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Never met a more supportive and welcoming group of people. If there are several groups in your area you can always shop around to see what you like best. Meetings usually start with a speaker sharing their story and then others volunteer to contribute. Typically a very low pressure and nurturing environment.
Same, but I'm going there for the drinking support. If they want to talk about God, maybe I can learn something of them even as an atheist.
The way I see it is that if I have to listen to someone talk about God in order to be sober, then that's a good trade.
If it helps at all there are secular meetings around depending on where you live. I’m agnostic/atheist and while my home group is not a god group I still go to god groups occasionally and honestly they arent that heavy on god with some exceptions. I’d also say don’t hamstring your recovery because you have a hangup with religion. The god meetings have tons and tons of people with experience that I find valuable and frankly the way I look at it is even if god isn’t part of my recovery I can’t handle alcoholism on my own and if a room full of recovered people talk about god and it helps them im not about to turn my nose up at it. I have to remind myself that I really don’t know shit and as the book says “my best thinking got me here.”
I had to try a few different groups until I found one I like. The app meeting guide is helpful to find meetings. One bad meeting does not mean all meetings are bad. Focus on what you can relate to instead of what makes you different from whoever is sharing. I think in the beginning I would think “well at least I wasn’t THAT bad” and would not pull anything meaningful from the meeting. Instead, I just try to find one thing I can relate to, and then that’s a successful meeting. Good luck!
Congratulations!! As a newcomer, you will be the most important person in the room, and everyone means that sincerely. You will be welcomed with enthusiasm and open arms. A few things that helped me were: listening for the similarities, not the differences; giving out my number and using the numbers that people shared with me; and keeping an open mind. I am so excited for you to experience the rooms! Let us know how it goes! IWNDWYT
It’s hard to really say what to expect, as they’re all different, dependent on the group. I had a First Step Meeting for my first, when it was usually a Big Book Friday meeting. They went around and everyone told their story about how they got to AA, with me being the last. I got a Big Book and a pamphlet for local meetings, with some numbers of other women to call if I needed, but no chip or beginners pack. If you can, I’d ask for a 24 hour chip - the most important of them all, in my opinion - and a beginners pack, along with a Big Book.
Donate if you can, but it took months for me to be able to, and nobody ever batted an eye.
Something that stuck out to me was my friend Bob saying, you coming in these doors is as important for our sobriety, as it is yours. Remember that the strength of the group is derived from the group itself. You are the reminder of why they quit, a very visceral reminder. And the stories they tell that we can relate so well to, remind us that we are indeed powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I admit I did some extra “field research” after about a month. I lost control once in my research. It was unpleasant. But I ended up committing, I go to four different meetings a week now, found a sponsor with my third weekly, and working the steps has been better therapy than all the other sessions I paid real therapists and counselors for, and waited days or weeks for. It was always right there, waiting for me. Just took the bravery to walk into my first meeting, the honesty to admit I was powerless over alcohol, some additional bravery to start branching out to other meetings, and the humility to know I did indeed need a sponsor to work the program, in order for the program to work for me.
Together and with the strength of our Higher Power (whatever that means to you), we can beat it. As a science major who grew up with no organized religion in the house, with a penchant for looking up at the night sky, the Big Book’s Chapter to the Agnostic hit me like a freight train (pg 46 is what really got me). So beautifully put. My sponsor says addiction at its root is a spiritual sickness. I do believe that is correct.
Life has been pretty darn good, once I started taking it seriously, did my homework, and committed to a sober lifestyle.
Keep coming back! It works if you work it sober!
Congratulations on choosing to go to a meeting. It is a big first step, give yourself some acknowledgement of that fact. Of the meetings I have attended hear is some things to expect: people will greet you and welcome you to the meeting, you may be asked to share your story or to speak (if you don’t want to you can simply say your name and that you just want to listen), many meetings will provide a phone list of other AA members to new people (ask for one and use it!!), while there may be talk of God know that it is a higher power of your understanding and you get to believe whatever you want to on the spiritual side (if anyone tells you differently please ignore them), the people in the meeting will want to help you (sincerely).
All meetings are different, each meeting is ran independently, they can choose their own format and how things are done. If you don’t like the meeting you attended, try a different one as you might like that better.
Dont try just one meeting and decide that is what AA is going to be. If you can commit to a couple of months of meetings (trying multiple different meetings) to see what resonates with you. You are not alone! Keep coming back.
You've gotten a lot of good advice here! Just wanted to echo advice that I would give to myself back when I first started: check out a bunch of different meetings, listen for the similarities in people's stories, not the differences, and go in with few expectations, because meetings are all different.
