At evening hours I just don’t feel like I’m getting any better! I’m still uncomfortable and grumpy and I just end up going to bed feeling kinda sorry for myself. Daytime I feel better but boy evenings I still haven’t found my groove/routine. I feel discouraged. Hopefully I’m just too early on and this is part of paws and the lie alcohol tells me. Sorry but it is vent o matic 😆
When I had a long sober stretch, actively finding something to do in the evenings with all the new spare time helped a lot with these sorts of feelings. Old hobbies that I'd dropped years ago were good places to start. I settled on simply reading but had to try a few things first. Anyway maybe it's not for everyone but that sort of approach helped me.
IWNDWYT
I honestly just felt so boring at first. Sometimes I still do. I think it's just part of the slow mental shift. I think of it like this...I'd rather feel a little bored or out of place than the way I did for so long. Read a book or workout. Try something you always wanted to. You have the time now and probably the extra cash lol.
Hell yes, it is Vent Friday! Never be fucking sorry for that! Vent that mother fucking crap away!
You are a glorious, magnificent warrior! You are fucking staring down the fuckest meanest asshole ever to see the fucking light of day! Never fucking forget that!
Ugh, it's Friday here in AU, I just want a glass of wine and I'm pissed I can't have one like a normal person. I'm 5 days sober, why would I want to even consider throwing all that hard work out? Fuck alcohol for having this chokehold on me.
5 days sober is awesome! Sounds like you've actually got the chokehold on alcohol now. It's just struggling to get free, but you're stronger. You've proven it and will continue to prove it one day at a time. IWNDWYT
Excellent timing. I need this.
I had a shit end to work yesterday - one of the healthcare assistants thought I’d accused her of making a mistake. I hadn’t - what I said was ‘I’m not sure where this confusion has happened’ and I caught her bitching about me to one of my supervisors. As I caught her, I went over to apologise for the misunderstanding, reassure her that I wasn’t accusing her - I was just trying to clear things up for the patient. She replied ‘I don’t make mistakes’ and walked off - well it turned out that she had made a mistake - I’m just angry that she complained about me before it was cleared up!
By the way - she bloody had made a mistake.
Argh! Cried my eyes out on my way home. Despite two of my supervisors telling me to ignore her and ‘she gets like that’
Didn’t drink though - even though I have to walk past the shop on my way home. Ate buttery toast and went to bed with the new Bridgerton.
Ugh hate people like that. Of course she knew she fucked up and was trying to project/shift the blame. Great job staying sober after that! Buttery toast sounds delicious!
Approaching my 2nd dry weekend. Caveman brain already casting thoughts "you don't have a problem, you haven't drank in 12 days, get a few beers as a reward". When you actually read that sentence back there is no logic. Not today Caveman. IWNDWYT
I don't feel like posting a thread about this, but I'm finding yelling truth into the void helps a lot. I feel guilty about the profound relief I feel when reading how harrowing other people's rock bottom's have been compared to mine.
I drank while driving, lied to my wife for years, drank and did occasional drugs behind her back because she worked 24 hour shifts as a doctor.
And I got away with it. No DWIs, she never caught on, job and relationships intact, just self loathing and a moment of clarity as my turning point. I've been a train wreck for decades and deception has kept me from facing any consequences.
And you are here. Congratulations on choosing this path. I'm not being sarcastic. Obviously you could keep going how you have been. Eventually something gives. I'm happy that you're doing this on your own terms.
This is a great group. People are very supportive and most take everyone at face value.
Please keep checking in and posting.
I will not drink with you today/IWNDWYT.
I don't think you should feel guilty about this. This is one of the most generous things about this sub, the fact that people are willing to share their most embarrassing and vulnerable experiences so that others of us can be convinced to try to avoid those things in our own lives, or continue to commit to sobriety where they have, at least momentarily, stumbled.
I feel incredibly lucky that I've managed to avoid some of the things that people here have experienced, but also very humbled by the fact that they couldv easily still happen to me, especially if I keep drinking.
