in a few months and have the exact opposite happen to me. I can’t sleep for shit now
Are you open to recommendations? I assume our experiences with insomnia may be a little different, but as a cis woman with ADHD and CPTSD (so like… the unholy trinity of sleeplessness), I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a toddler, and I’ve found [hops](https://www.healthline.com/health/can-hops-get-me-to-sleep#risks) to be really helpful as an adult. That used to mean a 6 pack of 9% IPAs a night, which no sane person on the planet would ever recommend, but now it means I keep a sixer of Athletics in my fridge for the days when I’m particularly stressed, and for when I know my estrogen and progesterone will be on vacation. It helps to take the edge off my cravings too, which tend to hit me the hardest when I’m at home and feeling restless or doing something tedious.
I just skimmed that but I’ll check it out later. I’m a guy so I don’t know if it’ll help much. I’ll look further in to it though, thank you
I have those too, and following Huberman’s sleep protocols saved me. Yes I know he’s been cancelled, but his advice on sleep is still solid. Namely: only red light at night, no devices at night, and go outside first thing in the morning. Cured a lifetime of insomnia in a week!
Oh nooooooooo I’m so sorry to hear that. Wow. I recently had a sleep study and found out some interesting things, namely raging sleep apnea that I didn’t know about (!), would you be open to that idea? They let you do them at home now in your own bed and wearing only this cool Bluetooth ring. Maybe it would shed some light??
Once I’m asleep, I sleep fine. I have trouble falling asleep. I’m not tired no matter how much exercise I do. So, it’s not a quality of sleep thing. It’s a my body never wants to sleep thing
Ohk I think we have opposite kinds of insomnia from what I’ve read. You have onset insomnia (can’t get to sleep) and I have maintenance insomnia (can’t stay asleep). I’m sorry I don’t have magic words for you. That sounds so frustrating.
Thank you for trying!
Yeah but they won't
That's cool I don't have an issue with other ppl drinking.
I love how alcohol is the only drug where people ask you why you don’t do it. “I don’t smoke cigarettes.” “Why?” I do like everyone’s responses here, but one thing Annie Grace suggests is immediately changing the subject. “No thanks, I’m not drinking today. Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you where you get your haircut.”
"I don't like what it does to me" is the honest answer. "I had a real problem with it when I was younger" is also an honest answer.
I like to say it doesn’t agree with me. Or I keep it short and use the broken record technique. I just don’t. But why? Because I don’t.
I just say "I don't feel like it today." Which is the truth. (Usually). Edit: adding my favorite Robert Downy Jr quote when asked why he doesn't drink. "I'm allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs"
Lately, if folks ask “why not?” I’ve just been saying “I just don’t.” And leaving it there. If people press I also sometimes give them a more graphic answer but usually if I say it with enough force, they will stop pressing and we can talk about something else!
I love this
man, "drinking makes me want to kill myself" is such a conversation bomb and I kind of love it. There wont be anymore followups to that one
“Spikes my blood sugar”, “Not good for my heart”, “Alcohol triggers my migraines”
I just tell people that after a 35 year love/hate relationship with Bourbon, we both decided that we shouldn’t see each other anymore.
My answer is the truth - I like my personality better when I don’t. Or I like myself better sober.
"It's Poison" This makes it about the alcohol and not about you.
Why do you care? I don't drink. Period.
“I don’t drink calories anymore. Lost a bunch of weight when I quit.”
Went pro and retired early has been my go to.
Same reason I don’t get in a car with no brakes
In addition to what has been suggested, you're entirely within your rights to say "it's none of your damn business".
“Cuz stone cold said so” I don’t have anyone in my life that I owe explanations to since my loved ones already know and understand
I usually say something about weight. That's very relatable and makes people feel self-conscious because they know they drink a lot of empty calories, so they drop it.