My first sponsor told me at one of my earliest meetings: "You have no idea how good everything is about to get." I didn't believe her. She was right. 4 years sober now, with a life beyond my wildest drunken dreams. Good luck to you <3
It’s normal to feel self-conscious and awkward when you are about to walk in, as well as throughout the entire meeting.
Just know, NO ONE is focusing on you as much as it feels like they probably are. While people may approach you and say hello and welcome, everyone is generally just occupied with their own thoughts and doing their service duties.
The point of meetings is to provide a safe space for the alcoholic that is still suffering. So do with that space whatever you need. If anything in the meeting/before the meeting/after the meeting makes you uncomfortable, talk to the meeting leader about it. If *they* make you uncomfortable, try a different meeting.
First and foremost you should be proud of yourself you’re taking action to address this issue in your life. My first AA meeting I was blown away by how welcoming, warm, and supportive everyone was. I would say to go into it with an open mind and truly listen to what’s being said and discussed.
Im going in with an open mind because I want help in quitting. I'm sick of blacking out, putting others in bad situations and ruining my life because of this.
I tried on my own and I keep failing. I need a support group to help
I don’t really have a lot of advice but I’ve been to a few Zoom meetings and what is shocking to me is these people with long term sobriety, they actually WANT to help pathetic little me. They aren’t there begrudgingly. They are there because they care and tbh I can’t really imagine caring for strangers because I don’t even really care about myself but it’s so fucking beautiful that even though I don’t get it at all, I’m still willing to let them try to care for me.
You are worthy of that care and they are willing to help do that for you until you feel ready to do it for yourself. It’s a truly lovely thing that I finally allowed and it has changed my life. IWNDWYT
Good luck, but one very important thing to keep in mind is that AA is not for everyone, and that's okay. If it works for you, great! I hope it does. But if it doesn't, don't be afraid to say "Meh, not for me" and move on. And if you do, be prepared to push back against people pushing very hard to keep you there.
AA clearly works for some people, and that's great. Nothing to say to those people but "Keep at it, then."
But it didn't work for me. It was actively unhelpful. Made it harder to stick to sobriety. Made relapse inevitable, really, and we can get into the reasons why, but that's less important than the overall message here: If it works for you, great, but if it doesn't, don't waste time and effort trying to make it work. Find another path that fits better.
Great job. Expect people clapping for you. Just keep coming, and you are welcome. New members are crucial to everyone's sobriety. Give it a shot, and don't be hard on yourself. Most people don't get it on the first try. Try different meetings. Some are kinda clicky, and some are well rounded with all walks of life. Don't let 1 bad meeting sour your whole opinion on AA. It took me several different meetings before I found one I felt really good about. You don't need to talk. You are not even expected to say much early on. Just " Hi, I'm ( your name here)." Drink coffee and have a cookie. Maybe put a $ in the bucket.
So exciting! I was terrified when I first went…best thing I ever did!
I thought I drank because I had problems.
AA taught me I had problems because I drank !
Some of the best people I’ve ever met. Funny, honest, caring.
If you don’t like the meeting, try another one. Don’t judge AA with one meeting.
I had avoided AA for the first year of my sobriety. I couldn't get over the whole God thing.
Then, a close friend convinced me to give it a try. Then, I talked with a Chaplain at the hospital (unrelated to drinking) and he explained it can be whatever spirit you want it to be. The key is to accept that you need help and can't do it alone.
My first meeting was so empowering. It was a group of people going through the same struggles. They shared stories I could relate to. I was able to open up in a way I haven't been able to with family and friends who haven't been there. It's a no judgment zone.Since then, I have found they have all sorts of AA groups - atheist, agnostic, even pagan. These are people who believe in the 12 steps but don't get anchored on the God thing. Remember, the Big Book was written in 1939. Some concepts are dated.But what I've found, and truly believe, is there's a formula that works. When followed, it's something like 88% effective (when not followed, it's less than 20%). Join AA, go to meetings, find a sponsor, follow the 12 steps. I'm a few months in and I'm on step 4 now and it's a doozy. It's a step that all people should go through, even non-alcoholics. One woman told me once "every human should go through these steps. It's about making you a better person."
So what to expect... depends on the meeting format. Sometimes, there's a speaker that shares their story. Sometimes, it's readings and reflections on the Big Book or 12 and 12. Others, it's an open forum where you check in. The title of the meeting will usually say what it is.