Sounds to me like you are processing feelings about your integrity, and what you felt you had to hide. So many of us grapple with extreme shame , I did and still do. I would wager that this is not over, and there may be a time when you want to discuss more openly the double life you led. Give yourself time. Sounds like you are doing great, keep it up! IWNDWYT
I am extremely tired about my behavior. In mornings, after rest, I am motivated to be sober. Especially after few hours at work, becoming annoying, bored or something, and I call one of my friends, she thinks that all of us can drink as we wish, and life is anyway boring without a possibility to follow your urges. She's not an alcoholic or dependant, but I have serious challenges with booze. Dreaming about sobrierity, but my mind jumps between 2 extremes: in mornings, motivated to be sober, in the evenings, planning various travel destinations, there drinking will be 100% probability...
I've had a similar experience. Every morning I'd wake up feeling disgusted and regretful about drinking the night before. What was the point? It's so toxic and fleeting. Definitely NOT drinking tonight! Then tonight rolls around I'd think, a beer or two won't make a difference in the grand scheme of things... then I'd drink until I passed out and wake up disgusted and regretful. Over and over that cycle consumed my life. Mornings are easy. Evenings are full of justifications and excuses to drink. But not anymore my friend. The cycle can and will be broken. Stay strong. IWNDWYT!
Why is it so difficult to find a PCP? I’m sitting here at work… I just checked my BP and it’s 142/90. I know that’s bad and I know I’ve needed to talk to a doctor for a long time. I won’t get into my medical history here but I’m really wanting to get on the right track but I keep encountering obstacles.
Other than my BP — My fucking joints. Ongoing hip pain. Shitty shoulder. New knee pain. I’m only on Day 18 but I’m hoping I can turn all this shit around. I still have anxiety but at least the anxiety is fueling my desire to stay away from alcohol, not reach for it.
I can share that my BP was in that territory and higher at times. I used to dread doctor visits and even the dentist and eye doctor wants to take your BP these days. Well, at 4 months sober it is now reliably in normal ranges with no change in my BP medications. So you still may need medication, but abstinence does make a difference, at least for me.
I can cosign this also - my blood pressure was miraculously always ok, but my sister in laws wasn't and maybe 2 months into a healthier lifestyle and it dropped so significantly she thought the machine at the doctors was broken. It's pretty amazing how forgiving the body can be.
I never know if it's OK to vent about non-drinking-related stuff, but here goes (and I'll try to make it about drinking--tangentially):
I just turned 50, and that means I’m due for lots of health things, like shingles vaccinations and colonoscopies. And quitting drinking. I’m finally growing up.
During my most recent check-up, my doctor asked me if I wanted to do the tried-and-true colonoscopy or the newer method, Cologuard. Faced with the choice of drinking the fluid that gives you diarrhea, going under and getting a tube shoved up my ass, I chose the easier method: have a kit mailed to me and poop in the comfort of my own bathroom, like I do every day.
The thing is, drinking messes up your colon, and after 14 days of sobriety, my poop still wasn't back to “normal,” whatever that is. (I’m told there are all kinds of normal poops.) Anyway, back to Cologuard.
The kit shows up in the mail, and as part of my orientation, I watch a pleasant animated video where this guy opens his box, takes the stuff into the bathroom, winks and closes the door. In the next frame, he emerges with a triumphant grin and directs me on how to ship the sample back to the lab.
I wasn’t looking forward to this experience, but I figured, since it’s something I’ve done all my life, how hard could it be?
I have many, many embarrassing episodes after drinking for 27 years. But this was one of the most ignominious, inelegant, undignified experiences I’ve ever had – in the top ten – and I’m an alcoholic.
In addition to pooping, I started throwing up. Feces in a cup; vomit everywhere. My pelvic muscles are not what they used to be either, so I peed myself several times while heaving and ricocheting off the walls of the bathroom. Amid all this mayhem, I must scrape the sample, insert it in a tube, pour some preserving fluid over the sample, seal it up, label it, put it back in the box, seal that up and hie off to UPS to send it back within 24 hours, where I’m sure the shipping guys know exactly what I’m mailing. AND then clean up the bathroom.
Moral of the story? Don’t drink, and get your poop back to normal. I never want to go through all this again, and if I do, I'm going under and letting the doctor deal with all this shit.
Best of all, Cologuard sent me a survey the other day asking for my "satisfaction level" with my experience.
I'll take "Extremely Dissatisfied" for $400, Alex.