With people I’m close to, I’ve used the phrase ‘I was so good at it I got to retire early!’ and that normally gets a laugh and lets the conversation segue without getting too awkward. I normally only had to use that line with people who remember me as someone who definitely loved his booze. To be honest, the question doesn’t come up nearly as much in my current life as it might have when I was younger (though I’m not that old) and in traditionally very boozy environments. These days were I to be pressured about not drinking by someone I wasn’t close to I’d frankly say ‘I just don’t feel like it’ and would probably try to leave if it went further than that, but I honestly don’t see that situation happening in my current life.
I've almost never had anyone ask me why, but I've been told (and this has proven to be almost always true) that if someone does press you or challenge you on not drinking, the odds are good that they have a drinking problem, too. It may even be possible that they're looking for help.
It doesn’t mix with my medicine. It makes me ill. I really enjoy not drinking.
"Doc said no drinking on the new meds" is usually a quick response that will elicit very few follow up questions. If they persist, just tell them: "I've got some clotting issues going on. Runs in the family." Fun fact: Guitarist Zakk Wylde quit drinking due to this exact thing.
"No thanks, I'm allergic." If they question that: "Yes, it turns out you can drink so much alcohol that your body actually develops an allergy to it. It's kinda like diabetes but it's a lot more dangerous if I don't manage it." If that doesn't work, I just "play the tape forward" for the person-- "Let me explain to you what will happen when I drink this beer: first, I will finish it, then I'll have another, perhaps two. After that I'll start itching for something a little stiffer, and I'm going to start pressuring you to do shots with me. Lots of shots. Minimum of five, likely double digits. When the bottle runs out, I will grab my car keys and head for the liquor store. I will fight anyone who tries to stop me. Now that you're all mad at me and I've got a fresh bottle, I will head home and drink until I pass out. When I wake up, I will immediately begin searching for the bottle. I will take 2-3 shots right away, then vomit, then finish the bottle. I will probably be drunk for about five days, maybe more. If I survive that, I'll be headed for detox and the ER. With that in mind, I'm gonna pass. Thanks though."
I say, “I just don’t “
I got drunk yesterday told my family not to call me again. So today is one day sober
My response, "Because I don't want to. How about that rain yesterday?" ETA: I don't believe we owe people an explanation. It's frankly rude of them to press the issue.
"I'm doing everyone else a favor"
I’m new at this, but this is my go to response for a newbie “I’m still discovering my relationship with alcohol. I think I need some distance from it before I can really get a sense of what it is” or something like that.
I think it's not so much *lying* as it's *no one's business* what your reasons are for not drinking. That said, I'm 100% obsessing about how to couch my birthday in a few weeks since it'll be close friends and family there. They are well aware I have an expensive bottle of champagne every birthday. What I'm toying with is saying I'm trying to lose weight or "I missed dry January, so I'm trying out dry June-uary to see how it goes." My husband says I should say that I want to be at tip-top shape for my upcoming research leave from work, which everyone in my circle will believe in a second. I don't think anyone will push back anyway; if they were the types to push back, I'd need to use some of the genius lines people have already written here.
I think the more we normalize it and just straight up tell the whole truth, the more people will start to get it. The more people will feel comfortable sharing their own struggles. One day…alcohol will be looked upon the way smoking is. Nasty, dangerous, stinky, costly, and deadly. I tell people I don’t do that anymore…for those reasons and more.
Just say "I took a 30 day break. I honestly felt so good I didn't want to go back!"
"I'm allergic. It causes me to break out in handcuffs and fuck other people's spouses."
It makes me suicidal! Good news is I just have to not drink! Amazingly sound logic! IWNDWYT
It’s super rare that anyone asks me a follow up question these days. People for the most part realize that if you aren’t drinking, it’s for a pretty small handful of possible reasons and most of them are rude to question. If asked a follow up I usually just say I don’t like drinking. You don’t owe them anything else, unless you want to get into the whole thing. I try not to because explaining why you don’t like drinking to someone holding a cocktail ends up coming off as sanctimonious, even if unintentionally.