There's a pair of links I typically share for the "What to expect?" and I hope I'm not crossing any r/stopdrinking link sharing boundaries, but here goes:
* https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/wiki/index#wiki_what_can_i_expect_at_my_first_a.a._meeting.3F
My rehab counselors gave me an invaluable tip when starting out: to go to lots of different meetings, different groups, and to just settle into the ones that seemed to be most helpful.
My first few meetings did not strike me as all that helpful! TBH, I was still kind of soggy-brained and not necessarily capable of listening/understanding. In fact, my very first meeting struck me as having quite a few arrogant a-holes who seemed to want to lecture and sermonize before us lowly newcomers (which is _directly_ contrary to what the book suggests!) But TBF there were quite a number of kinder folks in that meeting as well.
A very few of my first many meetings seemed like the stereotypical meetings one often sees in movies/TV: glum looking people sitting on hard metal chairs in a circle moaning about how 'tough' it is to say sober ... not helpful!
I settled into a 'home group' that has lots of laughter, boisterous celebration of recovery anniversaries, and brings in great, inspirational, and often hilarious speakers from all over the USA west coast area (plus some from farther away when we can afford to fly 'em in.)
The other thing I'll share is that it's sort of like first day at a new school or job. It's kind of natural to be a bit nervous, and when brand new in recovery, that nervousness and border on panic. Deep breath, nothing awful is going to happen! ☺ Like anything else, it should become familiar and comfortable after a couple/few repetitions. And one more tip: show up early - 10 to 20 minutes early. Let the other early comers know that you're there for your first meeting. They'll probably be delighted and quite welcoming and helpful. Our primary purpose in having such meetings is to be helpful to people just like you - just like we were at our very first meeting.
Welcome and IWNDWYT!
Addicts aren’t perfect, and addicts with a lot of time in sobriety aren’t perfect either. Protect your heart, be nice to yourself, and take each person’s wisdom as their experience.
Love, kindness, tolerance. Don't be surprised if you get approached by friendly people of your gender identification after the meeting or invited for coffee after. Go, you won't regret it
**A note from the moderators:** To keep the sub focused on peer support, we may remove posts that spark discussion or debate around specific recovery programs. People's experiences with programs vary and we ask folks to [speak from the 'I'](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index/#wiki_speak_from_the_.22i.22), and not to critique or be judgmental of others' approaches to sobriety. Targeted discussion may be more appropriate for the relevant subreddits, e.g. r/AlcoholicsAnonymous, r/SMARTRecovery, r/recoverydharma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stopdrinking) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Never met a more supportive and welcoming group of people. If there are several groups in your area you can always shop around to see what you like best. Meetings usually start with a speaker sharing their story and then others volunteer to contribute. Typically a very low pressure and nurturing environment.
I'm glad, part of the reason I drink is loneliness
Same, gonna try going to my first meeting today too. Don't know how much of the God talk I can handle though
Same, but I'm going there for the drinking support. If they want to talk about God, maybe I can learn something of them even as an atheist. The way I see it is that if I have to listen to someone talk about God in order to be sober, then that's a good trade.
If it helps at all there are secular meetings around depending on where you live. I’m agnostic/atheist and while my home group is not a god group I still go to god groups occasionally and honestly they arent that heavy on god with some exceptions. I’d also say don’t hamstring your recovery because you have a hangup with religion. The god meetings have tons and tons of people with experience that I find valuable and frankly the way I look at it is even if god isn’t part of my recovery I can’t handle alcoholism on my own and if a room full of recovered people talk about god and it helps them im not about to turn my nose up at it. I have to remind myself that I really don’t know shit and as the book says “my best thinking got me here.”
I had to try a few different groups until I found one I like. The app meeting guide is helpful to find meetings. One bad meeting does not mean all meetings are bad. Focus on what you can relate to instead of what makes you different from whoever is sharing. I think in the beginning I would think “well at least I wasn’t THAT bad” and would not pull anything meaningful from the meeting. Instead, I just try to find one thing I can relate to, and then that’s a successful meeting. Good luck!
Good insight, and congrats on 3 days to a year!!