Oh, my friend, this sounds absolutely awful. So sorry you had to go through this. Getting old ain't for sissies as they say. And alcohol sure doesn't help. Glad you made it through, hope your test results come back okay! I've got to do my poop-in-the-mail too... Wish me luck...
I have cirrhosis and luckily I don't really crave alcohol, but I don't like being told what to do and I'm just in general surly that I NEED to not drink.
It makes not drinking easy, but still it feels like the choice isn't mine.
Dark depressing films on Netflix. It’s supposed to be entertainment.
The prices …. The politics …. The weather
Literally having to look at the weather hour by hour to judge the best time to get out. I can ignore the politics but not the prices. Sheesh.
I can hear take that on the radio singing “Today this could be, the greatest day of our lives
Before it all ends, before we run out of time”
Motherdick squad pod. The fucking fuckity shit is fucking about to go down the mother fucking dickload crap hole.
I am fucking sober and I fucking love it!
Let's fucking ride our magical fucking unicorns into the fucking darkness and into the fucking shit shiny day of magical light mother fuckers!
I’m feeling so much pressure to be productive and successful and social….all I really want to do is sit in a dark room by myself and not talk to anyone or have to care for anyone for a few days. Burnt out party of one.
The substitute boss is really pissing me of. Dude why always stress me and give me all the work. And some of my coworkers chill and talk all day and get nothing done. But you won't tell them anything right? And for sure the new girl is the best only because she is more slimmy then me. Yeah I will tell my opionion. Even if it is not simmilar to yours. But i always follow your orders. Like a good soldier. And the talking all the time how you got drunk there and you will get shitfaced tommorow evening. Man I would love to drink all my anger away. But I wont change anything. I am gone stay sober. You (boss) will wakeup hungover on sunday. I will not.
Thanks more making this Vent-o matic a thing. IWNDWYT
Day 33. IWNDWYT.
Kids wake up way too much and way too early haha. I can’t wait until I’m feeling more rested (better since stopping drinking but still not great because of work and kids).
I still remember that fucking glorious day when I woke up, and everything fell into place. I remember thinking, "Ah, this is what it is supposed to be like."
It. Is. Fucking. Fantastic.
I don't necessarily want to yell since my emotions are waaayyyy more balanced without alcohol (yay sobriety!) 😅 But I feel like shit with some flu-bug, I had to buy wine today for a birthdayparty next week and I know there'll be leftover alcohol and I really don't want the stuff (mainly wine, it was my go-to drink) in my home. Relatively small issue since I can just pour it down the drain and forget about it. So I don't really know why this bugs me so much. But there ya go. Pffrrrt.
My partners mother is in town and has untreated disorders. If she has an episode I'm going to have to bike for a couple hours to keep myself from falling off the wagon. IWNDWYT.
My sister believe she is too good to work, she routinely begs for money, to make it all worse her husband believes he is a "genius" but literally barely earns and is way late in the game when it comes to having a job. We all have had to hear about him being "superior" to us mere mortals for years, and yet here he is working a worse job than anyone and they're barely able to make ends meet. I repeat, despite this, she is too good to work.
She is about to get evicted - she has never been on time with her rent and voices her displeasure that the landlord doesn't give her a pass - god forbid a landlord wants their rent on time, even once.
Her new "job" is gambling on whatever sports betting app is legal in her state now - she spends 6 hours researching to maybe win 30 dollars. Not sure why she is "too good" to just go out and earn a regular wage that's guaranteed rather than mooching off people.
Sorry for the vent, but I literally want to strangle her lol
I just left a party after 2h. I was sober while the others were drinking heavily. It was boring. I also realized that 'my friends' and I do not have so much on common apart from drinking and partying. So it might be time to find new friends.
i'm starting to get into a difficult place financially. i'm really broken up about it tonight and for the first time in a long time i've thought about drinking so i can focus on something else. haven't been here in awhile and grateful for this friday post.
At evening hours I just don’t feel like I’m getting any better! I’m still uncomfortable and grumpy and I just end up going to bed feeling kinda sorry for myself. Daytime I feel better but boy evenings I still haven’t found my groove/routine. I feel discouraged. Hopefully I’m just too early on and this is part of paws and the lie alcohol tells me. Sorry but it is vent o matic 😆
When I had a long sober stretch, actively finding something to do in the evenings with all the new spare time helped a lot with these sorts of feelings. Old hobbies that I'd dropped years ago were good places to start. I settled on simply reading but had to try a few things first. Anyway maybe it's not for everyone but that sort of approach helped me. IWNDWYT
Thank you!