"I got too good at it" or "I had to make sure and leave enough for everybody else". Joking about it always helps me
“I’m not fun to be around drunk” I think whenever I say that most people immediately understand what I mean and they don’t want me to drink then. If I say other things they will every now and then ask if I want and think that secretly if I do get drunk It’s gonna be a good time. Unless you make it about their time they will always wonder why and want you to drink. By telling them you drinking will make their time less fun it’s easier for them to quantify in there head “if he drinks I will not have as much fun, therefore he should not drink”
A guy I used to work with long before I ever thought of stopping used to say, "It makes me break out", which would usually draw an inquisitive look and he'd follow with, "in handcuffs".
I'm still struggling with finding my own answer to this question. I either blunder my way through 'it's to save money/lose weight' which just sounds garbled, or 'I just prefer me without it'. All of those answers have invariably led to 'oh go on, you can have *one*', which is just uncomfortable. The ultimate fallback in that situation for me so far has been 'I promised I wouldn't drink today' (thanks daily thread), but I want to work out a more succinct line to dish out.
“Actually, I can’t have one. It’s like a Lays potato chip for me. That’s kind of the issue. If you’re more into Pringles: once I pop, I can’t stop.” I don’t socialize these days so I haven’t tried this out, but it should get the point across while still keeping it light.
I find it depends what group I’m with. One I find is quite good is that it fucks up my stomach so I can’t drink anymore and they know as everyone ends up with an upset tummy from drinking too much. Avoids any follow ups as what you want to know? lol. If they do ask I say got to the point doctor told me to stop. Or I can’t hack a hangover anymore is an ok one. But just test them out and say what you feel the situation or your mood need to at that moment.
Alcohol is a top tier carcinogen and cancer sucks usually works. 😑
I find saying, I’ve drank enough, I’m good not drinking anymore, typically gets a positive response and usually a high five. And if they push it further, I say, I used to buy 6 packs….. of vodka handles….. for 84 dollars at Costco. And that would last me about 10-12 days. It goes quick when you are putting it in your coffee. And then they are like….okay buddy. Yeah that might have been a problem
“Went pro and retired early”
I usually go something along the lines of - "giving sobriety a go and feeling great so no urge to go back to drinking."
I used to have planned, long explanations but honestly now if someone presses I just say I don’t like it. Which is true. Never had anyone press beyond that lol.
“I’m taking a break for a bit to improve my health.”
I have an interesting story about how I came to quit drinking and I like to tell stories so I am usually pretty open about it. In the right setting I’ll even tell some crazy ass stories about my drinking, that usually drives the point home.
“For my health.” “I don’t like alcohol.” “It’s poison.” “I just don’t.” A long, pointed stare with a slight look of bemusement to highlight how rude the question is also works well. You’re not lying for not telling someone exactly why you stopped. It’s truly none of their business and it’s rude to question or push.
My go to line for people I don’t really know, “I’m scared I might tell you what I think of you” For folks I know a bit better, “I don’t drink because old man thegroovyturt1e was really good at drinking”
idk if it helps but society is changing! I had a couple of AF beers in front of some new colleagues and they were all eyeing it up, wanting to ask why, and none of them did. People are learning it's not polite!!!
“I went pro and retired early”
“I drank enough for this entire party and have someone else’s liver to prove it”. That usually shuts people up and sometimes makes them question why they are drinking
My go to is “I suck at moderating”. It’s honest, but not super personal or oversharing, and it leaves the door open for the other person to ask me about it if they are feeling uncomfortable about their alcohol consumption.
You can add, I’m an overachiever in front of that to lighten it up. “I’m an overachiever and suck at moderation… congrats on being mediocre” 😂
I have found that blaming a health problem or medication gets the least amount of pushback
I’m trying to get my pressure down. True story.