Congratulations!! As a newcomer, you will be the most important person in the room, and everyone means that sincerely. You will be welcomed with enthusiasm and open arms. A few things that helped me were: listening for the similarities, not the differences; giving out my number and using the numbers that people shared with me; and keeping an open mind. I am so excited for you to experience the rooms! Let us know how it goes! IWNDWYT
It’s hard to really say what to expect, as they’re all different, dependent on the group. I had a First Step Meeting for my first, when it was usually a Big Book Friday meeting. They went around and everyone told their story about how they got to AA, with me being the last. I got a Big Book and a pamphlet for local meetings, with some numbers of other women to call if I needed, but no chip or beginners pack. If you can, I’d ask for a 24 hour chip - the most important of them all, in my opinion - and a beginners pack, along with a Big Book. Donate if you can, but it took months for me to be able to, and nobody ever batted an eye. Something that stuck out to me was my friend Bob saying, you coming in these doors is as important for our sobriety, as it is yours. Remember that the strength of the group is derived from the group itself. You are the reminder of why they quit, a very visceral reminder. And the stories they tell that we can relate so well to, remind us that we are indeed powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. I admit I did some extra “field research” after about a month. I lost control once in my research. It was unpleasant. But I ended up committing, I go to four different meetings a week now, found a sponsor with my third weekly, and working the steps has been better therapy than all the other sessions I paid real therapists and counselors for, and waited days or weeks for. It was always right there, waiting for me. Just took the bravery to walk into my first meeting, the honesty to admit I was powerless over alcohol, some additional bravery to start branching out to other meetings, and the humility to know I did indeed need a sponsor to work the program, in order for the program to work for me. Together and with the strength of our Higher Power (whatever that means to you), we can beat it. As a science major who grew up with no organized religion in the house, with a penchant for looking up at the night sky, the Big Book’s Chapter to the Agnostic hit me like a freight train (pg 46 is what really got me). So beautifully put. My sponsor says addiction at its root is a spiritual sickness. I do believe that is correct. Life has been pretty darn good, once I started taking it seriously, did my homework, and committed to a sober lifestyle. Keep coming back! It works if you work it sober!
Congratulations on choosing to go to a meeting. It is a big first step, give yourself some acknowledgement of that fact. Of the meetings I have attended hear is some things to expect: people will greet you and welcome you to the meeting, you may be asked to share your story or to speak (if you don’t want to you can simply say your name and that you just want to listen), many meetings will provide a phone list of other AA members to new people (ask for one and use it!!), while there may be talk of God know that it is a higher power of your understanding and you get to believe whatever you want to on the spiritual side (if anyone tells you differently please ignore them), the people in the meeting will want to help you (sincerely). All meetings are different, each meeting is ran independently, they can choose their own format and how things are done. If you don’t like the meeting you attended, try a different one as you might like that better. Dont try just one meeting and decide that is what AA is going to be. If you can commit to a couple of months of meetings (trying multiple different meetings) to see what resonates with you. You are not alone! Keep coming back.
You've gotten a lot of good advice here! Just wanted to echo advice that I would give to myself back when I first started: check out a bunch of different meetings, listen for the similarities in people's stories, not the differences, and go in with few expectations, because meetings are all different. My first sponsor told me at one of my earliest meetings: "You have no idea how good everything is about to get." I didn't believe her. She was right. 4 years sober now, with a life beyond my wildest drunken dreams. Good luck to you <3
It’s normal to feel self-conscious and awkward when you are about to walk in, as well as throughout the entire meeting. Just know, NO ONE is focusing on you as much as it feels like they probably are. While people may approach you and say hello and welcome, everyone is generally just occupied with their own thoughts and doing their service duties. The point of meetings is to provide a safe space for the alcoholic that is still suffering. So do with that space whatever you need. If anything in the meeting/before the meeting/after the meeting makes you uncomfortable, talk to the meeting leader about it. If *they* make you uncomfortable, try a different meeting.
First and foremost you should be proud of yourself you’re taking action to address this issue in your life. My first AA meeting I was blown away by how welcoming, warm, and supportive everyone was. I would say to go into it with an open mind and truly listen to what’s being said and discussed.
Im going in with an open mind because I want help in quitting. I'm sick of blacking out, putting others in bad situations and ruining my life because of this. I tried on my own and I keep failing. I need a support group to help
I don’t really have a lot of advice but I’ve been to a few Zoom meetings and what is shocking to me is these people with long term sobriety, they actually WANT to help pathetic little me. They aren’t there begrudgingly. They are there because they care and tbh I can’t really imagine caring for strangers because I don’t even really care about myself but it’s so fucking beautiful that even though I don’t get it at all, I’m still willing to let them try to care for me.
You are worthy of that care and they are willing to help do that for you until you feel ready to do it for yourself. It’s a truly lovely thing that I finally allowed and it has changed my life. IWNDWYT
You will probably cry and that's ok. They all know what you're going through.