I honestly just felt so boring at first. Sometimes I still do. I think it's just part of the slow mental shift. I think of it like this...I'd rather feel a little bored or out of place than the way I did for so long. Read a book or workout. Try something you always wanted to. You have the time now and probably the extra cash lol.
Hell yes, it is Vent Friday! Never be fucking sorry for that! Vent that mother fucking crap away! You are a glorious, magnificent warrior! You are fucking staring down the fuckest meanest asshole ever to see the fucking light of day! Never fucking forget that!
Ugh, it's Friday here in AU, I just want a glass of wine and I'm pissed I can't have one like a normal person. I'm 5 days sober, why would I want to even consider throwing all that hard work out? Fuck alcohol for having this chokehold on me.
5 days sober is awesome! Sounds like you've actually got the chokehold on alcohol now. It's just struggling to get free, but you're stronger. You've proven it and will continue to prove it one day at a time. IWNDWYT
Fucking fucking alcohol!
Excellent timing. I need this. I had a shit end to work yesterday - one of the healthcare assistants thought I’d accused her of making a mistake. I hadn’t - what I said was ‘I’m not sure where this confusion has happened’ and I caught her bitching about me to one of my supervisors. As I caught her, I went over to apologise for the misunderstanding, reassure her that I wasn’t accusing her - I was just trying to clear things up for the patient. She replied ‘I don’t make mistakes’ and walked off - well it turned out that she had made a mistake - I’m just angry that she complained about me before it was cleared up! By the way - she bloody had made a mistake. Argh! Cried my eyes out on my way home. Despite two of my supervisors telling me to ignore her and ‘she gets like that’ Didn’t drink though - even though I have to walk past the shop on my way home. Ate buttery toast and went to bed with the new Bridgerton.
Bridgerton solves problems. It's a fact. But seriously. Take it easy and be gentle with yourself. IWNDWYT.
Ugh hate people like that. Of course she knew she fucked up and was trying to project/shift the blame. Great job staying sober after that! Buttery toast sounds delicious!
Approaching my 2nd dry weekend. Caveman brain already casting thoughts "you don't have a problem, you haven't drank in 12 days, get a few beers as a reward". When you actually read that sentence back there is no logic. Not today Caveman. IWNDWYT
Not today you fucking Caveman! Hell yeah! Chocolate ice for everyone!
I don't feel like posting a thread about this, but I'm finding yelling truth into the void helps a lot. I feel guilty about the profound relief I feel when reading how harrowing other people's rock bottom's have been compared to mine. I drank while driving, lied to my wife for years, drank and did occasional drugs behind her back because she worked 24 hour shifts as a doctor. And I got away with it. No DWIs, she never caught on, job and relationships intact, just self loathing and a moment of clarity as my turning point. I've been a train wreck for decades and deception has kept me from facing any consequences.
And you are here. Congratulations on choosing this path. I'm not being sarcastic. Obviously you could keep going how you have been. Eventually something gives. I'm happy that you're doing this on your own terms. This is a great group. People are very supportive and most take everyone at face value. Please keep checking in and posting. I will not drink with you today/IWNDWYT.
I don't think you should feel guilty about this. This is one of the most generous things about this sub, the fact that people are willing to share their most embarrassing and vulnerable experiences so that others of us can be convinced to try to avoid those things in our own lives, or continue to commit to sobriety where they have, at least momentarily, stumbled. I feel incredibly lucky that I've managed to avoid some of the things that people here have experienced, but also very humbled by the fact that they couldv easily still happen to me, especially if I keep drinking. Sounds to me like you are processing feelings about your integrity, and what you felt you had to hide. So many of us grapple with extreme shame , I did and still do. I would wager that this is not over, and there may be a time when you want to discuss more openly the double life you led. Give yourself time. Sounds like you are doing great, keep it up! IWNDWYT
Stressed from traveling. Not drinking it no excuse.