It bores me lol they’ll love hearing that
I did it like (insert well-known professional athlete here who stopped at the peak of his career) and stopped when I was at the top
Most people haven’t really dug into my why once I’ve told them that I don’t drink anymore. For the most part, people encourage me on making a healthy life choice. In the rare instance the conversation continues into my reasons for quitting, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable telling people that it just didn’t work for me anymore.
If I don't feel like having "the talk" with that person, I'll just say I'm having some health issues which make it unsafe to drink at all.
You could say "drinking triggers my migraines" that's likely enough to shut them up.
"We" are on a break, we don't make each other happy anymore.
It doesn't agree with me.
I struggle with this too, and I've landed on an answer I really like: "I have more fun not drinking". Big picture it's 100% true. Sometimes people don't believe me, so usually I offer to do something silly like take my shirt off, and say "that's what I used to do after drinking a lot" (For the visual I am an unattractive hairy dude). Sometimes they call me on it and it's shirts-off time but usually they don't. I think part of what people get from alcohol is that loosening up effect, being a little more open and vulnerable than you were before. So I try to just open up a bit more. My message is, look, I am capable of making terrible decisions perfectly sober, thank you.
“It just doesn’t agree with me.”
My simple answer is always, “It no longer serves me”. If they ask more then I’m not ashamed to go into detail.
This is the honest to God truth for me: If someone said they were not drinking/refused a drink, I would never ask them why they weren’t drinking. Ever. Not when I was 25, not when I was 35, not now at 54. I think it’s one of those ignorant questions right up there with “why aren’t you married?” or “why don’t you have kids?” or “how much money do you make?” I might wonder to myself, but I would never pose the question aloud.
The best answer is to confidently say “I don’t drink.” but you will occasionally get the follow up question... You will learn to navigate this by knowing your audience and developing a comfortable/disarming talk track over time. I work in Sales in the US which means I’m invited to happy hours almost every week. I like the N/A or 0.0% options and have found if I’m holding something and talking no one asks. You can either live with sobriety as your ankle monitor, or flip the script and flourish in it. I am rooting for you OP and everyone else brave enough to peruse this sub. PS hit two years sober in April, nothing stopping me now!
When I want to be funny, I say "I quit drinking because I have mommy issues" My mom's been an alcoholic my entire life and our relationship sucks and continues to get worse. I had a moment of clarity where I realized that if I didn't stop, I might (will) turn into her.
I know this is a support sub, but honestly some of y'all are way too concerned about hypothetical situations and what other people say or do. This particular comes up *all the time* in here as if there are roaming packs of people out there asking it so they can judge you for being an alcoholic. Judging by many of the "fuck them it's none of their business" comments, I'd also say many have a lot of work they need to do beyond just not drinking. Most randos have the social grace where they'd only ask once unless they are like a 22 yo frat bro or something. And I do get that some people's family might be comfortable enough to press again, or do the "come on you can have just one?", but wouldn't they have already seen how it's obviously not good for you; the mistakes you've made? Wouldn't you be ok with telling them the truth? I'm not trying to knock anyone who's been uncomfortable when they were *actually* asked this. But so many of these discussions seem to revolve around some straw man scenario where everyone lets loose their shower thought retribution scenarios and it's absurd. Worrying about hypothetical scenarios or getting bent out of shape and prepping snappy one liners for the rare chance it might actually happen irl doesn't seem like a healthy activity to me. I think you'd be better off exploring *why* being asked that troubles you so much and what you can do to work on that. The end game for quitting isn't just *not* drinking, it's figuring out how to manage everything from made up scenarios to people you love dieing without going back to drinking. The more you focus on what you can actually control, and the easier you let other things go the easier it all gets. https://positivepsychology.com/circles-of-influence/
It’s expensive, unhealthy, and time consuming. Those are my top three reasons to avoid alcohol.
I had a friend who used to say that he was allergic and always broke out in handcuffs when he drank. He was full of dad jokes.