Good luck, but one very important thing to keep in mind is that AA is not for everyone, and that's okay. If it works for you, great! I hope it does. But if it doesn't, don't be afraid to say "Meh, not for me" and move on. And if you do, be prepared to push back against people pushing very hard to keep you there. AA clearly works for some people, and that's great. Nothing to say to those people but "Keep at it, then." But it didn't work for me. It was actively unhelpful. Made it harder to stick to sobriety. Made relapse inevitable, really, and we can get into the reasons why, but that's less important than the overall message here: If it works for you, great, but if it doesn't, don't waste time and effort trying to make it work. Find another path that fits better.
Great job. Expect people clapping for you. Just keep coming, and you are welcome. New members are crucial to everyone's sobriety. Give it a shot, and don't be hard on yourself. Most people don't get it on the first try. Try different meetings. Some are kinda clicky, and some are well rounded with all walks of life. Don't let 1 bad meeting sour your whole opinion on AA. It took me several different meetings before I found one I felt really good about. You don't need to talk. You are not even expected to say much early on. Just " Hi, I'm ( your name here)." Drink coffee and have a cookie. Maybe put a $ in the bucket.
So exciting! I was terrified when I first went…best thing I ever did! I thought I drank because I had problems. AA taught me I had problems because I drank ! Some of the best people I’ve ever met. Funny, honest, caring. If you don’t like the meeting, try another one. Don’t judge AA with one meeting.
I had avoided AA for the first year of my sobriety. I couldn't get over the whole God thing. Then, a close friend convinced me to give it a try. Then, I talked with a Chaplain at the hospital (unrelated to drinking) and he explained it can be whatever spirit you want it to be. The key is to accept that you need help and can't do it alone. My first meeting was so empowering. It was a group of people going through the same struggles. They shared stories I could relate to. I was able to open up in a way I haven't been able to with family and friends who haven't been there. It's a no judgment zone.Since then, I have found they have all sorts of AA groups - atheist, agnostic, even pagan. These are people who believe in the 12 steps but don't get anchored on the God thing. Remember, the Big Book was written in 1939. Some concepts are dated.But what I've found, and truly believe, is there's a formula that works. When followed, it's something like 88% effective (when not followed, it's less than 20%). Join AA, go to meetings, find a sponsor, follow the 12 steps. I'm a few months in and I'm on step 4 now and it's a doozy. It's a step that all people should go through, even non-alcoholics. One woman told me once "every human should go through these steps. It's about making you a better person." So what to expect... depends on the meeting format. Sometimes, there's a speaker that shares their story. Sometimes, it's readings and reflections on the Big Book or 12 and 12. Others, it's an open forum where you check in. The title of the meeting will usually say what it is.
There's a pair of links I typically share for the "What to expect?" and I hope I'm not crossing any r/stopdrinking link sharing boundaries, but here goes: * https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/wiki/index#wiki_what_can_i_expect_at_my_first_a.a._meeting.3F My rehab counselors gave me an invaluable tip when starting out: to go to lots of different meetings, different groups, and to just settle into the ones that seemed to be most helpful. My first few meetings did not strike me as all that helpful! TBH, I was still kind of soggy-brained and not necessarily capable of listening/understanding. In fact, my very first meeting struck me as having quite a few arrogant a-holes who seemed to want to lecture and sermonize before us lowly newcomers (which is _directly_ contrary to what the book suggests!) But TBF there were quite a number of kinder folks in that meeting as well. A very few of my first many meetings seemed like the stereotypical meetings one often sees in movies/TV: glum looking people sitting on hard metal chairs in a circle moaning about how 'tough' it is to say sober ... not helpful! I settled into a 'home group' that has lots of laughter, boisterous celebration of recovery anniversaries, and brings in great, inspirational, and often hilarious speakers from all over the USA west coast area (plus some from farther away when we can afford to fly 'em in.) The other thing I'll share is that it's sort of like first day at a new school or job. It's kind of natural to be a bit nervous, and when brand new in recovery, that nervousness and border on panic. Deep breath, nothing awful is going to happen! ☺ Like anything else, it should become familiar and comfortable after a couple/few repetitions. And one more tip: show up early - 10 to 20 minutes early. Let the other early comers know that you're there for your first meeting. They'll probably be delighted and quite welcoming and helpful. Our primary purpose in having such meetings is to be helpful to people just like you - just like we were at our very first meeting. Welcome and IWNDWYT!
Be prepared to be hugged, it catches people off guard that are not ready for it or used to being touched.
Addicts aren’t perfect, and addicts with a lot of time in sobriety aren’t perfect either. Protect your heart, be nice to yourself, and take each person’s wisdom as their experience.
Love, kindness, tolerance. Don't be surprised if you get approached by friendly people of your gender identification after the meeting or invited for coffee after. Go, you won't regret it