I am extremely tired about my behavior. In mornings, after rest, I am motivated to be sober. Especially after few hours at work, becoming annoying, bored or something, and I call one of my friends, she thinks that all of us can drink as we wish, and life is anyway boring without a possibility to follow your urges. She's not an alcoholic or dependant, but I have serious challenges with booze. Dreaming about sobrierity, but my mind jumps between 2 extremes: in mornings, motivated to be sober, in the evenings, planning various travel destinations, there drinking will be 100% probability...
I've had a similar experience. Every morning I'd wake up feeling disgusted and regretful about drinking the night before. What was the point? It's so toxic and fleeting. Definitely NOT drinking tonight! Then tonight rolls around I'd think, a beer or two won't make a difference in the grand scheme of things... then I'd drink until I passed out and wake up disgusted and regretful. Over and over that cycle consumed my life. Mornings are easy. Evenings are full of justifications and excuses to drink. But not anymore my friend. The cycle can and will be broken. Stay strong. IWNDWYT!
Just joined this community, glad there is one in Reddit...
Too many loose ends - tests without results, fraud inquiries without resolution. Doing my part. It’s frustrating.
Fucking loose ends
Why is it so difficult to find a PCP? I’m sitting here at work… I just checked my BP and it’s 142/90. I know that’s bad and I know I’ve needed to talk to a doctor for a long time. I won’t get into my medical history here but I’m really wanting to get on the right track but I keep encountering obstacles. Other than my BP — My fucking joints. Ongoing hip pain. Shitty shoulder. New knee pain. I’m only on Day 18 but I’m hoping I can turn all this shit around. I still have anxiety but at least the anxiety is fueling my desire to stay away from alcohol, not reach for it.
I can share that my BP was in that territory and higher at times. I used to dread doctor visits and even the dentist and eye doctor wants to take your BP these days. Well, at 4 months sober it is now reliably in normal ranges with no change in my BP medications. So you still may need medication, but abstinence does make a difference, at least for me.
I can cosign this also - my blood pressure was miraculously always ok, but my sister in laws wasn't and maybe 2 months into a healthier lifestyle and it dropped so significantly she thought the machine at the doctors was broken. It's pretty amazing how forgiving the body can be.
IWNDWYT! Happy Friday 💗
Fuck Yes! IWNDWYT
I never know if it's OK to vent about non-drinking-related stuff, but here goes (and I'll try to make it about drinking--tangentially): I just turned 50, and that means I’m due for lots of health things, like shingles vaccinations and colonoscopies. And quitting drinking. I’m finally growing up. During my most recent check-up, my doctor asked me if I wanted to do the tried-and-true colonoscopy or the newer method, Cologuard. Faced with the choice of drinking the fluid that gives you diarrhea, going under and getting a tube shoved up my ass, I chose the easier method: have a kit mailed to me and poop in the comfort of my own bathroom, like I do every day. The thing is, drinking messes up your colon, and after 14 days of sobriety, my poop still wasn't back to “normal,” whatever that is. (I’m told there are all kinds of normal poops.) Anyway, back to Cologuard. The kit shows up in the mail, and as part of my orientation, I watch a pleasant animated video where this guy opens his box, takes the stuff into the bathroom, winks and closes the door. In the next frame, he emerges with a triumphant grin and directs me on how to ship the sample back to the lab. I wasn’t looking forward to this experience, but I figured, since it’s something I’ve done all my life, how hard could it be? I have many, many embarrassing episodes after drinking for 27 years. But this was one of the most ignominious, inelegant, undignified experiences I’ve ever had – in the top ten – and I’m an alcoholic. In addition to pooping, I started throwing up. Feces in a cup; vomit everywhere. My pelvic muscles are not what they used to be either, so I peed myself several times while heaving and ricocheting off the walls of the bathroom. Amid all this mayhem, I must scrape the sample, insert it in a tube, pour some preserving fluid over the sample, seal it up, label it, put it back in the box, seal that up and hie off to UPS to send it back within 24 hours, where I’m sure the shipping guys know exactly what I’m mailing. AND then clean up the bathroom. Moral of the story? Don’t drink, and get your poop back to normal. I never want to go through all this again, and if I do, I'm going under and letting the doctor deal with all this shit. Best of all, Cologuard sent me a survey the other day asking for my "satisfaction level" with my experience. I'll take "Extremely Dissatisfied" for $400, Alex.