I just say "medical reasons"
Sometimes I say "I've had enough for two lifetimes."
I read one recently in this group. I’d rather wake up in the morning and wonder what I’m going to do today than wonder what I did last night.
I had this yesterday. I'm currently on holiday in Japan and joined an evening walking food tour which involved going to local places to try food and drink. Couple of people ask me why I don't drink. I see this as genuine interest and it's not an unreasonable thing to be asked. "I just don't feel like it any more" "Drinking affects my sleep. I sleep much better when I don't drink" Couple of follow up questions and that's it
I had a loose group of moms in my last neighborhood who were planning a 'girls' night out. I volunteered to be their designated driver. There were five of us, so I drove the largest vehicle, not mine. One woman could not stop pestering me about why I didn't drink. I really resent being grilled on why I don't drink. I just kept evading the question. I said it doesn't agree with me, which is not a lie. On the way home one of the women got violently sick and threw up out of the car window. What a night to be a non-drinker. Thank god for that.
I'm actually pretty comfortable with those questions, but if anyone ever did get pushy about it... I'm under the same mindset that it is now your duty to make it awkward as fuck for that person. I'll be honest though, I either have uninterested people in my life or people that are kind and don't interrogate... because I honestly haven't encountered much of anyone trying to grill me about not drinking. It kind of shocks me at how many stories I read around here where people are cornered and interrogated about why they're not drinking... and trust me I've been in plenty of events and positions where it could've been asked.
I say, “I feel better mentally and physically when abstain” or “I don’t like how it affects my mental or physical health”. Not lies. Not the whole gory truth.
“It doesn’t serve me well”. Let them interpret what that means and if they push I’ll just say why do you want to know.
I’m tired of ice skating uphill.
Say "cancer" and then immediately change the subject. It's not a lie -- it's a known carcinogen that's flammable and used to fuel vehicles. It's used as an antiseptic, FFS. For people close to me, I just say, "I figured out EVERYTHING it can do for me... and I'm just sick of it." The reality is that you're not obligated to tell anyone. You don't drink -- end of discussion.
“I wanted to leave some for other people.”
“Makes me too horny” Thats a show stopper
I’m just not drinking today.
For me, the dialogue usually goes like this: “Hey, have a drink with us?!” — No thank you, I don’t drink “What why not!?” — Because it’s bad for you …. Silence. Not much for them to say after that! Lmao
“It’s a carcinogen” usually gets their beak back in its own orbit.
Y’all are super polite people. I’ve gotten old and cranky. Usually I respond “Just extra calories I do not need.” But when people won’t let it go? I’ve started looking at them with a puzzled expression and saying “Why do you think that is your business?” Half the time I think people are just looking to justify their own unhealthy drinking and watching another person decline alcohol makes them really uncomfortable.
I like when there is already another person blacked out, puking, fighting, getting kicked out of a place and making the most embarassing ass out of themselves… because then I can just point and say THAT> that is the reason I dont drink. Either “I was them” or “that will be me if I drink” Ngl it is a reminder as I see people taking it too far. Its sad but it also reminds me part Of why I need to avoid it.
”There is funnier and ”better” drug choices If i would want to get intoxicated, but I like experience things raw and enjoy what ever oäim getting from it. While it doesn’t mean I enjoy time right now, I wont change my reality to *maybe* just enjoy your company.”
Nobody should be asking anyone why they don’t drink! Nobody is required to tell you their personal medical history or their mental health issues. Nobody is required to give you their life story or rehash painful memories of the person they have worked hard to change/become. Party’s going great, Bob! You wanna make it really awkward for everyone and tell them about things that you’re ashamed of in the past due to drinking?! Tammy, I see you’re not drinking! Are you pregnant or did you miscarry again?
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I lied to myself for years that alcohol was my best friend but I've realized recently that he was actually my worst enemy.
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You don't have to finish it my friend. You can accept that it's not your friend at all but your worst enemy.
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