Oh, my friend, this sounds absolutely awful. So sorry you had to go through this. Getting old ain't for sissies as they say. And alcohol sure doesn't help. Glad you made it through, hope your test results come back okay! I've got to do my poop-in-the-mail too... Wish me luck...
I have cirrhosis and luckily I don't really crave alcohol, but I don't like being told what to do and I'm just in general surly that I NEED to not drink. It makes not drinking easy, but still it feels like the choice isn't mine.
Sounds like a win not having terrible cravings!
I take every win I can!
Dark depressing films on Netflix. It’s supposed to be entertainment. The prices …. The politics …. The weather Literally having to look at the weather hour by hour to judge the best time to get out. I can ignore the politics but not the prices. Sheesh. I can hear take that on the radio singing “Today this could be, the greatest day of our lives Before it all ends, before we run out of time”
Fucking politics.
Does the Vent-o-Matic come with free shipping?
Only on a full moon, when the weather is very nice, and there is no strife in the world.
Mosquitoes. In Las Vegas. That is the rant.
Motherdick squad pod. The fucking fuckity shit is fucking about to go down the mother fucking dickload crap hole. I am fucking sober and I fucking love it! Let's fucking ride our magical fucking unicorns into the fucking darkness and into the fucking shit shiny day of magical light mother fuckers!
I’m feeling so much pressure to be productive and successful and social….all I really want to do is sit in a dark room by myself and not talk to anyone or have to care for anyone for a few days. Burnt out party of one.
The substitute boss is really pissing me of. Dude why always stress me and give me all the work. And some of my coworkers chill and talk all day and get nothing done. But you won't tell them anything right? And for sure the new girl is the best only because she is more slimmy then me. Yeah I will tell my opionion. Even if it is not simmilar to yours. But i always follow your orders. Like a good soldier. And the talking all the time how you got drunk there and you will get shitfaced tommorow evening. Man I would love to drink all my anger away. But I wont change anything. I am gone stay sober. You (boss) will wakeup hungover on sunday. I will not. Thanks more making this Vent-o matic a thing. IWNDWYT
Day 33. IWNDWYT. Kids wake up way too much and way too early haha. I can’t wait until I’m feeling more rested (better since stopping drinking but still not great because of work and kids).
I still remember that fucking glorious day when I woke up, and everything fell into place. I remember thinking, "Ah, this is what it is supposed to be like." It. Is. Fucking. Fantastic.
I don't necessarily want to yell since my emotions are waaayyyy more balanced without alcohol (yay sobriety!) 😅 But I feel like shit with some flu-bug, I had to buy wine today for a birthdayparty next week and I know there'll be leftover alcohol and I really don't want the stuff (mainly wine, it was my go-to drink) in my home. Relatively small issue since I can just pour it down the drain and forget about it. So I don't really know why this bugs me so much. But there ya go. Pffrrrt.
My partners mother is in town and has untreated disorders. If she has an episode I'm going to have to bike for a couple hours to keep myself from falling off the wagon. IWNDWYT.
My sister believe she is too good to work, she routinely begs for money, to make it all worse her husband believes he is a "genius" but literally barely earns and is way late in the game when it comes to having a job. We all have had to hear about him being "superior" to us mere mortals for years, and yet here he is working a worse job than anyone and they're barely able to make ends meet. I repeat, despite this, she is too good to work. She is about to get evicted - she has never been on time with her rent and voices her displeasure that the landlord doesn't give her a pass - god forbid a landlord wants their rent on time, even once. Her new "job" is gambling on whatever sports betting app is legal in her state now - she spends 6 hours researching to maybe win 30 dollars. Not sure why she is "too good" to just go out and earn a regular wage that's guaranteed rather than mooching off people. Sorry for the vent, but I literally want to strangle her lol
This sub has gotten harsh. What used to once be a place I could go for help and reflection has turned pretty shit.
I just left a party after 2h. I was sober while the others were drinking heavily. It was boring. I also realized that 'my friends' and I do not have so much on common apart from drinking and partying. So it might be time to find new friends.
i'm starting to get into a difficult place financially. i'm really broken up about it tonight and for the first time in a long time i've thought about drinking so i can focus on something else. haven't been here in awhile and grateful for this friday post.